#im not trying to start discourse but im just genuinely like. Why. since WHEN is cdream transfem. why. i didnt know that was a THING

[anachronistic-falsehood]

@ the person who brought up transgirl cwilbur and transgirl cdream and transfem ceret in the notes you're missing half the point of this post and you actually brought up a very good point without meaning to. why are the "evil" male characters the first ones you went to when looking at transfem hcs? ceret i can understand bc the cc themself is nb and often feminine, i love transfem ceret bc it has genuine roots in canon, but cdream? cwilbur? cdream the guy who stalked and abused a kid because he was obsessed with him to a creepy degree and manipulated kids into doing what he wanted? cwilbur the guy who arguably abused that same teenager and was horrible to his only female friend niki and is known for lying and deceiving and manipulating people? why are these women to you. where did that come from. why are half of all transfem character hcs for meek and mild and nurturing male characters and why are the other half evil. answer quick

the phenomenon of taking guy characters and turning them into women in mcyt and mcyt-adjacent fandoms due to a shortage/lack of well-written and engaging female characters needs to be studied i think. this isnt a gripe with transfem hcs i love transfem hcs but im just wondering. why go out of ur way to take a male character and slap she/her pronouns on him when you could instead read or watch something with good prevalent female characters that are very well written already? like. there's a fucking Pattern with the characters ppl hc as transfem. its always the kind and loving level-headed voices of reason that get the transfem beam. why do you think the soft and kind male character who's meek and mild and folds easily under pressure is the one who's a woman. why is that. huh. why. answer quick.

[einsatzzz]

Hello ❤️ I have some meta asks for your ocs

Kana: What controversies/drama would your character incite in fandom?

And (yes she gets two because I am biased and looking for crumbs)

What is the quote between your character and their love interest/whoever they might be shipped with that their fans would latch onto?

Kurumi: What would be the ‘incorrect but wildly popular’ interpretation of your character in fandom?

Yui: If your character had a breakout show/film/comic, what would the plot be? Who would be in their supporting cast?

- 🍎

Hello 🍎Anon 🫶✨👀 Thank you for sending this over and enabling me to yap more about my blorbos 🥰🥰🥰 I only know what to talk about when I draw them, but for pure text posts I often blank out on what to say, so I love asks! I will try my best to give you Kana crumbs too!

🍎Kana: What controversies/drama would your character incite in fandom?

If Kana were a canon character, Kana and controversies/drama are like blood brothers, like soulmates. They are a set package. It wasn't there at the start or perhaps there will be initial discourse about her gender. But fandom will find out eventually that they have bigger fish to fry. As more and more layers of her character gets revealed, the more fandom discourse there is. She is certainly not a character for people who view things in a black or white manner or those with low reading comprehension 😭🤣😭🤣 *looks at those gear grindingly loud mfs on twi//ter*

On the surface, she would prob be reduced to either a some kind of siscon (memes included) or straight-up a cruel/heartless character with ulterior motives ("maybe her love for Kurumi is just a facade? and she has ulterior motives?"). If you peel off the first few layers, you will see that she really does genuinely love Kurumi and her family, for better or for worse. If you peel off more layer, you will see an asshole. If you peel even more layers, you will see an even bigger asshole banned from hell.

Also do you know that one meme where they keep putting Oi\\kawa (from Hai\\kyuu, a VOLLEYBALL series) in a line up of actual villains/war criminals?

Kana would be there, except she kinda deserves to be there. People who don't get the joke would complain about why Oi//kawa keeps getting included in these fuckass lists that includes Kana and other messed up characters lmao (truthfully i didn't get it at first when i saw it and was lowkey pissed since im an oi//kawa oshi lmaooo now it's just funny every time i see it. still crazy to see him lined up with characters like d//io or aiz//en or gri//ffith like damn wwwwww)

Did you know? My favorite character from Monster is Joh//ann Lieb//ert hahahaha nothing important, just wanna say it haha,,,hahaha,,,,, pls ignore if you don't know Monster sdkjfsdhvfsd

🍎Kana: What is the quote between your character and their love interest/whoever they might be shipped with that their fans would latch onto?

The least spoilery thing I can come up with on the spot on is Hibari telling her "You're so stupid (affectionate & relieved)" after she does (and says) something objectively very stupid that could even give YuiRumi&family a heart attack & a stroke simultaneously.

Short, simple, effective. ME, personally, I will lose my mind and latch onto it even on my deathbed.

If you want something that could potentially come from a Kana POV, I do have a quote like this saved:

🎀Kurumi: What would be the ‘incorrect but wildly popular’ interpretation of your character in fandom?

For Kurumi, I think modern fandom would focus too much on her gender? There would be a divide in the fandom based on how they interpret the "Gender: ?" in her profile lmao We can see a lot of people insisting that she's non-binary. That's fine and all, everyone is free to interpret characters as they like (except if the creator has reiterated clear rules and boundaries for it). The problem is that we can also see people say that you can't refer to her as anything else but non-binary sjdgbhjsdfvhjsbfd

🤖Yui: If your character had a breakout show/film/comic, what would the plot be? Who would be in their supporting cast?

My understanding of this question is that it's asking for a Yui spin-off where he's the MC! It would be in a light novel format under the romantic comedy genre (with some sci-fi, perhaps? because he loves making robots hahaha inb4 it becomes a mecha story). The story's main couple would be him and Hiyori, because that's what Yui would've wanted. He is delusional and down bad.

In terms of shipping, we actually have three main ships we've committed to. It's just that I often end up posting about the two CanonxOC pairs more sjkdfjskdf but the third one is an OCxOC pair between Yui and Hiyori (YuiHiyo). Sowwwwyyy Yui! uwu Hiyorin is holding me at syringe-point and telling me to shut the fuck up about it.

[redr0sewrites]

i wanted to kinda talk about my opinion on some things related to Ana Huang and the romance genre in general- sorry for the rant!!!

finished king of sloth by ana huang and urgrhrgrhrhrh i actually really really enjoyed it!!!! (i say that ab everything i read tho tbh, i've just never been the type who criticizes the media i consume so PLEASE don't ever base ur opinions off of mine :)

my post isn't about the book specifically or even the author. i lowkey have a bone to pick and its NOT with ana huang or the book but moreso the reaction i've been noticing about the book (specifically from people who have been making fun of it and/or people who read it)! this isn't meant to start discourse or anything but i am open to polite discussion about some of the points im bringing up. this is generally focused around ana huang but also a lot of majority-feminine centric media has this same problem.

anyways, i'm gonna try to express how i feel as best i can without being rude or offensive ajshsjs-

it just lowkey irks me that sm people have been hating on ana huang now that she's getting attention, and since she's a romance writer, her fans and fanbase is mostly women and/or girls, (which is totally ok)!! however, i genuinely feel like this is just another barbie movie or sarah j mass or taylor swift scenario where the second something/someone that a lot of woman like starts to get publicity, people (mostly men) start excessively hating on it.

i have genuinely seen sm people dissing not only ana huang but her writing as well. now i don't know much about her as a person and i know that a lot of people are flawed so if she's genuinely done something wrong PLEASE lmk, i don't keep up w that stuff. and hey, maybe you just didn't like the book and thats ok too!!! its totally valid to not like something, but to make fun of an author and the people who enjoy her content just seems.. ehh.

a lot and i mean a LOT of people claim that she's only popular because of her smut but i actually enjoy her books more than just for the smutty/romance aspect. maybe that's just me, but i genuinely find it interesting and a lot of other people i know also enjoy it for the plot. and if u are reading for the smut that's ok as well, this is a totally safe space, and nobody should judge u on your reasons to read a book. the books are INTENDED to be fluffy and spicy and overall are just fictional romantic stories. they're smutty, funny books, not the bible. it shocks me how much people make fun of them.

i just keep seeing this trend of people negatively nitpicking anything and everything about authors and their writing ESPECIALLY when its romance and it just rubs me the wrong way. ive seen a LOT of people upset about huang including cameo's of her other characters in her latest book, and if you don't like those other characters so much then why... are u reading it??? THAT SOUNDS SO MEAN IM SORRY but its just so strange that people are upset about her including her own characters from her own series'?

its just disappointing that whenever someone or something becomes popular, there are always people who are just trying to be negative and diss it along with the people who enjoy it. i'm NOT making this post to be rude or offensive to people who genuinely don't like the author or the series, ur absolutely entitled to ur own opinion!!! however i have just seen this link SO MANY TIMES of people suddenly disliking something/someone bc a lot of woman seem to enjoy it and it just makes me a bit sad and disappointed.

(also side note can men stop hating on the romance genre and books they haven't even read? please??? can feminine people like anything anymore??? romance exists as such a successful genre bc the majority of readers are WOMEN who have to create fictional scenarios about being loved by seemingly "unachievable" men that are literally just doing the bare minimum. women fantasize about being treated with BASIC HUMAN RESPECT as though that isn't the standard, bc honestly, it isnt.)

THIS POST IS NOT MEANT TO EXCLUDE ANY OF MY FELLOW NON-FEMALE/NON-WOMAN OR GENDER NON CONFORMING FOLK WHO ALSO ENJOY ROMANCE!!!! THIS IS JUST A GENERALIZATION BASED ON THINGS I HAVE NOTICED, AND I AM NOT EDUCATED/HAVE A DEGREE ON THE MATTER!!!! THIS IS SIMPLY AN OBSERVATION!!!!! IF UVE READ THIS LONG, MWAH MWAH MWAH!!!

[toomanythoughts2]

Piggybacking a bit off of your Murderface Agere

When he’s Agere and watches the shows he’ll start mimicking the characters for a bit during and after he watches an episode. If he’s with Toki especially he’ll try to do the ‘thundercats ho!’ Or try to set up an elaborate prank like Hawkeye and BJ. Personally (since I’m the most familiar with tmnt, thundercats, and MASH) I think his favorite characters would be Leonardo and Raphael, Lion-O and Panthro, and BJ and Hawkeye. That being said I think from MASH he subconsciously leaned onto the Winchester himself and occasionally goes around saying “A Murderface would never do this” while doing exactly that <- (projecting). If we’re going with him watching these shows growing up he most definitely did it to seem more put together and classier at school. Like a defense to be alone. “A Murderfasche would never schtoop to schuch pompousch activitiesch” or “Muschic like this would never be worthy for repugnent earsch schuch asch yoursch” Very defensive very holier than thou but as we know very sensitive and at the core very heroic. Mr. Winchester often did heroic things simply because they were right, not because he wanted reward. I think Murderface took on that "Dont see me be genuinely good" act but because it was a show still wanted a bit of recognition. I’m loosing the plot a bit but im basing this a lot off of his one liners and his wants to be like a movie hero, so I think him projecting and favoring the leaders specifically would be huge, but drawing from characters like Charles Winchester III , Raphael and I think Tigra is more subconscious.

Also on the which MASH era was better debate he’d definitely enjoy both eras for different reasons so don’t ask him to choose. And for TMNT he’d prefer the 80s cartoon but has no issues with the live action movies with the puppets (maybe the bay movies but it depends on the day I’ve never watched them so I can’t say how well they hold up) Thundercats tried and true with the original version as well BUT he discovers the 2012 version at some point and enjoys the more modern retelling.

AAHHH! These are all really good! I'll admit, I've never actually watched any of these shows (I know, I'm lame ;P) but I absolutely see your vision with him favoring the leaders! That reminds me of all the times in the show he wants to be or take on the role that Nathan has. That's why I think he tries so hard to get writing credit or song credit because, hey, that's what Nathan does, and he's the leader, and he's cool. Except, they all know him, so they know he's full of shit. And that's where the regression happens again, where he wants to be this cool dude who does cool things, but he's only able to see it from a child-like mind. Ugh, you provided so much more context to my little HC, I LOVE IT!

Murderface being a cartoon connoisseur would be hilarious though, because it's just right up his alley of niche interests with a very heated community of loyal fans. He's on Chitter in heated threads with other fans, defending his stances, but also causing mayhem and discourse. Lol.

[dreamhot]

OH I DIDNT REALISE IT WAS SO RECENT THAT MAKES MORE SENSE for me I've been trans since i was 12 and I only recently got more comfy being [insert gender here] and using she/her pronouns. Which doesn't make me a detransitioner or a woman by any means (i cant even "pass" for a girl atp since I have facial hair)

What I have learned from this is that like. You can be whatever you want all of the time. The scaremongering about transness being this huge life changing thing are mostly lies. I was a he / him trans guy now im a she/he non binary person who looks literally more masc than i did before said realisation. It's fine to try stuff out and figure it out.

If you're really having trouble i recommend just cutting transphobia out of your life completely. Like not even arguing with it, just getting rid of it , blocking discourse about it. It's an absolute poison and it SUCKS. This includes calling it out, news stories critical of transphobia, everything. You're not a bad trans person for not engaging with your own oppression for that - sometimes you need a break from the negativity to feel more confident in yourself.

Also oddly enough having a cis boyfriend made me even more sure I wanted to transition. I won't go super into detail, but I basically ended up getting super super jealous of all his Cis Guy Things and I think that's what really cemented it for me. Especially cis guys who are chill with trans ppl can be literally some of the most validating ppl. I'll never forget when i came out, the boys' section of the soccer team I played for started hyping me up all the time, the guys in my friend group used to invite me out when they all went out together. The media and social media especially overstates the amount of transphobia the world has to offer by a long shot. There's a lot of fun and beauty in being a trans guy that gets talked about online but like. At the end of the day you're just a guy. Most people will see that lol.

Anyway ignore me getting all rambly. Good luck Lee o7

this was really sweet and helpful to read, genuinely, so thank you😭 the bit in the middle about not wanting to engage with the oppression at all... REAL and like. this is why i have a hard time explaining to certain family members that i don't enjoy 'debating' things when it feels like i'm only trying to validate my existence. mum would go on about hoping my therapist was 'challenging' me - ie, testing to see whether or not i'm ? actually nby/trans ig ?? and it's like MAN this shit is exhausting and only makes me more insecure about it, versus, yknow, how validating it feels to have people actively support it. like ... no mum i'm not just looking for yes men - i'm looking for people to understand

anyway blah blah, i'm sure i'll stop stressing about it eventually :') thank you again <33

[sevdoesnotexist]

Hey do you know what happened to @cock-dealer/morg? Sorry for the random ask i saw you reply often but like. i was offline for like a week straigh5 and now hes gone + im genuinely sad and also worried bc he was one of my fave bloggers lmao is he okay?

Hey so a lot has happened since March if you haven't been around. Essentially (from my understanding), Morg experienced abuse at the hands of medical staff during a hospital stay that left him in a really bad place dealing with the trauma that was brought on by that. He is and was often posting about his poor mental health and suicidal ideation.

A few weeks ago he had attempted to kill himself, I don't know him well enough to say what attempt # it was for him overall but I'll say "the first time" even though I don't think it was. In around this time too, there was "slur discourse" happening around who should and shouldn't call themselves a cripple and a lot of discussion around honouring Tai's memory by respecting the origins and meaning behind the cripplepunk movement.

A lot of emotions were running high and honestly I had seen the discourse in the community as petty insquabbling until shit hit the fan. I was kinda not touching it past my opinion on cripple being a slur that only some people can reclaim. Anyways through this discourse Morg had been receiving a lot of anon asks egging him on, telling him he's a shit person, really just generally horrible stuff and some anons who weren't necessarily approaching in bad faith got caught in the crossfire, which those interactions were used by the handful of people vocally disagreeing with Morg to further the narrative that he was a Big Bad Exclusionist™

Eventually Morg got pushed past the point of frustration and presumably while under the influence of whatever he had taken in an attempt to take his life or I also know he has mentioned the stress of it let to a psychotic episode which seems to make a lot of sense to me. Basically, he sent an anon to one of the people who was one of the instigators and main users furthering the discourse vaspider an ask that read along the lines "you got what you wanted" and posted that he had tried to kill himself for the "second" time. Around this time I know I was personally very worried and constantly refreshed his blog and sent him anons with kind messages like everyday just trying to combat the SHEER amount of hatred he was receiving not FROM users like vaspider and happysadyoyo but BECAUSE of how they were framing his mental health crisis was definately resulting in MASSIVE amounts of anon hate and suicide baiting.

The final straw for me is when I made a vent post about my feelings on the matter and vaspider literally shouted me down and called me an asshole for venting about my medical trauma and my feelings on the cripplepunk discourse. It was a really mask off moment for me I think they felt like betrayed that I didn't side with them since we were mutuals or something but regardless it made me really uncomfortable and honestly was incredibly triggering also so I blocked them as well as y'know, whoever I felt like, as I'm allowed to :))

Then like a week after that all happened, happysadyoyo, a user who WAS mutuals with me and vaspider but had actually NEVER interacted with Morg in his life, made a fucking YOUTUBE VIDEO about morgs suicide attempt, relating it to the show Thirteen Reasons Why and his own time spent being a manipulative asshole, essentially trying to insinuate that Morg had tried to take his life as a way to guilt and manipulate someone over Internet slur discourse. Yup. I was disgusted by the behaviour and openly said as much. The link is actually still up as far as I'm aware, yoyocunt refused to take the video or even the post with the link down, citing "his own psychosis"

From there I guess people who were watching this happen to Morg from the sidelines thought it would be funny to give those users a taste of their own medicine and started sending them a lot if gross anon hate including stuff like scat porn. I also think this was probably an attempt by some to paint Morg and his followers in a bad light. I mean while we had a giggle over the misfortune of people who had been royal douche canoes, we also all have made it pretty clear that we don't condone sexual harassment or suicide baiting. Those users often take screenshots of posts Morg makes without the context of a reblog or the notes cropped out in order to give the impression Morg is like, actively telling his followers to send them death threats and poop vids but like, that's just not the case.

So like you missed the most batshit insane turn of events, I don't think I covered everything concisely because I'm high but yeah basically people started disrespecting a dead kids movement and memory as well as trying to villainize a mentally ill trans dude for disagreeing with them and being rude about it

And, he's still here by the way, he's just @penis-peeper now.

[mcmuppet]

okay i never actually post on here but i saw something yesterday on  @illegalferrariengine page and specifically one of the tags set me off on a rant to @daniallricciardo during my class yesterday, and i am now going to form that rant into an incoherent tumblr post bc im bored at work and still mad about this

so here it goes: a two part rant about f1 fangirls and DTS fans; and why the f1 fandom is actually ostracizing itself and harming the sport it so very much loves, because of how it treats female & new fans

basically, what fully set me off was a tag along the lines of a lot of “fan girls” go into full seb vettel f1 knowledge mode when talking about history, and even know more than a lot of guy fans, and as a new fan, this is something i have noticed in myself. i’m a pretty big sports fan in general, but im new to f1 and unlike any other sport i watch/follow, with f1 i dove head first into not only the current grid/era, but also the general history, which i have not really done for any other sport. (i’ve been watching tennis since i was like 8 and i could not tell you anything in detail that happened on either the men’s or women’s tour since like, pre 2005, i just never cared to learn). but with f1 i did. and for a long time i chalked that up to “its a new sport to me and im fascinated, and my adhd hyperfixation really set in (during a time when im living alone and have nothing else to do)” and i went wild with it.

but yesterday really got me thinking, did i just become so into the knowledge because of how much i like the sport (and don’t get me wrong i LOVE f1 now) or did i get so deep into the knowledge because the general online discourse (especially on twitter which is its own toxic ecosystem) is that if you’re  a female fan, you have to prove that you’re a fan of the sport and not just a “superficial fan girl” and like THATS SO PROBLEMATIC. i realized yesterday (and maybe this is a super obvious thing and my brain was just slow at fully grasping) that even subconsciously, i know that i would be categorized as a shallow fan girl unless i proved my knowledge, especially since, i am a girl! and i am attracted to these silly attractive men driving fast and being silly in press conferences! sue me! but i shouldn't have to justify being a fan of sport!

i was trying to compare this to tennis and soccer (my other two fave sports) and  while obviously there is still bias and misogyny in those fandoms as well, it really does not reach the levels that i’ve seen in the f1 fandom. personally i think that because there are so few drivers (in comparison to soccer and tennis where there are literally thousands of athletes) so we know more about each driver and really get to know their personality (at least the public personality that they portray), which makes the connection feel more personal. it also doesnt help the inherent bias that , yea , a lot of the drivers are conventionally attractive and could probably be models if they didn’t want to be driving. but it just doesn’t sit right with me that i’m being forced to become an encylopedia of f1 knowledge just to show that i am in fact into the sport because i enjoy the strategy calls, the on track drama, and the absolute power that is the merging of a man and machine to create basically a hyper-athlete. you don’t get that in any other sport and i think thats the genuine beauty of f1.

the other part of the toxic f1 fan culture that has frustrated me is the perception of fans that got into the sport because of drive to survive. now, i didn’t get into f1 because of the Netflix show. i started watching because i had a friend who was a huge fan, and she convinced @daniallricciardo to put on a few races, and i decided to stop making fun of the fast cars going in circles and watch a few races with her. and it got me hooked (this is my formal apology to my boss who i used to make fun of relentlessly for watching f1, you were right Doug its a great sport). but i digress. just the fact that i feel the need to clarify that i did not get into f1 because of DTS is PROBLEMATIC IN AND OF ITSELF. to quote @daniallricciardo “it feels like a badge of honor that we got into it without DTS and it SHOULDN’T” 

the point of drive to survive was to attract new fans to the sport, and guess what! it worked! shocker! but the fact that fans who have been watching f1 for years before the Netflix show consider “DTS fans” to be fake fans literally contradicts the whole point of the show and the sport in general. f1 will only continue to succeed as a sport if the fanbase continues to grow. more fans mean more money which directly correlates to the ability to put on races and provide the entertainment that we sign up for as fans of the sport.

this whole rant basically boils down to: misogynistic f1 fans who reject new DTS fans as “fake fans” are literally ruining the sport they claim to love so much. not just by creating a toxic community, but even in a more tangible way, they could end up affecting the f1 bottom line if they continue to ostracize fans in the way that they currently are. i have never felt more insecure as a fan of anything in the way that i have found in the f1 community. and while i will admit that i also love the knowledge side (seb is literally one of my absolute favorite people so a part of me wants to be just like him, f1 history wise), but i wish i could just enjoy randomly knowing who the 1984 wdc was (niki lauda - of course), without thinking that knowing that will put me in better standing with the f1 community. 

this all seems like, super obvious and not at all some kind of big breakthrough and i recognize that. im not pretending to say i got to the root of toxicity in the f1 community and now in gonna work on solving that. but i think, at least for myself, i needed to put this out there, so that, personally, i can start overcoming the internalized insecurities i have about being a fan in a new sports community which has a very interesting little ecosystem, unlike any other sports fandom ive encountered. 

if you got this far 1. im sorry that i took up 1.2k words of your time and 2. thank you for letting me rant, i def needed it 

[tourettesbabe]

hi ! hope youre well :)

so, im 20, and i started developing tics when i was 18 (i fit all the diagnostic criteria for tourette's, except that my tics developed once i was 18 instead of before). i spoke to my psychiatrist about it but he didn't suggest anything along the lines of a diagnosis, just said it might be my medication (we tried changing that and it wasnt it), and then kind of left it at "tics are strange, let's see what happens"

ive been kind of nervous of asking him for an actual diagnosis because it seems like he doesn't know a huge amount about tics, and i don't really feel like i need an official diagnosis (unless it's necessary for accommodations but i havent even started looking into those yet).

basically, i wanted to ask if you think it's okay for me to say i have tourette's? i do genuinely think i have tourette's, i've seen studies talking about how the DSM-5 might be outdated and adult-onset tourette's is a thing, but also it's just easier to say i have tourette's to people than try and explain that i have tics but i don't know exactly what it is and i don't have a diagnosis.

also slightly unrelated, but i haven't told a lot of people because my tics are often not noticeable (especially if i suppress them), and i feel really anxious telling anyone who's known me for a while bc im worried they'll think im faking since they havent seen me tic before.. if you have any advice on that its much appreciated

sorry this was so long- completely understandable if you don't have energy or can't respond! <3

Hey Nonnie! First of all, I'm honored that you'd message me for advice. Thank you for being so sweet as well -- I am doing well, thank you. Now, I'm definitely not an expert, but I can give you my two cents!

While it is true that the official DSM-5 diagnosis for Tourette's requires the person to have been ticcing since before the age of 18, you're also right in saying there is some discourse about whether or not that is completely accurate. Adult-onset tic disorders are a thing, and they can happen for a variety of reasons. IMO, if you fit all the other criteria like you said, it's probably Tourette's. It's also the most well-known tic disorder, so many people will understand what it means (though they may also have some inaccurate ideas about swearing and the like.)

I will say that there are many kinds of tic disorders, and many reasons why tics could be happening. If you're sure you have Tourette's, then I'd say it's fine to say that. But if you're not, I'd just stick with telling people you have a tic disorder. If they ask questions about the diagnosis, just tell them it's currently unspecified. What's most important is that you have tics, not the label.

You know yourself better than anyone else, including your doctor, your family, your friends, etc. So, although an official diagnosis can be useful, don't feel bad about labeling it for yourself. Even if it turns out to be something else, if the label is serving a purpose for you now, or if it helps others to understand you, then I don't see a problem with it.

Getting a diagnosis can be intimidating, but if it's important to you then you need to be confident! Like I said, you know yourself better than anyone else. You need to advocate for yourself and be persistent. If your psychiatrist doesn't know much about tics, ask him if he can find out some more information to help you out, or even present him with your own findings! But, again, if you don't need accommodations and it's not affecting you too much, you may not need an official diagnosis. It's your life, and your tics.

If you do go on the diagnosis route and he isn't giving you the answers/help you need, never be afraid to seek out a second opinion! There are specialists who are trained specifically to diagnose tic disorders, which may be more helpful to you. That's how I got diagnosed when I was young.

As for telling people, in my personal experience I've found it usually goes pretty well. My tics aren't very noticeable either, so when I do tell a friend they usually say they never would have known, but nobody has ever accused me of lying or anything like that. In fact, most of the time they are interested in learning more and want to ask me questions about my tics and experiences, which I am always excited to do.

I don't know your family, so I'll try to cover my bases here... If you have the kind of parent or sibling who might try to say that they know you too well to not have noticed, try and remind them that the tics are subtle and that you may have been suppressing them. Tics can be very easy to miss when someone isn't looking for them, even when they seem obvious to you. Also tell them that it's a very recent thing (and if they question the possibility/legitimacy of that, definitely pull out the receipts lol -- articles, webpages, anything you need to). It could also go just the same as I said with friends. If anyone is particularly uptight about it, don't tolerate it. You are not faking, and anyone who thinks you are needs to get educated.

Also know that you don't NEED to tell people if you don't want to. Even your closest friend or family member is not entitled to your personal medical information if you are not comfortable with sharing it. And, if it's subtle enough that they haven't noticed yet, then they may not notice unless you bring it up. It's up to you who to tell and who not to tell.

Now, I don't know if this has been your mindset in any way, but I definitely would not recommend suppressing tics in order to avoid questions from those close to you. Your comfort is more important than theirs here!!! Ticcing is a natural thing and it is happening for a reason, listen to your body and let it do what it needs to do. I honestly would recommend never suppressing at all, but I understand that it can feel embarrassing or like everyone is looking at you, especially in public. However, in my experience, people don't really notice (even after they know about the tics if they are subtle). I want to remind you though that there is nothing to be ashamed of or embarrassed about in ticcing.

I hope this helped you, if you have any more questions or need clarification on anything feel free to send another anon or DM my way. I've linked some extra resources below that might help. Good luck on your journey, I know you can do it!!! :)

Resources:

CDC's Page on Tourette's

CDC's Page on Diagnosing Tic Disorders

Tourette Association: What Is Tourette

Tourette Association: Diagnosis

NCBI's Article on Adult-onset Tic Disorders

[lovebecomeshim]

hello! your zutara posting today has finally motivated me to ask this question because I came to atla very late(last year, to be specific) and I Love It Very Much but am 1000% out of the loop as far as why what remains of fandom (at least that I've seen among my friends) is so very strongly zutara. I'm not opposed to it per se I just don't really know what has driven it to apparently be such a popular ship? can you help me understand and maybe convert me a little bit?

Hey!! Your ICON! :D I can try but I’m not sure how coherent I’ll be; however I AM sure someone a lot more competent will be willing to add to this. Either way, I’m glad you asked because my plan was to drag down as many people as possible with me.

*smacks the hood of zutara* this baby can fit so much mutual love and support!

This got so long, I’m so sorry. I don’t know how to put it under a cut on mobile and it already got deleted once so I’m scared to mess with it lol. Moving on.

I’m gonna start this with a disclaimer that im on mobile so formatting is tricky and I’m also really new to atla in that I only completed my first watch through in like 2019??? So some of my info is all just based on what I’ve picked up from Discourse 👀 so anyway the sparknotes version: zutara was wildly popular from the beginning. To the point where the atla crew internally disagreed on which ship should be endgame. (Ex. Bryke [showrunners] asked the writers to rewrite The Southern Raiders to make Zuko seem less ideal for Katara than Aang [which failed, depending on who you ask]; the animation team purposefully created a visual parrallel between Oma and Shu in the Cave of Two Lovers and Zuko and Katara in the catacombs under Ba Sing Se in the Crossroads of Destiny; etc.)

The ship was popular enough that Bryke actually chose to display zk fanart at a con for the sole purpose of mocking the fans, but that’s neither here nor there. The entire episode Ember Island Players, while a love letter to/parody of the whole show, was an opportunity to address zutara’s viability as a canon pairing (while, again, mocking zutaras for romanticizing that catacombs scene). Point is! It’s always been popular but with it not being endgame, there’s got to be something that’s given it staying power.

And that’s honestly got to do with three things: their dynamic, thematic cohesion, and potential.

(You know what... you know what, it’s four things. The fourth is they’re so aesthetically pleasing together and individually. Like, they’re just good looking people [specifically when they’re grown but they’re also cute kids] and that absolutely doesn’t hurt) (but it’s not the Point, it’s just nice to point out sometimes)

The dynamic is hard to get into without also looking at the canon pairings, but I think I can do that without unnecessary bashing. It’s just that part of the magic of zutara is really highlighted by what they give to each other that their other relationships don’t.

First off, it’s classic enemies to (would be) lovers. The absolute truest form of it. It’s not too different from how CS started out: a rogue antagonist with a job to do—but no personal vendetta against the future love interest—who is deeply and emotionally invested in his personal storyline (revenge/redemption) with little regard for how it effects other people after his entire life and genuine good nature are marred by suffering, and a fierce warrior girl with a strong moral compass and her own personal investment in stopping him (protect her family and save the world doing it). Obviously frustration and animosity grew between them by the nature of them being on opposing sides, but that just lends itself to the sweetness of their later reconciliation.

The thing is that while they’re wildly different on the surface (he’s a hot-headed prince of a fascist regime who is trying to capture the Avatar to please his father; she’s a nurturing daughter of the chief who is trying to protect and train the Avatar in order to topple his father’s throne) they find out that they have so much more in common both in their experiences and their personalities.

(What follows is an excessive use of the word “both” and I’m sorry about that)(I can edit it. I can do that. That IS an option............)

They both have an innate sense of justice that they are determined to see done (zuko, at the war meeting, sticking up for the Earth Kingdom kid when the guards torment his family, choosing not to steal from the pregnant couple despite his circumstances, abiding by his word to leave the SWT should Aang come willingly, etc.; katara, literally.... at any point). They both have pretty one-track minds at accomplishing certain goals once they’ve put their mind to it, regardless of a lack of support in that endeavor (it goes without saying I guess, but zuko’s entire hunt; katara’s determination to get the earth benders to fight back, her determination to absolutely destroy Pakku until he agrees to teach her, etc.). They both lost their mothers at young ages. Their worlds are war-torn and traumatizing to them both, if in different ways, but that ultimately forces them to grow up too quickly to be wholly independent individuals. They both have issues with their fathers (for WILDLY different reasons, but). They both hold extreme prejudices that they need to learn to overcome (which ties into thematic cohesion)(bit like Lizzie and Darcy in that way but magnified by a million). They’re both extremely emotional and empathetic—which can and often does result in loud outbursts. Katara’s a bit better adjusted and can temper her anger for longer than S1 Zuko can, but they both feel that anger deeply and have no compunctions expressing it (Katara is, usually, more justified, particularly in S1. Again, S1 Zuko is severely maladjusted but at the point when they could’ve feasibly become a couple, he’s so much better off with the way he carries himself). They both struggle with feelings of inferiority in their bending abilities when confronted with prodigal benders like Aang and Azula, but have the work ethic required to double down and become two of the most powerful benders in the three remaining nations. This is a little more minor but it is a parrallel that appeals to some shippers that they both have these alter egos in the Painted Lady (notably fire nation coded) and the Blue Spirit (water tribe coded) that are pretty different from who they are day-to-day and are useful in accomplishing a purpose that they as themselves cannot.

(I’m.... I just realized that this could potentially get very long. Should I have made a slide show with bullet points??????)

Anyway, similar. I know there’s more but there’s literally so much to love about zutara that I’ll drive myself a little crazy trying to compile all the ways they’re similar. (Just gonna say that at this exact moment I went back to add more similarities.... so okay then)

Once they’ve reconciled, we see how all of these things only lend themselves to a deeper intimacy together than they share with literally anyone else. There’s a steady partnership that positions them as the mom/dad of the gaang, while also providing the support necessary to allow the other to not have to carry so much responsibility. A lot of zutaras will point out how zuko is actually depicted doing the more domestic chores that are normally relegated to Katara once he joins the gaang, since the others in the group are two 12-year-olds and sokka. The one that sticks out the most is how he makes tea for the group and then serves them, while Katara is able to just relax with her friends around the fire. Fanon expands upon this a lot to Zuko helping with the laundry or the cooking or whatever else needs doing since he, as a once-refugee, is used to doing his own domestic tasks. Before Zuko joined, Katara was the one mothering everyone, sewing for them, cooking for them, etc. She’s always tending to the needs of the group, and that includes emotionally. She does the emotional labor for the gaang 99% of the time, but when she’s the one falling apart, she’s usually doing it alone and without the comfort that she normally provides for others. Until Zuko. And that’s before they’re even friends.

Which is WHY people romanticize the catacombs of Ba Sing Se so much. Katara is verbally attacking Zuko out of her own righteous anger but also her own prejudice when Zuko, surprisingly, chooses to be vulnerable with her. He’s been on a journey that’s opened his eyes a bit, but he’s never actively chosen to expose the rawest parts of his past to anyone. But for some reason he chooses to do that with Katara of all people. While she’s yelling at him. He sees her humanity, and for once can look past his prejudice and empathize with her. And this time, when she breaks down, she gets to be comforted. Katara normally talks about her mother when she’s trying to explain to someone else that she sees and understands they’re pain, as a form of comfort to them. Here, Zuko uses the exact same tactic. He sees her and he understands. And for zuko? He’s not being shut down. He’s allowed to articulate his pain regarding his mother without being ignored and made to internalize it, and he’s allowed to process how he feels about his scar out loud without being told that he deserved it. And then he lets her touch his scar, something we’ve seen him actively avoid before. He’s completely open to her and she’s completely open to him and all it took was one five minute conversation. She was about to use the little bit of Spirit water that she had, that she was saving for something Important, to heal the scar that still daily causes him pain just because they had, somehow, connected.

Plus there’s the whole parallel to the star-crossed lovers forbidden from one another, a war divides their people—

And then zuko messes up, he regresses, he gets what he wants and he HATES it. And the sense of justice he had as a child has been restored to him against his will and he can’t think of anything he wants to do more than the Right Thing, so he joins team avatar. Before he does that though, we get to see his relationship with Mai, which is where comparison really comes in. And what we see is Zuko, fresh off of his encounter with Katara in the catacombs, trying to be emotionally honest with Mai... and getting shut down and dismissed. Which is just how Mai is and it’s fine, but not for Zuko. Still, he keeps trying, and he keeps getting ignored or scoffed at or yelled at. Which is really a larger symbol for how he doesn’t fit in his old life anymore, but again that’s about thematic cohesion. He tries to articulate his anxieties about returning home, he tries to make romantic gestures, he tries to explain how morally conflicted he’s feeling—and Mai diverts to some kind of physical affection to shut him up and a parting comment that is pretty much always, in essence, “I don’t wanna talk about this.” So they don’t. On the other hand, once zuko and Katara are friends, we see him again emotionally distraught and caught up in his anxieties about facing Iroh, and it’s Katara who comes to him and listens to him and comforts and encourages him.

Similarly, we have Aang clamming up and getting uncomfortable whenever Katara shows any negative emotion, usually resulting in him making excuses or running away. Or, in the case of the Southern Raiders, lecturing her on how she needs to just let go of her anger about her mother’s murder. People have talked this episode to death and usually better than I ever could, so imma... keep it brief. There’s a serious disconnect between Aang and Katara in his ability to empathize with Katara and her needs that has her tamping down her vulnerability and amping up her anger. He tells her that he was able to forgive his people’s genocide and appa’s kidnapping (petnapping? Theft??), which is blatantly not true but also not an entirely equal parrallel to Katara’s situation, and continues making these little remarks throughout the episode. But it’s Zuko that Katara opens up to. It’s with him that she’s able to talk about the most traumatic day of her life, and it’s with him that she’s able to get the closure she needs, cementing their bond as friends and partners. This disagreement between Aang and Katara is then... never resolved. They just never bring it up and hear what the other is saying.

There’s a fic called The Portraits of Ember Island that has a line that so completely sums up the heart of the matter for why people love their dynamic. For context, zuko has woken up early to help Katara with the cooking and they spend the whole time just letting one another talk, and zuko stops to ask why she always just lets him talk. And so she stops to ask why he’s always helping, and it goes as follows:

There’s just... so much mutual support! Trust! Intimacy!! And it just continues like that from the Southern Raiders on, listening to each other, advising each other, watching each other’s backs! And then! Literally saving each other’s lives!! I will never be over the last Agni kai. Not ever. Zuko may have been willing to jump in front of lightning for anyone, but he actually did it for Katara. And in a show, that’s the thing that really matters. It’s a fulfilled trope usually exclusively applied to romantic pairings, and it ended up applying to Zuko and Katara. And then she ran out into the middle of a fight with tunnel vision just to get to him.

Also!! Also Zuko pushing Katara out of the way of the falling rocks at the Western Air Temple!! And Katara catching him as he fell from the war balloon that he fought Azula on!! Before they’re even getting along, they’re the ones reaching for each other. They come to this place of equal ground, as partners, who watch each other’s backs, call each other out but still listen attentively and understand, and provide the support that the other has been sorely lacking up until they knew each other (whether that be from lack of effort or lack of understanding from others, or an unwillingness to accept it for themselves).

Then, trailing along under the surface of this, we see the themes of the show totally embodied by Zuko and Katara as individuals and in their relationship to one another. There’s a YouTuber, sneezyreviews, who has a, like, 2-hour explanation on why she not only loves zutara but also believes that their endgame would’ve actually elevated the writing of atla to new levels particularly because of thematic cohesion and resolved character arcs. It’s the zutara dissertation I never knew I needed, and it’s funny and eloquent and effective, so I’m just going to sum up her section on thematic cohesion to the best of my abilities and then link it for whenever you have the time. And I HIGHLY recommend it, especially if you want a full understanding of what makes zutara so great and gives it such longevity.

Guru pathik has a line that goes something like this: separation is an illusion; things that seem different are just two parts of the same whole. Iroh also tells Zuko something similar: balance and strength are achieved when the different nations come together and influence one another and celebrate what makes them each unique. And this lesson is a massive central arc that both Zuko and Katara go through, moving past a black-and-white, good guys-vs-bad guys, us-vs-them mentality and into a greyer, more nuanced view of the world. Zuko sees the fire nation from an entirely new perspective and while he still loves and hopes for his nations future, he surrenders his blind loyalty to them in exchange for an unflinching loyalty to peace and love. Katara too had to come to terms with the fact that cruel people exist in the earth kingdom and water tribes, while some fire nation citizens are just regular, kind people who also need and deserve to have someone speak on their behalf. And this is honed in directly on how they view each other. They grow in their individual journeys to be open to the humanity in the other and then, once they’ve found that, they’re able to grow more in compassion for others in a beautiful feedback loop. And this is all matched in the symbolism repeatedly and intentionally associated with them in canon: sun and moon, fire and water, yin and yang, Oma and Shu who found love despite their warring nations. Their individual arcs are completed in each other and complement the themes of atla beautifully.

The canon pairs... just don’t. Which, again, is fine. But the very things that give atla longevity and popularity are anchored in zutara. Kat@ang doesn’t accomplish this. They’re... nice. Sweet. Especially when you erase a good portion of their interactions in S3. It could’ve been just a sweet love story. (Personally, the dynamic between toph and aang accomplish the same thing that zutara does, with complementary personalities that fulfill the theme of opposites blending in harmony) M@iko, on the other hand, is less sweet but I think wasn’t even supposed to last. Zuko’s relationship with Mai seems to represent his relationship with his old life as a whole. He can’t be emotionally vulnerable, he’s goaded into abusing his privileges, his agency and opinions aren’t respected. They just don’t have common ground with which to discuss anything that matters, so they don’t. As far as themes, the relationship doesn’t fit with atla. It’s zuko returning to and sticking with what is (on the surface) like him, what’s expected. Fire nation with fire nation. Fluid water bender with the flexible air bender. Like with like, separated from what is different and challenging and complementary.

And all of these things combined of course lead to the potential for the ship. I don’t know how familiar you are with the post-atla canon but... well, miss “I will never turn my back on people who need me”, miss “I don’t want to heal! I want to fight!” ends up living quietly in the SWT as a designated healer who turns a blind eye to the water tribe civil war happening right outside her front door. Which can be fine! People change! Some people just wanna stay inside. I just wanna stay inside! But the potential future for zutara is so much more satisfying, with Katara becoming the most unconventional Fire Lady the uppity old cads who are stuck on the old ways have ever seen. Fanon has her serving as a voice for the other nations within a kingdom at the point of its biggest political upheaval, as a confidante to Zuko who can actually help him while he’s trying to figure out how to move forward and make reparations. They have the opportunity, together, to accomplish what they both have set on their hearts to fight for: positive change that lends itself to harmony and balance. And the steambabies! A popular headcanon is that their firstborn daughter, the crown princess, is actually a waterbender, which causes such an uproar among the people who are adamantly clinging to the old ways. It’s just a future full of potential to be forces for good together, full of trust, intimacy, joy. The exact era of peace and love and balance that zuko announces that he intends to ring in with the start of his reign as Fire Lord is, again, magnified by the very personal zutara relationship. And we love to see it.

tl;dr zutara isn’t for everyone. Some people just don’t vibe with it. Some are nostalgic. Some love the canon they grew up with. Some have been disappointed for years. Some just see themselves in other characters and want their happiness instead. Whatever the reason, that’s fine. But for me, I love the way these two, from the moment they give each other a fair chance, are able to lower their walls and prejudices to see the other for the kindred spirits they are. They see each other’s humanity, and their response is to pour out love and support and compassion. I love that they’re a power couple in battle. I love the symbolism and, honestly, soulmatism that colors their every interaction. I love that they embody the whole storyline of atla in their relationship and how it develops, which is notably why their seasonal arcs always culminate in each finale with how they relate to one another. I love that zuko adopting a waterbending move is what actually saves his life and then katara’s. I love the chemistry! And I love the future they could’ve had, instead of the ones they were given.

So, in conclusion: I just think they’re neat and I hope you do too, at least a little bit. Even if it’s just respectfully from a disinterested distance cause you do you. And now here is the video I mentioned. I’m sorry this post got so long and then I gave you an even longer homework assignment, but I can’t recommend it enough. She says it all better than I can.

[danganfan42069]

About me

hi im danganronpafan42069. he/him 20↑ latino

some tags: my post and stuff - my opinion and stuff - big mood - for me <3 - ask - my negative tags for you to block if you want to masterpost

Danganronpa is one of my biggest guilty pleasures, i can count on my fingers all the things i like about it and genuinely think are well made. But i like some character's concepts and sometimes the dialogue and story are so ridiculous and absurd that i end up having so much fun.

Im not that active on the fandom and barely consider myself to be a part of it because almost all my opinions about ships, characters, storylines and the game/anime in general are very unpopular. I'm just happy minding my own business and vibin in my corner ^_^

Feel free to disagree with me and/or block me if something here makes you uncomfortable, but please don't try to start a discourse. I don't intend to change my opinion of anything and i don't want to change yours (unless you're respectfully asking my more detailed opinion about something), we're just going to waste our energy and waste our time on this.

i am very happy following this mentality here and i think you should try it too!

My favorite friendships and hcs of their relationships (WIP)

ps (this is kind of obvious but i think it's important to make it clear): i don't think these characters or ships that i don't like are problematic (i mean with exception of haiji i think) or think fans of the ship/character either (whole game is problematic if you think about it), it's just not my cup of tea

Tiny Q&A:

What are you referring to when you say "anti"? It's not the ant1 vs pr0ship discurse, it's someone who is "anti-some-ship-that-is-totally-fine-and-legal-by-law", the problem happens when this person in question is too immature and can't respect other people's opinions so they are chasing those who like their notp being inconvenient and annoying (and sometimes they even trivialize very serious social issues and topics)

Are you pr0shipper or ant1? I'm a grown ass adult. I work, I have a family, I have better things to do than use these internet bubble terms and discussions. I think incest and mainly minor/adult (ped0philia) ships are really fucked up even though they are fictional and/or trauma coping but I also think it's really fucked up to harass and make death threats??????? I don't want any of that on my screen so i block them all (and i also report if I think it's too fucked up)

My little disclaimer i have on any post of mine:

My little disclaimer i have on my opinions/headcanons post

A few warnings first, since you're here to read it I recommend reading these paragraphs extra to avoid stress for you and me :)

Almost everything I'm saying here about the characters is obviously MY OPINION and how I feel about the characters and their actions and not a concrete fact. I just want to express my opinion as many people in the fandom express their negative opinion about my fav characters and I respect that, so why can't I do the same? I know my opinions are unpopular, but that doesn't make them any less valid because opinion is something personal and there is no right or wrong

I'm censoring character names because I know some of my opinions are negative so I don't want to spoil someone's good time by having my post appear in the character's main tag. I'm also even saying in the title if it's a /pos or /neg analysis and I have a unique tag for my opinions (which you can block if you want), so you're proceeding at your own risk

I don't need to be so respectful with the characters because they aren't real, but I think we all should be respectful with who likes or doesn't like the character, because these are real people and have feelings.

And obviously I don't think someone liking or disliking this character doesn't make them a "bad, stupid, inferior or problematic person", it's just their opinion and deserves respect too

To be honest I'm not posting my opinion with the intention of changing someone's opinion or starting some kind of debate, I just want to express my opinion and that's all. It's like a public diary, it's one of the definitions of a blog after all ^_^

(About my headcanons) This isn't exactly a theory or an attempt to change anyone's mind and I know that none of this is canon and most likely not intended as I see it. I'm just want to talk in more detail about my headcanons and my lines of thoughts on them.

[mueritos]

so glad people are realizing these ideas of “rationality” or “logical arguments” (whether this applies to any sort of “discourse” but here I mean on the topic of transmedicalism”) are all rooted in white supremacy and the patriarchy. And I don’t mean using logic to discuss glucose cells or bouyancy, im talking about the concept that we must approach complex human issues in the most rational way possible to remove all biases. Transmeds like Kevin Garrage and Blaire Racist like to parade themselves as The Most Logical Trans people, even though all of their content is emotionally charged reactionary content that’s mostly seen in conservative spaces, and to make it worse, the content they make spreads harmful misinformation about marginalized communities.

Patricia Hill Collins’ “The Social Construction of Black Feminist Thought” sums up this violent separation of understanding and advocating for your own community in spaces of knowledge and discussion. I highly recommend reading her paper, because while she focuses on the self-knowledge of Black woman, a LOT of what she speaks about can be applied to other marginalized groups. BIPOC in fields of academia and discourse are forced to produce thought and knowledge under a system that advocates for knowledge by and for the dominant group (White/cis/het/abled-bodied/etc), therefore, when many marginalized people enter academic spaces with the goal of studying their community, they’re forced to separate themselves from their community to “reduce bias”, reduce the radicalization of their thought so as not to provoke the established dominant group’s structure of knowledge and thought, and also reducing the radicalization of their knowledge in order to even get published/funding. Collins writes it here best: “Since researchers have widely differing values, experiences, and emotions, genuine science is thought to be unattainable unless all human characteristics except rationality are eliminated from the research process”, and here “Emotion indicates that a speaker believes in the validity of an argument. Consider Ntozake Shange’s description of one of the goals of her work: ‘Our [Western] society allows people to be absolutely neurotic and totally out of touch with their feelings and everyone else’s feelings, and yet be very respectable. This, to me, is a travesty. . . I’m trying to change the idea of seeing emotions and intellect as distant faculties’.”

Transmedicalism is rooted in the idea that there is a sort of irrationality related to being trans. That there MUST be a logical reason for the way someone’s gender is the way it is, and if it is not the way transmedicalism dictates it should be, then it is wrong. Gender in itself is inherently irrational, it is a social construct upheld by white supremacy, the patriarchy, and colonization. Nothing about gender makes sense, we have all been socialized to believe it should be this way due to Western society pushing these ideals of what a man and a woman should be. Even globally you cannot find the exact same ideals or manurisms that we typically associate with men and women in the West.

Transmedicalism serves a purpose, and that is to take something that is as confusing and weird of questioning your gender and being transgender and reduce it down to something understandable. This is why you see the common experience of younger trans people or trans people who are just starting transitioning to fall into the transmed blackhole. The truth is, personal experiences with gender, with life, with society, with the self are all credible. Feelings and emotions DO have their place in academia and in life, and the idea that they don’t just contributes to the violent idea that we do not belong in these spaces of study. We are taught that our identities must be accommodated to the dominant culture, because if we truly let trans people exist as freely as we should, it would cause the dominant group’s power to begin to crumble. It’s also important to mention that even if feelings were disregarded when it comes to letting trans expression be free, trans people have existed for CENTURIES in nearly ALL PARTS OF THE WORLD and have been documented throughout history with complex gender structures, expression, and spiritual values (Two-Spirit, los Muxes, etc). History in itself is a fact, and by disregarding the historical identity of trans folks by assuming dysphoria is a byproduct of transness when it actually is a byproduct of colonization is further colonizing trans identities.

As trans people, we simply do not owe anyone an explanation for why we exist and why we do the things we do or why we express ourselves a certain why and why we use these words to describe our experience, etc and etc. Your experience is credible. Your feelings are credible. Your transness is real, and somebody else’s transness will never take away from your own. You do not owe cis people validation, you do not need to make your transness palatable to cis people, and you are not an embarrassment to the trans community for expressing your gender in a way transmeds do not understand. You are not the reason why transphobia exists, your transness is not ugly, weird, unnatural....

Your transness is your own, and that is what makes it wonderful. To transmeds: Kill the colonizer in your brain.

[shiftingxsparkles]

hi!

what do you think about the whole race changing while shifting debate? do you think it makes sense? im just trying to get some outside opinions away from shiftok.

 hey heyyy!! (i might rant and this might be a long answer hope you dont mind khfdksfh) so im not extremely familiar with that specific debate - what i know and what i can respond to is one of the arguments people make and that is that they usually have an issue when someone wants to change their race in their dr. (if im wrong and you wanted a completely different answer to a completely different question send me another ask i will gladly reply!!!) okay honestly im genuinely not trying to be rude and idk if this is an unpopular opinion but i find this discourse to be honestly a waste of time, words and thought when there are so many other important things to discuss when it comes to shifting let’s first dissect the concept of reality shifting - so reality shifting is mostly based on the multiverse theory which includes and mentions that whatever you can think or imagine already exists in another reality which in turn makes all these realities have an infinite number. okay so...if we can imagine an infinite number of realities then shouldnt it also be true that in many of these realities you are different kinds of people - people you consider bad, people you consider good, different gender, sexuality.....RACE so my first point is if you believe in shifting and you think there are infinte realities then it would make 0 sense to also think that it is bad to shift in a reality where you are a different race - because you literally already are and that version exists. (there are many theories on the fact that we as people are just one consciousness and absolutely every single other person you see - NO MATTER WHO THEY ARE OR WHAT THEY HAVE DONE - are one and the same. but you have probably heard of that already and its too long to get into) my second point is not really a point moreso a question and that is - why is this even considered a ‘‘bad thing’‘ to do? why is it okay for you to change so many things but not that (for example your gender) -  it just makes no sense for it to be inherently a bad thing yk? wouldnt it be actually a good thing since you would first of all gather more experience then understand others better and experience different cultures and points of view? it honestly sounds like an enriching experience and tbh its your dr and as long as you are not harming other living beings i dont think there is a problem? and tbh even if you are harming others people cannot stop you and people in general will not know what you did because it is in a different reality? (unless obvs you share it online) and also tbh that being said im contradicitng myself since a version of you harming others exists so... is it bad to shift there? i honestly dont know maybe it is and maybe it is not. its a very gray are and i dont think there is one specific answer for that it just largely depends on many factors - and i also think that is part of the answer here - it just depends on many different factors. people are just incredibly sensitive to the most ridiculous things and are starting to care and put their attention in places where it shouldn’t be put in - because it is actually distracting you from bigger problems that exist in the world but that is a different discussion for another day lmao  tldr - SO YEAH i think its okay have fun with it but ofc be respectful to people fhkfdss also im sorry if i gave a bad answer im really bad with these kinds of stuff and i have quite murky swampy morals and opinions soo..YEAH  GOODBYE AND HAVE A NICE DAY or night and good luck on your shifting journeyyy

[endeaavorr]

I always thought enji would try to not show any violent tendency in front of y/n (not sure how that would work since they all live in the same household, but let’s just say he manages), thus leading to her not believing her siblings when they tell her her daddy is not as good as she thinks he is. Either way, when she finally sees that what they said is right, she kind of goes into denial, but finally accepts that’s just who her daddy is and sees that he’s actually trying to change and make things better.

Not sure how she would handle the whole touya thing tho.

hello nonnie o(≧▽≦)o thank you for sending in ~

it’s interesting. in my papa!enji au though she was treated the same like touya and shoto bcs hey todorokis are expected to be heroes. in this au y/n inherited enji’s flame based quirk which later on developed into black flame. after touya’s physical condition discourse she was trained with shoto, both of them got yelled at but shoto’s got it worse since his obviously younger and thus his ability is not as good as hers yet at the time, but ofc enji and his legendary he’s already five. she’d shield him from whenever enji’s angry (that’s why her siblings are so attached to her).

as life progresses and shit happens along the original official plot of bnha, touya was still ‘dead’, natsu and shoto still ended up resenting enji, she’s the one who’s still there. in this papa!enji au she stays with enji because she knows what genuinely happened, how enji just wanted to protect touya (in a way), her mother’s incompetence, things her siblings never saw since they were too small. she’s the one who saw how touya’s inccident hurt him, she’s the one who saw how enji trashed the training room out of grief and frustration and not rage. she’s the one who first found shoto when her mother threw boiling water at him, her still small steps running to the house phone to call her papa, she’s the one who despite the dirty looks from her brother knows too well how he got her mother the best treatment money could provide and still brings her favorite flower everytime (a habit she silently hates).

that’s why it hurts her too when people badmouth him, enji’s good at doing hero work, he genuinely protects people, occasionally even risking his life while at it. she hates it so much because no one sees what she sees, everyone only knows the gruff number one hero endeavor who’s gaze never falter, no one knows about the agonizing hours she’d spend waiting at the hospital being scared shitless and flinching everytime she sees residents and nurses walking back and forth. sure he had his share of faults, but having his sons despise him was a fair punishment. he’s trying his best to do what he can so his family can be happy, even without him in the picture.

when enji built a new house for her mother and his children, y/n was the last person he talked to about it. the house was built quickly and soon it’ll be ready to welcome her mother’s discharge and maybe to be a home for her brothers. i actually wrote a drabble about what happened when he proposed the idea, and so their relationship starts from that night.

about the touya arc though, i don’t read the manga so i can’t yet create a proper scenario for this but i read a page or two on pinterest and boy did it break my heart sigh. on a director’s commentary, i feel so bad since on the other hand i can’t see any alternate scenario,, even so i do know y/n will do anything in her power to support enji. her only nii-san touya died the moment he decided murder was an acceptable coping mechanism.

i hope this makes sense im sorry >_<

[spacetwiga]

leave c!phil out of bullshit 2k21 -- a not so tiny post by a new enthusiast

As someone who finds both common fanon and actual canon to be quite fun, I really think the general DSMP fandom would benefit greatly from a few things in general: the greatest, in my opinion, is learning to accept that popular fanon won’t usually be the canon you receive. Another, of course, is that POVs are golden, but with these two things being flimsy in being accepted, they are the major flaws that cause about 90% of the absolute messy takes that gain traction, oftentimes poisoning a canon character's ability to exist in the story.

My biggest beef regarding this comes from how y’all treat c!Phil, so here I am, being annoying on main side! 

TL;DR... Just because someone acted like like a guidance to others, doesn’t always mean that they'll want to be the father figure role for everyone that breathes. Similarly, pinning down a character on a single trope is wack, so don't be surprised if they grow away from it.

Baby’s first little dsmp rambling below!

(Warning: it's long as hell)

The Dream SMP plotline is not written out like most popular media. With so many moving parts in the form of daily streams and the wonderful tool of live improvisation, it makes perfect sense that such a giant cast would not always be on the same page. Adding onto that, it also makes more sense that a vast majority of the cast will be placed into supporting roles, as the story needs to have characters that serve as narrative anchors and others that function as the links in a chain, all weathering the storm that is the plot.

Screentime, of course, plays a major factor into canon exposure -- in terms of the Dream SMP, POV matters equally, if not more, too. 

It’s a pretty neat way of showing things, but in the end, the fanbase has a lovely (read: godawful /lh) way of analysing characters, particularly when it relates to how they interact with others from their fave character’s POV. The tendency to analyse things from a single character's POV is fine, but not when attempting to critique the greater whole of a conflict. Both sides, no matter how wrong they may seem to be, matter.

Adding onto the fact that everything is live, there are things that will spiral out of control, casual words being skewed and thus having the potential of a single line seemingly contradicting the entire ‘story’ that the fanbase has made. If it directly affects a fave's POV in particular, one is more likely to take offense, as bias immediately bars one from trying to see the other person's side of things.

POV is important. 

Which brings me to c!Phil, and how critics tend to ignore his perspective to prop up another character, or justify the tearing down of another.

Improvisation is both a blessing and a curse; the fanbase, however, loves to test out the latter. With it, the fanbase starts crafting tales to justify it...And so begins the mess that is c!Phil discourse.

Say it with me, folks: c!Phil is not supposed to be your fave’s fluffy father figure... unless you’re c!Wilbur!!!

😃☝🏾Dadza is good...👉🏾😎👉🏾 But fandom wants the excessive, idealized version.

-- birb 2k21

Family dynamics are generally loved for their potential for comfort, particularly those of a found family nature. Fandom in general tends to lean into them wholeheartedly, with most major bases having at least one prominent group present; SBI, of course, is no different. From fanart to popular fanfiction, it's arguably the biggest group dynamic alongside the Dream Team, and for that, a precedence was set. 

c!Phil, if he ever joined, would fix everything! All of the ‘kids’ would turn to their new mentor and everything would turn out fine! This all knowing, morally just character will chuckle at their antics and wacky hijinks will follow! Fun times, right? /s

The hope for it, however, has long since been shattered, and frankly, good for him!

To go a little ooc, cc!Phil has stated multiple times that, while he was friendly with a lot of the cast as c!Phil, his only paternal link (at least biologically) lies with c!Wilbur. Simple, right? It should be -- there are multiple clips of him saying this -- but fans choose to ignore it in their critiques, generally citing favouritism or downright neglect for the character’s flaws. From 'favoring' Techno (who, in canon, holds the highest link in friendship outside of c!Wilbur's familal link) to 'neglecting' to visit Tommy (who he barely knew, and also assumed, like many others, that he was fine), these critiques weigh heavily on the scale that judges Phil’s so called father figure trope. 

The story, however, has only leaned into (and persisted with) that for c!Wilbur alone, and adding onto it, there is an established acknowledgement from both ccs. That confirmation should hold the most weight, especially since both Phil and Wilbur seem alright with it. Even so, that familial has yet to be explored much for both characters, particularly regarding c!Phil, who has his debut (at least narratively) in a scene that feels opposite to the classic fatherly role.

c!Wilbur denounced accepting that helping hand to fall entirely into his explosive end, setting a precedence unlike most fatherly types arriving to save their kid. Usually, fandom narrative would love a close save, father and son uniting to heal and build up what was broken, but c!Phil’s entrance inks his story in failure. Angsty, right? We love angst!

And yet, as the story ticks on, the bad takes pile up.

Why? Well, I’l used to think that it is a “funny haha” type thing; a way to grieve for a character that was lost, as Alivebur was genuinely a great character. However, with the plot slowly progressing c!Phil’s story to evolve away from the ‘mentor the kids’ trope , I should have seen a storm on the horizon.

It should have been seen from the moment he stabbed c!Wilbur in the chest, but optimism is one hell of a smokescreen.

Built up fanon, however, is probably the greatest fog to ever exist.

There are lines before the button room confrontation that paint a picture of Wilbur seeking out the approval of his father (who seemed distant, at least from his POV), as well as hints to the SBI dynamic, but with the countless dismissals/retcons from CCs involved, as well as little to no consistent canon acknowledgement of this team dad role...Why base an entire hate piece of c!Phil just because popular fanon isn’t real? 

Why, for the sake of building up a well rounded character, would one place the title of a communal parental figure on a grieving father who has little attachment to the community involved, especially when most of them are too busy delving into their own issues?

Furthermore, why go for Mr. Philza Minecraft: Angel of Death, CEO of KEKW, Functioning Immortal????

It’s madness, luv, and frankly, antis cannot let c!Phil process any of his grief (or flesh out his character) without his contributions being fatherly. His role has been idealized to the point where he is not a character on his own, but an accessory to the happiness of other characters. That is not how the world works, and in a conflict riddled server like the dsmp, arguing that it should be like that is counterproductive.

c!Phil had his own shit to deal with, and as he slowly uncovers how fucked up the server actually was, he merely adapts to it. He learns to play the game by his own rules, and people become mad that he’s succeeding in his own way. It's as simple as that, particularly when referencing his initial exposure to the world he now inhabits.

c!Phil is a man who used to hear of his son’s success from the letters he received, words spinning tales of won revolutions and newfound friendships. To a father, those letters are more than enough to assume that all is well, and with it, he had no reason to check on his son, who was already old enough to be carving his path alone. For him to arrive and see just how broken his son actually was, and then, in front of faces he only vaguely knows, kill said son... There's a lot to take in.

He shouldn't have had to care about L'Manberg in those moments, not when he had his son in his arms, dead by his own goddamn weapon; his son who, to his knowledge, was doing pretty well up until he caught wind of his plot. Yet, he does.

He gives them the benefIt of the doubt, even ignoring the one person he has shown to have deep history with (c!Techno) to assist the nation in defeating the withers and rebuilding what was lost.

c!Phil stays in a nation that has seemingly brought his son right into his demise, holding in that grief to help people who he assumes have the chance to rebuild, to reform. For a moment, he trusts that the system can turn into something positive, offering to hunker down and do what he can to help. That’s the start of a fatherly type role for most -- with many expectations rising from fans to ‘fix’ all these traumatized characters.

In another plot, perhaps critics could have gotten the tropes they want from c!Phil, but to blame the character for reacting negatively to a world he barely knew, right after seeing it ruin his son and target a friend...Maybe the need for a "father figure" only stems from making their faves happy.

Characters that don't directly support your fave are not inherently awful characters. Critique based on that alone is...flimsy, really, but honestly, you can use to to show how they process things.

Which brings me to the events leading up to Doomsday, and with it, the steady rise of c!Phil’s defining traits.

Say it with me, folks: c!Phil is one of the most loyal members on the server, but loyalty doesn’t mean he's blindly following along!

😃☝🏾Butcher Army take this L👉🏾😎👉🏾 Found it in the L’Mancrater

-- birb 2k21

The butcher army arc, while nestled among the mainline story of Tommy’s exile (which I will not even mention, because those dadza takes about visiting may deserve a post on their own), allows for c!Phil to see into the minds of those who had once been with (or even against) his son’s plans. Sure, he may be witnessing them after the eve of their newfound traumas, but this is an important observation to make when comparing how easy it was to denounce his affiliation to them and side with c!Technoblade.

Unlike the new Administration, slowly dipping deeper and deeper into their own form of power hunger, c!Technoblade’s base desires had never wavered. His trust in others, however, had, still nursing the sting of a betrayal, but with no conflict in sight. He is reforming, finding comfort in his solitude, and still maintaining contact with those he trusts.

Techno's Compass, for one, is a major example of their mutual trust. Despite being on opposing territories, they are civil enough to trust each other, just like old friends.

Thus, when you take two old friends who are more than used to conflict -- one grieving and one betrayed, but both seeking neutrality -- it shouldn’t have surprised the antis that c!Phil would place c!Techno’s whereabouts (and life, mind you) over some government he barely knew. 

And yet, above all else, c!Phil starts off as a neutral party for everyone's sake, forgoing potential conquest for peace.

To c!Phil and c!Techno, it’s like fighting back to back, knowing that one can always trust the other to fend off those just waiting to take advantage of your blindspot, while also quelling the need to imagine your partner turning around and doing the same. That sort of friendship is forged through many, many hardships.

They betray what little trust he had built in them. That’s on them.

c!Phil is aware how untrusting c!Techno is, and while c!Techno feels safe enough to give his all for c!Phil, he never exploits it to get ahead, which is something L'Manbergians felt okay with doing.

They take a book out of the playbook used on c!Techno, for c!Techno.

They went after yet another person who was close to him, using their power and influence to hold an execution under the guise of seeking justice. If c!Wilbur, at least pre-corruption arc, sent letters to his father, one would at least expect some of his old ideals of freedom and fairness to leak through into his friends, right? To see those c!Phil assumed would hold similar ideals immediately skew towards a darker, brutal side, particularly in threatening others to get what they wanted...Well, shit hit the fan.

c!Phil does not have that strong relationship with any former L’Manbergians, and despite there being potential for such, it didn't work out that way; instead, however, those characters manage to mistake his kindness for weakness. They take his preferred neutrality as a way to exploit him, to gain in such a way that he lost agency...

No more Mister Nice Dadza, and honestly, he’s justified in that notion.

They’ve lost his trust, time too short to have gained that strong link like c!Techno’s or c!Wilbur’s, and with it, came the inevitable association with Doomsday.

c!Phil knew c!Techno’s intentions from the beginning -- which had only wavered into dormancy because he had grown tired of fighting, understanding that the cycle he wishes to break is not worth his efforts -- so the agreement in participating is effortless. 

c!Dream was there too, of course, but in their mutual quest for eradication, it’s made canon that c!Techno and c!Phil hid away most of their arsenal, despite seeming overprepared. They have no loyalty to c!Dream; they’re smart enough to play along, however. He was a means to an end.

There’s no lies present in their relationship; c!Phil needed someone who didn’t try and pull wool over his eyes, and c!Techno let him see.

c!Techno needed someone who wouldn't stab him in the back, and c!Phil stayed true as his hidden sword.

Which is why, as the two joined forces, ideals aligning and power synergized, they didn’t think twice about nuking the nation to bedrock. Mutually agreeing that the system needs to die, they did what they could, and they succeeded.

How cool of them, tbh LMAO.

New L’Manberg tugged too hard at the sleeping tiger’s tail; they shouldn’t have expected it to roll over.

Their openness to each other was known.

There was no need for underhanded plays, for hidden betrayals, for undisclosed words.

Their loyalties were strong.

They were in sync.

In conclusion (maybe, maybe not...this shit is long holy heck)

😃☝🏾 I may hate this analysis in 30 minutes👉🏾😎👉🏾 Or I may make a part 2. Fuck it!

-- birb 2k21

And that’s what makes c!Phil an interesting character: He tends to be critiqued in reference to chatacters who have very well wronged him, have no affiliation to him or get associated to him through popular fanon. There's a lot to cover that I haven't (from Ghostbur to the whole Tommy 'dilemna') but overall I'm digging what I have now and if I ever get more energy, I'll continue!

c!Phil enthusiasts, I hope I did you proud LMAO. It's my first forray into this side of tumblr 👉🏾👈🏾 I'm a lurker.

c!Phil antis, you can either act respectful or go argue with a wall. I got experience dealing with antis on Tumblr; I am immune to BS.

Anyway, I hope you all enjoyed. Signing off!

- BIRB.

[aegialia]

self-indulgent reflection on being on tumblr

so i recently hit 1000 followers on here and this blog has existed for almost exactly 8 years, so i wanted to ramble about tumblr and my experience of it for awhile. under the cut so definitely feel free to ignore this.

i started this blog right around when i was fourteen and had just started high school. at that point, i was out to my parents (and no one else) as bi, i had an inkling i was Struggling with something but i had no idea what and felt like i couldnt actually acknowledge it, and i had left leaning but very vague politics. tumblr definitely has shaped my journey around sexuality/gender/mental health/politics, both for good and for ill. 

for good: 

seeing other ppl talk about being lesbians helped me realize i could be a lesbian w/o being a traitor to the concept of bisexuality. hearing trans ppl talk about their experiences and explaining non-binary stuff and dysphoria helped me understand what i was going through 

i don’t like talking about my mental health stuff in detail on here, but suffice to say, i was Going Through it in high school. i’m still going through it now, but i am in a much better place (thank you medication and 7 years of therapy!). seeing ppl talk about the weird, dumb, awful parts of mental illness let me acknowledge that i was going through those things too, that i wasnt like evil for feeling like that, that i could change. people talking about adhd/autism was particularly helpful---being able to identify why i’d always felt like my brain just didn’t work right is the first step in the (ongoing) process of not hating myself for the way my brain works

politics is definitely the area where i think tumblr was the best for me. i got exposed to so many opinions i definitely wasn’t hearing in school, from intelligent, well-read people who could articulate theory in ways i could understand. tumblr didn’t give me my politics and i didn’t learn everything i know about theory from it, but the communities of people i was around pointed me in the right directions. tumblr was also a good place to learn how to react to criticism. this doesn’t seem to be most people’s experience, but getting called out over minor things on tumblr genuinely helped me learn how to take a step back, look at my behavior, apologize, and try to change, which, as it turns out, is a helpful skill irl as well

for ill:

wrt sexuality and gender, it’s probably pretty obvious someone who’s journey is ‘cis bi girl -> cis with a million different microlabels -> nb w a million different microlabels for both sexuality and gender -> nb butch lesbian who’s not super into romance’ would have some bad times on tumblr. the bi circles i was in made being a lesbian seem like an immoral choice, the ‘’’mogai’’’ (or whatever u wanna call them) circles made me feel like i had to divy up and perfectly label every aspect of myself in a way that really wasn’t helpful for me, the lesbian circles i was in made me feel like being a lesbian was about ending up in a monogamous butch/femme cottagecore relationship and that there was something wrong with me for not really wanting that. to be clear i think microlabels can be very helpful for people/a monogamous butch/femme relationship is a perfectly fine thing to want, they just didn’t work for me. im very very glad ive reached a point in my life where i dont feel the need to stay up to date on the latest discourse and am more focused on finding a way to exist that is comfortable for me and supporting my community irl. 10/10 would recommend to everyone

not going to get deep into it, but social media is. not good for my brain in general. i still enjoy using tumblr, but these days im pretty careful to step back from it frequently and treat it as an occasional hobby. 

the cons of political stuff on tumblr are probably also very obvious. there are some just awful discussions on here and the culture surrounding the way we handle bad behavior and justice and accountability and working to become a better person and make up for the harm you’ve caused has historically been fucking awful and trying to unlearn it and find new ways to engage with this stuff is exhausting. 

for all that i’ve changed over the course of having this blog, this blog has stayed pretty fucking static. i started out being super into diana wynne jones and the iliad and those are still two of my biggest interests and things i talk about the most on here. there are definitely specific things that have petered away (i started this blog almost entirely to keep up with good omens fan stuff and i pretty much haven’t touched it since the miniseries came out, i haven’t sought out pacific rim/supernatural/elementary/mcu content in years), but im still pretty much interested in the same things. i like relatively small fandoms, i like weird side characters, i like to be a grumpy child playing with my toys in the corner. when a fandom im in gets popular, i tend to stop engaging with it entirely (hello rqg/tma/good omens/enola holmes!). i dont think its a pretentious ‘i liked it before it was cool’ thing so much as a ‘people get Weird and awful when a fandom hits a certain level of popularity and there’s too much content and i really, really hate the bad faith arguments larger fandoms tend to spawn’ thing. i’ll consume content from big fandoms, but i pretty much refuse to actually engage with them at this point.

one of the stranger parts of my experience of tumblr is the social side. i’ve never really known how people make friends online---how do you go from liking each other’s posts and occasionally replying to them to actually being friends who communicate off social media? i’ve had conversations with ppl on tumblr and i’ve had sort-of friendships that are contained to tumblr where i’d like to get to know them better, but i’ve never figured out how to do that. my best friend’s job is pretty much to make friends/connections on the internet (she’s an activist and artist), my dad knows people everywhere in the world from twitter, and i’m just sitting here like a little old grandpa who doesn’t understand how you can have internet friends. 

at this point in my life, i’m fine with this, but this has made me feel real fucking bad in the past---like, if everyone online, even the ppl who say they’re weird and brainbad in a similar way to me, can make friends on the internet, what’s wrong with me? particularly in high school and my first year of college, when i was just horribly lonely all the time, it made me feel super disconnected and like there was something fundamentally bad about me. these days, i’m a lot chiller about it. i use social media to engage with stuff i enjoy and share my thoughts about it. it’s okay that my social difficulties extend to me not knowing how to use the internet to socialize.

on a somewhat related topic, it’s wild that i have 1000 followers. obviously, that’s not an actually super large number and a huge number of them are probably bots or inactive. if you post consistently for eight years and follow lots of people, like i do, it’s not a surprise to end up with this many followers. it is also, thankfully, the sort of followers that are not fans. probably most ppl following this blog dont remember why they followed and dont know anything about me or my interests. this sounds like its meant to be depressing but it’s not. i like that my way of engaging w the internet lets me do pretty much whatever i want and no one will care. the mere concept of being. like. tumblr famous in any capacity, even just in one community/fandom, is viscerally horrifying to me. 

i really enjoy the space i’ve created for myself on here. on one hand, going back through my blog is obviously embarrassing and full of hating my past self. on the other hand, i now have a very nice collection of things i enjoy in this blog. i like seeing what i’ve been interested in and (when i’m in a good mental health place) i like to be able to remember how i thought and talked about the things i loved when i was younger. im not at the place in my life where i can love a younger version of myself, but sometimes i can laugh at zir with a level of fondness. 

i’ve always been paranoid about sharing details about my life on here (and the fact that my parents have always been able to see it certainly contributed), so the version of jack on here is a carefully curated version, who’s super enthusiastic about the things they love, was very conscientious about apologizing and trying to do better when ze messed up, and tried to be polite to others. that’s a younger version of myself that i’m closer to being able to have compassion for than the version i find in essays and poems and memories. 

i’m starting grad school in ten days and i’m still using the blog i started when i began high school. tumblr has helped me in a lot of ways and hurt me in a lot of ways, but i still have to admit that it’s been a significant factor in shaping me. i’d be incredibly embarrassed to admit that irl, but it’s true. other than my family and like one friend, this blog is one of the only things that’s ‘known’ me since i started high school. i’ve changed so much in that time and im glad to have this weird little record of myself throughout those changes, even if i’d probably warn my younger self away from tumblr if i could go back in time.

tl;dr i have had a mixed experience on tumblr and i have mixed feelings about that experience. no idea if anyone read any of this very long, very rambling internet memoir

p.s. fun facts about this blog:

i’ve never changed my icon or blog title

i recently got a second version of the poster i got my blog title from. i chose my blog title by looking at what was hanging on the wall directly in front of me. 

my original url was gloomthkin. this was not, as you’d probably assume, an otherkin thing. i had literally no idea what otherkin was at that point. i’d just learned the word gloomth from a bill bryson book and thought it would be cool n edgy to be the child of the quality of gloom. i changed my url after i learned what otherkin was and realized everyone probably assumed something about me that wasn’t true which i hated (not bc i had an issue w otherkin, just bc i don’t like ppl thinking untrue things about me)

during my good omens days, i once sent a tumblr ask to nail guyman which, in retrospect, was kinda rude. i stand by the content but id never send an ask like that now. he replied to it privately in a way that so deeply embarrassed and shamed 15 year old me that i’ve never gotten over it. i still get nervous and embarrassed when i see anything about him or his books

[usermaha]

i wasn’t tagged but can i join pls i liked the questions

why did you choose your url?

i thought this wouldn’t be taken lol. also im a sensitive person, and some people in my life don’t seem to get the message, so this is to smite them on a blog that they dont know exists ha that will show them

any side blogs?

no :) this was initially a writeblr and i had another url for simping after taylor, but i couldn’t keep track of them. so heck, whatever i wanna do on tumblr, i’ll do on this blog. my followers can die mad (i was joking thank ya’ll so much)

how long have you been on tumblr?

i used to open tumblr and look around taylor tags since, like, 2015, but only started actively running this blog in 2021 when evermore came out

do you have a queue tag?

no :)) again we do what we like (TWICE, Eyes Wide Open, Track 4), i’ll have five text posts in one day if i have a lot to say, then nothing for a week, maybe reblogs

why did you start your blog in the first place?

evermore came out and i just had a lot to say 

why did you choose your icon/pfp?

i found it on pinterest and i knew, the red vibes. the picture evokes so much without having a face in it!! the gorgeous beige toned background!! the contemplation, the melancholy i feel when i listen to the album

why did you choose your header?

vintage record store very red vibes, i think it matches the pfp really well

what’s your post with the most notes?

how many followers do you have?

43!! 🥰 blessed. 

how many people do you follow?

35

how do you feel about ‘you need to reblog this’ posts?

there’s this overwhelming wave of political discourse, while im glad these things are finally being said, being in a position where i can’t do much about things, it takes a toll on my energy. so i try to read and understand the posts to be educated but avoid reblogging, unless i find the links or information to be genuinely helpful to other people

do you like tag games?

not that much

do you like ask games?

yesss! i wanted to do a red one i found but noone sent anything :( i think ill do it anyway

which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

nope we are all hustling in the swiftie community, but yeah they’re all more deservedly more ‘successful’ than me

 do you have a crush on a mutual?

@discoball13 gives me notes on my posts i notice it boo and thank you!!

ill tag all my mutuals, i love all of you: @13cloverblooms, @xcleanx, @kissesonswifts, @discoball13, @tanglledupwithyouallnight also @andysambrg​ reeshika my tumblr bestie