#im lazy overdramatic and annoying

[tenrose]

Anywayyyy

Due to recent events, I've decided to finish and send the novel to the institute that offer ADHD diagnosis among other things. I have enough of myself. I mean once I have proof by A + B that I'm just lazy maybe that will be a wake up call. They don't require a phone call, thank god, but they require a description of symptoms, history etc. Obviously I took that as writing a freaking essay.

Things I wrote in the essay in question:

Wrote it like it's a first person POV story

Wrote that I can't talk properly in a narration where I alternated between formal and informal writing

After listing all the basic things I can't do, I digress about how I somehow manage to travel by own once year despite not being able to make one phone call, having my driving licence, doing the chores.

In the said digression, after I said a few lines higher that I have social anxiety, said that I somehow feel more comfortable speaking in English than in my native language, not cause I speak well (I don't I panic and forget every single word of the English language cause I don't practise often) but because I feel like being a foreigner i am less judged than stumbling every three words in my fucking tongue.

After that digression I dropped that I kinda have my thoughts going everywhere (case in point)

Casually dropped my past of school bullying like it's totally unrelated to my anxiety, just, maybe I am a bit paranoid. Drowned this short sentence in the middle of rambling so it doesn't sound like a big thing.

Said that I was advised to have an ADHD diagnosis by people who had diagnosis and are now feel better but that I'm still not convinced I have anything but I just think I'm lazy and overdramatic

Ended the whole thing by apologising for being annoying

They are never gonna call me 💀

[primeministerofantarctica]

this might be a mix of personalities + (english) voices but 2021 smurfs feel like they have more prominent age differences? whereas 80s smurfs felt more or less the same. not major gaps just enough you can clearly sort them into older - middle - younger categories (like siblings). anyways i haven't thought of everyone but

older: hefty, farmer, smurfette, chef

middle: jokey, vanity, poet, handy

younger: greedy, painter, timid

[maochira]

im so sorry for this but can you please make something with itoshi brothers where their lil sibling is like a lazy chaotic dramatic person? Like they hate sports and are always pulling random pranks at them bonus point if they get along with shidou solely because they find everything that shidou does just funny 💀💀 like the lil siblings doesn't know a damn thing about sports and just starts cheering in the match when everybody is cheering just to ask “whys everyone cheering?” 💀💀 it'd be so funny

But like if you're busy then that's totally fine it's all okay you can ignore this pls i love you

I already wrote headcanons for the Itoshi brothers with a lazy sibling a while ago, but I can do the chaotic part!

Requests open! - Itoshi sibling masterlist

gn!younger sibling!reader

Rin can't really stand any of your pranks. As much as he loves you, he hates when you pull another prank on him because he's never thought any of them were funny. To him, all of them have been annoying so far. But you decided to pick up the challenge to figure out a prank that will get your older brother to laugh! Rin also often says you should be spending the time and energy you "waste" on your pranks on doing something more useful instead. He often suggests you should give soccer a try, but you have no interest in that. But when it comes to your personality in general? It's one of the few things that manage to make him laugh in the matter of seconds - and that's something he adores about you.

Sae isn't necessarily a fan of your pranks, but he doesn't dislike them either. He just deals with them and tries to be unbothered. Although he has to admit that he misses being pranked by you while he's in Spain. He often told you to shut up or calm down when you got overdramatic again, but now he can't help but miss exactly that about you the most. Every day he misses the way you manage to make everything a little more entertaining and even the most boring activities bearable. Whenever he finds himself in a boring conversation or interview, Sae mind drifts off a little as he wonders what you would say or do to make the situation fun.

Taglist (sign-up link): @astruosie @zyuuuu @yerinsshi @gojosorrygeto @luvcalico @punkhazardlaw @truegoist @st4rcheese @rienniey @kalinkavx @keiidaydreams @weichspuelertrinker @futuristicxie @bluelock4life @blueberrryui @takorirei @https-archangel @ririgards @kaiserkisser @userwithlotsoftime @nikokii @theskyisporpol @chaosinanutshell @mang05

[bkgbkgbkg]

more eren hcs pls! where his mom teases him ab the reader and he begged carla to stop bcs of his embarrassment

poor eren lol carla always teases him ab his ears turning red too

I literally am getting so lazy im not built strong enough to write one shots consistenly im so sorry (to whoever requested things before this one IM STILL WORKING ON THEM I SWEAR!!!) im so sorry for skipping the line and writing these hc instead😭😭😭

I love u aswell i love the dynamic of eren, carla and reader its so cute thankyou sm for requesting omg

Bf!eren headcanons

More headcanons/masterlist

Carla edition

- if carla arrives home after eren she’ll always ask why ur not over before even saying hi to him😭

- whenever eren is annoying to u (as always) she smacks him aggressively

- carlas always buying random things for u at the store which eren gets pissed about ‘she didnt even ask me if i wanted one she just said to give it to u’

- she likes to take facebook pictures promoting u and eren as a couple (shes ur biggest supporter frl💀) the pictures are always unfortunate angles tho but its the thought that counts😋

- while u guys were still getting to know each other,, eren 100% went to carla and armin for advice after jean i feel liek carla and armin are a cute little support duo for eren😭 he realises what bullshit jean gave him once he acc listens to them two tho

- ever since eren asked carla for advice tho she doesn’t let it drop and tugs at his ear to make fun of him when he denies things abt u

“Hows ur girlfriend?” His face and ears just heat up as he gets embarrassed “i said to stop calling her that shes not my gf yet”

- when u were meeting her for the first time she defo made it her mission to embarrass the fuck out of eren

- shes defo the type to embarrass him with personal medical stuff like start saying “eren did u remember your bowel medication?” “How is the ointment for your warts working?”

- u always leave eren half the time to help her make dinner and its ur main bonding time bc shes so cutie

- whenever u force eren to help with dinner she gets mad when he cant cut the vegetables properly or is forgetting to mix the pot or whatever she gets pissed smacking his head and gives up asking if you can do it instead

- shes always smacking him poor guy😭 everytime he does get smacked he gets overdramatic and start saying he thinks he just got a concussion or smt💀

- she makes it a point to tell u to make sure that eren doesnt bring down ur grades LMAO even if eren is smart academically she will still do so

- eren doesn’t mind being touchy w u even if his parents are around idk im too lazy now to think of more carla ones 😁🙌🙌

i cant stop thinking abt him tho help its so bad im going clinically insane

- as much as carla is a bit of a bully to eren she defo aggressively loves him,, like she aggressively pinches his cheek when he was a kid whenever he got some sort of achievement

-like the only reason eren is able to be sheepishly proud at stuff hes a bad at is bc carla was such a ‘OMG WELL DONE MY SWEET SWEET EREN😁😁😁😄’ mother when he got a singular gold star or smt😭😭

- as eren got older tho he started getting embarrassed abt how she was so proud of the smallest things (hes rude carlas lovely)

MY MIND IS BLANKING as much as i have eren brainrot i cant think of more😓😓

My requests r open for anything u can ask me any specific headcanons for eren or any character aswell!! Tysm for reading 🫶🫶

[flunkett]

my mom says she “accepts im trans” and yeah ill give it to her, she called me the correct name and pronouns… for two days. now shes deadnaming me again and misgendering me and i bet if i bring it up she will use the excuse “oh i forgot :( its really hard to remember :(“ so im just not gonna try anymore

im gonna vent in the tags

[dkfile]

heartache and a latte

❛ it’s hard to tell someone you like them when you lose all self-control around them. like everything goes to auto-pilot. ❜

word count | 9.3k (9,296) genre | fluff, slice of life, strangers to lovers, coffee shop au ━ barista!woozi

you couldn’t help but notice that your spotify mutual woozi has been listening to some downright sad songs as of late, but as much as you want to reach out and console them, you have no way to, seeing as you don’t know who they are. however, fate might give you a chance when you realize that whatever song woozi is listening to is the same one playing whenever you’re in the coffee shop.

★ warnings | there’s nothing but fluff and meddling friends ★ author’s note | there is absolutely no heartache in this fic but im gonna be honest i couldn’t think of another title (read: i was too lazy to) but there is one mention of a latte so!!!

► woozi is currently listening to … Talking to the Moon, Bruno Mars 💿 Doo-Wops & Hooligans

According to Seungcheol, you are truly not Yoon Jeonghan’s friend until you become a victim of his notorious matchmaking. And unfortunately for Wonwoo, Jeonghan has declared him his number one target, and your poor best friend has been going on bad date after bad date for the past month.

Wonwoo collapses into the seat across from you, the heavy breaths falling from his lips fog up his glasses and it only takes him three more heaves before he takes them off and throws them onto the table, caring very little for the way they almost clatter onto the floor. You raise an eyebrow at him, trying your best not to show your amusement, before humming.

“Why are you so upset?”

He throws you a look, clearly not happy with your sarcasm, and throws his hands up in the air in frustration. Yesterday he made the mistake of telling Jeonghan he has little to no assignments due this week, which Jeonghan took as an invitation to schedule more dates — whilst Seungcheol was shaking with laughter, Wonwoo looked like he wanted to jump out a window.

“I can’t believe I have to live like this,” he groans, burying his face in his hands. “God, I knew Jeonghan was persistent, but I didn’t know it was like this.”

You hum. “That’s Jeonghan for you.”

“Whenever he texts me about a date I start to feel the walls closing in on me.”

You throw him a look. “You’re so overdramatic. I think Seungkwan’s starting to rub off on you.”

Wonwoo ignores your comment. “No, you don’t get it. Every week, I go on a date, it ends badly, Jeonghan reprimands me, then he sets me up on another one. It’s a never-ending cycle and I can’t take it anymore, Y/N. I can’t take it.”

“Then just lie to him. Tell him you’ve found the love of your life or something.”

“Jeonghan’s got the best bullshit detector I’ve ever seen. He would never believe me,” Wonwoo says. You think this might be the most annoyed Wonwoo’s ever been, which is astonishing, given the fact that just last week during movie night at your place, he witnessed Seungkwan and Mingyu’s atrocious reenactment of Titanic. They acted out every scene, word for word. For two hours.

You have videos to prove it.

“Well, then there’s nothing I can do to help you.”

He scowls. “Gee, thanks.”

You shrug, unbothered by his irritation. It will only take a couple of minutes before Wonwoo calms down and cracks open his laptop to watch Sims 4 let’s plays from the early 2010s, so you continue working on an essay for your Asian Civilization class. It’s due today and you didn’t start it until a few minutes ago but, in your defence, you’ve been swamped with other priorities (like rewatches of Love Island and The Bachelor), and at least you’re not doing it at 11 P.M.

You huff when a loud ding in your ear signals that your airpods are almost dead. Lazily, you search for the case at the bottom of your bag before taking the earbuds off and allowing them to charge. You go to pause your music too, just in case it continues playing — which has happened before. Once when you were in the library, the heavy metal Seungcheol added to the friend group’s collaborative study playlist conveniently started blasting the moment your airpods died, which was utterly humiliating. You haven’t stepped foot in the library since then.

A small sigh of relief escapes you when you see that the song’s paused, but then you glance to the side section of the Spotify screen and frown.

You aren’t sure how long you’ve been mutuals with woozi or even who they are — which is strange since you only have about six followers, all of them being people in your small tight-knit group of friends — and you’ve never bothered to find out. But lately, woozi has been listening to a collection of rather depressing heartbreak songs, and you aren’t sure whether they’ve just been in a mood for the past three months or if they’re going through a bad breakup.

“What are you frowning at?” Wonwoo asks. Just like you predicted, he’s already opened up his laptop. He’s looking at you with a hint of curiosity, but you know that one little white lie and he’ll leave you alone.

“Just something for my assignment.”

Wonwoo nods before looking back down at his screen. You only stare at woozi’s icon — which is a Marvel superhero you can’t quite remember the name of — for a couple more seconds before going back to Google Docs.

No time to worry about someone you don’t know. You have an assignment to finish.

► woozi is currently listening to … Two Slow Dancers, Mitski 💿 Be the Cowboy

“Dude,” Soonyoung groans, throwing his body against the counter. Jihoon glances at him with mild exasperation, and although Soonyoung is far from finished wiping down the tables, he doesn’t bother to reprimand his friend for his laziness. “All you gotta do is talk to her.”

Jun, another one of Jihoon’s co-workers, purses his lips. He and Soonyoung have been exchanging relationship advice for the past twenty minutes. Jihoon, however, has chosen to stay quiet, but he doesn’t stray too far away because he still wants to be part of the conversation.

“It’s not as easy as you think,” Jun retorts, harshly wiping at a stain on the counter that’s been there for as long as Jihoon’s been employed. “Whenever I try to talk to her, my brain just stops working. I malfunction. Everything in me freezes. Plus, she’s, like, out of my league.”

“Well, I know that,” Soonyoung huffs, barely dodging the smack Jun reaches out to give him. “But you just need some practice. C’mon, practice on me.”

Jun sighs. For a moment, Jihoon thinks he’ll turn Soonyoung down, but then he steps back and clears his throat. For as long as Jihoon’s known him, Jun has never turned down an opportunity to perform.

“Hi,” Jun begins weakly. Soonyoung catches Jihoon’s eye over Jun’s shoulder and they both wince. “So, I was wondering—”

“Please stop.”

“What— But I barely started!”

“I already couldn’t stand it,” Soonyoung says. “Dude, you’ve got no game.”

“Oh, you’re one to talk—”

Jihoon purses his lips and moves to the side, deciding now is the best time to get away from this conversation. Before Soonyoung can even think about dragging Jihoon in, he’s already grabbing a cloth and going towards one of the empty tables. It’s been relatively slow today and he’s pretty sure he wiped this table an hour ago, but if cleaning is what will save him from Jun and Soonyoung’s argument then so be it.

College students are scattered all over the vicinity. It’s rather calm — save for behind the counter where his friends attempt to keep their voices low — but the tranquil atmosphere is broken momentarily when a boy storms in and makes his way to an occupied booth. Jihoon only stares at him with a frown for a couple more seconds before realizing that the person he’s sitting with is his friend — of course, how could he forget? You two have been coming into this coffee shop since the beginning of time.

Jihoon catches snippets of the conversation (something about bad dates and someone named Seungkwan? He swears that the name sounds familiar…) before he makes his way back to the counter. Jun and Soonyoung’s argument seems to have been resolved — record-breakingly quick, Jihoon adds — but he can tell Jun is still a little disgruntled. When one of Jihoon’s favourite songs comes on the speakers, the taller boy throws him a halfhearted glare and pouts.

“This is the last thing I needed to hear right now.”

Jihoon rolls his eyes because while he is in charge of the music they play in the shop, it’s not his fault that Spotify shuffle decided to play Two Slow Dancers. But because Jun’s day has already been bad enough, Jihoon decides to give him the benefit of the doubt. He slips into the back to retrieve his phone and scrolls through his playlists in hopes of finding something that will cheer his friend up.

But doing that is harder than expected and he ends up just putting a random Spotify-generated playlist on shuffle.

Party In The U.S.A comes on and in the booth across from Jeon Wonwoo, you jump at the sudden change in music. Your best friend is too immersed with whatever’s on his laptop to notice the sudden change in the atmosphere, but he seems to be the only one. Some of the customers jerk up in surprise while others raise their heads with furrowed eyebrows. Two employees, a boy with unruly platinum hair and a taller boy with brown hair falling into his eyes, simultaneously fall into laughter just as another one of their colleagues emerges from the back, sporting a hairdo that only comes from working an 8-hour shift.

You briefly meet the latter employee’s eyes. He smiles politely, as every worker would do, before turning to his friends.

Despite your airpods only being in the case for two minutes, you take them out anyway and put them on. You’ll let them charge once the song is over because there’s absolutely no way you’ll be able to focus with Party In The U.S.A blasting. When you open Spotify again, you notice that the song woozi’s listening to has changed to the same one that’s playing in the coffee shop.

Weird. Your eyes narrow but you decide not to worry too much about it. You have bigger fish to fry.

Like this fucking essay.

You scowl as you open Google Docs up again.

► woozi is currently listening to … The Night We Met, Lord Huron 💿 Strange Trails

While you wouldn’t consider observance as something you excel at, you wouldn’t necessarily call yourself oblivious. You can catch on to things without much help, so it’s embarrassing that it took you so long to figure out that the song woozi is always listening to is the same one that plays whenever you’re in the coffee shop.

You aren’t quite sure what to do after coming to this realization. It’s not like you could just run to the coffee shop and demand to meet woozi just so you can see if he’s OK.

Well. Maybe you could, considering you’re in the shop after running three minutes from Seungkwan and Mingyu’s apartment.

“Hi,” you exhale, your energy quickly running out as you lean against the front counter, ignoring the blond barista’s concerned expression.

“Hello,” the employee greets you. As your eyes scan the nametag pinned to his blue apron — Soonyoung, written messily with silver Sharpie — you briefly wonder if this boy could be your Spotify mutual. But he’s smiling at you with enough radiance to rival the sun, and he doesn’t give off the sad, broken, tortured vibe you always assumed woozi has.

You’re snapped out of your daze when the barista clears his throat. It’s then you realize that you haven’t been paying attention to anything he’s been saying. “What can I get for you today?”

“Right, um,” you trail off, wondering how to frame your question. It’s not like you thought about this on the run over, which you probably should have. It would make this interaction a lot less uncomfortable. “Sorry. I’m looking for someone.”

Soonyoung’s eyebrows rise. “Uh, OK. Are you one of Jun’s friends? Because his shift ended a few minutes ago—”

“Oh. No, I’m not here for Jun,” you say with a quick shake of your head. “I’m here for Woozi?”

Soonyoung blinks. “Who?”

“Um. Woozi.”

“Right. I don’t know who that is.”

Somewhat defeated, you inhale sharply and nod your head. “Oh, OK. I just… Sorry, this might sound weird, but I’m following Woozi on Spotify and they’ve just been listening to some… sad songs recently — actually, I’ve noticed they’ve been listening to them for a while and I realized that the song they’re listening to is always the same one that’s playing here and I just wanted to make sure they’re, like, OK? Or if heartbreakingly sad songs are something they just vibe with. So, um… Yeah. Sorry again.”

Throughout your entire ramble, Soonyoung stares at you blankly. You think you might have just humiliated yourself in the worst possible way before the barista breaks out into an incredulous grin. He lets out a loud cackle, catching the attention of some of the customers, before he’s shaking his head and gestures for you to wait.

“I’ll be right back,” he says in between laughs. You gawk at him as he stumbles out of sight.

You awkwardly stand at the front counter, wringing your hands as you wait for Soonyoung to reemerge. In your back pocket, your phone vibrates with what you assume are texts from your friends, probably asking if you’re coming back anytime soon. You had made a lame excuse of needing coffee before slipping out of the door, which you’re pretty sure they didn’t believe.

(“You need coffee?” Seungkwan had asked, bewildered. “It’s eight in the evening.”

Jeonghan looked at you as if you had something on your face. “Yeah, plus we have coffee here. Why would you run all the way over there to spend money on mediocre drinks? Be serious for a moment, Y/N.”)

Before you can pull out your phone and send a quick text to assure them you’ll be back, you hear loud protests and devious laughter before Soonyoung walks out, dragging someone behind him. The barista who seems to be working every time you’re here, his hair always dishevelled in one way or another, is grumbling beside his colleague, but when he sees you standing there, he masks his expression with a smile he reserves only for customers.

Soonyoung stops his friend from saying anything and pats him a little too roughly on the back. “So, I have some amazing news for you! This boy right here is Jihoon.”

Jihoon furrows his eyebrows, slightly confused with the introduction. “Soonyoung, what are you—?”

“But,” Soonyoung continues, ignoring Jihoon’s confusion, “you might know him as Woozi.”

► woozi is currently listening to … You’re Somebody Else, flora cash 💿 Baby, It’s Okay

When Soonyoung rushes into the back room — startling Jihoon as he tries to savour every last minute of his break —and says something along the lines of, “Dude, guess what? I just found the love of your life,” Jihoon doesn’t know what to expect as his best friend dragged him to the front, but one thing’s for sure: he does not expect this.

Soonyoung, who annoyingly assures Jihoon that it’ll be fine if he goes over break, ushers the two of you to one of the booths in the back so you could, as Soonyoung put it, “Enjoy some time together!” which both you and Jihoon found off-putting seeing as he says it with a conspiratorial smile and a mischievous glint in his eye.

Now, Jihoon sits in a booth across from someone he’s never spoken a word to before other than, “What can I get for you today?” and “Your total is…”

“So…” you begin, “this is awkward.”

Jihoon, who was previously playing with the napkin dispenser to avoid eye contact, surprises himself by laughing at your comment. He hastily builds up the courage to apologize and explain that he didn’t mean to laugh at you, but when he meets your eyes, you’ve broken out into a cautious half-smile. The tense atmosphere shatters as soon as the chuckle falls from his lips and now both of you feel like you can relax, which he’s extremely thankful for; he’s completely unaware of what to do in a situation such as this. It’s not like he knows anybody who has had a Spotify mutual try to reach out to them because they’re concerned about them.

The fact that you did, though, is oddly heartwarming.

After a beat, Jihoon says, “There’s really nothing to worry about— with my music taste, I mean. I’m not going through a bad breakup or anything, but it’s nice of you to reach out and check if I’m good. No one’s ever done that for me before.”

Your smile grows sheepish. “I don’t think anyone’s ever done that before.”

Jihoon smiles back. “Guess that makes me extra special then.”

You purse your lips to prevent yourself from continuing to grin like an idiot. “So you just listen to all this sappy stuff because you like it?”

“I mean… yeah. That’s why people listen to music.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

“Then what did you mean?”

“Do you not like upbeat stuff?”

“‘Course I do,” Jihoon shrugs and relaxes against the back of the seat. Out of his line of sight, Soonyoung watches his friend’s interaction with sharp eyes. He’s almost buzzing at the thought of telling Jun all about this later. “But I listen to slower songs more. And I’m in charge of the music here, and a coffee shop isn’t exactly the perfect environment for EDM.”

Your eyes glimmer. “Well, you never know.”

Jihoon quirks an eyebrow. “Is that some sort of challenge?”

“No, actually,” you hum, drumming your fingers on the table. “But now that I think about it, it would be nice to play some less sad songs here.”

“What are you suggesting?”

“Let me pick the music that you guys play.”

The proposal is so preposterous that Jihoon laughs. In all the years he’s worked in this quaint cafe, he has never let anyone touch the music station (read: the small table in the back where he keeps his phone that’s connected to the speakers) — it took two years before he let Soonyoung and Jun take the reins, and he only allows them to pick the songs when he isn’t working. Hell will freeze over before Jihoon puts something as important as this in the palms of some stranger.

“No way,” he scoffs.

“OK. Let me pick the music that plays while I’m here.”

He shakes his head. “Absolutely not. Besides, I only work here part-time. What happens if you’re here and I’m not? There are holes in your plan.”

Your eyebrows furrow. “Then I’ll come here when you have a shift.”

“You’re persistent, aren’t you?”

You give a dismissive wave of your hand, ignoring the evident amusement on Jihoon’s face. “When do you work next?”

Jihoon searches your face for some sort of tell, anything that says that you’re bluffing. But there are no cracks in your posture, no signs that point to an act. He concludes that he just doesn’t know you well enough to figure out whether you’re lying or not, and decides — hopes — you probably won’t live up to your word.

So, Jihoon offers up the information. “Tomorrow at seven.”

“Opening shift?”

He shakes his head. “Closing. Seven P.M.”

You grin. “See you then, Woozi.”

► woozi is currently listening to … Love In The Dark, Adele 💿 25

Turns out, you were not bluffing.

You come into the coffee shop followed by two people Jihoon’s never seen you with before. A tall boy who trips the moment he steps inside and a blond who oozes confidence trail behind you, seemingly in their own little world when you arrive at the counter.

Behind Jihoon, Soonyoung and Jun start whispering to each other the moment they see you. He’s dreading the moment you leave and they bombard him with questions; Soonyoung and Jun love to tease their friends, and Jihoon doesn’t mind it as long as he isn’t on the receiving end of it.

You’re grinning at him like all the light in the world can’t rival the luminescence of your smile and he knows he’s doomed.

You pretend to study the menu before looking at him. “This is one of my favourite songs.”

Jihoon’s eyes narrow. “Me too,” he replies. Before you can say anything else, Jihoon continues, “Is there anything I can get for you today?”

Your friend — the shorter one who carries himself with an air of authority — pops out from behind you, giving Jihoon a polite smile. “Iced americano please.”

The taller boy adds, “And a blueberry scone for me.”

Jihoon’s eyes land back on you. “Oh, just a small latte will be fine,” you say, “as well as a different song.”

The blond beside you frowns. “I kind of like this song, though.”

Jihoon gives you a small victorious grin. “Well, if he likes it then I see no reason to change it. How would you like to pay?”

As you grumble under your breath and take out your card, momentarily occupied with the pin pad, Jihoon moves to the side to grab a scone. When he does this, Soonyoung gasps loudly behind him which is then followed by a loud exclamation, “Seungkwan!”

The blond brightens. Seungkwan and Soonyoung immediately fall into conversation before Seungkwan drags your other friend — Mingyu, Jihoon overhears — as well as Jun, leaving both of you alone. It’s only then that Jihoon remembers why the name Seungkwan is so familiar; a few months ago, Soonyoung wouldn’t stop complaining about how incompetent his group was in his Microbiology class, save for a younger boy named Seungkwan.

Jihoon clicks his tongue. Seems like he has more connections with you than he thought.

“So,” you say once you’ve made sure your payment has been approved, “are you gonna change the song?”

Jihoon looks at you over the display case of pastries. “No.”

“Thought so,” you sigh. “But I’m not going to give up, you know. I’m going to break you.”

Jihoon can’t help the smile that makes its way to his lips no matter how hard he tries to fight it. He’s usually good at keeping a poker face so he isn’t quite sure why he’s struggling so much. He brushes it off, deeming it a problem that’ll fix itself, and muses, “Is that so?”

“Mhm! I just need to find your soft spot, I’ll figure it out somehow, given that your friends seem to be friends with mine?” you falter, turning your head in the direction of Seungkwan, Mingyu, Soonyoung, and Jun, who all seem to be in a rather heated conversation about NASCAR. You glance back at Jihoon, clearly just as confused about the sudden friendship as he is. “Did you know they knew each other?”

“Soonyoung’s talked about Seungkwan before,” Jihoon explains as he puts Mingyu’s blueberry scone in a paper bag. “I never realized you knew him until now, though.”

“That’s so weird,” you say.

“You could say that.”

“Well, I could get something out of Soonyoung,” you declare as Jihoon turns to make your drinks since his other coworkers seem to have better things to do. Sometimes Jihoon thinks that he’s the only one around here who actually works. “Surely he knows how I can break down your walls and get you to trust me enough to pick a more lively song And if not,” you pause, “I could resort to blackmail.”

Jihoon throws you a look over his shoulder. “Blackmail?”

“Yes. There has to be an embarrassing picture of you on the internet somewhere.”

“You’ll be searching for years.”

Your mouth curls. “We’ll see about that! I’m good at investigating. I put Nancy Drew and Sherlock Holmes to shame.”

“You talk a big game for someone who took months to realize that the same song woozi listens to is the same one playing at the coffee shop.”

You scowl. “Oh, be quiet. That doesn’t count.”

Jihoon places both drinks on the pick-up counter, meeting your gaze with a teasing glint in his eyes. “Right,” he says softly. You’re leaning against the counter and you don’t realize he is too, the space between you two decreasing slowly before he backs away and taps the counter twice. “Order up!”

At the sound of his voice, Seungkwan and Mingyu look over to where you stand, slightly flustered, and reach over to grab their things. The two boys say a chaste goodbye — Mingyu says something about running late to a hangout with the rest of the friend group — but you stay frozen in place. You only move after two awkward beats, Seungkwan jabbing your side with his elbow and giving you an incredulous look.

“We gotta go otherwise Seungcheol’s going to kill us,” he says.

“Oh. Right,” you respond, gripping your to-go cup tightly. “Bye, guys!”

Your eyes linger on Jihoon, who only gives you a small smile before turning to clean something near the coffee machines. Seungkwan and Mingyu meet each other’s eyes over your head, mouthing comments you don’t bother to understand before Seungkwan jabs you again and gestures that it’s time to leave.

As soon as you’re out, Mingyu says, “Jihoon seems nice.”

There’s a mysterious lilt in his voice but you can’t quite figure out what he’s implying. “Yeah, he is.”

Once you arrive at Seungcheol’s apartment, Seungkwan whispers something to Jeonghan who, afterwards, throws you curious glances throughout the entire evening — which, of course, you don’t notice, too focussed on the horror movie playing on the TV.

Seungkwan has no idea where you got the idea that you were observant because you most definitely are not.

► woozi is currently listening to … Bored, Billie Eilish 💿 Bored

“How about an Ariana song?”

“No.”

“Not even six thirty? Come on, man.”

“Nope.”

“You’re ridiculous.”

Jihoon shrugs, unaffected by your chastising as he makes paper cranes with the napkins. You conveniently got to the shop a few minutes before his break started — you also insisted that you didn’t even know he was working today, which he finds hard to believe — and he figured that his thirty minutes of freedom are better spent with you than in the back room on his phone.

You give up working on homework the moment Jihoon sits down, deeming the boy and his hesitant smile much more interesting than the project you need to finish for Statistics.

When he immediately shuts down your song suggestion, you drop the subject — something he doesn’t expect — and ask him about the classes he’s taking this semester. You suppose that if you’re going to be bothering him for as long as possible, you might as well try to get to know him, and once he starts talking about his music courses, your eyes soften at how excited he is.

He’s clearly passionate about it, and though you know next to nothing about music, you become entranced by the way he talks about it. His voice, which is usually gentle, becomes more animated and energetic. He leans forward when he explains the different types of mechanisms and productions, never breaking eye contact while his hands fly in the air as he makes different gestures.

You think you could listen to him talk about this forever without becoming sick of it.

You’re so captivated by the words falling from his lips that you don’t notice someone standing in front of your table, and neither does Jihoon until the figure clears his throat in an attempt to capture your attention.

Jeonghan stands nonchalantly, hands tucked in the pockets of his sweatpants. His eyes flicker between you and Jihoon multiple times before they permanently settle on you, and he gives you a smile that creates an uneasy feeling in the pit of your stomach. You’re about to ask him what he wants, but he beats you to it.

“I’ve been looking for you,” he chirps ominously. You eye him with suspicion but he doesn’t seem to care. “You weren’t answering your messages, but I figured you’d be here,” he raises an eyebrow, throwing Jihoon an indecipherable look, “you always seem to be here.”

You tap your fingers on the table impatiently. It’s not like it’s weird you’ve been spending a lot of time here — ever since freshman year, you and Wonwoo have been stopping by whenever you get the chance. “What are you getting at?”

“Nothing,” he says dismissively. “Anyway, Seungkwan’s away game is starting in an hour and I just wanted to know if you’re gonna be carpooling with me and Cheol or if you’ll just go alone.”

You sniff, still trying to spot any questionable things in Jeonghan’s behaviour. “I’ll carpool. When were you guys planning on leaving?”

“In about fifteen minutes. My car’s parked out there, so I figured we could stay here and wait for Seungcheol.”

You glance at Jihoon. “Um, I guess—”

“Awesome!” Jeonghan exclaims and he slides into the spot beside Jihoon. You gape in horror, just as startled by your friend’s behaviour as Jihoon, and watch as Jeonghan sticks his hand out for him to shake. “Nice to meet you, by the way. I’m Jeonghan.”

Jihoon hesitantly shakes his head. “I’m Jihoon.”

“Oh, I know.”

“Um…”

Jeonghan ignores Jihoon’s confusion and flashes a dazzling smile. “So, what were you guys talking about?”

For the last few minutes of Jihoon’s break, you’re surprised that the conversation flows smoothly. You don’t talk much, watching Jeonghan with fearful wariness as he asks Jihoon about giving him some guitar lessons, but just as you’re about to relax, Soonyoung calls Jihoon from the counter and asks him to come back.

He throws you a smile before he slips to the back to adjust his uniform. Once he’s out of sight, Jeonghan’s previous angelic expression disappears, and he fixes you with a look that is all too familiar. He’s plotting something and you aren’t sure whether you’re the victim or the accomplice.

“He seems nice,” he says with the same tone Mingyu used the other day. “How long have you known him?”

“Not that long? A few weeks maybe.”

“Nice,” Jeonghan nods. Then, he smacks you with a question that almost makes you spill your coffee. “Is he single?”

“Huh?”

“There’s someone in my Stats class that might like him,” he says smoothly.

“Who?”

“You don’t know them.”

“We’re in the same Statistics class, Jeonghan.”

“We are?” he says with feigned shock. At your unamused expression, his mouth curls into a smirk. “Don’t worry about it, Y/N, they’re nice. I think Jihoon would like them.”

A bothersome feeling spreads across your chest, and you have to do your best to ignore it. If Jeonghan notices you squirming, he doesn’t say anything about it. “I thought you were fixing Wonwoo up with someone,” you protest quietly, “And I don’t think Jihoon would like it if you started meddling with his love life.”

“I think Wonwoo’s tired of all the matchmaking.”

“He never actually liked it.”

“That’s also true,” Jeonghan agrees. “But you never answered my question. Is Jihoon single?”

“I don’t know,” you respond. “It’s not something we’ve talked about.”

There’s a spark in Jeonghan’s eyes that you’re sure means anything but good. Before you can ask him if there’s something else he’s not telling you, Seungcheol enters the shop, lingering in the entrance as he shouts at the two of you to hurry up.

Jeonghan follows Seungcheol out the door and you trail closely behind. Before you’re out, though, Jihoon taps your shoulder and places a small cup in your hand.

His sheepish smile causes you to soften, and you think you might collapse into mush when he says, “Just something for the road. On the house.”

Your voice comes out quieter than you expected, “Thank you.”

He lifts his shoulder in a half shrug. “It’s nothing. Really.”

Your heartbeat quickens and you scurry out of the coffee shop before the stuttering of your chest becomes too unbearable.

► woozi is currently listening to … If By Chance, Ruth B. 💿 Safe Haven

You might have to revoke Wonwoo’s best friend card.

Jeonghan has finally decided to free Wonwoo from his Cupid shenanigans and to celebrate his freedom, Wonwoo has been taking every chance he gets to poke fun at you because as it turns out, you are the new recipient of Jeonghan’s tenacious matchmaking. And Wonwoo makes sure you never forget — he has hourly reminders to text you about eligible bachelors on campus. You’re very close to blocking him.

You enter the coffee shop with a huff. All of your friends have classes at noon on Fridays so you’re savouring this free time as much as you can. You’re looking for a place to sit when your eyes land on Jihoon sitting in a booth that’s almost out of sight — the same booth where the two of you had your first conversation.

He doesn’t see you coming until you settle across from him. You notice the papers littered over the table and the open laptop, and you immediately jump to apologize for disrupting him but he shakes his head and beams.

“You’re not supposed to be working today,” you say because a few days ago he sacrificed his work schedule after you persistently continued to bother him about it. You have it screenshotted on your phone.

“I’m not,” he replies.

“So even when you’re not working you hang out here?”

“Don’t judge me,” Jihoon scoffs. “Might I remind you that you have no life outside of school and this coffee shop?”

You almost grumble that you only ever come here when he’s working — except for today — but you stop yourself. “What are you working on?”

“I’m just adding the finishing touches to this song I composed for class,” he says with a clipped tone. His demeanour shifts from relaxed to defensive and you frown as he brings his notebook closer to his figure before eventually dropping it into his backpack.

You scan his face, unsure of what it is you’re searching for, before slumping back and deciding to let it go. Maybe he just doesn’t want you to see his work, which is understandable.

You try to ignore the dull sting. “And it sounds alright?”

“I hope so,” he hums. “What are you doing here?”

“Avoiding,” you mutter, sliding further down the seat as if you’re hiding from something. Which — well, you are. If your friends go searching for you, this is the first place they’ll stop by, and in hindsight, you probably should’ve gone somewhere else to avoid Jeonghan, but this cafe has a certain aura that draws you toward it. It engulfs you with so much warmth until you’re hot to the touch.

Jihoon’s interest peaks at the sound of your annoyance. “Avoiding what?”

“Jeonghan,” you sniff. “He’s been trying to set me up on dates. Do you know that guy Ian? Frat boy from Alpha Beta Something.”

Jihoon straightens in his chair and nods stiffly. He has nothing against Ian, he met him once through Soonyoung, and he seems like a nice enough guy, but the mention of you and him going on a date floods Jihoon with enough dread to make him go frigid.

“Yeah, well, apparently I’m going out with him tonight,” you glower at the table. “And I’m sure Ian’s nice or whatever, but I don’t want to go on a date with him. Aren’t you supposed to go on a date with someone because you want to?”

The vehemence dripping from your words causes Jihoon to relax a little. “So why don’t you just not go?”

“It’s not that simple,” you sigh. “If I don’t go then Jeonghan will ask me why and when I give him an excuse he’ll just go, ‘Well, I think you’re lying, Y/N. Give me the real reason,’ and I won’t be able to give him the real reason because…”

Jihoon blinks. “Because…?”

You let out a harsh breath. “It’s stupid.”

“I’m sure it isn’t.”

“It kind of is,” you scoff incredulously, almost as if you’re astonished by your own idiocy. “Have you ever had a crush on someone? The kind of crush that just hits you out of nowhere and overwhelms you with so many feelings that sometimes you find it difficult to breathe?”

What you’re describing should sound outlandish — it’s the type of emotion Jihoon sees in early 2010 sitcoms. It’s suffocating and refreshing all at the same time, and it’s hard to tell if it’s just intense infatuation or real, true feelings because they come all at once. It’s a tsunami of butterflies and racing heartbeats and Jihoon used to think it was completely unrealistic.

But he knows exactly what you’re talking about.

He nods in affirmation and that’s all you need to continue talking.

“Well, if I tell Jeonghan about this, all he would do is push me to confess when I don’t want to. At least not yet, because it’s hard to tell someone you like them when you lose all self-control when you’re around them. Like everything goes to auto-pilot.”

Impulsively, Jihoon questions, “Who do you have these feelings for?”

“I—what?”

He realizes too late what he’s just asked and flushes bright red. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have asked that—”

You choke out an, “It’s fine,” before clearing your throat and sloppily steering the topic of conversation to the new limited drink on the menu. It’s a boring topic to talk about, but Jihoon’s grateful for the change because he would rather forget the other conversation.

Who could you possibly like?

He doesn’t get a chance to ask you because you’re pulled away from him a few minutes later by a delighted Jeonghan who declares to the entire café that tonight you are going on a first date with someone who could potentially be the love of your life. Before the door closes behind you, you timidly wave to Jihoon and he returns the gesture, unable to ignore the sinking feeling in his chest as you disappear.

He is unable to get out of his mind for the next two hours he spends at the coffee shop.

► woozi is currently listening to … august, Taylor Swift 💿 folklore

Unlike the majority of the population, Jihoon likes opening shifts.

He basks in the silence, enjoying the few hours he has in solitude before a customer comes in. Saturday mornings are the slowest of the week, so as Jihoon sluggishly turns the sign from Closed to Open, he’s happy. There will be little to no customers, so he’ll have peace for the next few hours before Jun comes barrelling in for his shift at eleven.

He grabs the stool from the back and places it behind the counter so he can sit while working on his music and simultaneously man the front. His hand works at a remarkable pace as he scribbles on the pages of his notebook, annotating the lyrics of the song he wrote on a whim last night — it might not be the best thing he’s ever written, but it’s quite good for a two A.M. creation.

He’s just about to work on the second verse when he hears the door swing open. He frowns after glancing at his watch, noting how early it is before he looks up and realizes it’s you. And once he shoves down the immediate joy, his confusion grows.

Why are you awake at nine A.M. on a Saturday?

But once you approach, Jihoon is given his answer. There are evident bags under your eyes and your movements are lethargic; either you didn’t get much sleep or you didn’t sleep at all.

“Hi,” you murmur. You tug at the sleeves of your sweater to assure they’re way past your fingertips before smiling lazily at Jihoon. “Working hard?”

He ignores your question. “Why are you here?”

You falter at the unintentional rigour in his voice. “Oh. Well, I remembered you have a shift today, so…”

“You could’ve come later, though,” he tuts with a shake of his head. “Did you even sleep?”

“A bit.”

“Clearly not enough,” he muses.

“Is it that obvious?”

He fiddles with his pen as he scans your face. “Only a little,” he confirms, “nothing some coffee won’t fix.”

You quickly shove your hands into your pockets, searching for something that isn’t there. “Maybe next time. I didn’t bring any money.”

He dismisses you with a simple wave. “No, it’s fine,” he assures you. He’s halfway towards the coffee machine when another wave of perplexity hits him. “Wait, you don’t have money? Why did you come here then?”

You give him a look. “I told you already. I remembered that you had a shift.”

“So you came here to…?”

“See you.”

Jihoon ignores the relentless thumps against his chest. “Without cash?”

“Without cash,” you repeat.

He carefully slides the cup of coffee towards you, studying your every move. Despite your voice being louder than the music playing through the speakers, Jihoon still manages to tune you out. He follows your sloth-like movements, the way your eyes flutter closed for a moment too long, and wonders what you could have possibly done last night to warrant such exhaustion.

Then, he remembers.

“How was your date?”

Either you do a brilliant job of hiding your surprise at being asked such a sudden question, or you knew this was coming.

“It was OK.”

And that’s all you say.

Jihoon frowns. “What did you guys do?”

“Dinner and a movie,” you say monotonously. “Sounds exhilarating, right?”

“I can’t tell if you’re being sarcastic.”

“I am,” you sigh. “Ian’s a nice person, I guess, but I don’t think there’ll be another date.”

Jihoon puts up a facade of nonchalance when he asks, “And what about that person you were talking about yesterday?” Out of the corner of his eye, you stiffen. “How are things going with them?”

A beat that drags on for too long. Then — “Good. Things could be better but,” you explain, tugging your ear, “I’m taking what I can get.”

“That’s good.”

Awkwardly, you clear your throat. “Mhm.” Then you change the subject after glancing down at his songwriting book. “Is this a new song?”

He nods. “Yeah, I wrote it last night.”

“What’s it about?”

“Oh,” Jihoon ducks his head to avoid eye contact. He thinks about the song he was working on the last time he saw you — he refrained from giving you a peek, afraid that once you scanned the lyrics you’d be able to see right through him. He’s poured his entire being into that song. Traces of his heart, soul, and feelings linger on each lyric, and yesterday, when you slid into the seat across from him, he was overcome with fear.

But then it dissipated into nothing the moment you said something along the lines of “I’m going on a date with Ian the Frat Boy from Alpha Beta Something, and he seems like a nice guy, but when has nice ever been enough?”

This time, a new song sits in front of him, just as heartfelt as the other, and he shows it to you with no hesitation.

You raise your eyebrows, not expecting Jihoon to be so willing to share, but you read his work nonetheless. As you read through, Jihoon sits uncomfortably on his chair, anxiously fidgeting with anything he can get his hands on. When he deems you’ve been quiet for too long, terror begins to creep its way back into the crevices of his brain but is quickly squashed down when you look up at him and smile.

He would do anything to have you look at him like that again.

“This is so good!” you praise, clapping your hands. “Once you record this you should play it here.”

Jihoon laughs. “Absolutely not.”

“Oh, come on, please,” you beg, sandwiching his hands in between yours. You clutch them in desperation and Jihoon’s heartbeat quickens dangerously. “For me.”

Something in his mind explodes when your eyes soften.

“Fine,” he grumbles but the grin plastered across his face is enough for you to determine that he is anything but annoyed at you.

► woozi is currently listening to … King Of My Heart, Taylor Swift 💿 reputation

A night of karaoke and Just Dance at Seungkwan’s has demanding consequences, so by the time you arrive back at Wonwoo’s apartment, you’re exhausted. He’s been kind enough to let you stay for the night, seeing as you’re too tired to get behind the wheel and drive ten minutes to your place. And also you’re convinced that his couch is a lot more comfortable than your cheap mattress.

Once you settle on the sofa, you scroll through the notifications on your phone. Seungcheol has wasted no time in embarrassing your entire friend group, tagging all of you in an Instagram story where everyone is shouting the lyrics to Toxic by Britney Spears. You scowl and send him a colourful message, begging him to delete the post.

You’re about to turn off your phone when you spot the red bubble hovering over the messages app, and your heart leaps to your throat when you realize Jihoon texted you hours ago.

He doesn’t say much. The first message is his work schedule for next week and the following is a picture of Jun spilling coffee on his apron. At midnight, just two hours ago, he sent you a goodnight text with the sparkly pink heart emoji.

It’s not much, you remind yourself, and yet you feel like you’re soaring. You’re certain the entire apartment building can feel your happiness through the walls.

You aren’t sure how long you stare at your phone. You’d probably be staring at it forever if Wonwoo hadn’t walked out of the bathroom, hair wet from his shower. He sends you a skeptical glance you completely miss before loudly clearing his throat. “What are you looking at?”

“TikToks,” you say. You’re quick on your feet, he’ll give you that, but he’s known you long enough to see through a lie.

“There’s no sound coming from your phone.”

“I’m reading the captions.”

“I don’t think staring intensely at the screen would be considered reading,” he states drily. He sits on the opposite end of the couch, sporting an authoritative expression that you know means nothing but bad for you. Wonwoo is always sputtering out words of wisdom, but they cut you deeper late at night when you’re vulnerable and your emotions are at an all-time high. “Are you texting Jihoon?”

You look at him like he’s grown another head. “Why would you immediately jump to that conclusion?”

“Something in your face changes when you talk to him. It’s very… what’s the word,” he smacks his lips together, glancing up towards the ceiling in thought. You aren’t sure if he’s actually searching for the correct term or if he’s just pausing for dramatic effect. “Ah — lovesick.”

“What?”

“It sounds about right, doesn’t it?”

“What the f—?”

“You know,” Wonwoo interrupts. He shuts down your protests, swatting your words away as if they’re as worthless as a bug. No refusal is stopping him from declaring his observations. At this hour, self-control has thrown itself out the window — exhaustion plagues him just as much as your naivety, “Jeonghan had this plan. Everyone knew about it. He was growing tired of you and Jihoon tiptoeing around each other so he figured that if he set you up on a date, it’d push one of you to confess. ‘Jealousy makes the heart grow fonder,’ he said, and he stuck by it even though I told him that isn’t the expression.”

You stare at him in shock. Surprise rattles your bones and yet all you manage to say is, “Why are you telling me this?”

Wonwoo scoffs. “Because it didn’t work, so I’m putting matters into my own hands,” he inhales. For a moment, you swear he’s about to say something meaningful and deep, but instead he grinds out a comment that drips with chagrin. “Jihoon like you, you idiot.”

Blinking, you retort, “How do you know that? You barely know him.”

“It’s extremely obvious. It surprises me that you haven’t noticed it,” he crosses his arms over his chest. “He looks at you like he’s at the Louvre staring at the Mona fucking Lisa. He’s in amazement every time he’s with you. How could you not notice that?” Before you can jump to deny Wonwoo’s remarks, he sighs, “I’m right about this, Y/N. Ask anyone. Text Soonyoung or Jun right now and they’ll tell you.”

Something flickers in your eyes. Uncertainty. Wonwoo deflates.

“Trust me. I mean, would I ever lie to you about something like this?”

He wouldn’t. Wonwoo never lies in the first place, and when he does it’s easy to tell.

You sigh. “You’re certain?”

Wonwoo raises an eyebrow and squeezes your shoulder before standing up. He’s on his way to his bedroom when he says, “There’s no doubt about it.”

► woozi is currently listening to … The Only Exception, Paramore 💿 Brand New Eyes

Jihoon is running on little to no sleep.

He’s working the opening shift again, something his iPhone delightfully reminds him about at seven A.M., forcing him to ignore the painful crick in his neck he received from falling asleep face-down on his desk. His uniform isn’t even on properly — his light grey shirt, which is supposed to be tucked into his pants, hangs at mid-thigh, too big for his figure. He wonders if he somehow accidentally switched shirts with Jun.

His brain isn’t working, but he somehow manages to drag himself out of the house and walks the five-minute journey from his apartment to the coffee shop. Once he’s across the street, he digs through his bag to find the keys. The task takes him too long — and after two minutes he realizes that the keys were in his pocket the entire time.

God. He is never sleeping at four A.M. ever again.

When he reaches the shop, he expects it to be empty. They’re closed, after all, but a loiterer is sitting outside the locked door. Jihoon has to rub his eyes harshly in order to be completely sure that he isn’t seeing things.

You stand when you see Jihoon approach, nervous and jittery. He stops slowly, suspicion growing when you make no move to greet him. He spots the dark circles under your eyes immediately, but unlike him, energy courses through you. You’re rocking back and forth on the heels of your feet and shaking your hands in anticipation. For a moment, Jihoon thinks he imagined your signs of sleep deprivation.

“Um… We’re not open yet.”

“I know. I just needed to talk to you.”

“Now?” he asks incredulously. Not that he’s not happy to see you (he’s always happy to see you), he’s just surprised. He knows for a fact you don’t have any classes (while you studied his schedule, he studied yours) so he can’t come up with a reason why you’re here. “But it’s so early.”

You follow him into the shop once he’s unlocked the door. “It couldn’t wait.”

He gives you a confused look over his shoulder. “Is everything OK?”

“Yeah, I… I was just told this crazy thing yesterday.”

That’s not what Jihoon thought you would say. “Uh… OK?” he questions, voice rising a pitch at his confusion. You find it charming, hence the small smile on your face, but the sight of it causes embarrassment to colour his cheeks. “That’s nice, I guess. What was it?”

You surprise both him and yourself when you blurt out, “Wonwoo told me you like me.”

“What?”

“He told me everyone knew,” you continue as Jihoon stammers. Panic flashes across his face and he searches his brain for believable excuses. Anything to dismiss the accusations. “And that all of our friends are, apparently, tired of us tiptoeing around each other. Jeonghan was scheming behind our backs, too.”

It seems the only words Jihoon can say are, “What?”

“He set me up on that date with Ian to make you jealous. Or to make me confess. I don’t know. The details are blurry,” you say. The roles have been reversed — Jihoon’s previous low-energy behaviour is replaced with your frantic one, while you seem to be a whole lot calmer now that you’ve gotten some things off your chest. “That’s not the point. The point is you like me.”

“Wha—?”

“I thought about it last night,” you explain. “I thought about everything. When I was here a few weeks ago, Soonyoung told me that you’re different around me. At first, I didn’t understand what he was getting at, but now I do, and it’s crazy that it took me so long because, now that I think about it, he was not subtle about it at all—”

“Y/N—”

“—and then I thought about your song. And, like, I don’t want to sound like a narcissistic asshole right now, but I… I think it’s about me, right?” Hope tints your words. “All those lyrics about someone unexpectedly coming into your life and spinning your world on its axis… I know I sound full of myself, but in my head, all of it makes sense. In my head, the puzzle pieces fit.”

The silence is deafening. And you aren’t very patient.

“So?”

Jihoon gulps. “So what?”

“Am I right?”

The hope radiating off of you somehow infects him. He is high on happiness and astonishment when he says, “Yes.”

The next few seconds are fuzzy, and Jihoon isn’t sure who initiates the kiss first. But that detail isn’t important to him — he’s too focused on the way you taste like orange juice and toothpaste and how your hands settle on his neck. The touch of your fingers against his skin sends jolts through his entire body. Caffeine couldn’t have woken him up like this.

When you pull away, you’re grinning. Jihoon is sure that the entire world just got brighter.

You surprise him again when you cheekily say, “Does this mean I get to pick the music that plays here now?”

Jihoon tilts his head back as his laughter bounces off the walls. He doesn’t think he’s smiled this wide in years. “Are you seriously asking me about this now?”

“Well, duh,” you’re playing with the hair at the back of his neck when you suggest, “I’m thinking we play Doja Cat. Something from Planet Her. Or maybe some overplayed pop song you always hear on the radio.”

Jihoon rolls his eyes playfully. “Fine.”

Your eyes widen. “Really?”

“Yeah,” he dusts off some lint on your shoulder when he adds, “I guess I gotta make exceptions for my girlfriend, right?”

► woozi is currently listening to … Kiss Me More (feat. SZA), Doja Cat 💿 Planet Her

“So you’re telling me that if I had just gotten you to fall in love with me, you would’ve given me permission to control the music?”

“What? Soonyoung, what are you talking about?”

“Let the man speak, Jihoon, he’s got a point.”

“No, Jun, he absolutely does not.”

“Aw, Soon, look. He’s blushing!”

“Dude, you’re so red. How whipped are you for Y/N? We only mentioned them once.”

“Please go back to work and leave me alone.”

© all rights reserved dkfile, 2022

[astro-inky]

kdrama ive watched and the score i would give but the reasons are explained badly

Black - 4/5: the first kdrama i ever watched....it gets a good score because of that. male lead was hot af, female lead deserved better. satisfied me need for shitty supernatural romance. ending had me sobbing like a bitch.

Cinderella and the Four Knights - 3.5/5: It was cliche. It was trashy. It was overdramatic....It was so much fun. Fuck all yall female lead deserved so much better. Fuck her dad, fuck her step family, and FUUCK the secondary female lead she was annoying af

Touch Your Heart - 4.5/5: my expectations for love in life are impossibly high now. unfair. screaming and sobbing.

Goblin - 1000/5: screaming sobbing throwing up rolling on the floor

A Korean Odyssey - 3/5: only watched it to fill the gap when i was done with goblin. it was ok.

Bring It On, Ghost - 3.5/5: yeah it was good, albeit a bit awkward. i saw the twist coming. lake scene had be cackling, never hurt my girl again

What's Wrong With Secretary Kim - 4/5: good romance, the backstory thing was kinda dragged out. older brother can catch these mf hands. THAT scene had me 👀😫

Bonus: Dramas im watching rn

Alchemy of Souls - 4.5/5: minus a SMALL number of complaints, this is almost reaching goblin. almost. naksu step on me queen

Extraordinary Attorney Woo - 4.5/5: really good so far. my expectations for men are at impossible highs

Bonus Bonus: dramas ive dropped

Boys Over Flowers - 1.5/5: im sorry im sorry i know its a classic but what the fuck is wrong with these people. i just cant watch it, i wish i could, but maaaannn. cinderella did it better.

Hometown Cha Cha Cha - 3/5: i was actually close to finishing but there was just something off after they got together. another expectation raiser sighhh

Doom At Your Service - 3/5: i dont remember why is dropped this i think i just stopped watching for no reason. im lazy i dont really wanna pick it up again lol

Vagabond - 2/5: theres nothing wrong with this show i just discovered i prefer shows with a higher focus on romance lmao

The K2 - 2/5: same with vagabond but also more boring :/

Bonus Bonus Bonus: stuff i wanna watch

The King: Eternal Monarch: i heard it was by the people who did goblin sooooo 👉👈 ((also the guy from boys over flowers is in it what an upgrade my man congrats))

Hotel Del Luna: i wanna watch it i just...idk just havent gotten to it im lazy

Backstreet Rookie: looks cute, unsure tho

Tomorrow: looks cool, i like the chick with the pink hair.

[somecunttookmyurl]

If It is okay to ask, how to tell when a kid is adhd or just being a kid? Looking back I can see a few signs like constant daydreaming, restlesness fidgeting etc but that wasnt much different from the other kids. As a teenager it became more clear I think because most of girls my age were not behaving like tomboys anymore and the symptoms mentioned above did not go away plus i think I had/have rsd. But only now as an adult i feel like these things are actually getting on the way. I daydream a lot, the restfulness didn't go anywhere, rsd still anoying as fuck (i think this is related with being a people pleaser? I got that too) and i notice more and more this horrible thing you usually call executive dysfunction. I cant really get a diagnosis and while I relate to a lot of symptoms and posts adhd people share, I'm really scared Im just procrastinating and trying to use adhd as an excuse for not getting things done. And I feel really bad about that. So back to my original question, if the signs were there since childhood but did not trouble me until like 4 years ago, how can i tell If It was adhd or Just kid stuff?

i mean the fact it didn't go away is a pretty good tell, honestly.

redmore to save the dash

as an adhd kid you may, with other children

-had difficulty making/keeping friends or socialising and felt "weird" or "different"

-were not invited to parties, made excuses to not go, or acted inapproptiately when there (and were never invited back)

-easily gave in to peer pressure from a desire to "fit in"

-were probably called "gullible"

-found it difficult to "wait your turn" in any activity

-frequently picked last for games and team sports

-found it difficult to "share" things with others

-caused fights/arguments with siblings/other children over trivial things

-may have been called "spiteful" or "vindictive"

-not realised when you were "taking things too far" with joke or play

-tried to annoy people on purpose

_________________________________

as an ADHD child in school you may

-consistently not done school/homework until the last minute. not by choice, but because you could never seem to "just get started on it" until it was immediately pressing

-not known where to start with longer-term projects / never really "got" how to study or revise for exams. could not organise notes.

-made careless mistakes in schoolwork

-had report cards littered with "intelligent but could try harder" "needs to apply themselves" "has potential but lazy" etc

-parents/teachers said you had an "attitude" / you had a tendency to "talk back"

-often seemed to forget things you had already learned until you were reminded of them, or had difficultly linking knowledge together

-doodled a lot in class, and found doing so made it easier to listen

-easily distracted by external stimuli ie things happening outside the classroom window, or a conversation in the next room

________________________________

as an ADHD child at home you may

-had trouble getting up in the mornings (your parents had trouble dragging you up, and you felt groggy/sleepy "just 5 more minutes")

-had issues going to bed. did not seem "tired" at bedtime. stayed up late reading frequently. refused to get ready for bed.

-always been rushed to get ready for things

-being forgetful or "a ditz"

-being called "lazy"

-forgetful with daily activities such as brushing your teeth and would need to be reminded

-found it hard if not impossible to keep your room clean and organised. not "knowing where to start" with it

-walking past things without seeing them. eg my parents would leave my laundry on the stairs to take up and then berate me because "you've walked past it six times today". not really seeing mess in general bc it became "background noise"

-not following through on instructions/not finishing what you were asked to do. like doing half of the dishes

-you were over-sensitive to criticism

-would often lie to get out of obligations, maybe even compulsively (ie you couldn't help it)

-you answer to "why did you do/say x" or "why didnt you do x" was frequently "i don't know" and you genuinely didn't know

-liked to do things the same way every time and got upset if the structure or plan changed

-would become frustrated if your demands were not immediately met. could not "wait until later"

-somebody would ask you to do something and you wouldn't do it for several hours, without realising it had been that long

_________________________________________

as an ADHD child in your leisure time / emotionans you may

-people saying "are you even listening to me?" a lot

-talking excessively, being "a chatterbox"

-despite being a "chatterbox" around familiar people, you were very shy/withdrawn around others. your two modes are "verbal diarrhea" and "mute"

-answering questions before the person even finished asking, interrupting others a lot

-you had a lot of interests but didn't keep up with any of them for very long

-were "emotional" or "overdramatic" ie crying or getting angry easily

-identified as a "perfectionist" and would either hyperfocus on unimportant details, or gave up on new pursuits you were not "immediately good" at

-people said you have a "selective memory" because you can eg name all 151 pokemon in order but not remember to pick up milk on the way home

-your moods seemed to change quickly and drastically

-had difficulty "behaving yourself" in public ie when out shopping

-broke/smashed things when angry

-got injured by doing reckless/stupid things

-complained of "being bored" often

-watched TV or played video games excessively and could lose hours at a time without noticing

[twstmischief]

Hi hi~ sorry if I made you uncomfortable with the last ask 👉👈 so what about headcanons of the dorm leaders reacting to a mom friend mc wrangling the first years? Like she's in a dorm meeting and she looks out the window to see some dumbassery going on outside and make a comment abt it then realizes those dumbasses are her dumbasses ~❤

I’m sorry about being kinda overdramatic you didn’t make me too uncomfortable I just am not used to writing similar things so don’t worry about it!! ^^

ALSO IM EXTREMELY TIRED SO IM SORRY IF THIS IS ISNT WHAT YOU WANTED 😭😭

~ Ace probably gets handled the worst! Due to him probably acting the worst and having a his carefree personality.

~ And Riddle probably lets you due to him being done enough with Ace and his bullshit so however you want to deal with Ace is just your your way of dealing with him.

~ So when you finally wrangle him up with everyone else he’s just pouting and yelling at you to stop and that he’ll never do whatever he did again!!

~ Deuce, due to sharing the same braincell, probably gets handled the same way, but just a little less harmed (if that makes sense??)

~ Like said before Riddle doesn’t want to deal with Ace or Deuce so he leaves them to you! So deal with them however way you’d like!!

~ Deuce apologizes easier than Ace does he’s better at apologizing actually when it comes to you! So when he knows it’s time that he gets wrangled up, he doesn’t pout he just says sorry.

~ Jack tries so so so hard not to get involved with their stupid shenanigans... but he always does. And he always gets in trouble with you.

~ Then the lazy lion of a dorm leader goes “okay, deal with him” just to see how it goes just it goes or to take a nap. (Probably the latter.)

~ Jack, is hard to get to apologize when you’re wrangling him up, since... he’s y’know... a tsundere... but at the end of the day he always does, since it’s you and he does care and doesn’t want to make you mad.

~ Epel is probably handled similarly to Ace and Deuce, since he’s probably picked up on some of Ace’s and Deuce’s personality.

~ Unlike the other dorm leaders, Vil doesn’t want you to ruin his looks, tell him you won’t and probably just yell at him (bullshit but ok) then Epel’s all your’s!

~ Epel apologizing is a lot like Ace, he pouts and starts yelling, getting annoyed, saying he’s “sorry” (bullshit but ok)

~ Sebek, like Jack, tries really hard not get involved with the shenanigans the other first years have planned, but in the end, he always does.

~ Lilia just tells you to deal with him, (since he thinks it’s fun to watch) and Malleus gets confused. (But oh well)

~ He doesn’t want to apologize to a human like you. After all he’s a guard to one of the most the most powerful fae’s in the world of Twist Wonderland... getting wrangled up by you. (He’ll apologize at the end of the day don’t worry, he’s just salty.)

THIS IS SO POORLY WRITTEN IM SO SORRY THIS SHOWS HOW RUSTY I AM

[furiosity-wills-the-cat]

Undertale pairings that i “ship” but only in incredibly specific nontraditional ways part 1/10000000

Alphys and Mettaton:

They dated for just under an hour

It was the longest hour and most awkward hour of either of their lives

Mettaton asked alphys out when he was still a ghost living in her house, he got her a bunch of roses and spider donuts and wrote her an overdramatic song and burst into her lab while she was working while screaming that her cool nerd stuff (affectionate) would have to wait because he had something important to say

and she was like “uh? i guess?” because mettaton was pretty cute and why not?? And also she looked at a clock and realized she should’ve stopped working for the night hours ago

and then they sat next to each other on the couch with a good two feet of space between them, watching Disney princess movies by candlelight while firmly not making eye contact with each other and occasionally clearing their throats to talk before changing their minds.

At one point alphys was so awkward and fidgety that she tried to reach out to hold mettaton’s hand, because the awkwardness of that was less terrifying than the awkwardness of continued nothing, but she couldnt see him in the dark and she was fumbling wildly and her flailing caught his attention and then he was Looking At Her and she remembering that he was a ghost and didn’t have hands and then it was even worse.

After like 45 minutes of this, mettaton was like “do you want to make out,” and alphys was like “please,” because the awkwardness was slowly killing her and she’d rather do anything other than remain in silence for the rest of the movie.

Then they spent way too long trying to figure out how ghost kisses even worked. Alphys accidentally slapped him in the eye with her tail at one point and he got nervous and accidentally floated inside the couch without realizing it

Finally they kissed,,, exactly once

and both of them were like, “dont take this the wrong way but gross gross gross, lets never do that again.”

And then they broke up and mettaton was like “i spent a long time arranging those candles so im not going to take then down, also the entire floor of your room is now covered in rosebushes and im too lazy to move them, so be careful where you step because they DO have thorns” and alphys was like “W H Y” and mettaton was like “we’ve been sharing a house for weeks now, this shouldnt be the thing that surprises you”

So then they continued watching the movie by candlelight as platonic friends

And mettaton floated to lay dramatically in alphys’ lap and proceeded to be annoying and loud for the rest of the evening while alphys kept trying to shush him so she could enjoy Mulan and it was great and they were bffs once more

[sortavibing]

hi bb! can i request a matchup please :D

my name is bri, she/her, bi.

ENTP-T, sagittarius sun, taurus moon, virgo rising, 8w7

personality: im rather extroverted but i keep my friend group small. i’m a terrible procrastinator and fairly lazy haha. however consider myself the “funny friend”, and never really take anything seriously. i’d say i’m a rather patient person, and usually sit back and observe what’s going on around me. i have a very good memory and retain a lot about others.

hobbies: i maintain good grades and school, and participate in numerous sports. i was in color guard before the season ended, i run track and i’m varsity cheer captain! i enjoy playing video games and painting when i’m not working or at my sports. i also plan on going to college to train to be a physical therapist! :)

what i want in a partner:

-loyalty

-honesty

-FUNNY (and can take a joke!!)

-laidback

likes: energy drinks, winter, my sports, MUSIC, nike, shoes haha, and mcdonald’s

dislikes: childish people, republicans, chewing sounds, super hot weather, idk there’s probably a lot of things

kins:

ryo, tendou, bokuto, denki, sero, jean, ymir, uhhhh

frick

idk there’s probably more

appearance:

(i’m too lazy to describe myself, and also i’m 5’7 LOL)

thanks!❤️❤️❤️

omg- you are so fucking pretty i can’t- i also ran track, but i did more of the field events, and my best was long jump. i also procrastinate way to much, and i’m kind of avoiding an essay that's due on tomorrow😐 anyways, here’s your matchup!

i match you up with suna!

what first drew him to you, was when your friend group was hanging out with his friend group (atsumu, osamu, bascially the volleyball team), and he was done with the miya twins bullshit so he went over to talk to you, because he thought you looked pretty chill and fun to be around, so you guys just vibed and got closer, until one day he asked you out, and you guys started dating.

this man has an ADDICTION to monster energy, and he is really pretentious about it, and he says shit like “i could never drink bang, the flavor is just not at the same quality as monster.” with a stupid grin on his face, and you just have to agree with him so he will shut up. he doesn’t really have a favorite flavor, but he hates the juice ones.

both of you are procrastinators, so you guys always have those lowkey freak outs about all the stuff you have to do and it’s all due tomorrow together. you and suna have learned to split up the work, or share answers with each other, and somehow you guys get all of your work done, though you have cut it close a couple of times. (suna was able to finish 3 paragraphs in 15 minutes)

he will call you at like 3am, and just say “i’m hungry let’s go” and he takes you to a mcdonalds, where he orders the weirdest food combos ever (mustard and a mcflurry), and pretends to like it, until he literally cannot drink anymore and just throws it out when he thinks you aren’t looking at him. he also steals your food a lot (annoying ass mf), and if you call him out on it, he’ll just say that he’s your boyfriend, so he’s allowed to do these things.

suna likes to make hyper specific playlists for you, and they have really long specific names like “it’s a rainy wednesday night and you are in bed and just opened my snap i sent you and you are responding back”. the playlists are actually pretty good, so if the time comes when the specific scenario is a reality, you are sure to pull up the playlist to listen to it, and it fits the mood perfectly.

you guys will both make fun of atsumu, because his reactions to being jokingly (kind of) insulted by two people are so funny, and sometimes osamu joins in, and atsumu almost can’t take it. suna is videotaping the whole thing and he posts it on his snapchat story, and so many people laugh at atsumu being overdramatic for a solid 4 days straight.

suna is your designated photographer, and if he ever thinks there will be a good shot for your insta, he will take it, and after the day ends, he will show them all to you and you’ll choose which one you think looks best. since he is always on the lookout for great photo opportunities, your instagram looks so good, and you look like a goddess in every photo (you already do😌)

he will go to all of your meets/games, because he really wants to support you in all of your sports, and if you or your team wins, he will get really excited, but he won’t show it because “he has a reputation”. after any game/meet, he will be sure to congratulate you and say that you were better than everyone else, and he has video proof of it.

if you ever drag him along with you to go shopping, he’ll be a little baby about it and complain about why he has to go, and you will have to drag him along like a child. after like 30 mins though, he will get bored of acting like a brat and will start giving you things to try on and will tell you that you look really good in everything that you were wearing. he does refuse to go into any of the feminine stores (pink, victoria’s secret, etc.), so he will just awkwardly wait outside until you finish shopping there, and he will be texting you to go faster the entire time.

overall, you guys are pretty chill yet chaotic at the same time, and you both think that everything that comes out of each other’s mouths is top tier comedy. you and suna are pretty spontaneous too, and people wish that they could be so relaxed with their s/o, while still having a fun time with them. 

i hope you enjoyed!

[queerzaza]

Hi Zaza, Sorry for how long this isnprobably gonna be. So this week has been reallt stressful; i got my learners permit, friend my laptop, and threw a surprise party for my sister and all that went great aside from the laptop thing but its been super stressful and ive been super upset and it probably doesnt help that im on my period but like. Ive been crying myself to sleep every few nights because i just start thinking about how awful and annoying i am and i feel like im just a bother to (1/?)

-all my friends and anyone who knows me really. And its been made worse by my sister being super stressed and being mean to me and implying im useless because im really forgetful (like, i forget things within minutes of them happening, its Bad),and im really slow to do things and im too anxious to anything without careful instruction because im afraid of messing up and getting in trouble and my mom has been, not as bad as she usualy is but she gets mad and yells and it doesnt help that-that when mom gets upset she yells and threatens to harm me or talks about how ill never make it as an adult because i left one piece of garbage on the kitchen table and that kind of thinking, thinking im useless and lazy and terrible, has really gotten to me and its only really been effecting me now and i cant talk to my family and i dont want to bother any of my friends with my overdramatic emotional crap so i havent said anything to them because i dont want to annoy or worry themAnd im sorry for rambling so much i just have a lot to get out and i dont kno what i hope you can say to help me but its nice to know that someone can probably give me advice. I feel really lost and upset and stressed right now and im so tired.. again sorry for rambling i just dont have anyone else to talk to and a lot to get off my chest.

feels good to get tht out of your mind, doesn’t it?!? tht’s exactly why talk therapy is successful for so many of us and you deserve tht, turtledove. someone who will happily listen, then offer wisdom and guidance. you deserve a mental health professional (MPH) and you shld find one asap. 

a counselour, therapist, etc... instead of fretting about burdening your loved ones with your issues, you can share it w/ this experienced guide.not only to get things “off your chest”, but to help you find ways to cope, deal with life, and work your way down the path of life.

MHPs can be found in a variety of ways. if you’re in school, it’ll be easy to get counselling services. if not, but you have medical insurance then you can find one thru your doctor. or if you’ve money issues, you can still access quality professionals thru social services. 

i rly hope you’ll reach out and get the support tht you deserve turtledove. there’s nothing wrong with you, but you shouldn’t have to deal with all this stress alone. bottling it up inside, is only going to prolong and exacerbate your problems. 

so let them out in a safe environment with a professional and work towards creating the best you, tht you can. all the good luck to you turtledove!

[eekohfriendly]

reminder: ADHD isn’t some fun quirky adjective to use when you get a little distracted.  

"oh tee hee sorry i got distracted im so ADHD" is harmful and awful.

 like, oh i'm sorry, i didn't realize that your friend cancelled your plans with them and now you are sure that they hate you. 

i didn't realize that you had a mental breakdown over your executive dysfunction because your teacher said this homework assignment was easy and fast but you literally cannot complete it and you feel like a lazy idiot even though you're not. 

i didn't realize that you had to ask someone to repeat what they said five times and you still don't get it but now they're annoyed at you so you have to nod and smile like you heard them that time. 

i didn't realize someone rummaged around in the freezer two rooms over and now you feel like insects are crawling in your ears and under your skin. 

i didn’t realize your parents and your teachers all tell you that if you just TRIED HARDER, you would gt perfect grades.

 i didn’t realize that you literally cannot fucking focus unless you’re fidgeting or multitasking with a less complex activity. 

i didn’t realize that you had to deal with people telling you that your ADHD “isn’t that bad” and you’re just being overdramatic. 

i didn’t realize you had to jump through hoops just to get a bottle of pills that may or may not help(or i didn’t realize that you spent years of physical agony and mental numbing due to overmedicating). 

you’re not funny for mocking my disorder. you’re not cute for belittling my struggles. you’re just fucking ableist.

[southparkyimagines]

Hi can I get a matchup? Im a girl, straight, intp, 5,1 and brown long hair. I'm very quiet and blunt and I never sugar coat anything. But when someone makes an effort to know me im grossly annoying. Im only nice to people I think deserve it. I also love writing and drawing. Thanks~~

I Ship You With: Michael (Tall/Curly Goth)

Why:

He wholeheartedly agrees with the idea of never sugarcoating anything. 

Your artistic talents are intriguing to him.

Headcanons: (Uhhh... For some reason the way you said something inspired me so I’m gonna take a different approach for this little bit, hope you don’t mind!)

(Also, after reading it it’s kinda really weird. Idk. It honestly just goes way out of character. Don’t take it as any sort of reality I guess lmao)

“Come on, (Y/N),” (Friend’s Name) whined, “Why did you have to give him the cold shoulder? He was cute and he was just trying to sit with us.”

“No way, (Friend’s Name). Did you hear him last hour? He’s a jerk.”

“That doesn’t mean you have to be a jerk to him!” (Friend’s Name) said, a bit overdramatically.

“Why not? I’m only nice to people I think deserve it,” (Y/N) retorts with a shrug. She givers her friend another exasperated shrug before standing up to toss out her tray.

I sigh. ‘There goes that, I guess...’ I think to myself. ‘Not like I’ve done anything to deserve anything.’

I shake my head, trying to pull myself out of my own thoughts. ‘Not like I need her anyways... Having a crush is so conformist anyway.’

“Hi Michael!” (Y/N) chimes as she walks past the table I’m sitting at. I turn to see her smiling brightly at me. I feel my face flush, but I try to stay stone-faced.

“Uh, hey,” I reply, giving her a lazy wave.

“You alright?” she asks, tipping her head slightly to the side.

“Uh, yeah.” I pause for a moment. “Why are you so nice to me?”

She gives me a puzzled look.

‘Wait did I say that out loud?’

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

“W-well...”

‘No backing out of it now, I guess.’

“I just overheard you saying that you’re not nice to people unless they deserve it. I, uh, I don’t really think I deserve anything.”

“Oh come on, sure you do,” she reassures me. “You’re, like, the coolest guy in the school.” She gives me another big smile and a quick wink before running back over to where she had been sitting earlier.

I can’t help but blush for real this time.

‘Maybe having a stupid conformist crush isn’t that bad.’

[defendglobe]

things have been rough lately

i havent had body image problems this intense in years lol but god right now i really despise the way i look

kids in my jr high were pretty nasty to me about my weight and general unattractiveness rip

theres a lot of drama going on in my extended family on both sides and it feels like garbage.

i feel like a goddamn fraud for every facet of my identity lately. 

even though i know logically that i’m 100% autistic and not getting officially diagnosed was a whole sexist shitshow (guy kept telling me to shut up so he could talk to my dad instead, i tested positive for autism but he said its a false positive because “i dont look autistic” and brought up my being a girl as one reason why im not autistic).

my sexuality? i feel so fake since ive been aware im gay for six years and have never once dated a girl (like that’d ever happen when u have no fucking friends). im not visibly gay at all. theres literally nothing about me that makes me seem like anything other than an ugly fucking straight girl who is too socially inept to meet people. its irrational but i feel it!!!!!

im so goddamn isolated i literally have no one!!! at school im just around people spewing violent homophobia and racism and I KNOW i need to speak out and call them out but i just freeze!! yet another thing im unbelievably fake about. my parents are super disappointed and talk about how i should be farther than i am. everywhere i go and everyone i interact with just makes it even more clear to me that  im too fucking uselses and stupid to be alive. 

and who the hell am i kidding my mental illness is probably just me being a whiny overdramatic piece of shit trying to use it as an excuse to get out of being a functional adult.

just lazy thats right

i cant fucking enjoy anything without feeling guilty for wasting time or embarrassed for being so hopelessly weird. im not even any good at the stuff i like!! my writing and ideas are GARBAGE!!!! unoriginal!! im not any good at video games and im not fucking funny lets get that straight. im just annoying and try hard. stupid embarrassing hyperfixation i dont really know anything about i just read a bunch of wikipedia stuff and i think i know stuff GET O-FF YOUR HIGH HORSE YOU KNOW YOU’RE NOT SMART ABOUT ANYTHING

god i wish i was dead i truly do not wan t to be alive every single day is more unbearable than the last i  cant fucking go on like this