#im saADD
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@pogostikk throws clowns at u
#connverse#steven universe au#connie maheswaran#my art#im sowwy i drew saadd#its midnightt#hhh#i like da clownss#if i make more clown art i pwomis it'll be happi
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I need to eat gluten free for like a month to figure out if i have a gluten intolerance or not 😔
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Well I just made myself sad! I was watching like behind the scene stuff and I seen stiff i never even caught before. At the end apparently when An.a.kin is reaching out to O.bi-W.an they muted his line "help me Master" and then when O.bi-W.an mentioned "I loved you An.a.kin but I cannot help you" (he talks in past tense because he doesn't see An.a.kin as the person he once was. He's essentially dead to him) its only then (at least for the end scene) where An.a.kin's eyes change from blue to the sith red.
And I'm sitting here like:
💔💔💔💔😭😭😭😭
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!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ; - ;
This is so good!!!! I didn’t expect it to be this long- and with fancy line breaks, even!!! waaaa thank you!!! <3 This is amazing!
Gift "Drabble"
For @hiding-in-the-vault
TW: Prison Arc + Post Prison, references to torture and eye removal
Summary: Eventually, Dream found a cave and hunkered down. He didn’t dare making a fire pit, didn’t know whether he could, but it would surely reveal his position. Instead he curled up in the warmest, most wind-safe spot he could find – and slept.
Or
Dream doesn't escape unscathed – mentally or physically.
The red stone pistons fired, the deep grumble distinctive from the ever present hissing of the lava. Dream didn’t dare lift his head or move his cheeks from the grimy, sticky floor of his cell.
Rule number whatever: Either be on your knees head bowed, or you better not have moved from the position Sir left you in.
Was Dream slightly bitter that even thinking Sir immediately called up an image of Quackity and tides of fear and anger? Yes. Would he show that bitterness? No. (Maybe Quackity would think he’d finally broken Dream but he hadn’t. Dream wasn’t quite broken yet, just brittle and fractured. If – when he got out, he’d just pour gold into all those cracks.)
Faintly, Dream heard it – the rustle of small feathers that could be crushed so very easily, the tapping of fingers against the wooden handle of a tool or weapon and a slight hum, the hum of a song Sap had loved. The lava curtains gurgled – please, red stone, fail, a moment of weakness gave itself a voice – before it fizzled out.
Sir bounced into the cell.
“Hullo, Dreamie, how are you? Comfy?”
Dream knew better than to answer. Quackity didn’t care, he just loved the sound of his voice too much. If Dream was lucky, Quackity would gloat, maybe kick Dream a couple of times and leave. That, Dream could endure, he could endure anything, anything but –
Fingertips stroked along the curve of Dream’s face, the one not pressed against crying obsidian and sticky maroon, and it was only the terrors of existence that prevented Dream from flinching. But nothing could have prevented Dream’s throat from releasing a whine when Quackity gently carded through Dream’s hair, almost petting him like a beloved dog.
“Awww, you’re doing good but being greedy, I see.”
Fuck you. Fuck you, Quackity, Dream thought as his head leaned into the comforting touch Sir was offering. It was his body seeking comfort, not Dream. It was his body being pathetic, wanting his torturer to be gentle. It was his body. Not Dream.
“You can be cute. But that’s not why I’m here, not today, puppy!” Don’t call me that. “I’m giving you a gift, look –“
Quackity burst out in little giggles, giggles Sapnap used to gush about. Sapnap had called them more adorable than a baby piglin. Dream had teased him about that, by that time already missing George pressed against his side and joining in on the fun. Teasing his brother had always been one of Dream’s favorite things and George loved to needle Sapnap, too.
A sharp of burst ripped through Dream’s skull as Quackity’s hand grabbed his hair tightly and pulled Dream up until Dream’s scalp was burning. “Listen to me.”
“Yes, Sir.” Two, three seconds more and Quackity let Dream’s head fall, huffing.
“And here I was about to clean you up, wash you, but no. You had to be bad. A bad puppy.” Dream flinched and Quackity’s laugh was more than delighted, echoing between obsidian walls. “Anyway, here you go, you’re going to need this.”
Something cold settled on Dream’s face and – comfort washed over Dream as he realized it was the cold porcelain of a mask, a mask Dream knew quite well. Greedily he sucked in some air and through the stale scent of copper coils and bracken water and burnt out embers, he caught a whiff of earthy flowers.
(“Earthy flowers? Are you serious?” Dream had laughed, pressing his shoulders against Sapnap’s. George had already been snoring, his legs hanging over Sapnap’s lap and his head nuzzling Dream’s stomach.
“Man, you asked me how you were smelling. Earthy flowers. Deal with it, it’s sort of disgusting.” But the tips of Sapnap’s ears had been a brilliant red.
“Someone’s lying~ But that’s ok. I like your hearth embers and George’s bark and petrichor, too.”
“Pe – tri – chor,” Sapnap had mocked. Yet he had relaxed into Dream and – they had slept, together and bonds untorn.)
It was Dream’s mask, not a replica, but his own.
Despite this meaning nothing good, Dream sank into old comfort. The safe feeling was soured by Quackity once again running his hands through Dream’s hair. “Things are going to get exciting,” he crowed, no, that’d be an insult to the death goddess and her harbringers, Quackity quacked. “Better to keep a few things mysterious, right? I’ll be generous and let you rest up.”
Dream didn’t know what Quackity meant until the next day when the pistons fired up and someone swaggered over the bridge. The bars slammed down, Techno grunted as he sprung the trap and it clicked in Dream’s mind.
Time passed.
Sir didn’t enter the prison.
How Techno didn’t realize one tiny but largely important fact was beyond Dream but he couldn’t help being grateful.
How Dream managed to escape with Technoblade was also beyond him.
(Sir had managed to shatter Dream – after Technoblade vanished. Sir had not only dug into all the cracks he’d made but also ensured that not even respawning would ever give back Dream’s sight. There had been a slight, incredibly miniscule chance that Dream could have regained his eye sight but… hard to do that without the vital part of eye sight.
Sir had left Dream cold and raw and – there had been moments.
Dream had even hallucinated at one point, must have imagined trembling hands cleaning him up, a lullaby he hadn’t heard since he was ten being sobbed against his ears and a determined vow being seared against his temple. The voice had sounded like Bad, but Bad hated him, guarded him even, offered suggestions like Dream’s loathing of being alone in the dark to Sir. )
“I refuse. You have done more than enough, he can look after himself now.” The coldness in Philza’s screech was more than biting, was cutting when Technoblade didn’t refute his statement.
Once again Dream’s weakness took over and he wasted a minute on hope, begged Technoblade without the right words or gestures but surely, surely Technoblade picked up on it – “See ya later, nerd, stay safe.”
I’m not seeing anything, settled heavy on Dream’s tongue but – Philza was there, feathers scraping against wooden planks. He must be flaring his wings before refolding them. Rinse and repeat.
It wasn’t pride stopping Dream from saying those words. It was Caution. Philza already was irritated with Dream – Dream, objectively, had harmed the man’s family greatly and in various ways. And in an altercation, there was no world in which Technoblade wouldn’t side with Philza.
So Dream bowed, once, the proper Admin way, and darted off into the forest, barely hearing a sudden intake of breath behind him, probably Philza’s. Technoblade wasn’t an Admin, he wouldn’t have known what Dream’s bow had meant.
They didn’t chase after him, anyways.
That first night Dream almost died five times.
The server refused to reconnect to him – a weak Admin was something no World wanted, vulnerability was undesired – and so Dream had to trust his ears and nose, rather than an innate sense of the World.
Twice the rattling of Skeleton bones was barely enough to get ready for the screeching of arrows flying through the air and aiming directly at Dream’s heart. Muscle memory was, thankfully, enough for Dream to land crits against the Skeletons, even though his own frame didn’t differ much from the Skeletons.
Once a zombie almost ripped into Dream’s leg and would have infected him. Dream was already on the ground, having tripped over a root and landing on a patch of ice that sent him careening through the snow. He’d been contemplating just curling up and sleeping when the zombie fell over him. A kick and crit had taken care of the zombie.
Twice, the environment itself, the World – hadn’t that smarted – had turned against him, giving him no warnings as ravines opened up in front of him. Only hearing the echo of stones crumbling and falling, falling, falling before the unbreakable hit the bottom and shattered into a thousand pieces not even gold could glue back together had warned him.
Eventually, Dream found a cave and hunkered down. He didn’t dare making a fire pit, didn’t know whether he could, but it would surely reveal his position. Instead he curled up in the warmest, most wind-safe spot he could find – and slept.
That first night ended and his first day in freedom dawned – judging from the birdsong sneaking through the tree leaves and into Dream’s cave.
Dream didn’t have the energy to stand up.
More hallucinations haunted his sleep – if it was sleep. His body felt too heavy, his thoughts too hazy for him to be sleeping but – at one point, the hallucination of Bad took root in his mind. Dream heard Bad coo, felt Bad heave him into a bed that Dream certainly hadn’t made, cried while Bad tucked him and drew covers tight around him.
“Sleep tight, good dreams will arrive, cupcake,” the hallucination’s voice quivered as rough, scarred fingers slipped underneath Dream’s mask and tugged it off. The hallucination wanted to card through Dream’s hair and it did, detangling the knots, casting Dream’s drifty mind back to the days of happiness and – “Shh, Clay. I’ll protect you, don’t worry.”
Dream wailed, his throat giving out on him. All the while, the hallucination kept touching him, gently, like Bad loved him, like Bad was here, like Bad cared.
(Love and care were two different shoes. Surely, Sapnap and George still loved Dream but they had shown that they didn’t care for him.)
(Dream was forgetting something. Or someone. Heat was lancing through his brain, pain a deliberating force on everything that was him. How his mind still had enough force to call upon a hallucination with the ability to mimic the sensation of touch he didn’t know. But there was someone else, an agenda, Dream was forgetting.)
(Clay hated getting sick, not only because he couldn’t play with Pandas but because he couldn’t help demanding attention. To be fair, Bad would always give it to him.
“I’m dying,” Clay sobbed, writhing against the covers Bad had forced him under. “It’s too hot, it hurts, I am dying!”
“Shh, you silly, silly cupcake.” Bad chuckled, gently stroking over Clay’s head. Those fingers were so good, they spanned half his head and… Bad was starting to mindlessly but gently tug at all of Clay’s knots, tutting whenever another appeared in the long locks of Clay’s hair. “You’ll be ok, I’m here.”
Whenever Bad acted like this, Clay could pretend that Bad wasn’t only Pandas’ Dad but also his own, and fierce, fierce love wrecked Clay’s body together with the many illnesses he suffered.
One day, one day Clay would create a server for them, for Bad and Pandas and himself and anyone else he loved. He knew he was strong enough, as were his convictions and dreams.)
Energy trickled back into Dream, day by day. The hallucination stayed, far longer than Dream expected it to, offering comfort and safety and the weakness was too strong. Dream, shamefully, gave in.
Until one day the rustle of wings, the wind whistling through feathers just outside his and his hallucination’s cave broke the spell.
“Mate?”
Not Sir, not Sir at all but –
“Get out.” His hallucination growled and the air pulsed with heat and old power – and there was no way that Dream’s stitched together mind could have replicate Bad’s aura when he was pissed and protecting someone. (Someone, not something, an important distinction.)
“Bad Boy Halo, I –“
“Leave before I make you leave. You offered no help, worse, you rejected sanctuary.”
“I didn’t know.”
Bad snorted and responded. Philza said words as well but – Dream had already lost the thread, his mind fuzzy with realizations and too full, too broken to comprehend anything. Until –
“Had I known he was blind and a baby Admin, he wouldn’t have left my house!” Feathers hit the stone walls. Or did feathers scrape along obsidian, crying in sync with the dripping walls? Sir was back, wasn’t he –
Scarred hands cradled Dream’s cheeks and a pair of leathery wings sneaked around and under Dream’s frame. The hands didn’t move. They just held his face and provided an anchor for his mind.
“Bad…” How to say the things he had to say, how to ask questions, how –
Dream’s head is pressed to a dark throat and his breath hitched. Too often Dream had been in this position whenever the world got too big, or he got too big for the world and it bared its fangs at him. Being settled against the thrum of Bad’s heart hadn’t rightened all the wrongs in the world but it had always – always – made them manageable.
“I’m here, Dream. Don’t you worry.”
Dream believed him and let himself fall into trust.
One more time.
#WAAAAA#fic#faves#baby admin hehe#dreamie my dreamie#hes SAADD#and now im sad!!!!#but also happy because i got a fic :DDDD#ouughh poor Bad hes trying#<3 <3 <3 <3#angry dad!!!#at least he got a hug out of all this#the flashback part still makes me ssooo ssaaadddd#aaaaaaaaa#he can put himself back together I BELIEVE#*cries*
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the real question is, what's YOUR top 5 from wasteland, baby! ?
what a hard question omg
1. would that i. i LOOOVEE this song, it felt like i was ascending to heaven when i heard it live, its a beautiful love tale, and a tragic break up story. the metaphors and his beautiful bard like writing, its just AAAA i love it
2. movement. this one just, mmmm ykw i mean? very hoezier of him, and i love it. WONDERFUL writing per usual, a truly entrancing beautiful song that i would recommend to EVERYYONEE
3. shrike. WONDERFUL SONG OMGGG BUT SO SAADD. cant that be said about most of his songs? its just so beautiful (i think im going to say that about every song) everything about it, and his metaphors and comparisons never disappoint.
4. wasteland, baby! ohmygod, THIS SONG IS SOO AMAAAZIINGG. im a little stuck on if this one is truly about love or not, but for the time being im going to assume it is. (if anyone knows what it really means, i would adore to know) its JUST SO GOOODD.
5. dinner & diatribes. AWESOME song, wonderful meaning behind it as well. i just dont understand how this man can make this look like a love song but NO!! ITS POLITICS!!! how does he do that?? his brain needs to be studied
honorable mention here is the entire album, but specifically talk, i love that song it was literally SO HARD to do this ranking. tysm for this ask sorry for the delay i literalllyy just could not decide on my top 5 for this BEAUTIFULLL album.
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Finally got around to playing the Team Star extra content and 🥺🥺🥺🥺 IM EMOTIONAL
Spoilers under cut
THEY WERE CONVINCED EVERYONE WAS MEETING WITHOUT THEM CAUSE THEY DIDN'T WANT TO BE FRIENDS ANYMORE IMMA STRAIGHT UP BAWL
THEY LOOK SO SAADD AND RESIGNED HERE THEY WERE STRAIGHT UP READY FOR THEIR FRIENDS TO LEAVE THEM
THEY MUST'VE BEEN SO RELIEVED TO HEAR THEIR FRIENDS WERE STILL THEIR FRIENDS GUYS IM🥺😭
And they're still Penny despite it all :,) They said they were joking after this but we know there was a hint of serious intent there.
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🥺
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Earlier this year at the Wonder Winter Festival 2020 there were even fan-made/general sculptors showing off their Promare sculpts!
This sculpt was done by CROSSOVER. Not for any possible purchase.
#merch#but not merch idk what to tag#promare#lio fotia#LOVE THIS SCULPT hate the sculptor so im sorry not linking them for reasons#if you want a link to them send an ask or something i just#heavily dislike them but gosh i love this sculpt iimm so saadd
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Ok, confession- when I was barely 3, I went to a family reunion. Me and my second-cousins were on the lthis playground nearby. I went up the ladder for a slide, got too scared to go down it properly, and then practically yeeted myself off the top of the slide onto the ground, and I broke my fucking elbow
A-
#PFFFFTTT-#HOLY SHIT#that's saadd#honestly#bro im sorry#i really am#but like-#GHGGFFDFDSGOJSSTJIS-#F in the chat for you#damn...#ask#steve answers#anon ask#anonymous ask#anonymous#anon
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have i evER loved a character as MUCH AS I LOVE JJ
#rewatching obx got me emOTIONAL#JJ JUST TOOK THE BLAME#IM EMOTIONAL#im so saaDD#THIS BOY#pretty boy tho😌#but SAD#HIM IN THE CELL#LET ME BREATHE PLS#he smiles?? with his eyes like glistening and i just cannOt HANDLE THE LOVE I FEEL FOR HIM#i talk
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~
#hello im sad#please ignore i just need to rant and idk where else 2 go lmaoo#these past 2 weeks ive been staying in front of my laptop all day for some competitions#ive worked really hard on it so when i didnt win im really saadd#everything feels so useless and thankless#and while things happens in the zoom i just. i found them so boring i ended up scrolling on tumblr anyways#which leads me to discover i dont really care for these kinds of events. at all :/#but im so desperate to spruce up my cv and be somewhat successful academically#but i dont like it. i hate it. its so thankless.#and now my back hurts and i have nothing to show for it!!!#why do i even bother :/#im never competing again i’ll just gi back to writing other people’s research#same kind of effort but at least i get paid :(#god i wanna get paid so baad#i want to do something and have it bear fruit :(#is that too much to ask :((
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I cant sleep... hhnnnnnnn... but i have work in a few hourrsss... but i cant stop thinking about himm :::////
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comedic depression from a few months ago
do not remove caption
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Vent in tags
#im gonn just KMS#that good ol depression#shes really gonna make me COMMIT#also im lonely and SAADD#so im gonna mob all the way out to tacoma to see cece so i wont be alone#also this black mirror ep really fucked me up
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I'm really heckn sad and want to curl into myself and never think about anything ever again bc I'm never going to be OK with myself I'm a right cunt. I can't deal with anything, minor bad things make me borderline suicidal, I want to hurt myself so often and nothing is going to change I'm always going to be like this I'm going to end up like my dad and be hated by everyone and they would be right they would see what's true about me I'm a Peice of shit and no one deserves to have to put up with me
I've run out of fucking tags and I'm getting worse this isn't a good thing to be writing but oh well welcome to the thought stream fuckos I'm
I'm done I'm.going to sleep like this I can't be bothered anymore
I'll probe fine by morning don't get worried if u message me and I don't reply I'm fine I'm just being dramatic I'm not even that bad I'm making things worse it ny fault I'm shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shri shri shit shit shit sgtjs ksbfv free jackal AHHHHHHHHHHHH NOTJING JS RIGHT NITHING IS RIGHT NITHING WILL EVER BE RIGHT I'm done with being awake rn I'll probably delete this later I'm sorry I'm sorry this is shit and bad shit shit shit sorry
#ahhhhhhhhhhh#whyyyy#ive had a nice day#whyy nooowww#i dont want to mkve but i need to get into pajamas and turn off lights#but i dont wnat to do that bc that means sleep and that means not good#thinking and shit#and i dont wnat tk turn off lights bc my brain is shit#and ill probabky freak muself out#i love the dark but not rn#hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh#and i dont want to cjange bc that means moving#and also needing tl sleep#im.so uncomfortable rn#heck#my fam.is never gonna be even 80% suportibw of me and im saadd#im so sad but on the outside i look normal#im so sad that it physically hirts#and i cant even cry#and i feel anxious evem thoigj IM COMPLEATLY FUCKING ALONE about my facial expression#so i xant even.look sad rn#i want to die#i wnat to stop#cant even fucking type#im not im danger of hueting myself rn#things are downstairs#i keep the screwdriver in the kitchen for moods like this so i dont use the pencil sharpener in my room#i cabt make too mich noise either#i just cant be bothered anymkre#everyhting is just going tk get harder and my fam is never going to suplort me the way i need and im never going to be happy with myself
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