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ifmywishescametrue · 3 years

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omg now im jealous about all of the breaking up and making up stories!!! they're all so wonderful but is it okay to ask for a steve/tony one? i know you've made one inspired by ts (amazing) and this time, maybe they meet/bump in a coffee shop? idk angst potential but also hopeful/happy ending aahhh. your stories are amazing esp ivy!!! thank you! <3

thank you so much!! it ended up being more cute than angsty, but I hope you like it!

Steve's pencil drifts idly across the page of his sketchbook with no end vision in mind. He's killing time until Nat shows up, which could be anywhere between the next five minutes and the next two hours with her vague text that simply said running late. When he looks up to reach for his near empty coffee cup, he freezes with his hand in the middle of the air.

At first he thinks it might not even actually be him. Tony's hair was never quite this well styled before, always a tangled mop on his head that sometimes fell into his eyes. Steve used to spend hours sometimes running his fingers through those wild curls while Tony slept on his chest. It's been tamed since then, cut shorter and held into place by some type of product. The facial hair is new, too. He remembers a time when it would always come in patchy and uneven, and Tony would pout as he shaved away the latest attempt at looking older than he was. The eighteen year old boy in oversized hoodies and stained jeans he met years ago has been replaced by a man in a well-pressed, expensive looking suit with a leather briefcase, like he just stepped out of a boardroom a minute ago. From what Steve has read about his life since they broke up, he probably did.

Steve stares without fully meaning to and for much longer than he would have if it was intentional. He watches him order his drink and smiles when the barista’s eyes widen at what he knows is an overly complicated order, wondering if Tony ever did finish his quest to find that perfect combination of syrup flavors, sugar, and cream that only he would ever like.

He catches the double take when Tony notices him there, right as he’s taking his first sip of the iced drink, and the cough when he chokes on it is anything but subtle. Steve looks away with red cheeks and tries to pretend he wasn’t staring, but it’s a futile effort. He can’t say he minds, though. Not when it means Tony walks over to him and unceremoniously drops himself into the chair across from him.

His mouth forms a familiar smirk, and he says, “You seem to have a staring problem, Rogers.”

Suddenly, Steve is nineteen again, falling hopelessly in love with the boy in his introductory chemistry class. It felt sort of like fate at first when they were paired together for the final project, and Steve remembers thinking that his chances were shot to hell when Tony sat down next to him and said those exact words. He never was any good at being discreet.

Back then, for that first time, all he could manage was a stuttered apology in response. But eventually it became their thing. Something just for them that no one else could ever understand. When Steve would watch him from across the room at parties, because he knew how much Tony loved having his eyes on him, and Tony would saunter over with that same smirk and those same words, there was only ever one reply.

“Guess I just really like what I see,” Steve says, and Tony’s face splits into a grin that matches Steve’s own. He’s still beautiful, even if it’s different now. Less softness to his appearance and more defined edges and sharp lines, but heart stoppingly beautiful nonetheless. He doesn’t quite say as much, but he does comment, “You do look good, by the way. Different, but good.”

Tony’s smile softens into another familiar one. It’s his smile for compliments, when he’s thinking self-deprecating thoughts that he won’t voice. Instead he’ll turn the attention back around, shifting the spotlight.

“So do you. The good part, but not really the different part.”

Steve runs a hand through his hair, contemplating if not looking different contributes to the good or not. He should look different somehow, shouldn’t he? After two and a half years not seeing each other in person and what feels like a lifetime’s worth of heartbreak in between then and now, he should look as changed as he feels. As changed as Tony looks now, like he’s someone new entirely. He’s pretty sure the t-shirt he’s wearing now is one he owned back then.

“Thanks,” Steve says anyway, for lack of anything better.

Just before it has the chance to fall into awkward silence, Tony says, “I didn’t know you were in New York these days. I would’ve called or something if I’d known.”

Steve raises an eyebrow. “Would you have?”

“I don’t know, maybe. I would’ve thought about it, at least. You know, stalked you online, found your number, dialed and hung up a few times.”

Steve laughs, fiddling with the straw wrapper from earlier to give himself something to look at other than Tony. “I moved back last year. Thought about calling, but I figured you were busy. Didn’t want to waste your time.”

It’s only a partial truth. He did think about calling when he came to Brooklyn after his year-long internship in London ended, but he didn’t want to know what Tony would say if he did. If he would have some sort of transparent excuse to avoid seeing him or if it would be an outright rejection.

“I would’ve made time for you,” Tony says, so painfully sincere that Steve has to look up again to meet his eyes.

He wonders if Tony is thinking of that last fight, if it’s a purposeful or coincidental reference to some of what Steve said. It was by far the worst fight they’d ever had, all over the phone with an ocean between them and so many things that Steve still wishes he could take back. Accusations flew on both sides until the entire thing was blown so completely out of proportion, yet impossible to reel back in. He should have just hung up the phone before it went that far. Before he could tell Tony that he always felt unimportant compared to everything else in his life, which was sometimes true but entirely unfair. Before Tony could say that Steve talked about Peggy in the same way he used to talk about him, and he didn’t have to finish the thought for Steve to understand the implication.

“Are we talking about it?” Steve asks.

Tony shrugs, feigning casual, but just the corner of his lip is between his teeth in that way that means he’s nervous and trying to hide it. “I guess that depends on what this is.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, we said back then that maybe it was just bad timing. You were in London, and I was in Boston until graduation, and it was always going to be a bit of a mess, but there was always that someday chance, right? So maybe this is someday, and we talk about it, and try to get it right this time,” Tony says. “Or maybe that was just something we said and didn’t mean, and I ask you about your life, and you ask about mine, and we talk and laugh and pretend that we’re friends again for the next half hour or so before we go our separate ways.”

It’s an easy choice, really. If there’s one thing that Steve’s sure of, it’s that it’s always been him and always will be.

“I don’t want to go separate ways,” Steve says. “The first time was hard enough, and I never really moved on. I got better, but I don’t think I’ve been more than just fine in a long time.”

Tony nods slowly, “I kept thinking you would call, you know. Back then. I thought you would call and tell me that it was a mistake and it would be okay again, but you never did. Although, I guess I could’ve called, too.”

“Why didn’t you?”

“For the same reason as you, probably. I couldn’t risk it if you didn’t want me again. Couldn’t risk getting back together just to break up again, either. We weren’t exactly the poster children for making long distance work.”

“We were terrible at it, weren’t we?”

Tony’s smile is tinged with the pain of the past. “It’s kind of funny because I remember thinking that it might be a good thing for us when you told me about London. Can’t get sick of somebody if they’re not always around.”

“You thought I would get sick of you? You never told me that.”

“Why would I?” Tony laughs. “Just put all my insecurities on display like that? Come on, Steve, that doesn’t sound like me, does it?”

Steve laughs with him briefly, “No, but I could’ve told you back then that it wasn’t possible. Told you that I wanted you around all the time and I missed you every second you were gone. I might’ve even stayed if you had told me. I was thinking about it, you know? I almost turned the internship down. Probably would’ve if you’d asked even once for me not to go.”

“It was your career. I never would’ve asked you to give that up for me.”

“There would have been something else. Another job somewhere closer to you.”

“I still wouldn’t have asked,” Tony says. “And I would have told you to go if you’d said you were staying.”

Steve knows that, which is why they never talked about it much before he left. Tony pretended to be happy for him, and Steve pretended to be happy for himself, when really it already felt like the beginning of the end. A year apart is longer than it seems, and it didn’t take more than a few months to realize it.

“I never…” Steve starts, trailing off when he doesn’t quite know how to finish the sentence. “There was never anyone else. Not while we were together, and never with Peggy.”

“I know. I knew back then, too, that you were never that kind of person. Jealousy’s just a real bitch sometimes.”

“There’s really not been anyone since, either,” Steve adds, and Tony’s mouth quirks into a half smile. “I mean, a couple of people here and there, but nothing like what we were.”

“There’s not a whole lot out there like what we were, is there?”

Steve smiles, leaning back in his chair, “No, there’s really not. But I do remember reading a rumor that you got engaged.”

Tony groans, and it’s so much like he used to sound when he was nine pages deep into a ten page essay at three in the morning that Steve has to laugh.

“Don’t you dare laugh. That rumor haunts me, Steven,” Tony says, belied by a grin that he seemingly can’t control. “Do you know how I found out about my supposed engagement? When my mother called and asked why I hadn’t told her I was planning on proposing.”

“So I’m still the only person you’ve ever proposed to,” Steve teases, just for the way he knows Tony will get indignant about it.

“How many times do I have to tell you that one didn’t count?”

“You were on one knee, you asked a question, and you had a ring. All the boxes are checked, sweetheart.”

“It was a blue raspberry ring pop, and you ate it,” Tony argues. “Not to mention that I actually asked you to marry me someday in the distant future. That’s not a proposal.”

Steve laughs again, thinking about that day in the middle of their living room, just a few weeks before Steve got the call that would take him to London and change everything. It was almost like a joke, and for anyone else it would have been. Not for them, though, because Steve remembers the look in Tony’s eyes when he dropped down in front of him, spur of the moment and impulsive like almost everything was back then. He remembers how it still felt like a promise, even if it wasn’t the real thing.

“But I said yes, which I think technically means we’re still engaged.”

“Absolutely not,” Tony scoffs. “It’s going to be a production when we get engaged. Elaborate and planned and romantic as hell.”

“When, huh?” Steve grins.

Tony’s cheeks pinken a touch, but he doesn’t take it back. He reaches for Steve’s hand on the table. “Yeah, when. Is that alright with you?”

Steve threads their fingers together, holding on tight. “That’s alright with me.”

#stevetony #stony #superhusbands #my writing #my fic #prompt fill

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mellohyi · 3 years

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wooowowowoo i miss summer camp so much

like this is my second year without going and as much as it sucked i loved it

there is a large rant about the place and like every single living detail i remember about it under the cut (is that the right phrase to use for this idk)

like the big field with the train tracks next to it and the beehives on one edge. i miss throwing a frisbee for my few friends there and laughing when i would get it stuck in a tree or they would throw it and it would go so far away. and i miss jumping on the trampoline and getting so pissed off (jokingly) at the dudes spending like 10 decades on it and because i was the only british person there they would be somewhat scared of me? so i would literally stare at them somewhat angrily and with my shitty latvian accent complain about how long they are taking and they would get off LMAO it only worked on the dudes younger than me but it worked... and the basketball on the small court !!! :D im not good at like,, throwing ball type games tbh? but like this court was magical because like 9/10 i would actually get it in and score a point and i loved how,, rapid (?) the games were like if you failed to get it in at a certain point you would be out and you had to get it in to stay in the game !!

and i remember the lake!!! it had a lot of those thingies.. oysters? idk i googled it and thats what they looked like. i can still remember the feeling of them and they were sharp LMAO and there was a zipline thing you could go on and it would take you to the middle of the lake and you could jump into it from there. and there was a game we played where we would be in two teams and then we would send a person down the zipline and if they fell in we would all have to do i think 10? pushups and it was fun cheering on people from the small platforms next to the zipline !! and we used to build a sorta dodgy looking sauna using some planks of wood and a big blue tarp that was held down by some rocks and we would collect sticks to make a fire with and then we would go sit in it and just talk and chill in the sauna. not everyone wanted to go, understandably considering iirc i put it off the first year i went but then tried it the next and loved it, so there was enough room for all of us to comfortable sit and even lie down on the log benches !! and we even had like,, bay leaf sticks with the leaves on it and stuff and we would dunk them into a bucket of water and then gently hit someone who was lying down as a like,,, relaxation thing? and it was so nice and it smelt SO GOOD it smelt like wood and grass and nature and it was sweet in a savoury way and i miss the smell so much just thinking about it. like you could literally smell the bay leaves because of the water evaporating after you take it out the bucket. and the hot air was so much harder to breathe when you stood up and it felt thicker and the air lower to the ground was cool so when you found it hard to breathe you would basically stick your head onto the grass to get a bit of cool and it felt so good !! and we would take breaks to drink water and pour cold water on ourselves or we would go into the lake though the last time i went a lot of the lake had dried up D: but its okay because i still have good memories with the lake when it wasnt like that. once during the sauna we went in the lake after and the sky was so clear like i could see all the stars and i could see the big dipper and it was just so beautiful. i even used the zipline to get into the lake that time as well and it was just so magical. i was kinda like,, sleepy (?) so i kinda was just not fully there so it was like so much cooler because i didnt feel real during it and it was just amazing.

omg and the activities we would do. we went on a hike in a forest and it was SO COOL like we would have to go climb up the steep hill that separated the field area and the train tracks and we would literally go onto the train tracks and at the time there wasnt any trains so we got to literally touch the tracks and we would go into the forest and IT WAS SO COOL like the light came in at a perfect angle and it was so pretty and we would pick blueberries and aaaaaaaa it was so amazing !! and we would split up and walk to an area to play some games using the trees and it was amazing. and also we would just do sports games using the field but also we went BIKING!!!! they had so many bikes for the people who didnt bring their own and we would go on the bikes and cycle to some sand dunes literally like 5 minutes away from the place and climb up them and jump and stuff and we carved tic tac toe grids into the stable parts and played and it was so fun AND I LITERALLY SAW A LIZARD CLIMB UP ONE OF THE EDGES INTO THE GRASS LMAO and we also cycled to a lake

this one to be exact!! and we would jump off from the small pier thing and swim around back to the edge and it had sand and a slide and it was generally really fun cycling to and from there. i did cause multiple crashes with the bikes while cycling there LMAO mainly because my brain just tends to blow things out of proportion for no reason and like LMAO someone would start coming a bit closer to me and i would panic and stop and then everyone behind me would then have to immediately stop and they would crash into me.. like once i got my cousin to come with me and someone looked like they were gonna go behind my cousin who was in front of me and i panicked because i didnt want to be separated from her so i just stopped because i was panicking too much and everyone behind me crashed into me LMAO and they were all like 'bruuuuh' but anyways it was really fun cycling there because i went past the place my aunt on my mums side got married + the place my uncle on my dads side got married (no they did not marry each other it was separate weddings) !! a few times i didnt go cycling because i just didnt feel good and didnt want to go but it was okay in the end because i was all alone in the cabin and i would just sleep and draw while waiting for them to come back and they would flood in cycling down the small hill that leads to the field and has the bike area and i would just see them from the porch of the cabin and it was cool :D

mMmMmmmmmMMM and the food area !! we would usually sit inside the pizzeria (because the place was also a pizzeria more on that later) and it was fun because we had breakfast, lunch, dinner + a night snack thing (its called naksniņas) and like even though im usually the pickest eater at the camp and they had to make exceptions for me because we werent allowed dessert at lunch unless we ate all our food like i still got to eat a lot lol like there was usually something i could eat even if i couldnt eat all of it and the juice was so nice and ngl i kinda liked being on the like,,, duty of having to set up before the meals + clean up after because getting all the stuff and setting it up was just so peaceful and calm and i loved it and mmmmsmsmsmsmsm it was so cool and THE NIGHT SNACK THING WAS LITERALLY THE BEST it was practically dessert for dinner but right before bed + we would do an activity after dinner before it !! i talked to my dad and figured out the spelling of the word because im not that good at latvian atm and mmmm . also like we would have tea and it was so good !! we would also have a small snack like a biscuit or cereal bar and it was so nice good way to end the day :D

i also lost an entire waterbottle there dont ask how

the cabins were nice because i usually end up on the second floor level thing of it and theres a small window on it !! and a cool ladder to get up to it though its a pain when camp first starts + when it finishes because you have to pack everything up while trying to not hit your head on any of the beams or the slant of the cabin roof and you have to haul everything up and down... other than that its so fun because theres small holes (like,,, really small. cant fit a pen down it) and when the people in the two rooms below that cabin spot are being pisstaking you can pour water down it and they shut up LMAO its really funny because they see the water dripping and get more pissed off and then become less annoying and we used to slip them notes to tell them to shut up LMAO also listened into their convos to be annoying too

anyways to finish off with my favouritest things ever about it. last day we would make pizzas and your family would be there and you could make multiple pizzas ! i usually made one for my parents / family and then one for myself and my sister because we r really picky and dont like cheese . and it was so fun and the pizzas were SO GOOD and i share the other pizza thats not mine with my family because i hate cheese and they are happy too. i also love the one evening where we cook dinner ourselves i think thats the sauna night as well but omg its so nice we have dough balls to wrap around a stick and asduidfohih its so nice omg i love them so much right because we take the stick and then toast them over a fire and when you do them right its a tiny bit doughy on the inside but a safe amount and its like,, slightly crispy in a good way on the outside so amazing and like you can put stuff in it like cheese and ketchup and stuff but i just eat mine plain and they are so good mmmamMMm and we also have watermelon iirc and it was so good overall like best evening of the camp :)

anyways i love camp and i miss it

#mellow random #nah because i miss it so much i #pleading eyes emoji #i love latvia

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fuckedurbias · 5 years

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happy birthday - choi youngjae

genre: smut + little bit of fluff

requested? yes!

word count: 4.4k

warnings: a whole lotta smut

You had never really had a happy birthday before, until now.

Youngjae had told you to be ready by 6pm, telling you that he was going to pick you up at that time. He didn’t go into specifics about where he taking you or what you were going to do, all you knew it was it was for your birthday. You were never really a fan of surprises but of course, knowing how excited Youngjae was to surprise you and how hard he worked to plan it all out to make sure you had the best birthday ever, you didn’t protest. However, you were feeling quite drained and had a headache after finishing an early shift at work, they let you off at 3pm since it was your birthday and before you even got home you knew you were going to immediately get changed into your comfy, lazy clothes and have a nap so you felt better before your outing with Youngjae. You set an alarm for 5:20pm since it wouldn’t take long for you to shower, touch up your makeup & hair a little and get dressed up. Unfortunately, you didn’t realise that you set your alarm for 5:20AM instead of PM so you overslept. You were also very deep in sleep so you couldn’t wake up and look at the clock and see what time it was, so sadly it was 6:10PM and you were still napping. Youngjae even came late on purpose to give you more time to get ready after work, also because he still had some things to get; but he wasn’t going to let you know that.

Youngjae had messaged you that he was on his way up to your apartment but of course, you didn’t reply but he didn’t think anything of it; until he got to the door of your apartment and you weren’t outside waiting, along with the door not being unlocked for him. He waited outside a bit, even called you in case you just didn’t see his text because you left your phone in another room, but when you didn’t answer he got really worried. He had flowers and a bag filled with little presents for you in his hands so his arms were getting very sore waiting for you. He put them down to get the spare key for your apartment that you had made for him just in case something happened where he had to get into your apartment, even little situations such as when you left things in your apartment by accident and you were at work and needed them for when you finished, so Youngjae had to get it for you and bring it to you when knocked off; which happens more than you would like to admit. He hated the thought of intruding on you but he was genuinely worried as it was very unlike you to not be ready for him in some way. He pulled the spare key out of his wallet and unlocked your door, picking up your things as he slowly opened the door and peeked inside, looking around for any sign of you or something bad that could’ve happened. He looked around the living room and kitchen, seeing no sign of you having cooked or eaten anything which made him even more worried because usually you always snack after finishing work. He places the flowers and bag for you on the kitchen bench before quietly walking to your bedroom, seeing the door wide open as he walks in. He stops in the doorway, looking over to your bed to see you fast asleep. You were facing away from the wall, wearing Youngjae’s tank top that he let you keep that was very big on you, your bra very visible from under the straps, sleeve holes and neckline of the shirt. Your black shorts could barely be seen peeking out from the bottom of the shirt, as the blanket was only covering you up to your knees. Youngjae felt a rush over his body, looking at you sleeping so peacefully. He really thought you looked so beautiful even with the bit of drool falling from your lips, he would even say especially with that. He didn’t even feel like going out anymore, just laying there with you and cuddling you, kissing you and just loving you. Maybe something else, you know, if you felt like it of course. His gaze fell from your beautiful face to your chest that was very exposed, then to your hips and then to your legs, he found all of it so beautiful; all of you so beautiful. He breaks out of his trance and realises that him watching you sleep is a little bit creepy, so he shakes his head at himself and turns away back into the kitchen.

He had brought the presents and flowers he bought you into your bedroom, resting them on your desk opposite your bed. He carefully sits down next to you and starts brushing your hair out of your face before softly shaking your shoulder, softly saying your name to wake you up. You slowly turn on your back and stretch, opening your eyes slowly as you rub the sleep out of them. Youngjae’s smiling down at you with such love on his face, feeling his heart swell at how precious and cute you are. However, that quickly changes when you suddenly jolt up when you see Youngjae and suddenly remember that you’d greatly overslept, Youngjae nearly jumps out of his skin as you scream and run off the bed. “OH MY GOD I’M SO SORRY MY ALARM DIDN’T GO OFF!! IM SUCH A FOOL IM THE BIGGEST, MOST FORGETFUL FOOL IN THE HISTORY OF FOOLS” Your screams become muffled as you run into your wardrobe, throwing clothes around trying to find an outfit. You probably should’ve decided on one before you napped. Youngjae just sits there laughing.

“Yes you’re a fool, but you’re my fool. Also, please don’t stress so much I actually left a little time to spare before we do the things I planned just in case something like this happened” Youngjae chuckles. You peek your head out, glaring at him. “I want to be mad because you admit I’m a fool, but I can’t be fully because you’re saving our asses from missing anything and being very proactive and I should be a good partner and encourage that instead of get mad at you for it” You ramble. You decided on a summer dress, flowy and cute, smart but casual. You quickly slide it on and fix the end around your legs, you also quickly brush your hair with a hairbrush, deciding to just leave it out as you didn’t really have time to quickly do anything with it. You run into the bathroom and quickly decide to blend a bit more colour into your eye shadow and put on a coloured lipstick. You then run back into your wardrobe as Youngjae is laughing loudly watching you frantically sort yourself out.

“Stop laughing at me, don’t be mean” You whine as you sit next to him to put your shoes on, you opted for black sandal-like heels, it was pretty hot this time of year so you didn’t want to wear anything too heavy. You were still going to bring a jacket though, because you knew if you didn’t bring one it’d suddenly get cold, your luck sucked like that.

“Now hold on, love” Youngjae got up from the bed, walking over to you in the mirror as you fixed your hair one last time and slid your handbag on. He grabbed either side of your waist and kissed your shoulder softly as he turned you around, gesturing to your gifts on the desk. Your eyes widen, you wondered how the heck you missed them? “Jae, baby. You really didn’t have to” You sigh, walking over to them. You pick up the flowers and admire them, he got a mix of your favourites of course. You quickly go into the kitchen and grab the vase you keep in the glass cabinet, you fill it with water as you unwrap the flowers and place them in the water once you’re done. You go back into your bedroom and place them on the desk where they will get plenty of sunlight during the day.

“I’ll open the bag later, we should get going now before we don’t end up leaving at all” You say, wanting to open the bag badly but you know you’ll get too badly side-tracked.

“I’m not against that” He smirked, leaning back on his arms as he checks you out.

“Jae, no! You’ve worked hard to plan this all out you can’t just not do it now” You protest, grabbing his arm trying to pull him up from the bed, glad that your makeup hid the blush that was rising on your cheeks. He grabs his wallet and keys as he leads you out of your apartment, as he was locking your door you were checking him out. He looked so broad and subtly sexy in his dress shirt and tight plain black jeans, this outfit really flattered his body proportions. You bit your lip, maybe you should’ve stayed home after all.

It was a really amazing night. Youngjae had taken you to see the new musical in town that you really wanted to see and then you went to the night market and got a bunch of your favourite street food before sitting by the Han River as you ate it all. The whole night was perfect and Youngjae was being extra touchy and affectionate the whole night, same as you. It was obvious that the tension that was already there before the outing even started had built up to a restless high. The car ride back was painful, you were singing along to your favourite songs as they came on shuffle and Youngjae barely said or did anything the whole ride other than rest his hand on your thigh. He was gripping it tightly and running his thumb along the skin softly. You were trying so hard not to focus on it or act like it was bothering you, but obviously it was. You were so close to asking him to either pull over or take you the cliff that overlooked the city so you two could… God even thinking about it was driving you crazy. Once you finally reached the door of your apartment, you turned around to face him before you unlocked the door.

“You shouldn’t leave yet, I-I mean, I don’t want you to leave yet” You pouted, swinging your interlocked hands back and forth “Wait! I still need to look at the bag of presents you gave me; you have to see me open them all!” You bounced excitedly. Youngjae just shook his head, relishing in the glory of having someone as adorable as you as his soulmate.

“You do realise I never even protested, right? So there’s no need to try and convince me” He laughed softly. You just squealed in excitement as a reply, turning around and rushing to open the door.

“Wow, Jae! This is a lot of gifts for this one bag, you really didn’t have to do this all for me, this must’ve been lot of money you know how I worry over people spending money on me-” You rambled on as soon as you open the bag.

“Baby, shush. I did it because I wanted to and because I love you, it’s your birthday I’m meant to spoil you, what else are birthdays for?” Youngjae grabbed your cheeks and squished them, getting you to listen to him and stop rambling. You were sitting crossed legged across from him as he sat on the side of the bed, top half turned to face you. You scrunched your face up, pulling your face out of his hands as you angrily pouted at him. You grabbed the first thing you saw in the bag, which was something big and fluffy, you could tell it was a plush toy of some kind. Once you realised what it was you gave Youngjae a look and a smile that said ‘are you serious?’. You pulled it out of the bag to face you as you looked at it, it was actually really cute and you didn’t realise it but you had the biggest smile on your face. It was a little otter teddy, it was really cute and looked pretty real.

“I know they’re your favourite animal and also remind you of me, so of course I had to get it once I saw it” He smiled so big his eyes scrunched up, loving the look of adoration in your eyes. You hugged it tightly, squishing it up against your as your arms wrapped around yourself.

“I will name him Jae of course, how could I not?” You giggled, yanking the tag off then sitting it in your lap as you continued to open the presents.

“God, you’re cheesy” He cringed.

“You started the cheesiness by getting me this because ‘you know it reminds me of you’” You pointed at him. You looked back into the bag, rummaged around the presents and grabbed one that is a nice size. You pulled it out and shook it, not hearing much of a sound before unwrapping it. You immediately saw it was a Tiffany box and shot your head up at Youngjae, a look of shock on your face.

“Baby, I…. You really shouldn’t ha- “

“Shush, I wanted to and you deserve it. Honestly I didn’t even plan on getting it but I passed by the window and my eyes darted right to it, so surely that was a sign. Anyways, just open it! I want to see your reaction” He interrupted, leaning forward in excitement. You pouted, nervously opening the box and gasped at what you saw before it was even fully opened. You looked at Youngjae, getting teary eyed. It was a gold necklace with a heart shaped pendant hanging at the end of it, the heart shape was dazzling ruby, with a gold heart frame surrounding it to keep it safe. It was so beautiful, you were never one to be interested in jewellery or wear it often but now that you had this; something both so beautiful and meaningful to you, you were definitely going to wear it everywhere. You pulled it out of the box and placed the pendant part in your palm, bringing it up to your face to admire the jewel up close.

“I don’t know what to say Jae, it’s so beautiful I love it so much. No wonder it caught your eye! I’m never taking it off” You said softly, admiring Youngjae’s genuine smile.

“Here, let’s go put it on” He took your hand and helped you off the bed and stood you both in front of the mirror. You stood in front of him as he gently took the pendant and swung it over your chest, you lifted up the back of your hair so he could lock the back of it. Once he was done, he wrapped his arms around your waist and leant his head on your shoulder as he admired you through the mirror. “I knew it would look perfect on you” He whispered into your ear. You giggled softly, feeling the heat rise in your cheeks and throughout your body. He kissed your shoulder, slowly moving up to your neck. You moved your head to side to give him more access as he gently kissed further up your neck, he was being so soft and gentle it made goose bumps rise on your skin as you exhaled softly from your nose. He stopped at your ear, pressing his bulge into your back.

“I know you’ve been waiting all night for this and you know that I have, too” Youngjae whispered into your ear. You whimpered and pressed your ass into him, wrapping an arm around him and pulling at his hair as he started to bite and suck at your neck. He slid both of his arms behind your back, unzipping your dress and sliding it off your arms and letting it fall onto the floor. He pulled away from the two bruises already prominent on your neck.

“Look at that, the necklace really does look stunning on you” He smirked as he turned you around to face him before locking lips with while picking you up, you wrapped your legs around him as he walked you back to your bed. He pushed you down gently as he fell on top of you in between your legs, your hands rested on either side of his face as your make out session became more and more heated by the second. You turned your face to the side to deepen the kiss, Youngjae’s tongue was brushing against yours lightly and only every few seconds; it was driving you crazy. His hands moved from your hips to behind your back, unclasping your bra and immediately throwing it off to the side and pinching your nipples, making you yelp in surprise. He chuckled into your lips, continuing to smile when you whimpered as he flicked them a few times. You moved your hands up to his chest trying to unbutton his shirt but being unsuccessful as he gripped your chin as he bit and pulled on your lip, signalling for you to stop and your hands immediately went back to his neck. He started to trace his finger down from your chin to your chest so agonisingly slow and light, then he continued down from your chest to your stomach and finally stopped at the line of your panties. He wasted no time in sliding his hand in them, making you throw your head back instantly and your hips snap up to his fingers. His index and middle finger slid inside you, his thumb rubbing circles on your clit. His free arm was resting beside your head, holding him up so he could watch you intently, he was feeling so proud of himself for already having you in such a state and he was only using his fingers. You felt it was definitely due to just wanting him so badly all night, you could tell you would be coming very soon just because of this. You were broken away from your thoughts and gasped loudly when he started to scissor his fingers as he pumped them, stretching you out and his circles on your clit had turned into a rough side to side, almost flicking like motion. Your hands were resting on his shoulders and your nails were digging into them tightly, your high already starting to build up. Your legs were wrapped around his waist tightly and your hips started to slowly grind into his fingers, he was pumping and curling his fingers up into your sweet spot along with the scissoring and you were just left in awe and complete pleasure wondering how the hell he was so amazing with his hands and managing to do all this with just his fingers. Your walls started to clench around his fingers and he took that as a cue to just start pumping deep and quick, curling his fingers perfectly into your sweet spot. Your eyes rolled to the back of your head as you started panting heavily, your head falling further into the bed as you reached your high; and as fast as you reached your high you came undone just as fast. You begged him not to stop until you stopped shaking completely and as soon as you did, he sat up to unbutton his shirt and tear it off. He also undid his belt and slid it out of the hoops, but didn’t take off his jeans just yet. He hooked his fingers around the edge of your panties and slid them down your legs and as soon as they were off he was kissing up your thighs.

“Youngjae, please… just fuck me already it’s all I want” You breathed, words barely coming out your mouth.

“But I want to spoil you baby, it’s your birthday you deserve it” He said muffled against your thigh. You rolled your eyes, it was probably the 25th time Youngjae had said that in one night. Once he reached the top of your thighs he licked your juices that had started to drip down onto them, licking them from your entrance as well which made your body twitch. He licked a stripe up your slit from your entrance to your clit and once he reached your clit he immediately took it in his lips, kissing it a few times before sucking harshly. Your hands fell down to his head, pulling on his hair as your pressed your hips down onto his mouth, desperate for as much pleasure as you could possibly feel. Your normal level of pleasure was elevated since you already came, so you were just building up an even stronger orgasm than the last. Youngjae was flicking his tongue against your clit rapidly as he sucked, driving you insane and already bringing you towards your high. You were whining and whimpering, unable to contain yourself as you rolled your hips against his face. He grabbed your hips and held them down despite your protests, he just wanted to be able to work and pleasure you as best as he could; and he couldn’t do that with you riding his face. He stopped sucking and focused purely on flicking and licking you with his tongue, stretched out as the tip flicked up and down at a fast pace. You squeaked out a moan, struggling against his hands in attempt to lift your hips up and press harder against his tongue; with no luck, however. One of your hands removed itself from Youngjae’s hair and shot up to grip the pillow above your head, the pillowcase scrunching up in your fingers. You were getting so close, feeling the heat in your core build up by the second. Youngjae moved his tongue down to your entrance, lapping up the juices that were dripping out and licking inside for a split second as well. You whined as you kicked your legs, despising the halt of contact on your clit. Youngjae shook his head at you as he sat up to undo the button and zip on his jeans, pulling them down and sliding them off his legs, following with his boxers. You bit your lip as you watched his dick spring up and hit his abdomen, feeling your walls throb desperately, all you wanted this whole time was for him to fuck you and it was finally about to happen. He ran his tip lightly up and down your slit before lining himself with your entrance, he quickly pumped himself a few times before sliding into you with an elongated groan. You moaned softly, legs instinctively wrapping around his waist as he began to thrust at an even pace. Your hands wrapped around his back and rested on his shoulders, gripping on hard. You immediately went back to being so close to your high, resting your head against Youngjae’s and squeezing your eyes shut as you dug your nails into his shoulders, leaving visible dents. You couldn’t even moan, just pant heavily as your muscles tightened and the heat in your stomach grew. Youngjae kissed you deeply, his head falling into the crook of your neck and shoulder as he moaned quietly. The sound of his beautiful, rather high-pitched moans, was music to your ears and only edged you closer to your orgasm. Youngjae moved one hand from beside your head down to hold your hip, he deepened his thrust and sped them up as he desperately chased his high along with wanting to make you come fast and hard. You let out a choked moan as you threw your head back and rolled your own hips to the rhythm of his thrusts, his soft kisses on your neck were driving you even more crazy. Your head was foggy and your entire body was filled with complete euphoria as your high finally approached, feeling like you were about to burst as your entire body shook and your walls throbbed against Youngjae’s cock. His thrusts began to become staggered due to the pleasure shooting through him as he started to reach the peak of his high, the throbbing and tightness of your walls around was edging him closer and closer. You kept your walls clenched around him as they throbbed, helping him reach his own high as you still came down from yours. He hissed a sharp intake of air as he reached his high, thrusts becoming sloppy and out of time as he spilled inside of you. He moved to rest his forehead against yours as he tried to rid himself of his high completely, not stopping until he had no more seed to spill. You were both panting in silence as you recollected yourselves. Youngjae placed a quick, soft peck on your lips as he pulled out and rolled over next to you, pulling you into a cuddle.

“So, did you have a good day?” He asked.

“Mhm” Along with a gentle nod was all you could gather the energy to reply as you snuggled closer into him.

“I’m glad” He smiled; you were unable to see it but you could tell it was big. He pecked your forehead softly. You two laid there in comfortable silence for a while, just enjoying each other’s presence.

“I should probably shower�� Youngjae whispered, breaking the silence. “Yeah you should, stinky” You giggled. Youngjae jumped up off the bed.

“That’s it, you’re joining me” He said, pretending to be angry.

“No I am not!” You squealed as he slid his hands under you, lifting you up bridal style as he carried you to the bathroom.

And even though you protested and tried to kick off him, you had never felt this happy. You were over the moon.

And even though Youngjae bought you all these gifts and planned a nice date night for you, the best present you could have was something you had even when it wasn’t your birthday and knew that you always would. It was him.

You finally had a happy birthday.

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ravennest1342-blog · 6 years

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Bts Hybrid AU

Bunny Breath Chapter 1

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Kim Namjoon’s day started out normally enough. The twenty-five year old woke in his room with one of his five hybrids wrapped so tightly around him he could barely breath.

Said hybrids name was Yoongi, and he was a mink hybrid. Namjoon squirmed a bit helplessly as he struggled to reach his blaring alarm clock with the numbers 5:30 proudly displayed on it. Yoongi snarled ever so lightly in his sleep as Namjoon squirmed away, his arms tightening around Namjoon as the man finally turned off the dreadful little clock with a slight wheeze from the increased pressure. He blinked sleepily, his breathing harsh as he looked down at his chest to see the mink hybrid he so adored.

Yoongi was tiny, he had a thin, wiry frame that had alarming amounts of strength hidden in the lean muscles. His face was dainty; almost doll like with pouty pink lips and a button nose paired with cat like eyes. Fluffy dark brown — almost black — hair stuck out from his head in a messy way with two tiny dark brown mink ears sticking from them. Namjoon smiled. Anyone looking at Yoongi would think he looked delicate and breakable, his slight build implying that he wasn’t very powerful, especially when compared to Namjoon’s other hybrids Jin or Jimin with their thicker builds. But Namjoon new the whiplike strength, and lightning reflexes his hybrid possessed, he knew that behind those pouty lips, was razor sharp canines — almost fangs — designed to rip and tear into flesh. He knew that the minks dark brown tail with thick fur was there to help the hybrid balance better, move faster.

“Yoongi.” Namjoon breathed softly. “I have to . . . get ready for work.” He wheezed out the last part in a high pitched noise as Yoongi’s grip tightened to the point of pain, nails digging into Namjoon’s hip and chest.

“No.” The hybrid snarled, voice thick with sleep. “You’re staying home with us today.” He growled, lashes fluttering open to reveal dark onyx black eyes. God, Yoongi is so beautiful. Namjoon thought with a sigh.

“I have to Yoongi, there’s an important meeting this morning discussing our new phone prototype and at lunch I have to meet up with Jaebum to discuss the auction he’s scouting out tonight.” He sighed. Yoongi pouted, aggression seemingly disappearing. Namjoon gave him a suspicious look as he withdrew his grip. Yoongi tried to keep him home every morning like this, he set his alarm an hour earlier than needed because of the mink.

“Fine. But you brought this on yourself.” The mink smirked playfully, his tail wrapping neatly around himself as he moved to sit Indian style and drew in a deep breath. Too late Namjoon realized what was happening he surged forward with a yelp but Yoongi had already opened his mouth and screamed.

“NO NAMJOON!! YOU CANT GET A SNAKE HYBRID!!” His voice was modeled with the perfect mixture of horror and terror at the thought of a snake hybrid and as they heard several faint yelps from down the hall, an evil smirk ripples across Yoongi’s face, the sound of running feet reaching their ears and then the bedroom door was practically ripped open.

The two hybrids that raced in were in near hysterics, full on sobbing as they rushed at a stunned Namjoon, slamming into him and knocking the man flat on his back, one hybrid had soft golden brown/russet hair and long deer ears, his body was thin and graceful with a fluffy deer tail that was white on the underside. The other hybrid had floppy golden/brown dog ears with a long tail with equally long fur, he was more gangly, but his face had almost perfect proportions. Both hybrids clambered onto Namjoon, openly wailing as they pressed against him.

“Joonie! No no nonononono!” Hoseok, the deer hybrid cried harshly, sniffling dramatically as he nuzzled into Namjoon’s side while Taehyung, a dog hybrid, straddled his hips, frantically pushing himself against Namjoon’s chest, he too was a sobbing mess.

“I won’t mi-misbehave ever again J-Joonie! Swear! I’ll even apol *hic* ogize for l-locking Jimin outside f-for four ho-hours and . . . laughing at him!” He cried. Namjoon sighed, glaring at a grinning Yoongi, who’s eyes were sparkling with unbridled humor and joy at the situation before him. This was going to be a long morning.

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Namjoon was an hour and a half late for work. He really didn’t understand why Taehyung and Hoseok were so strongly against snake hybrids and figured he’d have to ask them at some point, but he barely made it to his meeting on time and all thoughts of his hybrids and worries that they might be slightly racist towards other hybrids were driven from his mind as he tackled the obstacles of his day.

He was obscenely grateful for the fact that everyone at his job respected him. If they didn’t Namjoon was well aware that his job would be a million times harder than it was. Technically, he didn’t even have to show up everyday, his company was so well oiled and staffed he should only have to drop in once a month. But he liked to make a point of going everyday, knowing all his workers names, everyone, even the intern that sorted mail in the mail room. His name was Junhwan (if this is the name of an idol, I didn’t mean to) and he was actually a brilliant artistic kid that Namjoon was thinking about putting in software design once he’d been in the company for a couple more weeks.

As it was, he still had a lot of stuff to do, departments to check up on, problems to sort out. So Namjoon was thrilled when lunch arrived and he got to go meet up with his good friend Im Jaebum. A hybrid doctor, one that was insanely good at his job. Namjoon had known him for a while, having met the other man when he was still an intern and had brought Yoongi who was . . . sick at the time.

He groaned as he made his way to the small cafe on the edge of Seoul. It was a tiny place, but it had the best sandwiches in the world. He arrived a few minutes late, so it wasn’t a surprise that Jaebum was already there and waiting. Namjoon smiled as he made his way over.

“How’s Jackson?” He demanded. His usual greeting. Jackson was a wolf hybrid that Jaebum had rescued from an abusive owner, Namjoon really liked the playful hybrid and he was good friends with Yoongi.

“Still shook by everything Mark does. I thought a wolf and a dove would be ok around each other but Jackson always looks so shocked at everything Mark does.” Jaebum smiled slightly, thinking of the playful turtleneck dove hybrid with a grin. Namjoon went to reach for the menu as he sat, when Jaebum waved him off.

“I already ordered for you. The usual, with a large watermelon juice.” Jaebum grinned widely at the surprised look on Namjoon’s face. The two talked for a few more minutes, both dancing around the real reason they were meeting up for as they waited for their food. Namjoon was just beginning to portray his confusion and worry about how much his hybrids hated snake hybrids when there food came.

Both men graciously thanked the waiter while Jaebum grinned a bit at Namjoon.

“It’s Hoseok and Taehyung that get really worried about it right?” He demanded. Namjoon nodded emphatically. “It’s because snake hybrids are oviparous.” He grinned at Namjoon’s confused look, before waving a hand and leaning back. “Look it up later. Right now, we have a problem.” He sighed.

“What? Did Chen switch auction sights? What’s wrong?” Namjoon demanded, straightening up. Jaebum shook his head, eyes downcast as he tapped his cup.

“No. Chen is auctioning off two hybrids this time. Not one. And again, it’s going to be after all the normal guests have left and only the . . . questionable ones remain.” Namjoon cursed. Normally, this wouldn’t be a problem. Jaebum could easily afford two hybrids, he could probably buy up to twenty of them. The problem was, at these types of auctions you were only allowed one. And Namjoon couldn’t call anyone last minute like this, everyone would be booked. Which left him. He could see on Jaebum’s face that the other man fully expected him to come. Namjoon winced slightly.

“I promised Yoongi I would have a thorough talk with everyone before I rescued another hybrid.” He mumbled. Jaebum laughed, leaning back.

“And that very same day he called Jackson and called you the cutest dork in the history of dorks and said and I quote ‘Namjoon is lead by his heart. I can’t wait until I see who he brings home this time. But the sentiment was nice.’” Namjoon blinked owlishly, he supposed he should be offended by his boyfriends complete lack of faith in him, but wasn’t he proving him right? Here he was, about to go and get another hybrid from the brink of a truly horrible fate.

“Wow.” He snorted, Jaebum leaned forward expectantly and Namjoon grumbled, rolling his eyes as he pulled out his phone. “At least let me call him, Jesus, I should at least pretend that I feel guilty.” He grumbled. Jaebum smiled. The phone was barely ringing for ten seconds before a happy voice chirped out.

“Joonie! Joonie are you coming home? When? Can I have some strawberries?” It was Hoseok. Namjoon blinked before snorting.

“Um, no I’m not coming home just yet Hobi.” A faint whine of protest. “And ask Jin about the strawberries. Also, may I talk to Yoongi please?” He smiled. Jaebum grinned across the table. There was a small huff of disappointment and some shuffling before Yoongi’s soft yet deep voice filtered through the phone.

“You’re going with Jaebum to the auction aren’t you?” Then before Namjoon could even draw in a breath to answer the mink hybrid continued in his perpetually bored voice that he always used over the phone. “Are we going to have another housemate by tonight? Do I need to arrange for Taehyung to stay over at Minho’s for a sleepover? You remember how much he scared Jimin right?” Namjoon blinked once again, carefully filing each question and processing them before answering.

“Hmm, yes I am going to the auction and maybe about the new house member, no to Taehyung though, I think he’s resolved his impulse issues a bit.” Hearing Yoongi’s quiet snort of derision he sighed. “Give Tae the benefit of the doubt, Yoons.”

“Namjoon I love him to the moon and back and literally every time I see him I just want to kiss his little face until he’s very red, but he has no impulse control whatsoever.” Hearing Namjoon’s silence Yoongi groaned. “Fine! But if he traumatizes the poor hybrid I’m blaming you.” Namjoon laughed softly at him, Tae alwaysmeant well, the dog hybrid could just come off a bit strong.

“You do that. I love you Yoongi, tell the others I love them with all of my heart yeah?” A lot of stammering ensued and Namjoon grinned, knowing fully that he had probably just seriously flustered Yoongi (casually saying I love you over the phone always seemed toget to the mink hybrid) and he barely made out the mumbled reply of “Wh-whatever dork.” Before Yoongi hung up. Namjoon sat the phone down with another fond smile and began casually sipping on his tea lost in thought about the new hybrid and puzzling over what type of stuff he’d need for him/her when Jaebum spoke.

“So your coming?” He demanded. Namjoon nodded. “Great, I’ll pick you up at six p.m. sharp so don’t be late, dress casual but in obviously expensive clothes. You know the drill.”

Indeed Namjoon did.

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— 7:00 PM —

The auction began like any other auction fe rich people looking for a cute hybrid. Namjoon and Jaebum, both dressed in plain yet elegant suits were lead to their specific table in a wide well furnished room with a lovely stage that sellers would bring the hybrids out on to auction. No alcohol was given out, as that was highly illegal. Namjoon knee it would be served once the main guests were gone and the front of the auction was over allowing nastier people to come out and sell. Only a select few would be allowed to stay for that and Namjoon and Jaebum were of those few.

The first Hybrid was a a child. She looked around five or six, which meant she was three in human years, and she was a canary hybrid. Her master forced her to sing in a beautiful high pitched tinkling voice that would only get better with age. She sold for four million won.

After her came a bear, then a cow, then a lizard. All of them began to blend together and it wasn’t until he was signing his papersthat said he would remain anonymous that Namjoon knew the true event was starting. He sighed the paper without fear. Knowing full and well that Jaebum’s friend who went by Woozi, had hacked in and changed two or three words in the packet so that he could safely audio record.

He waited. Chen was one of the more known Hybrid Slave traffickers, he would be showing his hybrids close to last if not last. Namjoon just had to survive this and then he’d be able to bury these bastards. He took a deep breath and forced himself to watch as a small male badger hybrid was dragged in chains onstage with a heavy collar and forced to neel. He blocked out what the salesman was saying, instead focusing on those pitiful brown eyes and the watery nose. Forcing himself to commit the hybrid to memory. The one that he wouldn’t be saving tonight. The police would hopefully find him by tomorrow evening after Jaebum and Namjoon turned in their work. But it still hurt, watching the badger let loose a choked cry as he was bought by a hybrid breeder. Submissive males were always swooped up like that.

He forced himself to watch and remember each hybrid, each face. Each perfectly innocent person, not quite human not quite animal forever abused. He was infinitely relieved when it was announced.

“Next up is Chen with a submissive Arctic fox hybrid.” The announcer bragged. A tiny fox with large doe eyes was dragged up on stage by the man Namjoon so loathed and he barely heard Jaebum whisper, “I got him.” beside him through the raging in his ears and cottony taste in his mouth. Unlike the other hybrids the fox looked not scared, but tired. Defeated almost. As if he didn’t have any hope or joy left in his life.

He slumped quietly, ears twitching and flicking back and forth, his hair was a soft brown and thin, as was his tail. Namjoon knew that come winter the arctic foxes hair and fur would be a lot thicker and shimmering white. He could feel Jaebum continuously raising his sign signifying that he was a competitor. It upped the agression for the hybrid and made more people bet, which in turn, drove up the numbers. But eventually Jaebum was the only one left betting with another man.

He got the fox hybrid for ten million won. Namjoon’s eye twitched at the way the fox closed his eyes and shuddered slightly before dipping his head as Jaebum made his way back to where he would be filling out official documents and inserting an ownership identification chip into the hybrid. Namjoon wouldn’t do the chip part until he got the hybrids explicit consent. Consider it a pet pieve but if the hybrid he was about to get wanted to leave Namjoon would let him. He would only own a hybrid that gave him consent to being owned.

Chen himself took the microphone from the announcer this time.

“This next Hybrid is my work of art people. His parents were a dominant male black mamba hybrid and a submissive Red Rex female bunny hybrid.” Namjoon blinked in confusion. “As you all are probably well aware, breeding to hybrids with different sub base animals results in a hybrid that looks strange when compared to other hybrids of his kind, whether it be mismatched eyes or strange animal features. Please bring out Jeongguk, submissive male bunny hybrid mix breed!” Chen yelled gleefully. The room stirred, while Namjoon’s guy tightened with worry.

Bunny hybrids were pretty common in themselves, they and cat hybrids were the most common hybrids around. Almost all bunny hybrids had small box like body structures with ridiculously fluffy hair and normally black ears that stuck up proudly from their heads and twitched around depending on thei moods.

The hybrid that was dragged up on stage looked close to hyperventilating. He was dressed in form fitting shorts and a white tank top that revealed a thin slightly gangly structure that actually reminded Namjoon of Taehyung quite a bit. The hybrid seemed to possess all the good features of bunnies and none of the bad. With a slightly large nose and large front teeth, delicate cheekbones which hinted at his fathers blood and wife innocent doe eyes that were shelling with unshared tears. His hair was a dark brown with streaks of light brown and black in it giving him a mottled look. But what really grabbed the audiences attention was his ears. They were long, and unlike literally almost every other bunny hybrid, floppy, a soft golden/brown. But while everyone gasped overhow beautiful the hybrid was, Namjoon just saw the frightened gaze, the way his hands twitched in his chains and his red tear streaked cheeks that would probably be more on the babyish/chubby side once he wasn’t skin and bones. He noticed that the ends of the hybrids ears had a antibiotic cream rubbed into viscous looking sores as if the hybrid was constantly chewing or sucking on his ears.

Namjoon began the bidding. He refused to let anyone else have this little hybrid. It was like looking into Hoseok’s eyes when he was first rescued all over again, a mix of fear, pain and confusion. He was adamant. He quickly nicked over half the people out of the running and continued on ruthlessly, well aware that the money wasn’t anywhere near too expensive for him yet, and it wouldn’t be until he reached the high billions.

“Fifty -five million won!” The anouncer yelled as Namjoon raised his sign. He glanced around, seeing the disappointed looks around him and knew he’d won. “Going once! Twice! SOLD to number forty-seven please go to the back to fill out you right to ownership papers please sir! Have fun with your buy.”

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So what did you think for a beginning chapter? It’s fun right? I figured Jungkook joining them would be a great place to start! Love you!

Feel free to ask any questions or point out any mistakes I’ve made! I tend to not proof read enough so constructive criticism is helpful!

Part Two to Bunny Breath is HERE

If you want to see the rest of my AU’s then please make your way to my Masterlist HERE

#bts fanfction #bts fanfic #bangtan ot7 #hybrid au #bts hybrid au #bts hybrids #bunny kook #bunny jungkook #hybtid yoongi #hybrid hoseok #hybrid taehyung #hybrid jimin #hybrid jin #hybrid jungkook

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adollinthewood · 6 years

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Batchix Dark Elf Unboxing~

otherwise known as one very very late birthday present!! id been eyeing @batchixdolls‘s work for a while, and when i saw she was getting ready for another dark elf preorder, and that the preorder would open on my birthday... i just knew i had to have him..... so! time to meet cadfael:

!!!DOLL NUDITY UNDER CUT!!!

first off, a rather beat-up box. not to lie i was a tad worried

but there was a lot of padding! inside was a pretty bag, those weird air-pillow things, and some bubblewrap

out comes the bag, and theres also a smaller bag! as well as something in an individual bubblewrap layer...

SWORD!!!! (the small bubblewrap was a really cool resin sword that i now love so so much)

inside the little bag was the coa, and batchix's buisness card! i may or may not be thinking of using this bag to hold my favourite set of dice :3c

and, finally, i started to free cadfael from his wrappings...

oh my god...... i was sent a picture of his faceup by buff before she mailed him, but seeing it in person? i love it a whole lot... and his skin is such a nice light grey as well!!

i absolutely adore the new hands batchix sculpted for this round of elves. such lovely pointy nails~ he deserves some hand blushing me thinks...

and hes finally fully freed... hes able to kneel really well :0c

he stands too!! its a little bit finicky because his feet like to be close together. but overall it was easy to get him to stand. i love his sculpting!! he's the most realistically-proportioned doll ive gotten. im really a fan of it >:o

oh what beautiful profile... and one of the things i fell in love with... that nose...

...and then i went to put his eyes in and the top magnet on his headcap popped out. ill superglue it back in later

continuing on the small streak of bad luck, im apparently out of eye putty. :/ so heres me awkwardly holding his eyes in with my fingers. however he does look very nice with eyes in. im loving the dark purple i bought for him

temporary clothing so family doesnt have to look at his dong... its so big because its 1/3 size. hes fuckin Swimming in it

his hands get lost so easily in this coat. (its more like a robe on him honestly)

finally we have him sitting on a bookshelf. which is his home for the time being until i can get a doll stand. you can also see that i repurposed the elastics that were keeping the bubblewrap on his hands to keep said hands from dissapearing into the depths of his robe

im planning on making his outfit my first sewing project. hes meant to be in sort of an old norse-viking style outfit. my need for at least vague historical accuracy combined with his uncommon size makes me want to try and make his clothes myself

no wig yet as well because his hair is Super Long. gonna need a custom one overall, i adore him, and im so happy he finally arrived! hes so handsome ;o;

#bjd #legitbjd #batchix #batchix dark elf #my dolls

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mx-requests-forum · 6 years

Text

[Fulfilled] Of Coffee and Copy Machines

Prompt: Changki + Changkyun as a new english teacher very strict and serious (maybe a bit scary too) and Kihyun, other teacher, wants to seduce him (M) bottom!kyun also

Fulfilled by Moderator M~

Words: 3071 (so far!)

Warnings: There is no smut/M rating yet! (There will be in the continuation to fulfill the last part of the request ^^)

AO3 Link

Rubbing his hands against his face in an effort to wake himself up, Kihyun walked drowsily into the teacher’s lounge, eyes directed resolutely at the coffee pot. His students knew him as the charming, put-together Mr. Yoo, but before he could be the endlessly cheerful man about Korean History at 8 AM, he needed his coffee at 7:25. Grateful that somebody else had already made a pot before him, Kihyun poured out a large serving into his travel mug, adding only a splash of cream and sugar before screwing the lid on. He brought the mug up to his mouth and took one gulp, quickly followed by another. Better.

“Did you hear about the new guy?” a familiar voice called from beside him, and Kihyun jolted a bit, his eyes flashing over to the man who had somehow teleported beside him. Leaning against the counter was Minhyuk, one of his teacher friends, his slightly tired eyes sparkling with interest. Kihyun quirked a brow and shook his head. “Some of the D-wing teachers saw him getting a tour of the building, apparently he’s a foreigner and is scary as fuck,” Minhyuk informed Kihyun, whispering the last bit in case there were any students milling around outside the room.

“Hm,” Kihyun responded, taking another sip from his coffee and slowly waking up bit by bit. “Sounds interesting, I’ll be sure to welcome him to the school if I see him,” he said, faking enthusiasm mostly to annoy his friend. Minhyuk rolled his eyes, resting his designer shirt-wearing elbows against the not quite clean counter surface.

“He doesn’t sound like the type I would want to talk to personally, but you do you, sweetie,” Minhyuk said, smiling smugly down at Kihyun before grabbing a powdered donut and making his exit. Kihyun rolled his eyes, but wasn’t the least bit offended- he knew Minhyuk, and this kind of talk was child’s play at this point. Clearly the new guy was a bit intimidating, but Minhyuk wouldn’t have told him if he didn’t think the dude was at least a bit interesting. Kihyun sipped his coffee again, actually looking forward to meeting him.

As if on cue, a strange man walks into the longue with slightly tentative steps, glancing around before fully walking in, as if he wasn’t totally confident he belonged in the room. This must be the new guy, and judging by his all-black, edgy ensemble and completely deadpan expression, Kihyun could see why people might be a bit intimidated. He was young, too, probably a few years younger than Kihyun, and incredibly fashionable. Intrigued, Kihyun approaches him, putting on his bright, teacher smile and walking up to the man.

“Hi there, I can see that you’re a new teacher here, so on behalf of my fellow educators: welcome to our school!” Kihyun politely greeted, sticking out his hand and looking the man perfectly in the eye. He stiffened under Kihyun’s gaze, but his eyes stared perfectly into Kihyun’s, something very poised and calculated about his posture.

“Hello,” the stranger greeted- in English. Kihyun wasn’t intimidated. “I’m Im Changkyun, I’m going to be teaching English I and II this year,” he greeted, finally grabbing Kihyun’s hand and shaking it, his stance and words so perfect and stiff that Kihyun could practically see the authoritarian way he ran his class. He was obviously the serious type, but what surprised Kihyun was how deathly sultry and seductive Changkyun’s voice was. He was practically drowning in the rich, sultry tones of his voice. It took him a few seconds to process that his sexy voice had said words in Korean, and he smiled as he quickly collected himself.

“It’s nice to meet you, Mr. Im. I’m Yoo Kihyun. Is this your first year teaching?” Kihyun asked, laughing a bit in an attempt to lighten the mood and distract himself from how ridiculously attractive this man was up close. Changkyun was so young, and it wouldn’t have been a stretch to assume he was this professional and stiff to cover up his nerves. But, being so close… he couldn’t tell from far away, but damn, this man was wasted as a teacher- he could easily model for any brand on the market. His body was slim and shapely, but it went beyond that. His face was stunningly handsome, his eyes sharp and intelligent whenever their gazes would meet. His features were unique and a treat to look at, and nothing about him was standard in the slightest. Kihyun licked his lips slowly, his mind getting slightly distracted as he realized that he hadn’t been on a date in months…

“It’s actually my fifth year teaching, but it is my first one here, that part you’re right about,” Changkyun replied, his tone flat and serious. “I’m very proud of my accomplishments as a teacher, and my dedication to my profession is what led me to getting hired at this school,” he added, and Kihyun flustered slightly, straightening and re-straightening his posture as he attempted to formulate a reply. He was a lot more professional and intense than Kihyun had anticipated.

“Ah, I see, sorry for assuming,” Kihyun said, smiling warmly before stepping away from the man, trying to shrug off what could only be a miscommunication. “Let me know if you ever need anything, I’d be more than happy to help,” he said, nodding once before walking out of the lounge. Changkyun nodded as well, giving Kihyun a thoughtful look as he exited the room.

“I’ll keep that in mind,” he mysteriously replied, and that was the end of their first interaction. The rest of Kihyun’s day went by far quicker than he anticipated, but despite its speed, he was still exhausted by the time 3:00 rolled around- having to make the same introductory speech six times to 140 strangers tended to do that to a person. Rubbing the back of his neck with his hand, Kihyun walked down the hallway, his posh shoes clicking on the cheap tile. He had to make some copies of a hand-out he had prepared for class the next day, and was headed to the copy room before he went home.

“Ah, Mr. Yoo. Could I ask for your assistance with the copy machine?” a deep, rumbling voice called as he entered the printer-filled room. Kihyun’s eyes flickered to the only other current occupant, and he nodded slowly as he recognized the voice’s owner- the frighteningly handsome new teacher.

“Of course! It’s really easy, here,” Kihyun began, walking up behind Changkyun and tapping some controls on the machine. He stood rather close behind him, realizing distractedly that they were the exact same height. “Just set the document text-down onto the scanner- yep, like that, and then scroll to these settings. Now type in how many copies you want to make and there you have it!” Throughout his demonstration, Kihyun’s arm had been touching Changkyun’s, and he distractedly noticed just how nice it felt to touch another person. God damn, he was touch starved.

“T-thank you,” Changkyun replied, his voice soft and clearly trembling. Kihyun looked down at him, seeing the flush to his cheeks and how pretty his eyelashes looked as he stared down at the copy machine. It was a vast change from how he’d seen him earlier, so composed and strict. In that moment, Kihyun felt his heart surge with a shocking fluttering of attraction, his chest tightening and eyes sparkling with a strange sense of hopefulness. Maybe Changkyun was feeling similar attraction, and Kihyun leaned a little bit closer, resisting the urge to brush his hand against Changkyun’s arm.

“It’s no problem, seriously, I don’t mind helping a fellow teacher out,” Kihyun replied, smiling a bit. God, and his mannerisms were so cute, too. He was easy to read like this, cutely looking down at the copy machine and politely saying his thanks.

“Well, that’s all I needed,” Changkyun suddenly concluded, his voice stern and resolute, and Kihyun blinked several times, frowning a bit in confusion. He was acting just like he had this morning, all stiff words and leaving no room for argument. Kihyun clenched his jaw tightly, his expression turning from adoring to put off in record time. Obviously, he had come here for a purpose besides helping Changkyun, not that the boy saw that.

“Uh… okay,” Kihyun replied, nodding his head and walking away from him with unhurried steps. He passive-agressively decided to hover just a few feet away, and watched as Changkyun did his copying, his eyes unconsciously drifting down his body and noticing with slightly guilty eyes that the man’s ass was absurdly large in proportion to his legs. He was slender in general, but his ass was… well, it was plump and luxuriously plush-looking, like his hand would disappear if he were to press his palm against it—Okay. Time to stop thinking like that.

Kihyun rapidly prostrated his back, his cheeks dusting pink as he realized that he’d actually been fantasizing about touching his coworker’s ass. Not only that, but he actually found him cute earlier, and… yep, he still found him pretty damn attractive now. Even after his admittedly cold behavior. Not quite knowing what to do with this information, Kihyun consciously makes the effort to think about something else- that kid in the back of his classroom during fourth period, with the weird bandages all over his legs. He clearly wasn’t a sports player, so why was he so banged up?

Content to think about that instead, Kihyun almost doesn’t notice when Changkyun starts collecting his copies and making his way out of the room. Kihyun watches him as he leaves, shocked when the man actually bows his head at him and gives him a look of gratitude before exiting the room. Huh… and Kihyun pegged him as the egotistical type. Maybe he was a bit more complying than he initially came off.

Truly intrigued, Kihyun makes his way over to the copy machine and does what he came here to do, his mind filled with thoughts of this new teacher and all of his mysteriousness. Maybe he was the answer to Kihyun’s recent loneliness, or maybe he was just an interesting new friend, but either way- Kihyun was dying to get to know him better.

They’d met a few times over the following week, greeting each other in the hall and teacher’s lounge. Changkyun had even summoned him from his room during their shared free period, and Kihyun had helped him figure out the school’s grading software. Kihyun never outright flirted with him, but they shared looks and dialogue that bordered on it often. The more Kihyun saw Changkyun, the more he wanted to break every code of conduct that prohibited him from outright seducing him like he so desired.

Throughout the week, besides appreciating Changkyun’s sensuality, Kihyun also learned bits and pieces of Changkyun’s life, finding out that while he was a strict teacher, he was a caring son to his parents. He was funny sometimes, too. Cracking jokes in English that probably would’ve went over the other teachers’ heads, but Kihyun was pretty confident in his grasp on the language and caught the sexual innuendo, much to Changkyun’s pleasant surprise. It was a new thing to look forward to, a daily treat that made Kihyun excited to go to work every day. Now it wasn’t just the thrill of expanding the knowledge and perceptions of his students, but the thrill of expanding his own knowledge and perception of Changkyun.

The following Monday, after a rather sad weekend of working on lessons for class and overall being alone in his house, Kihyun was excited to get back to work for a number of reasons. He showed up a bit earlier than usual, making a fresh pot of coffee with an energy he hadn’t felt this early in the day in a decade. As the coffee was brewing, Kihyun turned to face the door, half-expecting to see Changkyun pop in any minute. He normally wasn’t here this early, but Kihyun couldn’t help himself. Changkyun was new, interesting… incredibly attractive. He wanted to talk to him again, and it’s not like they’d exchanged phone numbers or anything.

Suddenly, the door opened, and a man walked through wearing dark purple and black, his dark hair falling into his eyes in a way that shouldn’t have been so ridiculously alluring to Kihyun in that moment, but it was. He smiled a bit when he saw Kihyun, and Kihyun’s heart pounded in his ears. He felt like one of his high-schoolers, head over heels for a person they’d just met, and he couldn’t even hate himself for it, not when Changkyun gave that crooked, cute little smirk-smile to him at 7:15 AM on Monday.

“Good morning, Mr. Im,” Kihyun greeted, watching as the man walked beside him, grabbing a powdered donut and napkin from the tray beside him. He took a few bites of the sugary treat, and Kihyun diverted his gaze back to the coffee pot, watching the dark liquid drip into the pot.

“Morning,” Changkyun replied after a few bites, and Kihyun looked up at just the right moment to watch him dip his fingers into his mouth, sucking the sugary powder from his fingertips in a way that was definitely too erotic for school. Inhaling sharply, Kihyun diverted his gaze, his cock actually twitching in his pants. Fuck, right now? Really dick?

“Are you attracted to me?” Changkyun whispered lowly, his voice completely devoid of emotion and making Kihyun damn near choke on his next breath of air after just a few simple words. Kihyun glanced around the room, seeing that nobody was within ear shot. He looked back over to Changkyun, trying to get anything out of his expression but he couldn’t. Changkyun was looking at him almost passively, as if the answer to his question really didn’t matter. The slight tinge of pink on his cheeks betrayed his otherwise calm façade, and Kihyun risked a noncommittal reply.

“What led you to that conclusion?” Kihyun asked, realizing belatedly that he’d put on his teacher voice and was talking just as Changkyun had spoken to him. Changkyun hummed, but he didn’t answer right away, instead choosing to lick his fingers again, the gesture completely lewd and now obviously intentional.

“You watch my mouth,” Changkyun began, and it sent a chill down Kihyun’s spine. “My lips, usually. But sometimes my tongue,” he continued, and his voice was low and sultry, as if he were admitting to a great secret. “Those are usually mannerisms associated with attraction,” he concluded, and flashed Kihyun a cheeky look, his dark eyes sparkling in the crappy lighting of the lounge. Kihyun frowned a bit, honestly having not noticed that he did that. He admired many parts of Changkyun, it was hard to notice a particular fixation, but now that he’d mentioned it… yes, Changkyun had nice lips. They weren’t plump or round, but very pretty and almost feminine. Kihyun rather liked them.

“Hm, maybe I do. I didn’t notice,” Kihyun replied, shrugging a bit. He couldn’t tell if Changkyun wanted him to be attracted to him or not, so he didn’t risk anything just yet. Changkyun’s façade broke a bit, and he scrunched his eyebrows together, his cheeks reddening just slightly. Clearly Kihyun’s reply had frustrated him.

“No… you most definitely do. Quite often. It’s quite unprofessional, really,” Changkyun replied, and his gaze dropped to the floor in a way Kihyun couldn’t tell was discomfort or attraction. Kihyun opted for taking a safer route, not wanting to make a coworker feel uncomfortable at work.

“I can stop doing that, then, if that’s what you want,” Kihyun replied, even though he wasn’t totally sure he could. Changkyun flustered a bit, a sudden panic filling his eyes that made Kihyun’s chest throb.

“N-No, wait,” he suddenly said, eyes darting around the room. “I just meant that it’s not professional for school,” he elaborated, but he said nothing else, leaving Kihyun to come to the proper conclusion on his own.

“Would you like my number then?” Kihyun ventured, quirking a brow and smiling flirtatiously at the other man. Changkyun brought a hand to his face, eyes flashing down to the counter as he thought about the question.

“This is very unbecoming between teachers,” Changkyun replied, but he pulled something out of his pocket, handing a strip of paper to Kihyun and immediately walking out of the room, leaving one last sentence to grace Kihyun’s ear. “And this never happened,” he added, as if concerned that they’d somehow get fired for exchanging phone numbers. Kihyun chuckled a bit, looking at the piece of paper thoughtfully. It was wrinkled, and clearly had been folded multiple times, as if Changkyun had been thinking about doing this for a while but had been going back and forth on his decision to actually do it. How cute.

Pulling out his phone, Kihyun clicked the ‘Add New Contact’ button and put Changkyun’s number into his phone. He wasn’t the type for prolonging things like this, and quickly sent Changkyun a text.

>Yoo Kihyun Hello Mr. Im! This is Yoo Kihyun. Thank you for giving me your number, I’m looking forward to getting to know you better.

He debated adding an emoji to the end but decided to just keep it professional for now. Changkyun seemed more comfortable that way, anyway. Less than a minute passed before Kihyun got a reply, and he bit his lip on a smile as he took a sip of his coffee.

>Im Changkyun Hello. I wasn’t expecting you to send a text so quickly.

>Im Changkyun I’m flattered.

Kihyun’s smile widened and he quickly typed out a reply.

>Yoo Kihyun I couldn’t help myself~

Quickly putting his phone away, Kihyun grabbed his coffee and made his way to his room. He was already starting to feel hot, and an overwhelming sense of pride and accomplishment filled him as he started laying out his materials for class that day. Now that they could communicate privately, he could actually flirt and seduce Changkyun exactly as he wanted. He hadn’t been this excited to have a man’s number in ages, and it was fascinating that he was feeling this way for the cold, serious, and professional Im Changkyun. Maybe he was a bit crazy, but he couldn’t wait to see where this was going~

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xthirteensummersx · 3 years

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I need a safe space where I can express my emotions in writing about whats been going on in my head in regard to my current relationship. I have someone I can talk to at least but I feel like I think things through better in writing.

Honestly all the real problems started when we moved away from his hometown. I wanted to start our own life together somewhere away from the toxicity that is his hometown and at the time he felt the same so we made the plans I managed to find us a place by myself and secure myself a stable enough job that we could move out.

First he had trouble finding a job and that was fine and dandy but about 3 weeks in hes starting to get really down and depressed working there, so I did make the suggestion of looking somewhere else and leaving that job if he wanted as the job I had at the time was paying me more than enough to cover all our bills on my own. So he left that job and he goes a few months without finding a job still it definitely didn't feel like he was looking that hard but I have given him the benefit of the doubt because it was a very different job market there than what he was used to.

Then he decided he wanted to go to school, I've done the school thing, I've failed twice. I really wanted him to succeed where I didn't so I told him straight up that if he wanted to go to school I didn't want him working I wanted him to just be able to focus on the school no pressure and so thats what he did.

Couple more months pass and he gets into an online program despite my suggestions of on campus as a more focused experience but he was determined to do it online so I trusted him. Everyday I asked him how it was and how it was going asking if I could help, I covered all the bills and let him do his thing. All the while he's getting increasingly stressed out when I do see him working or he isn't working at all and just grinding his games. I figured whatever I've made it clear that I'm here if he needs me everytime I bug him he just snaps at me.

Until eventually he tells me he wants to drop out. I told him if thats what he wanted all I ask is that he looks for a job immediately he agrees. I didn't try to make him feel bad as like I said I've failed twice and wouldn't have wanted my loved ones to rub it in my face or nothing so I wouldn't do that. I firmly live by the treat others the way you want to be treated mentality at least until recently.

Anyways we were in that city for almost 2 years and he only worked those first 3 weeks and I covered everything that whole time always hoping he'd get a job in the next week. Then finally he gets an interview and things look promising until covid hit and it was downhill from there. They never called him back after the interview because they ended up going out of business a few months into quarantine.

So money got tight as my pay took quite a hit since my job at the time was not suited for quarantine conditions. We started fighting a lot until eventually he says he wants to move back to his hometown so we can start a family because he misses his.

At this point I considered it a pretty equal trade because there have been a lot of things that I have wanted out of my relationship but I had not recieved a single one of those things yet and although he had already promised this when we originally moved to Niagara Falls (His conditions in general was that we had to be making decent money and had our own place which we would have met the criteria in Niagara as soon as he had landed a job) but the promise of finally maybe getting to have a baby like I've always wanted was being dangled in front of me and that is well worth trading in a great job and a great place that was relatively inexpensive that we called our own. So we moved back to his hometown.

Now we are in the middle of quarantine when we do this, I use up all of my savings to move us there so that we can rent a room (with no door) at his sisters place until we can find a place to rent of our own or get enough to but a house whatever comes first, we only planned on staying a max of 6 months.

He was able to find a job almost immediately but for whatever reason I had a really hard time, and in the beginning he was pretty supportive of me insisting that I could use the break (although I could use it im not the type that feels safe unless I have stable income so I was frantically looking everyday) but it only took a couple weeks before he changed his tune asking why I didn't have as much money saved as I had when we were first got there (I have more expenses then him like OSAP payments from when I flunked out of college but to me that's besides the point I never harassed him about money when he wasn't working but now he was doing it to me and thats what bugged me) which caused more fighting between us, everytime I would tell him that something he did upset me he would just tell me that he isn't responsible for how I feel about things and that I'm just being emotional. Now I do have BPD so I am emotional and I am fully aware that I blow things out of proportion a lot of the time. But I'm pretty good at handling it like I can say "I don't like when you say/do *this* it make me feel like *this(usually some synonym for bad)* something I learned from taking DBT and CBT phrasing thats meant to prevent me from blowing up but when he responds with *I shouldn't have to filter myself* I tend to lose it because I was literally trained how to communicate and no matter how hard I tried it felt like he would not listen. Especially when it comes to me feeling like an equal in the relationship. Which leads us to the next thing that was something I wanted out of the relationship, I want us to have a car so I can go for my license again. Since I finally got a job at the other end of town I brought this up again seeing as in our new circumstances of living with his sister his promises of starting a family were out of the question so to me it was a compromise.

He wants to get a used car, I'm fine with a used car but I don't want to wait forever and I do like the assurance of longevity of a newer car. He agreed and had me start looking at used cars(he always makes me look at cars and places when we've looked at vehicles and places he refuses to help or do it himself) so I did, I would send him a couple options a day and he would find a problem with every single one. Then after the first day I ended up not having a ride home from work which happened to be in a snow storm where I found out that it is a 2 hour walk from my workplace to my home, I insisted he at least go and look at the pricing of some new cars and give it a chance because we could get into a vehicle much sooner. And he agreed and made an appointment.

This is kinda where the story climaxes, so when we first moved back to his hometown I still managed to keep a whopping 1500$ saved as my contribution to the car. And by the time the appointment came i had, had to dip into it a bit so I only had 1200$ but I knew I would have more by the end of the month to ad on top of my savings anyways so I wasn't worried about it.

Anyways so we are walking to the dealership its about a 1 hour walk away but he decided to book the appointment for 45 minutes after he was done work. So as soon as he got home we were out the door again. At the start of this walk I was so happy, ecstatic even, I was finally getting something I was finally feeling heard and I was finally feeling like an equal then he asked me as we were walking "How much do you have saved for the car?"

So the first thing I told him was that it was hard to say exactly as I still had a couple pays I would be getting and would have more by the end of the month but I have no idea how much is be getting paid so I wouldn't be able to say exactly what I would have saved.

He immediately gets angry with me saying that I should have MORE than $1500 saved even though I'd been without work until probably 3 weeks prior and still contributing to all the bills. And then asked me again specifically he said "How much do you have in your savings right now?" So I told him 1200 because in that moment thats exactly how much I had, and that was completely unacceptable. So I got on the defensive because I was doing my best here and him shaming me for it was not going to remedy the situation. Then he was upset that I was upset with him, it was unreasonable for me to be angry about him getting mad about my savings. So I finally asked how much he had saved and he said $1000. Which made me right ticked off because to me after all I did in the past 2 years with and for him, he was getting mad when he still didn't even have as much saved as me. Then it became a blame game and I escalated into me letting out a single scream, not at him, I get overwhelmed and I need to release that extra energy to calm myself down I had even walked away from him so I could do it, I had tried to walk away from the conversation before I had gotten that far but he refused to let me. Either way there was a moment of silence before he told me he was breaking up with me. On the side of a road, in the middle of an argument, on our way to pick up the one thing that I was finally supposed to be getting for myself, he decides to end it.

At this point it was literally like the whole world was collapsing around me all my emotions were on top volume and 8 could hardly breath or think. I called a friend to pick me up and I told them everything that had happened, they assured me that they believed I was in the right in this situation and maybe if I hadn't yelled and maybe if I didn't have BPD I would've believed that first but I felt I was equally to blame for what happened either way. Now because I'm living with him and we have no door and I didn't have any place else to go I had to go back to his sisters to go to bed, but I was anxious mess and didn't end up being able to sleep the whole night. And he slept next me totally fine and if I hadn't broken down the next morning we probably would've stayed broken up.

But I begged.

Like really fucking begged, I'm still ashamed of it, but I love him, I've been in love with him for 4 years now, he's the person I wanted to have kids with a life with, I didn't invest all this time to just let him go like I have with guys in the past. He's only the second person I ever slept with and the first guy was only one time and it was a very disappointing experience so there was and still is a lot of fear about even knowing if I could feel the same way about someone else the way I feel like him.

He gave me a condition, that I see a doctor and get my BPD and Anxiety under wraps with medication. And so in the hopes of maybe helping myself in the process I agree. Because I figure at the very least if I go on medication he can no longer use my extreme emotions as his defense.

I have been on this new medication for 3 weeks now, and knock-on-wood im feeling pretty good these days emotions wise. I don't quite feel like myself but its still early I think I'm just in the process of relearning who I am on a less emotional level. But there are things that are still bugging me about the relationship things I have brought up in the past and he's said he would try to do better with but has not.

Here's a short list of some of these things:

Using "You can't bring up the past to defend himself when I bring up points of behavior that prove that he has been doing certain things to me still despite me saying its unwelcome.

His "Rules" they themselves are not the problem they are definitely reasonable, my problem is that if I break any of the rules its an immediate guilt trip (more like a stern look and some huffing to be clear he doesn't hit me or nothing and he's only actually yelled AT me 2 times in our whole relationship but he's very good at making me feel like I've done something horrible when I havent) he however is allowed to break his rules as apparently they do not apply to him only me. I.e. I have to make my side of the bed if I so much as leave it to run to the washroom but he can leave his side unmade when he goes to work. None of my stuff is allowed on his side of the bed even when he's not home but everytime I come home from work I have to pick up his stuff that strewn across my side (I have lots more examples but ill leave it at that)

My money is constantly monitored but if I ask him how much he's got "its not important information right now".

I only get affection on his terms not my own. If I want a kiss I literally have to jump through hoops to get it whether I'm the one leaving for work or he is, its always just a joke to him he will barely even give me just a regular sweet kiss its always him trying to gross me out in the process.

I never get hugs like ever (literally I've had 1.5 in the 4 years we've been together)

Continuous empty promises, hes now getting what he wants and in a week or so we should have a used car but I'm not sure I want to be a part of that anymore but we'll see on that. We still aren't in a situation where we can have kids and despite his numerous times assuring me he wants out of his sisters place as much as I do when I recently asked about looking for a place he said "That won't be for awhile so its not important".

And the biggest issue I'm having is even with the new meds ever since the break up I now live in this endless fear that I could say one wrong thing and he'll just leave.

To be clear we've talked about a lot of these things recently again as the new meds have made it easier to be firm about what I want out of this relationship I even went as far as to ask him to at least go talk to a doctor himself and he told me "He doesn't believe meds work" which led me down a huge mental spiral but I'm working through it. Other than that he did say once again he was going to try harder but right now I feel like I'm performing a dangerous balancing act on the fence of my life.

I still love him and thats the biggest thing holding me together right now but there are a lot more things to take into consideration im thinking more and more about how I want my kids to grow up, and I can't help but wonder if he can make me, the person he loves, even if unintentionally feel as bad and worthless as he's made me feel before what if our child felt the same way. Or the fact he has very opposing views than me on gender and sexuality and what happens if he continues to believe what he does and we have a kid who's gender neutral or trans and he makes them feel unloved and unacceptable because they don't fit into his little box of what he wants.

I don't know what I want anymore.

I don't know what to do anymore.

I honestly don't know why I want it to work so bad. Maybe its because its been 4 years but for me despite my love for him and a great handful of some pretty pleasant times, I've been relatively unhappy.

I pray that the universe may help me on the right path because I'm having a hard time distinguishing it myself.

#about me #personal #love life #boyfriend troubles #drama #seeking advice #willing to listen if anyone wants to offer insight

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myjackiejackie01 · 8 years

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“Thwarted” Chapter 50 Review

@perrydowning cuz im late and i suck and migraines and lack of sleep and aaaaaaaah

note: *this was half-written last night BUT I fell asleep xD*

God, I'm so exhausted. I know I told you on Tumblr I'd sleep first. And I did and woke up again and planned on heading back to sleep but you must remember IT'S MONDAY WHICH MEANS THWARTED UPDATES AND I THINK WE ALL KNOW WHAT CHAPTER IT IS!!!! Plus I'm horribly behind on my commenting schedule, must fix that.

AND IT IS!! OUR BELOVED REY HAS AWAKENED FROM HER COMA!! *throws confetti* BUT before I dive into that, let's address a few things of Galactic Idiotic proportions.

I'm actually very glad that Kylo has finally come back to sanity, even though he's now a depressing little bean whose accepted the situation he's in and pretty much ready to kick the bucket whenever Rey does. I was worried for him for a bit. We all know Rey survives, but just seeing him going bat-shit crazy because she wasn't there was heartbreaking, but again, necessary. We needed to see him at his absolute worst before we can see him at his best. It was nice to see him take back his death threats on his medical staff's families, though. However, I do wish that he'd apologize to Vitok already. It's still a bit early after he hit her and the wound is still fresh, but better to apologize now than to wait. I dunno if she'd accept his apology though. She seems the forgiving type, so I think she would, but dunno if she would right away. Unfortunately for our Galactic Idiot, he's done quite a lot of damage in Rey's absence, and he's going to need to do a LOT of work, I think, to win/earn it back after his little tantrum. I also don't think though he's fully acknowledging the damage he's done; it's strange to explain in words, but I find it very similar to how he treated his earlier relationship with Rey after he first captured her. He was aware what he was doing is wrong, knew his actions hurt her, acknowledged them briefly but then he'd push them to the back of his mind. Like after Rey wakes up from her coma, he's elated to have her back and wants to savour their reunion before telling her what he's done and is all but pushing that aside because I think he knows the consequences that will follow. He very much tip-toeing around what he's been up to Rey since she's been MIA.

I must say I'm actually very surprised at Hux. He's showing an admirable amount of self-control in Kylo Ren's presence, especially since it's clear he has already found out about his little no-no he did on Eshara. Given that it's been established that he and Vitok are basically in a relationship (#TeamVitux) and spend quite a bit of their free time together, I'm surprised he hasn't stunned his idiotic boss to Hell and back like he did last time (though last time Kylo WAS rocking the entire ship). Though Hux's restraint could also mean that he's biding his time and waiting for the perfect opportunity to strike. After all, he's just a general. Kylo is undoubtedly the strongest Force-user there is, and getting the jump on him would prove to be very difficult. Better to wait and catch him off guard.

Right, now onto Rey.

REY HAS RETURNED TO US!!! *hugs her and never lets go* I'm so happy Rey is back, because now Kylo can stop acting like a moppy, crazy psycho that nearly jumped off the deep-end that's now a depressed little bean ready to join his (not dead) love in the Force. Their little reunion was precious. It's obvious Kylo loves her and just having her back is enough for him. BUT like I mentioned earlier, Kylo is tip-toeing and Rey is unaware that her beau has been busy killing people in her name for the sake of vengeance for her. Like I mentioned before, once Rey finds out, she's gonna have a lot to think about, both about herself and Kylo and the future of their relationship and what she's blinded to. But for now she can be happy that she's been reunited with her lovely thirsty Galactic Idiot.

I'm so happy our two space cupcakes have been reunited and are back in each other's arms... BUT I am finding myself more excited for what's to come next, like if we'll see momma Solo anytime soon now that Kylo's reached out to her (though I know the answer ;) ), when or whether or not Vitok will forgive Kylo in the near future, how well Rey and Lann Tren's reunion will go (I'm taking bets now: HORRIBLY) AND the repercussions of Kylo's actions when Rey finds out what he did while she was MIA and where their relationship will go from there. I'm all for fluff and lemons(?) for now, BUT while it MURDERED MY SPIRIT, I very much enjoyed the Kylo Ren Pain banquet you treated us to. But we DO need breaks from the angst. Now while writing sounds really nice, I'm gonna go head off and sleep (again xD), since my sleeping schedule has been shit and I should really REALLY fix it. This Monday has been particularly merciless today, BUT Thwarted never fails to make me smile and brighten my day.

See you in 51!!

Happy writing!!

#thwarted #perrydowning #story reviews #fic updates #reylo

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afearing · 6 years

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since apparently theres no consequences for delivering unto this website extremely long and good takes i will present to you my hot take on the ace d'escourse, with no sources because I Dont Feel Like It. its more words than is reasonable bc i have been stewing in this for like 4 years and if i dont type it out at some point im going to fucking lose it. no, literally, it’s 3 pages long in word about shit no one cares about anymore. please remember to like and subscribe.

some background on me, i id’d as ace for something like 8 years, from the first time i read the wikipedia page on it back in maybe 2009 or thereabouts. i also id’d as aro for about a year in 2016. that is to say, i have a lot of compassion and understanding for asexual individuals and feel i understand the inclusionist side of the argument pretty well, as i never questioned inclusionism until maybe 2014 or so, when the discourse blew up. i took some time off tumblr because i was so fucking distraught to think that, as i id’d as aroace at the time, that i had to come to terms with not being lgbt. lol i was a little too attached to being ‘gay’ because... fun fact, past dumbass self... you are gay. anyway, i really dont want anyone to feel that i hate them, but after i cooled off a little bit i realized that the exclusionist take on asexuality just makes more sense. hopefully i can explain why clearly enough.

i really believe that what is understood as aphobia is 100% of the time simply a manifestation of our culture’s expectations surrounding sexuality. while “expectations surrounding sexuality” as a very broad topic does indeed cover both the lgbt community and people on the ace spectrum, facing these issues does NOT make a person lgbt. i subscribe to the idea that lgbt is for people targeted directly by homophobia and transphobia. ace issues ARE super important to talk about and the whole inclus/exclus nonsense is entirely because this discourse has been put under the wrong category. im aware that probably most people will not care that much about my opinion on the correct framing of asexual activism as i no longer id as ace but i think this is important for everyone. sexual expectations also weigh on straight individuals, especially women, and i’m going to describe a few examples to try to demonstrate why i believe both that it doesn’t make sense to consider asexuality lgbt as well as why it does make sense to frame it as an issue based mainly in misogyny.

call out post for myself, i use reddit, and i think the r/childfree community is a good example of what i think the framing should be like. although it’s acknowledged that not wanting children has larger social consequences for women, both men and women talk about their issues in the forum, including horrific accounts of reproductive coercion and rape, the intersections with race/being lgbt/ageism (although they could do a LOT better with intersectionality, many posters do touch upon it), profoundly cruel comments made by those who have/want children, difficulty finding an understanding relationship partner, discrimination at work, misunderstandings and even hatred from family and acquaintances, discrimination in healthcare, etc.

i think you can tell where i’m going with this. even though being childfree cuts against the expectations for sexuality in most societies, even though it leads to unfair judgment from others, and even though they face discrimination on the basis of the way they express their sexuality, childfree people do NOT frame parenthood/childfreedom as an axis of oppression, nor do they claim that their lack of desire for children makes them lgbt. it’s not even a question if straight childfree people are straight, because duh? nor if the presence of lgbt childfree people makes the whole community fall under the lgbt umbrella, because it obviously doesn’t.

to drive the point home, the reason why this is NOT an axis of oppression is because parents face a ton of issues as well! they also face reproductive coercion as well as judgment over the number of kids they have, constant scrutiny and moralization over every aspect of their parenthood style, judgment based on parents’ age/wealth/sexuality/marital or dating status/race, housing and employment discrimination, especially for mothers, the government hating poor parents and cutting their benefits, and more i’m sure i’m not thinking of. again, this is due to societal expectations of sexuality. to complete the analogy, people who aren’t ace face their own set of challenges and discrimination. part of homophobia/biphobia is tinged with hatred of our sexual attraction; no one except for straight white men is allowed to really express their sexuality without backlash, and even then there is this shame leading to a lack of proper sex ed and horribly unhealthy understandings of sexual attraction in a large portion of the populace. so calling aphobia an axis of oppression is just not right. and in addition, the large proportion of lgbt aces doesn’t make asexuality lgbt, that’s not how groups work.

some more on what i mean by ‘expectations around sexuality’... in terms of my experience in the US, there is some blueprint in many people’s minds of what a person should be like in terms of sexuality, and that is something like “cishet, abled man, who is neither ace nor aro, who gets laid regularly (but not to excess) starting no later than 18 and ending no later than 28 when he settles down with one cishet abled wife, also neither ace nor aro, who has only had sex with up to three committed boyfriends, and they have precisely two children, approximately two years apart in age, whom the parents can financially and emotionally support to the utmost, because they are also moderately to very well off, and the parents work under traditional gender roles to raise their children as conventionally as possible.” and if you deviate from this script in ANY way that’s viewed with moral panic and scrutiny by someone. and the connection to misogyny is that women are seen as sort of the bastions of sexual morality. we are punished especially harshly for nonconformity.

if you’re poor you’re fucked because either you don’t have kids or you can’t send them off to private schools and feed them fancy organic shit. if you’re lgbt or polyamorous or aro or ace? fucked! if you dare to reproduce as a disabled person, and if your disability impacts your parenthood, especially for women, you’re practically crucified even in liberal circles. if you have too few kids or too many (don’t you know only kids turn out weird? / how can you possibly raise 5 children properly?), if you have too much sex or too little, if you split up the work in your relationship not along gender lines, if you do unconventional things in your parenthood, like accept your trans kids or move a lot or any number of other things, the social judgment rains down like the fires of fucking hell. meaning practically no one can escape it!! huge bonus to the screaming crowd with pitchforks if you’re a person of color or a woman, mega ultra bonus to women of color.

but does that make everyone i just talked about lgbt? no! although every single one of the groups i mentioned is tangentially related through this issue, even though all of them face a lot of horrible problems and discrimination, that does not make those issues inherently lgbt. again, they are tangentially related and i could see a good case for solidarity among many of the groups mentioned; all of them are fighting for greater acceptance of different kinds of relationships, greater acceptance of seeking happiness and being who you are rather than pressuring everyone to conform as much as possible to the LifeScript. but all of those groups are equally related to the lgbt community - that is, tangentially only. just as you can be childfree and straight, a stay-at-home dad and straight, a straight woman of color, so too can you be polyamorous and straight, ace and straight, or aro and straight.

that’s it for my main point. ace and aro people? your lives are hard. i’m not going to downplay it in any way because i know there are a lot of people who actually hate your guts. fuck, i’ve seen people full-on shittalk asexuality, in the internet and real life, in the most blatant of ways, so it’s not just something you can necessarily escape by logging off. not as much so for aro people tbh but i predict as much once the Public gets more wind of your existence. i fully believe that you face a higher risk of sexual assault; discrimination in relationships, housing, and the workplace; horrible comments from everyone who thinks their shitty opinion on your sexuality and love life matters; and I believe you that that hurts and is terrible and that you deserve a place to discuss and provide support.

but. those issues are not exclusive to you. they’re not exclusive to lgbt people, or oppressed people, and so those issues don’t and cannot make you lgbt, nor do they make ace/aro vs. allo an axis of oppression. our communities intersect, yes, considerably, but you are not a subset of lgbt. perhaps our rhetoric can help you, but because straight ace and aro people exist you cannot and should not consider yourselves lgb+. i think you understand that the issues you face are a form of oppression, but they are the result of the toxic and misogynistic sex culture in this society, which, yes, targets lgbt people but also, practically everyone, including groups which are definitively absolutely not inherently lgbt, such as parents, gnc straight people, poc, disabled people, the list goes on.

to conclude, what really converted me to being an ace exclusionist was the example of a straight grey or demi ace. how could you possibly argue that someone who falls in love with the opposite gender only, but with more conditions or less frequently than someone not aspec, is lgb+, can call themselves queer, etc.? exactly what material reality does that person share with a gay or bi person? i think that their issues fall in line with aspec community issues but extremely clearly not at all with lgbt ones.

the end but post script since i brought up orientation modifiers: perhaps it isn’t my place to say, but i don’t think that microlabels are very healthy and that it would make more sense for the ace community to work on expanding the idea of what sexuality is than to try to create a label to describe every single person’s experience of their sexuality. not that i think you should necessarily kick grey ace people out of the aspec community or that they’re not valid or whatever, but that perhaps it makes more sense to say that some people experience sexual attraction less frequently, and that’s alright. i don’t know. i spent sophomore year of high school poring over those mogai blogs looking for some new orientation label that would make me go like, oh my god that’s me! and believing that if those labels helped people feel that way they weren’t doing any harm. but what actually finally made me feel like that was expanding my understanding of what attraction is and a better conception of lesbian issues and why i might feel so disconnected from my sexuality and why i might be obsessing over every interaction with a guy looking for signs i was attracted to him but feel super disgusted whenever they exhibited interest in me. i spent so long trying to go like maybe im cupioromantic lithsexual and feeling terrified that that i had such a weird and esoteric sexuality that no one could ever possibly understand enough to be in a relationship with me... like, ok dyke! i know a lot of people have had similar experiences and i don’t think i know a whole ton of people now in college who are still doing that, which makes me think those labels are more harmful than not.

i guess that’s anecdotal but it’s easier for me to believe that a person could cling to those labels due to internalized homophobia than actually have a new form of sexuality heretofore undiscovered throughout all human history, but that’s just me. and so many of them just sound so unhealthy, like dreadsexual. i really wish people would work on expanding what not being asexual can mean and look like and i dont think there would be this drive to create these labels anymore. even demisexual which i think is probably the most mainstream conditional orientation, i think many people who have never heard of it and are perfectly content not to would describe the way they experience sexuality a similar way and just consider it normal. sexual attraction isn’t necessarily having your nethers set aflame upon first making eye contact with someone, it looks different for every person and it’s alright to just be how you are without making it part of your whole identity.

The End II. this is 2,200 words. if you read this far you’re a fucking mad l- *the academy cuts my mic line while looking directly at the camera like in the office*

#text post

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