#im sick of people coming over im sick of people saying sorry for your lose

[satansappendix]

Honestly I'm sick

[bitchimasnake-sss]

"doing laundry and taxes with you" ft. the monster trio!

ft. (domestic!) luffy, zoro, sanji x fem!reader in which, you make their house a home (a/n: im sick and needed some comfort so this got very long im so sorry!!) warnings: nsfw towards the end! nsfw stuff includes car-sex, in public, dirty talk, rough sex, penetration, squirting, sanji takes a picture of you choking on his dic- (ahem, not sorry); MDNI (thankyou very much okay byee) m.list

luffy:

they are so precious to me 😭😭

- whatever you do, don't imagine domestic!luffy - don't imagine cold mornings when you're under the cover with him. he's holding you tightly, snuggling against you and whispering a soft, "good morning, baby" - do not imagine him coming back from home and holding you by your waist when you're doing something, nuzzling into the crook of your neck as you asks you how your day was - don't think of him as one of those guys who start a tickle fight when poke him once and laugh at him - absolutely do not imagine his as one of those s/o who are down to make everything into a game "whoever loses mario-kart makes the dinner, okay?" he grins, pulling you down onto the couch with him "oh really?" you laugh when he holds you tighter, "i really want some pasta tonight then" - he ended up making pasta that night - but as i said, don't imagine luffy as that because he is certainly that man and more - he will fret over you when you fall sick, trying to make you laugh your way out of a fever (canon). he won't leave your side, no matter how much you insist that you're fine "what do you need? water? soup? pizza- oh wait no that's unhealthy" a pause, "wait, do you want a pizza? it'll probably be fine if you eat one tbh, right??" - also the kind of guy who will ask his friends to turn their car around (because in no parallel universe do i believe luffy knows how to drive ffs) because you only said "love ya" and missed the i (how dare you, he's heartbroken now) "yn!!" he's yelling from the driveway, "YOU FORGOT TO SAY I LOVE YOU!!" so now you're sticking out your head out of your apartment window, looking down at a pouty luffy, annoyed zoro and unbothered sanji - also, man has TERRIBLE separation anxiety - (people now know that wherever you are invited, luffy is invited too "what are you doing here?" nami hisses as she vaguely looks at luffy, "this is supposed to be a girls night out!" luffy shrugs, "pretend im not even here" yeah, luffy that's kinda hard when you're practically draped over your girlfriend the entire night) - but as it's been established, don't fall for his perfect acts because he is the kind to park in a distant corner of a grocery store parking lot and beg for you to let him fuck you "it'll be quick," he's whining, tugging you towards himself and kissing you senseless, "baby, i promise. just one hit." - he's feral, holding you flush against himself as he fucked you with your top still on and your hands holding tightly against his neck - your arousal drips into his thigh and he's groaning about how good you feel, you feel him thrust into you harder and now you're spasming and cumming around his girth - he didn't infact let you go after one hit. - you both walked into the grocery store 37 mins later with your faces flushed, hair tousled and a familiarly uncomfortable wetness nesting between your thighs - (cause i know he's fucking nasty and he will absolutely make you walk into that store with his essence still inside you. sorry, i do not make the rules :/) - eitherways, best guy ever - he's the perfect s/o that never lets you have a dull moment in your life as long as his annoying ass is around

zoro:

- i will stand by what i've always said. soft zoro is the best zoro. 'nuff said, i will die on this hill. - but god, nobody can ever imagine how soft domestic!zoro is with you by the way he shrugs and grunts off any and all people around him (except for his crew) - frankly speaking, you didn't expect this either when you started dating him - you would have never imagined this green-haired, stoic-faced, dry-ass motherfucker to hold onto you tightly and lightly close his eyes whenever you forced him to see another horror movie - he claimed watching horror movies was the equivalent of mind torture but followed along cause you seem to like them (you don't probably like them that much, you just like his heavy figure against yours as he snuggles in deeper and deeper against you) "this is so stupid" he hisses at the girl in the screen, groaning when she blatantly ignores him, "she will die if she follows the fucking voice!!" you don't fail to notice how shrill his deep voice can get whenever there's a jumpscare (but he will blame the wind for that noise, never admits what he knows is true) - he is so soft in the way he offers to shampoo your hair when you drag him into the shower. his calloused fingers are light, gentle, against your scalp and you can't help but smile when he flashes you a small smile and asks if it's fine - domestic!zoro is so soft in the way he would carry you bridal-style/on his back everywhere (wdym you only had to go to the kitchen?? he can carry you there, he's strong, do you not believe him?) - also, we all have sorta established that he's not a pda guy but my lord, behind those four walls, he needs to be around you one way or the other - doesn't matter if he is just standing at the bathroom door, making small talk as you do your skincare for the night or he's holding onto your hand as you both lay sprawled on your bed, looking at your phones - but don't let his softness make you forget that this man is a piece of shit. - he will purposely stand in front of cabinets and cupboards when you cook and flash you a innocent smile when you get annoyed; he will finish your favourite conditioner even though he said "i don't that conditioner too much"; he will purposely order you random stuff online and everytime you'd open it thinking it's something cute but it'll end up being something green and (cutely) stupid - (you now possess 5 mushroom figurines, 12 frogs doing random shit, a green cheap light saber, a lowkey-fucked up painting of baby yoda and green paper-clips. he doesn't even like green all that much, he just loves to annoy you) - but as i said, don't fall for his sweet facade because he will stop you at the door and fuck you against it before you're heading out in that skimpy dress (yes, he fucks you in that dress) (ofcourse he doesn't mind your dress riding up as long as people can see the marks he left on your body) "ah" he groans, thrusting upwards as one of his hands hold you firm against the door and another plays with your swollen clit, "sorry for ruinin' your makeup, baby. but look at you, you look so pretty, getting fucked right now" - he's sure the neighbours can hear the wood creaking against your weights and your high-pitched, feverish moans as you beg him to fuck you harder (it's the fourth time this month) - he forces his fingers (which were slick with your arousal) down your mouth and watches as his fingers rub away the lipstick into modern art "much better" he would sigh against your skin when he was done, "have fun at the party, babe" - he holds back a laugh cause he knows you can barely walk, much less party (not to mention, you gotta re-do your makeup now.) - so he goes with you, lending you his arm as support so that you wouldn't walk so wobbly "that dress still looks too good on you" he will whisper against your ear, "meet me in the bathroom in five, let me fuck you again" - as much as he is a menace, you wouldn't have it any other way - god, iamsodownbad for him <3

sanji:

it's him officer, he is the one who altered my brain chemistry!

- vinsmoke sanji is the perfect pinterest boyfriend. argue with the wall, i don't entertain wrong views. - what i mean is, he is the boyfriend/husband who will be up to bake a cake at 3 in the morning and eat it with you as the sun rises, he is the one who will hold you hand and groggily lead you to an ice-cream vendor at 1 in the night because you really wanted ice-cream, he is the one to take a thousand photos in any outfit you wear "yn" he's changing his angles every second, shutter of the camera snapping photo after photo, "you look so beautiful, so marvelous, charming, ah- mesmerizing, my love!" - he is the guy to hold your hand in a horror house no matter how scared he himself is. but you call tell by the way his fingers tightly close around yours whenever a jump-scare comes on (no, he is not being strong because he wants to look tough in front of zoro, tf you talking about??) - he is the man who will be looking for halloween decor on the first of september and christmas decor on the first of novemeber, takes the task of decorating his house very seriously (yes, he will out-do linda this time! so what if she bought a life-sized snowman?? he will pay luffy to become one, fuck linda.) - sanji is the guy that posts his girlfriend religiously (at one point, ussop asked you if you were holding him on gun-point and making him post you so much) - by religiously i mean for every one photo of himself, there's six of you like baby calm down nobody's gonna take her away - he also surprises you a lot (with nice surprises, unlike zoro.); he bought you a candle on your one-month anniversary and repurchases it every time you run through it - grocery store runs followed by cooking together is basically your idea of a weekly date - very on-brand with his theme but he has so many candids of you (a whole secret album with the title "my love <3"). there's pictures of you laughing at chopper's new onesie, hitting luffy in the face after he stole your sushi, tasting his cookies, tasting his dic- ahem. - it shouldn't come as any surprise that he has a huge thing for clicking pictures/ taking videos of you as he abuses your body in a way that has you crying for god "san-" "like that, moan out my fuckin' name, darling. tell me who's fucking you like this?" "you" you moan harder, eyes clamping shut, "you you, fucc-k you, sanji" - there's a video on his phone of his dick sliding in and out of your wet cunt as you moan and suck on your bottom lip; there's pictures of you sucking on his dick, giving the camera your prettiest doe-eyed look; there's a video of you squirting around his fingers, face red and body soaked as he keeps going and you're cumming a second, third, fourth time (that's his favourite video, it's insane how many times he comes back to that video) - he loves ruining you with slow sex as he makes you focus on the boring movie or show you're both watching - he gets off off how you try to maintain your composure but then come undone "yn, my love" he rasps in your ear, "come on, keep holding on for me. i'm gonna fuck you so well if you just keep taking me like this." - he ruins you and then gets you the best aftercare - ugh stan sanji for a good life.

a/n: the way i write sanji has me confused as to if i truly am a zoro girlie lmaoo. hope you liked it!! req are always open (also im sorry to the people who requested and i havent gotten around to it, i am just running low on fuel lately) m.list

[felicity0222]

It is so ridiculous that over on Twitter that I am seeing people who want Franco Colapinto to replace Logan. It’s to the point where it’s trending.

So your telling me people actually want Williams to pull up an unprepared rookie from f2 with little to no time in an f1 car just because of what happen with Logan in the fp3 of the Dutch GP? Also it’s said that Colapinto would come with significant sponsorship backing. But news flash people so dose Logan and beside I would hate for another unprepared rookie to get thrown in the car, besides wouldn’t that sound a bit to familiar to the current diver in the car??? Also if Williams were to do that what’s happens if Franco were to crash because he’s not use to the way the Williams car works? So at this point they should just let Logan finish the dam season as there is only 9 races left and then williams and Logan can part ways and never have to see each other again..

Also at this point I’m so sick of vowels doing this when Logan does something he doesn’t like because how much will he keep threatening and holding this “im gonna mid season swap you” over Logan head? Also where is the professionalism in all this and it not like breaking a contract is that easy because I’m sure there’s a process. Also by Williams possibly breaking Logan’s contract they would be losing tons of money because they would possibly have to pay a huge fee to his sponsorships that he brought to the team and most likely a huge fee to Logan for breaking his contract…

So in reality if William dose as some people want them to it would be so stupid because if there worried about money they maybe losing more then they would gain.. SO JUST LET LOGAN FINNISH HIS SEASON AND LEAVE THE DRIVER THAT IS IN F2 THERE BECAUSE WE DONT WANT ANOTHER ROOKIE PULLED BEFORE THEY ARE READY..

PS sorry for the rant but also I needed to say my peace..

[thesweetroro]

Hi I was wondering could you do one showing how Uno, Rock, Liang, Upa, and Samon act like when they are sick?

Sure thing, sorry for being late again >◽️<!!

im also sick, wish me luck!

꩜ Request 🩰 .

── .✦ 🎠 5-13

── .✦🏷️ the inmates + guard

ꪆৎ

ꪆৎ

˖°𓇼🌊⋆🐚🫧 (Uno)

he is so spoiled when he gets sick he actually loves it because he can be dramatic as much as he want and you probably wouldn’t complain because he’s just your poor boyfriend and all he needs is love and care .

He’s so clingy and if you left his site for five minutes you’re gonna hear the loudest cry out ever and you will regret the time that you decide to go out he kinda does it on purpose and in the same time not because Uno gets some extra stuff than most people when he is sick,mostly all of his body hurts and his muscles are ao sore and weak he will whine about it because even turning left or right painful for him so you have to massage him with Voltarol gel as he cries a little.

Cant sleep with out ear cleaning because he becomes more sensitive to every noise and wants a real life asmr , when you guys are out to check on him and give him his medicine he lay on you the whole session and would even hide himself in your neck.

Loves loves worm drinks specially tea and milk Soup and whatever that’s more like a babies food that you make for him he will lick the plate he says that your food is so gentle that it can fix his illness.

Wont be able to do his daily routine so he count on you to do his skincare or even get him to the bathroom it’s kind of actually sad because he used to always wake before you and he was the one to tickle you while he was picking you up to the bathroom in the morning so you wont get even a little mad and just kiss his forehead and ask him if had a good sleep.

He usually grits his teeth as he’s asleep but when he is sick he don’t do that because he focused on breathing so you won’t hear any noises but his little breath trying to get in , will wake up in the middle of the night and call your name whining until he sees you “baby..y/n babe?..” cough “love?mmm!” just so you will put him to sleep and go back to your bed.

ꪆৎ

‧₊˚ 🍔 ‧₊𓏲 ๋࣭ ࣪ ˖🪻(Rock)

Like uno like being spoiled but also has a self control sort of when it comes to express his pain he won’t whine that much but he will be all over you .

Another surprising thing about this guy that he loses his appetite so you have to force him to eat all three meals also on top of that his medicine and warm drinks, he would feel discussed about the food that he usually eat there’s something about the sentence of every dish makes him want to throw up .

He loses half of his energy plus urge to fight and won’t be very active with anyone unless it’s you and when you are gone he just skipped it by sleeping until you get back.

He’s not too clingy but he is more attracted to you than ever like you could just get this man his medicine with a spoon and he will just stare at you with a puppy eyes and play with your hair and tell you that you look so pretty.

More able to recover from it in such no time and won’t make a big deal out of it, appears to be less chatty than the usual.

will definitely ask you to get on top of him and just cuddle him I think this is the time that he is more insecure and so he would probably ask you about the things that you like about him.

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⊹ ࣪ ˖🧧୭˚. ᵎᵎ🧘🏻(Upa)

A big denier that he will not accept that he was able to get sick and even if he finally couldn’t move anymore or just on the bed all the day he will think it’s a curse and somebody cursed him.

Will not accept any treatment from you or favouring he doesn’t even believe that he is sick so why the need ? , Deep down his heart he doesn’t want you to get sick so he’s trying to push you away from him but of course you will never leave him like this.

He even tried to kick you out of there but Simon saw that absolutely wasn’t happy about it did try talking to him that even if he didn’t want your care at least be polite when refusing it and surprisingly he did listen.

Isn’t a much for complainer or whiner until he slowly gives up on being completely fine as bad as it goes for him he will be all over you and asking for love and gentle treatment because after all all he needed is a shoulder to lay on.

Will not stop you from going anywhere but will be very sad if you weren’t by his sight also misses you a lot , he take his medicines on the time as you do to him and be careful when you are not around.

Will eat literally anything from your hand at the moment because he could be a little bit picky sometimes but all he thought he was gonna be able to eat some tea and sandwiches or whatever you feed that boy like a grandmother.

When he is finally will again he forgets everything about what happened and even if someone told him and approve it with video of him cuddling you and sticking to your chest he will break the phone and not believe it.

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𐙚‧₊˚🐉✩ ₊˚🏯⊹♡(samon)

10 out of 10 was prepared of this day his whole life he isn’t the type of guy that would like to show his soft side but for you it’s a different story He was mad that he wouldn’t be able to go with you like the most of time around the building he was happy that he could be stuck to you all the time and all over you because he is just poor sick little thing.

He wasn’t like that on his job site because that would lead him to a ton of leftover paperwork and because everyone else in this building can do a better job like him or be trusted enough to do so they will rotten there for awhile.

Very respectful man that he is so quiet about him getting fever like you won’t even know until he woke up before you and you hear something from the kitchen and he was coughing so badly felt so heartbroken and the moment so just basically throw him on the bed and didn’t even hear a single word.

Also very annoying a little bit because you could cover him with 16 blankets and three socks on top of each other and you can just turn your head back to the kitchen and grab him some tea and come back he is half naked for God know why Then even if you stare deeply in his soul he will just say that he got overheated and couldn’t breathe in the same second will say that he got cold.

It’s everything literally everything you wanted to have a little snack and put it beside the table that’s close to your bed you’re gonna go back with licked plate and you can’t blame him he got hungry There is this one time when you placed a bath bomb and he thought it was sour candy so he took a giant bite out of it because he felt the needs of sourness.

basically act normally and it depends on him if he want to be clingy or not or whiny or not like you get it, but most of all he has the mind for five years old.

but because I wanna spoil you I’m gonna tell you when he is clingy and tiny, clingy is mostly stuck on your stomach or neck or chest and if you dare to walk out of that bed he will hug the soul out of your thighs .

And if he was whiny he will complain about his work and calls your name a lot or that he is sorry that he ate your food or that he is hungry.

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. ݁₊ ⊹ 🥋. ݁˖ . ݁݁🪭(liang)

his reaction would likely be a mix of stubborn pride and hidden vulnerability. At first, he'd probably brush it off, insisting that it's "no big deal" and trying to stay as upbeat and energetic as usual. He'd downplay his symptoms, possibly even making jokes about how sickness can’t keep a martial artist like him down.

you will absolutely catch on that because it obvious from the way he is talking and repeating himself a lot and even he is more clumsy than ever more luckily to hit his nose every corner and fall with each steps so now you have to handle this because you cannot deny him anymore from what he is truly going through.

everything you would do for him he would respond with” oh honey it doesn’t have to do that” or “it’s not even a big deal I can take care of my own you go have your fun” what a glorious king that we have chat.

isn’t clingy isn’t whiny isn’t picky, he is so calm about it but he was genuinely touched by the fact that he was well taken care of specially by you his loved one he was appreciating it a lot.

Kind of knowing what he wants to eat or drink in the moment because he believes he knows himself better that’s a fact so he is more into green tea , meat soup or vegetable soup, and also add honey and black seeds.

In those quieter moments, he’d likely let his guard down, enjoying the extra comfort his partner provides, whether it’s with tea, a warm blanket, or just some company. He might even surprise you by admitting that having someone around to take care of him doesn’t feel so bad, giving them one of his rare, soft smiles. And after he’s better, he’d probably insist on returning the favor tenfold, ready to repay any small acts of kindness he received.

And as always thank you for reading and requesting

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if you are sick try take care of yourself if you could take a shower take it and drink warm tea and I would recommend a warm water isn’t like a boiled way it could be on the temperature of the room and just squeeze some lemon and drink before you go to bed that would really help your throat in the morning also honey and black seeds are a real trick too that’s the end stay careful warm loved and have a blessed night XOXO.💗💗💗

[kookidough]

random rant about tbp tiktok cause i’m actually Sick of it at this point💆‍♀️💆‍♀️ these issues probably exist Outside of tiktok as well but i only ever see them on there so thats the platform i’m gna talk about

before you read i just wanna say warning for mentions of sa!!!!!

first of all i dont want to jump straight into the serious shit so the unoriginality is actually INSANE like ive been seeing the same jokes since 2022, can we Please get something funnier than “griffin does gymnastics / is a ceiling fan” 😭 the amount of times recently i’ll see a tbp tiktok and then get someone copying the idea and making the Same exact post like 3 scrolls later is insane like Pls can we be original Pls this movie is so sad i need something to laugh at

outside of being totally unoriginal some of the jokes tend to be Really Fucking Disgusting like straight up joking about assault, i shouldn’t even have to explain that thats not funny in the slightest?? this one person made a bunch of really gross ones and kept blocking people who called them out in the comment section, my friend had to dm them Several times and all they did was take down one post, the rest are still up with a ton of views :/ i know its like shock humour or dark humour or whatever but i dont see the ‘funny’ side of a grown man forcing himself onto a child and i think if youre laughing at that you should sit down and ask yourself why you think thats so funny.. people in the comments are always like “i shouldn’t laugh” so they Know its wrong as well which just ugh the whole thing just really gets on my nerves

another thing that gets on my nerves is the lack of media literacy and straight up spreading misinformation, maybe on the media literacy part i’m just a hater but i see so many questions being asked or theories being posed when all of the things mentioned were… literally answered in the movie?? “whats up with finney and gwen’s mother” it’s literally said in the movie that she has the same ability as gwen and she killed herself bc of it, next question, “why was max so interested in finding the missing boys” maybe because he was a coked up conspiracy theorist who saw a serious crime happening in his brother’s area so he decided to be a genuine concerned citizen who wanted these boys to be found💀 “why did the grabber kill max” because he had evidence of the highly awful crimes he’d been committing and was about to let his latest victim free?? the list goes on and on but those r the main ones i see all the time

as for the misinformation. Ough. it annoys me So much this is a hill i will die on😭 i dont know if its people’s half-baked theories or personal headcanons that just got way out of hand but i see so much stuff being spread that just Isnt true, it gets spread so far that when you google these things it appears as true when its not which is annoying !!! i actually was gonna make an entire rant about one theory in particular that pisses me off so bad but i can fit it in here alongside my list of “other theories presented as facts that i Absolutely Despise”

first theory, the one i was gonna make an entire post over, is the theory that vance is the grabber’s son. if i see one more tiktok of those two with that marina and the diamonds song im going to fucking lose it😭 i have no idea where people got this from but its so fucking popular that it comes up on google and i Hate it, i think it comes from the fact that in gwen’s dream sequence, which, might i add, WAS A DREAM, it looks like the police drop vance off outside the grabber’s house and he goes inside there, which… apparently automatically makes them related…?? it takes like one ounce of media literacy to realise that Obviously he’d be getting dropped off at his own house in real life, but as a ghost he’s centred on the place he died and is showing that house to gwen in her dreams, like how every other ghost shows that house to her. awful theory awful take i hate it, if its ur personal headcanon sorry but i do Not fw that

the other theories i have like. not much to say about other than the fact that they’re Not true, i see a lot of stuff about griffin for some reason? the number tends to change but a lot of ppl say “he was kept in the basement for 4 years” like . Huh. where is your proof???? i know the missing posters are insanely unreliable but if you literally read them griffin went missing on april 2nd and billy went missing on may 4th so highly likely griffin was only in the basement for like. a month at most, no idea where ppl are pulling 4 years out of💀 i also see people say griffin has broken legs or a broken back Just because of the first scene where we see him doing a backbend but . if that was the case then he wouldnt be able to stand with the other ghosts when they show gwen the house, i think the backbend was just the position he died in and thats why he first appeared that way to finney but Hey thats just my opinion! last two i have like no rants over but just. firstly people saying robin never made it to the basement for some reason but clearly he did otherwise his ghost would not be down there with the rest of them😭 secondly the theory that vance was kept there the longest “because he’s the most feminine” which. just makes absolutely zero sense to me whatsoever idk whos random headcanon got popularised but i dont like it

okay getting serious again, while this one does not make me angry its like. just really weird to me? i think its common knowledge at this point that both the book and the movie are inspired heavily by the john wayne gacy case, with the grabber literally being inspired by john wayne gacy himself (you Cannot argue with me on this one its literally confirmed and theres a boatload of evidence supporting it). i guess its natural to see people making comparisons between the movie and the case because of the inspiration but i’ve seen Several videos recently of people taking photos of jwg victims and putting them next to tbp characters and saying thats who theyre inspired by and i think thats . Really coming across as insensitive i cant lie😭 we know the grabber was inspired by jwg and its heavily thought that billy was inspired by johnny gosch but theres not much about the others and i think its just really distasteful to compare real life murder victims to fictional horror characters just to get views/likes on tiktok, it comes across as insanely disrespectful to me but idk i havent seen anyone else talking about it so i might just be being sensitive

last thing that really really bothers me is grabber simps. while i do see it on tiktok i see it on here, tumblr, most often and its… so odd to me…. like why are you thirsting over the paedophilic serial killer… so so strange to me… i want to see art and character analysis and silly little posts about all the characters but every time i open the tbp tag i’m jumpscared by someones weird ass grabber x reader oneshot and its SO GROSS get that shit away from me😭😭😭😭 also saw this one girl on tiktok one time whos literal entire account was dedicated to the grabber and she defended this by saying the sa in the movie was “just a theory” which is so victim blamey girl i do not trust you there is so much evidence for it in the movie, again w the media literacy point, just because something isnt directly shown to you doesnt mean it isnt shown in other subtler ways… anyway i get if people like the grabber as a villain but actually like. loving him and thirsting over him is weird as fuck to me

so um ya the fandom is a trainwreck can we go back to there being like 3 of us please and thank u. if you actually read all this then Wow thank you its literally just me being chronically online and ranting about stuff that doesn’t matter in the real world at all

[strrykais]

fourth of july

idol : stray kids // kim seungmin song : fourth of july - sufjan stevens warnings : death word count : 749

there you sat, in the white room, the sound of a constant beeping filling the stuffy room. you didn't want to believe, the person you care for the most in the world was sitting there, slowly dying and there was absolutely nothing you or the doctors could do to help him.

it has always been you two since you were little, he was your father and mother figure. and now here he was dying, stupid cancer, stupid fucking cancer. 

you didn’t want him to see you cry, you didn't want him to feel any worse than he probably already felt when he first found out months ago. you both caught it too late, you felt like if you just pushed him to go see the doctors earlier then maybe you both wouldn’t be in this position.

“hey kiddo.” seungmin's voice calls out to you, refusing to look at him. you didn't want to remember him like this, so pale, so hollow. you wanted to remember him as the outgoing, fun loving brother you always knew. “look at me.”

you slowly look up to see his smiling face, though his eyes had no shine. “why are you crying?” hands flying up to your cheeks not even noticing that tears began to fall down.

“i just.. i just can’t go on without you. i have no one.” you sniffle, hand reaching out to hold onto his hand.

“im sorry kiddo, but you are strong, and so so smart, you will do great things, i just know it. mom and dad knew it.” seungmin squeezes your hand as tight as his body would let him. 

“i know but it's been us since they died, and i can't lose you too. i'll be all alone.” 

“you have meatloaf.” he smiles

“that fat cat isn't gonna help me with boy problems.” you roll your eyes laughing with him.

“no he totally would do better than i would. i would just beat them up. now that i think about it, that old fat cat would too.” seungmin laughs a little too hard, coughing out harshly. running to his table to get him a glass of water, you help him drink. 

seungmin stares at you wanting to remember every little detail of your face before saying “you know you will be just fine, i love you kiddo.” 

going in gently you reach to give him a hug, he returns it planting a kiss on the top of your head. “i love you too min.”

it was raining the night he died, it was also raining right now as you watched the casket lower into the dirt, you didn't care that the rain was soaking your clothes. you were just happy it was hiding your tears, you didn't want to cry, you didn't want the last thing he could hear was your sobs.

you stood there after many of both your friends and long distance relatives said their goodbyes, giving condolences and saying ‘if you need anything i'm here.’ you could care less because where were they when you needed them when he were still alive. people only care when you're dead.

what felt like hours, you standing watching, hoping it was some sick prank, clothes sticking to your body, shivers running down your spine. hair a complete mess down your face, while the rain still continues to beat you down. only for it to stop, you look up and see a bright yellow umbrella covering you, turning you see a man who you would have to say resembles a fox, now the one being soaked by the rain.

“you’ll catch a cold standing out here like that. you should know seungmin would beat you for getting sick.” he smiles, eyes scrunching with it. “come on, let me take you home.” he holds out a hand waiting for you to grab.

“do i know you?” you continued to look at him up and down as he was starting to get as soaked as you were.

smiling once again, “no i know your brother, we are really good friends. come on, he wanted me to show you something. but first let's get you some dry clothes. yeah?” he started flicking his hands in a ‘come here’ motion. sighing, you slide your wet hand into his letting him pull you away. before going another he stops turning and yells over to the hole in the ground, “see you later seungmin, ill take good care of her, like i promised.”

1k extravaganza

ⓒstrrykais

[awxcoffeexno]

medicine

husband!joel x reader

fic masterlist

summary: your mind and his heart are breaking in sync and medicine doesn't seem to be fixing either.

content: angst, angst, angst, what's new tbh, I'm v sorry I didn't mean to torture you, reader's got mental health problems, joel is a contractor, no outbreak (no use of y/n, no outbreak, age gap (reader is in her 20s, joel is in his 40s))

warnings: terrible mental health, mentions of self harm, mentions of prescribed drug and sedative use, please don't read this if any of this is going to trigger you, this fic might be short but it's super heavy!!

word count: 1.1k

a/n: the way I sobbed writing this lmaoo im sorry T.T, i'm super sick and wrote this in one morning so forgive any errors pls

the door creaks open with a soft lament, announcing joel's arrival.

he's home, but he's not; a tangible ghost hovering between two worlds—one defined by deadlines, contracts, and relentless stress, the other confined to the four walls of a home that has grown colder with each passing day. his footsteps trace a familiar path down the hallway, each one laden with hesitancy and regret, as if the floorboards themselves are a minefield.

when he finally enters your bedroom, you're on the floor, surrounded by photos torn from their frames. your eyes are vacant, aimlessly scanning the images while your mouth mutters words without meaning. the coherent world has slipped through your fingers like grains of sand, and you're drifting on an endless tide, lost in your own head once again.

his eyes scan the scene, widening with a mixture of despair and recognition. "what is happenin’ here, angel?” his voice cracks, a frayed rope on the verge of snapping. you can't answer him, your own words a garbled mess that even you don't understand.

the pill bottle sits untouched on the nightstand, a mute accusation. he glances from you to the bottle and back, his face the canvas of a losing battle between frustration and fear. “y’need to take your medicine,” he exhales, grasping for some sense of normality.

"i don't... why? no. no!" your resistance manifests in broken sentences, but the message is clear in your wild eyes and trembling hands—you hate those pills, hate the haze they cast over your mind and the way they strip you of whatever agency you have left.

"please," he implores, his voice tinged with desperation. he takes a step toward you, but you recoil, pushing yourself further into the corner of the room. the boundaries of his world are closing in, contracting with each day that passes. “y’have to take it,” he repeats even as it kills him, “you ain’t safe like this, sweetheart.”

not safe because he’s seen the frantic mess you turn into. the way you try to find all the knives he’s hidden away in the depths of the attic. the way you pull your hair out in handfuls - the hair he so dotingly does up in braids or in little bows every morning.

a choked sob escapes your lips, a wounded sound that cuts through the tension like a knife. "don't...no, can't...please..."

his eyes dart to the windows, then to the walls that separate your home from your neighbors. "shhh, angel, we can't disturb the people next door, come on now," he says, but his attempt to mask his panic with practicality is failing. the strain is showing in the tight line of his jaw and the pinched corners of his eyes.

he reaches for the pill bottle with shaking hands, the weight of each second like a stone sinking in water. he pours a pill into his palm and moves toward you. you lash out, disoriented, your hand making contact with the bottle, sending it flying across the room. pills scatter on the carpet like lost stars.

for a moment, joel just stands there, staring at the mess as if it's a physical manifestation of your lives—chaotic, broken, irretrievable. then, grabbing the box with syringes from your shelf, he rushes toward you, grabs your flailing arms, and restrains you with an iron grip that's part desperation, part surrender. he holds you tight, as if by sheer force he can meld the fractured pieces of your existence back together.

it hurts you and he knows his grip isn’t gentle. it's ugly. it's painful. but it's the only way he knows to keep you from falling off the edge, the only way he can tether you to a reality that's slipping further and further away. his arms tremble around you, and his breath comes out in ragged gasps that mirror your own disordered breathing.

"i love you. god, i love you so much," he chokes out in apology, the words barely audible over the sound of both your shallow breaths. you can't reply, your own voice lost in the labyrinth of your fragmented mind, but you cling to him as if he's the last solid thing in a world made of quicksand.

finally, your resistance wanes, drained by the struggle, by the sedative he manages to get into your arm after what felt like an eternity of fighting. your body goes limp in his arms, and he gently, carefully, lays you down on the bed. his hands hover over you for a moment, as if he's afraid to let go, afraid that if he does, you'll slip through his fingers for good.

only when he's sure you're asleep does he allow himself to break. he sits on the edge of the bed, head in his hands, and cries. silent, gut-wrenching sobs that he's held back for too long. he weeps for you, for him, for the love that's become a war zone, a place of unending battles with no victories in sight.

his shoulders shake as he cries, looking at the scratches your nails have left on his arms through his tears. he thinks of the hours he's spent away from you, lost in a job that demands more than he has left to give. each contract signed, each project completed, feels like another step away from you.

he thinks of tomorrow, and the day after, each stretching out in front of him like an endless road leading nowhere good. what if it happens again? what if he comes home to find you worse? if? when. when it happens he has no idea what he’ll do.

the hardest thought, the one that hurts the most, is the future he can no longer picture, the one where you fade away completely, lost in a mind that's become a maze with no way out. he can almost see himself, years from now, sitting beside a bed where you lay but are not really there, your eyes vacant, your hands still. the thought is too much and it breaks his heart.

he wipes his eyes with the back of his hand, stands up, and looks at you one more time. you're peaceful now, your face relaxed. for a brief moment, he allows himself the illusion that everything is okay, that you're simply asleep, and that you'll wake up tomorrow as the person he fell in love with.

but deep down, he knows the truth. love, as strong and as deep as it is, can't fix this. he can’t fix this. and as he leaves the room, switching off the light and plunging the world into darkness, that thought is the heaviest burden of all.

--

tysm for reading. also a big thank you for all the love on my other fics, makes writing all the more fun

love, d 🖤

[chiyoso]

update

hi pookie. to those who read this the first time, welcome back, this is a re-write. an update. i kinda found the initial update i did rushed, not clearly descriptive of my situation outside this writing hobby of mine. also for the ones that i tagged, i have notes for you <3 (sorry for the tag 🫶🏻)

alright. hello hello. i'm chiyo, a jjk-focused/sporadic genshin and hsr fanfic writer, and you've caught me, and this blog in such bad time, and im so, so very fucking burnt out.

writing for me should be fun, stress relieving, and that goes for any other hobby i have. i have been told and supported countless of times to take a rest, to take a break from this, but my stubborn ass continues to try and get something out, anything to keep my blog alive, hells, it feels like a toxic relationship where i keep coming back, because i remember all the fun, happy and fond times i had in this app, only then to return to why it becomes draining, exhausting.

just sat there, occasionally laid on my back, using my phone, but with unmoving thumbs, with a brain lacking the world that needs the narrative to make a story, fuck, where has it gone?

that innocent, startup of mine, the newfound love and interest for that world of fiction that you all create. dude, i remember being so happy discovering that this brain of mine can conjure up so many shit, all because of your words, it's fucking amazing. hence, the start of the era of my honkai star rail writing journey. (hsr/hi3rd fans who followed me, i let you down with my jujutsu kaisen brainrot obsession im sorry lmao)

“take a break hira,” “take a break chiyo,” “please, take a break.”

i've heard it all, and with utmost love and respect, thank you.

thank you for everything, every word, every action, and every peep of interest you all had for me. small and big creators, who, stopped by because of my small percent chance drop in on their feed, because of the stories i created that you shared, i've met so many wonderful, inspring and motivating people in tumblr, fuck, i didn't expect to crrate a little community all by myself, with my grit alone, it's so rewarding for someone who strives for perfection, for someone who struggles with her mental health daily, for someone who deluded themselves in a world of fiction, I can't express my genuine gratitude enough.

i'm not quitting. maybe i should've mentionrd that earlier to prevent you from getting rattled, but continuing off, i don't find myself quitting this writing journey, maybe i'm just not in the right mental headspace for it at this time. damn, my ex really fucked me up LMAO.

right, i'm aware of the less and lessening interactions i've had with the people i've encountered throughout tumblr, i feel sick of myself for not being able to catch up, nor interact with any of you as much as i could anymore, it really, really fucking sucks, i hate it, i hate it, i do.

i still have leftover projects to go over and publish, because i still want MY ideas, MY thoughts, MY worlds of fictional prowess to all of you. i'm not done, but i will say, that i'm- i'm so incredibly, so very sorry to the ones that were highly, to the heavens, expecting greatness from me, to the ones who were anticipating my unfinished stories, fuck, there's so much to do, yet my body, my mind, they do not respond, as if i'm losing my sense of time, literally.

all i can say to those sticking with me because of their plain interest for me, i wish, i pray, i'll beg, beg for me, my soul, my mind, my body, my spirit to heal, and heal faster, so i can love you all at my 100%, not with my trying 20%, and lower.

thank you. to the old, and to the recent supporters that got me to 3k followers and counting, fuckin' wild. actually insane.

i'll continue to write. i'll continue to create. i don't want to quit.

i don't want to leave the only thing that gave me freedom, and the genuine happiness the first time, making me discover shit about myself, and there's that.

p.s. apologies for my jjk brainrot everyone who followed for genshin and hsr <3 also that one popular otome game, love & deepspace? yeah, that shit's also fucking me up so good.

HONORABLE MENTIONS: (lawd i feel bad for tagging)

@ainescribe @wanderingconstellations @teapartyspilled @v3lv3tf0x @ciarchivez ⸻ you fucking OGS. literally five pillars of my life, the cheerleaders, my absolute undying support of this blog, you saw me at my noob tumblr handling form, the lows, the highs, and the absolute peaks, i consider all of you special, i do, you all made tumblr and the writing community such a fun place for me. thank you, thank you, i just can't spam that voiceline enough.

@peachdues @screampied @chuluoyi @blkkizzat @jabamin @flametrashira @meowzfordayz ⸻ you superstar mutuals of mine. we've only interacted sporadically, PLEASE BLAME MY BURNOUT AND COLLEGE SCHEDULE FOR THAT, but all of you invoked so much burning hope, and motivation for me through your stories, AND your interests for me, whether it'd be something about my themes, edits, stories, it doesn't matter, you all took interest in lil' ol me, despite what, being such big content creators? FUCK??? that's insane. thank you.

god, i seriously wish my schedule would just clear up by a fuckton, and then again, i was the one who took psychology and performing arts 💤 i hope, hope HOPE i get to interact with you all again once i take a leave/break from college.

⸻ with all my love, chiyo.

[teenageyouthwitch]

Chapter one of the new series I'm writing called: Keeping secrets

Minors do not interact!!!!! 18+

Warnings: teen pregnancy, rough sex, p in v, fingering, unprotected sex, morning sickness, masterbation, horny teenager, kissing, hickies, punishing, use of 'Daddy', taking virginity, raw dogging, Daryl being kind of a pervert. Let me know if I missed anything

Word count: 2.k maybe more

Chapter one

when a small group of people lose a small child from an attack of walkers, one of them gets shot looking for her and is brought to my father's farm to get help, when their here I help out all I can, soon my father says they can stay here until Carl heals, so when they all move in Im a little sceptical at first but I soon relax when the girls start helping around more and talking to me and my sisters I start to like them, especially Carol because she lost her husband and now her daughter, and she's very kind, as the days go by they find the girl but she's already turned, after it has a strong affect on the group Daryl starts hunting more and spending time in his tent away from everyone on a hill.

I visit him to bring him food with little hidden treats under the towel in my basket, as the days grow colder and Lori announces her pregnancy my dad moves them into the house except Daryl doesn't move in, as another few days go by Daryl stops showing his face so I get a little worried and decide to go check on him, I walk out and over to his little separate camp and as I'm walking closer I heard soft whimpering and grunts coming from the tent, thinking he's hurt I quickly call out " Daryl are you alright you sound hurt do you want me get my dad? " But his grunts were so loud he didn't hear me, I'm about to open the tent door when I hear him moan out my name " oh nadeleine fuuuck I'm gonna cum. " I freeze in my place at the door confused and scared. After some time Daryl finishes and steps out of his tent almost stepping on my basket I left when I ran back to my room, as the days go by I start feeling daryls eyes on my body all day when I'm around, It feels wrong but oh so good to have a boy watching me... masterbating because of me, it doesn't even bother me that he's old enough to be my father, him being just under 30 and I'm 20 it's a 10 year age difference but I could care less, I'm a desperate teen girl, I've been the innocent virgin girl for so long I just want to get laid, I've thought about touching myself but even that seemed wrong before I knew Daryl.

One day while I'm out by myself In the stables I hear the door open as I'm grooming salmon, " hey Beth can you grab the brush from my bucket for me?' I call out thinking it's beth come to help me, she's just a few years older than me, I'm 18 she's 20 and Maggie is 25. But when Daryl comes into view around the stable door I freeze in what I was doing, my cheeks burn red from memories of what I found him doing a few nights ago. " Ya got a problem with spying on people when they wanna be alone? " His voice rings out thick with his southern accent that makes me squeeze my thighs together " n-no sir. " I say my voice is soft yet shaky , I swallow hard as he starts walking closer " ain't your papa ever taught you not to spy on people?" He asks standing three feet from where I am " I....I'm sorry sir I ...I just wanted to bring you some food..I didn't mean to hear anything " I say honestly as my soft blue eyes meet his rough blue eyes, he takes a step forward and I want so much to step away but , I'm so curious to see what he'll do when he's right in front of me, minutes later he's looming over her my petite body I feel like a small butterfly next to a giant hungry hawk any wrong move and I'll get my head eaten. He's so close I can feel his hot breath fanning against my neck and ear. " If I catch ya snoopin' again I'ma have to punish ya" he says walking away leaving me high and dry, breathing heavily and my cheeks still ablaze, I feel wet but I'm confused why, when he didn't even touch me, can someone orgasm from just being talked to? Is it possible I want to catch him in the act again so I can get punished? No no no this is wrong to think I tell myself but my brain won't listen to me and keeps coming up with more crazy stuff about all the ways id love him to fill me up.

I keep daydreaming until I hear Beth's voice " you daydreaming over there or something?" I snap out of it and look at her " dinners almost ready, Dad wants you to ask Daryl to come to dinner" beth says and leaves , once I think about what she just said I can't help but squeeze my thighs together as I walk to Daryls tent, there's no strange noises so I think it's clear so I don't think to call out, but as I get closer I hear the same soft grunts coming from his tent ' Jesus Christ how many times a day does this man masterbate? ' I ask myself as I call out to him " hey Daryl? " There's silence then some shuffling then his tent slowly unzips, I almost faint when he steps out half naked, his pants are sloppily zipped back up and I can see the white stains on his jeans but he's topless, as in no shirt on this fine mans body, I don't even notice I've been staring for the past five minutes until he moves his hand in front of my face and I snap out of it " oh sorry uhhh my dad wants you to come to the house for dinner tonight" I say softly " no thanks already ate " he responds but I'm not giving up that easily " please, he really wants you there and it'll be a good change from whatever you eat out here alone"  he stops halfway back in his tent and looks back at me. " What did I say would happen if you came snoppin' around my tent again? " I....ummm you....you said you would p.... punish me ." I respond, my thighs squeeze together. " Get in the tent " ....I don't think that's a good idea I should go get cleaned up for dinner... He cuts me off by lunging forward and grabbing me I try to scream but his hand over my mouth stops me. He drags me into his tent and throws me on his make shift bed which Is just a sleeping bag with a pillow and plaid blanket, I start to feel sorry for him but am dragging from my thoughts when his body falls over mine I gasp out my breathing heavy and labored. " What's wrong sweetheart, cat got your tongue?" He jokes as he leans down and leaves open mouth kisses all down my neck I can't help but moan out in pleasure as I disparately beg for more not having a clue what I'm getting into. " Shhhh sweetheart, let Daddy take care of you okay?" He acts so differently from his gruff rough personality.

I gulp and nod my head, he slowly starts to take off my clothes, first my shoes then my shirt followed by my jeans. His head moved down kissing my stomach as I grab ahold of anything in reach that being his hair, he grunts into the kiss as he roughly pulls me up and unclasps my white lace bra, my boobs bounce as they fall out and lay on my chest, he stops his kissing and just looks at them, I think he might be broken so I wave my hand in front of him and then he just leans down and starts sucking on one roughly the gasp that leaves my lips quickly turns into a moan as he plays with my nibble on the other one. " Fuuuck daddy please....need you so bad." I whine making him stop and slowly start to remove my panties, I lift up my hips and he slides them off, a cold rush of wind from outside meets my core and I shiver. " Yeah?.... You want daddy to take care of you? mhmm you want daddy make you feel good?....ya gonna beg for Daddy's thick cock to fill up this pretty pussy? " He asks and my eyes roll back as I try grinding my hips up against his bulge through his pants but it's not enough. " Come here, let Daddy help you." He says as he sits up and unzips his jeans and reaching in pulls out his hard, dripping member. My eyes widen at the size and color of the tip, my guess would be somewhere around 8 inches with an angry dark pink tip dripping precum, I feel so tiny when I look at it. " Just lay back and relax for Daddy okay?" He soothes pushing my back gently down onto his bed, I obediently lay down and stare up at the ceiling, my hands falling from his hair. " You think you're ready sweetheart?" He asks lining himself up. I slowly nod my head and almost cum right then when he pushed in inch by agonizing inch.

I cry out in pain and pleasure, he covers my mouths and shoves in with one last they thrust, I almost pass out but he slaps my cheek a few times and I'm good to go. He smiles a rare sight for him as he looks down to where we connect, he gently presses down on my stomach bulge. I whine and try moving my hips to his but he grabs my hips roughly making it impossible to move. " Please daddy......want you to fill me.....fill me up " I whimper as he starts slowly pulling out already white from my first release. As he slowly  pushes back in I roll my eyes back and spread my legs further, he leans up and over me " you're doing so good for Daddy" he says softly as he leans down and meets my lips in a passionate kiss. While he's kissing me he starts moving his hips back and forth I whine and whimper the first few times until I'm full and can't stop gasping and moaning. After a few minutes it's clear his orgasm is coming closer than he'd like , I've already orgasmed twice from him and this man is still working on one. " Mmmmm.....fuuuck sweetheart...you take Daddy's cock so good."  I whine in response as his orgasm washes over him and his thrusting picks up the pace he slides in and pulls out then slides back in and back out his pace never slows even when fresh tears are pouring down my face from the pain and pleasure. He's going so fast anyone coming to find us would hear us . Wet slapping sounds fill the air as our skin slams against each other, as his pace keeps getting faster I moan out and he thrusts in so deep I swear I felt him everywhere in my body. I cry out as he keeps thrusting harder. " Come on girl.. ughh yeah cum....cum for Daddy you can do it again."  * His hips snap against mine a few times and my eyes shut tightly closed. His hips keep moving even after he's cum. He slowly pulls out then pushes back in and does this a couple times agonizingly slow. He picks up the pace and starts fucking his seed back inside of me.

After a few minutes he pulls out and sticks his pointer and middle finger inside of me making me squeeze around them. After a short period of time he pulls them out dripping in white stuff. He slowly licks them clean then starts rubbing his dick clean, but because he's already sensitive he feels another wave coming. " Come here sweetheart. Open your mouth for Daddy." I do as I'm told as he keeps fisting himself I open my mouth and close my eyes for one second and I gag as the head of his dick brushes the back of my throat and then coats it with his seed. I shut my mouth after he pulls out . I sit there slightly confused as he starts to run all the extra cum off his cock when he looks back up at me he sees my cheeks still full " swallow" he commands and I do every last drop even licking my lips clean. He then rubs his sticky fingers over my lips and I open the eagerly. He pushes them in and I starts cleaning them . He groans as he pulls them out and leans down kissing me tasting our juices on my lips. As he pulls away I fall back on the bed half conscious as he starts dressing me back into my clothes. " Come on sweetheart let's go get you something other than my cum in your belly." He says pulling me up and helping my weak legs back to the farmhouse for dinner which is just being set on the table as we walk in. Daryl sets me down and sits down next to me. As we all dig in to eat Shane and Rick keep giving him weird glances. Daryl pays them no mind as his hand rests on my thigh. Little did I know that while he was dressing me he didn't put on my panties so he could use them when I wasn't around.

This also means as he reaches his hands between my legs his doesn't have to fight around my panties he can just slide his fingers right in. I take a sip of water and almost start choking when he curls them inside me. I try not making any noise by biting my lip until it bleeds. After dinner and everything is cleaned up Lori suggests Daryl stay inside tonight so he doesn't go out in the cold and after some persuading he agrees. As everyone finds their spot in the living room or spare bedroom we all go to bed, I head upstairs into my room which Daryl says he has to use the bathroom. As I walk into my bedroom I close the door and start to get into my pajamas.

When I'm about to get into bed there's a soft knock on my door, I stand up slip on my light pink soft slippers and walk to the door. I open the door and Daryl pushes his way in. I'm about to gasp when he blocks it with his lips on mine. I melt into the kiss, he slowly pulls away and starts kissing down my neck. He slowly grips my hips and starts guiding me towards my bed, I fall back as he climbs over me and starts kissing down my collar bone. " Daryl.....fuck.... please don't stop." I beg as I run my smooth hands into his greasy dirty blonde hair. Daryl growls into my neck as he starts sucking and leaving behind love bites I moan out every time his teeth meet my skin. Daryl starts removing my I put my hands up so he can pull it over my head, as soon as he discards of my shirt he moves his head down and starts licking and open-mouthed kissing along my stomach I moan and subconsciously wrap my legs around his torso. Daryl let's out a grunt as his hips starts grinding into my hips. I arch my back and grab a fist full of his hair as he starts removing my pajama shorts, there's a knock on my door and Daryl quickly climbs off my body and hides under my bed, I walk to the door and open it Maggie is standing there, " I heard some noises are you alright?" She asks " yeah I'm good I was just changing into my pj's and I stubbed my toe on the dresser." I answer and she just nods not fully believing me, " alright well anyway have you seen Daryl?" " Ummm yeah he couldn't get comfortable so he left back to his camp" I answer her she just nods and after saying goodnight she walks away and I close the door exhaling in relief as Daryl climbs out from under the bed. Daryl walks over and brushes a strand of my hair out the my face and kisses my forehead; " I think you've had enough fun tonight. I'm gonna go see if I can get some rest behind tomorrow's supply run." He says kissing my neck then back up to my jaw then my mouth, it's hungry and full of held back desire. I moan into the kiss but he pulls away far sooner than I wanted and I whine out with a pout on my lips He kisses me once again then leaves out my window and off to his small set up camp.

Thank you all for all the support

Chapter two coming soon

[lumnries]

Nah but imagine kenny and Reader Are Like in a secret relationship and cart man tries to get reader and some guy together at a party for the hell of it and Kenny gets jealous and tells everyone your dating and just leaves the party with you and goes back to your house with like insecure kenny at the end thinking he doesn’t deserve

IM SORRY IF U DONT WANNA DO THIS OR MAKES U UNCOMFY U DONT HAVE TO 😓😓😓😓

┆．pairings kenny mccormick x gn reader

┆．synopsis having a secret relationship w him

┆．cw cussing, mental breakdowns & mentions of harassment

✉️ ... DW!!!! i actually think this idea is sweet 😭😭😭 i’m absolutely head over heels for comfort so how could i not???

you were sitting in front of a counter. your boyfriend and you were separated. you’ve last seen him being dragged by his raven haired friend. though you did miss him & consider looking for him, you knew it’d be weird if you were to look for him as you guys weren’t all that close publicly. plus, he didn’t have the best image. you didn’t want rumors to start between you guys.

another thing that was weird was his other friend staring at you with a smirk. if you were correct, his name was cartman. kenny did tell you he wasn’t the best person so you always steered clear of him. the feeling of being watched bothered you. you were now contemplating wether to walk up to him and confront him or just leave it alone. before reaching a decision, you hear footsteps towards your way. you look up to see cartman and somebody else in front of you.

“can i help you?” you ask. “hey, we’re in the same class. do you remember me?” you shake your head. not wanting to continue the conversation, you try to leave but a hand held out yours. it was cartman. “lame. just stay for a bit, you’re single aren’t ya?” he says that before lowering you back into your seat. you feel yourself shake, not used to this kind of attention. you wanted to just stand up and tell him to leave you alone but you didn’t wanna cause a scene. even so, it already seemed like a crowd started to gather.

“i’m not interested. can you just let me leave? i don’t even know you.” you had no idea how you even caught the attention of the two boys, so you didn’t understand why they had to mess with you. “oh come on, you’re seriously rejecting him without even getting to know him?” cartman continues as he keeps pushing the guy in front of you. more & more people came to watch, yet none tried to stop the boys from forcing themselves on you.

suddenly, somebody had hit the guy as his face hit the floor. you were dazed for a moment before realizing what had happened. you pulled your eyes away from the injured guy before your eyes land on your boyfriend who wore an infuriated expression. the crowd was silent. some were checking up on the guy, while cartman was busy cursing under his breath and throwing insults at the blue eyed boy. ignoring him, kenny had stared at you worried before holding your hand and rubbing circles on it. “cartman, shut up before i do the same to you. stop bothering y/n.” as those words leave his mouth, the self-centered teen finally goes quiet.

“all of you are sick. i can’t believe you’d watch somebody get harassed.” kenny said with a harsh voice catching the attention of everybody. “y/n’s mine. don’t even bother coming up or else i’ll beat the fuck out of you.” he then pulls you away as you both leave the party leaving everyone to grasp his words. you watch him, concerned as he drags you to your house.

“ken? please talk to me.” you were now in your room with him laying on your bed as he stays still avoiding eye contact. he’s been avoiding your you were about to speak again before he cuts you off. “y/n- it… it isn’t your fault. i swear i’m okay i’m just mad at myself for losing myself to my emotions. specially at a party where everybody heard what i said. i promised to keep our relationship private and i fucked that up.” he finally looks at you tearing up.

“i’m not mad. just let it out. what they did was wrong. i understand why you did that, so let me focus on you. i’m here for you so please just tell me what you’re thinking.” you slurred your words trying to comfort him. he starts sobbing.

you heart aches as he seems to finally let all his worries out. “i’m gonna be honest, i love you so much. you’re one of the people i wanna cherish for my whole life. sometimes i just can’t but feel like you’d be better off with somebody else. you’ve always told me that it’s okay and that what mattered the most was the fact that i returned your love just the same or more, i wish i could give you more because you deserve better than me yet you decided to stay with me. i don’t get why you wanna be with me.” you hear him sniffle as you squeeze him in a tight hug.

“kenny. you’ve always been more than enough for me. nobody can compare to the way you make my heart feel. i don’t want anything else from you because you’ve already given me everything. i want you to understand that even if you think some people are better, i’ll always stick with you because you’re the person that caught my heart. nobody else.” you cuddle with him some more while reassuring him. he then stops to finally look at you and closes the gap between you. you kiss him back, feeling his soft lips connected to yours.

his lips leave yours with a soothed expression before grinning with a flustered expression. you smile back before telling him “i love you” as he sends an “i love you more” in return.

[80pairsofcrocs]

baby scarab || 66

anon - Hi!! I have a request for the baby scarab series, can we meet Jean-Paul Duchamp? Also know as frenchie, he was a French mercenary along side Marc in the comics,I was thinking what they could be kind of an uncle? Pls don’t feel pressured to write it tho <33

~~~ @0scars1saac - Do we still acknowledge our taweret and ugly khonshu plushies?

~~~

A/N : THERE IS NO MORE SCHEDULE, IM SORRY also thank you all sm for the support and requests :)))

please enjoy, and don't be shy if you want to be in the taglist, just ask <3, sorry for the long wait

pairings : steven grant x (platonic)reader, marc spector x (platonic) reader, khonshu x (platonic)reader, jake lockley x (platonic)reader, layla el faouly x (platonic)reader

TW : medicine (pills), spidey stuff, violence, language, angst, kinda rushed? hella angsty, the kids fight, idk i already forgot everything else, let me know if i missed anything.

~~~

it was already months later, almost the last day of school and you are doing great.

you have almost all b’s, gone on more dates with casper, and you and your dads go mini golfing every weekend now since jake knows a guy.

you would lose every time though, and marc would laugh in your face when you fall to the ground while fake crying.

you would grab onto his leg and beg for a rematch but he would just say no.

and this all occurs in public with people recording you by the way. but then one of your dads yells at them to delete it while you’re still laying on the dirty ground while fake crying.

steven would then take you for ice cream so you were all better after all the madness that’s always bound to happen.

but right now.. its less fun.

you were stuck at the kitchen table with steven on a saturday studying for a big test coming up, and it’s worth 50% of your grade.

you hand your head in your hand while steven rambled about amino acids or some shit.

“…so they can build up your muscles even though you personally wouldn’t need any- are you listening to me?” he snaps his fingers in your face, making you flinch and glare at him.

“sorry- i- i just keep zoning out..” you start. “i can’t focus knowing my whole grade depends on this test” you run your hands down your face in frustration.

steven sighs, taking his glasses off. “how about we keep going for five more minutes.. and then we can take a break” he offers and you nod.

“so what did i just say?” he asks and you groan. 

“i don’t know, i wasn’t listening” you admit and he chuckles.

“i said that amino acids can build muscle, now write it down” he forces a pencil into your hand and shoves your notebook towards you.

you grumpily write it with all your other notes as steven puts his glasses back on.

you smile when you look over to him, seeing that he never bothered to take the hello kitty stickers off of them.

steven notices and smiles back. “break time, yeah?” he asks and you nod.

“i’m so sick of school” you groan, getting out of your chair and going into your room before coming back out with both the taweret plushie and the khonshu plushie.

steven sighs. “i know you’re sick of it, but you graduate in literally a week and a half” he starts. “you’re being too dramatic-“

“dramatic…?” you blink at him.

steven gets out of his chair to face you, with both plushies in your arms.

“you think i’m dramatic?” you put a hand to your heart, dropping the plushies to the ground and falling to your knees.

steven just stares down at you.

“how could you even say that?! you’re such a penis!” you yell at him, before breaking character and laughing.

steven raises an eyebrow before sighing tiredly. “very funny, now get up off the floor and you can go play on your phone for a bit” he says which makes you rush to the kitchen to grab it off the charger.

“gods, she’s making my hair turn grey-“ 

“don’t jinx it, looking like i’m thirty is what gets me tips from the ladies” jake interrupts as marc scoffs.

“yeah right, like you get ladies-“ marc laughs, and you listen to them bicker while you text casper.

you : come over rn

casper <3 : i can’t im at work :(

you : then quit 

casper <3 : bitch i need money i’ll come over tomorrow 

you : don’t call me a bitch unless you want your ass beat

casper <3 : oh no i’m so scared 

you : ok smart ass i’ll see you tomorrow 

casper <3 : okay i love you :)

you : i love you too stupid :)

you smile down at your phone as your three dads continue to argue as steven makes tea.

you begin scrolling through tiktok, when you see a vegan recipe come up. it was a cake recipe, so your put it in your favorites to make later. 

possibly in the middle of the night.

you stand up to approach steven to help with the tea when there’s a knock at the door, shocking all of you.

you raise an eyebrow and look to marc, who had fronted out of habit.

“i can get it” you mumble, going to open the door before marc pulls you away.

he puts a finger to his mouth into a signal to stay quiet. “go to your room, close the door, and do not come out until one of us gets you” he tells you quietly and you send him a worried look and nod shakily before doing so, closing your door and sitting against it, listening.

you shift so that your ear was against the door, and you make sure the cats were still sleeping on your bed.

you feel a nervous pit form in your stomach as you here parts of a tense conversation between marc and whoever was at the door. 

“is it really so bad that i come say hi?”

“yes, now get out of my house-“

“wait, those ain’t your stuffed animals are they? didn’t know you still had those” the mystery voice chuckles.

you could tell the voice was from a man, but you had no idea who.

“this is a bad time- now get out-“

“hang on a second.. i know it’s a bad time but it’s been a while”

you keep listening when pedro and luna decide to start bothering you, woken up from their nap.

“shit-“ you whisper, trying to get them to stop meowing at you.

“shhh- shut up-!” you whisper shout at them when you hear footsteps coming to the door.

“fuck fuck fuck fuck-“ you say a bit louder, holding both of the cats in your arms.

“i knew i heard a voice, now who’s in there?” the man asks and you can tell marc is anxious, but can’t do anything to remove the guy.

“nobody, just leave it alone. can we talk somewhere else-“

“now wait just a minute, we’ve known each other for years and you won’t tell me who’s in there? are they that embarrassing?” he jokes and you roll your eyes, setting the cats on the bed.

“no- she’s not embarrassing just- i didn’t want you to freak her out, you know how you get-“

marc is cut of by the man opening the door, making you look over in shock.

he was wearing dirty old boots and black jeans with a plain dark brown sweatshirt.

he makes eye contact with you and smiles, looking back at marc.

“is she yours? is she- is she your kid?” he asks excitedly and approaches you.

marc tries to stop him but the man reaches forward to hug you tightly before anyone could say anything.

you tense and stand still, looking at marc over the man’s shoulder.

“get off of her, frenchie” marc glares at him, so he lets go of the hug to just look at you.

“she don’t look like you” he says and you clear your throat.

“she’s adopted. now get out of her room” marc keeps a glare pointed at the man he called frenchie.

he waves his hand in marc’s face. “is she laylas?”

“no. get out-“ “why would you ask that after he just said i’m adopted?” you and marc say at the same time.

frenchie just tilts his head at you with a shrug. “just wonderin’”

you blink at the man. “so what’s your name then, little spector?”

“leave her alone dude-“

“marc- dad it’s fine” you sigh. “it’s y/n” you mumble and he gasps lightly.

“that’s a beautiful name-“

“okay that’s enough” marc drags the man out of your room by the collar of his sweatshirt.

“but marc i’m just tryna get to know her, she’s your kid for pete’s sake!” he exclaims in the kitchen as you peak out of your room to watch them.

“yeah dad, be nicer to your friend” you step out to join them in the kitchen.

“yeah marc, be nice to me. after all we’ve been through” he says dramatically.

you like this guy. he’s a lot like you.

“how do you even know each other?” you ask and they both go quiet, and marc gives you a shrug with pursed lips.

“..so you met when you were a mercenary?” you ask even though you already know the answer.

frenchie blinks a few times. “do you just tell her everything?” he sighs. “man she must be a good kid if you trust her with that information” he tells marc and he feels a sense of pride in his chest.

“well yeah, she’s my kid-“

“yeah i can tell” he starts. “i can see the resemblance. not physically but i can sense it” he tells both of you.

“kinda like that spider thing i saw on facebook- it’s like i just know things” he explains while you and marc make eye contact.

“okay well you’ve said hi so now you can go-“

“oh no, i have to stay here. lay low you know?” frenchie says and marc’s eyes widen, sputtering over his words. 

“you can’t stay here! it’s- it’s a school night and-“

“and what? if it were you i’d let you stay” frenchie retorts.

you look over at marc and shrug while he sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose with his pointer finger and thumb.

“fine. you’re sleeping on the couch and you’re not going to be bothering my daughter” marc says sternly and frenchie crosses his heart with his fingers.

“another time perhaps-“ “no”

“come on, partner!” frenchie throws an arm around marc as he tenses up a tad. “i can be her cool uncle frenchie!”

“no”

you just pray for marc and retreat to your room where both your cats are laying on your pillow.

you sigh and stare at them, not wanting to move them and risk waking them up.

so you sigh and decide to just go to your dads room, laying in his bed with your plushies, waiting for him to join you since the weather is starting to get colder.

you eventually fell asleep and marc just stifled a laugh when he saw you taking up all the space in his bed.

he finally got frenchie to sleep on the couch so he was exhausted. 

he gently moved you so he could get on the bed to get a good nights sleep, not knowing he’s going to be totally pissed of in the morning.

~~~

you wake up to your alarm, and the smell of… bacon?

you open your eyes and see that marc was still fast asleep, which made you panic for a second before remembering marc’s ‘friend’, frenchie was still here.

after getting out of bed and sneaking off to your room to get dressed, you head out to the kitchen to see marc still half-asleep and glaring at frenchie as he cooks bacon and some for of omelettes.

you blink a few times before going to the bathroom to brush your teeth and take your medicine, texting casper your regular ‘good morning baby girl’ message and going back out into the kitchen.

it’s a little weird when he didn’t answer right away like he usually does, but maybe he was busy at the moment.

you walk into the kitchen and sat next to marc at the table, nudging his side with your elbow.

he looks to you with a raised brow. “what’s wrong?” you ask, already knowing the answer.

“the fucker is using my stuff. without asking” he says grumpily and you sigh.

“come on dad, he’s your friend right?”

“jakes friend-“

“he said he’d do the same for you-“

“he doesn’t have a kid at home” marc argues and that’s when frenchie approaches, putting three plates down.

“actually, i do” he says, shocking marc. “wife and two kids, one on the way”

“i didn’t mean it like that-“

“i know” frenchie smiles at marc and sits down, digging into his food, and you do the same.

“wow, this is great” you mumble and frenchie laughs.

“glad you think so” he smiles at you. that was when you finally got a text back, which just read ‘morning.’ 

with a period on the end. uh oh.

you furrowed your brows and left it alone, hoping to talk to him a school like a normal person.

~~~

marc sent you on your way after breakfast, and frenchie ended up giving you a hug even though marc was screaming at him to leave you alone.

you just laughed it off and left.

you meet casper in your usual spot and notice he’s more tense than usual.

“hey.. you okay..?” you approach carefully, not to set him off.

he just nods and starts walking in the direction of the school, making you jog to catch up to him.

“are you sure? you can talk to me, you know..” you offer and he just sighs before his eyes dart to you, red around the rims.

“he hit her” he mumbles and you both stop walking.

“…wh-what..?” you start. “who are you talking about-“

“my dad, y/n. he hit my mother” he tells you tensely and you move closer to him.

“you don’t have to explain anything.. but i really think you should tell someone- they can help you” you offer.

“no. my mom still can’t find a job snd allison is scared out of her mind- she- she saw it y/n, she saw him hit her!” he exclaims and you nod, taking his hands in yours and moving to the side of the walkway.

“casper, we know somebody who could help you, we can give you all a home where your dad won’t be with you- and you won’t even have to worry about paying-“

“we can’t- why cant you just understand?!” he begins, startling you with his shouting. “all he has to do is say the word and it would ruin our lives! he has too much power over her! my mother is scared- too scared to even leave the house!”

“casper please calm down, we can help you guys-“

he laughs bitterly. “no- you- you can’t help us, for once you just.. can’t” he scoffs and starts walking towards the school again. 

“wait- just let me explain how we can-“

“no. i am done talking to you. just- give me some space, alright?”

“why don’t you ease up a bit?”

“ease up..?” he stops to turn around to face you. “you have no idea how i feel right now-“

“oh my god- you know every single little detail about me, and you’re seriously telling me that i don’t know how you feel?!” you shout back.

he scoffs again. “no. because before a year ago you didn’t even have parents” he says, and the look on his face makes it seem like he regretted saying that completely.

you stand still and tears gather in your eyes. “..you’re fucking joking right now..” you say more to yourself than to him.

“y/n i’m sorry- i just-“

“no i know.. it.. you’re just stressed. i get it” you let out a sad laugh. “you just said what you had to so that you could feel better about yourself”

“i’m serious! i didn’t mean it!” he approaches you but you take a step back.

“i hope you’re fucking happy with yourself right now” you send a slight glare to casper as you pass him, speed walking to school.

it was going to be a long day.

and khonshu..

he saw all of it.

~~~

you got home that night in a terrible mood.

you walked back all by yourself because you were still angry at casper, and you knew that your dads would be asking what was wrong until you told them.

you arrive in the elevator and sniff as you press your floors buttons, trying your hardest not to cry.

immediately after opening your door you burst out in tears, jake coming to you while you hug him.

“mi vida- what happened?! are you okay?!” he asks in a rush, snaking his hands around your waist to hug you back.

“w-we got in a fight-!” you sob.

“okay.. okay its- it’s okay” he assures you, looking to marc who was glaring out the window from the mirror.

“i- i know he didn’t m-mean it but-“ 

“hey, cariño” jake starts, leaning back to wipe your tears from your face gently. “what happened? can you tell us..?” he asks and you nod, taking a few deep breaths.

“he- his dad hit grace, and i told him we could- we could help but he got mad saying he doesn’t n-need help and he said something about me not having parents until you guys a-and i haven’t talked to him since” you rush out before breaking into sobs again.

jake let’s go of you to get you a box of tissues while you sit down on the couch.

you cry into a tissue as jake stares at marc in the mirror on the coffee table.

“i think we need to have a talk with the harts..”

jake nods. 

“again”

~~~ A/N - im so so sorry that i haven’t posted in a while i’m just going through mega writers block and i’m actually getting my tonsils out in a month so i’ll have more writing time lol. i miss all of you so much, and i hope to see you all soon. :) with much love, v.

~~~ taglist -

@alexloveskili @ihatemyselfmorethanmydepression @thebiggestsimpshrimp @guyinachair27 @astrobuzzsstuff @mooonlight-and-stars @moonlighting87 @mateihavenoidea @inactive-things @alondrashultz @femalemarvelself @queenthorin1 @haileymorelikestupid @jvdethirlwall @justtiredandvibing @winterfrostsarmy @themapoftinyperfectthings @littlebird101 @atzlena @httpslinow @arrowurboat @m-brekker @lifeandbandmembers-blog @adamcarlsenslvr @violet-19999 @seninjakitey @bestgirlpip @panic-in-the-multiverse @in-between-the-cafes @branolagar @bl6o6dy @annoyingmarvelreader @bee-a-cool-kid @buzzitsbeee @wintergirlsoilder2 @crow-carcass @you-bloody-shank @distinguishedmakerpandapatrol @valiantphantomangel @50shadesofcrocs @rayrlupin @kingshitonly @brekkers-desigirl @hutaos-gh0st @kayane28 @nevaeh-jasso @lizlil @scarabgrant @luvxxee @certainchildmentality @yikesitskennawrites @alexisabirdie @zlatolait-writes @thursdaywritings @izzzzy-the-amazing @angrykitsune01 @kult6 @deadthings-pdf @0scars1saac @jones89 @idontknowicomefromtwitter @yeetskeeter

[samncolbyjj]

𝙄𝙩'𝙨 𝙝𝙚𝙧.

Jakw Webber

Warnings: angst

A/n: so there's a reference of a song hidden in this chapter, its not bubblegum (the song of the chapter) there's another one, try and Find out what song is it.

✰~------------------------------~✰

|Y/N's Pov|

I was dating Jake for some months, and i do know that him and Tara are just friends. But he seems to like her and not me, i feel like hes using me sometimes... And he doesn't even notice, i feel likw he thinks its love but it's actually just a band-aid for his bruises.

Tara was my best friend so it was 100x worse because you can't vent about it to her, she will say that its fine and he loves me not her. But i don't want that, i want someone to listen and help me solve it, i knew she won't do it.

✰~------------------------------~✰

We are filming a video in my house. We are testing pool toys and answering some questions the chat sent to one of Jake's posts. Johnnie was streaming so it was just me, Jake and Tara. They were filming like i wasn't there, i just grabbed some stuff and tried it by myself while they were trying stuff together. It felt like she was his girlfriend not me.

"Y/n this one is for you!" I looked at Jake as he began to read the question. "Is there anything you'd change about Jake?" I got nervous, of course there was, I wanted him to love me. But saying that now? I wasn't even ready to tell Tara about it imagine telling him with millions of people watching.

I couldn't tell anything else because i wouldn't change anything else in him. "Yes, I would. I would change the way he sees me." Jake and Tara got confused, they looked at eachother to see if either of them knew anything but both didn't know

"What do you mean babe?" Jake asked me and i just turned around and grabbed another toy to try out. He kept trying things, but he was more silent now, Tara was also silent since he was not talking much with her.

✰~------------------------------~✰

We kept asking questions and trying stuff, but it wasn't that fun anymore, so Jake just stopped recording. As soon as he turned the camera off i walked inside and went to our room. Jake noticed and followed me there.

He opened the door and saw me in the bed with my laptop watching cartoons. "Hey babe can we talk" i got a little nervous, but I just sighed "yeah i guess we can" he sat down next to me.

"What did you mean with you'd change the way i see you" i closed my laptop and looked at him, i wasn't mad, but i was exhausted so i was being kinda rude. "You really want to know?" He looked at me in the eyes and nodded. "I want you to see me how you see Tara, she's your ex and sometimes it seems like you prefer her, she's got you mesmerized, while i die! I cant hate her, she's my best friend, she's an angel, but then again kinda wish she was dead... Or not maybe its a strong word but gone at least in your life... Jake... i wish i was Tara..."

He looked at me concerned, i looked like i was crying but nothing was coming out of my eyes. I wanted to cry but i couldn't, my stomach is spinning and I feel sick. He wraps his arm around me and pulled me close, my head resting in his chest.

"Look im sorry for making you feel like that, but i don't love her, im over her i promise you! Me and her are just friends, we're close but just close friends who like to do shit, im sorry for not giving you attention. I promise to give you more attention from now on, i really love you Y/n... I really do..."

His hand running up and down my arm. He kissed my forehead and grabbed my chin making me face him. I looked In his eyes and gave him a gentle peck. "Sorry for overthinking... I just really... I dont wanna lose you, especially not to her, she's my best friend and I'd had to see that every day..."

"You won't i promise you... Now... Wanna go to some 711 to get smth" he said smiling at me and getting up. "Again? Okay why not." I laughed and hugged him.

I love him. Im glad he loves me too.

✰~------------------------------~✰

A/n: seriously, i loved writing this one, btw leave requests please!!!

Questions: -Did you find the reference to that song? If you did what song do you think is it? -Have tou read my other one shots? Opinions? -Favourite artist?

✰~------------------------------~✰

[ya-what--ya-erster]

kinda tragic wip

@bigmack2go

…..

“Race?” Albert finally figures it out. The boy with blonde curls and electric blue eyes and a mischievous grin generally gracing his face. That grin is nowhere to be seen on his face right now.

“Yeah, it’s Race. Let’s get goin’, okay?”

“I love you.”

“No you don’t. You’re drunk.”

“I do! I love you. I want to keep doing that.”

“No you don’t. You’re just drunk.”

“Yeah, but I loved you before-“

“Stop.” Race snaps. “You can’t do this to me, okay?”

Albert stays silent. He has no clue what Race means, but he sounds angry and Race is never angry so he decides it better to just shut up. He watches Race take a deep breath and observes the tears pooling in his eyes. Sees him blink them away and wipe his eyes and plaster on a fresh grin.

“Just…” Race sighs. “Let’s sleep here, and we’ll go back in the morning.”

“Ok.”

Albert grabs Races hand so that Race can lead the way, but Race yanks away and crosses his arms over his chest.

In the morning, Race wipes his face clean of remnants of makeup, tosses Albert a ratty pair of pants and a dirty-looking button-down, and retrieves a similar outfit for himself.

“I don’t like sleeves.” Albert states plainly. Race knows that. He thinks to himself.

“You’ll just have to fucking deal with it, then, won’t ya?” Race says, no humor to his voice.

“But-“

“Go shirtless, if you got such a damn problem.”

Albert feels the words shoot him in the heart. “Sorry.” He says quietly. He pulls the shirt on and buttons it up. He takes slow and deep breaths to keep himself from hyperventilating over the stupid sleeves. He is NOT going to lose his shit in front of Race over something so stupid.

But, fuck, sleeves are awful. Too tight on his (well-muscled) arms, and too seam-y, and itchy, and- shit, he’s breathing really fast and it feels like he’s underwater and this is not the time, and Albert doesn’t know what to do and-

“Grow the fuck up, Al.” Race says.

“What’s your problem?” Albert asks back. And that was his tipping point because now he’s crying and he can’t stop.

“I don’t have a problem, you do. Freaking out over a fucking shirt.”

“You’re supposed to be my best friend, I thought. What happened?”Albert asks, choking on his words.

Race stops. An apologetic look crosseshis face for half a second. But it goes just as fast as it comes, and again Race just looks angry. “I ain’t your friend. I can’t be your friend. Let’s just go.”

“Why?”

“None of your business, do up that other button and let’s go.”

Albert snatches Races cigar from his mouth and gives him a hard look.

“Hey, that’s mine cigar!” The words, the words Race always says when Albert steals his cigar, slip out of his mouth without him thinking, playful and happy. So he adds, “Give it back.”

“You go low, I go lower, asshole. What’s got your feckin’ panties in a twist?”

“You’re such a kid.” Race feels bad, saying all that he’s saying, but he has to do it. To protect himself.

“You’ve never… Is that how you’ve always thought of me? I know I don’t act the same as other people, but you’ve never said-“

“I think it’s embarrassing when you get upset over stupid thing like loud sounds and bright lights and shirt sleeves”- I want to make everything easier for you- “and I can’t stand to listen to you talk about the gosh damn Civil War until the whole rest of the world is sick of hearing you talk-“ your voice is my favorite sound in the universe- “and you’re so blunt and mean and I think you’re just and asshole and you need to grow the hell up and act like the fucking rest of us!” Im the one who needs to grow up, lying to my best friend just because I’m in love with him and can’t stand a broken heart from him. “For being eighteen, you sure act like a damn five year old.”

“Really?” Albert takes a step backwards, looking at the floor, frantically wiping tears from his face and eyes. “If you really think that of me, then I think I ought to just leave by myself.”

Albert makes to leave, but before he walks out the door, he says to Race: “I guess this is what I get for falling in love with an asshole.”

[futchgunk]

okay if i dont talk about this somewhere im gonna explode

im so fucking cut up about finding my headphones on my neighbor on the T, and having not contacted me about them at all!! They were a present from my lover and i didnt even recognize them as lost bc i thought i could trust my neighbors to be like 'hey these wireless headphones showed up at this house, are these yours we r trying to find the owner'. This was extra damaging for me bc i get really sensitive abt losing things bc of my biomom so like i didnt want to confront me losing a gift my lover got me, esp when i didnt even know where to start looking.

This is the same group of people who i was ostracized by and the biggest reach of support to me during my ostracization was 'im so sorry this is happened/happening to you'. It feels so transphobic!! it feels.. racist??!! it feels like transmisogynoir coming from the tranny eggpunk band AND the tranny hardcore band. like i feel like never knew these people that ive been hanging around with for a year+. i feel like all the love, time, and energy i had was just me making a clown out of myself to entertain more white people. like i got so enraged and upset about this i had to ask my alter to front so i could avoid exhausting myself crying over it and feel some sense of control/stability.

im so angry and a lost rn. as a tpoc im noticing my survival (social confirmity) to bend and shape myself to accomodate white fragility and im so sick of it. like i feel like social injustice has been done to me and instead of talking about it or feel any sense of catharis, i have to swallow hot viscous, bile and choke the tears down, say i dont feel degraded, pick up my pieces and find more koolaid to drink.

like if im gonna get demonized by both majority society and non-marginalized society, i might as well be where i wanna be and do what i wanna do and look how i wanna look because it wont fucking matter what everyone else thinks im just a rock too heavy to hold on to; a demon unwelcome en masse.

it hurts so much bc im trying to be a voice for community and community praxis. like i want to be able to help anyone if someone asks. welcome newcomers and oldtimers. i want to dissipate structures in your life, if even just for a moment. if i could make you a meal just so you could use the time for meal prep for whatever you wanted. i want to do your chores for you, if youre okay with it, even if we have never talked about it. i want to help you move along your life-goals/journey/passion. if you told me an arbitrary action would bear fruit for you, i will treat the soil and sew the seeds, not caring about whether or not i would get any fruit.

theres a feeling that im trying to describe. when youre held so still and taut and exhausted. so flush with exertion that you would cut your strings/supports just to feel the cool rush of air just for a moment, unthinking about how far the fall is. but you just one some semblance of control, an iota of self-determined significant action, no matter the magnitude of (perceived) self-destruction.

idk i would start all over again and make new friends but that means that transmisogny wins again?!! in my own fucking backyard!! transgirls can be complicit in transmisogny and the black transgirl is the victim!! how rich??!! right before the whipping girl reading group how fucking ironic.

[shoot-of-corruption]

ooc

I am a little aggressive right now, so I hope you will excuse my slightly sharp tone in this post.

And I mean this. This is a venting post, if you do not want to see this on your dash, scroll on and don't dare to come into my replies or IMs and tell me how incorrigible I am for making a post like this about the YuGiOh RPC.

I thought, this RPC could change and finally mature a little. I hoped the people in it could mature over the mental age of 5 years.

Apparently I was wrong and have judged most of the people in this RPC on wishful thinking.

Now I have been in here on and off for a decade at least and I had the exclusive fun and joy of experiencing and being involved in various dramatic antics.

Usually I kept my head low and wouldn't say anything about the theft, about snide comments, about people threatening me in my asks or more privately on discord, about people trying to manipulate me or outright demand my attention for themselves with emotional pressure.

I have dealt with my fair share here and I am fucking sick of it.

How can it happen over and over that people come to me crying, depressed, or telling me they won't come online anymore, that they delete their accounts. What the fuck is wrong with your toxic asses??

How about you simply learn to open your mouth like a goddamn normal person and talk to people about things that stress you out, be fucking honest for once!

This mistreating of people is so sickening and I am so pissed off about seeing it over and over again. Do you want to be threatened, ghosted, stone walled, gaslighted and manipulated?? Then WHY are you doing it to other people?!

I haven't been on here much and maybe I have made the best fucking decision of my life.

Maybe this childish, immature kicking on those that feel weaker than you, simply because you can and because not having friends that are PERFECT from top to bottom is UNCOMFORTABLE for your dumb bloody feelings is your type of poison, I don't give a shit anymore.

Just don't expect me to come here and shut up anymore, or god forbid be N I C E to you, because you are fucking up so bad that, you can be assured, if I had the possibility to go berserk on you I probably would right now.

I am beyond livid.

Sorry for all the people, who had to read this in vain, because I doubt that anything is going to go into the fucking skulls of the few people that simply don't understand, how interacting with another feeling and living being works.

I hope you will have a nice fucking day, because some of us never will never catch a single fucking break from losing friends to your BULLSHIT anymore.

[kiisuuumii]

some introspection this morning abt a feeling from last night abt social interactions, letting ppl in, fear of everything coming to a sour end, and hope

up until this past february, i hadnt allowed a completely new person into my life, like really into my life, for quite a long while; the last person was an old coworker, who id met two years ago now. and ive always been the sort to struggle w social interactions and connections of all types, so when i made my first blog and decided to start posting poetry there, i had prepped myself mentally somewhat to interact w others (last time i put myself out onto the internet was in 2020 lol), but i dont think i was as emotionally ready as i shouldve been, to the point of letting my emotions get the better of me and hurting myself and others twice now since march

its safe to say that im scared, of letting ppl in, of my emotions taking over, of hurting someone else again. its safe to say that i dont trust myself to not let any of this happen again. and maybe its a control issue thing. i know that nobody's perfect, let alone me, and yet i find it difficult to extend the sort of grace id give to others, to myself.

so when someone reached out to me last night to tell me that theyre there if id like a friend (and hello friend if youre reading this sorry im making an example of you), it brought up the question of whether i felt i /could/ let someone new in. and ik that its not like i have to be vulnerable, spewing every little thing abt myself, right from the start, and ik that how connections progress varies from one to another. i think the question really becomes whether i trust myself to know how navigate new connections in ways that are not only true to myself, but also with my highest good in mind, and whether im willing to take the risk that someone's presence in my life wont last forever

thats another thing with me; when i grow fond of someone, i want them to always have a presence in my life to some degree, because i love them, and i want to not only be apart of their lives, but also them apart of mine. but thats not what happens every time; people come and go, thats just how it is, and i struggle horribly with letting go, even since i was a kid

but i dont want to let the fear of losing someone keep me from letting people into my life. i crave connection, i crave understanding. i cant have those things without letting someone in and letting them try, and letting myself try.

i want to live this life with as few regrets as i can. yet it seems like ive just been piling them up over the past four months. am i just going to regret letting other people in going forward, too?

theres only one real way to find out. and im terrified. genuinely terrified. bc im sick of hurting others. im sick of beating myself up. but you have to do the thing scared. you have to. or else you wont do it at all. you'll keep making excuses for yourself, saying you arent ready, but when will that be? are we ever truly ready for anything, let alone change?

you have to hope that the next time'll be different. statistically, its not impossible. you have to hope. how else can things change if you dont have hope that they will?

hope doesnt have to mean trusting yourself completely. it just has to mean believing in the small part of you that wants things to change to do what they can with what they have to bring about that change.

i'll always believe that so long as i have the hope that i can change, i'll be able to find whats the best decision for me, in whatever moment i find myself in. that, that hope will eventually usher in the change im striving for, someday, one way, or another.