#im not touching this if you cant see the difference between those situations and have to comment on my silly post abt it

[arsenicflame]

hi

a) this post literally isnt about Izzy its about Jim, Archie, Fang & Frenchie

b) yes actually i Do think theres a difference between stabbing someone in a consensual duel and the navy situation and uhhhh. thinking about it for hours and then literally disabling someone in their sleep? repeatedly now, apparently

c) its a fucking friendship ended with meme. its obviously a joke.

how are we feeling about 'at least two more of your toes' gang?

[dilfhos]

sooo this is gonna be a messy rant on the observations ive made between different writer communities, blog interactions and overall “status”. just silly little things I’ve noticed in my 4+ years being on tumblr btwn 2 diff blogs. and this is about no one specific, a very generalized post so if you find urself offended i honestly dont know what to tell you?? :o do better ig. & if you relate, i feel for you. TLDR @/end.

i dont like interacting/ building connections with people but not for the reasons ppl think. im not stuck up or pretentious or weird or anything. just another anime-enjoyer who loves to write in her free time. nobody special by a longshot!! i enjoy writing, always have since before i was a teen. (wasn’t always ff tho!).

but over the years ive just noticed fandom writing has its gritty sides that no one talks about often and its no mystery why so many prolific/ popular writers deactivated, me included. i had some shitty experiences and have seen friends go bc of it.

firstly, I’ve noticed, once you start interacting and building friendships with people, it’s easier to see the bigger perspective of where ppl stand and the blatant hierarchy of friendships and groups. same applies to that outside. like its literally just me n’ my bsf then my acquaintances bc mfs be weirddd omg its like cults or something. like thats why initially I didn’t interact w/anyone starting on my new blog. that n’ fear of drama following from my last blog ugh. ‘Cept the few i’ve met on my old blog (like my wifey)

not to mention i have bad anxiety. and sometimes im cue-deaf. i dont always pick up what people put down and vice versa and it makes me conscious in a lot of my interactions. so a part of me doesn’t want to interact at all to avoid all awkwardness and possible miscommunications. that’s not to say i don’t notice subtle changes in interactions after one situation / conversation or so forth, that in myself or witnessed between other ppl. (im perceptive, just not that good conversationalist lol. like i really have to try.)

but then…if you don’t interact with people on here, your chances of building an audience or a reader base is slim to none. the likelihood of developing relationships is zip. because you’re already perceived and pegged as just another tumblr writer. pause. to clarify, a writer who doesn’t want any recognition or interactions from mutuals or new friends. or just a lonely writer? a introverted, lonely writer. which leads to little to none interactions (anons, reblogs, moots —exposure.)

so then its like you’re kinda placed btwn a rock n a hard place. and there’s absolutely no problem with that! in fact this is the best part—meeting friends and like-minded people! people that make being online all the more worth it right? thirsting over fictional characters and sharing in each other’s works!

but you have to be in specific circles it seems. but then you can’t imply that you want to be in those circles bc then you’re desperate.

but well, then you cant purposefully want to be independent or be on your own or else you’re a hater, hypocrite or stuck up. not to mention, no one will reblog your stuff lol. no one will interact fr, and you’re friendless essentially. and god forbid if you disagree on something as if opinions don’t exist btw! then you’re being ganged up on. (like omg grow up!)

but then if you reach out you’re seen as trying to wedge in or kiss ass? you interact and follow and you’re ignored or left hanging? (bc im gonna touch your hand when i say this—it never gave fan, your majesty of horny nerds) and this is about ALL the writing communities and fandoms—spicy content, black content and dark content. ALL.

yet no one wants to talk about the pregnant elephant in the room—bias. and favoritism. also people seem to have a hard time being direct with how they’re feeling toward/about someone ( in a good or bad way) which in turn leads to a lot of miscommunication and subliminal attacks. (not to mention hate anons? one of my moots just had her inbox flooded w/them recently, ew.)

you can lead a horse to water AND you can write a 500-word essay on the observations made on tumblr writers as a whole. (a long ass post on the truth on behalf of those feeling this too)

also, slapping a HEY LOOK AT ME! IM A WRITER WHO WANTS INTERACTION AND FRIENDS! on a blog is frankly embarrassing. it shouldn’t even take all that seeing how easy it is for others wanting the same thing.

or doing less to achieve the same result.

not to mention, yall shit on ppl who essentially feel this way altogether bc you peg them as sb who doesn’t “try” or just jealous when their own works are phenomenally written themselves. ive seen it. and ive lived it. never gave jealousy baby.

at the end of the day, we’re all writers— either longterm or hobbyists. (personally, im longterm) self-indulgent or not! and its absolutely amazing when people are being fair in how they spread love and feedback to their writers.

Secondly, its not news that people have to want to reblog your fics so that their followers can reblog, so they can reblog, and their followers can reblog and so forth. but ppl honestly dont care atp bc once they’ve already read it, they owe you nothing. and apparently asking for reblogs is crass and bold. (imma do it anyway) but putting your very all into a story just to turn and see a half-thought out hc soaring 3k in 2hrs and 5k in a day — you have to stfu, open your ass and take it. keep it cute!

you’re getting fucked after all!!

because if you complain—you’re just jealous and lazy and uncreative!! and i hate that to seem like a writer worth a damn, you have to change up your writing style every two weeks to fit in with trending waves.

“no more poetic long fics, nobody’s into that! short, snappy slutty shots are all the rage!” “ppl are only into these specific tropes but you can’t exceed 2k words!” “only add trending characters to these hcs! ppl love them only!” “don’t write too much about a specific character or else ill unfollow you!” its exhausting.

i am well within my right as a literary artist to desire more feedback and interaction on anything i put out. period. and you are too! 🫵

God, im tired of that stupid, ‘you have to enjoy your writing for yourself and not worry about notes’ line. i do love my writing! don’t get me wrong there’s nobody id rather write like if not myself fr. not to mention the inspiration i draw from famous literary authors. however, i would love feedback and the same energy that i see with others in my same caliber.

and when i see others that didn’t even try fr—its a slap in the face to put it bluntly.

i can want silly little comments and notes about something i cherish and put out for that reason and yall aren’t gonna make me feel bad about it. sorry! like yall really be making people feel shitty for wanting the same type of interactions you get! especially when its harmless, bye asf. nb want to recipe to ur peach cobbler b!

the only one giving push back are those appointed popular /top blogs n’ cliques tho. now personally, i honestly dgaf if you have 20 followers or 25k, writing is writing and if its good you should want to support it regardless of following count/interaction right?

unfortunately, and quite unsurprisingly its not the case for the rest of this hellhole lol. there’s always gonna be some “big blog” in any part of tumblr or any social media for that matter.

but when the sole purpose being on a site like tumblr to write is mainly exposure, then it just makes it ten times worse especially if it seems that these blogs are steady at the top of every. single. tag. and listen, i know how initially stupid that sounds but when you’ve picked up on patterns for as long as i have, well iykyk.

so imma be real bc no one else will, half of the posts that yall see with 25k notes have alr been done. just different characters, different words, different dialogue. And 8/10 its been done by sb who only received 100 notes. Thats the evil part. whats more is that it lacks the creativity the one post with 100-300 notes is filled with completely.

POP QUIZ! what post would readers be more inclined to read? — one that says 10k (ohhh that must be popular!) or the one with only 150 (oh i guess nb really liked that one) that no one is even willing to reblog for MORE. and BOOM. now yall wonder why so many great writers LEAVE, its a fucking joke.

so unfortunately its no longer only about or only on readers anymore. its about who you know and who you know is willing to support your fr. who is willing to REBLOG your fics for their friends and followers, so that their friends and followers can reblog. to fit in you actually have to get in these days and it makes it all less enjoyable. makes it a chore and if you aren’t ‘doing it right’ ultimately it makes you feel shitty about your writing. (Please don’t, you are doing amazing. its the platform.)

it makes people not want to jump into writing. it pushes away those who actually want to join writing communities and meet people without feeling like they have to jump thru hoops to thrive or worse—live in other ppls shadows. and then it deters those from speaking up in fear of being shut down by bigger groups. ive seen it happen time and time again.

lastly, and this is the juiciest part! you absolutely cannot say anything about any of this bc you’re complaining and a fisher just looking for attention and not someone who just want things to be fair all over. play the game, right? ( wrong. and if this is your logic, you suck! )

its no longer about making flashy banners and pretty themes. its no longer about how many clever directory links you add or how many games you initiate on your blog or whether or not you’ve reblogged your fic three times already. its about your “friends”, other mutuals, and blogs willing to support you too. not just the audience. audience gonna do what they want regardless. reblog, don’t reblog, whatever. “at least ive read it right?” but everyone knows this. duh! but it’s obvious who doesn’t care as long as they’re on top of that tag! its admirable in a way but it sucks for those wanting to break out and build some kind of readerbase and/or make friends.

TLDR; people need to stop being bias and be fair and open lol. stop picking favorites and share the love all around. you see another person writing your favorite character or trope, give them a fucking chance and reblog, regardless if they’re in your ‘circle’ / radar or not. regardless if you know them or not. hell, let them put you on to a new fandom. bc writing is writing and making new moots and finding new fics seem to be what everyone loves to showcase until its time to actually do it. no wonder people get discouraged to make friends and write, yall treat it like some kind of secret society when its supposed to be fun💀 not a competition. (yall need to dead this clique-y shit. )

[soracities]

Me and my gf of 4 years broke up recently and the last few months, as things got worse, I was writing really well. You know that Siken tweet about the vocabulary of loss being the dictionary? But now that we've finally broken up I cant write anything.

I've always used writing to process things - I need to write stuff, to sound it out, to see if thats how I feel. I don't know what's going on. I assume I'm just not feeling my feelings but I don't know how to do it.

I'm sure I'll be fine, this is not an SOS, but do you have any tips? It feels like Im stuck and its frustrating.

Love ur blog and your kind words, stay safe, have fun, X

I'm really, really sorry about your breakup anon, and I'm sorry too that you're going through such a frustrating an difficult time in the wake of it all. Someone asked about writer's block a while back which I answered here, though I don't know how much of it will help in this particular situation.

I think it's interesting that you make a distinction between processing your feelings and actually feeling them--why are they different? do you think you're removed from your feelings when you're writing to process them? And if so, is writing in order to process something actually putting you in touch with the real, raw emotion or simply breaking it down without fully acknowledging and being present with those feelings?

I ask because I'm also someone who needs to write and sound my feelings out sometimes, but I've found I'm also someone who runs a deep risk of intellectualising my feelings when I do write about them--writing, even when processing, happens at a distance for me and in some ways I've found it's more an escape than a confrontation; my feelings, when I write about them (and I rarely do it because of this, and other reasons), turn into a narrative that circumvents the simple acknowledgement of "x happened. I feel y," and moving on. I'm not saying that this is you, but as someone who often has difficulty feeling my feelings, even through personal writing, it may be worth asking if your writing, much as it helps you process, might also be a way of avoiding a necessary confrontation with your emotions and just sitting with them, before writing about them. As I said, feeling my feelings is something I struggle with, but a dear friend shared this chart which has done wonders for me, so maybe it can help you, too (I hope)

I think it's also important to acknowledge that 4 years is a long, long time to be with someone and then no longer be with them. And if things, as you said, were particularly bad in the past few months before it happened, it could simply be that you, your mind, needs a period of stillness and recovery to full come to terms with what has happened. You have to let the reality of it all settle in, and maybe you cannot write as you used to right now because that settling hasn't fully happened yet; some things don't need to be analysed in the moment--they simply need an acknowledgement and that alone is enough to give some breathing space. I don't know if any of this will help you, anon, but I sincerely hope you can take something from it. I hope in time you are able to come back to yourself in the healthiest way for you 💗

[enden-k]

SORRY MANY ASKS IN A ROW BUT I FORGOT TO MENTION BC THE ANIMAL VIDEOS TOOK A HOLD OF MY BRAIN. SARAN HATING THOSE AREAS BEING HELD BUT HOLDING THEM HIMSELF?! I WANT TO DISSECR HIS BEHAVIOR

His signature thing (whether he finds it silly or he finds it more enjoyable than others yet to be determined) is the face holding!! Sure he does a fair bit of other holds but this one stands out!!!

(Yeah it probably has to do with the ownership themes which. Double interesting bc we see the forced, one-sided holds guy (whose name I definitely didn't forget mid rant no sir) tends to favor (forceful-) against Saran's looser, loving grasp on Vika. Against Vika, who has to sort of be coaxed into those!!

Guy takes and takes and takes (bear with me cause i cant find another way of explaining. He sort of feels like Gluttony? I probably can word it better comparing it to Saran but where Saran wants it to keep it safe Guy wants it to make use of it. A form of consumption?). While Saran can come off as sort of greedy he clearly wants the person on the other end to enjoy it as much as he does. Because it's Vika and Vika deserves all nice things

And then you have darling boy "this is not exactly my thing but Saran enjoys it so it still is nice". These two make me feral. They're so complex

-🦜

yeee the difference between saran and azai and their holds is both the meaning and the hold itself

saran tends to hold/cradle vikas face like that mostly when hes grounding him and calming him down; by holding him gently like this, hes reducing vikas sight to his face alone to focus on. he applies pressure to his other touches (holding his hands, wrists, etc) but never when hes touching vikas face. its the most gentle touch. its also so intimate which is also why he disliked it when azai did it

azai held saran like this often in situations where saran wasnt even conscious or in a place to fight it off. he idolized saran and put him on a high pedestal but as soon as saran is vulnerable and beneath him, his hands are wrapped around his neck or holding his jaw and giving him a feeling of power and ownership

warning for a tiny little bit of descriptive injury/sarans death

when saran died, azai strangled him before and later clutched his slit throat tight in a fucked up way of "im holding you in the way you told me not to and its keeping you together, if i let go you will bleed out so you have no choice whatsoever to endure" - he takes complete control over sarans life, or more like death

azai is greedy; greedy for power, greedy for control, greedy for saran. he takes everything even if it must be by force but has no interest in giving anything from himself. he wants to possess and keep things to himself alone

vika shows to be a little greedy as well, altho its prolly more of "needy" than "greedy". it differs from azai. hes greedy for (sarans) attention, hes greedy for (sarans) touch. unlike azai, he doesnt take. he offers himself and asks for permission; he doesnt forcefully take what he wants and hes willing to give all of himself for a tiny piece of what he wishes for

and saran is so, so willing to give just like how vika is. to the point of allowing and coaxing vika to touch him like this as well, even tho it was clear until then how he disliked it. bc he likes it when vika holds him like this too, to lit give himself to vikas hands, to bare his throat to vika just like vika does to him

[heyharoldsboo]

Hi ARIES, look we know you lurk around here because Ana has mentioned how she gets weekly asks calling her a dickriding cunt. Gotta assume it’s you at this point. I know this is a long message but i suggest you read it.

We know you are the reddit poster. We also know who “the minor that percy groomed and abused” is and we know the age difference between them is not 5 years like you said (even though initially you said about 3-4…you should have read your proof better tbh) but about 2.5 years and we also know that this girl still follows percy and katie on ig. (For those who dont know, dont try to find this girl ppl its impossible she changer her name in ig). And he followed her before your army of minions bullied him into unfollowing all his friends and art pages on insta. If she was so terrified and abused by him why is she still following him and his current gf or ex gf wtv they are? Ohh and speaking of this minor, there is proof on ig of you doing drugs with her when she was still a minor and you were over 18. Thats not a great! People are not exposing her because its obvious she does not wanna get involved, shes only 18. But thats because Percy defenders have respect and dont wanna scoop low. That is also the reason why the reddit post proof has not been shared. So keep that in mind.

as for your SA allegations, i dont want to assume what SA is like for any given person but if you did meet him at a party, you yourself said he “ touched your back and hips and asked you to chill”. So basically he hit on you? you also said it was not violent and that you know some people will say its nothing. Why would you say that at all if what he really did was SA? I also find it strabge how you seem to post insta stories from ever party you ever go to lately but you didnt back then? During the age of smartphones. And also you should tell Kayla DMs dont get deleted when someone blocks you or an app gets updated.

but anyways, dont wanna get too much into debunking proof, there a lot if that on twitter. I wanna tell you that it is more than clear you are not well. The way you post on reddit, especially facebook. I know its not easy mental health wise and you need help. Those tweets you tweeted yesterday, about how you have done horrible things and cant apologise, dont know what thats about but if its about Percy you should come clean. I know you never will though, too much to ask for because what you and your friends have done is truly inhumane. You took a small toxic part of a teens life, when he was probably troubled and part of an awful group of friends with those girls and that brycen guy and embelished a situation to put a narrative out there that he was some weekly rapist. And you all know this, thats why you dont have better proof, thats why the only things you could provide was proof he cheated on Karis and told Desiree she wasnt a liar and had to inform himself because it was the first time he had to deal with this and it was a delicate situation. If he raped girls every weekend, why was it the first time he had to deal with that when desiree says she got raped at a party? Desiree does not deny whatbhe says at all. Also, why did Kayla text a rapist to call someone to make all this end? Why give a rapist any chance to apologize or “explain himself”? Makes no sense. you see Aries the very own ss you girls shared invalidate the narrative you were trying to put out there. Because you all knew simply saying he was a womanizer and a bully would not be enough to cancel him.

Not a lot of people have any compassion left for you. Maybe im soft but I kind of do. Because I had a family member who had the issues that you are dealing with now and I know how hard it is. You need help, professional help and to find the right medication and the right dosage as well. And you need to get off social media, it is the worst thing for someone in your situation. You should come clean about how you feel and what you did and close it off. Disconnect, clear your mind and girl i dont know if you are seeing one or not, but you need a better doctor or therapist. I do feel for you a bit, even if so many people dont because i dont think you’re thinking straight and i think you are very confused and in crisis.

i dont know about the rest of the girls, but wtv grudge they held against percy from high school, they got their revenge. He will have haters forever, this will forever be a stain on his life and career. You have all done SO MUCH damage, you have no idea! So congratulations but now ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! From all you!

i truly wish you get the help you need one day

I'm glad there are still compassionate people in this world, because I am one of the people who have no kindness or compassion left for her or any of the Shitshow sisters.

I hope karma gets her good.

[paintingformike]

Bc, some people think those moments were meant to draw a contrast rather than a direct parallel.

People think that Will being in between Mike and El's scenes is not necessarily there to imply that Mike likes Will but rather is there to show Will's unrequited feelings, because Will was blurred whereas Robin was at the center of the scene where we watched her visibly being sad but Will was not sad, he was blurred in the background and when Mike and El have a forehead touch moment, he is entirely out of the picture.

Also, people do not exactly notice which music plays at which scenes. Only if they are interested in analyzing or searching, then they can find. Another example is, we know about the 'tender emotional music' because we focused on that and then made an analysis, but even then that wouldn't necessarily look like byler proof to the other parts of the audience, esp when that same music also plays for a melvin scene in one of the scenes where they talk.

It's also that Dan and Vickie broke up but Dan is just some random character, whereas El is a main character and we have been following Mike and El's relationship for seasons (that's how the audience thinks), and they gave Mike a huge monologue, whether or not we argue that it happened due to Will, it still happened. Even if Mike and El do not exactly talk, it does not look like a byler proof for some people but it rather looks like a casual relationship drama which will be resolved in S5 like Jonathan and Nancy's underaddressed situations.

I am saying this bc while I am a byler shipper and I think the narrative has a chance to make Byler fully canon, I also have many queer friends or in general friends who belong to GA, and I can also understand their points when they say that they do not see byler happening because majority of the proof that we have seem far-fetched, random or delusional to them.... or just not enough of proofs in general.

yes i literally just said i know people find it harder to believe in byler because main characters are involved in the love triangle whereas dan and vickie are side characters, and that’s as far as i’ll get their sentiments.

about all your other points, yeah i know that these are all reasons why people from the GA think most byler proofs are farfetched...but it doesnt mean their arguments are valid and understandable though lmao. the rovickie/byler parallels aren't even that hard to pick up on, and if it was only meant to contrast the two relationships then will being out of focus while robin isn’t wouldn’t be the ONLY thing different about their scenes cause everything else is pretty much identical to each other, mike and vickie even have similar conflicted expressions when they look at will and robin (and its ON THEM for not noticing that). also even if will is blurred out he still stands out the most cause he’s dead in the middle of mike and el’s faces and his figure immediately draws your attention (heck he was the first thing i noticed as a casual viewer while watching vol 2), which makes no sense for someone who’s supposed to be just “entirely out of the picture”...and about the monologue. something tells me its just double standards against a queer ship cause this isn’t exactly the first time a character seemingly professes their undying love for another character but still ends up with someone else 🤔

what im trying to say is yeah its true that they have all these reasons for not believing in byler endgame but at the end of the day...how am i just supposed to understand the points they have when they’re the ones who cant read into things that aren’t supposed to be very complicated when you have common sense, and i dont really think their thought process/reasonings are particularly strong anyway. also in this context...the rovickie/byler parallel is literally one of our least “random” byler proofs that just came out of thin air, its very much in your face so 😭 i guess i’d understand if you were talking about other more tiny background hints in relation to this topic but this one is pretty blatant...sorry for going into a tangent

[majorasnightmare]

obligatory post election personal vent post feel free to scroll

its like. after however fucking long of seeing people online pissing and screaming themselves about how having the barest fucking standards for a political candidate will condemn us all to a gruesome horrific fate. its just hard to motivate myself to the same level of sheer panic everyone else seems to be moving through

cuz being so fr this situation is literally identical to the state i was in like. 8 months ago

like the reason so many of us online were shaking people to fucking do something 8 months ago is because of the exact shit people are only now freaking out about.

like honestly. if anyone in my immediate circle dies in the next four years. its probably gonna be me! and that was as true in june as it is now!

for the individuals at the very bottom of the iron wheel of suffering, the material differences between the two candidates were next to nothing, because both hinged on grinding people like me up to prop up two technically-different but mostly-similar blocs of valued people. like my quality of life was never any important to biden, it wasnt to kamala, and it still wont be to trump. i cant work up the energy to have a genuine panic attack because i honestly exhausted those reserves ages ago

like. being so for real right now. addressed to a general audience and not current reader specifically. do any of you know how genuinely difficult it is to live like this? i already had no abortion access because abortions cost money and gas and there wasnt any insurance to use or cars to drive. i havent had access to critical life improving medication for 7 years, where it became blatantly obvious it was needed. when my entire world collapsed beneath my feet and one of my only remaining family members died and the resulting financial distress left the rest us floundering, there already wasnt a safety net beneath my feet. i was expected to be crushed. the fact that im still alive is probably a miracle.

the insurance we did have is currently exploiting a niche paperwork problem regarding having an insurance plan via family, so now there are two seperate insurance companies playing hot potato with medical visits either one of them could cover but both refuse to, leaving us saddled with stacking medical debt and a primary care provider whos pulled the plug on refilling prescriptions for medication because of it.

any person who could conceivably help us is across several state lines at the closest. we cant even receive deliveries because there isnt an address to send it to, including shit as simple as doordash. like thats the level of isolated here, where even if someone wanted to hand deliver food to us, they are simply unable to. theres no gas to drive for better signal or a computer with a printer, to drive to meet a beuracrat who knows how to qualify us for assistance. if im dysphoric and suicidal, theres genuinely nothing i can fuckin do about it. theres a high chance i have inherited intersex traits from my grandma that are causing health issues that i cant treat, and it wouldnt even matter if i was cis because you have to have the time money and ability to make multiple concurrent doctors visits.

i saw a post where someone was pissy that people voted based on gas prices when lives are at stake but what fucking world do you live in where gas doesnt determine if people live or die. you have to pick up insulin somehow right??

the truth of the matter is that the communities your fearmongering for have needed your health long LONG before this clownshow of an election rolled into the fucking circus and 90% of the people freaking out online dont have a fucking clue how to help. before trump got elected the first time around, me and mine were being left behind by people who couldnt value our health safety and wellbeing over the gas cost of being in a car for an hour. and that isnt even touching on the fact that for most of these years weve been isolated with a violent abuser that we only recently traded out for a different kind of homelessness.

kamala fucking harris wasnt going to keep me alive. she sure as shit wasnt going to help palestine stay alive. and when people pointed this shit out in a desperate plea to start the aid work EARLY, we got met with a fucking tide of blue maga shitheels openly fantasizing about republican death squads as just desserts for not kowtowing enough to a fucking imperialist. how can i panic now when my death sentence is the same as it was at the start of the year?

did anyone from those massive hurricanes actually get helped? could THEY vote? were they counted as important enough to meaningfully listen to for the sake of electoral power? you know the answer as well as i do.

i have more in common with a palestinian refugee, with a citizen in sudan, lebanon, ukraine, than i do with the people who use their names to avoid giving half a shit about their neighbor. the idea of writing them off as unavoidable casualties is just unimaginable to me. i have more in common with the indigenous survivors in my state than with the politicians who refuse to grant them human dignity. when was THAT gonna change.

my position under trump hasnt fundamentally changed. and its not because im so privelleged as to be shielded, but because im so vulnerable that i wasnt worth protecting even under a dem administration. and youd be a fool to think this is an isolated case. if i dont stand with my communities of color, with my fellow disabled isolated covid survivors, with my disenfranchised impoverished comrades, who the fuck will? certainly not the vast quantity of keyboard warriors blowing up twitter. if im bitter and tired i think i have a right to be. watching death come for my family on the heels of repeat covid infections on top of a lifetime of poverty induced medical neglect and seeing the people supposedly in my corner ask me to fucking throw them under the bus has been a ghoulish experience, all while refusing to listen to anyone else in my situation beg and plead for awareness and understanding to motivate them into meaningful action. that such depths of human suffering can exist and not even come close to the lowest of agonies capable of being experienced, shielded as thin as i am by the privellege of being white, is mindboggling. like were expendable. always have been. there isnt any protection to be gotten from these administrations cuz our blood is meant to grease the wheels.

its gonna get worse. obviously. the thing is, it was always going to get worse. it was always gonna try and kill me and mine. obviously im going to try to survive, what else can i do, but there was never even a mirage shimmer of safety for a lot of us. acting like kamala harris was some uniformly better option is just cruel. of course we need your help now but at some point you have to stop and think about why you only start caring about the people underneath the wheel when it looks like itll be your turn. because all it really does is make us wonder: would you still try to save us if you werent worried about yourself? and the answer were hearing, from your derision and hatred and cruelty, is a resounding no

idk how to end this. its a long ass vent. im tired and im gonna try and eat sometime tomorrow, and hope climate change doesnt try to kill me cuz i wouldnt be able to stop it in this condition

[goodmorningdove]

Rgu ep3 liveblog under the cut! :3

Interesting that she has no memory Of meeting the prince. Is this something unique to utena or do all the rose ring wearers have this amnesia. Furthermore, what makes her so fundamentally different from the others? I do believe the show intends me to be asking these questions.

I love utena pointing out the inherent abusive nature of Himemiya not really having any friends. And the monkey mouse doesn't really count. He holds no power and cant really help Himemiya should things go south

Utena: im straight and want to date a normal boy, Kiryuu: allow me to introduce myself

Wow ok that 3 seconds of utena slapping Kiryuu for touching her hair was beautiful and perfectly showed me what the dynamic between these three is going to be

“Why do you have that” “so i could meet you” fucking liar. So many of these men suck lol

No he is not the fucking prince!! Girl you summoned the prince last episode. I know that was audience only info but like girl. Do not trust him. He hasnt explained shit and has only so far been a sly pos

Ok so confirmation utena is being left in the dark. Which is like really rude. Is she even supposed to have a ring? That would be very interesting. I hope blue hair stopwatch asks utena some questions they(?) Seem to be the kind to care about accuracy. Though they(?) Might not see a need to do what the end of the world people have also not done (explain to utena what the hell is going on)

I fucking love wakaba

Oh shit people are being mean to Himemiya. Utena get your ass over here

Hello Nanami. You are clearly important. I like you, you stood up for Himemiya.

Oh Himemiya does not need the stress of being dance queen. Shes already the rose bride. Shes already got so much going on she does not need petty school drama too. Nanami can you unnominate her?

“Ive wanted to be your friend for a long time” somehow i doubt that! I suspect you wish to be dance queen instead of Himemiya, but you dont realize Himemiya (probably, she hasnt voiced her thoughts yet) doesnt care about whos dance queen. Anyway Nanami i now hate you.

Im sorry what are those things that chu-chu pulled put of the dress box. Are they spare buttons or pills? my instinct says buttons but they have no holes

Oh nevermind i guess they were candies?? Chuchu is eating them. Ok. Sure whatever.

Oh no theyre those keep things from going moist dehydrator things. Or maybe moth balls. They were not supposed to be eaten. Anyway more important things are to be revealed, like Utena's outfit! considering its from kiryuu, my Money's on it being something super feminine utena doesnt normally wear

I WAS RIGHT

Himemiya is so based. Large crowds are way too stressful

Oh god i hate but also love how himemiya Is only going to the dance and try to make friends because Utena said so. Its so fucked up but i love it

Hello magia record uwasa girls. What is the uwasa today??

A man trap what the fuck do you mean by that

Ah i suppose they mean that the girls are going to freak out over boys. Except for utena and Himemiya.

Oh boy nanami is kiryuu’s little sister! i am curious as to how they will handle this. Theyre starting in an… interesting direction. But i can see how they could also make a commentary on their situation. But i dont know if i can trust rgu to make those narrative choices

Hang on is there no dance king??

Noooo utena is wearing the dress… i do like that she is visibly unhappy tho

Ah so Nanami thinks Kiryuu likes Himemiya? Nice touch that despite their close relationship, Nanami actually knows very little about Kiryuu's Life

Utena i dont. I dont think they are friends.

Please kill him please kill him

Nanami you bitch do not instigate Himemiya's anxiety like this! She is not competition For your brothers attention

Oh no that dress is boobytrapped in some way isnt it.

She! Is not! Competition! For! Your brother!!!!!!!

UTENA SAVE HER

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSS

Holy shit i was not expecting tablecloth dress. Props to utena For that major skill

Nanami how do you not know who utena is. Everyone screams her name when she enters school

Utena is also not competition for your brother! She does not give a shit about him except for the fact that he might be her prince. Which he isnt.

[sounds6noise9]

how much longer do i have to atone? what did i do that was so bad that i cannot allow myself to die, even though i beseech of that very thing. there's no single reason for me to continue on when i will either inflict hurt or be hurt. ive always felt like with each and every person i converse with, i will never talk with them beyond the surface level. i cant connect with anyone, i simply cannot. i dont know how to be charismatic, how to end the silence, and why silence feels like my burden. ill explain more in another post, later. yesterday i was put in a situation where i became harshly aware of this, depsite having always known. ive always known, and some days i am more aware of it than others. i know its been weird because im apathetic as of late, and cant really think properly. but when you said that it was awkward being there with me, i couldn't help but feel worried. i know ive been cruel to you for a little, but its only because you hurt first. but it was selfish of me not to see through that, but even still why should i act like i care. do i even really? who's to say? but i was nevertheless worried, because even though i knew i'd take my life, i thought by some chance, that someday, you'd save me. that maybe my love for you, and the interchangable sum, could be wonderful enough to save me from this dream of dying ive had. but it was foolish to even think that when we could never connect in the first place. those nights where i looked at your pictures to ease me into sleep was just time spent on useless acts of greed. how could i ever hope for our bodies to exchange warmth when you could never even feel like i was a wonderful enough person; im not lovely, i will not be someone you could ever even want to be around. i know of you, but i dont know you. neither do you know of me, i dont think im a very vulnerable person because maybe ive always just been like that. i know of you, the promise of death. and though i vow to this promise, i sometimes stray away, i sometimes have love to give, i sometimes think about a life worth living. but when i think of these thoughts, i realize that i cannot have that because i have to atone for something with no reason as to why. i mustve done something so bad that i will never have any sense of normality in my life. i thought that i could, but truth be told, i will not be the person to save you, nor will you be the person to save me. our friendship has already seen a decline, and im sure it will soon be no more. my life is different from yours, because you loosing me will not feel like a loss. you have others to make up for it, people who wont make you feel lonely, places to run to. i have nothing, and so loosing you will be a cold loss. as i navigate these feelings, i will fluctuate between not caring, and caring enough so that it is reminiscent of a heartbreak between lovers. we are not lovers, even though i wish that we could be. i will still wish even in the times i am swarmed by a brigade of untidy loneliness. i thought that loving someone and forgoing everything else is all i need, that if i dont murder myself, i can move 2,000 miles to where you live. we'd finally see the same stars at the same time, not even in different time zones. i can see your face, instead of it just being plastered to my screen. i can touch you, all the while you touch me. im greedy and selfish and there's nothing of me i can give to you, i cant provide you anything, because it just doesnt happen that way. someone with such an idle personality should have no hope, no hope that someone like you, with the beautiful hair, could ever save me

[liv-n]

playing the grim reaper: part two; "i'd burn the world down, but i'd never let the flames touch you"

Summary: You are still upset about Kai's lack of response, so he decides to clarify.

TW: none, soft-ish!Kai Parker x reader, angst, fluff at the end.

A/N: hi!! I'm back. Big thanks to @light-the-moon for the suggestion that brought me back to writing on here. there is a quote on here, that i stole from my friend @ishiftrealites on instagram. have fun!

WC: 600 ish words.

You and kai hadn't talked in days, which was hard to do, considering you are the only two people in a desolate prison world. Still, you found a way. You decided to stay at another one of the houses in the area, The Gilbert's, a sign attached to their mailbox told you. Not a single word was spoken between you after you left the shower. You slept in different beds that night, and now different houses. The longer he waited, the harder you thought it'd be to forgive him.

You were thinking over the situation again, as you walked to a restaurant in town, The Mystic Grill. You made yourself a coffee, and took two small pastries out of the glass case, before grabbing a seat outside. You sighed at the sight in front of you. Two pastries. One for him, one for me. You stared at the convections in front of you for a few more moments.

Suddenly, Kai's hand took it off your plate.

"Hey! What the fuck?" You asked, startled.

"So that's what it takes for you to talk to me? Stealing a croissant?"

"I told you what i wanted from you, and you still haven't given it to me. So for all i care, i still haven't talked to you." Your tone was now stern and calm, you knew what you wanted- what you needed from him. You stood up to add space between you, but he stood up too, quickly closing the gap.

The silence hung for a moment, before Kai added, "You know I would never hurt you."

"I did, but then you didn't answer me. And still really haven't." There was hurt behind your words, that Kai seemed to catch. He took your hands into his own and replied,

"I wanted to be able to kill you. I want to be able to hurt you. I can do that with anyone else, " He paused, with a small chuckle, "Even my own family. But you..." His hand returned to your chin, lifting it to see your eyes, "I cant hurt you. I never could, never can."

"Kai..." You started, unsure of what to do. What if he was manipulating you? Or lying? Those possibilities hurt to imagine, but they were very real.

"I dont know how, or what it is, but i feel a... way, with you. Like i would sacrifice the whole world for you... like i could set the world to flames, but i'd never let the flames touch you" Kai lost eye contact, unsure if he'd like your reaction to his words.

"Kai, heroes are supposed to sacrifice me to save the world. Not the other way around."

"Well, I'm not a hero..." He paused, and regained his confidence, "But, you knew that the first time you kissed me, and the second, and everytime after that."

The silence overtook the conversation again.

"I'm trying to be good for you, because i know thats the only way you will truly love me, but i cant do that when you're not talking to me. You silence the voices that echo from my past telling me im not good enough. And i'm okay with that..." he paused, deepening the sincerity in his voice, "as long as i am good enough for you."

"Jesus, Kai." You run up to him, and kiss him, nearly tackling him. You pulled away for a moment, as you smiled on his lips, you quickly added "You know I'm a sucker for romantic confessions of love."

"Love?" He asks, still smiling.

"yeah... love."

[stillmadaboutpetra]

Can you talk further about Simon's construction of masculinity???? Plz😊

ive so genuinely tried to answer this. im really bad at making the thoguhts in my head make sense and im also a lazy sack of shit this is 100% incomphrensible and i cant make it better. this is why i write fic cuz i can explain my thoughts my clearly thru story. 

ill try to explain in shorthand rip

simon - maleness in the hero's arc / traditional construction of the knight figure / forming masculine ideals without early tutelage / greek ideals / purposeful genre construction

primary male figures in his life r The Mage and Baz.

we see him wanting to imitate the mage. we know from simons own assistance he does NOT view the mage as a father figure. the mage is...part of simon's purpose. the mage is part of the questline. he's a waypoint, a guide, an image but not personal with simon. simon considers things (cleft chin, goatee) the same way he considers stuff like,,,james dean and making vroom vroom noises in the car. play-acting

but with Baz and Baz's masculinity

simon compares himself to baz nonstop. its a #wifegoals or #lifegoals situation. simon grows...yeah well baz grew more. simon felt posh in his blazer...baz was posher. simons the most powerful mage? Yeah well baz is a /better/ mage. graceful, ruthless. etc ad nauseum

BUT. baz's masculinity is queer. in fact, baz is a femme fatale.

again i want to explain that but wont be very good

baz's identity and appearance, again purposefully vampiric, perfectly vampiric is...femme fatale (aka vampire.) (not only his physical appearance/attributes but his....role. he “sways” simon AND agatha to the “dark” side. he fucks up simons destiny, in a way. if it weren’t for baz, simon would not have deviated. he lures the hero (and the hero’s chick) from the golden path. as simon says at the end of CO, giving up his magic for baz is a fair trade. baz is the catalyst the solution the end fucking goal. its BAZ. but also

baz is a little honey trap. with nico. with lamb. with anything and everything. which is also what mirrors agatha, keeping baz firmly in the femme fatale position. he’s foiling simon as much as he’s foiling agatha. its the classic uhm choice between the good girl and the bad girl 

hes a gay man ya exactly so what does that do to simon's mirroring? 

fuck the. does this make sense? listen

“proved himself as a man and a mage” is like the end all be all of it. also when simon talks about baz’s honor (a mage thing but...honor is....also about men and.....gender...and sex) anyway. 

to simon, baz is IT. the IT girl, the eveything. the peak form. simon has no issues with Baz’s vampirism detracting from his identity/masculinty/life (not like baz does.) in fact, simon’s into it (re: all the meta about monster4monster queer4queer). Alternatively, HIS monstrosity (dragon bits) isn’t good enough to match baz’s. is it a dick measuring contest? idunno maybe. im kidding 

so wait what okay. #lifegoals#wifegoals . 

wait so okay remember in WS in the truck and the lines like “(Baz) smiles prettily like a girl, but hes not a girl” or some shit idun WAIt okay i got my book

page 152 simon’s pov “I huddle close to Baz half in his lap, while the shock of still being alive passes. He holds me there, a little too tightly. usually i forget baz is so much stronger than me. he doesnt carry himself like hes that strong. he doesnt touch me that way. he never pulls or pushes me, no like that. not any harder than i can push back.”  

153 “Baz cast his eyes down and smiles - girlishly, i would have said, but on him its not girlish. its, i dont know. vulnerable.”

OKAY LETS JSUT stick with those 2 bits for now. the line on 153 stuck in my brain. im going to takl about monsters now.

baz in 152 evidence always mitigates his vampirism. he matches it to what simon can give. simon FOrgets that theres a difference in them. and that difference, strength (masculine) is from monstrosity (Other.) 

-- can i call back he’s not a monster hes a villain hes not a villain hes a boy?

what would that make simon? hes not a monster hes a hero hes not a hero hes a boy? 

lets metamorph all that - hes not a boy hes a villain/hero hes not a villain/hero hes a monster.

am i leading this to monsters? yes. Holy fuck im bad at meta how did i graduate. anyway. 

back to 152 ---- simon’s still constructing expressions and behaviors thru gender. and baz is...confounding. also like okay, regardless of what theories u want to apply or slice the series, and yes the mutually protect each other, but simons a rabid guard dog around baz (its mutual BUT) but - but by the end of awtwb, it’s explicit and id sayd, simon proves himself as a man? and a not-mage (monster/hero)(dragon.)

simons simonness - its like,....if u think about performative masculinity and gender roles, boy does simon get wedged in there. and then thru his queerness and thru baz and thru Monsterdom, he kind of....blossoms like a little flower. 

and i idunno man uhm like. how their most successful intimate moments, it has to involve fangs and wings and baz moving like a serpent (something not human and not gendered) and for simon to just....well act like a fucking dragon over his pearl of a partner yknow

and like awtwb pg 121 “i just want to be with you,” i say, “and this is where we are now. im a broken down mess and youre a rat drinking monster.”

theres something to me that finally simon just...accepts some shit. he looks at the worst of them, no more ideal man no more ideal mage, and is just like yup thats it. and its at this point where its about them and their vulnerabilities and specifically the monster bits of themselves, these amorphic traits they possess that leads them thru and to so much, that simon can diunno. be the man he wants to be but without articifual constructions because the framework no longer exists. and as he continues to compare himself with baz, theres no superior ground  no ideal because there’s nothing pre-existingly good to model. 

anway monsters as the Other. anway. 

[sassyhobbits]

for one night standards would you write a scene where aelin cant be found in the castle maybe bc shes doing sth ridiculous with her daughter like a mother daughter photoshoot to surprise rowan with later but when rowan can't find her he gets all panicked and out of his mind bc he still has unresolved trauma from when she was kidnapped and its all angsty until he has both back in his arms but also gives rowan a chance to talk and work through his experience with aelin gone? (because lets face it he probably ignores his feelings about that as much as possible in order to not burden aelin further and because it was just too painful)

loved this idea!!! i also added the prompt “Because I know when I open my eyes this will all turn out to be a dream and I’ll lose you again“ Thank you to everyone who supported ONS!! i had such a fun time writing it and im always happy to come back to it. enjoy!!

~~~

Rowan Whitethorn was generally a patient man.

He knew how to wait his turn, to take his time. He was always one to raise a brow at those who seemed to be in a harried rush to everything. It seemed stressful, to say the least. He was perfectly content to sit back when needed.

Except for now.

He had made a trip back home to Doranelle to surprise Isolde for her graduation from her masters program. Aelin had wanted to come as well, but with the baby and the responsibilities she had back in Orynth, it just hadn’t worked out. Still, she sent her well-wishes to Isolde through a video chat, letting little Eliora babble into the camera and say hello as well.

Their daughter was just over six months now, already growing far too fast for Rowan’s liking. He treasured every moment he got to spend with his two favorite girls.

And although he was always happy to see his family back in Doranelle, it had been the longest he had been away since Eliora had been born. It made him highly impatient to return home.

His jet touched down in Terrasen in the early afternoon. It was summer, though the day was mild. The sky was a vivid blue, fat white clouds floating lethargically on the breeze. Absolutely beautiful.

Due to the time difference, he hadn’t been able to call Aelin before he had got on the plane. He tried to reach her as he slid into the dark sedan that would drive him from the airport to the palace, but all he got was her voicemail.

Maybe she was in the shower, or changing Eliora’s diaper. Maybe their daughter had a finicky night of sleeping and now the pair were trying to catch up on their slumber. It was fine. Or so Rowan told himself. He still hadn’t been able to stop the small clench of nerves at the pit of his stomach.

He scolded those foolish feelings. Of course his wife and daughter were safe. They were just waiting for him to return.

The drive was quick and easy and he was back at the palace before he knew it. His feet carried him towards the room he shared with Aelin, a small smile curling on his lips as he thought about having his wife and daughter in his arms once more. He missed the feeling of Aelin curled against him as they slept.

“Aelin?” he called, pushing into their room and nudging the door shut behind him. “I’m home.”

He was greeted by nothing but silence. No sound of running water in the bathroom to suggest a shower, so soft snores or shifting sheets meaning a nap. He strode into the bedroom, finding that the bed was already neatly made, not a thread out of place.

He dropped his bags by the dresser, noting that Aelin’s phone had been left there, face up. He picked it up, seeing that she still had the notification of a missed call from him and a few miscellaneous emails that hadn’t been checked.

“Aelin?” he said again, moving towards the nursery. He had gotten used to the sight of Aelin sitting in the rocking chair with Eliora, either when the babe was hungry or she just wanted to hold her daughter. Rowan had countless pictures on his phone of the two of them in that position. The sunlight streamed from the window and hit them just right in the mornings, making them look like a painting.

But the nursery was empty and the window was shut.

Those nerves reared their ugly heads once more. He had no reason to assume the worst, the palace was one of the safest places in the kingdom.

But… Aelin had once been snatched away from him on palace grounds. During their own wedding.

Rowan shook himself. No. That was the past. This was now.

Since his wife didn’t have her phone, he knew it would be fruitless to try and contact her that way. But, Rowan knew Aelin better than he knew himself.

He began a sweep of the palace, checking out her favorite haunts. The library was a bust, so was the gym. He had checked the kitchens to see if she had swooped in for a snack or something sweet, but she wasn’t there either. Rowan luckily ran into Aedion, asking the prince if he knew where Aelin was. But her cousin hadn’t seen her at all that morning.

With each failed attempt at finding them, Rowan’s fears steadily crept up. It wouldn’t be much longer before they had wrapped themselves around his throat and pulled him deep into their depths.

He took a long breath to center himself before striding out into the gardens. His heart started beating faster, not seeing any sign of her at first. Rowan’s fingers curled into tight fists as he stepped over fresh, green grass. Gods, where were they? If something had happened to them…

But before Rowan’s fears could conquer him, he heard a soft voice on the summer breeze. A familiar voice at that. Relief washed through him, heavenly and soothing, as he followed that melodic sound.

It was Aelin. It didn’t take him long to realize that she was reading one of Eliora’s favorite books to her. It was a silly tale, and it was made even more vivid when Aelin told it. She was an excellent story-teller. They didn’t know how much Eliora really understood, whether she just liked the brightly colored pictures or the faces her mother would make when she told it. Regardless, it always made the little princess smile.

Rowan rounded a hedge, a warmth spreading through his chest at the sight before him.

Aelin had spread out a large quilt under the shade of a willow. Some of Eliora’s toys were scattered about, but currently, the toddler sat in her mother’s lap, wide-eyes glued on the book before her.

Rowan couldn’t help but think Aelin looked stunning today. Her golden hair was left loose, swaying on the breeze, the summer sun bringing a healthy flush to her cheeks. She wore a silky, pale blue wrap-dress, bare feet tucked beneath her as she read. Eliora looked mighty charming too in a bright pink dress with a matching bow.

Rowan strolled towards them, Aelin’s eyes jumping towards him as she noticed his presence. A huge smile broke out on her stunning face.

“You’re home!” she greeted, putting the book she had been reading aloud down. Eliora, no longer entertained by her mother’s storytelling, crawled over the quilt to grab one of her brightly colored toys. “I thought you were going to call me when you landed?”

“I did, Fireheart,” Rowan said. He lowered herself behind Aelin on the blanket, his wife situated between his legs, before wrapping his arms tightly around her and tugging her back into his chest securely. “You left your phone in our room.”

Rowan placed a lingering kiss on Aelin's shoulder, breathing in her scent deeply. She was safe, in his arms, Eliora happy as can be, sticking her toys in her mouth. Everything was fine.

Aelin turned in his arms slightly, brows knitted slightly. Rowan knew she could see right through him.

“What is it, Ro?”

“It’s nothing, love.”

Aelin narrowed her eyes at him, as if to say, Don’t you lie to me, Buzzard.

Rowan heaved a sigh, reaching out and brushing some of Aelin’s silky hair behind her ear. “It’s just… you didn’t answer me when I called, and I couldn’t find you and Eliora when I got back. I just couldn’t help but think…” His hand drifted until it rested on Aelin’s abdomen, right over the scar she bore from fighting her way to freedom. He saw understanding on his wife’s face.

“We’re here, Rowan. We’re safe.” She placed a gentle hand on Rowan’s cheek, bringing his gaze towards her.

“I know,” Rowan whispered, jaw clenched. “But sometimes, I just worry that when I open my eyes, this will all turn out to be a dream. And I’ll lose you all over again.”

Aelin took his hand, giving it a firm squeeze. “This is real, Rowan. We both fought for this life, for each other. And nothing, nothing, is going to take it away. Ever.”

Rowan saw the determination blazing in Aelin’s eyes. She was right, of course. This was their life now, they had built their happiness bit by bit, even when so much seemed to want to go wrong. But Aelin and Eliora… they were everything to him. He didn’t know if he would ever be able to banish his fears entirely, but he would treasure every moment he spent with them.

Rowan leaned in, kissing Aelin softly before murmuring against her lips, “I missed you.”

She smiled, kissing him again. “I missed you too, Ro.”

They indulged in a few more slow, sweet kisses before loud babbling sounded, tiny hands twisting into Rowan’s trouser. He looked down, finding Eliora’s wide eyes looking up at him, flashing a gummy smile.

Aelin laughed. “It looks like someone else missed you, too.”

Rowan grinned, reaching out and picking up his daughter. He held her up high, making her release the sweetest little laughs, little legs kicking in delight. He kissed Eliora all over her little face before tucking her in one arm, throwing the other around Aelin. Immense love and devotion flowed through him, holding his two girls close.

No wonder why he had been so impatient to get home.

[kimsnnn]

Part 2

Disclaimer: This post is in favor of my ship, Elriel. No hate, just an opinion. This is what makes sense to me. If this isn't your cup of tea, and it came up on your feed, no worries just skip please. 

With all this in mind Elriel to me just seems so clear.

The enemy is Koschei and Vassa is the only one to be directly linked to and affected by him so she will be the one to defeat him, plan and give us insight from the inside because she is the one who is captive. She has a personal interest in defeating him and that victory and moment is rightfully hers to own.

She will get a book. Her being a firebird means nothing? why would people assume she won't have a conscious while in that form when Rhys, Tamlin and Helion do?  Why do people believe that a story cant be developed and moved along as a firebird? Has any one ever read a werewolf book? Im soooo confused. I mean why is that a end all? Even as a firebird she can see and reveal so much, and as a person even more.

The main original characters that have a direct link to Feyre from the very beginning before Hybern, Amarantha, and ACOWAR are Nesta, Elain and Lucien. Those are the characters that make the most sense to have their own book. Not Tamlin who is of no importance to Feyre anymore. Who is of importance and who where her first family Lucien basically becoming her first brother. She is always concerned for these people. If you take a look at all of Feyre’s POV in ACOFAS its always showcasing her concern or confusion for  Her sisters, Lucien and even Mor (possible novella).  These three individuals (N&E&L) are the ones she has an original relationship with and the most history, a shaky relationship that has room to be improved on. These are the wildcards, the ones who have wronged her in some way, the ones who’s stories NEED to be told. Three different people three different stories.

If you also take a look at Rhys’ POV in order, you realize he talks to or refers to 5 people usually:

Cassian, Azriel, Mor, Tamlin & Lucien

Each of these first 5 POV also directly touches on what issues exactly are pertaining to them or could be pertaining to them if that had their own book OR how they may contribute to the whole over arching plot.

If we conclude everything from those first 5 chapters ( I'm not including the rest because its too much, and they also include these 5 characters regardless) of importance this is what we have and what each book may touch on.

1st POV: involves

-Cassian - Illyrian dissent, inequality, Nesta, queen Braiylln, training female Illyrians,

-Cassian’s role

2nd POV: involves

-Azriel-shadows/powers strength, Az’s past, confusion on shadowsinger abilities, Illyrian dissent/hate, Human queens, Hyberns people, Human lands, Vassa’s situation,

-Az’z emotions (& concealing of emotions) on : Lucien, Elain, Possibly Az’s mom and her whereabouts (Rosehall).

3rd POV:

-Tamlin/Lucien-SC and Tamlin current state and down fall, alliance with Tamlin, peace/future, Lucien’s and Tamlin’s relationship, Anger/Hate/Remorse/Defeat/Hope/Empty, Feyre

-Feyre-Tamlin, Rhys’ actions and remorse

-Jeweler(Neve)-no jewels for Feyre, Neve’s background

4th POV:

-Velaris estates along the Sidra before and after hybern,

-Mor: Rhys and mor’s relationship currently, Kier/Eris/CoN

-The CoN people occupied the Velaris estates (they left Hewn City before the division of the NC)

-Kiers upcoming visit to Velaris in Spring (the hewn city’s containment and curiosity)

-Mor’s Mother/ desire to leave the NC

-Mor’s Role

Rhys’ 1st POV which included Cassian and Cassian’s following POV/Chapter was a foreshadow to ACOSF completely. Everything touched was basically addressed in ACOSF.  Rhys basically told Mor and Cassian to assume different jobs and roles (to lessen Azriel’s world load) in their chapters which came true in ACOSF.

A bond between Elain and Lucien does not mean they will have a book. If I'm honest they remind me a little of Nesyrn and Chaol who seemed like with time something could blossom between them but in reality just weren't for one another and were better off as friends. All that connects these two is an unwanted bond, a person they both have wronged yet care about (Feyre) and an incident that resulted in Elain’s trauma. Everyone thought Elain who is literally everything to Nesta, who Nesta would have sacrificed everything for, would be more involved, yet she wasn't even present in the majority of Nesta’s book, at least not as present as we thought she would be. But she was mentioned throughout ACOSF nearly in every chapter because Elain does and has impacted Nesta’s life completely.This is something I expect to happen for Elain’s book as well. Yes Lucien will appear but perhaps the purpose of his appearance would be to get closure and fill in questions left unanswered. If ACOTAR 5 is an Elriel book and not ACOTAR 6 then her book will also serve to set up for his book with Vassa.

Feyre’s relationship with the IC is fine and any issues can be resolved in the books of the others (like for example as Love interests) or in a novella.

Cassian had a POV, the second main role in ACOSF but.. ACOSF was Nesta’s story.

The same can be said for Elriel’s book as well as Vassien’s.

And yes a male can have a book like Chaol did but in my opinion it won't be Az with Gwyn being the second main POV. It will be Lucien with Vassa who has far more ties to the IC and to the over arching plot. Vassa at least has met Feyre the main character of the whole ACOTAR world.

Hypothetically speaking lets say Az does get a book and ends up with Gwyn and the plot is about the Illyrian camp. Their story would most likely be written as a novella if anything not an actual book, there is not many ties that Gwyn has so far to the whole plot at least not yet. But getting a novella still wouldn't make sense when we have characters, who are not only closer to the plot but also provide an opportunity to get info/support to win this war, like Mor who is spending time in Vallahan, and Tamlin who’s literal court is not only in shambles but unfortunately detrimental to the success of attaining peace.

I do think Gwyn is more important to this plot then most give her credit for but I dont believe that necessarily means shes due a book or a main POV especially over Vassa. And Emerie.

Vassa who has direct link to koschei the main issue, point and villain of the plot and Emerie who has a direct link to Illyria and its backward ways in everything most importantly on its stance of women and their roles.

SJM Set Elriel to be endgame because it just makes the most sense. Not only because of their connection, moments and relationship thus far but because that's what makes the most sense with this plot. There’s no spinoff in the works.

There’s no reason for Gwyn or ANYONE for that matter to be the one to defeat koschei over Vassa, no reason to have the hugest wedge between Elucien while building a bridge for Elriel, no reason to build and hint for Mor’s leave and put emphasis on Tamlin & the SC’s dire situation.

Has anyone considered if Lucien wants to even be HL ?

Lucien’s future as a highlord comes down to if he even wants to even become the Day Court’s High lord in the first place.

Lucien thought less of humans and was indifferent to them in ACOTAR yet now has found a home and friends among them. ‘

Truthfully the BOE’s work in the same way that the IC does and the Valkyerie.

Actually scratch that the Valkyerie work exactly like the BOE’s.

Yet can anyone imagine any of the Valkyrie leaving their group or be far from each other especially if one of their member’s is their possible love interest ?

They will choose each other and they will create a future where they are all together.

I don’t see lucien who has finally found stability and friends leaving the BOE’s to play high lord at Day court unless Vassa and Jurian decide to leave with him. Which seems unlikely. The only way I see that happening is if vassien truly becomes endgame resulting in Vassa going to Day court. But where does that leave Jurian.

I believe that after the Beron and AC issues are resolved, that Eris will ascend and become HL, Lady Autumn will leave to be FINALLY with Helion to be Lady Day 😍, and Lucien can enjoy his life in the mean time with his found family, stay as an emissary and possibly prepare to be Day’s HL down the line in the future.

[mcythottakes]

C!Characters are free game in the MCYT fandom space, but what does that Mean?

Time to talk about C!Character and what you can do in a fandom space with them, specially about the more unwritten ‘rules’ of this kinda fandom. Specially for those not sure how to navigate a fandom space like this ‘safely’. (please keep in mind these are all my own opinions and ideas and shouldn't be taken as 100% law, as im interpreting ALOT of what the fandom regards as ‘unwritten rules’ into a format people can understand) First off, as it stands, c!Character (and by extension, some personas even) are fictional characters. Maybe of them, yes, are based on their irl counterpart, the cc’s, but there is a degree of separation between them!  When doing fandom works or engaging in fandom, all works/talks pertaining to the actual cc’s boundaries should ALWAYS be respected, always.  However, the c!Characters? As far as im concerned, they should be free game to do whatever with. They are not real people, they are characters, fictional people, and thus should and can be used just like every fictional character ever. Ofc if the cc has mentioned anything specific about the c!Character (not themselves) you should try to follow it (in the case of boundaries, gender, pronouns, age, sexuality, ect ect) but you dont really have to, that's what creative freedom is for! As long as you aren't changing them out of malice, then its okay! (for example changing a c!character to fit bigoted, homophonic, for outside political views, ect. ect with the intent of being an asshole and doing harm) What this can mean; 

Hc/write the c!Character a different sexuality

Have a different set of pronouns

Be put in horrible situations (like a angst/whump story with pain and angst!)

Have them relationships (both platonic or otherwise) they dont normally have in canon

Explore types of relationships or reactions then dont have in canon

and so much more! Treat it like its a normal fandom in regards to the characters, troupes and story ideas abound <3

what this does not mean;

Sexualizing's minors. Yes I said before they are not real people and a lot of the people who do, in fact, sexualize minors are minors themselves (and minors having crushes on fellow minors who are ccs are very normal!) but the fact they are tied to real cc’s makes this line a gray area and one that really shouldn't be crossed in general, even more so if you aren't a minor and are an adult. So while id consider the characters fictional characters, this is just a line better not crossed. 

If you make that sort of content? Keep it away from those who dont want to see it, nor shove it in our faces, Tag your shit and understand we dont want to touch it with a 50ft pole. That being said if you go looking for it, its your own fault for what you see. Its gonna happen regardless of if we want it to or not, better just pretend it doesn't then worry about it/be subjected to it. 

Telling cc’s about it. Just leave them alone, its none of their business and if they want to come into a fandom space and read about their characters that's their business, they do it on our terms!

Dont apply these ‘rules’ to cc’s, like I said, they are real people and while most actual RPF I see about them is pretty good at this, RESPECT THE ACTUAL PEOPLES BOUNDRIES. This is literally only in relation to the c!Characters.

And if you come across someone who breaks these ‘rules’? DONT FUCKING TELL THEM TO KILL THEMSLEVES. Id rather sit through 1000 gross, nasty boundaries breaking fics then have someone kill themselves over this kinda thing. Its fucking harmless, even the more ‘gross’ stuff and while you and I dont like it, nobody deserves to be treated that way over it. Find something you dont like? Block them and move on with your day, you’ll find like is so much easier when you dont worry and needlessly harass people over things you cant really change. 

So TLDR;  Characters should be free range in fandom spaces since they are not the cc’s and thus not or should not be limited by the real life boundaries, however you should be aware there are gray areas you probably shouldn’t cross even then  (This was brought to you guys mostly by the posts lately about ‘underage shipping’ and the shipping of cc’s lately in the fandoms, specially Tubbo and Ranboo and Tommy, as well as some of the adult people too)

[violetnotez]

request:  It’s the the first time I send a request so I hope I’m doing it right 🥺 can I request a kirishima x reader one-shot with the reader being the traitor and during a fight with the LOV she betrays her classmates and her boyfriend and they found everything out. Possibly angst ofc and you can choose if end it with angst or not, as you prefer. Please I love your blog 🥰

hi anon! So I really loved this idea, and I kinda took it in a different direction, hope thats alright! <3

Kirishima x reader

Genre: Angst, PG

Word Count: 2.6k 

Warnings: none!

Prompt:  #3, “you cant tell me you dont feel the same way” from @bnhabookclub​ Provisional Licensing Exam event

Summary: You have been recruited by Shigaraki to spy on UA as a student. You mistakenly fall in love with Eijirou Kirishima during your time there, dating him for almost 6 months. But now Shigaraki needs you back, and in order to keep Kirishima safe, you have to break his heart

You let out a deep sigh, your chest feeling heavy and full of despair.

You didn't want to do this- you didn't want to hurt him, or let him go.

But to keep him safe- you had to do it.

Shigaraki had revealed the night before that his new plan was complete, and that your spying operation at UA was no longer needed. You had been recruited by Shigaraki at a young age to pose as a student attending UA High, your powerful quirk allowing you to get into the famous Class 1-A. For the last few months you had been pretending to be a hero-in-training, befriending every member in the class in order to win their trust. It was tiring work, trying to study on your own as well as memorize each student's strengths and weaknesses for Shigaraki to use. But by being so friendly with them, you began to realize you actually liked some of the students, making it difficult to hate them as much as you used to. They were so carefree and hopeful about the future, not realizing how cold the real world was like you did. You surprised yourself by loving every moment you were with 1-A, especially with your boyfriend, Eijirou Kirishima. It was hard to stay away from him- he was so bright and charismatic, his smile able to be seen from a mile away. His warmth was so intoxicating, lighting up your life in love and affection. He was the sweetest boy you had ever met, and quite handsome as well, sealing the deal for the massive crush you had grown to have on him. You felt guilty for dating him, knowing that a large portion of your life was hidden from him. It was a frigid lie that had once tried to hold you back from crushing on Kirishima, yet his brilliant warmth melted it away. He unknowingly helped you feel safe, to momentarily believe the world wasn't so bad after all.

Even though you had grown to love the redhead and his bright personality as you spied on Class 1-A, you knew the consequences that one day you would have to leave, yet you followed your heart anyway.

But now the dreaded day had come- Shigaraki needed you to disappear from this new life you had learned to love. He had received all the information he needed from your snooping around, and it was time for you to leave.

Guilt flooded your body, drowning your lungs and heart in regret and misery by the news: you should never have dated poor Kirishima in the first place. You knew it would break his heart once he knew your time together would end, but it had to be done: if Shigaraki ever knew a student from 1-A was romantically in love with you, he wouldn't hesitate to use Kirishima against you as bait to keep you wrapped around his clammy finger. You wouldn't allow Kirishima to get hurt over you, not on your watch.

The only way to ensure you could slip away without worrying about Kirishima was to make him forget about you. That was a close to impossible task, so that idea you scratched out from your mind. You only had two options left: tell him the truth or break his heart.

If you told him the truth, you would have to admit that you were a villain, and most likely would break his heart from the pain away. It would mean revealing your whole life and reason to be a "hero" was a complete and utter lie, most likely destroying the boy in the process. But you already knew Kirishima like the back your hand, and could guess his actions in an instant. He would most likely try to help you, attempt to fix your ways and tell you could leave: but you knew better. You were too involved with the LOV to ever leave and live an everyday life. They would hunt you down if you so much as even admitted to wanting to leave.

You decided the best course of action was to tell Kirishima you were over and down with your relationship- it killed you to even think of speaking such lies, but you didn't want to see him getting hurt. The boy would be heartbroken, yes, but after a while, he'd get over it. His friends were so supportive, so he was sure to have many people consoling him out of his blues. He would forget about you one day and find someone else, someone who wouldn't lie and hurt him. It hurt you to admit it, but this was the best plan you could think of to keep him completely safe.

You were going to miss Kiri and his strong embraces, though, as they were only things that made you feel safe and protected. He was so bright, cheerful, and kind, and it was hard not to resist those warm emotions when your world felt so cold and menacing. But the only way to keep the light inside Kirishima bright was to cut ties with him permanently- you had to break his heart.

Kirishima bounded into the common room cheerfully from his normal workout routine, a warm towel wrapped around his shoulders as he greeted some of his friends. His eyes fell on you, and his heart soared- you looked so pretty sitting there, the setting sun making strands of your hair sparkle like spun gold. His smile grew wider, his perfect teeth sparkling- how was he so lucky to land such an amazing girl like you? His strong arms wrapped around your body from behind the couch, his skin radiating heat as he rubbed his cheek against your hair. "Hey princess, how are you?" he mumbled your pet name into your ear, making your heart churn painfully- this would be the last time he'd hold you like this, the last time he'd speak so softly and sweetly to you. You sighed sadly, meekly wrapping a hand around his skin. 'Hey Kiri," you replied numbly, your voice depressed. You rose from the couch, your legs feeling heavy like lead as you wrapped your arms around your body- why did it feel so cold? Kirishima's smile faded slightly- you didn't sound at all happy. You usually greeted him so adorably, always giving him a big hug or a peck on his cheek. Now you seemed defeated, your hands wrapped around your body as if to protect yourself from something. "Hey, whats going on? You alright- is something bothering you?" he asked sweetly, clueless to why you were feeling this way as he closed the gap between you. He placed his calloused palm on the small of your back, reassuringly, his thumb rubbing against the fabric of your shirt. You swallowed hesitantly, your eyes unable to look into his- it felt too painful to look at him, his innocence to the whole situation making you feel so conflicted and guilty. "We need to talk," you forced yourself to say, his face instantly masked in worry. "Uh-uh sure!" he replied quickly, his speech a little flustered as he tried to seem unbothered, "do you want to talk in my room or yours?" "Let's go in mine," You quickly began walking to your room, Kirishima's footsteps following close behind. He was perplexed and worried- you seemed like something was really bothering you, your voice free of any brightness and joy like it usually was.

You felt like each step to your room made your heart fall heavier and heavier, opening up your room door slowly and letting him enter your room. He flipped on the lights, illuminating the space as you closed the door- even though you'd be long gone by the morning, you felt you at least owed Kirishima some privacy by having the door closed. It made the room feel so much smaller now that Kirishima's aura took over the room. Guilt and shame were eating up at you as you remembered all the hangout sessions and study dates you had in this room, hating how worried and compassionate he looked towards you. "What did you want to talk about? Is it something I did or do? I'm really sorry if I hurt you some way," he was already thinking it was his fault, making you cringe in internal pain- god why was he so sweet? It was you, it was your own personal issues, not him.   "No Kiri, no!" you frantically reassured him, your hands going out in front of you in protest. "Its not you, its- its just," "You can tell me anything, you know that right?" he affirmed sweetly, his eyes soft with concern. You nodded your head numbly, your mouth feeling dry like sandpaper. Kirishima walked close to your body, placing his palms around  your elbows, your arms full of tension as he tried to melt it away with his touch. He was looking down at you with so much worry, so much adoration and love, it made your stomach turn painfully. Why did this have to be so hard-it was so agonizing, like pulling off a bandage slowly and painfully. You just needed to get it done, to rip off the metaphorical bandage as quickly as possible- the longer you wait, the longer the stinging and the pain will be for the both of you. "Then tell me whats wrong," he instructed softly, still utterly oblivious to the whole situation. You swallowed thickly, your voice and throat feeling hoarse and tight. It was now or never. "Kiri, I- we need to break up."

Kirishima froze, his heart stopping in his chest. He didn't hear you correctly, right? Maybe he heard you wrong? There was no way you wanted to break up with him, no way at all- "I-Im sorry, I just-I just don't love you," You hated how these words were coming out of your mouth, these lies that were obviously ripping you and Kirishima apart from the inside. You watched his expression turn from worry to agony, his eyes wide with shock. It hurt too much to see him look so frozen, as if your words had caused him to shut down. His hands were still on your body, the air changing so suddenly- it was stuffy, stale, and uncomfortable. And it was your fault. You shimmied out of his embrace, turning around so you wouldn't be forced to face him. The guilt was eating at you- you couldn't bear to look at him look so defeated when you knew you had caused it. Your abrupt movement seemed to wake him up out of his heartbroken daze, his hands instantly grasping for you, spinning you around quickly. You breathed hitched painfully in your throat- you had never seen him look so defeated, so desperate. His palms were wrapped around your shoulders tightly, almost painfully, making it practically impossible to escape his hold on you. "y/n, please, please just tell me what's wrong," his voice was wavering, his eyes already gleaming with tears, "I-I know this isn't you, if I did something, y/n, I'll fix it, I promise! I can't lose you, please, please dont do this-" he was practically begging "Kiri, I-I, I cant," your voice was becoming weaker from the stress of trying to hold back a sob, "I-I never loved you." "Y/n, no, I cant accept that," tears were gliding against his cheeks, his voice full of passion, "you cant tell me you dont feel the same way." "I-I love you so, so much, you have no idea," he looked down at you with his wide, puppy-like eyes, begging you to change your mind with his words. "Your all I think about- when I wake up, when I fall asleep, everything I see reminds me of you. You make me so happy, the way you smile, your laugh, your hugs- I-I cant live without those things y/n. I cant live without you. When I asked you out that day, I was so nervous- I had been planning for weeks before, and when you agreed to go out, you made me the happiest man alive." Tears were falling down your cheeks now, your heart screaming in agony. You wanted to tell him that's how you felt as well- Kirishima was your whole entire life, enveloping your every waking moment in his wonderfully bright aura. He was your light, your sun, your anchor in the crazy mess of the galaxy of your life. There was no love and no warmth until Kirishima came around. But now you needed to keep him safe- you had to sacrifice your happiness with each other in order to keep him out of harm's way. "Kiri, I only dated you because I felt pity," you lied straight through your teeth, wishing you could melt into the wall seeing Kirishima's face break. "I was too afraid to say no," His heart couldn't take anymore clearly, his face conflicted with so many emotions you couldn't differentiate between any of them. You felt like this was the most ultimate betrayal to the boy, making him think his love he had with you was all a lie. It wasn't, and you wished you could just tell him the truth, but you knew that would be worse. He'd never allow you to leave- you had to, to protect yourself and him. You put yourself in a crappy situation- you wouldn't drag him along with you. "So-it-it was all fake?" He asked, his voice quiet and terrified. He didn't want to hear the answer he knew would spill out of your mouth. "Yes," The room was deadly quiet, Kirishima completely dumb founded-all the times you hugged him, made him feel accepted in your life, laughed at his jokes, kissed him, made him smile, made him happy-was all a lie? A cruel joke in order to spare his feelings? He felt like such an idiot-he should have known this was too good to be true. He felt deep down he wasn't good enough for you, strong enough, smart enough, manly enough. This was just confirming that fear by 10 fold. You were sniffling, watching the love you had for the boy only grow out of misery, while his love for you was diminishing. "Y-n, I-"he was so confused, his hands running through his hair in anguish. "Why?!? Why did you-you were my first everything! You are everything to me! I can't believe you, there's gotta be another reason-I love you, you love me!" You were so quiet, your shoulders shaking in misery and guilt as tear after salty tear fell against your cheek. Your silence was painful, confirming what he feared with each passing second, your averted eyes hiding the actual truth "You love me, right?" You were too afraid to speak, knowing what you had to say to break him from you-but you couldn't. The lie of saying you didn't love him was eating up your insides, clogging your lungs and your throat to the point you felt you couldn't speak. You couldn't tell him you didn't love him-it was too painful. You already lied to him enough. "I'm sorry," you whispered, looking at him with reddened eyes. What he thought you were sorry for was your lack of care for him, the lies you had told him for the past 6 months, and it burnt his insides in a gut wrenching flame, the fire licking and eating his insides in agony.  He had to leave-he couldn't take this anymore, his body walking right past you and opening the door quickly to get fresh air. You were now sobbing, broken gasps crying out his name as he shut the door behind you, closing his heart off from ever accepting you again. You were sorry that you were in love with him, and by being in love with him, you had broken him.

Taggings:

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@weebartistinc​ @yuueimagines​ @orokayagi​ @leeeah-loooser​

[grayintogreen]

i know you do lucien mostly but you also write caleb really well and i just. how? please tell me how the dirt wizard works because im trying to write a fic from his pov and i just cant get it right

OH BOY. Caleb's a tricky one, because he's messy and full of love but also self loathing. He's a pragmatist, but he's also deeply emotionally driven. And how I write Caleb differs depending on what situation he's put in (or what canon point I'm writing- hi Creedemption fic and its early campaign Caleb how are you you are a pain sometimes).

Honestly, one of the things that stands out most to me about Caleb and it might be due to his training as an assassin/spy/whatever is that sometimes who he is depends on who he's talking to.

With people he likes, Caleb is... Very.. Hrm. This is hard to explain. It's not so much a matter of "I am whoever this person needs me to be" so much as it is Caleb not being good with affection so he just projects his love outwards with gifts (like spells or a cat or the TOWER). This is what this person needs, so I'm going to give that to them and it's personal and tailored to THEM, but it has a certain disconnect from the personal. Caleb shows affection by keeping track of what people need and giving it to them, which anyone can do if they pay close attention and have the means. It's not specific to him.

With people he distrusts/doesn't like, I feel like Caleb DOES make it personal. He projects a lot of his own issues into situations and some of it is because he wants to touch the hot stove so he's being angry and frustrated at HIMSELF while also being angry at the stove for tempting him or just being a dark mirror. That's where most of the really dark complicated shit in my Lucigast fics comes from.

(I am not qualified to speak on Shadowgast. There are a lot of great takes on that dynamic, but I feel it runs the gamut between the two- where Caleb can make it personal because he DOES see himself in Essek, but he's also seeing the potential for growth and healing so the personal aspects are healthier.)

WHICH IS JUST HOW CALEB INTERACTS WITH PEOPLE, NOT NECESSARILY POV, but since I write mostly character-driven pieces, those are the first things that usually come through. How Caleb is seeing the world- either through affection that is personalized but seems to involve very little emotional bandwidth on his part or through high-key projecting his own self-loathing and flaws onto people/situations he doesn't trust.

But ultimately in most POV pieces I write Caleb as being a massive pragmatist who is usually thinking of ways to handle situations and his own emotions in the most practical way possible, even if it's not necessarily convenient.

I AM ALSO REAL BAD AT EXPLAINING MY PROCESS, so I'm sorry if all of this reads very wrong or if you're immediately like "wtf this doesn't match how she writes Caleb AT ALL." Caleb is a difficult character and as someone with my own form of extreme empathy (because Caleb is a very empathetic character) and self-loathing and projection issues, a lot of how I write Caleb is just kinda personal to my own experiences with all of the above, which is easier done than explained. But hopefully this helps!