#im not sure i like my writing in this but i feel like its been too long since i posted anything so.. tell me if u liked this !
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sellie!! hi!! for the writing exercise.. my first thought was Touya + hands (thought of that one insanely detailed art).. im not sure about the trope but im thinking just taking extra care of them? if there’s a trope that appeals to you feel free to go with it <33
i hope you’re doing well!
scar hello my dearest!! im so sorry im getting to this so terribly late 🥺 thank you for sending this in though 🥺
touya + hands + extra care
contains: talks abt touya's burn scars, can or cannot be set in canon, touya is emotionally unavailable and noncommittal (but we know that), every time i write touya i clutch my chest, established relationship, it's still pretty sweet i think!
touya doesn't think much of it when you slip the silver band on his ring finger.
you're well aware that marriage is a concept he doesn't believe in; forever has a price too costly, and touya is running on a small budget.
if you know him well enough (which, he's confident you do), you'll know that he is unbending in his decisions and even more with his feelings.
the way he sees it, the band can only be decorative at most.
and yet, it is the first to catch the dawn of light when he wakes up next to you—a glimmer resting on the pillow right next to your head. he squints his eyes, opening and closing his palm as if to test the way it feels.
there's little sensation that touya can feel on his hands now that they've been scarred, his nerve endings burnt to crisps. still, with what little sensation he can feel, the metal rests relatively cool against the warmth of his fingers; it feels cooler than your hands did when you put it on him last night, too.
it's the perfect size, he realizes the more he moves his fingers around—a consideration that twists his insides. things like this shouldn't fit him; he shouldn't want things like this to fit him.
you stir next to him, face scrunching as your eyes slowly blink open.
you've made touya ache since the day he first met you.
this morning is no different, with the way you mumble your "good morning" with a small smile; with the way your eyes glint like the glimmer of the ring on his finger.
there must be trouble in his gaze because your eyes follow where he's looking, following your greeting immediately with a calm, "it doesn't have to mean anything if you don't want it to."
and you mean it, sincerely. touya can tell because it's you.
he hums in acknowledgment.
you chuckle, used to the way he speaks (or doesn't) by now. your hand reaches for his gently, pressing your fingers into his palm in the way that acupressure course taught you. something about relieving stress, or something.
"do you like it?" you ask softly.
his eyes meet yours briefly before he fixes his gaze on it again, watching the way the sunrise hits it at different angles. he mumbles, "s'just a piece of metal."
"you're staring an awful lot at just a piece of metal."
he narrows his eyes at you, a piercing turquoise.
"why'd you get it?"
in hindsight, he should have seen it coming. there must have been some reason you started paying more attention to the dry cracks on his hands―why you began massaging them with "ultra nourishing, moisturizing hand cream" every night.
touya knows you, and he knows you don't do things without purpose.
so when you say—
"just wanted to get you something nice."
—a part of him wonders what you really mean.
it's in the way you look at him this morning and every other time he catches your gaze. it's in your smile, in the way your lips curl up in patience despite his tone of speech. it's in every day you show up when it is much, much easier to leave.
he looks at the ring now and thinks it's impossible to see without attaching its meaning to you.
a/n: fully in my feels with proposals and rings rn! so this is how it's manifesting 🥺 but this is kind of like a proposal kind of not? to me (or to touya), i just really wanted the ring to mean the reader (you), that when he'd look at it, he'd remember you and the fact that you're there and aren't going away. i wanted the line: "get you something nice" to mean more than just getting touya a precious metal. i see touya eventually interpreting that he's received you, and the reminder or "promise" that you'll be with him is what he really counts as "nice". something like that!
#touya x reader#bnha x reader#touya todoroki x reader#mha x reader#dabi x reader#touya#bnha#shotorus.workbook#ask#rep#sorry it's taken me so long scar! i hope this still kind of fills in your prompt!#dieno-tsuki
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On that note, it fucks me up imagining that the Krang situation would make his brothers come to the bone-chilling conclusion that like, oh, Raph actually has a lot more strength than even they might have been aware of. Like I write Leo in particular after the movie as realizing that Raph has very much been purposefully holding himself back in combat situations, because he knows exactly how much damage he could do with that amount of weight and strength on his side.
Like, okay, you could say that it's born from them having to learn that sort of tactic in order to take him down in sparring, but it really says a lot when Leo's fight against him in the movie is mostly Leo either borderline desperately going on defense or just getting flung around like a ragdoll. Like bro gets fucking thrown through a pillar at one point.
honestly there's so much angst potential with them being newly aware of what raph is capable of; raph has been gentle with them his WHOLE LIFE, or at least for most of it (im sure he learned through experience, but they were all so young, yknow). like he's rough sometimes but other than grabbing them suddenly or a little "get it together" whack over the head, he's NEVER used that kind of strength on them. he's extremely careful not to
and the idea of this new awareness, from leo especially, making him wary at least in a subconscious sense would be fucked uppp like. leo would NEVER be scared of raph, he knows raph would never do shit like that to him consciously and i think the idea of hurting raph's feelings would push him to make that clear (because leo cares about about not hurting raph's feelings) but it cant stop instinctual reactions. raph squeezes his shoulder a little too hard and he just flinches when he never did. he moves too fast and leo jumps or cringes back. he doesnt let himself be held so effortlessly anymore
and the whole time he's apologizing and telling raph he doesn't actually mean that, god NEVER. raph came away more fucked up from the kraang than leo did and its unfair that this is a "conflict" (its not) they're dealing with. but to raph it just feels so hollow; he suddenly feels so horrible about himself. he's been aware of his strength his whole life but now it just feels like he's fundamentally failed somehow in his vow not to use it, even though it was never his fault. every time leo freezes when he steps forward a little too fast hurts like a physical blow. the reassurances only make him feel worse, because he's worried they're just empty because leo doesn't want to hurt him.
somehow my brain went to A team angst tangent sorry about that
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Okay one of my biggest fears rn Is that you or like anyone else on here that writes Joe fics will suddenly lose interest and stop writing …. Please never do
oh my god anon 🥲
im ngl...I’ve had moments where ive felt like giving up/stopping writing (only the writing bit though) because I’ve had moments where I’ve been overwhelmed or there’s a lot going on in my life that prevents me from delivering A+ fics for you all. but I’ve told myself if i ever feel like that, take a deep breath, remember its not that deep, and it’s okay if i can’t always give people what they want—when they want it. i come first and i need to make sure im okay before worrying about everything else! but i am here and i am not going anywhere :) all your love and support keeps me going 💞
and im gonna put this in the tag to remind anyone who may feel the same/have those thoughts ever: it’s okay to take a break. take a deep breath, remember you are loved, and to take your time! you matter always and those who love and support you will always stick around no matter how long it takes 🤍
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wanderer in his season of healing makes me so happy. i love that he is safe enough to become softer again, that he is regaining some of his previously “weak” attributes and finding peace with them. he is becoming measured and introspective, and thinking before he speaks, perhaps a result of both his healing and his melancholy; i think it’s beautiful that he is finally able to safely feel his sadness and process the things that have happened. he is simultaneously finding peace and feeling all the difficult emotions he previously consumed with anger. it is painful, but right.
his sense of humor is still intact, certainly rough around the edges as you’d expect, though much less biting than before. it’s easy to tell that most anything aggressive he says is a front, a front that he is no longer concerned with presenting as absolute truth. perhaps the front is his sense of humor, and his affection is all thinly veiled behind jabs and sour grumbles—he is not willing to divulge the intimate details of that, however, preferring to leave it up to interpretation.
i just think of him and his healing and i feel like if he were to fall in love, it would be such a sweet and gentle and quiet sort of thing, just like his newfound peace. he ponders over many things, brooding by himself as much as he can, though he occasionally allows space for others to brood with him. that, i think, is something unique he may grow in. there are people who cannot tolerate strong emotions in themselves and certainly not in others—but he is the kind of person who can. he is the kind of person you could sit with and exist in your sadness and just be sad, and that’s okay. he’s not offering words of comfort or anything, but he doesn’t need to. anything he’d say would be useless anyways, he knows what it’s like and knows that a presence is enough and existing in your emotions safely is enough. he can appreciate someone who is straightforward about feeling unwell, who doesn’t seek pity, who is alright with sitting in the mud. he will gladly sit with you, then, as long as you don’t expect him to get all mushy about things.
he would do well falling in love quietly, not having to beat around the bush. naturally, pieces would fall into place, and he’d find himself yearning to be in the presence of another in a way he’d never before experienced. he had never really wanted to be around anyone, had never sought out anyone’s presence. but once he has been treated gently, has fallen softly into the arms of a likened soul who has the patience and understanding to touch his rough edges without recoiling, he finds his third space being with this new safe person.
and despite his reluctance to be anything but mysterious and nonchalant, i believe wanderer in his healing season would become quite the romantic. not in the sappy sense, but in the quiet love sense i’ve been talking about. firm and protective, subtle and gentle, almost gentlemanlike if it weren’t for his falsely rotten attitude he enjoyed projecting. romantic in a princely way, in a reverently respectful way, in a grotesquely wholesome way.
only the most chaste touches and kisses; he’s still getting used to affection, and would abhor pda. in private he’s much more open to being touched, because he is safe. if he is not safe, he is deeply conditioned to be conscious of his vulnerabilities, and it’s something that will take a lot of time to override, if even at all. but it’s a massive and beautiful step that he is even willing to receive affection at all, that he would want it from a partner in any amount.
hates eye contact, likes playing with hands. likes tracing veins and creases in skin and freckles and scars; he finds them fascinating, as he has nothing of the sort on his artificial body. one of his unique ways he shows affection is what could be called “studying” you. he likes to brood (with you there; perhaps it could be called parallel brooding) and take your arm and trace all the splotches, imperfections, veins, tendons he can find. he likes to touch more than he likes to be touched i think. perhaps he becomes amusingly selfish in this way. perhaps he is more averse to receiving than giving the affection because his disgust towards himself still lingers. perhaps he still has harmful core beliefs to unlearn.
i think he is full of a love that is strong and quiet, a love that he gives so sparingly, and only in pieces, never all at once. unless, that is, someone comes along and manages to drag it all out like a magnet—his carefully crafted exterior is in pieces, just like that! but oh, once someone is in possession of his love, he begins to know them so intimately, more intimately than he lets on. he so deeply knows who he loves and he knows how to give and to take action and so he does it, silently, for he is adept at perceiving the needs of his loved ones. reading body language and facial expressions is second nature to him at this point; nothing can get past him.
he studies you wordlessly with the expression of a cat who loves and reveres its human, except it’s the kind of cat who believes it owns the human, not the other way around. you’re his responsibility that he has taken on like an extension of himself because he loves you, and you have loved him, and now he hardly wants you out of his sight. his journey of rediscovery and learning self acceptance has been mentally and emotionally arduous, but ever since you came in and made loving him seem so easy, he’s felt much more at peace, and has had the capacity to reflect and process with much more freedom to sincerely feel.
stupid fictional character i hate him i hate him so much he is not real and i hate him
#just a bunch of thoughts. idk#i had a specific image in my head that invoked a specific feeling in me and i had hoped to arrticulate it and im not sure if i succeeded#its just that i think he would be so soft in his season of healing. i feel like a lot of people still mischaracterize him when we have been#witnessing him regain his capacity to be vulnerable and i just . if he were to fall in love it would be so . sweet. so good#i can only see him as this quiet introspective avoidant little specimen and i love him and he would be so lovely in love and loving someone#and being loved#mujimumbled#scaramouche#wanderer#wanderer x reader#scaramouche x reader#genshin x reader#genshin x you#drabble#wanderer drabble#character study#genshin impact scaramouche#genshin impact#genshin impact x reader#genshin writing
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stacy is sooo interesting because she's in love with house but knows that they will never ever be able to have a healthy, stable, sane relationship because they're too similar so. she finds house-lite instead and marries him and. essentially moves on with her life! and is successful in this because she's a moderately well-adjusted person!
wilson, in contrast, never manages to escape the inevitable, in spite of his best efforts to find a house-lite of his very own, because he's an absolute fucking freak and ends up glued to house to the bitter. bitter end
#yeah im too sleepy to revise this. UNFILTERED posting wooahh#some may b shocked but i do actually read thru most of my posts several times to make sure i didnt accidentally write mein kampfe 2#recently ive come to the realization that i am in fact not an incredibly chill person#and that the constant paranoia and fear in which i live my life is actually PROBABLY a symptom of severe anxiety#like damn. ive always known that im pretty prone to depression but ive preetty much always been aware of that#my mom is a chronic depressive so i know the symptoms i know the signs i have a pretty good arsenal of healthy coping mechanisms#UNFORTUNATELY mommy's mental health problems did not help her not abuse me as a child#so i ended up being a terribly anxious kid who was constantly being screamed at and told i was overreacting (because i was. because i had#a severe anxiety problem that was making me react irrationally.) to everything all the time#which is you know. it is VERY difficult to deal with a mental health problem when you arent aware you have a problem!#its incredible how much. better. my life has gotten since i figured this out and started actively trying to work out what triggers it#and being able to like. realize 'oookay. there is an Issue here and it needs to be overcome'#instead of just beating on myself constantly for not being able to do things without feeling sick or getting breathing problems!#anyways. trauma dumping in tags is over now!#house md#hilson#greg house#james wilson#stacy warner
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Hellsing 2002 calendar illustration.
Ein wunderliche und erschröckliche Hystori von einem großen Wüttrich genant Dracole wayda Der do so ganz unkristenliche marrter hat angelegt die mensche, als mit spissen als auch die leut zu Tod geslyffen
A wondrous and frightening story about a great berserk called Dracula the voivode who inflicted such unchristian tortures such as with stakes and also dragged people to death
#hellsing#alucard#kouta hirano#translation was found in a comment by u/lazyfoxheart on r/Kurrent#fun fact this is the highest quality version of this image that exists online#i know because i've been looking forever for a version that's clear enough to actually read what hirano wrote under '1443'#but there weren't any so i had to take matters into my own hands#the real image on the back of the guidebook is only 2 inches tall so i had to take this with my smartphone and will my hands not to shake#anyway i'm pretty sure it's supposed to say Eğrigöz (the location vlad was imprisoned) so yeah. thank you hirano very cool#if i might rant for a sec it took me an embarrassingly long time to figure that out because i didn't have the guidebook at first#and in the images i could find online that part was just a blur that looked suspiciously like a person's signature and i was like. who tf#i was thinking matthias corvinus since he issued some political propaganda against vlad iirc but it didn't match his signature on wikipedia#then i thought it might be vlad II dracul's since he probably had to sign an agreement to send his sons over as hostages at some point#but that didnt seem right either so i kept skimming vlad's wiki page#and then i was like goddammit...hirano.....you just misspelled Eğrigöz didn't you.. ....#i maybe should've made a separate post dedicated to this instead of writing a novel in the tags but eh#the hellsing brainrot runs deep#also- i put it in the source link at the bottom of the post but the german inscription is copied off a real woodcut of vlad from 1491#except instead of depicting him as an adult hirano drew him as a child which gives the inscription a very different feel imo#the one final thing that interests me about this is the fact that hirano published this calendar in 2002#which is REALLY early in the series. like this was before volume 5 came out??#i have no idea why he decided to do a massive spoiler drop in a random piece of japan-only merch#sandwiched between a drawing of alucard as john travolta from saturday night fever and integra as a fish no less#it makes me really curious to know what the fan response to this was back then. like did people even know who this was#maybe im just an idiot and everyone back then was like 'ah yes its alucard as a 12 year old. how very informative'
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It's been exactly 2 days, 4 hours, and 32 minutes since you and Kuroo got married.
It was the kind of wedding you thought you’d never get the privilege of having— small, comfortable, and filled with familiar faces— not to mention, the most memorable day of your life. You’d never thought you could be that happy, or that you’d be surrounded by so many people who shared the sentiment. But if Kuroo has done anything through the course of your entire relationship, it’s prove your negative thoughts wrong.
And then, of course, came the honeymoon.
Previously, you’d argued with him a lot about where to go for the honeymoon period. He thought somewhere in Japan— like Hokkaido with its breathtaking natural scenery, or Kyoto with its countless temples— would do just fine. But you’d nagged him about taking you somewhere outside the country, reminding him of the fact that you live in Japan; you have the rest of your lives to travel around Japan, but who knows when you’ll get the chance to go to Europe again?
After a few weeks of going back and forth, discussing all the possible locations and looking up things till one in the morning, you finally agree on Italy, specifically, Venice. It’s the perfect mix of culture and fun for both of you, and you’d be lying if you said you weren’t dying to see The Grand Canal, especially with all the lights at night.
So, after a day of post-wedding packing, and a long day of traveling, you’re finally in Venice. In Venice, on your honeymoon. And it would be absolutely perfect, if you hadn’t lost your husband of two days in the crowd of locals.
You’d done a lot, a lot, of research on spots in Venice that you wanted to visit during the 3-week stay. And you’ve always known (after a lifetime of fantasizing about this trip) that if you come to Italy, you have to try their gelato. So you went through a few articles, bookmarked a few websites, and found this shop, Gelateria il Doge.
It’s been described as a hidden attraction, and you’ve always loved discovering hidden gems. The excitement was so overpowering that the first thing you decided to do once you settled down in your hotel room is go out and find it. Kuroo can’t say no when you’re so excited, so it only took twenty minutes to find yourself at the desired spot.
You went in, without Kuroo because he insisted on slowing down and taking some more pictures, and you finally ordered the gelato you’ve been thinking about since you agreed to come to Italy. But it seems to have cost you your husband.
He’s not where he was standing five minutes ago, you turn and scan the mass of people walking by, but you don’t spot the familiar head of dark hair. Your phone rests in your cross bag but your hands are full with gelato, so you hesitantly accept your fate and sit on the nearest bench you can find, assuming that you’ll just spot him when he comes back from wherever he went.
You sit and admire the cold treat in your hand, it’s beautiful and inviting and it makes you feel like you’ve never had ice cream before. It makes you feel like your life is about to be altered permanently, even though you’re not completely sure what flavor you got— something about poor Italian skills and taking risks.
You’re about to taste it for the first time, practically salivating at that point, when a strange guy sits on the same bench, seemingly popping out of nowhere. You pause, mouth shutting, as you peer at him with caution. He’s undeniably good looking, skin-kissed tan skin and brown hair falling over warm green eyes, but he’s not exactly your type. No other man could be.
You attempt to ignore his presence, but he turns his head and you make intense eye contact. Your mouth hangs slightly open as he scans your face, it’s awkward and you feel the awkwardness paralyze you into speechlessness. You’re sure you look incredibly dumb but your mind is too busy malfunctioning to save you.
His eyes go down to your hand and he says something in Italian that you don’t understand. A few seconds pass by before he reaches for it, your hand that is, with wide eyes. You reflexively flinch away, alarmed at the sudden approach. What the hell is going on?
“Oh my god, you idiot, the gelato.” He speaks, frustrated, this time in the language you can understand, with a heavy Italian accent.
You look down at your hands and you’re surprised at the trail of melted gelato on your hand. Oh, he’s not a creep, you realize, he was just trying to help.
You bashfully keep your head down, embarrassed at how you reacted and the fact that you were too tense to realize he said the word gelato about 3 times. God, this is embarrassing, where is your husband when you need him?
“Sorry about that,” you lick the melted sweet off as discreetly as possible, “I don’t speak Italian.”
He raises an eyebrow at you. “Yeah, I can tell.”
You’re silent, ashamed to be specific, as you eat the rest of your gelato before something else happens. He observes you for a few minutes, as you eat from both cones to prevent any disasters, before he chuckles quietly.
“Tourist?” He asks.
“Kinda,” you answer, slowly relaxing as the embarrassment wears off.
He nods, “How did you find this store then?” he points to Gelateria il Doge. It stands there proudly, almost mocking you for making a fool out of yourself in front of a local.
“Oh, lots of research.” You laugh to yourself, remembering the sight of a very tired Kuroo by your side while you’re on your thousandth new tab. “It actually wasn’t that hard.”
“Do you like it?” He asks.
“The gelato?”
He shakes his head, “Italy.”
“Oh,” you smile, “yeah, it’s lovely and I’ve wanted to visit for a really long time.” He hums approvingly so you go on. “You’re Italian, aren’t you? Grew up here?”
“Kinda”, he retorts and you giggle, “I grew up in the south, but my brother lives here.”
You nod your head in understanding; more questions are on the tip of your tongue (like his name for example?) when you’re interrupted by a familiar voice.
“Oh I thought you looked familiar.” You turn your head and see your husband of two days walking towards you and this Italian stranger. He beams at you, happy to be reunited with the sight of your lovely face, but halts for a second when his eyes shift over to the guy. He tips his head to the side, silently asking about him, and you just smile. I’ll tell you later.
“You weren’t going to eat both gelatos yourself after all,” the Italian says, which reminds you of the two cones you’ve been holding yourself the whole time, and the fact that your husband walked off and left you all alone, in Venice of all places. You’ll definitely yell at him once you’re alone, but for now, you settle on standing up and handing him his cone.
“I’ll leave you lovebirds alone now, enjoy the honeymoon, ciao.”
He winks at you discreetly, maybe not discreet enough because Kuroo suddenly places his arm around your shoulder protectively, and you manage to wave at him before he’s gone.
Kuroo turns to you, eyebrow raised, “was he hitting on you?”
You laugh, “that’s all you care about, isn’t it? What about telling me where the hell you’ve been? Or apologizing for making me wait so long,” you slap his chest, “it’s actually your fault I had to entertain another man.”
He holds your hand against his chest, grinning at the fake annoyance in your voice, “I apologize my dear, dear wife.” His eyes rest on the ring he put on your finger for a second, feeling prideful. “ Let’s sit, we have to finish this before it melts.”
While you eat, you tell him about the whole interaction with the Italian man and every small thing that happened while you were apart. He scoffs at the events between you and the guy, fully convinced that he just wanted an excuse to touch your hand. You laugh and tease him about how attractive the guy was, telling him maybe you should’ve gone with the guy who didn’t leave you all alone. He flicks your forehead before you can continue and that conversation gets lost between all the other topics. You ask him what he was doing while he was gone, and he smiles, all-knowing and mysterious.
“You’ll see.”
#i cant stop writing about this guy with ice cream and ice cream relatives.. what is wrong with me..#anyways expect more of this if i dont get ambushed by classes#im not sure i like my writing in this but i feel like its been too long since i posted anything so.. tell me if u liked this !#word count : 1.4k#this is longer than the og ice cream piece lmao#haikyuu x reader#hq x reader#kuroo tetsurō x reader#kuroo x reader#kuroo fluff#kuroo tetsuro x reader#kuroo scenarios#kuroo tetsurō
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I've started playing Potion Permit, and so far it's one of my favorite games I've messed around with, but the most big brained move the devs made was giving you a dog on day 1, and then making that dog able to track NPCs and lead you directly to them no matter where they are in the town.
#im still early game but i like the play and the writing is passable#like#Theres a flatness#the characters Are distinct but theyre mostly just their jobs#with only a few who stand out and have like. something to really grab onto#Like rue? rues entire deal is little girl you can date. Nothing else behind those eyes. She has nothing better to talk to you about#than the fact her favorite color is red#Sorcelia? Sorcelia is a goth nun who loves singing and teaches one of the village children#Reynerd? sure is a guy#got nothing else to say about him. hes just a Guy™. Victor? Has ghost friends and loves bugs and cares deeply about the cemetery#he tends to. At the moment it feels like they're trying to imply there aren't actually ghosts. and hes just talking to himself/#insisting his imaginary friends are real people#and so far? The games been cool about it. Victor's a member of his community and his eccentricities are accepted and not ridiculed#all four characters ive mentioned are romance candidates. but its just as hit or miss with the regular towns folk#Opalheart is an older woman and a world renowned blacksmith who only takes jobs if they will do Good. regardless of whether or not they#pay well. She declines to make a dagger for a rich man but makes a helmet for a childs father bc the girl asked#and olive is here#anyways you can be best friends with a cat (shes just a regular cat) and i appreciate that#idk im putting it above sun haven in my ranking of life sim games#purely because there are older romance candidates.#no fat romance candidates. but sun haven doesn't have thise either.#and sdv has neither fat or old candidates Nor can you fuck a cat boy. it goes at the bottom.#gameplay wise sunhaven is at the bottom then sdv then potion permit at the top. sunhaven has the Most™ but having#a lot of crap doesn't mean its fun and it ends up making half the game feel really incomplete#idk. Sdv is a game you should've started playing a year ago. sun haven is a game that perpetually needs another year worth of updates#before id say its worth it bc the devs keep pushing content ™ updates instead of quality of life or polish so what is there is uh#Bad. plentiful. and a large portion is good#but a Lot is just bad.#its insincere and cant take itself seriously it gives you (the right dialogue option) an (the shit joke option) which is worse than just#i ram out of space. tldr. potion permit is good Now. sdv Was good. sun haven Might be great Eventually
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writing a fic abt rick having an ed bcs why would i recover when i can just project all my issues onto fictional old men in cartoons and pretend everythings better now ‼️
tw eating disorder, minor self harm and vomit near the end
Morty stopped in the open doorway of the garage, watching Rick who was sat scribbling down some kind of invention idea, or equation, or whatever it was he did when Morty wasn't around, for all Morty knew he might well be writing fanfiction.
An involuntary smile pulled at his lips at the idea of his almost 70 year old genius grandfather spending his free time writing silly little stories at his work bench. What would he even write? Ball Fondlers fanfic? Maybe he wrote about his stoic bird friend, Rick had always been touchy with him and Rick wasn't touchy with anyone.
When Morty focused back on Rick he wasn't writing anymore, the slightly crumpled piece of paper shoved to the side as he fiddled with what looked like a small metal box with a bunch of brightly coloured wires poking out of the sides. A small spark shot out of one of the wires Rick was holding and he cursed loudly, shaking his hand.
"Fuck, Morty, are you just gonna– gonna stand there, or are you gonna pass me the fucking, uh– the thing."
Rick waved his hand in the general direction of the shelf nearest to Morty, but there were so many assorted trinkets on the shelves, Morty had no idea if Rick wanted a wrench, or a hammer, or one of his laser guns, maybe the box was like a new battery for them?
"W-what thing, Rick?"
"The thing, Morty! The fucking– the uh, destornillador."
"What? Rick, I don't know what that means. W-w-what is that?"
"Jeez, Morty, what are they teaching you at that crap school you love so much?" Rick scowled, tossing the box to the side and getting up to grab the screwdriver himself.
"I havent been to school in like a month, Rick!" Morty exclaimed. "And even then I only got to stay for like an hour before you were dragging me out again!"
"Whatever." Rick said with a burp, "School's dumb, Morty. I'll teach you Spanish myself. B-but, uh, not now."
He turned back to his box, done with the conversation, but Morty stayed hovering in the room, remembering what he had come for in the first place.
"Okay, um, w-w-well lunch is ready."
"I'm busy."
Morty sighed, having expected that answer already. "When's the last time you ate, Rick? Or slept? Or... showered?" Morty said, wrinkling his nose a little.
Rick ignored him, pulling at a blue wire.
"Rick!" Morty frowned.
"What, Morty? J-jesus christ, what the fuck do you want?"
"I want you to have lunch with the family."
"And I said no, so screw off."
"Rick, come on, it would make mom so happy."
Rick glared at him, not bothering with an answer.
"...Wouldn't y-you do it for your original Beth if you could?" Morty tried.
Rick slammed the box on the table, causing the thin metallic shell to crack, sparks flying from it, the sudden noise making Morty jump.
"The fuck did you just say?" Rick snarled.
"S-s-sorry!" Morty squeaked. "I didn't m-mean– mean it in a bad way!"
"Get the fuck out." Rick said icily, eyes blazing.
Morty stumbled out of the room, shutting the door behind him to the sound of something crashing. Probably Rick throwing the damaged box across the room.
Morty winced. In his defense he was worried about Rick, and sometimes, depending on his mood, something like that would've gotten Rick to cave, clearly he wasn't feeling so sentimental today, more annoyed and angry.
"What was that about?"
Morty startled a little and turned to see Summer looking at her phone behind him.
"Just, y'know, Rick being... Rick."
"Mhm, pro tip, don't bring up his dead daughter to try and blackmail him into something he hates." Summer drawled. "You can only do that if he's already half convinced, or if he's feeling especially depressed sometimes.
"Summer! That's– that's messed up!"
She quirked an eyebrow. "Oh, yeah, so only you can manipulate grandpa Rick?" Summer scoffed. "God forbid women do anything." She said sarcastically and turned to walk away.
"Wait!" Morty fidgeted with his hands. "Can you... help me? To get him to have lunch w-with us? Please?"
"Yes, but not now. He's already upset so if we double down on trying to get him to eat he's only gonna clam up."
Morty nodded. "I know that– but how do you? You don't spend as much time with Rick as I do."
"Because he's like mom. Who do you think got her to stop drinking before parent-teacher conferences at school?"
"Wow. That's pretty fucked up that you had to do that, though, y'know, Summer."
"Yeah, well, we're the Smiths, Morty. Is anyone in this house not disordered?"
Morty winced at the blunt statement, Rick really was rubbing off on her. But it was kind of true.
"Guess it runs in the family." He muttered
"Guess it does."
---
Morty hadn't been planning on seeing Rick again until the next day. He knew that when Rick got upset he needed his space. Morty didn't quite get it because when he was upset all he wanted was for someone to hug him and tell him everything was going to be okay, but Rick wasn't like him he supposed.
If he was being honest it made him nervous to leave Rick alone in those bad headspaces he got into. Rick was volatile and unpredictable and a borderline danger to himself and often others. He'd walked in on a couple... compromising situations where Rick had had to explain away why he was passed out in his chair or why there was blood on his hands and his lab coat despite being the only person in the room.
Morty pretended to believe him when he said he had been doing a messy dissection experiment or that "This isn't blood, this is Balorkian dust I mixed with red Squanchenite fluid from Planet Squanch, Morty." But truthfully those moments haunted him.
However, he didn't want to invade Rick's space, so he let him be and tried to eat and sleep until Rick emerged like nothing had happened, even though Morty knew what habits of his went on behind those closed doors.
Of course Morty's patience had it's limits, like when two hours after he had left Rick in the garage, angry, there was the sound of something smashing, closely followed by an unmistakable sound that Morty had grown too familiar with since Rick had moved in. The sound of a body thudding to the ground.
He was up from the sofa in a flash, at the garage door before Summer could even put down her phone, flinging it open.
He felt like he couldn't breathe, but the only sight that greeted him was a smashed bottle and rick lying on the floor next to it, not looking any more dead than usual, looking up at Morty blearily, cracking a smile.
"Oh, hi Morty. H-hey buddy." He slurred, clearly drunk out of his mind.
"Jesus fucking christ, Rick." Morty said weakly.
"What happened?" Summer breathed, now standing at his side.
"He's just drunk." Morty muttered, wrinkling his nose at the overpowering smell that he hadn't registered before between his state of panic and shallow breathing.
Summer ventured into the garage, picking up an empty bottle and sniffing it. "God, grandpa Rick, what the hell are you drinking in here, fucking rubbing alcohol?"
"Sum-Sum! 'M just having some– some fun drinks. Fun drinks just a lil' bit. Besides I only ever drank rub-rubbin' alcohol once, n' it was– tasted like shit."
"What? I was being sarcastic, why would you drink that?"
"Because I was sad... was sad 'nd lonely after B-b-blood Ridge, couldn't find anythin' else. But 'm not s-sad now."
"What's Blood Ridge?" Summer frowned, "Actually it doesn't matter right now, you need to sober up."
"Get him some water," Morty interjected. "I'll clean up the glass. I also know where he keeps all his hangover serums and stuff, but he told me not to let you into any of his drug stashes."
"Fair enough." Summer shrugged, leaving to get Rick some much needed water.
While she was gone, Morty felt along the wall until he found the small hidden panel under Rick's desk. He fished out the light blue vial of fluid for hangovers, the red one he'd forced Rick to make that would sober him up and a green one that basically equivalated to getting your stomach pumped if you took it, just in case he'd taken more than just alcohol.
He shut the panel securely and placed the three coloured vials on Rick's work bench, grabbing a purple tube-like gadget from a shelf. He pressed a button on the back of it and typed in "Broken Glass" on a small hologram keyboard that emerged, then pressed that first button again. A blue ray shot out, scanning the garage, and the pieces of smashed bottle disappeared in a matter of seconds.
Morty looked over at Rick, who was still lying on the floor, but now he was tracing his fingers along a crack in the cold ground, his expression so solemn he almost looked sober.
"Rick?" Morty asked hesitantly.
"I miss her." He said flatly. "I miss her s-so much."
His words were still a little slurred but his tone had lost all the previous levity.
"I tried to save her, Morty, I t-t-tried, but I couldn't bring her back. And no one could ever replace her." A rough sob escaped his throat. Morty felt frozen. "I'm a crappy fuckin'– piece of shit father but I didn't want to be. I was gonna fuckin' give– give up everything for them, and I would've been happy. I would've been so happy as long as I had them, but he fuckin' took that from me! I nnever even got a chance."
Rick was crying, he was crying so hard that his tears stained the concrete dark grey and snot ran down his face sideways. He was shaking like a leaf and gasping for air.
Morty crouched down next to him, fists clenching and unclenching, unsure if he should hug Rick, or if that would make it worse. What else could he do?
"Oh– oh shit, Rick, I–"
"My little girl, my baby." Rick continued between sobs. "She meant everything to me. S-so yeah, I would be better f-for her if I could, but she's gone. There's no point."
Rick's sudden fit of violent sobs was calming down, replaced by a look that Morty could only describe as pure hoplessness and defeat washing over his features.
"'S no point in anything."
Shit, this was bad. Rick didn't admit defeat, and he certainly didn't talk so openly about his feelings like this.
"Aw jeez, Rick, come on don't– don't– don't say that. we killed Rick Prime, remember?" Morty said, wringing his hands anxiously.
"Yeah, I remember." Rick said, tone now devoid of emotion. "I remember killin' him with my bare hands, watchin' the life drain out of his eyes as his blood dripped down my fists. And I remember nothing changing. W-w-what d'ya do when you achieve your life long goal and nothin's better? It didn't bring them back, it didn't– didn't give me closure or give me a reason to live. I still can't sleep, petrified he's in the fucking house, comin' for my new family, that he'll kill all of you to teach me that t-that's what happens when I-I care about people."
Rick wiped his face with his lab coat sleeve, rubbing away the snot, drool and dried tears while Morty just kneeled next to him, frozen and unsure what to say.
"Rick..." he started but then Summer stepped through the doorway and Rick's demeanour instantly changed.
"Summerfest!" he called out and Morty watched, a little shocked, as Rick's whole face changed in the blink of an eye, going back to the cheerful, goofy expression he'd been wearing when he and Summer first came in. It didn't look artificial to Morty at all, even now that he knew it was. How could Rick just switch it on and off just like that?
"I brought water and coffee." Was all Summer said, placing two mugs on the workbench. "And a cereal bar."
The second statement sounded a little more unsure and Morty could've sworn he saw Rick's jaw clench for a second.
"Gimmie coffee." Rick said, making grabby hands, still lying on the floor.
"Water first." Summer replied, handing him the larger of the two mugs.
Rick pouted a little but as soon as the mug was in his hands he drank thirstily, finishing the whole thing in one go.
"You want more?" Summer asked, taking the mug, but he just shook his head quietly.
"Okay," Morty cleared his throat when his voice came out a little shaky. "drink this."
He handed Rick the red 'get sober' vial and Rick chugged it obediently, making a face. "Tastes like– like shit." He offered.
While he seemed a little calmer after the water and serum, his eyes were still unfocused and his voice sounded thick, like his tongue didn't fit in his mouth properly, hints of his accent were slipping through too.
"Did you- are you on drugs r-right now?" Morty asked, reaching for the green vial of serum.
"Maybe." Rick mumbled. His eyelids were starting to droop a little and he curled up more comfortably on the floor.
"Hey, Rick, don't go to sleep okay? What did you take?" Summer asked, crouching down next to him, shaking him a little. He groaned. "Come on, we just have to make sure you're not overdosing and then you can sleep. Maybe not on the floor."
"'M not overdosing." Rick grumbled.
"What did you take?"
"I dunno. Just some random alien drugs I found i-in my pocket." He said dismissively with a burp. "Actually one of 'em was probably adderall. Look at me bein' all responsible an-and takin' my meds n' shit."
He of course immediately showed his 'responsibilty' by gagging and then throwing up on the floor.
Morty winced, reaching for the purple device again while Summer tried to coax him into drinking the green liquid, frowning deeply.
Finally Rick gave in, sipping from the small vial, and almost instantly his eyes began to clear up a little bit.
"Why'd I make these work so well?" He groaned. Then, "My head is killing me, I want coffee."
Summer passed him the second mug and he gestured toward the hangover serum, which Morty promptly passed to him and Rick poured it in his coffee.
He gulped down half the coffee and sighed, wiping his mouth with his already rather dirty sleeve. "Fuck, that's better."
He downed the rest of it and placed the mug on the ground, getting to his feet shakily. He swayed and nearly fell, leaning onto the wall to steady himself as the dizzy spell passed, and then stretched, his back cracking loudly.
He took a few wobbly steps towards the door but Summer blocked the way.
"Fuck– fuck off Summer I gotta– I'm gonna go take a nap."
"Could you maybe eat something first?" She asked firmly, holding up the cereal bar.
"No."
Rick tried to sidestep her but she blocked the way again.
"Summer, don't fucking piss me off right now, I'm serious."
She stood her ground. "Just eat the cereal bar, grandpa Rick. Please."
"Summer, for fuck's sake, I said no!"
"Grandpa," She sighed, the arm holding the bar dropping defeatedly back down to her side. "Do you have an eating disorder?"
The garage was deathly quiet for a second.
"Wha-What?! I'm not a teenage girl in a f-f-f– goddamn netflix drama, Summer." Rick snarled. "What the fuck kinda question is that?"
He gestured wildly, taking another step forwards, which quickly seemed to be the wrong option as a sudden wave of dizziness hit him hard, making him almost loose his balance. He blindly tried to grab onto the back of his chair somewhere behind him, but missed and fell on his ass.
"Rick!" Morty and Summer both rushed to his side, Morty's eyes beginning to well up a little from all the stress of the day.
"I'm fine, don't– don't fucking touch me." He said, shaking Summer's hand off his shoulder, which caused another wave of nausea to hit.
"Please eat this." Summer said nervously, voice shaking as she pushed the cereal bar into his left hand, his right one gripping at his hair.
"Summer, I promise you if I eat that shit right now I'm gonna throw the fuck up."
"Please?" Morty pouted, eyes big and teary.
All it took was one look at him, and with only a brief moment of hesitation Rick snatched the cereal bar from Summer, muttering angrily under his breath.
Morty only caught "Me cago en la puta." and "Maldito cabrón." which he more or less understood, more familiar with swear words than any other words in the Spanish language.
Rick peeled away the wrapper slowly with unsteady hands and took a small bite.
Morty and Summer watched in silence, not wanting to discourage him by saying the wrong thing—which with Rick could be anything—as Rick uncomfortably ate the cereal bar.
"There you fucking go." He said weakly, Throwing the now empty wrapper at Summer, but missing as it was too light to travel more than a couple centimetres, landing somewhere by his feet.
"Thank you." Summer almost whispered.
They sat in silence for a while, Morty sniffling and rubbing at his eyes and Summer shuffling a bit closer to him for both of their comfort.
Rick was sitting with his knees losely bent and his head braced in his hands, trying to overcome another hit of nausea.
He wouldn't exactly say he tried super hard to keep the cereal bar down, but it wasn't deliberate when he vomited it down the front of his shirt.
"Oh! Aw jeez..." Morty winced.
"I did warn you."
"In our defense, you had every reason to be lying to us."
"Fuck you, Summer." It sounded weak even to his own ears.
She sighed softly.
"Morty, get his shirt off. Do you have pijamas or do you sleep in jeans and a lab coat?"
"Jeans an-and a lab coat."
"...I was joking, but okay." Summer said, flipping the switch that opened Rick's garage closet and grabbing one of his sets of identical outfits.
Rick squirmed, making noises of complaint as Morty tried to take off his current shirt.
"Rick– stay still, you have vomit on your clothes."
"I'm not fucking two years old, Morty." He scowled. "I can change by myself."
Rick tried to sit up but wobbled and then slumped back against the wall, needing more time to recover. Morty reached for his shirt again and this time Rick let him pull it carefully up over his head without resisting. Morty took the new set of clothes from where Summer had left them on the floor next to him.
Summer wasn't looking but Morty still shielded Rick's body from sight with his own, pointedly not mentioning the raised scars and jagged, angry, red cuts littering his arms which he had already suspected would be there.
Rick shifted uncomfortably, seeming relieved when Morty didn't want to talk about it.
"Okay." Morty said, helping Rick pull on his clean lab coat too.
"I'm going to bed." Rick grumbled, not waiting for him to continue, just getting up slowly.
He felt weak and shaky and his brittle old bones weren't exactly helping out. Despite his thousands of cybernetic implants he was still human, much to his dismay, and he couldn't treat his body as badly as he did when he was 30. Not that that ever seemed to stop him, managing to still maintain the same shitty habits he'd had for years at the ripe age of 67.
He stumbled through the dining room, Morty and Summer trailing after him, not discouraged by the glare he sent their way.
As soon as he reached his room, he slumped onto his bed with a groan.
"R-rick?"
"Fuck off, Morty." He snapped into his pillow, a little muffled by it.
Morty hesitated, exchanging a glance with Summer, who shrugged.
"...Ookay, Rick. Uh, see– see you at dinner, today? maybe?'
"Don't count on it."
Summer frowned, Starting to say something, but Rick interrupted, "I'm gonna apply my room's Lock Protocols in ten seconds, so i-if you're still in here, I'm not letting you out until I'm done sleeping. A-a-and if you're standing in the doorway, you're gonna get fucking squashed in the doors."
"Whatever, Rick, fuck you too." Summer huffed, pulling Morty out of the doorway with her.
"Room, activate Sensory Protocol 2. And t-tell Summer to go fuck herself."
"Sensory Protocol 2 activated." Came the mechanical voice and a heavy metal door snapped shut. "Go fuck yourself, Summer."
Summer scoffed. "Dick." Followed by a sigh. "What are we gonna do?"
"I-I don't know." Morty admitted. "There's not much we can do if Rick won't accept help. And he won't."
"So what? We just give up on him?" Summer asked accusingly, putting her hands on her hips.
"No, Summer, J-jeez. I just– We're gonna have to get creative."
"Fuck."
---
thats it thats the end i didnt know how tf to end this but my goal wasnt to rewrite like the bible idfk it was just to put rick through shit and put completely unfair expectations on summer and mortys shoulders so that they could ALL suffer in this fic !! :3 also this is so mf long i sincerely apologise if u read all that
#i feel like all the few rnm fics ive written are set in the garage im sorry 😭#thats where rick mostly is when hes not out in other dimensions tho ig#also even tho my fics r all rick centric i cant not have my boy morty in them#i just love him too much#also obligatory birdrick mention in the start bcs theyve been on my mind#also in regards to is anyone in this house not disordered let my drop my smith sanchez family disorder hcs >:)#okayyy#so starting off strong with beth: an alcoholic like her father probably anxiety stemming from her abandonment issues and possibly depressio#next up my boy morty: anxiety also and most likely ptsd from all the shit hes experienced ik a lot of ppl hc him as autistic but i dont#possibly adhd dyslexia or dyscalculia tho or all of the above idk#oookay next up jerry: i really spend incredibly little time thinking about jerry so idk im open to hearing hcs abt him tho#wait back to beth: maybe also ocd or smth like that#okay now summer: my girl has a lot of substance abuse issues as we see and fomo but idk if anything else maybe social anxiety or smth#aaand its rick time: alcohol and drug abuse definitely ptsd for sure depression and autism possibly adhd or bpd or both#in this fic he has an ed also so that#paranoia too#and thats it i think#also going back to the topic ofautism tho#i just cannot see it with morty at all like he shows no symptoms?? i dont see them at least idk i could be wrong#i honestly see it more with beth or summer maybe#but idk#also i almost never put the accents when i write in spanish lol but i did so#vey professional of me ik#gotta let rick say cabron properly#alex says shit#rick and morty#rick sanchez#morty smith#summer smith#rick and morty fanfiction
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Forgot to post this here butttt
Working on a welcome home animation and mighttttt take me a while
#the idea is just wally getting the barnaby plush and thats kinda it#i did plan this before when i ordered the wally plush (sep 8 2023) but didnt have the motivation and stuff for it#its inspired by the image of wally peaking out of homes side window with the text below “there he is!” not sure if its wally saying it#either wally noticed someone or someone noticed him but anyway#i saw that image and was thinking to make an animation of it instead of the “there he is!” text its going to say “he's here.”#i also realized i might need to voice that only line or even make sounds for the background😭#i already was close to finishing background 2 (where eddie will be seen walking to wallys house) but my tablet died#grrrrrr#also unrelated but i wrote in my book todayyy (i never write at all) but hey its kinda fun to write my ideas huahahahaah#i plan on doing some research on welcome home and write it down (maybe even some theories hmm??) also doing research on the characters#just to try to get to know them more (cuz i have been crazy for them for AGES and still feel like i haven't done enough)#oh yeah CALL ME CRAZYYY butttt since the irl world sucks i plan on making little writings like im IN welcome home just because idk#more explaining and better ones on my tiktok vid description (user in my bio)#also i feel like things might be getting better for me cuz wowie i never thought id be animating again#but now all this motivation...so many ideas appearing...need to focus on one at a time...darn#HEY! 12 days till a break from the evil cell of educational purposes??? (school) FINALLY PURE HEAVEN I CAN BE FREE WITHOUT SUFFERING#welcome home#partycoffin#wally darling#welcome home arg#welcome home fanart#welcome home wally#7 backgrounds left to do...then ill have to animate...oh evilllll so evillll
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dandelion is indeed the worst but if he’s not present in the next book i would legitimately be sorrowful as the whole thing will become a slog . you basically cannot have the “short stories” era-of-the-timeline iteration of geralt without dandelion, it would be like eating unbuttered bread.
though it’s not like season of storms did them dirty, i wasn’t disappointed with it (… with regards to them), but since it’s literally been over 20 years since the saga was finished i’m trying to prepare for any potential reality
#however i will accept an absence of dandelion IN THE CASE OF we get to see geralt and yennefer living together in vengerberg#but if it’s regular geralt day in the life then if dandelion’s not there it’s gonna suuuuuccckk#i mean as in geralt’s life sucks without him. badly#and it also? sucks with him. good-ly.#it’s august and we don’t have a title yetttt 🥲 and they said 2024 … hmhm sure#i just feel like rupaul ‘and don’t fuck it up’.gif#like i’m excited but also wtf? new witcher book? are we on punk’d?#it’s not going to be the best but i’m hoping it will be at least as good as season of storms. not a high bar ok!#this from the person who was optimistic about the n*tflix show. don’t trust me i like to believe in the future#i was going to say ‘and i trust sapkowski more than i trust n*tflix’ and then i laughed.#i don’t trust him—i don’t even trust the version of him from the 90s and 00s!#one side of me can’t believe i’m still here after the guardswomen of kerack. and the ‘well i’m only gay for clout’ villain motivations#the other side of me is intensely curious wtf geralt will get up to this time and how witcher could maybe even denigrate further#but season of storms ending was actually good and = well it’s not like sapkowski forgot what it was about#then again it’s been 10 years and a bad adaptation since then so im biting my nails#all i ask : please stick with the naming convention of the other books. i don’t want to write an absurdly long or short name or acronym out#sooooo weird that in a few months i will be saying: there are 9 witcher books.#actually rn i just say there’s 7 and discount season of storms as a legitimate heir but mention it as footnote lol#i just hope i can survive until this new book and until its translation LOLLLL#they said translation in 2025 but you know the track record#new book: *releases winter 2024* | english translation: coming 2045!#jk i think they finally figured out that witcher is a money printer so they will be eager to translate it now and not waffle around#they kicked their butts into gear with the hussite trilogy so ! and they made new hardcovers.#the elbow-high diaries#new book 2024
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where do i put all my vent edits?? my kpop stuff??? my traumacore stuff??? my not sfw thoughts and pics??? my yancore stuff????? maybe that anon was right and i am autistic but in my head i have a specific way i wanna do it, and i had a thing goin for every day for six years... call me chronically online or whatever but that was my only escape from reality..... where do i post everythng now??? plus everything i created and made and posted for six years is just gone... what even is the point in postimg
#some ppl have been so mean to me lately that im paranoid for being oversensitive#like yes i understand im clrny and cringey and overreactinng#it is just tumb1r nothing real i get it im stupid#but like now im sad bc i had a sideblog where i posted headcannons and imagines and stuff and#where do i post all of that now?????#it took time to build everything up and the fact that ppl interacted w it too feels nice#maybe im a self absorbed bitch but it feels nice to have interactions w ur content.....#and my sideblog for kpop and kdrama moodboards and edits 😭😭😭 fuckkkkk#where do i post fashion inspo now???????#god i had so many old sideblogs that...#ok i get it its stupid to be so attached to smth that can just be deleted#like it isnt even for sure that this website will exist in 20yrs#but maybe in 20yrs i wouldnt even care.... but now i care....#some of my writing i didnt even backup... but also what is the point when i'd have to start from scratch and no one would see it......#ok im literally so childish i know but .. aouchhhhhhhhie it suckssssss
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maybe i didnt need to worry about anything, maybe i just had to make the comic
#quail talks#hi 🫶 i am just excited and feeling such euphoria rn#i just wrapped up one of the last pages in this opening scene and im so !!!!!!!!!!#i have about 20 pages ahead sketched and i'm slowly working through it between homework and general life drudge#its so wonderful..........i mean. i knew i always loved comics. this is technically my 4th#but this is my BIG ONE you know. the one i am Coloring. and its longer than 40 pages#the one i want to Periodically Release (i have no idea when i will be- i want to make sure i am far enough into it! backlog!!)#but i do plan on releasing it along the way of producing#i was so so so stressed out about Planning and Scripting and oh goddd is the story even GOOD enough.#hey. claire. (gripping her shoulders) you've been working on this story for 4 years. you have plenty planned and outlined i promise#and the story will continue to change!! im excited to be rangling this beast along the way#i just had to get started and im so glad i have#it might take my 4 more years to complete- but does a story ever finish truly?? its about the process......................................#and i dont need to worry about the story being Perfect- i am only 21. this is not the last story i will ever write lol#it just feels like a door in my brain has been opened that has always been supposed to be opened#i hope you guys like it as much as i do when i do release it :3
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actually stunned by how gay The Beatles has been all this time and I just never knew
#like its always just been there in my life but i just never paid attention#my university roomie was obsessed w them and had several beatles posters that i looked at every day#so stuff like the pictures of them from the let it be album are like engrained into my brain#and yet i never knew the lore??#nor did i know until recently that they were actually all high school buds nor did i know they wrote their own music#nor that they genuinely basically invented modern bands n using the studio the way they did etc. so all that was very impressive and cool#but THEN on top of that omg the angsty gayness of john and paul#like all i knew previously basically was that john was a thing w yoko ono and paul had a young wife recently#i had at one point heard of people shipping j&p together and was just kinda like wow i guess people will ship anything#I DIDNT KNOW#that they were actually like that cute and that insane together and that their song writing together was like an actual marriage#anywayz the old pictures and videos of them are just like jesus look how they look at each other i dont think it was just being bros#i am sort of in the camp of they prob didn't act on it for real but there was def some insane tension/chemistry going on#and then ofc once youre aware of this their songs take on so many possible meanings outside of just singing about their gfs and wives....#anyways i just have to vent about this somewhere bc im actually shocked at how this has just passed me by all these years#and it definitely was not on my bingo card for 2024 to fixate on the beatles but here we are lol#more proof to me that my ultimate fave trope or wtv is 'besties to enemies when really they actually probably wanted to be lovers'#gets me every time!!!!#whats been fun about this rabbit hole is how just every single one of my expectations has been reversed as well#i went in assuming i would like them best in this order:#(1) george (2) ringo (3) paul and (4) john#i was sure i would hate john i thought he sounded so pretentious and like such a douche#but no actually he is my fave one and it's literally in reverse order for me i find george my least fave#(i like his music and feel bad for how he got ignored in the band but i like him the least)#and then i literally am john paul ringo george in order of faves now#i just love when i get surprised like that idk it keeps me on my toes and keeps things exciting and fresh#and yes john is indeed pretentious and a douche but i didn't know he was also funny and vulnerable and that i like his voice and songs#the most in the bunch almost every time as well#the beatles#p
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#i cant fucking take it anymore#every week its the same thing#i apply to like 18 jobs and wait. i write 18 different cover letters and wait#and its been like this for two fucking years#and i cant fucking stand it i hate this#i have no purpose no prospects no joy#i feel fucking useless!!!!!#and i never have energy and i feel like im trapped and i want nothing more than to escape#but im not sure i could survive anything other than this wasting away#i told myself id move out in 2023. then this year#i even said if i havent moved out by my 25th birthday id kill myself#bc ive basically failed. game over. thats it.#and the closer that gets the less it looks like i’ll have moved out#i just feel so hopeless#shut up chili
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hopping in and out again to wish everyone a tgif !!!! and a happy weekend !!!
#i am eating a veggie bibimbap rn#i rlly haven't been on tumblr much or online at all tbh sdfb this week was so busy and i didnt anticipate to be so tired#i also feel guilty going on here without finishing the shouto fic HBHFB#i rlly am putting most of my attention to it its just that the fic is rlly getting so long#its going to be 15k+ for sure hsbdfjh#these days ive just been watching queen of tears with my bf hjbgj like i get home from work and rest for a bit then we watch#then i knock out asleep later#my anxiety was also thru the roof this week so thats why i couldnt get much writing done#BUTTTT ok. i am working hard to get the shouto fic out as soon as i can ! i rlly hate that it's been getting delayed bc#i dont wanna seem like i dont keep my word ESPECIALLY since it was a sponsored fic for ficsforgaza#buT i am ON IT ! it is the only thing im pouring all my writing energy into#this is also why i havent been reading much fjhbs or dropping by inboxes jshbdj i feel so guilty without finishing the fic first#i talked so much again
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