#im not used to having gender dysphoria and i dont like it
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Trans hermits. You agree.
#i post abojt trans hermits a lot but shhhhh#listen im thinking about each of them figuring themselves out#some find out theyre comfortable as they are but just dont like certain lamguage used for them#some of them take a long time trying to figure everything out because everything seems to fit#some have issues figuring out how they feel about their gender and stuff#i think theres just a lot of potential with trans hermits#they all have different levels of dysphoria. some have none at all some have a lot#some wanna transition some dont#theres some hermits who like multiple pronouns. some hermits who just like one set of pronohns. theres hermits that dont care.#idk im ggoijg in circles but you get what i meannnn#im so starved for any trans rep that's not just a sad trans boi or whatever#i wanna see more trans people man i just wanna see trans people being happy and just living rheir lives#stiff talk#hermit posting#<new possible tag?
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anyone else getting sick of their coping mechanisms?
#this is about gender dysphoria.#when i have to cismode around my family#i like to think of it like crossdressing#and its sometimes good and fun#but idfk.#i dont want to HAVE TO#every time.#i just wish that. idk. being nonbinary was like socially normal and acceptable#and wasnt the kind of thing your parent tells you to be careful mentioning around your grandparents#bc ohoho theyre liberal but theyre old ya know so they arent used to all this gay stuff!#FUCK.#don't wanna.#like. i like crossdressing by itself and also as a coping mechanism but im sick of needing it#just to not want to jump out a window at family events#gender dysphoria#dysphoria#vent in tags#rant in tags#nonbinary dysphoria#trans dysphoria#tw dysphoria#trans vent
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HAPPY ANNIVERSARY to the day my brain was literally rewired and my gender was being changed by the second SO HERES A GAS STATION SPECIAL before this joint was even a gas station in the FIRST PLACE !!!!
FUCKING FREAK
#kommento#// theres a whole love letter in here dont open these tags it's a readmore equivalent#p4#⛽️🌫#moel gas station attendant#tohru adachi#boot.tingting#arttag#// sneak peak before the manager became a manager and only put the uniform on to see how well it would fit and hasnt taken it off since.#// im tearing up because i hate how it's been three years and also i cant find the other notebook so i went through gphotos instead#// also that i miss blorbo so much i miss my old self so much she was so sweet and genuine and the passion and love and everything#// STUPID SEQUENCE OF PHOTOS the way my brain was so fucking rearranged i had to get up and make memes and take screenshots and then#// draw then COME BACK AGAIN to watch the thing that changed my life forever. AGAIN#// sorry was having technical difficluties in yokohama im back istok im normal (affirmation )#// this is literally all me before i started thinking about myself and wondering about my gender then the dysphoria came rushing in like#// some freshwater spring about to make a waterfall and i had to let it settle and get used to the ecosystem with two more years#// took a month where p4gsteam was booted up and i made my own save at some point and finished it on july 8#// clasped my hands and had a honeymoon period over. mimi <3 then the day after rolled around and i watched the .chair car adventure#// literally my first p4 doodles were mimi and adachi theres no fucking denying it theyre the og. theyve been with me from the start#// theyre so important to me theyre so personal they made me who i am thats why im so mad with the community i have to share them with#// because theyre all so different from me and i took that personally#// IT'S KOKAY !! look at how far ive gone. this is the biggest archival effort ive ever done my entire life ive grown branches#// farther than ive done before ive put such a variety of skills to use just to make myself food and manage this damn station#// and keep some sort of love alive which was all from me and is still from ME !!!#// crying while writing these tags now sorry okyakusan i'll clean it up soon#// these doodles really explaining my mindset from the start and how the grindset has never really changed at all#// it was all friendship for three years and still will be i love adachi i love gas station attendant so much THERE I'M SAYING IT#// cherry on top friend just dm'd me to get an actual job at a gas station IM SHITTING MYSELF#// happy anniversary to my genderest best friend and the most problematic uncle ive ever had#// we're all holding hands and theyre treating me to topsicles because it's all i could ever shamelessly want
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Hey bestie, no need to answer this, but I saw u reblogged something from roach - works, and I just wanna let u know that she's a major terf
oh!!! thank you for this fr. i'm answering this bc i just wanna say that i don't have shinigami eyes and i'm on mobile most of the time, so these pointers are much appreciated <33
#preemptive soury for the rant. guess my meds finally kicked tf in. and im at my computer so keyboard access vvv#caveat i WILL say that i have a sideblog that specifically reblogs terf-specific rhetoric but it is an archival blog for research purposes#archival bc in the past i've been looking at blogs that end up being deactivated or change to a name i dont know#and research bc i've been interested in understanding the sociology/psychology behind it for a while and how other bases of discrimination#(eg acephobia and anti-pornography) tie into their sets of beliefs. as well as having the privilege of a strong foundational academic#background in these topics that i am perfectly capable of disputing each argument point if need be#this also provides me with a set of dogwhistles that may not be as obvious to the larger tumblr population (eg i have a strong suspicion#that 'natal female' is a dogwhistle in the context of academia. yes this comes from reading actually published articles. if that sounds#familiar to anyone. yes this is heavily rooted in that one that tries to propose 'rapid onset' gender dysphoria but used an insanely biased#sampling population for their statistics. which was the basis of the entire paper. i want to ask how some of this shit even gets published.#but then like. there's the AI rat penis so. anyways)#saying this bc i occasionally DO have anxiety that i will accidentally reblog something to the wrong blog. and it's moreso the concern of#not wanting to spread misinformation and bigotry without a critical deconstruction behind its rationale.#that sideblog is there and tucked away for storage purposes only. please let me know if ive accidentally reblogged smth to this blog#ask#Anonymous#edit damn wtf. i dont even follow them whhh. tumblr's GOTTA stop just. randomly putting shit on my dash. god
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I need top surgery rn
#god i wish i could use he/they...#but they dont feel right!!#ive tried but [sigh].#like if i have to be perceived at all id rather be seen as masc ??? like im Just A Guy#but i still wanna do eyeliner so people just assume rrrrr#who the fuck invented gender binaries theyre gonna catch tjese hands#i do need top surgery tho. this i KNOW#tw dysphoria#vent post
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im really happy that ppl who do experience gender euphoria like figured that out and are on their gender journey to their ideal self or whatever but i wish there wasnt a dichotomy of like. gender dysphoria gender euphoria. its just not helpful to be like "oh well. you dont experience gender dysphoria? thats ok because you probably experience gender euphoria and youre still valid and trans because its the same thing in a different direction". like how did "you dont need dysphoria to be trans kind of shift into "you dont need dysphoria to be trans but look at this other thing you probably have in addition/if you dont have dysphoria". like its clearly a huge part of the trans experience and most trans people connect to and experience the dysphoria/euphoria split but thats just not an inherent part of the trans experience. and the fact that ppl seem to think that it is, or at least act like it is, means there isn't a whole lot of space for people who dont
#oh thats so interesting. you must have interesting insights on how you construct your gender outside of transitioning#man#its just like#ive only ever met like a handful of people who feel like i do about gender#who exist outside of the dysphoria/euphoria model entirely#like almost every conversation ppl have about transness or gender is about it#like often transitioning will come up. and i'll be like. oh well im not transitioning that's not something im doing#and ppl are like#and its not a bad question im sure most ppl would love that question#but i dont have a gender. and i dont construct my gender i dont do those things#i just exist#and im still trans#i guess definitionally im agender but i don't really use that word#but like. there just isnt space for that
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actually im kind of thinking abt how all the main players in the AU are probably way more mentally Not Great than it may appear at first
#like Alex is constantly worrying she isn't doing enough for her family and pushes herself way too hard physically and mentally bc of it#no one expects it out of her but she kind of just got herself into that mindset and ends up hurting herself by pushing too hard usually#(Rana is working with her to help break the habit)#Herobrine lived in caves for like 7 (I think. im too lazy to go check the rough timeline rn) years straight#like i already dont have to explain why thats bad on its own but hyperfixating on a dead civilization that long#to the point where you almost entirely forgot your first language is Worse.#he's had so many spider bites and eaten parts of spiders that he's literally just immune to the venom now#Rana you'd think would be better off since she's like the traditional happy cheery character but I guess that's also why she's Not#being happy is a choice to her. she's lived through some of the worst shit but she keeps persisting because the world needs more love in it#she's going to be happy out of spite despite all the odds and she wants to give that to others as much as she can#this girl walks in and out of the Nether every other month for potion ingredients like how 'okay' can she actually be really#Steve is probably like the most normal by comparison#but im not really sure how sane you can realistically qualify yourself to be when you've previously done DIY top surgery with a sword#that was not a fun day for neither Steve nor (pre transition) Rana but it worked! please dont do that again#no one else do it either neither of them would recommend it#he's not traumatized from that or anything but ill be damned if the gender dysphoria didnt win that day#but at the same time so did he. via the use of like 20 healing potions#thanks Rana#minecraft au mastertag
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realising ur trans is so stupid bc before yes it felt like life was just always gonna suck no matter what I did and I was doomed to low-mid grade misery with occasional high grade sprinkled in forever and all I could do was not dwell on it as much as possible but now I know what's probably causing it and that there's a way forward I actually have to do something about it and I don't know where to starttt
#dont mind me venting#its fuckin weird bc ive known since college but i haven't??#like i was all its fine if everyone irl still calls me she and a girl and daughter and most organisations i interact with still deadname me#spoiler alert it was not fine#but i just shoved it all down so far and was like wow i have no body dysphoria#even though i quite clearly did#and haha im glad i don't need to engage with anything medical#and now im pretty surei di and im scared#the last three months have been a revelation lemme tell u 😅#and through all of it im working with feelings that disappear if i look straight at them#bc im so used to supressing them im having to actively work to feel them#but i just know i cant ignore them i can't carry on as i am its downright irresponsible when there's a chance i could be happy#and it would just cone back up even if i shoved it back down#im just#im tired man and its overwhelming#anywayyy dont mind me its all good really 👍👍#i told my mum thats something right#mine#gender adventures with neednoggle#vent tw#ignore me#imma get up and go for a walk that'll help#i worry im acting like being nonbinary without dysphoria isn't being trans#it absolutely IS#it's just not who i was or am and so it feels like i wasn't properly out to myself#and am only now properly realising i am trans?#like before it was just another hollow identity ig#but it was still just as trans and it is for anyone else too#p sure im still nonbinary just over masc side#but at not that masculine lmao
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my specialest little detail about applestrike is she actually has a second voiceclaim. her main one is ada rook but when i was still deciding who it would be bert mccracken was actually the runner-up. i thought it was fun to imagine my transfem kitty with a male voiceclaim (tho bert is pretty high pitched) but i ended up picking rook because i love her and it felt easier in the long run for applestrike to have a female voiceclaim. but bert will always be another option in my heart
#posts#there is something that just Vibes about using a straight up dudes voice for my girl character. esp since i play a lot with gender and how#transition works for my warrior cats#in the end i decided applestrike has doen some sort of vocal training. but there are definitely cats who dont do that#there isnt really any physical transition for my cats. i do leave in dysphoria but just have them cope in other ways#bc i dont have any transphobia lol. so they dont have to worry about others reactions to their appearance#i dont put a lot of weight into appearance when it comes to gender#i havent really sat down and ironed out everything i just play it by ear#i have yet to center any plot around a characters transness. maybe someday idk. im preoccuppied with applestrieks political journey#if anyone thinks my choices are bad consider that ur wrong. i dont feel like writing disclaimers rn
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is there an alternative to dykefag/fagdyke for people who aren’t attracted to anyone really. like i just want the gender of it
#smudgy.txt#i hate gender its so confusing#yes i want to be seen as a man. im not one but i want to be seen as one#growing up i felt gender envy for girls that looked like boys AND boys that looked like girls. i wanted to be them so bad#nonbinary doesnt feel right man feels like too much woman feels like too little#girl was the white sheet with eyes cut out i wore my whole life & now im trying to remove the sheet but#going full on to Guy feels like im just putting on another damn sheet#nonbinary too#xenogender feels the best but i couldnt tell u what flavor#i feel. divine. like space. holy#i look at myself in the mirror & feel. lost? like im looking at something that shouldnt be there#when i see other black trans men who've been on T i want to cry bc the thought i could be like them feels like home#but right now i feel like a formless thing some creature that used to float in space before being#forcibly pulled down to earth by fate. or gravity#i feel like i should have claws and horns and sharp teeth and a tail#i also feel like ppl should default to calling me Sir#while deep down i smirk bc i know a secret they dont: underneath the skin is a nebula. a canyon. a coral reef. a forest fire. idfk#its late & im tired & i should be getting ready for bed but instead im letting my brain wander (bad idea!!!!!)#& dysphoria is making gender feelings consume me. pouts
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thinking abt compulsory transmasculinity (a thing that affects me and only me and is not a real thing at all)
#I just think a lot abt how even as a child. like 6-7 years old I was CONSISTENTLY treated like a weird creature because of my personality#like#actively getting excluded from stereotypical girl things because of how i looked and interacted really made me question from an early age#if any of this gender stuff even matters. That’s why i get so weird when trans people say that all of us experienced gender dysphoria before#puberty. bc i have to sit over here like “well actually- no”#because without a doubt there was a time i WAS a girl and wanted to become a women. Just a lot of people in my life didn’t treat me like one#so i spent all of adolescence going “well it looks like being a teenage tomboy he/him dyke is getting me results so ig im just this now”#and dont get me wrong 16 year old me loved being that but now im 21 and realizing that#well… maybe i want to wear skirts and make up and have people to buy me flowers#and have someone put their hands around my waist and like. protect me. idk you can do all of this as a tboy or enby but#there’s a lot to think about in how exclusion in development contributed to what i deemed “worked for me” and what didn’t
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people around my age who call me "mademoiselle", "lady", "woman", etc. catalyse a fatal error of Gender Disconnect and Failure within my brain. ouch.
#how do be gender weird while presenting femininely in a non woman way#and be seen as a gender neutral human bean#this induces more frustration than dysphoria. like im good with my inevitably feminine body.#but people just. misgender me too much. and i hate that i might have to use pronouns that dont fit me#or limit my gender expression to a subset that is ''''unmistakeably'''' ''''non-binary''''#im feeling like watery mush rn. ig ill put dresses back in the closet again.#i cant even dress masc cuz then people will tell me i look like a kid.
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I need a binder with zip in the middle for work but that shit is expensiveeeeeeeee
#gender dysphoria tw#but because i couldn't use my binder for the last 3 days ive been thinking#i kinda need it now#but my back is like “pls dont use it all the time or ill die”#and wtf am i suppose to do when i go back home#i dont use bras anymore its either binder or nothing cuz im cool like that lmao#but there will be questions#and i definitely cant do that in the summer#ugh#i need these outttt#but im never having money or the support for the surgery#ah#vent
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yeah ok having my pronouns respectfully feels pretty fuckin good
#the bin#ive been really fed up with everyone i know using exclusively she/her so i changed my nametag to say just say he/him insteds of he/she#i usually dont even wear my nametag bc it always getd wet and it just smudges but im supposed to so im just gonna redraw it everytime before#i leave for my next shift. it doesnt bother me from my coworkers bc like. they dont know. but everyone else in my life never used he him for#me. today was the first day i wore a he/him nametag and both my coworkers i was working with like. apologized to me if they offended me by#calling me girl and stuff and. idk. its just nice that they noticed and cared. i wasnt expecting anybody to notice at all really#and i told them that they can still use she/her f9r me but i prefer for people to use both. idk. i hate being seen as JUST a girl.#im a boy too. its not about what im not. its not about what pronouns make me unhappy. its about what i am and what does make me happy#i knew the one coworker wpuld be chill abt it bc she has a trans kid who shes supportive of but the other one i wasnt sure#i heard her make some comment abt they them pronous referring to a specific person but it was cleatly petsonal business so like#it seemed kinda transphobic but i dont have any of the context snd she seemed really chill before that so i figured it just sounded bad#out of context and i was right so thats reassuring.#i dont have gender dysphoria but it still fuckibg hurts when people refuse to respect who i am. i wanna tell people im a boy and a girl and#they respect and believe me when i say it. i do have some people in my life who do but they always default to girl me#and like. i know i look super feminine and i dress super feminine. plus i am still a girl. but the boy part of me is just as important#most of the time im actually presenting the boy side of myself. the boy inside me oikes to wear frilly clothes and the girl inside me wants#to become a shadow. but people look at me and ofc think girl.#idk. its beens hard to get the people i know to actually care and respect my gender and everything bc i havent like changed my name#and i dont present any differently and i still use she her in addition to he him. so they think the additons im asking them to respect arent#important. if some of the time its exactly the same as before then thats fine. but literally never ever referring to me as a boy and with#he him pronouns is bad. just bc she her and being a girl dont make me feel bad abt myslef doesnt mean you dont have to also acknowledge#the he him boy parts of me. like. dont a deserve that basic respect? idk.#i mostly changed my nametag to jsut make myslef feel a bit better. like at least something refers to me that way. something sees me as a boy#even if its just my nametag i wrote myself#but it was definitely worth it
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He hello yes my gender today is shouting
#Thinking about how few people percieve me as my gender#Like i on its not the most straightforward gender (i.e all of the above#In a shifting gradient)#But cmonnnnnn#I go to a church full of gay people and i tried to tell my favorite person there about my gender and she was just like oh I dont care what#Pronouns you use you are a cool person#And i thought hell yeah#But she keeps calling me a woman and she also misgenders another nonbiney person in the group who HAS their pronouns listed on digital call#And im like please I would like the queer community to recognize me#I have a group of friends that see me gender!#And i love that!#But its not like Everyone knows I'm Gender#Basically#I Have to be the most gender person in this target or I'll Die#I'm good im just auggh#I guess this is a form of dysphoria huh#The whole not wanting to be perceived the way people perceive me#Neat
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I need to know why it makes people so unreasonably upset to suggest that some dysphoric trans people probably should be considered intersex. Do you just. Hate trans people? Or is it because anything that makes trans physical isn't allowed?
It has been stated many many times that not all trans people have dysphoria, and not all trans people that do experience the same dysphoria. It has been harped on that gender is social and about presentation and isn't binary. Fine. But somehow when I or people like me talk about having physical and immutable dysphoria that doesn't stem from social means it's not ok. When I bring up that yes, some parts of the brain control your hormones and gonads, and yes, some parts recognize what you are and should look like, im treated like a fucking gender critical.
Why is it wrong to say that parts of the brain do in fact qualify as sex related because that's what they are for? If they dont physically square with the binary(naturally, not through intervention) then that person is not binary/intersex in their physical disposition by definition. It's not exactly a hard concept to grasp.
And because I have to, no, most aspects of the brain are not related to our bimodal sex system. There can in fact be gender/sex nuance in certain parts of the brain without claiming male and female type brains exist as a whole. Fear of some shitty crack pot idea should not prevent people from understanding scientific inquiry and research.
Being intersex does not make the trans experience more or less valid/real. But I'm tired of pretending I'm a man for reasons that absolutely don't apply to me. Nothing about my being trans has anything to do with how I want to socially be, aside as an extension of others viewing my body as I wish it to be. If there is really room in the community for all of us, then my saying that some of our experience is different shouldn't be a problem.
EDIT: Thank you for some of your responses. I would like to amend my statement slightly. When I mentioned intersex I was more trying to imply, as I lacked a better word, that it is clear some if not most trans people that experience dysphoria have a physical developmental reason for that, likely epigenetic, genetic, and pre natal conditions. This type of sense is in most people, including cis people, hence why you cannot train someone to be a gender they aren't(no desistance of gender identity in both cis and trans people regardless of treatment). If intersex is to be interpreted as things exclusively affecting external or internal primary sex traits(as to be read, physically involved in the act of procreation) that are only ever natal, then I am ok in accepting intersex is not the best fit(except for that PCOS study but not super relevant rn).
That being said, I do still believe it is a part of sex and sex/gender development and that it is a physical condition(most anatomy based dysphoria). I don't see why it being a part of sex and sex development is a problem, when it has no other answer that satisfies our actual understanding of the condition and those peoples experience. Anything based on socialization has been disproven time and time again, so when are we going to stop acting like this
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