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understandableparadox · 9 months ago

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Bottom of the barrel Isekai review

Today we are looking at the following, "The white cat's revenge as plotted from the dragon kings lap."

christ thats a long as title.

anyways, do you have a friend? no? yes? maybe? how nice, how do you treat them? how do you speak with them? how do you interact with them? while you are filling out this survey, could you be as kind as to fill out those silly little digits on that odd plastic card in your mothers purse for moi~?

no? well fuck you to.

the flowers, the painfully average looking protag, the specific notation about the eye color? we are about to dive into the live of a special young lady and her mystical adventures through whimsy and wonder.

anyways the story is that ruri, are main charecter lives a rather average life with her super importent dad and her super model mom, as the image stats, how could her life ever be distrupted in any form or fashion?

if you guess that a random girl made friends with her and followed her for most of her life until they both got sucked into a fantasy world and the kingdom decided the friend would be the priestess, then you would be correct~!

"But dox!" you say crawling out of my airvent "thats huge gap in time, what happened in between?"

well asashi and ruri had a rather odd relationship. you see, everyone fucking loves asashi, they are all in on ensureing that this random girls life is as easy as possible but at the expense of asashi. they will all work togather to do make sure asashi is happy while also bullying ruri.

do you feel that? thats the worm in my brain slowly getting into yours as more and more questions about this specific dynamic arise. some of them will be answered, but they will only be answered in a way that makes sure the worm Burrows Deeper.

first question: its clear ruri fucking hates asashi, why do i say shes her friend?

second question: Why are they friends? why hasent ruri made her leave her alone if she doesnt like her?

well to answer those questions...

as asashi is appointed the new priestiess ruri attempt to discover things about this kingdom, she learns from a priest that there is no way back home that they know of, nor are their any stories of a person summoned being Un summoned.

anyways we cant get any plot done here! we need to roundaboutly kick shit off while also makeing this asashis fault somehow!

so she ends up getting kicked from the castle, forced to wander the woods for the rest of her natural life, her mulchcore attitude persaudeing her to lay down and become one with it all...

ok no thats not what happens, she walks around a little bit, learns she is the greatest mage alive

, wanders presumably without food and water for five days, yes im screaming at the overpowered mc cliche once again just ignore it, where in she meets a old lady in the woods

who of course unlocks her

Special eyes of destiny

which allows her to see the collection of fucking creepy fairies that constently surround and are touching her at any given moment of the day.

I am lead to belive due to the daisies drawn in the back ground that this is supposed to be a moment of whimsy and joy, this image fills me with a special dread as it fullfills almost every single one of my autistic fears imagineable. night mare night mare nightmare.

anyways magic is discussed for a vary long time but oh fuck, we havent complained about asashi in five seconds, time to make a horrifying point about her!

this conclusion seems to be that no one can truly love asashi as all the love she will ever feel is artifically grown because of her magic. this also means that if you have a strong heart and a good soul you cannot love asashi because you would naturally and rightfully find her as annoying as ruri would. this is because ruri is the only one that can see her objectivly.

if you hare undergoing a string of panic that comes from the fundamental question that comes from the doubt of love from the sources in your life, dont worry, Ruri says she is annoying and bad and the story belives her to be objectivly correct so everyone belives that if they are good. you are a good person right?

growing dread aside, more plot, the fairys bend to the whim of ruri, all faries, meaning that unless you are a motherfucking wizard, the one source of universal and public magic has been cut off. all villagers that relied on water and fire magic have been cut off. farmers that need earth magic are cut off.

of course this is not her fault because again she is an objectivly good person with a good heart so she tut tuts the fairies for depriving villagers of clean drinking water and easy acess to heat and light for a week and the story moves on.

she learns more magic, she summons the fairy of time and they platoniclly flirt because ruri is a completely heterosexual girl.

the fairy of time is a simp and donates to her only dimensional space. one item of which is a bracelet that turns her into a cat, fulfilling one item on the title.

she goes to the market, her special chosen one powers make her super duper populer and people naturally want her advice and to give her money

wait a second, what time is it?

OH FUCK, WE HAVENT COMPLAINED ABOUR ASASHI IN A BIT!

SHE HAS A FUCKING NIGHTMARE OF ASASHI GIVING UP HER DREAM LIFE IN A FANTASY WORLD TO BE WITH HER, THIS IS CONSIDERED A BAD THING, IN ANY OTHER MANGA THIS WOULD BE CONSIDERED A ROMANCE TO END ALL ROMANCES

she decides to leave and go to the city of dragons because fuck it, thats a thing to do, she has to tell them she is the special chosen one with the blue eyes and blonde hair.

we cut for a second our lead.

as you can see the prince through his actions is a completely heterosexual man, one that loves Boobs And Vagina. as one can clearly Tell.

anyways the prince is creepy, he walks through town in disgues, happens upon ruri and without a second thought proceeds to do this:

gross.

anyways, the prince tells his homophobic advisors that he met a girl and they immeditly start a witch hunt for her while ruri enters the room as a cat to establish that again, she is the special chosen one of destiny.

anyways she meets the prince and nothing happens. the fairies threaten to kill everyone with the knowladge that ruri has apocalyptic plot armor.

now, to explain what a special chosen one is:

"hey dox, pre-emptivly asking a question, why would their ever be a chosen one? it seems their sole existance is to get a small scratch and make everyone die about it."

GREAT QUESTION, I DONT FUCKING KNOW, THEY APPERENTLY CAUSE PROSPARITY BUT I HAVE YET TO SEE IT, NOT EVEN A GOD DAMN DECENT 401K

anyways the prince gets Really attached to the Cat

Really Close.

this is explained through the fact that they have simalier wavelengths or similier magic types, meaning that they feel lonely without each other nearby.

the manga is astouindingly quick to stifle any comparison to asashi because remeber, asashi is Objectivly Bad and Unloveable.

Remember, Wanting to be friends with someone and not immeditly knowing if they like you or not makes you an objectivly Bad and Annoying person.

cut forward a bit, more werid cat flirting and she gets a job outside the palace... anyways she hears knews that the kingdom she was exiled from is wageing a war against the nation of dragons. this is handwaved as being something they just do when they find some cool magic shit.

but notably, the reason for the war has changed, as rumors have emerged that the priestess of the kingdom is supporting the war to save ruri who they belive to be kidnapped.

she gets sad about this and goes to the grandma to whine about it.

so we can see here a few things.

we are supposed to belive that its completely unreasonable for asashi to make the assumption that her best friend has been kidnapped.

that it is her fault for allowing a war to happen when we know that regardless of her support they would wage it regardless

ruri only considers asashi a friend when it is deemed attractive to her moral charecter.

yes this is the first time ruri has every said that asashi is anything resembling a friend to her.

she slips into the castle after some poverty porn about how evil and bad this kingdom is, we get a brief scene showing the king is planning on makeing sure both asashi and the prince die because he finds him annoying (I guess he has a strong and objectivly good soul)

"Man, isnt asashi awful, worrying about her friend like that? wanting people to help her find her? isnt she just the fucking Worse ever?"

im going insane, the worm has won, they have consumed any rational part of my brain and replaced it with the vast rot of whatever fucking bizarro verse this manga demands me to be within.

the two friends finally reunite after being seperated for so long.

we get a sob story about a time she broke her watch because again, asashis charm powers make people jealous of how close she is to asashi, so they bullied her and since asashi has literally never seen anyone ever act anything like that because again, everyone s magically forced to love her unconditionally, she doesnt belive her.

and of course she dosent belive her either but instead of just blindly saying no to ruri, she says she'll talk to them about it, when its clear ruri fucking hates that idea, and gets ready to leave with a little cryptic warning, she asks to flee with her

which again is displayed as a creepy and werid thing because she accidently uses her charm magic that we have established she has no control over. again, in any other manga the idea that while you may not belive what you hear, you are willing to give up any comfort to be with your friend, would be considered the most profound act of love. please feel free to contrast this to captian hair sniffer and Cat spooner.

I cannot add any more images so lets speed run this. asashi is shaken up so she goes to the king to ask him whats going on, he says "Mind control" which lets be perfectly clear, is an established and perfectly reasonable thing to belive can happen in a magical fucking world, asashi is shown to be dumb for belive this.

war happens and nothing happens, dragons win by a land slide and asashi gets captured.

she dosent belive the dragon princes words and all of her allies that got captured with her are placed in an anti magic zone and now hate her completely because again, without magic, asashi is completely and utterly unloveable.

ruri makes friends with another god and they learn that asashi convinced a guard to let her go because i guess that charm magic works whenever. but shes stuck in a dungeon and she may run into the soldiers who i guess the charm magic wont work on which leaves us with this haunting scene:

we are told that asashi legitamitly does not understand what the fuck is going on, she does not understand why they hate her, she just thought she was going to save her fucking friend.

Behold Your Antagonist.

it ends with that.

here are the questions.

"Is the underlying story, barring any other concept, good?"

Kinda. its vary bland and vary generic. its a romance that does not know how to present itself a romance. it is a romance that spends more time complaining about someone then being in love.

"on a sliding scale of min to max, how much is the author using this to explore fetish"

none, the few saveing graces.

"How many story crutches does the author use to explore the story"

an absurd amount, from the plot contrivances to the power cliches, to the physical attributes denoting specialness to ensure we and the charecters know to treat her in a special way.

"Is the author attempting to use the story as a way to explain why he is not weird."

yeah, if you have any fucking trouble with social interactions or cant read people, then you are an objectively bad person, and if you are somehow populer, no one actully loves you, and they are being forced to love you.

#bottom of the barral #isekai #shitty isekai #manga review #read on your own time #its better as a hate read #I almost miss reading omegaverse romance isekais #at least there they pretend to be in a relationship of some kind

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mewp2rawr · 1 year ago

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ITTTSSSSSSS MIRACULOUSS TIIMMEEEE 💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖

thank you miraculous ladyblog for updating about the latest news about this movie and OMG I WAS CRYING HELP AAAAIFKFLDLSJDJFJDOF 💚🧡💙💜💛 when I first heard about the movie I HAD TO get the tickets~ sadly alot of the times were during work so I didn't get to see those times 😭😭😭 BUT THANKFULLY CINEPLEX WAS KIND ENOUGH TO HAVE TICKETS AFTER WORK AT 7 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉 BLESS 🛐 I booked my tickets and prepared everything EXCEPT THE MOST IMPORTANT PART AAAAAOFKFKFO~ I forgot to bring my ladybug figure so instead I just used my bokuakaa charm and pokeball plus to commemorate me sitting alone in the theartre thinking about how love is great and how ladychat actually hit it off except me I mean WHAT IM NOT ALONE anyways 🥰🥰🥰

so I obviously am horrible at chronologically ordering things but HOLY MOTHER OF HOT DOGS HAVE I WITNESSED THE GREATEST MOVIE POSTWR OF ALL TIME 💕💕💕💕💕 I WISH I HAD LADYBUG WITH MEEEE 🥺🥺🥺

the poster had EVERYTHING~ from the cute title (maybe a little red tint might be super cute for added effect to make it like REALLY ladybug and chat noir) AND LIKE THE MIDDLE OF THE POSTER HAD A SCENE WHERE I COINCIDENTALLY NOT COINCIDENTALLY (it was coincidental) took MY ONLY PHOTO of (I am so sorry cinema staff) of such a cute scene I mean LOOK AT THE BOY HES SO KYYAAAAAAAAA ~ his smile his everything his hair the LOOK IN HIS EYES LIKE HES LOVING YOU WITH ALL YOUR HEART HOLY MACARONI PLEASE PUT ME ON A PLATTER OF SWISS CHEESE JUST FOR CHAT NOIR 😳😳😳

credits to exaltatuss for the gif~ bless them 🛐 short NON NON NON spoiler movie review basically the movie was a dream~ woke up feeling like it was the most beautiful movie of all time~ the animation was most certainly from the world of dreams and something I did not expect but I LOVED was that the movie was a MUSICAL ~ THERE WAS SIGNING AND OMG I WANT TO SING ALL THE SONGS I CRY EVERYTIME WHEN MARINETTE SANG HER FIRST SONG I WAS ABOUT TO LOSE MY MIND CRYING AT HOW BEAUTIFUL THE ART OF CREATION IS AAAAAAA (real miraculous of creation pun) ✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨ thank you zag studios for this direction it's LITERALLY A DISNEY MOVIE~ okay done talking about the movie it made me so happy and I just LOVE ladybug and chat noir they are THE WORLD 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰 bless them and all of Paris 🌸🌸🌸

after the movie I made a quick stop of ice cream because I didn't eat anything 😝 yes ice cream is real food~ I got (I forgot the flavors already) lemonlike? ale? with strawberry - double scoup - waffle cone~ the bestest orders as the waffle cone is legendary and I can never go without it no matter how many times the cone has broken on me because it's so brittle BUT I LOVE ICE CREAM 🍓🍓🍓🍓🍓🍓🍓🍓 when I got home finally I reunited myself with ladybug~ took a photo of her with my lovely ticket that I will frame and keep forever waiting until Cristina vee to sign that peace of paper and put in in the museum of Paris (real)

💗💗💗 thank you ladybug and chat noir for being the best and being the cutest couple ever like actually #couple goals they are SO ADORABLE I CRY 😭😭😭 thank you everyone and seriously this movie is life-changing Disney magic ladybug movie any ladybug lover needs to watch~

Lots of Love~

Mewp 💖

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lady-byleth · 2 years ago

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I posted 14,349 times in 2022

That's 2,285 more posts than 2021!

679 posts created (5%)

13,670 posts reblogged (95%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@lvlbeginner

@fellowshipofthegay

@mikkeneko

@theonceoverthinker

@daedricgays

I tagged 1,520 of my posts in 2022

#tales of vesperia - 90 posts

#yuri lowell - 80 posts

#kurofai - 78 posts

#flynn scifo - 67 posts

#genshin impact - 65 posts

#elden ring - 57 posts

#fire emblem three houses - 52 posts

#fluri - 44 posts

#tales of symphonia - 44 posts

#byleth eisner - 27 posts

Longest Tag: 138 characters

#i'm at an almost constant 5 which is great when the doctors tell me that i am capable of working full time even though i am definitely not

My Top Posts in 2022:

See the full post

379 notes - Posted March 4, 2022

Cyno: im small but knowing

Alhaitham, not looking up from his book: you don't be knowing what the top shelf looks like

388 notes - Posted September 28, 2022

You know, Scaramouche might not do the fandango but his thunderbolts and lighting?

Very very frightening.

487 notes - Posted November 2, 2022

Like, listen. Listen, okay. The moment I learned they were making Galadriel's character revolve around needless revenge over a man (her brother who is currently happily traipsing across Valinor because that's how death works for elves) I was already mad enough to never touch RoP with a ten foot pole

But this? Taking one of her most iconic lines and attributing it to Sauron? I am livid.

The real Galadriel, the book Galadriel, was always an ambitious woman. She left Valinor to rule a realm of her own, to shape a land the way she thought right. She watched her male relatives do shit and was like "I can do better" and that's what she did

She was driven, intelligent and gifted, she was one of the greatest things that ever happened to the elves, and it all came from herself.

But now they changed her story. This Galadriel isn't traveling Middle-earth to find a place for herself, she's traveling it to avenge a man who doesn't need avenging. And then Sauron pops up and tells her she could be a queen "stronger than the foundations of the earth"? The line she originally said about herself?

The way this is all set up makes it look like a man planted the idea in her that she could be a queen, a man tempted her into becoming a queen, and then continued to tempt her until she refused the ring.

Her whole thing in the books was overcoming the temptation of power and choosing what was right and good. But it wasn't the ring that she needed to beat, she needed to overcome the desires and ambitions inside herself that the ring was using against her

She was her own greatest enemy and she won.

But now they made it all revolve around a man. A man gave her the idea, a man tried to tempt her, a man is who she quotes when she's overcoming temptation...

Do I really need to spell out why the story of a woman whose biggest enemy is herself being changed to so heavily focus on a man's effect is bad? Do I really??

1,879 notes - Posted October 17, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

There have been a lot of animated cats in games and movies and what have you but Stray? That is a cat!

The little "brgh" sound the cat makes sometimes when you jump, the way it just instantly drops when B-12 puts the little backpack on it and then continues to crawl across the ground like a dramatic little shit, the button prompt to push stuff off shelves for absolutely no reason except chaos, the quick little tap tap tap of the paw when it inspects something, how it just SLAPS the first two robots it meets (the dying one at the beginning and B-12 after booting it up), the way it licks its lips after hissing...

These people really paid a shit ton of attention to how cats work and it's given us an extremely realistic little guy that I will love with my whole heart until the day I die

17,581 notes - Posted July 23, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

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69fever · 1 year ago

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i decided to review one of my favourite albums ever, folklore by taylor swift, so here it is!

🎵

Folklore by Taylor Swift

• The 1 - Perfect

10/10, The guitar is so pretty and the lyrics hit hard and get me in my feels. "You know the greatest films of all time were never made", it's accepting that life isn't a movie and the greatest film of all time is an impossible goal, just like how life and love isn't always fulfilling and amazing like a movie.

• Cardigan - Perfect

10/10, Omg the lyricism is so beautiful, Taylor Swift has a beautiful way of expressing emotions and feelings it's so incredible and especially amazing to me personally to listen to because I find it so difficult to word how I'm feeling, and Taylor somehow just embodies it. "A friend to all is a friend to none."

• The Last Great American Dynasty - Perfect

9/10, I love the way it picks up, the bridge is so enjoyable and I love Taylor's story writing ability. "I had a marvellous time ruining everything" YES.

• Exile - Perfect

10/10, Bon Iver's vocals are so fucking majestic to listen to, and I love the argument type thing that they do, it's so powerful and really fun to belt but also get into your feels to, which I really love.

• My Tears Ricochet - Perfect

10/10, The intro is so gorgeous, with headphones it literally feels like I am ascending. THE LYRICSSSSS, the album is truly top tier because of the amazing songwriting and it really shines through in this song.

• Mirrorball - Perfect

🥈10/10, Girls when they're still a believer but they don't know why, they've never been a natural, all they do is try try try. And they're still on that tightrope, they're still doing everything to keep you looking at them.

• Seven - Perfect

10/10, So sweet, it's like protecting a childhood friend and living in sweet innocence. "Love you to the moon and to saturn" <3

• August - Perfect

🥇10/10, This is (one of) MY TAYLOR SWIFT SONG. "WANTING WAS ENOUGH. FOR ME IT WAS ENOUGH." It's nearly august and i can't wait to stream this everyday.

• This Is Me Trying - Perfect

🥉10/10, So emotional, I listened to this all the time when i was struggling with my A levels. Hits so hard and is always a go to cry song for me. It's truly beautiful. Girls when they told them that all they're cages were mental so they got wasted like all their potential.

• Illicit Affairs - Perfect

10/10, Every time, I feel like im just saying the same thing but every time the lyrics hit HARDDDD, like Taylor's pen was on literal fire the whole time when she was writing this album.

• Invisible String - Perfect

10/10, Such an adorable song and a beautiful concept, it's so sweet imagining that anyone important to you, you are connected to them in some way. Makes my heart warm.

• Mad Woman - Perfect

10/10, I'm a feminist, ofc it's a 10/10. I understand every lyric and feel it in my bones. i feel like every woman has felt this frustration before. A man calling you crazy for your reaction to his actions is the most infuriating thing ever. "You poke that bear until the claws come out."

• Epiphany - Amazing

8/10, The vocals are so angelic on this song and the backing vocals are amazing too. The rhythm makes me feel like i'm floating.

• Betty - Perfect

10/10, The country aspect to this is so beautiful, and being 17 it hits harder. I love love love the chorus on this song.

• Peace - Perfect

10/10, Dare I say that it's a very peaceful song? It's sweet and chill and the lyrics are beautiful as always, what more could you want.

• Hoax - Perfect

10/10, Her higher vocals in this song sounds sooooo good and it's such a nice song to have towards the end of the album. Very deep lyrics.

• The Lakes - Perfect

10/10, This song is literally me with my notes app and my tumblr and my journals and my diaries. Take me to the lakes where all the poets go to die.

->🥇My #1 Favourite

->🥈My #2 Favourite

->🥉My #3 Favourite

i've always liked taylor swift but i would say that i'm a relatively new swiftie, only properly getting into her music last summer so some of these i hadn't listened to before which i loved!

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smugraccoon137 · 2 years ago

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Supergirl Season 1 Episode 4 Review and Thoughts

Ahh the greatest of beasts. One's own mother

Fun choice of words there Alex “coming out” as Supergirl.

Is Kara actually the favorite? Damn not usually what happens in foster/broken families situations

Oh my God I love this Leslie bitch roasting her.

“SHE DOES KIND OF GIVE OFF A SAPHIC VIBE” okay I never watched season 1. But thats two “Kara you gay?” jokes in 4 episodes. Thats a lot by tv standards

Also yes Leslie she is very butch and I am thankful for it

W: How was breakfast with your mom?

K: Foster mom

*me nodding and taking notes*

Oh no not a friendsgiving episode lol

Oh my god even Cat Grant is on to Supergirl's sexuality.

C: Leslie you can’t make fun of the girl for being gay

K: *listening in with super hearing* Wait what

Cat wants to adopt Supergirl thats canonical and hilarious

K: “I came out as Supergirl”

Just as soon as they brought James in as a love interest they pull him out. Because I guess he and Lucy have unfinished business

Wouldn’t this have made more sense to have him already dating Lucy in the beginning, and cultivate his and Kara’s relationship. And then Kara have a one sided crush before they break James and Lucy up? Or even them not realizing their romantic inclinations until after the break up?

It feels clunky the way they’re going back n forth like this.

Poor Alex and her mommy issues.

K: Maybe its time for you to come out. Tell her who you really are

A: That im a DEO agent?

K: …….. *shrugs*

When you know your sisters gay but she doesn't

Cat being supportive in her own catty way to her first daughter Leslie

Oh my fucking god it is PERD

Gotta love hearing Kara's foster mom talk about “Alex allowing Kara” to do anything. Its controlling as fuck. Also the disappointment in Alex hurts my little mommy issues heart

So far Leslie Wilis is the only interesting villain they've made

Drink up Alex you're going to need more than that

I wonder what Thanksgiving means to someone like Kara? Someone whose lost so much but gained family anyways.

Feels kind of weird for Kara to put so much into friendsgiving dinner but as soon as James calls its like “fuck all of you”

We are all Winn. First time in years he's done Thanksgiving and it's super awkward. Poor guy just wanted some turkey and chill time with Kara. And now there is drinking and arguing and storming out. Big oof

Honestly fuck Eliza

Godddd this flashback hurts. It feels like real foster/broken family shit. Everything is new and yet the dynamics are being thrust upon everybody. Someone whose supposed to look after you but is only a few years older and never had any siblings is now a big sister. You’ve got two adults who aren’t really your parents trying to parent you. You’re different from all of them but you're expected to fit in. And you can’t go anywhere. You’re stuck. Bitch imma have a flashback

I love how Cat doesn't know who winn is

Ooooh I dig Livewire shes sick af

Nothing better than a villain whose like “naw im actually good like this. Like you should have seen me before”

Who thought getting in an elevator was a good idea when the person who can control electricity wants you dead?

Whoever plays Cat Grant is a really good actress. Again a very meaningful scene between her and Kara in this episode. And it got delivered perfectly. It's almost as if when the writers take the time to slow down the writing makes sense and is better??

Something something Cat Grant is Karas unofficial mother figure something something wanting to gain her approval something something desperately wanting to connect to her something something their bond

Wow this is the first episode where Kara independently actually took down the bad guy

Aww i loved what winn was grateful for. That was a really nice moment

Andddd he kissed her. Of course he did

Cat picking out the tabloid of the week: Which would you pick? The closeted teen heart throb who was caught slipping out of national city’s randiest gay bar?

There is a lott of closetted talk in this episode. Also baby lena luthor lol

Overall Thoughts

This is the first episode I’ve watched that I thought was actually good. Sorry Episode 1.

Of course this is also the episode with the least amount of DEO involvement which I’m pretty open about not liking and thinking is a boring plot device

Lets make our way down the list.

Live wire is the first interesting villain we’ve had. Very reminiscent of Smallvilles what would happen kind of character creation. She’s a person with a personality outside of being a prisoner in Fort Rozz. And she has a clear motive for being the way she is and acting how she does. That already sets us up for success in this episode. Especially with her clear contrast to Supergirl’s sunny demeanor.

Its Thanksgiving! Which means the characters actually get to interact besides one liners and fun crime busting shenanigans. We get meaningful dialogue with each person in Kara’s life. And not necessarily with her! Last but not least we finally get to meet Kara’s foster mother, Eliza, for the first time.

One of the best things about this episode was acknowledging parts of Kara’s Earth childhood. We get to see her new family dynamic and uh it doesn’t look all happy go lucky the way she makes things seem.

I’m glad its finally a conversation though since I feel it took them far too long to get to. It felt strange to just ignore such an important part of Kara’s story and life and just skip to her getting Cat coffees. Not only did it feel weird but I felt like it would’ve been more interesting filler for episodes 1-3. That helped us to understand/relate to Kara and Alex better. As well as tie into defeating our Villain of the Day instead of whatever plan the DEO basically just tells Kara to do.

Another point! This is the first episode where Kara defeats her opponent on her own. I’m not so much counting the plane from ep1. But the two Fort Rozz guys as well as “I hate superman” radioactive guy were all taken down because of the DEO. It was their plan or their information that took those guys down even if Kara did the heavy lifting. Which I hate because like isn’t this her show? Shouldn’t she be the one like figuring things out, coming up with plans that fail only to figure out something at the very last minute? It feels very much like she's just doing what she's told in the first three episodes. It feels like she doesn’t have as much autonomy as other heroes.

But in this one! Yes the DEO gives her a magic box thingy that's supposed to take down Livewire. But Kara is the one who agreed to work with Cat as bait. She's the one defeats Livewire with water. I don’t care if it's pulled out of someone ass at least she did it herself. This and the plane are the only things Kara has decided to fucking do herself without anyones help.

Cat Grant and her involvement in this episode is one of the tipping factors as to why its better than the others. Her relationship with her own mother paralleling her and Leslie's relationship was really nice. As well as this hopeful end to that conversation with the concept that Kara is like Cat’s second chance at getting it right. I really enjoyed that.

Finally coming full circle at the end of the episode where Kara has a moment with Cat, then Winn, then James, and finally her sister and foster mother. It makes sense for a thanksgiving episode but is also classic soap opera formatting that oddly enough the show needs more of. I would not expect myself to be saying that a show mostly about the Wam Bam Pow needs more drama but here I am.

And then of course another classic drama trope. We end with a cliff hanger and new reason to tune in next time. Jeremiah's death is revealed and now the girls have a mystery to solve.

I wouldn’t usually rely so heavily on these tv devices, but because the writers have done little to make me care about characters that I’D LIKE TO GET TO KNOW. Its kind of become one of those things. If you’re not making your viewer tune in because they love/relate to the characters, then you have to do it with the story.

Right now we have the overarching plot of General Astra and probably Zod if I’m right. And then the disappearance/death of Jeremiah. Thats our plot outside of our Villain of the Day thing we’re doing right now with Fort Rozz.

Final Note. There was like 6 times where the word “closeted” was thrown around like candy from a pinata. And the episode started with Kara’s sexuality not just being scrutinized but argued that she was saphic. This doesn’t feel like a joke. It feels like someone really wanted something in the writers room. Like most media with subtext I’m like “I mean it’ll be gay but it won’t be gay gay”. But I gotta say that kind of stuff toes the line

#supergirl #cw supergirl #kara danvers #kara zor-el #s1 ep4 #episode review #episode thoughts #text #textpost #tv show #cw show

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lynn0x1 · 3 years ago

Text

Potions and pining

(Stray Kids Hyunjin)

Summary: you tutor Hyunjin in potions and pining lots of pining. Hogwarts au. Ravenclaw!Reader Slytherin!hyunjin Jaemin is mentioned.

Genre: its mostly just fluff

cw: mild swearing

word count: ~1.8k

a/n: i truly had no thoughts while writing this. I have no idea where it came from but here we are. Enjoy! <3

Personally I see Hyunjin as a Slytherin

Just look at him

Cunning, ambitious, determined, charming, a certain disregard for the rules

The boy was made to be put in Slytherin

Did I mention he was super charming?

Well he sure is

Like girls would fawn over him

And I mean who wouldn’t?

He was a great quidditch player as well

His grades however weren’t the greatest.

This results in Seungmin, his Ravenclaw friend, dragging him into the library to study.

Hyunjin of course refuses to study

But gives in after realising that if he doesn’t get better grades he won’t be allowed to play quidditch.

RIP Hyunjin

Hyunjin was trying and failing nearly all his subjects

This obviously frustrated Hyunjin

Potions was his worst subject

No matter how much attention he puts in class and reading he was hopeless

Probably slamming his head on the table

Seungmin was giving up on him as well

But!

Seungmin remembered you

A kind hearted fellow Ravenclaw

So one Friday evening Seungmin went up to you while you were reviewing your care of magical creatures notes

⚬ “Hey (y/n)!”

You looked up and saw your housemate and smiled at him

⚬ “What’s up?”

⚬ “Uh you know Hyunjin? The Slytherin”

In your head you were like who tf doesn’t know Hyunjin

While on the outside you were just like

⚬ “Yeah, what about him?”

⚬ “He kinda needs your help.”

You stared at Seungmin in surprise

Hyunjin?? the boy who gets girls (and guys) and the seeker for quidditch needs your help?? What??

⚬ “Help for??” You asked

⚬ “Potions.”

You looked at him weirdly

Seungmin was amazing at all his lessons and he was a far better wizard than you would be.

Why on earth would he ask you to help Hyunjin?

You weren’t amazing in potions compared to other subjects

Even though you were one of the best at it in your class you were much better at other subjects

⚬ “Um sure. I’ll be here tomorrow around the same time.”

Seungmin is like OH MY GOD THANK YOU JSJSK

You laugh and pack up your things to leave

SKIPPING AHEAD TO SATURDAY EVENING

You walk into the library

You looked around a bit trying to find Hyunjin

You didn’t see him

So you decided to sit where you usually do and wait for him.

A few minutes passed when you suddenly hear somebody frantically bursting into the library.

You looked up from your books and saw an out of breath, tie loosely around his neck, messy haired Hyunjin with a satchel hanging over his shoulder.

Take a moment to just imagine that

You’re welcome

⚬ “Sorry I just came from quidditch practice. Am I late?” He said in between breaths

You smiled as you shook your head

Im-

You kinda awkwardly stare at each other

Both of you knew the other because you were in a few classes together

However you never really talked to each other

You decided to break the awkward silence (caw caw caw)

⚬ “So what do you have trouble with in potions?”

⚬ “The whole thing.”

Hyunjin proceeds to give a whole rant on how whatever the professor says just sounds like a horn and he just can’t understand.

You laugh and bring out your potions notes

The two of you slowly review all the notes together him asking what some terms mean and you explaining them

Once you finally finish going through everything with him

Hyunjin’s face just lights up

The boy final understands

This goes on for about 2 weeks

You help Hyunjin with potions anytime both of you were free

You lowkey had a crush on Hyunjin

And who wouldn’t?

He’s charming, funny, handsome and just everything about him could make anyone fall for him

He always tried his best sometimes brings you snacks

But you knew you had no chance with him, at least that’s what you thought

Hyunjin knew you before you started tutoring him because you, my friend, were almost always at the top of the class

When he first heard you beat Seungmin in a Transfiguration test the boy was shook

No one could beat Seungmin

Except you lmao

The next test was coming up in a week

You weren’t tutoring Hyunjin that day as he had Quidditch practice

Seungmin was helping you memorise how to make Felix Filicis potion

Your brain was kinda fried after having several tests that week so things weren’t so smooth

⚬ “IT'S NOT THAT HARD”

⚬ “THATS EASY FOR YOU TO SAY”

Earlier that day you promised to hang out with a friend after his Quidditch practice which was ending soon

⚬ “I’m gonna go and hang out with Jaemin today.”

⚬ “Jaemin the Hufflepuff? You actually have friends outside your own house?”

⚬ “HEY THIS IS BULLYING”

you walked up to the quidditch pitch and waited for Jaemin.

While he was leaving the pitch Hyunjin noticed you and Jaemin walking together away from the changing area

Hyunjin furrowed his eyebrows

Since when were you close with Jaemin?

[since first year when you and Jaemin shared a train carriage together keep up Hyunjin 🙄]

Now Hyunjin becomes sulky and his friends notice

⚬ “What’s wrong?”

⚬ (Hyunjin shaking his head) “Nothings wrong I’m perfectly fine”

⚬ “You sure? cuz you basically look like someone stole the last piece of chocolate from you”

⚬ (Seungmin not looking up from his notes) “He’s jealous cuz (y/n)’s hanging out with Jaemin”

(everyone else: *gasp*)

⚬ “I AM NOT”

But the more he thought about it the more he realised he might have a tiiiinnyyy crush on you

The way his heart went HSKAKJSKJDKS every time you leaned in to explain something

The way you push your hair away when it fell onto your face

The way your nose scrunched when you were focused on a question

OK MAYBE HE WAS WHIPPED FOR YOU

So Hyunjin did the only thing he could think of

Rant about his crush to Felix for almost a whole day

Felix is watching Hyunjin a little more than confused

⚬ “Dude, just tell them”

⚬ “YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.”

Meanwhile you were also gushing your feelings for Hyunjin to Jaemin

Jaemin later hears Felix complaining about Hyunjin ranting about his crush aka you for so long that he thought he almost went deaf

Jaemin being a pretty smart boi concludes since neither of you plan on confessing, he comes up with a plan with Felix

Now the two of them plan to lock you two up after you finish your test

Unfortunately they failed

Seungmin catches wind of the two Hufflepuffs failed attempt at making you confess to each other and does his own plotting

He straights up tells Hyunjin you like him

⚬ “THEY WHAT?”

⚬ “Stop yelling. They’re in the astronomy tower now, go!”

And so he runs up to the astronomy tower

When he opened the door he saw you reading some astronomy books while checking the ceiling which was covered in stars

Deciding to play the cool card he nonchalantly sat next to you

Which caused you to jump because WHAT THE HECK YOU DON'T JUST SNEAK UP ON SOMEONE HYUNJIN

⚬ “WHAT THE FUCK.”

⚬ (Hyunjin laughing at your reaction) “Relax it's just me”

THAT DOESN'T MAKE IT BETTER

You do some small talk talking about life and what not

You’re trying to stop your heart from bursting with uwus because of Hyunjin

It doesn’t help that Hyunjin keeps flirting with you which makes you all flustered and shy

Hyunjin finds it very cute btw

⚬ “Hyunjin... why are you here? I thought you hated astronomy as high as the stars are.”

⚬ (Hyunjin acting all smug) “well I like you more than I hate astronomy”

You’re like oh ok WAIT

DID HE JUST

YES HE DID (Y/N)

If you thought you were a mess before well now you’re completely gone

Trying to make some sense of what he just said

He just meant it as a friend thing right??????

RIGHT????

Hyunjin sees your malfunctioning and scoffs

⚬ “Do I seriously need to spell it out for you? I thought Ravenclaws were smart smh.”

⚬ “HEY I'M THE ONE THAT TUTORS YOU.”

⚬ “BUT YOU CAN'T EVEN TAKE A HINT!”

⚬ “WHAT HINT?”

⚬ “SEE!”

After a bit of back and forth

Hyunjin is 100% done with you

You are oblivious/in denial

Hyunjin thinks that Seungmin tricked him

You are trying to logically think of what he just said

Then it hit you

⚬ “Oh…”

Hyunjin looked at you funnily

⚬ “Finally taking the hint?”

He smiled sadly

He laid down on the floor looking at the star filled ceiling

⚬ “I guess you don’t like me back. Seungmin said you did but I guess it was just to get me to confess and stop pining my feelings.”

⚬ “But I do like you..”

This made Hyunjin bolt straight up

He’s looked at you and furrowed his eyebrows

You… you couldn’t possibly have meant that… right? Hyunjin thought

⚬ “Stop messing around…”

You gave Hyunjin a weird look

Mess around?? WHAT DO YOU MEAN MESS AROUND??

(God both of you are frustrating)

⚬ “What do you-”

⚬ “Don’t tell me you like me just because I like you. You don’t have to like me back. It’s fine, I'll deal with my feelings eventually.”

⚬ “Hyunjin-”

⚬ “I don’t want you to like me just because I confessed. I don’t want you to feel pressured into going out with me just because I like you.”

⚬ “But-”

⚬ “I’m sure you like someone else. I mean Jaemin is pretty good looking and you guys seem really close. I’m sure you would like guys like him…”

You just stared at him in disbelief while he ranted

⚬ “... so I guess I’m just saying I’m sorry. It was just wishful thinking that you like me back.”

Hyunjin looked at the floor in defeat, taking in some breaths after talking for so long.

You quietly crawled up to him and gave him a small peck on the cheek.

Which made his head jerk up

⚬ “Wha-.”

⚬ “I like you too.”

Hyunjin just stared at you blinking several times

⚬ “I like you too. Honestly I didn’t think you would like me back. You’re the Hwang Hyunjin. One of the most famous wizards in school.”

He just stared at you, mouth agape

⚬ “Well what are you gonna do about it?” you teased

And you know what he did? >~<

He grabbed your hand and dragged you to the Hufflepuff dorm where the other boys were hanging out

And he gave you a big phat kiss in front of them lol

⚬ “MY EYES HAVE BEEN T A I N T E D!”

⚬ “I’m happy for you but dear merlin did you have to do that in front of us?”

⚬ “GET OUT OF THE DORM YOU'RE NOT WELCOME ANYMORE.” Minho chucked a book at him.

#stray kids #stray kids fanfic #stray kids au #stray kids fluff #stray kids hyunjin #hwang hyunjin #hwang hyunjin x reader #hwang hyunjin x you #hyunjin #hyunjin x reader #hwang hyunjin fanfic #hwang hyunjin fluff #hyunjin fluff #hyunjin x you #hyunjin fanfic #kpop #kpop fanfic

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gale-gentlepenguin · 4 years ago

Text

Gale Reviews: ML Season 4 episode 7: Sole Crusher

(Spoilers Below)

-Starts off with a tour of Paris. Neat.

-Ladybug and Chat noir just chilling as this tour is taking place XD

-Zoe wants a croissant. And Apparently the Dupain Cheng Bakery is just established best bakery in Paris. Also, She is cute.

-Zoé became fast friends with Marinette. And Not gonna lie, I can kind of ship it.

-Marinette heard the girl only had one friend and was like I AM GOING TO FRIEND THE S*** OUT OF YOU. Seriously, how can people not love Marinette? She is a darling.

-OMG! Zoé reminds me of pre-origins Marinette! Thats the personality. Shy, sweet, stylish, but unsure of herself.

-And now she is meeting her mother and her half sister. Well, this can only end in an akuma.

-Zoé shifted pretty quick on turning up the chloé/spoiled brat routine to talk to her mom. You can tell the girl doesn't mean what she says but knows its the only way to talk to her mom. OOOF. What actually happened? I feel sympathy for her.

-I wonder what actually happened to Zoe and what happened at her middle school.

-Chloé treating her sister like she a show dog and checking her appearance.

-So Chloé is basically laying down the rules. I know she is being kind of a b**** but oddly, it seems kind of nice for Chloé? Idk how to describe it. Its twisted but like, its also Chloé.

-Zoé sweetie... I want to adopt her.

-CHLOÉ HAS SABRINA IN A CLOSET?! WHAT THE F***.

-I take back everything I said, Chloé that is

-So Chloé has someone she bullies but says she stopped or like doesn't work well now that She became a hero? I think she means herself. OMG Marinette was the Sufferer. Chloé, WHAT THE F***?

-Chloé on rule 72. I feel so bad for Zoé. Poor girl gotta deal with this.

-Chloé are you usually this bad? Or is this like a special demonstration?

-Also Someone PLEASE HELP SABRINA! I am 100% sure this is slavery.

-Chloé making a grand announcement.

-"I will buy you a better name" Chloé 2021.

-Basically Chloé announcing this is my half sister, fear her like me or else.

-So Adrien is her best friend who is Preferably rich. (Well that Tweet that Astruc tweeted out makes sense)

-And now Chloé to try and ruin Marinette and Zoe' ship friendship

-Look give Zoe an Oscar, she is really good at fake mean.

-Also, rethinking my view on Sabrina... I think she might just have a Kink. Sabrina may be a masochist.

-Zoé is in Aurore's class! Please let them be friends

-Rose already ready to adopt the girl. Im glad they don't think the worst of her.

-Zoé is REALLY GOOD at faking out Chloé. I thought she was caught but she just Juked like a pro. Chloé even looked Proud of Zoé.

-The Mayor actually seems to care for his step daughter

-WAIT A MINUTE! I was wrong! Zoé isn't a pre-origins marinette. She is a GOOD HEARTED version of Lila!

-The Mayor, I actually feel bad for him. Damn.

-WAS THAT A YOUNG TOMOÉ?! I SAW THAT! SO THATS HOW GABRIEL KNOWS HER! OH DAMN!

-And cue Shadowmoth.

-Oh wow she looks JUST LIKE CHLOÉ. LOL, CHLOÉ CREATED A MONSTER.

-JEAN NO! YOU WERE MY FAVORITE!

-Chloé realizing she f***ed up and ran

-Chloé is on point with her selfishness today. just throwing marinette's parents into the fray

-Kaalki using her powers for what is the GREATEST 5 SECONDS OF THE EPISODE. poor plagg

-Oh look Kitty section.

-Here I am expecting Marichat where chat noir saves Marinette. but what I got was Marinette telling Chat noir she isn't done talking as she talks to the akuma. Honestly, I think thats WAY BETTER.

-Chat noir then tripped the akuma AFTER marinette was done. Nice to know he is polite.

-Well that will be a pain to walk but the akuma is not inside. Also, Chat noir just said "I will cataclysm that bitch before the city gets destroyed." Chat noir seems to be getting more and more destructive... Interesting

-WHY IS EVERYONE SO NONCHALANT ABOUT SABRINA BEING IN CHLOÉ'S CLOSET!?

-Well that was a bit anti-climactic

-and the miraculous charm too.

-Well at least things don't seem awkward with Luka and Marinette. Thats good. Nice to know they moved on.

-IVAN YOU SWEET HEART! being the first one to give a hug. Ivan ya big softie

-So Chloé's mom is even afraid of Chloé now? That seems out of character.

-I do like Mayor Andre a bit more, and Zoe seems much happier. For that I am glad.

____________________________________________________________

Overall the episode was good, It didn't stand out like some of the other episodes but I did find it pretty funny.

Some of the characters seemed out of it for me.

Kaalki was my favorite part of the episode.

I did like the interaction with the akuma and the design, though the ending felt a bit anti-climactic for me.

I do Like Zoe's character and I look forward to Queen Banana.

I would say 7.5/10.

It was good for what it was. I think it wrapped up too quickly for me. But we will see on that.

#ml #ml spoilers #miraculous ladybug #sole crusher #miraculous zoe #zoe bourgeois #zoe lee #marinette dupain cheng #gale reviews

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kristinalovesfanfic · 4 years ago

Text

“I can feel you staring at me, why don’t you just come in?” --MYG

Yoongi x Reader

Best friend Namjoon. Light cursing. -little time skips- ‘texting represented’>Y/N Complete fiction.

Being Namjoons best friend had its perks. He was always treating you like family, trying to get you to do new things, and more importantly sending you cute videos of cute boy’s aka the bts members.

4 years ago when you imagined your best friend you never would have guessed he would a worldwide known rapper. 4 years ago you never would have guessed your crush would be his groupmate and close friend Min Yoongi. But here you are sat on the studio couch listening to Jungkook sing his parts in the recording booth for their next new song.

This in its self was another perk of being friends with Namjoon. He always invited you to things like this. When or where didn’t always matter he just wanted someone there to tell everyone its going great. All the professionals pick and pick as its their jobs but sometimes they just need to step back and think about what sounds good not be the next best greatest thing for bts.

“Y/N.”

“Huh?” You looked to your left to see Jimin staring with a confused gaze.

“Tae asked if you want to get food with him.” Jimin looked to Tae after repeating the boy’s question.

“Sure. Ramen?” You responded to Tae as he stood nodding along with your choice.

Walking to the door you didn’t hear more than just you too moving as you got a text ‘RAMEN? This better not be Netflix and chill RAMEN.’ >Namjoon

‘Shush you. If you’re really that worried come with!’ >Y/N texted him back.

Namjoon loved to tease you with Taehyung because you both were the same age and the boy was the next closest in terms of best friend energy but neither of you ever thought of each other as more than that. Some boys in the group seemed to struggle understanding that.

-Y/N and Tae leave and this is just the remaining members talking-

“They do that often.” Yoongi said clicking around on his computer before signaling Jungkook to start singing again.

“Do what hyung?” Jimin smirked at Namjoon as he asked Yoongi.

“Spend time together.” Yoongi stated.

“Well, when people like each other.. they do that.” Jin teased pausing for dramatic effect.

All the boys laughed when Yoongis head whipped to Jin as he squinted his eyes trying to read what Jin meant by ‘LIKE’.

“Why do you care what Tae Tae does?” Hobi asked with an innocent face.

“I don’t.” Yoongi answered back immediately before speaking into the mic “Jungkook your finished want to listen?”

Jungkook answered back a yes and the groupmates continued working on the song.

-Y/N and Tae come back after eating-

“Sorry!” Jungkook and Jimin both shouted as they pushed the door into you and Tae.

“No, don’t worry about it we were in the way. Are you leaving?” Tae spoke to his members as you slipped in the door settling to the empty corner spot on the couch.

“Yah we finished. Fair warning Yoongi is in a mood because you two left.” Jimin whispered to Tae as he passed Tae leaving with Jungkook.

“How was it?” Hobi hyung asked as you leaned your head back to the couch looking to the computer trying to place just what Yoongi even did when he clicked around at the speed he was.

“Good the ramen was great. Perfect for the cold weather right now.” You smiled to the older boy as Yoongi let out a sigh.

“Joon got a text from that girl. I think he wants to see her tonight which is why I let him go before me.” Hobi glanced at you then the recording booth were Namjoon was rapping his heart out for the army.

“He still texting her?” You asked.

“You didn’t know?” Jin looked at you confused making Yoongi glance over his shoulder at you curled up on the couch.

“He said she told him she couldn’t have a boyfriend because she wants to focus on school.” You answered Jin as Yoongi called Namjoon out of the booth to listen to the tracks together with Jimin and Jungkooks already finished parts.

You closed your eyes listening to the boys speak about what parts needed work and which ones they liked best. Before you knew it you were asleep.

-Y/N sleeping and the members are talking-

“Do you think Tae likes her?” Yoongi asked the second the recording booth closed behind the boys back.

“Why do you care if Tae Tae has a crush?” Hobi questioned the older boy.

“I don’t.” Yoongi sighed as Namjoon came out glancing at your sleeping form.

“I can’t wake her to tell her im leaving for a date.” Namjoon looked to Jin for help.

“I thought it wasn’t a date. Or did you just forget when you told me ‘Jin were just hanging out don’t make a big deal out of it.’”Jin mocked Namjoon a little.

Hobi chuckled at his hyung before speaking to Namjoon “We told her you wanted to hang out with that girl. Go. Tae can take her home he’s been before.”

“That night he stayed out of the dorms, right?” Namjoon asked.

“No. He came back with a hickey the next day.” Hobi thought back to that day remembering fondly as all the boys teased him for the dark marks littering his neck and shoulder.

“He was out with her the night before though? They went to that new restaurant?” Namjoon recalled. “The one where all the guys take their girls for anniversary’s because it’s so romantic right?”

Yoongi turned in his chair “Yah! Out if you’re just going to talk, I can’t hear if he’s doing what he needs to!”

The 3 boys looked to him in slight shock before glancing to your dozing form Namjoon spoke first “Yoongi? Wha-“

Namjoon had been cut off by the door opening to reveal Tae “So? Good or no?”

“Let’s try yours again tomorrow why don’t you leave with Namjoon.” Yoongi snapped at Tae.

“Yoongi! He did nothing wrong.” Jin came to the boy’s defense.

“Nothing.” Yoongi snorted before refocusing on the computer in front of him angrily moving sound forms from one folder to another.

Tae sighed “You have got to stop this. Get over her or ask her out. I’m not kidding. I also am not changing the way I am with her because of your petty jealousy.”

Namjoon nudged Tae to the door as he spoke “Guys… Don’t. If her being here is a problem I won’t bring her back it’s not fair.”

“Its him!” Both Tae and Yoongi exclaimed once again looking to your sleeping form to see if you woke.

“OK! No more tonight or ever preferably. Joons right if her being her is a problem it needs to stop. Tae go with Namjoon he needs to stop by the dorms to change for his date me and Hobi will take her home when were done.” Jin silenced the building argument with his comments as Namjoon grabbed his phone handing Tae his bag the boys left with quiet goodbyes. Silence fell over the remaining members.

“Hobi you want to record next?” Jin asked.

“Why don’t we just call it quits. Meet back tomorrow or something?” Hobi looked from Jin to Yoongi in question. “Im tired and I would like to shower and sleep.”

“We can’t finish without Tae’s part and you know vocal line changes some of the rap flow.” Jin looked at Yoongi waiting his response.

Sighing Yoongi spoke “Fine. But im going to finish tonight. You two go on. I’ll get her home after im done.”

“Don’t stay too late.” Jin spoke as he gathered his phone and charger from where it was plugged into the wall next to you.

“Joon will kill you if he finds out you let her sleep for too long on this couch.” Hobi teased Yoongi as he patted him on the shoulder in goodbye.

“Go on leave me be.” Yoongi waved them away before turning back to his computer.

An hour passed as he took turns rapping in the booth and coming back out to listen to the recording and pair it with the semi complete song. What he didn’t seem to notice as he moved back and forth is the sound of the door closing even softly waking you each time. Giving up on listening to the takes after every few recordings he decided to just rap until he needed a rest and then go and review what he has recorded. Doing so he lost himself in the music more and more.

You stood from your spot stretching your arms over your head and letting your back crack a little. Creeping to Yoongis computer you saw that wave forms were being recorded. Curiously you wondered just who was still in the studio knowing Yoongi wouldn’t leave his equipment to just anyone but Tae and Namjoon wouldn’t just leave you here alone.

Looking in the recording booth you couldn’t help but blush.

Yoongi was rapping clearly going in on the lines he read from the paper in front of him. The sweat beads slowly fell from his hairline down his cheeks and rolling under his jawline to his neck. Realizing just how long you were staring once you blinked and made eye contact with him.

“Well?” He asked.

“Huh?” You looked to him feeling embarrassed this is why Namjoon was to never leave you alone with Yoongi you went a little stupid but it was just the crush taking over.

“I said I can feel you staring at me, why don’t you just come in?” Yoongi smirked at you as he fixed the paper on the stand in front of him.

“I wasn’t staring.” You blushed harder. “Where is everyone did they go home?”

“Mmmm” he hummed in response. “Im almost finished just a few more takes for safe keeping. Hang out a second and ill take you home?”

“I’ll go wait then.” You rushed back to the safety of your couch before deciding last minute to sit in the computer chair at the desk and watch the wave forms as Yoongi rapped his last lines.

Looking at your phone you were greeted with no new messages. Letting out a sigh you texted Tae asking why he left without you. Namjoon you could understand because of the girl hangout thing but Tae shouldn’t have left you without a ride and it annoyed you all the shit you do for him. After sending an angry message to him another greeted you almost immediately.

‘Jin and Hobi said they would take you home.’ >Tae

‘Did they not?’ >Tae

‘No. Yoongi is still here though he will take me I guess.’ >Y/N

‘Seriously though you’re so annoying.’ >Y/N

‘Just think of it as a way to test your stamina 😉’ >Tae

‘TAEHYUNG! I swear!’ >Y/N

‘Tell me you don’t like being alone with the guy you want.’ >Tae

‘How about I tell you to shut up instead.’ >Y/N

‘You love me!’ >Tae

‘No I don’t.’ >Y/N

‘Yessssssssssssssss’ >Tae

‘Nooooooooooooooo’ >Y/N

‘Say you love me and ill shut up.’ >Tae

‘Guess ill never stop hearing you speak then.’ >Y/N

‘Ohh so that’s the plan then 😉’ >Tae

Just as the last text came in you heard a throat clear behind you. Tilting your head back you made eye contact with Yoongi.

“Uhhh hi.” You got lost in his eyes for a moment.

Sighing he nudged the chair over and crouched a little to save the files he just recorded and close out the programs.

“I can move.” You offered. Lets be real it wasn’t because of the goodness in your heart that you suggested it. The truth is you could feel his body warmth as he reached for the keyboard to title the tracks. You could smell his cologne as he leaned forward to stretch his back from the awkward position. You could see every strand of hair falling over his eyes.

Eyes. Shit he was looking at you again. Did he speak? Do you look like an idiot?

“Are you and Tae together?” He asked out of nowhere.

“What?!” You were surprised at the question.

“You and Tae. You went for ramen, he’s been to your house, he stayed out of the dorms and came back with hickeys, you went out for a fancy dinner, he made stamina jokes, and how you like being alone with him. You and Tae. Are you two something? Do you want to be? Does he?” Yoongi wasn’t looking at you as he pressed the power off button on the computer not moving to stand and get out of your space.

“Tae and I are friends. Ramen’s good. He went on a date with some girl from out of town and went back to her hotel room that night. If he had hickeys that must be where he got them. We went to that dinner because I wanted to try the food before I recommend it for Jin to take his mother for her birthday. Stamina Jokes are just jokes and they were more about building a tolerance than anything. But he wasn’t talking about him and I alone.” You spoke flushing at the end hoping Yoongi will leave it there and save you the embarrassment.

“Are you two something? Do you want to be? Does he?” Yoongi repeated looking in your eyes.

“Were friends. Nothing more. I don’t want that and I doubt he does either.” You looked back at him.

“So you’re not with anyone.” He confirmed.

“No. Not with anyone. Why?” You asked. While you waited for him to speak again, he seemed to be finished with the conversation gripping the chair you were sat on to pull you closer. Your eyes widened as you were pulled moving your face in front of his. Yoongi leaned in even more.

“Your lips are getting really close to mine.” You spoke in a whisper almost against his lips.

“Good or no?” You both sprung apart from the new voice at the doorway.

“TAE!” You yelled.

“Why are you back?” Yoongi glared.

“My friend texted me and said she was pissed I wasn’t there to take her home so I guess I will now.” Tae smirked at Yoongi raising an eyebrow at him.

“Thanks Tae.” You pressed your knees to yoongis as you stood. Grabbing your purse, you felt a hand take yours.

“Let me take you out tomorrow?” Yoongi looked at you with hopeful eyes.

“Cant.” Tae interjected again.

“Said WHO.” Yoongi asked through gritted teeth.

“You wanted to move recording to tomorrow.” Tae said through a smirk.

“Friday then.” Yoongi said to you.

“Friday is Jins fishing trip you sure you want to plan something for that night?” Tae said smirk still present on his face and in his words.

“YAH! Stay out of it for 2 seconds!” Yoongi exclaimed at Tae.

“Tuesday next week?” You asked.

“Tuesday. 7pm.” Yoongi confirmed.

Smiling you walked to the door before you heard a muffled scuffle. Turning you see Yoongi with Tae in a headlock. Whisper yelling at him about being a cockblock. Tae didn’t look to concerned not with the laughing he was trying to hide weather it was from you or Yoongi you’ll never know. But hey Tuesday at 7 you have a date with Yoongi. Holy shit you have to call Namjoon.

#bts imagines #min yoongi imagines #yoongi imagines #bts x reader #yoongi x reader #suga x reader

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dumblemonchickenwing · 3 years ago

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scrapped scribbles and drafts that were never finished, under cut (very long and confusing)

We decided to get closer and get to know each other better.

We even decided to collaborate. Many months passed, and we no longer saw enemies in each other. I think we grew closer to each other and had best days together. years passed before we finally started working on our movie together.

And although the movie didnt turn out great, it didnt matter to me; i was happy to just be beside him. It was first experience after all

but when I looked at The Conductor, I saw a horrified expression on his face

Ever since the premiere, he started getting more and more quiet, and it felt like he was somewhere else. When I talked to him he wasn’t responding immediately as he usually did

I suspected something was going on but I didnt do anything about it and chose to ignore..

until one day.. I caught him sneak in one of the moon penguin scientists’ spaceship ( that was the first spaceship anyone has invented). I realized that he planned to leave for a long time, and all those quiet days were a sign of it

DJ Grooves: “Why are you leaving?! Conductor?? WHat’s going on?!”

DJ Grooves: “Yes..I finally understand.. your heart never was in this.. in our bond, ever. You have been planning to flee this whole time. You decided to backstab me and betray what we’ve been building-”

Conductor: “I KNOW THAT!!”

Conductor: “I KNOW EVERYTHING! I KNOW I BETRAY AND BACKSTAB YOU. I RUN AWAY WHEN YOU NEED ME, WHEN I PROMISED WE WOULD CREATE SOMETHING GREAT TOGETHER!”

Conductor: “Ever since I first saw you , even when we hated each other, I knew you were special, you were cut out to be among the most talented creators, you had spark. Even when I wanted to beat you by all means possible, I knew deep down I couldnt hold a candle to you. When she left and we realized our rivalry was pointless, I finally saw me for who i am. I stole and did all in my power to strike you down. I despised you. You were nothing to me. I hated you. And now all those days crush upon me. I can’t bear remembering that was how I was. I can’t handle hating you.”

Conductor: “I was the worst piece of work ever throughout my life. All I do is steal, lash out, yell at everyone and destroy property. Ever since that lass left us all, we agreed we’d.. change. get better, we will be enemies no more. No more fraud, no more backstabbing. We will be better birds, as..birds. not directors.. for each other. But I.. I couldn’t change. I am the same as I always been, and after so many tries I failed to be- failed to become better. Im so stiff, so rude. Only thinking about me train.. Still loving western..and hating disco.. But I thought I like you. All I wanted was to..change it all. But I couldnt.

You, on the other hand, grew, became better. You chose healthy habits, you changed your style, you..loved my movies..you became so different..”

Conductor: “I wanted to impress you so much with our new movie; I wanted to make it the greatest. To prove, I can do something great for us. I wanted it to be the best movie ever made. So when I saw the result..and reviews.. I couldn’t- I saw I failed you again-

I can’t handle seeing you trying so well for me and going through growth for me when I can’t do anything myselft- So I thought- if She could fly away..maybe I could too”

Conductor: “IT KILLS ME GROOVES!! THIS ALL KILLS ME!!

I can’t even look at your face!! I cant even hear your name!! I feel so guilty for everything- those memories- All these things,. our studio- our town- our Planet- Every piece of it!! It’s written my Failures and Destruction ALL OVER THEM! We could have had so much more- we could have been great from the beginning- You could have had a partner who shines as much as you-

And DONT say anything about me movies being “Better”! Better?? At what cost.? Me being piece of work- and thief

I WANTED THIS TO WORK!! IF THIS CAN’T WORK I-”

Conductor: “DON’T WANT TO BE ANYWHERE-”

Conductor: “I WANT TO FLY INTO THE ETERNITY..”

P.S. * Conductor purposely did a ‘hyperjump’ in a random direction, moving as far from the planet as possible in order to get lost and not be able to come back. Because he knows well if he knew the way back, he’d immediately come back to Grooves.

_________

(Separate draft that all text and no drawings;,)

I think i realized why you fell for me back then it was because you were so broken You saw the first bird that arrived as the one

I have seen you You can sing and dance Sweettalk people Talk with others When all I do is wave a knife and shout all the time

I am pretty shallow The only reason I make movies is to get the award and feed my ego I just want to be number one, But you have dreams I've never seen someone so poetic

So when I found out how much sadness you hold inside It shocked me I thought "Why would someone so talented and bright ever want to disappear.?"

I could never wrap my head around it I am nothing but a shallow old man in an old little house in desert

But even I couldnt accept that this happens I went crazy and started following you everywhere I don't know what I was doing It felt like fever dream I couldn't stop But then the time of epiphany came

Why did you look at me with those eyes.?

I am nothing but a part of the crowd that stares at you and admires your existence

I could never reach YOUR level All I did was sitting and watching you show your talents and beauty Unable to give back the same

All this story killed my heart Because I grew desiring to be part of you But I could never And my mistakes fell crawling on my back I had thrown away all concerns and ran away from truth I would never be able to be part of you but I so stubbornly denied that And more time passed, the more I wanted that, to the point it hurt like fire But then I realized.. I can't But it was too late Instead of leaving early, I stayed and lied and lied and lied Just to be close to you I thought "I will leave soon..just will stay for a bit"

"for a little while" "A bit more" "Just a little more"

And now I just didn't want to go, at all I wanted to be with you, and now I couldn't BEAR the thought of leaving That was my karma for selfishly doing what I wanted to do instead what I had to do.

I can't even look at you, or say your name But I don't have any excuses,

You say "Why so blue, darling? Pick your chin up"

How can I look up When the stars in sky Remind me of you.?

#discotrain #drafts #mess #messy drafts #im sorry #very unfinished #messy sketch #comic?#text #poor english #I switched off the conductor s accent bc i cant do scottish accents so why even try-#sad #angst #very long post #long post #edgy

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calumthoodshands · 3 years ago

Text

2021 Writing Self-Evaluation!

thank you @burstingsunrise and @daydadahlias my dear friends this is terrifying for my baby writer ass but i guess i’ll try! Under the cut

1. Number of stories posted to AO3: seven

2. Word count posted for the year: 164,489

3. Fandoms I wrote for: 5sos only!

4. Pairings: so far we’re cake exclusive but well i’m caught up in a story since literally march so

5. Story with the most Kudos/Bookmarks/Comments:

all of them and surprising to no one, are from Days in the sun. i sometimes lose my mind a little when i look at the number of kudos being over 100. how. how!! and so many comments!! over 30!! bat shit insane. i’m glad people like it but it does stun me every day

6. Work I’m most proud of (and why):

i’m gonna name two bc the reasons are different. Dits, because it’s the biggest fic i have written and ever will write, bc i managed to keep a story up in over 130 k words without losing the plot, bc i myself love the world i created in it. everytime i finish a chapter i’m baffled at myself that i’m actually doing this. that i’m writing this fic for soon a whole year.

the second one is probably The easy way out. it’s in no way a particularly outstanding fic, its not long or incredibly short or anything, but i’m proud of how it came to be. i wrote it in one go in just a few hours, i got the exact vibes across that i wanted, and it even did quite well for some reason. i like it a lot

7. Work I’m least proud of (and why):

i do have a fic i am not proud of but i dont see a point in mentioning it

8. Share or describe a favorite review you received:

okay i want to mention several people bc im me and these all made me cry

starting off with megs @igarbagecannoteven bc seriously every comment she leaves on dits makes my heart hurt bc theyre so detailed and really make me believe that i’m not just doing nonsense but actually. like. having an effect on people with what i’m writing. i appeciate it more than i can put into words

second of all was that one time i got a random ask from c @soggyburgers and it was in the very beginning still and out of all fics, about my sad fic high above the city lights. i couldn’t believe someone actually read my stuff. and thought it was good. i seriously think about that message almost every month at least once. i’m still sorry i made you cry, c, i hope you’ve forgiven me

third, and a must for me to mention is the playlist des @cakes-curls made all by herself for dits. when i tell you i cried for half an hour. that my fic had such an impact someone would actually sit down and invest the time to find songs that fit the fic and the vibes????????????????? i’m. i can’t. i’ve talked about it a lot of times already and still dont know what to say to express how much it means to me.

9. A time when writing was really, really hard:

i had a huge writer’s block at one point. i think it took me a month to finish a 3 k word chapter. but also right now, i was struggling with the new chapter for dits, then i was gone over new years, and i have so much to do and i cant sort my thoughts enough to get any further. i’m incredibly frustrated atm. i also constantly think about how i dont give characterisation enough thought.

10. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you:

probably the first kiss in dits! i had it planned completely different in the beginning, only for it to take not only WAY TOO MANY CHAPTERS but also to happen in a completely different setting.

11. A favorite excerpt of your writing:

i literally can’t if anyone has suggestions hit me up i’m too tired and there are too many words

12. How did you grow as a writer this year:

i mean. i started this year. i learned how to write. how to make sentences flow. those kinda things. basics

13. How do you hope to grow next year:

I really wanna keep an eye on characterisation and i really really need to broaden my vocabulary

14. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc):

actually, i think all the writers in the club. the fact that we have a community where you can ask the most stupid questions, where you can always ask for advice, even just reading what other people write and ask about. but also just reading their fics in general. meg’s and molly’s cake fics and jess’ were so good they were the last push to get me into fic writing. but also special mention to molly. thanks for always answering my dumb ass questions no matter when or what and helping me w fic ideas <3

15. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year:

oh definitely. i was in france!! i was where the magic happens!! but also just personal perceptions of things and preferences, but i won’t specify anything. i cant afford to be perceived even more

16. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers:

write. just write. dont be afraid of ideas going to ‘waste’. dont be afraid of writing things u can’t do. if you dont post it, who will know about it? no one but you. always write it down, no matter how small the idea. u can always edit, but u cant get ideas back.

17. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year:

i have several fics i want to write, but as long as im on dits still, i dont have the brain capacity to work on other longer projects. i would love to write the neighbour fic, or the ballet fic.

18. Tag some writers whose answers you’d like to read.

I’m probably the last rn so if you read this and wanna do this pretend i tagged you!!

#writer’s game #tag game #god this took forever #my eyes dried out

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wisp-of-thought · 4 years ago

Text

l o v e l a n g u a g e

language: the principal method of human communication or

a systematic means of communicating ideas or feelings by the use of conventionalized signs, sounds, gestures, or marks having understood meanings

93% of communication is non-verbal. and i tried to learn a new language for you.

it was not an easy one. there were no textbooks, or online review tests, or vocabulary sheets. there was only my hastily scrawled notes trying to understand. there was only me, practicing my pronunciation in the mirror, watching my mouth form around unfamiliar vowels, my hands trying to learn how to hold the consonants so you might be able to better understand my accent. there was only you, trying to teach me a language that had never been transcribed.

you lend me one of your earbuds on the bus and play a song i cannot understand because there are just chords. just brushstrokes of sound. just melody threading notes together. the music is trying to say something. but you are trying to say something too by giving me this rythem. i cannot understand. but i listen anyways. and these are the ways in which i try to learn. you memorize my coffee order but forget my birthday. you never say you miss me but you look back twice exactly when we part every time. your eyes are always closed when we touch. i do not understand what these things say, or what you are trying to tell me but i listen anyways. and these are the ways in which i try to learn.

once, we don't speak for too long and the first night you spend in my bed again, i ask you, before i turn the light off, what it means. you don't look at me. you say you don't know. so i flick off the light switch and curl around myself under the covers. your hands find my hair, find my waist, find the soft skin of a scar, find the place where the flesh is thinnest between the world and my heart. i ask you what that means. you say it means, "you still have me." and so i kiss every one of your finger tips and in this way i respond, "i am glad." i let my legs tangle with yours under the blankets and in this way i say, "you still have me, too." in this moment you have not learnt my language yet either. but we are both learning. and some things are hard to misinterpret.

you take me to the movies to watch the same film for the second time. i do not understand what this is trying to say or what you are trying to tell me but i listen anyways. on the drive home, we take the leftover silence of the theatre with us, and i ask you what you meant when you did this. you are still picking the quiet out from your teeth with your tounge and so i say, "in my language, this means, 'i would choose the silence over your voice.' in my language this means 'you are only worth the past, over again. there is no moving forward, only backwards. until we fall into the oblivion from which we came'. " you pull off the road. you shake your head. say, "in my language, this means, 'the quiet is hard sometimes but never with you.' in my language, this means 'i think we have time enough to reread stories twice'. this means, 'you are the familar and for this i am grateful'. this means, 'i do not need adventure to stay'. that I am content to sit with you and the dark and devour a peice of the world together."

and so i come to learn that your leg slipping over my hip when i am just on the cusp of sleep means: i forgive you. learn that a sandwich found in the fridge made the night before for me to take to work means: im sorry. learn that the hour long shower means: not now. learn the bitting of the nails means: now. now, please. i learn the sunday morning pancakes mean: i love you. but so do the forehead kisses and the 1:30 am texts about tomorrow and the you telling me about your day. i learn the offer to fix my car means "let me be something for you, please." i learn 2 dirty mugs in the sink mean a bad day unless one of them is the red one and it's thursday, because then that just means working late, and in this way i learn about the context of a phrase.

you learn things too. pick them up slowly. through daily conversation. murmmer things in passing. nonchalant and nervous. i don't correct you. i just smile. because I know what you are trying to say.

i wince sometimes at the misused vocab and poorly built sentences that crumble quickly, but i do not offer to teach you until you ask. because i know for certain what you are saying then. saying:

i want to know how to speak to you in the language you feel most at home in.

i want to be able to know you in the words there are no direct translations for.

i want to be able to find you in the dialect you retreat to when the day has gone on too long.

you are saying:

i want to be able interpt everything you think there are no words in my language to say, and so you don't say them.

i want you to be able to tell me everything

you are telling me:

i want you to know that i want to try and talk to you even when it is hard.

you offer to walk with me in the fall afternoon even though you hate the crunch of the leaves that you say sounds too much like endings and i ask you if this offer means "i love you" or "i don't want to be alone right now" and you are looking away from me when you explain that sometimes things can have more than one meaning.

i tackle you half screaming half laughing when you buy us the concert tickets for my birthday and you ask me if this means "thank you" or "i love you" and i am smiling when i explain sometimes things can have more than one meaning.

i come home late to find you sobbing on the bathroom floor and i hold you for hours. i show you videos of baby's laughing until the tears subside long enough for you to kiss me with salt sorrow stained lips and i ask against your mouth if this means "thank you" or "i love you" and you whisper of how different things can have the same meaning and in this way i learn of synonyms.

sometimes the learning of a new language is difficult.

is frustrating.

is silences that scream two things in dissonance.

for the hardest things to define are the absences.

for there are a million subtle ways the pronunciation of quiet differs depending on what you are trying to convey.

sometimes learning a new language is

mistakes.

is misunderstandings.

is apologies

for violating customs

and muddling unfamiliar proverbs.

i'm sorry,

this is not my native tounge.

but i am trying.

i am learning.

if you are willing to teach me.

sometimes a new language is something we become fluent it. the bilingualism comes easy. it rolls off our tounge like second nature. you realize now there are new ways to love in this language. but there are also new ways the hurt. and new ways to heal. and new ways to apologize. you realize there are new ways to know someone when they are not afraid to be misheard.

sometimes a new language is a patchwork quilt of simple words and poorly stitched grammer. sometimes i pull out a few words at the restaurant to impress you. you smile less at the phrase, more at the gesture. sometimes i stumble over the words and you help me up, help me along the sentence, because you know it means the world to me to try for you.

sometimes all we can do is learn to understand. the words never come out right so we stop trying. but we listen. we nod. we laugh. we hold them at all the right parts of the story.

sometimes the greatest gift you can give someone is to understand

what they are trying to say.

when she makes paper flowers and sends me photos of them. i know she is trying to tell me: "look. i got out of bed today and created something beautiful. i thought of you in the slow process of the cultivation of this miracle." and i don't know how to reply. not in her language atleast. and so i don't. but i know what she means.

sometimes it is enough to understand someone.

sometimes it isn't.

sometimes a new language is not for us. we tell ourselves we are too old to pick it up. we tell ourselves it is too difficult. too forgien. too complicated. we try for the sake of saying we tried. but we don't.

in the end, we know how to say hello and goodbye and thank you and a handful of curse words. sometimes we know how to say i love you. in the formal tounge. with textbook pronouns and rigid verbs.

sometimes learning a language is

things lost in translation

how was I supposed to know what that meant?

why didn't you just tell me?

i didn't know how.

being too tired to roll your r's and remember the right tense.

sometimes learning a language is screaming everything you cannot translate at the language barrier between you. hoping they understand. hoping they don't.

but there is something unmatched about being welcomed home in your mother tounge.

something about being forgiven in words you could never misinterpret.

about being called to bed by the familar.

t h e r e i s s o m e t h i n g u n p a r a l l e l e d a b o u t b e i n g l o v e d i n

y o u r o w n l a n g u a g e.

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kisekinodrabbles · 4 years ago

Note

helloo! i'd like to request something for the prompt game please :D kasamatsu + band!au + strangers to lovers + dialogue number 14 if that's okay? thanks, sam! and welcome back~

ofc!!! i tried to keep it shorter but im a bit rusty w my kasamatsu hehe hope u enjoy! wc: 2.3k

Kasamatsu admits that balancing his band and college work isn’t exactly an easy task. Between late evenings spent at gigs and all nights at the library, he is on the brink of his sanity, standing right at the tipping point. He yawns as he enters his nine am mandatory calculus class, another mistake made in his overconfidence that he would somehow be able to get his shit together.

You, on the other hand, are a closeted fan of his band, sitting three rows behind him in class. Every Tuesday and Thursday, you watch him drag his feet in and his hand lifting to his mouth in a yawn. Quickly, you duck behind your book as if Kasamatsu would ever give you the time of day. The brunette is well-known on campus with his successful group and good looks, not to mention he also dabbles a little in basketball while also maintaining a decent grade point average across all his classes. Triple threat, they call him.

When you first came into class and saw him there, shocked is an understatement. You’ve been following his band his high school from across the country. To see him in the flesh, so real and so human with his tired eyes, it almost feels like a dream. One you hope nobody would ever pinch you awake from. Thus, you made it your goal to be there before him every morning, which is a feat in itself. Kasamatsu may be grinding through the night and falling asleep in lectures, but he’ll be damned if he shows up late to class.

Throughout several weeks, you’ve seen girls come up to him left and right, shot down almost immediately by his intention to focus on the professor’s words. He lets them down easy and makes it clear that he pays thousands of dollars to study, not play IRL Tinder. This man gets sexier everyday.

You take your time packing your things when class is over, mainly because you’re too distracted watching Kasamatsu do the same. He is blind, or chooses to ignore, the whispers and shy glances thrown his way. Perhaps this is why you haven’t approached him yourself. You’re just one of his many admirers, a stroke in the massive painting of his life. Sighing, you pick up your pitiful self and make your way to the dining hall where you’re supposed to meet your friend for breakfast.

When the two of you settle on a table, you begin your weekly rambling about how beautiful Kasamatsu looks in the morning. Moriyama, being the good friend that he is, nods and listens intently.

Moriyama is an intriguing character. The two of you met because he had tried a line on you. In your perpetual state of flustered embarrassment, you had stupidly confessed to him: “Sorry, my heart belongs to Kasamatsu Yukio.”

In another twist of fate, he revealed that he had actually gone to high school with the guy and knew him pretty well.

“You know I can introduce you to him, right? No need for all this pining and drooling from three feet away.”

“It’s not the same,” you argue, “he’s practically a living legend on campus. I’m too intimidated to even breathe in the same air as him.” Your obsession has perhaps taken you too far, but if you expect to continue being his fan, the last thing you want is to scare him away.

“You’re so overdramatic,” Moriyama rolls his eyes. Coming from him, this sentence means a lot.

“What? It’s not my fault Kasamatsu’s so hot. He could bang me so hard backstage then pretend I don’t exist and I would still pay to watch his next show,” you groan, spooning yogurt into your mouth.

In that moment, several things happen. Moriyama’s eyes widen and fly behind you. Footsteps sounding at that same spot suddenly cease completely. You, realizing what possibly just happened, feel the heat flare up your cheeks.

Kasamatsu, in his sleep deprived state and probably completely delirious, had stopped in his tracks. His head whipped around to the source of the comment, finding Moriyama sitting with someone who looks distinctly familiar, but he can’t quite put his finger on it.

“Kasamatsu—”

Before Moriyama can even finish his sentence, Kasamatsu is already blurting out. ��Okay, maybe I’m crazy but did I just hear you say that out loud?”

You want to crawl into your hole six feet underground and never see the light of day again. Ducking your head, you don’t even want to chance a glance up. The utter mortification is chewing away at your bones and you wish you could just evaporate into thin air.

Moriyama quickly interjects with a quick laugh, “Hear what? Also how have you been, man? I haven’t seen you in forever. Come join us for breakfast.”

Kasamatsu’s brows pucker. Maybe he really is going insane. And horny. Which is a very bad combination. Nevertheless, he slides into the empty seat next to Moriyama. He stares at you for a few seconds, squinting, before snapping his fingers. “Oh, I remember now. You’re in my calculus class.”

He knows you? “How do you know me?” you squeak, cursing your fangirl self for losing your voice. You never speak up in class, always choosing to come up to your professor for questions at the end of lecture. You’re quiet and tucked away behind him, so you never expected him to recognize you.

The smile he sends you is blinding. Even with shadows under his eyes, he still looks gorgeous. “You’re always first to arrive and last to leave. Figured you’re a hard worker in class and probably acing it.”

Your mouth dries. Kasamatsu noticed you. He actually noticed you. “Oh, um, I’m okay. I’m okay in class, I mean.”

“The question you should be asking is her name, Kasamatsu,” Moriyama scolds, smacking his back.

Kasamatsu pinks sheepishly. “Sorry, yeah. I’m Kasamatsu Yukio, by the way.”

Idiotically, you blurt out “I know” before your name. When you finally introduce yourself, you also clarify, “I’m a huge fan of Blue Devils. I mean, I’ve been following you guys since like high school. Absolutely love your music.”

The man actually reddens even further, but still he beams proudly. “Thank you! That’s crazy. Have you been to our shows?”

Almost all of them. “A couple, yeah.”

“We have one tonight in an actual venue. Are you coming?”

“Ah, it was sold out before I could get a ticket, actually.”

Kasamatsu blinks, “Oh, you’re more than welcome to come. I can get you a pass. Both of you—if Moriyama’s interested.”

“That would be amazing!” You grin, “Is there anything I can get you in return? I don’t want to just accept a gift from you for free.”

“Well, if you are good at calc, I wouldn’t mind some extra tutoring,” he suggests with a teasing grin.

Moriyama rolls his eyes, “Just ask her out instead of using tutoring as an excuse.” The two of you sputter, face colored a dark shade of red. You’ll kick his ass when you get the chance.

—

That one mistake turned out to be the greatest opportunity of your life. In addition to attending his show that night and meeting all of his bandmates, each one more good looking up close than then other, you manage to have weekly study sessions (you’re holding off on calling it dates) with Kasamatsu. The two of you take turns booking rooms at the library to cram, which mainly consists of you reexplaining concepts to the man. Although he isn’t a bad student, he’s also still struggling a bit to keep up.

“Hey” is what you hear before you feel a warm surface press against your cheek. You look up to find Kasamatsu with a steaming cup in hand. Gratefully accepting it, you catch a whiff of freshly brewed tea. You take a sip and smile. Black tea, no sugar. “Just the way I like it.”

“Noticed you never add anything to your tea,” Kasamatsu says almost proudly.

You raise the cup to him in thanks. Both of you go through your usual routine—you focusing on reviewing material for next week while Kasamatsu pores over his notes from this week, occasionally poking you to ask questions.

Honestly, a big part of you still wonders if this is all a dream. This guy you’ve been crushing on for years is sitting in the flesh right across from you. You peek at him from time to time, watching the way he frowns at his book. His blue, almost grey, eyes shine underneath the flickering lights. Even the way his lips curl unhappily is cute.

When he catches you staring, you quickly drop your gaze back to your laptop, missing the way he smiles quietly.

“Will you come to our show this weekend?” He asks as the two of you pack up.

“Ah, I have a shift at my part-time job.”

He looks surprised, “That late?”

You shrug, “Food never sleeps, I guess. It’s at the burger diner by campus.”

“Oh, are you guys open late?”

“Close at one.”

He nods, “Maybe I’ll see you there after then. The guys usually get really hungry after a gig so we can drive some business your way. I’ll make sure they tip well too.”

Your heart warms at the thought. It’s a thoughtful gesture but you’re even more thrilled at the prospect of seeing him. “Sounds good.”

True to his word, Kasamatsu brings the guys to your workplace at midnight after their show ended. They order quite a spread, practically everything on the menu. Kasamatsu goes as far as to help you carry orders to their table. You shoot him an appreciative smile.

Over the time your friendship has bloomed, Kasamatsu has been nothing but a gentleman. He walks you home to your dorm if you’re studying late into the night. He meets you in class with a muffin or a cookie from his early Starbucks runs. Surprisingly, he begins placing himself next to you each session. “This is better anyway,” he mutters. “Two birds, one stone.”

His vague words had you tilting your head in question.

“I don’t have random people coming up to me to sit with me and, well, I get to enjoy your company.” It’s a nice thought—him enjoying your company, that is. He had blushed a little when he realized what you said, but chose to direct his attention to the slides pulled up before him, missing the way you hide your smile behind your sleeve.

Now, you hear the rowdy boys chattering on as they devour their meal as if it’s their last. They speak through mouthfuls of burgers and fries, but you find the sight endearing, mainly because you’ve never seen Kasamatsu so relaxed. It’s quite refreshing really. Your attention is piqued when you hear one of them ask: “So doing it tonight huh?”

Kasamatsu retorts with a “shut the fuck up” and flings a fry his way. The way the other guy wiggles his brows suggestively has you freezing. What if he was meeting up with someone tonight? What if he was going to do the deed?

Somewhere in the distance, you hear the faint cracking of your heart. Of course, Kasamatsu is popular. It’s no surprise he’s got his nights covered as well. You sigh dejectedly, feeling the hope inside you crumble into dust. The rest of your shift goes by rather uneventfully, but you try to avoid going to their table too much, lest you hear more details about Kasamatsu’s planned tryst. The man himself steals glances your way, wondering if you’ll be checking on them anytime soon.

“Your check,” you smile as you set the bill on the table, “I got the owner to give you a discount since you guys ordered a good amount.”

All of their eyes seem to sparkle as they thank you in unison, their synchrony almost puzzling. As you move to pick up the bill and change, Kasamatsu catches your hand before you move away. “What time does your shift end?”

“Half an hour. Why?”

The other guys are already packing up their things and giving you little waves as they exit the restaurant, leaving the two of you alone. “I’ll walk you home, it’s late,” he murmurs, fingers still wrapped around your wrist.

“Oh, you don’t have to! I usually take the bus back anyway so it’s no big deal.” You want to confirm whether he had plans that night anyway. You’d hate to be in the way of that.

He shakes his head, “I insist. Also, um, are you doing anything tomorrow?”

“Catching up on studying most likely.”

“Oh,” he pauses, “if you have time tomorrow night, do you want to catch a movie with me? Maybe dinner after?”

You blink at him in surprise. Now that you’re looking at him properly, you notice that his cheeks are several shades darker than the red neon glow of the diner sign. He’s shifting on his feet and his other hand finds purchase on the strap of his bag, fidgeting with the material. “Um, like a date?”

“Y-yeah,” he stutters slightly, his throat moving as he swallows. “Sorry, I probably should’ve made that clear,” he coughs, “b-but if you don’t want it to be the we can also go as friends.” Perhaps you’ve tortured the boy long enough but you can’t help but relish in his awkward chuckle as his hand lifts to rub the back of his neck nervously.

Biting back a huge grin, you nod. “It’s a date.”

Kasamatsu’s eyes light up and a pleased grin spread across his face. “It’s a date.”

The hollering outside the building has the two of you whipping to face the window where his bandmates have their faces pressed up against the surface, laughing and smiling to congratulate and embarrass their friend. Kasamatsu flushes, “I’ll see you later to pick you up.”

You nod but he’s already out the door, leaping to kick his friends away. “You stupid idiots!”

Laughing, you watch as the group makes kissy faces at Kasamatsu all the while the man fruitlessly attempts to shut them up. He really is cute.

#kuroko no basket #knb #kuroko no basuke #kasamatsu yukio #kasamatsu #knb drabbles #miffythoughts

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purekesseltrash · 3 years ago

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This is my final ask talking about BTD so it has to be perfect, I literally created a google doc so I wouldnt fuck it up before I sent it

Shoji replaying a song over and over while doing a task reminded me of when I listened to “Ophelia” by The Lumineers on repeat while drinking coffee on my kitchen counter and lemme tell ya, I’ve been chasing that high ever since

Yeah knowing you'd have *some* family but not all of them after coming out sucks major ass but its the truth, I'm ever so grateful that the only person who would react negatively that I know would be my maternal Grandmother whos a narcissistic bitch who I haven't spoken to in years so like, i dont give a shit what she thinks but I know that it would be hard on Shoji seeing how family oriented he is in this story and him knowing his relationships with his siblings and parents would be rocky makes my heart break for him

OOOOO BITCHHHHHH HES TEXTING HIMMMMMMM

That went over a lot smoother than I thought it would, I mean i'm incredibly happy that they’re like, getting together, but I honestly expected it to be more drawn out

Awww Tokoyami getting their as fast as he could and Shoji being soft for domestic Tokoyami

Sweet jesus I can relate to Shoji just randomly thanking his friend for being his friend, the amount of times I’ve wanted to just ominously text my friends a “thank you for everything” is too many to count

I LOVE GRITTY, HE REMINDS ME OF MY CAT WHOS A MAINE COON (his names Chewie if you're interested)

I knew Mic would suck at cooking, its just so him

I practically squealed at Shoji changing Tokoyami’s contact name to Fumikage

Okay, little background story, I keep a list in my notes app of headcanons for Tokoyami and literally one of them on there says word for word “Dogs absolutely love him and he loves them right back” so im SO GLAD you made him a dog person, making him a cat person seems like the easy route

LAWYER MOM IS INTRODUCED i honestly didn't picture her as a blonde but now I see it

Tokoyami’s mom being incredibly enthusiastic reminds me a lot of my mom, she always get excited when people have pride flags hanging up and suggested we get a pride flag so that made me appreciate my mama more than I already have been

I swear to god my eyes got as big as saucers hearing the part about cheesecake because I'm from New Hartford and forgot Hartford was a different city.

I can just picture Aizawa SLAMMING the brakes and whipping his head around, hair flying, as he looks at Shoji

“And he let out a breath he hadn't known he was holding” how much more cliche could you get, not gonna lie that made me laugh

All right I have to confess something. I've skipped every transcript of Put Your Sticks Up because I was impatient and wanted to get to the story. Now you know my biggest secret, I always felt bad but would get frustrated cause I wanted to hear ‘bout my boys.

The last precious worm ask! I am finally on my laptop so I can give this the proper attention.

Ngl, when my head isn't working, I will just put on one song and play it over and over and over and over and over until something comes into my head. My ShinOji fic 'Gold Rush' came from that. Still not sure how I managed to make a somewhat decent fic out of a song about gentrification but my mind is a wild and wonderful place.

Yeah, Shouji goes through it with his family. One thing that I can say though is that as Shouji starts to get more and more successful with his art, Tokoyami starts to spitefully send articles and reviews written on his work to his parent's house. He never gets a response but doesn't expect to, he just feels like they should see how amazing their son is, goddamnit. The one day, a letter comes back. Tokoyami opens it, expecting it to be them telling him to knock it off and instead, one of the pictures has been sent back with 'This is beautiful' written in pen, an arrow pointing to one of his vases. Tokoyami then has to show it to Shouji and explain what he did. Shouji cries basically all night. That starts a very, very tenuous back and forth with his mom.

Gonna put the rest of this under a break because it's gonna be long

You should have seen my first outline if you thought this was quick with them figuring it out. Basically, the only reason that Tokoyami broke it off in the first place was because he didn't see that there was a chance of it working. They worked so well otherwise. Amazing chemistry, complimentary senses of humor, Tokoyami didn't want to break it off at all. He just felt like he had to because otherwise they were both going to get more hurt. So when Shouji was like 'okay, but actually I do want to try this', he was all in.

Ojiro is legit Shouji's first real friend. Which is really really sad given that they met when they were eighteen but Shouji never really got a chance to do anything normal.

Maine Coons rule and Chewie is an excellent name for them. I was going to name their cat after Marie Phillipe Poulin, the greatest women's hockey player ever, but I decided that Gritty would be funnier. Mic as a bad cook is deeply satisfying, I picture him being like me, just all 'okay but I just do enough to make something to survive on and uh.... who needs all the details and stuff'.

The name change actually came from my beta. They asked why his contact was still Western Civ Tutor in the beginning of the chapter and I was like 'oooo, great way to show how they have changed'.

And maaaaaaaaaan. I'm sorry but how is someone who is a bird gonna like a cat. Nah. Tokoyami is a dog person. They do go on to get a dog. They were going to get a Shiba Inu or something catlike until Kenta came through with a hound puppy that he'd found in the rain while on his route and just dumps it in Shouji's lap like 'Surprise!'. They name it Lu after Roberto Luongo, famed goalie. The dog is a goddamned menace and Shouji ends up having to take it to classes and learn about dog training so they can all keep their sanity. He ends up loving Lu the most. (I do some part time dog training so I had to throw that in)

Tokoyami dyes his hair. He's actually a mousy blond under the dye like his mama. And yeah, my parents are hella supportive too. I figured it would be healthy for one of them to have accepting parents.

Aizawa was pretty pissed, ngl. For all that he should know better, he got caught up in the same shit that coaches tend to slip into, which is a responsibility because they have someone with potential that they must mold and then when they go on to do amazing things, they can feel a part of it. But then he realizes where he fucked up and how he was so busy seeing Shouji the hockey player that he couldn't see Shouji the person.

Listen, it's my fanfic, so I'm gonna get as cheesy as I damn well please. I'd written a super cheesy ending for the end of 'Black Sun' and was waffling on keeping it until somebody was like 'it's a fic, be as cheesy as you want'. I can has my cheese, as a treat.

WHAT IN THE FUCK WORM. HOW CONFUSED HAVE YOU BEEN THIS ENTIRE TIME?!?!?! this legit made me laugh out loud when I read it. GO BACK AND READ MIC'S SHOW!!! I set up so much stuff to try and prepare the reader to understand the emotional stakes, not to mention the basic facts of hockey! That being said, I get the feeling.

Thank you for this last super mega grande worm ask, sorry that it took me so long, I wanted to be able to give it my full attention. <3

#btd

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theculturedmarxist · 4 years ago

Link

Yves here. Reader IM Doc, an internal medicine practitioner of 30 years, trained and worked in one of the top teaching hospitals in the US for most of his career before moving to a rural hospital in an affluent pocket of Flyover. He has been giving commentary from the front lines of the pandemic. Along with current and former colleagues, he is troubled by the PR-flier-level information presented to the public about the Pfizer and Moderna vaccines, at least prior to the release of an article in the New England Journal of Medicine on the Pfizer vaccine: Safety and Efficacy of the BNT162b2 mRNA Covid-19 Vaccine. However, he did not find the study to be reassuring. He has taken the trouble of writing up his reservations after discussing the article with his group of nine physicians that meets regularly to sanity check concerns and discuss the impact that articles will have on their practices.

By IM Doc, a internal medicine doctor working in a rural hospital in the heartlands

Right off the bat – I am as weary and concerned about this pandemic as anyone. What my little rural area has been through in the past three weeks or so has been nothing short of harrowing. This virus has the ability to render patients about as sick as I have ever seen in my life, while leaving more than half the population with minimal if any symptoms. The patients who are sick are often very sick. And instead of slow and steady improvement like we normally experience, most of these patients are assigned to a long and hard slog. Multiple complications arise. This leads to very diminished throughput in the hospital. The patients literally stack up and we have nowhere to put the new ones coming in who themselves will be there for days or weeks. On top of that are the constant donning and doffing of PPE and intense emotional experiences for the staff, who are themselves becoming patients or in this small town have grandma or Aunt Gertrude as a patient.

To put it bluntly, I want this pandemic over. And now. But I do not want an equal or even worse problem added onto the tragedy. And that is my greatest fear right now. And medical history has demonstrated conclusively over and over again: brash, poorly-thought-out, emotion-laden decisions regarding interventions in a time of crisis can exponentially increase the scale of pain and lead to even worse disasters.

I am not an anti-vaxxer. I have given tens of thousands of safe and tested vaccines over my lifetime. I am very familiar with side effects and safety problems associated with all of them. That is why I can administer them with confidence. I am also an optimist, so all of the cautions I discuss below are the result of experience and the information made public about the Pfizer vaccine, not a temperamental predisposition to see the glass as half empty.

I know this piece is long, but I wanted to completely dissect the landmark New England Journal of Medicine (from now on NEJM) publication of the first Pfizer vaccine paper. I am replicating the method of my mentor in Internal Medicine, a tall figure in 20th Century medicine. He was an internationally recognized authority and his name is on one of the foundational textbooks in his specialty. He was a master and he taught me very well, including the fundamentals of scientific inquiry and philosophy, telltale signs of sloppy or dishonest work, the order in which you should dissect someone’s work, and the statistics involved.

When I have a new medical student doing rotations with me, I give them a collection of reading. At the very top is Drug Companies & Doctors: A Story of Corruption from the New York Review of Books in 2009 by Marcia Angell, MD. She was the editor-in-chief of the NEJM, the very journal that published this Pfizer vaccine paper.

Dr. Angell’s article is the Cliffs Notes version of much longer discussions she had about corruption, corporatism, managerialism, profiteering, greed, and deception in in the medical profession. Patient care and patient concerns and indeed patient lives in her mind have been absolutely overcome by all of these other things. It is a landmark paper, and should be read by anyone who is going to interact with the medical community, because alas, this is the way it is now. I view this paper the exact same way I view Eisenhower’s speech about the military industrial complex. What she said is exactly true, and has only become orders of magnitude worse since 2009.

And now the paper.

Unfortunately, this study from Pfizer in the latest NEJM, and indeed this whole vaccine rollout, are case studies in the pathology Agnell described. There are more red flags in this paper and related events than present on any May Day in downtown Beijing. Yet all anyone hears from our media, our medical elites, and our politicians are loud hosannas and complete unquestioning acceptance of this new technique. And lately, ridicule and spite for anyone who dares to raise questions.

I have learned over thirty years as a primary care provider that Big Pharma deserves nothing from me but complete and total skepticism and the assumption that anything they put forth is pure deception until proven otherwise. Why so harsh? Well, to put it bluntly, Big Pharma has covered my psyche with 30 years of scars:

• As a very young doctor, I treated an extraordinary middle-aged woman who had contracted polio as a toddler from a poorly tested polio vaccine rolled out in an “emergency.” Tens of thousands of American kids shared her fate1 • The eight patients I took care of until they died from congestive heart failure that had been induced by a diabetes drug called Actos. The drug company knew full well heart failure was a risk during their trials. When it became obvious after the rollout, they did everything they could to obfuscate. Actos now carries a black box warning about increased risk of heart failure • The three women who I took care of who had been made widows as their husbands died of completely unexpected heart attacks while on Vioxx. I have no proof the Vioxx did this. But when Vioxx was finally removed from the market, the mortality rate in the US fell that year by a measurable amount, inconsistent with recent trends and forecasts. Merck knew from their trials that Vioxx had a significant risk of cardiovascular events and stroke, and did absolutely nothing to relay that danger in any way. Worse, they did everything they could to muddle information and evade responsibility once the truth started to come out • The dozens upon dozens of twenty and thirty-something patients who have been rendered emotional and spiritual zombies by the SSRIs, antipsychotics and amphetamines they have been taking since childhood. Their brain never learned what emotions were, much less how to process them and we are left with empty husks where people never developed. The SSRIs and antipsychotics were NEVER approved for anyone under 18. EVER. While there are some validated uses for stimulants in children, they are obviously overprescribed, as confirmed by long-standing media reports of their routine use as a study/performance aid. It is all about the lucre. • The hundreds and hundreds of 40-60 year olds who have been hollowed out from the legal prescribing of opioids. All the while the docs were resisting this assault, the drug companies and the paid-off academics and medical elites were changing the rules to make physicians who did not treat any pain at all with opiates into evil Satan-worshippers. And they paid for media appearances to drive across the point: OPIATES ARE GOOD. WE HAVE MADE THEM SO YOU CANNOT GET ADDICTED. And here we are now with entire states taking more opioids than in the waning days of the Chinese Empire, and we all know how that story ended. All this misery so a family of billionaires can laugh its way to the bank.

I carry all these people and more with me daily. I would not be doing a service to their memory if I allowed myself to be duped into writing another blind prescription that was going to add yet another scar.

I will dissect the important parts of this paper exactly as my mentor described above taught me. He performed years of seminal research. He was a nationally-known expert in his field.

In medicine, especially in top-tier journals like NEJM, landmark papers are always accompanied by an editorial. These editorials are written by a national expert who almost always has “peer-reviewed” the source material as well. This is how the reader knows that an expert in the field has looked over the source material and that it supports the conclusions in the paper. My mentor did this all the time. The binders all over his office were the actual underlying data that he scrutinized to confirm the findings. There is no way on earth to print and publish the voluminous source material. Editorial review was one sure way all to assure that someone independent, with appropriate experience, confirmed the findings. This was onerous work, but he and thousands of others did it because this is the very essence of science. He was scrupulous in his editorials about findings, problems, and conclusions. It was after all his reputation as well.

My first lesson from him: READ THE EDITORIAL FIRST. It gets the problems in your head before you read the statistics and methods, etc. in the actual paper. It gives you the context of the study in history. It often includes a vigorous discussion of why the study is important.

Admittedly, over the past generation, as the corporatism and dollar-counting has taken over my profession and its ethics, this function of editorial authoring has become at times increasingly bizarre and too-obviously predisposed to conclude with glad tidings of joy, especially if pharmaceuticals are involved.

So I read the editorial first. You can find it on the NEJM webpage, in the top right corner.

And, amazingly, it is basically a recitation of the same whiz-bang Pfizer puffery that we have all been reading for the past few weeks. There really is not much new. Furthermore, it is filled with words like “triumph” and “dramatic success”. Those accolades have yet to be earned. This vaccine has not yet even been released. Surely, “triumph” is a bit premature. Those words would NEVER have been used by my mentor or similar researchers in his generation. They would have been focused on the good, the bad and the ugly. A generation ago, editorial reviewers saw their job as informing the reader and making certain the clinicians that were reading knew of any limitations or problems.

In quite frankly unprecedented fashion, two different events that were carefully reported occurred almost simultaneously with the release of both the paper and the editorial. Both of these events contradict and contravene data and conclusions reported in both the paper and the editorial and I believe they deserve immediate attention. They both belie the assertions of the editorial writers that [emphasis mine] “the (safety) pattern appears to be similar to that of other viral vaccines and does not arouse specific concern”.

First, a critical issue for any clinician is “exclusion criteria”. This refers in general to groups of subjects that were not allowed into the trial prima facie. Common examples would include over 70, patients on chemotherapy and other immunosuppressed patients, children, diabetics, etc.. This issue is important because I do not want to give my patient this vaccine (available apparently next week) to any patient that is in an excluded group. Those patients really ought to wait until more information is available – FOR THEIR OWN SAFETY. And not to mention, exclusion criteria exist because the subjects in them are usually considered more vulnerable to mayhem than average subjects. From my reading of this paper, and the accompanying editorial, one would assume there were no exclusion criteria. They certainly are never mentioned.

I reiterate, the paper is silent on this question of exclusion criteria, as is the editorial. Had my mentor seen something like “exclusion criteria” in the source material, and realized that it was not in the final paper, he would have absolutely included a notice in his editorial. This would have been after calling the principal investigator and directly questioning why there was no mention in the original paper. Patient safety should be foremost on everyone’s mind at all times in clinical research and its presentation to practitioners.

And now we know there were exclusion criteria, not because of anything Pfizer, the investigators, or the NEJM did but because of stunning news out of the UK. UPDATE: I will address this at greater length, but an alert reader did find the study protocol, which were not referenced in any way that any of the nine members in my review group could find, nor were they mentioned in the text of paper or editorial, as one would expect for a medication intended for the public at large. I apologize for the oversight, but this information was not easy to find from the article, not mentioned or linked to from the text of the article, the text of the editorial, in the “Figures/Media,” or in a supplemental document.

In the UK on day 1 of the rollout, two nurses with severe allergies experienced anaphylaxis, a life-threatening reaction to this vaccine. Only after world-wide coverage did Pfizer admit that there was an exclusion criterion for severe allergies in their study.

Ummm, Pfizer, since we are now getting ready to give this to possibly millions of people in the next few weeks – ARE THERE ANY OTHER EXCLUSION CRITERIA? Should I, as a physician, specifically not be giving this to patients with conditions that you have excluded?

Furthermore, NEJM, since you published this trial, have you bothered to at least put a correction on this trial on your website that it should NOT be given to people with severe allergies? I certainly see nothing like this.

Should someone from the NEJM or the FDA be all over Pfizer to ascertain the existence of other exclusion groups so we do not accidentally harm or kill someone over the next two weeks?

Unfortunately, Americans, you have your answer from the FDA about severe allergic reactions right from a press conference in which Dr. Peter Marks, the director of FDA’s Center for Biologics Evaluation and Research is quoted as saying:

Even people who’ve had a severe allergic reaction to food or to something in the environment in the past should be OK to get the shot….1.6% of the population has had a severe allergic reaction to a food or something in the environment. We would really not like to have that many people not be able to receive the vaccine.

Are you serious? Dr. Marks, have you ever seen an anaphylactic reaction? I live in a very rural area. Many patients live 30 minutes or more from the hospital. What if one of them had an anaphylactic reaction to this vaccine hours after administration, had no epi-pen and had to travel a half hour to get to the nearest hospital? There is a very high likelihood that a good outcome would not occur. Sometimes, as a physician, I simply cannot believe what I am hearing out of the mouths of our so-called medical leaders.

To the writers of the editorial accompanying this research:

Did you actually look at the source material? The existence of at least one exclusion criterion for severe allergic reactions had to be in there somewhere. If you did look at the source material, are there others that the physicians of America need to know about? If they were not in the source material, after the events in the UK, has anyone bothered to follow up with Pfizer about this omission?

Does anyone at NEJM or Pfizer or FDA plan to fully inform the physicians of America? Does ANYONE at NEJM or Pfizer or FDA care about patient safety?

Now for the second story that got my attention this week, an article from JAMA Internal Medicine, a subsidiary of JAMA, The Journal of the American Medical Association.

JAMA, like NEJM, is one of America’s landmark medical journals. I will assure you that JAMA is not the National Enquirer. This piece was written by a nursing researcher. It is very likely she is well-versed in all aspects of American medical research.

In her story, she details her recruitment and her experience in the Pfizer COVID trial, the same one we are dissecting here. She describes in detail her experience with the vaccine and the fact that she is concerned that many patients are likely going to feel very sick after the injection. She wrote up her own reactions, and included a very troubling one. About 15 hours after her second injection, she developed a fever of 104.9. She explained that she called her reaction to the Research Nurse promptly the next morning. The recounted the response of the Research Nurse to her information as “A lot of people have reactions after the second injection. Keep monitoring your symptoms and call us if anything changes.”

Thankfully, it appears this nurse has completely recovered. From the best I can tell, this encounter occurred in late August and early September, putting it well within the trial’s recruitment of arms as detailed in the paper.

This JAMA article impinges directly on Figure 2 on page 7 of the paper, a graphic that that lays out all the major side effects during in the trial.

It is very important to note that based on the trial’s own data, conveniently laid out on the very top of the figure in green, blue, orange and red, a temperature of 104.9F or 40.5 C is described as a Grade 4 event. The definition of a Grade 4 event is anything that is life-threatening or disabling. A fever of 104.9 can have grave consequences for any adult and is absolutely a Grade 4 event.

By law, a grade 4 event must immediately be reported to the FDA, and to the Institutional Review Board (the entity charged with overseeing the safety of the subjects) and to the original investigators. THERE IS NO EXCEPTION. One would think that would also be reported in the research paper to at least alert clinicians to be on the lookout.

I could not find any mention of this event in the text of the paper. NOT ONE. Let’s take a closer look at Figure 2 on page 7 where adverse events are reported in a table form. Please note: this is a very busy image, and in the browser version, with very low resolution graphics that are profoundly difficult to read (they are a bit clearer if you download the PDF). This is a time-tested pharmaceutical company tactic to obscure findings that they do not want you to see. My mentor warned me about ruses like these years ago, and finding one raises the possibility that deception is in play.

The area for the reporting of this Grade 4 reaction would be on the 2nd row down at the left of the set called B, titled systemic events and use of medication. The area of concern would be where the graph is marked with the number 16. Do you see a red line there? It would be at the very top. I have blown this up 4 times on my computer and see no red there. I am left to assume that this Grade 4 “Life Threatening or Disabling” event that was clearly within the time parameters of this trial was not reported in this study.

To those who say that I am making way too much out of one patient with a severe fever, let’s do a little math. There are 37,706 participants in the “Main Safety Population” (from Table 1), of which 18.860 received the vaccine.2 Let us assume that this individual was the only one that had a GRADE 4 reaction. Let us also assume that the end goal is to vaccinate every American a total of 330,000,000 people. So if we extrapolate this 1 out of 18,860 into all 330,000,000 of us, it suggest that roughly 17,500 could have this kind of fever. Now assume a 70% vaccination rate, and you get that would be approximately 12,250. I hope you now understand that in clinical medicine related to trials like this – a whole lot of nothing can turn into a whole lot of something quickly when you extrapolate to the entire targeted group. Does anyone not think that the clinicians of America should be prepared for anything like this that may be coming?

A couple more questions for NEJM and the editorial writers:

Were you ever made aware that this Grade 4 reaction occurred? Now that we have a reliable report that it occurred, has there been any attempt to investigate?

Did the Research Nurse actually report this event? If not, was she just simply not trained or was there deliberate efforts to conceal such reactions? How many more reactions were reported anywhere this trial was conducted and that did not make it to the FDA, the IRB or possibly the investigators? Is that not a cause for concern?

As if this is not enough, there is so much more wrong with this editorial. Now we are going to talk about corruption.

I want to reiterate my concern that over the past generation, as my profession has lost its way, its medical journals have turned into cheering sections for Big Pharma rather than referees and safety monitors. We all should relish the great things medical science is doing, but we should be doing EVERYTHING we can to minimize injury and death. Too often our journals have become enablers of Big Pharma deceiving our physicians and the public. Unfortunately, this paper and its editorial look troublingly like a case study of this development.

To provide context, I looked over the last month of the NEJM, the issues from November 12, 19 and 26th and December 3rd. Based on having read the NEJM over the years, I believe these four weeks are representative.

During this period, there were 15 original articles published in the fields of Oncology, General Surgery, Infectious Disease, Endocrinology, Renal, Cardiology, Pulmonary and Ear Nose & Throat. Of these 15 articles, the editors thought that eight were important enough to have an editorial from an acknowledged expert. I have read every one of these studies and the editorials as I do every week. All eight in the past month were indeed by leading experts in the field of the underlying studies. They included a COVID vaccine overview reviewed by an leading figure in vaccinology, and two COVID papers about Plaquenil and other approaches discussed by top infectious disease experts.

It was unlikely that those papers were going to get national media attention. All medical stuff.

But here we have our Pfizer vaccine paper. We have 300,000 fatalities in the USA alone and millions of cases. We have whacked our economy, we are in the depths of a national emergency. And we have a paper, the first, that may offer a glimpse of hope. Certainly this would be a landmark paper, and certainly it was treated in that manner? Right?

One would think that the doctors of America would have this study explained to them by a world-known vaccinologist? NOPE…..Maybe a virologist? NOPE….. Maybe a leading government official? Dr. Fauci? Dr. Birx? Dr. Osterholm? NOPE…..Maybe an expert in coronaviruses? NOPE…

We get the Pfizer ad glossy editorial treatment from Eric Rubin MD, the editor-in-chief of the NEJM. And Dr, Longo, an associate editor. Dr. Longo is an oncologist. Dr. Rubin is at least a recognized infectious disease doctor, but his specialty based on my Google search is mycobacterium, not virology. Again, one would normally anticipate for a paper of this importance, the editorial would be from someone with directly on point expertise.

Why would this fact been important to my mentor? (and I had the privilege of hearing him trash a paper in an open forum about a very similar issue, a paper introducing a drug to the world that later was the disaster of the decade, Vioxx) Why is this important to me and all the other physicians in my review group here in flyover country yesterday?

Because the choice of authorship of the editorial leads you to one of only several conclusions:

• Pfizer would not release the source data because of proprietary corporate concerns and no self-respecting expert would review without it • Pfizer knew there are problems and did not want anyone with expertise to find out and publicize them • The editors could not find a real expert willing to put their name on a discussion • Drs. Rubin and Longo are on some kind of journey to Vanity Fair and wanted their names on an “article for the ages” • This is a rush job, and no one had time to do anything properly, and so we just threw it all together in a flash

Readers, pick your poison. If anyone can think of a sound reason, please let me know. I am all ears.

But let’s open up the can of worms a bit more. Pfizer supports NEJM. Just a brief swipe through of recent editions yielded several Pfizer ads. A Pfizer ad appeared on my NEJM website this AM. I do not know how much they pay in advertising but appears to be quite a bit.

Americans, have we devolved so far in our grift that it is now appropriate for the EDITOR-IN-CHIEF of our landmark medical journal to be personally authoring “rah rah” editorials about a product of a client that supports his journal with ad dollars? And he has the gall to not present this conflict on his disclosure form? Really? Am I the only one worried about this type of thing?

Now we travel from the can of worms to the sewer. And this impacts every single one of us. I want you to Google the names of the people on the FDA committee that voted 17-4-1 two days ago to proceed with the Emergency Use Declaration. Go ahead – Google it. On that list, you will find the name Eric Rubin, MD. Why yes indeed, that is the very same Eric Rubin MD who wrote this editorial. Who is the Editor-in-Chief of the NEJM. A publication that certainly takes ad dollars from Pfizer. And he was one of the 17 to vote for the Pfizer product to be immediately used in an emergency fashion. Oh yes, oh yes he was.

Am I the only one who can recognize that Pfizer and other pharma companies may have some influence on Dr. Rubin thanks continued support of his employer, the NEJM? Am I the only one concerned that Dr. Rubin’s “rah rah” editorial may have been influenced by Pfizer? Is anyone else troubled that the Editor-in-Chief of the NEJM, supported by Big Pharma advertising dollars, is sitting on an FDA board to decide the fate of any pharmaceutical product? Is this not the very definition of corruption? Or at least a severe conflict of interest? I strongly suspect that a thorough evaluation of members of that committee will reveal other problems. As my grandmother always used to say, “There is never just one roach under a refrigerator.”

I looked in vain all day today for media discussions of conflicts of interest with Dr. Rubin or anyone else in a position of authority. I found nothing.

What I did find was the Boston NPR affiliate WBUR discussing Dr. Rubin’s Yes vote. You can listen yourself:

This interview left me much more concerned about Dr. Rubin’s role and what exactly he read in the raw data from Pfizer. In this interview, he admits that he as an FDA advisory member has seen no data from the Moderna trial coming up for a vote this week:

These two vaccines are fairly similar to one another, so I am hoping the data will look good, but we haven’t seen the data yet, so I reserve judgement.

Excuse me, but should not the members already have the data and be mulling over it to ask intelligent questions?

These statements left me more worried about the issues I have already brought up with the Pfizer vaccine:

We don’t know if there are particular groups that should or should not get the vaccine…We do not know what will happen to safety over the longer term.

When finally asked specifically about the UK allergic reactions and if they came up in the FDA meeting (emphasis mine):

It did come up and this was a bit of a surprise because in the trial, that trial was limited to specific kinds of participants, there were apparently no incidents like that, nevertheless this suggests it is something we are going to have to look out for.

There is absolutely not a word in the published data to suggest there was a limit to SPECIFIC PARTICIPANTS – what on earth is he talking about? Are there limited specific kinds of patients that we as physicians should be looking to vaccinate?

In a fine finish, toward the end of the interview Dr. Rubin states he is a bit relieved that low risk patients will be getting the vaccine later after we know more about the side effects with the first patients. I am really not trying to be a jerk – but are you kidding me? I thought this vaccine was a triumph with minimal side effects.

Dr. Rubin, kind sir, I really feel that you owe a clarification about your statements in the WBUR interview to the patients and caregivers of America. We are the ones with lives on the line.

First, I have the privilege of sitting on an Institutional Review Board (an independent entity that protects patient safety) and I know something about Grade 4 side effects. Just for 1 Grade 4 side effect in one subject, the accompanying documentation would often be a half a ream of paper. Because I agreed to do that job, it was my obligation to look through that documentation. That half a ream was for one side effect in one trial. Yet, you state unequivocally in this interview, that you, as a sitting member of the FDA committee that oversees the safety of the nation in this affair, have not seen any of the Moderna documentation for that upcoming meeting this week.

For readers to fully understand what I am saying, this Moderna documentation is going to be reams and reams of documents that need to be evaluated carefully to ask the right questions. And you have not yet studied this? For a meeting in just a few days? I find this deeply troubling. Your statements create the appearance the committee you are sitting on is nothing more than a rubber stamp for a decision that has already been made. This would be an absolute tragedy.

Second, Dr. Rubin, you in your position as the Editor-in-Chief of the NEJM and the editorial writer for this research, may be one of the few people on earth that have seen the original Pfizer research. Despite calling this a triumph, you state in the interview that you are relieved that younger people less likely to get the vaccine early so you will have time to wait to see if complications develop in the first patients. You have stated, despite your assertion in the editorial that the side effects were consistent with other vaccines, that “we don’t know if there are particular groups that should or should not get the vaccine”. Have you seen something in that “triumph” research that is concerning enough to you to make such statements? As a physician, I would really like a clarification on this statement, given that the shots are already rolling out today.

Now that we are past the editorial, a few words about the nuts and bolts of the paper.

I look for very specific red flags – usually making the data difficult to interpret. This study did not disappoint.

On page 5, in Table 1, the Demographic Description of the participants, go down to the AGE GROUP area. Note it is divided into only two cohorts 16-55 and >55. This is a real problem. My mentor said an honest paper should never deploy such a tactic.

You see, more than half of my patients are over 70. Why is this kind of obfuscation a real problem for my ability to trust the vaccine? Well, the intro papers to many pharmaceuticals that have gone down the drain in recent years have used this very same device. It is their way of hiding the fact that they did not put many older patients in the trial, certainly not representative of the population, and certainly not representative of who is seemingly going to get this vaccine in the first round. Do I know that 90% of the >55 group is actually between 55-58? I don’t. How hard would it be for them to do a breakdown in decades? 16-25 26-35 36-45 46-55 56-65 66-75 76-85? We have lots of computers in this country and the population breakdown is done this way on studies I read all the time. Why not do provide this information on a study that is this critically important, particularly one where elderly patients will be near the head of the line?

What are they trying to do here? Unfortunately, too often drugmakers resort to this practice to hide their failure to test their drug on the elderly to an appropriate or safe degree, knowing there would likely be lots of problems. Because of their past behavior, I ALWAYS assume this is true until proven otherwise and act accordingly with my elderly patients.

That is the world these companies have made for themselves.

Now for the tables on pages 6 and 7 about immediate side effects.

Just a brief look shows that local soreness and tenderness is very common, up to 75% with this vaccine. That is a bit high, but not that far out of range from my experience with other vaccines.

The tables on page 7 are the whoppers.

Headaches, fatigue, chills, muscle pain and joint pain appear to be very common, way more common than other vaccines I am used to, as in an order of magnitude higher. It is very clear from this table that about half the patients, especially the younger ones, are going to feel bad after this vaccine. That is extraordinary.

We are told nothing about how long these symptoms last or the amount of time at work lost. The “minimal side effects comparable with other viral vaccines” in the editorial and press releases is just not consistent at all with my experience of 30 years as a primary care physician. There was universal agreement with this assessment among my MD colleagues. They had great concern about this as a matter of fact: great concern that it will cause bad publicity and decrease administration and great concern that given this already high side effect profile, it may be much worse when it gets out to the public.

Given the fact that this virus is largely asymptomatic in more than half the people infected, what exactly are we doing here?

Furthermore, unlike other pharmaceutical papers that try to explain variances in symptoms like this, there is not a word offered about possible underlying causes of these outcomes.

The numbers of COVID cases in the placebo group vs the vaccine group have been widely publicized, from 162 cases in the placebo group down to 8 in the vaccine group, giving a relative reduction of 95%. It seemed to all of us in our review group that we do not have nearly enough patients to really make assessments. That is not a criticism. The researchers have done admirably in my opinion to get this many patients this quickly. That is still the problem: they are going to be using the first million patients or so in the general public to get a real gauge on numbers and side effects.

Another issue of grave concern to us all on Friday was the asymptomatic cases. The only subjects counted in the 162 and the 8 numbers above were patients with symptoms. Who knows how many in each cohort were asymptomatic.

This to me leads to the most important question of all, and it was again completely untouched….. How many asymptomatic patients are there? And how many who were vaccinated are still able to spread the virus? Not even an attempt to answer that question. This is critical, and is one of the ways a vaccine can backfire. If a vaccine does not provide sterilizing immunity, ie stop transmission, it is of limited use for disease control. It is great for the individual, but if they can remain without symptoms and still spread it all around it does not help from a public health standpoint.

I have described my concerns and red flags about this study. I would like to add one more thing. Pharmaceuticals that go bad rarely do so in the first few weeks or months. Rather, the adverse effects take months or years. It is a known unknown of not just vaccines but any kind of drug. Our pharma companies have become notorious for having inklings or indeed full knowledge that there is a problem early on, and saying nothing until many are maimed or killed. I will assume that this is the case in this class of drugs until proven otherwise. They are such deceivers I have no choice.

Due to sense of urgency my colleagues and Ifeel about this vaccine rollout, we had an ad hoc meeting of our Journal Club to discuss the NEJM article. Of the nine physicians at the meeting, three have already had very mild cases of COVID. Of the nine, only one is enthusiastic about these vaccines. I have a wait and see stance. I will not be taking it myself. I have too many scars, too many staring at me from the grave to take any other approach.

My patients’ feeeback on the COVID vaccine has been very different than the polls finding that 60% are ready to take it. About half my patients are in the professional/managerial classes and feature a higher level of the 0.1% than the US overall. They tend to be more blue. Most prefer to wait and thankful that health care workers were getting it first. The other half who are working class, more red, and they feel the whole thing is a hoax. They will not be getting the vaccine – likely ever.

The only enthusiasts I would call elderly Rachel Maddow fans. That really makes no sense to me at all since Operation Warp Speed was a Trump project and even Kamala Harris said she would not take a vaccine that Trump recommended.

I would say AT BEST 25% of my patients will be getting this vaccine shortly after being available. There is widespread skepticism that is not being acknowledged by our media. The pharmaceutical industry has worked tirelessly to earn every bit of that disrespect.

Please look at Dr. Angell’s seminal article from 2009. She predicted in her works, all of this and more. My profession has been captured by a cabal of corporatist MBA clones, rapacious and unethical pharmaceutical entities, and an academic elite addicted to credentialism and cronyism. They have over the years bought off and infiltrated all of our government health care regulating agencies and our public health system. And they are completely incestuous. I believe where we are now to be worse than Dr. Angell could have ever dreamed. Even more depressing, I see no way out.

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1 As a special homage to the polio patient described above, a truly exceptional woman, let me underscore that the disastrous rollout of the this polio vaccine came at a time similar to ours. Panic and malaise were in the air. The children of America and the world were being stricken with polio at an alarming rate. Dr. Alton Ochsner, a leading figure in medicine of the day, vaccinated both of his grandchildren in public in an attempt to bolster confidence in the vaccines. Within 8 days his grandson was dead of bulbar polio. All the celebrities and politicians lining up to take this vaccine on national TV should remember this tragedy. “Stupid human tricks” like this have no place in this kind of situation, and can backfire in unexpected ways. Unlike that era’s polio vaccine, there is no way on earth this vaccine can transmit COVID. However, there are those of us in the medical profession who treat the plan to make population-wide use of messenger RNA, which before these trials had been repeatedly investigated but never reached the human trial stage save in a small scale Zika vaccine study. This is no time for machismo. This is also no time for anything less than complete transparency on the part of everyone involved in the quest for safe and effective vaccines. To behave in any other way is an affront to patients like mine who have suffered and died in the past.

2 If you read the paper, you might well have wondered about that 18,860 number and even checked Table 1 to make sure it’s accurate (it is), since the third paragraph of the Abstract, under the headline “Results,” has very different figures:

A total of 43,548 participants underwent randomization, of whom 43,448 received injections: 21,720 with BNT162b2 and 21,728 with placebo.

So how did the researchers get from 21,720 injected with the vaccine to the 18,860 in the “Main Safety Population”? This sort of thing confirms the impression that this is a very incomplete or sloppy study. It is really not clear where the difference between the 37,706 and the 43,548, or for that matter, the 36,520 total subjects in the Tables 2 and 3 (Efficacy) come from. I used the 37,706 and hence the 18,860 that went with it from Table because it gave slightly smaller numbers than using the Table 2 and 3 figures, but they would be close to each other.

My concern here is the 6000ish discrepancy between the figures in the main text compared to the tables. Were they excluded? If so, why? I could not make heads or tails out of this, and accordingly kept it out of the body of this post. This kind of inconsistency really needs to be hashed out with the actual source data in hand, and should have been explained in the article, even if just in footnotes.

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