#im not in a spiral anymore

[inkskinned]

you said you were stuck in a time loop, which was fine. i feel like late-stage capitalism has us all in a time loop, ammiright? you came barging in at 5:33. in the morning. i hadn't even processed the idea of coffee.

but you had this look of utter panic in your eyes. terror like the ocean. you grabbed my cheeks. im in a time loop.

i don't know why in movies the first reaction is to deny it. when someone is panicking like that, it's not appropriate to ask them to calm down. it didn't matter if i believed it, what mattered was that you believed it so much that it was consuming you.

so here we are. i pour you some of the dark roast. "you look like utter and entire hell," i say.

you push your fingers into your eyes. "you always say that."

i try to think of something funny to say that i wouldn't have said on previous time loops, but jokes don't land without the proper timing (lol). "remind me to think -"

"-yeah, of a joke that only works in the future. and before you say anything, i know you're pissed i just stole your punchline." you bolt the coffee, which is wild. it's very hot. you don't seem to notice.

i blow on mine to cool it down. i both am very pissed at you and also i can't see you in this amount of panic without wanting to help. but i'm also not really sure what we are, not since i saw you kiss her like that, no offense. it just was like, kind of rude when you knew i liked you.

and besides. i'm just like, barely a person. i write omegaverse fanfiction. i love the concept of a time loop, but what the fuck am i gonna do? send an alpha in there? i open my mouth.

you point at me. "you're about to ask why me. and then say some disparaging shit about yourself. i'm just a nerd who plays dnd or something. that self-own is slightly different each time." you sigh. "i know you think you can't really help me. i don't know who can help me. i only came to you because you fucking believe me." you check your watch, sigh, and throw your head back. you cover your eyes with one hand. "i've come here on 26 separate revolutions," you say. "you have believed me every time. and yeah, i have no idea how you fit into this but i just -" you sigh again. "i just like fucking talking to someone about it."

"do you need more cof-" i start, but you're already holding the empty cup out. i frown at it. "you're not getting any more until you promise not to bolt this one like an animal."

you laugh a little and sit up, pushing your hair out of your face. "okay, that's new dialogue. but to be fair to you, i'm not usually this rude. i'm still pretty new at all of this." you check your watch again. another sigh. i guess you're cruising for a personal best in the Sigh Olympics.

i almost tell you im not an NPC but i've played enough video games to know i'm very much an NPC. i pour you another cup. "so what happens in the loop?"

"really bad explosion." you mutter into the mug. you put your elbows on the table (rude) and bury your face in your arms like an angsty teenager. one hand floats up while you talk, because evidently you literally can't talk without your hands. "i have to save the day and there's this bomb and i have no bomb training and it keeps moving, you know."

"do i die?"

you peek up from your arms. "yeah. bigtime. you keep trying to run or stay or do anything and you always super die."

"oh."

"to be fair, like, everyone dies in it though.... so you're in good company."

i hate that you make me laugh. i hate that being around you always feels tingly and strange, this electric tension between us. something that is evidently (given how you stuck your tongue down a stranger's throat literally 3 days ago) (well. 3 for me) super one-sided. i take a sip of my coffee and close my eyes.

i die today, i guess. a little spark of panic starts at the top of my hands and starts whipping up my wrists.

"shit," you say. you look at your watch and jump to your feet. "i have to go. if i can come back, i will. i am still trying to figure out when is best to do everything, you know? the order of stuff. maybe morning isn't good for us."

i look up at you and think about how you keep kissing me in the back of my car and in alleyways and in the dark. and i can never fucking get a read on you. and i also think about how incredibly panicked you look. how broken. how long have you been doing this? "i don't want to die," i say.

you glance downwards. "well, you're not really dead, you'll come back in the loop."

"but i will have died." my hands are shaking. i am trying really hard to stay calm.

you push your hands through your hair again. "i really have to go. i will have this discussion with the next version of you, though. it is like, something i am thinking about."

"but i don't get a next version," i say. i don't really have the language for this, because i haven't had 26 tries with you. i only have my memories: you, a week ago. drunk and telling me you loved me in my ear. you, kissing her anyway. you, months ago, throwing up on my birthday, whispering to me i ruin everything i touch, always, over and over. please don't ask. i can't ever fucking have that be you.

i run my finger along the rim of the mug. "i don't want to die in this one."

you seem baffled by this. "i get that but - time will reset, you'll be fine, you won't even remember we talked about this."

"but i know now." i stand up too. "i have to live the rest of this day knowing i could die. knowing i probably am going to."

"you could always die, to be fair."

i feel my hands get out of control. "earlier, you said i always say a different insult about myself. what if you're just going through different parallel universes and those are all just different - but real - versions of myself? what if you're not in a time loop, you're in a fucking universe loop?"

"if it helps, i've wondered this too. also, you're hot in all of them. if that helps."

i point at you. "no flirting. i'm trying to figure out if i die today."

"who's flirting?" you catch my wild hands and give me that long, perfect smile. like we're in this together. "i won't let ya die." you check your watch and sigh again. "well. maybe not this time."

i grit my teeth. you are so not making quips at me while i try to explain the existential dread i'm having. "does the time loop reset if i fucking kill you?"

"honestly i don't know how long it continues after i die, because i just wake up. it could be that the loop goes until the explosion for everyone, and we're all in the loop, or it could be that when i die, the loop restarts. when i die i wake up, is all."

i pull away from you and stalk into the kitchen and start doing all 3 of my dishes. "okay, first, you know i was joking. and secondly, this is exactly my point. you don't know if this is just a parallel universe. maybe in the ones where you died, the explosion happened and nobody reset and it's just you travelling." i have to stop and push the heel of my palm into my eyeball. "... how often have you died?"

i look at you. you look at me. you give me this very sad, halfway smile and a little what can ya do shrug. something in that action seems so old and weary that i want to burst into tears.

"i have to go," you say. "really. for real. there's this family of five i save from getting into a car crash. and i know it's like oh but we're all gonna die in the explosion anyway, what's the point. and..." you shrug again. "it matters to me, is all. at least i saved them for now. at least i saved anything."

you pad over to me and wrap me in a tight hug. you always seem so tall against me. i feel your cheek rest against the top of my head for a moment. for a second, it's just us, and the space is warm, and my heart is a little broken hare.

you leave me there, and i stand in my stupid badly lit kitchen with my stupid mugs. i think about you. i start texting my mom that she needs to get out of the city, but it feels pointless.

i don't know what to do. tomorrow is the same day for you. but i have to prepare to die in my today.

[p4nishers]

im actually gonna choke and die at this point. bobby has to PULL EDDIE off buck. like he actually fucking tugs at his coat and PULLS HIM AWAY. clawing my eyes out EDDIE DOESN'T LOOK AWAY FROM BUCK UNTIL HE ABSOLUTELY HAS TO. WHY WOULD THEY DO THIS.

[capozzy]

i like when dragons hold a lil cup and put their pinkie up daintily what can i say

[miss-mossball]

basement conversations

[skybristle]

wanting to post art because i post fucking everything i draw and i love attention vs it being a big stupid spoiler for me and chestons dumb crossover au

[skunkes]

antidepressants have saved my life but in the way that my dad was put on them earlier this year before i was and he's an entirely different person neow. several years of it being a coin toss as to whether the house was going to have a sinister energy on any given day, undone in a few weeks and once again resembling the person i was most attached to as a child

[bidaryl]

admit it. you only came back to atlanta for the hat. don’t tell anybody.

[aplatypusshapedkite]

Team ranchers Week-Oct 27: Canary in the deep dark

There once was a thriving cavern city that had the ability to jump to another world. Over time something seemed to make people sick and violent. The town above destroyed any way for people to leave, hoping to stop, whatever came through the portal, from killing them all. Only tall tales and legends remain of its destruction, a warning.

Background

Under a town there was a huge city in a cavern, the massive portal was often on. It wasn’t until a canary bird flew through that it stopped shining. They caged the bird, hoping for answers unaware that something else had entered through the portal before the golden bird. Sculk. Sculk has made its way through the portal. It started covering parts of town, seemingly appearing out of nowhere (The infected people spread it). A group of traders had entered the city but when they had suggested to get rid of the sculk as it made them feel ill. Most were violently thrown from the town, somewhere never seen again.

Once the Town above heard of this they tried to investigate, however only 2 of the 3 recon team returned. Fearing an outbreak of whatever had caused their sister city to descend, they took every tool and sealed every entrance and exit. Some affected people of the city begged to be let out, others violently tried to make their way out of the dark. But as the final entrance was sealed they were left in the deep dark nothingness, except the light blue glow of the sculk. Any survivors either starved and or took desperate measures to eat the remaining sculk. Everyone else was already one with the Sculk.

Jimmy is from the portal, he came through in his canary form trying to escape the sculk that was consuming his world. He was trapped in a cage unable to shift back. Unable to warn them of the dangers on the other side of the portal. Unable to tell them of the  infection that they allowed into their world. He was trapped as they were sealed in. Someone came and picked him up. In the chaos the cage was dropped, breaking on impact. He immediately flew away from everyone and everything. (I.e. he found a hole to hide in so he could unshift safely.)

Jimmy tried to show the survivors soul fire but everyone soon died. Jimmy tried to culling the sculk back. Due to the lack of resources and him being one person he couldn’t stop the spread completely. He needed food and he needed to rest so desperately he set fire to the edges of the city before turning into his canary form one last time before he slept. There he stayed fixing the wall of fire anytime he woke up. He wouldn’t let what happened to his world happen here.  

Wardens are a mashup of the people who were infected, their bodies were torn apart and their souls screaming. Wardens always try to find a way out both from the people wanting to to get out and the Sculk’s need to spread. (‘baby’ Wardens are horrifying as they are mostly just torn flesh and broken bones as the sculk hasn’t covered everything yet)

Tango is the mechanic of an expedition team that consists of Pix (The leader and Anthropologist), TFC (Miner expert), Scar (The Naturalist), VintageBeef (The Cook) and Cub who is the navigator/ cartographer.

Plot Ideas

Pix learns of a City underneath a ghost town that is surrounded with warnings about a dangerous infection that took over the city. Along with the stories of adventures going missing looking for it.

Pix got in contact with Doc, Joe, Cleo, Vintage, and TFC for either them to join or help out. Cleo told him about Cub, Cub brung on Scar and Doc suggested Tango to go with them. Cleo and Joe couldn't go on the full expedition but they would check on them and help bring them supplies. (Joe is a medic)

After 2 weeks of mining they find a cave near the main cavern. Joe and Cleo stopped by with more supplies before they breach the cavern.(Last time they ever see some of their friends)

Tango meets Jimmy first. Jimmy heard something abnormal and went to investigate, he stole a bag of chex mix. As he was flying away Tango heard a bird. Upon investigating the noise he found a yellow feather and saw a bright almost glowing canary flying above a ruined city surrounded by blue fire. (There's no way a bird could have gotten down there, there was no way it could have with no one noticing)

After they discovered the cavern their tunnel collapsed trapping them (Alot of their stuff is back there)

Cub’s hand gets cut while they inspect the cave in

They officially meet Jimmy who tells them to go back and that its dangerous to be here. After explaining their situation Jimmy tells them where it's safe, and to stay away from the sculk while they try to get out (Light is an issues down here (Jimmy has a half working redstone lamp in his ‘home’))

TFC is trying to figure out how to get the tunnel open again without it collapsing, Pix is trying to get as much information from Jimmy about the town/ trying to get a closer look. Scar is trying to get a closer look at the Sculk with cub,Tango is helping Vintage prepare dinner 

Cub slipped where a fire had gone out, face planting. He and Scar laughed it off  as he pushed himself up and went to go eat with everyone. (They told Jimmy and helped him relight the fire, as he explained how it worked) (They didn’t realize the cut on Cub’s had was enough for him to get infected)

After meeting Jimmy/ the tunnel cave in: some of the fires that kept the sculk in check started going out (Jimmy is extremely low on resources to restart the fires, fires go out for many reasons but this is starting to be abnormal)

Someone suggests that if they got the tunnel back open and caused a cave in to trap the sculk then Jimmy could come with them. Jimmy is very against this as more people may come and find it only for the fires to be out, causing an apocalypse.

Scar is the first one to find out Cub got infected. He had noticed something was off about him but after being trapped for a while he brushed it off. It wasn’t until after he interviewed Jimmy about the sculk (Read: Bothered Jimmy about the sculk cuz he was curious) and the fires where being put out when he realized that something may be more deeply wrong with Cub 

Scar tells Jimmy about his worries and they go together to confront Cub (Telling no one smh). They find him at the edge of the city. Scar jumps towards him and asks a bunch of questions but Cub cuts him off. Cub confesses that he thinks he got infected when he fell a while ago. He tells scar he’s liked him for quite sometime. That he wishes they had said everything sooner but it's too late now. He says he loves him, he always will. With that Cub runs through a gap in the fire, into the city. 

Scar yells after Cub and tries to follow him but Jimmy stops him. At this point everyone hears him and rushes over.  They also help keep scar from running into the city (Jimmy couldn’t keep it up much longer)

Jimmy tries to tell him that Cub is gone.

Despite Jimmy being extremely against anyone going into the city, he’ll go look for Cub. Solidarity says he’ll see if he can see where he is and what he's doing (Some newly infected once tried to activate the portal. There's no way he could ever handle an outbreak like that. This is one of the main reasons he does go looking)

Jimmy gets injured/ attacked while looking for Cub (A Warden ‘woke up’ and heard Jimmy flying). The Pix grab him from the edge, saving him from being infected. (It's a very VERY close call) (Cub running into the city is what woke the warden up)

Pix gets infected while saving Jimmy and he discovers the soul sand under the sculk (He drops a normal torch on a patch of sculk and it turned blue. Killing the sculk around and leaving a patch of soul sand exposed)

They know they need to leave immediately, Jimmy is against leaving as the fires are going out and if they all got out, the Sculk would follow them. Vintage brings up the food situation isn’t looking good.

They try to figure out how to kill the sculk and or keep it from getting out forever

Cub isn't dead. Not fully. 

More Wardens wake up. They can't pass the soul fire but they do have ranged attacks. (Jimmy's 'base' is on the opposite side of the city however it is high enough to avoid any major warden attacks)

Their only saving grace is wardens can't see, the problem is Infected Cub still can. 

Pix tells TFC about his Infection. TFC Grabs Jimmy under the guise of the structure of the cave. They talked about Pix’s infection and the soul sand under the sculk. 

They talk about how if they could set the city ablaze it would kill the sculk, that's when they go get Vintage, Tango, and Scar to tell them of the situation and their idea.

Tango says if they can blow up certain areas carefully then it would almost kill all the sculk. They could go in soon after and burn it by hand. 

????

Jimmy stays with Tango after everything 

Scar moved in with Grian and Mumbo so he wasn’t alone after Cub died

Other things

Pix and TFC are old friends

Cub and scar are Roommates

Cleo and Joe almost joined but they had other commitments and couldn’t join/ They do supply runs

Doc was contracted to build machinery for the expedition 

Jimmy has a very limited amount of food. He tends to sleep most of the time (Your hunger doesn't go down when you’re sleeping). He also tends to stay in one form for long periods of time as shifting takes a bit of energy. His Canary form is much more convenient to travel through the deep dark and to keep an eye out. While he mostly only uses his human/ hybrid form to relight fires  

Both worlds have hybrids but only Jimmy’s world had hybridization (I.e. he wasn’t born with wing nubs)

Jimmy’s world is dead. Jimmy knows that at that point there was no way for the Sculk to have been stopped. If Jimmy had been there for a few more days, he would be dead. He knows this.

Jimmy hasn’t had a proper conversation with someone since a little before he went through the portal

Soul fire doesn't go out on its own- it needs to be punched and or water to extinguish it. (There is a huge reservoir of water above that dips down and occasionally puts out the fires)

Jimmy and Scar become really good friends after as Jimmy understands the horror of sculk and losing people to it

Jimmy stole his boots from a corpse (He's gone through a few pairs of shoes, one pair was gifted and the rest were stolen ) 

Tango used to be apart of a company called ‘The Boomers’. He knows his way around explosives, including how to make em

The Expedition team isn’t the first ones to find the cavern. Only about ¼ ever find the cave but very few of them leave. The first two times Jimmy didn’t find them till they were already infected. Some of them tried to escape so in a panic Jimmy pushed them into the soul fire. After that he started to look for people every time he wakes up

Art

From the initial page to my most recent for 4 am

*Not pictured the designing hell of Jimmy

[apostateapologist]

chinhands. life update

my car might be totaled and it wasnt my fault and im recovering from whiplash and the er doctor said i have some early stage osteo arthritis in my lower back and i dont have a lot of money and this does throw a wrench in my work/social/personal plans but i am like. coping? like im... vaguely sort of bummed out and my body hurts but im just like. okay. well. lets constructively talk to friends abt it and. go figure it out i guess.

[meihouwangslittlecumslut]

Hrrrrrnng... It's late enough that I feel safe to post these

Spiral!jun and desolation!tatsuya for my p2 tma au

+ a bit of info about them

+ characters and the entities I assigned them (subject to change)

[nitroish]

i am exhausted. he fell into one of those bodies of water that exist on the surface in sky's era

[phagodyke]

the masculine urge to take a saucepan off thr draining board and bash myself repeatedly over the head with it until I pass out and no longer have to experience feeling Bad 😍

[loserelf]

i want so badly to start reading again and i want so badly to start the realm of the elderlings series but why is . why is literally everybody i know including myself speedrunning bankruptcy. like i cannot afford to do jack shit anymore and buying BOOKS is pretty much not gonna happen like....dear god...

[wulfhalls]

.

[god-forbid-queers-have-money]

now i know why jake peralta is the way he is. one look into adulthood and he noped right out of it. if i had money i would spend it all on candies and go bankrupt the next day.

[algrenion]

the way i finally got to the coast in Disco Elysium and every line spoken hence "the swing set" scene has me in a trance...