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Streaming some Mass Effect in a little bit (should be starting just after 4:30) This is my very first stream where people can start subscribing to me if they are interested! #twitchaffiliate #masseffectlegendaryedition #streamingnow twitch.com/thirteensummers

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Going live today for #CanadaDay join in some #jackboxgames everyone is welcome! Twitch.com/thirteensummers

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Thank you so much for those who joined in today! We not only met but exceeded our goal of 50 followers just gotta keep up the good average for a little bit and I can claim affiliate status on twitch! Super excited and a super big thank you again to everyone who's supported me thus far!

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Streaming now Five Nights at Freddy's! Twitch.com/thirteensummers

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Streaming FNAF tonight 1,2 and possibly 3 twitch.com/thirteensummers

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I am live on twitch.com/thirteensummers come join me in some jackbox games! Jackbox.tv to join! Everyone welcome!

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Having a personality disorder does not make someone an abusive person. Being abusive makes someone an abusive person.

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I have two black cats, Sera and Ceridwen. They are sisters and look exactly alike and like to sit next to each other in the exact same position.

Sera is sweet and loves to be petted.

Ceridwen is sweet and loves to pretend your hand is a mouse she wants to disembowel. 

My kids will stand in front of them both and try to guess which is which, even asking the cats, “Which one of you likes to bite?”

Every now and then I’ll hear a, “Wrong one! Wrong one!” followed by my kids running through the house chased by a delighted kitten

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Gave myself a haircut today that I used to love but haven't had in years because my ex thought it was an ugly style choice.

I love it and have zero regrets.

And I feel like I gained like +20 Charisma with how good I feel about myself in this hairdo!

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“Don’t be such a big baby.” I say to myself as the pain from my body starts to grow so loud I can hardly hear my own thoughts anymore. 

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How are good boyfriends all so strong and so babie at the same time??? The duality! The diversity! The versatility! Absolutely incredible!

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Bandersnatch sounds like British slang for pussy

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Spooky Mingos

Spooky Mingos

Spooky Mingos

Spooky Mingos

Spooky Mingos

Spooky Mingos

Spooky Mingos

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Emotional Insanity

Time is supposed to heal all wounds, yet I’ve never known that to be true. I keep thinking that all I need is to hang on a little longer and eventually the pain will go away. With each day I doubt that more and more. On top of it all I already know that everything I am feeling is an exaggerated version of what it should, makes everything all the more fun I suppose. Love unfortunately is a cruel sister of pain and endless emotional agony that I didn’t realize until I started making some big decisions in my life. My relationship with my ex has been a rollercoaster at best, I honestly didn’t realize how badly I was being treated until he broke up with me first (and me being me literally begged for him to take me back in which he said he would if I went on meds and so I did, then meds helped realize even more as well). The red flags early on that I blatantly ignored out of blind love and adoration for this man. We spent four years together, I wouldn’t have stayed as long as I did if it wasn’t for the fact that I love him. There lies in the problem, Love, in it’s present tense. It has been months since the actual breakup, but me being me and unable to let go we remained friends w/ some benefits. Not a wise choice although I totally suspected it was a bad idea from the beginning but again I am so good at ignoring those red flags and such, even so the benefits ORIGINALLY came with an agreement that he tells me if he’s slept someone else which was broken almost immediately, I wouldn’t have found out at all if I hadn’t even asked. Then he refused to tell me who he was sleeping with, saying that he was protecting her identity even though it was confirmed that she knew who I was. Which I played off as whatever until I was told by other guys I knew that all that really sounded like was that it was something I didn’t want to hear. Which turns out was the actual truth of it as he had been sleeping with a girl that while we were still together was trying to get with him, (fun fact less than a week after we split he was sleeping with her) and on top of that when I originally asked who it was I asked if it was her and he said no. Even more for the hit me where it hurts points one of the things that was a constant battle with said ex was that I wanted a baby and a pet and this girl had fucking 5 kids and husky so just the idea of him being with her hurt like hell she has everything he said he wouldn’t give me. But whatever I love him, I wanted to be his friend I wanted to make it work, HE AGREES TO STOP SLEEPING WITH HER, despite me saying that I was fine I was just more upset he lied about it. Anyways queue me a couple weeks later than that last convo we’ve still been sleeping together having fun but I am actively trying to move on because he already stated he didn’t love me anymore just that he “feels strongly about me”, and it took him less than a week to sleep with someone I need to work on moving on too. There’s an old friend that I get back in touch with and he made it clear he was interested and so after a couple of really nice just friendly hangouts I thought I would put myself out there and give it shot which in turn made me message my ex being all like, just a heads up I started seeing someone so I can’t sleep with you anymore, type thing which he acted okay about it. I thought I can do this, I can keep him in my life as a friend, and I can move on and get what I need as well.

THE LITERAL NEXT DAY, he is in a relationship too and my very first instinct was actually that I was happy for him we could be friends and maybe do double dates (although he was never into actual dates with me so I don’t know why I thought that) and such I was excited that everything could finally be amicable. Then I had to notice that, that same girl from before had hearted his new relationship status. And Im like no he wouldn’t do that not the girl with 5 kids not the girl that literally has everything I asked of him. I was like no I AM BEING PARANOID, he had said he wasn’t sleeping with her anymore how would they suddenly be in a relationship. I AM JUST BEING EMOTIONAL like all the other times he told me that a girl that I actually had to worry about I didn’t need to worry about. So like a sane person I straight up just asked him and he confirmed it was the truth. In which I finally broke several wires inside my sane brain and straight up went “then we cant be friends anymore” he had the audacity to tell me that “he never thought I’d be that type of girl” Whatever the fuck that’s even supposed to mean, and go off on how I was once again being unreasonable but I’m not, and this whole thing was not, I was never actually wrong about anything he had me convinced I was. Even this final incident was almost I would say a month ago at this point, I am still seeing that old friend. Who is very nice to me and treats me well, makes me realize all the time all I had wanted out of a relationship weren’t as outlandish and impossible to achieve as the ex had made them out to be. This guy literally only tries to motivate and make me feel better. He’s never made me feel like a nuisance and has on more than one occasion actually had me feeling like maybe I was a cute person. And yet here I am still crying about him. Despite having something really nice, and like I can feel myself developing more feelings for new guy so it isn’t stopping me from finding new love. It’s just exhausting and painful to still love him.

I can delete him from my facebook but it doesn’t stop me from missing his smell next to me in the middle of the night. I can stop texting, talking and sleeping with him but I can stop imagining in agony as someone else’s kids call him dad. It’s a pain that won’t stop and I hate this side of Love the everlasting audacity despite someone not being good for you, despite all the pain they cause you. I honestly at this point don’t even know what the point of writing all this down was. So that maybe one day he sees it and realizes how bad he missed out? Clearly not since that would still involve him having to think about someone other than himself for 2 minutes which I am not even sure he is capable of. Was it to try and get that emotion out? I thought so, but the more I write the more I realize it’ll never be out, it’ll never leave, it’ll just sit in this hole in my chest. Was it to get advice? I don’t know maybe, unless you can acutely answer “how to fall out of love” not sure anyone could help here. Was it to send all this nonsense into the void that is my tumblr so I can look back on it in the future and remind myself that he is an asshole? That might work.

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REBLOG: go to your blog and click the egg to see what hatches

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Just a Game

By Summer-Lila Bylow

Now it's clear I was just a game,

One I will no longer play,

A way to pass the time for you,

So you could get through the day.

My heart was just a toy to you,

You found joy in causing it pain,

and even when you tore me down,

By your side I did remain.

I gave all my love to you,

And got nothing in return,

Never thought you'd want to hurt me,

But you stood and watched me burn.

I gave all my time to you,

Did everything I was told,

Turned into my worst self,

Lost my brave and bold.

But I was never good enough,

No matter how hard I tried,

So now I try to move on from you,

Until all my feelings have died.

I was just a game to you,

And you were everything to me,

Sometimes love just isn't fair,

But at least now I'm free.

I've been going through quite a bit with my ex and this was how I got my feelings out. He's definitely not my problem anymore because we are no longer even friends I just wish it didn't go the way things did.