#im so anxious about making this change but i think its a good idea

[zoroslost]

I am going to post my (serious) art from my art blog from now on. I’ll still reblog it here but I’m trying to apply to zines and stuff and it’s getting confusing…

Everything will still be reblogged here but if you just want my art please follow me @artvm1s

(also all likes and follows come from @cheshirecryptid)

[persy-r-bozo]

[linkedin-offficial]

is this anything . sky:cotl au

details (aka my rambling) under the cut

mostly set upon the whole idea that caine came from eden and tries to help everyone gain their wings (albeit doing a terrible job the entire time)

bubble keeps the name bubble!

they r a mantatee :3 suprisingly chaotic for a light creature and sort of has the "eat light and puff out candles" personality that caine should have but doesn't

i contemplated caine being called "the creature" just for shits and giggles (and eventually went with it) since im absolutely certain everyone who ever meets him ever would be terrified for a little bit until they realize hes sentient; he doesn't understand that the name is supposed to be sort of derogatory

caine is the only one with wings because hes the only one who can canonically fly/float!

(and yes his head is supposed to be a dark plant . i like to think im big brain for this)

the reason why his dark plant head is tinted red btw . my thought process was basically "ah yes. red = good bcus eden :]" even though thats convoluted since everyone hates eden but that makes it better in a way. i think

zooble > mismatched worksmith

"bows" given to them by ragatha as an identifier; not like theyd need one though ..

constantly making their own prosthetics due to growing boredom with their previous ones (autism™) and also carved the designs into their mask themself

kinger > reluctant royalty

same old kinger as usual .. when asked what he rules he doesnt particularly remember nor have an answer so hes usually treated with respect out of pity for being old and senile

second tallest behind jax , also the oldest (if you dont count caine i guess? whos sort of. ageless)

ragatha > plush friendfinder

matching bow with jax :3 sibling moment! (yes i like the ragatha + jax sibling dynamic . its amazing to me)

right eye does not glow and actually looks like a hollow hole if you get close enough to her face! also clothing making buddies with zooble :] she taught them how to sew without pricking themself

gangle > wrapped up theatre-goer (i had such a hard time thinking of a name .. and to be honest?? im not solid on this but WHAGEVER.)

shortest. obviously

likes to write plays in her spare time and reads them to zooble while they work

clothes are sectioned and Very flowy, and has a few (cracked and broken) masks she likes to use for play improv (and also uses for herself sometimes if she has a hard time expressing a certain emotion)

jax > towering tease (it sounds stupid but THIS is so fucking funny.i cannot resist this)

tallest OBVIOUSLY. like stupidly tall . has its advantages and disadvantages (like being able to steal things from gangle with no consequences . on the other hand. doorframes)

him being tall and having that be the only thing hes got going for him is absolutely hilarious to me and im leaning into that hard

he has a tail also, but its small and not visible from the chart

pomni > jittery jester (i had to look up "other words for anxious" for this.my intelligence is showing)

pretty much the only one i referenced real in game clothing for, which sort of fits! protag moment

this was all i really had, since other established things like their personalities and relationships arent really changed much. but this was fun to think about :3 input is appreciated !

[lupinsweater]

Okay omg since i loved the last fic sm i got like another tiny idea♡♡

So how about james gives an assignment to the class thats like draw the most important people in your life and write about why, and lil charl is draw his mommy ofc and like maybe his grandparents and explains that they are always there for him and he loves them, and he also draws james too and he is like "he baught me a smoothie and answers my questions" or smth more emotional and cute♡♡♡its really cuteee, and they get put up for parents to see on the wall and take pictures and its just adorable ♡ and the interaction between james and the reader is super cute. Theres just sm cuteness here idk if im making sense, lmaooo.

Love, sou♡

thank you for your request sou my love! i did end up changing it just slightly but i hope it’s still what you were looking for!🤎

part one part two part three part four part five

Teacher!James Potter x Single Mom!Reader 💌 960 words

♡ ~ ♡ ~ ♡ ~ ♡ ~ ♡

Thursday night rolled around, and you were a ball of nerves. Your date with James wasn’t even until Friday, but for some reason, the idea of seeing him at the school made you more anxious than the upcoming date did. Maybe it was because you knew seeing him in his element with the kids was almost too much for you to bear. Especially the way he was with Charlie- James’ patience with your son made your heart ache in a pleasant sort of way.

As you approached Godric’s Hollow Primary School, you could see the full parking lot, and the flow of people going in and out of the building. You weren’t a fan of crowds, but for some reason, the sight of the large gathering soothed your nerves tonight. Knowing you wouldn’t be alone with James made seeing him before you date much less nerve-wracking.

Charlie tugged you anxiously towards the school once you had helped him out of his carseat and locked the car. You laughed fondly at his excitement as you wove through the crowd. Children of all ages ran through the halls, adding to the buzzing atmosphere. Colorful artwork adorned the halls- the teachers had put together a little gallery of sorts outside of each of their classrooms, fancy paper frames bordering each piece.

“Over here, Mummy!” Charlie exclaimed, pulling on your wrist as he attempted to drag you over to his classroom. You could see the difference in the art as you made your way towards the kindergarten hallway. The artwork was just as colorful, if not a bit more scribbly, and you could see that there were small descriptions under each piece that the younger children had drawn. You stopped in front of Charlie’s gallery, and you scanned the wall until your eyes landed on a piece that was almost front and center.

Charlie had drawn a colorful stick figure family in front of a charmingly lopsided house. A large yellow sun shone on the corner of the page. There were two taller figures and one much shorter, and what you thought might be a dog. Each figure was labeled in his messy handwriting- “Charlie,” “Mummy,” and “Mr. James.” You felt your breath catch in your chest, and you looked down at Charlie, who was beaming proudly up at you. You glanced back up at the words “My Family” written across the middle of the page, your throat suddenly dry.

“Wow, that’s some impressive work,” said a familiar voice beside you. Your heart skipped a beat as you turned to look at James, who was smiling at you in a way that made you feel very warm. You could see his hesitation, though, as his eyes lingered on the words “My Family” for a second longer than they probably should before he turned to Charlie.

“You really captured my good side, buddy,” James said as he crouched down and gave Charlie a fist bump. Charlie’s smile made your heart melt. “Although, I’m not sure if I should be flattered or worried about my hair.”

You laughed, finally breaking the unspoken tension between the two of you. “Well, I think he didn’t quite get your hair right, but your height is spot on,” you joked, glancing back up at the drawing. James met the height of the house in the background with his messily drawn hair. You smiled proudly down at Charlie as you added, “You did a fantastic job, Charlie. I think James just needs to see a hair stylist before his next portrait.”

James stood back up, leaning closer to inspect the drawing. “It looks like you named the dog, too…is he named Snoopy?” He gave Charlie a mischievous smile, and Charlie nodded vigorously.

“He’s Mummy’s favorite!” Charlie said seriously, causing the two of you to laugh.

“Yes, I know,” James said. You could hear the fondness in his voice. “I feel very lucky to have made your family portrait, Charlie.”

Charlie grinned up at him, his eyes sparkling proudly. “Yeah! I wanted you to be in it ‘cause you’re important.”

The simple honesty of Charlie's words left a soft silence between you and James. His eyes met yours, and for a second, it felt like the rest of the room faded away.

"Well," James said, his voice a little quieter now, "I have to say, I'm honored to be included."

You smiled at that, your heart racing just a bit. "I think Charlie's trying to tell us something," you said, trying to keep your tone light despite your nerves.

James raised an eyebrow, curiosity sparking in his eyes. "Oh yeah? What’s that?"

You tilted your head, your heart racing faster now.

"Well," you started, leaning in just slightly, "he seems to think you belong in this picture. And I have to say, the longer I look at it, the more I agree.”

James swallowed, clearly a little flustered but not backing down. "Yeah," he said, his voice softening, "I think Charlie’s onto something, here."

The space between you felt charged, and for a second, you allowed yourself to imagine what would happen if you closed the gap entirely. You could see the way James's eyes flickered down towards your lips, and you watched as he slowly raked his eyes back up your face, meeting your eyes.

Feeling braver than you expected, you took another step toward him, closing the gap further. "Maybe we should see what else Charlie's figured out," you said, your voice teasing but with an edge of seriousness.

James's breath caught, and he looked at you, his eyes wide with a mix of nerves and excitement. "You think so?" he asked, his voice low, his smile a little shy now.

You nodded, your pulse racing. "Yeah," you whispered, "I think so."

[ganondoodle]

totk cataclysm event wasnt just a great (but utterly missed) opportunity to change the map in techincally little ways that has drastic consequences both in stakes and in gameplay (like i mentioned before, flooding the gerudo desert would have meant devastating consequences for its ecosystem- like imagine little islands of sand still poking out, acting as a sort of last doomed refuge for sandseals- but also cahnged the entire gameplay of it, good chance to introduce some neat new ways to surf on water like a new ridable creature or an ice shield freezing a path while you surf on it, the gerudo being forced to save the city from drowing in various means or now living on the roofs, trying to adapt by building boats ect - also call back to older games?? since totk loves that so much ..-, vah naboris serving as the savest refuge being high above the water, even if non functional; similarly takign away ALL water from the zora region, gaving it all dry out would imemdiately turn into something way different and could mean death for the zora- forcing them to move to the lower parts of akkala for example- maybe vah ruta is still halfway functioning bc the faith the zora have to mipha, dorephan and sidon is, while not enough to keep it fully functional, but enough to generate some water so the most stubborn or brave zora set up around it like a last oasis; i know its somewhat done with death mountain but the gorons dont really suffer from it bc their only problem is a drugged rock that makes them mean and lazy ..- what about collapsing or exploding it, leaving a large crater that over the course of the game could start to grow with plant life since vulcanic earth is so fertile- some never seen before ones that was dormant in the lava and now that its cooled off is springing to life, which might seem good at first but for the area and its wildlife means loss of their habitat; the rito freezing over, but actually having to move, maybe into the tabantha canyon, building their new makeshift homes in between the walls of it- generally just switiching things around a bit would have done so much wihtout having to edit every last detail ((seriously tho, how did this game take so long given that botw took similar but they did that ENTIRE main map as detailed as it is AND made it all coherent with itself and its themes- im ranting again ..)

-but it ALSO would have been the perfect opportunity to introduce new weather types created by the sudden change in environment, somethign like a super strong wind that slows you when walking agaisnt and lets you jump much farther when with it- a darkness thing that clouds the world in utter darkness with only little light getting through anything that is caused by mushrooms from the udnerground invading the surface and their spores snuffs out all light (which could explain the weird darkness in the ruins from botw too!!), or just simply mist! making everything misty changes the entire feel of any environment drastically- you could make vertain enemies spawn only in certain weather conditions, lessening the repetive overuse of them; and that is only on the surface- what if the sky had sunbeams so strong it sets anything on fire if you dare to leave the shadows- to comabt it get a armor with a giant hat!! the underground could have been filled with different environments in the first place, but then of course thered be those dark spores of mushrooms, an entire forest you have to carefully travers other wise making them release their spores and make it all more difficult, glowy mushrooms, MORE glowy mushroms, theres so many weird ass shrooms IRL you could take inspo from!! maybe soemthing like a forest of kelp, long flowy plants obstructing view and making you anxious by any movement- there could be one thats a mimic or infected with miasma, slightly off color and its knobs are malice eyes that open only if it thinks you cant see it

(also for the idea of taking botws stuff and recontextualizing it, the guardians or shrines, now non fucntional, could be infected my miasma sometimes, maybe randomly to keep you guessing- an overgrown shrine suddenly lifting itself up with hands clawing at you when you get too close or do sth wrong to distrub it- similar with guardians tho the effect might be less since you know them as a threat already- or sth i mentioned in another post, a tower being used as a weapon by a gigatic miasma monster- the one in the gerudo region with the bottomless pit for example, perfect for an arena for you to run around in the spiral while its swinging at you etc etc)

JUST taking what botw had and mixing it up, expanding on it, even if technically little change, it could do so much but in the actual game death mountain and rito is the only ones that saw anything of a change like it, and it largely .. didnt change anything or was reversible easily, and had no actual consquences that meant anything, neither stakes nor environmental or narratively (the gerudo felt like it at first but its also largely reversible, its just kinda .. adding a bit of city)

i hhhhhhhhhhhhhh have so many thoughts still, i am just better at holding them back .... also dont wanna annoy lmao

[redrosesandcharmingsouls]

Otto manages in some way to ''delude'' himself into thinking that Alicent would have wanted to marry her best friends's father ,become his queen and have his (male) heirs ,all of it while shes an anxious teenage girl who suffers from dermatillomania .Which is weird because Alicent clearly looks uncomfortable as he asks her to see Viserys .Actually ,the second time we see her asking her if she will see him she looks angry

In this scene Otto also asks her why she's biting her nails in such an obsessive way ,and he outright says that he doesnt understand why she is doing it ,after all why would she do it if she is the most comely lady of the realm?.

Otto doesnt realize that Alicent is anxious not only because she is like that by nature ,but because he's putting her in a difficult position ,not caring about her desires at all .And he thinks ,in a pretty sexist way ,that her being the most comely lady of the realm is a enough reason to make her stop .And what is worse is that when he said that he didnt do it out of malice ,he genuinely thought it that way with no intention of harm.He was probably encouraging her to stop of her own good.

That doesnt mean he is above weaponinzing things against Alicent ,such as her sexuality and her mother's memory .And ,horrific enough ,these two things go hand in hand i the first scene we see them alone

Her sexuality is a weapon for him because Otto can strictly control it and he is the one who will decide who she can share said sexuality with .Her mother's memory is a weapon because Alicent's mother was very dear to her .He straight up tells her to wear one of her mother's dressed ,one that is very bold for that matter.

Otto's also uses her mother's memory again in ep 9 (''you look so much like your mother in certain lights''),as he is desperately trying to get back into her good graces once its clear she is the one in charge between the two.She doesnt give in this time.

A thing about Otto and Alicent's dynamic is that ,not only he genuinely believes that he is doing something good for her ,there is a specific reason on why he completely misunderstands Alicent.

And i think the line ''Our heart are one'' explains it perfectly.

Otto cant see Alicent outside her daughterhood ,he cant understand that she has a mind of her own .Thats why he gets so baffled when she speaks her mind and her plans do not align with his (ep 3 ,ep 4 ,ep 5 ,ep9).And (dont you dare think im blaming her im explaining his pov)Alicent always strives to be dutiful and sacrificial at all costs ,so obviously she obeys her dad (the man who has a lot of power over her in a fantasy medieval setting).And she also loves him and doesnt wanna disappoint him !.And so Otto gets used to the fact that ,even as a 35 adult woman with lots of experiences ,she will always obey him and their plans and ideas will always align .

Alicent is essentially a character who lost her sense of personhood because as a teenager she is put in situations where she is forced to serve and to always take care of others ,who take advantage of her dutiful persona ,and she never actually gets used to the idea that her feelings and desires matter .

And Otto is the first one who takes advantage of that ,he is the one who used her ''a piece to move across the board''.And that shapes her .

Now that doesnt mean he doesnt care for her ,he does love her in his own way.

But that doesnt change he still fails her .

[rebuke-me]

actually sorry i'm making this a separate post too so i can put it in the tag and itll show up. if u read my reblog on my previous post its literally just the same material sorry.

long post of my analysis of gender, tropes, and the musical be more chill ahead

so. i'm going to start with the wider overarching ideas of teen romcoms. im mostly thinking the mean girls/princess diaries/that sort of movie. early 2000s kind of cheesy kind of problematic at points but still having that nostalgia.

in most of these sort of movies, theres a very structured plot. the lead girl is an outcast, a weirdo. she's either childish or unattractive or a nerd or a loner. she frequently has a best friend (or a few) who are somehow more of insert "undesirable" trait here. usually, this best friend is also more eccentric, more outwardly strange, rejects the idea of the popularity.

the lead girl also has a crush on a guy who's unattainable, he's interesting to her, she's never talked to him a day in her life but she swoons over him. she's in love with the idea of A Boy. (and frequently, the guy has caught the attention of a popular girl who functions as her rival, whos prettier, and better liked, and has more of the traits the main girl desires.) she sees her male crush with the popular girl and loses hope.

the lead girl gets a chance to change her life- maybe she's noticed by a popular girl- who offers her a chance to be something else for seemingly arbitrary reasons. through this, she gets a makeover, a way to be as pretty as the girl shes a rival of. she also lies or embellishes herself to be attractive to people around her, especially the guy she likes.

the girl climbs the social ladder, she gains the attention of the popular boys and the romance she's been craving. she's desirable now. (and sometimes shes desirable in ways that aren't good for her, sometimes shes used as a way to show off or make people jealous, not for her, but for what she's become). she goes to a party that goes horribly wrong. her quirky weird best friend blows up at her.

the main girl also sees the intricacies of people she's never thought to have flaws, to have issues. even the girl who she's competing over a guy with. she realizes that idealizing people who are just like her, deep down, doesn't work. she hits rock bottom, loses everything, and then has to forcefully gain it back, make things right, and then she gets the guy at the end.

every single one of those plot points happens in be more chill, but everything is genderflipped. the main girl becomes jeremy, an insecure guy, making the narrative more about toxic masculinity than toxic femininity. the insults are about jeremy's looks, yes, but more prominently about his sexuality- something that men are traditionally a lot more insecure about than women, in most cases. he's a hopeless romantic. he's insecure. he's awkward and anxious. he's all the traits of a traditional teen movie romcom protagonist, but male.

the quirky girl best friend becomes michael, whos the outgoing, exuberant, eccentric friend. he's at a different place in his life than jeremy, whos fixated on popularity. he gets upset when his friend changes and leaves him behind.

the Male Love Interest becomes christine- unattainable but excitable. she's more than just a hunk for the main lead to be attracted to, but she serves the purpose of getting jeremy out of his comfort zone.

the popular girls become two separate archetypes of maleness, with jake and rich. jake takes on the romantic lead- popular, cool, athletic, effortlessly attractive, and the rival of the lead for the romantic attraction of the love interest. he's still operating under toxic masculinity. he lashes out with anger, he's not kind at times, he's seen as unintelligent.

rich takes on the almost gretchen-weiners-esque "popular girl" role. he's still popular and cool, but he's almost trying too hard. he's just as angry and aggressive, he's trying hard to be something he's not. he's also the one whos an analog for queerness, which is an interesting flip- think the "its like you're in love with me or something" bit from mean girls. he's the one who offers jeremy a chance for something different, a do-over.

the squip, while not a direct analog for anything in traditional romcom movies (since its kind of a nebulous. scifi concept) stands in for the literal themes of these sorts of stories. its toxic masculinity, its popularity, its the voice in your head telling you to tear others down, to pry out information, to push your way to the top.

the popular girls are particularly interesting, because as individuals, they kind of mess around with everything a bit. while everything else has been pretty cut and dry, they're all a mix of a bunch of things. they serve the roles of the popular guys in these sorts of scenarios while being very stereotypically feminine.

chloe is the mean girl, the leader of the pack. in teen movies, she'd be the star quarterback, the ex of the romantic rival, the one who is the peak of toxic masculinity- which the musical flips to make about toxic femininity with her (and brooke.)

the next paragraph is going to talk about Do You Wanna Hang and touch on SA, if you don't want to read it, skip to the next italicized section.

chloe also functions as something all too common in teen movies. she pushes jeremy into a sexual encounter he doesn't want to be in. she's not even interesting in him, as a person, but him as an object, something usually reserved for women in fiction. she does it as a power play, a way to get back at other people. she attacks his looks, his attitude, and this is when the downsides of "being popular" start to reveal themselves. (side note, this is an INCREDIBLY problematic trope to me, especially in its original form, because it enhances the idea of "if youre attractive you want this" type deal. a what were you wearing sort of attitude towards sexual assault. instead of treating it like a tragedy, its almost a status symbol.) and because the main character is a male- its never addressed further. its brought up in a singular line between the popular "guy" stand-ins.

i am done talking about this topic you're safe now

brooke is also intriguing, because shes one of the only characters in this concept that doesn't seem to have a direct parallel. if i'd have to give her something, i'd probably mark her down as the male sidekick to the popular guy, the one who doesn't get anything other than being the best friend. but she does get something, by virtue of her being a girl now. she's a viable love interest, or at least a status symbol.

jenna falls into a similar category to me- a character who only serves to bolster the reputation of the main character. she takes on the role of information spreader, which is a traditionally feminine role.

i could also talk about how i think that its interesting that while most of the actions in be more chill that are given to people of opposite genders (e.g. romantic rival, call to popularity, quirky best friend, the Do You Wanna Hang problem) the MOTIVATIONS for the actions are still aligning with the gender of the characters. like, rather than the gender of the original trope. if that makes sense.

anyways i scrolled back and realized i had like 10 paragraphs im gonna stop now but. yeah. gender in bmc is fascinating to me

[mr-nauseam]

The delulu path force me...

The Plinth - Harea - Beira Disaster

Let's began with pretty girl with earrings or better know as Vesta Harea (In the future Plinth)

She's just a girl. The spoiled and somewhat whimsical youngest daughter <3 The best cook, she's so friendly, funny and talkative her neighbors adore her and in general she's quite well known in the neighborhood. Vesta is also very popular with men but doesn't plan on getting married to take care of her parents. She lives a pretty quiet life helping in her family's business until she has a crush on the worst man in the world: Strabo.

Ceres. Vesta's older sister. She is quite practical, and very independent, she would like to have her own business to make her own name. She considers Vesta a spoiled girl who doesn't know how to do anything on her own, as an answer Vesta always tells it's not her fault that boys don't like her.

Aemilia. The firstborn who will inherit the business. She is a very anxious woman, always worried about taking care of her family and making sure the numbers in the cash register add up. She adores her little sisters and hopes that one day they will get along better. That never happens.

Lucius. He's Strabo's cousin! He is older than him and in his eyes Strabo will always be his baby cousin <3 He is quite laid back, and tries to give Strabo advice to stop being grumpy, although he doesn't seem to be he is quite ambitious and wants to make more of his simple life in the country. He is one of the few people Strabo appreciate (BTW STRABO HAVE A BUNCH OF COUSINS. ONLY REASON THEY ARENT ON THE TREE NOR HERE ITS BC IT WILL TOOK TO MUCH BRAIN and Im not that smart 😭☝️

The Beira.

Nephrite. Gemstone name hc my beloved, she hasn't lived in West of Two before, so she's still adjusting, she's very dedicated, but quite serious, doesn't have a great sense of humor, and is losing her hair studying medicine. She gets a reputation for accepting to treat people in exchange for barter and under the disclaimer that she is a student!

Marcus! Ah yes Marcus' father <3

Owner of a bar in Two, his family is from the East but he moved and legally changed his name for security reasons. Sarcastic and known to roll his eyes at any goofy comment but has a good heart, and cares too much about people and injustices. He ends up involved in rebellious affairs.

Which brings us to Strabo Plinth.

Grumpy. He hates everyone in secret, complains all the time, he's actually quite traumatized and has the worst anxiety in the world so he avoids do friends. Assimilation king who literally make up a personality for the job. Strabo is quite protective of those he loves. He meets Vesta and it takes him too long to realize he likes her and to ask her out. Yet strangely enough he gets her to agree to date with him, and his dreams of having a family that he thought were abandoned because surely someone like him could never have a happy family reborn.

The traitor of district 2 who created a new level of snitching that win him a chipotle bowl & a doctor pepper.

Some extra data:

Since the idea of District 2 is so big that there is some noticeable cultural difference between the West and the East, one closer to the Capitol that has begun to assimilate and militarization, and the other that maintains its roots and traditions, it changed the chemistry of my brain forever and I consider it canon (The disaster happen in the West assimilated part).

Marcus' mother is studying medicine with the peacekeepers!

Vesta's family own a Mercantile that is!!!☝️ (Thanks Grace!!)

Strabo may or may not (it was definitely his fault in someway) for Marcus' father getting "forced dissapear" status during the second year of the war (Definitely death). Because everyone may have their ideas of what Strabo did but I think that doing business in the war like selling to both sides is not enough to be called a traitor, so I think he definitely snitch out business rivals - people involved in the black market who were doing "rebel activity" and that's what gets him later on let his family move to Capitol bc he proof he was "one of the goods" <3

[minghaoslut]

— KIM MINGYU - TASTE LIKE HEAVEN

"You might taste like heaven why not make us both feel like heaven"

-(ya..im bad at naming fics) pair - non-idol!mingyu X fem!reader MINORS DNI!!! warning - cringe? (pls), fingering, jealousy (does it have to be-), cum licking, cursing, angst, some nicknames there might be some language errors ; since i dont double check TT, i use semi-colon alot u can think of it as a fullstop, since i dont like adding fullstop after every single sentence (not saying i will NOT put any fullstop), IT IS KINDA RUSHED UP AT THE END TT appearance - wonwoo and jun words - 1.7k (its my first fic ;-; i used to write on wattpad ; i suddenly feel like changing socials, help-)

i wore a black dress, showing my body line perfectly, full sleeves yet showing my little tattoo on the collarbone ; getting ready for the party, mingyu said we'll go to. leaving my hair down, doing some light makeup ; i stood up from my makeup, grabbing my black purse table leaving the room. I went down the stairs, facing your husband's back ; him concentrated on his phone.

"are you ready?" mingyu asked without looking at me ; said too early he turned around and sat there stunned, you hummed in response ; he eyed you up and down, "no wonder you took so much time, just to look like this." you frowned at his words thinking if you dont look good, mingyu looked at your to see if you got the wrong idea of what he said, "don't get it wrong, you look hot as hell" he winked and stood up. he grabbed the car key ; going straight to the parking lot, you followed him like a lost puppy.

he opened the door for you, you sat on the passengers seat. mingyu sat next to you on the driving seat he plugged in the key and started the car. the car ride wasn't that long ; you both arrived around 15 minutes. he parked the car and stepped outside, you also followed him ; you looked at the entrance of the party. it wasn't that overly crowded, mingyu held on your palm ; your hands have been cold ever since, feeling warmth of his hand. you also held onto his hand ; you both went inside, noise of the crowd hitting your ears. in specific, you've never been a social butterfly ; and dont like places with crowds, mingyu also in specific don't like showing his wife off.

you held on his hand tighter, mingyu looked at you and smiled ; came close to your ears whispered that, "don't be anxious, i'm here with you" you slightly nodded at his words. he then spotted a table with a familiar face, "let's go" mingyu went up to the table ; so did you. mingyu did the 'bro hug' with wonwoo ; wonwoo look at you and just shook your hand in order to greet you. you smiled at him ; "hey mingyu" a voice said, revealing one of his colleague ; jun . mingyu did the so called bro hug with jun too, and jun shook your hand too. you smiled the same to jun too. "let's just sit down now" wonwoo said, you all sat down while mingyu and wonwoo started having a convo, "where are the others?" he asked, "they have some meeting in their fields too." wonwoo replied, he nodded at wonwoo's words, then started a convo related to some business and stuff, you diverted your eyes somewhere else seeing jun on his phone, jun noticed and switched his phone off.

"那么，你这些天怎么样? (so, how are you these days?)" he began in chinese, "很好，那你呢? (pretty fine, what about you?)" you replied back, you both knew each other since long ; after getting to know you both are chinese ; became comfortable with each other. "我也是 (me too)" he smiled. he offered you some beer, you gladly accepted it. A small shot of beer won't hurt right?, you thought and gulped it in one go ; in specific, you have a pretty high tolerance. you're not usually drunk after 5 or 6 six shot other than your husband's friend, i dont remember his name but he says himself he's a tiger? till you finished your beer jun already had drunk 5 shots, you know that he also dont have a high tolerance ; 9 shots are his max till he is fully drunk. he might be dizzy by now, your husband didnt bat an eye on you ; he was still busy in his convo with 'wonwoo'. jun put his head on your shoulder, being shocked by his move ; you realized he was already drunk. "i'll be back let me use the washroom once" wonwoo said leaving you, jun and gyu behind. mingyu nodded then he looked at you, you scrolling through your phone feeling mingyu is looking at you.

so you also looked at him ; his eyes went on jun who was still on your shoulder, you followed his eyes where he was looking. only to see he was looking at jun, you felt uneasy by his glare on jun ; mingyu stood up making you shocked, he went up to jun where he was seated ; he slightly removed jun's head from your shoulder. which made jun put his head on the table, after a moment ; mingyu went upto his seat, eyes still not leaving you. you didn't realize jun woke up and looked at you, you on the other hand busy having a staring competition. you felt jun put his head on your shoulder once again. you removed jun from your shoulder yourself, "why are you doing this" he muttered looking up to you. wonwoo also came back as soon as he said it, your husband opened his phone getting the hint if he's checking the time ; which he did and locked his phone, then he looked at wonwoo and said, ''the time is getting late, i think we should get going first", ''oh, sure ; but don't you think its early" wonwoo smiled as he said that.

"i know but i have some work to do tomorrow, so i have to go right now" mingyu stood up ; so did you stepping out, none of you thought that tomorrow is a sunday which means a day off for mingyu, jun and wonwoo came and followed to bid a bye. mingyu and wonwoo gave an 'bro hug' once again ; jun came up to you, "你真的要去吗? (are you really going?) he said clingily, poor baby mingyu can't understand a single thing, "我得去君，我不能整天呆在这(i have to jun, i cant stay here all day)" you chuckled, he suddenly hugged you ; you were shocked. wonwoo came forward and removed him from you, wonwoo was still smiling at jun's behaviour. mingyu held your hand and started moving towards his car, he opened the door to maintain his 'gentlemen'

image. he started driving ; you can feel him being angry or jealous?

"when did you became so close to him?" mingyu asked to you, "uhh…" you didn't had an answer for the question he asked ; he stopped the car since it was a red light, mingyu looked at you, "why? didn't find an answer?" it was like if he read your mind, "don't worry, i'll help you find an answer babe" he looked away and started the engine. it felt like this car ride is going long than it was when you arrived. the ride was then silent and arrived after some time ; being a 'gentlemen' he opened the door for you, you exactly knew what is going to happen once you step in the house.

as soon as you enter, he closed the door behind you and started glaring at you, "want me to find your answer?" you looked at him back and the next thing you knew were his lips were already on yours, he started kissing you hungrily. you are not that strong to win against him and push him away ; you accepted the fact and gave in. one of his hand was on your neck and second one on your waist ; you could somehow feel him hand going down your waist ; lifting a little part of your dress up, his hand went on the strap of your underwear slightly pushing it down ; yet lips still on its job. his finger went inside your clit, making you frown, his fingers going inside and out every second ; making you melt on his touch. he broke the kiss, he smirked and asked, "loving it right babe?" he added another finger in, as he said that. his other free hand went to your neck and kissing you. he stopped the fingers that was on your clit, taking them out ; he picked you up still focused on kissing you. he put you down once you entered the room, he closed the door behind ; pushing you onto the bed. he climbed up to you and started kissing your neck, his hands travelled up on your dress, pushing it up. he went down ; knowing what his next step is, "wait-" you said anxiously making him look at you, he just hummed in response "what about your nnn?", he looked away smirking, "do you really thought i participated in that shit?" he said, looking at your cunt ; focusing on his main goal he kissed your clit, making you frown once again. he started using his tongue on ur clit going deep, he swirled his tongue on your core, you couldn't help ;you finally let out a light moan. your husband loves it when you moan for him and only him, his mouth exploring your clit.

"g-gyu" you moaned his name, he stopped letting his tongue slip out white thin thread connecting your clit and his mouth ; he pulled out, he looked at you for a moment then connected your lips, making you taste yourself, "you taste like heaven, babe." he stated, not going easy on you "you might taste like heaven let's make up both feel like heaven?"

[lycandrophile]

hey, sorry idk if its ok for me to ask for advice here, but im really lost and dont know where else to go.

i might be starting testosterone really soon, (via informed consent) but i keep flipping back and forth on whether or not i'm sure i want it. some days i think, "yes 100% im a man i want T right now" and thinking abt the effects of T makes me euphoric. other days i think, "wait AM i sure tho? what if it turns out i hate it actually" and thinking abt the effects of T on those days makes me anxious and ambivalent.

i think it might be just a fear of change, but i'm not sure, and i'm worried about making a decision i'll regret forever. it doesnt help i keep seeing ppl say things like "you need to be 100% sure you want hrt before u start because going back and forth puts a huge strain on the body" etc, but i dont know if i ever will be 100% sure.

what do you make of this? do i really need to be 100% sure? am i rushing in too fast? or is this just anxiety talking?

i spent years agonizing over if i was really sure that i wanted to start t, and you know what it taught me?

no one is ever 100% sure about anything. it’s an impossible task. that’s just not how people work — you’re always going to find more things to be anxious or unsure about when you think about it because it’s an unknown thing and it’s completely natural to be at least a little unsure of unknown things.

and most of the time, nobody expects you to be 100% sure about big decisions because we all know it’s an unfair expectation. nobody told me i couldn’t go to college because i wasn’t 100% sure where i wanted to go. nobody tells you to never drive anywhere because you’re not 100% sure that the car won’t crash. accepting risk is a part of life. trusting ourselves to make the best decisions we can — and trusting ourselves to be able to handle whatever happens next — is an unavoidable part of life.

the only reason we’re held to that impossible standard of 100% certainty when it comes to medically transitioning is because people are transphobic and they want us to second guess ourselves and put off hormones or surgery out of fear. if everyone waited until they were 100% sure, no one would ever transition, and that’s exactly what they want.

i look at it like this: hormones are like any other medication. you take them because you decide they have a good shot at making your life better even though there’s also a chance they might be ineffective, have bad side effects, or even make things worse in the end. we accept that risk every time we take a medication because we weigh the options and decide the good that could come of them is worth that risk. imagine if doctors only offered medical care to people when they were 100% sure it would work and not have any side effects — they would never do anything at all!

i can’t tell you if hrt is right for you. i can’t tell you if the risk is worth it for you. what i can tell you is that, when i was unsure about what to do, there were two things that made me decide it was worth the risk:

the first is that i knew i wanted to give myself a chance. the idea of going on hormones only to get more dysphoria from it sounded terrifying, but the reality was that i was already living with dysphoria! and the idea of just accepting that because i was afraid to try the thing that could make it better was even more terrifying. at the end of the day, i decided it was better to choose the option that could make things better than it was to just spend the rest of my life wondering if it would’ve helped. the worst case scenario in both choices is dysphoria, so i figured, why not pick the option where the best case scenario is euphoria? i know dysphoria is something i can live with because i’ve been doing it for years, so i felt that i could trust myself to be able to deal with that outcome if it came. i knew it was possible that i would regret it and wish i had never started t, but i also knew i would regret it even more if i went my whole life never having given myself a chance at something better than the dysphoria i already live with. i figured, if i have to take a risk, why not take the one that excites me instead of the one i would just be taking out of fear?

the second is that hormones are fucking slow. there can be some changes that happen fast but for the most part, the changes on t take time to happen fully, and if i wanted even more time i knew i could take a lower dose to slow things down further. it’s not like you just wake up one day with a totally different body — it’s a process, and if at any point in that process you realize you don’t like what’s happening, you can stop! you’re completely in control; the second it starts to feel like it’s making something worse instead of better, you can decide to stop taking it. even with the changes that came quickest for me, i had time to assess as they started happening, and it would’ve been as simple as putting down the syringe and never using it again if i decided i didn’t want those changes to continue.

(and the people who say you can’t start and stop because of the strain on your body are exaggerating — i had to start and stop multiple times because i was having allergic reactions to all of the serums we tried, and i was totally fine. that was never even a concern my nurse brought up to me. i’m sure it’s not ideal to do that constantly, but i don’t think it’s a big thing you have to worry about.)

again, i can’t tell you if starting t is the right move for you. all of this is just how i made that decision for myself; i can’t make yours for you. what i can tell you is that you are more than capable of making a thoughtful and informed decision without being 100% sure. certainty is not a requirement.

and frankly, anyone who tells you they were 100% sure when they made that decision is either lying about it because they feel like they should’ve been totally certain, or they were in a position to make the decision so quickly that it didn’t leave time to mull things over and find things to be unsure of.

which leads me to my final point: if you’re thinking about it this hard and trying to be this meticulous about making the right decision, you’re absolutely not rushing into it. whatever decision you make, you’ve clearly put a lot of thought into it and that’s all anyone can ask of you.

this is your decision, not anyone else’s, and already you have everything you need to make the best decision you possibly can. trust yourself to choose wisely, and trust yourself to be able to handle whatever your choice brings. you got this.

[polyamorousmood]

If youre having jealousy but its something youve already consented to, and you know its something you just need to work on internally, is that something you should still talk about with your partner? I dont want them to feel anxious about my feelings, but admittedly i am having a hard time and while i think i can figure it out on my own, im afraid im not hiding it well enough, and if theyve noticed then maybe should we talk about it?

I am of the opinion you should tell your partner pretty much everything you're feeling, even if you're capable of handling it on your own.*

Especially if you think they notice something off, you telling them what it is, and that you're handling it, will likely actually be very reassuring to your partner. Because then they know the scope of the problem, they're at much lower risk of their anxiety going "actually, they Just Hate Me Now😣".

However, those asterisks are pretty important caveats. Below the cut to save space

*

not every relationship is capable of handling these discussions. If you have a partner that tends to take a minor thing and run 🏃‍♀️💨with it until they've convinced themselves they're unlovable actually, it may not be worth it. If you have a partner that isn't the best at being supportive/helping you through things ("well, you said it was okay, so I expect you to figure it out"), it may not be worth it. Etc.

They should know you're feeling something. That does not necessarily mean mentioning it Every Single Time or going into great detail.

It does require the understanding from your partner that not everything you mention is necessarily a "them problem", and that sometimes you just need to clear the air 🎐, bounce ideas off them💡, vent🤬, or whatever.

There may be one or two things your partner cannot handle hearing for whatever reason. You should do your best to respect that, after having a talk about them not being in a place they can hear that.

And then because of the type of person I am, even my asterisks have footnotes🥴:

If this is a such problem to where you don't feel like you can casually mention something minor🤏, I personally would start making exit plans or have a serious discussion with your partner about how their behavior is impacting your ability to be emotionally intimate and work as a team with them.

This is what I mean by casually mentioning something. You should generally be able to say "yeah, X caused me problems I wasn't expecting. Nothing I can't handle, just, if I seem touchy about it, please be patient with me" and get a sympathetic response, maybe even a suggestion on something that might help. If its already been discussed you should generally be able to check in with them and give a "it was better/worse than usually this time (so that's nice)/(but I'm okay)". Again, depending on what it is you're jealous about, it might be too much if you do this every time⏲️, but you should at least be able to occasionally or if there's a significant change

If you don't have this understanding, start building it 👷‍♂️🔨! Start saying "I don't expect you to do anything about this, but" and "I just need to vent, and then I really don't think it'll be a problem, but" and "I'm not blaming you at all, in fact I'm 99% certain this is just a Me Problem, but". This has helped me LOADS.

You SHOULD have a talk about it first. Either they can say "I really can't handle you complaining about [thing]" or if its something you noticed, you can say "it seems like its really hard on you when I bring up [thing], do I need to start finding another way to handle that?" Reasons for this include: 📃making sure you're on the same page wrt how much its bothering them, making sure the efforts you're making for them aren't taken for granted, making sure they aren't more bothered by you not saying anything, it may become such a problem for you that you have to mention it and you should be clear on that from the beginning, and many more!

Good luck out there, and happy relationships!! 💙💖🖤

[ancientgoddessofegypt]

Vulnerability: Healing The Body One Day At A Time.

Sometimes I want to stay private. Other times I want to open up. Staying hidden had been a sanctuary at one point. Not sharing with the world my feelings and what damaged me. I got tired of feeling burdens in my body, so at the moment where can I start?

In this present moment, I'm sad. I'm lonely. I'm tired. I'm depressed. I'm anxious. I'm worried. I'm exhausted. I'm hopeless. It seems the descriptions of lower feelings doesn't end. I've tried ignoring these feelings, replacing them with good thoughts. Trying to keep an optimistic smile, but that fake smile started to hurt.. And the mask began to wear off one day at a time.

It hurts to feel loneliness, but the truth is nothing can steal your joy but whatever dried up emotions are left infiltrating the mind with unwanted banter.

Its like... I can point out my flaws and my differences but I can't face the truth. I'm tired of truth. It's all I see everyday.

And what makes it funnier? I'm an oracle, and all I do is be 100% honest with people, but with me.... I lie so the triggers won't push too deep. I've ignored the villain that was imposter syndrome, and constantly took life too serious... Until life became a big circus show. And I'm the circus freak giving my performance.

Im annoyed, and constantly fighting tears. When I would cry and have those battles on the ground screaming 'I can't do it', it told me to get up and pick myself back up. You've grown up... you can't waddle your way out of this one.

I had no clue what I was doing, and before I still didn't, this new phase of adulthood I'm entering seems too much to handle but this where reality starts to hit. You're getting.., old. Older. More mature. Buying a house, getting a new car, even creating your own family. Life started to get a little practical... I thought I'd be a kid forever. But I was only talking about the imagination. Its fun being an adult, its so much freedom. It's just... I'm not built for whatever this reality is trying to show us, but I'm still trying. I'm still bringing forth change in my mindset, being more resilient. And allowing myself to be more than what my mind is constantly saying to me.

I've faced myself so much in 2023... Like.. the amount of times I had to look at myself in the mirror and could not escape. And sleeping with a mirror facing your bed don't make it no better, just makes you feel the emotions quicker (i got an interesting feeling when it comes to mirrors... portals man, portals).

I guess society has gotten its grip on the depressed gang, I've been working my way thru it. Theres absolutely no way in telling people that its easy to let go. Just something you learn to process on your journey. I'm learning both can be true at once. I'm learning to figure out what works, even if it takes a journey to reveal itself to me.

So how is this effecting my body... I get random body aches, I've had to make several hospital visits.. all of which there was no idea where the problem was truly stemming from. The doctor would prescribe me pills, they'd work for a while. Then later... the pain would come back again.

When our bodies are feeling pain especially in the organs, theres a spiritual connection that is making that happen. I use spiritual loosely here, what I mean is that our bodies can be carrying a lot of unwanted emotions. Be it rage, stress, depression, anything we don't want to feel but finds its way stuck in the body it'll start messing with your insides later on. When our spirits cannot rely the message, our bodies will for us.. for better or for worse.

I've found out I have health issues I didn't know existed.. I'm joking, well not really. I had no clue what galbladder disease was and def not anything with the gut. Even though I'd have random stomach aches here and there I never knew this would actually be an underlying problem. I didn't think I'd end up with a bunch of problems and it taking years to fix... Although I can be stubborn, I finally changed the way I ate.. it's been helping a bit.. I always did physical activity, but I noticed in my my present reality (3-6 months) its every other day out of the week. That's okay.

With accepting this truth I learned to be open to it because I started bawling.. I was losing weight like a mf and I had to drop all my clothes, still gotta do it now, or just get them tighten up. But its overwhelming.

I'm exhausted all of the time. My body is always on 'stop mode'. I can't work like the average woman because it gets me tired quicker. It kind of irks me because I want to do a little more but I just can't.

I feel as if I'm running out of time and I just don't know what to do. My subconscious is showing signs of paranoid thinking and I just can't see why I'm still running from my own reality.

its. just. too. much.

Im exhausted. And I've barely done anything.

I'm learning to feel my pain. Processing the very things that forced me into an uncomfortable matter.

It hurts to feel the feels of others dualities, but what do I do?

I gotta make amends with the shit I've dealt with, make use of them and take stride with whatever info comes up.

That's the secret. Pay attention to any fears, worries and anxious thoughts you could be picking up on because it's showing you a gate way to whats missing.

[sprytesukii]

hello friends!

long time, no see! i didn’t mean to fall off the face of the planet, but i was overwhelmed and burnt out, and had to take time away as a creator on this platform and figure out how to enjoy consuming media again. i finally think im at that place!

i’ve been working on a few fics — long form works, mostly — and i was planning on coming back when they were done, but as a film student who’s currently writing a feature length film (i would Love to talk about it, it is my Baby), i realized that wouldn’t quite happen and that the artificial deadline i placed on myself was only making me more anxious about coming back.

anyway! that being said, i probably won’t immediately be actively writing as i get back in the swing of things, but feel free to send asks and see what comes of them!

as its been a while since i’ve been active on tumblr, here are a few things that have changed about me and my interests so you can get a good idea of what i’d be interested in writing for and chatting about!

1. (not an interest but) i go by dylan, now and my pronouns are he/they ! please, please respect that <3

2. i’ve dipped my toe into the pedro pascal pool and having a little bit of fun there alongside jujitsu kaisen, saltburn & marvel!

3. that being said, i’m not interested in haikyuu anymore - not entirely, just not writing for! (i’m still throughly invested in bnha 🙏)

4. although i’m back, i’m not the same as i was with endless time and patience! please respect me with your asks and i’ll do the same to you <33

i don’t know what else i want to say but i have appreciated you all so so much and i’m excited to be back, muah <3

[mukuberry]

spill the beans.

ooooooooookey dokey boss, i dont have any pictures of them though :( just some pages in my phone notebook..... I'll do my best to summarise them!! i probably wont ever do any proper ocgram thingy with em so ill just spill their secrets hehe... theres 13/14 so ill put them under a cut!!

001! most of them dont have names yet lol i hate picking names 😔 but he's wonderful.... he's 11 and he's a lil silly ^^ he grew up with a single mother who began dating a very abusive man and then they both started abusing him, so he's extremely distrusting of adults. she got pregnant and he realised he needs to protect his siblings, but knows he cant hope to fight back against his parents, so instead he decides to secretly kill the baby after theyre born to prevent them for suffering. He's done this 3 times! He has alot of angelic imagery since he views himself as a saviour. Uhmmm OH his cover songs are Cosmic Rendezvous-> Psychogram-> Mirai Yo. Im not super happy with the picks tbh so they might change...

002! She's 43 and her first name is Yukino :) no last name yet.... she's based on a Kazui theory i saw when Cat came out that's definitely not true and was talked about in a pretty discriminatory way, so ive decided to steal the idea and make it better. She craves violence/abuse and has a gore kink, but has done her very best to repress those feelings and live a normal life, believing herself to be a monster for having these feelings and thoughts. She definitely has OCD. She has a daughter and had a husband, but abandoned them both after seeing her child do the same things she did as a child when her interest in violence started building, thinking that its her influence that caused it and that her child will be normal without her around. Also because if she's got no one tieing her down, she can maybe indulge in her fantasies instead of living a proper life. Her husband, not being able to handle the abandonment + knowledge that the one he loved was fantasing about him suffering the entire time + not being able to look after a child alone, takes his own life.... im not too happy with the murder tbh i might change it later......... she's great though i love her. Her cover songs are Hibana -> Animal -> Mosquito!

003! No name but he's baby. Actually he's 16 but to me he's baby. The first thing he does in milgram is demand a lawyer and tell the warden his murder was self defence (it wasnt). He forces all the other kids into doing his study club while they're in there... he's very 'proper' yknow. He's kinda like Nervous from the first novel if uve read it, went to middle school and became so anxious with being mistreated by his classmates and the adults that he tried to be perfect... and it worked! Until he entered high school, and there's this one girl in his class who is just slightly better than him..... so he pushes himself more and more, secretly hating her and himself for not being good enough. One day, late at night, she finds him on his own, at a pier. She tries to befriend him, since she's just like him, and wants to help him with his burdens and for them both to drop the perfect act...... unfortunately for her, he (again) hates her and cannot comprehend that someone could see through his act and would still love him, has a slight mental breakdown and beats her to death with debris near by, and dumps her body in the water. He gets to be perfect again yayyyyy ^_^ he's the most developed in terms of milgram routes, but I'll maybe talk about them another time.... his cover songs are Angel Hair-> Antibeat-> Theory Of Negativity

004! Kanae ♡ she's a complete hermit! A childhood schizophrenic (18 now) who was neglected by her family and outcasted at school, she's completely dependent on her psychosis, as it gives her companionship and purpose she doesn't have elsewhere. She's aware that she's schizophrenic, but has no intention of getting better. Upon entering milgram her psychosis has come to a (temporary) stop, so she spends most of her time in the prison with 010, since 10 (Kanami) never shuts up and is fine with Kanae not saying much in return. She can't stand silence. She had a younger sister (10ish?) who she was expected to look after since her parents aren't home much, however considering her mental state she can't really look after a child... so after not being fed in awhile, said child tries to make herself food! Only for Kanae to leave her room for the first time in days and finding her sister dead from accidentally poisoning herself;; oops! Her cover songs are Nocturnal Kids -> Liar Dance -> MKDR

005! Probably my favourite ♡ he's one of 3 explicitly queer characters, canonically being in love with his victim and being trans-coded... not explicitly trans but damn can u read his story as a trans story!! He's 17, popular, pretty, rich, has a loving family, his grades aren't perfect but they're still good, and he's genuinely pretty nice to people... he's living his best life! He doesn't know why he's in milgram, he hasn't killed anyone, he swears! A kid went missing in his class sure, but they weren't close, he knows literally nothing about that! Atleast thats what he says ^_^ teehee.... i wanna keep his murder a secret its more fun that way... he's probably the 3rd most unforgivable person in here :) his cover songs are Cinderella-> Secret Feast-> Ghost Rule

006! Haruki :) a lil shy but really nice! She's 28, but when she tells people they don't believe her since she acts kinda childish... she's also a system! But she thinks she's a spirit medium since she keeps introjecting dead people... her system has 6 alters in total, maybe 7 depending on what happens in the prison... but the story only really focuses on 4/5 of them. She lives in a shitty apartment and mostly lives of the money her grandmother sends because she can't hold a job (she tries her best!), her victim is her closest (and only) friend, they met a few years back at an old job and have been inseparable since.... they spend most of their time together. This friend however has lived a very difficult life and struggles alot with suicidal thoughts, basically only staying alive for her sake. She's learned to not tell people about how she's basically 'possessed by ghosts' after growing up being treated like a freak for it, but watching his mental state get worse and hearing him talk about how he wants everything to stop, she decides to tell him the truth. Both because he's important to her and wants him to know this very personal thing about her, and because it's basically like saying "hey when you die you don't actually stop existing, so you should just stay alive 😁". Unfortunately, he hears this and thinks "wow if i die i get to be a part of my favourite person 24/7???? hell yeah" so he convinces her to help him kill himself ^^ she refuses at first, but eventually gives in and watches him get hit by a train. And thus, she gains another alter...... her cover songs are Two Breaths Walking -> Zombies -> Undead Alice!

007! He's a bastard. He's sarcastic, blunt, rude and thinks everything sucks forever. He's 24. He's also based on a kazui theory! Mine from t1 thats definitely no longer canon... so ive taken it and made it much worse!! But from an outsiders POV it looks more like fuuta's story, with it being centred on toxic online groups,, he lived a very normal and good life! He was popular in school, graduated with top marks, went to a good college, graduated, went to a good uni, graduated, got into a good job, got a girlfriend- and surely he'll marry her and have kids and move into a big house and watch his kids grow up and die. That's what he's been told to do, that's what everyone does! Except for some reason he can't comprend, he feels completely dead inside. Theres a ball of dread in his chest and its building everyday until he can't ignore it. Everything feels empty and numb outside of this feeling. So he looks for answers, and while he doesn't find any, what he does find is a group of people on social media who feel exactly like he does. They don't try to lie and say everything's fine and that he needs to just power through, everything sucks and they're the only ones admitting it. They don't encourage eachother to get better, they help eachother get worse, because life is terrible so why shouldn't you just do what you want? And 007 gets sucked in completely. He quits his job, cuts off his girlfriend and friends, and moves back in with his parents, to their dismay. That was 6ish months ago. He's obsessed with social media and will do anything to feel alive in this terrible world. So, of course, when one of his online friends tells him she wants to die, why wouldn't he wish her luck? Life is terrible, he's kinda jealous that she can actually do it while he can't. And then he wakes up in the milgram prison ^_^ his cover songs are Chimera-> Otome Dissection-> Rabbit Hole!

008! She's even worse ♡ actually when writing this i kinda had a better idea for her story, but since its just came to my head I'll have to think on it a lil more.... uhm for now though she's 32 and also thinks life sucks but she's (kinda) over it now. She's used to being at the bottom of society but takes out her feelings by looking down on people even lower than her. Until i figure her out more thats all i can say TT her cover songs are Psuedo-hope Syndrome -> Delusion Tax -> Mono Poisoner!

009! Taisei Furukawa... he's the second one i made so he has a full name yay :] he's my second canonically queer character, he's gay and has had one boyfriend basically his entire life! They met as kids in the same elementary school, his bf came from a very shitty family and Taisei was the first person to treat him kindly and stick by his side no matter what. Unfortunately, his boyfriend kinda sucks, and is lowkey highkey abusive, isolating Taisei from everyone so they both only have eachother. Taisei only realises just how much his boyfriend had ruined his life at 25, and he's pissed ^_^ he knows he can't just break up with him, his boyfriend definitely won't let that happen, and he has no one to turn to for help. So the logical thing here to do is to turn the tables on his bf and try to convince him into a double suicide. Taisei doesn't have much desire to live after being worn down for so long, and he needs to make sure his bf won't just find and abuse someone else once he's gone, so a double suicide is the best option. Sure, he could do a murder homocide, but after how long he's suffered, he kinda wants his bf to feel how he feels... and it works :) the both jump of their apartment building, his boyfriend dies and Taisei wakes up in the milgram jail with a fucked up leg, needing crutches to walk. He's kinda antisocial and grumpy in t1 for understandable reasons (though he helps the kids with the study group at times), but if he's forgiven he becomes alot warmer and friendlier :) there's alot of art symbolism in his story... his cover songs are Turret Of Justice-> 118-> Shinkai Summit!

010! Kanami Shimizu!!!!!!!!! The girlie ever!!!! And the 3rd and final canonically queer character, she's a trans lesbian. She's 23 and so full of life and love and she's so so kind and energetic and kinda annoying but she's just so happy to be in jail with everyone!!!!!!!! She's the first one i made... however i kinda scrapped her murder awhile back since i didn't like it, but i don't have a new one yet :( but whatever her murder is, her personality and ideals remain the same! She's been hurt alot in life, and when she looks around she realises that everyone is the same. She can't live in the real world, it'd crush her, she knows this, so she wants to make a paradise where everyone can be happy forever... and milgram is the perfect place for it!!! So you have to forgive everyone for her ok ^_^ if you don't she won't forgive you. She won't let you ruin this for everyone. Her cover songs are Home -> Please Show Me -> Hedgehog!!

011.... doesn't exist!!! Not anymore i killed him sorry. I didn't like his story that much, but I'm too commited to following the og milgrams male/female prisoner pairings to just leave it at 11 prisoners, so I'll just wait for a new guy to appear in my mind.........................

012! She's 12! No name! My most recent one (except for the former 011 rest in peace). She's being a nuisance for everyone in the prison, she has alot of rage and she will make sure everyone hears it!!!!! She's friends with 001 and she tolerates Taisei but everyone else is her enemy and she WILL fight them if they cross her, which would be scary if she wasn't like 5ft. Her murder is just teenage rebellion went a lil too far........ she doesn't fit in at her new school and acts out, but all the adults in her life don't really get involved, just saying it's a phase she'll grow out of. This only makes her act out more, and more, and more, until it gets out of hand and someone dies. She didn't want any of that to happen, but in milgram she insists she's happy about it and is very very evil and scary so you should listen to her before she kills you as well. She has alot of animal (specifically bear) imagery :) her cover songs are Parasite -> Aitai-lians -> Lonely Shit!

The warden! Our beloved Es he's such a loser. He enters the prison not really taking any of this seriously, and does his best to be as annoying as possible to everyone, he's convinced he's the biggest freak here and he will prove it. Unfortunately for him he is definitely not the biggest freak here and by the start of the second trial he's learned this the hard way. He's an efficient warden despite everything, knowing what to say to rile the prisoners up so they spill information, however he quickly starts losing control of everything and it's kinda pitiful....... his cover song is Salamander!

Jackalope! She fucking hates the warden ^_^ she's secretly a lil fond of him but she'd never admit it. She's very no-nonsense and constantly lectures him to do his job properly, and usually ends up cleaning up after him.... she's not a very good Jackalope, she gets attached to everyone too easily, even if she pretends to be aloof. Jackas dont have cover songs, very very sad....

Mmmmmmmm thats everything!! That was alot more than i thought i wont blame u if u dont read everything.... was fun to infodump about though, thanks for asking lol. Im gonna screenshot everything i just wrote incase tumblr eats it like it did last time,,

[supergigabigboybabechad]

likes: Animals (cats and dogs especially seem to like me a lot more than the average person), gaming, anime, cooking, food, rock music, goth/punk/edgy/alternative/emo subculture, makeup and skincare (I like to feel pretty lmao), school, taking pictures

dislikes: bitter food, spicy food,school

hobbies: Acting (#1 hobby!), writing, ig I’ll put studying here since i was a honour student.

physical preferences: none

personality preferences: someone willing to protect me (I’ve been stared by creepy old men for 2 days in a row) and someone not too energetic and bubbly, anyone who is not Ace or Floyd, someone who can comfort me as I’m a generally anxious and insecure person

love languages: physical touch and quality time

extras: I’m an infj, would be in Diasomnia dorm, my personality would be I tend to come off as reserved, intimidating and cold due to my trust issues from being stabbed in the back by someone I trusted at first impressions but as I warm up to someone/they gain my trust I can be warm, caring, loyal, affectionate, and protective

Soooo i couldnt pick just one :( Too many ideas! I guess youre getting four charecters 😔 im not that indecisive though they are in order from who i feel would be less compatible to the most! For a big reveal vibe

4. Azul Ashengrotto

Youre giving him the cold shoulder? He doesnt gaf..

An honors student an actor and a beauty, hes so intrigued!

His intentions are likely less than pure but anyone with one working eye can see that

“Let’s make a deal!” Hes probably offering you fame for your acting but we both know youre not falling for that.

The more you ignore him the more hell bother you it becomes some form of personal challenge for him

Hes upping the charm and throwing in all the bells and whistles this isnt about his contract anymore its about his ability as a business man!

Eventually youll tell him to knock it off and that you know you cant trust him

Hell feign hurt but beep down you just charmed him.

So strong and so smart he already knew he wanted you in his corner but now he finds himself wanting you more.

As a buisness man azul is good at reading people, it comes with the territory so he knows how you see him and hes determined to change it

Hed follow you around trying to market himself as an outgoing and upstanding person did you drop something? Hes got it, dont stress! Need notes? Come to him! Free of charge!

It doesnt work.. that is until he finds you in an insecure state or anxious state.

Maybe its before your first role in twisted wonderland where you dont know anyone.

Its so prestigious here! Anyone would be nervous.

He takes this opportunity to comfort you. Once you tell him about your insecurity and anxiety he immediately knows what to say

In that moment you dont see him as some capitalist. For the first time you see him vulnerable, you see him on a level where you can relate to him

You can feel in his voice and the way he speaks to comfort you that hes felt it too, he knows what its like

Even you know being vulnerable isnt something azul does willy nilly so it gets you thinking, maybe you can trust him.

While talking to him you might name drop or tell him about your experience with creeps

Hell protect you but hell definetly hide it from you he doesnt want you seeing his ugly side

Hell be keeping an eye on you and if anyone oversteps in anyway hell be after them

Hes a powerful man, he could send the twins after them or if theyre really hurting you he’ll bring them in for a “word”

As for comforting you, he always knows what to say but hell also have episodes

Sometimes hell wonder how he landed you, so beautiful, smart and talented what if you wake up one day and realize youre too good for him?

Youre going to have to do some comforting too, hold him and tell him you love him, its all hell need.

Azul would be scared to touch you first, hes a gentleman! He cant just grab you! No matter how badly he wants to, he doesnt know how to go about reaching for your hand

Youve gotta make the first move, walking side by side notice how his fingers twitch towards your hand, go for it! Hold his hand!

Hell be shocked, bamboozled, pushing his glasses up and trying to hide his blush but you can still see a light pink on his ears.

From now on whenever he holds your hands hell take his gloves off before intertwining your fingers

His probably still to shy to go forward but if you grab him for a hug hell be sooo happy

He doesnt have much time to spen with you but hell always welcome you to sit beside hin while hes working, hell let you on his lap too if you want but youll have to ask and go through a but of his awkward aftershock

When he does time off hell spend it with you. Hell spare no expense! Spoiling you with fancy dinners and gifts

He works so hard though hell need a break, lie together and hold him or just watching anime together will help him let off steam.

3. Malleus Draconia

Malleus is a really toned down guy who’s willing to go with the flow he wont be too much for you to handle

Upon meeting you and being faced with your colder aura, cant say he’s really phased. With silver coming off in a similar way you wont deter him.

His generally frightening and strong air might not leave you wanting to open up but he probs wont notice and come back to you anyways

Coming back to you over and over again he’ll get more and more friendly. The imposing air around him starts to clear and you start seeing him as sort of an oddball

Hes so intimidating yet so tame maybe you can trust him?

Hes lonely. He doesnt realize it but he is so hes always coming to you he wants to spend all his free time with you just to have you there so he wont be lonely. This feeling is so foreign to him but its like a weight has been lifted from his chest

Itll make him even happier if youre the one initiating quality time. It makes him feel like hes wanted

Physical touch too!

He could be lost in thought worried about you one day finding yourself afraid of him only to be met with you holding him having all his worries vanish

Showing you being vulnerable around him is the highest amount of trust he feels he could have gained

Sleeping with him hell probably hold you while hes still awake thinking about the difference between when you first met and now

You were so closed off, you’d hardly ever respond to him but now look, he always has you by his side, your so warm and kind to him, you trust him enough to be completely helpless around him leaving him to protect you in your vulnerable state.

Speaking of protecting, walking with malleus no one will dare look at you funny let alone disrespect you

God forbid anyone harass you, youll need to phone lilia to calm him down

After that though hell turn his attention back to you and make sure youre alright. Hell insist on carrying you even if you swear you’re fine “Humans are fragile we cant be too careful”

Honestly 1) he just wants to hold you and 2) he knows about your anxiety and needs to make sure you’re okay you could say hes doing it more for his peace of mind than his for yours

Having anxiety or just feeling really insecure? Hell cancel everything hell make someone else do it if he has to

Hes overly cautious of you because your human

Hell hold you on his lap and let you talk if thats what you need otherwise hell just hold you close to your chest and let you breathe, drawing circles in your back, humming and playing with your hair he wants you to focus on him, you and him are all that matter right now and your all that matter to him.

He really appreciates that you can cook, he wants you to cook for him so you can yk, save him!

“Im sorry lilia but Haru has already prepared a meal for me”

Hes scared of change. Taking pictures will eaze him. Take pictures with him and let him have a few and youll find that hes placed them on a board near his bed.

Hell but his favorite in a locket that hell keep with him all the time. He doesnt want to think about a time where hes without you but he knows it will have to come.

Taking all these pictures is so important to him. He needs these traces of you for when youre gone

Acting!! Hell come to all your shows and be so proud! “That’s my Haru, a star aren’t they lilia?”

Hed be so dazed by you hell probably miss the entire play except for the parts youre in.

2. Vil Schönheit (ig were sharing😒)

Vil gives off the same vibes as you at first

Hes cold and hardened on the outside but he cares deep down and that becomes more evident as you get to know him

Vil might not pay much attention at first, hes too busy and the could and distant air around you detrers him a bit, he doesnt see anything he can improve your already beautiful so he leaves you alone

That is until he sees you onstage one day.

As part of film club and an actor himself seeing you on stage, your acting and presence are amazing

Film acting is what vil does most and as a professional knows how different it is from the stage.

He cant help but be impressed in your performance and from then on you just seemed to sort of stand out to him

Hell start noticing things, how smart you are how caring and soft to your close friends you are. How beautiful you manage to be with so little effort

Wait- youre so kind to your friends what is it that they have that he doesn’t? Shouldnt you be charmed by him?

Well either way he comes to talk to you about your performance and how he thinks youd make an amazing addition to film club!

Vil would love to act with you! He does film acting most of the time so hell teach you about that and you can show him a thing or two about stage acting!

Hell love your writing, hell encourage you to publish or even to be a play write!

Maybe you should even start a production company together

He believes in you and wants to star with you and is willing to support you all the way

As a celebrity, vil values his privacy, dating is hard with your insecurities he understands if yoh dont want him to announce your relationship and will do his best to keep it private

On the other hand he has no issue going punlic with your relationship. He knows that people online can be cruel and hell do whatever he can to keep that from you

If youre feeling insecure, he cant have that, WAKE UP!

Youre dating THE Vil Schönheit not only is he beautiful but hes also selective! Hello??? Youre absolutely gorgeous and he wont have you feeling otherwise

Hell hold you, tell you your beautiful and if it helps you, hell give you a self care day together

Face masks painting your nails and doing hair!

Also if you wanna do more makeup all you have to do is ask! Vil will most definitely help you out

Hes well versed! Whatever style you like! (My personal fav is douyin!)

With an eye for style, if youre not too sure on what you want im sure hes already cooked up the perfect look for you

SKINCARE VIL IS SO HAPPY hell sing your praises and go off about how happy he is that someone values their skin as they should!

Hell give you personalized products too!

A photographer x model trope too? SO CUTE(me projecting my want for a photographer partner) BUT LIKE IT MAKES SO MUCH SENSE THOUGH⁉️⁉️

Vil sewing makes so much sense and after hes finished with a project hell wanna model it for magicam!

Taking photos on his own is fine but we know vil, he wants spectacular!

He trusts your artistic vision and would love having you take his photo hell come out looking beautiful and he sees it as the outcome of your combined efforts

Vil is so protective he would not let anyone harass you!

In that moment he doesnt care about his name all he carrs for is your safety and well being.

Online or in person he wont hesitate to go all in on them protectively putting himself in between you and your harasser

Quality time would definitely come in your selfcare routines together and picking outfits!

Hes pulling all the stops picking your outfits finding your color-palette

So obviously his gonna spoil you with all this makeup skin care and clothing hell have you feeling absolutely gorgeous like you’re the only person he sees!

Youre so beautiful he cant help but want to accentuate that

1. Deuce Spade

Upon first meeting you his a little intimidated by how closed off you are, but he cant help but admire you!

An honors student whos so straight and narrow! Hes gonna try to befriend you right away! Youre the exact type of person he needs to surround himself more with

Deuce is a good boy so im sure youll find yourself opening yourself up to him more and more

Once you let him in on your trust issues he feels a twinge of guilt, youve been nothing but upfront and honest to him and hes been hiding a secret since youve first met! Would you still think of him the same if you knew???

He wouldnt be able to hide it very well and upon asking him whats wrong he blurts out his past and starts apologizing for not telling you sooner

He says he understands if you would like your distance and that he shouldnt have hid something so big from you

After letting him know that youre fine with it and it wasnt that big of a deal hell be so overcome with joy!

Youre so loyal! So kind! Hes so relieved he grabs your hand to enthusiastically thank you without thinking

Before he realizes what hes done he gets a look at how cute your shocked face looks and he immediately apologizes backing away and going back to sitting awkwardly

From that day he’d be noticeably more awkward around you but who could blame him? Your so sweet!

Deuce games a bit himself, he loves you so much introduce him to the games you play the most and hell pick them up just to spend time with you

His mom raised him right so hell plan dates for you and take a lot of initiative to make sure he’s treating you with all the love you deserve

He wont touch you without permission. He knows better! Hell either have to work up the courage to hold your hand or your just gonna have to go in

He gets really worked up at times and forgets though

After his win in a track meet hell celebrate and right to you and lift you up in his arms without thinking.

Hell apologize after but as time goes on hell get more comfortable, he just wants to make sure he’s doing things right

Hell do the same after a play! You did such a great job and you look so beautiful in your costume he rushes over to tell you how amazing you were and give you flowers

Hell bring his mom to see you act too shell love you, how could she not!

Deuce is very capable in protecting you and most definitely will, i dont think i need to explain that one

The first time he does though its just like he snaps, hes so mad, more mad than youve ever seen him

After whats done is done hell apologize for acting without your permission and say things like “Im sorry, you shouldnt have seen that!”

On his hands and knees bro dont leave him!

The next time something happens hell tell you to leave because he doesnt want you seeing but he cant just let them get away with creeping on you!

Deuce might not have a way with words but he tries, so when youre feeling down about yourself or anxious hell take you for a ride

It makes sense that hed only have one helmet so assuming that you dont have one hell insist you wear his along with his hacket so you do t get hurt and make you promise to hold on tight to him

Hell take you to his secret spot and sot you down and let you let it all out “Im sorry, I didnt know what to say so i just thought id help you run away for a bit” hell listen to you for sure

Hes a bit of a romantic so i see him smiling as he watches you get ready in the morning, watching you put on mascara as he makes the eyes at you

If you turn to face him hell look away though that wont change

He loves how gentle you are sometimes it makes him feel that youre delicate, like if hes too rough hell break you and you might run away

Hes so sweet if you give him pictures you take of him hell buy a book to keep them in and label each one

Hell ask for advice studying too! Youre so smart, honors isnt easy to get in any way, dont forget that

With you in his life he really feels like hes becoming better, like someone his mom can be proud of and someone worthier of you each day that passes

——————————————-

I just wrote a bunch in the notes app and ordered them in what i thought was the cutest order, lemme know which one you liked the best too! Hope you like it❤️

[abey-baby-apologist]

clone high final episode spoilers below! (9 n 10)

holy fuck im so happy. even though im super annoyed how they keep throwing a bunch of really good ideas for relationships and plot in the trash- im just so happy with what we got. 

OK FIRST EPISODE 9??? THE ANIMATION WAS SO FUCKING GOOD AND I HAD TO PAUSE BECAUSE WHEN WESLEY WAS FLAILING IN THE SEA, IT WAS DAMN smooth and pleasant to watch, as morbid as it sounds lol. that whole scene with the comic-esque vibe was so so pleasing. 

and that whole episode was super like, sad but funny. i literally stood up and yelled when Mr. B was getting near the edge. like i probably woke up every single one of my neighbors in like.. a 50 mile radius it was that bad im so fucking annoying about this show. 

BUT THEN SCUDS SAVED HIM AND I WAS SO HAPPY, LIKE THEYRE LITERALLY AN OLD COUPLE, AND LITERALLY THEY’RE FATHERS TO THEIR CLONE KIDS AND THEYRE ALL SUCH A BIG HAPPY FAMILY AND AUGHHHH im gonna draw family stuff with them so bad. I WISH THESE EPISODES CAME OUT BEFORE FATHERS DAY IT WOULD’VE BEEN PERFECT. 

ok, episode 10 i have to take a deep breath with. i am VERY happy. and idk if it was because the bar was so low, or if it was because i was so anxious i was vomiting everywhere because i needed content so bad, but i am overjoyed. 

THE ABETOPH CONTENT WE GOT WAS SO GOOD. WE HAVE LIKE... 3 NEW CUTE PHOTOS OF THEM HANGING OUT, AND LIKE A BUNCH OF MOMENTS OF ABE CARRYING TOPHER ON HIS BACK. was it because he was being tophers lackey? fine, sure, whatever. BUT AFTER THAT WHEN JFK BROKE TOPHERS PHONE IT WAS OVER (im upset it wasnt developed on further because people who didnt watch it in real time like us will surely be fine. so fuck you.) 

Also, ABE AND JFKS FREINDSHIP HOLUYDBIUJEWNFJKNF oh my god not to be autistic but i was stimming so fucking hard WHEN THEY HUGGED, I WAS LIKE YES FINALLY. FINALLLLLYYY!!! theyre my sweet boys and THAT WHOLE FRIEND GROUP HAS ME IN TEARS. LIKE abe and Confucius are already bros, as we see them playing in the school yard, and JFK and Confucius are already bros from the sleepover episode, but NOW JFK AND ABE ARE BROS. FUCK. YEAH. oh and tophers there too. i like how they treat topher tbh. like hes just there until he says something out of pocket and they’re just like stfu. 

but with the girls friend group.. oof. i honestly loved them so much, especially with cleo, but NOW ITS FUCKED. and its not even joans fault tbh. like when i was watching the scene where frida dropped joan i was like “damn” but then, JOAN MENTIONS HOW SHE HELPED EVERYONE BEFORE AND I WAS LIKE “DAYYYYYYUUMMMM UR RIGHT” so now im conflicted. But again like??? bruh i would choose cleo too tbh lmao.

Also, i’m glad clone college isn’t real. because jfk mentions about taking shelly to .. biology? which i think is a only 1st year class. and in the original clone high everyone is like “omg u hit puberty over summer” Which i feel is typically something thats potrayed in media AFTER middle school. but i could be wrong so, idk. just really glad they didn’t do the clone college bc i hate change. also theyre 16 lmao. OR MAYBE THEY WERE JUST TALKING ABOUT... in the future when highschools done?? IDK. IDC.

anyway. im scared for joans friend group and i fucking love joan, and i am in love with abe, toph, jfk, and Confucius’s little bromances and augh. im so happy. and THE CLIFF HANGER WASN’T TERRIBLE ALSO, IN MY OPNINON. 

im just glad joanabe wasn’t endgame. i mean, i would be pretty happy because im a sucker for childhood friends to lovers but also NOOOOOO joan deserves better. so. yeah 10/10 

if you read this far, holy crap, im proud of you, and ily 

that is my review on the finale so i’ll be making so much content now that im not on the brink of collapsing everytime i think of clone high. like trust me im gonna try and stretch out this fixation for as long as i can. though im probably gonna draw a surplus of abe and jfk art bc they were my fav in 2020