#im pissy at my roommate for no reason

[breathingwithdifficulty]

this has been a rough season for holidays, i think. mostly because of my mom (also partially because of my dad and the fact that he’s got a whole ass fiancee now that im still lowkey trying to come to terms with but). i haven’t seen her in months. before labor day, and now it’s thanksgiving. i don’t feel like im particularly missing out on anything really but its just kinda a bummer to have that sort of pressure and loss floating around during the holiday season, yaknow? i already kinda feel weird about the holidays at the age that im at now that my parents aren’t together but them not being together and me not talking to my mom kinda just exacerbates the whole thing.

the last time we texted was for me to ask her for a picture of my insurance card so i could go to the eye doctor, and that was the beginning of october. she hasn’t asked me about my thanksgiving plans, hasn’t invited me over, hasn’t said anything. and part of me feels like she’s waiting for me to reach out, which, well, i could, but like should i have to? i feel complicated about it. because the last extended interaction we had was a text conversation wherein i told her off for drunk texting me and being pissy about me not visiting her while im in town. i ended up ignoring her for a couple weeks until she texted again about my grandma and then i responded and told her she hadn’t heard from me because i needed space. and something about that makes me feel weird because she never said anything to it. like literally nothing. and i wonder if the reason (or, well, part of the reason) she hasn’t asked about thanksgiving is because she’s still trying to give me space?

that’s what half my heart says - the half that is probably thinking unrealistically about it. but the other half is much darker and says she hasn’t reached out because she doesn’t want to - she’s done, she’s fed up, she doesn’t want to see me for thanksgiving. maybe she ashamed? or irritated? or depressed? or maybe she really does has some misplaced sense of needing to give me space, i don’t know. it just makes me feel weird and twisty inside - like i need to reach out and if i don’t then this whole gap between us is my fault because i didn’t communicate the fact that she can reach out clearly enough. which sounds ridiculous now that i write it out. 

like, it can’t be entirely my fault that we’re not talking because if she really wanted to see me, she would ask. i mean, she would, right? i think so? but she hasn’t so that raises the question... why doesn’t she want to see me? there’s some little girl inside of me that’s crying and seven years old and eleven years old and watching her mom leave her while she sobs and it’s making me sad. i shouldn’t be reflecting on this so late - i still need to shower and i have to get up early but fuck it’s hard not to think about when im alone like this.

i don’t miss the my mom of now. that’s the hard part to explain to people - my sister, my dad, my therapist. i don’t even really miss my mom of the past either, which is harder to explain. i miss my mom of the before. when things weren’t great but i was too young to realize that they weren’t great so it was fine. because now even positive memories i have with her have been tainted because i realize what was going on in the background (and, sometimes, even, the foreground). and now i don’t have any space to make new memories like that because it almost feels like our relationship has been irreparably damaged. like i don’t feel comfortable hugging her. i can’t speak freely. her home is not my home and she doesn’t know my friends or my classes or my people or me. and it’s like i don’t even get to teach her. 

my best friends of 3 years still haven’t even met her. the friends she has met in the past (for the most part), im not even friends with anymore. she’s never been inside my car. she’s never seen me move in. she hasn’t met my roommates or been to campus or met my dads fiancee or this and this and this and that and it just feels like i am a new person. and yet it still feels kinda like she’s trying to fit me into this small box of her tiny girl and im just fucken not. im grown now. not really truly, but getting there. 

i wish i had a better relationship with my parents. i know this post is about my mom but thinking about her makes me think about my dad because i miss the him of before too. i miss the him of the between - when things were good between him and i really felt like he was my rock but i also had almost all of his focus because he hadn’t met his fiancee yet. now it just feels like a competition that im losing.

god im spiraling. my chest feels tight and now im so much sadder than i was. i went to a friends house and hung out there for literal hours (a weird thing sense she lives with so many people and we almost always just hang at my house) and it was so quietly baffling to experience how welcoming and supportive her mom was. like she had her moms undivided attention whenever she wanted it. like yes they bantered and teased and bickered and it was fun and made me laugh a lot but her mom also listened to all her little pointless stories and even asked questions and she even turned to me and offered food and snacks and drinks and advice. like she literally sent me home with a container of rubbing alcohol because we spent 15 mins looking at my infected ears. she looked up piercing places online for me. she gave me food and care and obviously i didn’t say anything excessive then but now im literally crying about it and i would text my friend and tell her that her mom being nice really means a lot but me and her aren’t like that so i won’t. but i really hope she knows because it really does make a difference especially to me.

and now im crying.

there was a lady on campus giving out free mom hugs the other week before break and god when i say it stuck with me for days. i don’t even feel like i miss my mom because i don’t miss the her of now but i miss the her of before and i feel like i will truly never get that again and it breaks my heart every day. i miss my parents.

3:18AM

11.23.22

[slutdge]

my brain for no reason randomly at 8 pm:

[doctorcurdlejr]

Coming down from my meds is the worst part of my day </3

[officialmollymauktealeaf]

I forgot how fucking terrifying my father is when he's angry and now I'm shaking yeehaw I'm gonna throw up

[sapphicambitions]

hey! hey! why do you hate the television format??

Ah yes, thank you for reminding me

I would like to state for the record before we begin that this is my personal reasons for not enjoying the format of television and not “why television is bad'' because im sure there's many people whose reasoning for liking TV is the same as my reasons for disliking them. please dont get mad at me if you disagree lmao

I feel like the short answer could be: “I have a degree in theatre and i prefer books” 

But really i hate the fact that the story is subject to change via outside forces.

In a well written play or book, there is a beginning, middle and end. It is a complete story that has been well thought out and woven together. Every detail is important and makes sense dramaturgically. You have your characters and your plot and nothing about that changes. We’re taught in Theatre School (TM) that the playwright is the first artist, and everything goes back to the playwright’s words. The story cannot change because of outside forces and it will not change over time. Once a book has been published, it is done. And yeah in theatre, a play can be done by many people with multiple interpretations of the story but it always goes back to the playwright’s words as they are the first artist and it is about honoring those words. Yada yada. you get it.

TV is always subject to change. Actors leave because there was drama on set or because they have other projects to work on. Writers change and the tone of the show changes. Or they go to a different network and the show changes. You never know how long the show is actually going to go so it could be cancelled in the middle of an important plot they never got to wrap up or the show could extend past the original plot idea and the seasons get more and more ridiculous as they’re just trying to come up with shit to do so they can keep the show running.

Like supernatural, which went on for far too fucking long and just kept spitting out nonsense when they could have wrapped up in season five.

Like the Vampire Diaries, where the main fucking character Elena Gilbert left the show (which was ridiculous!!) or when her little brother Jeremy was just like written out of the show and then never talked about again like what the hell

Like Timeless, which got cancelled after two seasons and left so many loose ends (they had to like, beg for a movie to wrap everything up) 

Like the Magicians, which just, like, sigh. Y’all know. I don’t want to get into it. Y’all know. 

Hell, even Parks and Rec, with Ann and Chris leaving the show. If Parks and Rec had been a book Ann would have never left!!! Never!!! 

Characters get pregnant because the actors who play them get pregnant and suddenly THAT’s the plot line of the season. (Wynonna Earp, Brooklyn 99, The Office, How I Met Your Mother, Sex and The City, Bones, Friends, The Big Bang Theory, Once Upon A Time, Charmed, The Vampire Diaries, Parks and Rec, Grey’s Anatomy, The X-Files, Yes I Looked Up This List To Prove My Point)

If an actor breaks their foot then the writers have to change the plot. Everything about the story is subject to change due to outside forces and that might be a selling point for some people but i do not vibe with it!! 

And also, you’re watching the story unfold over the course of time and something could change halfway through the season and they abandon the really cool plot they were working on to suddenly set up a way for them to kill off the main character of the show. (okay apparently i do want to get into it with the magicians).

Like call me a snob but i like a concise arch! Something that the show is working towards, the story that they’re telling and the thesis of the show, and the end goal they’re working towards. I just honestly don’t like the “stories wrap up in one season and will we get another? Maybe? Okay yes we will so let’s come up with a new big bad for the characters to fight who’s got ideas” or like if you get seven seasons into a show and they’re like “And here’s my long lost sister that ive literally never mentioned before but we needed something exciting for the plot so here she is!” like i hate that shit. I know my old roommate loooooved when TV shows pulled twists like that so im not saying it’s bad writing im saying I personally hate this style of writing. 

I just keep throwing in these disclaimers so no one gets pissy at me lmao 

I think what caused me to realize and put a name to these feelings was watching the Schitt’s Creek Finale. I love Schitt’s Creek because it feels like one concise story. The characters all grow and develop and have an arch and at the natural conclusion of that arch, the story wrapped up. I loved that shit. It was a game changer for me. Any other show would have kept going and the tone of the show would have been totally different and frankly im glad they wrapped it up when they did and as they did. It was a perfect ending. 

I haven’t really watched the Good Place but I’m told similar things about it. 

Avatar the Last Airbender which we can all agree is the greatest show ever written had a clear plotline throughout the whole series and a goal they were working towards even if they did have side plots, it was all building up to one endgame. And it was stellar. 

I also recently rewatched parks and rec which is one of my favorite shows of all time and i do truly love it but like the whole point of the show originally was that they were gonna build a park and there were times in the show that they just totally forgot about that goal to work on other storylines until they were like ANN’S LEAVING WE GOTTA BREAK GROUND. That’s annoying! And once parks and rec started getting really popular and making more money they were able to be like “let’s send them to england! France! DC! Scotland! San Francisco! Let’s bring in Michelle Obama and Joe Biden and John McCain and Madeleine Albright! Which like all of that was really cool and some of the best parts of the series but also just another example of how the show changed over time as they got more name recognition and money. 

Also lmao i just had the thought that it doesn't really matter what community did because the point of that show was to be batshit and they succeeded spectacularly. What a good time. Just had to add that in there. 

So yeah that’s why i hate the television format because everything is subject to change from the plot to the tone to the writing to the characters and a lot of times there isn’t a clear narrative arch as they’re just coming up with nonsense to keep the show going and i just don’t vibe with that. 

So if i hate the television format why do i still watch it, you ask? You never shut about tv shows on your blog and yet here you are declaring that you hate them. What’s up with that. Well, the answer is simple. I have major FOMO. Also lmao quite honestly i just recently came to these conclusions and put words to these feelings during the quarantine so after 23 years of being pissy at tv shows all the time i honestly probably will watch less of it. I probably wont stop completely tho. Ive already said that im not gonna watch tv shows with queer characters until the show is over and its been confirmed for me that the show treats its queer characters and viewers with respect and dignity and i stand by that. (It’s the only reason why ive started to watch black sails.) im for sure never watching another cw show again. I have literally never finished a CW show because something has happened in it halfway through that pissed me off so much i never finished the series

So that’s my opinion does anyone also feel the same way? I feel like im crazy

[btaffy02]

“Friends”

This is a draco x reader fanfiction. I used she/her pronouns and nothing too “serious” happens. I hope you like it! Sorry for incorrect grammar and also italic writing is your thoughts.

“y/n?” You turn to your right so see draco greeting you. You're kind of caught off guard by how handsome he's gotten. He's a bit taller and his hair sits almost perfectly. “Hey! I see you've lost the hair gel. It took you long enough.” You say. He pulls you in by your right sleeve for a hug. “Haha very funny y/l/n.” Draco has been your best friend for as long as you can remember. Your families were always close so you two kind of grew up together. He's always had a special place in your heart but you can never determine if the feeling is romantic or if it's just because you care for him. He pulls out his schedule so you two can compare and see how many classes you have together. He rolls his finger down the papers and counts, “1, 2, 3… I guess thats it. Three classes together. I suppose it better than none.” You nod in agreement. You guys head into the great hall so the first years can get sorted and you can all feast. Of course, you sit beside Draco. He's kind of your anchor. You just follow his lead mainly because you're socially anxious but you also just want to stay out of things. You don't want to be the center of attention.

You've never really been the talkative type ever. You're just average. Your grades are fine, your looks are fine (though you'd never admit it outloud), your parents are still together, you only have a few friends. There's not really anything special about you, but you have something they don't, him. After dinner you say goodnight and head your separate ways.

A COUPLE OF WEEKS HAVE PASSED

As much as you hate to admit it you've found yourself staring at Draco frequently. And for the most part, no ones noticed, until today that is. “Miss y/l/n am i a bore to you?” Professor Snape slams a book shut.

Uh oh.

“Ye- i mean no sir.” You respond in panic. “Oh I am? Well maybe detention will be less boring.”

Ugh youve got to be kidding me. Detention? I'll miss my only free time with Draco.

You frown. Draco snickers in the distance and Snape turns to him. “You too Malfoy.” He continues teaching. Draco smiles at you. You finish the day and go to detention like you were ordered to. 

IN DETENTION

Lucky for you detention is pretty relaxed and you're hardly monitored or checked on. You sit down and whip out your herbology homework. It's easily your favorite subject and you're very good at it. It's actually introduced you to Neville Longbottom who has taken a liking to herbology studies. You consider him your friend but you aren't close. Your thoughts are interrupted when you notice feet walking up in front of you. You look up from your book to see Draco in his typical black turtleneck. “I know why you have detention.” He says. “Uhm yeah i wasn't paying attention in class.” You say confused.

Oh god did he see me staring at him?

“Yeah right, you were staring at me.” “What? Full of yourself much?” You joke with him.

I didn't think he could see me.

“I mean what's not to love.” He raises his brows. “Omg, in your dreams.” You give him a little shove. “No, but im in yours.” He winks at you and smiles. You both laugh it off. The conversation is innocent but it actually means something to you. You love little flirty jokes and whatnot and no one does it better than Malfoy. The rest of detention is pretty boring and you guys make small talk and he helps you with potions and spells but nothing else really happens. When you're dismissed he walks you to your common room and says goodnight like usual. You're pretty restless because you don't know what to think

Do i have feelings for Draco Malfoy? Do i even have a chance? I mean he knows pretty much everything about me and i know everything about him. I could never tell him how I feel though, I don't want to make things awkward. 

You stay up an hour later than usual but decide your thoughts can wait till morning.

WEEKS PASS

It's been weeks since detention and ever since then things have been different. You see a different side of Draco and he's a bit more “friendly” to you. You don't really think much of it and just wait for things to play out.

Most people think Draco is snobby and closed off. I beg to differ. He puts up this like barrier between his feelings and the world so he doesn't seem weak. I blame Lucius for that, I've honestly never liked him. He's a bit strange and expects too much of Draco.

You can 100% say you have feelings for him now. Though it pains you to say it's true. Day by day your feelings have grown stronger and so have his. Or at least you think, you can't really speak for him but he is more flirty than usual and less pissy in general. Tomorrow is October first, it marks 10 years of friendship with Draco. 

Yes, I remember the date and everything. Not that he would remember because it probably doesn't mean much to him if he even remembers the day you became friends.

But it doesn't matter because this is something for you to celebrate and keep to yourself. Whether he notices or not you know you will be happy.

OCTOBER 1ST

You wake up to the scent of your roommate's apple cinnamon candle slowly burning. 

Today is a good day.

You think to yourself. 

Nothing could make this day bad.

Well you were wrong. In all today was not a good day. Nothing super bad happened, it's just little things kept going wrong. You failed a test, you tripped on multiple occasions, and one of your only friends, neville, got sick. You don't come out and say that today has been a bad day because you so desperately wanted it to be a good one. School has finished so you head to your room to chill out for a bit. You grab a notebook and begin a sketch to take your mind off of things. You hear a knock from the door and get up to see who it is. You're a bit shocked to see Draco standing outside your door. “Bloody hell- shhh what are you doing here you could get into trouble.” “I need to talk to you about something.” He says. “Is it that urgent? Im not really in the mood.” You look around to make sure no one sees you two. “Yes it is. Let's go somewhere that I don't have to look behind my shoulder every five seconds.” He grabs your hand and you walk to the stairs to get some privacy. 

What's going on? Is he in some sort of trouble or does he just want to gossip? It's probably something to deal with Potter. He absolutely despises him. 

“What's wrong?” You're actually a bit worried. “Uhm- nothing. There's something I need to tell- give you.” “All right. What is it?” He's never given you a gift before. Not even on your birthday. He pulls out a small box from his pocket and gives it to you. You smile at him. “Happy friendaversary loser.” He says while he smiles back at you.

He remembered. He actually remembered. I'm so happy I could scream. But he didn't have to give me a gift. I feel bad, maybe i should've gotten him one too i just didn't think he would remember it.

You untie the bow on top of the box and open it. Inside the small box was a bunch of extremely small flowers and a necklace in the middle. 

I'm not the type to usually like the whole necklace cliche but for some reason with him it's different. I'm grateful for anything he could give me.

The necklace has one single charm of a serpent with a small diamond flower attached. “Thank you!” You fling into his arms and he wraps his arms around your waist. You're absolutely ecstatic and a bit shocked all at the same time. You were expecting maybe a chocolate of the sorts but not a necklace. 

What does this mean?

“Do you like it?” He asks you. “Oh absolutely! It's beautiful, and wicked, and I love it.” He looks a bit nervous but you can see some relief when you answer yes to his question. You stare at the necklace for a bit before you actually pick it up. “Here I'll put it on for you.” He takes the necklace out of your hands. He moves your hair out of the way. His hands are cold, but you find them comforting somehow. He wraps the necklace around you and hooks it into place. “Thanks.” You turn around and smile at him. You're so close you think you can smell his cologne. “Y/n can i confess something?” He looks into your eyes.

Blimey does he feel the same way? I'm nervous, what if he tries to kiss me, am i ready for  that? I need to stop freaking myself out. It's not going to help anything.

“Sure, what's on your mind?” He takes his eyes off of you and looks around the room. “I like you.” You're a bit confused on how he means it so you say, “Well i like you too.” He looks a bit annoyed, “No I like you. A lot. I have all school year. I don't know what made me realize it but I did. You're so beautiful and confident-”

I'm really not but I won't interrupt.

“-and you light up every room you walk into. You know me better than anyone and i don't know if this is overwhelming but i just had to say it. I understand if you don't like me back i just-”

Is he serious right now. Of course I like him back. I more than like him.

Before you can even let him finish or gather your thoughts you put your right hand on his face and pull him in by his shirt with your left. He's a bit shocked but then puts his icy hands on your waist. The kiss is good. A long time in the making but good. 

Holy Sh*t! Did I seriously just do that? Wow who would've thought I could do that. I never want the kiss to end. I could kiss him a million times again and again. 

When your lips finally part he makes a funny face by lifting his eyebrows and widening his eyes. You laugh. “I like you too.” You don't even notice you've been smiling for the past five minutes and you don't think you could stop smiling. “Bloody hell i hope so.” He puts his hands in his pockets and smiles at you. It's one of the few times you've seen him genuinely smile in a really long time. You finally got what you've always wanted, to make him happy.

-thank you for reading <3 sorry it was so short.

[virmillion]

.

[sellieellie]

wow. lots has happened.

bella and i were the only ones to get drunk on friday and we actually just sat in our friends car for most of the game. we had to have someone come pick us up. when i got home i was tired so i went to bed and woke up a few hours later in the middle of the night and i was absolutely devastated. i had just realized that i wouldn’t be sleeping in that bed again for awhile. i was starting to become homesick. i got up and sobbed and my sister found me and tried to help out. we watched a movie and went back to bed.

on move in day, i moved in and my parents were being kinda pissy but i decided to stay home that night. i went back to school the next day but cried before i did. a lot. i just felt so out of place.

after classes started things got a bit better. and bella was still here for my first week so we got to do things on my birthday and stuff.

we went to the art museum with will on my birthday and that was fun. everyone said happy birthday to me except for connor and spencer which really upset me. idk they could’ve just shot a quick text but whatever.

on friday i showed will and bella around campus and then connor called and said he was home for the weekend. so we picked him up and went to see bella’s dad play in his band. we brought alcohol in and got drunk there but didn’t get fully drunk until we got back to bella’s house. it was fun. connor and i are pretty back to normal now but bella doesn’t seem to think so. the next day we all hung out still until the night and then we dropped connor off at home. we then dropped will off. bella dropped me off last and said she’d stopped by my house the next day to say bye.

the next day i had to go to a lunch that my sister was hosting but i was silent the whole time. i was just dreading the goodbye. when she picked me up i wanted to cry so bad but then we started talking a bit more and it got easier. it’s hard for us to cry with each other if we aren’t drunk. she dropped me off at my house and we had an awkward hug and said goodbye. when i walked into my house i started sobbing. it was so painful. then i remembered i left my backpack in her car so she had to come back and i got to say bye again. but that was the last time i see her until halloween(maybe?) and if not then, then thanksgiving. it hurts so bad. i’m so happy to see her do what she’s always dreamed of but i miss her so bad and i’m scared she’s gonna find someone better than me.

i’ve had a really difficult time adjusting. i have three roommates and two of them stick together while the other is always either on the phone or not at the dorm. and i’ve tried to be friends with them. but they never invite me to do things with them and always make plans in front of me without asking me. i have never felt so lonely in my whole entire life. i thought i’d make more friends in clubs and classes but i’ve yet to get any numbers or snaps. the broken ankle definitely doesn’t help either because some of my classes are twenty minute walks.

i keep hinting to people that im gonna transfer and im still holding out hope that it’ll get better but im not sure it will. i just forgot how much i need my friends. the reason i decided on my college is because it’s so close to home and i would be able to see my family but im realizing it’s my friends i miss the most. i’ve spent my whole life with my family. i need to branch out and be with the people who can shape my college years.

im also just seeing everyone else going out and having fun and im pretending like everything isn’t as bad as it actually is. but in reality i speak maybe ten sentences a day at most. and most of the sentences are less than five words. i just feel so isolated but im so extremely embarrassed about it because no one else seems to have that issue. all of my friends and family in college are thriving and i just go to class and the library. i don’t know how much longer i can romanticize it. i feel like im a shell of who i was this summer.

im also just so drained. i share a room with three other girls and there’s almost always someone else in the dorm. it’s so annoying. i just want to be alone sometimes but i never am. and it’s kinda funny because i don’t want to be alone at the same time. i think what i’m trying to say is that if i have to be lonely, then i’d rather be alone too.

idk. it just really fucking sucks. it’s only been two weeks but i just don’t see things looking up. i want to transfer so badly. but i also don’t want people to think that i’m just giving up. but i also have to put myself first. i’m going to give it another month or two and if it still sucks then i’m just gonna start the transfer process. my family said they’re glad i chose not to go out of state but i might transfer where i was going to go originally. idk. we’ll see. i just can’t keep doing this because it’s taking a huge toll on my mental health. i don’t know if i’ve ever been through such a difficult period of change. i’m just sick of suffering.

the school is also just so fucking huge. it’s one of the largest universities in my country and i’m not sure why i thought that would be a good idea for me?? i’m looking at a smaller university that a few of my friends go to (will, isaac, and connor) and it’s about a two hour drive from my home. i’m also looking at a school out of state where jason goes and bella is close to. we’ll see. idk the only time i’m really happy these days is when i think about transferring. but i’m taking it a day at a time and i’ll see if it gets better. i’m hoping it does but i’m not sure that’ll happen.

my friends text in our original group chat sometimes but not always. bella and will text in that group chat with our high school friends a lot but i’m not in it. it makes me really sad because i want to hear from them as much as possible. but whatever. i’m not gonna be somewhere where i’m not wanted.

that’s it. life sucks so bad right now. but it’s just the next four months i guess. i hope. bye.

[youareunbearable]

Im venting please ignore!!

ok so basically after living with my roommate jordan for coming onto 4 years now i can say like OFFICIALLY hes a dick like i know this bitch, i know how he acts, how fake he is, and hes annoying af, childish, and sometimes really toxic but what the fuck ever i still call him my friend and im living with him and im just WAITING for him to move out cause im done with having to deal with him and his selfish ass

THIS TIME whats bothering me about him is how he picks fights and how he argues. Jordan is the type of bitch that NEVER mentions something until he blows up at u, come stomping in the room all angry with his aggressive posture and yelling voice. and im not saying im better cause im a doormat and let ppl walk all over me and basically dont mention things that really annoy me until its like the final straw and im im crying on someone, but i also bitch!! I love to complain so if people are actually listening to me that know what is really bothering me just from how i complain EXAMPLE: im complaining about how i have 3 big projects coming up next week and a midterm so im stressed and busy, so instead of going “damn u are busy but im going to invite our friend over anyway but im also planning on not being here for most of the day so you have to entertain her cause shes basically coming over for you anyway” MAYBE DONT INVITE A FRIEND OVER IF YOU KNOW YOU ARENT GOING TO BE THE ONE TO ENTERTAIN HER???

anyway, my new issue with him is that whenever there is an argument, and im arguing my case, i tend to explain my reasoning. so the problem this time was that his room is really hot and that the thermostat needs to be not put so high. this was not an issue that needed to involve me cause i like the house cold but know my other roommates dont so i dont even touch the thing and just open a window. SO he was having this arguement with our other roommate and he came in a ll pissy and angry and they started to argue in the kitchen, but thank fuck cause my other roommate basically was an adult about it and told him to chill and talk about it instead of yelling and im like u go bitch from the other room. so he i guess wants me to side with him or whatever cause like i said im a doormat and tend to agree with ppl i like and blah BUT SURPRISE BITCH I LIKE MIRIAM OVER U and this “my room is hot stop doing things with the temp” is a long standing argument because he doesnt open his windows or his door to air out the room. so i calmly mentioned, since he was trying to bring me into the argument by blaming me for having my windows open that it triggers the heat thing and turns the thermostat on, that if he opens his window the circulation will make his room colder and since his window is fixed now this shouldnt be a problem anymore AND HE BLEW UP AT ME SAYING I WAS BEING CONDESCENDING AND SNOBBY AND IM LIKE WOAH WHAT?? and it was because he thought i was saying that i think he doesnt know how circulation works??? and im like no im not saying that?? im just giving examples for my point?? shut the fuck up and im saying it calmly and im not being condescending cause if im gonna be condescending u WILL know it cause ill basically call u an idiot and sneer at u like how have u managed to live this long in society u doorknob??? BUT SINCE IM NOT A BITCH I DONT DO THAT and i just argue my point cause im used to ppl throwing my ideas in the garbage or telling me i dont know what im talking about because HELLO I WAS IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP FOR 4 YEARS THAT SERIOUSLY DAMAGED MY SELF ESTEEM AND SELF IMAGE AND YOU KNOW THIS CAUSE YOU WERE MY ROCK DURING THAT FALL OUT AND IVE TOLD YOU ALL ABOUT HOW SHE WAS ABUSIVE YOU PIECE OF SHIT ALSO IM USED TO PEOPLE NOT THINKING MUCH OF ME BECAUSE OF MY RACIAL BACKGROUND AND PEOPLE THINKING NATIVES OPINIONS ARE WORTH SHIT AND YOU ALSO KNOW THIS CAUSE OF HOW MUCH I BITCHED TO YOU ABOUT MY HIGHSCHOOL LIFE AND MY PROFS IN UNI

-sigh- im just so DONE with living with him, like hes just in my life and hes not helping and he doesnt seem to care and hes not being a great friend and sure i could be asking a lot of him emotionally or whatever but i dont think i am??? i mean were friends who live together and have been for four years so is it too much to ask that he KNOWS and REMEMBERS important parts of my history that could explain why i do things? i do for him, i know how he works and why and what make him like the way he is but he just CANT seem to pull his head out of his own ass long enough to do the same for me

[backwardblackbyrd]

autumn tag game 🍂 Tagged by @luna-canticum and @petticoated-swashbuckler (Which btw I love both of u) The last: 1. drink: water 
2. phone call: My mom!
 3. text message: “and thank u for sending it" I wanted my boyfriend to tell his roommate about queer ghost hunting group. They were communicating with lesbian ghost nuns and I had to share
 4. song you listened to: black me out by against me! 5. time you cried: literally about 2 hours ago, when I read an article about black poets lol 6. dated someone twice: back in high school and like that guy was a piece of shit and now the reason I typically do not date someone twice lol 7. kissed someone and regretted it: uh, I don't think ever actually. Not like, regretting the kiss specifically
 8. been cheated on: not to my knowledge
 9. lost someone special: well. That's a whole thing. Let's not get into it lol
 10. been depressed: oh buddy
 11. got drunk and thrown up: i! Actually haven't thrown up from being drunk before I've been like. Pissy drunk but I otherwise hold my liquor p well 3 favourite colours 12. Purple
13. pink
14. blue in the last year have you 15. made new friends: I think so lol
 16. fallen out of love: lol lets not
 17. laughed until you cried: definitely!
 18. found out someone was talking about you: ya
 19. met someone who changed you: yeaaaa well.
 20. found out who your friends are: uhh, yea I guess. The answer was way less that I thought lol
 21. kissed someone on your Facebook list: yes! Quite often! general 22. how many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: I've known everyone on my fb list at one point or another. I hardly talk to any of them anymore tho
 23. do you have any pets: 1 Kenyan sand boa named Artemis, a western hognose named Charlie, and a cat named Jenny.
 24. do you want to change your name: I did when I was little but like. Now that I'm older I'm like??? Change it to what exactly??? I did try going by prince for awhile but hardly anyone actually called me that lol
 25. what did you do for your last birthday: spent p much the whole weekend with my boyfriend. We went for small road trip. It was cute
 26. what time did you wake up: i got to sleep in, I woke up at like 8am. I haven't had many days off in the last two weeks and I typically have to wake up anywhere from 3am to 5am for work so lol
 27. what were you doing at midnight last night: I was very asleep. I was so tired. I sleep so much yesterday like probs 12 hours lmao. Again, I've been working a lot
 28. name something you can’t wait for: Halloween!!!!!!!!! And for my daughter Artie to be done shedding so she'll go back to having her face out all the time
 29. when was the last time you saw your mum: literally like 5 minutes ago
 31. what are you listening to right now: an episode of Queer Ghost Hunters. They're on YouTube look em up
 32. have you ever talked to a person named tom: possibly?
 33. something that is getting on your nerves: lol my job, I literally leave so frustrated every time I work
 34. most visited website: tumblr definitely lol with instagram being a close second
 35. hair colour: dark brown
 36. long or short hair: short. I can't keep up with my hair if it's long. I end up with bad cases of depression hair 
 37. do you have a crush on someone: the boyfriend, yes 
 38. what do you like about yourself: I like how much I love my snakes. Reptiles are really often neglected and I'm proud that I give my kids such good care. 
 39. piercings: I have 6 piercings on one ear, my lobe stretched on the same ear, and my conch pierced on the other ear. I also have my septum pierced and my lip technically is still open if I ever felt the urge to wear jewelry in it again
 40. blood type: not a clue, no idea
 41. nickname: i actually don't have one
 42. relationship status: dating!
 43. zodiac: taurus sun, libra moon, and sagittarius rising
 44. pronouns: She/her 
 45. favourite tv show: yikes all my go to tv shows are problematic faves; bojack horseman, it's always sunny in Philly, rich and moaty 46. Tattoos: only one; I got it when I was way too young to be getting tattoos but I love it. It's a clandestine bat like Pete Wentz's over my heart. Everyone always thinks it's batman and I'm like yea that's cool too 
 47. right or left handed: right first 48. surgery: haven't had one yet. Kinda hoping to keep it that way for as long as possible
 49. piercing: ears, I was really young when my mom let me get them, I genuinely don't remember my age 
 50. sport: uhhh I was in the volleyball club in middle school? 
51. vacation: uh mom and I went up to the mountains when I was a kid. I was way too young to appreciate it, I was bored as shit the entire time
 52. pair of trainers: Idek what those are so more general 53. eating: candy that's supposed to be for trick or treaters. Sorry kids 
54. drinking: water, I feel like I answered this already 
 55. i’m about to: finish binge watching queer ghost hunters and then find some other spooky thing to watch 
 56. waiting for: Sweet death, my guy. No, uh idk, the hygrometers I ordered to come?
57. want: to be done with college and to have a better job already
 58. get married: that doesn't interest me
 59. career: one that pays enough money for me to afford being alive and to have my own place and the animals I want to own lmao which is better 60. hugs or kisses: im a Taurus and I have so much Venus energy in my chart, like. Gimme all of it 
 61. lips or eyes: both
 62. shorter or taller: I've dated both and like, it's mostly irrelevant to me
 63. older or younger: very close to my age or older. And by very close I mean like, 1 year, 2 might be pushing it
 64. nice arms or nice stomach: strong arms and a tum is ideal
 65. hook up or relationship: I've always wondered how I'd feel about a hook up, but the reality is I'm a relationship type person.
 66. troublemaker or hesitant: i used to be a trouble maker. My mental health is shot to hell now so I'm much more hesitant than I used to be. Which is. Unfortunate have you ever 67. kissed a stranger: i have wanted to before, but haven't 
 68. drank hard liquor: absolutely, I'm vodka aunt these days
 69. lost glasses/contact lenses: I temporarily lose glasses all the time. I've had one pair permanently lost, I'm p sure I know what happened to them tho
 70. turned someone down: yes lol
 71. sex on the first date: no
 72. broken someone’s heart: yea
 73. had your heart broken: yea but not by anything I didn't cause myself
 74. been arrested: no and let's hope I never do
 75. cried when someone died: yea
 76. fallen for a friend: absolutely. Almost exlcusively do you believe in 77. yourself: sometimes. Not as much as I ever have, but definitely more than when I was like, in grade school
 78. miracles: yea
 79. love at first sight: Nah
 80. santa claus: no
 81. kiss on the first date: yes lmao 
 82. angels: they don't fit into my personal belief system but I know they're real for other folks other 83. current best friend’s name: Allyson! 
 84. eye colour: like, mine? Brown
 85. favourite movie: under the red hood, and kikis delivery service @jasoncorpsedotcom and @sacredheartssclub and @automaticmachinetangerine and @volantamasis only if y'all wanna! It's long so I understand if not lol also p much any of my mutual support are welcome to say I tagged them if they wanna do this :)

[djdsagalagweg123123123]

okay so

weird rant time because i just need to type and get all of my emotions out

something ive been thinkign about alot if how fucking sick i am of how condescending my roommate is., she always thinks she right and loves to make me into a caricature of myself. shes thinks she knows everything but goddamn she is an idiot when it comes to anything outseide of herself. shes lowkey classist, racist, and slut shaming. 

i was complaing about . a girlw ho would share her notes . with me and she said it was she probably saw me fall asleep in class.... what???  why are u assuming that i f ell a sleep??? also i was in office hours?? i just needed the answer to the problem the professor just erased goddamn. 

we were talking baout h ow our . high school was changing their admissions policy so that kids from underrepresented neighborheads and schools would have a better chance of getting in and she was hella pissy because “it makes getting into the school less special” girl,,,, getting a good education shouldnt be exclusive. and she was like “i dont think its fair because our parents worked hella hard to get us into sports and push us to get a good education so we can go to a good high school and good college. these other kids shouldnt be given an easy pass because they dont work as hard as we do. they should have gotten better grades and have a better sob story for their essay” theres a lot to unpack there but u bet im not about to throw out the whole suitcase. bitch what?? some people arent lucky enough to have parents who can spend so much time on them and u think thats reason enough to not let them get the best education they can?? and what the fuck was the sob story comment about?? jfc she needs to get her head out of her ass

i was talking to her about this girl on my instagram timeline who went to a prolife march and was  holding up a . sign that says defunded planned parenthood . and she said “well duh i bet shes holding it up to be ironic” bitch what??? literally what was the thought process???

she was talking about how she wanted to go to a rave but she doesnt want to do drugs and she has such a problem with what . girls wear to those raves.... im so done. 

shes . a nice person and we have a lot of laughs together . and as roommates . we get along v well butg od some of the shit she says

ugh im living with her next year and five other girls and i hope it gonna be alright. 

im super super outspoken (but not enough to bring this up to her face) and im def the most liberal out of all of these girls

i wanna write a story about this dorky awkward actually kinda ugly nerd guy who falls in love with this super edgy and cool girl and think shes his manic pixie dream girl and she likes what the fuck who are u

[zhaoly]

and like... i think i mightve figured out why my roommate ALWAYS has the heat on, sometimes past 80+

I saw in her room one day and she.. doesn’t have the bed made??? As in she is just sleeping on a bare mattress. there are literally no sheets on it. I have no clue why and I also definitely would not trust these mattresses but I’m just like why????! And really I don’t have much patience for the heat being on for some reason like that ESPECIALLY when it’s starting to get hot outside, like who keeps the heat on in spring??????

Like if the reason you’re cold is something easily fixable (put sheets... on your bed?? get a comforter? I just dont understand) then no I’m not going to suffer through hot, stinky, pissy air blowing into my room. My god. My window is like permanently open bc of the smell so I KNOW the weather is really nice outside, it’s still a little cool since I guess it’s morning-ish BUT IT IS DEF NOT COLD AND WHY IS THE HEATER ON. im gonna wait like 5 mins or something and then go turn it back off i really am suffocating in this nasty smelling air. i hate it so much and it’s honestly making me cranky as fuck living in this fuckin filth, stepping in dog piss, etc etc.

we live in georgia ffs it’s. not. cold