#im not doing anything

[emmedoesntdomath]

tony, biting into an apple: oh, and make sure you don’t take any bread. ducks can’t digest it. 

peter, freezing with an entire loaf of bread in his hand, mouth dropping open in horror: what???

tony, utterly oblivious: yeah, it’s harmful to them

peter, eyes welling up in tears because he has been feeding these ducks SO MUCH BREAD: have I been k i l l i n g baby duckies

[thementalhealthdisaster]

I'm not suicidal. Not like the point that I need to be doing shit like calling hotlines. I'm always a little suicidal.

Anyways, my point, I'm not but I am frequently in "do dangerous things knowing it could harm me or result in death" kind of mindset.

Keep wanting to bait spiders into biting me. Walk across roads without making sure cars are gonna stop. Want to do things like have unsafe sex with a stranger and take pills when I don't know what they are. Want to try cutting my arms just to see how deep I can make myself go.

Very "I'm not doing this to die but if it happens, so be it" vibes in the house tonight.

[whorrorbvby]

I would say anytime you grace us with your cutey booty it is never late, but right on time!

ahh I don’t know man it’s nearly 3am my time. it’s pretty frickin late

[kandidandi]

squints suspiciously

why so suspicious pal

[rosescries]

WHY AM I SUDDENLY GAINING MORE FOLLOWERS??????

WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE AND WHY ARE YOU HERE?!?!????!!!?

[rexscanonwife]

I dont know why I'm so afraid of the bad batch fandom finding out about me self shipping with crosshair even though literally ALL of them are thirsty for the whole squad 24/7

[lover-of-mine]

Dad: why do you get this invested on the game?

Me: BECAUSE IT GIVES ME DOPAMINE DAD. I DON'T HAVE A LOT OF DOPAMINE SOURCES. I GOTTA ENJOY THE ONES I DO FIND.

[effervescent-fool]

.

[icallhimjoey]

Ok don’t get me wrong I looooove some good spicy smut. But I adore the way you write smut. So much room for imagination. It’s such an elegant way to portray what’s happening.

I absolutely loved double or nothing. Had me giggling and kicking my feet.

hahahahaha i know this is a compliment, but the "so much room for imagination" made me go "yea i barely write anything if you really think about it"

its all YOU GUYS - YOU make it whatever it is that it becomes in your minds and thats just the way i like it

[dragon-kazansky]

So anyway-

[hinamie]

to moving forward

[snakesinsocks2005]

Oh hey it happened again

Here ya go, champs

[zaza-expert]

I fully believe that had I been born an only child I would he an extraordinarily different (and most likely worse) person than I am today. Having a sibling shaped so much of who I am and I'm so thankful for that. Damn if my brother doesn't piss me the fuck off though

[vmkhoneyy]

“People are inherently terrible” no!!! Have you ever seen a child wait for their friend while they tie their shoelaces? Have you ever known someone who would bring hurt squirrels and rabbits and mice to the nearest vet just so it doesn’t suffer? Have you seen someone grieve? Have you ever read something that hit your heart like a freight train? Have you looked at the stars and felt an unexplainable joy? Have you ever baked bread? Have you shared a meal with a friend? Have you not seen it? All the love? All the good? I know it’s hard to see sometimes, I know there’s pain everywhere. But look, there’s a child helping another up after a hard fall. Look, there’s someone giving their umbrella to a stranger. Look, there’s someone admiring the spring flowers. Look, there’s good, there’s good, there’s good. Look!!!!

[noxious-fennec]

Tunisian miku 🇹🇳👍

[inkskinned]

probably time for this story i guess but when i was a kid there was a summer that my brother was really into making smoothies and milkshakes. part of this was that we didn't have AC and couldn't afford to run fans all day so it was kind of important to get good at making Cool Down Concoctions.

we also had a patch of mint, and he had two impressionable little sisters who had the attitude of "fuck it, might as well."

at one point, for fun, this 16 year old boy with a dream in his eye and scientific fervor in heart just wanted to see how far one could push the idea of "vanilla mint smoothie". how much vanilla extract and how much mint can go into a blender before it truly is inedible.

the answer is 3 cups of vanilla extract, 1/2 cup milk alternative, and about 50 sprigs (not leaves, whole spring) of mint. add ice and the courage of a child. idk, it was summer and we were bored.

the word i would use to describe the feeling of drinking it would maybe be "violent" or perhaps, like. "triangular." my nose felt pristine. inhaling following the first sip was like trying to sculpt a new face. i was ensconced in a mesh of horror. it was something beyond taste. for years after, i assumed those commercials that said "this is how it feels to chew five gum" were referencing the exact experience of this singular viscous smoothie.

what's worse is that we knew our mother would hate that we wasted so much vanilla extract. so we had to make it worth it. we had to actually finish the drink. it wasn't "wasting" it if we actually drank it, right? we huddled around outside in the blistering sun, gagging and passing around a single green potion, shivering with disgust. each sip was transcendent, but in a sort of non-euclidean way. i think this is where i lost my binary gender. it eroded certain parts of me in an acidic gut ecology collapse.

here's the thing about love and trust: the next day my brother made a different shake, and i drank it without complaint. it's been like 15 years. he's now a genuinely skilled cook. sometimes one of the three of us will fuck up in the kitchen or find something horrible or make a terrible smoothie mistake and then we pass it to each other, single potion bottle, and we say try it it's delicious. it always smells disgusting. and then, cerimonious, we drink it together. because that's what family does.