#im pretty chill w/ everything
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Note
I have a few questions about certain kinks and fetishes that I don't know if you're okay with writing so that I don't accidentally give a prompt that you're uncomfortable with writing and ruin your day. (You can just answer 'yes', 'no', or 'sometimes' I also apologize if some of these were on the list you made, I'm not looking at the list and just going by memory while I type this out)
Food play
Frottage
Collars/leashes
piss play
Exhibition
Master/slave
human toilet
Moxiety
Manhandle
Anxeit
Voyeurism
Inflation
Micro/Macro
Knife play
Choking or breath play
Cverstimulation
Foot/feet play
Worship
Praise
Cross-dressing
(I'm sorry if that's alot)
UR ALL GOOD MAN !!! THANK U 4 THE QUESTION ^_^
Frottage, collars/leashes, piss play, exhibition, human toilet, manhandling, voyeurism, micro/macro, knife play, choking & breath play, overstimulation, worship, praise, & crossdressing r all things I am totally ok w/ writing !
Food play, inflation, & feet play r ALSO things I am ok w/ writing, but they're not usually something I think about or know about, so I am a little unsure when it comes to writing it. I'll still write it but it probably wont be super good NEHDJFNF
Master/slave is. A tricky one. I don't know fully how I feel about it just yet. I think it depends on the situation and what's happening, so Maybe.
Anx//ceit & mox//iety are ships I am okay with writing.
Also, just as a note, my day will not be ruined by a prompt I don't enjoy. If i see something Im uncomfortable w/ or dislike, whether it be a request or a random asks, I will just ignore it or say I don't want to write it.
If you're still unsure if I will enjoy a request, just send it in anyway. The worse thing I will say is "im sorry but i don't want to write this!"
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mini etho-related doodles for the final chapter of You Could've Applied Online that dropped today (good ending: REAL, FREE at shade-e-es glass factory emporium) (+unreal boatboys final goodbye sequence)... gonna miss it ;w;
this one courtesy quote by chloe
and unrelated DO2 etho doodle frum yesterday (idk what to do with this atm)
#stufffsart#ycao au#bdoubleo100#bdubs#ethoslab#etho#ethubs#smallishbeans#boatboys#hermitcraft#hermitblr#mcytblr#pretty chill chapter and ending its nice :]#everything about ycao boatboys down to its ending hurt me hurts me and its awesome#the fact that its generally unresolved unspoken feels fitting for them#did NOT expect them to reanimate joel tho more than anything im just glad he finally came home to lizzieee 'are you alone?' my hearttttt#i wanted to draw smth nice for the ethubs ending at shade-e-es with more details when my schedule is a bit kinder to me i shall#and bdubs finally got that boy's NUMBER im so proud of him whwwhwh >w<#these wont be the last i draw of YCAO just bc it over dw
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Kinda 😾 rn cause I realized the Senna show made the "can we be equal? 👉👈" scene SOOOO much less intimate/cute. Upon watching it, I was too distracted by "Oh! They're referencing dialog that actually happened!!" but now I'm peeved having rewatched the actual clip 😭
Why would they do this to me specifically
#skflka sorry i love to nitpick#i guess this kinda thing is fascinating to me#why change the setting and layout so much???? if you're going to portray dialog we have actual footage of#to me theres just smth so palpably different about them sitting pretty intimately close together on a couch#in much more informal zipped down racesuits. very chill. very close. etc. much more levity(if a bit awkward lol)#vs having them in this very formal setting. sitting in separate chairs. in full racesuit. team and press surrounding them.#having ayrton sit so much more stiff and alain more lax whereas they were both lax in the original. ayrton even more so w his arm draped#i guess im curious how little things like this contribute to the overall portrayal and narrative they are specifically pushing#id include clips to compare bcs i feel like the way they have them speak the lines is sooooo different from irl#but clipping netflix is so annoying LOL maybe later#smth about how they make ayrton feel like this innocent puppy whereas they feel like they're on very equal footing in the irl clip#idk how to describe it. i guess i felt in the original clip alain felt way more cutesy and earnest#joking abt fighting and being equal. and ayrton laughs w him and is much more the intense one yknow#whereas he is portrayed very earnestly in the netflix one. as if alain is this older driver who doesnt take him seriously.#hope this makes sense :) yes i am the annoying fan who holds up a microscope to everything slkjal#anyways. i love that clip. alain is sooooo cute in it#prosenna#catie.rambling.txt#f1
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loom angst again sorry
>:( if that louet erica weren't 30cm it would be perfect. i could even go pick it up on the commuter rail line
is it stupid to buy a loom if i'm planning to replace it with the 50cm version of itself, possibly quite soon/as soon as i get frustrated with only making 9" wide fabric. i'd currently be getting a good deal on the loom + stand, but i'd have to resell the loom for pretty close to its original sale price in order to have meaningfully saved money on the accessories it comes with after buying a new one, & i really don't think that's realistic. so i'm going to go with "yes that is dumb" and may just buy a new loom at rhinebeck if no one's selling a table loom near here that i can get to and actually would want
#uuuugh i want. loom#the fact that it's not that good a deal if i don't really want the 30cm specifically is helping though. im coming to terms with it#catch me buying an 8 shaft 16" ashford for fucking $975 next week like 'this is a better decision actually!'#it even MIGHT be if i use it for a long time/it fulfills most of my loom desires. but also. yikes#this is even after scouring the guild secondhand listings yes. people mostly aren't selling table looms around here idk#if i had space for a floor loom and owned a car id be all set though.#box opener#theres also a used equip auction at rhinebeck w looms but i am very nervous about saddling myself with something broken/missing parts#and do not want an involuntary third hobby 'finding out how to repair a loom'#i kind of hate building things. i don't want loom repair homework#if youre wondering im feeling pretty chill and positive about everything else in my life#this isn't displacement about something else. im just really stressed out about dropping several hundred dollars on a loom#as a completely voluntary purchase i have no obligation to make.
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ILL COME OUT TO MY PARENTS AS BI TODAY
#IT IS TIME 🔥🔥#any tips?#Its been some years already and Im already in high school so I think I should be ready#my parents are not homophobic or anything but i don't know how they will react#im kinda nervous ngl#I'm not in love w anyone atm but I want them to know#I wish I could show them everything I like and I do but yea#Im kind of afraid of their opinion especially since my mom has always been pretty judgemental#my dad ia pretty chill tho but Im sure he will start making A LOT of dad jokes lmao#coming out#lgbt#bisexual#sapphic stuff
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I'm thinking about telling my parents that I'm changing my name today.... wish me luck ig
#just blahs#my moms been out of town for the last little while so im just waiting til she gets home#probably a little bit after that so she can unpack everything too#but anyways#im pretty sure my parents will be mostly chill about it . the only question is will they decide to use aether or try to talk me out of it#who knows#but like . i do know that nothing bad is like . *actually* gonna happen . like i know they probably wont get like . upset w me#idk but im nervous even though i know itll be alright#i hate coming out#nonbinary#agender#genderqueer#pangender
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i swear to g-d im& not even the jealous type but jfc i HAAAAAAATE this feeling when im& just lowkey like. who's :)))))) this :))))) bitch 👀👀👀👀🔪🔪🔪🔪 :))))))
#arcana.vents#& its like. kinda irrational bc we're just friends & just vibing & we're not even together but like. i cant help it so fuck me ig lmao#like obvi he can have friends & shit & w/e so im not gonna like. tell him anything bc i dont wanna like push him away or push anything yk??#& he said he missed me & everything but like. damn. why arent you talking to me like that. i wish you would talk to me like that.#i miss you too & i wish you would tell me you loved me more :<#im just like bitch chill he aint even your man. but he's sweet & good to me & he's deadass one of the funniest ppl ever.#& we have literally so much in common & he said i was a miracle & resilient since birth & that sb should make a documentary about me ehehe.#& we're both autistic poc4poc & have a lotta solidarity between our communities & he makes me blush & giggle & i love his curls & his smile#& the color of his skin's so pretty & he said that it'd be neat if we just. played videogames in a pillowfort#& he makes spongebob refs & he likes anime & horror & buffy & ethel cain nicole dollanganger & lana del rey & he got a nasty ass vocabulary#& he said it'd be cool if we explored abandoned places together & go to concerts together & he has the cutest name ive deadass ever heard#when nicole said ''when i see you i cant find the words to speak my cheeks go as red as two big cherries'' & ''you're so cool''... YEAH.#im gonna start fuckin chewing on the fuckin walls dude. im GNAWING at the bars of my cage. i need him to firmly grasp it.#i wanna feed him the world's sweetest strawberry!!!!#we have lost the entire fucking plot besties lmfaoooo#& i rarely if ever feel like this for cis dudes & my mind is blaring sirens like he gonna leave me im just. getting war flashbacks to. yeah#the red sirens be blaring like HE'S GONNA ABANDON ME!!!!! its so irritating#ill be goddamned if i EVER feel replaced to that degree ever again. id actually rather get hit by a car & throw myself into the sea lmao#UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH BPD SPLITTING I HATE YOU#this was from a few hours ago but i forgot to post it so lmao
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I need to complain
#so my current job is with 3 people that I know from previous jobs#our staff is 6 people#I love my mg as a person but she is so. oh my god.#the company is pretty removed from the stores (within reason) but p much as long as our numbers look good they don’t hover. our dm comes#v rarely and only checks in w mg once a wk-ish. so my mg takes full advantage of this. we r a relatively slow store dgmw but she straight up#ignores shit that needs. to be done? like shipment will just sit there for DAYS and she will do the bare minimum and sit on her phone allday#and go in the back for 15 mins for no reason and then come out on the floor and steal sales and then leave work early and do nothing to help#anyone else make their numbers and then she always has to brag abt things in our district group chat that she like#barely fucking contributes to and like literally EVERYTHING in the store gets done by my AM and I. I am not any type of mg in this store and#I accepted this job fully ok w that. I wanted a break from management. and yet I am constantly stepping up to do shit bc our mg doesn’t#and it’s basic operational shit that we’ve LITERALLY DONE. AT OUR LAST JOB. WE ALL DID THE SAME. FUCKING THINGS AT OUR LAST JOB#WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DONT JNOW HOW TO DO A FUCKING CHANGE ORDER. HOW DO WE NEVER HAVE CHANGE AND IM ALWAYS THE ONE TAKING CASH TO THE BANK#WHYYYYYYYY AM I PLANNING BLACK FRIDAY AND DOING EVERYTHING W MY AM TO PREPARE WHILE SHE LITERALLY GOES “’there isn’t that much to do?’ldhdga#WHAT. DO. YOU. MEAN. THERES LIKE 20 BOXES OF UNTOUCHED SHIPMENT FOR NO FUCKING REASON EVERYTBI GS A MESS WE NEED TO DO SK MUCH#HOW ARE YOU SITTING THERE. WATCHING REELS!!!!!!! AND THEN STOPPING US WHILE WE’RE GETTING THINGS DONE TO SHOW US MEMES#IM GOING TO HnbHsndvdhwjf#my poor am is in the final weeks of her semester trying to do hw and shit on top of cleaning up the mess our mg leaves and hovering over her#to make sure things get done and it’s just like#You should not Have To Be DOING THAT#I’m just so blown. like she lies so much and just does whatever the fuck she wants w no consideration and then we have to reality check her#and she’s like oh you’re right I’m sorry#and then it changes for a fucking day and goes right back. I’m just.#And then she has the audacity to say ‘ I stepped back to see if you(am) would step up to do things’#LMFAO GIRLLKJKLLGBFBS FUCK YOU THATS SUCH A KINE OF BULLSHIT YOURE SO LAZY PLS FIND A HUSBAND AND BE A HOUSEWIFE FASTER#STOP TERRORIZING WORKPLACES PLSSSSSS PLS PS Sslslsldbxvsj#fr talking to her is talking to the wall.#like I would prefer to just look at the floor and say things than say it to her bc she does not listen#but like sitting w her and bullshitting when downtime she’s chill and funny like I love her. just she sucks at working.
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#sorry ranting again but#tw weight#i shouldn't eveb have checked my weight yesterday#i feel so disgusting doing anything today#like everything that i generally donr associate w weight is now reminding me like oh youre doing your daily walking but ur still overweigt#i cannot do anything normally without thinking about it#and its been so long since i hated myself this much this is so annoying#im scared whike filling uni forms because i think oh they will reject you cuz youre fat#even though it has nothing to do w my appearance at all#i didn't feel like cleaning my room today but then i was like oh youre ugly and disgusting at the same time ??? atleast clean your room#im trying to reason w myself but it's just not working#i skipped class today but i have to go tomorrow and im so scared cuz i dont really have friends there#but theres some nice girls i talk to once in a while and they have told me things like 'youre so pretty' 'i love your hair' etc#and i know because i usually do well in mock tests and dont annoy anyone... nobody really hates me#theyre pretty chill#but im still like oh these guys are gonna laugh at me or talk like did you see her today she couldn't have gotten worse#thankfully our break time bw classes is shorter now so i wont be eating during break because i always refuse when someone else offers me#i think the one girl i do share food w and talk to quite often is skipping tomorrow so im extra scared#i dont eveb know anymore#og
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saturday was so rotten but luckily today is okay so far 👍 a heem heem whimper levels have improved
#like i do not feel well enough to leave the house but at least i can leave my bed. good lird#also this is gross but i had a high fever and with that apparently came the odd mixture of both being v chilled AND being extremely sweaty#that has not happened to me before -_-#but then again its like i always say (<- doesnt actually say this but does think it) i can handle pretty much anything if im not nauseated#like whatever its unpleasant but im not exploding everything w my mind
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beyond frustrating that even my chronic pain is tied directly to my trauma
#like what. they got away w everything & i get to be in near constant pain + fatigue for the rest of my life??? how is that fair?#im just now learning how not to beat myself up for needing lots of rest too. i used to think i was just lazy & rude.#but its literally my body telling me 'hey we need to chill out for a while & not move much. sitting is a good way to do that'#i cannot help it. yet instead of being angry w those men i was angry at myself for needing more rest than others#(my dad among other things is pretty ableist & its very evident. its rlly hard not to internalize the shit he says sometimes)#anyway. cool that the abuse fucked me up so bad internally that it cant be reversed & continues to cause me significant pain 🙃#actuallytraumatized#actuallyabused#csa vent#kinda? more implied than outright stated though#trauma vent
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physically incapable of being honest i simply MUST concoct an elaborate and potentially ongoing lie to tell my boss im quitting over text barely three weeks in because saying 'hey man i actually dont think this job is as good a fit for me like i thought itd be and i really need to focus on my classes right now because theyre also a lot more demanding than i thought theyd be as well so i think itd be best for me to part ways on good terms before things start to go south' is simply doing too much and would bring the morale down. i need to lie to this man
#like is my immediate. borderline compulsive kneejerk reaction to lie about any and everything in my life a sign of something? perhaps#but i am choosing to ignore it#i normally would not be this bad abt quitting but ever since i found out theres only 5 (five) ppl TOTAL employed here it#kinda messed me up bc i know how much it sucks working w a skeleton crew but i also dont want to fuck myself over#by staying at a place that i dread going to BECAUSE its so short staffed#also like. the man just finished the schedules up until next month and i have No Days Off like i still have classes bro#i cannot be taking six years to finish a fucking two year degree#but now i feel bad abt quitting so suddenly (and over text at like 3am) bc my boss isnt a bad guy or anything hes actually pretty chill#however i genuinely think id actually lose it for real if i stayed here any longer#perhaps in another world i have the opposite problem and can only tell the truth at all times#im getting off track now i need to focus on the Lore of my Lies#sorry gma but im using you as my one free family emergency pass to get out of work (she is already dead)#yall already know the drill if you read all of this dont forget to like comment subscribe and hit that notification bell#or offer advice too idc just know if your answer is 'just be honest' i will not be doing that
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autism question, does anyone else feel overcome with rage as soon as they're able to stop masking or is that just me
#usually happens on the drive home when I'm finally alone where its quiet (except not bc i listen to music but yknow what i mean#and even if i felt chill before im like. suddenly wanting to destroy everything i see w my mind; sometimes my hands even get shaky its uhh#idk maybe not strictly autism related but it mostly happens after work/when ive been out of the house too long#might get better as i get to know my coworkers and can be more normal (my version of normal) around them#most of them seem pretty cool & theyd probably be accepting i just Can't turn it off until my brain fully trusts em
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Heya! Hope you’re doing well this holiday season (I saw you in my RBs and just wanted to say hello heheh)
hiiiiiiiiii SJSJSJ I am! I hope you are also doing well and it’s nice to formally meet u !! im sasha they/them :-) it’s cool we’re mutuals now ! and that you’ve noticed I rb everything I see on my strawberries acc and my main’s the grace one SJSJSJ I usually put like. stuff I particularly wanna save but I usually rb it on my strawberries one if u just wanna follow one and not have double posts lol
#if you do happen to see any relation to hphm or hp fandom. literally pls know it was back when I was a kid#and thought I Needed to tag everything. then I stopped tagging. and now that’s the main thing tumblr thinks I tag.#ive been deleting stuff now but it was at the time a niche group of fairly supportive people that were anti jkr and supportive of poc and t#-trans people. for the most part it was engaging w a shitty mobile game that had same universe as hp and stuff and creating ur own ocs#I don’t regret how it led me to some fantastic people who like did eventually learn how Bad it was and we’re actively against it#and I mean we’re also all trans and stuff so yeah double fuck to jkr and hp honestly#anyways this is all a confession I’ve been wondering if I should talk abt if anyone new follows me and sees me associated w it#other than that I think I’m pretty chill. I fr hope this wasn’t so forward that it’d scare you or anyone else off T-T I swear im not 16 and#-new to tumblr and how exploitative racist sexist and transphobic the hp fandom and jkr is lol
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In a world of boys. CL¹⁶
🌸 Summary: When least expected, is revealed to the public your and Charles wedding.
Masterlist
°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•
liked by charles_leclerc and 137.926 others
yourinstagram: Part time driver, full time photographer 📸.
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username to have charles leclerc has my personal photographer😩
username: what i wouldn't do for that😩☝️
username: a girl can dream.
username not he giving his all to yn's pics
yourusername: what can i say, he understand the importance of my ig feed.
charles_leclerc: im you elite employee!
username: not charles being chronically online🤠
yourusername: baby stop ✋️!!
charles_ leclerc posted on their stories
viewed by yourusername, pierregasly and 214.098 others
replies to your story
username: stop, she so pretty 😍
username: where are you guys at???
username: is not her b-day rigth?
liked by charles_leclerc, yourbff and 164.037 others.
yourinstagram: such a special moment shared with all our special people ❤️
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username: body goals ✨️ 😍
username: yes, i wish i was that pretty
username: where the dress is from?? Is so dreamy
yourbff: stop, this is such a emotional moment for me 😪😪
yourusername: don't be like that, you know u are my forever ♥️
yourbff: I better be!
charles_leclerc: my till the end
yourusername: 💗🤍
username: tell me why everything is so strange these days.
username: that's what I been saying, what are they celebrating???
username: it could be someone birthday, you guys need to chill
username: no, (y/n) friend and charles comments sus
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yourinstagram: caro mio ben.
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username: stopppppppp
username: my parents are married 😪😪
username: and the children (us) were no there
username: 😩
username: i knew it!!!
username: my husband has a wife
username: We need more photos
charles_leclerc: mon ange 🤍
scuderiaferrari: we're emotional here
username: she officialy the W in wag.
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truth or dare
pairing: hellokittylover/coquette!oc x boxer!jk
genre: angst, fluff
‧₊˚🎧⊹♡— are you playing? truth or dare
synopsis: rumor has it that jungkook is entertaining other girl(s)
word count: 3.3k
warnings: angsty, oc got: attachment issues, daddy issues [like the author], etc. oc is also kinda dumb (and broken) but she’s figuring shit out, lowkey she’s that bitch, jealous!oc, side characters were kinda introduced, mention of jk making out w/ another girl, jk’s character is complex: one sec he’s a playboy and another sec he’s down bad for oc?, open ending, unedited
a/n: this took place when jk and oc were in 2 month situationship and still getting to know one another! so their boundary wasn’t clear..
₊˚⊹ ᰔ
Everything seems to be a dream as soon as you wake up on another glorious day.
you’ve never felt so energized like this before. it’s a little strange to say but, you even feel like you’ve been reborn for some unknown reason. maybe today is going to be a good day for you.
well let’s see.. you’re off from work plus you basically got nothing to do other than clean your room a little for a little bit and to just chill around!
one of the first things you do as soon as you wake up is stare at your phone, particularly to see if jungkook has sent you a message yet as he always never fails to not. a simple yet sweet “good morning pretty :)” and “did my baby girl sleep well?” can add a bright color to your day. it shows that he cares and that he’s thinking about you too.
the anticipated message from your comfort person unexpectedly did not pop out in your notification. it kind of threw you off. jungkook never misses sending you at least one message, precisely at 8:30 every morning. even in the mornings where he had a boxing match the night before. today is indeed such a strange day.
you’re in no position to be sad just because he didn’t message you. in fact, you’re not, you’re just surprised, or so you think. at the same time, you shouldn’t be in shock owing to the fact that there’s no label between you and jungkook. indeed there’s something going on with you and him, whatever that would be except for being girlfriend and boyfriend.
you often ask yourself where you two stand. for you, it’s indistinct to identify what you are to him. all you know is that he is someone special to you. jungkook makes you feel like you’re the prettiest girl in the whole universe every time he’s around you. it’s the way he articulates his words when speaking to you. you can’t explain it.
you’re more than aware that you’re growing emotional attachment to him. getting used to his affection and now that you didn’t receive a message from him to start off your day, it dismays you. although you’re not sure if there's a hidden motive beyond those gut feeling, you choose to ignore it and start typing on your keyboard.
good morning my ggukie!!
r u free today?? kinda wanna hang out with you >o<
delivered | 9:01 am
since you didn’t establish any kind of plan that you’ll be doing today, you’re thinking of inviting him over. you have lots of things to show him, things you purchased when you went shopping with your best friend who also happens to lives next door, Yun-jin
speaking of her before you even forget, you have to call and ask her how her night went from clubbing last night. she initially invited and forced you to go. but your thousands of homeworks and seventy other things on your checklist didn’t permit you to go. partying is always fun, especially with her, but you have to stay focused on your priorities.
you find her inbox off your message app, the first thing you saw was her latest message from this morning
im aliveeeeeeebwwkwwjhskw
sent at 3:33 am
it made you chuckle lightly. she’s completely wasted. there’s no point of calling her as she’s probably still down. so, you decided to pull up to her apartment, bring a few painkillers with you. you’ll bet seven grand that her hangover is going to be so bad.
opening the door using the key she gave you, you spot her laying on the cream and fluffy rug in her cozy white themed living room. you quickly make your way towards her.
“yunny wake up” you said, gently rubbing her back. “i brought you some painkillers, take them quickly” handling her a couple of pain relievers.
₊˚⊹ ᰔ
you’re currently searching for breakfast in her mini fridge, something yun-jin can eat so she’ll feel better. your poor friend is a complete mess as she lazily walks toward the counter in front of you.
“last night was so fun, you should’ve come,” she murmurs, hopping on the bar stool as she watches you cook her breakfast. “Jaeyun won’t stop asking me about you.”
oh you almost forget about him. Jaeyun is Yun-jin’s childhood friend who has a huge interest in you. well that’s what Yun-jin has told you, but you swore to her that you won’t tell him that you know. back in your senior year of high school, you mostly have the same classes as him. oftentimes you two hang out and study together in a local cafe. you enjoy his company a lot, but only as friends. just when you and Jungkook started talking, your friendship with Jaeyun unintentionally grew apart. you lowkey miss hanging out with him. anyways, you take a mental note to check up on him later.
yun-jin tells you more about what you’ve missed. most of them are about the hot guys that she encountered in the night club. that’s not new to you because she’s always out there looking out for hotties.
“oh i forgot to tell you, you remember Blythe? she’s wildin’ last night too” of course, how could you forget about the girl who spreads malicious rumors about you? you genuinely don’t know what’s up with her as she constantly talks shit about you though you never know her personally. to you, she’s just a friend of a friend and some type of hater. indeed, it’s a one- sided beef. she is also known for making out with multiple guys and god knows what at every party she’s in.
“my god, who was her target last night??” you interestedly asked. you and yun-jin have a silly habit of keeping track of her targets. you two soon discover that she goes for the basketball players and athletic guys in general.
“I don't think we’ve seen the guy in a club before but I’ve heard he does underground boxing.” she said as her eyes glanced to her left, trying to recollect her memory. Jungkook might be familiar with the mysterious man. he could be either in his circle or one of his opponents.
you just hum, you expected she’ll go for another basketball player. you guess she’s trying something new.
“but girl, let me tell you. the boxer guy looked so drunk and she was dry humping on him like a damn get a fucking room bro” she adds more details on the tea, while pretending to cry as she covers her eyes.
“wait was the guy totally intoxicated ?” you ask as cracking the eggs on the hot pan.
“No, he was still responding back to her, running his hands around her body and stuff.” you’re glad you didn’t see that yourself, or else you’ll cringe. your friend giving you a summary of how the night went is enough. still, it’s entertaining. for a while.
“let me see if she posted something on her IG” yun-jin utters, pulling out her phone from her pocket.
she taps on her screen multiple times, and finally she finds a story that the girl posted. “look, she posted this”
and with that, yun-jin faces the phone your way. you take a glance on her screen, showing you a low exposure photo of the girl sitting on the uknown guy’s lap. her face is showing while his face wasn't captured. the blurry image seems normal. until your eyes examine the familiar tatted arm that’s wrapped around the girl’s torso. you swear you’ve seen those tattoos before. it takes you a while to recognize the ink into the deep layer of their skin.
then it hits you— those not-so-foreign tattoos belong to jungkook, your jungkook.
oh. your heart suddenly drops.
your eyes lock with the phone screen surface longer than the usual, by which makes your friend frown.
“hey, what’s wrong?” Yun-jin concernedly ask
maybe that’s why he hasn’t texted you yet. maybe he slept wit—
“y/n? you ok?” your friend calls for you again, interrupting your thoughts, though they didn’t fully vanish.
shifting your eyes to her, you blink rapidly “yeah, i’m completely ok,” swallowing your lies away. you can feel your eyes watering, and you don't want your friend to see you break down.
after cooking her breakfast, you decided to head back. “I forgot that I have something to do, I’ll go now” you rapidly put your shoes on
‘she’s not eating this breakfast with me?’ Yun-jin thinks as she watches you leave her apartment.
₊˚⊹ ᰔ
As soon as you get back to your apartment, you walk towards your bedroom. immediately, you throw yourself on the bed.
“I’m so stupid” you groan as you kick the baby pink multi layer bedsheets on your bed.
and once again, you can’t explain this bothersome feeling. anger? feeling betrayed? jealousy? sadness? all of the above?
you can’t understand. no, you’re trying to understand in the midst of confusion.
you really like him, you really do. and he says he likes you too. he even confessed his feelings to you first! since then, it was safe to assume that you two will establish a label soon. you were so sure of it, until now.
how.. how come he’s with another woman?
the more you think about, the more you feel the sting in your heart. the unpleasant emotion is spreading inside your system, it’s urging you to throw up. you find yourself removing dead skin out of your cuticle using your thumbnail, a habit which you only do to relieve anxiety.
you have so many questions that need to be answered. were the feelings he felt about you real? or was he just playing you? or did he just forget that you exist in his life last night? or did he just lose interest in you? these questions bring out your inner conflicts. so many questions you’re afraid to know the real answers of.
just before the skin next to your cuticle bleeds, your focus shifts to the triple loud ping coming from your phone. Of course, those messages belong to the one person who you least likely want to face right now.
morning pretty
sorry just woke up, having a severe hangover rn
still down to hang out? I can pull up a little later
sent at 11:59 am
his text confirms your suspicion, proving that he was drinking heavily last night. you can’t stand seeing him today. you will just cancel your initial plan and make up some lame excuse.
nvm, we can just hang out another time.
no, erase that. you’ll avoid him from now on, there won’t be another time!
nvm, I feel sick. please don’t come over.
seen at 12:00 pm
my poor baby, i’ll take care of u
sent | 12:01 pm
no need, thanks tho
delivered | 12:01 pm
not being in the mood to keep talking to him, you send the last message before putting your phone on ‘do not disturb’ mode. leaving jungkook’s messages unseen
considering that your day has been ruined, you choose to shut down the world and take a long nap.
₊˚⊹ ᰔ
on the other hand, jungkook definitely notices how cold you turned out to be. maybe it's the time of the month for you. thus, today his mission is to grab things you typically crave for: brown sugar milk tea, some sweet pastries from your favorite bakery shop, and finally, the icing to add on top, a bouquet of white roses.
jungkook usually pampers you with a bunch of food and affection. that’s why he pays attention and takes mental notes (or even notes on his phone) of tiny details about you. it satisfies him to see you all spoiled.
that’s the reason why he jumps out of his messy bed and initiates to get ready. starting off his usual morning routine by taking a cold shower. not much time after, he applies his skincare.
Jungkook hears loud chatters of two men talking from his living room as he walks out of his bedroom. he opens the door and perceives his hyungs chilling by his couch.
“yah jungkook, that chick you brought from last night was way out of control” Jimin complains as soon as jungkook enters the living room.
“yeah kook, kicking her out at 3 in the morning wasn’t a good idea. she’s loud as hell and I had to deal with one of your neighbors' complaints again” Taehyung, who was their designated driver, added annoyingly.
“whose chick?” jungkook confusedly asks.
“yours” both of his hyungs exclaim in unison, which the youngest responds with a shrug.
to be honest, Jungkook doesn’t remember shit from last night. he can recollect some memories, but not a whole bunch. drinks. yes, he drank a lot. there was this girl he randomly made out with, however he can’t remember her name or what she looks like. not that she’s relevant to him anyways.
jungkook chooses to not care about the insignificance, he could spend his time better than that. and by the word better, he spends time thinking about you.
₊˚⊹ ᰔ
the constant sound from your doorbell that’s been ringing for who-knows-how-long wakes you up from your wonderful nap.
you gently rubbing your eyes, then you tap the screen of your cellular to see the time; 3:59 pm.
shit, how long were you out for? no idea. you look at your window and see the raindrops rolling down the glass. it was just sunny before you drifted to sleep a few hours ago.
down below to your screen, you notice jungkook messages and a few missed calls from earlier and just now.
7 missed calls from 🐰
55 mins ago
I’ll stay for the night so I can take care of you
delivered | 12:03 pm
just grabbing few things for my baby and I’ll be there soon.
delivered | 12:30 pm
it’s raining heavily and now I’m stuck in traffic
delivered | 1:01 pm
I’m here!
delivered | 1:44 pm
baby? are you home? I'm here
delivered | 1:51 pm
don’t know where u at but I’ll be here waiting at your front door :(
delivered | 1:56 pm
after reading his texts, you rush to the door. there’s no way that man will wait for those hours outside your front doo-
indeed, he’s in front of your door, waiting for you to open up to him as he’s sitting on the ground. besides him, a couple of light brown paper bags, his backpack, and a bouquet of flowers are also laying on the cold cement.
“hi my pretty!” he cheerfully greeted you, rushing to get up from the ground. jungkook walks up to you with a smile full of relief and happiness as if he wasn’t wasting his time for two hours waiting for you right there.
you attempt to avoid his gaze, your eyes examine his black long sleeve that really fits him nice and is damp.
“come in, you should change your clothes.” you mutter coldy
it’s inevitable to not be concerned that he got wet from the rain. Even if you don’t wanna let him in, it will guilt you if he gets ill.
jungkook does what he was told, gathering all the stuff he brings with him and steps into your flat. he feels the strange coldness as soon as he lands his eyes on yours. something isn’t right. something is wrong with you.
He settles his things by your couch and changes into a new oversized t-shirt in front of you. after changing, he reaches for the paper bags to show you the things he got.
“look baby, I got you your favorite drink, some pastries, i know how much you lov-”
“thank you, but you shouldn’t have. I told you to not come” your stern voice cuts him off before he finishes his sentence. you’re trying to keep your cool. your tone is full of nothing but seriousness. not a hint of sweetness in them, which makes jungkook tilt his head on the side, confused by your odd attitude.
“but baby, I just wanted to be here to take care of you.” he insists. by all means, he won’t listen to what you say.
“I hate when you do this” you sigh
“did i do something wrong? are you mad at me?” he attempts to reach you, but you’re too quick to avoid his touch. “tell me what’s wrong baby, please” Jungkook added once more. he doesn’t understand why you avoid him.
“do you treat your other girls like this too?” you ask, eyes shooting lasers at his. an anger rushes through you as the thoughts of him spoiling girls other than you.
“my pretty, what are you talking about?” Jungkook furrows his eyebrows, looking down closely to you. where are you getting these notions from?
“my friend saw you last night”
it took him a couple seconds to remember
“listen to me baby, whoever I was with, she meant nothing” Jungkook defends himself quickly, reaching for your hand, trying to reassure you that she’s insignificant.
it’s not working.
“I just wish you could’ve told me we weren’t exclusive.” you said wipe a tear from your upper cheek before it could roll down further.
“or maybe I was just dumb to assume we were since you initially told me you liked me, I'm sorry, I don’t really know how this whole thing works” you dryly chuckle, honestly admitting to him that you’ve never been in this type of complicated situation before. now you feel like a fool, getting mad at him for something you can’t hold against him.
jungkook shakes his head, reaching for you one more time, placing his gentle on the side of your face, caressing it. you did nothing as you stood still.
“no, i’m sorry if I hurt your feelings. I do like you. I still do and that won’t change. I was just so drunk last night and could barely remember what happened. I’m sorry, it won’t happen again.”
but somewhere deep down is telling you that he’s only sorry because he got caught.
“you’re free to do whatever you want, Jungkook. I don’t think we’re on the same page so it will be best if we don’t see each other anymore” you articulate as best as you could.
you don’t want to let him go, due to the fact that you’re growing so much feelings towards him. it’s almost as if you’re enamored. but that’s also the same reason why you must let him go. you must, or you’ll get hurt deeper.
“y/n, please don’t say that”
“No, you know how much I like you. you know how much I value you. yet in return, I feel like I’m just a plaything to you that you can play with whenever you want.”
“that’s not true baby, you know that” Jungkook protests, shaking his head. the main problem is you don't. you absolutely have no idea of his motives for pursuing you. is he doing it because he's falling for you too? or he's just playing one of those games. those dangerous games you won't involve yourself with.
he’s looking for words to proves you that his feelings were genuine, but fails to. maybe because he never knows how to show his real feelings. or maybe he was never genuine to start with.
"I'm not one of your playthings. so just— ” you pause, shifting your eyes on the ground. “go away"
Jungkook locks his gaze to you, hoping you will look back at him and take back what you said. but he can read you face and make it seem like he’s not welcome there anymore.
without any words, he leaves, leaving you accompanied with melancholy.
series m.list
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