#im just tired of being lonely everywhere

[gamblersdoll]

the difference between simon and ghost are within their voices, their mannerisms, and mainly, their eyes..

simon had originally met you at some coffee shop, eyes locking onto yours occasionally and he had eventually gotten his liquid courage to get over to the counter to make some corny military jokes, but he felt in a gaze.

he was your big and gentle boyfriend, brown hair with somewhat lonely eyes that gleaned when you were around, his heart dripping with warmth and love that you finally lived together after maybe three years of dating. only to have you use him, sexually of course.

he felt he could break you in a full nelson, or bruise your tailbone in a mating or doggystyle position, but going mad when you rode him to nothing. or when you would grind your velvety clit along his hairy stomach or happy trail.

“youre absolutely sure you feel comfortable with this, love?” the deep soft growl of his british voice rumbled in your ears, the shower water flowing down and your thick strands soaking up all the water. “i could even break you, you know how small you are?” a chuckle of his lips pressing kisses to your wet skin, hands cupping your breasts from behind.

“im sure, simon.” you chuckle, hands sliding down to your hips and gripping. a shower together? could save your water bill.

but ghost? he was meaner, a true lieutenant at heart.

he knew in the back of his mind that you knew simon had the hands that could break your neck at any given time, but found balance in how to wrap his fingers around to make you see stars.

he also knew that you knew when he was deployed, he had eyes and ears everywhere. sometimes he called you just to ‘check in,’ but was staring right at your figure whilst you were turned away.

you could barely see his eyes when he came back and it wasnt simon, the feeling of his gloved hands and darker eyes bored into you— always. “thought i told you to lock your doors bet’r, yeah?” he asked, one hand around your throat, another massaging a tit.

he often gets tired of repeating himself about you being safe.

“forgot, love. its been a day.” you sink into him, muscles relaxing and you do in-fact see stars when he chokes and kisses. “i know i told you i did-“

“guess ill have to work with you on that.” he grumbled, a pinch at your pierced nipple soft and you were all squeals. “dont let me catch you lyin’ again.” he warned, a chuckle with a lift of his madk to his nose to kiss your cheek.

“down you go,” he clicks his tongue twice, watching you go to your knees. “there you are, my good girl.”

[starshinesama]

✦ In such a lonely world, how I wished to see you again. ✦

Your pleas were heard.

Authors note: this takes place after any regular sagau fic, (definitely imposter au). Reader is Gender-Neutral but B/N is an implied she/her :]

༄ CW: CHAOS,Fluff episode,cringy red liners

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

- POV: after being so lonely in Tervat, - you meet someone from your world, - stranded, like you.

How odd, you feel like your feeling a sense of deja Vu.. hmm, must just be from rewatching the Liyue lantern rite cutscenes over and over!

previously ...

"O-OH, uhm.. im not really sure how to explain this-"

Your about to explain before you hear a familiar voice behind you-

"Your grace~ there you are! Oh? Who's that friend of yours over there?"

no… please not right now..

ugh, not NOW

“your grace?”

no. you are not dealing with Yae Miko today. you’ve had your fair share of chaos already.

you’d rather escape right now right here than have Yae miko spilling your secret to B/N, you've decided, your going to tell her yourself.

You grab B/N’s hand and book it for the nearest Teleport Waypoint!

.　⁺ . ✦

"hufff huff.." You pant furiously as you finally get teleported somewhere else in inazuma..

Probably somewhere in Chinju forest, considering the glowing flowers and trees everywhere

wow, you hadn’t abused your legs that much since the other timeline!

you don't know why you overreacted really.. you finally catch your breath. But hey! It worked out-

“uhm.. WTF IS HAPPENING?!??? and did she just call you your grace?! What was that about??"

oh right.. you avoid B/Ns gaze as u twiddle ur thumbs for comfort

“well.. uhm, do I really need to explain this?”

…

...You literally bled gold earlier.

...

“YES! yes please, can you explain everything? i have no clue how we even got here! are we dead? is this the afterlife? were we reborn- ARE WE IN HEL-!?"

“Hey! slow down girl, ok I can explain everything..” you sigh, this was gonna take awhile to explain, even you had a tough time coming to terms with the fact you were here now

“you might wanna sit down for this one” B/N still shocked and tired from all the running, lets you sit her down on a nearby rock, and thus you begin to explain

"So I was playing Genshin when.."

˓𓄹 ࣪˖

"-and then I saw you! So that's how we're both technically gods now" :D

You pretty much told her everything, wellll almost everything

You still haven't told her about your.. "welcome"

But you’d rather not think about irrelevant things right now

“woah.."

You gulp and nervously await B/N’s reaction..

“[Name].. that-that is…so…”

here it comes..

*You prepare to comfort a shocked B/N, and when she finally opens her mouth..-!!*

“soo.. AAWESOME!! OH MY GOD SO YOUR SAYING- WE’RE ARCHONS?!? wait no scratch that THE GOD OF ARCHONS?!” ✭

“OK I KNOW THIS IS ALOT BU- WAIT YOUR COOL ABOUT THIS?!?” You say surprised, You almost shouted out your words from shock!

“GIRL HOW COULD I NOT?!? THAT SOUNDS SO FUCKING COOLL, You HAVE. to. tell. me. more.”

“Well.. I do have this theory about our powers"

B/N inched closer hanging on go your every word "come on tell me!"

Her eyes sparkled with excitement they were so bright you were kinda scared you were gonna go blind 😨

You chuckle slightly at B/N's amazed expression and continue.. "well I was thinking that since we're the 6th Descenders that we would have some sort of connection to the elements and Celestia, like the traveler-!"

B/N smiled as you continued to rant about your theorys...

.　⁺ . ✦

“woah, So technically.. we're Indestructible like the traveler now?” she glances at a nearby cliff

"NO!! 😨⊹ ermm first of all the Traveler isn't indestructible, they just respawn- tho I'm not sure if it's the same here.. and I haven’t really tested if I was indestructible so..”

“So.. its not off the table? 😏”

You look towards the nearby cliff, and then look at B/N, she looks back at you.

You both smirk at each other

╭╯. ˚˖ ⁰₊ ⊹ ∘ ⁖⌯

“AAAAAAAAAHHH”

“SHUT UP WERE GONNA DIEEE”

“THIS WAS YOUR IDEA! ITS RIDE OR DIE NOW!”

You and B/N scream incoherently like 2 possums in a cat fight as you both fall down and down getting whiplash in the progress

why did you have to jump off the cliff without testing it first..!?

You shut your eyes tightly as you wait for the pain of hitting the ground…

but it never comes ‧₊˚⊹

“AAAAAÆÆEAA-“

suddenly the screaming stopped.

B/N suddenly goes unusually quite, did she die? Oh wait your still holding on to her

B/N gasped! “[Name] look!”

you hesitantly open your eyes

and… your.. not dead! yay!

instead your 5 feet above the ground floating in thin air-

WAIT YOUR 5 FEET ABOVE THE GROUND?!

“AAAAAAAA” You latch on to B/N tighter in an attempt to not fall

“HEY!! We're actually gonna fall!!"

“Oh, sorry!"

well that was embarrassing *cough

Your eyes widen as the wind in the air swirls around you and B/N ༄

and before you know it your back on the ground ༄ ⊹﹒

You look back at B/N and you both grin

“WE JUST UNLOCKED ANEMO!!”

__

Well that was quick! You sigh in relief

before you knew it, you and B/N were back safely on the ground, sitting next to a glistening Pond

(So after the initial shock, B/N seems to be taking this god powers thing REALLY well)

(like.. concerningly well.)

well, compared to you atleast

But you really didn’t have the most warm welcome to this world

B/N: "Sooo do you think we can unlock every element?!" :D

You bring your hand to your chin as you think "hmm.. probably since we’re both not from this world, how should we test it though?"

You both sit in silence for a moment

till B/N interrupts the silence of 2 braincells brainstorming together with a question 𖥔 ✢ ?

"oh speaking of wich!" "Cant we just ask the traveler about this? since we can just pinpoint wich nation she could be in" B/N points out the waypoint on top of the cliff

you flinch from guilt, but you know Lumine's arm is doing ok.

You look down at the twinkling pond, despite being shallow it has an odd charm to it ˖ ࣪ ִֶָ

You suddenly get an idea!

"hmm.. speaking of collecting all the elements! do you think we could control hydro too? It would be so cool if we could-"

"Trying to dodge the question? 😒"

You gulp a bit

"hahaaha nope! But try to dodge this- HYDRO ATTACK!!"

"WAIT-"

A fucking waterfall crushes B/N

…

Pfttt- wait no-

"OH MY GOD ARE YOU OK???"

"PLEPWLRPEKEOLEOW" the only thing you manage to hear are undistinguishable drowning sounds..

you rush to B/N in a panic (OH NO DID I KILL HER???)

AAAA B/N! BREATH BRO BREATH!!!

The never ending waterfall finally seems to be finished and stops.

B/N starts to cough furiously, phew shes not dead

"sorry.. I didn’t know it was gonna be that strong- wait… B/N!!! DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS!?" a smile creeps up on your face again as B/N finally catches her breath ⊹ ｡ ﾟ

cough "w-what??? SORRY (cough) CANT HEAR YOU SINCE THERES WATER IN MY EARS. DUE TO A CERTAIN SOMEONEE" she managed to say through huffs and coughs ⊹ ｡ ﾟ

SORRYY (your still guilty, how dare you)

_

B/N somehow managed to dry off a bit, you were still feeling guilty so you tried to summon anemo powers to dry her hair.. to no avail :[

"ugh.. i think im having a brain freeze.."

"i dont think thats how that works-"

B/N shoots you a glare you know all too well..

"uhm.." you chuckle nervously

"anyway to what I was saying!! you know what this means right?!?!"

"That you waterboarded me-… WAIT, YOU USED HYDRO?!?" :D B/N's mood finally takes a turn as her ears perk up

"YESSS!!! THAT MEANS WE CAN COLLECT ALL THE ELEMENTS."

B/N gasped "OOOH I HOPE IM NEXT, I need to get my revenge on you" (you gulp, let’s hope she forgets about this…) she evilly laughs at your expression/j

she chuckles “haha, ok ok im just kidding, don’t worry ill go easy on you, so.. this means..!!”

"WE CAN AQUIRE ALL THE ELEMENTS AND BE OVERPOWERED!!!"

You both grin from ear to ear

"I WAS THINKING THAT TOO!!"

"ooh… OKOK so how did you do that?! i wanna try it too!"

well i kinda just-

You make a series of undistinguishable movements with your hands, and you fail at expressing whatever you were trying to say

"hm.. ok i think i’ll just figure it out myself.." B/N sighed

“Fair enough!”

well! my turn~ lemme try >:3

_

after hours of practicing you both figure out how to summon the elements (well, two of them anyway!)

You find out how to summon gusts of anemo like venti, and a Hydro blast like Neuvillettes, only problem is.. You cant tell HOW strong it’ll end up being.

But that'll be a problem for future you!!

For now you and B/N decide to call it a day, after all the Lantern rite festival is tonight! ✧

as you and your best friend touch the waypoint, somebody in the shadows reveals themselves.

They watch as you and B/N disappear in a flash of light

“So there's two of them now.. How annoying.”

𖥔 The balladeer, 6th of the Fatui harbingers. 𖥔

“I guess this mission wont be an entire waste of time after all. Ha, it's time to report back to the Tsarista.”

It's lantern rite time!

_

You and B/N have a wonderful time in liyue.

Thankfully Zhongli was distracted discussing to Baizhu about his back pains so you were able to sneak past him and see Hu tao!! Thank archons she didn't really recognize you..

She decided to come along with you still thinking you were foreigners

The three of you walked around liyue, seeing all of your beloved characters faces light up in person was so touching, along the way you saw Xingqiu and Chongyun dining together at Xianglings restaurant, their smiles lit up the streets till Xiangling offered them a serving of stir fried Hydro slime.. (to wich they politely declined) you chuckle at the sight, soon you see Ganyu and Keqing discussing what seems to be important documents over a nice set of tea, you can imagine Ninguang in her Jade chamber with Beidou and before you know it your back at the funeral parlor just in time to watch the lanterns float up into the sky.. you hear a distant melody in the air, ah you'd recognize Xinyans guitar and Yunjins singing anywhere!

Just then you hear a loud bang from the sky followed with the crackling of other fireworks being lit

Your best friend Holds your hand excitedly ⁖✦ ˖ ⊹ ｡

You smile, This year, everything will be alright.

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE 🎉

___

Hewoo

I know this post is kinda late cus I ended up oversleeping, but I hope y'all like it nonetheless! The crossed out inner monologue of the mc is actually something I'm planning to use as foreshadowing for another fic.. but if your not really interested in that feel free to ignore them! Happy new year everyone! :) 🎉

(special thanks to my beta reader <33)

Taglist: @madokamagicaa @vianitry @scarletttcroww

[ellesthots]

hi! i’ve been binge reading fateful beginnings for a couple of days and i absolutely ADORE it! i was planning to sent this ask when i was caught up with it (on chapter 32 currently!) but i decided to send this now. it’s basically songs that are very bruce/reader coded that i thought you might like :D

peace by taylor swift: this is one can apply both to bruce and reader, mostly towards bruce though with the lyrics “would it be enough if i could never give you peace?” and “as long as danger is near, and it’s just around the corner darling, cause it lives in me.”

everybody adores you (at least i do): reader when she recognizes her feelings for bruce would soo listen to this song. i mean, listen to the lyrics 😭💗 “everybody has you up on their wall sometimes, everybody thinks of you when they sleep at night” and the fact the song mentions a father dying, it’s so them.

fuck it i love you by lana del rey: BRO i swear bruce would say this when he confesses his love to reader (manifesting 🤞) nsfw but this lyric always makes me giggle “and if i wasn’t so fucked up, i think i’d fuck you all the time” LIKE OMGGGG SO SO BRUCE.

fade into you by mazzy star: this is such a warm, hazy, beautiful song. “i look at you and i see nothing, i look at you to see the truth.” the contrast is making me scream like….at the point where i’m at in fateful beginnings reader is so in denial imo and she’s totally the first part while bruce is the second one. spoilers but it reminds me of bruce asking reader about the owls and when she lied to him about being the witness he literally took her answer as the truth 😭😭😭😭💗💗💗 ahh i love them

sorry this is SO long but i hope you enjoy these songs <3

this is so sweeet thank you!! 🥹 this is a dream to receive !! ahhh chapter 32!! some of my favorites are coming up for you, love to know what you think when you finish!! :)

all of these songs are soooo lovely and FITTING!! i gasped when you had ‘peace’ as the first—I’ve thought of them to that song soooo many times before!! it is so painfully, beautifully Bruce (and reader, but i feel it hits x100 with Bruce with those lines especially!!). i could dig into an analysis with this song literally for 10k words so I’ll go easy 😂 there’s so much tug-of-war with the lyrics thinking of it as almost a conversation between reader and Bruce. applying to both in different ways, like a plea, even an argument, or a vow, AHH SO GOOD! bruce thinking his life is fundamentally incompatible with others… mmhmmm

i’d never heard ‘everybody adores you (at least i do), but it’s so pretty!! you’re sooo right, it’s so reader! the lines you emphasized, yesss. as Bruce is more in the public eye, his reputation, his wealth, how well-known he is. i also think of the line ‘don’t modify, everyone adores you’ because Bruce would totally try to downplay his impact 💀 could fully imagine reader listening to it while staring out the window of an Uber or walking to City Hall lol

‘fuck it i love you’ SOOO Bruce, the lyrics ‘so i moved to California but it’s just a state of mind, turns out everywhere you go you take yourself, that’s not a lie’ is soooo reader to me too! feeling so lonely in Gotham and thinking it was this place that could be rejuvenating, and it ends up being so hollow. and Bruce feeling the weight of his reputation with the ‘and you know everyone adores you, you can feel it and you’re tired’ oooh this song !! and the nsfw part djfhfjsjdhcjdkdn you’re so real, that’s so real, they are soo down bad for each other (im excited for you to get to most recent chapter omfgggg). I’M SO READY FOR THE LOVE CONFESSIONNN !! chomping at the bit !! gnawing at my enclosure !!!

‘fade into you’ is another song I’d never heard before, but somehow it sounds sooo familiar?? and it’s soo beautiful, warm, and hazy, exactly!! just want to shut my eyes and sway along to it 🥹 awww now I’m imagining the cutest lil scene with reader and Bruce to it, eeeeek!!! adorable. and you are so correct, reader is soo in denial. i also love the reading as her looking at him and seeing nothing meaning that she just sees him as Bruce, not as this figure/celeb/his family 😭 and the fact he believed herrrr, ooooh the reveal is gonna be BRUTAL 😫

i loveee that you love them!! i���m obsessed with them and obsessed with the songs you sent!! still in so much awe that y’all are listening to songs and it’s reminding you of this fic, and all the effort of telling me about it, putting lyrics to it, ohhhh it makes my heart swell!! zero need to apologize, this is a GIFT 🎁 thank you for introducing me to some new songs <3

[xthescarletbitch]

hey thank you so much for letting me tell you things about chloe! Also i need ideas on the chloe smut im about to make. Any ideas?

Also here are the things that pop in my mind while at church.

(S/o is you ofc!) S/o means significant other.

I think chloe is the type of girl who

Cries when she comes (out of pleasure ofc!)

very desperate and needy when she is the bottom

Drools when overstimulated

Is VERY LOUD in bed. She moans, mewls, whines, pants, etc. When she screams it sounded like she is in pain. She isn't. Just is just overwhelmed with pleasure. Might as well make love in a sound proof room.

Wants to be railed when she is feeling super submissive

Begs for more. Sex with her might take 1-2 hours.

Moves back and forth when you are tired thrusting her in a sex position called doggy style.( S/o is using a strap)

Shy to ask her s/o to make love to her no matter how needy she is.

Very affectionate than normal to give s/o a hint that she is horny

covers her face when she is close to cumming. Either her hands, head on the pillow or your shoulder

LOVES it when you give her hickies everywhere. Neck, thighes, chest, stomach, back, everywhere! However she won't be leaving the house until its all gone

LOVES to give you kisses everywhere on your body

Loves and hates to be teased. Loves it cuz it makes sex last long and hates cuz she can't get want she wants.

Her legs shakes when she cums. She can't walk afterwards... hehe

LOVES it when you gently squeeze her ass, thighes, and/or titties. Suck them while you're at it.

LOVES it when you spread her legs when she attempts to close them

LOVES it when you hold her hands when you hit it from the back.

She rides you when you are tired. Either your thigh or strap. She puts it back in when it slips out in a desperate way👀👀👀👀👀

She def screams your name

LOVES it when you tease her hole using your tip 👀👀👀👀👀

LOVES it when you possessively hold her hips (when feeling submissive)

LOVES morning sex and 3 am sex. She gets randomly horny at those times.

Chloe is the type of girl who looks innocent but is FREAKY when SUBMISSIVE.

LOVES it when you check up on her while doing it. It does not matter how many times both of you make love, it is very endearing to her NOT a mood breaker.

LOVES to recieve cunnilinges. She'd be a screaming mess.

LOVES cuddles after sex. Hehehe give her kisses and praise too.

Speaking of praise, she has a HUGE praise kink.

LOVES to sit on your lap and start making out. Or just sleep in your arms. Depends on the mood.

LOVES it when you give her affections during sex. Like kissing her forehead before putting it inside her and kissing her cheek before giving her hickies.

LOVES to be dry humped when needy. Sometimes chloe gets to impatient to take off her clothes or to wait for you to take off yours. She cums on the spot when that happens.

She doesn't want to hurt you. The first time she scratched your back, it bleeds. She still feels very bad even if you already forgive her. So instead she wraps her arms around your neck.

She is always blushing during, before and after sex. Since she is an android her blushy face would be blue.

Aftercare would be again lots of cuddles, praises, kisses, maybe watching a movie or laying there right next to each other in silence.

HAHAHHAA wow! I still can't believe i have been thinking about these things in church.

Any ways, any ideas? Let me know! :D

oh my… these are amazing headcanons. i’m glad to not be the only one thinking the most unhinged thoughts about these androids because… whew. shit feels lonely. 🤣

i can’t think of any of my own outside of what you’ve said. it’s hard for me to gauge how chloe would react in these situations, if i’m being honest! when i write, i generally consider the reader to be the bottom, but i am absolutely not opposed to the reader being a top. i’m sure in time, i’ll have better top!reader headcanons to give.

i love how needy you headcanon her to be. that’s very adorable of her to just shut down when she’s horny, unable to think of anything else really. it would make room to allow the partner to learn her mannerisms and figure it out themselves. i don’t think chloe would make it very hard to guess, though. she’s too needy to play the waiting game, you know?

i just know you can write the filthiest chloe smut, and i am here for it!!

[raccoongodapollo]

1. i do with my mom, i'm going to have to cut my father out of my life like badly matted fur.

2. my fiancé

3. many things. most often and strongly losing a friend who took her own life and not having the courage to reach out sooner.

4. very.

5. I'm engaged.

6. in my sleep or by that one gas that kills you painlessly

7. two corndogs and some vanilla flavoured milk.

8. never

9. near constantly

10. somewhere around a year ago, i think.

11. yes, my fiancé and i have strong, very platonic feelings for my two best friends <3 love you dorks only one might see this lmao

12. heha yea. used to regularly. think the longest i ever stayed up was like 60 or 70 something and i almost offed myself lmao

13. my father. and the fucking clown guy that goes around my fiancé's apartment complex with a horn. and my fiancé's bio parents (terrible awful abusers, grandmother adopted them.)

14. yes. my friends who i don't see as often as i'd like because it's summer. and eli, RIP.

15. he's not mine he's my mom's and therefore my brother. i love him very much and he's very mean unless you feed him treats lmao. his name is little bits.

16. my ears hurt and im tired and lonely and wishing my friends were here to talk to me and give me their attention lmao.

17. yes i think? Can't remember i've made out like everywhere except an airplane.

18. only in person, love them otherwise.

19. FUCK YES.

20. my fiancé's living room right before i left

21. sleep, apply for work, play Minecraft

22. ABSOLUTELY NOT NO NO NO NU UH I'D RATHER DIE THAT KID WOULD END UP SO FUCKED UP

23. yes and just on my earlobes, saving up for more though >:}

24. maaaaath. love that shit.

25. yes. said friend who took her own life, fly high.

26. mmm chicken wings and cuddles

27. yea, but he cheated on me sooo

28. by every. single. one. of my exes.

29. yes my fiancé gets very overwhelmed very easily and will burst into tears at even the slight inconvenience or bad thought but i support them the best i can. some people just cry easier and that's okay, i love them no matter how often or strongly they express their emotions <3

30. ear hurts for no reason and now my foot is super numb too lmao

31. yes <3

32. greeeeen and also blaaaaack

33. absolutely. took me forever to actually start really fully trusting my fiancé and im starting to fully trust my besties.

34. uh i had a stress dream about school that was weird and the rest have been nightmares so bad im genuinely afraid to sleep alone for fear of waking up and then hyperventilating myself back to sleep. /gen

35. my fiancé.

36. probably yea. i think so anyways.

37. forget because i have memory problems 😎

38. yea, probably. can't remember most of it though.

39. uuuuuuh like 12 i think. 12 or 13.

40. no not yet

51 - okay so what the fuck happened to the 40s they're gone but uh chicken wings. specifically mild boneless ones from pizza hut. basically just saucy chicken nuggets, and are god.

52. fuuuuck no life is a game of random chance and the fates like to fuck with me in a recognizable pattern (when im happy everything falls apart shortly after achieving this state :])

53. cry and eat mac an cheese while inviting one of my friends to a festival next year

54. NO. NO. CHEATING IS NEVER OKAY. CONSENSUAL OPEN RELATIONSHIPS AND POLYAMOURY AND ALL THAT IS NOT CHEATING BUT CHEATING IS NEVER OKAY. BEING IN A RELATIONSHIP OR SEXUALLY ACTIVE WITH SOMEONE OTHER THAN YOUR CHOSEN PARTNER WITHOUT CONTENT FROM SAID PARTNER IS CHEATING AND IT IS BAD.

55. no people consistently describe me as sweet. unless im grumpy or with family who i dislike. then i am Very mean unless i like you, then im just a bit grumbly lmao.

56. over 10 lost count after that lmao

57. yes <3

58. cooooooold

59. never experienced it cuz i live in earth's hellhole but probably

60. yes. obviously. lmao

61. it's comforting, not necessarily cute. creepy if you're not careful

62. food and sleep and weed (cbd and thc) and my fiancé and my friends and cuddles and head pats and raccoons and frogs and ducks and possums and-

63. yes i am traaaaans woo hoo

64. nope not if i was with them we're extremely physically intimate constantly

65. panic get confused and reject them. if they're my bestie then they sure as hell know im engaged

66. lmao they know im suicidal but not what my favourite colour is so

67. my friend who works at a place that im going to apply to cuz they're hiring

68. my fiancé

69. yes lmao but not in the conventional way

70. yes. my two best friends and my fiancé. probably also my mom but she would NOT consent to that. actually none of these people would but shhhh

70 horrible questions ... Fuck it

01: Do you have a good relationship with your parents? 02: Who did you last say “I love you” to? 03: Do you regret anything? 04: Are you insecure? 05: What is your relationship status? 06: How do you want to die? 07: What did you last eat? 08: Played any sports? 09: Do you bite your nails? 10: When was your last physical fight? 11: Do you like someone? 12: Have you ever stayed up 48 hours? 13: Do you hate anyone at the moment? 14: Do you miss someone? 15: Have any pets? 16: How exactly are you feeling at the moment? 17: Ever made out in the bathroom? 18: Are you scared of spiders? 19: Would you go back in time if you were given the chance? 20: Where was the last place you snogged someone? 21: What are your plans for this weekend? 22: Do you want to have kids? How many? 23: Do you have piercings? How many? 24: What is/are/were your best subject(s)? 25: Do you miss anyone from your past? 26: What are you craving right now? 27: Have you ever broken someone’s heart? 28: Have you ever been cheated on? 29: Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry? 30: What’s irritating you right now? 31: Does somebody love you? 32: What is your favourite color? 33: Do you have trust issues? 34: Who/what was your last dream about? 35: Who was the last person you cried in front of? 36: Do you give out second chances too easily? 37: Is it easier to forgive or forget? 38: Is this year the best year of your life? 39: How old were you when you had your first kiss? 40: Have you ever walked outside completely naked? 51: Favourite food? 52: Do you believe everything happens for a reason? 53: What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night? 54: Is cheating ever okay? 55: Are you mean? 56: How many people have you fist fought? 57: Do you believe in true love? 58: Favourite weather? 59: Do you like the snow? 60: Do you wanna get married? 61: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby? 62: What makes you happy? 63: Would you change your name? 64: Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed? 65: Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? 66: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around? 67: Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to? 68: Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? 69: Do you believe in soulmates? 70: Is there anyone you would die for?

[non-present-inactive]

Today feels like the bright summer sun at 2 pm, walking through alley ways that has no shade, I feel the hot concrete through my shoes as I walk, I step on a questionable liquid that smells like mixture of dumpster water and gasoline. I feel my skin become itchy with sweat. The air is dry, hot, and still. I look around, squinting, the light is too bright, I didn't bring sunglasses, I can't see with them anyways... my vision isn't the best. My clothes start to stick to my skin, and i feel constricted. I'm lost and don't remember which way to go, my phone is heating up, burning my hand. I can't see the screen nor the directions because the sun's reflection blinds me. I have a heavy bag on that that overstimulates me. I'm overwhelmed and curse myself for deciding to explore today. It's empty outside, but I can hear light conversations and signs of life in the one story buildings I pass by. I stop to collect myself. I want to shed myself of everything I'm carrying and maybe sit in some shade, but there's none to be found. I don't want to put my stuff down because the liquid is everywhere, and it smells terrible, strong, and pungent. I look at my phone again using my other hand as shade to see what's on the screen. I can barely see the maps app. I'm telling that I've made a wrong turn and need to go back. The street I was just is loud and too near the road, as cars past by, everything is too loud and my earbuds just died. There's no shade either, and the road is old, and dust is everywhere. I began to debate if I should return home, but I'm an hour away. My head hurts. I'm hungry and can't think straight. I feel a cool breeze as I walk onto the bridge again. There's no water under it, just dried up concrete and trash from others who have walked this path. I feel anxious and along, so I rest my arms on the stone guard rails that are scorching to the touch. I can't bring myself to care about the burning and grainy sensation on my bare arms. I'm too tired, too sweaty, and lonely. This was a bad idea, I shouldn't have missed the bus. Or rather, I should've just waited the 20 minutes to get on the next one. But I didn't want to feel the humid stuffy air. I look out at the view and try to calm down , breathe in and out, and the sun is too strong. I can't focus. I feel my head burning, sweat gets into my eyes and on to my glasses I can't see as I wipe them I'm wear a shirt that doesn't clean my glasses well nor does it absorb water and I regret my purchasing power. I regret my choices, and I regret trying to make myself better by trying to visit the place I'm going to despite it being so far. I think back to my first decision to go out and remember the excitement, the optimism, and the hope to finally have the day to go out and enjoy the air. I should've remembered my past errors of trying to explore in a city not remorseful to the walker. But maybe due to my stubbornness or pure impluse, I continue to explore. I continue to walk, and I continue to feel overwhelmed. At least the wind begins to cool. And I'm only five minutes away from my destination. I say to myself that Im never walking in this heat again. But I know myself. I'll probably do it again anyway.

[werewolf-femboy-maid]

I am so fucking miserable there is so much pressure and everyone wants my free time but nobody wants to understand me.

very hopeless and angry tired feeling, very very sad

I got told about how much time im wasting by moping, how much he just wishes he had my free time and im so lucky. he didn't say that literally but holy fuck now he keeps playing my cards that he tells ME to stop playing (self deprecation and making my problems worse by being angry and not breathing)

so angry honestly

I feel so empty

ive wasted so much time. im 25 now. im gonna be 30. ive wasted so much free time. the internet is a scam. all the social medias are a scam. life is a scam. everything in the world is a scam. love is a scam. even death is a scam. and it all keeps going because love and hatred keep pulsing in the extremes of matter, living and non living.

im just really angry and didn't eat protein yet and im just so sad and very sad and upset and I feel like an entitled Karen and I think I overlooked some pretty telling symptoms of ocd

im so lonely. im so so extremely lonely. I weep for the little child that wanted to have fun with friends and eat delicious food and be peaceful every day. I have positively failed her.

I mean I guess not completely. I follow my heart if it matters too much. shed still be disappointed tho. 25 and still no car? :"( nothing?

not much food these days either. everyone getting broke. I cant imagine other places too rn. it's all so heartbreaking. everywhere I turn, it's just sadness and decay and corruption. and then every now and then there's snuggles and plants and food. but that's about it. its just living with the guilt that so many live a much more horrid and difficult life and have suffered unspeakable deaths. and im here moping. what even caused this? he said something that hurt my fragile pathetic ego again? I don't even remember. I feel so lonely because communicating with people requires more effort than Im comfortable with, but that's the only way anyone will come close to understanding me. im just so constantly tired. for the past entire life honestly. been babysitting since 3 years old. im literally the only girl. the oldest as well. I was homeschooled.

my mental health is probably suffering these days because im in that weird rut where I still need to sign up for an associates degree, but I also need to make a logo, but I need to watch one piece since he slept in too much to drop me off at my place this morning. idk its a big huge fucking mess, and if its true that ive been living with Audhd the whole time, then it doesnt even comfort me anymore because my youth was wasted on ignorance. I will never be 14 again. if only she knew. she could've said something.

so yeah long story short, not having a consistent something to do, whether that is a job, hobby, entrepreneuring or literally just self care schedule, is detrimental to mental health because it's taking exercise away from the brain muscles.

what I mean is that its good to stretch the body, and I usually feel quite refreshed after some cardio or weight training. and the same applies to the brain.

something im trying to grasp more is the "growth mindset" because the opposite of that is a "fixed mindset"

Growth Mindset: People can learn things regardless of age.

Fixed Mindset: There's only so much people can learn, and once habits are fully developed, people cannot change.

so I kept telling myself how hopeless it is, oh I wasted so much time, and time is money. my life is basically useless, my youth is depleted and now I need to die. but no that is not the case here, unfortunately.

unfortunately there is hope, not really for the world, but for my particular situation at least.

physically I am very privileged. I have white-yellow skin and have both parents making income. I have a bf that cares about me (we just both have problems lmao) and I have two places that I live at: my parents and my bfs. its convenient but at the same time its a fucking nightmare I need to reside at only one place and have my room n shit.

but yeah mentally I was isolated and yelled at for most of my life and I never got to play video games because I was a pushover and I also daydreamed too much so I got my homework done a lot slower than my siblings.

mix that with some undiagnosed adhd, autism, and even possibly ocd, and you get infinite sadness.

idk the "infinite sadness" is a phrase that comes into my head randomly lmao

hey I had this sad dream last night where I was walking with someone and they pointed to my bf sitting in some spot and they said "men like him who love people like you are going to live a sad life" and I just felt really bad because he has to deal with my tantrums (red40 is so bad holy shit, it was a lot worse than I thought)

anyway, the least I can say is that its never actually too late. you can be old af and having every kind of cancer ever, but if you find something you like, its never too late to enjoy it. do whatever the fuck you want man. don't listen to those random rules your head makes up that don't make any sense. make your own sense. and then make dollars.. $$$$$$$$$$$

[moondeer1616]

Vent

It's your birthday today. I would've wished you happy birthday but I know you don't want to hear anything from me. After all you didn't wish me a happy birthday either. It doesn't really matter either way. I still don't understand and hate a lot of things you did. I did shitty and annoying things but at least i didnt go out of my way to do most of them. Im not the one that reposted tiktoks that heavily implied that you were talking shit about me behind my back. I'm not the one that lied and said "it wasn't the end" of our friendship. And im not the one that went out of their way to text my shitty abusive birth giver in a civil way after you stopped talking to me knowing damn well all the horrible shit she's done, including threatening you and your family and scaring you guys in person??? Like what the actual fuck. Honestly thats what i get for loving someone. Thats what i get for trying to be a good person and love someone unconditionally. What-fucking-ever. It doesnt even matter anymore. I'm just so tired of life. I'm tired of having shit after shit after shitty days. I'm sick of feeling depressed and lonely. I always genuinely try to be kind and honest and caring but nobody appreciates it. If anything all it does is make them see me like a pathetic little child that deserves pity. Apparently showing affection and care for the ones you love is "corny" and cringey now. I'm sick of being treated like a stupid fucking child. I'm sick of nobody bothering to start a genuine conversation with me or bothering to ask why I am the way that I am. Im sick of being ignored everywhere i go and being treated like a ghost and at the same time being laughed at and made fun of. Even when I try to have good and happy days they're always ruined. The other day I just wanted to buy some clothes and feel good about myself and enjoy some time out but of course i had to be rushed by my stupid piece of shit fucking family and i didnt even get to enjoy whatever garbage i got. Then they all went to eat without me and then my birth giver proceeded to bang on the car aggressively because of my brothers shitty driving skills. Because yeah its totally okay to let a minor drive with no license in your car and then spaz out when he inevitably makes mistakes. But whenever i wanted to drive all of a sudden im not allowed. I dont even fucking care about driving. I just wanted to enjoy my life. I just wanted to have a family and genuine friends that bother to ask about my well being and show me love whenever they get the chance. But i know im fucking stupid for wanting those things. Nobody cares about me and nobody ever will. I always tell myself at the end of each day that I don't deserve to live and I should've just died. What's the point of moving on in life. There's no future where im happy. I'm going to be alone and unloved until the day I die and nothing will ever change that.

[my-evil-brain]

I'm so tired of all of this it's not even funny.

It's 2024, and i was promised a bright technological safer better than the past world. Instead, i live through a world of greedy, power-hungry, mean uncaring, ignorant assholes and fuckwads. Growing up was tough enough dealing with 12 years of pokes and jabs, and no one was listening or paying attention. Then suddenly, I'm an adult, and zero shits changed. In fact, it's worse. Now im 40s, friendless , depressed and lonely. I always thought i had friends. But they all proved themselves not even worthy and worthless. I can't even trust people to confide in or be a friend anymore. They all either have ghosted me, lied, cheated, or stolen. I could never share feelings and deep thoughts because so far, so-called friends always used the info to take jabs against me as a joke or not caring in general. Not that people have ever truly listened to me anyway. That always pisses me off. Decades of repeating myself over and over, and eventually, when I'd get upset about it even a little, im being an asshole and unreasonable. My best friend from grade school, I don't even want to know anymore. I'm sick to death of his misogyny and drunkenness hitting on women I'd liked. His knack for insulting every woman I've been with ( to fat, bossy, ugly for his taste) plus how he treats the women he's been with. Blaming everything on his drinking (A.A. is lame so..no). I left for Tennessee after an awful break-up years ago. Everyone I knew ghosted me years ago. It started with them or me asking how things were going. After i responded, days, weeks, months before a response. Which was usually a "how's it going " text. Eventually, i stopped trying, and nobody even noticed. I've had one good friend visit me out here. After 2016 he gets pissy at our friend group because he can't take the trump bitching and hes got a gf he's got better things to do. So that whole dichotomy broke apart. Fuck, my own fucking parents only visited twice in 13 yrs....11 yrs ago. Then suddenly moms sick and 6 months later shed dead. I say suddenly but she just didn't go to the doctor and 2 yrs later the pain was so bad she couldn't take it and that's how we found out she had stage 4 cancer (it wasn't stage 1 when she found out). Surprise motherfucker! I'm so fucking tired of not being able to trust anyone and being the weirdo because my intrests aren't sports and hunting and other perceived manly things along with misogyny and loving a lieing rapest facist traitorous fraud who was president. So sorry I'm into philosophy and art and science and history and the paranormal and freedom to be and not facism. That excludes me from so many anythings when I'm around people. Not that I want to be around that, but its so fucking lonely a way to exist. It's depressing as fucking hell. And yes I've done something about that after 2020 broke me. I even tried therapy. That was useless. The doctor kept insisting I'm not acknowledging some trauma in my childhood at home. When I clearly stated what was bothering me. 12 yrs in public school, nobody listening to me when I speak, and everyone proving to be untrustworthy and mean dicks. It's not that I'm suicidal, I just don't want to be here anymore. I don't want to participate in any of this worlds bullshit and that's all the world is now. I'm watching the environment colapse, the poor get poorer the rich n politicians not giving a fuck and hatred and greed everywhere. And I get laughed at and dismissed by all around me all the time everywhere I've been, because I'm apparently stupid for believing it's that bad. It is that bad, its worse. The bad is totally out pacing the good in life. I just want everyone to feel as hurt as i am as pained as i am, but that's wrong. So i play nice dont jab back and be just as petty. On the off chance i do, or at least stand up for something, I'm suddenly a problem, and I'm inappropriate. Everyone else, perfectly fine when they do the same. I'm so fucking tired of all these people, this world, being ignored, not being considered, the greed n hatred. It's god damn depressing and lonely as fuck.

FML

[judesmoonbeauty]

Ghost House Report: A Requiem For You -SE Jude Jazza Bitter End

Fan translation only. Not 100% accurate. Please expect grammatical errors. Cybird owns everything. Feel free to re-blog, but please do not post my translations elsewhere. If you'd like to be added to my translations tag list, please comment below.Thank you, for you support! ☾.

CW: Death, Corpse.

Anne: I’m not lying to you, cross my heart and hope to die,

Anne: stick a needle in my eye……

Anne: ……That’s what he said, but papa hasn’t come to get me yet.

Anne: I’m a bad girl, so maybe papa won’t come to get me.

Kate: ……, That’s not true! Anne, you’re not a bad girl!

I immediately denied it, but Anne just laughed sadly.

Anne: Miss Kate, Mister Jude. Thank you for playing with me.

Anne: Since you both came here, I wasn’t lonely anymore………..goodbye.

Kate: Why are you saying goodbye……?

Jude: Promised ya I’d let ya meet your father. Ya gonna make me break that promise?

Anne: I’m sorry. ……I’m just tired after waiting for so long.

Kate: That’s……

Jude: ……

Anne: If, you both meet my papa……

Anne: I’m sorry I couldn’t wait, and for taking the necklace……

Anne: I’d you could tell him tell him this, I’ll be happy.

Anne finished speaking about her father, and disappeared into thin air.

Kate: Anne…….

I stood there for a while, unable to move, staring at the place where Anne had disappeared.

Eventually, anger began to boil up.

(Why didn’t Anne’s father come to pick her up? Why…?)

Jude: …Oi, look at this.

Jude picks up a file from the floor and opens it, so I can see it.

Kate: “Research Records”……..?

Jude: Records of human experiments that were carried out in this mansion ‘bout 50 years ago.

Jude: And……here’s Anne’s name.

The page Jude turned to was written about Anne.

It’s written that 50 years ago, Anne was sold by her father to the owner of the mansion, and died as a result of experiments.

The owner of the mansion was arrested soon after Anne's death,

it seems the body was left here without being buried.

Kate: Human-trafficking…..from the start, her father had no intention to keep his promise.

Jude: That’s what happens. ……Really, there’s shitty fathers everywhere.

Kate: Jude, is it possible to find her father?

Jude: If you’re involved with human-traffickin’, then you’re a target of Crown. For now, let’s search the room.

Kate: Right!

(……Anne is gone, but my feelings for Anne will never go away.)

(I will absolutely find him!)

That was right after we started investigating the room.

(Huh? This is……?)

Kate: Jude, look at this! The necklace Anne’s wearing……

I showed the necklace to Jude. It had a clover motif.

Kate: Jude, if I remember correctly, the necklace you were looking for also had a clover motif?

Kate: Perhaps……

Jude: ……Great job. Looks exactly like the description I heard about beforehand.

Kate: I knew it! Then the wealthy old man that asked you to look for it is Anne’s father!

Jude: Gonna leave ‘n see ‘im soon. Get depressed ‘n I’ll leave ya behind.

Kate: I’m going with you! I won’t be satisfied until I give him a good punch!

Jude: ……This time leave it be.

Kate: I-I understand! It’s just how strongly I feel about it!

(But….it seemed strange that Jude, who looked as angry as I was, stopped me.)

(He said he wanted to buy land, so maybe he doesn't want to get into a dispute with the other party...?)

After that, Jude and I returned to Crown Castle and made various preparations......

We traveled by carriage and arrived at the mansion of the wealthy man.

It was late at night, but when we told them we were there about the necklace, we were immediately shown to a room.

Jude: I finished looking for the belongings that were part of the conditions set for the land sale.

Jude: Here it is……Take it, and look it over.

Wealthy Old Man: Let’s see.

The old man takes the necklace from Jude, and carefully inspects it.

(This person is Anne’s father. ……He looks to be around 80 years old.)

(Anne had been waiting for a long time.)

When I think about Anne waiting for her father in that gloomy mansion, my heart breaks.

Wealthy Old man: ……This is my wife’s necklace. You found it for me.

Jude: Didn’t even look for it…..Your daughter’s been takin’ care of it, right?**

Wealthy Old Man: Daughter? I don’t have children…….no.

Wealthy Old Man: ……..Can it be that Anne is still alive?!

Kate: ……You remember Anne.

Jude: “I’m not lying to you, I cross my heart and hope to die,

Jude: Stick a needle in my eye”…….Ya said that, but ya broke your promise.

Wealthy Old Man: My beloved wife died giving birth to Anne. I could not come to love that child.

Wealthy Old Man: I thought it would be better than having her raised by me, so I let her go. It was for that child’s sake.

Jude: That child’s sake? That’s what ya say.

Jude: No way ya can live happily in a place where ya can buy a child for a pittance.

Wealthy Old Man: That’s……

The old man looked away, perhaps feeling guilty.

Jude: So, instead lookin’ for your daughter, ya asked me to look for your wife’s belongin’s.

Jude: Ya didn’t care about Anne, didja?

Wealthy Old Man: ……I don’t have anything to say about that.

Wealthy Old Man: Is Anne still alive? Where on earth……

Jude: — Ellis.

At Jude’s call, Ellis, who’d been waiting in the hallway, came in.

Ellis was holding a small coffin.

Ellis: Here?

Jude: Yeah.

At Jude's direction, Ellis placed the coffin on the table.

With trembling hands, the old man opened the coffin…… to check inside.

Wealthy Old Man: Is this…..by any chance, Anne’s body?

Wealthy Old Man: If that's the case, then that's strange!

Wealthy Old Man: If Anne died young, it must have been decades ago.

Wealthy Old Man: How do you all know, about the promise I made with Anne?

Jude: ……Anne stayed true to her promise ‘til the end, waitin’ for ya at that mansion even after she became a ghost.

Kate: We talked to Anne, who’d become a ghost, and learned about the promise.

Wealthy Old Man: Anne’s ghost?! It’s still here?! Don’t hate me! Don’t curse me!

Wealthy Old Man: I-I never forgot you, Anne! So please forgive me!

The old man apologizes in dismay, thinking that the ghost Anne is somewhere around.

Kate: ……Anne’s ghost isn’t here anymore.

Kate: “I’m sorry for taking the necklace and for not waiting for you at the mansion.”

Wealthy Old Man: ……Huh, what, it’s already gone. Don’t frighten me like that.

Even though the Anne’s ghost had disappeared, the old man didn't seem to miss her at all, but was relieved.

(I can’t believe that Anne was waiting for someone like this……!)

I was so angry that I reflexively clenched my fists and almost jumped at the old man.

Ellis stretched his arm out in front of me as of to stop me.

Ellis: ……It’s okay. Look.

(What……?)

When I tilted my head wondering what he was looking at, Ellis pointed towards Jude.

Jude: Ya broke your promise to Anne. Ya know what that means, right?

When I saw what Jude had prepared, I finally realized it.

Why Jude stopped me when I said I’d give him a “punch.”

Jude: Don’t mind dyin’, don’t mind stickin’ needles in your eye…….that’s what ya promised, right?

While saying this, Jude opened the bag he had prepared and took out a long, thick needle from inside.

Wealthy Old Man: W-what is that……

Jude: The needle that quack doc gave me to punish ya for breakin’ your promise?

Wealthy Old Man: Well, well I never….! ? Stop it! That was just a verbal promise made to child!

Jude: Even if it's a verbal promise, a promise is still a promise.

Wealthy Old Man: S-someone……! Someone please help me!

Ellis: No one in this mansion can come.

Ellis: ……Come on, Kate. Let’s go.

After Ellis urged me to go out into the hallway.

Wealthy Old Man: AHHHHHHHH!!

The old man's screams echoed throughout the mansion.

Kate: — That’s it, okay.

I typed the last letter and stretched. The haunted house report was now complete.

(...That's right. I'd like Jude to check it before I submit it to Victor.)

When I looked for Jude, he was spreading out a newspaper in the lounge.

Kate: Jude, do you have some time?

Jude: Does it look like it?

Kate: I see. I wrote a report on the haunted house, so I would like for you to review it as well, Jude.

Jude: ……

Jude accepted the report without saying a word. Then after a while.

Jude: ……..Long.

The report is returned to me with such simple impressions.

Kate: Y-yes that’s right……

Anne and her father were not the original subject of the investigation.

However, I really wanted to write it down, so as I was getting into it……

As Jude said, it can't be denied that the volume of the report has increased more than usual.

Kate: It may be unnecessary to write this much.

Kate: Still……I wanted to remember.

Jude: Ya mean Anne?

Kate: ……Yes. In the end, I couldn't do anything for Anne.

Kate: So, at least, I could write down my feelings for Anne and mourn her death.….

Kate: ……I wanted to come to terms with the sadness inside me.

It may be self-indulgence. But, all I can do as a fairy tale writer is write down her feelings.

Kate: Also, I wonder if the records come to the attention of Her Majesty the Queen, if she will take measures against similar incidents.

Jude: There are things ya can do without strength.

Jude: Try your best, you’ll be fine….But, fix this.

Kate: Where?

Jude: Here. “The ruthless Jude is deeply compassionate with children”……what’s this information.

Kate: You were kind to Anne. I think you’re very good children.

Kate: Have you, ever had the chance to take care of a small child?

Jude: ……who knows. Everyone has a childhood, so I know a lot about children.

Kate: Jude, it doesn’t seem like you were an ordinary child……

Jude: I was more clever and cute than an ordinary child.

(Cute……? ……There’s no sign of seeing that now.)

Jude: Ya just thought somethin’ rude.

Kate: ……I didn’t say it, so it’s fine.

Jude: Anyway, correct that sentence. Yeah?

After reminding me, Jude left the lounge.

(……Jude’s childhood.)

I can't imagine that he lived a happy and peaceful life that he could explore just out of curiosity.

(But why do I want to know……)

(When I close my eyes, I remember the gentle amethyst eyes that were directed at Anne.)

I can't help but think about the compassion he bestowed on her, and the reason for it.

(...Maybe it's because I wanted those gentle eyes to be fixed on me, even if just once in a while.)

**Jude begins his conversation with the POS using proper English, and then switches to his normal informal speech after he mentions Anne.

My BP was so high with this chapter....primarily because Anne’s sperm donor refers to her as ‘it’ and ‘that’. He doesn’t even see her as a human, but an object. Bitch got what he deserved. Jude calling himself cute as a kid (MY HEART)

[Master Lists] [Premium] [Epilogue] Tag List: @theimaginativelyreticent @sapphire-323 Dividers: @/brokenbard

[epaily]

long post talking about being depressed read at your own detriment

god ok i dick around and joke as much as the next person but holy FUCK i cant stand being mentally ill. i know you see all the time how it weighs you down without even knowing but i brush it off all the time and now im sitting here and its hitting me that this is point blank ruining my life. i think im being watched everywhere i go no matter what i do to the point where being out in an open space or talking to the wrong person gives me a panic/anxiety attack, i have a 24/7 non stop constant stream of self deprecation that talks me out of doing anything, and the things i do do i dont try on even if i need to because whats the point right. im so passively suicidal that i cant go 10 minutes without thinking that im worthless and that i should die, every day i wake up and im miserable from the moment i get out of bed to the moment i get in. i hate myself so viscerally that i cant even fathom a positive thing about myself. im so stupid and full of shit-for-brains i cant ever focus on something and i forgetthe most menial and basic things. i have to copy off of everyone because im so incapable of doing things alone and i cant even do things alone if i wanted to because i have aforementioned debillitating anxiety and the anxiety and everything else makes me WEIRD so i have no friends! and im weird because im suicidal and offputting! god its all a big fucking feedback loop how am i ever supposed to get out of this. it gets worse every day. it all stacks up. the only exit i can fathom, the only exit i HAVE been able to fathom for years is just stopping dead and offing myself and see there i go again. it would be so easy. i have no friends and my parents are terrible people and my cat is dead so whats the fucking point. nothing will get better. nothing HAS gotten better. i cant go to therapy or else i'll be institutionalized and i'll never see the sun again. i cant stomach human people and i dont know if what is in front of me is real half the time. im lonely my parents are awful i have no where else to go. i have no one to bitch at except this stupid little tumblr blog i have no support. if i hadnt sworn off cutting i would be doing so every single night. i am tired. i am so unbelievably fucking tired. why cant i be normal. why am i the only one in my vicinity who doesnt have their shit together. i wish i was normal. if i could take out even just one thing i might be able to get it together. i dont even really pretend im fine anymore. i can say that i am suicidal and no one bats an eye. i have to get a car and a real liscence for my career job and then the chance of me killing myself goes way tf up because then i can just drive my car into a building whenever i want. and god a fuckin. career job!! im a hack!!! i am 10 days away from finishing uni and everyone else is better then me. i dont know shit. i dont know the most basic prinicples no matter how much i study. im too soft. i hsve no skill. im never gonna make it. and maybe it wouldnt be so bad if i was good at or passionate about anything else but nah im so fucking spent im not GOOD AT or INTERESTED in ANYTHING because i JUST WANT TO BE DEAD. every single day of my life i wish i had tried harder to kill myself when i was 14. i should stop typing this out.

[marianas-astoria]

I'm going to go on a mini rant here because Tumblr feels like the only place I can say this.

I'm currently dealing with very conflicting thoughts here. I've spent over a month waiting to get my first prescription of testosterone filled because the pharmacy has been out, and I had to switch to a different pharmacy altogether. I have anticipated this day for years, yet I can't help but feel bad.

Over the years, I've experienced countless bullying and harassment. I'm used to it. But now, I get the feeling that wanting to exist as my true self is inherently bad simply because I'm a man. As time goes on, I'm being told I am being misogynistic, perpetuating patriarchal stereotypes, and that I am a "traitor" to women everywhere. And it hurts.

To want to exist without pain, with true freedom, should not be a crime. To want to be happy and comfortable in my own body, should not be a crime.

I have waited years and years to have the chance to be myself, and now that I finally have the chance, I can't help but worry it's going to change everything. Yes, my friends know I'm trans, but who actually views me that way?

I correct people all the time on pronouns and gendered phrases, yet it seems to still not get through people's heads. I am still told "when you become a guy" or "you want to be a guy" and not simply treated as one now. I am told that relationships will be hard and that sex will be harder because of who I am. My own mother thinks I shouldn't engage in any romance or sex until I've "fully transitioned." Upon explaining that I'd probably never get bottom surgery, I was then told I'd never be fully transitioned, and that I'd be wasting my time trying to be with anyone.

My entire closest friend group is all girls, and I worry that once my body starts changing, I won't be a part of their group anymore. Once I'm unable to take cute, quirky movie theater bathroom selfies with everyone, once my voice changes, once I grow facial hair. I'll be different to them. Maybe they'll finally see me as a man. Maybe they'll just see me as some sort of freak.

I watch Heartstopper, and I think "maybe my friends could accept me that easily," but then I remember that Heartstopper is simply TV, and I live in the real world, where being yourself can often lead to isolation and severed friendships.

I'm still me. I am the same art making, musical loving, fanfiction writing, DND nerd everyone knows and loves. I've been out for 8 years. Being on hormones won't change who I am, but simply my appearance. It's those things that I wish my friends and family would understand. Everyone is accepting and supporting until you take steps to be your true self. Then, it gets tricky and messy, and lonely. And it's not fun. And im a little tired.

I wish I had trans friends. I wish I had true support and love all around me. I wish I felt better. I wish this wasn't all so complicated.

[rhttnlink-blog]

ooh boy im feeling ALOT right now

[maaarshieee]

Can you please Head cannon sleeping with genshin characters? ( Wanderer, Dottore, Childe, Diluc or Kaeya please??) <333

⎯⎯ ୨ Sleepy Eepy (HCs) ୧ ⎯⎯

ੈ♡˳ Childe, Diluc, Dottore, Kaeya & Wanderer x Gn!Reader *ೃ༄

ੈ♡˳ Masterlist *ೃ༄

author's note ˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚

SLEEPY EEPY BABIES I LIKE,,, WROTE THIS AS SOON AS I GOT IT !! youre such,, brain!! i love your brain... hehehehehe,,, i wanna cuddol wit them when i go eepy... HAVE A GOOD DAY/NIGHGT!! <3 okay so i might write all guys as clingly so im... trying to give diversity LMAO

He tries so hard to be able to sleep on the same bed as you every night, but he gets too busy with his work as a Harbinger. But with enough effort, he manages to get in bed with you.

Sometimes he comes home awfully late, but there are times when he comes home early.

Sleeps shirtless because he loves, LOVES the feeling of your skin against his freckled body. He absolutely loves skinship, so feeling your hands trace over his scars right before falling asleep? Absolute heaven.

Want him to big spoon? Sure, baby! He loves to wrap his arms around you, it gives him a sense of calmness, knowing that even when he's asleep, he can have you in his arms to protect you from anything.

But if you want him to small spoon? Of course, whatever you want, babe! While he relishes the feeling of being able to protect you... His absolute guilty pleasure was to be held by you as if he's a fragile little thing... 

Your hands tenderly roam all over his abdomen, your chest pressing against his back while you pepper kisses all over his freckled shoulders always sending shivers up his spine. 

It's always so reassuring that, if there ever is a time when he'd be too vulnerable, you'd also be there to protect him, just as much as he'd protect you. 

Similar to Childe, he tries his best to get home on time so he could snuggle up with you and sleep soundly with you in his arms. He often comes home late, and he always feels bad to see you asleep on the couch, waiting for him. 

He's usually tired when he gets home so when he's finally in your embrace, he's immediately knocked out, no matter what position you're in. Diluc's body could be on top of yours and he'd be sleeping soundly.

You'd always have to take off the ponytail for him when he's about to sleep since he'd often forget, just too eager to just be with you in bed.

Not one to care if he's big or small spoon since he's already asleep before he could get himself in position. But he does enjoy being a big spoon, it makes his tense body relax further when his arms are wrapped around you. Your heat, closeness, and breathing are signs that you're still here, right next to him, not bound to disappear.

If you stay awake long enough, you'd hear him whispering your name while he was dreaming, with a small, soft smile tugging on his lips.

Rarely ever sleeps, so the chances of him sleeping with you are always sparse. He doesn't need sleep anymore. 

But if you should ever be lonely, you can just nab one of his segments and cuddle with them to be instead! Dottore encourages this since he can be very busy at times. 

And the segments never refuse, after all, you usually give all your affection towards Prime, so this is a good chance for them to be able to have you all for themselves, holding onto you tightly. 

If you're feeling extra frivolous, you can invite a bunch of segments into your private chambers and have them all sleep with you. It felt weird and suffocating at first, but now you've grown addicted to the feeling of multiple arms wrapping all over your body. They'd occasionally press kisses or nip on your exposed skin as well, anywhere and everywhere. 

Well, only if a segment was daring enough because Dottore is the only one to have access to your entire body. Poor segments :(

At the rare times when Dottore will decide to join you to bed, it usually happens at least 5 times in a row, night after night, before working all night once again. 

It was sporadic, so you never knew when he'd be joining you. Fortunately, you always took it as a pleasant surprise, grinning ear to ear with an incredulous look in your eyes as Dottore starts stripping to put on something more comfortable for the night. 

Dottore doesn't care what position you prefer, as long as it's comfortable and you're touching him. He does like big spooning though. 

His arms wrapped around you, trapping you as he pulls you impossibly close. Because you're his, and his only. Not anyone else's, and having you in his arms only feeds on his possessiveness. 

​Always there to be in bed with you as much as he can. While Kaeya can be busy in the morning, he makes time for you at night. In fact, the Cavalry Captain has become a bit more productive ever since he's gotten with you. 

Of course, he's not there all the time for you, or he's late, so he always makes it up to you by kissing you all over and mumbling sweet nothings in your ear, promising that he'll treat you so nice just to ask you for forgiveness. 

Before you get to bed though, if he's home early, he'd let you join into his nightly routines. It's just an excuse to pamper you even more and touch your cute little face. Plus, it helps you maintain your skincare!

He definitely got you into having nightly routines even if Kaeya comes home late or isn't able to sleep with you. Your skin has never been so healthier.

He adores wrapping his arms around your torso and burying his face in your chest. He thinks it's the most comfortable position to sleep in.

Would always tease you for a bit, tickling your sides or pressing his cold palms against the skin of your back, making you squeal and slap on Kaeya's arm to stop.

Big spoon or small spoon? He doesn't care! As long as he's in your arms, or you're in his arms. It still fills the void of longing in his heart to be so close to you, to have you as his lover.

He'd often wait for you to fall asleep first, only to shower kisses all over your face and whisper soft confessions that he aches to tell you, but was not just yet ready to do so.

And you'd be lying if you hadn't pretended to sleep often, just to hear him say those words over and over.

Always sleeps with you, no questions asked. Ever since he finally allowed himself to indulge in his desires, one of them is sleeping next to you, he never has given you a single night alone on your shared bed. 

In the beginning, his hugs were very tight, desperate, and never letting go, that if he ever did let go, you'd vanish in his arms, never to return. Gradually, it has changed. 

Now, it was gentle. Loose arms cradle you close to him as he buries his face into the crook of your neck, lips brushing against your skin before attacking you with a plethora of kisses, making you giggle. 

They're lighthearted now, loving and secure. He was relaxed and comfortable. While his hands gripping your clothes tells you that he's still desperately clutching onto you, in hopes you'd still be next to him once he opens his eyes, slowly, his hands would let go of your clothes. 

It gives you a sense of relief whenever he does, for you know he trusts you. Trusts that you'd never abandon him, to leave him so hastily without even a proper goodbye. Trusts that even if you decide to go, you'd return if you wanted to. 

He likes small spooning the most. Mostly because it greatly reassures him that he's wanted. That he's important to you. That you'll never let go of him if he ever told you to. That you treasure him, cherish him, adore him... That you still chose him despite his flaws. Despite being a puppet.

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- ̥۪͙۪˚┊❛❛ If you like this a lot, consider reblogging! I'll appreciate it very very much! Don't repost and/or translate my work anywhere. ❜❜ ┊˚ ̥۪͙۪◌

[yourworldiseternallycomplete]

wishin i was absolutly destoryed on red wine sory guys tonight

[cat3ch1sm]

🤍💚~ happy Valentine’s Day, everyone <33 and because i know most of you lonely fuckers have no valentines, im going to do you all a favor and post multiple times today with several different fandoms with various valentine’s prompts. you’re welcome.

this might also trail into February 15 because i am tired and up late writing these. i am going to try to write Valentine’s Day stuff for every fandom i have in my masterlist, which obviously isn’t going to be an easy or quick task, so just work with me pls 😭

💚prompt number one with jjk- what they would do to surprise you for Valentine’s Day! (part 1)

this is basically all fluff so no warnings<33 no gender is stated explicitly but the reader is fem coded 💚

𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐝𝐨 𝐭𝐨 𝐬𝐮𝐫𝐩𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐨𝐧 𝐕𝐚𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐞’𝐬 𝐃𝐚𝐲!

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ ft. itadori, nobara, megumi, and maki

♡̩̥̩♡̩̩̥͙♡̩͙ˊˎ﹤𝐲𝐮𝐮𝐣𝐢 ﹥ˏˋ♡̩͙♡̩̩̥͙♡̩̥̩

.•° ✿ °•. yuuji would go all out. he would send out a bunch of his friends as spies to find out what type of gifts you liked- although this won’t even matter in the end. ultimately, he’ll just get you a truckload of everything- tons of chocolates, the biggest, most obnoxious teddy bear you’ve ever seen in your life, and one of those pop-up 3d cards. there’ll be a voice message in your phone as well that’s at least ten minutes detailing what exactly he loves about you and how happy he is to be with you. you can’t even be mad that he put your eight million gifts in a big pile for all the students at jujutsu high to see- although it does embarrass you beyond belief, he has good intentions 😭💚 imagine itadori just standing in front of all the things he bought you with the biggest, goofiest grin on his face just waiting for you to notice him as you’re walking with megumi and nobara. you’re blushing like crazy when you finally see him, unable to stop the smile from spreading across your face while megumi and Nobara exchange knowing looks at your flustered expression. yuuji will yell at the top of his lungs that he loves you and will proceed to kiss you like absolutely nobody is watching. the rest of the day is just you two being disgustingly cute and romantic, with you guys revisiting all your favorite places and not being able to keep your hands off of each other. i love itadori sm bro 😭💚💚

'*•.¸♡ 𝐧𝐨𝐛𝐚𝐫𝐚 ♡¸.•*'

╭┈◦•◦❥•◦ nobara definitely isn’t with the cheap stuff. when you wake up in the morning, she’ll surprise you with a little box of chocolates- and then an absolutely gorgeous pink/red outfit because you two are going out. obviously nobara loves to get glammed up, and she’ll insist on doing your makeup while you do hers. think of that one image with the girl sitting on top of the other girl while the girl on top does the other one’s eyeliner. that’s exactly you guys. and they aren’t basic looks either- it’s full-on valentine’s glam, with glitter and hearts drawn on your faces and everything. she also has no problem dragging your ass to the academy in full glam just to show you off- and not subtly. nobara will literally parade you all around campus to show you to everyone she knows to talk about how gorgeous you are and how good you guys are together. you guys spend the rest of the day and all night just walking all around downtown like you guys own the place, doing photo shoots everywhere and just having the most fun ever. 💚💚

˚ ༘♡ ·˚ ₊˚ˑ༄ؘ 𝐦𝐞𝐠𝐮𝐦𝐢˚ ༘♡ ·˚ ₊˚ˑ༄ؘ

╔══ஓ๑♡๑ஓ══╗

megumi is such a romantic. unlike nobara, he isn’t super flashy. he’ll wake you up with a kiss to the forehead and offer you your favorite breakfast in bed. during the day while it’s sunny outside, you’ll go for a walk outside in nature (much like the places in the photos i use in my posts🤭) just holding hands and kissing occasionally, but mostly just enjoying each other’s company and the beauty of the outdoors. much to your surprise, though, megumi will have a whole picnic with him- the checkered red and white blanket and the straw basket and everything. y’all are the ideal cottagecore couple rn. he’ll have mini jelly sandwiches cut into heart shapes and a fruit bowl and cupcakes he definitely didn’t stay up late yesterday to make. megumi will probably tell you to shut up (endearingly) if you comment on how sappy and romantic he’s being, but really he couldn’t be happier. get me this man asap because the rest of the date is just so perfect with his demon dogs just running around in the fields and megumi finding every excuse possible to kiss you, ranging from you supposedly having food around your mouth to “he wants to try on your lip gloss.” he’s so skrunkly i love him💚

⋇⊶⊰💚⊱⊷⋇ 𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐢 ⋇⊶⊰💚⊱⊷⋇

ஓ๑♡๑ஓ maki is not a romantic. and unfortunately for her, panda is aware of that. so he’s been bugging her for the past week about what she was going to do for you for Valentine’s Day, offering suggestion after suggestion even when they were unwanted- but maki realized he was probably right about needing to do something special for you. so in the end, maki decides to take you camping for the night- both to spend some time alone with you and to spite panda just to get away from him. eventually, you guys head out in the early afternoon to a place out in the sticks. despite maki’s somewhat stoic demeanor, she’s eager to finally get you alone. after a long hike to the campsite and holding hands for two hours (except when maki was beating the shit out of mosquitoes) and mostly peaceful silence (except when maki was beating the shit out of mosquitoes), you guys made it to the quaint little cabin that more resembled a cottage than anything else. of course, you are sure to make a point of setting your sleeping bag right next to maki’s just to fluster her. when night falls, you two light a fire outside and just hold each other with nothing but the flames and the dark woods surrounding you.