#im no vampire but this exchange made me feel things

[i-amusemyself]

"This is not a life!"

"That's because you took my life!"

~ Ink on paper ~

Finally finished this after more than a year 😅

Lestdot de Lioncort and Louis dot Point du Lac 🧛‍♂️

[mossterunderthebed]

Ever since I saw this comic I always somehow manage to write Yuuji and Ieri as friends.

Not necessarily super close or anything but like... sit in silence together, reminisce about the good times, swallow your sorrow and choke on silence buddies. Unwilling, tortured survivors.

They were there for each other when nobody else was. Because everyone was gone.

I don't know why but their relationship is Very Important to me.

"Please drink some water, Ieri-san," Ijichi says, offering a bottle of water with a deep crease between his brows. Always awkward, that one. Shoko doesn't know why he even tries. She should probably be grateful that someone in this hellscape does.

Utahime crouches beside her, reaching out to warm a patch of her arm. Good old Utahime. Soft hands, soft heart, soft voice. "Shoko, we need to move somewhere safe. Can you walk?"

She stays still long enough that they leave her alone, hunched on the floor. Alone alone alone. Hollow puppets, walking along; march in time. One by one, two by two. Cut strings left and right.

Who's gonna cut her strings? She's ready. Why's it just her? Picking up messes and dealing with the fallout, it's been this way since high school. She should've known. Bastards. Bastard.

She can't even cry.

Bastard.

"We're leaving now, Ieri-san," a voice says, youthful and bright-edged. Hoarse. She'd recognize those dulcet tones anywhere, even colored with so much grief. Itadori. "I'll carry you. Please tell me if you're uncomfortable."

She's lifted by strong arms, stronger than a teenager has any right to be. The day he ended up in her morgue, Satoru grinning with glass teeth as he contemplated mass murder, she'd thought he was another kid gone too soon. Haibara two point oh. Now she realizes she was wrong.

Try Satoru the second. She should have known.

What a legacy. What a damn- ahh, fuck. She doesn't have the energy to philosophize. Doesn't have the energy for anything, so she doesn't bother to fight as he carries her away, moving yet again, trying to find some safe haven that no longer exists, some hopeful ending that'll never come, no matter how many curses go down.

Heal, succeed; heal, fail; heal, sleep; heal, smoke; again again again. Never-ending. She can't figure out the point anymore.

Her best friends are dead.

She turns her head, tucking her face into Itadori's shoulder as he carries her, silent and solemn, like a wake. A witness to her own funeral, how perfect. The reverse curse user; she was always going to be the last to go. Maybe it was her destiny to witness the falling of a dynasty. Which god does she curse for this?

"We're all alone, huh, Itadori-kun?" She murmurs into the worn flesh of his uniform.

He doesn't reply.

It's not like she blames him. What the hell is there to say? But after a moment, his hands shift to grip her a little tighter, a little more secure, and by some miracle, when she drops off to sleep, she doesn't dream.

[eletricheart]

Right Where You Left Me

(Katherine Pierce x fem!reader)

*image creds to owner

Word count: 730 (ish)

ps: I thought of a friendship that could have been something more but didn't have the chance.

ps2: in doubt if i finish this like this or make a part2

ps3: song is at the end

ps4: not proofread, im so sorry for any mistakes

----------------------------------------------------

1764

You were hosting the new year ball with your husband when you met Katherine. You knew how to behave during social gatherings such as this, you were trained to be a proper Lady ever since you learned how to walk. Everyone you knew or met were the same, the talks were always gossip or complimentary exchanges.

It's no wonder why you were intrigued by Katherine. A clearly foreign woman, who not only politely refused to dance with the men but also stared at you the entire night. At first you believed there was something in your face, however as the vampire continued to follow you thought she simply wanted to greet one of the hosts.

Katherine didn't truly enjoy balls but the drinks were always so tasteful, sometimes she'd even try the ones they were serving. She wanted to kill you, to know what your blood would taste like. And, well, you willingly went after her, after all you wouldn't be a disgraceful host.

The vampire asked for a tour, to which you gladly complied. She only noticed that an hour had gone by when the firework show began, and for the first time she considered not murdering you.

You both became friends in the new year and stayed that way for many more to come. You were inseparable, Katherine protected you as if her life depended on it, rarely allowing to lose sight of you.

It was in 1770 that you died through the hands of vampire hunters, Katherine killed them all.

Your turning wasn't painless, but she was there, every step of the way.

1850

Your relationship changed after your death. You finally accepted to move to the countryside with Katherine, leaving your husband and wealth behind.

It was hard for a while, however you quickly became interested in nature, studying and analyzing every movement or change the world could show you. Katherine would often play about how well you would get along with some witches, maybe even being one secretly. You would always laugh it off.

Life was stable. Just you and her.

Good things never last for long, and soon enough you both went to the New World to escape Klaus.

1864

You deeply hated the Salvatores. Every time they went after Katherine you would picture their slow and painful death. The other vampire knew that and made sure to flaunt her relationship with them when you were around.

It was a game to her, she didn't exactly like them, she liked the effect they had on you. For so long Katherine didn't understand her feelings for you, and as much as she may know now, she didn't want to be the one to admit it. Therefore, the woman played a game, how long could you handle the jealousy that was so explicit in your face.

Katherine never realized how far deep she was until it was too late. Her games became too real, she actively enjoyed toying with them, she adored how devoted they were, even if manipulated sometimes. It was too easy for her to lose herself. It needed to be over.

Unfortunately, it never truly came to an end. The abrupt vampire hunt was frightening, you desperately wanted to leave but Katherine couldn't let go.

You looked at her in a mix of confusion and sadness. "What do you mean 'no'?"

The vampire shrugged. "They'll never find us, besides I'm almost done with the boys."

You huffed. "Seriously? You would rather risk our safety for some disgusting man thing?"

Katherine chuckled and lifted her arms in mocked surrender. "Wow, didn't know you hated men so much. Wonder what your ex husband would've thought."

You rolled your eyes and straightened your hair. "I may just despise them. Can we go now? You can find another."

Katherine shook her head which caused you to sigh in exasperation.

"What are you even doing to them that is so special anyway?"

You gasped, feeling an overwhelming rush of emotions but mainly focusing on anger. "You just met them." You stated between clenched teeth.

The other vampire saw this as an opportunity, you were clearly stressed and if she pressed just the right buttons the game would be over, you would be hers. "Maybe I'l turn them."

"Yes but they are so much fun."

You shook your head. "Is that why you turned me? For fun?"

Katherine was startled for a moment, staring at you with furrowed brows. "Of course not."

"I'll wait until tonight, then I'll go."

"I can't just let it go."

"Then choose."

You waited, even longer than planned, you still waited.

She never came.

----------------------------------------------------

masterlist

[frecklystars]

my chest is aching and i am so sad bc i miss my starlight so much. but at the same time my heart is so full. i just spent almost seven hours with my friends. seven hours! i told them how ive been feeling and they didnt let me hold back. i felt like they were physically helping me to carry the burdens ive been holding by myself. they reassured me about my starlight multiple times, and half of them arent even self shippers, but they empathized with me heavily. they all held me when i cried and they told me it is going to be okay. not just about the grief of missing my F/Os ive lost, but just, in general, that everything will be okay. everything. and two of those friends who were present, i genuinely think they're two of the smartest people i have ever met in my life. they spent a long ass time analyzing my comfort characters, saying "okay logically, realistically, [F/O] would comfort you and love you, and here is why, and here is how. and no, they wouldn't harm you or manipulate you or betray you, and here is the logical reason why." if they say i'm gonna be okay, then... who am i to question or doubt them?

they also spent an hour helping me figure out how to print edible ink/glitter onto wafer paper so i would be able to bake heart-shaped cookies for my barbie/ken anniversary and transfer photos of them onto the cookies! they were so excited to hear about my anniversary coming up and they thought it would be so cute if i baked for my sweethearts ;u; they know how important it is to me because they know it's been 2 years since i've celebrated any F/O anniversary. and any time i got weepy they'd immediately hold me. and when i'd try to apologize, they'd refuse to even let me say a word, telling me to vent. so i vented for maybe a minute and cut myself off and they were like "no that's not all of it. keep going" and every few minutes when i'd stop myself, or try to downplay my feelings and change the topic, they'd say "no. no, you're not done. we know you've been through way more shit than that. keep talking, come on, we're here. you're not burdening us, we promise, keep talking keri." until i finally let everything out and they all held me and let me cry and rubbed my back. told me my F/Os would never harm me and why. told me how my IRL and online friends would never harm me, how they completely understand what im going through bc they've been through the same exact things as me. told me how barbie and ken are still here for me and how starlight is still here for me and how they're here for me...

i feel so sad yet so comforted at the same time. ive cried so much today but i cried surrounded by people who held me and made me feel genuinely listened to and cared for. and during the times when we werent venting, we were exchanging art, we were laughing, i dont think ive laughed like that in a while. one friend in that group stayed an extra three hours just because we were having so much fun together and we didn't want to sleep yet. she's one of the most fun and caring and kind people i've ever met. i got her hooked onto driver, and i'm pretty sure she's gonna get me hooked on the vampire from bg3 one of these days haha

celebrating my anniversary with barbie and ken is going to feel really bittersweet, but ive planned a lot. im going to really allow myself to feel loved that day and i think ill feel even more loved because those cookies are going to be made with the people who love me and who have been protecting me and promising me theyre always going to make sure i feel safe and secure with them. if i can feel this way with IRL people who i trust, i can feel this way with F/Os again too. yeah, even the ones that are triggers, i will reclaim them too. i know the love has to still be there somewhere, even if i dont feel it, even if im scared and numb and bitter. it takes time and it takes work but mlp was right bro... friendship really is magic and i know if i have them with me im gonna be ok. ;-; wah. im gonna burst into tears again augh. god. ok i better try to sleep. goodnight ilu

[emetkoto]

I haven't played bg3 so I'd love to hear how astarion's views of koto change throughout the story pls <3 like is he immediately attracted or what. and what about koto's feelings and how they change. gimmie the deets.

Honestly, Astarion sums up his part pretty well in his confession dialogue!

and then hilariously another tidbit from his final romance scene literally right before he tells you he loves you and you have sex on his grave (ignore old k'oto i havent gotten there on new k'oto yet and also the different outfits these are from two different play sessions)

basically tldr. astarion didnt really care for k'oto at all at first, it was all just manipulation in order to get him to trust him so he would keep him around and protect him since he was terrified of his master finding him (he's a vampire spawn and the only reason he has his free will up until we kill his master is because of the mind flayer parasites all the characters have, he only got away when the mind flayers kidnapped him and has been paranoid about being found since, rightfully so since we come across a monster hunter sent after him early on) so it was all just. seduction and charming! he was really kinda annoyed by k'otos whole 'good guy' thing, like 'ohhhh wow youre a hero. what good are you. nobody ever helped me or saved me. where were you when i needed you.' (obviously completely unfair, k'oto is only 28 and he was turned 200 years ago) and kind of a little bit afraid of him? sure he's shorter than him but he's also way stronger physically and has fangs and claws and strange beastly habits that really just kinda put him off for a while bc yknow. fangs hurt him once. sure this guy seems harmless but he knows better than to trust!!!

except he doesnt. because k'oto was completely unexpected in every way. he's kind and funny and genuine in a way astarion had completely forgotten was possible. he loved him so completely and so honestly the whole time. even when he told him sweet lies and was just so obviously using him he just. kept loving him!!! (k'oto voice) its not real now but someday it might be, and ill still be here when it is. when hes ready to love me back. <--------shit like That!!! the icing on the cake was coming to realize that he and k'oto had. a LOT more in common than he wouldve ever thought. particularly when it came to matters of sex and how they had trouble viewing their bodies as their own due to their circumstances and how it all made it difficult for them to say 'no' to things out of fear/obligation…the very last thing he ever expected from this dumbass catboy was to see himself 100-something years younger in him…..he just. was exactly what astarion needed…uegh!!!

k'oto was pretty much head over heels from the beginning despite the red flags. he was far from home and work where nobody would even think to offer him money for his time and would just spend it with him because they genuinely wanted to for nothing more in exchange than just their own time and company so even if he was being blatantly manipulated it was still the realest shit he'd experienced in years from probably the most attractive guy he'd ever met upto that point so it was a recipe for some good ol fashion love at first sight…or i guess. love at first knifepoint.

maybe a bit of confusion at first bc he'd never been in love before so there was probs a brief period of 'am i in love or is this just lust' until after he slept with him the first time and it didn't go away and in fact only got stronger and he was like 'ok yeah im in love actually!!!!'

sorry this is completely incoherent i love them so fucking much it makes me sick to my stomach and also im so very tired

[jovianjournal]

January 2024

The year had a bit of a slow start tbh. looking at my statistics page in my journal, this is the month i read the lowest amount of books. I think i'd rather have a slow start, than start strong and lose all my motivation after a couple months? plus i read some nice books in January.

Im going to start with the novels in this post, i'll do a second one with the comics/GNs/mangas later!

Hunger Pangs : True Love Bites -- Joy Demorra

A historical fantasy with vampires and werewolves, a polyam romance, a witty narrator, and some cool worldbuilding. a good time overall! i was happy to start the year with a good read. It's not perfect: the plot feels a little uneven (the book starts with a hint of world ending, but this is immediately put on the back-burner til the last third of the book), the resolution feels easy, the characters are a bit too archetypal (the broody vampire main character is named Vlad, i mean...). It did not rewire my brain but i'm looking forward to reading the sequel one day!

*

The Cruel Prince -- Holly Black, French translation by Leslie Damant-Jeandel

I'm rereading my notes in my journal and i need to be fair : i didn't like this book, but the reasons i didn't like it can be summarized with : this is a YA novel. a really popular YA novel, so i guess i had some expectations? they weren't met (i have read the rest of the series since then, as a whole i still think it's not as good as i was told, but it's alright). Also i read it in French, which i think made the writing sounds more childish that it actually is. A 17 years old protagonist will act like a 17 years old.

*

The Midnight Bargain -- C.L. Polk

This is the story of a girl who wants to study magic but has to get married (because of misogyny) in a world where married women can't practice magic (because of misogyny). i actually really liked it! The magic system was fun, the author compared it to pokemon, in the sense that people "capture" spirits and use their powers to practice magic, in exchange for a taste of humanity, like the feeling of walking barefoot in the sand of a slice of cake. it's quite cute, i like stories where mundane things are made precious. i mean, it's a really fucked up system with a lot of abuse, but that part is cute. this is a very pretty book overall, with a bit of friendship and romance and sorority in the mix (it feels a little easy, a little feminism 101, a little caricatural, but it feels fair). It has a lot of tropes i like in this kind of story. i recommend it if you enjoyed Half a Soul by Olivia Atwater, it has a similar Fantasy of Manners vibe.

*

We could be so good -- Cat Sebastian

Love me some Cat Sebastian historical romance. I feel like this one is more interesting as a mid-century New York historical novel with some insights into the life of queer people of the time, than as a romance. It's cozy and not much happens. things i have written in my journal about this book : "i do not want to make hasty conclusions, but i'd say there is a non zero chance that this story started as a Stucky fanfic" and "i want to share a home tenderly with my homosexual lover" and "the kind of historical novel where life seems a lot easier (and cheaper) than nowadays". There's a sequel i'm looking forward to reading!

That's all for today see u next time ♫

[zorkaya-moved]

" i was trying to save your life. " gods im on an astarion run now i hate it

@avaere

Arms crossed over her chest are all there is to showcase the disdain for the situation that transpired prior. It's a foolish thing to expect quietness and solitude when life is all fights and hardships. Her days of indulgence and quiet silence are gone for now in exchange to feel something more real, something that would make her blood pump and heart beat just a bit faster just like when she traversed the Astral Plane.

The woman's gaze is sharp and cold as she looks at Astarion, but not upset at him but more at the situation. A couple of dead thieves who tried to get into her pants, big deal. She wanted them to get closer and to charm them when their guard was at its lowest, pretending that she's tired and exhausted, a game of showing herself as a weak maiden in distress.

"I'm quite aware, Astarion," she sighs, understanding that mayhaps she should not look at the other with such hardness and toughness. The cold frigidity turns into exhausted somberness as her shoulders drop and she tilts her head to the side as if the tension in her body is fully gone, leaving her to contemplate over what had transpired. The killed thieves are now on the ground, letting Earth drink up their tainted blood. A waste, if she got them alive, the vampire spawn could've had them cleaner. In a way. If he would even want to drink their blood, she won't be surprised if he'd find them disgusting. As her index finger taps against her bicep, thinking to herself what they can do, she continues. "I appreciate your help, but I wanted to keep them alive to get information from them. Since they knew me, I assumed they were lackeys of someone from Baldur's Gate I know. Now we won't know."

They don't bear any insignias or any marks, probably just hired to hunt down those who are on the list of some nobles. Seems like someone figured out she's still alive and kicking but 'severely weakened' but lo and behold, she was protected by a vampire spawn whose skills in assassinations are as remarkable as his charm. Eyes of gold gleam in the night as she looks over the rogue, thinking over everything that they can do now. His cause was just and she is mildly surprised he actually helped her. It's a brownie point in her eyes for sure, even if they both play games and hide behind masks.

"Thank you," she finally says, not sounding sarcastic or annoyed with the other. It's a genuine show of gratitude, she knows when to lay her hat down and show respect to the other. "I wanted to keep them alive and call you later to ask if you needed to feed but I should've asked you before going away." Zarina massages the bridge of her nose, sighing out again as she finds flaws in her planning. Working in a team requires teamwork, not controlling others and doing what her judgement made out to be correct. It's been too long. "Let's see what they have on them and return to camp. The owlbear around here will take care of them, I'm sure."

[natjennie]

gets down on one knee and opens a ring box. inside the box is a piece of paper reading "ghosts fic recs?"

are you sure you want to do this. you don't have to do this. because I just spent half an hour making a google doc. you've done this to yourself..

ghosts fics

general:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/39788370 The Haunting Of Button House, what if shane and ryan buzzfeedunsolved investigated the house? it’s fucking hysterical is what if.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/44176099 there til it’s gone, alison bumps her head again and can’t see the ghosts anymore and it’s exactly as heartbreaking as you think it would be

https://archiveofourown.org/works/33273475 And So On and So Forth, imagine a future where alison grows old and finally passes away so she can hang out with the ghosts for real. ok now try to stop crying.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/33201640 when the smaller picture is the same as the bigger picture (I’ll love some littler things), alison thinks about the ghosts and it is um. tragic. did you know?

cap-centric bc im me:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/47655670 …And A Rainbow! cap and kitty have a gay little sleepover! yippee!

https://archiveofourown.org/works/36796477 Butterscotch, cap autism moments simulator. he gets overwhelmed at a party and pat sits with him

https://archiveofourown.org/works/46425295 The Dreams That You Dare To Dream, another one by spineless-lobster hello, based on an angsty text post I made, rips my heart out and it was MY idea. that’s just rude.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/30025770 A man is not very tired, he is exhausted, idk how to describe this one like I can’t do it justice. the first tag is just “the captain remembers” and yeah that feels right.

capvers:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/27044512 if rome hadn’t fallen, havers fantasizes about what can never be

https://archiveofourown.org/works/26857282 a soldier can sleep in any warzone, what if I never stopped crying. havers memories.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/31028219 Exercise in Wanting, the most tender 2k blowjob you’ve ever read

https://archiveofourown.org/works/27875726 rabbits wrapped in velvet, cap and havers exchange christmas gifts. I sob inconsolably.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/35163190 someday, sweetheart, one of a handful where havers is a ghost that somehow gets to button house, but also it’s christmas and they’re sweet.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/27167254/chapters/70371735#workskin I couldn't whisper when you needed it shouted (ah, but I'm singing like a bird, 'bout it now), button house hosts a wwii museum exhibit, cap thinks of havers

https://archiveofourown.org/works/46311469 as no men love for long, what if havers was a wwi soldier who died and he ghost-ed during cap’s life? sure, why not!

patcap:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/35568760/chapters/88672456 Out of Touch, okay sobbing crying wailing, absolutely touching relationship with pat and cap and daley, warning for child illness and death

https://archiveofourown.org/works/35665516/chapters/88925122 The Baker, an ultimate favorite, au where cap was like a secret agent hitman, he’s trying to escape that life, hides out in Button, a village where everyone else lives. it’s incredible I love it so much.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/45870337/chapters/115444147 Flies on the Wall and Elephants in the Room, half the ghosts become invisible to the other half, they think they got sucked off, it’s heartbreaking

https://archiveofourown.org/works/37282168 forced proximity, the first of many by hounds_of_love, I’m obsessed with their work, basically cap is snowed in to pat’s house, features him being very autistic and also they fuck. and pat’s trans.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/37460623/chapters/93486928 the quick and the dead, VAMPIRES!!!!! cap’s a vampire!!!! cap’s a vampire seeking a roommate and pat needs a place to stay and doesn’t see some very obvious red flags

https://archiveofourown.org/works/33225691/chapters/82495348 adored, the CLASSIC, pat and cap are teachers and they chaperone a school trip to france and hate each other and fail at trying not to fuck

capulian:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/32169565 A Rainstorm, A Lightning Rod, CAP TRAUMA!!!!! and julian being less of an asshole than usual

chess husbands:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/42132657 Made Our Cave An Everywhere, light sexual content but mostly some melancholy existentialism. yknow how it is.

I can't do anymore or format this better rn bc my gummy just kicked in, love and light.

[nocherryblood]

I posted 6,250 times in 2022

That's 3,316 more posts than 2021!

60 posts created (1%)

6,190 posts reblogged (99%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@lizluvscupcakes

@doccywhomst

@hollowboobtheory

@radarchives

@elytrians

I tagged 704 of my posts in 2022

#save - 87 posts

#saveom - 40 posts

#savehc - 33 posts

#obey me - 22 posts

#aww - 13 posts

#omhc - 13 posts

#om - 10 posts

#prev tags - 10 posts

#write - 9 posts

#hc - 8 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#or the time when exchange students from 🇯🇵 streamed in and suddenly i was gay™. i never stood a chance against 90 hot girls in jackets 🤧

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

No one:

My autistic-ass thinking the new ObeyMe! event was gonna be all about steam trains:

My reaction when I found out it wasn't about steam trains but was about steampunk:

See the full post

23 notes - Posted August 29, 2022

#4

I'm watching *Sky News* right now and they've got an unsuspecting elderly gentleman on and--

THIS MAN HAS NO CHILL--

1) When asked by the reporter what he would like to hear from Boris Johnson in his resignation speech? "Goodbye."

ASJSKDKFKDK

2) When asked what he thinks of the Government in it's current state: ~"I'm starting to think the cabinet is just made up of Boris' friends at this point."

3) He has great taste in jumpers

Edit: I just found out that this man is a Lord. Apologies, Lord Heseltine... You have a great taste in jumpers.

25 notes - Posted July 7, 2022

#3

Hello Dracula Daily readers I'm hypnotizing you into watching Young Dracula it's like Dracula but 200 years in the future and he has kids and it follows his son and daughter and their life (son is... Um... idk... Connecticut Clark™ who doesn't want to be a vampire but the universe said fuck you I'll make the biggest one there is, daughter is basically a badass bitch with mummy AND daddy issues who would stomp on your face with her boots and she's so lesbiany it's almost too much to handle) and also it's like Harry Potter but about vampires so you get to watch them grow up in real-life time and handle both serious and lighthearted things and it's very angsty at times and it's full of supernatural characters and the actors are also incredibly hot in the later series and gave about half of us out first gay experience and it's a full free show to watch and it's on YouTube and van helsings there he's a lovable dumbass and he's ALSO a father and he and the count are trying to murder each other and it's very gay and veeeerry very camp so ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯ just saying

38 notes - Posted October 16, 2022

#2

"every doctor who fan has that one thing that they wish would happen that, depsite the fan base being so large, no one else has seemingly also ever wanted"

Okay, so is it just me or are there any other people out there who desperately wish that they would use/even just acknowledge the fact that, y'know, Ace still has a whole-ass dying cheetah planet in her mind, or am I the only one?

42 notes - Posted July 29, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Sensory Issues:

"you touched something gross? so what? it's fine it's not like it's gonna hurt you or anything"

no but you don't understand. i touched it and now it's on my arms it's up my legs it's crawling over my back and it's in my eyes and it's in my mouth i can taste it i want it out but it's not on me anymore it only lasted a second but I can still feel it and im washing my hands but there's nothing there to wash but it's there i can feel it and why am i crying i can't stop I can't stop washing and flicking and picking and rubbing and just stop please but i can't.

131 notes - Posted August 23, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[happenedinforks]

Dating Jasper and Alice

a/n: im gay af but Jasper could hit it

warnings: some suggestive tones briefly, also possible writing mistakes (im too lazy to proof read it’s like 2 am)

They're already vampires, living with a vampire family, with a treaty considering shape-shifting wolves so a poly-relationship wasn't necessarily that big of news to them.

Like they both liked you, you liked them. If you were down to "share" then they'd be too. It was quite simple for them.

It would be quite casual at first, no one really acknowledged the whole vampirism-thing for a while. For better or for worse.

You thought you were still 17, you had time, so why stress and turn grey from over-thinking?

Surprisingly, Jasper had this same attitude. Just... for about everything in life.

It drove Alice insane. She would like to plan out what you guys would do for your anniversary and in exchange she'd get you and Jasper lounging around, reading books and saying "we'll figure it out" and "don't stress about it, darling."

But also sometimes you sided with Alice and dragged poor Jasper accross town for that adorable decorative pillow you ”just had to get for your couch”.

Having two hundred years old genius’ helping you out with homework and studying. Your grades rose like Jon Snow from the dead.

Being one of the few humans Jasper has no trouble tolerating scent-wise, mainly because he loves you but also because your scent is quite mild according to him.

During summer these two act like your personal cooling packs.

As rare as it is, sometimes it does get hot in Forks, Washington. And that’s when cuddling with two vampires gets handy.

These two weren’t as afraid of sex as their lovely brother.

Bella was kinda jealous of you let’s be honest here.

But it was a lot of: ”are you alright?” ”Does it hurt anywhere?” ”Do we need to stop?” ”Alright Jazz shut up and kiss me.” ”Alice for the love of god live in the present.” You know, the usual.

And ALSO Jasper being an empath made everything (and I mean everything) just a tad bit better.

Because, you know, feelings were enhanced. And from that also other things.

So yeah sex is amazing with them.

But also kind of a rare treat given that when they get really excited + their vampire-ism equals broken furniture.

It’s kind of a miracle you arent actually broken.

Emmett laughed at the joke, Jasper and Alice didn’t find it as funny.

Alice and Jasper have a habit of talking either in that annoying vampire speed (especially if it’s about the Volturi or Riley Biers or Victoria or overall someone or something that would worry you)

Or they would have this weird non-verbal communication.

The two have known each other for how many decades? They can basically read eachothers minds by now.

Cue you going: ”Uh, yes hello, human over here, what is going on?”

Other than that you guys are all quite open about everything.

They’d happily tell you stuff about the history.

I mean Jasper had some explaining to do with the whole... army... thing...

And even about the not so happy things.

They like to think of it not like ”oh yes we’re going to traumatize this human for life” but more like ”it’s better she knows this and hears it from us rather than from those dogs.”

Oh by the way, did you like La Push? Too bad, you’re not going anymore.

Okay, that’s a bit overstated.

But you know, they’re extremely wary of the place. And the wolves.

These two can sometimes act as your own personal body guards.

One time this one asshole tried to flirt with you in Seattle, and Alice was this close to snapping his wrist.

And dont even get me started on the silent judging you guys do.

Especially in school.

Because even though they were vampires and could easily hear stuff from accross the room, you were still sort of their first line of defense when it came to gossip.

Everytime something happened, Alice and Jasper were the first to find out.

And when someone who had called Alice weird walked past, you and Jasper would stare them down until they were out of sight.

Alice pretend pleaded you to stop but she actually enjoys it. Just a teeny bit.

They just adore everything you do.

Because they’ve been vampires for so long, they kinda forgot the small things humans do.

Like you just flipped a pancake perfectly on your pan? Amazing.

Or perfectly threw and caught popcorn from mid-air? Show-stopping.

You did what? Filled a small balloon with water and threw it at Edward, completely soaking him with water? Someone get this girl a Nobel prize.

I swear, these two were in awe from the tiniest things they had completely forgotten about.

So usually Jasper does the driving.

Because you and Alice are very passive agressive. Alice more of the type who mumbles under her breath and you the type who honks and yells inside the car as if the other driver would hear it.

But when you weren’t complaining about other drivers you would be teasing Jasper of his southern heritage.

You and Alice purposely googled old southern slang and just used them in everyday conversation.

”Don’t you start with me boy”, said with the most obnoxious southern drawl possible.

Calling Jasper son even though he’s like gazillion years older than you.

”Listen here, son—” and cue a very bad Robert de Niro personation.

It’s contagious and soon Emmett is calling Jasper ”boy” and ”son” ironically.

Also:

“Can you be the yee to my haw?”

“Alice put her to bed please.”

“There’s a snake in your boot!”

“There’s not even snakes here!”

“Saddle up.”

”We’re driving. A car.”

”This ain’t my first rodeo, boy.”

”Alice I beg, not you too.”

You’re pretty sure he secretly likes your jokes. Like at least 50% of them.

Everything is the same except 100 times more chaotic after you’ve been changed.

[enhais]

hi!! could you do a yandere enhypen where they stalk the reader?

thank you so much!

yandere!enhypen stalks the reader

┄ ┄ ┄ ┄ ┄ ┄ ┄ ┄ ┄ ┄ ┄ ┄

pairing: yandere!enhypen x gn!reader

genre: yandere

a/n: im making this as a reaction if that’s fine with you!

┄ ┄ ┄ ┄ ┄ ┄ ┄ ┄ ┄ ┄ ┄ ┄

jungwon

you were walking home from work, as usual, with headphones blasting the recent hits and jungwon walked behind you from a distance, just like he’s been doing for the past couple of weeks.

you never suspected anything and it didn’t feel weird. whenever you looked behind you there was either a guy with sweet, handsome features or no one. you never thought twice about it since you lived in a fairly crowded area. sure, the recent news was about attempted murders and kidnappings and you were told to not be outside during a certain hour, but it felt safe walking home. the same thing you’ve done for years. why would it be different now?

jungwon quickened his pace as he wanted to get a closer look at you. he’d only been able to zoom in on the pictures taken on his phone, but the times you were in front of him were so much better.

“i must have you. we belong together, i can feel it. i’ve felt it since the first time we met at the café.” he sighed and stopped himself, not wanting to be caught just yet and letting you walk up to your apartment.

heeseung

the two of you had been friends for a very long time. it all started in second grade when he came to school without fruits in his lunchbox (he always had fruits with him instead of candy or other snacks). he began to cry and you, being the sweet hero that you were, handed him some apple slices and grapes, “there you go. now please stop crying, it’s a bit annoying.”

ever since then, he told you he’d make it up to you. and he did. several times. but the one thing never leaving his mind was that he had to marry you, no matter what or who stood in his way.

recently, you’ve been hanging out with his friend jake a bit more often. you didn’t want heeseung to be mad at either of you, so you just told him that you were hanging out with a friend. he didn’t believe you and that’s why he followed your every move after school.

it’s been like this for a few weeks and even though you’ve seen him a couple of times, you haven’t brought it up, thinking he was just there coincidentally. but oh boy how wrong you were.

“jake doesn’t have a chance against me, everyone knows that. im her number one priority as she is mine and i will be the one to get her heart.” he muttered for himself while slurping the smoothie he ordered to stay looking after you.

jay

you were working with enhypen as their stylist, making sure everything was right for the next comeback. jay had known you since trainee days when you took your first steps as a stylist and was excited that you were gonna work with them now. you were still learning things about the industry, but your colleagues had an open mind thinking that they needed someone younger’s thoughts.

just like you, jay had grown up so much since the last time you saw each other. he, of course, never forgot you and had been stalking your social media accounts at least once a week. you never knew that though, and he wasn’t planning on telling you.

stalking on the internet soon came to be stalking in real life. he always kept an eye open on your schedule, planning to “bump into you” by accident and hoping that you were gonna visit them for measurements even though everything was mostly finished.

“oh, hi y/n! what are you up to?” he put his hand on your shoulder and held it there for a moment before letting go, “i have a meeting about the concept in a few, how about you?” you returned the question, not wanting to sound impolite, “just the usual… training.” he smiled and you nodded as you walked off to the meeting, “i’ll see you later, jay.”

jake

you’d never met him in your life, but something told you you’d seen him before.

you were working the late-night shift at the restaurant and were quick to take the orders. you didn’t really care about the guests, just having one goal in mind and that was to go home and sleep.

a guy came in, looking like the lead in a drama, and sat down by the bar. you were immediately caught up in his handsome features, from the way his eyes shone in the dimmed light to his bright smile. “what would you like today, sir?” you asked as you got ready with the notepad. he looked directly into your eyes with that sweet smile, “you.” you burst out laughing, “oh yeah? that was funny.” it took a second before you collected yourself and the guy still didn’t take his eyes off you, “i can recommend the burger and the steak, but if you want more vegetables, i’d recommend the salad.” you explained.

jake ordered the steak and picked up his phone after you left, wanting to take some pictures of the place. of you.

later that night, when he received the tab, he wrote down your name in his phone and wrote you a cute little note on a napkin, “loved the conversation, might have to steal you from work someday.” and added his phone number, hoping you would call.

sunghoon

you were at the ice rink to support a friend and give them some assistance. sunghoon immediately made his way over to you who was standing by the side all alone.

cold air whooshed against your face, making your cheeks a bit more red, “hi, who are you? i haven’t seen you here before.” his smile was sweet, “im here with a friend.” he hummed, “well, if you want to hang out later, i can make some time.” you blushed and gave out a nervous chuckle, “mhm, we’ll see.”

the two of you exchanged numbers and have spent a lot of time together since then. what you didn’t know, however, was that sunghoon had pressured your friend to bring you to the ice rink that day… he had seen you around town before and did his research. you were more difficult to find, so he went for a different approach: kidnap your friend and threaten them to help him get you.

“you’re friends with y/n, right? i want you to get them to the ice rink.” they nodded hastily, trying to respond, but his hand was covering their mouth, “i know the two of us have talked before, i know you usually hang out there, so just do me a favor and get them there.”

sunoo

working at a busy café in the middle of seoul made you see thousands of people every day. sunoo, however, only wanted to see you.

he came in at least once every day to order coffee and have small talk. when he came in your colleagues immediately gave you a heads up, “the sweet sunoo is here again, miss girl.” they laughed and you walked out the storage room with a bright smile, “thanks guys.” sunoo took off his sunglasses to get a better look at you, “hi sunoo.” you greeted as you re-tied the apron, “do you want the usual? or maybe try something different?” he smiled, “the usual, thank you.”

his gaze never left your face and you’d gotten quite used to it. still, what made you a little worried was his lockscreen. you swore it was a picture of you taken from afar. you didn’t dare to question though, thinking it would start something you didn’t want to experience. but, what you didn’t know was that he’d been stalking you for the past couple of months. not only grabbing coffee and having small talk but following you to your home, getting to know your daily routines and who you hung out with as well.

“if you want to visit the company, you know where it is. just call me and i’ll take you on a tour.” he laughed and gave you a napkin with his number on it. you looked at it for a minute before locking eyes again, “thank you.”

niki

as a trainee at belift there are a lot of things to do. practice singing, practice dancing, study for the upcoming tests in school, and so on and so forth. you’d been at belift for about a year and recently gained a lot of attention from the producers as your monthly evaluation really stood out from everyone else.

but it’s not only the producers who are interested. niki from enhypen has been keeping an eye on you from the day you arrived, wanting you in his life one way or another.

you’d just finished dance practice and were on your way to fill up your water bottle as you bumped into him. “oh, hi y/n. you good?” with a black cap and oversized black hoodie, you barely recognized him, “niki?” he nodded with a short laugh, “oh, im good.” you began, “i just finished practicing.” you motioned to your bottle, still waiting to be filled with water, “mm, alright. we’ll talk later, yeah? i have a meeting.” he explained and gave you a wave goodbye.

you thought he was just like any other guy at the company: hardworking, sweet, and motivated, and you were right, but he was hardworking, sweet, and motivated for you as well. taking every chance to talk to you, touch you, making you want to be with him. but that would take some time for you to figure out, he made sure of that.

[despite-everything]

Literally… WTNV was the first podcast I listened to. Downloaded on the podcast app of my iPod. Celios was one of the first times I had ever heard someone speak so softly about someone of the same gender. The perfect hair… the perfect teeth… my only other exposure to a queer relationship at that point had been Willow and Tara from Buffy the vampire slayer. Every tender Celios moment. Every phone call. It changed me.

exactly!! i started listening right after glow cloud came out. i remember loading episodes onto my ipod nano... it didn't host apps, but i'd put downloaded mp3 episodes of wtnv on it to listen to.

im not exaggerating when i say that wtnv has had a greater impact on me than any other media i've consumed - i was 12 when it came out, and i came out myself soon after. it was the one of the first (if not actually the first....hmm.) examples of explicitly (yet still positive!) queer representation in media i'd consumed. it changed my standards for how we should be treated (especially since i was in that whole superwholock thing... which was messy to say the least)

i mean, hell, i work at a radio station now. i am currently in the station (taking a break from paperwork) and i would have never been here if not for wtnv. it was such a magical show that made me love surreal horror and radio, but also changed my perspective on the world. in addition to the queer relationships, wtnv was the first place i'd ever heard a character use they/them pronouns. i'd come out as non-binary and had been using they/them pronouns for a bit over a year, and i remember listening to "a new sheriff in town" and hearing cecil use "they" in reference to sam and i literally froze and sat down to rewind the episode. it's just been so transformative and it breaks my heart when people don't see it as such

EDIT: wait im not done. i also want to respond to you saying it was the first time you'd seen queer love spoken about so softly and you're so RIGHT. and i feel like the show's perspective on life and the world is inherently queer and inherently optimistic, which is so refreshing. wtnv has some of my favorite quotes and exchanges in the world, and some of them include:

"Perfection isn’t real. Perfection isn’t human. And Carlos is not perfect, no. Even better — he is imperfect.

Everything about him, and us, and all of this, is…it’s imperfect! And those imperfections in our reality are the seams and the cracks into which our out-sized love can seep and pool. And sometimes we are annoyed, and disappointed, and that too is a part of how love works."

- Cecil talking about Carlos in "Condos" (also Carlos' long monologue preceding this)

"‘What’s the point?’ you ask. ’Why bother?’ you say. ’Oh, Cecil,’ you cry. ’Oh, Cecil.’ But then you remember - I remember! - that we are even now in another bit of molten wax. We are in a moment that is still falling, still volatile, and we will never be anywhere else. We will always be in that most dangerous, most exciting, most possible time of all: the Now. Where we never can know what shape the next moment will take. Stay tuned next for, well, let’s just find out together, shall we?"

- Cecil in A Memory of Europe

"...but no family member is perfect, they become perfect when you learn to accept them for what they are."

- Young Cecil in Cassette

"Are we living a life that is safe from harm? Of course not. We never are. But that’s not the right question. The question is ‘are we living a life that is worth the harm?"

- Cecil in Parade Day

"Listeners, I do not know everything about Carlos and he does not tell me everything. That is OK. We are not one person. How lonely that would be! A couple who has made themselves one so completely, that they are once again alone.We are two people, separate. Unique. And joined only where we choose to join."

- Cecil in The University of What It Is

"Everything is exciting! Particularly existence. Existence is the most thrilling fact of all."

- Cecil in Condos (okay let's just put all of Condos on this list, tbh)

and THIS is my absolute favorite exchange in the entire show:

Carlos: But I do know two things.

Cecil: What is that?

Carlos: I love you.

Cecil: I love you, too. What’s the other thing?

Carlos: You just said it.

[jaskiersvalley]

I just reached the bottom of your writings and felt the need to say that i appreciate you. You’re really cool and im happy I stumbled upon you.

You are far far too sweet. This has been sat in my inbox for so long because I don't think anyone has called me cool before and I wanted to bask in that. I really appreciate you too and I'm really happy you stumbled upon my blog. So I hope you're still in the fandom and enjoy this little bit of odd zombie AU.

CW: Zombies, apocalypse, Resdent Evil/Last of Us inspired AU.

Last Hope

Nobody expected the Continent to turn to shit. War had been on the horizon, Nilfgaard was advancing but not once did anyone expect them to have been experimenting with creating superior soldiers to fight for them. Allegedly the idea had been to harvest some of the Continent's monsters' attributes and imbue them into soldiers, creating a new class of warriors. It hadn't worked. But what Nilfgaard did manage to create was a virus like no other before. It turned humans and animals into mindless, violent creatures whose sole purpose was to feed, preferably on human flesh. The virus spread like no other, bringing the whole Continent to its knees.

Pockets of survivors remained, walled up in thick stone keeps. Kaer Morhen was one such sanctuary. Witchers, it turned out, weren't immune to the virus. Letho had watched Serrit and Auckes succumb to it, had put them down before setting light to where they'd been trying to stay safe and he set off to find somewhere, anywhere, that would accept him. The cold didn't impact much on the undead, they still moved just as deadly fast, unencumbered by things like fatigue, hunger or frostbite. Still, he made it up to the keep and was welcomed in. It was probably the most full Kaer Morhen had been in a long time. There were witchers, sorceresses, humans, dwarves, vampires and who knew what else, all coexisting and trying to make the best of their lives.

"I heard rumours," Letho said over dinner. "There's someone immune to this whole wretched thing down South."

"And I heard a rumour that taking a shit over the parapets cures piles," Lambert shot back with a snort. Being cooped up with so many people didn't exactly suit him, even when Aiden was there along with Eskel too.

Yennefer sat up straighter. "I've heard that rumour too. Sent word out that if it's true, we're probably best placed to try and find what makes the person so special. Maybe derive a cure from them."

Not long after, Gaetan arrived with Guxart. And with some news.

"There's a man and a girl travelling North. Allegedly with the hope of a cure."

The others exchanged looks, not wanting to believe rumours. Hope was a dangerous thing, but they could all use a dose of it. Things had been bleak to say the least.

Guxart picked up the story. "There's a lot of people gunning for them. So far they've evaded being captured, left quite a bloody trail too. We saw what remained of a tavern. Allegedly the group living there had been luring in weary travellers with the promise of safety, only to throw them into a fighting ring." Unfortunately such stories weren't unusual, humans had the most disdainful ideas of entertainment at times. Guxart pressed on, "If it was those two then I hope they're not headed here. They left no survivors, cleared out the place of humans and undead alike. It was a massacre."

There was nothing to do but wait. A week passed, then another. The hope they'd felt at the mention of a possible path to a cure dwindled and turned into bitter disappointment at the backs of their minds. It was almost three weeks later that there was a commotion on the path to the old keep. The undead who lurked in the trees were snarling and howling as two figures broke into a sprint on the last stretch of the path, pursued by quite a hoard of hungry zombies.

"Get the gate!" Vesemir bellowed and it was a mad dash to open the gates while armed. They weren't quick enough and a scuffle broke out as the two travellers were up against the gates, the undead descending upon them. A sharp scream went up from what sounded like a young girl. The gate opened and Eskel reached out, pulling her in first before Lambert gruffly yanked her protector in too. The others pushed to slam the gates shut, bolting it once more.

"Cahir! Are you okay?" The girl ignored them all in favour of checking over her guardian, wisps of blonde hair sticking to her sweaty face.

"I'm fine." A gruff answer and the so called Cahir looked up at them with an exhausted, hollow gaze. "This is Kaer Morhen, right? We were told this is where we had to come. She's Ciri, I'm Cahir."

Vesemir stepped forward with a brisk nod. "Welcome. Let's get you settled. From what I hear, you had quite the journey."

Yennefer ushered Ciri away and the others trailed after her, curious to see what someone immune to the virus looked like, acted like. The left Eskel to lead Cahir to a room of his own.

"Nilfgaard's quite a way," he said by way of conversation, ignoring the way Cahir rubbed his wrist under his cloak.

"Vicovaro is even further." The answer was a little prim and offended. "I'm not Nilfgaardian."

"My apologies. If you want to clean up, we have a communal bath in the lower levels. You're welcome to join us."

The offer seemed to go ignored as Cahir simply flopped on the bed and closed his eyes without even kicking off his worn boots. Eskel couldn't begrudge him, such a journey was long and tiring even before the world went to shit. To then have to cross the Continent while chased by who knew how many people wanting his precious charge and the unending masses of undead no doubt made the whole thing exhausting.

Dinner was bubbling away in a large cauldron over a fire and the chores for the day were done. It was quite common for most of the residents of Kaer Morhen to settle in the baths, one of the few remaining luxuries left for them. To everyone's surprise Cahir bumbled in a little while later, still sleep rumpled but without his cloak. It left his ragged and torn shirt in full view, including where one sleeve had been ripped off at the elbow. On his lower arm was a freshly applied bandage with blood that had seeped through in an all too telling pattern. Cries of alarm went up as they spotted the bite.

"You've been bitten!"

"How could you endanger us like this?"

"You idiot!"

It was a cacophony as various witchers jumped out of the baths, reaching for their swords and heedless of their nudity. There was a very real danger in their midst that needed to be taken care of. Cahir held up his hands in a placating manner, surrendering without a fight.

"If I may?" He pulled his shirt over his head and the others tried to make sense of what they were seeing. His body was littered with scars from bites. Some were healed, others still scabbed over. When the trousers slid down, Cahir's legs were no different.

"What the-?" Lambert scowled.

It was the exact moment Yennefer arrived, Ciri in tow. She gave Cahir a once over. "It would seem we made some assumptions. Cahir, when you're rested and fed, I'd like to take a sample of your blood and hair please."

Next to her, Ciri giggled and tucked a strand of hair out of her face. She walked up to Cahir and took his bandaged arm in hand, inspecting his handiwork.

"You're getting better at this," she announced. "Hopefully it's the last one you've taken for me or anyone else though."

Her words were followed by an eerie silence in the baths as the others mulled over everything.

"So-" Eskel rubbed the back of his neck with a small frown, "-is Ciri your daughter?"

A bright laugh bubbled out of Ciri at that. "If only I was so lucky. I was his escort and bodyguard. Our pursuers often assumed that me being so young looking meant I was the immune one and Cahir was protecting me. That deception worked well for us."

Guxart cleared his throat. "We saw a tavern that was a fighting ring."

Both Ciri's and Cahir's faces darkened at that. It was Cahir who answered.

"We survived. But barely." His hand rubbed over his shoulder where a large chunk had been torn out, leaving a visible dent. "Had to lay low and recover for a while after that. Ciri injured her throat."

"And you got a bitch of a fever. You're the worst patient ever, always fidgeting and poking. It's a miracle only that bite got infected so bad."

Cahir stuck his tongue out at Ciri and she poked him in the stomach. In turn Cahir ruffled her hair and danced away. Taking it as a challenge, she dashed after him and gave him a shove that sent him flying, landing with a big splash in one of the baths. Spluttering and laughing, he surfaced.

"Oh you little bitch!" He playfully splashed water in her direction but Ciri let out a scream and the water froze mid arc before dropping into a sad little puddle on the ground.

The others stared at her in awe and horror. She grinned at them with a shrug. "You didn't really think they'd send some random, helpless girl as a bodyguard, did you?"

A hand landed on Ciri's shoulder as Yennefer smiled down at her. "You and I have a lot to discuss. How would you feel about learning how to control your powers even better?"

For the first time since the news that there might be a solution to the virus, hope trickled back into the lives of the residents of Kaer Morhen. It wasn't going to be an overnight solution, they knew it wasn't going to be easy. But they were one small step closer to a safer, happier life and that was more than enough for them after years of despair.

[nuclearnerves]

INCOMING VAMPIRE AU THOUGHTS

Don't mind me I'm finally getting the ideas I had on this shit out so I can actually go forward with developing it as an AU. It's my usual mixup of fps protags, Gordon Guy and John, but I'm starting with Gordon as the Vampire and Guy as the Vampire Hunter.

absolute beast of a wall of text under the cut

What If Being A Vampire Literally Sucks All The Time Forever like chronic pain sucks. like THAT level of sucks. Like Here's what I was thinking of. Being a vampire isn't just "being alive forever but you need to drink human blood" It's like Oh man I have some lore you look at vampires and their main thing is that they're blood suckers right so lets start with a corpse dead body. cadaver. no longer with us. just some rotting meat. The brain needs oxygen as fuel. The blood supplies the oxygen through blood. The blood is pumped through the heart. The blood is made by your bone marrow. You die. Your heart stops beating Blood stops pumping Brain no longer has oxygen to think marrow stops making blood thats standard! Now, becoming undead, as a vampire, is a little more complicated. The long and short of it is: your body is FIGHTING ACTIVELY to be alive against all odds and wins every time (immortality), but it hurts the whole way

I have the gist of it. It's like. Your heart stops. By all means, you should be dead. but the magic kicks in, and you're still thinking. Your brain is still sending signals to your muscles to move. But using what oxygen to move? whats burning in you? You don't know but you know it's just enough to get to your next meal. So you ferociously eat something, and then find you can't swallow. You can't make saliva. You barely have the energy to chew, and once you DO get something in your stomach, it immediately comes back up. Why can't you feel your pulse? What's going on? You're out of options so you figure you might as well just lie down and die. You're too tired to keep going anyway. So you do, you lie down, and you close your eyes, and you quietly hope that death is as peaceful as sleep. You realize you've actually been moving around without breathing, which makes sense because you can barely flex your diaphragm for more than a shaky wheeze. How are you thinking with such little oxygen? But as you fade from consciousness, you can feel something in you, and it's so upset, it's crying, it's filled with grief, and you instantly can tell it's your skeleton. It's your bones. You're distraught down to your marrow. You're dying. You're dying! Your heart stopped and you have no more blood! You need blood! You need blood to move! To breathe! To think! You try to breath deep again for the voices in your bones, trying to comfort them, to sooth them with the repetitive motion in your lungs, trying to fill yourself with anything but grief, but they keep wailing. We make the blood, our creation, our child, what we put all of our work into is gone! gone! gone! We need it back! Anything! All of it! Find it! Bring it back to us! We're hungry! WE'RE HUNGRY!

and once you find yourself too exhausted to listen, to think, how badly you wish just to die already to cease hearing this wailing, you find your body moving without you. And it's hungry and it's searching and it's crawling on all fours and it misses its beautiful red life that made it feel so full before and it needs it back, and the next thing you know you're desperately grabbing anything with blood in it and shoving it in your mouth in a desperate attempt to sooth this cry for life, you don't want to die, you don't want to die, you worked so hard to keep up this body and craft it and LIVE with it and you're not going to go, and even when you try, even when you try to lay down and die, your body refuses, it takes the reigns, and it keeps up the work itself with or without your help. And it's not until your stomach is full and your teeth are stained and you feel a pulsating burning in your bones that you snap back awake, completely conscious, just fine. You're lucid, you don't feel any more pain. Everything around you is dead and drained and messy and your heart still isn't beating. but you can breathe now and holy shit you guess you literally need to kill to survive and the less you eat and the more you starve yourself the worse it gets when your body finally decides to take recourse.

my idea was like. "the vampires curse is actually stored in the bones, thats why the teeth get so sharp and also theres a connection between blood and bones with the creation via bone marrow" its literally like i was sitting there thinking "no no no, whats it like to be a vampire. what neurosis would you develop. How would you panic? What are common mistakes beginner vampires make" which, by the way, gordon is a beginner vampire

so now you gotta factor, what blood lasts for how long? how long can you go between meals? not only that, but what creatures satisfy the urge? How long can you go avoiding human blood? Does it work like drugs where you develop a resistance to the high, or is it like food where it will keep you moving until you eat again? How the fuck are you gonna get your hands on blood? Can you just eat raw meat? Does that count? and thats where im at lol

OKAY now. now thoughts on beginning scenes of vampire au

So my idea was this Doomguy is a vampire hunter independent and one of his buds says that some freak scared and almost attacked his daughter when she got too close to his old abandoned laboratory up the hill and hes like “he might be… you know… a problem. if you needed a lead” and guys like yeah i fuckin hate the undead ill kill this dude so he busts into old lab space and sees so many dead animals its actually mostly Bones and pelt that hes seeing piles of feathers etc so hes like yeah this is all telltale signs of vampire uhhh hes introduced to gordon SOMEHOW im not totally sure of the details but the working idea i have is guy falls into a trap gordon devised that restrains him suspended in wire or something and gordon like. limps/stumbles into the room and this dude looks haggard he’s breathing heavy, his cheeks are hollow, he’s bug-eyed and shaking while looking at this massive wall of meat in his trap and he bares a bunch of hideous teeth and grits them and looks like hes really struggling with somethin... Like if these dudes don't know each other then Gordon might give in and try to drain Guy, and Guy would absolutely do anything in his power to turn this new vampire into ash, im thinking the inclusion if g-man as a coven leader can fix both issues.

i like the idea of guy falling into gordons trap and gordon thinking about what to do with him before gman shows up and whisks gordon away for a “meeting” while complimenting him on his good work catching the most feared vampire hunter in the country and gman just leaving guy suspended in wires that he has to fight his way out of. Instant situation defuser.

Guy ends up needing to take care of other monsters before going back to Gordon, and he DOES plan to go back to gordon, because no vampire is a good one, especially not one associated with the fucking head of a coven, but next time he sees Gordon, Gordon helps him out of a scrape by attacking and draining a combine who was going to take Guy out or something and escaping before Guy can catch him, or otherwise seeing Gordon do something good with his insane undead powers and like, the third time he meets up with him is when they can actually talk, and Gordons fuckin SO haggard, he’s not even fighting back and he’s even going as far as to say “just make sure theres nothing of me left when you’re done, I don’t want anyone else getting hurt”

Side Note: Guy has a bunch of scarring on his body from dealing with vampires, cops, ghosts, werewolves, anything violent that kills people. I'm playing with the inkling of an idea that he has Divine Blood in him, so that any time something undead bites him or tries to drink his blood, it burns. We'll see.

Side Note 2: now i really like the idea of the combine actually being an organized faction of vampire hunters that are WICKED crooked and exploit people for all their worth in exchange for their “safety” when they kill a vampire They’re essentially loansharks and Guy fucking hates them and hates the name theyve given to vampire hunting

Side Note 3: You've probably noticed that I haven't said anything about John yet! He's in this too. His species is a surprise but I need to get to him later I have an idea for where he came from (Cortana too)

I still need a good reason for Guy to not instantly kill this vampire, if not it's just gonna be "Gordon Freeman escapes the countrys best vampire hunter like a seventh time" every time they meet and they end up being rivals. And it gives Guy enough time to look past the whole "undead monster" thing and start looking at the "Oh this dude figured out how to fight his ridiculous craving for blood in a way more humane than most and is actually staying out of peoples way and keeping to himself. Guess he's not that big of a threat but I still need to keep an eye on him in case he loses it. Turns out he's got a family (Probably Alyx, Eli, Issac and Barney) who's been lookin for him and cares about him as well, don't wanna hurt them". I like the idea of them ending up needing to team up to take out undead together.

And that's what I got so far!!!

[many-gay-magpies]

oh no my cover is blown i think i failed secret agent school also shhhhh you have seen nothing here im not done burying my posts from 3 years ago yet but yes i agree this dynamic is really fun it feels like we're writing each other letters

honestly now that i read your thing about a new student not seeing the appeal because they're not integrated into decelis's clique culture it really brought to mind just how ROBBED we were in terms of sooha's character— i think it would've been better planned and Much more fitting if instead of her being automatically y/n-ified she showed up to decelis just . entirely immune to the pretty boys with vampire charisma. ik the boys feel a ~strange magical attraction~ which draws them to sooha but wouldn't it have been so great if she was just . weirded out by the attention instead of falling for heli immediately? like SHE could've been that student screaming "this idiot (jaan) just broke a hole in the floor bc he put down a dumbbell too hard and THIS IDIOT (heli) FORGETS THAT YOU HAVE TO MOVE YOUR MOUTH TO ACTUALLY TALK TO PEOPLE." i just think we were absolutely robbed of sooha really becoming part of the friend group instead of being yet another charmed student. and then SHE could become a cryptid too!! bc all the girls think its so strange that she doesn't get shy or blushy around them!! like imagine everyone whispering about sooha just one day sucker-punching solon to get him to shut up. PRICELESS.

help im imagining an exchange between that sleuth student and shion one night when hes ~on the prowl~. they go "hi, shion" and hes like "oh hi there- wait hold on how did you know it was me?? do you have powers too???? is it night vision????" and the student like "wha- no i just know that heli walks around at night so i assumed the rest of you would too and your eyes literally Glow In The Dark and hold on did you say too???? as in you have powers????????" and shion just . panicking like "aha no i meant do you have powers… in general… ahaha"

-vrvr anon

oh noooo hdhfbfjfb-- dont worry i will continue to pretend like i know nothing :> but no omg it is like writing letters thats why i like it so much!! its just. idk its so nice because rather than dms where conversations happen in small increments and can get kind of messy and mixed up, asks let you read over and give special attention to every part of what someone is saying so you can respond to it fully!! and theres less pressure to answer immediately and such (at least with the kind of asks you send) :3

LITERALLY THOUGH like. with sooha i WANT to like her character and mostly i DO but she has fundamentally been a reader insert protagonist from the start and its pretty easy to tell lmao. allegedly its worse in the webnovel (and from all the screenshots one of my friends sent me... y e a h) but she's still pretty heftily y/n-ified in the comic, what with all the boys being ✨mysteriously drawn to her✨ and her basically being a starry-eyes fool in front of heli lmao. we were absolutely robbed because it would have been SO COOL if they made her like... an actually interesting and compelling character... rather than just a love interest for the boys lmao. like it would have been great if she got close to the brothers and became their friend and everything SPECIFICALLY BECAUSE she wasn't disillusioned by the rest of the school's clique mentality and thought they were sort of weird. and maybe eventually theres a whole "man i feel like ive known you forever" exchange that happens between them, alluding to the whole crazy past life connection or whatever tf their deal is, but also it would be entirely platonic and just... kind of sweet, because she's the first person in SO LONG that they've been friends with that hasnt just wanted to be around them in hopes of looking cool or dating one of them. like what if sooha walked up to the brothers after hearing all the shit about them from her classmates and just went "lmfao yall are a bunch of fucking idiots arent you" and then they were friends. i think that would be neat

also now that ive gotten STARTED on this train of thought im just thinking about all the character traits i wanna see more in female characters in media, specifically protagonists... thinking about sooha WITH some of those character traits... just a very brash, not very friendly sooha that maybe built up a hard/defensive exterior due to years of being bullied and taught that showing vulnerability around people would get her hurt... a sooha that maybe isnt very nice, is a little bit mean actually, and clashes with solon because theyre both stubborn af and dont know how to converse or apologize like normal human beings... a sooha that, when heli catches her using her powers, yells "i swear to god if you tell ANYONE about this--" until he's like "whoa whoa its okay i have powers too"... a sooha that learns that being vulnerable around people and trusting people is okay actually, in an entirely platonic way... lots of thoughts hsjfbfjn

YEAH SOOHA CRYPTID!!! now i really wanna see her punch solon lmao

(we could have had it all. we could have had it ALL. but alas <//3)

also sidenote. the mental image of heli straight-up forgetting that you have to open your mouth to talk to people and just staring at someone not understanding why they're not hearing/answering him/why theres no sound coming out has me DYING. then when they call him out for it like "uhhh why are you staring at me like that?" he starts sweating and goes "HAHAHA SORRY NEVERMIND I JUST ZONED OUT HAHA WHAT WERE UOU SAYING.??"

NO OMG SHION. his chattiness/instinctive friendliness being his downfall is such a funny concept hsjfbfjf. like the resident Sleuth Student just casually says hi to him in the hallway and he full-on says hi back and starts being all sweet and polite before his brain goes VERY RAPIDLY through the following thoughts: "wait omg how does she know its me" "WAIT NOBODY'S SUPPOSED TO SEE ME AT THIS HOUR SHIT" "wait fuck why did i respond wHY DID I RESPONd--"

also now i have the mental image of shion with his crazy anti-grav powers just straight-up walking on the ceilings at night because its fun and (allegedly) no one will see him, only INCREASING the cryptid allegations if anyone does

[washymylifeaway]

SunaOsa fanfic recs: valentines edition~~

SunaOsa is one of my all time favorite ships and this past month, there has been/was an exchange going on between writers (here is the link) and artists (separately) and because I don’t have a life (or maybe it’s just that SunaOsa is my life LOL), I’m here to tell you some of my favorite fics from the pile :D However, as much as I love a ship, sometimes fluff is too asajndajnd so mind you there will probably be a lot of good fics missing just cause I couldn’t get myself to read more fluff (or angst) LOL (IM SORRY but sometimes I also just can’t motivate myself to read a fic no matter how good it looks OOPS).

As always, please check warning and tags before reading any of these fics, and take care of yourselves!!!!

In no particular order (jk the order is last updated haha) tho my favorites will have *** next to them :)

***glass stained black by unrequitedangst (E) 31k // Mafia AU’s are some of my favorite kinds of fics, and this one did not disappoint! The character development of Osamu is really legit and despite being mafia, it’s not that heavy or angst of a fic (but you should still definitely read tags and warnings first). It’s an Osamu heavy fic, and if you’re into reading him being stupid, go right ahead LOL.

redux by catalysis (T) 2.3k // ngl I hate break-up fics with a passion truely (when you can’t handle fluff or angst what to do) but I liked the concept for this one hehe (so I made myself suffer LOL). It was short, but cute !!! and the unspoken words really hit me in the FEELS (so what I’m dramatic fight me LOL).

Impropriety by DeathBelle (T) 5.7k // royalty~ I love the banter between them in this fic and we DO stan respectful Osamu yes we do <33333 The relationships between not only SunaOsa but SunaAtsu (because even though it isn’t really SunaAtsu best friend agenda, I can delude myself into think it is okay :/) are done so well and so nice he’s mean Osamu is best Osamu.

***what are you waiting for? by Slumber (T) 3.7k // MIGHT BE MY FAV FIC FROM THIS EXCHANGE!!! It made me cackle and I love how they learn new things about each other!!!! Like the development is so good and Suna is really doing the MOST!! Also, I love recursive endings AHHHHHH!

agape by sketchedsmiles (T) 11.7k // soulmates, then they were SOULMATES! (ik that’s not how it goes but pls just humor me LOL) This fic really depicted Osamu’s insecurities/internal turmoil/overthinking really well and the realization he has vs Suna’s AHJAFKASFJ. I love confident Suna.

fireside by tartaglia (starkartifices) (T) 3.6k // we do love the subtle flirt flirt don’t we hehe ;) It’s short, it’s fluff, and it’s funny - what more could you ask for? Also whats a vigilante fic if there isn’t at least one pun about being a vigilante LOL.

Over and Over Again by tookumade (G) 6.4k // I would like to order one reassuring, reliable Miya Osamu for myself please and thank you :((( The way the relationship is so GOOD like both Suna and Osamu pick each other up and they know the other has their back ajfhkajdfl. I would purchase all the onigiri with the deal Suna was proposing ;) Onigirintarou.

from here to eternity by TheGlovedArtist (T) 6.6k // I for one am a big fan of mythology and stuff (heroes of olympus but like IDR any of the plot LOL) so of course I read this fic. The snark appearances of Sakusa and Komori gave me LIFE and the difference in descriptions from Astumu and Kita cracked me up. This is another respectful Osamu fic (yes I love these) and in this one it was a ‘I save you as much as you save me’ type beat LOL. Gotta love rings.

***Subtle Inarizaki Dating by sifuhotman (T) 15.2k // THIS ONE. Even if you don’t read the whole thing, I beg of you, please, I AM ON MY KNEES, read the SID for Astumu. It is worth the loss of all your brain calls I guarantee it. It made me giggle so freakin much. Suna might be an A-Hole but he’s OUR A-Hole <3

Forever Begins with 8 Seconds by subtlehues (T) 3.9k // FLUFF hehe, I love their dynamic in this one it’s very good and cute and everything great! Also, I am all for the head cannon that Suna cannot cook, yes pls. Also SUPERPOWERS whooooooooh.

***try again, and again, and again by rosegoldwriting (T) 2.6k // SOULMATES! If you ever wanted a specific soulmate AU! for SunaOsa look no further, it probably comes out LOL. I love this concept of them just being like ‘WTF’ everyday, it gives me life. Also, count how many soulmate AU’s you recognized because I just thought about it and I think it’d be fun LOL. (I went back and I think 11 but I’m not sure LOL)

let us burn by SilverMoonT (G) 13.5k // I am always up for a nice vampire Osamu and witch Suna (which believe it or not, is my second one because I read the other one by this writer LOL) This one is more Suna POV and it really goes into his fears and desires, and I like the way Osamu pushes him to live more freely.

***reasons to microwave an elixir by spiritscript (T) 8.2k // THIS ONE. UGH I love, and it’s funny and cute and it EVEN HAS CRIME (kinda not really but yes)! I love the quiet moments they have and the PET AHHHHHHH! We love medic Osamu :DDDDD But also the betrayal and the sparring (and the irony at the end LOL) AJSKJNFK.

we fall between by stringendos (T) 14.7k // honestly the entire time I was just screaming at my computer, begging for them to hurry up and realize, but alas this is a ~slow burn~ for a reason and the tag ‘exes who act like theyre married’ really is the reason I read it and I do not regret LOL. Also bless Matsuda and stan her.

All the Time in the World by minie_ai (M) 8.8k // we love immortality! Denial! And Suna mentally filing away blackmail against people (namely Astumu) LOL. Running away from your problems is always the answer (I am saying this is a not sarcastic manner because I too, run away from my problems LOL) but ramen is ALWAYS a good answer. We love ourselves some emotional constipation LOL.

***none but you by broikawa (T) 7.2k // everything is a competition always LOL, not that I’m complainin but still LOL EVERYTHING. I really love this one because I love the progression and cock-block SakuAtsu hehe. I love them being synchronized idiots <3

it all comes back to you, (my home) by iritaescents (T) 4.5k // FOREVER, WE STAN FOREVER. Anyway, LOL this was is very very cute and fluff and not slow burn, it fast burn LOL. It’s a cute fic to read and it even has our favorite, now say it with me SOULMATES LOL.

Can't help falling in bed with you by tirralirra (T) 6.7k // here we see a 5 + 1 with points for the title (I think it’s very funny LOL my humor is bad ;)) Not that it really needs extra points because it’s a great fic in itself LOL but I really liked the title so I felt the need to share this with you all (OOPS). This was so cute, and the + 1 is HILARIOUS.

It’s no longer up :(((((( -> love's consequences by xginpuff (T) 6.5k // WARNINGS AND TAGS been a while since we had an angsty fic in this list (LOL the way I just tried to avoid all of them hehe). I read the tags but ngl I was still surprised later LOL maybe I’m just dumb, but anyway IK it starts out a bit confusing, but after you read more, you’ll get into it!

***sunagashi by bastigod (T) 9.8k // if there’s anything I like more than mythology, it’s folklore LOL. I love this fic and the plot is written so artfully AHDSAJN. Also the scene with the Ume-chan and her comment (so snarky I love). Also they way I went through so much trouble trying to figure out the kanji LOL (SPOILER it’s miyarin hehe)

catch me (while i'm still runnin') by lunarins (T) 4.3k // first and foremost, may we have a moment of silence for Komori and his eyebrows..... Continuing, this fic was so good because I love a good heist hehe. Their slight of hand abilities really doing the most LOL, and the ending OMG. I love the way the writer added in how they appeared to others during the heist, it really made it so good! Ugh to have a painting class and almost die LOL.

***if we get this right by Slumber (G) 5k // OLD FRIEND plsplspls I love this fic and I love how Osamu slowly relearns who he knew Suna as AHHH. The ending, again UGH, I really loved it and their banter with one another.

The Study of Suna Rintarou by DeathBelle (T) 6.1k // PLEASE the way Osamu kept getting offended omg. But also the effort Suna puts into getting to know Osamu, I was in ~love~. Read to me Osamu, READ TO ME. But also the Osamu is an oblivious MF agenda is alive and well within this fic hehe.

Take a Hint by pancake_surprise (G) 2.3k // ok so I had just read a tumbr post about the one bed thing and then I saw this fic. It was like the stars aligned okay? I was like, ig I HAVE to read it now hehe. But seriously read it, it’s cute and like everything else, of course there’s a challenge to be made LOL.

Heatwave by pancake_surprise (G) 2.1k // the way they were dating without knowing they were dating man. The tag ‘Didn't Know They Were Dating‘ more accurate than the ‘first dates’ one LOL jk but actually tho am I kidding? It’s the first official one IG. LOL anyway, we do love the doin of the defining of relationships. Yup.

If you made it all the way down here, CONGRATS LOL. Like I said, I didn’t read all of them (sadly) and these were the ones i did read LOL. I might add more depending on whether I can motivate myself into reading fics I know will be good LOL so we’ll see heh. Honestly, I thought I was gonna get word counted, but YAY we finished (for now hehe). Also sorry for any possible typos (is this no beta we die like men?) I’m running on 90 min of sleep so my engrish be strugglin LOL. Be safe and wear masks :)