#im really picky about the kinds of meat i eat

[lowestechelonabomination]

@spixi @fulminare-art

obligatory "reblog for sample size please" aaand Post.

[brofightiscancelled]

maybe kinniku 👉👈

[damfangirl08]

Please tell me about a random Linked Universe headcanon you have (Its ok if you dont want to, no pressure)

ooooo i have a fun one! Its kinda multiple ones shoved into one but oh well

The chain's weird relationship with food

Im mostly doing the timeline order because im lazy and unoriginal:

Sky: He can kind of cook but he only ever makes one kind of soup or one singular type of meat in a specific way. I dont think the achademy would let them go off not knowing how to cook. He makes for a good back-up cook and the rest of the chain can be sure he will not put anything weird in it(unless Wild is "helping"). He isnt really that picky, but he doesnt like all foods either. He eats what he is given and likes most of it but i feel like his spice tolerance is shit. They did not have many spicy things on Skyloft. Will not eat Hyrules cooking.

Four: He can cook decently, but he cooks better if he splits, because if not he has to deal with the colors agruing because they dont agree on what type of food is best. There is a 50/50 chance wheter it ends up good or as a weird abomination with too many different types of flavour. Will eat most things but will not eat Hyrules cooking.

Time: He does not care. He can hypothetically cook but half the ingredients end up on the ground or eaten before he can even start. Is not picky at all, this man drinks poes, he will eat Hyrules cooking. And he will not complain at all. He also loves sweet food.

Wind: can make easy fish dishes but he has to have instructions. He is very good at cooking if he can follow step by step directions but he will probably get bored after a couple minutes and start messing with the recipie. He is not that picky and he probably would eat Hyrules cooking, and if there is something in his food he doesn't like he will not tell you because his grandma raised him to be polite.

Twilight: he can cook about as well as Sky, maybe a bit worse. The food he makes is either too bland or too spicy. He will eat a lot of things, including bee larvae, and Hyrules cooking. He probably wont complain either.

Legend: He is actually a really good cook, but he cannot cook over a campfire. Give him a kitchen and he can make amazing food but oveer a campfire? He could probably make something but chances are it would either be burnt or taste like how a campfire smells. He loves baking like his uncle taught him and hes very good at it. I dont get why so many people give him zero spice tolerance but i think Wild would stuff goron spice into something and Legend would just go "This kinda tastes like a subrosian dish" and keep eating. Chances are he would eat a rock roast too. He will eat Hyrules cooking and compare it to food from countries he traveled to. Him and Wild sometimes bond over recipies.

Hyrule: Cannot cook at all ever. Do not let him cook. Ever. He will eat anything. The only reason he hasn't died from food poisoning yet is because he can heal himself. Has probably made a living chuchu out of dinner once.

Warriors: Can make shitty army food that doesnt taste good but is 100% eadible. He could probably make something in a kitchen but he "doesnt have the time" even if he isnt doing anything important. Will not eat Hyrules cooking nor half the things Wild suggests making. Always keeps jerky on him, especially after seeing Hyrule cook.

Wild: amazing cook, however he can and will decide to spontaniously pour goron spice into the food hes cooking. He loves cooking and he is the designated cook for a reason. But the others are often scared he will put something weird into the food because he eats like Hyrule. He will eat Hyrules cooking and he will like it.

Bonus:

Ravio can bake a little bit but he is a lot better at mixing up fun smoothies, milkshakes, or similar things.

None of the Zeldas can cook for very different reasons. Sun can almost cook even if it tastes boring, but the rest? They either suck because the cannot cook at all even if they try(Dot, Dawn), they are used to others cooking for them(Dusk, Athena, Flora) and some dont bother trying to make "good" food because they would rather make "fun" food(Fable, Tetra). Aurora is an outlier who can cook easy meals but usually doesnt cook.

Shadow cant cook.

Malon can cook better than anyone else.

Groose is a great cook.

Linkle is almost as bad as Hyrule.

Myth can bake but cant cook, and Ballad cant do either.

[urban-fleabag]

hi!! i do feel kinda weird for asking for therian tips like right after you got an ask on the same subject but i was def wondering if i could have any feline tips? for reference i am a cladotherian (felidae) and i kinda just have felt kinda disconnected from my therianthropy so i was wondering if theres anything i can do about that? i am not comfy meditating just for personal reasons and i dont do much quads or vocals due to an unsafe environment in my home. i kind of am generally wanting tips and things that can pass as human behavior just as a heads up!! im really sorry again if this is a super picky ask / if you dont want to do another one of these therian tip posts,,, thank you in advance if you end up responding <3 (/p heart)

You're all good, and I don't mind helping out where I can! You're not being picky, you're being specific and that's totally fine.

Anything that makes your room feel more comfortable to you is gonna be a huge help, since it's your space. If I understand right, cladotherians are all of that type of animal, right? That means you've got a ton of options to try out to see what room arrangements feel like a cozy home, and which of those you can pass off as a "nature aesthetic"- when I was a little kid my room was entirely jungle themed because I was absolutely obsessed with animals, and if when I moved in with my grandma I could've kept it I absolutely would've. Having a nature theme in there that's similar to an environment you'd have lived in could make you feel more at home!

Next, birdwatching in the park or your yard can definitely feel like you're watching prey, especially if you're in a housecat type of mood, and that's easily a human behavior too! If you have a couch or chair that gets nice Sunbeam light during the day, I also recommend a nap there once in a while- therian or not that just feels good. If anyone asks, just say you got too cozy and dozed off. And, if you're the type to establish a territory, just walking in nature could really help you out here! Doubly so if you're feeling connected at the moment to a cat that suits the climate and current weather- take a nature walk and remind yourself that you're at home and you're part of all this.

All felines are obligated carnivores, so adding some extra meat (or meat-textured non meat foods if you don't eat meat) to your diet could make you feel like you're feeding your inner cat! If anyone asks, which they shouldn't, say you're just making sure you get enough protein, or if fish is your meat of choice, there are SO many good nutrients in fish that no one's going to question your uptick there.

Make the lack of vocals for you an advantage to you if you can. Many cats, especially feral domesticated cats, don't make a lot of sounds to start with! Housecats only meow as kittens and to humans for the most part, for example! So you might not be able to roar like a lion, but you can absolutely quietly stalk through your house like a panther, silent as to not alert your prey (leftovers in the fridge).

Also, if you've got a FiveBelow near you- they sell cat ear headphones! They're relatively cheap, under 15 iirc, comfortable and with decently good sound. It's gear without it being gear! If anyone questions, it's a trend to put cat ears on headphones right now, especially if you happen to be a gamer. I can personally attest to these, because they were the cheapest ones there for a while I had a couple pairs and they're super comfy.

I also recommend playing games that have you playing as different felines- it's weird to say but Roblox has a lot of these, give some a try and really get into the mindset.

I hope this helped! And remember- one day, your circumstances will change, and you'll be able to be as openly yourself as you want to be. There's a place in this world for creatures like us. ❤️

[mspaintbrush]

Reinhardt Thoughts

• He doesnt just LIKE Currywurst, he LIVES Currywurst

• Will try every Currywurst he sees, jotting down criteria and rankings on a rugged piece of paper

• "This isnt even a REAL Currywurst!!" *proceeds to explain in excruciating detail what the ideal Currywurst is*

• Nobody has the heart to cut him off (and you couldnt if you tried, he is done when he is done)

• Im getting really tired of writing Currywurst so we'll end it there but you get the gist

• Is canonically from the Schwarzwald, which is full of Swabians and also has some lines with swabian dialect in the german dub

• I cant understand swabians at all though so in my headcanon he speaks normal german aka "Hochdeutsch"

• At least until he gets angry, then he switches to swabian

• Because if you thought german insults are one of a kind already, you havent heard what an upset Swabian sounds like

• An excerpt: "Ärschlesschlubbfr", "Sauhond", "Rotzaff" or "Arschbaggagsichd"

• Swabian culture includes a lot of special dishes with all kinds of meat, so he isn't picky about eating intestines or other unusual parts

• Generally not a picky eater, but needs meat on his plate

• Likes to eat often and a lot, still in the mindset to fuel his 30yo giant body even though he is much older now and needs less calories (but some more padding never hurt anyone)

• German dad cook; aka scrambled eggs, spaghetti with premade sauce and boiled potatos with quark

• He did inherit a giant traditional cookbook from his grandmother and begs the more experienced cooks around the base to help him prepare a goulash or svabian raviolis (i just looked it up and cant believe thats the english translation)

• Mercy, Mei and Brig try really hard to cook healthy vegetarian dishes, but Reinhardt can and will pull out a sausage from anywhere to put into his food (he gets em imported from home to assure the best quality)

• Adding an extra note here just to mention asparagus. I kid you not as soon as the first asparagus is barely grown the germans rip it out of the dirt and dont eat anything else for a month - asparagus for breakfast, lunch and dinner

• Reinhardt will not be an exception to that, as well as Mercy

• "Das einzig gute Bier ist Schwarzbier!" ('The only good beer is dark beer!')

• Brig and Mercy keep a close look on his alcohol intake, but he is allowed a "Feierabendbier" on the weekend

• Usually combines that with watching football/soccer on the couch

• Lucio joins him, even though he doesnt really understand the german commentators

• The living room fills up quickly with people who dont care about the game and just enjoy the company/some alcohol together (only bap and cass really drink as well, lets be real)

• Often found in the living room watching german quizshows or crime thrillers (there are so many you have no idea)

• Every sunday evening there is a new "Tatort" (cult classic german crime thriller since 1971), and woe betide you if you dare occupy the TV around that time

• He complains every single time how bad and repetitive they are but continues to watch of course

• Watching a Tatort is an event for family bonding time, so Brig has been joining him since they started traveling together

• Cassidy is amused by the bad writing and Mercy is familiar with the tradition, so the couch is full every sunday

• If not watching TV he is working on his Crusader Armor

• If it doesnt need repairs it needs to be polished and if it doesnt need to be polished it needs to be upgraded and if it doesnt need upgrades it needs to be repaired

• How to keep three people at the base constantly busy (Monkeys and swedish squires hate this trick)

• Because not all parts of his armor need to be changed or repaired simultaneously it tends to be scattered around the base during off-mission time

• Sometimes they are lying on the couch, sometimes in the hallway, all times inconveniently placed

• It drives Pharah mad but they are incredibly heavy and she cant always remove them herself

• So the only ones being able to effectively carry these parts from room to room are Winston, Zarya and Reinhardt himself (Zarya secretly loves it when people ask her to get the shoulder pad off the kitchen counter again) (its a good work out)

• Even though Reinhardt is creative with his armor placement he still seems to know exactly where each piece is and can quickly assemble it if needed

• Can drive a car

• Do not let him drive your car

• He is way to tall to ride comfortably and just sits there hunched over so his head doesnt hit the roof at every bump

• His driving style is... unsteady. Drives relaxed and slow on one road, going way over the speed limit on others, stopping way too early or way too late, sometimes rough, sometimes so careful as if there was a baby sleeping in the back

• At the same time road rages at others (the self-driving cars cannot figure out what the hell he is doing and react very confused)

• I figure most cars are already self-driving in the overwatch universe, but Reinhardt is definitely one of those people to still own an old model that doesnt have this yet (and refuses to get it upgraded)

• Dog person

• Grew up with at least two big family dogs and knows how to handle them

• Will inform you if he considers your dog poorly trained/socialized

• Murphy used to be his highlight of the day when Sojourn brought him to work

• Now there arent any dogs at the base anymore and he'd love to adopt one, but knows he couldnt properly give it all the care it deserves because of his job

• There IS a cat at the base now though (Brig brought Mitzi to Gibraltar in my head)

• Mitzi has known Reinhardt ever since she got adopted

• Do you know that saying "a cat always finds the one non-cat-person in a room" that person is Reinhardt

• Whenever Mitzi is not chasing Ganyemede, eating things she shouldn't or climbing around on delicate lab equipment in Winston's workshop, she is bothering Reinhardt

• Sleeping in his armor while he is trying to polish it, jumping on his lap during Tatort time (and immediately being lifted off again), stealing the salami off his sandwich when he isnt looking - Rhein will not know peace while others desperately try to catch Mitzi's attention

• There is nothing he can do besides moving the cat or shoo-ing her off for a while (knowing she is waiting behind the corner until he lets down his guard)

• Brig thinks this is incredibly cute and has a hard time keeping a straight face while Reinhardt complains to her

• Did you know that cats can be trained like dogs? Cool right?

• Rein eventually figures that out as well. And since Mitzi is very food-oriented, I think she would be easy enough to work with.

• He does it in secret first, but when Brig finds out she makes them both perform in front of the whole team

• Reinhardt starts boasting about it after that and the human-cat relationship increases steadily

• Loud sneezer, regularily-gives-Brig-heartattacks-loud

• You can hear them across the whole base

• Birkenstocks, Socks in Sandals you know it

• A good german dad runs around at home only with a shirt and his undies

• But in Gibraltar Reinhardt cant do that so instead he settled with a tank-top and gym shorts

• Forces Brig to use extensive amount of sunscreen but insists he doesnt need any for himself

• Therefore always sunburnt in summer

• Used to work-out but has toned it down a bit lately, instead using the Gym to do stretching and mobility-exercises with Mercy (only half-voluntarily), being joined by Mei, Genji and Echo (the latter more for emotional support)

• There is a big shelf full of giant heat pads for Grandpa at the gym

• Dont tell anyone but sometimes Cass and Mercy use them as well

• Lucio steals one for his hammock so he doesnt freeze during winter

• You bet Mitzi loves to sleep on them whenever they are in use

• Used to play soccer semi-seriously in his younger days

• If you ask him to play he gets up, rolls his shoulders, cracks his knuckles and says "You aren't ready for this" while taking out the most rugged soccer ball you have ever seen

• He isnt really in shape to run very fast or long anymore but whenever he shoots everyone leaps away to safety

• Lucio still really enjoys playing with him (he didnt really get the chance to do a lot of dad-activities in his youth)

[vingangelstar]

i thought it might be fun to do this, so im going to :3 since we're halfway through november, ill do 1-16 today, and then answer 1/day for the remainder of the month.

day 1: i keep my stats in my pinned (and i haven't w31ghed myself in 13 days so i can't exactly say what my w31ght is rn! but i last was 173ish, give or take some decimals. my height is 5'6", and my bmi is 27.9

day 2: im 5'6, but i wish i was taller! id love to be around 5'10, i feel like sk1nny tall ppl are just so much prettier than being short and sk1nny. idk why lol.

day 3: ummm tbh i don't really have a specific th1nspø mainly because i dont find spø to be triggering unless it's very specific. though im usually tr1gg3r3d by sk1nny andro people, just because they could be either and still be like, perfect.

day 4: becoming so th1n it requires hospitalization. the goal is to be unrecognizable after my wl, yes, but not to risk getting caught in what im doing.

day 5: yes, it really is for myself. it helps me feel accomplished when i see my c4l count for the day, or the loss on the sc4l3. i used to be disordered more in middle school, but it was for a brief period of time before my parents kind of corrected it. now that i dont live w them, i can actually lose and not worry about what theyll say.

day 6: so far, i haven't! but ive had a lot of like, guilty days where i 34t over 800 and feel disgusting. but i do not b/p, and i won't ever really claim to.

day 7: i havent seen them in a few months, and even then, we're not that close. they don't know, but if they did, they'd be supportive of my wl. that being said, they'd probably be concerned too.

day 8: i work a full time retail job as a department head. i am legit always walking, so that's my work out for 5/7 days of the week.

day 9: my dad has called me f@, my ex would comment on it sometimes, and my mother growing up would put herself down for gaining. my brother also is heavily picky with eating and would call me f@ as well.

day 10: eating whatever and whenever. i used to not care, but now that im forced to, it's a little stressful.

day 11: any post by @/wlfawnbby or pretty much any angel/blue or emo masc spø.

day 12: depends. i always have a mamma chia squeeze, sometimes a protein bar, and a frozen lean cuisine dinner that's less than 400 c4ls. i save any higher c4l frozen stuff for big work days or meta days. im trying to have 1 cup of tea a day, if not 2, and drink my wl tea.

day 13: ooh... take a guess...

day 14: 114, but i might aim for 110. i want my bmi to be like, 16. im projected to reach my wl goal in march of 2025, so 🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻

day 15: i am not vegan or vegetarian, but i do avoid red meat unless im really craving it. i only really 34t chicken as a source of protein because it's my favorite. i wouldnt want to go vegan simply because i dont have money for that and legit no time for meal prep ever lol.

day 16: a few weeks ago. id been spiraling anyway, might as well make the most of it. i think i started a few days before halloween, if i remember right.

[echos-girlfriend]

Hi! Random request but, now that we have Echo Picky Eater confirmed, I was thinking maybe an echoxreader where the reader cooks something from their home planet/culture for Echo and he gives it a go? I really liked how in the end of s2e6 he did end up giving the drink(?) soup(?) a go despite being a bit dubious about it initially (: Hope you’ve had a good week!

Howdy!

Omg me and you have the same brain! I started writing a fic about him being a picky eater at 5:30 am!! (Which explains why you’re getting this so fast and I made minor adjustments based on your request) 🤍 Honestly I found it adorable that he’s a picky eater! Complete opposite of me lol. And when he cheered with that Wookiee my heart went brr💜 god he’s just too adorable! This is such a cute idea! Hope you like it anon!!💚💙

Good soup

Echo x reader

Master list

~_~_~_~

You cook a stew from your home planet for dinner. Echo’s a little apprehensive about trying it but he soon finds out why you like to cook it a lot

~_~_~_~

You threw all kinds of vegetables in the large pot on your stove. Dicing and slicing some meat and throwing in spices.

Echo watched in fear. He was petrified to find out what you were concocting in that kitchen.

He sat on your couch and scratched his other arm. You looked in to the front room to tell him dinner was almost done. He gave you a wide nervous smile.

“I’m s-sure it’ll be great Mesh’la”

You gave him a cheeky, sly smile. You knew he was one picky guy. He was just trying to be nice and kind.. like he always was. After a few more minutes the stew was finally finished.

“Echo!! Dinners ready!”

Echo came shuffling into the dining room of your apartment. He sniffed and crinkled his nose.

“Oh don’t be that way! I promise it’s good. I cook it all the time”

“Huff.. if you say so Cyare”

He took a seat at the table and you served him a bowl. He looked at it almost scared.

“Echo.. would it make you feel better if I fed it to you”

He rolled his eyes at you. You raised a spoonful to his face.

“Here comes the theta-class shuttle!”

He raised his hand to block your spoon. But you moved it and pushed the spoon into his mouth. He swallowed and looked at you.

“Wait. You cooked that?!”

“Um. Yes”

“Mesh’la it’s delicious!”

“Im glad you think so.. does this mean I have to spoon feed you all the new foods I cook?”

He glared at you as he continued to eat the soup.

“I think I’ll be just fine”

“Are you sure? It seemed like you liked it”

You giggled as his face turned completely red. He gave him a peck on the cheek.

“I’m glad you like it echo.. and I take it as a very high honor that you like my stew”

“I’m sorry im so picky. Ever since the wars been over and we haven’t been force fed that.. slop they serve on Kamino, I’ve been finding it hard to eat things other than what’s in cid’s parlor, mantell mix and ration bars.”

He looked away embarrassed.

“It’s ok my love. Getting used to new customs and things is hard.. I understand. I’m just glad you’re trying new things”

He gave you gentle and loving smile. You gave him one in return.

“Can I have another serving?”

~_~_~_~

No the title is not a reference to the Adam driver meme from ‘Girls’ 👀

[yanderespamton78]

For the ask game for both of your OCs!! (My copy-paste didn't include the numbers of each question Imma screammm /j /lh)

What sort of music would they like? have you thought about what genres or bands do they lean towards? do they have a favorite song?

How do they wear their hair? do they care a lot how their hair looks?

Favorite animal? why?

Favorite food? least favorite? are they a picky eater? do they have any dietary restrictions?

If they wear jewelry, what kind? do they prefer silver or gold? do they have a favorite gem?

Are they quick to anger? what sets them off?

How good/bad is their hearing? what about their eyesight?

Are they associated with any particular element (air, earth, fire, water)?

Do they have any habits that aren't particularly self-destructive, just maybe odd?

If applicable, how would your other characters describe them? i mean specifically the people around them.

YIPPEEE oki oki oki so again note these guys are kinda just gathering dust at the back of my brain and also they both live alone in the forest so some questions will be hard to answer lol but i will best i can B)

Uhhhh i dont knoowwww i feel like willow would like temporex or laufey then termite uuuuhhhmm honestly i have no idea its the kinda guy to like just sitting in silence and staring at a wall angrily but it would probably enjoy the minecraft disks because as i mentioned its heavily based off of a minecraft character

neither of them give a shit how their hair looks really, but willow does make a vague attempt to keep it neat-ish more for her comfort rather than style but termite however i feel like if you looked close enough at its hair youd see ants crawling around

fav animal for willow would be snails she likes snails she has a lil snail bestie :33 termite uuuh i dont think this counts as an animal but it has a connection with allays yk the minecraft mobs lol its skin is blue and it makes the same kinda sounds but it does not act like an allay at all IM GETTING OFF TOPIC

Termite's fav food is probably raw cows meat, Willow uuh i havent really thought about it but i feel like she would like anything plain. idk if she actually needs to eat i havent decided yet but if she did itd be berries for the most part

neither of them wear jewellery lol

Willow is not angry at all, she hasnt had uh, any interactions really with other people but i think she wouldnt get angry shed probably be really skittish and shy. termite uh isnt necessarily quick to anger its just always aggressive not really out of anger more just because its an evil murderous being

oooh oki oki oki well willow only has vision in one eye because a mushroom grew through her other one but i feel like she would have decent sight and very good hearing. Termite honestly i have no idea it does have pretty powerful senses but idk

well willow i guess kinda earth??? more than anything else shes some kind of mushroom witch (i know its unoriginal look i made her ages ago) but nothing comes to mind for termite

uuuhhh no i dont think so theyre not quite that fleshed out hehe but Termite seems like the kinda guy to be very twitchy

well again theyre alone in the forest but how they think about eachother uuuhh Willow probably is just a teensy bit terrified of Termite but also thinks its kinda cute and Termite sees Willow as somewhat of a mother figure but finds her boring lol

ough that was very typey TY FOR ASKING THINGS THOOOO :>>

[the-owl-tree]

I LOVE UR FURRY/XENOFICTION IDEA SM. i always eat up political commentary on superheroes (i love the boys and i can appreciate some aspects of bnha) literally my guilty pleasure is superhero media LOL. if you ever set up that toyhouse id love to follow you and get to read up more about your ideas but no pressure ^.^ (also im so glad you decided to flesh out the post apocalyptic clowder story more, i love me a good cat story that breaks away from the warriors set up)

THANK YOU!!! while i never got into bnha for a whole host of reasons, the idea of the superhero as an occupation that you can train and school and yada yada yada has always been really interesting to me (i think that aspect is what drew ppl in after all!). While my little oc's focus more on the comedic/spectacular aspects of it, i do have a few ideas where it kind of hits on the pressures of the job. Eva and Ridley are mainly comedic in how i've drawn them but they do have some serious aspects as to why they've chosen the life they have.

also a big fan of superhero media.....but i'm also VERY picky on how it's handled. like a good generic hero story is fine, but i like a little different meat than that.

and aaahh thank you!! i've been doodling some refs for the clowder and the members of it, as well as some concepts for the monsters they'd face. i'd like to keep figuring out more for them, just a smaller scale story since they are cats.

[hetalia-club]

How do you not like butternut squash!? It’s soo good!

Like to be fair im an extremely picky eater and I don’t particularly like many foods. I think butternut squash smells really good when it’s cooking but it doesn’t taste like what it smells like.

List of things everybody loves but I absolutely hate that I constantly get ragged on for:

Hamburgers

Salad/lettuce

Grilled foods of any kind, I hate the charred taste

Hot Dogs

Bacon

Cooked pepperoni, cold is good tho

Any cheese that isn’t mozz, parm or sharp cheddar

Tacos (Taco Bell is good tho)

Raw veggies

Oranges

All lunch meat

Sandwiches of any kind

Any and every fish and or sea food it’s the smell that does it for me really I can’t get past it.

All candy (I like Chocolate but I have to be in the mood for it and craving it other wise I don’t want it. I’ll go through spurts with it though where I’m really into it.)

Pop/soda however you want to call it. Have not had a sip of it in over 10 years and I don’t miss it.

BBQ sauce, i don’t like it it’s too sweet.

Ham, again it’s too sweet I don’t want to eat sweet with meat.

These are just some of the beloved things I hate that everyone else loves. To be fair I know I’m picky and I will eat these things I just don’t like them or look forward to it. Like if everybody wants to go to let’s say a hamburger place I will find something to order and I won’t complain or make it about me. I know I’m picky. But it’s not everyone else’s problem

[cherridiamonds]

There any foods that feel inherently horny to you, even if a little bit?

if i'm being real any food that tastes good enough is horny to me. if i eat a burger and its good the boxer briefs situation is catastrophic

but certain foods that kind of make me horny on principle:

hot dogs. they remind me of fellatio obviously but also of sucking down sausages link by link until you're too stuffed to move.

tacos. especially if they're slightly overfilled. if i have to move gracefully to avoid spillage it's a good taco and im gonna think about it constantly.

PIZZA. especially if it's cheesy and full of toppings like meats and tomatoes. im autistic so i have a really picky palette so i dislike vegetables and peppers a lot unless they're cooked really specifically but i love literally all meats and also baked diced tomatoes so much fr. pizza is my go-to stuffing food even if im lactose-intolerant. i just take a fuck-ton of lactase with it so i never get that kinda indigestion. just the regular kind from overfilling myself :)

PIE. pie is so fucking good especially fruit pies like apple and cherry. i have facial hair and i hate when stuff gets caught in it but one time after a recent shave after my skin healed i just ate a pie without cutting or using utensils so i just shoved my greedy little face in there and pigged out so hard i felt like i was gonna explode afterwards and had to see globs of cherry sauce clinging to my stuffed face and it was so fucking hot

RIBS. barbecue makes me horny in general because the scent of it is a massive Neuron Activation and makes me want to eat my body weight in it but ribs, especially BEEF ribs, make me hard. there's so much meat on every rib that i can't get enough of it. i feel so intense when i eat it. it's like i lose myself to the thrill of the hunt and the thrill of the feast. i become someone else.

plain burgers are strangely good for stuffing i think. like. meat ketchup and bun? i can eat like. six of those in one sitting. probably. does anyone want to watch me try~? who said that.

really big detailed burgers like the ones from red robin or sit-down restaurants are always unimaginably good. if they have stuff like runny egg or barbecue sauce and bacon, i'm gone. i'm having the time of my life. i'm putty in the chefs hands and they can bend me over a table while i pig out. who said that.

hey now that i think about it i just listed all my favorite foods. uhhhhhh. enjoy????

[kirklandsheartsecrets]

can you write some headcanons on what would they be like as cats? i imagine scotland to be this giant furball who's vigilant, but LOVES lazing around in the sun

UK Brothers as cats II headcannons

Scotland

Burmese cat

giant furball yes but it 's not noticeable first

THICC fur but not long

Loves laying in the sun, absolutely

but only if it's in a random hill

sun baths cost a price

lays down for a few seconds, but the slightest bee or butterfly makes him jump or lift his neck to check

unfortunately the weather in scotland CANNOT afford this kind of sun enough

ends up standing right under the oven.

That spot right against the oven, he lays down there.

Give him your hand he'll bite on it

not painfully but he just keeps it there

Lanky as hell

just like the man

you cannot miss him when he is laid down on the floor

but be pls careful about the bed or couch

he is probably there, behind the pillow or under the blanket

has not problem with water overall

not impressed by people in general

wondering how he is still alive after licking so much irn bru off the bottles he finds around the house or the bit that spilled on the table.

hates wales

N.Ireland

American bobtail

cute white little tail

that picture of people bowing down, hands in the air in front of someone holding a cat

his moment

triggered easily

cuddle buddy

but

has an imaginary ladder

if you let him sleep in your bed

have him in your arms during dinner

give him food he shouldn't be eating

you're going straight down low on the ladder

top of the ladder is whoever is the boss

cannot act up against this boss

you never know if he wants to cuddle or not

you be laying on the couch and he comes to your side

squeezing his body in between your legs and the arm rest

even tho there is a whole couch on your other side free

then sometimes

stands as far as he can away from you

try to get his attention he'll just look at you for a second

no more

smug about it

also bad sign

you're low on the « imaginary ladder » if that happens

has his favorite blanket in the house

the way to his heart

picky about his food

he always grabs them in his mouth, drops them on the floor,

picks the ones he wants to eat.

Useless to force him

waits before diving into his kibble bowl

doesn't get along with scotland and wales

Ireland

balinese

that iconic smile of him y'know ?

(・ω・｀)

imaginary ladder user too

wondering how he is alive from licking so much sodas bottles

leaves the house randomly

everyone is panicked

comes back as if nothing happened

likes cold tiles

for instance cold tiles after cleaning day

strecthes himself

but only in the morning

eats a lot

always hungry

on a diet

open bags and boxes

has a specific way to do

he takes whatever he is looking for

food mostly..

and takes it to his little corner mat

then tries to get the most out of it

acts stupid but really intelligent

so if you have no sign from him for more than 10 minutes

get worried darling

he is either taking a stroll or eating the snacks from your bag

'kiss me im irish'

needs kisses all the time

hates england

mysterious old man keeps an eye on him

nice overall but sneaky

England

britsih shorthair obv

looks mean but actually really nice

Doesn’t eat kibbles 

Eats whole meat he is chic

Voluminous and thick fur

France and Scotland hate him for that

has a cute bow but

only for pics

out of sight out of mind

Will not come to you if you do not look for him

Usually becomes desperate and looks for you

Used to love the outside when he was smaller

Now meh 

Stolen toys from his brothers 

like the monarchy jewelry

do not call me out to Charles or Lizzie about what I just wrote

Look like he doesn’t want hugs 

Actually likes them

Special spot on the bookshelf 

No imaginary ladder

Just sleeps in your bed if comfortable with you enough

Paddington bear is his favorite toy 

Likes standing there, surrounded with people

Just sits down and watches

Take his ears into your hands

He is cute and great personality 

Wales

angora

listen up

he is not easy

but if you’re up for a challenge then alright

imaginary ladder but the top of the ladder is him

Eats grass

Coughs

Goes back to eating grass

If you have a garden or just growing strawberries

I’m sorry gal but they’re his

Gets his way all the time

Spoiled

Has toys but doesn’t use them

Gives them to england

Plays a lot outside

Favorite spot : sheeps back

looks like a cinnamon bun

tastes like it

means not good as it looks

Needs attention but don’t look out for him

Not scared easily

Extremely difficult to take care of his paws

Screaming

Crying

Hissing

Sits on your legs or in between but don’t get comfortable too fast

As cliche as it sounds, celtic music helps

If you’re his favorite person congrats

Not all hero wears capes

The incident with Scotland and N.Ireland

Manipulated them into going to a farm

Did not end well

for them

Since then scot and north hate him

My sincere apologies if you end up with him

[corruptedconfessions]

last weekend I caved and read everything you ever uploaded here once more agskshkdd this is who i am as a person. but im love your writing so much!!! i have an especially soft spot for the naga stories, are those the ones that are about half-snake people? i always mess up the names but how do you think bakugou (and or kiri) would be as a yandere one, when he falls for the reader? i can't remember you ever writing a snake-version of him and idk if you'd be up for it but i'm super curious! xoxoxo

Aww!! Thank you so much :) 

And yes! Naga’s are the snake people, semi human from the torso up and giant ass snakes from the hips down!

Bakugou: 

If there is one word to describe yandere Naga Bakugou its possessive. It takes a lot for him to chose a mate, he is incredibly picky, picking his mate much past the typical age but once he picks?? Possessive protective to the extreme. You are his mate to do with what he pleases, and absolutely no one is going to take you away from him. Hell, he gets pissy the second another creature, intelligent or not even looks at you. You won’t be leaving his nest any time soon after he snatches you up, even trying to peek over the edges of the flattened down bowl in the ground leads to you being dragged right back to the middle and getting angrily chewed out and huffed at as you get tucked right back into the nest.

I think he’d most likely fall for a darling who hikes or walks frequently in his forest for whatever reason. A hunter, camper, or just any kind of nature enthusiast will quickly catch his eye. You’re so small…and your body is so different than his and yet you constantly come back here, carelessly leaving your scent everywhere, as if inviting him to have a taste. He isn’t one to turn down the offer. He doesn’t have any form of patience, somewhere during a mid afternoon doze and lunch he’ll come to the conclusion that he wants you, all while still ripping the meaty remains of his prey off the bone. Right then and there he decides to have you, still picking meat from his teeth with the jagged edge of a bone. The next time he sees you you’ll be snatched up into his arms and dragged back to his nest, kicking and screaming left ignored as he unceremoniously dumps you in his nest and refuses to let you leave.  

I picture him most likely picking a human mate tbh, He enjoys being bigger and stronger than his mate, justifying the overbearing desire to hide away and protect what's his, something other Nagas wouldn’t tolerate. Even if you don’t tolerate it it doesn’t really matter, he is bigger and stronger than you, and can easily just pick you right up and carry you back to where he wants you to be. Biting, kicking, punching, anything just bounces off his hard scales. Honestly fighting like that is more likely to turn him on than anything else~ If you have this much energy you clearly can put it towards incubating some of his eggs right? Hopefully that fiery spirit will pass on to his eggs once they hatch~

He’ll also be curious, painfully so, eagerly twisting and pulling you in his hold like a doll, poking and prodding as he inspects you. Its not often he sees a human so close without eating them. He’s cruel in the sense that he likes to poke your squishy spots just to listen to your cute noises and watch you try and wiggle away from him. Its hardly ever malicious, though, the claws in your mouth, feeling up your teeth. Or large hands encompassing your entire calf as he feels up your leg is pure curiosity. He’ll look almost childish, eyes wide with wonder as he watches you twist and bend, so small and fragile yet so resilient.

He’ll hiss and throw up a fit if you call him out on this but he is also incredibly cuddly. Maybe it’s just because of that protective nature of his but he loves wrapping around you, snuggling his face into your stomach, tongue darting out to smell your skin. Or maybe it has something to do with the fact that you are a breathing furnace compared to the cooler blooded beast. He’s so soft in those moments, eagerly nuzzling you and lapping up any attention you’ll give him, even if he huffs and insists its for your protection and warmth if you say anything. Human skin is so thin and you are so needy for warmth! How did you ever survive without him curling around you to keep you warm and chase off the chill of the night air. You’d be wise to keep your mouth shut about the fact that he is actually sapping your heat with his cold skin. Best not take those rare tender moments for granted, yeah?

 Kirishima on the other hand leans more on the protective side of things. He’s younger than Bakugou, more on the naïve side of things and much more at the whims of his instincts. I think he’d honestly mate with the first little thing he comes across, unable to hold back and be patient at all. He’s a bit of a romantic at heart, in a terrifying, he’ll eat and swallow whoever you’re with whole when he sees you way. He wants nothing more than a happy loving mate, round and heavy with his eggs waiting for him when he comes back to his nest. He wants to protect and provide and snuggle with his cute little mate!

He’s brutal, eating and killing anything that comes close to you, and then immediately turning around and crooning and loving on you, rubbing up against you like a dog, his face still coated with any remains of what, or rather who, he just ate. (Lucky for you he prefers to swallow his prey whole…watching him gag up and spit out the bones that he cant digest isn’t a pleasant sight though.) Endlessly doting and so…incredibly suffocating. There will always be a hand, or head, or tail, or something pressed, wrapped, or snuggling against you. Half the time you feel like a living teddy bear as he cuddles and nuzzles you non stop, curling up in his nest and holding you close to his chest, face buried in your hair. The only time he tears himself from your side is to go hunting, and even then when he comes back you are scooped up and squished in his arms until he calms down again, extremely distressed from being separated from you.

 He is obsessed with being a good mate for you, protecting, providing, and spoiling his partner. He’ll be traditional, hunting down larger pray than necessary just to impress you. Happily puffing his chest out when he dumps a bunch of hay and leaves into the nest, telling you that he knows humans cant sleep on hard rock comfortably, and so this will be more comfy! (Not that it does much, with how close he insists on being when cuddling, you practically sleep on him instead. Trapped against his firm chest as arms wrap tightly around you). Now this isn’t common behavior for nagas, but he’ll also bring you pretty little trinkets that he finds, gems or geodes he finds in his cave, pretty jewelry he steals from humans, rocks that he really likes and wants to share with you. Reacting positively to these gifts, maybe even making a small little pile for them in the nest will put him over the moon. He becomes so gushy and loving towards you for it you can get away with nearly anything after that.  

Unlike Bakugou’s nest which is out in the open, daring any threat to even try and come close to his mate, Kiri hides you away. His nest will be hidden away in a maze like cave (He carved it out himself by hand! Something he very proudly tells you when the two of you can finally converse without you screaming or him fucking you silly). He never leaves your side, determined to protect and love you, but even in the moments he does, escape is hopeless. Even after crawling up the sides of the deep pit carved out of solid rock (you really don’t want to think how strong his claws are to carve out solid stone and made such deep grooves in the sides) you’ll be left wondering and aimless maze, impossible to not get lost or even get near the exit before Kirishima is back, rushing your side and picking you up into his arms in a panic. Naturally, being the innocent thing he is he assumes you missed him and went searching for him instead of trying to escape, but now you’re trapped in an even tighter hold under an even tighter watch as he tries “to make it up to you”.

With Kirishima you have a small chance, though. If you are loving and gentle enough to him, and you ask him so sweetly if you can get out of the cave just for a little bit! Promise! He may take you to a nearby river to play in the water, or a hotspring to soak together. Once you really have him wrapped around your finger you might be able to convince him to go on daily walks (slithers?) with him, only if you look sad and pout up at him enough, insisting that the cave is too dark and scary and you miss the sun. He’ll feel so bad he just might sunbathe with you outside for awhile too.

[ingo-appreciation]

PLEASE TELL ME ABOUT POKEMON FOOD I THINK OF IT CONSTANTLY

YESSSSSS I LOVE TALKING ABOUT POKEMON FOOD

Adding the read more for the same reason as before, talking about pokemon as food (definitely more vividly than the last ask btw if you're on the fence)

-GENERALLY SPEAKING. there's a fair amount of pokemon types that just. aren't edible. Fighting for the most part, ground, rock, steel, ghost.

-Poison and Electric types are indedible with an astericks. If the poison/electricity goes throughout their body? inedible. If its some sort of gland or sack that generates the poison/electricity? pretty much edible once you remove it and kind of do some prep for the meat. there's probably a third option of "body is harmful, but organs are kept somewhere safe to not be harmed and that meat is fine" (actually now that i think about it, a lot of fire types would probably be in this category too)

-Psychic types are also kind of in a weird limbo. Simply because they're a bit more... sentient? so to speak? I think that one would vary by region

-Speaking of that! I think which pokemon are considered Do Not Hunt depend a lot on region and personal beliefs. like one of my personal favorites is in certain regions, there's a superstition around Abra that makes most of the residents not touch it

-As for general no-go pokemon, it's the usual. Legendaries, babies (which. pokemon in the first line of an evolution aren't off limits since not all pokemon evolve like SPECIFICALLY baby pokemon), endangered pokemon, i think there's some cultural things that kind of became universal (like happiny, togepi, and cleffa lines. like these are pokemon generally meant to bring happiness/healers and if you're hunting them and you're not in an extreme circumstance, you're a TERRIBLE person)

-I think in modern times, most of this stuff is handled by specialists. Like there's breeders and farmers who know a lot about raising a specific type of pokemon and how to get the best out of said pokemon and then the rest is like. typical manufacturing stuff

-there's also a lot of pokemon (probably mostly grass types) that can offer produce without being hunted! Tropius' fruit, Paras' mushrooms, personally I bet Bayleef leaves would make really good tea leaves, and there's probably specialists who know those kinds of things as well! There's probably also like. People who do stuff locally, like they've had a partner pokemon for a while and sell goods from them in local areas

-fun fact that i didn't know where to put, you know why there's so many like... not starter pokemon because they're not starters, but all those beginner pokemon you see on early routes? They're tiny. They're probably not good for hunting, so why would people? means there's gonna be a lot more of them!

-In the past, this was a LOT different. I think that over the entire pokemon world in the past, there were probably specialists but they were a LOT more spread out and more like. people who'd been with the same pokemon over multiple generations or something. Back then it was pretty much "what's something you can take without a pokemon" and "what's something you can harvest from pokemon naturally" which. there's probably not a lot! So I think there'd be a lot more celebrations involving food because if you got a lot of meat, hell, let's throw a party for that! invite everyone around, we don't want any of this to go to waste!

-pokemon trainers in modern day are... a bit picky so to speak. I mean, lovingly, if you have a life long Spearow partner that you've trained since it hatched from the egg and love more than anything... you're probably not gonna wanna eat any members of their species, even though they aren't the same. Obviously it's not a complete guarantee, but a pretty good rule is if you're doing anything with a pokemon trainer, make sure they aren't using any meat that would put them off

-i have some thoughts on some specific dishes but honestly im gonna wait on that, mostly because i need to make sure my laptop doesn't die before i get home fshdkjfhdskj

THANK YOU FOR ASKING THIS IS SOMETHING I HAVE MANY THOUGHTS ON AND ITS BEEN DELIGHTFUL TO RAMBLE

[sweetberrysmooch]

HC: Call This The ‘Can This Man Cook’ Section

(….. I don’t think these men can cook 😔)

First post pog :D I wrote a majority of these super late at night, so please forgive and let me know of any mistakes you find <3 Also, it’s a little long lol

Characters: Dream, George, SapNap, Badboyhalo, Wilbur, Technoblade, Philza, Quackity, Fundy, Schlatt.

Warnings: None, except for a kinda risqué comment in Philza’s. Oh and I guess there’s mentions of eating meat in case someone wants the warning :3

Song Recommendation: I Love You So- The Walters

Hella fluffy! Hope you enjoy <3

From best to worst:

#1: BadBoyHalo-

Bad is the best at cooking on the server. He is the creme of the crop, absolute top one percent, king shit at cooking.

He can cook, bake, and temper chocolate perfectly, what more could you want?

His favorite to-go recipes are cheesy garlic bread and a special spicy chicken and rice recipe which he typically makes when the boys are over at his house for the night. When he’s with you he goes for something a little smoother, some mulled sweet berry cider with a smoked cod fillet, eaten under the light of candles while you quietly chat about life and your fellow friends. It’s always one of Bad’s most anticipated hangouts, and he’s very careful about planning when it comes to those days.

While he appreciates being complimented on his food or his skills, deep down he wants to have someone to cook and share his knowledge with so the cooking process becomes much richer. He’s cooked for so long and learned so much, but it means nothing if he can’t share it with another person. The moment you come to him and ask him for help on any kind of recipe, he’ll drop almost everything to help you.

Side note; he absolutely carried lunch and dinner for his fellow DTeam members. While Sapnap would mostly take over breakfast, Bad would be hounded by begging puppy looks from these adult men who couldn’t cook and kind of just sigh and get the ‘kiss the cook’ apron ready. It’s not like he hates it or anything, but the endearing factor kinda slips off after a few years of adult men groveling.

(Bad’s hands rest over yours, dwarfing them entirely as he helps you cut the pasta sheet straightly. “There you go!” He encourages, squeezing your hand gently and stepping away, moving back to dice the vegetables on the cutting board next to you. A comfortable silence falls, and with it comes something in Bad’s heart softening. The worries and exhaustion in his mind ease, and he slips into a contented routine of finely chopping and slicing. It’s been a while since he’s felt so calm. There’s nothing that can ruin this- 

The front door slams open. Footsteps walk in and approach the kitchen and you both hear it, 

“Baaaaaaaaad.” Bad cringes, taking a step back.

“Baaaaaaaaaaad, we’re hungry.” Sapnap. 

“Yeah Bad, feeeeeeeed uuuuuuus.” George. 

And then, from around the door frame, a white mask peeks in. Nobody says a word, but you can feel Bad deflate next to you like let go balloon. 

“It’s alright, big guy.” You laugh, grabbing his forearm and leaning up against him. His sad puppy eyes make you smile a little, and you try to reassure him. “We can hang out alone another time. Let’s keep working on the pasta.” He sighs, but still returns your smile. “Yeah, another time.”)

#2: Philza 

Sigh…. he can cook. Not quite as good as Bad can, but better than Quackity. A solid second place. It stems mainly from being so knowledgeable that he just knows and has tried so many different foods, but since he doesn't actually do much cooking, I'm making him a flaky second place.

Doesn’t mind cooking, but doesn’t love doing it either. He’s always focused on so many different things that he’ll forgo eating to keep working on what he’s doing. He mostly cooks for Techno and Ranboo or the few guests (you) they seem to receive. Makes great stew, and even better roasted chicken, is absolutely immaculate when it comes to cooking bird.

He didn’t teach Wilbur or Techno shit! I wish I could say it’s because he wanted to but just couldn’t, but he was literally like “hmm. Im a little busy now, maybe next year” every year!! But, this being said, if you ask him to make something with you or teach you how to cook a particular dish, he will agree to help you. Old age has really mellowed him out, and after certain events, he realizes he needs to stay a bit closer to those he cares about from now on.

He likes sweets well enough, and will always thank you for any gifts you make for him. Along with growing older, he’s had time to lose his pickiness he had in his youth. If he does end up cooking with you, he’ll prefer doing the harder recipes over easy ones. He will lose it laughing if it turns out bad, so don’t worry about any disappointment (his children make up enough of that ^^).

(“Now,” Phil starts, washing his hands quickly as you wait for him next to the cutting board. “Pufferfish needs to be prepared perfectly, or we will die when we eat it. But I don’t need to explain to you how a pufferfish works, now do I?” 

When you shake your head no, he comes up behind you, tarnished wings bound and hair pulled up in a pony tail. 

“The meat of a pufferfish is very delectable, and much better with a glass of wine.” He grins cheekily, “ If this works out well, which I’m sure it will, dinner will be delicious.” 

It falls quiet for a second, and as your hesitantly looking over the fish that may be your last, you gasp when you feel him press up against you back and rest his chin on your shoulder. “Maybe there’ll be other delicious things to eat as well,” He murmurs into you ear, before leaning back and busting out laughing. Your face feels stupidly hot. Dilfza quest activated.)

#3: Quackity-

Quackity:

Quackity can cook. I know!! I’d say he’s like the third best cooker on the list. And he’s not half bad at baking either.

He likes making up stupid bad recipes and trying them out with you, even if at the end of it the one of you up chucks your damned creations the hour after. Despite his reigning need for chaos though, he knows how to make a decent amount of recipes and strives for praise when he’s actually putting forward effort. He’ll arrange little dinner dates (“A handsome man and his very pretty friend, good food made by yours truly, and La Chona, what do you say, baby?”) and will sit there with a 🥺 look on his face until you tell him if you liked it or not.

He tries to act like he’s unaffected by your words, but even a small, “That was really good.” will make him turn red and giggle like a schoolgirl. He tries to play it off, but it’s easy to tell he loves the complements. Will also never tell you anything you make is bad. You are a deity descended upon  minecraft Earth and he is but your prettiest disciple who will uphold your honor and treat you like you should be treated!!!! But he’ll then promptly choose to help you with and guide you into cooking/baking better ^^; He loves you!

As for baking, he really likes making cakes because of how simple they can be. It helps calm him down when he can just slip into bake mode and follow a recipe and make something nice at the end of it. Speaking of, he also has a sweet tooth, but not quite as bad as Techno does. Any sweets or food you make for him is always eaten, and always held in high regard. Will try to entice you into feeding him 👀👀 so watch out.

(He’s doing it again. You try to avoid looking directly at the dopey lovesick smile Quackity has on his face at the moment, but as you lift the fork up, you get a better idea. 

You look at him (to which he seems to melt a little under your gaze), look at the fork, and then back to him, raising the piece of cake up to his lips. His expression turns flabbergasted and his blush deepens. 

He doesn’t seem to believe you for a second, until you nudge the cake close and flash him a smile. Then it’s like a switch has been flicked; he giggles, blushing, and eats the cake right off the fork. He’s gone back to smiling that silly smile again, this time even brighter, but it’s okay. You try to ignore the way your heart speeds up in your chest when he begs you for another piece.)

#4: Schlatt-

Another cooker~! He specializes with formal dinners more than anything else, and adores a good steak.

During his presidency, he didn’t cook very often. Quackity and you had to keep him fed through most of it, and the memory of watching you cook in his kitchen while he looked over work papers at his dining table leaves a mark on him, sealing a new crave for domesticity that he hadn’t ever wanted before.

Sometimes he would cook though. You, Quackity, and Tubbo would all gather around and eat together every once in a blue moon, when Schlatt was sober and calm. It feels tense at the table but also not in a way? Schlatt always seems to be chillest during dinner, a mix of the alcohol wearing off and the emphatic family feel that comes with Tubbo, Quackity, and you surrounding him.

He loves cake! It’s one of the few desserts he’ll eat, but you have to watch him closely or he’ll gorge himself of the treat. Indulge him and invite him to make a cake with you, and it will be one of the most interesting bakes of your life. How Schlatt got three eggs to stick to the ceiling is beyond you, but the look in his eyes tells you he’s completely fucking sober and hamming up his own cluelessness. You probably wouldn’t have even noticed if it weren’t for him hiding all the other eggs around your kitchen as well. How did he get one on the top of your door without it falling when you opened it? That’s between him and god.

Overall, a good 4th place on the list.

(“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Schlatt says, deadpanned, looking you right in the fucking eyes with an undisturbed egg sitting perfectly straight on his head. 

“Where are the eggs, Schlatt.” 

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” 

“Schlatt.” 

“Yes.” 

The container you kept them in is completely empty on your kitchen counter, once full of eggs but now reduced to a desolate husk of its former glory. Speaking of former glories, your president turns around, arms crossed and stands there silently. 

You look around. Theres one in the door handle of in the pantry, another wedged between two slices of bread in your bread box, and- oh god. On the fucking ceiling. Three, stuck to the ceiling, unmovable. After a full minute of dead silence you manage a “What the fuck have you done?”, and Schlatt turns to look. 

“Oh hey. There they are.” Your mind turns into a rock, shatters, and crumbles into dust.)

#5: Dream-

Honestly if you’re looking for edible food that tastes range from ok to good Dream is your man. 5th place.

He knows a lot of ‘depression era’ type recipes just because he’s pretty homeless and his man hunts don’t allow him much time to hone his skills. Stuff like bread or mushroom stew comes easy to him after so many times of having to do it on the run. Bread is the only baking he won’t screw up.

Can cook meat well enough too, but doesn’t really do anything special to it (besides his sauces).

To elaborate: Over the unknown span of his life, he’s acquired these recipes for forgotten and questionable sauces that he’ll store in little jars and leave at your house for you to use. They’re odd, and the ingredients aren’t ever what you think might be edible, but they’re surprisingly tasty none the less. He likes to show you a new one every month or so to keep things fresh.

Pretty general about sweets, but has a severe love for chocolate, especially dark chocolate. Has never had one, but dreams about chocolate cake. It’s high on his bucket list and written another four times over.

One of his favorite things to do with you is bake, mainly because of how ruinous it always turns out. No matter your skill, Dream’s vibes decimates any luck the two of you will have while baking. It’s scientifically proven. You left the cupcakes in for a minute-JUST a minute over what they should’ve been and they came out rock solid. Dream tried to eat one anyway. Best part was watching him try to bite through the shell.)

(He thinks he’s over selling it, half-gnawing on the brown cupcake (it was supposed to be vanilla, he thought) and making stupid growls when his teeth barely break through the surface, but the feeling he gets when you start laughing hysterically next to him wipes away any negative thought he had and fills him with utter joy. 

It's very late into the night, and you’re both a little loopy, but all the while you still lean against him as you giggle, the spot tingling where your hand rests on his arm. 

His heart thumps crazily, before sinking. Oh god. He’s in love with you.)

#6: Technoblade-

Knows a lot, but very little. He can cook the meat perfectly fine, but there’s a difference between being cooked and tasting good. He doesn’t know how to season them. Salt is the bare minimum you get.

6th place ^^; sorry king.

He’s good with potatoes though. I like to think that the countless hours spent potato farming had to account for something. He likes having cheese and butter on them every once in a while, but for the most part just eats them salted like an animal. It’s practically a show to watch him eat a cooked potato in three bites without anything but salt on it.

Big man loves food though, even if he doesn’t eat like it. Steak and cooked fish are high on his list of foods, but only if it’s cooked by Philza. And eventually you fall into his “I trust to eat this from you” category as well, but he has a special place in his heart for Phil’s cooking. Rabbit stew is at the very top.

He also eats a lot, being 6’10 and 200 something pounds of muscle, gotta consume quite a bit to keep him moving.

As for the sweeter variety of food, he’s got a massive sweet tooth. The moment you make him an apple pie or honey candy or anything of the like, he’s immediately enamored with you. Sweet things are hard to come by on the smp, especially with how far out he lives, but it’s a secret weakness of his that is very easily exploitable.

(You’ll be the death of him, he thinks, watching you closely as you trudge your way through the freshly fallen snow towards his house. Your normal pack is lighter than it usually looks, and he worries that you may slip and hurt yourself on the ice before you make it to the door. But still, you keep walking until you're standing at his doorstep, fist raised to knock when he opens it for you. 

You look surprised for a second, and then a grin splits your face and his heart races. 

“I can’t stay for long,” you say, having spent at least 30 minutes to get there. “But I wanted to drop this off for you before you went out to hunt again.” 

Out of the bag, you pull another smaller leather bag and hand it to him gently. It rests heavy in his palm, and for a moment he’s sure it’s ender pearls that you’ve brought him. But still he opens it, and he’s immediately taken aback by the smooth golden candies you brought him. 

“They’re honey candies.” At this point you’re practically grinning. “I thought you might like some while I was making them last night.” 

He doesn’t have to see his own face to feel the deep blush setting in on his cheeks and ears. You…. you’re so…… sweet. You are very…. sweet, he admits to himself, and he is very not attached to you. Not at all.)

#7: Fundy and Sapnap tie.

Fundy- 

Has his old man's cluelessness but is a fast learner. He doesn’t have much time to expand his food repertoire so it’s pretty much the basic stuff that he’s eaten during the war or before that when he was younger.

He really likes cooking though, and will invite you to come cook with him for dinner or lunch if he wants to hang out. When they were together, Dream had given him an old dusty cookbook that had several recipes he hadn’t ever heard of before, so that’s where most of what he tries to make comes from. His favorite to date was a special mutton dish that he asked you to try with him on his last birthday. It was just the two of you, but he had never had so much fun before.

Doesn’t like eating fish however, there’s just some bad vibe he gets when he thinks about cooking one or catching one. (Desperately ignores the fish fucker. Desperately ignores the fish fucker. Despera-)

Loves sweet berries as treats, seeing as that’s the only sweet thing he grew up with. Not too big on other sweet flavors. Likes honey in his tea though.

7th place cooker, will get higher as he learns more dishes.

(He raises his wine high with a laugh, clinking your glass with it as you both giggle drunkenly. 

The lamb you had cooked together turned out amazing, juicy and tender and flavored with crimson fungus juice. The recipe was from an old cookbook he had, he faintly remembers telling you, hiding the fact that it was Dream’s cookbook that he was given after a particularly nasty argument. 

He doesn’t want to think about him, especially not while he’s with you. Especially not when it’s his birthday. 

So instead he ponders the trip through the nether he took with you to harvest some of the fungi, how the juice was tangy and slightly bitter, but how it had done wonders when basted onto the meat while frying. 

You had looked so happy when you two plated the dish, so proud of him, all in a way that Dream never was. 

Even now, as you tiredly smile at him from across the table, cheeks pink and eyes focused solely on the moment you were sharing, he feels at peace for once. This is what contentment felt like. Oh, how he loves you so.)

Sapnap-

Shame the shit cooker. Ok ok, he’s not as bad as some of the others on this list, but that’s just because he can make a half decent breakfast. It’s not much competition.

Bad has desperately tried to teach this boy some cooking besides eggs and toast, but the only things that seem to have stuck are mashed potatoes and grilled pork chops. Neither of which he even likes enough to make often.

He prefers fish to meat, and would eat any kind of cod you offered to him. Likes smoked salmon a lot, it’s something Bad made for him a lot when he was younger. He tries to recreate the dish, but comes up short and feels disheartened when it isn’t like Bad’s. He’d appreciate any time you took with him to learn how to make the dish, and it wholly sticks to his mind afterwards. He never forgets the experience, and treasures it very closely.

Likes not-sweet sweets. Not bitter per say, but just not very sweet. He likes chewy taffy in particular, but the old lady kind that lasts 60 years but gets hard in 6 minutes after being exposed to open air. Gotta be polite about it too, or he’ll end up embarrassed and pout for an hour.

(He’s eaten 6 of those fucking taffies since you sat down on the couch, completely straight-faced as the two of you of you listen to Dream and George talking. 

At this point you’re completely checked out of their conversation, solely focused on the taffy Sapnap keeps eating. Where does he even get those? How many does he have?? You’ve been friends with him long enough to have seen him pop a taffy every other second of the day. He seems to have a stash on him at all times tucked away, filled with paper-wrapped pastel covered sweets. 

“Want one?” Sapnap asks, holding out a light blue taffy with a little star drawn in yellow dye on the wrapper. 

“What?” Startled, you lean back a bit and realize you had been staring him down as he ate, and flush with how rude that probably seemed. 

“Want a taffy? I don’t mind sharing with you, cutie.” He winks and offers the taffy again. “....” You gaze at the taffy curiously. You’ve never seen him offer another person one of his precious taffies before. Hmm. “...Yes, thanks.” 

You take it delicately, unwrapping the wrapper and taking a bite of it experimentally. It’s very lightly sweet, soft and chewy and surprisingly pleasant. 

Sapnap watches you from the corner of his eye, softly smiling when he sees you eat the rest of it. Glad to see someone else has good tastes around here.)

#8. George-

Meager man makes a meager meal. I said what I said!!! This flatbread boy knows diddly squat, and the only things he can cook successfully are bread and mushroom soup. Which he will make. And that’s all he’ll make. Any food that isn’t that is cooked by either Bad or Dream, and he’s still picky about it.

He’ll make you the soup and bread ladies and gents. I’m not saying they’ll taste great together, but he will definitely make them for you. Anything else he’s pretty critical about, and he doesn’t care much for treats or dessert. He does occasionally like dark chocolate though, which he and Dream will beg Bad to make for them. Soon he begs you to make it for him, and then you have to go ask Bad how he makes it so George won’t complain about how it tastes different from Bads. It’s a weird situation. You make a lot of chocolate. Dream and George linger at your house for weeks on end until you get fed up and shoo them away with a broom.

To his credit, even though he can’t cook much, he’s really proud of his mushroom stew. Any time you let him cook, his go-to is his mushroom stew. He likes to feed you and know that you’re not hungry somewhere, and to top it off he gets to show you his prized dish; not Bad’s or Dream’s stew, but his. He’s cute or whateva…

(George places the bowl down in front you, stepping back and turning to grab his own, before sitting down next to you. He immediately begins to eat, and you give him a half glance as you bring the soup up to smell it. 

It… doesn’t smell that bad, actually. Not burnt, at least. You spoon some of the soup into your mouth. 

Despite all you’ve seen of George’s cooking, this is pretty well made. It’s nice and warm, and the flavors are rich and the mushrooms soft. You choose to ignore the small smile of his face next to you, and keep eating your soup quietly together.)

#9: Wilbur

Wilbur can’t cook for shit. Literally nothing. This man knows apples grow from trees and that animals are made of meat and that’s it.

You think Wilbur made any of his food when he was president or exiled or ever? Not a chance. He ate anything given to him, Tubbo and Tommy absolutely brought this man all the food they could find so he wouldn’t get eat straight trash or starve throughout the presidency. Techno slid him bare cooked potatoes in Pogtopia and he thought “oh this slaps….. this is the pinnacle of food”

Which I know, not really sexy. But! This means that the moment you feed him something a step up from a bare cooked potato he is in food heaven. He especially loves saucier kinds of foods with lots of flavor and spice to them, it’s just so fucking good. Food becomes his kryptonite after you feed this silly man.

With sweets, however, he isn’t that much of a fan. He does like those small lemon creme crackers, and you and da boys are the only ppl he’ll share them with.

(You hear him before you see him. The familiar clambering at your window draws your attention away from the pork you were dicing, and one look over your shoulder shows a disheveled but grinning Wilbur. 

“I hope I’m not too late for dinner.” He jokes, brushing off his pants before approaching you to press a kiss to your temple. Soon after that you hear another set of clambering, and two pairs of stomps reveals one Tommy and one Tubbo respectively. 

“What’s for dinner tonight, mate?” 

“Hope you don’t mind if we join in!” 

You sigh, turning back to hide your smile before they can see it.)

// Hope you enjoyed! I might write a pt2 of this later with some other ppl in it lol we’ll see :3

[batwhimpix]

An Interview with Former Takarazuka Top Star Asumi Rio: The Laidback Personality Behind the Handsome Face

(Translated by me 8/19/2021)

While still a member of the Takarazuka Revue, Asumi Rio was known for her sensitive acting which digs deep into the heart of each role, her crystal-clear vocals, and her captivating stage presence. As the top star of Flower Troupe, she gained an immense level of popularity. Now, it has been one year since her retirement from the company. She has expanded her repertoire from stage to screen, and continues to showcase new sides to her talent. In her first name-bearing variety program, the Hulu Original "Asumi Rio's Atelier," Asumi-san learns new tips and techniques to "step up" both her lifestyle and her design sense. Totally different from her intense onstage aura, this program offers a chance to get to know Asumi-san's soft and relaxed offstage persona.

It's been a year and a half since you left the Takarazuka Revue. How would you describe that period of time for you, Asumi-san?

When I was in the Revue, because I had managed to enter the world of Takarazuka, which was my absolute favorite place, I felt strongly that I didn't want to have any regrets. So I was very motivated to work as hard as I could to polish my craft. I was completely lost in it, but within that, I always had my fans cheering me on, and the guidance of so many around me. In the last year and a half, I've realized all over again just how precious a thing that was.

Until I left, my only experience was on the stage, so stepping into the world on screen for the first time, a lot of totally new forms of expression were expected from me, and I felt a lot of anxiety. Parting from Takarazuka and living as just one individual human, every day is full of challenges. But that said, every day now is also rich with new experiences and new possibilities, so I've come to face that with a lot of gratitude.

While you were in Takarazuka, there was a very clear image, that of a perfect "otokoyaku," to aspire to. Now that you don't have that anymore, what kind of actress are you aiming to become?

There are a lot of qualities I have now precisely because I was an otokoyaku, and I think it's probably okay for me to just embrace that. As top [abbrev. "top star", the starring otokoyaku actress in each troupe], I was in a position where I had to lead the troupe, watch over and guide all the other actresses, and shape each production as the lead actress. I think I've picked up a lot of grit through that experience, and even as a woman, I think having a bit of a masculine edge in your lifestyle and how you deal with things can be a positive, right?

Even when I was playing otokoyaku roles, moreso than aiming for a particular ideal, I came at each role separately, like, this time I'm playing this kind of man, next time I'm playing this kind of man. It was like a gradual broadening of my horizons. Now I'm simply adding female roles to that roster, so it's kind of like the scope of roles available to me has doubled. When it comes to my outward appearance, as my hair grows out and I transition toward a more feminine look, I've been having all kinds of new discoveries, like, "Oh, this kind of styling makes me feel like this." Within my drama roles as well, I like those discoveries like, if I do it like this, won't it be interesting, or if I do this, I can get viewers to say, "Oh!" I want to keep digging to find those little moments where I can really surprise people within each role.

Since your retirement from Takarazuka, what overall on-set experience sticks out the most in your memory?

I think that has to be the first show I had the opportunity to take part in, "Ochoyan" [NHK serialized telenovella]. Until I was on that set, I always thought that the stage was the most incredible place in the world. I would never find anywhere else where every member is so unified in their vision, where everyone has so much pride in their troupe and so much love for the production they're building together, as in Takarazuka. Even now, I still think Takarazuka is a very special place, and my love for it hasn't changed.

But on the set of "Ochoyan," like Takarazuka, there were so many staff working to create this thing, who truly loved the work and brought all kinds of skills to the table to bring it to life. Among the cast as well, the atmosphere during recording, where all of us in the Tsurugame Family Theater [the name of the theater company employing main character Takei Chiyo as well as Asumi-san's character Takamine Ruriko] really did feel like a family, wasn't that different from Takarazuka at all. On the contrary, because our time together was limited just to the recording of this show, it felt like everyone valued that time all the more. Being on a set like that was a huge experience for me.

In Takarazuka, you had a very hectic schedule. As soon as one production closed you were already thinking about the next. I'm sure your lifestyle has changed in a big way since then. What kind of feelings do you have about that?

I retired and moved here to Tokyo right around the start of the pandemic. During the lockdown, when I was in my house all day, I realized how long the day really is. Suddenly it was up to me to decide how to spend all this time in the day. I could use it to rest or, if I had some area I was struggling with, I could use it for training too. I had a renewed realization that depending on my own feelings, I could choose to change myself in any number of ways.

These days, how do you find yourself spending the majority of your time?

These days, I'm doing a lot of types of work I'm totally new to, and working on sets with people I've only just met, so I'm still in a place where I spend a lot of time nervous. When I'm on a set I haven't gotten used to yet, my antenna is going in all different directions, so after I get home I try to relax as much as possible. In order to fully refresh myself and go into work the next day in high spirits and ready to face whatever comes, I've been making a conscious effort to be kind to myself.

What activities allow you to refresh your batteries the most?

Zoning out, and eating delicious food.

On "Asumi Rio's Atelier," you gave steaming rice in a donabe [TN: earthenware pot traditionally used to steam rice, supposedly more delicious than steaming in a rice cooker] a try for the first time, but what kinds of things do you eat most often?

As long as it tastes good, I'll happily eat anything. I like vegetables, meat, fish, and I love carbs, too. Ideally, I want to eat a good balance of a lot of different things.

Speaking of that program, how were the topics for each episode decided? Were you able to make requests?

For "Atelier" we had the general framework that I would be trying different activities I was interested in from the onset, so basically they asked me, "What kind of things are you interested in? What do you want to try?" And then...Yeah, first I had about 30, then we added about 30 more, so in total about 60, ideas that we pitched. The program staff wanted to include as many of my requests as they could, so actually, within each episode there are probably three or four different ones. In addition to that, there's an interview in each episode that relates back to that episode's theme. I enjoyed the chance to reflect on my Takarazuka era and memories from my childhood.

On the topic of your Takarazuka era, in your first interview for us, you said, "I wasn't necessarily aiming to become top star." But within the system of Takarazuka, to climb all the way to top star, you must have been aware of something within yourself that made you want to aim higher?

Let's see...Ever since I was an underclassman, I had a strong drive to improve as an otokoyaku. I wanted people to find my performance interesting, and I wanted to be seen as a necessary part of the production. I wanted to act a lot, and I wanted to sing a lot of songs that I love. I wanted to bathe in the spotlight, and I was happy when I got to wear more gorgeous costumes. If I really think back on those feelings now, first in the shinjinkouen junior performances featuring only actresses who have been with the company seven years or less, and then in performances at the smaller Bow Hall theater next to the Takarazuka Grand Theater, inevitably I started aiming for the lead roles that would allow me to stand on stage for the longest every time.

Somewhere along that road, when I was told I was being transferred from the troupe I was first inducted into, Moon Troupe, to Flower Troupe, this feeling that I had wanted to be the Moon Troupe's successor welled to the surface. And since that's the same as saying, "I wanted to be the top star of Moon Troupe," that was the first time I became aware of that goal. Every troupe in Takarazuka has its own character, though, so after my transfer, I was desperate to hurry up and become an otokoyaku befitting Flower Troupe first...

So as you worked to further your artistic development, there at the zenith was top star.

If you were to ask my underclassman self, the Top-sans are unbelievably incredible performers, and the more shinjinkouens you experience, the more closely you come to understanding just how incredible they are. Then as you spend more years with the company and find yourself in a position where you're working directly under the Top-san, you realize how much work they're really doing, and...The more you know, the more you lose the ability to say something like "I want to be the top star" carelessly.

And yet, you bore the heavy responsibility of a top star for five-and-a-half years. It's hard to imagine from your usual laidback attitude, but when it comes to your art, you're incredibly diligent and strong-willed. That gap is captivating.

When it comes to theater, I'm very picky. I mean, I'm way too stubborn for one thing. Especially in productions where I'm playing the lead role, I always have really strong feelings about how I want to perform things, and I'm not in a position where I can hesitate to convey that. It's important to listen to the opinions of various other people too, but when it comes down to it, if I have a clear idea of the direction I want things to proceed and direct things with that in mind, it makes things easier for everyone else, so I always tried to communicate my thoughts clearly and directly. If I'm delivering consistently good work, there's a persuasive power to that. Not only do the underclassmen naturally follow along, but the staff listen and respond to my requests as well.

But when you're making this kind of production, you do have to be pretty strict. But then, the real me is more of a people pleaser. I want everyone to like me, or more like, I don't want to be disliked. I didn't want the younger underclassmen to feel like I was unapproachable or like they couldn't talk to me because I was the top star. I wanted them to think of me like family. So outside matters relating to work, I tried to give off as relaxed a vibe as possible. Definitely, I think there was quite a gap between "on" and "off" for me.

Are there a lot of differences between "Asumi Rio the otokoyaku" and "Asumi Rio the actress?" How about between your stage name persona and your private self under your birth name?

I've lived under my stage name for so much longer than my birth name that I feel like, at this point, the parts of myself that belong to my real name are few and far between. I do have the feeling that, in some respect, I've grown up together with my stage name. In essence, while I was in Takarazuka, I didn't worry too much about creating a separate persona. Thanks to the kindness of my fans and the environment I was in, I felt like I could leave my otokoyaku persona on the stage and stay pretty close to my natural self everywhere else. I guess the only thing is, when I'm alone in my house, I revert to goblin mode. (laughs wryly) Like I'll have trouble getting myself to go take a bath, or I really should clean but my back hurts, etc., etc.

By contrast, now that I've graduated from being an otokoyaku, a lot of the things I'm doing as an actress are total firsts for me, so I think I feel more discomfort with my presentation now than I did then. There are times when I get really nervous, and then I get disappointed in myself for feeling that way. Like, until just a little while ago, I was in a position where I was responsible for keeping everyone's morale up. I would get up on that stage like, "It's alright, just leave it to me," so what am I all anxious for now? I often think about how much I still have to learn, and how badly I want to hurry up and learn it so I can show the results of my efforts.

Is there a particular ideal you're currently pursuing? What kind of actress do you want to become, and what kind of woman?

Since leaving Takarazuka, I've had a lot more opportunity to meet all kinds of new people. On every set I've been on, each of the actresses I meet has their own unique aura, and seeing their acting up close, I'm blown away by each of them. Among the staff as well, there are so many different kinds of professionals of all ages, and I often find myself inspired by their work ethic and lifestyle. I'd like to continue to enrich my life by learning from the amazing people I meet and experiencing many new things, and work to become a more fully rounded human being.

*Bracketed notes not marked "TN" (Translator's Note) were present in the original article.