#im not even fucking around
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math midterms have me out here making blood sacrifices to the old gods
#the cat rambles#im not even fucking around#like i had a bloody piece of toilet paper (used to stop bleeding from picking at scabs)#and i used it to light a candle to whatever gods heard my prayer#wish me luck!#im gonna need it
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Well, I guess you didn't have much of a choice either
#sooooo fucked up being a teenage boy just messing around with friends one day#and the next weird monsters are after you#and suspicious guys youve never met before start telling you you shouldnt even exist#and even the gentle girl who seems to know SO much that you met#says you have to disappear#all for the sake of this one boy youve never heard of#who apparently everyone loves and wants back#even if it means essentially killing someone else(you)#and youre expected to just. follow along and sacrifice yourself for him#even though you are also a real perosn with real friends (or so you believe)#and at the end you do it#because youre tired and confused#and part of you feels like it should do it#that its the right thing to do#even though you still dont know anything bc no one will tell you#except for the girl but everyone always goes out of their way to stop her#anyway im rambling the kh2 prolouge is so fucked up when u think about it#roxas#sora#kingdom hearts#kingdom hearts 2#kh#kh2#art#my art#xanders art#digital art#fan art
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IM GOING TO THROW UP !!!!!!!!!!!
#EVEN AFTER EVERYTHING HE'S STILL THEIR KID!!!!!!!!!!!!AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA#trousled rambles#undertale#flowey#i dont usually get a whole lot of Feelings around flowey when im not playing the game but when i do they hit SO FUCKING HARD
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on a completely separate note; shizun luo binghe with a disciple shen yuan who fell into the abyss??? *thinks about LBH canonically stealing SQQ's corpse for 5 years* he'd hallucinate i think. like, like visual and audial hallucinations.
Keeps thinking he's seeing SQQ in the corner of his eyes, or wandering between the trees, amongst a group of disciples. Thinks he hears him calling for him, but its just the wind or another disciple.
Gets Xiu Ya reforged but patently fucking refuses to make a sword mound. Because his disciple Is Not Dead :))) There was No Body. He's Not Dead. And If You keep Insisting That He Is, He's Gonna Skewer You :). He's holding onto Xiu Ya so he can return his most favored disciple's sword when he returns. It's on his hip right next to Zheng Yang where it's supposed to be.
Also this motherfucker?? does not sleep btw. He has the image of SQQ, wide eyed and hysterical and standing at the mouth of the abyss burned into his fucking eyelids. Can't use the dreamscape to escape it either because he keeps trying to save him and either he does and it's an incredibly cruel trick to wake up to, or he doesn't and he gets his heart broken in several different pieces again.
There is no convincing this man that Shen Qingqiu is dead. Absolutely nothing at all. He is buried so deep in denial that moles would be jealous of how deep he is. He keeps making tea for two in the bamboo house only to remember that it's just him. SQQ's fans are hiding everywhere, little reminders of his presence. He goes to wake up SQQ on the mornings he sleeps in-- only to find the room empty.
#svsss#luo binghe#svsss au#scum villain#scum villian self saving system#shen yuan#shen qingqiu#disciple shen yuan#lbh. visibly exhausted and with twitchy eyes: im fine :) | everyone else: ho no the fuck you ARENT.#SQQ was hysterical not because he found out LBH was half-demon but bc he was having a long-awaited mental breakdown over his autonomy :)#or (limited) lack thereof. he was having a sudden onset crisis of mortality and was handling at quite literally the WORST time. oops#im thinking very hard that LBH would never push his disciple into the abyss especially with no system to force him to. so SQQ either#had to goad him into it (failing always) or throw himself in. he ended up doing it himself but not before some very impressive hysterics.#BUT ALSO. IF THIS HAD BEEN WHERE SQQ WAS THE HALF-HEAVENLY DEMON INSTEAD IT WOULD'VE BEEN SO GREAT.#and by great i mean horribly angsty bc SQQ is NOT doing too hot and has. in very SY-like fashion. convinced himself that LBH will kill him#when he finds out he's a demon. so when it comes out i have this mental image of him lunging at LBH and LBH flinches back. but SQQ wraps hi#hands around the blade of Zheng Yang and yanks it up so the tip of the blade is digging into his chest where is heart is. LBH can't yank th#sword away without risking slicing into SQQ's hands. SQQ's hair has fallen out of its tail/bun and is now messily spilling down his#back and its NO helping the kinda deranged look he has going on. he's visibly shaking and his eyes keep flittering away and back at LBH's#face. SQQ is looking at the messages from the system warning him that he has to go into the abyss or punishment will occur. he's like.#rambling though. talking about how shizun doesn't *like* unclean things and there is nothing more unclean than a demon. like he is#INSISTING. LBH can't?? get a fucking word in. actually. SY isn't listening that much either anyways. too overwhelmed with the system and#the amount of stress he's under and his crumbling mental state and the innate and primal desire to live even when he's standing in front of#his own executioner. it all ends with him sitting on the ground at the lip of the abyss with his hair falling in his face. he looks so#unkempt and fallen apart and so distinctly *non-Shen Qingqiu* that LBH feels physically ill over it. tears are streaming down SQQ's face#and despite everything he is smiling. its not a nice smile. its a very frayed falling apart at the seams about to crack smile.#he tells shizun not to worry about staining his blade with this disciple's filthy blood because this disciple will take care of it himself.#and then he falls into the abyss before luo binghe can so much as grab him. the only reason LBh doesn't literally jump in after him is bc#he was numb with shock and the abyss was already closed before he could feel his legs again :]
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scenes i loved from Real Enough to Get Me Through by @marriedzukka <333 [ids in alt]
#zukka#zukka fanart#sokka#sokka fanart#zuko#zuko fanart#atla#atla fanart#avatar the last airbender#zukka fic rec#myart#yall. yall. dani. this FIC#first off it made me cry twice. not like 'oh im crying' internet speak no. like. eyes are too blurry to read let me stop this for a sec#it is SO GOOD#your prose? amazing#your insights on grief? life changing#THEM??? THEM their relationship and trust#'zuko looked at him and his world shifted on its axis'#ive been thinking about that line for WEEKS STRAIGHT#i can't tell you how many passages i screenshot just because of how beautiful or cute they were#the moment of seeing the painting of sokka's mom? how did you manage to make it so telling character wise--so sweet so PAINful AND so#cute with their relationship?!!?!#'oh so you think i'm beautiful too'#GOD#i had so many scenes i wanted to draw it was crazy#also#'Our loved ones leave impressions on us that can still impact our decisions and feelings even after they're gone'#fuck. had me crying AGAIN#seriously this fic is so wonderful and not just through a zukka lens. truly life changing you're an AMAZING writer#the fandom is so lucky to have you and i can't Believe it took me so long to get around to reading this masterpiece
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he says i hate everyone except you and that is addictive and that is kind of romantic and beautiful because you're young and you're kind of a sarcastic asshole too and you don't like bad boys, per say, but you don't really like good ones either. and you like that you were the exception, it felt like winning.
except life is not a romance book, and he was kind of being honest. he doesn't learn to be nice to your friends. he only tolerates your family. you have to beg him to come with you to birthday parties, he complains the whole time. you want to go on a date but - people are often there, wherever you're going. he's just so angry. about everything, is the thing. in the romance book, doesn't he eventually soften? can't you teach him, through your own sense of whimsy and comfort?
at first - you know introverts often need smaller friend groups, and honestly, you're fine staying at home too. you like the small, tidy life you occupy. you're not going to punish him for his personality type.
except: he really does hate everyone but you. which means he doesn't get along with his therapist. which means he has no one to talk to except for you. which means you take care of him constantly, since he otherwise has no one. which means you sometimes have to apologize for him. which means he keeps you home from seeing your friends because he hates them. you're the single exception.
about a decade from this experience, you'll type into google: how to know if a relationship is codependent.
he wraps an arm around you. i hate everyone except you. these days, you're learning what he's actually confessing is i have very little practice being kind.
#i used to think it was romantic too and then i was like. now i see it as a HUGE red flag#writeblr#it is also almost EXCLUSIVELY said by immature ppl who think this is normal#fyi even if u think it's funny and ur like 'im an introvert it's just TRUE' like. you need therapy (ily tho)#healed introversion is just ''i would prefer to be by myself'' not ''i hate every person'' ... hate is not normal. that is not healthy#im sorry. i know it feels accurate. but if you're walking around with that kind of rage....#1. you're making a LOT of assumptions about every single person u have ever met. which is often unfair and unkind#and also usually involves judging people based on their worst moments or little mistakes#2. you are being unfair to the person who is ur ''exception''#3. there is a VAST difference between ''ur my favorite person'' and ''the ONLY person i like.''#idk i think this is just a personal bias thing tbh#im sure there are people who have this experience normally#but i have YET to find a man who thinks like this and ISNT absolute DOGSHIT. although tbh.... like. im sure he exists#when u hit like 30 some of the things that were once kind of hot now just sound fucking exhausting. like ''im in a band''#edit in the tags: i used to kind of be like this too. but the thing is that like. my life became so much more peaceful#once i started believing that people are generally good. like yes i am mad at the world at large#but it's just.... a very hard way to live. you're not a bad person or wrong for the ways other people hurt you and taught you to be angry.#but that anger will continue to hurt YOU. it will punish YOU. it will prevent YOU from making new deep connections. it will protect you yes#but it will also cause MASSIVE blowback. bc if you lose the One Person... your life will fall apart. i know this personally.#i really recommend just trying to be... cautiously optimistic instead. like. yes#people can be horrible and cruel and there are some communities (incels for example) that aren't worth that optimism#but i think like... most people will hold a door for you . most people want to help you find your wallet .#i hope one day you are able to find peace. i hope that rage eventually smooths over. i know how hard it is PERSONALLY#and i know what must have happened to you. and im deeply deeply sorry we share the same wound.#but i promise - sometimes we all need someone else to help us carry the weight. eventually the rage has to die so that we can let help in#i had to spend years biting at outstretched hands. i still often do. im still very wary . and my heart breaks that you flinch too.#here's the thing: i don't blame you. but we were both acting out of fear and pain. .... not out of healthy behavior. and ... change#was needed. i needed change too. rage was useful for a while. then it just left me isolated and bitter. i had to (with effort)#choose to let that rage go. and let people in . VERY SLOWLY THO LOL
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act 4 :(
@chipper-smol and i came to a realization
#THID FUCKING GAAAAAAAMMMMEEEEE#i have more i wanna draw but my hands not working orz.. maybe ill get around to it later idk#i finally FINALLY managed to get inside that star room.. my own clone!! now neither of us will be virgins!!!!#i dont have anything to go off of but when the journal mentions making another 'me' it reminds me of loop saying theyre like a mirror#theyre always able to read siffrins mind without actually reading their mind (or so they say) but maybe it could just be tone matching???#or smth like that.. idk if these two things are connected though so maybe its more like subtext#i hope im not the only one who made the childrens hospital joke when it came around to color lore part 2#im also getting the sinking feeling of watching siffrin toe his way near the deep end like bro is so so close to losing it#i feel like if i knew nothing abt the game beforehand and why siffrin is looping in the first place my feelings abt this would be different#cuz id be pretty angry too if ive been stuck in a loop long enough to feel like everyone around me is pretending nothings wrong#than the fact that i have decided not to disclose im in a time loop and that everyone is living this day for the first time#although i also get hes doing this for a reason and when u believe in the universe i guess it also comes with sunk cost fallacy#'this is the path the universe led me down before i even knew what i wanted so all i can do is double down' THATS THE FATALISM TALKING#puppy plays isat#in stars and time#isat#isat spoilers#isat act 3 spoilers#isat act 4 spoilers#in stars and time spoilers#sona#puppysona#friends#chipper#doodles
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(volume warning)
this was surprisingly fun to make so i'll probably do another
#especially now this one is slightly outdated in terms of my personal style lmao#but its fun!!#i have a list of more vines to do!!#will probably go about making it in a different way tho!!!#gotta fuck around with brush settings and stuff#i fucked up a couple times w this one and its Evident once you Notice#but i learned a few things. i am... Improving. very slowly.#i think the thumbnails had more Personality to them. theyre funnier lmao#maybe one day ill even do animatics bc hoo Boy do i have ideas for those#but in order to do that i'll actually have to learn backgrounds and environments#welcome home#welcome home puppet show#also im posting this early bc im a coward <3
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anti-curse
pairing: percy jackson x daughter of apollo!reader
summary: whether he knew it or not, percy jackson made the world a better, brighter place — and you intend to protect him, no matter what path the fates leads you down. fuck prophetic dreams. the future wasn't written in stone.
warnings/disclaimers: mentions of typical demigod things (battles, weapons, etc.); this is set during the heroes of olympus series so roughly follows that plot + features the seven demigods; mainly inspired by book!percy (dark hair, sea green eyes) bc that's the one i fell in love w growing up; characters are aged up from the book (reader + percy are meant to be 21-22 y/o) bc i imagine there was more time between prophecies/series....anyways, please enjoy <3
when you first met percy jackson, he almost shot you through the chest with an arrow.
given that apollo is your godly parent, you often found yourself at the archery field, which happened to be one of the first stops on percy’s tour of camp half-blood. after that first mishap, your other half-siblings were, understandably, too scared to let percy try again — frankly chiron seemed a bit hesitant as well — and you could sense that percy felt disheartened. so, you flashed the boy a reassuring smile before giving him a few pointers and a second chance. when he smiled back at you, you felt a fluttering in your stomach that told you percy jackson would be more than a little important in your life.
archery still wasn't percy's strong suit, but your gut feeling turned out to be true. you and percy had dealt with a lot since then — a handful of quests, several prophecies, more than a few near-death experiences, a titan war, and, maybe worst of all, high school. you couldn't imagine getting through any of it without him by your side, and you knew the feeling was mutual.
so, you were entirely anticipating that percy would be hurt by your announcement during dinner.
“no way that’s happening.” percy laughs, as if he can’t believe you’d suggest something as ridiculous as not having him accompany you on your quest. he remains unfazed, takes a sip of his electric blue coke before gesturing to the empty seat next to him. “come on, sunshine. have something to eat.”
the nickname sends your heart into a frenzy as you sit next to him. you and percy had never been anything other than friends, but sometimes....sometimes you look at his dangerous ocean eyes and wind-swept dark hair and it makes you blush. sometimes you consider the way his laughter fills you with warmth and his smile holds a thousand memories, the way he teases and winks at you and you decide that he makes your world so much brighter. sometimes you remember how sarcastic and thoughtful and loyal and reckless he is, his heart of gold and unpredictability of the sea. and you start to think that maybe possibly you'd fallen in love with your best friend.
that was not the issue at hand, though. you summon your favourite food and drink, but don't particularly feel like having either. percy returns to his conversation with hazel about how the two of you would drive up to montauk after you finally got your license, any time either of you needed to escape your reality, even just for a night. you'd sit on the beach, stargazing and roasting stale marshmallows and wishing to stay there forever. hazel seems to think that sounds like a nice escape, and percy promises that once the eight of you fulfill this prophecy, you'll all go to the beach house together, which makes hazel break out into a grin.
you can't help but smile at percy who loves his friends, who has loved you for so long. that feeling is quickly replaced by a pang in your chest that reminds you what's at stake. from the corner of your eye, you notice annabeth across from you, who looks at you like you’re a puzzle she can’t quite solve. you're trying to hide it, but if anyone can read you better than percy, it's annabeth. she knows something is weighing on your mind. you briefly lock eyes with jason, who you had gone to earlier for help, from the other side of the room, where he sits between piper and frank.
if you weren’t so distracted, you would have been able to enjoy dinner. the eight of you — all demigods of the current great prophecy — hadn’t been all together in a while, and it was nice to share a meal aboard the argo ii despite the reality of why you’d all been traveling together. leo had equipped the ship with magic plates and cups, and with the lively jokes and stories filling the air, you could almost imagine it was an ordinary summer evening at camp. you could almost forget that tomorrow, you had to go on a quest to rescue apollo and artemis from python, a monster so powerful your father barely defeated him thousands of years ago. you could almost ignore the impending war with gaea and the giants, and the doomed fate of the world if you were to fail. the one thing you could no longer ignore, however, is the gut feeling you have about the fate of the boy sitting next to you if your quest is to unfold the way you had first planned it.
you clear your throat, an attempt to interrupt the group's conversations.
“i was serious earlier,” you declare. “you’re not coming with me, percy. jason is.”
the smile percy had on his face fades. his eyes are filled with concern and disbelief, as he glances at you. “i – i don’t understand.”
"percy,” jason jumps in carefully, aware that he’s treading through dangerous waters like you had warned him. “y/n and i were strategizing earlier and it seems to make the most sense, given our powers combined."
percy shakes his head. “but — but you can’t just make last minute changes. we’ve already got everything set. right, valdez?”
leo shrugs, swallowing a mouthful of chicken before responding. “i don’t know, man. i’m no expert in quests, but it seems like i’m not the one who should be deciding this.” leo looks at you, and you nod gratefully.
you've been on edge since last night, and to calm your nerves you fiddle with the gold chain around your neck. it was a gift from your father: a necklace with a music note charm that can transform into an electric guitar or a bow and quiver. thankfully, you hadn't had to need both at the same time.
“it's up to me. and i want leo and jason to come with me.”
“then i’ll come too,” percy's voice remains calm, but insistant.
“isn’t there that thing about quests usually being done in threes?”
“that is true, piper,” percy agrees. he tilts his head towards you, like he's calling on you to remember. "exceptions have been made, though. like that one time with zoe." that had been years ago, when demigods from camp half-blood and hunters of artemis joined forces. five had been sent out on a quest, but only three came back. you shiver at the thought.
"or my quest through the labyrinth," annabeth recalls.
"but won't that also change our other plans, though?" hazel asks.
"not necessarily," you pipe in, your voice more assertive. "if jason and percy just switch. no harm done."
"we're not interchangeable," percy grumbles.
"hera sure seemed to think so!" leo searches the room for positive responses to his joke, but the most he gets is a half-hearted laugh from frank. "too soon?"
you take a deep breath. "it's not a big deal, really."
"it kind of is," percy counters. "you've never gone on a quest without me."
"you've gone on quests without me," you point out.
"that's...that's different."
"why? because i'm so weak that i need the son of the sea god to protect me at all times?"
you're giving percy the coldest stare you ever have. he hesitates to hold your gaze.
"you know that's not what i meant," he sighs.
"then what did you mean?"
percy looks at you, his eyes and tone softer. “look, sunshine, let's just stick with the plan, alright? we can just —”
“gods, you never listen, do you?" you finally snap. "you're not coming! i don’t want you there, percy!”
percy stares at you, stunned. you look around the table, and everyone looks back at you, wide-eyed. they weren’t used to this side of you, your sudden outburst not fitting in with your usually sunny disposition.
“well, someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed,” leo jokes in an attempt to lighten the mood, with less than ideal results.
“you saw something in your dreams, didn’t you?” annabeth realizes.
her conclusion makes you freeze.
demigod dreams are always significant, carrying vivid images of monsters, messages from friends or enemies. some children of apollo like you had visions of the future — pseudo prophecies that are supposedly set to unfold given the path you’re on. technically, you weren’t supposed to share your visions, something about messing with fate or destiny, but that didn’t mean you had to accept the way things were.
what you saw in your dreams last night, what might happen to percy, made your blood run cold.
you would defy all the laws of the universe and divine rules if it meant you could protect him. so fuck the path the fates are attempting to lead you down, and fuck prophetic dreams. you refuse to let percy die. no matter how frustrated you’re acting towards him in this moment, you know he would still do the same for you.
you figure that the future isn't written in stone, right?
either way, you're willing to challenge destiny for percy jackson.
without answering annabeth, you get up from the table and take a deep breath, carefully avoiding percy’s gaze.
“i go with leo and jason, or i go alone.” your voice is steady, fighting the heavy beating of your heart and tears caught in your throat. “either way, i leave in the morning.” you exit the mess hall before anyone — before percy — can protest.
#Spotify#when i was younger i didn't think people would want to read all the stories i'd make up in my head about this series#so im glad the percy jackson renaissance is here#there's something so healing about writing + sharing this blurb even if i'm still nervous#might fuck around and write another part because i have so many ideas of where this could go#percy jackson#percy jackson x y/n#percy jackon and the olympians#pjo series#pjo fandom#pjo hoo toa#hoo#heroes of olympus#percy jackson x reader#percy jackson x you#pjo#saf writes#riordanverse
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if murderbot learned what autism was i truly believe itd go "wow humans are so ridiculous they cant even agree on their own stupid human social rules" and then never think about that or its possible relation to its own behaviors ever again
#mensah: secunit here are some accessibility drones so u can interact with the world more comfortably#mb: its super impressive how she can make up reasons to get around the 'no drones allowed rules' just so she can bribe me#ratthi has his head in his hands. like deities send me strength i cannot fucking deal with this#tmbd#mbd#murderbot diaries#i dunno the tags man. i also do not know if its even funny anymore#im so tired#lost track of my life and didnt realize i ran out of sleep meds haha. fuuck#tomorrows gonna fucking suck balls#my posts
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Kitchen Nightmares, S5 E1
#kitchen nightmares#kn lb#do i even have to explain why i dropped everything to capture this moment#you don't understand her smile makes me fucking insane#slowly unfurling like when the fucking grinch he realized he was gonna steal christmas#the staff on kn ARE NEVER FUCKING AROUND#especially when their bosses are shitty like. oh my god#it's the best part of this show hands down lol#love when the staff get tired of being nice#also im so glad i got that EXACT last frame it really really encapsulates the energy
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Part 3 of Arc II (Part 29)
and with this we hit 100 pages 🎉
⇇ | ⇽ | index | ⇾
#rottmnt#rottmnt leonardo#residuum#rottmnt residuum comic#c#g#me staring at the last four panels: where the fuck is the army dude. shouldn't he be shooting tranqs at leo here#brain: no gun#me: what?#brain: no guns around the medical equipment#me: ...#brain: also head owie#(just realised were hitting 100 pages on this- and im. well. honestly i didn't think i was capable of going on this long)#(but i plan to be here as long as it takes to finish this whole thing! even if. the projected page count increases every time i look at it)
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If jujutsu kaisen was a 2000s anime we would have had 35+ episodes of filler during the hidden inventory arc of just shoko, gojo, geto, nanami and haibara doing random missions and ngl I kinda feel robbed
#LIKE JUST RANDOM MISSIONS AND THEM FUCKING AROUND#we could’ve got so much content of the 2006 class im heartbroken#not to exclude utahime but I think she was in kyoto even then no?#she can stay in the fillers tho unlike mei mei she’s not welcome#nanami kento#stsg#suguru geto#gojo satoru#jjk#shoko ieiri#yu haibara#jujutsu kaisen#jujutsu haibara#hidden inventory arc#jjk season 2#jujutsu kaisen utahime
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yet another abandoned painting attempt..
#ganondoodles#zelda#art#tloz#loz#demise#i guess#idk#the plants are decent#but im sure if i added a simply lined random witch or sth it would go around the whole website lmao#cant help but try to put him everywhere#even if its to the arts detriment lol#cant seem to able to paint anything i like these days ...#the perspective is fucked but idc to work anymore on it
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really an inexplicable train of thought but i feel like taako is the kind of person who in a modren era au would just decide to go to a shooting range and learn how to shoot a pistol for funsies, but would consider learning to spin the pistol all cool like they do in cowboy movies to be his first and foremost priority. like hes already bought a holster and the moment he is given a gun he immediately starts trying to twirl it. the instructor has to tell him to stop or theyll take the gun away from him. he keeps trying to lead the conversation back to it anyway because he really feels like theyre putting the cart before the horse here if hes learning how to shoot the gun before even knowing how to dramatically reholster it if he were to get in some sort of cowboy duel. hes actually really good at the shooting part but he gets kicked out of the class after his eighth guntwirling attempt in which he accidentally flicks the safety off mid twirl and shoots one of their light fixtures
#taz balance#taz taako#i dont know shit abt guns so i had to google a bunch of stuff to see if this even made sense#'surely they would have taken the gun away from him before attempt number 8' ok see heres how im imagining the timeline#moment he is given the gun he gets in two twirl attempts right off the bat before the instructor manages to stop him#attempts number 3-5 are done in a 6 second window in which the instructor makes the mistake of turning around and not looking at him#he is then told he needs to take this seriously and they can and will remove him from the range if necessary#attempt 6 he just does on instinct and hes like cmahn you cant count that one i didnt even mean to do it. did you see it tho it was rad#he is then told if he does it again he will be kicked out#youll never believe this but he does it again#the instructor tries to take the gun from him and he decides it is a really smart and good idea to back up into the main area#ie the area where not everything is made to be safe to shoot and there are light fixtures and people in there#and try to twirl the gun yet a fucking gain . which is the attempt where he shoots out a ceiling light#to be fair he is just a silly little guy
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being an adult means we can buy or make as much self-indulgent shit (as we can afford) and unironically have trinkets of our fave things cause our teen years was bullied for liking things and hiding/denying we were ever neurodivergent to the point of suicide. sucks for anyone that thinks its weird cringe but I'm going to try and allow myself to love myself in little ways now
#wish i could tell younger me that i wasnt fucked up i was just autistic#even if youre not nd i still think having things you enjoy around you is important especially for your space#so i make a notable effort to get fandom stuff for my younger siblings now#like my lil sister thinks getting demon slayer stuff is cringe cause anime and what not (havent read it sorry)#but her face still lights up when i get her a pin for her#or a blind bag with a character keychain#and very slowly the self hatred and whatever it feels like that youre not allowed to like anything and that anything you like is bad#starts to diminish#my qpp is obsessed with birds and chickens and has so many trinkets around the house for it#or my friend who loves how pretty stained glass looks that his walls are covered in thrifted stain glass pieces#i know an elderly couple who are obsessed with star trek and they have a room in the house purely for shelves stacked with collectables#my friend's dad is so obsessed with spiderman that he has 3 walls full of figurines and posters and collectables that prob amoutn to tons#like i dont get it but i get it#maybe its because im sick rn but im in my head tonight about human loving things and stories and cocepts to the point of comfort#sara shush#ramble
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