#im not actually because im at the dentist constantly for other things

[sharkneto]

recognized by the dentist by how clean my teeth are i'm fucking winning

[otsukare-katsukare]

Please do!!

Well If You Insist!

(copied right out of the drafts <3) (long)

okay beatle roys. they don’t map perfectly at all, but if you absolutely HAD to, im sorry roman but you are george. yeah sure romey we know you’re a good songwriter you can have 2 on this album how’s about that? as smart as or maybe smarter than his siblings/bandmates but doesnt have a genius complex unlike them so is forced to play their games. including their mind games with each other. didn’t want to go on the roof; ended up on the roof. kendall is paul, ‘big brothering’ the little angry guy on the bus who he’ll always see as a little kid even though there’s like 2 years between them for christ’s sake. in terms of age seniority john might be the kendall equivalent but unfortunately paul was ACTUALLY an older brother and he brought that energy to the band, and the john/george alliance against paul reeks much more strongly of roman and shiv teaming up to peck their golden boy older sibling than anything george and paul had together against john. and to those who would say roman’s too much of a dick to be sweet peaceable george, he’s actually nicer okay cause he refused to sign the letter decrying kendall as a bipolar drug addict but george played slide guitar on how do you sleep quite happily.

on the subject of kendall, his depressive lows may seem more john but his manic highs? his big creative visions? his costumes (he got one for roman too)? his general addiction to the spotlight? his droopy eyes? his inability to have swag despite his charm and talents? the way his siblings close ranks against him when he tries to make a stand? the way he's a cog built to fit one machine and paul mccartney's state after the beatles broke up Actually im getting sad let's change the subject? looking for pussy like a fuckin techno gatsby? non zero chance of having done a collab with kanye west/wanted to do one? paul. he’s paul. 

but it’s tough because shiv is the least easy to pin down as her age and gender relations with the rest of the family put her the furthest from john, and she ends up being at best a combo of all three - the underestimated and undermined baby (george) the repressed thwarted leader failgirl (paul) and the hotheaded bastard who's smart but not as smart as she thinks she is (john). but that john role gets much more delectable when you have kendall as paul, or at least if you think of them as the core duo in some way - im thinking of that crushing final scene between them, like take 'I want a divorce' and multiply it by a hundred holy fuck. she respects him, but she needs to prove herself better than him constantly. she needs validation just the same as he does but she's determined to believe/put out that everything she does is entirely under her own steam and that other people are pawns to her. her relationships with logan and mattson remind me of john with authority figures he would latch onto in the hope that they'd fill the void left by his parents, before realising they were phonies trying to get something from him and angrily discarding them.

honestly actually while shiv is the hardest to map clearly john is also the hardest from the beatles end cause there's a lot going on there from childhood trauma that any one of the roys can relate to, and his brand of cruel wit fits them all to an extent as well - but this is the configuration i like the most. also her spouse broke up the band

of course connor maps onto ringo perfectly do i even need to explain it - actually i do cause people might just take that to mean i’m saying ringo was useless or ignored. no he was the older brother everyone loved and who loved everybody, who was an only child for most of his childhood and was so happy to get three brothers/siblings even though they happened to be the worst people alive.

there you have it. and logan. is allen klein (kendall dreams he is being hunted down by him as a dentist)

oh one more thing - kendall as paul is right because he's the only one who's a documented beatles FAN lol

[problematicfanfics]

rant/vent but

since i’m on vacation with my family i’m actually at my wit’s end. i have no privacy. i have been sleeping in the same room as both my parents, my sister and my grandma for the past two weeks. i’m genuinely crying dude. like i can’t be happy around them. they decimate everything i find joy in and everything about myself i like. i’m so over this. sleeping in close quarters is just making me feel like shit again and reminds me of all those fucking years i spent as a kid fucking battling poverty and couch surfing with my family. like i hate it. it’s so traumatizing. my sister has like no memory of it because she was like 3 so for her this is all cutesy poor core aesthetic. i’m ripping my fucking hair out. before we left my mom was hounding me, asking me if i wanted a hair appt, a nail appt, to go buy clothes. i said no. i said the only thing i wanted was a wax because shaving is a pain in the ass. she forgot. but u wanna know what she didn’t forget? my sister’s wax appt. my sister’s chemical hair straightening treatment. all the stores my sister wanted to go to. my sister’s $160 nail appointment. like are u fucking kidding me? then the day before i asked my mom “when is my wax appointment?” and she BLEW UP at me saying i should’ve made it, it’s my job to make it. last month i made a dentist appt for my tooth whitening like she told me to and she got mad because I MADE THE APPOINTMENT. i can’t fucking win. then on top of it all for the first time in like months i wanted to get my nails done bc they’re hella cheap and really high quality in greece and once again, my mom forgot. she said “if you wanted it you should’ve gone.” i said mom, i can’t speak greek like that. i don’t want them to scam me. i don’t know what nails are supposed to cost. i’ve gotten my nails done professionally two times in my seventeen years of existence. idk shit about them. but no, i’m the issue. i’m the fucking issue. every time i open my mouth they say i’m giving them attitude when i’m literally just speaking or asking a question. they say i’m too quiet then yell at me for being too loud. they say everything i enjoy is stupid or childish. they won’t give me ANY personal space. they keep ganging up on me with my sister. my sister has been the biggest thorn in my side though. she’s such a pos. like idk how to explain this to y’all. she’s a fucking brat. we couldn’t be further from different. i’m scared to buy myself food with my parents’ money. my sister spends upwards of $100 a week on food, clothing, makeup, etc. with no regard for my parents’ time or finances. she steamrolls over everyone’s emotions to make room for hers, which are usually disgust and anger, and constantly puts everyone in a bad mood. my dad is ALWAYS out to get me despite the fact i try my fuckin hardest to keep the peace between us. my mom is so fucking bipolar i never know what i’m getting. my dad and mom are at each other’s throats. my yiayia lectures me on shit when i’m mad that isn’t even remotely related to the reason i’m mad ever and it pisses me off even more and i desperately try to give her the benefit of the doubt bc english isn’t her first language but she does the SAME DAMN THING IN GREEK LIKE BRO. i met ONE GIRL in this STUPID fucking horio BUT I LEAVE IN TWO DAYS. AND TOMORROW IM NOT EVEN IN THIS HORIO IM OFF TO THE MAIN AREA. like fuck off bro. and the girl mainly speaks greek which is fine but it gets hard bc i’m not the absolute best in it (i’m sm better in other languages bro no one bothered teaching me greek and you’d THINK my GREEK FAMILY would teach me greek and wouldn’t be mad over the fact i don’t know greek bc yk THEYRE MY FAMILY AND THEYRE SUPPOSED TO TEACH ME but no everything is my fault). and she’s sweet but this is her summer vacation spot so she has hella friends here already and i can tell i’m just “the girl next door she has to hang out with”. i feel bad i don’t want to drag her from her friends or insert myself in her plans but for the first time in god knows how long i felt normal today just because i finally had someone close in age.

elevator music and the smiths have carried the brunt of my emotions these past two weeks i can’t lie.

[v-anrouge]

exposing myself on the internet for a character assignment go brrrrr

also: *sweats in aroace*

Okay so I possess a distinct lack of hobbies because ✨ mental illness ✨ and also I am a total hikkineet. I do however, have less active hobbies like drawing, painting, reading/writing. I do enjoy rewatching Musicals from my childhood whenever I’m feeling down or generally empty. Some faves would be “The Sound Of Music”, “Mary Poppins” and “Anastasia”. Ya boi likes singing along with em even though I am terrible at it hehe ❤️

God okay. My personality. Uhh. I have a lot of feelings (and cry a lot) and I am extremely affection starved so show me positive attention and compliment me and I am fucking worshipping the ground you walk on so.. affectionate? I guess. Also Kind of quiet. I’m in my head a lot, and I have anxiety about voicing my opinion and thoughts to people. Especially irl. I’ll usually just remain silent or provide a few comments but otherwise mainly a listener. But if it’s a special interest and I can see that you are actively listening to me instead of waiting for me to stop talking I’ll turn into a walking Encyclopedia about Said thing. I do love physical affection but only when I am in the mood for it lol.

Giving love language is acts of service and gift giving (flashbacks to the time I offered to buy you something even though we barely knew each other). Receiving love language is words of affirmation probably idk i have 3 irl Friends outside of Family so my experience on the matter is limited.

Also people who are audibly/visibly angry will set off my fight/flight/freeze response and I will physically distance myself from them due to discomfort/fear. I’d also definitely go non-verbal as a result. This would be a time where touching me could result in a panic attack/me just crying lmao

Okay bare with me here because I have never actively considered my type so I’m only really thinking about it now

Type wise, perhaps someone kind but firm, I’d say? I lack a lot of motivation, self-discipline and self-respect, so a partner who is gentle, accomodating and understanding of my situation but isn’t afraid to call bullshit when they see it would definitely be preferable. Also direct communication because I CANNOT read between the lines. And.. someone who would go places with me. Not even for like the cute coupley things like Dates and Shopping or whatever (though that would be great too) but literally as a Support Person for stressful situations like dentists, doctors and other such appointments. Lord knows I need it because I stutter so badly when talking to strangers irl and stare straight at the ground and go silent when I inevitably become embarrassed at my lack of social skills💀 I don’t really have a strong preference for any hobbies a partner might have, but it would be cool to watch musicals together. And dress up and stuff. Maybe even cosplay. Idk just Indulging in each others hobbies would be fun. Also I struggle with like, mobile(?) communication and find it difficult to take the initiative to start text convos or call people, so they’d need to take the lead on that otherwise I may accidentally end up ghosting them. Not maliciously, but as I said, ya boy is stuck in his own little world a lot.

Also my favourite colour is green! HEX Code : #9AEEC8 (this probably wasn’t necessary but teehee)

And if a partner can’t handle spice I will constantly give them shit for it but in an affectionate way ❤️

(THIS WAS SO LONG IM SO SORRY IDK HOW TO SHUT UP WHEN PPL GIVE ME ATTENTION 😭)

THIS IS PERFECT ACTUALLY U GAVE A LOT OF DETAILS VERY IMPORTANT DETAILS AND THAT MAKES RHE JOB WAY EASIER!!

I match you with...

ROOK HUNT let me start this off by saying that this can be taken in both a platonic or romantic way and that in either way u and rook are like made for eachother im serious like u two are fucking inseparable, rook absolutely adores everything about you, you two have A LOT in common and he LIVES for it, rook and you can constantly be found almost sobbing over eachother and how much you mean to eachother, you two are so close people consider u both goals (couple or friendship it's up to u). rook is absolutely sure you two are soulmates he has never felt so connected to someone like he feels connected to you

rook loves spending time with you he adores talking to you even if to other ppl it might seem like he's being ignored rook knows he isn't he knows that you are listening intently to him and he loves it, most people hate it when he starts talking to them since he talks A LOT but you? you don't mind it! you stay there and listen to him ramble and sometimes even join him! rook always feel so warm when he manages to make you feel safe enough to ramble and infodump him and he'll be very happy if you allow him to do the same in exchange you two have a lot of interests in common and love talking about them to ppl that actually care so this normally ends w u both talking for hours non-stop and not even noticing as time goes by (not u two talking about vil for 5 hours straight)

rook absolutely adores your works, wether it's a drawing, a painting or a piece u wrote he'll love to see it, he could spend hours talking about your works seriously it became one of his special interests his ur number 1 fan now he'll always hype you up and even do some of them with you (like painting and reading together etc)

rook swears he can feel his heart exploding in his heart when u give him a gift this man won't stop smiling as he goes on and on about how much he absolutely adores you and how much he loves the gift and how he's so honored and happy to receive something like that and there's literal tears on his eyes as he does so, rook feels so happy when you offer to help him too, it means he gets more time to spend with you! and rook loves spending time with you<3

if you like words of affirmation than rook is the man for you, this man constantly writes poems about you and the special connection you two share and even though he has written multiple of them somehow they never ever look the same it's always so fresh as if it was his first time writing something like that, it also never fails to make you smile rook is very observant so he'll def know what makes you smile and he WILL be making a LOT of use of his privileged knowledge

rook knows how you get when someone is mad and being loud about it so whenever rook feels an situation escalating he'll immediately take you away from it and make sure you're okay, if rook ever happens to arrive to late he'll do his best to help you calm down, rook is super patient and even if you go non-verbal rook somehow still always know what to say and what to do, if you like company in times like these rook will not leave your side, he'll constantly be making sure you're feeling alright and comfortable and paying attention to your body language if you can't speak

rook will always encourage you to try new things at the same time he'll immediately take you out of any situations that make you extremely uncomfortable, for rook it isn't easy to trust people, however he trusts you, and he wants you to trust him back so he wants to be there for you, to show you he will always be by your side to support you and he wishes that you feel the same towards him

if you want to talk to someone or ask for anything but you're too nervous because they're a stranger rook will offer himself to do it for you, he has no problems doing that for you, rook would never shame anyone for not having good social skills because rook himself used to be very shy as a kid and he understands how hard it can be to talk to strangers

rook LOVES to watch and re-watch musicals with you! it's one of his favorite things to do, rook feels so happy when he's watching a musical you two like by your side he truly wishes that moments like these lasted forever, because there is no place rook would rather be than by your side

other possibilities: vil ( u two are like made for eachother seriously as i read ur info i was like omfg it makes sense why you love vil so much) lilia, cater & malleus

[traumatizeddfox]

i feel like no matter who i meet irl or where i post online, i'm just not welcome. everything i do feels so one sided, like people see and hear everything i say and do and choose to ignore me. every single person i've tried to talk to has dwindled, and every single thing i've created and posted or shown to people has been met with :| irl and if i even talk on my account my post's interactions dwindle. i know i sound like i'm being a baby, but literally nobody cares about me anymore and i feel like no matter where i go i'm just not welcome or ignored even if i try to go out of my way to be kind or whatever, it just feels like people use me and run and if i have nothing to offer i'm not worth anything.

i don't know if it's because i'm overbearing or i have bad opinions or i just get into things a little too much but i just really really want people to like me, my mom completely distanced herself from me when i was like 5, so i still struggle with basic hygiene and now need multiple oral surgeries to restructure my jaw because i was never taught the importance of brushing, and i go months without showering. i have two separate bedrooms that are completely full of hoarder-eske piles, and one of them i have completely abandoned. i suppose it stems from my mom's neglect to regard my mental and physical pain, and being SA constantly in a hoarder house for a handful of years when i was a preteen by my dad, but i annoyed my mom so much with my needs like therapy and surgeries and hormones that she just kicked me out at 17. i just turned 19 and i'm still alone. i'm almost homeless. i haven't had a single penny since i quit my first job a week after i started at 15, because my health being too horrible to keep up more than that single week. nobody in school liked me either. people made fun of me for being fat and hairy but still being a girl, and when i came out as trans, i thought it would help because i would be a man to them and the other things wouldn't be a problem, they all made fun of me for that too. (i also am trans for other reasons not just that) i'm alone. i'm so poor. i'm so hungry. i've been stuck in some crazy cultist's house for two years now because i have literally nowhere else to go.

and i don't care if "i can just go call xyz organization and make a gofundme and blah blah blah" because no matter how many fucking hoops i've jumped through the past two years with all of the options at my disposal for being someone with literally no physical identification, a high school drop out, and no driver's license or access to a car, or anybody who will actually help me. i beg and plead with my girlfriend, the single only person who actually is still around, and has resources, a car, and a job, to please help me find means of help, a therapist, a doctor, a dentist, something, for the past two years after being promised for the first two years of our relationship that she would help me when she helps me get out. i'm stuck. in the same small room every single day, packed with my literal garbage, while i play meaningless video games and rewatch my little pony over and over and over. my teeth are falling out. another one chipped today. i have no weed left. i'm not sure what's wrong with my stomach, i actually eat good food like roasted veggies and shrimp and drink ensures when i'm hungry in between meals, but i have no idea what's wrong with my stomach. it always hurts. always. but i was starved by my dad to be more appealing for his "plans" for like four years straight with minimal food to keep me alive so im sure that damaged my stomach somehow, but the single doctor visit i could get my girlfriend to take me to, they took an X-ray, saw shit, said i was constipated and sent me home. but i wasn't? i shit like 30 minutes later after i got home and i spent the entire time on the toilet crying.

nobody believes me. nobody wants to be around me. i am unlikeable, annoying, and overbearing. i will never get help. no organization will help me because i have zero identification, money, or because of the severity of my situation. the (maybe?) tens of thousands of dollars i will need to restore my body. my mom didn't care, doctors don't care, and my girlfriend doesn't care. i am in so much pain. i always have been, and i always will be.

I am so sorry, it breaks my heart reading this. Im sorry no one makes you feel loved, and im sorry about your mom and being neglected :/ it is so hard to deal with. You are always welcome here, on my blog <3 I really do hope things turn around for you, and that you will see it was all worth it <3 ily

[mercutiglo]

rant/vent post; like if you read through this

im moody i just. i want people to untag me in replies on twitter. i want people to stop feeling like they need to respond to everything i post on twitter. i want to block specific people on twitter but i know that if i do so, i’ll be ultimately condemning that friendship because they’re going to take it so extremely personally. i want to post more about being nonbinary but i’m also just like. i’m still very feminine and for a few years now have felt that demigirl is the most accurate description but as more and more friends of mine keep coming out as trans i’m like “welp, guess i’m a trender, obviously i’m wrong because i’m not binary trans” which like. is my own brain being a shithead but like. i’d enjoy being able to just like. function and live my best life. i’d also love for my anxiety to not completely destroy any sense of self that i have and subconciously convince me that i’m being an inconvenience at all times. i want to not go to the fucking dentist tomorrow because i didn’t mean to actually follow through with this appointment, i meant to fucking push it back but i thought it was on tuesday not monday so i was hoping i could arrange to push it back tomorrow but it’s tomorrow not on tuesday so rip i guess i have to fucking go. i wish i could just be in a fucking relationship so that i could also just like. feel better about my own brain and identity because my lack of any dating experience makes my brain go “you’re all wrong” like im just mad. i miss going to concert. i wish that i could curate my personal twitter account and deal with the people i want to deal with without having to deal with the people that i dont want to. i want to block people and not have it affect my creative relationships. i want to also get this internship i applied for the other day because it just. sounds really good and it would be a great thing to do as a job without having to go into the schools because my original plan for this year was to work as a substitute but like i dont want to die ya know. i also want to rework my whole wardrobe and living space but like. exponsive and also like. what if i’m wrong. what if i’m wrong with any of this. i’m so fucking tired i just want to know that i know who i am ya know. like i want to go full in on the like alt girl aesthetic but also, what if a year later i’m like “actually, rip femininity, we andro/masc from now on” like that’d just be so much money wasted! also physical forms? existing? please just let me live in the aesthetic i want without having to pay exorbitant extra amounts for specific plus sized brands or making everything myself. making things for myself always also feels just like. so self indulgent. like why make things for myself when i could make it for someone else and make it yet another fucking side hustle. that’s why i havent been writing, showmaking, art making, sewing, anything. anything that i do for myself is a waste of fucking time because no one else gets to appreciate it, you know! but also it’s not like anyone else wants anything i create because there’s already fourty thousand other people who are doing the same things but eighty times better and so it’s like. why do it myself when someone else can do it better. alright i’m ending this because i’ve been sidewatching ouran while typing this because i’ve been rewatching ouran for the past month because it’s the only thing giving me any kind of happiness which like. i’m constantly irritated by it but i also consumed it for the first time in 7th or 8th grade at the depths of my depression so i guess now it’s one of my comfort shows! and i don’t want to watch real people, i just want anime right now! if i could watch yowapeda on the tv instead of the computer or my phone, i would! i miss my dipshit bikers! anyways we out. 

[cybernightwanderer]

30 years old trapped living with my mom in quarantine.

So basicly if you saw my last post, or didnt doesnt matter. According to my mother ( of three - me, and two older brothers ) i owe her my life, while my brothers dont. ( Because she raised me LOL ) According to my mother i have to serve her and financialy contribute/support her my whole life, even if it means i wont be able to gather for my own house or life. My mom controls my money. My life. And tries to control how i act, dress, or look overall, what i like, what dreams i can , and cannot have. If i can leave a emotionally and physical harming job or not. If i get to have a roof over my head or not. And this is how : - I had a dept i had to pay, and its fully payed of, and since she is my mother ofc i dont have “ receits “ of what i payed her. But its simply a matter of memory and math,and checking my contracts of  the three largest jobs i worked ( 2 years and half each ) i payed her every month between 150-210 every month. ( i started paying before that, i mean i even quit school because she pushed my into depression because of it ) I would also pay my own medical buills, transportation, food, etc. My own shit basicly. If i do confront her claiming that i already payed her, she will either : Invalidate , deny that i payed her, or payed her enought.  And that i dont have proof. Threaten me to kick me off the house, to beat me, to leave me on the road etc, shes not very creative, its always the same. And that if i already payed her my dept, that i still have to pay 200 to stay home for food and gast and shit THAT I USE, or she will kick me out. ( and of i dont have money to sustain myself because of this ) However gas, light and water, cable its expenses i already pay half by half with her wich sums about to 50 euros per month ( wich also includes her OWN cellphone bill ) So she demands me paying that. PAYING food ( that i already do if you do the math , specially because i can spend a whole month eating just cereal or not eating at all ) So i pay her 200 a month ( aside if i owe her something i will also pay, but now i refuse her attempts of lending me money, because i always run out of money half way into the month. ( note she will get offended if i do not accept her offer to lend me money because she is  “ concerned for my health “ LOL ) So making an easier note  i pay for : - Half of the bills - gas, light , water, cable , and half of her phone ( she forces me , and threatens me if i try to refuse ) - This sums up to 50 euros. - The right to be in my mothers house , the right to eat the food she buys. - This sums up to 150 euros. Aside from this i pay with whats left of my money : - Transportation - 40 euros. - My own cellphone bill. like 20 euros.

- Food sometimes - 50 euros every two weeks,( wich she also eats, for example if i buy lactose free yogurts like 10 , she will drink 5. If i buy smooth cookies ( because i have three broken teeth ) she will eat more than half , if not the whole packadge. If i eat cereal , or barely eat she will constantly yell and chase me down to eat something. So lets say i dont have much money and i dont wanna spend the leftover money i have on food, because i might need something else, she will not leave me alone. Yet i already pay for food costs on the general 200 montly bill, yet if i do not pay for my own food at the supermarquet or even eat the food she bought she will make my life a living hell for two weeks or more. Meaning its a vicious cicle and it has no end, its always looping. -Mecial bills - for my hernias back and legg pain, depression, anxiety and respiratory alergies. - wich leads up to 50-80 euros , if i dont go to medical apointments ( wich i dont anymore, that would be more 180 euros ) And medical buills in general, i tend to have a lot of teeth infections because i cannot afford going to the dentist, so im always buying antibiotics or painkillers to “ hold on “ , and can never go to an actual apointment. -My own living supplies, if i need clothes, shoes or wtv. And living in my mothers house : - I have no privacy or personal space, meaning she will enter my room, after knocking , most of the times not even knocking, even if i say no SHE WILL enter. At least 10 times or more, half ot the times to yell or complain at me. Usualy between 14 - 21 . Meaning if i wanna do an art project : recordings, painting time lapses and shit, BASICLY BE IN MY OWN ROOM i have to ask for permission and explain why lol. And still she wont respect it. - If i dont wax  either my face or leggs or something , she will spend at least half an hour everyday telling me how bad it looks and how shamefull it is. Either in public or in private ( its humiliating ). The same goes to : - If i wear certain clothes or makeup - im either dressing badly and she wont allow me to go out to the grocery store with her, and will pressure me ( force me and yell at me ) if i dont. If i overdress, she will also shame me. I mean she just humiliates me and makes me feel bad overall for any decision on my own life basicly. Specially little things. - She will treat me badly for two weeks or more ( like a tantrum ) i dont do things exacly like she orders , like if i dont do my bed ( i mean im depressed and just want to die, and she makes my life harder than it is to a point i can barely get out of bed sometimes ) she will get in my room 5 to 6 times and yell everyday for not making my bed, or my room not being tidy. Up until 3 years ago , she would come up to my room and organize my display shelf the way she wanted and yell at me for complaining about it. Like i have certain arts and crafts pastel paste in one tiny pink basquet, pendants in a green one and glus and stuff in a blue one. She would come up and take everything out and put it in a trash. It took a lotttt, and i do mean a lot of daily arguments, head heat for her to stop messing with my display cabnet. - At the age of 28(?) i did my first two piercings, she spent a whole week shaming me and telling me how ugly it made me look and that i ruined my face. Even tho its something i had always dreamed of, and she never allowed me to. - Like i said before i buy my own clothes, and sometimes i sell the old ones. She will take the ones i wanna sell, for herlsef because she needs them and i have no right to sell them. I mean, if its mine, if i bought it, and i wanna sell it, so use the money to buy something difrent, then its mine right? She either will “ borrow “ clothes without permission , when she does ask permission i have to tell yes because, you know, she will unleash hell. The only thing i ask her is to leave the things where she found it after using it because while working i dont have much time before leaving for looking for them. And after a while of not asking for permission i notice, a lot of clothes go missing. She later on, keeps the clothes for weeks or even a month, and then claims its hers , or just forgets where she put it ( she lost already a few pieces of mine, specialy my favourite tshirt ) And if i ask for them , she will yell at me for acusing her LOL. For example. Early last month she has the tendancy to force me to wash my clothes with hers. I usualy refuse because she will stupidly charge me for it, or confuse my clothes with hers. So i always do my laundry separate. She hates it when i do it btw. Recently there was a major fight, she almost kicked me ouf ot the house/car in the midle of the highway.

She has a black V neck BODY ( note a full body shirt ) in black with layered strippes. I have a black turtle neck crop top size S  also with the black layered stripes( meaning its a really short shirt, its impossible to mistake ) But NOTE , one is a turtle neck crop top , the other is a V neck BODY, i mean, theres no way you can confuse them , specialy if you put the in a HANGER FFS. I usualy wear it to work, because, well. Well.. what can i say my coworkers are fuckers and cant handle personal style. So i tend to tone it down a bit, already get humiliated for too many things on a daily basis at work, dont need more. And the shirt went missing for two weeks after i brought it home after washing and put it in a hanger. I have it also in two other colors in yellow and pink. So i spent looking for it an hour or two , because i knew i had put it there. I didnt even dare to ask her, and she came up to me and asked me what i was looking for. And i showed her the pink and yellow one, and told her. She said SHE NEVER SAW THAT SHIRT OR ANYTHING LIKE IT. I mean....if you have one “like “ it , you could at least check no? Well lets just say this shit ended badly after i found ou my shirt was HIDDEN in her room. I came home with my washed laundry, she trew everything on the ground and stepped all over the wash clothes humiliating me and calling me names... SO yeah FUN. Carrying on. My mom always had the tendancy to go in my room and trought my things. What can i do.. Anyway , this is all for now.

[jordynwallerbison]

resource guide:

Introduction:  When I get older my main goal is to eventually become a pediatric surgeon. From a young age I had always  known that I had wanted to be a doctor because it was what me grandparents had pushed me to do as they had noticed I had real knack for  constantly wanting to help. as I got older  and gain more insight on what I had wanted to be I realized I wanted to be a pediatrician because I had loved working with kids. Then, in 2017 I took a trip to India to do a medical internship and fell in love with surgery and  realized that what I truly wanted to become was a pediatric surgeon. Becoming a pediatric surgeon is not only a dream of mine but its somethings the rest of my family looks forward to as well because id the first actual doctor in my family.

Key terms: 

Medical school:

 Definition-  a tertiary educational institution, or part of such an institution, that teaches medicine, and awards a professional degree for physicians and surgeons. Such medical degrees include the Bachelor of Medicine, Bachelor of Surgery, Doctor of Medicine, or Doctor of Osteopathic Medicine.

 Importance- I will need to attend medical school in order to receive my degree in order to practice medicine and become doctor 

Mcat:

 Definition-computer-based standardized examination for prospective medical students in the United States, Australia, Canada, and Caribbean Islands. It is designed to assess problem solving, critical thinking, written analysis and knowledge of scientific concepts and principles.

Importance-  this is test I will need to take in order to get into medical school and I need to score at least a 508 out 528 to get into a reasonably good medical school

Surgery:  

definition- a medical specialty that uses operative manual and instrumental techniques on a person to investigate or treat a pathological condition such as a disease or injury, to help improve bodily function or appearance or to repair unwanted ruptured areas.

Importance- this is the specific medical specialty that I would like to do ( this is my ultimate goal)

Medical residency:

 Definition-stage of graduate medical education. It refers to a qualified physician, podiatrist, dentist, optometrist, veterinarian, pharmacist who practices medicine, usually in a hospital or clinic, under the direct or indirect supervision of a senior clinician registered in that specialty such as an attending physician or consultant

Importance- I will need to do a 5 year residency after medical school in order to become a qualified senior attending surgeon

Pediatric surgery: 

 Definition- Pediatric surgery is a subspecialty of surgery involving the surgery of fetuses, infants, children, adolescents, and young adults.

Importance-  this is the the type of surgery I would like to specialize in 

 journal: the world journal of pediatric surgery The world journal of pediatric surgery is a resource that publishes important findings and results in pediatric surgery. In particular it focuses on interdisciplinary studies such as robotic surgery , 3d printing, minimally invasive techniques artificial intelligence and so much more.  This journal relates to my goal because I would like to be a pediatric surgeon in the future and this journal gives me a glimpse of what I would be doing and what I can look forward to in the near future as I strive to pursue my goal.

Book: Gray’s anatomy Gray's Anatomy is an English written textbook of human anatomy originally written by Henry Gray and illustrated by Henry Vandyke Carter. It gives an in depth description of the human body as It pertains to things such as surgery, and other medical practices. This book relates to my goal as most medical students have had to read or use this textbook at some point during their medical and educational career and I assume I will at some point as well.

Organization on campus: the health profession society The health profession society’s. Main goal is to aid students in their journey to medical school. This society provides advisory on which classes you should and shouldn’t take as well as offer scholarship, internship and job opportunities.  This relates to me and my goal as and organization like this is really there to help keep me on track toward my goal and gives me multiple avenues to reach that goal.

Organization in the world: the association of American medical colleges The aamc is a non profit organization that administers the mcat and also helps facilitate students that apply through medical school and residency programs. This relates to me as im going to have to go through in order to become a doctor and get into a residency program.

Expert interview: Dr. Tonya Watson ( anesthesiologist) Dr. Tonya Watson is an anesthesiologist in a private practice maryland. ( she’s also my aunt) I chose to interview because the majority of my questions were focused the process through medical school and not so much her specialty so she was the perfect candidate.

 Here is a transcribed interview: 

1st question: what was the toughest part about medical school for you?

Answer: learning how to study/ figuring out how to study, getting to med school I quickly realized that my study habits weren’t efficient because there was so much information constantly being thrown at us and I first I couldn’t keep up so I had to adjust .

2nd question: what part of the mcat was the hardest for you or what part do you suggest I study the most?

Answer: anything pertaining to physics , you know chemistry biochemistry and. Bio were my thing but anything pertaining to physics was a no-go I didn’t understand anything it was like a foreign language to me. 

3rd question: is calc 2 required for medical school (im sorry this was super specific but I had been trying to find the answer online for months and I couldn’t find it anywhere).

Answer:  I would think so, I think the requirements have changed since ive been in school but when I was there took calc 2 so would assume its still a requirement.

[wokainight]

Could I request a dad Doyoung and dad Johnny (or Yuta if that's easier) ? 😊 Thanks

notes: how dare u ask for a father!doyoung,, are you looking forward to my funeral????? (jks u lovely af

DOYOUNG: 

that dad who revolves his life around his kids but also very attached to his bed/couch

like would v much so cook for them, care and watch cartoons with them (but he’s lying on the couch and they’re snuggled up against him)

can b pretty strict bcoz he just wants the best for them 

“but daddy i want the toy!” and doyoung would cluck his tongue, shaking his head once again. “you got something recently and i dont think ive seen you play with it more than once”

can’t stay mad at them for long and would constantly come to u for reassurance like,,

“i don’t think im doing this right” he would crash into your arms, sighing

“why do you think so? i think you’re doing great” you laugh lightly, patting his back in a gentle, repetitive motion

“they’re giving me the puppy eyes,” he pulls back slightly. “do you know how pitiful that looks?”

no ofc not doyoung,,

ur not the mum ofc not,,

(insert blatant sarcasm)

really tries hard to make healthy things

but kids and sugar is like not separable,,

and then when they have to get their cavity filled, he’s like banging his head against the wall, cursing himself for being too soft on them

because his baby is literally crying on the chair and ur holding their hand and he can’t cry along cos that means he’s approving the fact that the dentist is a scary place–

but he does whine to you that night and is more silent towards his baby moreso than usual

(what is doyoung without the snappy remarks???)

(a sad_dad!doyoung)

literally knows what his kid wants for christmas, birthday and literally every occasion he needs to check off and buy them a gift (ofc he knows u v. very. very. well as well)

would actually get off the couch to play with his baby (tho only if they came up to him and bribed him with a kiss)

“okay fine,, but just for ten minutes yeah?” literally spends the whole day trying to amass this big ass lego town set he bought them for christmas

steps on lego multiple times and has to bleep himself out of context

“sHIT–”wide eyes, glancing at his child looking right back at him, “TAKE MUSHROOMS!” and sort of looks at ur direction, sending sos, “mummy do we have any shittake mushrooms- i really feel like eating some”

calls u mummy sometimes, jagi (honey/sweetie/darling in korean) other times,, and ur names esp when ur alone

and just to mess with him sometimes, u’d legit call him daddy and u bet it’s when ur kiddo’s in bed

because doyoung’s eyes are on u like a hawk and you bet it’s a whole heap of a messy make out session

and then ur kid kinda wal;ks in

and pANIC!DOYOUNG 

his voice breaks: “aNd GooDNiGhT kiSsEs FOR MuMmY”

“me too! me too!” ur kiddo kinda runs into bed and doyoung tries so hard to not be noticed when he pulls his hand away from ur pants

cos

daddy needs to keep it PG

u just kinda cackle in ur seat lol

JOHNNY: 

the cool dad

so laid back he’s taking away the couch’s job legit so legit

the type of dad that comes up to pick up his kid, running a hand thro his hair, an iced americano in hand (even during winter), lookin so fashionably cool and not quite dad fashion,,

and just strolls up (sometimes with sunglasses, or fake non prescription glasses)

anywho so damn extra

the house literally smells like a coffee shop because so many goddamn beanss and grounded coffee and cold brew and so damn extra once again

lets the kid taste test coffee and their reaction is literally his phone bg because their nose is scrunched up like a bunny and the shock is to live for

will legit tease them about it in the future because he’s got that in vIDEO 

is pretty chill when getting them toys but would always double check with them first

“do you really want this baby?” and when ur kid nods absentmindedly, looking over the box once again, he repeats. “like do you really really really think you’ll play with this for a long, long, long time?”

yes no maybe?

toast or cereal kind of dad

is okay with cooking but it’s kinda limited and he doesn’t quite enjoy cooking

but he does do other housework like putting up the laundry for you or washing the dishes

things that take less skills practically

reads to his baby almost everyday before bed and would be so animated

“and then the princess comes out of the castle and–”

“it’s mummy” your little one would point out, finger outreached. 

johnny follows the guidance and puts on a big, wide smile when he sees you, leaning on the doorframe with a mirroring expression

he just looks so soft and you wonder how you got so lucky

so when he beckons you to come and sit beside him (despite there def not being enough room in the single bed), you sort of lay on top of ur husbando and listen to him story tell, letting you read some lines and listening to your kiddo’s tired giggles and twinkling laughter

when the two of you untangle yourself and smoothly exit the room cos ur baby is in night night, johnny just turns to you with open arms

“i did a great job didn’t i?”

when you wrap your arms around him and hum, nodding in agreement,

all you can hear is johnny’s soft chuckles and the two of you rock side to side, content in each other’s embrace

[kitwilsonsass]

i’m gonna fucking kill someone???

i had to like yell at my dad twice trying to set up this tv because he kept hovering over my shoulder telling me to do things and then trying to lift up heavy shit and grabbing stuff by the screen and i was like PLEASE STOP I HAVE IT STOP SIT DOWN like you can barely stay upright don’t try to lift something thats like 30 pounds.

and then??? my coworker who constantly lies and asks for covered shifts lately texted everyone this morning saying her son is sick (yesterday it was that she was sick). then she called me when i was driving but didn’t leave a message. so i texted the thread back saying ‘i can probably do a 4-8 on call if they absolutely 100% need it’ because THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE MY FUCKING STAY HOME CHILL DAY WHICH WAS ALREADY FUCKING DESTROYED AND TOMORROW I’M SPENDING ALL DAY AT THE DENTIST WHICH IM ANXIOUS AF ABOUT. didn’t hear *a damn thing back*. kept checking phone. texted my boss like ‘uh did she find coverage?’ didn’t get a response.

then my shifty texts me ‘call at 3:30′ and im like uhhh would’ve been nice to know that was happening. ‘so and so said you offered to be on call?’ ‘i did yeah’ ‘well thats why youre on call’ ‘which is fine but i literally never got any response or confirmation’ ‘she didnt tell you she talked to us?’ ‘no.’

so like its a fuckin wednesday and they have 2 other people until 8 and its officially slow season so i probably wont be needed but still??? now i gotta fuckin sit here half the night in makeup and dress pants and shit in case i get called in.

which FINE. I OFFERED. to be fucking nice i offered. but fucking hell TELL ME WHATS GOING ON. DONT JUST LEAVE IT AT ME OFFERING AND DONT SAY “HEY YEAH THAT’LL WORK” because im gonna fuckin assume otherwise. and i told my shifty i DIDNT WANT TO ASSUME because sometimes they say no, we need someone at this specific time, and her actual shift was a 3, not a 4.

[sharkneto]

recognized by the dentist by how clean my teeth are i'm fucking winning

[trckingtime]

rules: answer 22 questions and tag 22 people

💫i was tagged by @elirluna (thank you so much i love when you remember your shitty mutual (aka me) in these games!)💫

Nickname: i don't really have one, my friends sometimes call me mery but as a joke because i dont really like it.

Zodiac sign: aries

Height: 168cm

Last movie i saw: Meet the fockers (actually i didn't even finish it, it was on tv and i wasnt paying attention)

Last thing i googled: "rose oil for acne scars"

Favourite musician: Simple Plan oops

Song stuck in my head: Kiwi by Harry Styles

Other blogs: dont have any

Following: 401

Followers: 650

Do i get asks? Rarely

Amount of sleep: between 4 hours and a half and 3 (5 on the best days)

Lucky numbers: not lucky but 10

What im wearing rignt now: soft pyjamas

Dream job: dentist

Drean trip: anywhere, all around the world trip

Favourite food: sushi

Language: my native language is Spanish, then i know English and French and i spent a whole summer learning Norwegian but i kinda left it aside because of school (but im hoping to catch up this summer). I took a German for a year but i barely remember anything ):

Favourite song: i cant choose but right now Malibu Nights by Lany

Random fact: I'm doing a lot of things in such a short period of time!! Im doing my last high school finals ever, I'm graduating, taking my EVAU exams (the one's spanish students have to take to see if they get the grade to go to the university they want), going to Mallorca with my friends in less than 2 months

Describe your aesthetic: kinda art hoe, amazing socks, plant lover, sunflower bouquets, constantly taking pictures, peach slices and any smoothie, tired soul, ticket stubs and street maps from places theyve visited, untold stories, missing the train, coffee coffee and caffeine instead of blood, bloody noses, trying their best, staying up for the sunrise, messy hair, movie nights, stargazing, golden hour, strong opinions, leadership, perfectionist, dark circles under their eyes, cold hands and always stylish.

I tag @lonelylikeasatelliite @takeasmiletoday and anyone who wants to tbh ♡♡♡

[true-autistic-tales]

hiya, welcome back to my reviews and rankings of my slowly slowly dying hyperfixation, ive left a link to my previous post if this is you're first time seeing this, anywhooom now onto the first half of season 4 under da cut (づ｡◕‿‿◕｡)づ

last whiff of summer part 1 & 2

the dvd i bought combined both parts so ill do too, out of simplicity or somethin. after seeing the kids not doing anything, frankie and mike decide they'll go to one if those old drive-in movies but end up revealing that axl is mike's favorite child. brick's voice is starting to really change, oh no, he's turning into a preteen aaa. sue trying to get the attention of mike by being "evil" is sad but kinda sweet, especially when she tries to get lost in the fair. she tries her best at everything and constantly has a positive outlook but she always goes unnoticed, even in her family at moments, but she's definitely noticed in my book. i love how axl accidentally joins the demolition derby, it's fun. i really adore the ending with the "summer of sue and dad" notebook, it's really cute and funny. good episode.

"people love tall people. ive seen the studies."

the second act

ive been dreading this episode, not because it's shit or anything but because it's the second last appearance of bob and that makes me sad, especially how he cries and hugs frankie after she gets fired, oh yeah, i probably should have mentioned that first. frankie gets fired by ehlert, sue mentors a freshman that ends up not really needing her, axl gets obsessed with being a senior, and brick uh does something that upsets mike. i kinda hate frankie here, she tells bob that they'll keep on touch but after this, they literally never talk to each other again, the whole reason why we see him one last time is because frankie accidentally goes back there instead of her new job after a busy day, shame on you, frankie, shame on you, you little shi- axl comforting frankie about studying for a new job is so genuinely sweet, i love moments like this where axl is nice, it shows that he isn't just a pain in the ass, he's an actual complexed person, he shows niceness in his own way, i love itttt. good episode, top of the list.

bunny therapy

brick develops a new stim, it being randomly saying "whoop" while looking up, so the school therapist, chuck fulton, suggests that they should get a pet for brick whom turns out to be insane, while sue tries out for mascoting (if that's even a word) with the cheerleaders, and axl attempts to figure out if hes dates courtney or debbie cuz he forgor [skull emoji]. i love how frankie and mike stick up for brick and his stims while watching axl play, it's sweet. really good episode, top of the list so far.

"[moans maniacally.] now get me a car."

the hose

after snooping in on mike's paycheck, sue realizes that they're poor while mommy- i mean rita accuses frankie of stealing her garden hose and rains hellfire on her. i love how since frankie had to go to the dentist for her chipped tooth, she starts thinking about being a dentist assistant, that's smart writing, i love it, and i love it more because of the detail when she has the chopped tooth, she has a tiny lisp that i didn't even notice first time watching this. i love sue, she's so considerate, and she doesn't want to go on a trip with her friends because she knows it costs a lot and she doesn't want her family to pay for her. axl explains sex to brick in graphic detail, wrongly. another really good episode, above the second act.

halloween 3: the driving

because of a deal/bet with frankie, brick literally eats an entire year and a half worth of candy in less than 24 hours, sue practice drives, i guess you would call it, and axl gets to vote since he's 18. i feel like im gonna go through this exact thing sue is going through when i try to drive, cars are just kinda scary to me, i can't really help it. sue completely destroys axl's foot with their car and it's hilarious. like how the more sick brick is, the more neurotypical he is, the more candy he has is basically the same affect weirdly. good episode but it almost have nothing to do with halloween other than bricking eating a shit ton of candy, above last whiff of summer part 1 & 2.

"if people are allergic to bees, can bees be allergic to people?"

the safe

frankie goes to dentist school, axl gets tutored by cassidy and for some reason falls for her, and sue and brick try to open a safe while referencing shows- actually it's not even referencing shows it's just saying the show's tilte. i kinda like how jane kaczmarek is frankie's dentist teacher person, cuz "hehehaha malcolm in the middle sounds a lot like the middle.". i love it when they pare sue and brick together, it's always fun. they literally put a big ass hole in sue's hall, again. not a lot else to say other than it's good, above last whiff of summer part 1 & 2.

"im suing milk!"

thanksgiving 4

the hecks host marines for thanksgiving while, frankie tries to reflame pat and tag's love, axl's foot heals in less than 3 episodes but cassidy comments on how sport is a waste of time, making axl not really want to do it, brick hyperfixates on a new book, and sue's mascot head is stolen. brick finding a new hyperfixation and infodumping everyone while they're doing other stuff, obviously not caring, is very relatable to me. i love brad's dance fight and the cut to him with a broken nose, it's so funny. i also love sue's speech to axl and the very over dramatic music. good episode, above the safe.

"who punches a guy while he's on his tippy toes? that's not how a dance fight work."

christmas help

reverend timtom suggest that brick should be in his play, sue makes cookies for said play, mike accidentally helps rusty steal stuff, frankie tries to abuse her employees discount for christmas presents, while axl creates his own little man cave with the stuff rusty and mike stole. i love mike talking to "the man upstairs", how he first starts nervously stiming with his brother's car keychain thing, thinking about what timtom said, before sitting down. i really really love how the hecks make light of how awkward brick was in timtom's play, it's amazingly sweet, especially when axl talked to brick, it got an audible awww out if me. a really good episode episode with great ending, top of the list so far.

twenty years

brick gets excited for the final planet nowhere book release, his somewhat new special interest, while sue tries to throw a party for frankie's and mike's 20th anniversary, and frankie gets pissed at mike for not picking up her cute call but don't worry, mike makes up for it in the end with something very sweet. i absolutely love brick's talk to axl, explaining why spoiling that book broke him, it's so unbelievably relatable, i completely understand why brick would feel like this after axl messed with him, a lot of my past and current hyperfixations and special interests means a lot to me, more to me than you could ever imagine, they're my friends, my buddies, my family, and even my lovers, a shoulder to cry on when it's looking dark, a person that will always cheer you up with a laugh, someone that will always be there for you, even when everything around you is turning into hell itself, and i wouldn't trade them for anything in the entire world, so if someone ever did something like that to me, i wouldn't function the same without my friends. just because it's so relatable, top of the list, brick perfectly explains why some special interests means so much lot to folk, specially me. yeah, i am very biased since fiction affects me a lot in many different ways, i know, but if you're anything like me, this episode will speak volumes to you, if not that, at least brick's talk.

life skills

sue and axl have the same class period together, brick goes sees chuck fulton, the school therapist that also appeared in bunny therapy, while frankie's car windshield gets broken. once again, brick is very relatable in this one, not really understanding the point of befriending a bunch of screaming little shits. i absolutely love how brick always considers chuck a friend of his, it's so sweet, and that fact that chuck is surprised by this makes it so much more nicer. everybody owing axl favors and axl using those to his advantage to finish his and sue's school project is brilliant, i love it. axl is very hilarious in this, he's such a fun character. really great episode, above bunny therapy.

one kid at a time

after another round of arguing with each other, frankie comes up with the bright idea of having a whole day just for one kid each day. i literally screamed when mike referenced limestone. i feel so bad for brick and how shit his special day was, he literally makes a scene in the shoe shore just so he can be yelled at and noticed. the smile he had walking back to his room after he got yelled at by frankie and mike was weirdly nice. i really enjoyed this one, above the hose.

the friend

frankie tries to befriend the new neighbor, todd packer jeff and colleen, those two cheerleaders bitches start cheering for the wrestlers even though wrestlettes are a thing, and axl and cassidy make out everywhere ew straight people ew. i love brick bonds with cassidy about planet nowhere until axl shoos him away and brick even talks a bit about catcher in the rye which just reminds me of thanksgivings 2 and bob's jealous face he made to brick and hhhhaaaaa i love that little face of his so much, i don't think ive talked about him enough, he's so unbelievably pretty and precious and chris does such a great performance of my boy aaaa >,////,< i have i told you how much i love bob? cuz i do, a lot- i adore the wrestlerettes having a dance off with those cheershits. i like how frankie ends up scaring away the neighbors, she definitely would. good episode, above halloween 3: the driving.

ranks so farrr

good season so far, definitely more relatable for me than i expected. im very excited for the rest of the season where we get introduced to ted goodwin, he's such a sweet boy. anyway, onto the actual ranks. this is going to be a lot more difficult when i have to rank them all together by the end of this, isn't it?

12. last whiff of summer part 1 & 2

11. the safe

10. thanksgiving 4

9. halloween 3: the driving

8. the friend

7. the second act

6. the hose

5. one kid at a time

4. bunny therapy

3. life skills

2. christmas help

1. twenty years

[slusheeduck]

Rule: Answer 11 questions and ask 11 more

UNLESS YOU’RE SLUSHEE.

THEN YOU ANSWER 44.

SO HERE WE GO, YOU MONSTERS.

@alreadyinmotion (I’M ONLY ANSWERING ONE SET)

Podcast/music you’re listening to right now? Well, RIGHT now I’m listening to “Celtic Music for Sleep,” but recently it’s been a lot of Elder Scrolls. For “Sonance” I listened to Mozart’s Klarinnettenkonzert and the MITJ soundtrack, including just Lisztomania (the theme version) for four hours straight.

You can have anything in the world to eat right now.  What is it? I just ate, so I’m not that hungry. But I guess I could go for some tonkatsu ramen.

Zodiac sign? Cancer.

What’s something you’re excited to do this week? GOING TO DISNEY TO TRY MY LUCK AT GETTING A MIGUEL MUG.

Favorite article of clothing? My oversized flannel shirts.

A food you want to try? Oden. God, I want to try oden so bad.

Favorite food when you’re sick? Plain noodles. Coincidentally also my favorite “It’s 3 am and I’m drunk and starving” food (if chips/fries are not an option.)

Favorite thing to do for others? Make them laugh.

Your best friend/sibling/S.O. wants to hang out! What do you do together? Best friend: Binge on anime. Sibling: Binge either Baking Championship or Real Housewives.

What’s something you’re proud of? Honest to god I am so proud of the fics I’ve put out for the Coco fandom. While I haven’t been ashamed of my fics, I’ve never been like HEY LOOK AT THIS I LIKE THIS THING I MADE before now.

What’s something you want to plug in and have people check out ;)  (Promote your OCs, AUs, webcomics, etc! Or your friends! BOAST, ALL YOU CREATIVE BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE) Well, if you want an idea of what my original stuff is like, Wit reminded me today that I have my script Troubadour on my original works page. So, yanno, maybe check that out? I’m constantly ready to talk about “Hates Everything About Adventuring” Caena and Murder Goblin Edrys.

@im-fairly-whitty

1. What part of a creative project excites you the most? Probably writing out intense emotional scenes--any scene where someone breaks down into tears or, more favorably, explodes in a rage that becomes tears is when I’m at my writing peak.

2. If you could teleport anywhere in the world RIGHT NOW but could only stay for 45 minutes where would it be and why? I think I’d go to Paris. I love Paris a lot, but the whole travel aspect is not great. So if I could just pop over and get some bread or whatever, that’d be super rad.

3. Favorite animal. WHY ARE YOU ASKING HARD QUESTIONS WIT. Let’s say a penguin. Because I would absolutely be a penguin if I could.

4. If you where a dog what breed would you be? I’ve actually been doing a lot of dog research lately for reasons, and I think I’d be a shiba inu.

5. Favorite trait you value in a friend. Not being socially draining. It’s kind of a weird trait that is entirely based on my own perception of the person, but as someone who’s almost cripplingly introverted, it’s so nice to find people I can spend time with and not feel like I need to hide for a week afterward. 

6. Favorite season? Moodwise: Fall. Weather-wise: Spring.

7. Coolest injury/scar story you have (if you want to tell it). I dislocated my knee because I got too excited about a boy and I sprained my wrist in show choir.

8. What color would you paint your bedroom if you could choose? Honestly? Like a nice warm brown, maybe with darker stripes.

9. Favorite TV show. Right now probably Mozart in the Jungle.

10. Something you’re proud of? I ALREADY ANSWERED THIS I DON’T NEED TO BE PROUD OF MYSELF ANYMORE.

11.Superpower you would most want to have

Shapeshifting. I cannot express my frustration at having to look like the same person all the time.

@upperstories

If you could have any kind of pet with the means to care for it properly, what would it be? A lion. I freaking love lions.

Favorite time of day/night? There’s about five minutes when the sun’s setting, when it’s just dipped below the horizon, where the sky’s still lit but the trees and buildings look like black paper cutouts against it. That’s absolutely my favorite time of day.

Favorite color palette I’m a sucker for neutral, foresty shades. Greens are my fave.

Are you a swimmer or a sand-castle sculptor? I am a “Why did you want to come to the beach so bad, Slushee, you hate the beach and you know you hate the beach but you kept whining about how you wanted to ‘feel the ocean air’ and now you’re here and you hate it but you can’t go home yet because the drive would have been a waste so I guess we’re going to sit here and sulk for an hour”-er.

If you ever got to meet your hero(ine) what would you talk about? I’m terrible when I meet people I look up to, so I’d probably just stammer into silence and slam my head into a camera. That’s what I did when I met Lee Unkrich.

Clearance Aisle or Thrift Store? Both.

If you had enough money for the house if your dreams, where would you live and why? I’d live in a fancy loft in a hipster-y city. I’d love to check out Boston, but I don’t know if I’d want to live there. Paris is another good option, except that I’d have to speak French all the time. 

It’s raining like crazy outside. How does that affect your mood? TIME TO OPEN ALL THE WINDOWS AND LISTEN TO IRL RAINYMOOD.

Would you rather go on an adventure by yourself and make new friends on the way, or depart on an adventure with the friends you now have? I went on an adventure by myself, and it was a wonderful experience. I think I’d like to go on one of those again, but for now I’m very happy just staying home.

Favorite sound? Moving water. The sea, a river, the rain. So long as water’s moving I’m loving it.

Would you rather journey to the very bottom of the ocean or to outer space? Space is infinitely less scary than whatever’s going on with our oceans.

@calliopesquill

1. What do you wish more people knew about you? I wish more people knew how much I love pretty things. I’m a complete sucker for pretty things.

2. What place or thing in the world would you most like to see? Right now I really want to go to Japan. 

3. When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up? When I was REALLY little, I wanted to be a dentist. Then I became more sensible and wanted to be an actress.

4. What style of clothing do you think you look silly in? I look TERRIBLE in rompers. It’s a disgrace.

5. What would your alebrije be? (Yes, you can pick more than one!) My cat would absolutely be my alebrije, Pepita-style. Except grumpier and more demanding.

6. What movie are you most looking forward to this year? Uh...I honestly don’t know what movies are coming out. Wreck It Ralph 2 looks pretty interesting.

7. What is your favourite thing to cook? Onigiri’s pretty fun to make.

8. What is one skill you would like to learn? I really want to learn how to paint someday.

9. What book do you think everyone should read? OKAY THIS IS TOUGH BECAUSE BOOKS THAT TOUCH ME WILL PROBABLY NOT TOUCH YOU SO IDK.

I do think Ella Enchanted is a must for most little girls, though. That’s where I learned that main character girls could be angry and feisty and sarcastic, and it’s been a huge influence on all my writing.

10. What is your Hogwarts house? SLYTHERIN.

11. If you could dress like/make a costume of any character, who would it be? Is it cheating if I’m already making an Hector costume for Halloween?

OKAY NOW TIME FOR MY QUESTIONS.

You get to visit any historical time period. Where do you go?

You’ve switched places with your most recent favorite character. How screwed are you and why?

Come up with a catchphrase. This isn’t a question it’s an order.

What’s your usual soundtrack while doing creative things (or do you work in silence?)

What’s something you consider a guilty pleasure?

Tell us about the last book/short story/fic you read.

Talk about an animal. Just like, any animal.

What’s your favorite part about the medium you work with (art, writing, music, chemicals, whatever)?

Beach or forest?

What’s a style you’ve always wanted to try but haven’t been able to get the nerve/money to go for?

What’s a lyric that gets stuck in your head easily?

TAGGING 11 PEOPLE

WELL JOKE’S ON YOU GUYS, THE ONES WHO GOT TAGGED ABOVE ARE PART OF THIS QUESTION HELL.

JOINING THEM ARE @scribblrhob @lacendydreamer @seasidefanasties @humanityinahandbag @beckytailweaver @geod23 @white-throated-packrat

ENJOY.

[nukefamily]

THAT DELETED SCENE THO

 let's just talk about it for a sec. 

First of all, I'm still hella salty it got deleted like all the other Barisi scenes.

Ms Drake’s Appearance

I love the looks Sonny and Rafael get on their faces when Ms Drake appeared. (Excuse some shitty screenshots cause I took most on my phone lmao.)

They were both simultaneously going "Oh God. Here we go..." Because they both realize that what she’s doing. Approaching them to talk... and this is considered inappropriate in this sense. She shouldn’t be approaching them to talk as Barba is fighting against her son as he was suspected of raping her at this point. Even despite this though, they both stop and turn around, giving her the chance to speak instead of shooing her away like most would.

Now, we all know that Sonny really could've up and continued walking to give Rafael and Ms Drake a chance to speak one on one, but with the mix of both his good conscience, wanting to support a friend and colleague in this situation, and the fact that Ms Drake said she wanted to “look Barba and Carisi in the eye,” and “ask why they’re ruining her sons life,” he felt the pull to stay. To be a support system for Barba but also see if he could weigh in on the conversation. Not to mention he wanted to know what Ms Drake wanted to say simply because he’s a good person to begin with. Not to mention the look he gave when he was first addressed. It was a concerned but interested look... with a tinge of “don't mess with either of us.”

Barba’s Apology

“I’m sorry for what you’re going through.” Now, yes, that is the normal procedural line we hear all the time on this show and in real life from both cops and lawyers alike, simply because it’s typical protocol for them not to show too much sympathy and saying this is the safe way to go about it. It tends to sound robotic but I think that was Raúl’s intentions with delivering this line. And when Ms Drake said they should drop the charges, it sounded as if she still half-believed Barba’s words despite the ‘cold’ voice he used. I appreciated it when Sonny did step in saying that they couldn’t and I love the fact that Peter used a soft, saddened voice. With this, we know that Sonny wishes they could, but considering the circumstances, considering the fact that Andrew is suspected of raping Mandy, they can’t drop the charges as Andrew needs to have some sort of punishment instead of walking free and Mandy never getting justice for what was done to her.

Now, what I like most about Barba saying that he was open to a plea was the facial expression he gave before he turned his head. 

Maybe this was a poor screenshot but anyway. The expression to me looks like he wants to be done talking because he knows exactly where the conversation is going but he continues anyway, giving her another choice. While the expression is still rather soft while holding a cold-ish stare. I find Raúl to be very good at giving these kinds of expressions. Anyway. Continuing on.

Ms Drake’s Slam

“Must feel really good standing there in your expensive suit having all the power. Moving people around like chess pieces.”

Okay. Here we go. This sentence, you can just tell by the look on Barba’s face right after she says this, he knew that she was going to say something, but this was... well, not completely what he was expecting. We know that he doesn't like feeling high and mighty before he said “No. Doesn’t feel good at all.” Because we’ve seen him in court getting emotional. Examples: (x) (x) (x) there’s probably plenty more but you get the point. This being said/shown, if someone out there was too blind to see the pain behind this man’s mask since season 14 (2012), aka 5 years, even with it showing through on multiple occasions, THERE YOU GO. There’s the pain. 

Continuing on with that, cases definitely get to Barba, especially ones involving children (or in this case young teens) despite him not being a fan of children (which is evident with the way he held Noah that one episode, which I still find hilarious because same), it's still hard for him because children are innocent. They haven’t lived life long enough to experience the pain they’ve gone through.

When Ms Drake leaves, her expression is... well actually, I don’t know what it is. It looks like she believes him but doesn’t believe him at the same time? I don’t know if there’s a word for that or not. But perhaps this expression is because she doesn’t understand the weight Rafael constantly has on his shoulders because of the fact that she isn’t an ADA. She never had to take on the huge load of work that he has to. She’s never had to break families apart. She’s never had to deal with losing a case and making his client feel betrayed. It’s just something she’s never had to deal with so she isn’t sure if he’s telling the truth or not.

Then Sonny steps forward with a, still disappointed look, but also a small bit relieved. But maybe I’m just shit at reading facial expressions idk.

That Question

“Do you still wanna be a lawyer?”

This. Line. It’s like it’s constantly on Barba’s mind and honestly, I don’t blame him for having on his mind. Going back to 17x23, he brought it up after he identified Felipe Heredio. It’s like once he realised the dangers of being an ADA could happen to him, despite being friends with cops, he wanted Carisi to realise that being an ADA wasn’t all he probably thought. It wasn’t all fun court stuff. There was an actual risk of being one and he doesn’t seem to want Carsi to be in danger despite him being a Police Detective.. and he’s been in tough situations (so far).

Having a rough start when he joined SVU as the others thought he was blunt and insensitive despite his skills. It took a while, but he did eventually get respect and friendship from his colleagues.

He also has a tough time keeping his emotions in check like the time he nearly broke the dentist’s hand because he raped his own niece. 

Sonny responds with the fact he’s been thinking about it but when Barba says there’s an opening in Manhatten, Carisi goes on to decline said offer because he wants to stay a cop to protect and serve. Especially after Dodds’ death. 

Now, jumping back to the deleted scene, when Carisi was asked again, fdjkgf okay wait. So, because Barba asked, I’m automatically assuming that they talked about Sonny wanting to be a lawyer because we know characters interact off camera. It’s common knowledge at this point. So when Carisi says “Not today,” I’m thinking he told Barba he wanted to try again but there have been no openings recently which is.. understandable and maybe the new ADA, who’s coming in God knows when, took the spot in Manhattan between 17x23 and 19x04. Now, we won’t know this for sure until he comes into the show but aNYWAY.

Sonny’s Response

Because Sonny said “Not today,” I can only assume he realises the challenges involved in being a lawyer. Not that he hasn’t before but it’s suddenly coming back to him. Maybe he’s realising that it is a good thing to simply be a cop with a lawyer mindset as he can give another viewpoint when Barba isn’t there. But let’s just talk about the facial expression he gives. He’s also glad he doesn’t have to go through what Barba does, no matter how selfish that might sound on his part.

Like, you can see the concern in his face (and his voice but that’s beside the point-no it’s not but I’m not focusing on that because it’s audible. shh). I feel like this is because he honestly feels bad for Barba having to deal with this crap day in and day out. He knows it’s taking a toll on him and he feels bad, but there’s not much he can do but provide distractions for him every so often.

The Look™

I feel like this was geared towards Sonny's response. While we know Rafael is proud of Sonny, there's something else there. He wants Sonny to become a lawyer, but at the same time, does he want Sonny to be a lawyer? He's been a lawyer for a long time, since before season 14. I can't remember if they've ever said how long he's been one. He knows Sonny has been through a lot. Obviously, we know that too. I mean, hell, here are some things I didn’t mention above.

He was nearly shot in the head at gunpoint in 18x07 by Sgt. Tom Cole, a rape suspect. That had to of taken a toll on his mental state for a while, if not permanently. Thank you to Olivia for saving him btw.

When he was doing his best to hold onto the man’s hand in 19x02 (i forget his name pls forgive) but the glove slips off the man's hand and he ultimately plummets to his death and Sonny is very shaken up about it. 

And I mean, there are probably other things I forgot to write down but yeah. Barba knows that despite all that, something in Sonny wouldn’t be able to handle the hard passings of being a lawyer/ADA. And honestly, I feel that way too. With his good conscience, I feel like he wouldn't be able to work properly if he got a client who was the suspect of a crime. Not to mention, Barba probably realises Carsis sees court as “cool” and “awesome” and he’s “awestruck” by it. But once he gets to be a lawyer, he’ll realise it’s not all he thought it out to be. He doesn’t realise how hard being a lawyer is yet and Barba is probably trying to shield him from that fact for a while until Carisi is like “lol fuk u im doing it” and he doesn’t want to see the Detective’s dreams go down the drain. But I don’t think Barba realises that Carisi realises that being a lawyer isn’t all he thought it was gonna be due to the fact that he was always so giddy and excited when he was taking night classes.

Walking Away

Now, at the end when Barba is following after Carisi, I began thinking. 

Barba is walking after Sonny faster than normal

They must be going somewhere together

Where this somewhere is, who knows. My shipper brain really wants to take over and write a bunch of fantasies but I’m being realistic here in this thought thing so I’m not gonna do that. All I’m gonna say is maybe they’re going to get drinks or something. K? K.

Overall I’m still salty they cut this.

[cynicalsonya]

Sex, fetishwear, furries, meatloaf recipes

Yep a post about sex

Lots of weird sex

BDSM, butt stuff...

And the secrets to making the best meatloaf ever.

Which somehow is involved with the sex stuff

So if you're my kiddo, you'd be very sad reading this.

Ok I think it's safe now.

This post has nothing to do with sex, fetishwear, or furries. Sorry for getting your hopes up. I just don't want my kids to read it. Having your kids on Tumblr with you (my daughter is the one who encouraged me to start posting here) can be awkward sometimes.

My meatloaf secrets are using crushed stale (but quality) bread (not a box of "bread crumbs" prepackaged), soy sauce, and barbecue sauce. I didn't want to mislead you about *everything*. I was lying about sex being involved though. I do not recommend sex with meatloaf.

I haven't been posting much because I'm sad. My husband lost his job. We've never been wealthy enough to save very much. Does anyone else want to punch the writers of those articles that say "You should always have an emergency fund of 6 months salary set aside!" in their g*ddamned f*cking faces? When in f*ck do you think we've had enough after bills and student loans are paid to do that?

Student loans take half our income. I'm 42 and whatever total income I have, f*cking half is gone every month because my husband actually wanted to get a degree. I can't get aid like welfare or EBT (food stamps) because my income looks like twice that. And now it's nothing. So at least now I qualify for aid. Which isn't even as much as just *one* payment of these f*cking student loans.

My husband's family is amazing. They've offered to pay back the loans while my husband is unemployed. They also paid for takeout Chinese lunches for all of us as a treat.

Incidentally, my husband worked in a nonprofit for over 12 years. There's a program here in the US that pays off your loans if you work in a nonprofit for 10 years. But not if you miss even one payment. Then you're out. Which we did (miss a payment). Hilariously though, Trump didn't cancel the program but his people *did* take away the money intended to pay for it. So even those people who did do everything right still can't get their loans paid off. And this program only started ten years ago so they would only have started to be able to cash in on the program *this year*. Hahahaha. "If it's high quality evil, it's Trump brand evil!"

But I have no idea what's going to happen next in my life and it's making me very frightened.

I thrive on pattern and planning. This state of fear, financial insolvency, unawareness about the future makes me unable to sleep well. I am frequently tensing my muscles due to stress to the point that I'm sore all over all the time. I know I'm depressed. My memory is more faulty than usual. I have trouble feeling. I just feel numb and joyless. My stomach is paining me for no reason at all as best as I can tell. I live in a state of fear and sadness. My sensory issues are worse. My tolerance for the unexpected or unpleasant is greatly reduced.

I know it doesn't help anything to feel this way. I know it doesn't improve my life to be in fear. I just *don't know how not to*.

Incidentally, all our insurance was through my husband's job. It never paid for counseling anyway though.

I can't afford my dog's allergy medicine so he is genuinely scratching his fur and skin off of his face if he's not on a lap or supervised constantly. I left to go to church today and came back to raw flesh all over his forehead. He's allergic to fleas incidentally so not being able to get the cats flea medicine either is making things even worse. My dog adores me, but I can't help him. I feel like if I love him I should try and find him another home with people who can afford his medicine, but who wants a scabby, allergic, shy dog? I'd rather him be scabby and allergic than killed because no one wanted him. Plus he'd feel so betrayed. He is utterly devoted and that love is such a blessing right now.

Since I am a mom, I cannot express any of this at home. My kids need to feel like everything is going to be ok. My husband is stressed and worried too, and I don't want to make him feel worse. He didn't do anything wrong, they just shut down his division at work.

I need somewhere to vent. Somewhere I won't make things worse by expressing myself. Sorry Tumblr, you're it.

I'm so scared and upset, I'm in physical and emotional pain and all I can do is wait for my husband to get interviews. Im also thinking of applying to some walking distance crappy hourly jobs in the meanwhile. I just am not good at high pressure environments. I won't last, but even a few hours or days is money.

Positive things:

My middle kiddo, the 13 yr old genderfluid, outgrew their shoes. My minister gave them a new pair of shoes. Nice shoes even. They're an animal print in an athletic style and gender-neutral-named-kid thinks the shoes are great.

My husband does get paid (and have insurance) through the end of the month, so we're cramming dentist and medical visits in.

Our movie pass memberships were prepaid, so we can go to the movies for free every day.

My mom has an extra house, so if things get too bad I'll beg her to use it. She'll be mean about it and the house is hoarder-ish so I'd have to clean it, but it's still somewhere to live for free.

Tumblr is free. Cell phone service is free. I share a family cell phone plan with other people and this year is their year to pay.

My husband is sending out resumes and applying to dozens of jobs. Surely one will work out. He's an intelligent, witty and capable guy. He's physically disabled though, so I don't know if that will help or hurt his chances. Almost none of the jobs that are a good fit for his specialty are anywhere near where we live, so there's like a 90% chance of us having to move.

To all of you who post happy bunnies, funny cats, doofy dogs, emo sith lords, weird happy stories, THANK YOU!

To James Gunn (who will never read this) THANK YOU! I watch Guardians of the Galaxy (vol 1 and 2) as often as my family will put up with it. They are the happiest, most wonderful, uplifting films and I adore every single f*cking minute of them. (Except when Drax calls Gamora a "whore". He's a literalist. She's not a sex worker.).

If anyone actually reads this whole rant. Wow. I'm extremely surprised anyone would. It was spectacularly unrewarding and depressing. This is the end and there were no furries or fetishes. Hope you aren't too disappointed. But if reading this is the most disappointing thing in your life today, I'm officially jealous. :). (And I apologize. I don't want to be the saddest or most bothersome part of anyone's day, I just didn't want my kids to read this)