#im not saying dont mourn or that he was the worst person ever i just think it feels strange to ignore that part of his legacy

[raytoroapologist]

okay i appreciate that steve harwell was real cool about trans people but he was also an antimasker and held a big concert in 2020 that was (obviously) a superspreader event. so. not great! not exactly 'king shit' imo

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

i had sex for the first time and it was kind of a horrible experience. i was checking out a bdsm club for the first time and a man in his 50s invited me to check out a different (sex) club the next day and bc i genuinely, idiotically thought he just wanted to introduce me to the scene and show me around i went. at the club he bought me a couple drinks, we talked and then he took me to a private room and went down on me. i didnt say no bc i was drunk and curious, and im bad at saying no to people in general. i thought maybe it would be fun. i wasnt into it at all but felt too bad to let him know. i faked an orgasm and left after a while. as we parted he kissed my cheek and said he hopes we can be friends. drunk me told him of course we could. the next morning i was hit with the worst wave of self loathing ive ever felt in my life, as well as just general disgust and regret. i cannot believe my first time was with an old man i feel zero attraction to. i already knew im probably a lesbian, but still i keep trying to be with men and i dont know why. i guess my question is do you have advice on how to get over a sexual experience you regret? how do i come to terms with the fact that my first time was with someone i feel grossed out just thinking about? and was i taken advantage of? im in my early 20s, he didnt know i was a virgin (i active implied that im not), and i know if i had said no he wouldve stopped. i wasnt falling down drunk or anything. he didnt really do anything wrong. i feel so stupid and ashamed of myself. i just wish my first time had been with a woman. i wish i hadnt been so naive and stupid and i wish i hadnt gotten drunk. i know its not true but i feel like no woman will ever want me now. i cant even masturbate bc the idea of doing something sexual, even just alone, reminds me of him and what i let him do to me. how do i move on from this?

hi anon,

I'm deeply sorry that this happened to you.

in this case, I would say the way to make peace with a sexual experience you regret is to understand that you aren't responsible for what was done to you.

to answer your question - yes, you were absolutely taken advantage of, and this person very much did do something wrong! quite a lot of somethings! he made the choice to lure someone younger and less knowledgeable to a secondary location you weren't familiar with, get you drunk, isolate you, and pressure you into sex that you didn't give enthusiastic consent to. all of that is CLASSIC predatory, manipulative behavior and reflects on him - not you.

you mentioned that you feel stupid; PLEASE don't. people are pressured into unpleasant sex all the time, very often in the exact same way you were: being entrapped in a situation where going along with it was easier than saying no. it's vile! and none of those people are at fault!

listen: you need to be on your side about this. would you tell anyone else who experienced this that they're stupid and naive? I hope not. I really hope you can find the compassion you'd extend to any other friend in this situation to yourself, because you're going to be the #1 person getting yourself through this.

feeling bad and gross about what happened is fine; what happened was bad and gross. please let those feelings happen and care for yourself while they do, because those feelings need to be felt! just be conscientious about which feelings you're indulging. it's fine to feel betrayed, violated, regretful, angry, sad, even to mourn for a better first sexual experience you could have had! just make sure to gently nudge yourself back if those feelings start veering into the realm of feeling guilty or responsible for the situation. not only is it unhelpful, it's not even true!

it's very sad that your first sexual experience was with someone you didn't want who treated you the way he did. in the future, when you're ready, I hope you'll be able to pursue healthier, mutually pleasurable experiences on your own terms. don't rush yourself to get back to any kind of sexuality, masturbation included - a good long break while you sort through your feelings may be very needed. there's no timeline you need to be on to recover from this; please don't get down on yourself for taking the time and space you need. if you don't have anyone in person you feel able to talk with, looking up online support and resources for people who have experienced sexual assault may be beneficial.

also, hey, please don't play the game of trying to say you don't belong in survivor spaces or how this wasn't an assault because your belief that he would have stopped if you'd told him to (a very generous assumption!) or because you led him to believe you had more sexual experience or it could have been worse or whatever. the feelings you're experience in the aftermath are textbook of assault survivors; that means the resources are for you!

also hey. listen to me. look at me. if any woman tries to tell you that you are less worthy of lesbian love and companionship because you have had sex with a man. ESPECIALLY a man who was taking advantage of you. you are going to send me their address and I will personally attack them with a baseball bat.

[just-some-random-blogger]

You’re like one of my favorite HOTD blogger so I want to ask your opinion not a request but let’s say the reader was preggy and like with Aemma the husband and to chose wether to save the baby or his or you out of these the HOTD royals: Aemond, Aegon, Daemon and Jace who would chose the baby and who would chose their wife 🫣

aw im honored to be one of your favs beloved 🫶 gimme kith

the truth is, the inner feminist in me is projecting with this answer. its so fucking horrible to have to chose mother or child and i wouldnt wish that on my worst enemy, but i personally would be on the mother's side; women are in constant peril as it is, and raising a child motherless would be horrible. anyway, here are my opinions

Aemond is the second born, so i don't think he's pressed for an heir, unless he's pushed into a situation that demands it.

he's a mama's boy, so i think he would consult alicent if it ever comes to it

tbfh i feel like alicent would be either be biased to the babe because she does have that 'women's suffering is women's duty' thing going on 😔 or, more likely, i think she'd all 'let the gods decide'

in latter case aemond, not liking indecisiveness, would be more pressured to chose himself.

aemond's relationship with helaena will also subconsciously weigh in on his decision. he loves her dearly and would have seen how childbearing affected her, so he may be partial towards his baby mama.

i think it all boils down to how aemond feels for baby mama, but methinks he's more likely to chose her over the babe in most circumstances. after all you can just make babies again.

Aegon i dont think particularly gives a fuck in a way that counts.

like i think he'd be more concerned about how the whole situation makes himself feel, and how stressful it is for him to be in that circumstance; he doesn't like that he's basically killing one for the other.

i think he'd wash his hands of it and tell the maesters to do what they think is best, and we all know maesters think women are placeholders 😔 rip queen

but i also think part of him that is hurt by his father doesn't want to be like him. like viserys couldn't save aemma, so perhaps out of spite/'im not like you' he'd chose baby mama.

i think being a father feels too much like duty to him, and we know how he feels about duty. i feel like he is self-aware of his inability to be a good dad and he wasn't particularly excited to have kids with helaena.

that being said, he didn't really chose helaena, so perhaps if he chose his wife, he'd be more excited to be a dad.

ergo, i highly doubt he'd chose his unborn child over his wife though, even if the maesters pressure him to chose his heir, because he knows 100% that he couldn't handle raising a child on his own.

Daemon, in a way, is similar to aegon, wherein he wouldnt really want to chose.

he mourned for aemma and he didn't chose for laena when the maesters asked him (he would have mourned for laena had the show kept those scenes of matt in)

and im not tryna say daemons a feminist, 1000% not, but i think he understands that women's war is childbirth, like what aemma said to rhaenyra.

i think he believes that this is like the function of woman/the curse of their sex and so he wouldn't want to be the one to choose, it would have to be the woman; it's kind of on par with the way he believes targaryens are above men. it's just a fact.

i think he'd want to save his kid 100% but, if push comes to shove, like aemond, he knows you can always make another baby.

if the maesters pressure him, he'll get really volatile because he'd distinctly want baby mama to chose.

Jacaerys, out of all of them, i think would decisively chose his wife.

he knows to a degree what his mom went through with her last pregnancy, and if he's ever put face to face with that situation, he'd go bleeding heart and want to save his wife at all cost.

i think the Strong in him dilutes the Targaryen need for offspring; he's loyal to the death and would not want to wish death upon his baby mama

again, this isn't like him being a feminist, this is him being pragmatic. this is him seeing the hurt of his mother and not wanting the same for his baby mama

fair enough, i think he would be pressed for an heir, considering everything going on with the successions and whatnot. but i don't think he'd be one to risk the life of his queen.

[skinnymeanfaggot]

19 and 20 for Zora and 33 for Javier and Anim?

19. how a stranger would describe her: well. definitely intimidating. cold. shes very admirable for her command over others and she seems to be able to remain level headed at times of stress and is just someone no one would want to mess with

20. how a close friend would describe her: haha bold to assume she has any friends anymore. i think.... the person who used to be her close friend, emily, describes her as someone with a cold exterior, warmer interior, and then cold again. shes very very good at pretending to be stoic and cold but emilys made her laugh before, shes seen her smile and shes been loving, considerate, shes very introverted but had a quiet love for her. but at her core shes incredibly paranoid and vindictive, and it drives her to treat others horribly. emily would want to believe shes a good person but after javiers death she truly doesnt think she is. she mourns the person zora once was but knows that shes long gone

33. moment when they felt most loved:

anim: this is tough, i think it would be javier seeing them at their worst but also just, getting proposed to or during their wedding when he says i do with so much love and joy in his eyes. and they just kinda realize like "this person loves me so much hes swearing his life to me and wants to be with me until death do us part. and hes loved me through everything" and yeah

javier: i think this WOULD be more of a "seen at his worst" scenario, idk what exactly it would be, but javier feels like he only exists to please and serve others. one day when he inevitably breaks down from all his shit he doesnt expect them to react well because no one ever does. theyre just like "oh shit, jesus" and walk on eggshells around him before dipping, which sucks because hes always there for people when they break down. so hes just expecting to be seen as "too much" and not worth it because hes only in peoples lives to make them happy, and rn hes just a lot to deal with and who would want that. and he thinks anim would leave but theyre like im not going anywhere. and they will love him no matter what, at his best or his worst. and they dont love him just because hes good to them but they love him because of who he is as a person and hes worth more than he provides

[fairyfuyu]

its raining again | ken ryuguji

summary: a familiar face shows up in your life when you had lost the only family you ever had, reminding you of hope for the future

wc: 4.8k

content: sfw, ken & reader are in their twenties, modern au not canon at alllllll literally no one else is mentioned other than draken and gang shit is no where to be seen, mentions of death, descriptions of grief & mourning after losing a loved one, sick family members, mention of vomit, suggestive talk but nothing explicit is written, pregnancy, ANGST, character death, nightmares, a lot of crying, absolutely heart wrenchingly sad i am so sorry

a/n: this is incredibly personal to me and a love letter to my emotionally unavailable father. i had a dream and wrote this in one day. idk. please don't ask about him

literally dont even read this idk why it exists its just depressing and sad but also im in love w draken and desire him in my life terribly ok bye dont talk to me lol

You crept through the empty foyer of the house, still in the darkness and quieter than ever. The house that lived in your memories as being filled with laughter, family and friends carrying on into the latest hours of the night, was now empty, devoid of any of its former glory. Just a collection of walls and floors, whose purpose now was the simple task of providing shelter.

Footsteps light and cautious, you continued to pad through the house, staring out of the front door at the large yard just feet away. It, like the house, was empty, save for a single tree that framed the house beautifully--something visitors always loved to comment on. You remember all the times you spent napping under that tree in the summer months when you were younger, your father teaching you to climb it’s sturdy trunk at the ripe age of seven, and at seventeen, your first kiss beneath the tree’s arms. For a fleeting moment, a smile tugged at your lips in remembrance. Until, your eyes forced themselves to glimpse at the new stone that stood at its base, right next to the old, weathered one. The smile faded immediately. As if it had never appeared.

Dawn came, and soon the desolate house was filled with people, familiar faces yet so foreign to you. They were sad. And so were you. The house became a place of mourning against your will, comments of I’m so sorry for your loss and he was such a good man going in one ear and out the other. You couldn’t bring yourself to face them. To give them a genuine acknowledgement. A passive nod was all you would respond with; the ache in your chest made you physically unable to utter any word of any kind. Even if they were in regard to the only member of your family you had left. Now, he is gone. And you were left alone in this house.

It was in January that your father informed you of his sickness, and the following August he was gone.

It’s always been the two of you, for as long as you could remember. Your mom had died soon after you were born, and your father never missed a chance to tell you how you were just like her, a spitting image of her. It was almost like she was still with him, he’d say. You had her eyes. Her smile. Her laugh.

You think you feel similar now to how he felt when she passed. It couldn’t have been easy for him, all of a sudden so alone in taking care of an infant. Unlike you, though, he didn’t watch her suffer for long. It was over quick, he told you when you were older. The doctors said she didn’t feel any pain. I’m happy about that.

You wish your father had the same fate as her. Car accident. Over before he could even realize it happened. But he was not so lucky.

Your father suffered many months before his passing. His body slowly killed himself, and he couldn’t do anything about it. His fate was sealed before he even knew he was sick. The time bomb ticked away unknowingly within him, until the day he walked himself into the doctor’s office.

Two months later, he told you. Best case scenario, he survived till the end of the year. Worst case scenario, he disappears in his sleep.

That game of roulette was taxing on you, prying you out of any and all relationships you had formed in your adulthood, bringing you back home to take care of your bedridden parent. You stayed secluded away, spending every minute you could with him. Remembering the tender moments from your childhood spent in that big front yard. Remembering how he taught you everything you knew about life.

If you are anything in life, be good, he told you each morning without fail. Go out into the world and do something great everyday.

And so, you did. Or at least, you tried to. The world needs more good. You tried your hardest. There were tough days, but as long as you tried, that’s all that mattered.

His words were all you could think about as you stared into the eyes of friends, relatives, one by one offering their condolences and warm hugs to you.

The ceremony was over before you realized it started. They bid their farewells, telling you how beautifully you spoke about the deceased man. They were just saying that out of pity. You know you barely said anything. Not even a tear had been shed for him. You didn’t need to vocalize some long, drawn out eulogy in honor of him. Revealing all the secrets you two kept between one another, no, that would be an insult to his legacy.

You didn’t believe a word you spoke. You wouldn’t be surprised if they didn’t believe you either. But they wouldn’t tell you that. They wouldn’t tell the truth to the mourning daughter. Never.

Just more kind words and smiles. More of let me know if you need anything, I’ll call in the morning to check on you, or your personal favorite, things will get easier. You didn’t want easier. You wanted him back. You wanted to be able to call him when life got hard. You wanted to thank him over and over for bringing you into the world in the first place.

But all there was left was silence.

The family and friends had all left, dispersing to their cars at the end of the street and leaving you sitting on the front porch. But you weren’t alone.

A familiar face stood in front of your parents' graves. One that you knew well. One that you haven’t seen since you found out about your ill father. One that you hurt. His black eyes stared at the stones sticking out of the ground, eyebrows pinched together, almost angry. But not at you. Not like they were that day you left him.

Those eyes drifted up to meet yours across the yard, softening at your hollow appearance. He made his way over to you, hands shoved in his pockets and stood at the bottom stair, eye level with your sitting form.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

The question hung in the air. It wasn’t accusatory, nor was it antagonistic. It was simply a question of confusion, not understanding why you kept the real reason for your disappearance all those months ago a secret from him.

You blinked your dry eyes at him. “I don’t know. Maybe because that would’ve made it real? And I didn’t want it to be.”

“But it is real.” He deadpanned to you. He didn’t realize how insensitive it sounded in his head before quickly vocalizing the thought. He cringed inwardly at himself. “Shit, I didn’t mean-”

“No, you’re right.” You said, eyes floating back at the twin graves in front of you. “It’s all very painfully real.”

He let out a sigh, ascending up the few stairs with heavy feet and slumping beside you, offering the slightest bit of comfort you didn’t know you needed. You didn’t say a word, just shook your head in response to his nudge of reassurance. “You could’ve told me, y’know.”

“I’m sorry.” You breathed. You’ve been meaning to say it this whole time.

The boy next to you scoffed. “I should be the one saying that to you, don’t you think?”

“I’m the one that shouted all that bullshit at you and pushed you away.”

“You’re the one that just lost their only family.” He reminded you. “I don’t blame you; I’d react the same exact way.”

It was your turn to scoff now. “You have no family.”

He just shrugged, leaning back on his elbows against the stair behind him. “I still have people close to me that I care about.”

You used to be one of those people. Not anymore, you thought. After all these months not having seen him. Dodging his calls. Ignoring any contact whatsoever. You glanced over at him. “How’d you find me, anyways?”

“Your sweet Aunt Susan left her contact information in your father’s obituary. It’s amazing what you can find online these days.” His tone was lighthearted--an attempt to pull a laugh, a smile, anything other than monotony from you.

His attempt was unsuccessful. “She’s not my real Aunt.”

“Why does that matter?”

You chewed on the inside of your mouth. “Makes it feel like there’s family left. But there isn’t.”

“You just gotta make a new family, then.” He said, nudging your side once more. He’s never been great at comforting you, but somehow, the smallest part of you wanted to listen to him.

He spoke again. “It’ll get easier.”

At this, you let out a loud, mocking laugh. “I’m sure they will, Kennie.” Your voice was bathed in bitter sarcasm, but Draken was used to this. It was a coping mechanism. It’s normal. You stole a glance at his deep eyes before resting your head on his shoulder. This was the first time you felt comfortable feeling the slightest bit vulnerable. “I’m sad.”

He turned his head and pressed a gentle kiss to the top of your head. “I know, and I’m sorry. I wish there was something I could do to make you happy.”

“I’m happy you are here now.” You told him. It was true; you weren’t expecting his appearance at all, but now that he’s here, you realized just how lonely you would be without him. He was a friend. One that continued worrying about you even though you desperately pushed your friends away. The only one.

He had been more than a friend. For quite some time. Before all this shit blew up in your face, you had considered him family. But as soon as your real family’s problem came into the picture, you realized just how sacred that family was in comparison. The fake familial status felt wrong, dirty, invaluable.

Now thinking about it, it didn’t look so offensive.

“Let me make you some dinner.” His words broke you out of your thoughts, catching your attention to the tall blonde now standing at his full height, holding a hand out for you to grab.

You laced your fingers with his, allowing him to pull you up. “You don’t need to do that; I can make myself food.”

You thought your lie was believable enough, but Draken knew you too well. “You don’t eat when you’re sad. That’s not good; you have to take care of yourself even when it’s hard.”

Following him into the house, which was now your house, you averted your eyes from the photos of you and your father decorating the walls. You couldn’t bring yourself to look at him; you had to just move forward, in step with your friend.

You sat in silence as he threw you together a meal, all of a sudden not feeling capable of conversation. Even when he arranged you a plate, you couldn’t find the strength to eat. The simplest task seemed so impossible to you. He just sat by you patiently, a hand on your back rubbing soothing circles over your shirt.

“Can you eat one bite? For me?” He asked, picking up the fork for you.

Without even looking at him, you asked, “Why are you doing this for me?”

He put the fork back down, thinking for a moment. “Even though you pushed me away, I never stopped loving you. And when you see someone you love in pain, you want to help them. At least I do.”

You thought about his words, staring intently at the food in front of you. Making up your mind, you grabbed the fork and brought it to your mouth, barely even swallowing before you pushed yourself out of your seat. “I’m going to go take a bath.”

You turned, leaving the boy still seated, eyes trained on you as you walked away and up the stairs. Shutting the door behind you, you let out a long exhale, shutting your eyes tightly to try and extinguish the tears that pricked at your eyes. You shook your head.

Hot water filling the tub, you watched the water level rising, finding it incredibly mesmerizing. You blinked, and the tub was filled. Clothes fell to the ground one by one and you dipped your toe in to test the temperature.

Submerging yourself in the water, you felt your tense muscles relax a bit. Every time you blinked, you saw his face. The face that was ingrained in your brain and would never leave your memory even if you tried to erase it. The face that you saw when you figured out how to ride a bike without training wheels. The face that you saw when you graduated high school. The face of pure adoration and pride in his only daughter.

It was haunting to you now.

You forced your eyes to stare at the ceiling above you, gazing directly into the singular light that glowed in the dimly lit bathroom. Regardless of how hard you tried not to blink, your eyes reflexively shut themselves every so often, forcing you to see that haunting image of your father.

As the seconds passed, you kept reliving those final days with your father. Into your vision came your father in the hospital, heart still beating but only due to the life support he had been put on. You hadn’t even cried when you gave the nurse the go ahead to pull the plug on him. It was sad, of course, but the numbness was paralyzing. He was gone.

The realization suddenly hit you. And with it, the loneliness.

You heard your name being called, but you didn’t care to look back at the figure standing in the doorway. Draken cautiously stepped in, heart breaking when he saw the tears along your lash line, but you didn’t dare shed them. Still as stubborn as always, he thought.

He knelt beside you, saying your name once more. “Are you okay?”

You turned your head finally, sitting up in the tub. Draken was mindful to keep his eyes on yours and not allow them to drift down to your exposed skin, but you had ulterior motives. You leaned towards him, placing a kiss on his mouth; he didn’t kiss you back. It didn’t feel right to him.

You pulled away from him and arched a brow. “Kiss me back.”

“Not right now.” He told you. Wordlessly, you reached out and grabbed his hand, bringing it to your bare chest. He pried it away instantly. “What are you doing?”

“I want you to touch me.” You impassively told him.

He shook his head. “You’re vulnerable right now, ___; you know I can’t do that to you.”

“But I want you to.”

“But I don’t want to.” He replied, serious as ever. “I wouldn’t feel right.”

Accepting defeat, you settled back down against the porcelain tub. “I’m sorry.” Your voice was small and cracked on the last word. “I’m not going to clean myself if that’s why you came to check on me.”

“That’s okay. At least you tried. That’s all that matters.”

You looked back up at the light on the ceiling. “My dad used to say that.” Memories started flooding back, and you felt overwhelmed all over again. This time, sickness accompanied it. You lurched forward at the realization. “I’m gonna be sick.”

Hopping out of the water as quickly as you could, you knelt in front of the toilet and threw the seat up just in time for you to empty your stomach into the basin. Draken pulled your hair out of your face, reaching for your towel to drape over your naked body. His free hand found your back once more, trying to relax you as best he could. “You’re okay,” he assured you, “everything is okay.”

As soon as the nausea subsided, you grabbed at the towel to wipe your mouth. “I’m sorry you had to see that.” You said, face hot with embarrassment.

He shook his head. “Don’t even worry about it. I’ll go get you a change of clothes, yeah?”

He left your side for a brief moment to fetch you a nightgown, giving you privacy to dry off as needed and pull the garment over your body. Once he returned, he found you brushing your teeth. He smiled. “You should get some rest.”

You spit in the sink, looking over to him and nodding. You took two steps over towards him, wrapping your arms around him and giving him a warm hug. “Thank you.”

“Of course.”

He carried you to your bed, and made sure you were tucked in before he placed a kiss on your forehead. You rolled over, facing away from him and burying your head into the pillow.

“Do you want me to stay?” He asked you.

You didn’t answer. Before you heard anything else, sleep had overcome you.

Your sleep was filled with nightmares. You saw him. You saw your mother. You saw your life with both of them, happy--a reality that never was. Instead of either of them dying, it was you they were mourning over. It was your funeral they had attended. This is the fifth night in a row you’ve had this same exact dream.

However, there was another person that appeared.

He was standing in your yard, similar to how you saw him earlier today. However, it was your grave that Draken stood in front of, eyebrows knitted, wondering where he went wrong, what he could’ve done differently. You woke up screaming, hot tears staining your cheeks.

He was there in the blink of an eye, standing in your doorway. “What’s wrong?” He asked urgently, looking around to make sure there was no immediate danger.

You shook your head, covering your face with your hands. The dam inside you that you had spent so long building up had finally broken, giving in under the pressure. Loud sobs fell from your lips as the tears continued to pour from your eyes. You couldn’t even form coherent words. All the emotions had been welling up inside you all this time; you had been stoic for too many months, and now, everything was pouring out of you.

Draken was by your side in an instant, holding you close to his chest and allowing you to cry into him. “Hey, I got you.” He hushed your cries. “You’re okay, I promise.”

You continued to hideously sob into him, clutching at his shirt as if he was a lifeline. The hyperventilating was starting to ease up the longer he held you, whispering reassuring words into your ear. After a while, you found peace. The tears had dried, but you still remained in his arms, fisting the material of his shirt between your fingers.

He stroked your hair, calming you further. “Do you wanna talk about it?”

You finally released his shirt and leaned away from him some, wiping your face with the back of your hand. “Not really.” He moved to get up and leave you to rest some more, but you grabbed his wrist. “Stay with me.” You insisted. He hesitated a moment. You blinked up at him. “Please.”

“Okay.”

He climbed in next to you under the covers and you laid your head on his chest, finding comfort in the warmth he provided.

“What would I do without you?”

“Don’t worry about that.” He hugged you closer to him. “I’m right here.”

Your ear was placed right above his heart, softly drumming in his chest. A sign that he was still with you.

You fell asleep to the quiet sound of his heartbeat.

When you woke up, it was silent. The hypnotic thump of his heartbeat had vanished. Instantly, you shot up, heart rate spiking as you threw the covers off you, running out of the bedroom. “Draken?!” You screeched throughout the house, your breath caught in your throat and the urge to cry suddenly overcoming you with each passing second he wasn’t in your sight.

Down the stairs you went, weaving through the foyer, into the living room and then the kitchen, and he was nowhere.

Had you imagined him? Was your mind playing tricks on you this whole time? You thought to yourself. No, you couldn’t be driving yourself mad like this. There was no way...

You caught sight of a little puff of smoke rising in the window above the kitchen sink. Curiously, you softly opened the door to the back porch where you found Draken sitting on the stairs, a cigarette hanging lazily in his left hand.

“Kennie?” You whimpered, becoming self conscious at your manic disposition you fell into just moments ago.

He hadn’t even noticed you found him; at the sound of your voice, he whipped his head around, blowing out the smoke he had just inhaled and dropping the cigarette to the ground, stomping it out. “You’re awake,” he observed, standing up and brushing the dirt off his rear. “I was gonna make you breakfast, but I didn’t want to wake you and I didn’t want it to be cold when you woke up, either. I’ll go make some now.” He took a step closer to you, noticing the way your eyelashes had clumped together from the fresh tears. “Were you crying? Did something happen?”

His hands found their way to either shoulder of yours, giving you a reassuring squeeze before pulling you into a hug. You swallowed the lump in your throat. “I just...didn’t know where you went.”

“I’m here now.” He told you earnestly. “I’m not going anywhere. Unless you want me to leave.”

“No,” You said, probably a little too quickly. “Please stay.”

And he did.

He was there each day that summer and into the autumn. Some days were harder than others. But not once did he ever allow himself to become impatient with the way you grieved. He gave you space when you asked, but usually you craved his presence. Even if it was just being in the same room, the two of you sitting in the living room reading a book, or taking a walk down the dirt path behind your house, those small moments with Draken were your saving grace you realized.

In the winter, he would bring you tea whenever he found you sitting by yourself out on the front porch, meditating on your fond memories of your old family. But, with time, you learned to love your new family.

Days passed, and seasons changed, and before you knew it, it was summer again. And Draken was still by your side.

It was a Friday when he had came home from work, that same where’s my pretty girl at? that you never got tired of ringing throughout the home before the door shut behind him. There you were, in all your simple beauty, painting the flowers Draken had planted for you out back as a birthday gift.

He greeted you with a tender kiss, and you fell into your usual routine of sharing how your days went away from each other, culminating in continued conversation over dinner which more often than not, switched over to the porch swing he had insisted on installing last April. The two of you would find a comfortable silence eventually, listening to the calming sounds of the nighttime while his hands encapsulated yours perfectly, tracing random patterns into your skin.

That night, when the two of you had stolen away to the solace of your shared bedroom, you worshipped each other as if you were the last people on this earth. Eager hands groping in the darkness of the night, the sole purpose of every movement being to please one another, showing each other how deeply your love ran.

It wasn’t often that the two of you shared intimate moments like this, allowing yourself to succumb to every emotion locked within your hearts, becoming one.

And when it was all said and done that night, after the heavy breaths calmed down and the two of you were still, Draken gazed at you, whose tired eyes were closed. Just before you were taken by sleep, he ran a thumb across your cheek, stirring you awake.

The two words fell effortlessly from his lips: marry me.

You opened your eyes completely at his simple proposal, heart fluttering in your chest. You didn’t even need to think about your answer.

He was there the following summer, greeting you like he always did, though today, it was Tuesday.

You heard the sweetness of his voice sound throughout the home, reaching your ears upstairs in the secluded bathroom. Twiddling with the ring adorning your fourth finger on your left hand, you stared down at the fate of you and your new husband’s future. Your new family was beginning to grow.

Floating downstairs, you found him in the kitchen, rifling through the cabinets for a pair of wine glasses.

“But it’s only Tuesday,” you informed him. “Why drink on a Tuesday?”

“Because, my pretty girl,” he replied with a toothy grin. “I’ve finally been promoted.”

Before he could open the bottle of wine, you notified him you wouldn’t be drinking.

“My love, I know wine gives you headaches, but that’s only when we drink the cheap stuff.” He assured you, waving you off. “I bought this special for you; it’s good, I promise it won’t make you sick.”

God, he could be dense.

You shook your head, chuckling as you grabbed his wrist--a telltale sign you were being serious. “Darling, I’m pregnant.” You told him, sealing your announcement with a kiss. He stood there, unbelieving, as his hands subconsciously drifted down to your stomach. Though the news rendered him speechless, his glimmering eyes said everything he was thinking. You beamed up at him. “Congrats on the promotion, daddy.”

He was there on the nights your sweet little girl would wail incessantly in her bassinet next to your bed, stirring the both of you awake. But he was always quicker than you, placing a hand on your shoulder and kissing your forehead. “Rest, pretty girl. I got her.”

Smiling sleepily back at him, you turned on your side and watched as the blonde stood up, craning his head down and scooping up the little bawling bundle of joy, hushing her and rocking her and whispering sweet nothings to her to get her to calm down some. It wasn’t working.

You hummed, shutting your eyes softly. “She’s hungry.” You pushed yourself up, blinking your eyes awake as your husband brought the child over. He positioned himself back next to you, watching in awe as you fed your daughter, cooing to her softly.

He just shook his head. “What would I do without you?”

“Don’t worry about that.” Your eyes flickered up to his, and you smiled at his reaction to hearing his words from all those years ago. “I’m right here.”

He wasn’t there in the doctor’s office that autumnal Thursday afternoon. Those headaches you had been getting frequently turned out to be an indicator of something much worse than just a bad hangover from cheap wine.

Exactly what your father had.

The doctor gave you the same timeline that your father had shared with you back then. Best case scenario, you survived the rest of the year. Worst case scenario, you disappear in your sleep.

With a heavy heart, you found your way back home, planning in your head how to tell your husband of the unfortunate news. How were you going to bring up that miserable game of roulette to him?

Thursday evening turned into Friday, which turned into Saturday, and you still hadn’t told him. Unlike you in the situation with your father, Draken didn’t know of the presence of the ticking time bomb inside of you. And when you kissed him sweetly as you laid down to rest that Saturday night, he told you he loved you as always, calling you his pretty girl and telling you how he couldn’t wait for tomorrow morning. Sunday mornings with your husband and daughter were pure bliss.

Until, they weren’t.

He was there when the house was quiet again that Sunday morning. When he woke up to a deafening silence, only one breath filling the room when there should’ve been two.

Then, the pitter patter of your daughter creeping into the bedroom, tear filled eyes staring up at her father, telling him she had a bad dream.

But it was him who had just woken up into his worst nightmare.

[homieswithhades]

why steve rogers returning to the past was wrong

disclaimer: im clearly a stucky enthusiast, but please, do not be thrown off by that. i admit, there may be undertones of bias because of that in the following, but i did my best with trying to lay out the facts and draw logical conclusions, so do please give me a chance. also, i may have accidentaly omitted some moments and some quotes may not be 100% word for word, as my memory lowkey sucks. ALSO this is NOT a peggy hate post!! i think shes a dope and underrated character and quite frankly she was done dirty. but i also definitely h8 the trope of badass woman falls for the hero.

first and foremost, every sane person knows endgame was complete and utter bullshit when dealing with steves character, so this post will be more for you to maybe show (and hopefully convince) some stubborn friend or family member. nice, concise (not) and including proof from the movies (+a few tweets and stucky undertones, if u dont fw that i respect it but bucky is an integral part to steves character regardless of how u interpret their relationship) here is why steves character development was thrown away at the end of endgame.

let us begin at looking at the cap trilogy.

in ca:tfa it should be noted that steve had no one to return to in the 40s, except bucky. i believe steves relationship with peggy was no where near as developed as it should have been to elicit him returning exclusively for her. as we are aware, steves driving force has absolutely always been bucky. bucky was there for steve after his parents died, when he was sick, and always protected him from whatever trouble he got himself into. "until the end of the line" right? steves relationship with peggy was forced and short lived, literally, we're talking a matter of months here. i need to keep emphasising the important disparity between bucky and peggy, as it is absolutely key in this whole argument. steve dropped everything and went against every order just to even attempt to save bucky. even the slightest chance of him surviving being captured was enough for steve to break into a hydra camp and free the 107th division. steve even had the chance to capture zola, one of the main villains and masterminds of the war, but again, steve prioritised bucky. when theyre trying to escape the exploding hydra camp, the exchange between steve and bucky is critical. steve says "go! get out of here!" as all he wanted was bucky escaping safely. he put bucky's life over his own (this wasnt the first time he did this, nor the last) but bucky rooted himself to the spot, and yelled back "no, not without you!". they both escaped safely as we know, and then steve gathers the howling commandos to take down the red skull. bucky then falls off the train, nd steve blames himself for his death, even visibly crying over it twice. steves morals went from "i dont wanna kill anyone. i dont like bullies, i dont care where theyre from" before buckys death, to "i wont stop until all of hydra are dead or captured" after. stuff happens and steve defeats the red skull and is now in control of the flying ship with the bombs. he connects the comms with peggy and she tries to convince him theres another way to disarm the ship. steve was so dedicated at that point he didnt even want to hear it. he didnt even attempt to do anything to ensure his survival. this alone proves, peggy was not important enough to him to return to.

next is ca:tws. The stevebucky movie. in the museum, peggy confirms that steve saved the man from the 107th division who eventually became her husband (steve was never in the 107th, just to clarify) i believe her husbands name was daniel sousa (as revealed in the marvels agents of shield show) steve then finds out peggy is alive and talks to her. she, in short, tells him she's lived her life, and it was his turn to live his in the time hes in. the "my best girl" line was unnecessary and out of place; again, steve barely knew her. again, shit goes down, and steve finds out the winter soldier is bucky and immediately drops everything, and becomes dead set on saving him. not killing, not imprisoning, but saving him. no matter the cost. "he saw me, and he didnt even know me" "hes not the kind you save, hes the kind you stop. he won't recognise you" "he will." god, steve KNEW bucky would recognise him. regardless of the brainwashing, steve managed to break through the barrier hydra fought so hard to drill into buckys mind. nothing ever broke him out of that state exept for steve. "im not gonna fight you, youre my friend." "youre my mission" "then finish it. cos im with you till the end of the line." [[good fucking lord let me break out of my essay-esque semi professional format here and just say how fucking heartbreaking those lines are. oh my god. read them, over and over until it hits you.]] steve shows us again, that he is willing to not only die for bucky, but literally die by his hand. he would let bucky kill him. he'd dropped his shield. he didnt fight back. steve always, always, ALWAYS got up and fought back. always. exept that time. the time bucky could have killed him. that scene is the essence of "im with you till the end of the line" because then, it was true. it was true because steve was okay with dying at buckys mercy. theres a difference between sacrificing yourself for the greater good (steve going into the ice), willing to die for someone (steve risking his life multiple times in attempts to save bucky) and finally, being willing to let someone kill you, because you love and trust them so much (hellicarier scene). the difference between peggy and bucky's relationship to steve is that steve may be willing to die for either, but only willing to be killed by one. not to mention, bucky pulled steve from the river. he recognised him. steve broke through 70 years of brainwashing with such impact it literally drove bucky away from hydra out of his own free will.

in between ca:tws and ca:cw its confirmed (im p sure sam says it) that him and steve looked for bucky for two. years. even off screen, bucky was steves priority.

im going to squeeze in 2 points from from age of ultron here, for chronology's sake:

steves worst nightmare, as portayed in the movie, is LITERALLY going back to the 40s and being stuck there (with peggy too??lmfao) and also the quote "family, stability, the man who wanted all that went in the ice 75 years ago. i think another one came out." objectively confirms that steve isn't the man he used to be, and doesnt want to return to the past. aou may have sucked, but that doesn't mean the character development should be thrown away.

ca:cw. hoo boy. steve went against 117 countries and half of his closest friends and colleagues because he believed bucky was innocent of the bombing of the un conference. god, steve quite literally, did everything to defend and protect bucky. though i shall acknowledge that steve did attend peggy's funeral, however, there was no real connotations there other than the fact he was mourning her death (understabdibly so). steve then proceeds to protect bucky for 2 hours 27 mins and 41 seconds to the point where they escape together to siberia after the airport fight. "i dont know if im worth all this steve" "what you did all those years... it wasnt you. you didnt have a choice." "i know. but i did it" again, absolutely heartbreaking quotes if you read it a couple of times and truly understand the meaning of them. steve somewhat indirectly tells bucky yes, yes he is worth all of this. otherwise, he wouldn't be doing it. a quote to support that would be "for the longest time, i always did what i thought was right." (disclaimer this is not a direct quote i deadass couldnt find it to save my life, i belive steve said it at some point during civil war or tws, but the point is, bucky is the only thing that could have shaken steves morals so intensely.) and finally, the most important part of cw, the fight at the end with tony. bucky and steve constantly protected each other. steve kept fighting because he was fighting for bucky. to keep him safe from tony and the world. he got up, time and time again. "i can do this all day." the fact that he said that to tony, some people consider them the closest of friends, proves again, a million times over, bucky is more important to steve than literally anything else, INCLUDING his shield. his mantle. he dropped it and left it like it was nothing, because his priority was bucky. as always.

theres not much to discuss for infinity war other than their hug whicg was honestly just adorable.

mmmmm endgame. i will not go into how much i hate that movie because it would be a rant quintuple the length of this one. in the support group, steve dead ass fucking says "you gotta move on. you gotta move on" and that sentiment was literally forgotten at the end. my main point for endgame is this. people tend to tell me, the reason steve abandoned bucky and went back to be with peggy is because he knew that he was finally safe. :/. if you had half a braincell youd know that's not true. the steve we know, never would have left bucky for good, ESPECIALLY after the "dont do anything stupid until i get back" exchange [[god i want to beat the shit out of the r*ssos]] mostly because, bucky had fucking no one in the time he was living in!!! no family, no friends and most heartbreakingly, no one he could trust. (yes sam was there but were just seeing their friendship develop now in tfatws, all that wasnt there in endgame) and secondly, what made steve think bucky was entirely safe??? half of the worlds population just suddenly reappeared, which as we see now, there were massive consequences for that. i simply believe steve is not that stupid. steve going back was disrespectful not only to his character, but to bucky AND peggy. most importantly, the steve we've been watching since 2011 would NEVER abandon bucky, no matter how safe he thought he was (he visited him frequently in wakanda, the safest place on the planet arguably ffs) especially for such a dumbass and quite frankly, nonsensical reason as going back to be with peggy, who clearly stated to him she moved on, and so should he (which he did. idk endgame writers prolly didnt watch the previous movies :/) its not even debatable. bucky is more important to steve than peggy. even in terms of screentime.

now allow some tweets to speak for me, this one being the absolute most important one:

ladies and gentlefolk, all of the stuff ive said can be summarised in that last line. "it would be contrary to who he is."

heres some more:

and now finally, id like to briefly mention steve and tfatws, so beware of spoilers (writing this as of ep 4 coming out; praying it doesn't age badly)

bucky mentions steve, unprompted, fucking constantly. he clearly isnt over steve leaving, and im hoping that gets acknowledged and talked out in the show.

in conclusion, tl:dr, steve shouldn't have returned to the past and stayed there, it is contrary to who he is, as shown to us through his trilogy and other appearances in the mcu. not to mention the timeline bullshit in endgame makes zero sense in the first place.

[moonlit-imagines]

Headcanons for being Peter Parker’s Younger Sibling

Peter Parker x sibling!reader

warnings: bullying mention, blood mention

a/n: a fuckin reach, its been a WHILE since ive seen tasm

prompt: y/n is peter’s sibling

peter and you were playful kids

you were just a year and some months younger than him, so you had a harder time remembering your parents than him

but he always told you stories about them that made you miss them a little more

peter was a genius, we all know it

he was the one helping you with your homework most nights

“peter i cant do it!”

“that’s okay, y/n. look, start with two times four, that’s eight, then four times six, twenty-four, right?”

“can i say a cuss word?”

“sure”

“math is shit”

you would cry during homework a lot

you’d also pass out on his floor after talking for hours

and you’d either wake up facedown on the floor or in your room since uncle ben would pick you up and put you to bed

peter took it upon himself to take you back to your room, but he usually dragged you by the arm, sooooo

you’d play action figures together

he was batman, you were robin always

“can i be batman?”

“oldest gets to be batman so im batman”

“but i wanna be batman!”

peter walked you to your school before taking off on his skateboard

and he’d pick you up on his way home

on half-days your brother taught you how to skate

you fell a lot

aunt may had to patch you up

“how many times do i have to tell you those skateboards are dangerous?!”

peter got you your own skateboard so that you could practice without him

you would text him after you did a trick and he’d always say hell yes! show me when i get home!

being his photography assistant

really you were his assistant constantly

science fair was the most boring day of the year

“y/n, stand right here, i need to get something from my locker”

*judges walk up while youre left unattended and in a state of PANIC*

you were bullied in middle school, same as peter, he’d always stick up for you and get beat up instead

it made you very mad but it was scary, too

“how’d you get into this fight, peter?”

“oh, you know, just happened”

“peter was sticking up for me, uncle ben”

“was he now? you’re a good brother, peter”

lonely when he moved onto high school :/

but you got there soon enough

you guys were kind of loners, just ate lunch together, lugged around your skateboards, you were an artist, he was a photographer

just spectating the chaos of high school, rolling your eyes at the drama

“i have two bucks, do you want anything from the vending machine?”

“uhh, a coke?”

you saw peter get bullied by flash and lost your shitttt

you actually started a food fight after throwing mashed potatoes in his eyes

“what the hell, parker?!”

“sit down and eat your goddamn food, flash, or next time it wont be potatoes”

peter was half-proud, half-embarrassed

trying to see how long you could skate through the halls before any authority figures stopped you

sometimes......you guys got sent to the office together :)

*phone ringing* “hello, is this ben parker?”

“which one of them is it this time?”

the principal’s office was a trip sometimes

you and peter exchange your glances and wait to get scolded

“ah, the parkers, come in, lets have a chat...why do you two always feel the need to get in trouble together?”

“we just happen to get along really well for siblings”

no you fuckin dont lmaoooo

it was always something with you two

like always

*banging on peter’s door* “I KNOW YOU HAVE MY BROWNIES, PETER, GIVE THEM BACK”

*peter through a mouthful of brownies* “I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOURE TALKING ABOUT, YOURE CRAZY”

“is that my jacket?” -peter

“you mean my jacket?”

“y/n, i swear to god if you steal any more of my clothes it’s over for you”

“well, aunt may keeps giving me your clothes, so take it up with her”

and then there was just the little annoying things

“peter, can you stop clicking your pen?”

*clicks pen faster*

“you’re the worst”

and my personal favorite

“peter, open the door”

“why?”

“emergency”

*opens bedroom door* “what?”

“aunt may is making meatloaf”

“shit, uh...get your board, we’ll skate to mcdonalds and tell her we already ate”

peter and you RARELY ever brought your parents up until he found your dad’s briefcase, you didn’t have much to say

soon he was flooding his room with conspiracies and pulling you in to explain them

he began acting REALLY weird, but he was pretty open with you, he told you he went to oscorp

“YOU SNUCK IN??”

“your standards for me are way too high, y/n”

soon you started to feel not-so-good and weird things started to happen

“peter??”

“yeah? whats up?”

“this is gonna sound really weird...my hand is stuck to the door”

“it happened to you, too??”

“happening, pete. wait—this happened to you?? what is this???????”

yall done fucked up and got bit by spiders peter had so carelessly brought back into the house

it was an adjustment to say the least

and this adjustment got a whole lot harder that one night...you can remember peter just...so upset

you tried to chase him out to make sure he was okay, but uncle ben told you to stay with your aunt

maybe if you’d have been there...it would’ve been different, but when the cops got to your house you were at a loss for words

peter was covered in his blood still

“hey, hey, just breathe, okay? it’s not your fault, peter. just hop in the shower, yeah? i’ll take care of your clothes”

when peter took your advice and you were left alone, you just cried, you cried until he finally found you curled up in a ball in your room

then he cried, you just hugged each other sobbing your eyes out

peter got distant for a while, which was rough since the two of your were mourning for your uncle and dealing with these newfound powers

sooner or later he came around and helped you out, designing webshooters and a suit for you

“we match?”

*sigh* “yeah...yeah, we match”

ah yes, spider-team

you really tripped out new york at first, they thought spider-man was a teleporter

peter was still talking about your dad, but you really didn’t care, uncle ben was always going to be who raised you

you and peter would be covered in bruises after going out

“uh—peter punched me”

“y/n???!!!”

“I PANICKED”

just being dumb scared teens that cant function to save their lives until they get a little bit lucky

seriously like, every big villain you guys fought was just the worst

peter didn’t help all the time, he was good at provoking them sometimes

“hey, spider-man, you mind shutting up for a minute? for my sake?”

“sorry, sorry, just couldn’t help myself!”

he gushed to you about gwen stacy, he actually dragged you to her apartment to be patched up by her SEVERAL TIMES

yadda yadda yadda peter graduated high school! how cool is that? but he was late (what a surprise) even though you put off spidering today just for this

but he made it and you clapped the loudest for him

“thats my brotherrrr!!!”

cute family picture! (aunt may printed a bunch of them and gave them to you two and peter pinned them to his wall)

you and peter actually have a lot of pictures of the two of you just goofing off

he has one of you stuck in a trash can that cracks him up every time

seeing harry osborn again after YEARS

“wow, y/n, last time i saw you i just thought you were peter’s annoying little sibling”

“aww, it’s good to see you, too”

electrooooo

this guy really worried you bc like, bzzzz shock

you and peter weren’t equipped for that

it took a while, but you were finally able to deal with that

and several other problems

including peter’s breakup, which was a whole ordeal of its own

*peter laying upside down on your bed* “i dont know, y/n, you know? i wanna be with her so bad, i love her...but her dad is haunting me”

*you, drawing on your notepad with your legs propped up on his* “yeah, makes sense”

you actually had to tap out during the end of electro, you were hurt pretty bad

“y/n, hey? yeah, you’re okay. stay here, just stay right there, i’m gonna be back for you”

*thumbs up to show youre still alive*

but when peter came back for you there was bad news, he’d lost gwen

he ripped his mask off and fell to his knees, you could barely move but you powered through it, giving him a hug while he cried

“we...we better get home before aunt may starts to worry”

she was at work, so you two had the place to yourselves to clean up and mourn before the official news was revealed

“i should have listened to her dad, y/n, this is all my fault”

he was a mess, you couldn’t bare seeing him like this. it’s been so long since you’d seen him like this

the funeral was rough, peter was grasping onto your shoulder the whole time

he insisted that he was going to stick behind and stay with gwen for a while

“okay, i’ll see you at home...love you”

“love you too”

you gave him a hug and left him to his business, the next few months you were the only spider-person operating in new york...until rhino popped up

“im coming with you”

“you’re sure?”

“yeah, im sure”

(these are kinda ass but anyways im tagging my marvel ppl even tho ik this isnt mcu so just ignore this post if you dont care, sorry!!)

taglist: @alwaysananglophile // @rorybutnotgilmore // @locke-writes // @sweetheartliz07 // @queen-destenie // @natasha-danvers // @allthecreativeonesaretaken // @frostedgiant // @praellee // @emygirl // @lotsoffandomrecs //

[theyarebothgunshot]

ROSE I AM FREAKING OUT HAVE YOU SEEN THE PREQUEL STUFF???? WHAT IS GOING ON, my god... I was literally about to go to sleep, decided to check Tumblr one last time and see this.... what WHAT!! WHATTTT!!!!!! I don't even know if this is good bad or what but just JENSEN IS PRODUCING A SUPERNATURAL PREQUEL AND DEAN'S GONNA BE THE NARRATOR OR Sth LIKE???? -🐸

YEAH i am normal about this <3 (jk i am also freaking out) welcome to: people screaming to me in my inbox about prequelgate ft. j/2 fallout theory. let's goooo!

Another copypasta and suddenly chaos machine is full on gay I love this prophecy

you know whats funny i just checked the j/2 tag and i feel like for the first time in a long time they are starting to realise that maybe THEY should be the ones who are "gutted" *sips tea*

ROSE HOLY SHIT ROOOOOOOOSE ITS HAPPENING HOLY SHIIIIIT

YEAH

Nevermind just read prequel and well good luck I guess but just you know kind of bleh who wants to watch John Winchester well let’s have hope anyways

i know a lot of people are bummed out but i am kind of very excited actually?? i trust robbie and even though yeah j*hn winchester turned into a nasty abusive bastard, it can be interesting to explore how it all started (imo). it's just the first of many stories they can tell.

I can only accept this circus if it’s Dean telling the stories to his and Cas’ kids and then we have a revival to show that the whole finale was in fact the end Chuck wanted there Jensen I fixed it

i would not say no to this

heyloo bee anon here

um- wtf is happening?

jackles prequel series?? why? i want to be excited about this but sheesh im scared

because supernatural is never dead <3

okay, but, jensen... john winchester ≠ jdm, you don’t have to go /that/ hard for him 🙃

true true... though i am waiting for jdm to comment on this, please i need it

WAIT A SECOND J2 FALLOUT THEORY TRUE??

LMAO HELL YEAH BESTIE

Rose you really picked the worst time to sleep for real

bestie it was literally 4 in the morning, what do you expect from me sdfjsfhsf

I can’t literally can’t we were all right LMAO j2 fallout theory is real and cockles (Misha supporting Jensen) is [gunshots] I’m just laughing cause what the hell is this timeline we’re living LMAOOOOOOOOOO

we would always end up here <3

Do we have the copypaste anons to thank for JP basically confirming the J2 fallout? lol 🦚

yes, everybody say 'thanks annoying idiots!'

ROSE, WAKE UP, COME HERE,

THERE'S A LOT GOING ON FFS

YEAH I KNOW BUT I NEEDED SLEEP

Anticipating that there's going to be a lot of yelling about the prequel on here: I am cackling, but also, I mean, the first time Dean got a look into his parent's past, Cas was the catalyst: literally entered Dean's mind and catapulted him to the 70s. So idk, it's not completely unreasonable to expect some Cas cameos, maybe setting up a parallel timeline since Dean is narrating. What I'm saying is, this is Jackles, he's getting JDM and Misha in on this lmao -Honeymoon Anon

you were right lmfaooo also i fully agree. misha's tweet further cemented that thought for me. he knew about this prequel and i dont think he is cas-baiting us, i think he'll be involved. i'd also be obsessed to see jensen and jdm act together again (though idk who jdm could play seeing as it's a prequel and he is way too old to play young j*hn)

longlivethetribbles heeft gevraagd:

Heyyyyyy bestie, are you SEEING the absolute madness going on right now holy shit

well a little late but I SURE AM BESTIE

bestie wake up pls s16 finale just dropped.

- 🍯

and WHAT a great one it was

I love coming home from work to see all of the chaos unfolding on Tumblr and Twitter. I'm absolutely buzzing right now. I'll probably still be here by the time you wake up and check tumblr 😂 - 🐢

lmaooo and were you still awake?? did you see my freak out??

Oooh bestie wake the fuck up, I know you’re gonna be excited for this one jsnsjsj

god i had SUCH a morning like. it's 12:00 now and all i did since i woke up is check tumblr rip

short summary: jen and dee gain the rights, they post on ig/twitter about a prequel ft john and mary that no one asked for, the fandom loses its everloving shit as usual, they trend on twitter thanks to the beloved twt intern who missed us, misha qt’s jen about cas possibly benefiting from being in the prequel, then j*red qt’s jensen abt how his feelings got hurt by him not being told about a prequel his character as no involvement in & he initially throws a tantrum, and the rest is history - 🦋 anon (ps: i hope this helps a little, i’ve been scattered brained trying to keep up with it all night lmao so pls let me know if i missed anything, bug crew !!)

thank you so much darling i figured it out eventually but this is a helpful summary!!!

I hope you enjoyed waking up to all of this XD -🐢

i sure did!!! also that answers my question about you being awake lmao

I WILL NEVER EVER EVER FORGIVE MYSELF FOR SLEEPING THROUGH ALL OF THIS DRAMA AND NOT EXPERIENCING IT IN PERSON I DIDN'T NEED THIS SLEEP - tea anon

well the party was still going strong this morning so im not TOO "gutted" see what i did there lmaooo

Now that you are caught up with the news... So idk if you remember this but...didn't jarpad tell jackles he was up for a reboot in an online panel? And jackles answered that this was news to him??

-🍯

yeah i think you are right but he was clearly joking and didnt expect jackles to actually be working on something already

J2 anon spare more of those anons let's finish this - tea anon

please, we're having a ball in this bitch

I saw a post on tumblr where someone said now that Kripke gave J&D the rights, maybe they’re starting with a prequel just to end on a reboot in years time and honestly ? I wanna believe that so badly. This is tinhatty but what if this is all calculated in a way that makes it so that Jensen is slowly starting to fix everything that was wrong with spn - now that he has the rights and he’s slowly making spn his own story ?! I mean he did say in his ig post he wants to ‘fill in the rest’ - and maybe Mary and John’s story is only the beginning of spn related content from J&D to come ??? Maybe he wants to give spn the justice it deserves ?? Thoughts ??

i dont think this is tinhatty at all i think this is very possible and not that much of a reach. i could see this happening yeah for sure

want to hear something funny. I found out I had a ruptured blood vessel in my eye because I was sending my friend a video freaking out when the prequel news dropped and I noticed the corner of my eye was red af. and when I got back online jared had tweeted.

DJFHSJD ANON THE CHAOS OF IT ALL, HELP, are you okay? <3

rose.. bestie... how are you feeling about The News? nsfshsf being european is a curse </3 🐞

i feel GREAT im living for it i feel on top of the world tbh (and yeah it really is dsjfhs)

What am I waking up to I can't WHAT I rested my eyes for like 5 minutes help *hits reblog button* - anon anon

yep yep essentially djfhs

“Jensen and Misha are Co workers who barley talk”

I can’t be sure of course but I’m fairly certain that this is the copypasta that brought the j/2 fallout theory back to life. Who’s apparently ‘barely talking’ now? skansjsjsj. It’s almost prophetic, these j/2 anons have superpowers I’m telling ya.

-poker face anon

next time we get one of them we should be thanking them lmaooo

ok, but are we gonna talk about the "When Daneel and I formed Chaos Machine Productions, we knew that the first story we wanted to tell was the story of John and Mary Winchester [...]"-quote because the way this is phrased implies they formed CHAOS MACHINE Productions with the intent of telling this story (first), i haven't been in this dumpster long enough but the name just tickles me in that Misha way, isn't it so sus??? am i missing something???? i mean with this announcement they SURE lived up to that name... 🧩-anon

you are absolutely right, chaos machine SCREAMS misha and we are all here for it!!

hey hey hey. joining the clownverse, there's no way THEE cas girl danneel doesn't know just how much the fandom loves misha and cas. so 2 + 2 = misha in the spn prequel!

AGREED

So I think I finally managed to catch up on wtf happened while I was asleep and my brain melted. What a shit show to wake up to.

Anyway thoughts.

I don't hate the idea of a Mary&John sequel. I think it has the potential to be good (It has the potential to be really bad too, so I'm kind scared).

🕯️🕯️🕯️ manifesting Mary being badass and John being kinda useless🕯️🕯️🕯️

As for the Jensen and J*red thing.

I can see Jensen not telling J*red even if they are still friends, because J*red is kinda good at accidentally telling Secrets. He could have told him right before he announced it so, so that J*red didn't have to find out from twitter. He was on the show for 15 years, he is bound to get asked about it. The public twitter meltdown was really unprofessional so. Like you have Jensen's number J*red. You could have sorted that out in private like a normal person, but instead you choose to act like a toddler throwing a tantrum.

Is it weird that I'm actually going to be kinda that for them if the actually had a falling out, even tho I don't like J*red all that much. They seemed to be really important to each other and while I thought before that the might have triefted apart a bit, I didn't think that the where actively fighting.

- 🐌 anon

the thing is, the polite/normal thing for jensen to do was text him before announcing it on twitter. it's weird he didn't, and that makes me believe that maybe yeah they did have a falling out. especially with the way j*red responded to it on twitter. if he had no other reason to be this upset (no prior beef or falling out) you'd think that he wouldn't be responding like this. on the other hand, the man is a mysterie to me so who the hell knows. i'm not gonna mourn about it if they did/do grow apart because j*red is just.... awful imo.

[rcl-stan]

would i be friends with the pjo characters irl?

stolen from @best-ofpjo

(im writing essays for these istg)

percy - absolutely not. i hate that man. we’d know each other from middle school band where we both did percussion. i barely know him but every breath he takes shortens my fuse. i look forward to the class but every time i’m there and i remember he exists i just cannot wait to leave. he sucks at mallets but the teacher wont stop giving him mallet parts. his lack of talent is infuriating. in high school we have more classes together and i realize he’s not as bad, but this scrawny motherfucker with a cool hairstyle gained so much raw fuckboy energy over the summer even though i at least know he’s not like that. we bond over our great taste in music after running into each other at a park, but we aren’t friends. if anything he’s only more of a minor significance to me. his existence still enrages me and no amount of halestorm can fix that

annabeth - we would have an unbelievable amount of mutual friends, but no matter how much we hang out i just can’t stand her. and the worst part is: i dont know why. shes so nice. she gives me homework answers and gives me her cheeze-itz when i dont have a snack in seventh hour. im never rude to her either. if anything, im the nicest i ever am around her. she thinks we’re friends but i just cant bring myself to be honest with her, especially because i dont know what about her bothers me. we make a tiktok together during a free period and from that point on i have a crush on her, but i only makes me hate her more. she has what my fans wish they had

grover - we’d be decent aquaintances. i find out he listens to coin a bit, but thats as close as we get. this dude smokes so much weed. i mean, not really that much, but he’s high off his ass pretty often. theres no way someone could possibly be so chill, with or without the 🍃. he offers me a hit but i decline. he’s respectful about it. the tech theater vibes are intense. its never his first choice, but hes always on lights. jokes on him, hes afraid of heights and hates going up on the catwalk. i call absolute pussy shit. thats the coolest place in the auditorium. he’s clowning

thalia - god i hate her. so much. just knowing she exists makes me want to cry. how can someone so horrid be related to someone so kind and respectful. sometimes im tempted to talk to her because she also likes halestorm and most of my friends get scared when im handed the aux, but i control myself

bianca - we’re best friends. shes so sweet. like, one of the sweetest people ever. shes very impulsive though and doesnt think things through often. this has torn apart lots of her friendships, but we always manage to sort things out. we’ve been friends since kindergarten. we make a pretty great team, but sometimes she forgets what kind of music i listen to. i get handed the aux. she’s startled, to say the least. she listens exclusively to girl in red, clairo, and tame impala. pros - she knows theyre not underground. we are often told that our music tastes match each other’s aesthetics. spoiler alert: we know

nico - surprisingly yes. when we meet we sort of just click. we’re absolute losers together and we like it that way. although ive known bianca for forever, we dont actually talk until middle school when im his band mentor buddy. hes absolute trash at music but we still become good friends. he has the energy of a baritone (iykyk, iydk: small feral animal) but he just doesnt have the talent </3 bianca jokes that i should bully him when she finds out we’re partners but is genuinely surprised when we become close. i’ll be hanging out with nico at their place and bianca comes home like “👁👄👁 girl- well do u wanna hang out after?” our favorite thing to do is watch bad netflix coming of age movies and judge them (and talk about how attractive some of the guys are)

will - yeah. hes nice, quiet, and chill. definitely the loud/chaotic one when hes with close friends. hes a people pleaser though and forgets to take care of himself sometimes. he has the absolute worst taste in music. arrest worthy. exclusively country, except for his favorite artist, which is ed sheeran. his personality makes up for it though. hes the only other one in our friend group whos seen glee and we mourn naya rivera together

luke - no. hes a predator and everyone knows it. he has intense sde. he has almost no friends and everyone likes it that way. hes a supersenior bc this man has no 🧠 and is also still trying to get freshman girls bc he knows no one else is dumb enough to let him techdeck on their tiddies. but he’s a fool. no one is dumb enough to let him techdeck on their tiddies

imma make a part two with more and also continue on with other series !! this was fun ☺️

[sapphicomenn]

WELCOME TO MY THOUGHTS WHILE REWATCHING THE MCU IN TIMELINE ORDER: THE AVENGERS

“the tesseract has awakened” oh you mean the glowy cube from captain america AND captain marvel? THAT glowly cube?? cool looking stairs- ew who tf are you? the grim reaper??

what the fuck is a chitauri and why does it sound like sea food. “a world will be his. the universe, yours.” STOP BLAMING THE PRONOUN GAME AND GIVE ME NAMES FFS

ooo shield base. “not a drill.” oh shits going down- COULSON. FUURRRYYY FUCK YEAH. the best marvel characters are here the movie has peaked- oldman from thor is here?? intoresting. and who the hell is this woman tryna question fury??

the glowy cube is a shE???????? HUH??????? oh hey its hawkeye the badass archer guy. oh shit things are going down. the cube is sparking and swirling??- IT OPENED A PORTAL

LOKKIII YOU BEAUTIFUL BASTARD WELCOME BACK. HE HAS A SHOOTY MAGIC SPEAR LIKE A BADASS. he just took out a bunch or shield with a shooty spe- OHMYGODS HE CAN CONTROL MINDS WITH IT.

“loki. brother of thor.” OLDMAN STFU

GUNS GO PEW PEW ALONG SIDE A GOOD OLD CAR CHASE SKSHSKKSHS. RUN FURY RUNNN. the portal imploded on itself like a moron hA

WHO TF NAMES THEIR CHILD “HILL” WTF. “we are at war.” NO SHIT SHERLOCK A NORSE GOD STOLE THE CUBE YOU WERE SUPPOST TO PROTECT

tis a train and a old building- NATASHA. how tf were you taken hostage? im so glad i have subtitles on otherwise i wouldnt understand a thing these ppl are saying. HOW TF IS SHE KICKING ASS WHILE TIED TO A CHAIR WHAT IN THE HELL-

oh his leg deff broke once he fell off the ledge tied to a chain. cut to a lil gorl running to find a doctor- who tf this is of course. THIS GUY IS BANNER??? i mean im glad they changed the actor but wtf. “theres no one that knows gamma radiation like you do.” YA DONT SAY, ROMANOFF. “STOP LYING TO ME” JESUS FUCK THAT MADE ME JUMP

oh damn shield has their own O5 council? cool. EXPLAIN WHAT PHASE2 IS ALREADY. also dont say thor is bad he is a giant puppy dog with a war-boner.

oh hi steve, working off that PTSD by beating the shit out of a punching bag ay? oh right steve knows the glowy cube. “at this point i doubt anything would surprise me.” “ten bucks says you’re wrong” welp ya owe him ten bucks steve

“is there anything you can tell us about the tesseract to help us now?” “you should’ve left it in the ocean.” WELL THAT HELPS ALOT DOESNT IT. hello there iron man, at the bottom of the ocean.? sure why the hell not

aye stark tower’s about to have clean energy, yay stark! “stark tower, is your baby.” how do you give birth to a tower.???????? KSHSJSHSKSJS COULSON BROKE INTO THE TOWER “is first name is agent.” TONY SKSHKSSHKSVSKSHSKS

*whisper whisper whisper* yeah she bribed tony with sex so he’d work on the avengers and stuff. “the guys like a stephen hawking.” “. . .” “hes like a smart person”

awh coulson is fangirling over steve- watched you while you were sleepin- man you’re awkward. you adorable dumbass. ohshit underground musky lab- OLDMAN AND LOKI

the world is breaking around loki. sea food army is restless- shut the fuck up you stupid looking eye wrapped bastard. WHO THE HELL IS THIS HE?????? welcome back to earth you smexy man

FLOATING WATER BASE

back to avenger tingz. man coulson is the biggest cap fan- oh its a giant sub- NO ITS A GIANT FLYING BASE HOLYSHIT SHIELD THATS AMAZING.

now we go into the meetings and talking related stuff :I yey. “lets vanish” wdym- IT HAD A CLOAKING DEVICE. HA STEVE JUST GAVE THE TEN HE OWED SKSHSKHSKSJS

i dont understand a word of all the science stuff they just said but yay. “i need a distraction. and an eyeball” barton what the fuck why do you need an eye.?

oh lokis in germany, at a very fancy party might i add. loki is best boy ever. even if he just bonked a the head/ OHMYGOD AND STOLE HIS FUCKING EYE JESUS CHRIST INFRONT OF ALL THOSE PEOPLE.??????

“i said. KNEEEEL” dont need to tell me twice-

blagh villain speeches are the worst. why tf did this old guy stand up “not to men like you.” shut up. SHOOT HIM- wtf. steve what the hell are you wearing? what the fuck is that- aye tonnnyyy!!!! he hacked into the jet thingy and started playing music from the speaker thats the best.

CAPSICLE SKSHSKSHKSHSKSJ- ohfuck thunder. THOR WELCOME TO THE PARTY. “im not overly fond of what follows” WKVSKSBSKSHSJS

HE JUST BROKE INTO THE JET AND STOLE LOKI FROM EM. “theres only one god ma’am. and im sure he doesnt dress like that.” cap stfu

“i thought you were dead.” “did you mourn.” damn loki thats harsh. thor is angy at his brother. “you listen well brot-ARGH” “..im listening?” STARK YOU CHOSE THAT MOMENT TO BODY SLAM THOR OFF THAT CLIFF AND LEAVE LOKI BEHIND? REALLY?

“.. tourist.” FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT KICK HIS ASS, THOR. DONT KILL HIM WITH LIGHTNING THO

if someone throwed me against a tree i wouldnt be walking. im just saying

“THATS ENOUGH.” cap did you think that would work?? and how the hell did your dinner plate stop the power of thor

loki do be in jail tho. how’s this gonna go wrong- oh he smiled at banner. THATS how it goes wrong

tell him off fury! “you have made me very disapoin-“ OH NVM HE SAYS DESPERATE IGNORE THIS

“uNlimiteD pOoWeRRRRR”

“let me know if real power wants a magazine or something.” good comeback fury. i think

“loki is beyond reason, but he is of asgard. and he is my brother” “he killed 80 people in two days.” “he’s adopted.” KSBSKSJSJSJSK

“that man is playing galaga. he thought we wouldnt notice, but we did.” TONYKANSKSHKSJSKSJ tony is a fucking legend. “finally someone who speaks english!” “is that what just happened?” steve stfu you’re a fighty man not a smart man

“i do! . . . i understood that reference.” steve nvm keep talking please. PLEASE THE MAN IS STILL PLAYING GALAGA SOSJSKSJSJKS

why is tony eating blueberrys- where the hell did he get blueberrys. “we have orders. we should start following them.” steve you tried to get into the army under fake locations for months AND broke into a german base when you were a showpony. stfu about following rules

“so you’re saying the hulk.. the other guy? saved me” yes. yes we are saying that, banner. aye steve go break into shit like you’re suppost to :D

oh hi again oldman, welcome back. yay shield saved padme, and awh oldman talked about thor alot. thor i love you alot. loki just tell nat where tf you left barton :/ oh barton was sent to KILL nat?? not hire her?? well that went downhill. whomst the hell is dreykov- sao paulo- the hospital fire???? hawkeye wtf why’d you spill it all to loki.

mewley quim wtf kind of insult is that- oh damn nat figured out the hulk is lokis next plan of attack. PHASE TWO IS TO USE THE GLOWY CUBE TO MAKE FUCKING WEAPONS? SHIELD WHAT THE HELL

HA FURY TRIED TO LIE IS WAY OUTTA IT BUT BC STARK HACKED INTO IT ALL HE JUST EXPOSED HIMSKHSKSJSKS

WAIT THEY WERE MADE FOR THOR AND ASGARDIANS? WHAT THE FUCK SHIELD- oh damn lokis staff is the reason they’re all at eachother. probably

“yeah. big man in a suit of armor. take that off what are you?.” “genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist.” well you’re not wrong

guys stop fighting, HAWKEYE IS BREAKING IN. “in case you needed to kill me. but you cant. i know, i tried.” awh thats sad, i wanna hug banner so bad :(

OHSHIT AN ENTIRE WING GOT BLOWN UP THE FLYING BASE IS GOING DOWN- HULKS COMING OUT THATS NOT GOOD. the transforming is scary- RUN NAT

loki stop smiling because the plan is going your way. “it seems to run on some form of electricity.” “well you’re not wrong” tony stop being funny this isnt fair

HULK JUMPSCARE JESUS CHRIST- NAT GOT BITCHSLAPPED THROUGH A WALL- YAY THOR TO SAVE THE DAY. HAMMER TIME BABYY

*B O N K*

hulk trying to pick the hammer up is funny. BRIDGE IS UNDER ATTACK. DO YOU THINK SHOOTING HULK IS A GOOD IDEA??? HE JUST TOOK OUT FIGHTER JET AND ALMOST KILLED THE GUY FLYING IT

CAP IS KICKING ASS- OH GOD NO THE ENGINES ARE FAILING. OHGOD LOKI IS OUT- THOR YOU DUMBFUCK DID YOU FORGET LOKI CAN DO MAGIC SHIT? NOW YOU’RE STUCK IN THE GLASS CONTAINER

COULSON SAVE THOR! SHOOT LOKI DAMNIT- COULSON NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

glass cage go brrrrr

HA LOKI GOT FUCKIN SHOT BY COULSON BEFORE HE DIES( :( ) tony almost got minced by the engine thingys

im gonna cry coulson how dare your death make me sad :(( stupid heart breaking aftermath moments.

thor is stuck in a field, banner fell through the roof of a building. awh the security guard is so nice :) barton is a fucking mess right now “how’d you get him out?” “i hit you on the head really hard.” KSJSKKSSK

tony figured out lokis plan- ITS TAKING PLACE AT HIS TOWER? THE AVENGERS IS TAKING ACTION BABY LETS GOOOO

wait a fucking moment, the cards coulson has are covered in blood. so you’d think they were on him when he was stabbed- yet hill just said they were in his locker “they needed the push.” FURY YOU RUINED NEAR MINT VINTAGE COLLECTABLE CARDS TO MOTIVATE SUPER FREAKS???

o hi loki welcome to stark tower

“stalling wont change-“ “no no, threatening. no drink? ya sure? im having one.”

“i have an army.” “we have a hulk.” HE SAID IT, HE SAID THE LINE

HA LOKI CANT TAKE STARKS MIND BC HIS HEART IS SOME TECHY METAL CRAPKSJSKSJSKS- i guess choking and tossing him around works. so does throwing hik out a window

oh no the glowy cube just opened a portal for the army of seafood. they look like creatures from halo.

BROTHER FIGHT

CHAOS EVERYWHERE

PLANE DOWN PLANE DOWN

what the fuck just growled- HOLYSHIT THEY HAVE A SPACE LEVIATHAN. it looks badass ngl. loki redemption arc? nope he just stabbed thor.

SPACE BIKE GO BRRRRR

yes because arrows and guns will stop the, alien monsters with lazer arms. some how its working. “just like budapest all over again.” “you and i remember budapest very differently.” WTF HAPPENED AT BUDAPEST BARTON AND NAt, HUH?

cap just scared the shit outta some police men HAHA

“i have unfinished business with loki.” “yeah? get in line” barton is snarky right now. banner just rides up on a motercycle like “hi what i’d miss”

“im bringing the party to you.” stark says while being chased by a giant metal space whale who’s crashing and crushing everything in its path along a street

“thats my secret cap. im always angry.” FUCK YEAH BANNER MESS THAT SPACE WHALE UP. HE JUST PUNCHED A GIANT FUCKING WHALE THING.

the music, the avengers circling around. its amazing. well things are gonna get worse bc more space whales showed up

“and hulk. . . smash.”

LIGHT THEM FUCKERS UP, THOR. shield maybe instead of watching, maybe, oh i dont know. HELP THEM???

i dont know what else to say other then its alot of fighting and smashing alien faces into the ground

hulk and thor kicking ass on the back of a space whale is awesome. HULK WHY DID YOU PUNCH HIMSJSOSHSKJSKSJSKSKSKSK

i fuxking love when steve turtle shells behind his shield.

“director fury. the council has made a decision.” “i recognize the council has made a decision. but given its a stupid-ass decision, i have elected to ignore it.” fury never stop being awesome

loki thought he was so smug when he caught bartons arrow, then it blew up in his face. literally IKSKSKSKSKS

HULK FUCK LOKI UP! JSHSKSGKSHSJSHSJSJ HE JUST TOSSED LOKI AROUND LIKE A RAGDOLL “puny god.” “*pained wheezing from a smooshed loki*”

oh damn- OH DAMN, STARK. he just jonahed the fucking whale thing and blew it up from the inside. well now the city has a nuke coming for it :/

yall have a chance to shut the portal down, and tony, you want to go INTO that portal and throw the nuke in? wtf stark.

TONY GO BACK TO EARTH DAMNIT FUCKING BASTARD PASSED OUT. yay hulk saved his stupid ass. do cpr.? mayb.? or a hulk roar will wake him up KEJSKJSKSSKJS

tony. you just blew up a alien command center with a nuke, passed out and fell to earth through a portal. and you want, shawarma?

and now back to loki. “if its all the same to you, i’d like that drink now.” ISHSKSJSJSJSKSJSJ

STAN LEEE

the people love em. yey

council lady stfu about the avengers being a threat. they just said the earth and you’re worried about them going rouge??

“if we get into a situation like this again, what happens then?” “they’ll come back.” i mean theres three more avenger movies so i assume so. remodaling stark towers so its the avenger tower? neat!

NEXT MOVIE: IRON MAN 3

*MID CREDIT SCENE* oh hi again mr no eyes. do we get to see this HE? OH WE DO. o hi mr 10 chins

once again ignore the misspells it was three AM when i finally finished this and im just now rereading it

[veeranger]

Thoughts on Halo Reach's plot and best to worst noble team members?

you know ive actually been a lot more critical towards reach lately because i think it fails on the biggest thing it advertised: noble team. characters have never really been the strong suit of bungie’s writing (idk who destiny is so dont @ me) and while this isnt usually a major issue, it is an issue when a game wants to sell you on this squad of your teammates it wants you to care about or at least be fond of. ODST and Reach both have a cast of characters that could be really interesting but since halo is a shooter and not really a storytelling kinda game series all they really get are a few lines here and there and some cool moments, nothing really solid or anything to get a glimpse at who they are. maybe thats kinda the point though since spartans are all fucked up broken people like inherently. i dont think thats why bungie did that though

as for reach’s actual plot, i think it works well for what it is, a playable tragedy that tells you the conclusion up front. halo fans who are any level above completely casual knew that reach got completely glassed right before the start of halo ce and the advertising of this was very clear. the fact that you’ve never heard of spartan 3′s or noble team before was a pretty clear indicator of what their fates would be before you even turned on your xbox. the game literally opens with your smashed helmet embedded in the ground as a tombstone to your inevitable heroic sacrifice. reach invokes the same kind of feeling as star wars rogue one, you just know things wont end well for our main characters but you know that their deaths will pave the way for the main series protagonist to eventually win the whole damn thing 3 games/movies from now. 

so even with this in mind you go through reach and you think “wow things are going pretty well, we’re holding out own against the covies and even striking back at key targets” and maybe you forget whats going to happen or you dont and you’re waiting for the other shoe to drop. and boy fucking howdy does it drop. jorge dies thinking he just saved reach and as you fall through the atmosphere you realize how hopelessly fucked you are. thats where the game enters its second phase, the “we’re fucked but still fighting” phase, as opposed to the first half of the game where things were still somewhat hopeful. noble six wakes up like a week later to half the planet burning and civilians being slaughtered as they try to evac. the first level of the second half of the game features you busting your ass hard to clear an evac point for civilians only to see them all get shot down and die. its brutal stuff, especially for halo who had never shown the conflict though that lense. 

what follows is a parade of squadmate deaths as your numbers dwindle with every level until its just you and emile, and then just you. unlike in rogue one you actually aren’t immediately told what the key item in this quest is, in this case its cortana, the equivalent to the death star plans in rogue one, the most important thing in the universe since cortana will be the one to slipspace jump to halo 04 and kick off a series of events that will lead to the survival of humanity. but once you get this item suddenly it all makes sense, carter is told this is “what his spartans died for” and to you that means a lot more than it ever would to him. 

reach ends with a profoundly impactful epilogue level where you just. are doomed. you can’t hold out forever and even if you could there’s no rescue coming for you. noble six gave their life to save the universe and never even knew it. the fact that their death isnt a cutscene but you actually yourself have to try to stave off death or just take as many elites with you as you can before they get you, it really adds so much to the impact of the final noble team death. nevermind that six isnt a real character it does work in this case because you’re seeing it from a first person perspective.

so overall my thoughts on reach is that despite the major flaw of not making you care enough about noble team (unless you do, this is my personal view) it does its job very well in portraying the desperate struggle of humanity against a threat that they cannot possibly comprehend or rightfully stand up against, but despite devastating loss the small victories they achieved still ended up mattering in the end. 

now as for noble team i wont do a best to worst but ill give my thoughts on everyone

carter: hardass commander type, not much to say imo. his death scene was his best moment and i wish his relationship with kat had been fleshed out more because it was so so funny to see her pull his strings to get what she wants. you can tell he has the respect of everyone, especially emile. 

kat: the only girl! i actually like cat, im glad they gave her a buzzcut instead of trying to make her sexy or anything even if they did give her that ass in her armor. shes the typical smartass better than you genius character but it works, especially with that accent. i wish i could be friends with her, there was that scene right before she died where she confided in six that this was also her first glassing. her death was kind of shock value to me and i wish she could have at least died with a little more dignity like the rest of noble team but alas :(

jun: probably my least favorite. i cant really remember much of this guy. he’s the only one who got to live and i kind of hate him for that because he was the least interesting of the bunch. 

emile: certainly the most iconic of all the noble spartans. he comes off as sadistic but not a maniac, he listens to carter when he speaks and is on good terms with kat even through his obvious inability to really connect to other people. this is certainly because of the fact that he’s a spartan-3, he’s probably the most “inhuman” of the bunch. i wish his relationship with jorge was given a little more, i liked how despite his pushing jorge early in the game he still mourned his death, and yet refused to carry his dogtags because he knew six was the one who was entrusted with them. his death was very iconic i think everyone remembers that. 

jorge: the big man himself, his death is what set the tone for the second half of the game and was probably pretty impactful to most people playing. i always thought it was interesting that he was a spartan-2 and not a 3 like the rest of noble, i wonder why that was. his relationship with halsey was interesting and it showed that not all spartans hated the devil woman for what she did to them. his defining characteristic was his big heart and that was especially interesting for a spartan-2, that he managed to hold onto something like that through all the shit he probably went through. 

[alwaysanotherrainbow]

my boyfriend never texts first

Remus just wants to not be the first one to send a message every once in a while. That’s not too much to ask, right?

relationship: romantic remrom, background remy and emile (also romantic)

warnings: major character death, extended mourning (secondary warnings- brief discussion of religious holidays, brief underage drinking mention, a lot of all-caps) notes: unrelated, human, hs/college au. virgil, emile, and remy are here too. If you need anything in the secondary warnings (or one of those latter three characters) edited out, please let me know and I can put that up for you!

____________________________________________________

Remus always texted him first. Always. It didn’t matter the situation, didn’t matter the time date place name face. Who what when where why. It first started when he texted hi roman :) when they first got phones; for whatever reason, Roman just never texted first. Either he’d call or they’d talk in person.

No matter. Remus could cope.

May 1:

8:37 PM tody i saw you by my locker 8:39 PM *today 8:42 PM why didnt you say hi?

May 2:

9:30 PM a teacher talked to me today 9:30 PM wanted to talk about how i’m doing after 9:52 PM well you know. he’s a sick bastard

Really, it wasn’t too much to ask for, was it? He just wanted to see him text first once in a while! May 7:

3:32 PM: by the way idk if you got this last time 3:36 PM: my class ring size is the medium 3:44 PM: hopefully you order it by the deadline :P 4:03 PM: no idea when the deadline is 4:20 PM: bLAZE IT 4:24 PM: sorry i have like 0 money so i got it from the consignment shop 4:31 PM: i hope you like synthetic rubies!! leaving them with ur dad 10:40 PM: update. i cried for four hours with your dad.

June 2:

7:30 AM: gRaDuAtIoN dAy!!! 7:32 AM: there’s cookies in the reception menu 7:35 AM: snickerdoodles your favorite [eyes] 10:02 AM: i’m getting some for u 10:05 AM: [kissy face] 7:40 PM: the announcement was Weird 7:43 PM: anyways i have the snickerdoodles (Remus couldn’t go over to where Roman was staying, so he left them in the living room. He knew Roman would appreciate them. Hopefully he’d come over (wait, probably not, given...))

Well, actually, he could understand why he never texted first. June 11:

12:14 PM: roMAN 12:16 PM: [Attachment: Remus_Picani-Kleitman_Acceptance_Letter.pdf] 12:18 PM: YEAHHHH 12:24 PM: I’m sure you got in too SEND ME YOURS WHEN YOU GET IT 12:32 PM: WE MIGHT SHARE A ROOM YEA 12:35 PM: [Attachment: celebration.jpg]

Everyone was probably saying that he ought to just move on, but to be honest, he couldn’t... Actually, to be honest, no-one had told him to move on to his face yet. In fact, everyone was surprised he was doing so well, given how bad the circumstances were! The situation was stressing him out so much, even his dads were gently advising him to rethink things. (Well, that was part of the territory with one of them being a therapist and the other being a barista.)

“I got y’all some kouign-amann from the cafe,” said Dad, putting it down on the counter. His shirt had SLEEP scrawled on it with a Sharpie; it was the one that Remus had made for him as a joke. He still wore it. Huh.

“Sweetie, what’s a queen amahn?” asked Papa.

“It’s a... er, it’s like a... this is kinda like a croissant that had dreams of a muffin tin and salted caramel. One for you, babe.... then one for Doodlebug-”

“Can I leave some for Roman?” asked Remus.

They exchanged a glance.

“Of course you can,” said Papa with a smile. “Your candle’s on the table. Also, I got the news about being accepted into university? Good job, kiddo. You know, that was your father’s alma mater.”

“Are you sure you want to go to school right away after...? No problem taking a gap year.”

Papa glared at Dad. “Be nice.”

“I’m sorry, Remus, it’s just...” Dad put down his coffee. “If you’re not ready, if you need more time-”

"I’m sure,” said Remus with a grin, trying to get rid of what he just remembered. “Trust me.”

“Please find a good way to put away the snickerdoodles, they’ve been there since last week!” shouted Papa.

June 12:

12:12 AM: its twelve twelve make a wish 12:15 AM: hey when does your phone bill go out? 12:20 AM: im just saying that would Explain some things 12:22 AM: i know your dad pays Everything like a year in advance 12:34 AM: tell him i say hi 12:34 AM: 12:34 MAKE A WISH

July 12:

3:30 PM: guess who’s a double major in bio and theatre!! 3:32 PM: marine biology babey 3:53 PM: it’s good for the SOUL 4:04 PM: this cute octopus reminded me of you by the way 4:10 PM: [Attachment: for_roman]

August 14:

6:24 PM: moving in is the Worst 6:32 PM: by the way i got a single 6:35 PM: no roommates 6:41 PM: still have the bunk tho 6:44 PM: also got ur favorite pillo

August 30:

2:12 AM: roman it is like two o’clock in the morning what the Heck are you doing here, 2:15 AM: if u see me wave Hi 2:32 AM: ok >:c 2:42 AM: dont mind Me just studyin on top of the planetarium 3:15 AM: tbh i didn’t even know we go to the same campus? haven’t seen you around or anything 3:17 AM: shit phones gonna di

September 28:

2:20 PM: i failed my test 2:22 PM: idk what to d 2:24 PM: *do

September 29: 7:30 PM: remember that octopus you gave me that eats negative emotions? 7:32 PM: it works!!

October 3:

1:10 PM:  You’d like the theatre program, really 1:15 PM: just so u know they’ve listed your name as an ‘honorary member of the class of’ 1:19 PM: that’s really nice of them. idk if your dad knows

October 23:

9:45 AM: i had to explain one of our inside jokes 8( 9:52 AM: i can’t Explain the deodorant thing that was One Time 9:55 AM: also why i’m called The Duke 9:56 AM: its bc you said it. not my fault 9:58 AM: its still cute pls call me that still 9:59 AM: pancake brunch pancake brunch pancake brunch October 31: 6:12 PM: sun’s down! joyous samhain 6:15 PM: i remember when you sewed me that octopus btw, the one that eats ucky feelings 6:19 PM: how long did it take you to get the laurel sachet into it?? 6:34 PM: also thank you thank you thank you for helping me find a friendly church to celebrate all saints day 6:47 PM: that year was a NIGHTMARE because you forgot to get your white candles and carnelian, and i forgot my holy water, so we were driving around town like Madmen 6:59 PM: it was worth it though 7:03 PM: i left you a script, i think you’ll like it.

November 9:

11:19 PM: i miss you so so much.

November 10:

12:20 AM: ignor this i drank like 12:24 AM: a lot 1:15 AM: i’m sorry i should’ve been with you 1:22 AM: i shouldve been there With You. 1:45 AM: but i wasn’t 2:20 AM: i didn’t know thered be a 4:11 PM: shit i just saw these. Sorry to bother you December 2:

10:10 AM: hey roman, been a bit. yea sorry about last time. too much of the Alcohol 10:13 AM: gonna go over to my parents’ house 1:00 PM: if you wanna come over, you can. dad’s making snickerdoodles and papa’s gonna watch atla (yes i still have that dvd you got me do not @ me it’s with your candles on your table just like everything else) 1:03 PM: that was on the dot, i’m happy.

December 21

8:34 AM: hey, it’s snowing 9:13 AM: couldn’t help leaving you some hot cocoa. and snickerdoodles of course 10:12 AM: i love you Remus went to go help his dads with making breakfast, but by the time everyone was done cleaning and they had finished watching some shitty Hallmark movie, he remembered that he had left his phone upstairs. Going upstairs and looking at it, he felt something in him break.

[2 Unread: Roman <3, bf’s dad]

10:22 AM, Roman <3: Why are you texting this number? 11:15 AM, bf’s dad: Remus, disregard that last, I’m so sorry. I just found his phone and I saw only the recent message first

The phone started ringing. Remus answered it as quickly as he could.

“I’m so sorry Mr. Sanders I didn’t know that someone was actually getting these messages I thought the line was out,” he said within a few seconds before the person on the other side sighed.

“No, it’s quite all right. And Virgil’s all right, by the way, if you prefer. I... I was just looking through his things for the first time. You know, it being a holiday and all... Memories, things like that.”

“Yeah, I understand.”

“I just turned the phone back on, I’m getting a lot of messages.”

“Oh.” Remus stared at the wall, trying to come to terms with everything. “Well, I--”

“I’m not going to stop paying for his phone. I’m sorry, I just... I still have his voicemails on it, and I can’t stand the thought of it going offline either.”

“Right, I... I listen to it too.”

“I happened upon the last one he sent to you.”

“You looked at the messages?”

“I only looked over when I stopped getting new ones, but I saw the last question he sent you. For your ring size.”

“Yeah? He asked my ring size so that he could--”

“There’s no easy way to say this, but.. I found something of his. Can you come over?”

“I’m sorry, I can’t, but can you please tell me what it was? Please?”

“I really think I should tell you this in person.”

“Please, Mr. Sanders. Please, I... I can’t manage that.”

He sighed. “All right, Remus. I found an early acceptance letter to SJAU, and... and a ringbox.”

Remus felt his grasp on the phone grow weak. It fell onto the bed, Mr. Sanders’ voice still clear.

“I think he was going to ask for you to....”

“No, we... We were just out of high school, I-- that doesn’t make sense.”

“He always was one for those romantic gestures. There’s some poems here, too. A life-plan. I’m not sure exactly what malacology is, but--”

“Mollusks. Like octopi and squids.. Sorry for cutting you off, what was that?”

“Some of it’s in your handwriting, but one of the entries is ‘ask him’, for the day after... you know.”

God, he could hear his sad smile through the phone. He knew exactly how Mr. Sanders looked right now just talking to him, probably wearing that hoodie that was too big on him, in a dusty room full of things that used to belong to the most vibrant person that Remus had ever met.

But then Roman had died.

He was the most wonderful person, and he had just died.

“I’ll come over to deliver the ring to you. Is that okay?”

“Yeah. Yeah, that’s... that’s fine. Uh, call my dads first, though. They’re still not convinced I’m doing okay.”

“I understand. I’ll talk to you later, Remus.”

“Thank you, Mr. Sanders.”

The line went dead in his hands.

Remus held himself and wept.

December 28:

12:30 PM, Remus Picani-Kleitman: Mr. Sanders, would you like to come over for our New Year’s party? 12:34 PM, Remus Picani-Kleitman: It’s a tradition we had. You don’t have to if you’d rather not. 12:45 PM, Virgil Sanders: I’d love to go.

January 1:

12:00 AM: HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!! 12:05 AM: [Attachment: :)] 12:07 AM: we are all smiling in this photo and for that i think we deserve a hug. 12:10 AM: this rings the most beuatifl thing i’ve ever fuckign seen. thank you,, 12:14 AM: never gonna get rid of it <3 12:16 AM: it looks Good on my finger 12:30 AM: jsyk your dad’s asking my dads for the kouign amann recipe 12:32 AM: thats a pastry, i left those for u a while back 12:39 AM: okay i’m crying a bit but honestly, i love u 12:44 AM: I love you so so so much, Roman

Somewhere out there, whether it was from some wonderful paradise or beyond the veil or even only in wishful thoughts, Remus knew that someone was saying I love you too.

[lifeinthegladhouse]

ngl i am happy for and also incredulous at how many young trans people are so sure of themselves and how those who can are able to transition so early. even at my worst questioning of imposter syndrome, i know looking back that ive always been this way. im ngl its becoming real to me how the world has changed a lot in ten years and not just bc im personally more aware of some shit than my peers, at 26, ... i am always stunned by the boldness that 16 y.os have today, but at 16 i was not only totally fucked by serious bad circumstances, like, this was not talked about. it just..was not. we had a transman at my hs but i think he detransitioned(?), im not sure. and like...at that age i was never against it, i just didnt understand. i didnt rly question myself even if i knew i didnt fit in... i had other traumas to worry about. i also grew up in central bible belt so..lol.

but like... im happy for them. i have friends at 50+ w top and bottom surgery who are fighting for me and people younger than me, etc. but i gotta say it is fuckin wild to see young trans people arguing abt rhetoric on tumblr or some shit its like lol...no offense but reddit was not a thing back then at my age. fb was just picking up steam. ig didnt exist. texts were still expensive. its so fucking wild to think about. i was so used to being baby, being TREATED like baby, that now im old enough to still be young, but old enough to be like "god what the FUCK". typical 20s shit ive heard from friends in 30s. i mourn the years ive lost to literally just...having to make up for healing, or being retraumatized. its really upsetting but it wasnt my fault and at least im 26 and not...35...or 47...or 59..like my mom who never got better. christ.

anyways

im just NOW confident in MAYBE trying hrt and top surgery and im just always kinda bewildered at literal kids who, autonomous as they are, are like barely discovering sexuality and some of them "know" what they want and at first i doubted some of it but like..no one makes up being trans (handy reminder to self), and its wack how i also in some ways knew back then..but didnt have the language or internet "community" or access obviously...lol. its just wild to me. ive waited too cos i dont ever wanna make these decisions based on like, seeing other people transition in my friendgroup cos lets face it, im from texas. i live in seattle. two very different worlds and seattle is not my last stop. los angeles is sure to be more welcming but..im terrified of living as an out trans nb person for real but the longer shit goes on the more i cant really pretend it away, even if some health issues make transitioning hard or scary... i wont even know what i want till i try. but it is kinda hsrd not to feel both jealous of and grateful for the Young Trans. i also hate that internet consumer commodity culture makes me feel old at 26 ://///// considering a lot of people used to never even come out before that anyways.

[skips-is-asleep]

Steph Talks For Way Too Long About Sollux’s Harry Potter House

I havent been able to stop thinking  or talking about this topic for like 60+ hours

first wanna say that it’s really hard to interpret how people are sorted because JK Rowling is apparently shitty at writing. So people seem to have wildly different opinions on why people are in the houses they’re in because they view the houses and their qualifications differently.

I’ve also never read a harry potter book and havent watched a movie for like 5+ years maybe so i had to talk to like 3-4 people who went though huge harry potter phases and we talked for over 3 hours cumulatively for me to make up my mind.

I think it’s really important to say that because Sollux isn’t really a main character, there’s a lot we have to make guesses on. Hussie didn’t make a big sheet full of Sollux’s Dreams and Ambitions, Morals and Beliefs, so we have to  fill in a lot of blanks on what we think those are based on a few things. Who he talks to, and associates himself with and what he does

The point being we don’t have a lot to work with.

It’s also pretty important to say that Sollux puts on a LOT of fronts and facades. He’s only truly mean and cruel to people he doesn’t like or care about Plus Karkat. He plays Fake Mean a lot, and if you dig even a centimeter under it, we see time and time again that he’s just pretending and does actually give many shits.

Sollux is also really passive in most things that he does. He doesn’t really question anyone’s authority or make a point to fight something out very often. The only time we ever see him resort to action to solve his problems are when dealing with Eridan. And even then, the first time we ever see them talk, it’s Eridan walking up to him and Feferi privately having a conversation and Sollux telling his gf to “make him go away.” And then after Eridan doesn’t go away, we see him resort to fighting. His PQ arc also has him antagonize Eridan and then drop a building on him, so like, yeah. Usually, when presented with conflict, Sollux either removes himself from the situation quickly, or if he’s unable to do so, makes it extremely clear that he doesn’t want to engage. In most cases, Sollux is by himself, sitting alone and not making attempts to talk to anyone else. It’s totally possible that he’s more social at other times and we only see him when he’s at his worst, but we dont see that so we can’t really speculate much on it. Point being, he’s very passive and self contained/oriented.

What i really want to put emphasis on is the people he associates with. His main friends we see him talk to willingly or at least show fondness for are Aradia, Feferi, Kanaya, Terezi, and Karkat. Three of these are considered main characters, or are at least given character arcs to some extent. These are the good guys. The guys who at least try to do good, and show compassion, and care about others. The characters we see him either avoid quietly, avoid loudly or vocally hate and commit violence against are the rest of the characters. Namely Vriska, Gamzee and Eridan. (im kinda gonna gloss over Vriska because his distaste/hatred/unpleasantness towards her  doesn’t have to be a moral statement on his part. It’s pretty easy to assume that anyone with his past to her would have a similar if not identical stand point) These are characters that actively do bad things, they murder and harm others at worst and are gross nasty incels at best. And even the best case in that scenario is still blabberingly racist and, treats sollux and the people he cares about like shit. Sollux doesn’t associate with people that the comic have established are villains, or at least do things that are pretty unambiguously wrong or evil.

In Sollux’s pesterquest, Kanaya tells MSPA reader than when The Thing with Aradia first happened, Sollux refused contact with Kanaya because she didn’t cut off Vriska. He was upset at her for being associated with someone who traumatized him. This is very telling of sollux’s personality and his relationship with his friends, and it’s a side we don’t see of Sollux any other time in the comic or in his PQ arc. It’s only when she tells him that she doesn’t cut Vriska off due to romantic feelings for her does Sollux change his mind. He doesn’t bring up Vriska, Aradia, his grief or his trauma at any point while at his visit with her that we see. He doesn’t appear mad or reluctant to be there, he makes jokes, smiles, and reminisces memories with her fondly, even almost sleeps over at her place for the day. It’s like he’s completely forgotten about being upset at her at all, or is at least choosing not to bring it up out of respect for her.

Again, it’s unclear how much time has passed. But when you start his arc, the reason youre talking to him is because he’s been reclusive out of grief. He hasn’t been talking to people lately and his friends are worried about him. So clearly enough time has passed for him to be okay with seeing Kanaya, as that’s his sole purpose for leaving his hive that day at all, but not enough time for him to be fully recovered.

This moment in his arc showcases his loyalty that he has for Kanaya, and possibly his other friends. He seemed quick to forgive her, or at least bury whatever resentment he may have been harboring. One may say that his cold shoulder to Kanaya would be indicative of a lack of a loyalty trait at all, that if he were loyal to her, he wouldn’t be ready to possible end his relationship with her over this. But i kind of view it as a sort of bluff? Like Kanaya essentially told him that his trauma did not at all change the way she feels about her, Kanaya still has a crush on Vriska after hearing about what she did to one of her good friends. To some, this may have been a slap to the face, an entire dismissal of his trauma in it’s entirety. But instead, he sees it as a valid reason for not cutting her off, he shrugs it off. I feel like if he were serious about not wanting to be friends with Kanaya while she was talking to someone who hurt him greatly, her crush wouldn’t have been an excuse.

I also wanna touch on his loyalty to Aradia very quickly because you dont need me to  tell you that he cares about her. Once again for like the third time, we have to make guesses on how much time has passed between events. From the time Aradia dies on Alternia, becomes a ghost with an entirely new personality, a robot with another personality, and then finally her alive Godtier self, Sollux’s feelings for her are very consistent. He seems to not really care for the ghost or robot versions of her, he even sits a chair away from her during Openbound on the meteor, and doesn’t talk to her much, is very cold towards her, and even tells her that she’s incapable of feeling when she tries to tell him goodbye when she explodes (it’s also worth noting he cries after this, which i think is the first and only time we see him do this). When Aradia comes back to the meteor, alive and herself again, Sollux immediately leaves the rest of his friends to go hang out with her. Even with Karkat begging him to stay, he just peaces out, without even really thinking about it. We have to assume that if it’s not written in the dialogue, it isn’t being said. So he doesn’t discuss wanting to leave with Aradia or with anyone else. He just decides he’s leaving, and then does. And he stays by her side for almost the rest of the time we see him. He ditches later for other reasons, but don’t worry, they’re back together by the time Collide is happening.

Point being, for the most part, he sticks by his friends unless they’re doing something he disagrees with morally. If he’s not down for what’s happening, he’s not down for sticking around. He even seems to be better friends with Nepeta now that this version of her isn’t really hanging out with Equius that much, someone Sollux would no doubt not get along with for many reasons.

Some of my friends pointed out that him sticking by his morals so strongly is something a Slytherin would do, coupled with the fact that he’s kind of a dick or something idk that much about Slytherins. But I think Huffliepuff is very much about comradery. We can tell a lot about Sollux based on who he surrounds himself with and what he does and doesn’t participate in. He doesn’t participate in trolling humans, he doesn’t participate in helping Vriska do something he doesn’t feel good about doing, he doesn’t participate in any of the relationship melodrama happening around him. But he helps his friends. He helps Kanaya open the viewfinder to see and talk to Rose, he helps Kanaya do little errands in his PQ route, he helps Terezi find out who Dave is, and he sacrifices himself to save the remainder of his group (which btw only contains the people I’ve previously stated he associates with minus feferi not that that means anything i just thought it was kind of fun to point out). I mean, he got better but its the thought that counts.

Someone could make a point that “If Sollux is so loyal, why didn’t he mourn Feferi even a little bit when he found out she was dead?” And yeah, that’s a good point to bring up, and i don’t really have anything to say about it other than….maybe he knew by this point that death doesn’t really mean anything? Maybe his euphoria of finally being lifting of the voices was happening at the same time? And also that he predicted he’d go blind like a million pages ago and now he can finally stop worrying about it? Is he happy that he’s talking to Terezi and right now that’s more important? It’s hard to tell. Sollux doesn’t really explain himself apart from “missing being her matesprite” when in Erisolsprite form talking  to Fefetasprite form. It’s hard to tell what their relationship was at the time, or what his feelings truly were immediately afterward. I kinda think it was the foremost of those explanations, he probably knew that she’d come back as a ghost, or something?

Anyway, those are all the reasons i can think of at the moment for why I think Sollux would be Hufflepuff. A lot of his personality revolves around his friends, who he considers friends and who he doesn’t consider friends. Send me asks, message me, and do that shit if you wanna talk more, but i probably won’t have a whole lot to say lmao. Or ill just restate a lot of what i said here.

Props for getting this far. For the record, if Sollux for some reason was unable to be in Hufflepuff, I’d probably put him 50/50 Ravenclaw or Slytherin. I really don’t think he’s a Gryfindor because as I understand it, that house is very much about being courageous, and standing up for yourself and i went off for way to long about how he’s a little weenie man who does nothing mostly.

[rosieengel]

the beauty and the terror

I’ve been contemplating starting a blog for a long time now, but felt paralyzed with terror because I couldn’t find a great opening post topic. This week, the topic found me. I’ve had the draft saved with my finger hovering over the “post now” button for a few days. So, here it goes. 

My first post is about my most recent brush with beauty and terror, best encapsulated, I think, in the mystical words of the poet Ranier Maria Rilke: 

Let everything happen to you Beauty and terror Just keep going No feeling is final

In one of my favorite books of all time, Awareness, Anthony de Mello ponders and unpacks those non-final, fleeting moments in life - he points to the fact that our cells live and die so often that we have to wonder, who am “I” after all? Was I the same person I was in the past? No. Not physically, at least, but isn’t our “consciousness” also comprised of a neural network made up of cells? So we are also not our feelings or our emotions. As a matter of fact, we have to liberate ourselves from our experiences altogether if we are to be fully present in the here and now, or we become hijacked by the filters that create our reality. This becomes even more interesting when we consider how many of our memories may be false or fabricated. How much of my past did I dream? How much did I experience in consciousness? “Don’t carry over experiences from the past... don’t carry over good experiences from the past either. Learn what it means to experience something fully, then drop it and move on to the next moment, uninfluenced by the previous one.... You’d know what eternal life is, because eternal life is now, in the timeless now.” In this book, de Mello suggests, no demands, that the reader, “Wake up”.  Wake up to how we filter reality. Wake up to our excuses. Wake up and be aware. 

I’ve always taken this book very seriously, but it became more important to me when I experienced my first pregnancy loss. The week before Christmas 2017, we experienced major emotional and physical whiplash; we were excited about the possibilities of the new life I was growing. We had told our family and friends, and like a lot of mothers-to-be, I was already dreaming about all of the amazing and absolutely terrifying ways our lives would change. I had spent my 20s and most of my 30s focused on my teaching and playing career, my health, and music. It was time to take care of someone else and I was looking forward to a new chapter (that I thought about my life then in terms of chapters is preposterous and that is worth another blog post). But the Universal Creator had different plans for us, as He typically does. At 12 weeks into my pregnancy and three days before Christmas, I had a miscarriage on the other side of the country and felt a tremendous sense of loss and confusion. In the ER, I could only hold tightly to E’s hand and eeck out, “Our little kumquat...” I was really shocked. I felt as if no one understood - I was grateful for the kindness of everyone around me, but at the same time, I felt as if they were too afraid to give me any comfort or love. Now I know that that is no one else’s responsibility but my own. 

Much to my surprise (and other women who have lost babies or children probably grok this), many ordinary and mundane things in life became very difficult. Particularly because it was Christmas. I found I couldn’t really think about the future at all. Holiday traditions and cheer seemed trite and fabricated. I fought back breakdowns whenever I was around children of any age. Drops would well up in my eyes whenever anyone started talking about their dreams of getting pregnant or starting families. I sat amidst the glee and celebration screaming inside, “HEY!!! CAN’T YOU SEE THAT I’M STILL HERE AND DONT YOU KNOW WHAT IM FEELING!?!??!?!” I would go to the bathroom bleeding, cramping, and sad as I waited for the miscarriage to finish playing out to its gruesome end. I was ashamed to burden others with my uncomfortable tears. I will never forget how I reached into the toilet to touch, pick up, and say goodbye to what I believe was the last of the tissue that remained.

In the days afterward, I came across what would become a well-loved piece by Brian Andreas:

This is how I came to see that first baby - as an angel who was with me so briefly, but made such a terrific impact on my life. An angel, who most certainly prodded me to “wake up” in a de Mello sense. Immediately upon my return home, I said my goodbye to her and started healing (and it’s still happening). I felt an enormous calling to help and to heal others too; in the process of healing with Craniosacral Therapy (CST), I decided to study it myself and enrolled in massage therapy school.  CST helped me to fully experience that pain and grief, down to the mitochondria of my cells, through my fascia, through my very center.  When my inner spirit sensed the healing presence of Erin, my therapist, emotions bubbled up through my solar plexus, through my left hip, my ribs, my sternum. They still do, even today. As an additional part of my healing, I dragged myself to talk therapy for a whole year. My counselor recommended EMDR, using vibration and aural cues because I’m a musician. Through this therapy I finally fully experienced some trauma that I had hidden, buried in my tissues. I came to realize and acknowledge that I had not held proper space for myself and my loss. I had been remiss in thinking that life should go according to my plans, that the world owes me certain things, that I have even a tiny bit of control over my path. The worst is that I held so much shame for all of the things I thought I had failed at in my life. I couldn’t live my pop rocks life because I was looking externally for validation that I was worthy in this world - I was looking everywhere but inside my own spirit. I believe this is what also attracted me to academia, a field where accolades, accomplishments, and the correct lines on your vitae become a measure of your life’s work. That was a tough pill to swallow, but I’ve come to terms with that realization. I’m still healing today in other ways and I probably always will be.

This week, I was gifted a second angel. Even though she is gone now, I will always think of her as Eliza Jane. We conceived her without really intending to around New Years in New Orleans. I love walking down Magazine Street toward the Quarter. When we would walk by the hotel, I would admire its historic, embossed vertical sign. I offhandedly told E that I would love to name a hypothetical daughter Eliza Jane. Two weeks later, I would learn that she was already there.

Early miscarriage is very common. Statistically speaking, 1 in 4 confirmed pregnancies end (that they know of). So - why don’t we talk about it? Why do I feel embarrassed and ashamed that I am part of this statistic? The answer explains why this post stayed in draft form for so long. 

I drove myself to the ER this week, in pain and bleeding. My midwife suggested that I go if I was concerned and if I wanted a quick answer. The answer was not good, but.... I knew the answer already.  I had felt the absence in my body, the little tug at my heart when her life left me. I won’t say that it was easier this time, but I knew what to expect. I knew what the pain would feel like; I would not be taken off-guard by the waves of grief and sadness, the emptiness, and in some ways, the feelings of loneliness and alienation. I was able to hold space for myself this time, to sit in silence, to be in my own home, my own bathroom. I didn’t have to speak to anyone. E was with me and we were together. These two losses have brought us closer together. As I laid in the ultrasound room, unable to see the images that the silent technician kept from my view, I renewed the gratitude in my heart that the Universe brought E and me together.  It may sound like a sappy cliche, but this is the only way I can put my love for him into words right now: the threads of grief in our souls are so "bare” when they are left alone, but when weaved together, make us inseparable and stronger than ever before.

When I got home from the hospital, I planted myself in bed to mentally prepare for the night ahead. Our scrappy, stray cat, Tikky, crawled into bed with me. She rarely does that. As I writhed in bed and moaned in pain, she planted herself next to me. Sprawled out against my belly, she stayed. Although I thrashed about, she remained, wide awake and concerned. Even in that moment, I was so present and grateful for her healing energy. She reminded me that the sick and pained don’t have to crawl into the corner, to lick their wounds alone. The strongest survive with the help and love of others. She sent me light in her own way, without saying anything at all. This is one of the many things I have learned from cats.

I’m sharing this story with the hope that it reaches others who have been through a similar experience. To you - you are not alone. Would this be different if I had a stillborn or if I lost an infant? No. Not according to my belief system. After the worst was over, I woke up before dawn to hear a robin trilling outside my window. In my world, nothing is a coincidence.

If you have not had this experience, open your eyes to those around you who are suffering in silence. Wake up. Just as someone communicates joy and celebration with new life and new possibilities, there is also someone who is crying and mourning the loss of a life. There are also those who did not want to create life and decide to end it (or they don’t). This isn’t just confined to miscarriage - there are people struggling around you. You must assume they are doing their best and it is not their responsibility to make you feel happy with your life.  If you find yourself riled up or offended because of someone else’s struggle, or what you feel to be their failures or incompetencies, just ask yourself - am I taking this personally? I ask myself that question often - that is part of the process of waking up. It’s the process of leading a more compassionate life. Death surrounds us and it is part of a cycle that is repeating. There’s something comforting to me about the cycles of life. My cycle, that of the earth and moon, and the seasons.  Your cells die, they shed, they turn over. It does not happen to us, it is us.

Of course, we should be happy. We should experience bliss and joy and scream it from the mountaintops, all others be damned! But can’t we also show our heartbreak, sadness, grief, and despair? Instead of turning and running from the pain, what if we leaned into the uncomfortable and said something. ANYTHING. Say you’re sorry. Ask if they are okay. Say that you don’t know what to say, but you are here to talk. Be there in silence. Be a shoulder or a hug. Hold space for them in your heart. Reach out. That’s something. Let yourself see the terror and the beauty, because if you don’t, your life will consist only of coincidences and you may miss the angels who are helping you along the way to wake up so that you do not miss your life.

Tikky didn’t leave me to lick my wounds alone. She nestled in and hunkered down right next to the pain. She leaned into it and sat there patiently through my tears and gibberish. Just as I am here to do for you, my friend.

[hapinessandlove123]

The Princess and the star Tom Holland Part 4

One by one you saw staff and family members walk around the palace. You were standing next to Tom still in shock in the news that your father, the king of England has passed away. You were in utter shock. Why and where? What exactly happened. 

“I uh... I can’t” Is all that escaped from your mouth. You brought your right hand to cover your mouth only for your body to full grasp Tom the minute he went in to give you a hug. A comfort which you haven’t truly experienced in a long time. As you were taught to be strong and for the crown to always win. 

As you hold onto Tom’s long embrace your brother, the new king emerges from one of the long corridors. His expression is by far the worst you have seen in his whole life. It’s as if his whole life was ending. He was destined to be the next king of England which he accepted gladly mostly cause he knew his duty, but not only did he have a nation on his shoulders now, but he also had a family he had to take care of. His expression was the loneliest. His eyes had bags under his eyes and those bags had bags if it’s even possible. 

You saw how the emotion from how going an upmost distraught to an emotionless face came. He caught you staring at him and you pulled away from Tom’s warm hug. You bowed your most regal curtsy and and just as you bowed so did Tom. To his new king. Once you bowed you broke down in your brother Liam’s arms. 

He felt the same emotion and both of you hugged. It was as if the hug had no end. You giving Liam his support of being the new king and him of losing your father. You both cried and sobbed. 

Tom looked at two distraught royal children that by which have lost their king who happened to be their father. Tom had no idea what to do when it came to a girl he was starting to get to know and started to like lose their family member at such an early time in their relationship. 

“We have to go look for little grape and blondie” Your brother said this to your ear as this is both your fraternal twin siblings nicknames. They’re silly, but they loved them ever since both Liam and you choose them for them. 

You both pulled away from each other. Tom gave a hug to Liam. 

“I’m sorry... I have to go” You said this to Tom knowing well you would have to talk later. 

“Of course Y/n, I am always here to talk if you need anything” Tom said this to you and he went to hold both of your hands and went to kiss you in your cheek. He smiled and politely bowed to both Liam and you. He then turned and left the palace. 

8 weeks later and many sleepless nights later 

Life wasn’t the same. It had changed dramatically. First of all both Prince Louis and Princess Marie went down spiral. They took it the hardest when your father the king passed away. The nation was in mourning. You didn’t see it like this when your grandfather passed away. Sure, the nation mourned, but not like it was with your father. 

The nation literally weeped in the streets. The streets were silent in the London streets. All you could hear were the weeps. You stood in the funeral next to your siblings and gave a strong posture. Inside you were dying. 

Of course you wore black shades glasses and your outfit was beyond something nobody could copy. You were pictured in every magazine and shown how even in mourning you wore your best. 

Tom and you spoke. You both weren’t in the best terms. After the whole news you pushed him away. He kept calling you and you kept ignoring the calls or you would answer and act busy or say you were getting called. You weren’t sure why you were ignoring him. 

It’s not as if your mother was telling you to ignore him. Of course, the Queen knew of everything. She is after all the queen. Because Liam isn’t married your mother is still the Queen consort. Which meant that your mother didn’t lose her position or her privileges. Your mother has been wearing black since the day she found out your father passed away. Each outfit is black no color. Not even a sweater. She has been repeating her outfits even in public. Something she’s not used to doing. 

The public has been saying in interviews you would see when the t.v. was on how humble she is. She has changed since her husband and king passed away. She has a more approachable change to her. They respect her more than ever. 

Your mother could care less if she was loved or not. All she did when she was in the palace was be in her bedroom. It started to get quiet lonely without her bossing the staff. 

You stopped going out. You hadn’t gone out in so long the public noticed that you took it the hardest. By the way you acted before what had happened you changed the most. 

In your public engagements you would wear black of course, but also you wouldn’t laugh or smile to most of the comments. You looked your worst. You looked tired and lonely. 

Tom took notice of it and he missed you. He wanted to talk to you and to hug you. He wanted to be there for you. He knew you were in pain, but how could he comfort the person he wanted to be with if they don’t try. 

The palace was quieter than usual. You got used to the quietness of the palace. 

I hope you guys enjoyed this part. There is going to be more send me messages if you like this story.