#im okay right im not crazy??
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It's been a long, hard day thinking long and hard about Astarion being long and... ahem... well
#astarion#dumb shit#but its true#all day at work thats all im thinkin about#that and cuddling him#im okay right im not crazy??#ok fine im crazy
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How did your meeting go with the surgeons?
it was memorable
#sci speaks#the sci files#im glad i've done all the research. i feel okay. i feel safe and confident. and the doctors have all been really kind and helpful.#lots of good vibes. and they're moving me through the system so quickly. i'm glad it'll be dealt with so soon.#feels so crazy that this has been going on. right under my skin. and it's all explained now and i feel so much more in control.#i know whats going on!! with my funky body!! no more unanswered questions!!#i feel really good these days. optimistic. i feel like i understand myself a lot more and it means i'm better to myself.#but you'll all have to be patient with me. please be patient with me like i've learnt to be patient with myself.
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matching outfits
#myart#art#artists on tumblr#artist#doodle#sketch#toh#toh fanart#the owl house#amity#toh amity#amity blight#luz toh#luz noceda#lumity#i got the outfit on pinterest i thought it was cute#ignore amitys legs i realised while looking back at the reference theyre not... right but just like. pretend okay. who cares........#im not that crazy over lumity like i am huntlow but i do appreciate these two#very eepy girls
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One of Shadow Milk’s many prop replicas of himself, left behind. Even though the eyes are forever staring straight into the distance… Oddly enough, you still feel like you’re being watched.
But surely, though, it won’t hurt to take it home and touch up the colours, right? :)
#oh. my god chat. do i have a lot to say now#IM LOVE HIM#oh my god#fhis is the only time ur gonna see me say i love shadow milk directly and not his art HAHAHA#FUCCKKKKK#this one rlly has me messed up#ive been sitting on this concept for a long while!!! i just cant rlly nail the vibes that i want for it… but mroe than anything i want to#show him to you guys.. so issok if yall see the flopfail before i learn how to better capture my mental image#oh it’s so possessed. btw. like not even a second of thought has to be put into it#LMAO#physical vessel for the shreds of his essence that managed to avoid being sealed up. it’s not enough of him to do anything crazy…#but just enough to put you on edge :)#golden freddy pose shadow milk (i will be drawing this some day)#his ability to move is really sporadic#sometimes he’ll be right in the middle of attempting to make a gesture and then he’ll collapse mid movement… darn#(kicks him) fuck you#i think he’s….. cute.#haha.#okay#shadow milk cookie#cookie run kingdom#mystuff#cookie run#crk#crk fanart#cookie run fanart#fave#is it egotistical to put a fave tag on MY OWN ART yeah probably BUT U GUYS DONT. GE T. HOW MUCH I LOVE THIS VARIANT#doodled an oc x canon w this concept in class 2day n realized too late someone wuz watching me draw…………… man.#IM AT TAG LIMIT????? FUCK MY LIFEEE I DIDNT EVEN KNOW THAT WAS A THING. BYE LOL!!!!!
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His heart belongs to another
And no other heart will do
#no other heart by mac demarco : D#I drew this a couple of days ago because i was feeling crazy and i just love the idea that#these two should be great together!! they should!!! but#theyre not together#theres just . theyre missing something#and thats okay!!! its not meant to be#and theyre friendship is very valuble to both of them!!#their* fuck my baka keyboard#trolls#yall are gonna be mad about this one i feel it ...#i think we all know who jds gonna end up with now right ...#i just gotta .. draw them more 💀#i actully have the perfect ruveal i just have to finish painting it#urrgg i HATE painting#trolls oc#trolls oc cory#trolls movie#trolls john dory#trolls jd#john dory#jd ex husband#oh uhh i imagine this feels like a new years thing. or something#something that happened like right after they reconnected#before floyd and cory started going out#on god one day im gonna put all my tags lore into a post#i just shy 😔 who wants to read all this in a caption#not me brother!! I'm not reblogging that shit!!!#and im not finishing this cause i dont wanna give false hope 😘#although jd dating sim ... is pretty real#i would love to do endings with all his exs
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pet names that kn8 men would call you (i think)
hoshina — darling. love. dearest. beautiful. baby.
reno — sweetheart. honey. angel.
gen — babe. sexy. prince(ss).
iharu — babe. baby.
haruichi — beautiful. gorgeous. darling. sweetheart. honey.
aone — sweetheart. gorgeous. love.
kafka — honey. sweetheart. love.
TY @/BIOLUMIEN FOR CHECKING THEM & ADDING !!
#kn8 x reader#kaiju no. 8 x reader#kaiju no 8 x reader#hoshina x reader#reno x reader#narumi gen x reader#i literally pulled out everyone after gen right out of my ass#like after gen i truly had no idea and my last remaining 2 brain cells worked crazy overtime#but i felt like it eas weird to just do the three of them so i tried#if you think these are so horribly wrong that is so insanely fair im so sorry#just wanted to get this out of my drafts but didnt feel like deleting it either#OKAY WAIT I THINK THEYRE BETTER NOW THANK U LUMIEN BIOLUMIEN FOR LOOKING THEM OVER#realest one ever ily
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near death experience
local science woman discovers her arch-nemesis was secretly ugly the whole time and TRIES TO BITE HIS FACE OFF
My favorite thing about Magolor is that he is a normal and well-socialized person with healthy formative life experiences who reacts to earnest, positive social interactions in a stable manner
#kirby#lrblev art#comic#sketch#magolor#susie haltmann#magosusie#susolor#magolor doesnt need professional help! professional help needs magolor!!!#susies hair clip is on the wrong side in the second img because i mirrored the sketches at some point and i only realized now okay!?#im NOT FIXING IT RIGHT NOW grrrrrrrrrrr grrr grrr bark#haha wow! its so crazy to be living you-know-where. wow that election sure was something. i think im going to draw pictures of a catboy
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wonderful
#there is a ranboo that goes withthis but i didn't like how he was looking imma restart from scratch tmrw😭😭#ctubbo#michael beloved#ctubbo fanart#Guys you have no idea what i went through today like it wa fucking crazy i need to share this#so i went to the mall after school right and im going home at like 8 on the train with my friend bc i was supposed to be picked up ay her#stop right but then im told to just go to my stop and take the bus and im like ok sure but the problem is my phone is on SEVEN PERCENT and w#hen i get to the stop my moms like u have money for the bus right and im like ueah and i check and i have NO MONEY#BUT I DIDNT TELL HER ANUTHING BC I DIDNT WANT HER TI GET MAD BC I KNEW SHE WOUDKNT WANT ME TO WALK ALL THE WAY HOME AT NIGHT (FOURTY BLOCKS#So im like ok im getting on the bus now my phone is on four percent i have to WALK HOME allll that way and there's this crazy ass upward hi#ll that's like ten blocks long ITS NOT EVEN THAT BAD but like my mom thinks im on the bus so im trying to speed walk as fast as i can and i#RAWDOGGED it too because MU PHONE WAS GOING TO IDE!!!!#I made it home at two percent U guys i was so proud of myself thank u for listening#IM SO MAD IT WOUKDVE BEEN OKAY IF I WASNT IN A RUSH And also if i had music uggghhh Whatever#I bought this really cute skirt at garage hold on let me find it#lexi pleated skort color Navy blue ITS SOOOO CUTE got some new leg warmers too yesss....#I NEED TO DOWNLOAD THE TRANSIT APP i woukdve been able to attach my apple pay and buy the stupid ticket if my phonewasnnt#too dead to do al that...#Guys always make sure u carry cash with yiu goodbye
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I need Tattoo and Aran to put together those beautiful brains of their and create something that's both extremely cool and useful and extremely pretty and stylish. then they can sell it and become rich. together.
#jack and joker#jack & joker#jack and joker: u steal my heart#jack & joker: u steal my heart!#tattoo x aran#their whole conversation last episode was a foreshadowing of this happening. right?#also the fact that everything started with Tattoo basically modifying the bag Aran designed!#like! everything points to this!!!!#(yes im like that meme of the crazy guy trying to explain something okay)#my posts
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wait, that elias?
#huge shoutout to @sepezzz elias design this is very much inspired by it. go look at it#im so serious if i never draw another person manspreading in a fucking office chair it’ll be TOO SOON#anyways.#the juxtaposition truly is crazy hahaaha right people change in the weirdest of ways#i like thinking about how they both present themselves. elias understands he works at Important Academic Research Facility so he still#sooort of tries to look somewhat official. but well he also gets away with what he can#he has that vibe of Yeah i work here and im kind of important but i’m chill. i know how to chill#meanwhile that other freak is just like i am going to make this body look presentable or so help me god.#he’s the Head of the Institute he can no longer have whimsy okay. and listen it’s not because i think jonah is that boring and would#dislike piercings and funny socks or whatever. i think he’d like those. but see he needs to make this believable that elias truly has#changed okay. and also like i said he is the Head of the Institute he needs to look Super Normal And Unremarkable#anyways i think it’s funny how elias’ whole thing is that he tries to distance himself from his family image and tries really hard to Not#end up like a rich asshole. and then. well.#(looks around) So i think about this man a normal amount.#i could write like 20 thinkpieces on both of them but instead they’re gonna make me do college essays about like language and shit.#myart#the magnus archives#tma#elias bouchard#oh my god it is actually un fucking believable how much i think about him every day#if this becomes a daily elias blog yall will just have to deal
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someone (me) should write a fic where jayce feels so bad after killing viktor that he throws himself into the timeloop again and he fucks around in several different timelines trying to change the outcome and do whatever he can to ensure viktor doesn't go down the path he does. but none of it really matters because he couldn't stop viktor the time it mattered
maybe, just maybe, jayce finds a timeline where things feel right. and he does things differently this time, and things are okay, and maybe things even work out. viktor doesn't go off on his own and jayce takes care of the hexcore and it's all okay. but no amount of fixing things and growing old with viktor in this timeline will ever feel real or right enough because jayce couldn't stop viktor the it mattered
#does this make sense is it cringeeee actually idgaf#don't percieve me right now#will i even put this in the main tags i don't know#i wish i could express just how much jayvik has been destroying me lately#i had a bit of a respite for a few years and now they're fucking me UPPP all over again#so much so that i can't even post about it some days lmaooo like i'm laying awake at night thinking about their insanity#and i haven't been getting very much sleep like this is crazy. what doomed yaoi does to a mf#ermmm okay maybe i'll put this in the tags#jayvik#arcane#arcane spoilers#raypost#also let me clarify: “j couldn't stop v when it mattered” isn't to say that this whole debacle doesn't matter across all the timelines#im just trying to say that in jayce's own timeline he couldn't stop viktor before viktor went off on his own#and that's something that eats him aliveeeeee ugh the doomed yaoi of it all
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it was my anniversary of when i started watching dimension 20 so as a little treat, i finally colored in my entry for the summer break coloring zine (with tons of other super talented artists and super great pieces which u can get for free but if u donated, it will go to the African Queer Youth Initiative!).
anyway, here are the bad kids on summer camp, star-gazing, listening to some tunes. just hanging out <3
#dimension 20#fantasy high#bad kids#the bad kids#fig faeth#fabian aramais seacaster#riz gukgak#adaine abernant#gorgug thistlespring#kristen applebees#fanart#dimension20#d20#fantasy high season 2#okay but its crazy how much ive changed this past year#im so glad to be here#also they are the ones that started this entire thing so its just right
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I thought Will would like messing with louise sometimes. Louise doesnt seem to like his sense of humor, though.
(Characters are will and louise from @peachnewt 's story, getting in deep !!)
#okay so im gonna say this in the tags cause im too much of a pussy to say it for real#but ive never interacted with any vore communities before#mostly because ive always felt like it was too “weird”. also ive just never found any i was really felt comfortable with#but recently (after literal years of figuring myself out and feeling like i was crazy) ive realised i do actually want to talk to you guys#it probably sounds dumb but finding GID and actually exploring a bit of the community here has shown me#that there ARE people like me. with the same experiences and feelings.#after spending my whole life feeling like a freak. finally meeting people who are just like me#okay that really does sound cringe but you know what i mean right?#idk. ive felt more seen and “normal” about myself in the last week than i have in forever#and i guess i just hope you guys can show me around the place and talk to me about the things that have been stuck in my head for forever#finding this insanely niche community of “nonsexual comfort safe vore” or whatever other terms can be used#has seriously changed a lot for me#and i cant wait to talk to all of you more \:]#gid fanart#will and louise gid
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Main theme of ISAT music analysis yaaayyyy yippieeee
big thanks to @ asterythm on discord for the music sheets i am forever endebted to you. here's their post with their stuff! GO GIVE THEM SOME LOVE DICTATION IS HORRIFIC. https://www.tumblr.com/starsalive/755820156323774464/isat-title-theme-piano-sheet-music-for-solo [somebody who actually knows what they're doing @cocoisindecisive responded with corrections, so the edits are gonna be in these brackets!! i couldn't leave this unedited because it felt wrong] Since they've only done the main theme, i'm just gonna pick apart that. Big fuckin text post + absolute raving and ranting!! please tell me there is a functional line break here PLEA
ISAT's OST is very economical in that it constantly reuses one central motif. I want to go on a very brief tangent to cover this motif because I feel like that's worth doing. ---What the fuck is a motif?--- i want you to repeat something with me, okay? deep breaths. A MOTIF AND A LIETMOTIF ARE NOT THE SAME. A MOTIF AND A LIETMOTIF ARE NOT THE SAME !!! PLEASE DONT USE THEM INTERCHANGEABLY MY HEART HURTS EVERY TIME !!!!!! thank you. so, a motif is a little piece of music information - usually a melody, but not always, i think? - that is reused and changed. It doesn't represent anything, really. That's the difference between it and a lietmotif - a lietmotif represents a person place or thing, and a motif just doesn't. ---Great, So what's the motif?--- it has two parts, this first part:
(this is repeated with the last 3 notes moved down a tone.) *[this is a LIE how did i think this, i literally just had to LOOK]*
this is the second part:
(which has the last part change a little bit when repeated in order to resolve.) There's some nice rythmn made with the dotted crotchet and the quaver, but nothing crazy like syncopation. It's mostly conjunct, but there's one or two little leaps in the melody. It's a fairly basic melody -- perfect for changing and adjusting to the needs of each piece.
this is used in every single track in the game! I'm not kidding, it's in every single one, try and listen for it! it's a very smart use of a motif. Onto the actual piece of music!
[to quote directly - "you dont mention that the "second part" of the motif is very similar to the first statement but with it's first measure having it's intervals being inverted (and the final eighth note keeping the pitch of the dotted quarter note). or that the second measure is again similar just that the missing C from the first measure is now the downbeat of this measure, and the B that used to be the downbeat is now and 8th note preceding the new downbeat. (plus the first statement of this second iteration changing the final three pitches so that its a stepwise walkdown from G to E)" - i knew something was different, just not what exactly, thank you for correcting me] --Main Theme--
It uses the motif as it's melody (see above), and while I won't cover that again, I will cover the harmony! The instruments are fairly simple, there's a chiptune piano and some kind of strings (?) helping with the harmony in the background. The two play together throughout.
While the key will obviously change between pieces and songs, harmony is a very important and sneaky way to hide meaning in a piece. Harmonies are also very hard and hurt my brain, so if i'm wrong feel free to tell me. (Also i hate reading bass clef)
[Dsus -> Esus4 -> G (kindanotreally) -> A sus4 -> A // ii -> iii -> V -> VI] A lot of suspended chords - suspended chords don't really hold on major or minor, so this leaves it feeling a bit unstable + airy. But, each suspended chord eventually resolves onto the major of each chord, so it still feels major. The thing that decides if a chord is major or minor is generally the second note in that chord - 3 semitones away from the first note on a major chord, and 2 on a minor chord. Suspended chords have the second note be either 1 (BUT IT'S NAMED SUS2????) or 4 semitones away (sus2 / sus4). This lets it dance around either, and it keeps tension until it resolves into either one. [ to quote directly again - "and then the chord progression you outline seems like gobbeldygook to me. measure 1's downbeat is not a Dsus chord, it's pretty clearly a power chord, and it leads into an F not an Esus4. measure 2 is mostly fine though, only think is that it is definitelly a G chord! if you wanted to be pedantic you could say it's a Gomit5 but i really wouldnt bother specifiying that and whoops your roman numerals are wrong! the big issue is that this 2 bar phrase DOES contain a tonic chord. in fact its the first of the measure! this is pretty clearly in D dorian, but i think you've confused it for C major since they share a key signature. but nope! given that correction and the ones above the roman numerals looks more like a [I -> III -> IV -> V]." YEAH IM REALLY BAD AT THIS I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING ELSE TO SAY 😭😭]
[Dsus -> F -> G -> Gsus -> Asus4 (kind of???????) // ii -> IV -> V -> ii -> ii] this little countermelody continues (i'm not sure if it's because i'm looking at the piano version and OOPS it's too late now, or because there is just a countermelody. what am i saying this would be countermelody either way????) and layers quavers over a crochet and minim harmony. The harmony itself mirrors the same as before - loads of sus chords with occasional, brief resolutions to major chords. But, what's weird is that I haven't seen a single I / Tonic chord yet? there's not a single chord that's just the first note of the key. That's kinda weird - most pieces even start with that. There's something there - technically, we're not at the start of the journey, we're at the very end of it, the very end of this year-long journey that all of the character's have been taking. [ corrections: "closer with measures 3-4 its just that measure 4 is an an Asus4 to A and that adjusting for you being in the wrong key the chord progression is still that same [I -> III -> IV -> V]" ]
[Esus -> Gsus2 -> C -> Esus -> Gsus2 -> C // iii -> V -> I -> iii -> V -> I] WHOOPS I LIED. there's the tonic chord! there's C! There's a good reason for a tonic to appear here, though - we have a perfect cadence, and that is very interesting. Those roman numerals are about the placement of a chord within a key. kind of - it's important for stuff. A cadence is the harmonic ending to a phrase - in this case, a perfect cadence, from V -> I. This sounds "complete" to our ears, it feels like the piece could end there. what's weird is that it repeats twice, and keeps going on the second one. Furthermore, the melodic phrase is ending here, the motif is ending. This would be a far more "complete" ending if it stopped here. But it doesn't.
It changes from block chords to ostinatos (MIGHT BE THE WRONG NAME.), but each of these semi quaver / demi semi quaver progressions return back to one note while playing out a countermelody at the same time, still allowing for some kind of harmony. This change also builds up the pace in the piece, letting it build to the ending - this is the only thing that really drives the piece beyond this point, this building rythmn. Even then, it stops on this little crotchet chord! And then keeps going, into what is probably the most interesting part. [corrections - "a couple of things wrong with this one. first of all i analyzed the chords for measures 5-8 as [Fmaj7 -> Gadd9 -> Amin7 -> Cmaj7-> Fmaj7 -> Gadd9 -> E -> A] with roman numerals: [III-> IV -> V -> V/III -> III -> IV -> V/V -> V]. no PAC here! also, even if this was actually in the key of C major there is no V -> I in the bass and none of the soprano movement need to be an actual PAC. just a bunch of movements by fifth :]. you say the rythym is the only thing pushing the piece forward, and while it sure is definitely a fun effect that's building some nice tension the constant movement by fifth's is definitely also contributing to the tone. be wary of blaming an entire piece's success on one element!"]
[Asus -> Gsus -> G -> Esus4 // VI -> V -> V -> iii] In terms of intrumentation, something weird happens here - the chiptune piano falls away into a far more real-sounding one, while the strings stay the same within this section. in terms of harmony, again! tons of suspended chords, with one or two resolutions that keeps the piece feeling major. This cadence is. Weird. [V -> iii] isn't really a resolution at all, and as far as i could find it doesn't have a formal name the way some others do. some parts resolve (the E notes) but others don't, (the A notes), so it ends up feeling only half-satisfying. This makes sense - the music is gonna loop, because this is game music, so it does make sense to have it not resolve. But. It resolved perfectly eariler - we did have a perfect cadence. So then, why break into this tiny little two bar ending, that doesn't even resolve? That can smoothly go back onto itself, and also back into the beginning of the piece? This part is quieter, the demi semi quavers have rested back into minims, and it feels a little bit like an anti-climax to the build from earlier - it doesn't feel like a dramatic ending that the build was maybe working towards, more like a quiet moment. Despite that, the texture in this two bar section never thins - the piano is never left behind by the strings - the strings don't get quieter either, just the piano. Why is this two bar section here, then? Why end on this, and not on the part before? Two bars, huh. What a strange number to choose. [corrections - "chord progession is: [A -> G -> E -> A]. i'd argue that the previous secondary dominant to the A tonicized the A, placing us in the key of the domimant (A minor). so because of that i''d say the roman numerals are [I -> VII -> V -> I].
maybe pedantic but i dont think its actually that weird or bizzare of a choice for the chiptune melody to be replaced by an acoustic(-sounding) piano. the isat soundtrack consistently uses both acoustic and virtual instruments! this is just establishing that and letting the listener know to expect more of this specific element of the soundtrack. as title themes tend to do!
and the piece is quite resolved by the end actually. if i believed what you believed about the sheet music and never listened to the track i could see how i could think that, but giving the track a listen and using your ear to sus out details reveals how resolved it actually is!" thank you for the corrections im real bad at this]
#isat#in stars and time#OKAY JUST IN CASE THE ENDING OF THIS POST WASN'T CLEAR ENOUGH. I think that last part is meant to represent the time loops at the end of /1#/ the journey. the time loop is across two days - the final part is two bars. The journey before is represented by everything before that /#the motif - the buildup - everything leading to a final boss. And then there's two bars of quiet - the piano is quieter and weaker /3#but the strings are just as loud - siffrin is quieter but his party are right behind him. But in this theme it doesn't resolve or end. /4#Furthermore - the chiptune piano? this cheery fake-sounding instrument? it falls away here to show the real sound underneath it /5#But the strings persist - they stay the same. DO I HAVE TO SPELL IT OUT?? Siffrin is so tied to the piano in the ost and this is evidence f#IM GOING CRAZY THIS IS SO GOOD RAAAHHHHH#THE BRAINROT IS REAL
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Keep calm, and drink soda
[CW for blood and gore and vomit] takes place a day or two after emizel was sired. just two boys adjusting to a shift in their daily norms. would YOU drink your homies blood? still not used to writing fanfic so any and all advice IS appreciated. i hope u enjoy.
There were very few things that Soda enjoyed more than well, drinking soda. It was a hobby, an interest, a comfort. And by extension there were very few errands that Soda would look forward to more than the occasional soda run.
The gas station closest to the Demons hideout had stopped selling Faygo entirely about a month or two ago, and it was near impossible to find it anywhere else. The closest place was now this janky little Shell gas station, lovingly titled the Shady Shell, that thankfully sold more flavors than any of the other ones ever did.
It made the hour and a half walk here entirely worth it. Even if this side of town made his skin crawl. Normally he would ask someone to accompany him on this daring little quest, but everyone at the hide out tonight just seemed too tired, too preoccupied, too uninterested.
He knew not everyone really got the soda thing, but they were accepting of it for the most part. Soda is something that, clearly, Soda really loves, but he knew not everyone else was into it.
Which was fine, of course. They didn't need to get it. But, still, sometimes Soda found himself wondering how much of it was a bit, and how much was him.
Emizel gets it perfectly though. He would've been the first person Soda would ask to go on this soda run with him, but, well. He's been preoccupied too, with the whole vampire thing.
It's been a bit more than a day since Soda had last seen his close comrade. For a friend that he saw just about everyday, going without him this long left him feeling a little emptier.
That was fine, though. Emizel had shit he was working out, he had things he needed to do. It's not like he could go out in the day anymore, so of course Soda wouldn't be seeing him at all the usual times.
It was a lot of weird and heavy magical stuff, it made Soda think about those superhero shows. Where the hero needs to keep his identity hidden from everyone. Family especially. He knows how much of a piece of shit Emizels dad is, so he hoped that Emizels home life wasn't stirred up all stupid-like over this.
He hasn't told anyone else, about what happened that night. For the last 2 days, Soda would spend time with close friends and not let them know a thing about what happened to Emizel so, so recently. Why he's so suddenly absent, so distant, so.. off…
'Maybe his dad's just giving him a hard time', he would say, hoping to smother their questions. The less questions they ask, the better. At least until this vampire stuff gets figured out a bit more. Should Emizel wear a disguise when he goes out at night now? Just like a superhero? What kind of hero outfit would Emizel have anyways? Soda figured it would be something really cool.
If anyone could figure out a way to balance all this vampire stuff, and all the leaderly responsibilities that come with being the biggest dog in the Demons, it was Emizel for sure. That guy is so seriously cool.
He was sure this rough patch would even out, and they would weather the next rough patch together no problem. There was really nothing to worry about! All Soda has to do is stay positive, and well, drink soda.
As Soda walks quietly down the crumbling sidewalks of this dreary hive of strip malls and shops, he goes to pull his backpack around to his chest, fumbling with the zipper in the dark. Which was a little annoying, considering the tab of his zipper had fallen off forever ago. He really needed to get around to fixing this damn thing. Maybe another ziptie and a soda tab will do the trick.
Humid air hangs heavy in the night, the sidewalks still somewhat warm after a hotter day. The diesel-soaked air provided enough warmth on its own that Soda had considered taking his jacket off a few times, only for the occasional, annoyingly sharp and chilly breeze to brush by, reminding him to keep the thing on.
Tripping only once and only slightly on an uneven sidewalk, Soda manages to pull a bottle of Faygo from his backpack, a smile glowing on his face. Another short fight with the zipper seals up the bag, and he slings it over his shoulder again.
His flavor of choice tonight was actually the Red Pop, the tried and true, the absolute classic, one of the best Faygo flavors for sure.
But, this kind wasn't actually his favorite. Normally he would stock up on the cotton candy ones, but something about the last few days had him craving the red stuff.
Securing his backpack all the way, he goes to crack open the bottle. Just the clack and the hisssss of the fizzy drink were enough to lift his mood.
Not that his mood needed lifting or anything. Of course. Sure he missed his friend and sure he found himself wondering what he’s doing and where he is and if he's okay. Maybe sometimes he found himself wishing they talked about funeral plans more.
Emizel talked up all sorts of crazy funeral ideas for himself, usually involving the use of his dead body as an inconvenience for others. Outlandish and hilarious ideas, like filling it with explosives and tossing it into a busy road. But what would he want seriously? What would Soda ever do if he just stopped showing up one day?
He had to swallow down all these unnecessary anxieties, so he took a swig of his soda. Sweet, bubbly, comforting. He felt better already! Just stay positive, and drink soda..
It was a lovely night out, and he didn't come all this way planning on letting it go to waste. There was a place he was heading towards, a particular alleyway in this particular place that led off to a particularly tall concrete ledge.
It was a run-down little space, littered with trash and shitty trees and those bushes with just too many goddamn ants in them. But the view was fairly nice, overlooking a massive deformed intersection. A particularly stupid one, at that; about 3 times a week you could witness a gnarly crash at this spot. Soda always heard people saying that LA folks can't drive, but he was just starting to figure that maybe no one can drive.
That was the place he really wanted to go to enjoy this soda, and he wasn't too far off from it. Just a few more blocks, and he would be there.
Oh wait, didn't he still have a bag of chips in this backpack somewhere? Hell yeah, he couldn't wait to sit down and relax with a good soda, a good snack, and a good view of the night.
Living as a Demon had its fair share of stresses. He felt lucky to have this life, but he knew well that it could be better. That not everyone has to worry about survival the way they do. That not everyone gets injured on the regular and not everyone has to worry about being sick and never getting better.
Living is hard. But it's finding the small moments of joy that make it all worth it. Dying would be scarier anyway. He didn't want to die, and he felt glad to feel so confident in that nowadays.
The sudden THUNK of something slamming into the ground just a block away from him, jolts him out of his thoughts, all his gears screeching to a halt as he freezes in place. What the fuck was that?
It looked like a person, laying flat on the ground with only their head and shoulders peeking out of the alleyway ahead. Fuck. He hated this side of town..
Anxiety churns in his stomach as he debates just turning around, but the way the victim reaches an arm out, attempting to crawl away; it made his heart ache aswell. he's no goddamn fighter, but he couldn't just leave someone like th-
The body is suddenly yanked back into the alley, snatched at a startling speed. It didn't feel exactly real, how could something vanish so fast? It reminded Soda of something from a horror movie, or whatever. What the fuck was that??
His foot takes a step forward, before the rest of his body notices its rebellion and locks down again. Was he seriously going to investigate that? He could just walk away and take another alley. But that was the one he was supposed to turn down! All the other alleys are either walled off or gated off and he wasn't about to go climbing over a damn wire gate. His soda would get too shaken up! Fuck!
Another foot goes in for another step forward. He's gotta get the fuck out of here. He could hear more commotion in the alleyway, a scuffle, a skirmish. He could hear someone cursing through a choked breath. A loud and nauseating crack echoes out from the alley, and yet, Soda takes another step forward.
This was stupid, he shouldn't be getting tangled up in someone else's business. What if something happened to all this soda?
Thankfully, it was that thought that actually got him to pause, and take in a deep breath. It wasn't worth it, maybe he should head straight home.
Atleast, that was the thought his heart and mind were about to agree on, until a particularly familiar grroowwwwlll bleeds out from the alley.
Emizel?
All reason immediately evaporates as Soda makes that connection in his head, stepping right up to the corner of the brick walls, and peering around to investigate.
There was a body on the floor, face down in a puddle of red, head split open in a way that reminded Soda of a smashed watermelon.
But standing over that body, was the familiar, blackened coat, and short blonde hair, of Sodas closest comrade, Emizel.
Despite the carnage on the floor, Soda couldn't help the smile that lights up his face. That was Emizel! That was his boy!
But before he could get over just how happy he felt to see his best friend, something else caught his eye. Movement, behind the dumpster closest to the vampire boy. A person, rising out from the shadows with a glinting baseball bat clutched fiercely in their hands.
"Oh fuck, look out!" Soda speaks up, and Emizels gaze immediately clicks over to him, silencing Soda with just that startlingly red stare.
He had forgotten just how uneasy those red eyes made him..
The attacker, silent and professional, rushes up behind Emizel and CRACKS the metal bat downwards onto his blonde head, the sound ringing out like a gun shot in that dark little alleyway.
Soda cringes from just the sound of the impact, but was amazed to find that the bat had warped under the force of it!
The attacker hardly had a chance to process his mangled weapon before Emizel whips around to retaliate.
It looked like he had just swung his hand at his opponent, so the way a shower of red spills outward from the slash, catches Soda completely off guard. The monster boy had cleaved an excruciatingly massive gash up from the attackers right hip, to his left shoulder, the slice spewing with scarlet.
It wasn't until Emizel had pulled back his arm, that Soda could process the way it had darkened with more than just blood, distorted into an odd, spear-like shape.
The victim hardly had a chance to yelp before that blade swoops up into his chest at the speed of a snapping bear trap, plunging through meat and bone with disturbing ease, and forcing blood and viscera to erupt outwards. The red patters down onto the concrete behind, the sound similar to rain...
With another low, inhuman snarl, Emizel brings the twitching, dying body closer, until that signature squish of teeth sinking into fresh meat bleeds outward into the space.
What a disgusting sound, Sodas first instinct was to simply avert his eyes, but as the sound persists, he resolves that he has to do something.
He finally steps out into the alley, and speaks.
"Hey ma-"
He could hardly get two words out before Emizel suddenly rips its teeth away from its victims throat, tearing out a hefty chunk of jellied meat, and slamming the remaining fodder onto the concrete floor.
It immediately whips around to stare down Soda, red eyes glowing with reflected light, and with hardly a chance to process the moment-
-It's immediately right infront of Soda.
A gasp lurches from Soda's lungs as he almost stumbles back in shock. How was Emizel so fucking fast?
Other than that single step back, Soda was frozen in shock, his tongue buzzing with the physical pain of such a startling jolt. 'White boy jumpscare' is something that came to mind, but while usually such a thought would evoke some sort of laugh from Soda, this time it offered no such comfort. Okay maybe it did a little.
Emizels snarling face was only inches away from Sodas. Its eyes were wild and unnatural, teeth menacingly sharp and reddened with so much fucking blood. It was everywhere, coating most of his face, smothering his shirt and his coat, and absolutely choking the air with its thick, metallic stench.
Soda would gag if he felt he was safe to even move. He felt like he was locking eyes with that of a creature, something he would only ever see in his nightmares or in scary movies. But it was real. Those monsters are real. And his best friend is one of those monsters. His bestest friend in the world...
His mind was skewered on that unnatural glare, completely frozen with anxiety. Stalling too hard to come to a proper conclusion, Soda instead falls back onto what Soda does best.
"H-hey man... You want some soda?"
He very gently presses the opened bottle of Faygo into Emizels chest.
The two boys stand there for a moment, locked in a tense, silent pause, before the monster boy finally peels its gaze down to the bottle.
It's quiet, for a few seconds, the gears turning in its head. Until the monster blinks, and its eyes clear, and Emizel processes the sight of the bottle.
"Oh, fuck yeah dude, is that the Candy Apple Faygo? Man, that stuffs my favorite!" Emizel smiles as he goes to accept the bottle, and immediately takes a massive swig.
Soda tries to disregard the way his hands were still shaking. "Uh, n-nah man, its just Red Po-"
The words are bit off as Emizel suddenly retches, a heavy flood of red blood and red Faygo spewing out onto Soda, as the vampire boys body entirely rejects the fizzy drink.
The shock of getting fucking projectile vomited on had snapped Soda out of whatever daze he was just in, and it seemed to snap Emizel out of it too. Soda backs up with a groan, looking down at all the blood and bile and pop on his shirt and coat.
"Ohhh fuck dude, what the hell??" He cringes, not even wanting to try smearing any of it off with his hand.
Emizel was coughing, still holding out the Faygo bottle, but hunched over as his body dared to convulse again.
"Ohhhhhh fuck, ohhooohhh fuuuuucckkk" he grumbles towards the floor "Fuuuck I’m sorry dude, I don't know what fuckin- oohhhgg shit,” He coughs and groans, offering the bottle back to Soda.
Soda was still staring at his messied coat with a displeased grimace, but looking up to meet Emizels eyes...
There was a guilt on Emizels face that Soda didn't see too often, and it helped wash away that irritation he felt. This sucked, but Emizel was probably going through a lot more.
“It’s, uhm.. don't, don't worry about it, man..” Soda decides to reassure him, offering a sympathetic smile, and a hand on Emizels shoulder, as his comrade spits out the remaining blood and bile.
"Fuckin hell… I’m uh, I'm sorry about your shirt, man."
"What? Nahh it's okay man, don’t worry about it." Soda shrugs, taking the Faygo bottle back. "I mean, are you okay man? That uh.. looked like a pretty crazy fight."
Emizel was rubbing his eyes, smearing more blood across his face as he seems to be collecting himself. he spares a glance back at the carnage behind him.
"Ah.. yeah.. I thought I uh.. I thought I saw that one fucker from uh. That one night. Yknow, the one that uh.." He snaps his fingers, as if trying to summon back the memory. "Vampire bitch... Anyway after that I just kind of, uh.."
He seems to space out again as he looks around. It was as if he was just woken up from a deep sleep, like he was certain he had just known what he was doing, but found the dream escaping him. "I guess I just.. went crazy on these guys. I dunno, they're Fangs anyways." he finally shrugs it all off, but Soda still felt unsatisfied by the answer.
"Oh.. huh…” is the only response he manages to scrounge together. Sure they were Fangs, but did they really deserve.. all that? It just seemed a bit brutal, even by Emizels standards.
He found his eyes wandering over to the split-open head. It was mostly red and bloody, but even in the dark, he could still make out some of the finer details of the gray jelly seeping from the gash. A human brain. He wondered if his own brain looked the same on the inside..
“So what are you doing out here, man?” Emizels question helps Soda pull his eyes away from the gore, instead looking over to his bloodied comrade.
Emizel looked messy and even exhausted, but his drowsy gaze was focused on Soda with a worried expression.
“Oh, uh, yknow, just a soda run. Decided I would stock up on some Faygo from the Shady Shell.” Soda shrugs, his eyes flickering down to the opened Faygo in his hand. The top was covered in regurgitated blood. unnaturally blackened blood…
“Are you.. okay, by the way? Other than the whole..” Soda gestures vaguely at the gruesome crime scene. “Are you hurt?”
The question has Emizel pausing to consider. He straightens his back and stretches his arms, as if trying to detect any pain from any possible injury. Nothing seemed to be bothering him though, and after a second, he decides to shrug.
“Nah, I'm all good.”
“Oh.. That's good, I uh…” Soda found himself looking over Emizel aswell, searching for any wounds the monster boy might be simply disregarding, as he often does.
There was a fairly gnarly gash on his shin..
“Hey uh, I was actually gonna go hang out by the ledge down that way. Yknow, the one with the funny intersection.” Soda says, gesturing off towards where he intended to go. “Wanna come with?”
Emizel looks back that way, before turning back to Soda with a big smile on his face.
“Oh hell yeah I do! I love the funny intersection!” he starts to walk down the alley, about to step over the body of the broken skull, when Soda speaks up.
“Uh, hey, shouldn't we uh.. Do something about the.. uh..” He waves a hand over towards the bodies, trying not to look directly at them.
Emizel spares the corpses an inconvenienced glance, and a sigh, but ultimately shrugs them off. “Ehhh I'll just dump 'em in a dumpster again.. That's what I've been doing anyway.”
“And you're not worried about, like, anyone finding them?”
Soda anxiously watches on as Emizel paces around the body with the torn-out throat, licking the blood from his own mouth. Was his tongue always that long and pointed? That's neat, and normally Soda would point it out, but he was a bit.. preoccupied right now
“Nahh not really. I haven't had anyone bother me at least.. Anyone been bothering you?” Emizels eyes finally flick back over to Soda.
“Nah, I'd say things are actually more lax than usual. Anything that would end up being trouble’s been pretty much crushe- er, killed- destr- stamped out, by uh, by you.” Sods was cringing with every attempt to find a word that didn’t make his stomach turn, but Emizel didn’t seem to notice or mind.
Emizels eyes were currently a bit more focused on the body laying before him. He had that weird look on his face again…
“Uhh, yeah, yeah that's good that uh, no troubles coming back to you guys…”
There’s a moment of quiet between the two as Emizel stares at this corpse, and Soda was about to open his mouth to fill the silence, but Emizel speaks up instead.
“Hey uh, why don’t you go ahead of me? I’ll uh, I'll meet you at the place.” He suggests, pointing vaguely off down the alley, but not removing his eyes from the kill.
Soda certainly hesitates, his eyes narrowing before he even forms a thought. He opens his mouth to object, but then his eyes flicker back towards the body.
“Are you gonna eat this one too?”
The question leaves Sodas mouth as soon as it comes to mind.
Emizel pauses, and considers, before giving a shrug. “I don't see why not. Perfectly good blood.” He reaches down to grab his kill by the shirt, the one with the split open head. As the corpse rises from the concrete, gray matter drips and sloughs from the crack in its skull. Once again, Soda felt the need to look away, and yet his stupid eyes remained fixated on the horrendous sight. Emizel looks over the spilling brain of his meal, licking his lips curiously. “Dude, what do you think would happen if I ate his brain?” Emizel asks, looking back over to Soda with a wild, bloodied smile. Something about that look made Soda shiver, but.. Not really in a bad way… “Uh, I.. Dunno…. Eating a persons brain is how you get like, mad cow disease right? But you might also be immune to disease.. Are you immune to disease?” “Uhhh, I don't know yet actually. I'm still figuring out how much of this is like video games,” Emizel says, rubbing the back of his head as he idly sways the body of his kill around, watching the blood and gore drip and drop from its broken head. “Eh, I'll chance it later.” Without another word or thought, Emizel goes to sink his teeth into the shoulder of his kill, a pleased growl radiating from him as the blood gushes around the bite. More fresh blood upon less fresh blood upon old blood upon older blood. Just so much fucking blood. Soda thought he was used to seeing blood, but this��� this was just egregious. Was he really starting to get used to this? It’s just blood after all, and it’s not from his comrades, so it's… fine… He finally manages to pull his eyes away from the gruesome sight of Emizel feeding, but his eyes instead wander down to the blood on his own shirt. Emizels blood was strange, darker than usual, and carrying a different scent. Something about the smell of his blood was more savory, more appealing than the standard metallic miasm. His shirt was smothered in it, his jacket was coated in it, and his opened bottle of Faygo was also splattered with the deep red ichor. Ink swirls within the bottle of red fizzy, spreading out into all sorts of odd patterns. It was a lot of blood. He was certain a lot of it came from however many people Emizels been feeding on. With how much hes been terrorizing the Fangs in just the last few days, and with how nonchalantly he feasts on his kills, who knows how much blood hes actually ingested… Soda swirls the bottle, watching the blood inside thin out into strands, dancing within the bubbly soda as they gradually dissipate, fully assimilating into the drink. A bad idea chews at the back of his head… The sound of ripping flesh once again knocks at Sodas head. He doesn’t look up this time, but he knew Emizel was just playing with his food again.. Did blood taste good to a vampire? Did some blood taste better than others? What did Sodas blood taste like? What did Emizels blood taste like? There's a visceral snap of something among the chewing and ripping, very clearly a bone or a joint snapping out of place. It made Soda shiver a little. When did his heart start pounding? There's an animal standing only 8 feet away from him, feeding on its kill. That animal is a person, and so is its kill. He wanted to know what vampire blood tasted like, but he already knew what human blood tasted like. It hung so densely in the air, he could feel it forming a vile film over his tongue. The blood of a person just like him. Eaten by an animal that eats people. All this stress was no good. This bile rising to his throat was no good. This creeping anxiety was no good. He's friends with an animal that eats people. Would it eat him? This weird feeling was no good. Maybe it will never eat him. But it needs to eat people. This worry was no good. He needed to wash this awful taste from his mouth, replace it with something sweeter. He needed to keep his head clear enough to be there for Emizel when he needed to be. He needed to hold a light to these shadows. And he needed to stay positive, and drink soda. He takes a swig of the open Faygo bottle.
#NO MAIN TAGS WE DIE LIKE ROADKILL#WOW ISNT IT WEIRD THAT YOUR BESTEST FRIEND IN THE WHOOOLE WORLD EATS PEOPLE NOW#ISNT IT WEIRD THAT YOU KIND OF WISH YOU WOULD BE EATEN. EXCEPT NOT RLY BC U WOULD DIE. MAYBE HE COULD HAVE A NIBBLE#i might come back to ramble in the tags more later. STAY TUNED!!!#OKAY IM BACK TO RAMBLE. FIZZFAGS SEAL O APPROVAL IN THE TAGS U MEAN THE WWWOORRLLD TO MEEEE#THIS IS ALL YOUR FFAAAUULTT UR THE ONLY REASON THESE LOSERS ARE ROTATING IN MY BRAIN SO SO FAST#I DO INTEND TO WRITE MORE!! AND I DO INTEND TO LET IT GET WEIRDER#Iwanna make a lil chapter two w them hanging out at the funny intersection while soda maybe tries to patch emizel up.#wouldnt it be fucked up if u saw ur best friend get bled out n then sired right infront of u#and wouldnt it be fucked up if ina vampiric daze he almost sinks his crazy shark teeth into your throat#and wouldnt it be fucked up if you kinda wish he did. like not in a weird way or anything its not weird its not weird at all#RAAHH IM SO HAPPY THAT PPL LIKE MY WRITING STYLE N MY CHARACTERIZATIONS ASWELL IT MEANS SO MUCH TO MMEEEE#NICE WORDS GIVE ME SO MMUCH POOWWEERRRRR RAAGHGHHH!!!thank you guys for being so niceys to me#ive also been thinkin abt writing Post Suckening fics. EXCITED FOR SEASON TWO. in the meantime what if theo had to put up w shenanigens#one shenanigen for example being emizel going feral and attacking a comrade.#then theo needs to stake him n pull him aside n set him straight or something. set him gay. whatever.#ive also had an idea in my head. BC GABRIEL IS TOTALLY INSIDE OF EMIZELS BRAIN NOW#could u imagine doing acid or shrooms w ur homies n then suddenly ur nemesis is showing up in ur fractal hallucinations#anyway i think thats all da ramble i got in me. thanku for enjoying my writing thank yooouuu
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How about “you can kiss me, you know” for Kennedy and Bucky if you think it fits them? 💜 I can’t wait to see what you cook up from these!
HI SWEET ANON!!!! i must say, upon receiving this prompt - my entire world shifted on its axis a bit so THANK YOU!!!!! the way this prompt fit them was SO INSANELY WELL. it just seemed to scream KENNEDY X BUCKY to me. and i just. ate it up. truly. this was a JOY and a TREAT to write and just. safe to say - bucky's POV of kennedy farley is one of my favorite things ever and just - THEY DESERVE THE WORLD !!!!!! they deserve all that is good and well!!! <3333 THANK YOU AGAIN ANON - positively *obsessed*! kennedy x bucky girlies this is for YOU! :D
you found me
(a/n): POV: we're in Bucky's POV, opening scene is when everyone is getting letters from home and he hasn't gotten a single one. that one post about the way the show seemed to portray bucky not getting letters left me reeling and just. do with that what you will. and also. yeah. kennedy makes bucky's mind got scatter-brained at every given opportunity lmao. COME AND GET IT !!!!!!!! THESE TWO JUST. INSANE. INSANE INSANE INSANE. (this prompt was everything) cue: you found mehhh, you found mehhhh, lying on the floorrrr...... (don't mind my horrible puns, it's in the title lmfao, i couldn't help it, but it's a kennedy quote so haha!)
The place was changing him.
He knew that much.
He could tell when he woke in the morning and went to bed at night, and his mind was an even deeper and darker place than it had been 12 hours earlier. Seeing the women the way they were, the men, the food situation, the general health of each and every person crammed in that bunk room, seeing the new guys coming in day in and day out, walking in circles convincing himself he wasn't crazy.
It was changing him and he couldn't wrangle in that change in any way that would be manageable.
And seeing those letters.
Goddamn, it made him a little crazy inside - those words, the smells, the feelings, the evident love and care that were in each and every one.
Something deep in his chest hurt a little more than he wanted when mail call would come and peoples' names would be read out and they'd get their letters and be reading it with such gratitude and genuineness in their gazes.
It usually made Bucky snippy, a little more irritated in a way he didn't want. And without fail, Buck could usually get a whiff of that the second that he grew quiet and withdrawn.
Curse his customary loud mouth!
"I think you were right," Buck said as they walked side by side, kicking up dust, grimacing at the slightly bitter chill of early-morning air racing across the open patch of brown dirt and sand their barracks were on, "we should've made a run for it while they were out chasing those Brits." Should've, could've, would've. Bucky bit back his lip and glanced sideways at Buck a bit before looking forward a bit with a shake of the head.
"Maybe, but I can't help thinking you were right. Better to play it safe." Bucky answered quietly back, a worn tone to his voice, sudden agitation lingering in his throat, "The hell am I rushing back home for?" It grew quiet for a moment.
What the hell was he so hellbent on getting out of here for anyway? A life? A home? A girlfriend? He shook his head.
"Other guys get letters. You get letters. Bessie gets letters. Hambone gets letters." Bucky said, "To get a letter, you need someone to get it from." Bucky watched as he kicked a stone forward, hands shoved deep into his pockets, the cool wind back again, blowing up his neck and across his face, "Guess I never set that part up right." Buck looked over at him slightly.
"That's just this place talking. You're tired."
"I am tired."
"You'll have plenty of time for that when you get out." Buck said, his ever-present tender tone, his voice a pleasant escape from the world around them, so hopeful and yearning for a future outside of this.
"You'll set it up right next time." Bucky wished he was a little more like that.
"They're only gonna know this me. Not the old me." Bucky said quietly, with a sigh. "Me before I got here. That's if we even get out."
"We'll get out. And this you will be the one worth knowing." Buck said - this you will be the one worth knowing? Would this Bucky be worth it? Knowing him? His tendencies, his way about looking at life like it were some sort of rock to throw in the water on the side of a river? Like hazardously tip-toeing around something without taking that extra care to see it through? The Bucky who lost all composure when Buck had gone down, when men went down every day, when Kennedy had come in looking more ghost than waist gunner.
"You sure about that?" he asked Bucky, glancing over at the man with a stern look in his gaze, "I wouldn't be convinced."
"Farley seems convinced." Buck said and it took all of two seconds for Bucky to freeze.
Farley?
Listen, Bucky was a fan of Kennedy Farley, always had been, always would be - even if she was a Red Sox fan - but he had lost the point where Farley was connected to the conversation.
"What's Farley gotta do with this?" Bucky asked, turning to look at Buck with a slightly standoffish look in his eye, "I don't think she needs any sort of convincing. She just….thinks what she thinks and does what she needs to do from there, you know? Don't get me wrong, Farley's a good someone to have in your back pocket - hell, we're in each other's by this point but-" Buck stopped and looked to him, placing his hands on his hips, giving Bucky a look, stopping Bucky in his rather rambling attempt to cover his ass - for whatever reason, he wasn't sure.
"You know what I'm talking about, Bucky," Buck said, his voice quiet, "don't tell me you're confused." Bucky looked at him.
"Cut the crap, Buck." Bucky said quietly, watching as Buck smiled the slightest bit.
"You can't keep your eyes off her, Bucky," Buck said quietly, "and here you are saying you got no one." Buck stepped forward and gently patted his shoulder. "She's been there the whole time."
Bucky followed Buck into the bunk room and immediately let his eyes become drawn to her there at the table in the center of the room, her ginger hair falling over her shoulders, her eyes looking more tired than they had been in days, and her nose bright red - still fighting off that damn cold everyone had seemed to catch.
Bucky had paused a bit in the threshold, his body locked up in a way that he was sure even a fire couldn't melt and briefly caught Buck's gaze back at him as he went to lift himself onto a bunk.
It was pretty quiet in the room for one and going directly over to Kennedy, and asking her just to talk real quick would probably make things more obvious than needed.
And a sudden bit of jitters hit him as he stood there, eyes locked on Kennedy, hands shoved in his pockets, heart pounding. With the way the sun seemed to be hitting her from the windowpane that they had stood by those few weeks in the middle of the night, he couldn't help but seem to swallow all his thoughts and words into a pit in the middle of his stomach.
"Sir?" Bucky blinked quickly to find the group at the table looking up at him, the familiarity of Margie's voice hitting his ears as he glanced at her, sat at the table, flipping through a book - a mixture of mild confusion and concern contorting her face.
"Uh," Bucky started, clearing his throat awkwardly and then looking to Kennedy, "can we talk?" His voice came out slightly hoarse, muffled and choked as he asked her and he knew he needed to get it together quick or he'd look more like a clown than anything.
Kennedy gave him a weird look - she was always giving him weird looks, admittedly, if she wasn't, he'd probably be more concerned. But then she nodded, placing down her own book in her hands and got to her feet, a slight smile on her face.
That smile was enough to send him into a new dimension, he was sure of that - and he wasn't sure of a lot of things - the war, the future, even right now. He was sure of that smile though.
And Kennedy.
"What's up?" she asked him, coming around the table and looking up at him.
Words, words, words.
"Not here." Bucky said quickly, not missing the slow smile rising on Buck's face from somewhere in his goddamn peripheral that was enough to make him squirm, "The library?" Kennedy eyed him.
"Sure." she said, vaguely suspicious sounding. She slid past him and it seemed it got his own legs moving as he caught Buck's eye again - who winked enthusiastically. Bucky gave him a look, briefly catching Margie's second of growing suspicion before following after Kennedy to the library at the corner of the building.
Stepping inside, it was empty and if anything - quiet. Bucky could get a wrangle on his thoughts and hopefully not sound like a fool in front of Kennedy.
Kennedy turned to him as he slowly shut the door behind him, her eyes running over him worriedly, stood with her arms folded across her chest, a quiet look on her face that was beyond enough to make his insides warm.
He'd seen Kennedy Farley as a more stripped back person of herself out here and to say it made him yearn for that time back in Thorpe Abbotts everyday, made him go a little crazy. If he hadn't been so….just chasing after anything, so blinded by the alcohol and the women and the music. If he'd just taken a moment to focus and see Kennedy Farley had been there all along. With that laugh, that smile, her comforting words, her willingness to put herself all out there just for the hell of it.
"You okay?" Kennedy asked him, her eyes searching his face, a small smile darting out with a chuckle, "You look a little pale."
"For Chrissake, the sun don't ever come out, Kenny," he said, his nervous chatter slipping out as a small smile graced his presence and it seemed to echo in Kennedy's smile back to him, "no, no, I'm fine, serious, just. Needed to talk. To you."
"Yeah." Kennedy said, watching him, slightly confused, "We….sorta established that back in the bunk room."
"Right." Bucky said, his brain malfunctioning in every improper way that a brain could in a moment like this, "Need to talk. Yes." Kennedy laughed slightly, before simply smiling that gorgeous grin.
"So, what's up?"
Two feet between them felt like the farthest they'd been.
"Not much, just…..with Buck getting that letter and all. From Marge…." Bucky started, his voice steady for once. Confident.
"Marge." Kennedy echoed, "Seems like a sweetheart. The two of them."
"Yeah," Bucky choked out and nodded, placing his hands on his hips, "yeah, just….thought a lot and. Talked to Buck about things and just. This. Where we are. It's…." Kennedy watched him, the previous bit of light-hearted joking in her eyes dwindling away as she watched him.
"What's going on, Bucky?" Kennedy asked, her voice serious in a way that made his words pull themselves together - because that's what Kennedy deserved. None of his stumbling, mumbling, jumbling self.
"I just…." Bucky started and then couldn't help but slowly reach out and placed his hands on her shoulders, slowly moving in small circles near her clavicle and towards her shoulders, squeezing gently as they stared at each other, her face so close to his, he could see green specks in her brown eyes, "Getting downed. In that plane. And having you show up. All those talks we've had. All those nights. I just. You've helped me to realize a lot of things about life that wouldn't have fucking come to my attention if I hadn't talked to you." Kennedy stared at him, slightly taken aback.
"And…..Kennedy, I just," Bucky started, holding her gaze, his eyes on her lips and her bright-red nose and her eyes and back to her lips again - God, if he could just get a taste right here, right now, "even when the war ends, I don't…. I don't want to stop knowing you." A moment of silence stilled around them as Kennedy let out a small breath and slowly nodded at him.
"Me either, Bucky," she said, and then tilted her head, "what's going on, Bucky, seriously. Are you running a fever? Did someone say something to you? You're gonna live through this, ya know?"
"I know!" Bucky exclaimed, his voice louder than wanted as he looked back to her and shook his head and sighed, "I know, it's not….it's not that. It's….it's more. Us. You and me."
"What about you and me?" Kennedy asked him, a small smile growing on her face before gently bumping his shoulder with a first, "We're good, you know that. You and me." Bucky watched her, the corners of his lips growing upwards into a grin.
"I know that." he said with a slow nod and smile that got her grinning wider.
"Then what's got your mind racing?" she asked him, stepping closer to him. Bucky swallowed.
"You." he said, confident as can be - he was always confident looking at her, at them. Her back hit the wall next to the door, their faces intermingling in front of one another as they continued staring into each other's eyes, her slightly lower than him but all just the same.
"Me?" she asked, as if to spur him and his pounding heart on, "Highest honors, Bucky Egan. What did I ever do to deserve lingering in your mind so much, huh?"
"A lot," admonished Bucky, verbalizing his thoughts for once, "everything you do. Even just standing there like this. You make me crazy, you know." Kennedy's eyes flitted to his lips and she sucked in a breath as she met his gaze again.
"Well," Kennedy whispered, slowly reaching up to wrap her fists in balls of his brown A2 near the collar, smiling slightly, "if you must satisfy such a need and displeasure, you can just kiss me, you know."
Everything around Bucky practically dissipated in his peripheral vision, his hands freezing on her shoulders, acutely aware of the death grip she had on the front of his A2, along with that look in her eye.
Watching her, knowing she was watching him back, suddenly made him realize what words had just slipped from her mouth. Kennedy Farley's mouth. He must've pulled quite the 'slap-in-the-face' sort of look because Kennedy smirked, rather confidently, and pulled him slightly closer, her warm breath fanning his face, that look in her eyes making him feel like ice next to fire.
"When were you gonna tell me you wanted to kiss me, huh?" he whispered, voice low, briefly noticing her cheeks bloom to a light crimson, enough to make him chuckle as he found himself now, stepping closer, caging her practically against the wall with his broad-shouldered form.
Months ago, if you told him, he'd be standing there, inches from Kennedy Farley, he would've laughed. He really would've. For it seemed that what it was worth, Kennedy Farley wanted nothing more out of him than simply a friend and a leader. And suddenly, she was standing right there, her eyes on his lips, his hands slowly creeping towards her neck, brushing the skin beneath her jawline and he felt the collar of his neck grow hot.
"When were you gonna tell me?" she whispered back, looking up at him; enough to make his mind feel quickly scattered and Bucky couldn't seem to help it.
Bucky heard those words from her lips and didn't think twice, as he leaned down and engulfed her lips with his own, a groan leaving his mouth as she pulled him towards her even more so, kissing back with just as much urgency as he had to her.
His hands were pressed into her rosy cheeks, her fingers were into his hair and he could feel every inch of her lips on his - kissing back in a way that did make him crazy. He didn't know how fast things were moving when a whimper left her lips and he slid his tongue into her mouth, this slow, sanguine pull inside him making him yearn for all of her right then and there.
It was desperate, maybe a little bit messy, but Bucky had never wanted someone so bad that made him so nervous like a schoolboy.
He had never wanted like this.
He couldn't help it when his hands moved to her waist and a moan left her mouth as his lips trailed to her jawline and then to her neck, nibbling at each and every soft part of her skin that was flush with the feel of her underneath his lips. She was groaning quietly in his ear, enough to make all of his senses suddenly….something he hadn't felt in quite some time, as he pulled back briefly only to capture her lips in his again.
And for a moment, they had to pull back, he had to pull back or he wouldn't be able to control himself, gently pressing his forehead against hers, the two of them panting like some sort of other worldly creature.
Being so close to her, intoxicated by her touch and her being, her felt crazed by what the feel of her lips on his had been. Her hand slowly trailed up to the side of his slightly stubbled face, her fingertips making him shiver and an almost desperate, groaning noise leaving his lips just at her touch. It was like fire - good fire - and how fire was good he would never know because though it could keep you warm, it always brought some form of destruction with it all. But her touch, her flame, the fire, it made him completely undone.
"I feel insane around you," Bucky whispered softly against her lips before deeply pressing a kiss against her evidently swollen lips and pulling back, "you know that?" He couldn't open his eyes, he felt drugged under her touch and simply her, but he heard her let out a quiet laugh, her hands gently tapping along the sides of his face again as she did so.
"Didn't know I had that sort of effect on you, Major Egan." she whispered quietly, her voice slightly hoarse. Bucky let out a quick laugh, before squeezing his hands against her hips again that were so deeply pressed against his own and he sighed, a pathetic sigh.
"Longer than I thought actually, Kenny," he whispered quietly back, "way longer than I thought."
Kennedy giggled - she giggled.
Bucky's brain actually stuttered a bit at the thought of Kennedy giggling - like that - because it seemed the last thing she'd do. But it sounded so adorable and he was the only one that had heard it and for a second, he felt like the luckiest person to be standing there right now.
Slowly, he opened his eyes and found Kennedy and her big, deep brown eyes already staring back at him - catching that brilliant gaze that watched him back - slightly giddy, soft and enthralled all at once. A sight he'd probably remember until his death bed.
And he couldn't help but grin and bring up a hand to cup the side of her face, touching her skin, her hair, her. He felt like had was under a spell and she was the culprit in every right way that she could be one.
"I can honestly say much of the same," Kennedy whispered quietly, her eyes growing squinty for a minute as she smiled and laughed, "you always looked at me different, Bucky, I knew that." Bucky watched her, his smile seemingly plastered on his face and he couldn't fight it down.
"What are you talking about?" he whispered back, leaning closer, their noses brushing, his other hand escaping up under her shirt to her bare skin, caressing her softness, "Different, huh? You noticed?"
"And you're admitting to it?" she whispered back with another chuckle, "Bucky Egan, you are really surprise after surprise, aren't you." She chuckled and he couldn't help but watch her eyes again so close to her.
"Nah," Bucky whispered, "just….." He watched her smile. "I always thought about you, ya know. And I wasn't lying. Back when I heard Silver Bullets took a hit and it was Margie. I thought of you." Bucky grinned wider.
"I'd think of you at night, too. Sometimes I wondered if I could try and find you at night, just to talk to you," Bucky whispered, "but I'd shove it out of my mind. Didn't think you thought like that. About me. About us." Kennedy watched him, a small smile lingering on her lips.
"You could've come and found me," Kennedy whispered back to him, her thumb brushing his cheek, a grin poking out, "would've been better than….I don't know, wrestling with some fucking nightmares, ya know?"
"I'll be honest, Farley, I probably would've kissed you way sooner then if I had done that," Bucky said with a winning grin, "a helluva lot sooner. Coming and finding you." Kennedy watched him, her eyes shining as she let out a laugh.
"You found me." she whispered back and Bucky couldn't seem to help the grin on his face as he came to cup her cheeks.
"I'd see you at the flying club," Bucky whispered, softly pressing his lips to her nose, "dancing and drinking and twirling and singing….." Kennedy watched him from right there across from him, inches from his face. "I've always liked you, Kenny."
"Always?"
"Always." Bucky said, "Back when you were my waist gunner - you always had that confident look in your eye, I knew you could probably shoot better than the rest of the guys, and you sure as hell were one tough nut to crack and I…you're just always in the back of my mind, ya know?"
"John Egan." Kennedy whispered, reaching up to loop her fingers into his hair and trace down the sides of his face, "I don't deserve you."
"You're telling me," Bucky whispered, "I don't deserve an ounce of you, but here we are and I feel like the luckiest man in the world. Fuck." Kennedy watched him and continued this gentle touch along his head, with the most genuine, soft look in her eyes.
"Telling my parents that the man I'm in love with is a Yankees fan-" Bucky's heart pounded. She continued talking, but he missed whatever else she had just said. His thoughts honed in on her first sentence.
That word.
"What?" Bucky said quietly, looking at her fully, his smile gone, his eyes bright, "What'd you say?"
"I'm gonna have to tell my parents that you're a Yankees fan - and my brothers! They're gonna-"
"No, no," Bucky whispered quietly, a smile growing on his cheeks as he softly pressed a kiss to her lips before pulling back, "the other thing. The other part of that." Kennedy stared at him and then let out a soft chuckle.
"I'm in love with a Yankees fan."
"Who is me?"
"Who is you."
"And who you love?"
"For quite some time." Kennedy whispered, her eyes glossy, "I don't tell people about much more than what you can see of me, much less what's inside of me. You know more than what my mother might know." Bucky chuckled against her lips and pressed another kiss there, holding her there so deeply and strongly, he didn't want to let go.
"What I'm trying to say without it sounding all over the place," Kennedy whispered as he pulled back, "is that I'm in love with you and that I love you." Bucky watched her, smirking, so widely, so genuinely, so proudly, that if they weren't here, he didn't know what he'd do with words like that. He had a few ideas, but he was so focused on her right now that he couldn't think straight.
"I'm really fucking in love with you, too, Kenny," he whispered, his free hand on her bare skin on her back pressing against her and making a small whimper escape her lips as he sighed pleasantly, "and I really want to kiss you again. For a while." Kennedy stared at him - her face was glowing, he swore to God, and she smiled. His heart pounded.
"Then kiss me, Major," she whispered against his lips, "kiss me hard."
And he did just that.
#(goes to a corner)#(breaks out into tears)#(im okay i swear im fine)#(its just i-)#THEM THEM THEM THEM THEM THEM#insert that one meme of the girl screaming with tears in her eyes because haha thats ME RIGHT NOW#theyve come SUCH a long way truly and just to see this#IN BUCKY'S POV LIKE#sir she makes you INSANE#AND CRAZY#AND SCATTERBRAINED#I CANTTTTTTT#buck: she was there the whole time#bucky: *blank-faced staring*#bucky: KENNEDY IM IN LOVE WITH YOU#kennedy: now i have to tell my parents im in love with a yankees fan wtf (honesty her most iconic statement ever lmfao)#THESE TWOOOOOO#THEYRE JUST SO :')))))))#i cant im just !!!! EEEEKKKKKK#i hope you all enjoy!#kennedy x bucky girlies this is for you! <3333 for all the love and support with this duo!#(we just need annie and brady to get on board lmfao)#kennedy x bucky#kennedy farley#bucky egan#silver bullets#mota writings#masters of the air fic#bucky egan x oc
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