#im not trying to be cruel to that person like. i get it. if youre lonely and suffering sometimes it spills out.
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see like the thing with 'carewhumpers' as a concept to me is it just like... i know this is prrrrobably not really how it's meant but something skeeves me out about the idea that kindness or caretaking mixed in with hurting someone can somehow meaningfully complicate or dilute the harm done to the point of making that character no longer a 'whumper' whereas someone doing the same 'bad' things but not ever being gentle or caring for them would just be a straight-out whumper. when like... that's how 90% of irl abuse dynamics work? so i just... don't really get the point, i guess. like to me it implies something about the 'care' provided somehow mitigating or combating the harm done that. i just do not personally appreciate or enjoy.
#gav gab#just thinking out loud#like i don't think that's 'nuance' or 'grey characters' i think that's just an extremely common and typical dynamic of abuse#someone breaking your nose and then cleaning up the blood and tucking you into bed is not less like#violent or abusive or harmful than someone who just stops at breaking your nose yk#and i think that it can successfully be summarized by any number of other ways?#carewhumper is just not useful or meaningful shorthand to me the way caretaker/whumper/whumpee are#it implies that the word 'caretaker' or 'whumper' encompasses 100% of a person's constant behaviour#in a very flattened and simplistic way#please do not come at me about this im not saying this is how everyone means it this is just#how i personally feel about it#due to the way i approach these words#and im not trying to say anyone CANT write about very typical abusive dynamics#im just saying the elements of like. 'good' behaviour or 'kind' treatment#doesn't make the Bad Part any less real or bad#the way that 'carewhumper' being set as a different or distinct thing than 'whumper' implies to me#i just feel insane whenever i see people using the term tbh like this is probably a me thing#a very stupid distinction to get hung up on#but i just. im always like isn't that just a whumper who's nice sometimes#what is the utility of this word if not to imply that#someone being nice sometimes meaningfully combats how cruel they are other times#what part of 'whumper' means they always have to be violent and awful 24/7#and do not take this to mean caretakers are never allowed to fuck up#or do anything wrong or get frustrated#or anything like that but that is like#very distinct from being a whumper of any kind at all#like the idea that a 'whumper' can only be 100% a sadist who means to cause harm and intends to cause harm every time is like#cmon now
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y'know, i keep making a habit of swinging my bat at hornets nests, but i have to say i'm getting so, so tired of people complaining about shows not making perfect sense when they aren't even close to done. we're four episodes into this season of doctor who. we're four episodes into this season of bridgerton. and yet in both fandoms i keep seeing people whine that such and such didn't make sense or it wasn't explained all the way and by god you guys i think maybe explanations might come later in the season. this is something most viewers will recognize as being called a 'plot.'
#like maybe a tiny bit of media literacy... might save you#and if you think i'm being mean like. its okay if you don't get it at first. it's okay if you don't understand the themes. but maybe#instead of stamping your feet and saying this makes no sense and i hate what they're doing and and and#maybe you could try listening to other people's interpretations of things and you'll find that what the show is trying to tell you becomes#more clear! would you look at that. wild how that happens#like im sorry you're entitled to your opinions but calling things bad writing just because you don't quite get it or it doesn't resonate#with you personally... i don't think you should just say this was shitty and worthless#the examples im using are because both resonate with me btw. 73 yards was existential horror it was hill house and bly manor#(im going to write about this in another post btw bc it compels me so)#it was about the way fear of abandonment can haunt you how mental illness can haunt you how you feel like you can drive people away#just by being yourself (the Woman was Herself what caused ruby to be abandoned was Her it's about her feeling as though she was the cause#of everyone who left her even as a baby even the people who loved her most could decide to not love her at the drop of a hat)#colin bridgerton is masking and faking a personality because it has been proven that time and time again#being Himself is Wrong that he annoys people he makes himself into what people expect of him because he's tired of being abandoned too#his family ignores and does not reply to his letters this season PEN stopped replying to his letters#his brother was cruel to him for being a romantic his friends LAUGHED AT HIM for saying sex is meaningful to him and don't they feel lonely#his Fake Rake persona makes viewers cringe because! its!! fake!!! he's faking it! HE GETS CALLED OUT ON IT TWICE IN EP ONE#if you don't understand he's faking it then that's on you at that point! i don't know! maybe take a minute to sit in the discomfort and ask#why did this show make me react this way and do you think maybe it was on purpose#''73 yards was confusing'' do you think confusion may be one of the ways ruby feels about her abandonment?#there is a theme in all of her episodes so far is it ''badly written'' unclear to you or do you just refuse to think critically about it#txtly#and im sorry for tagging this its just for my blog i kinda wish they still didnt show up in tags if i tag them all the way at the bottom#[old lady ruby voice] ''i used to be able to tag things just for myself once upon a time''#bridgerton#bridgerton spoilers#doctor who#doctor who spoilers
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i keep seeing people saying that they killed izzy for shock value a la game of thrones and i just— not every character death is there for shock value?? just because you don't expect it doesn't mean it's specific purpose is to garner shock value.
izzy very clearly represented piracy. he was steadfast and staunch in his ways and he held onto the traditions of piracy with a TIGHT fist throughout the first season and the start of the second. not to mention, s2 was ALWAYS leading to this theme of "the end of piracy". the clues were there the whole season!!! and by that logic, if izzy = piracy, then end of piracy = end of izzy.
im not happy about his death!! im disappointed hes gone!! i loved him, he was probably my favorite character this season!! BUT i do understand why djenks did it. and it was NOT a "for shock value" kind of thing.
some people are reeeeal quick to like get super defensive and jump onto this "omg it was for shock value! there was no other purpose! what bad writing! what a bad writer!" bandwagon when things they don't personally like or agree with happen on their favorite shows, but honestly not everything you don't like is "bad writing" or "just there for shock value" or "purposeless". maybe take a couple minutes to think critically about it and to like analyze the choice within the frame of the whole season and the whole show and its themes before making those kinds of (oftentimes baseless) accusations?
it's one thing to be upset with something that happened and to not like it, and it's another thing entirely to then blame it on bad writing or a clueless, vicious writer who doesn't care about their characters or their story or their audience.
#not every choice is a personal slight against you or your group in television lmao#im SO hesitant to tag this as anything to do with the show#but i dont want to spoil people so ill tag that#ofmd spoilers#i imagine this take will not sit well with everyone but 🤷♀️🤷♀️🤷♀️#if you dont have anything nice to say then this is your warning: dont say it keep scrolling and stay off my post#im not looking to fight with anyone#im simply stating my opinion and the observations ive made in the aftermath of that last episode#also it is SO CLEAR that david jenkins cares SO deeply about this show and these charactera and his audience!!!!!#he is NOT out here trying to slight us and he had made that ABUNDANTLY clear!!!#so for people to completely ignore everything else he has done to show his love and passion and care for this show and everything about it#and say that suddenly hes just doing things to get views or to shock people or whatever thus implying hes being senseless and cruel...#thats just not it fam#hes not doing that#i know other showrunners and directors have done stuff like that (cough spn cough) but this is not that#we're so used to that that we dont know what to do when its NOT that#ofmd
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remembering the . i forget which sonic character post that says dont trust thoughts past 9pm cause i started being like ouughguuh aughghuhh uguhhh this is my life forever everything is actually bad my brain will blow up . and while i was having this happen it was 2am and i also needed to eat and i needed to take my last dose of anxiety meidcine before bed
#my brains trying to convince me the meds are making me cruel and distant and cold vs normal emotions normal mood#and its heeeelll !!!!! you shall not take us backwards man !!! i need to watch a dramatic movie i need to cry#theres so much goign on in the world and its overwhelming me sooo badly . so i havent been talking abt my own stuff causetruly like#compared to last year compared tot he last Few Years my life is personally getting better but my heart aches and i feel empty half the time#trying to focus on what i can change what i can help but so many friends hurt .s o many people in this world hurt .#im not the main character but i wish i was sometimes and could make a bigger difference#but i do know i help improve those around me when able#the medicine is helping me w my hyperempathy and now im trying to make sure to remind myself Hey Youre Not Numb you're experiencing regular#empathy that you can actually do something with vs burning out like a star LOL#AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
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therapeutic education group gets rly frustrating when we all agreed in the first session that well raise our hands to request to speak next to avoid speaking over each other. and then im raising my hand over and over for a while and each time one person finishes talking and i think its gonna be my turn the same person cuts in without raising their hand and goes on a tirade. and then everyone starts answering the tirade. and im still here like ive been trying to say something for 10 minutes.
#97#im not trying to be cruel to that person like. i get it. if youre lonely and suffering sometimes it spills out.#and if this is the only place youre being heard its easy to start wanting to talk about everything thats troubling you.#but also like. its a therapeutic education group to learn about depression how to get treated and how to cope#its not meant to be a talk therapy group to begin with.#but i kinda feel like its getting monopolized by the personal life of one person.
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crazy that some people can not tell when you are being doing a bad faith argument just for the fuck of it
#personal#its just really funny to me i was talking to my mom earlier#and she was chattin abt facebook and all the halloween parents who were like mad it rained last night lmao and asking if ppl#would do halloween again tonight (LMAO. ROFL EVEN)#which is like whatever lmao like its just rain. get an umbrella. it wasnt a thunderstorm chill omg its okay#but then she was talkin abt some ppl who had bowls out on the porch who had the bowls get stolen and i was like obviously. ofc#100% bad faith like who cares its a bowl! oh no my two dollar halloween candy bowl from target! whatever will i do without it!#some drunk kid took it! some parent took it! oh my god the humanity! lol who cares. its a bowl. get over it. whatever#partly cuz i didnt care for this conversation and partly cuz its kinda funny and i just cant imagine caring about an empty bowl#getting nicked by some 40 yr old in a bee costume with their toddler#but she was so appalled she was like but thats not right! its your property! what if someone took my lawn decorations!#like mom for the record someone DID try to take your flamingo lawn decorations once and dad nearly shot them over it so like. that#clearly this is a sensitive topic for you. but like OBVIOUSLY THATS NOT RIGHT. OBVIOUSLY. WE ALL KNOW THAT#taking a candy bowl is unjust and cruel behavior we can all agree. how is it that you can not read the animated expressions and tone#of your daughter arguing in clearly bad faith she even threw in the ''thats the difference btwn generations i guess ...'' like MOM. OMG#it was so funny im still chuckling over it like mom whats happening to the reading comprehension you used to do this#with me ALL THE TIME and still do and yet you cant TELL !!!!!!! when i do bc when i do it its a stupid argument#and when YOU do it its some racist sexist shit or smth lmao#anyway the jooooooooys of conservaaaaaativeeeeee paaaaaaaarentsssssssss#theyre VERY intelligent :) <3
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so furious and enraged over a horse game that im trembling. genuinely. stole my fucking unicorn right from under me. punching holes through drywall and screaming so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so fucking loud
#:) typing those so's. in a rhythm. sounded like horses hooves. :)#i dont even like horses to be quite honest. i play this game 100 percent because of nostalgia i really dont like them#theyre way way way too big for my personal tastes and their fucking teeth scare the shit out of me#i try to be full of whimsy and feed my grandpa's horse an apple? it comes at me with its fucking tombstone teeth#jesus#i have ended up just tossing the apple in its paddock 100 percent of the time. way too scary#and even if it didnt bite me what then? then it slobbers horse slobber on me? it gets me with its weirdly structureless lips??#it's just too much. im nauseous just thinking about it#im sorry this is so cruel to horses. im sorry horses. but please don't come near me#plus the last time i rode a horse i (TMI SORRY) pissed blood in a mcdonalds bathroom and cried#why am i saying any of this. sorry. it's literally 1 pm and i haven't been able to sleep yet somehow#even though ive been trying since 6 am :(#if youve read this far i am giving you an apple and getting so so so scared of your teeth and throwing the apple at your feet and#running away
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I have never seen so many callout posts in this fandom that are by third parties with partially true information
#Just came across a callout post by someone who wasn't involved in the OG drama#I was trying to find ff to read#Idk how to phrase this except if you aren't sure of all the details don't make a callout post#I dont know all the details to this situation i saw but I remember a few months back where I saw a post of one I did#And it was lies mixed with truth and that person got harassed out of the fandom#If you have a personal thing with someone okay well say that don't hide behind bigger drama#And guess what there is a block button!!#I'm so tired of this Fandom like it happens in every space but some of yall are so toxic#Guess that comes with some of yall growing up online and not knowing internet etiquette like your elders ffs#And I've been sent messages like “[username] is a bad person how dare you follow them” FOR WHAT BABES I DONT KNOW SAY WHY AND THEN I'LL KNO#Like we don't all know everything okay#Like I dont know everything about the bands I listen to and I just found out one member is a Terrible Person#Anyways im rambling and I'm tired of this#Can yall just block and shut up WITHIN REASON if someone is actually being callous and cruel and sending hate i get that#Or if someone is committing crimes and being weird about like children I GET THAT#But if its just they were mean to you or didn't like your fic or you heard rumors they did something babes cmon#Fandom drama#Stranger Things#Hello I'm speaking here#To delete later
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i think ive finally come to a breakthrough on why i dont like isat all that much & its something much more fundamental than its clumsy execution or unsubtle juvenile writing like i think i simply just do not agree with its main point
#like. of course this is just my personal interpretation & takeaway from the game#but i dont think im far off in saying isats ultimate takeaway is that even at your absolute lowest#when you are the most cruel version of yourself possible that self isolates and lashes out and falls victim to vicious cycles of#self hatred that eventually even hurts your loved ones#despite it all you are still loved and cared for Always#because real friends and real family would not abandon you so easily#& like. while admittedly i think its a very very sweet message for its very specific target audience#and its one that i might even agree with in some capacity (depending on the angle its approached from)#its actual execution is just soooo. hopelessly facile & unnuanced & uncritical#i ultimately do not agree with what isat is trying to say at all bc of how its executed#and this really speaks to the heart of what i found so unsatisfying about the game wrt siffrins agency#and how at almost every turn it felt like he was being continually coddled and smothered and excused of any accountability#bc its not that siffrin is refusing to take accountability: its that its literally physically impossible for that to take place#the narrative is so completely revolved around him and focused on affirming him that the notion just simply becomes nonexistent#the matter of sif ''taking accountability'' dissipates entirely bc his suffering was so noble and extreme that we're meant to just#implicitly forgive him for his cruelty & instead accept his suicidality as enough recompense#the cast feels one dimensional by the end of the game bc of how their every action slowly becomes contingent on siffrins very existence#& kinda cease to exist outside of their primary role of comforting him#my immersion was broken once i could no longer suspend any disbelief that these characters can exist divorced from him#& the reason why isats timeloops ultimately felt so empty to me and failed to deliver any meaningful thematic punch#was bc as much as they were an overt representation of siffrin's suffering#theyre not meaningfully dismantled or confronted by siffrin themself at all#their dissolution hinges entirely on his friends taking action to pull him out of that dark place#and siffrin keeps on doing what he's always done-- nothing about his behavior has materially changed by the time act 5 rolls around#he just gets a mildly stern talking to and is asked to simply Not do that again.#like okay. its a sweet message. its affirming and attractive and i understand why its consoled as many people as it has#but like for Meeee. i just do not vibe with it#i just think the situation isnt afforded the degree of complexity that it seemed to try to initially approach
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"you cant be a self aware asshole you gotta stop being an asshole" by burnham continues to claim assholes who just cant change everything about them, 17 more dead, 32 in critical condition
#mypost#fighting that quote like nothing else.#IM THIS WAY BECAUSE I WAS MADE THIS WAY -> change then asshole become better or die-> THATS VERY CRUEL TO SAY AND I DO TRY LITTLE BY LITTLE#->then stop claiming it as a personality trait or flaw -> IT SEEMS GLARINGLY IMPOSSIBLE TO IGNORE CONTRASTED WITH PEOPLE I MEET ->#everyone is fighting a battle you know nothing about -> STATISTICALLY IM THE ONE MORE LIKELY TO BE FIGHTING A BATTLE MOST KNOWS NOTHING ABT#ON THE ACCOUNT OF THE. PERSON I AM AND THE LIFE IVE LIVED -> pain cant be compared and measured. see the human experience as equals. cope#-> YOURE RIGHT WHAT IM LACKING IS A SENSE OF COMMUNITY (impossible for me rn) AND OUTSIDE LOVE AND SUPPORT#-> people get better when theyre given outside love and support. how can we hold it against them when they dont#-> SO WE HANG IN THERE. TRYING NOT TO HOLD IT AGAINST OURSELVES I GUESS#-> yeah. tho. im not sure if im happy saying that because we made the quote unapplicable. to anyone.#-> MAYBE NOT EVERYTHINGS APPLICABLE TO EVERYTHING AND MOST IMPORTANTLY HOLDING IT AGAINST PEOPLE THE BETTERMENT OF THEIR MENTAL HEALTH#AT BEST SADDLES THEM WITH FURTHER INDIVIDUALISTIC GOALS AND THE RESPONSIBILITY OF GETTING BETTER#-WHEN MOST OF THE TIME THE NEED TO GET BETTER IS ALREADY TIED TO A LACK OF SUPPORT-#AND AT WORST FURTHER MARGINALIZES THE PEOPLE PREVIOUSLY MENTIONED TO BE ALREADY LACKING SUPPORT AND LIVING IN DIFFICULT SITUATIONS#-> yeah. but so what. are we part of marginalized groups who should be thought of in an analytical helpful compassionate but ultimately de#detached manner ? or are on the individual level someone who is hurting other people and acting selfishly and a being bad person?#-> BE HONEST W ME WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU HURT ANOTHER PARTY MORE THAN YOU HURT YOURSELF#-> irrelevant. causing myself harm doesnt take away from the pain i inflict#-> OK THEN ANSWER ME THIS ARE YOU OR ARE YOU NOT ON AVERAGE MORE HURTFUL THAN THE EVERYDAY PEOPLE ON THE STREET#-> again irrelevant. what they do or dont do doesnt absolve me or anything#-> BUT IT DOES MAKE YOU STATISTICALLY A BETTER PERSON OR NOT.#-> claiming causing less harm for others in exchange for more harm for youself makes you a better person. do you hear yourself#-> YEAH NO THATS BATSHIT INSANE... WHY DONT YOU GIVE YOURSELF THE GRACE YOU AFFORD EVERYONE ELSE THO#-> they can be thought of in both emotionally divorced and deeply compassionate ways both of which prove theyre eligible#-> BUT YOU CANT BE? NOT EVEN ABSTRACTLY?#<*->....#-> THE SUN SET WHILE WE WERE TALKING. I CAN BARELY SEE THE KEYBOARD.#*-> you dont need to anymore. i get it#-> YOU SEE?#->i see yeah. lol
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And no I'm not fickle or frail to jump the gun at such a seemingly benign thing. It was that on top of everything I was going through; all the shit I worked hard for the last 3 years just vanished in the last 6 months and once again I was left with the depression, apathy, hopelessness, loneliness, emptiness, and just general inability to feel or see any good in the world for me in the world. Said person really did make me happy in many small ways and now it's gone and I don't have shit to look forward to.
#venting#it is what it is#i just wish someone could understand how hard this all is#really wanting to end your life but having to stop every time because you dont want to be cruel to others and hurt them#but its the only thing you want and the only thing left to do#whatever#even my best friend has been ghosting me for months whenever i try to talk to her i cant get much out of her other than the bullshit#“i've been busy”#this same person would tell me EVERYTHING years ago#and when i say i dont matter to people in any significant way people just say its false and im overthinking#but i know im not worth shit#its been like this my whole life
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i wish i was a cat so my flaws were still cute and adorable and i was worthy of recieving love attention and raising back to health and my brain was small enough that the discomfort and fear would give way to simple things like enjoying a little treat and looking good for photos and being loved and held and stuff
#i forgot what feeling 'normal' without pain felt like so long ago its hard to remember remembering#i guess i enjoy a little treat but i cant think of a time in almost five years ive ever felt free#i wish i could be loved in a mutually beneficial way that didnt hurt#i would make a really good cat i swear#i dont know#if i was a cat that was loved and gently healed back to health and treasured and only had to worry about churu id be ok#it sounds so cheesy wanting to be treasured cause i just dont associate that with me#even with my family my closest friends ill never be anyones special person#i shouldnt have thought about this on tumblr cause everyones just gonna immediately think about watanuki arent they#i would write a mean vent fic or two if i could being myself to be focused enough to write it#its difficult these days#dont reblog please not trying to be the fun police im just going through some really bad stuff right now#ill delete later#i need rest but it isnt coming to me and it wont really do me much good#when cats get sick and fat and their teeth mess up and their skin goes all sore and they lose their hair and they get wrinkly and in pain#everyone still finds them just like any other cat#all cats are beautiful and perfect#standards for humans are different and so is living in your own skin when it is hostile and unfamiliar and it hurts and warps your mind#its a cruel and unusual punishment and a cat would just walk it off#cats are worthy of love and i am neither worthy nor able to take it
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first, im a bit new to cod but idk…
thinking about ghost’s spouse visiting him on base or some shit, and everyone else wondering how tf he was emotionally flexible enough to bag a bad bitch 🫶
note: this is just my personal little fantasy world headcanon lol so take it with a grain of salt!
Simon maintains a vaguely human lifestyle by adhering to one very strict rule: rigid compartmentalization. You don’t come up at work, and work doesn’t come up around you. Never the twain shall meet, he thinks. And he’s not exactly a watershed of information when he’s with his mates. And it’s not like anyone is asking “When was the last time you got fucked, Ghost?” and seriously expecting a response.
He tells you about the crew, but not about what he does with them. Killing, espionage, torture– that kind of thing stays off the dinner table.
Let it be known that you do not surprise him at work. You respect his boundaries too much, which is why he’s so fucking serious about you, honestly. He calls, asking if you can run something to him. This is maybe the greatest symbol of trust he can bestow, as a man who has only a fraction of an existence in the eyes of the government: he asks you to bring a document of his. He gives you the instructions on how to find it, and trusts that you won’t look at anything you don’t have to.
You know Johnny lets out a low whistle when he sees you coming up with a manilla folder in your hands.
“Who’s that bloody bombshell, then?”
You spy Simon and jog up to him with a smile. He’s the one who embraces you, short but strong. Cue the nigh audible gasping.
“LT, you absolute dog.”
Simon rolls his eyes as the two of you are crowded in short order. You make polite introductions, but have a previous engagement– you really did only have time to stop by.
Hate to see you go, but love to watch you leave.
Everyone is wondering how this could’ve happened. For the record– I think in this scenario, Johnny and Gaz go through a constant string of heartbreaks, and John is kinda married to his job. So in a cruel twist of fate, Simon is actually the only one currently with a partner, much less a spouse.
“How’d you manage to bag a right beauty like that, LT? C’mon, spill it–”
Simon doesn’t mean to diminish your value or anything, but his answer is not going to be satisfying, because he doesn’t find it that difficult to get women. And also, you’re his true love, so you’re perfect for each other and growing close to you was as easy as breathing. But he doesn’t say that.
“S’not that hard. Remember the stuff she says, don’t keep no secrets… dick ‘er down the way she likes.” He doesn’t mean to be crude about it, but from his perspective, is one of the main reasons why you tolerate him. Soap howls at the response.
He’s telling the truth, though! He has a scarily good memory. Remembers every friend you’ve ever told him about, every movie you’ve ever mentioned, every meal he’s cooked for you and how you liked it. He remembers dates, times, and lists with no issue whatsoever.
And he’s never kept anything from you. He tells you how the fuck he’s feeling, and you return the favor, even if it isn’t pleasant. The only thing he doesn’t mention to you are the gorey details of his work.
And you have never had more of a communicative partner, ironically. There were times in the beginning when he didn’t know all of the ins and outs of coaxing pleasure from your body, so he asked you to show him how you like it. And that scary memory is at work yet again– every sensitive spot, every offhand mention of a kink you’ve not yet explored together, every arch of your spine and clench of your cunt. He’s got it down to a science. Could write novels about making love to you specifically.
What I’m trying to say, at the end of the day, is that Ghost bagged a bad bitch by being autistic.
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come on home
in which the only person who can comfort you after your breakup with spencer reid, is spencer reid
inspired by the song "summer's end" by the artist currently known as phoebe bridgers
wc 2857
warnings: gn!reader (correct me if im wrong), minor mommy issues, angst, happy ending
a/n: thank you to the person who requested this:) u r an angel and I listened to this song the whole time i wrote (if you haven't heard, listen!!) i sincerely hope you enjoy, i like this one a lot<3
She hung up on you.
Forty-seven minutes of being insulted and berated after you’d called her looking for comfort, and you put up with every single cruel word—just for your mother to hang up on you. And it’s exactly the kind of thing she’d do, so you shouldn’t be surprised. An ache, you’d expect—but it shouldn’t sting like this. You thought you knew better.
Now you’re in a ball on your couch, clutching your phone to your chest and crying. There’s no point hiding it. Your roommate is out with her girlfriend for the evening—which is too bad because even though you feel like being alone, you’re sure that’s the wrong call. Your other friends are out having fun tonight, too. They’d even invited you, but you turned them down. Look where that had gotten you. Obviously, your mother is not the person you’re about to run to for comfort, either.
You try to pretend, while you’re thinking of all these people who have ever cared for you, that Spencer Reid isn’t on your mind at all. You try to pretend like you don’t care that the person who loved you until you believed you actually deserved it is a contact going stale deep in the bowels of your text cache. With bleary eyes you scroll down, looking for your conversation where it gathers dust—the end of your relationship was a mutual decision, and you’re friendly, but you haven’t texted in a few weeks. Probably because every time the conversation starts to feel a little too easy, or the phone call lasts a little too long, that aching void in your chest gets worse and worse. Like pain in a phantom limb, you become acutely aware of what you do not have and how much it hurts.
So blame it on the tears, or the mind-muddling melodrama of your relationship with your mother, blame it on anything but the truth—when your thumb drops on that call button like the plunger on a syringe, you don’t regret it.
What you’re not expecting is for him to answer after the first ring.
“Hi,” you say with a snuffle before Spencer can get a word in. There’s a brief interlude, in which you pick at your nails, comfortable to just sit in silence if that’s what he wants. As long as he’s there.
“Hi.” Hearing his voice instantly melts a bit of the weight you hadn’t realized you were carrying. Another pause, for which you remain silent, because you can feel him formulating a question—and you’d like to hear him speak again. “...am I allowed to ask if you’re okay?”
Your lips purse and twist to the side, pained and comforted by how easily he can tell that you’re distraught. One word across a tinny connection, and he knows.
“No. Yes. I mean... I guess that’s why I called you. But you don’t have to ask me about it.” You sniff again and take a deep breath. “How was your day? What state are you in?”
“I’m in the district,” he answers after a moment, easing into a casualness that he likely doesn’t feel for your sake. Wind crunches through the speaker. He probably just got out of work. “My day was... it was good. I got to talk about my job to a bunch of elementary schoolers, which is always a confidence boost.”
You chuckle, still laying on your side on the couch and watching storm clouds gathering outside.
“Nice, nice. What else?”
“Let’s see... I forgot lunch, so I had three oranges, and they were actually pretty good. I reread Game of Thrones—I don’t know why I did that. I’m never going to like that book.”
“Masochist,” you smile. He laughs, and you hear the sound of a car door opening.
“Oh! I talked to my mom. Believe it or not, she says hi.”
A completely inadvertent snort constitutes your response. It’s not what you meant to do, and out of context it’s sort of mean, but you actually think it’s incredibly endearing that he still talks to his mother about you. He scrambles to explain himself.
“I swear, we barely talked about you this time. Mostly we talked about her new boyfriend Leonard.”
“No, no, that’s not... I’m sorry, I’m not laughing at you or your mom. That’s really sweet, actually. Tell her I say hi too.”
When he next speaks, you can hear the smile in his voice.
“I will.” Another long pause. You imagine him sitting in the parking lot at Quantico, keys vertical in the ignition of his old car and feeling the silence just as much as you are. He surprises you by not ending the conversation—instead he asks a question. It is concern, poorly disguised with nervous humor. Or maybe you just know him too well. “Do I get to find out what’s on your mind, or are you leaving me in suspense here?”
You bite the inside of your cheek.
“Um... well, actually, I just got off the phone with my mom, too. It didn’t go so well,” you laugh halfheartedly, “I know it was dumb to try and have an actual conversation with her, but... you know me. Always following blind optimism to the depths of hell.”
“Why’d you call your mom?” he asks, so gently it brings a fresh round of tears to your eyes. Still, you attempt to put a cheerful affect on your strained voice.
“Mm, you know. Just needed someone to talk to.”
Spencer’s knowing sigh does little to make you feel better.
“You know you can always talk to me, right? I know it’s... it’s different now, but... I care about you a lot. And, you know, I receive very few phone calls, so the line is pretty much always open.”
Your laugh quickly devolves into a cry.
“I appreciate that, but I can’t talk to you about everything.”
“Why not?” he pleads immediately, voice thin and desperate like it’s his most burning question. A million lies dance over the tip of your tongue. A million things that feel safer to say than the truth. But in the end, it comes out anyway—choked, and so quiet, but aloud nonetheless.
“Because I’m trying really hard to stop missing you so much.”
Another long beat of silence. The back of your throat feels dry and hollow—a cage for your hummingbird heart.
“If it hurts too much to talk to me, you don’t need to do that to yourself. But I also don’t want you to hurt yourself thinking you’re alone. You are... so important to me. I will always try to take care of you the best I can—whether that means staying away or being at your front door. If you ever need me, or even... vaguely want me, I will be there.”
Each word caves your resolve. Each syllable is a slap in the face to progress you’d been pretending to make. You can be strong—you've proven that over the past ten weeks. You can be stone-faced and slash at your heart until the scar tissue is thick and jagged, and eventually it won’t hurt anymore. But maybe, by letting someone tend to the wounds, they’ll heal a little nicer. A little kinder. Even if you can’t undo the damage, maybe one day you’ll be soft again.
“What if I vaguely want you right now?” you sniffle.
Finally, you hear the silver jingle of keys turning. The sputter and rumble of an old engine coming to life.
“Then I’m on my way.”
Twenty four minutes later, there’s a soft knock at your door.
After the call had ended, you’d wondered if you made it all up. Surely your ex-boyfriend wasn’t actually about to show up at your apartment. Someone you’ve grieved for can’t just come back—there are countless horror novels and movies based upon that very tenet. Does it matter if they ever actually died? How long is ten weeks, really? It feels like a lifetime.
You shuffle across the room, wiping under your eyes with your already damp sleeves, and undoing all the locks Spencer had conditioned you to start using. When the door cracks open, and you see Spencer standing there, windswept and concerned, for the first time in months, it hits you like a tidal wave. You are, beyond a shadow of a doubt, still just as in love with him as you ever were. The relief that floods your veins as he looks down at you with so much care in his eyes is like sinking into warm water. It’s a dead giveaway, and maybe it makes this whole thing a terrible idea, but you can’t seem to care very much. You open the door wider, and he enters, and he stands in your kitchen with his hands in his coat pocket as you shut the door and he’s perfect. It dawns on you that for the first time since the breakup, you feel safe. Like you don’t have to be a stone pillar anymore. This, of course, translates into even more tears, which you try to hide as you face away, re-locking the door.
“Sweetheart...” he sighs, because you can’t hide anything from him. Hearing the resonance of his voice so close to you once more is overwhelming. In an instant you’re rushing into his arms, and he accepts you without hesitation. You bury your teary face in the vetiver safety of his button-up and slip your arms under his coat, as if you could absorb his warmth and forever hide from the world that way. He pulls you even closer. It’s terrible and cruel how much he is exactly what you needed. “What’s wrong? What did she say?”
You shake your head and gasp a small sob.
Truthfully, you’re not really crying about the petty insults from your mother anymore. You’re back to square one, the reason you’d called your mother to begin with—you miss the man whose arms are currently wound around your shoulders.
His hand smooths over the back of your hair.
“Okay. That’s okay. We don’t have to talk about it.”
You stay like that—content even as you cry because being with him feels so much safer than being alone. It feels right—or perhaps it’s just familiar. You don’t know which is worse.
Spencer is rubbing soothing lines up and down your back as you cling to him, soaking him up in all his ephemeral, comforting glory. He surprises you by chuckling—it vibrates through his chest, buzzing against your ear.
“Nice Magritte print. I bet the person who bought that has fantastic taste.”
“Are you gonna ask for it back?” you mumble into the fabric of his suit jacket. He is, of course, referring to the painting you’d more or less stolen from his apartment seven months ago. You really don’t want him to take it home. It’s the most overt Spencer memorabilia you’d allowed yourself to keep in plain sight.
“No, baby. You can keep it.” The words are low, and kind, and they settle you some, but you can’t seem to get him close enough. “What can I do?” he whispers after a moment, helpless as you take a shuddering breath. “Can I make you tea? Have you eaten?”
“Will you just... stay for a little bit? I’ll—I promise I’ll stop crying.”
There is an unexpected lull where you thought you’d receive pretty immediate agreement, but before you can pull back and ask what’s wrong, he murmurs, “yeah. I can stay for a while. But you have to kick me out before it gets too late.”
You wonder if you’re imagining the double-entendre that seems to underline his words in bold red ink. Spencer is too smart to have not noticed a thing like that. You don’t mention it—it all boils down to the same unspoken idea.
Don’t let me stay, because I might not leave.
“I will,” you sniff, finally stepping back and wiping your own tears. It hurts to lose his touch, but at least you know he’s not going anywhere for the next few hours. This, as opposed to everything else lately, can be a beginning instead of an end.
At least, until he goes home.
Three and a half hours later, after tea, an impromptu dinner comprised mostly of cheese and crackers, and several vinyl changes on your record player (which served only as background noise for your long, ambling conversations), things are seeming to wind down to a natural stopping point. Which you hate. The whole time you’d had a dull ache in your chest because talking to him was easier than breathing and you knew it wouldn’t last. There had been one or two false bottoms already—the first when you’d yawned around nine, and the second when you’d gotten up to do your skincare and brush your teeth half an hour later. Even then he’d just leaned against the doorframe, watching your reflection above the sink as you talked for fifteen more minutes. Now you stand across from each other in the kitchen, plates restacked and everything in order. Of course he’d insisted on helping you clean up.
“I should go,” he says, with a soft sort of finality in his voice.
“Is your carriage turning into a pumpkin?” you tease gently, to hide how much you don’t want him to leave. He smiles—a small, weary thing—but genuinely and endlessly charmed by you.
“That among other things.”
“Would you—would you walk me to my room first?”
The hesitance is clear in his eyes and the way his lips part as if to say, ‘I don’t think that’s a good idea’, but you're sure he’s really going to leave in a moment and you’re also sure he won’t deny you this one small thing before he does.
“Okay.”
It’s a short, silent walk through the living room and down the hall to your bedroom door, but you can feel him trailing behind you the whole way. You stop in front of your open door, turning face to face with him.
“Thanks,” you murmur.
His lips pull into a melancholy smile.
“Anytime.”
There’s nothing left to do but wrap your arms around each other once more, tuck yourself into the you-sized space between his head and shoulder and hold on for as long as he’ll let you. The hug lingers for longer than is wise. Spencer adjusts his arms looped around your waist, pulling you closer, and you nuzzle against his neck, grateful that at least he seems as reluctant to let this end as you are.
But eventually, it relaxes. Your hold on each other loosens. His face is just inches from yours, and you get to study every plane and valley and line like you’d thought you never would again. It seems he’s doing the same—losing himself in the luxury of seeing you up close.
“Will you kiss me goodnight?” you whisper, unable to muster any self-consciousness though you know it’s a fool’s errand. Spencer strokes your waist.
“I can’t do that, honey.”
“Why not?”
His voice is just as quiet as yours. It falters slightly as he speaks, so gently, so patiently.
“Because we’re not together anymore.”
“Why not?”
Your feeble, desperate supplication sounds pitiable even to you. You’re not proud, but you can’t find it in yourself to be ashamed, either. All you want is an answer. But it’s like a child asking why the sky is blue, or the earth is round. There is a definitive explanation, but mostly, the adult will shrug, and say, that’s just how it is.
Spencer’s eyes squeeze shut. His head tilts down.
“We can’t do this again, sweetheart. You know why we’re not together.”
In theory—yes. You’d had so many conversations when you’d broken up. It had been a long, painful process, spanning multiple all-nighters at his kitchen table, nursing coffee and trying to convince each other and yourselves that it was the right choice. But it just feels like a horrible, horrible mistake. You feel desperate to explain this to him before he slips away again—the words come out flustered, inelegant as you cling to him.
“But I don’t think I’m getting better without you. I tried, I tried so hard to be good on my own, but everything is worse and harder and—and we weren’t sure about it then, and I don’t think it was the right choice, because I still really need you. Like, all the time. I’m—it’s not getting better without you. Nothing got better.”
He swallows, eyes darting between yours for an infinite second. You’re breathless and your heart is pounding after your confession—you can feel your eyes stinging with the few tears that managed to escape as you spoke.
“Everything is worse,” he agrees shakily. “Everything. I’m—I’m getting disciplinary infractions from Hotch like I’m a child because I can’t focus on anything. Game of Thrones is the most complex literature I can comprehend right now. I had to use a calculator the other day.”
You want to laugh, but nothing is funny until he’s yours again.
“Then come back. Please come back, Spencer.”
Finally, he leans closer, until your heads are pressed together, and his nose bumps yours, feather light. You're dizzy. You exhale. He inhales.
“I don’t think I knew how to leave in the first place.”
When he kisses you, it feels like home.
#spencer reid#spencer reid fanfic#spencer reid x reader#spencer reid x fem!reader#spencer reid x self insert#spencer reid imagine#spencer reid fic#spencer reid angst#spencer reid fluff#criminal minds x reader#criminal minds imagine#criminal minds
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ain't even jealousy
you fucking hate the basketball team, but there's no one you hate more than aomine.
pairing : aomine daiki x reader (feminine pronouns. afab) rating : explicit, not safe for work (sexual content) type : chaptered tags : aomine is a bully im not even kidding he is quite cruel, porn with PLOT, reader is besties with satsuki, reader also has a crush on imayoshi, reader also was wakamatsu's ex, hate sex, semi-public sex, manhandling, vaginal penetration, thigh fucking, semi-clothed sex, some slutshaming going on here, reader has big tits, slight dubcon. word count : 4,323
author's note : title from 'want u back' by cher lloyd. this is comissioned by a dear friend. hope you enjoy mwah. this first chapter (and whole fic im ngl) is centered around the onsen episode.
( masterlist │ ask/request │ ao3 )
After a long and hard day at school, all that you ever really want to do is to quickly get to your part-time job and finish up your shift. Perhaps you can get some convenient store food after that, or go straight home to shower and rest.
Whatever it is that you daydreamed of, it wasn't this.
Satsuki calls out to you, her voice soft against the bristling wind with her lithe arms circle around yours as you try to walk away, dragging her body forcefully with you. She whines your name over and over again, over the beating speaker against your ears before you finally had enough, ripping your headphones off your head, turning to face her.
“Satsuki!” You try to sound stern, but you end up whining in the same tone that she used. You can only be so serious as a high school girl, after all.
Her pink strands fall against her face messily; you use your other hand to tuck them behind her ear as she elongates the way she enunciates your name and begs, begs, begs you to listen to her. “Please! Just—”
“Satsuki!” You groan, shaking her off your body. “I’m busy. I have a part-time job, I’m failing maths, I have club activities. I can’t just… ditch everything and go !”
“You can!” It’s like she was not listening to a single word that you uttered. “It’s a month away and on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday—which you can begin asking for a leave day starting today , they will definitely let you if you do it a month in advance!—and maths!? That’s easy! I’ll teach you!”
You slant your eyes at her, arms crossing on your chest. “Alright. What about my club activities?”
“You mean your journalist club? One that encourages their members to leave their comfort zone in order to bring back interesting stories? One that basically has a crush on the basketball team?”
You roll your eyes. “Oh, don’t be dramatic.”
She gasps. “Don’t you love me!?”
“Don’t do this to me…”
“If you love me at all, you wouldn’t even think twice about going with me. Imagine me, a girl, going alone on an all-boys’ trip to some secluded place—”
“You’re being dramatic—” You tried reiterating your point.
“I’m not!” She whines, even louder this time, attracting attention from all the other Touou students around you. “You literally have nothing to lose by coming along! Give me five reasons—five good reasons—and I will literally stop bothering you.”
You shake her off again, and this time, Satsuki lets go and stumbles back a couple of steps as the mischief on her eye continues to shimmer. You have never lost an argument to Satsuki—but there is a first for everything, and you have a feeling that you are going to break some personal records today.
“First,” you take a deep breath as you hold up a finger. “Aomine’s gonna be there—”
“Perfect!” Not giving you a chance to speak, she cuts you off, eyes glimmering like starlight. “You like him!”
She strikes a nerve with this one.
One of your eyes twitches as you cross your arms under your chest. The excited smile on her face fades in an instant, recognizing in an instant that something is wrong.
Recognizing in an instant that something she should have known about is wrong.
She blinks a couple of times, trying to use all that intelligence in her head to analyse the error in what she said (which turns out pretty useless—guess all that she is good for is basketball).
“Have you been paying attention at all?” You begin to blabber after letting out a huge gasp, arms waving around in the air. “We’ve been friends for years— years ! Since the first year of middle school, and you know nothing of my strong, burning opinion of Aomine!? Flash news, Satsuki, it’s not love!”
“You—” She stammers, “You talk about him a lot!”
“I complain about him a lot!” You correct her, blowing out air in frustration, feeling somewhat betrayed that your best friend had just accused you of liking your archnemesis… your enemy… your… your rival.
The point is! You hate him!
You would rather live in a world without television and the internet and good music if it means that you will have to never hear him say another word.
Aomine.
You shiver in annoyance.
Just saying his name irks the hell out of you. Imagining his face causes a feeling close to that of an explosion in your chest. You just wanna grab him by his face and shove him down a flight of stairs.
You cannot even count all the shitty things he did to you in high school: revealing your crush on Nijimura Shuuzou not just to the then-basketball team captain, but the entire student body; tripping you in the cafeteria multiple times; stealing your undergarments during P.E. and commenting crassly about how you were two sizes under his favourite adult model. Granted, you never told Satsuki about the last thing. That shit was just too embarrassing—you were glad that no one else was in the room when he threw your bra back at you.
Still, your frustration remains at her. Jogging down memory lane boils your wrath, and you close your eyes to calm yourself down.
He’s just a bully.
A damned bully.
And you would be damned if you are going to willingly spend your weekends in the same vicinity as him.
“Well… Dai-chan likes you!”
You roll your eyes.
Yeah, right.
You would agree if she had claimed that he found you attractive, or he thinks you’re hot. But liking you? Highly improbable—impossible, even.
Aomine Daiki does not seem like he is capable of feeling any emotion aside from boredom and mischief. The only thing he loves, or even likes, is probably his beloved Aya-chan from his gravure magazines.
You’re not even sure if he still likes basketball.
Which is a shame—seeing someone so tall gradually shrinking to the size of nothing, even if you despise the guy, the whole ordeal with whatever-the-fuck Satsuki’s basketball team went through still managed to extract some sympathy from the bottom of your heart. You’ve been paying attention to Aomine, after all, albeit not under any positive light.
“Whatever,” from past experiences, you know better than to argue against Satsuki. “I don’t care anymore. And you know what? Aomine himself and your blatant disregard of your best friend’s feelings—me!—should be enough to fit all five criterias!”
You know that look in her eyes, the way her lips press against each other and how one of her hands is clenched into a fist.
“I’ve been friends with him for 16 years, (Y/N),” she bumps her fist against her chest in pride. “Best friends, even! I know him better than you do!”
You scoff. “People who like someone don’t bully them, Satsuki. Open your eyes.”
“He isn’t bullying you!” She groans.
“Oh, so now not only are you attempting to kidnap me, but you’re also defending my bully?”
“Argh!” Satsuki hugs your arm again, earning her a groan from you. She calls out your name again, enunciating each and every syllable. “ Pleeeaaaaseeee? You don’t have to pay a single dime! You don’t even have to see Dai-chan if you want to. Imayoshi-san will be there—you like him, right?”
You slant your eyes at her in suspicion, not buying anything she just told you. You just know that you will have to see Aomine sooner or later if you come with her to the onsen.
“No man is ever worth that much headache, Satsuki.”
“Yeah,” she sighs, still shaking you ferociously. “But it’s Imayoshi-san!”
You decided to come along. Because of course you did.
It’s either that, or Satsuki pestering you for the rest of the month, bringing either Imayoshi or Aomine or whoever she thinks will get your attention.
And Imayoshi Shouichi? Sure. He’s hot as hell.
But is he worth dealing with Aomine?
You like to think not.
Satsuki dragged you along to a basketball team meeting—the one that would be discussing the practice trip and the whole onsen ordeal.
It wasn’t like you needed to be there at all. You know just a little more than the average person about basketball. All that you were preparing for the onsen was your clothes and deciding whether it’s you or Satsuki who should be bringing her hairdryer.
“Why me?” You said, crossing your arms when the attention of the entire basketball team was redirected towards you, and Imayoshi laughed. The only problem they were facing was convincing Aomine to come along.
And you were happy with not being the babysitter. You were happy with twiddling your skirt as you sat on the edge of the stage of the hall, scrolling down your social media timeline as the team argued on how to get that blue-haired freak into coming.
That was until Satsuki ruined your afternoon by offering up your name.
To your surprise, everyone in the team seemingly agreed almost immediately to offer you as a sacrificial lamb to feed Aomine’s ego and coax him to at least come to the trip.
“He likes you,” Wakamatsu scoffed when you asked why, and you glared at him, but said nothing. Out of respect, you guess, to the upperclassman. It’s not like you respect him, though. You’re on bad terms with a lot of the basketball team, but no matter your disagreements with Wakamatsu, you will never dislike him the way you loathe Aomine.
“He does have a soft spot for you,” Imaoyshi mused as he flashed you a smile—and lord , you cannot say no to Imayoshi. Especially when he’s being so nice.
You saw Satsuki smirking from the corner of your eyes and internally cursed her.
That was how you found yourself climbing the ladder leading to the rooftop.
And that was how you found Aomine with one hand between his backpack and head, and the other holding an obscene magazine.
He doesn’t even spare you a single glance—probably thought you were another manager or even worse: Satsuki again. But the moment you open your mouth to call out to him, his head snaps in your direction, an eyebrow raised in amusement as he pushes himself to rest his body against his elbows.
“What are you doing here?”
You try not to let your rage spill. You try to keep the boiling water down. You close your eyes, take a deep breath, and continue to climb the ladder before approaching him.
Think rational, you think to yourself, he hadn’t even said anything yet.
“The Captain wants to see you,” you manage to say between your gritted teeth, staring down at him before looking away. Imayoshi didn’t ask you to make Aomine see him, but Aomine probably respects Imayoshi more than you, so you try to throw him under the bus just to get out of the situation quicker.
“Imayoshi-san?” He frowns before repeating his initial question: “What the fuck are you doing here?”
I want to punch him.
“You own this roof or something?”
“Calm down,” he scoffs, tilting his head before eyeing your body up and down. You shift your weight into your other leg, ignoring the uneasy feeling on the pit of your stomach. “I just wanted to know.”
Sighing, you glance up at the sunny sky, sweat starting to form on the base of your neck and you are dying to leave at that very moment. You shelter your eyes from the sunlight, despite finding it more appealing than Aomine’s face.
“We’re discussing the practice trip thing—whatever, and also the onsen trip,” you lazily explain, not bothering to hide your disinterest. “Imayoshi-senpai wants you to be present for the meeting. Obviously.”
You cannot fathom the fact that you were explaining his basic responsibilities as a club member to him. What a fucking child.
“You coming with us?”
His focus seems to be misplaced, and you glare at the sky, imagining it was his stupid face.
“I’m going with Satsuki,” you correct, still not willing to look at him. “I don’t give two shits about you or the basketball team.”
“Hey,” he sits up, wrapping his fingers around your wrist before tugging your body towards him. “Look at me when I’m talking to you.”
You scoff, finally letting your gazes meet before pulling your hand away. “Fuck off.”
He, in fact, does not fuck off.
Aomine pulls on your wrist again, this time hard enough for you to lose your balance and fall, your knees landing on the coarse floor as the bottom of your skirt rides up your thighs. The skin of your knees scraping against the gravelled surface and you curse, jerking your hand away only to immediately shove his shoulder.
“What the fuck is wrong with you!” You shriek, annoyed at how he remains unmoving even as you push him again.
He towers you, even when sitting, and keeps his eyes peering down at you.
Maybe it’s the heat that day; summer has just ended, but even the soft Autumn breeze cannot conceal the searing flare creeping up the skin of your cheeks. Aomine slants his eyes and grabs your wrist yet again—you weren’t quick enough to retract away from his athletic instincts, and so, you fall again when he pulls you in closer.
You hiss in pain as your knees drag more against the floor, desperate to find your balance only to grab on his shoulders.
“Hey,” He calls out to you, a lame attempt for your attention. “Look,” he says again, and your dumb ass looks.
He grabs the magazine on his lap and tautens the pages together, showing you the spread where he left off before you interrupted his peaceful afternoon. “(Y/N), remember Aya-chan?”
The girl that ruined your life?
How can you forget?
You cannot hide the distaste in your eyes as your eyes scan her beautiful, black hair falling against the sheer material of her white uniform top. The black lace bra she was wearing underneath is apparent as she pushes her two tits against each other, legs spread to reveal an equally seductive pattern on her panties.
Before you even realise, Aomine’s arm begins to wrap itself around your waist as he holds you up, fingers creeping up the side of your torso, tracing invisible lines before resting on one of your breasts. Your stomach begins to churn in excitement, embarrassingly enough, and you press your legs instinctively when the muscle between your thighs tighten as he continues fondling you.
You circle your arm around his neck under the pretence of keeping your balance.
“Mhmm…” He clicks his tongue, resting his face on the side of your upper arm—his nose touching the side of your tit as his hand palms your other one. “I feel like you’re no longer two sizes under Aya-chan. Maybe a size under? Maybe the same size?”
You grit your teeth. “You talk big. Have you ever seen her outside your magazine? She probably edits her photos.”
He grins, gaze shifting to drink in your frustration. “No, but you’re real, and I’m groping you right now. Isn’t that better?”
“Better than your pretty Aya-chan?”
Aomine raises an eyebrow, humming knowingly. You can’t even believe the word escaping your mouth.
“You have a cute side to you after all,” He muses after a short, mocking whistle. “What do you want me to say? Want me to tell you how much better you are than her?”
“Want you to shut the fuck up.”
“Calm down, tiger.” He laughs, pulling away from your arm. He tosses the magazine to the side, straightening his back to press a short kiss to the peak of your cheekbone. His hand begins to work; he slowly kneads your breast while continuously trailing kisses down to your ears. Your nipples brush against the fabric of your damned lace bra, and he stops for a moment only to tug on where your bud is protruding.
A whimper leaves your mouth.
“Excited are we?” He whispers, voice dropping lower as he presses his lips against your ears. “I like hearing you like that.”
“Shut up,” you run out of words, turning your head to the other side, exposing your neck to him. Which turns out to be a bad idea, as he takes it as a sign to sweep his tongue over the skin of your neck.
“A–Aomine—”
“God,” he chuckles. “Who would’ve guessed that you can be this sexy?”
He pulls away from your neck, and drags his hand from your tits to rub against your torso, feeling the material of your uniform. He presses one hand on the small of your back, pressing his forehead against yours. In a swift motion, he pulls on your body, drawing out a squeak as he lays you down against the concrete floor.
“What if…” he trails, rubbing a thumb under your eye as he hovers over rested body. Your cheeks sear with heat, alongside your chest and the pulsating on your cunt. “...I just fuck you right here?”
“W-what?” You whimper.
He laughs. “I’m hard as hell. You made me this way.”
“You were the one groping my tits!”
“You liked it,” he shrugs, pushing himself off of you, forcing both your legs open as he moves between them. His fingers begin to unbutton your uniform, unravelling the bra you are wearing underneath. Sucking in a deep breath, he stops midway down your torso, and without taking his eyes off your chest, he asks, “Want me to stop?”
Your cheeks flare, and you don’t answer him. You don;t even look at him.
He takes a quick glance at your expression.
“I’ll take that as a ‘no’.”
“...Whatever.”
A wide smirk forms on his face, fingers continuing to unbutton your uniform all the way down.
“Do me a favour and get up for a bit,” he murmurs, pressing one of his hands against your back once again to get you to sit up. The feeling of his palm against your bare skin sends you to shivers, coupled with the soft wind whistling between the two of you.
“What’re you—”
You wrap your arms around his neck, pulling him closer as his fingers fumble with the hook of your bra. It took him two wrong moves before getting it right with the third—the fabric loosens around your body, and you pull him closer to conceal your humiliated expression.
“See,” Aomine chuckles after some awkward motion, tossing your stupid bra to the side when he finally gets it off. “You’re so pretty like this.”
“Shut up,” you groan, nails digging into his skin deeper and deeper.
He pulls himself away from your grip, taking a nice hold on your torso to pull your ass up his lap, letting you fall against the hard floor again.
“Goddamn,” he mutters, roaming his touches against your legs. His eyes cannot leave the heaves of your jugs.
“Stop fucking staring,” your hiss, trying to pull your uniform together, hiding your chest away from him.
Aomine scoffs, using one hand to unbuckle his pants. Your eyes travelled from his face to the loose button on his collar to the wet stain on the grey briefs around his hips to the bulge underneath them.
“What the fuck are you doing?”
He tilts his head at your question, furrowing his eyebrows as he takes his cock out from under his briefs. “Fucking you?”
The precum leaks from the tip of his cock, little drops of white strings rolling down his length. He pulls your hips closer to his body and presses it flat against your soaked panties.
He groans at the contact. Your warm slick welcomes him entirely as he presses more against the fabric, rubbing his tip along the length of your pussy.
“S’that feel good?” He whispers, hastily hooking his fingers on your panties, pulling it up your legs, then tossing it to go with your bra. He presses his arm on the side of your head, leaning into you again.
“Don’t put it in,” you whine, trying to hold back your hips from rolling. “You’re gonna get me pregnant.”
“You can’t say shit like that,” he groans against your neck. He positions the tip of his cock against your cunt, and even with your sopping lips, you aren’t sure if you are ready to accommodate his size at all.
“You don’t want to be a teen dad,” you bite your lower lip, hand going to rub his neck.
“I wanna fuck you, though,” he breathes, using his thumb to run along your wet slit. “Wanna fuck you raw, wanna cum inside’a you.”
You tremble with his words, feeling two of his fingers now circling your pussy. “D— don’t be stupid.”
“You’re so fucking pretty,” he whispers, making your cunt wish it has something to tighten around. “D’you know how long I’ve been wanting to get you like this?”
He pushes himself off of you, and holds your wounded knees as he watches your chest heaves, heavy tits rolling with every staggered breath. He flips your skirt over, exposing even more of your cunt to the chill.
He rubs his length against your slick, his tip now pushing against your swelling clit. “I’d jack off and wonder if you were tighter than my fist,” he wraps his cock with his hand and places it again on your entrance, pushing in a slow, deliberate motion.
Between your drooping eyelids, you saw him inaudibly mutter a curse.
“Used to wanna fight Wakamatsu ‘cus he’d stuff this pussy all he wanted. Right?” He scoffs with a stupid, satisfied smile that you wish you could wipe off his face. “Shame that you broke it off, huh? Did he dump you when he realised how much of a whore you are?”
“Shut up…”
“Well, I don’t care. More fun for me.”
“Aomine—“
“Who else have you fucked in the basketball team?” He grunts. “In Touou?”
“Shut— shut the…”
You slap the back of your hand against your mouth—not willing at all to let him hear you be satisfied with his size—biting down on the flesh as he pushes his cock in. All of his cock in.
“Aomine—”
His cock is dragging against your wall, kissing every possible inch of your insides. Your hole continues to burn as he stretches you wide open, draining every last bit of energy from inside of you.
“ F-fuck…”
Your hand goes to fondle your own tit, rolling your hard nipple between your fingers, sloppily trying to garner more and more pleasure. His dick fills you more and more, stuffing you full, before finally stopping.
“Don’t act all reserved now,” he raises an eyebrow as you mewl out his name. He stays still for a moment, a bud of sweat rolling down his temple before pulling out of your homey cunt. “You don’t have to lie.”
Aomine bites his lips, letting his cock rest between your pussy lips. He sees the way they engulf his dick, moving his hips to rub against your core.
“Letting me fuck you on the school rooftop,” he murmurs, “where’s your fucking self-respect? Well, I wouldn’t be surprised if this isn’t your first time getting dicked down up here.”
Your eyes slant up at him, but he quickly shuts down any of your retaliation by pressing his thumb flat against your clit, slowly circling the nub. Your teeth press down hard on your bottom lips.
“We aren’t— we are not …” You babble, putting a thumb between your teeth to stop yourself from moaning, “...having sex.”
He scoffs, drinking in how your eyes roll with your head turned to the side.
“I was inside you just a moment ago.”
Filthy noise of his cock squelching against your cunt filled the air—if someone were to come after you, they would hear Aomine’s dick fucking your pussy lips.
“Fuck,”Aomine spits, pressing your legs tightly against each other then down on your lips.
“A-ah,” You gasp as he drills into your thighs, the tip of his cock rubbing quick and hard against your swollen clit. “Oh my God—”
“Are you cummin’?” He breathes, one hand reaching to roll your tit on his hand. “Fuck, baby,” he murmurs, and you whine at the nickname. He snickers, “You’re so sexy like this, y’know that?”
Your back arches, little whimpers of encouragement swallow your pride whole as you fall completely into him. Aomine grunts at the expression, seeing the lewd expression on your face. He picks up the pace, slamming his hips against your ass.
“M’gonna cum,” he hisses. “Fuck. Wish I could shoot my load into your tight little cunt.”
“Fuck it,” you manage to spit between your groans, “F-fuck it. Just— oh God, just don’t stop—”
Your words rile him up even more—he tightens his grip on your leg, his fingers bruising your fragile skin. Your head begins to spin. Your slam your fists against the ground and your mind numbing orgasm comes the moment strings of Aomine’s thick, white cum comes flying down your skirt and stomach.
“Shit,” he loosens the grip on your legs, letting them fall even with your still convulsing ass and core. His gaze stays on the tip of his dick, the white cum oozing from it, then to your face—your parted lips, dumb eyes, and the sweat dripping down the side of your head down your neck.
He feels himself getting harder as he watches your plump lips whine, wondering how they would wrap around his thick length, if the colour of your lipstick would stain the veins of his cock.
“You coming to the onsen trip?” Aomine tries to distract himself.
You roll over, blindly reaching out for the bra that he tossed God knows where.
“Fuck you.”
#knb#one-shot#chaptered: ain't even jealousy#commissioned#aomine#aomine daiki#kuroko no basuke#kuroko no basket#kuroko's basketball#smut#aomine smut#aomine x reader#aomine x you#knb smut#aomine x reader smut
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Helloo!!! could you write a oneshot about ran dating fem!reader and she is like a total good girl i mean like good grades, a teachers pet and always listents to her parents.
Hope you have a good day you are one of my favourite writers<3<3
little miss rule follower
synopsis: moments w/ ran dating his fem!reader who is a rule follower
☆ a/n ˎˊ˗ hiii thank you for requesting!! :3 +thank you for the message you are so sweet !! im so glad you enjoy my writings :D i wanted to include a lot of diff moments w this idea, so i did a little collection of mini oneshots, i hope thats alright ! i hope you all have an amazing and gorgeous and fabulous day & enjoy !! xoxo
☆ characters ˎˊ˗ ran haitani x fem!reader
☆ wc ˎˊ˗ 1.8k+
masterlist
“y’know, it would’ve been a lot faster if i’d just driven you home, right?” ran suddenly asked, his voice laced with playfulness. “is it just that you want to spend more time with me~?”
“hm? you know i’m not going to show up at home on the back of a motorbike, ran.” you rolled your eyes at his teasing, jokingly trying to pull your hand from his. he frowned at the action, lacing your fingers together and keeping your hand in a firmer grip.
“you don’t want to be close to me? you don’t want to be able to hold me all you want? maybe even feel my abs-?”
“no.”
“...ouch. that one really hurt, sweets.” you giggled at his crestfallen expression, finding it rather cute as he pouted, side eyeing you to see your reaction. his jaw dropped dramatically when he saw your face. “you’re laughing?! wow, this really is a cruel world!”
“yeah yeah, the world is sooo evil to you, right?” you teased, your sarcasm evident as you laughed at him.
“yes, it really is!” he exclaimed, letting go of your hand and suddenly wrapping his long arms around your shoulders, putting his full weight on you. “(y/n), you understand, right?!”
“gah! r-ran! get offa me, you’re so heavy!!” you groaned, struggling to hold the both of you up at the same time. “i was joking!! of course i want to…ahh, of course i want to be close with you!!” as soon as those words came out of your mouth, he got off of you, smirking at you with a pleased look in his violet eyes.
“that’s all i wanted to hear~” he stated, continuing your walk home as if he hadn’t been laying all his weight on you two seconds ago. all you could do was roll your eyes at him, but your smile was still on your face as the two of you continued walking, ran’s hand finding yours again and lacing your fingers together.
“also…” you suddenly spoke up, “i know it takes longer to get home this way…but i get to spend more time with you…” you trailed off, feeling a bit shy about what you had just admitted. “i mean, i don’t want to be greedy or anything, but it’s nice that we can spend this time just the two of us, since you’re usually pretty busy with your…stuff, and i’m busy with school...”
when you looked to ran after you finished talking, you were surprised to see the soft smile that was across his lips, his eyes looking at you as if you were the only person on the planet.
“you can be as greedy as you want, (y/n). hell, i’m probably more greedy than you’ll ever be in your whole lifetime.” he squeezed your hand a bit, pulling you a bit closer to his side as you two kept walking. “if you tell me you want more of my time, i’ll drop anything and everything for you. so, just tell me.”
“...okay then.” you answered warmly, smiling at him. “also, walk a little slower. your strides are so long it’s hard to keep up with you.”
“hm? i’m already slowing down for you.”
“yeah, well, walk slower.”
“oho, you were serious about wanting to spend more time with me, huh? no problem then, doll~”
˗ˏˋ𖤐ˎˊ˗
“c’monnn, you know nothing would happen to you, right? i wouldn’t ever let anybody hurt you, (y/n).”
“i’m not sneaking out to go out with you, ran! we have school tomorrow! why can’t we just do something after school?” you asked, already knowing what ran’s response was going to be.
“that’s no fun!”
“ohh, so you don’t have fun with me when we go out during the day? wooow, i see how it is, haitani.” you answered, making your voice seem upset. ran was always teasing you, so you could do the same every once in a while, right?
“hey, you know that’s not what i meant.”
“pff, ‘m joking.” you relented, laughing a bit at the sigh you heard from the speaker on your phone. “sorryyy, forgive me please~?”
“that was a mean little trick, but i’ll forgive you ‘cause you asked so nicely. you seriously won’t even consider it though?”
“no! i love you ran, but i also enjoy not being in trouble and i enjoy not breaking the rules. i know you’re not like that, which is fine, but you’ll just have to get over the fact that your girlfriend is unfortunately a stick in the mud.”
“well, i prefer to use the term ‘good girl’ ‘cause it’s cuter, but it’s okay, i can let it slide. can we go out after school, then?”
“that depends…are you actually going to show up to classes tomorrow?”
“hey, that hurts! i’ve been showing up to school a lot more lately!”
“and then all you do is pass me notes instead of taking notes.”
“in my defense, you just said show up, not to actually do anything.”
“please?”
“...fine, but you’re riding on my motorbike when we go out.”
“as long as you don’t drive me to my house, that’s fine i guess…”
“don’t worry, you can hold onto me as tight as you want~”
“h-hey!!”
˗ˏˋ𖤐ˎˊ˗
you look so beautiful today ♡ can’t wait to see you after school~
you immediately folded up the piece of paper, shifting your notebook to slip it underneath so that nobody could see it. you could already feel ran’s gaze on you, confirming it when you peeked over and made eye contact with his lazy violet eyes, the corners of his lips turning up into a small smile.
you looked back to your teacher in the front of the classroom who was droning on and clearly not paying attention, so you decided it was okay to not pay attention for a little longer. you looked back at ran, who was now making a little finger heart at you and mouthing something.
“i…love…you.”
your heart skipped a beat and you could feel your cheeks flushing, which only made ran chuckle a bit as you continued with paying attention to the lesson, (he was satisfied knowing that he had successfully distracted you).
˗ˏˋ𖤐ˎˊ˗
“(l/n), can you make copies of this printout for tomorrow’s class?”
“sure!” you chirped, taking the handout from your teacher and glancing over it. “i’ll leave them on your desk when i come back!”
“thanks, i appreciate it.” you hummed in acknowledgment before leaving the classroom, making your way down to the printer room where the copier was.
“where’re you goin’~?” the sudden voice in your ear made you jump, though you didn’t do anything more drastic since you recognized it almost immediately, your mind suddenly remembering that you were supposed to be going out with ran right now.
“ran! ahh, i’m so sorry, just let me do this and then we can go?” he joined you at your side, looking into your pleading eyes for a second before sighing, a bit of a frown on his lips.
“fiiine, but let’s make it quick. i found a sweets place i think you’d like.” you raised a brow when he continued to follow you to the printer room and he raised a brow back, wondering why you were confused. “you thought i was just gonna leave?”
“i mean, yeah…this won’t take that long and it’s kinda boring.”
“sure, but i’m with you, so it doesn’t really matter to me either way.” he responded casually, opening the door to the printer room now that the two of you had arrived.
“you’re such an idiot, but you’re cute i guess.” you murmured, unsure of how to respond to his words.
“here’s the part where i get to say, ‘but i’m your idiot’~” you only rolled your eyes, opening the top of the copier and laying the worksheet down flat and closing it. you could feel ran’s presence behind you getting closer, so you weren’t surprised when he rested his head on your shoulder, watching your movements as you input the number of copies to make.
as the copier began to print out the copies, ran slid his arms around your waist, holding you firmly against his frame. there wasn’t anybody else in the room nor any windows, but you were still a bit anxious that somebody was going to come in and get the wrong idea.
“ran, someone could walk in.”
“what? i’m not even doing anything.” he teased, pressing kisses on your shoulder.
“this-! this is something! it’s like super pda!”
“it’s not like we’re having sex-”
“okay, stop!! forget i even said anything!!” you interrupted, wiggling out of his embrace to open the top of the copier, grabbing the worksheet you had put there and putting it on top of the stack of copies. “i’m almost done here, so go wait for me outside and i’ll be out in five minutes. bye!”
before ran could say anything to response you had already sped out of the room, leaving him there chuckling a bit to himself.
how cute.
˗ˏˋ𖤐ˎˊ˗
“i’m actually not so sure about this anymore.”
“hm? are you scared?” ran asked. you had thought that it would be worth it to agree to go on his motorbike if he came to class today, but now…you weren’t so sure.
“are you sure this is safe? there aren't even any seatbelts…!”
“you don’t trust me, doll?”
“it’s not you i’m worried about!” you exclaimed, feeling a bit panicked. “what if there’s someone else who’s driving drunk and they hit you! a motorbike versus a car, the car would definitely win! how can you feel so confident riding this thing all the time?! what if something happens to you-?!”
“hey.” ran suddenly said, taking two long strides to come face to face with you. “it’s okay.” he murmured, cupping your face and carefully smoothing his thumb over your cheek. “nothing has ever happened because i’m always careful. i’m always thinking of you, (y/n). i would never do anything that would threaten my own safety because i know how you would feel if something happened. okay?”
“...you’re not lying?”
“could never lie to you.”
“...okay.”
“how ‘bout we go get some cake for you, hm?” you nodded, wiping away the tears you hadn’t known you’d shed and feeling a bit ashamed at your sudden outburst over seemingly nothing.
“‘m sorry.”
“don’t be. i probably give you every reason to worry, so you can let it all out.”
˗ˏˋ𖤐ˎˊ˗
“you feelin’ better now?” ran asked, an amused smile on his face as he watched you absolutely devour the slice of cake in front of you. you tried to respond but couldn’t, your cheeks full of cake. ran made a motion that told you to finish before speaking, giving you a few moments to finish chewing.
“yes! sweets fix everything!!” you declared, a big grin on your face. “see, if we had gone out at night this place wouldn’t be open!! isn’t this so much better?”
“mm, doesn’t really matter to me. as long as you keep smiling like that, pretty~” you coughed at his sudden flirty words, accepting the cup of juice ran offered you and chugging it to get the cake that was stuck in your throat down.
“s-sorry…”
“hah, it’s cute how much my words affect you.”
“shut up.”
“will do~”
#˗ˏˋ𖤐 tokyo revengers ˎˊ˗#東京リベンジャーズ#東京リベンジャーズ x reader#tokyo revengers#tokyo revengers x reader#tok rev#tok rev x reader#tr#tr x reader#fluff#tokyo revengers x reader fluff#tok rev x reader fluff#tr x reader fluff#ran#haitani#ran haitani#haitani ran#ran x reader#ran haitani x reader#haitani ran x reader#ran x reader fluff#ran haitani x reader fluff#haitani ran x reader fluff#anime#manga#anime x reader#manga x reader#x reader#reader#reader insert
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