#im just thinking about how many people must have scene me and how awful that mustve been

[nucleos]

man i had a genuinley good day but i can feel myself ruining it in my head

[harpieisthecarpie]

hey, thanks for your addition to my post. i really loved what you wrote, and as an allo, it all rang true to me. the bit about romance vs erotica was also a new way to look at it that i’m still thinking about.

Oh Im so glad it resonated! Sorry for the very very long tangent in the reblogs, but I noticed my mutual peer reviewed my original tags in my rambliest moment of the day

And your post seemed to be primarily jokey, but it touched upon an attitude among fic writers that I think has surged a lot in the past however many years!

Im really fascinated by it, and how tropes in fanworks reflect on broader fanculture. I just wish that fic writers (and their readers) would give themselves more leeway to explore imperfection without feeling the need to soften, solve, or explain it.

There is so much to learn from stories, including fanfiction. But sometimes the lesson isn't a moral one, or it is but it holds a morality we don't agree with. Even then, we learn something about ourselves and the writer and how to evaluate texts.

But there's a secret other thing we can learn from beach reads, dark romance, fic, and erotica: sometimes we learn nothing substantial at all because that wasn't the point.

Reading a toxic relationship for enjoyment while thinking "man if someone pulled this shit with me I'd kick their ass" is a time honored tradition! Something can be "hot" in a fantasy (ie BDSM scene, erotica) while being 100,000 red flags irl.

A novel titled "My Tormentor, My LOVER" with a very shirtless man on the cover, and a fic with 25 sex-related tags both have many indicators of being fantastical, of being a scene. You just have to know what those indicators look like.

Honestly I think we don't give enough credit to genres like these because of their target audiences. Like, primarily cis-dude oriented spy thrillers don't get grilled nearly as much for their horrible sex scenes!

They'll be made fun of, for sure, but there's a level of internal monitoring (and enforcing) in romance novel and fanfiction circles that just does not exist with dude lit.

Cis women and queer people are treated as both more impressionable AND more responsible than cis men, at least with their reading habits. It's an echo of "boys will be boys" and the slut/madonna dichotomy that has become self-perpetuating in writer-reader circles.

Even when we aren't cis women, or women at all, minorities (and spaces where we congregate) still must "hold ourselves to a higher standard". But that's another debate, I'm way off topic.

Re: the erotica discussion, in Savy's video she was specifically talking about how a lot of Colleen Hoover's works are mislabelled romance when they should be erotica, because her sex scenes treat what are definitely kinks as realistic vanilla sex.

It jars the reader from their immersion, because the novel had heretofore shown no indicators of having those kinks in it. (Except for it being a CoHo book). Not in the description, its marketing, or a content warnings page of the book was Savy made aware these kinks would occur and be treated as normal.

Even just the label "erotica" would have given her more of a heads up! But without any of that, she lacked the informed consent necessary for her to take the scene as the fantasy it is. Leading her to enjoying the whole book a lot less!!

Basically, its about genre expectations and tonal shifts.

If I blind watched the Blair Witch Project because it was advertised only as "a fun parody of ghost hunter documentaries with super relatable main characters" I would brawl a producer for my money back.

If I'm not expecting horror, if I'm not informed of jumpscares, a movie I would have loved has now been made awful and upsetting. I wasn't able to adjust my expectations or be in the correct headspace.

That's what's important about labelling for tone, and why the destigmatization of works called "erotica" would help everyone :D

Oh it's so late and I was rambling again ;---; I had more to say about metatextuality and how being informed of a fantastical scene allows for a safe place to explore what might be unsafe irl. But I have this chocolate to eat

Thanks for liking my og reblog! You have succeeded in feeding 2 Harp rambles!! Redeemable at your local Chester Eustace Cheese

[thesamoanqueen]

Daydream II

Ratings: 18+

Warnings: Smut; Oral (male receiving); Size kink; errors after errors after errors after errors after errors (…).

A/N: first fic of 2023 and part II of Daydream, requested by @niknakbucks92 (thanks to @iovereigns for ispiring me with the elevator)

I hated high heels, I hated the tight, flashy dresses that occasions like this called for. Not that I had worked too hard to seem more than what Im, it wasn't part of me and on the other hand that was the first and last big event I would have attended for the federation. At least as a performer, even if I never really became one. I loved that environment, I loved keeping busy, but all of that... it wasn't right for me and that night had done nothing but confirm it to myself. All those rumors, questions, attentions and whispers behind the backs of who I considered untouchable.

He was damned flawless. As always. With that dark suit, perfect hair and beard. His attention that wandered from one person to another just enough to do his job, not to make anyone feel out of place. I had watched him all evening and all evening I had heard people talking about him, many times not as they should have. You had to have nerves to survive in there, to make your way and I couldn't even bear a bit of gossip, I couldn't bear that they talked about him. I… as if it was up to me to defend him, when he seemed to ignore them instead. I needed tequila, whiskey and champagne to ignore them and I couldn't even get drunk.

I passed the elevator door, leaning my back against the internal mirror and closed my eyes for a second. It was all so stressful and I was making it even more stressful for no reason at all.

- Need some air? - a deep voice asked, like a hot shower and my eyes widened.

I knew that voice, I would have recognized it anywhere. I watched Roman silently as he stood facing me, the elevator doors closing behind him. He was so imposing, I'd seen taller and bigger men in that company, but he was intimidating, the kind of awe that makes your knees quiver and throb where it shouldn't. Not in situations like that at least.

- … It's noisy – i managed to say and I would have slapped myself, even if he was nodding.

Noisy? What comment was that? He was able to concentrate in front of seventy, eighty thousand people and I considered a federation gala noisy. And since when did I talk like that? The answer was never. It only happened to me with him. “Only with him” as if we often spoke, he probably didn't even remember meeting me at-

- Nichole, right? - he stopped me, with one of his patented smiles and I bent my head forward, a gesture that must have seemed like a confirmation to him and not my umpteenth attempt to demonstrate how little I was able to behave in front of him - how's your training going?

My head processed his question belatedly, too busy thinking about my name being pronounced by him – my real name, not a wrong one thrown there at random -. When I realised, I ended up torturing the bag without even realizing it, the weight of embarrassment on my shoulders. How do you tell your role model, someone who inspires you and millions of people, someone who didn't give up even when life reduced him to a shadow, that you gave up instead? I tucked a strand of hair behind my ear nervously and smiled anyway. It was embarrassing, but there was no use ruining a moment like that with thoughts that only concerned me.

- I'll work behind the scenes maybe, we're still talking about it. I chose… the ring wasn't for me. I'm not made to be in front of all those people. - I admitted with a sigh and Roman nodded again, returning the smile I was showing off.

- There's nothing bad. Whoever is out there needs whoever is behind the scenes, people don't realize it enough. It does you credit, you have chosen what makes you feel good, what you want. That's what matters.

What I want… he was always so inspiring. And he was right. Maybe I wouldn't have become a superstar, they wouldn't have put my face on some trucks and put up posters of me top rope jumping in a stadium, but I would still have been part of the federation and I would have had more than many others out there. It was what I wanted and I was fully realizing it with the only person I really wanted close to me. I nodded invigorated, even my heels not hurting so much anymore, as his eyes darted over to me.

- And in many, many years, when you'll have grandchildren, you'll be able to tell them about all the things we used to do with the cameras off – he joked, making me laugh.

I suddenly felt so hot in such an informal atmosphere. His voice and his presence worked magic on me and my mood. He was a walking antidepressant, a chronically addictive one.

- And about the time I shared an elevator with Roman Reigns – I said aloud.

That was really going to be a story to tell and so was the way his eyes seemed to lock onto me. His head nodding in the air with that smile capable of driving anyone crazy, his hands hidden in the pockets of his pants so tight where they shouldn't be, the perfect jacket on broad shoulders.

- I don't think it would be exciting enough - I heard him say and that word crawled under my skin, causing a shiver down my spine.

The elevator had suddenly become narrow, his body seemed closer or maybe it was me who had approached. I wasn't understanding much at the time and honestly I didn't even care, the world could have descended into chaos and I would have only cared about the way he was looking at me. I felt the mirror cold against my back, the handrail pressing against his side, and his scent filling my lungs. I played with the closure of the bag, my breath pounding in my ears, while he stood staring at me, almost seeming to test how far I was capable of resisting. But with him I had no self-control, I'd embarrassed myself enough times to know it by now and so I collapsed, deciding to add something else to my memories for the future.

- It doesn't necessarily have to be a pg story… - I murmured, frightened by my own proposal and the narrow space betrayed me, my words louder than I had said.

- Be careful what you ask - Roman warned me, his lips curling dangerously.

By now I had thrown the stone though and his mouth, so incredibly full, seemed like just another invitation to go further, to take the last step. On the other hand, what alternatives could I have ever had, locked up there with him? And did I really want alternatives to him? No, I didn't want alternatives, I didn't want to run away, I wanted him even if he was scarier than any crowd inside a stadium.

- What if I want to go down this road this time? - I asked, legs pressed together, trying to cheer myself up.

Roman didn't smile, didn't even move for a moment, my eyes already stinging with terror of being rejected or worse. It almost felt like a challenge and he was in control, he'd always been in control, even though I'd tried to sound strong. When his hand reached my cheek, his thumb stroking me, I wasn't ready, I could never be ready, but I managed to hold back the ragged breath that had threatened to escape from my mouth.

- You can go down on your knees first of all princess - he growled into my ear, warm and rough despite the pet name and I gave in without restraint.

I nearly tossed my purse, heedless of anything inside that might break or that I looked desperate, and knelt on the elevator, in my stylish dress and torture heels, like the worst slut. Roman looked down on me, his expression cocky. Again he didn't move and under the weight of his eyes, I tentatively reached for the leather belt of his expensive suit, trying to guess what he wanted, but it seemed almost impossible and I felt like a teen. I laboriously unbuttoned the strap and lowered the zip, fingers hesitantly running over the obvious bulge, I bit my lip with the anxiety that was mounting and seemed to want to devour me. His fingers in my hair made me tremble and I looked at him, feeling him push slowly to encourage me and although that gesture, not at all rude, had made me feel twice as anxious, I decided to free him from his constraint.

His cock, stiff and heavy, slammed into my face, making me shift a little. I looked at it dumbfounded, in all its length, with swollen veins and shiny tip, while my now soaked center reduced my underwear to a universal disaster. It was more than I was used to, much more than I was used to and I wasn't so sure I could get it all in my mouth.

- You look gorgeous but we dont have all night and I've no intention to stop now, so open da pretty mouth of yours - I felt Roman encourage me again and I moved one of my hands from his thighs, to take him in my hand and feel his consistency.

Roman on top of me, stroked my head again as I massaged him and after a couple of strokes, I convinced myself to slide it between my lips, earning a moan of approval. The taste of him quickly kneaded my tongue and I closed my eyes, enjoying that moment stolen from the rest of the world, my thighs rubbing together in search of relief. He tasted irresistible to me and soon, overcoming the embarrassment, I began to bob my head, trying to welcome him as much as possible. My hands were working on his base, where his skin was roughest, a hint below, at his swollen sacs.

- Mmh - I moaned, the slimy sound of my mouth filling the lift and turning me on more.

- That's it…

Roman, head bowed, hands planted in my hair and breathing increasingly short. A moan, low, almost a real growl, gushed from his chest after a few seconds and I looked up at him, while he licked his lips with that tongue that I so much wanted elsewhere on me. I scratched the base of his boner again with my nail and again felt him growl in pleasure, his grip firmer in my hair and his hips starting to push into my throat, not waiting for me to do anything else.

- That 's it… like that… - he rumbled, whether at himself or at me, it wasn't clear.

I tried to relax my throat, not move, just let him, but I couldn't take it all in and more seconds passed, more his thrusts slammed into the base of my throat. I felt the urge to cough, saliva and precum dripping from my lips, probably ruining my makeup and dress, my eyes glistening and the tears pressing to come out.

- Dont move – he commanded above me, keeping my head instead of him and his tone so rough, brought my center to spasm – dont fuckin move

I felt overwhelmed and my body loved it. My antidepressant had become my stimulant and as he fucked my throat, sinking his warm meat as deep as he could, I realized I was about to cum without him even touching me there. I moaned loud, needy, in a soaked and inaccurate cry that mixed with Roman's confused growls, without holding back and without shame, giving him as much as I could and taking what he gave me. I felt him push in a sloppy way, a sign that he was about to cum and I raised my teary eyes to him who was already nodding with an expression capable of taking me to my limit. I felt disgusting and wanted at the same time, it was so much.

- Swallow. All of it. – he directed and pushed my face against him, emptying into my throat in long hot spurts that I tried to swallow as I could, while my destroyed center tightened around the void with a long shiver that clouded my mind.

I closed my eyes, obeying with all my will, to please him, to show him who knows what, enjoying that pleasure that was shaking me and when I reopened them Roman was no longer there. There wasn't his boner between my lips, his hands in my hair, or his body to shade me from the twinkling lights of the elevator. I stood, leaning against the mirror, looking at him with a dazed expression as the elevator doors opened with a shrill sound that reminded me of the oven bell in my apartment and that took me by surprise like a slap across the face.

I could have blamed it on the tequila, whiskey and champagne I'd been drinking, but it had happened to me before with him and since he had addressed those few words to me at the Performance Center a year ago, it had continued to happen to me more often than could have been considered normal. I was a walking messy, there was no one else to blame. I mean, what elevator takes all that time to reach the ground floor?

- You sure to be okay Nichole? - I heard him ask from the doorway, his phone in one hand and the other midair, towards me, as if he wanted to support me but without invading my space.

- Yeah… maybe im a little bit over for all the drinks… - I tried to save myself, blaming some innocent bottles for my out of control pussy.

- Want me to call a cab? Someone? I can go back- he offered and a wave of guilt hit me.

- No, please!

The face of the company, the undisputed champion, the man who filled the Stamford funds and my dreams, as well as my google searches and entire stadiums, was literally offering to go get someone because I was feigning drunk to save dignity. And at that point I wasn't sure I had one.

- Im… Just need some air and then im going back to my hotel. - I said in one breath.

Roman didn't look very convinced, even a little confused, but he nodded anyway, slowly, his hand still in mid-air as I too exited the elevator.

- Y'sure? - he tried again, my head already lowering.

- I swear. But thank you, y're kind.

- Anytime. Hope to see you around soon… take care of yourself, okay? hn?

- Yes. - Sure. I had to take care of myself and have someone check me out.

I watched him wave to a group in the lobby, someone from the federation I didn't know, and walk down a hallway, possibly to one of the building's inner courtyards. Still, in my seat, I waved to him, when he turned one last time to check where I was and placed a strand behind my ear, my feet destroyed by heels and a thought that suddenly made its way into my head.

When was I alienated from everything exactly? After talking to him or was I just staring at him the whole time? Jesus. What I’ve done? In front of him!

Tag squad: @sunnyfleur23 @racerchix21 @alyanross @wickedsunfire @romanreignsdefencesquad @romanstheory @thiccc-rider-mcintyre @keybladeofsteel @iovereigns @msbigredmachine @nayys-world @gobbersworld @utika151209 @cumxxslutt @civildawn @romanmydaddy @raidenandreigns @triscillal @papireigns-05 @helensanders92 @itjazzbicch @dreamsinfocus @ichdrachenfrau @darqchilddaydreamz @meggylynnloves @mariamheeeeee @vintage-pvssy @unfriendly--blvck--hottie @nicolewoo @helensanders92 @niknakbucks92 @wrestlezaynia @reignsx @reigns-central-blog @kianaleani @daguenoire @extra-11 @josphinna @thedonsfactory @snowpanda18 @nestorsgirlfriend @brattyfics @wanna-be-dominated @kitanasposts @tribalchiefreigns @2baddies2furious @vebner37 @kilviaa7

[eeblouissant]

I'm so so sorry I didn't think to TW. For what it's worth now, TW for discussion of sexual assault in this message. I have a lot of thoughts to your 100% correct and thoughtful reply, thank you so much for taking the time to write it all out, and I did think that was a subtext to your fic in case you were wondering if it came through (your take on Dorothy is heartbreaking but cathartic ans very needed), but before I get them in order (I don't want to spam you with nonsense rants.... even though I sort of am) I have to say its worse than what you remember unfortunately. On one occasion Dorothy says he slipped her something in her drink. People try to argue its only a small dick gag and nothing more but in the same bit she says that "when [she] came to, [stanley] was carving a notch". I can't remember the ep but I do remember it immediately lingers on a reaction shot of Rose who looks upset. And I actually think you can slot each story together into one - he guilted her over the war, got her drunk, put something in her drunk to be (evil), then raped her. Because Dorothy can't even remember the entire encounter (she definitely doesnt remember the assault, thats consistent in every telling), the version she internalised is that she must have agreed and been a sloppy drunk. Its awful. (She knows, in the back if her mind, the truth. But that's a pain she buries deep. I'm not even sure she'd react well when Blanche or Rose first calls it for what it is, because its tangled up in so many other hurts (like her relationship with her mother)).

bit of a heavy subject, so mind the warnings, but I love that we’ve really (finally) unpacked the subject of what really happened between stan & Dorothy that night, and your layout of events, to me, is so so canon - the fact that Dorothy can’t lay out the story in order is even more proof to me that he did in fact slip her something, and that it was not just a gag. or something Dorothy imagined to fill in the gap in events.

(this got long so, more under the cut)

I would argue that even Bea - separate from Dorothy - looked quite uncomfortable in that scene. The way she says it and the immediately recoils, her eyes are glued to the table in such an im clearly uncomfortable way. As soon as she says it (and, most other times Dorothy mentions that night with Stan, but especially & specifically the time she tells Rose & Blanche that she had “come to” and that “(he had) slipped her something”), there’s an almost out of character & clearly uncomfortable air in the room. And it takes a lot for them to shake sometimes. Seeing rose so visibly upset, even if it was just for a split second, was so heartbreaking. I can only imagine that from a professional standpoint (and as someone with as much knowledge in psychology as she has) she would want to approach & start helping Dorothy unpack in so desperately. But, like you mentioned, I don’t think it will ever truly be unpacked. I think it’s a mix of The Times, age, & how far away from it she thinks she is.

I genuinely think that if Blanche or Rose ever confronted it directly, and really poked at it (especially professionally??? I personally hc that Dorothy has a thing against seeking professional help for herself, especially regarding her mental health, purely because of past experiences. But that’s another ramble), that she would back away and isolate completely. That pain is something that will be healed unspoken. It will never be talked about, but through actions & receiving the love she can’t quite accept for herself yet (something that will just have to be given to her, forced but never mentioned or given in any way that could make her think she’s being healed?). One day she will wake up and know, and it will continue to be unspoken. Rose, Blanche and Sophia will know too. But it will never be talked about, and Stanley will never be brought up again unless by her or her children.

I think her & stan would need to have one long, final conversation. No contact afterwards, unless their kids specifically request it.

As for her relationship with Sophia … this may turn into a second ramble because it’s something I think about so often - I think there might have been an unspoken (but also, very much not unspoken?) bitterness between them up until her stroke. Dorothy’s not knowing exactly what happened that night is laced with denial, and I think that a lotttt of that denial was built up by her parents reaction. She was obviously devastated, feeling absolutely violated, a child - and now on top of all of this forced into a marriage with the man that created all of that hurt in the first place? By the two people she, from birth, had no choice but to place all her trust in? She definitely gaslit herself into thinking she had just been a sloppy drunk and that this was her fault too. We know this is absolutely not true, but it would explain her current state & relationship with Sophia imo.

We know that it was moreso her father that pushed it, and that he also was equally not happy with Stanley (threatening him & such, god that mention was therapeutic), but we also know that they were both extremely hard on her. And that, even if it’s playful, Sophia still hides (well, not really tbh) a hint of resentment towards Dorothy’s situation because of the stain it supposedly left on her reputation as a mother. (I just?? Like. with the exception of Gloria, I suppose, she seems to talk a lot about how little faith she has/had in her children. With Phil’s cross dressing ((hint at being queer/trans)) and Dorothy’s teen pregnancy - she seems to bring one up whenever the other is mentioned. As if they’re on the same level of shameful in her mind.)

I think that Dorothy really clung to Kate during the rough period with Sophia; she definitely projected the love she was missing onto her. Smothering, love bombing, whatever you’d like to call it. Some have mixed feelings & even resentment towards children conceived in the way that Kate was, but I absolutely don’t think this was ever Dorothy. (I also… don’t think Dorothy will ever tell Kate about what happened. Eventually she reaches an age old enough to do the math i think. And, literally - because she will realize their age gap & that it doesn’t quite feel right. She comes to her & they sit with it, but that’s as far as it will ever go. Kate creates a sort of closure in her head. Maybe she doesn’t want to know). I think her children were what got her through the hardest parts. but again, that’s another ramble — Sophia & Dorothy drifted until the stroke. Her stroke was a wake up call for the both of them. Maybe her sending Sophia to shady pines had some kind of hidden meaning for her personally? I don’t know, this is all just headcanon 🤸‍♀️

[thebestofoneshots]

Hi I would like for you to read some of the stuff to my book to see if you think I should make more and maybe give me some advice, I feel like my writnig is not the best bc English is not my first language.

You were sitting on your sofa in your house looking at some random shit on your phone. "Hi, I'm home!” says Paul as he opens the door to your house. you stand up and walk out to him “hi” He puts his hands on your waist and pulls you in for a kiss. “hi” he smiled down at you “how was the filming?” "awful Tyrese and I couldn't make one of the scenes we kept laughing” you stood on your tip toes and kissed his cheek. “Are you ready for the Italian Grand Prix in a few days?” “mhm, Charles is coming over to get me thursday, tomorrow so I won't be home. Also, do you want to come with me?” you ask him “I would love to come but am Im allowed to be there not many people know our thing.” “you will be if you walk in with me and Frédéric knows..” “Did you tell him?” “no, he saw you called me after a race. He could see your name with a heart on my phone.” “okay.. so I'm flying with you and Charles?” “yeah he will be okay with it, he had his gf with him once” “I will go up and pack then” he smiled at you as he took his shoes off.  He then stood up “did you have a good day?” “yes but it’s much better now that you're here” He chuckles and looks down at you, he then takes you up and puts you over his shoulder ”HEY!”   

I really like it myself but dont know if it is actually good..

Hey babe! I've taken some time to answer this one because I wanted to dedicate the proper time to it. I must say, your story is pretty interesting, and you should definitely write more. In fact, even if some asshole ever told you that you shouldn't, you should continue to write if it's what you enjoy doing.

Now, where I do think I could give you some advice is regarding the formatting. This one is crucial because different languages have different formatting for writing and English has a lot of tricky ones, and it takes a lot of attention to get them right but I think I can sum them up for you.

Now the lack of spacing might be because of the limited amount of space in asks, but just in case it isn't, it's important to remember that you must switch paragraphs every time:

A different character speaks

You change a scene, time or location

You start a new topic

Another interesting one that even I didn't know until way deep into writing fanfiction is the punctuation marks after your characters speak and before you add the quotation marks. Allow me to elaborate.

This is a super detailed article about it, but basically, a dialogue should look something like this.

"If your dialogue follows a dialogue tag, you must use a coma in the end," she said.

She said, "On the other hand, if it's at the beginning, then instead of a coma you would use a dot."

"If it's obvious who the speaker is and you don't want to add a dialogue tag, then you also use a dot."

"And it's the same if you're breaking a paragraph after your dialogue."

"You are also meant to use dots if the dialogue is followed by an action and not a dialogue tag." She moved to the other side of the room to continue explaining.

"And if you have either a question mark or an exclamation one, then you continue your without capitalizing, the same as if it were a coma!" she said.

"If you are breaking paragraph after it, you don't need to add a for though!"

So with proper formatting, the little excerpt you've sent would look somewhat like this:

You were sitting on the sofa in your house looking at some random shit on your phone. "Hi, I'm home!” said Paul as he opened the door to your house. You stood up and walked up to him (tense change) “Hi.” He put his hands on your waist and pulled you in for a kiss, (tense change) “Hi,” he smiled down at you. “How was the filming?” "Awful Tyrese and I couldn't make one of the scenes, we kept laughing.” You stood on your tip toes and kissed his cheek. “Are you ready for the Italian Grand Prix in a few days?” “Mhm, Charles is coming over to get me Thursday, so I won't be home. Want to come with me?” you asked him. “I would love to come but... Am I allowed to be there? Not many people know our thing.” “You will be if you walk in with me and... Frédéric knows–” "You told him?” (sounds a bit more natural) “No, he saw you called me after a race. He saw your name with a heart on my phone.” “Okay.. so I'm flying with you and Charles?” “Yeah he will be okay with it, he had his girlfriend with him once.” “I'll go up and pack then,” (also the contraction makes it a bit more natural) he smiled at you as he took his shoes off,  he then stood up. “Did you have a good day?” “Yes but it’s much better now that you're here.” He chuckled (tense change) and looked down at you, he then grabbed onto your waist and put you over his shoulder. ”HEY!”  you complained. 

Also, I'd also add that you must be careful with your tenses, you start in past and then you switch to present, while this can happen in English when you are in conversation, it's not very common when you're telling a story. If you'll be talking in present, stick to the present (It's not vert common on formal books but I've seen it often in fanfiction), if you'll be talking in past, stick to the past.

I hope you find this useful darling, I tried to be as concise as possible while explaining all these little grammar rules, and I hope I didn't come as harsh. Took me long to figure them out and I suppose someone detailing them to me would have been pretty useful. I think your writing is great and I reiterate the fact that you should definitely continue. Sending all the love in the world!

[weirdcat1213]

volume 12 already? damn that went fast. just yesterday we were crying about vash drinking in a church

anyway :D volume 12 thoughts time

chap 1:

-chronicaaaaaaaaa :3

-AW NO MY BABY

-these quiet panels are the fucking best/worst thing that have ever happened to me

-too many memories :c

-YES LINA IS THERE THANK GOD (at the same time this is heartbreaking as fuck)

-all the enemies after all the people he has ever loved/helped

-HIS MOM AND HIS BF

-THATS IT THATS THE ONE THATS THE PANEL OH GOD WE ARE *HERE*

-im gonna go cry now

-i wonder what "anti plant" entails...is it a special material?

-ok fine, chronica can call knives a terrorist. she gets a pass

-oh sweet geesus

-eh?

-oohhhhhh.....ok fuck

-nothing can stop the hatred of this man. kinda admirable but as the song says "your misery and hate will kill us all"

chap 2:

-"corrosive thunder", love the title

-OH SHIT DOMINA NO, pls dont let him get to you

-DOMINA NOOOOOO

-the plants kinda look in pain there....

-MY GIRLSSSSSSSSSS

-for pain purposes, i choose to believe that when they resonate they hum like vash did in stampede

-aaand shes gone

-oh god, the end of evangelion flashbacks

-OH NIGHTOW YOU SON OF A BISCUIT- THOSE EYES IN THE BACKGROUND-

-tbh everything in your ship just being consumed by someone else so quickly must be scary af. nothing belongs to them anymore and soon, chronica could even loose herself

chap 3:

-oh shit oh fuck oh shit

-oh shit not thors hammer

-omg look! the laws of physics!

-noooo :c we dont get to know domina too much but its still sad

-OH?

-MAGIC BULLETS TIME BABYYYYYYYYYYY

-ohhhhhhh okok i get it

chap 4:

-THATS MY BOIIIIIIIIIII

-AH SHIT IVE JUST NOTICED THE HAIR

-ALSO PLS DONT SMILE LIKE THAT-

-childish is a good word for it cuz knives just doesnt want to accept hes wrong and scared

-THE POWER OF LOVE AND PEACE BITCH

-is vash pausing cuz even though his plan was to kill knives hes kinda sad that knives wants to kill him? i may never know

-let him use his fucking gun ok? hes an expert. also i like to think he uses it to stay grounded. like to stay with the people hes fighting with. hes not superior or anything

-TO YOUR KNEES BITCH TO YOUR FUCKING KNEES

-THATS MY FUCKING GUNMAN THATS MY SON RIGHT THERE

chap 5:

-FLASHBACK TIME LETS GO

-omg right it hated this. hes just a baby :c

-so vash left with a stranger? i forgot about that

-honey just be glad YOU ARE ALIVE

-BECAUSE HES VASH THE STAMPEDE- i should rewatch that episode huh

-GEESUS BRO

-tbh vash, you should have. then and now

-YEAH TELL HIM VASH >:D YOU ARENT NAIVE

-tbh i would also think thats enough to break the chain. hmm

-"stay with me" vash pls i cant jump into the void rn

-GEESUS CHRIST, the cleanest cut in the west

-also you think vash made that face cuz the last time he made someone bleed was rem-

-THE CLOSEUP TO THE MOUTHS AHHHHHHHHHHH

-"we dont belong in the future of this planet" dont fucking say that

chap 6:

-actually wanting to humans to talk with plants is a great step for improving their relationship but sure knives, whatever

-THATS SO TRUE VASH LETS GO, LET THE PLANTS HAVE A SAY IN IT

-ive said this before but as someone who was mocked by wanting context before judging people, vash is so...reassuring. like it wasnt wrong of me to want to know all the sides of one story. im glad

-also i completely forgot about that town and radiation. how tf radiation happens in that planet, what am i missing

-oh nvm, thanks nightow

-HES NOT EXCUSING, HES EXPLAINING OMFG YOU IDIOT

-YEAH FUCKING TELL HIM >:D POP OFF VASH >:D

-WHY IS IT THEN? HUH KNIVES?- oh shit what

-yknow what, ill give knives the fact that humans are ignorant and we are repeating history etc etc, but im done. finish him vash

-for some reason this reminds me to that scene with the soldiers in ep 12. my man really cant catch a break

-YEAH THE GIRLSSSSSSSSSSSS :D

-"you've been abandoned" maybe by some but not by everyone. and thats the whole point

-YEAH YOU ARENT BABY ILY

-HOLD UP IS THAT HER FACE?????

-awww :c

chap 7:

-IS IT LIVIO TIME????

-YO WTF, WHO SHOT MY GIRL

-ofc the military would be like this

-i literally cant say whos bleeding

-ah fuck ok

-ugh no...pls dont tell me hes fucking bleeding through his eyes...pls dont (if i see stampede vash bleeding like that i will eat my pc piece by piece)

-chronica :c

-LIVIOOOOOOOOO :0

-OMG YES, YES, IM SO HAPPY. quoting 98 "and i know in my heart he would have done the same"

-MR. VASH, MR. LIVIO AWWW :3

-OH HES SPINNING THOSE FUCKERS :D

-oh well thats not fair, hes too cool

-wait why is knives not wanting to kill vash bad?

chap 8:

-considering the blockers chronica has, entering a fused entity must be scary but also exciting

-ngl i dont get the spikes on the screen thing

-geesus

-WTF YOU DID TO HIM???

-wait no i want to see whats happening with vash- and its livio time

-oh hes alive thank god (this is my 2nd read why am i surprised)

-OH NO ITS THAT MOMENT OH NNONONONO STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME

-i hate seeing his eyes like that if im being honest, its scary

-ESO MAMONAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA GET UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUP

-LIVIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

-OH SHIT its my wife

-OH WAIT MY OTHER WIFE IS HERE TOO

-VASH WHY ARE YOU MAKING THAT FACE

-OH GOD NOT LEGATO AND THE RUSSIAN DOLL

-CAN SHIT STOP HAPPENING FOR A MINUTE

-THERES TOO MANY PEOPLE HERE CAN YALL CALM THE FUCK DOWN

chap 9:

-omg its the legato episode

-what is happening, what am i looking at

-oh oh shit

-RIGHT IN HIS MF EYE

-what is happening?

-ok flashback time

-yeap. its that time. shit

-geesus fucking christ. tbh ofc legato would think knives is right. there was nothing to prove him wrong

-yeap. i would do the same actually. stomp on his head

-oh honey...honey thats gay-

-is that why he has short hair...cuz knives gave him a name AND A HAIR STYLE??

-damn son

-also i may be wrong but where do people get the idea he inserted metal in his own brain to have those powers?/gen

[dearmahiru-archive]

YOUR COMFORT CHARACTERS ARE SO SWEET snow white.. thats so lovely im gonna cry. im forever going to have bluebirds and apples come to mind when i think of you beloved mutual cinnamon

this was around midnight for me and you must understand my sleep-deprived attempts to coherently explain why snow white is the best character ever to exist. because she is. i love her!! (and therefore i went to sleep before answering this because it's what she would've wanted).

snow white gets so much flack for being a "bad role model" but like... she's not! she's absolutely not! i can't believe how much the narrative was rewritten because, at its core, the story of snow white is an abused child who's protected by the love she gives to the world.

snow white, on her way to the forest, hums the love song the prince sang to her as she picks wild flowers. when she expresses kindness to a baby bird that can't fly, the huntsman is filled with so much guilt that he warns her to run away.

snow white, sheltered and fourteen, is running through a large forest terrified of being killed. when she inevitably breaks down crying, she apologizes to the nearby animals for scaring them! after singing a song about learning how to smile, this is what compels them to help her find the dwarves cottage.

snow white finds the cottage in dissaray and is initially taken aback... but then she realized this house could belong to orphaned children without a mother. because she's an orphaned child. it's not out of a gender obligation that snow white cleans the house—she feels awful for the "children" and these are skills learnt from being a scullery maid.

and then the dwarves come home and a bunch of shenanigans occur. when the dwarves meet snow white, she's the sweetest little thing and offers to earn her keep. once again, there's no gender obligation, it's a bargaining chip for letting her stay!

and i could go on such a large ramble about snow white's relationship with the dwarves—the BEST part of the entire movie—but it'd be way too long to note everything. one thing i'll say though, i'm one of the few people who likes snow white's prince but it's the dwarves who saved snow white!

when snow white is poisoned by the evil queen, who scoffed at the idea of true loves kiss, it's the dwarves who refuse to bury her. that's the child they've come to adopt and they spend many seasons creating a glass coffin for her. the coffin is carved with her own name (like the dwarve's bed) and angels which bashful dotingly called her.

and it's this act of love that ultimately allows the prince to wake her up. and say what you will about the kiss (it was a good-bye kiss) but isn't this ending just perfect for snow white? snow white who's saved again and again and again from nearly dying by expressing her love, to be saved from literal death by love itself? cursed by her step mother and saved by her newfound family?

like how cinderella has been acknowledged as an abuse victim story (we love cindy in this house), i hope snow white manages re-emerges in the public eye in a more flattering light. there's so much to her character and film and i wished people would stop reducing her to a six-minute scene at the very end of the movie!

[vampkitty66]

Manga Review: Wolf Girl And Black Prince

MAY CONTAIN SPOILERS!!!

These are my opinions

Wolf Girl And Black Prince is a manga series with 16 volumes and even ended up getting its own anime. It is labeled as a shojo romance and has become one of those "classic shojo must reads" and thats exactly why I read it.

The actual plot is nothing special, it follows Erika (the wolf girl) and Kyouya (the black prince) and they strike up an interesting deal with one another. It all started with Erika lying to her friends about having a boyfriend, when in actuality, she didn't. They ask to see a photo of him one day and thats when they start to doubt her, so in order for her to keep her lie, she snaps a photo of a random guy which happens to be Kyouya. Turns out Kyouya and Erika attend the same school and she eventually asks him to be her fake boyfriend. Kyouya agrees but has one condition, that Erika be his "wolf girl" pretty much saying he wants her as his pet dog.

I really wanted to like this, and at a few points I did. Kyouya is the shittiest red flag I've seen in a shojo so far. I like some red flags but this was one I could not get behind. Due to this, i thought his development would be great, I've even been told that his development is good and he gets less icky. Ive been lied to, there was a point in the story where I actually thought he was almost redeeming himself, but then he went back to being a shitty manipulator/gaslighter again. Erika literally put up with emotional abuse and it made me frustrated. Whenever he was a huge dick she'd forgive him and run straight in his arms EVERY SINGLE TIME. There are so many scenes I could bring up that made me infuriated, like when they went on a date and Erika wanted to look at the cherry blossoms. Kyouya was being such an ass to her, it always seemed like he would never put in much of an effort to do want she wanted to do. Also when Erika worked at the cafe to help out Takeru and Kyouya got so mad but then proceeded to work there and do the exact same thing she was doing.... 😐FUCKING HYPOCRITE

The thing that irked me the most though, was when she had decided what she wanted to do after they graduate. The plan was to attend school near Kyouya, if im not mistaken, but that was until she found something she was passionate about, a future career. Kyouya being Kyouya made her feel guilty and awful for wanting to leave, saying things like he was going to break up with her if she did, forcing her to stay. It had to take Erikas friend to slap some sense into Kyouya and tell him he's a piece of shit for saying that to Erika, for him to actually go and apologize and tell her to go follow her dreams.

I still enjoyed reading some parts, but imo this is just too problematic for me to enjoy fully. I just can't stand Kyouya most of the time. I will definitely not be watching the anime either. I'm not sure if i'd ever suggest this to someone, I mean unless they like really toxic stories 🤷‍♀️

It just blows my mind that people actually like him or fan girl over him (no offensive if you're one of those people, you like who you like i guess) but I don't think its okay for any man to treat a women so poorly like that. I know this is fiction, but I know when I was younger, i would look at men like this and truly believe that i needed a man like that or thats how relationships are. I think reading this as adult is fine because we know better. I much prefer healthy relationships though and will most likely stick to that after reading this.

Final rating 6/10

[brevemasinfinita]

five months since we last saw each other, two months since he broke up with me.

five/two months older, i must admit just because you're clean don't mean you don't miss it. five/two months older i won't give in. now that im clean ill never gonna risk it. the drown was the very worst, when the flowers that we grew together died of thirst. it was months and months of back and forth.

well. he ruined me. he completely shattered me. he made me suffer so fucking much. he made me cry and beg on my knees for him to stay and i got nothing in return. with all the weapons he fights with, the silence is the most violent. tell me how to feel about you know? lemme know. do i suffocate or let go?

ok, enough with the song lyrics. but tbh that's the way i know how to communicate. fuck.

i started smoking very very frequently, i started to starve a little, not feel hunger or joy, never smile. faking smiles at parties and events, pretending im ok. i might be ok but im not fine at all.

all the hell that he put me through made me into another person. a silent person. a fearful person. a person that doesn't want to reach out anymore cause wont get nothing back probably. a person very scared of falling in love again. a person that thinks that that love was a lie, that love is a lie. a person that was reborn and has a crush now but its too afraid to speak it, to show emotions/feelings. a person that can't show who they are because of fear.

and funny thing is, after some weeks, i couldn't recognize him anymore, whether it be on pictures or tweets or anything else. i just thought he was boring, so very boring. i thought god but he was funnier and cooler when he was with me. now i see him online and simply think i would never ever like liiike that person, or just like even. he's boring, tacky, awful, annoying... i don't love nor hate him anymore. im very indifferent, except fkr the times i wish he feels miserable and unhappy and choke on food and make a scene, a pathetic scene. but mostly im indifferent.

anyways i dont feel safe or comfortable to say things like these on twitter cause he might see it. i deleted tweets talking about the date i had and how afraid i am because of him. i only feel safe to express myself here, on tumblr.

im just so very tired of being the only one making an effort in every single fucking relationship i have. am i not worth it? am i boring? today i texted some friends asking to hang and i immediately regretted it and though they was just being polite but didn't want to talk to me or go out with me. thanks, people from my past. seriously, thank you so much. i guess you thought i didnt have traumas enough.

i could say all your names, i could ask people to hate you. but honestly i dont care and im tired. get fucked by yourselves

i just wanted to vent.

ps yeah he wasnt the only boy to break my heart last year. some friends did it too. im talking about you, drew. but also many other people.

[gorgojijijijito]

im gonma make bride of discord relevant againt i sweer

anybody else remember bride of discord (and daughter of discord) by that disneyfanaticbunchofnumbers on youtube? yeah i freaking loved it as a kid. still do now honestly, it was honestly one of the cornerstones of my childhood and it's my favorite thing to listen to while i work. i call it my soap opera.

that being said 90% of the morals are AWFUL holy shit. i still appreciate it because it's heartwarming as a passion project and comparably more mature piece of fanwork considering the my little pony fandom at the time; but the toxicity between discord and fluttershy? the homophobic undertones in the sequel?? the treatment of rarity as a character??? THE APPLESPIKE??????

that shit has GOT to GO. so im writing a fix-it-fic for my own self indulgence lmao. i'll be posting my progress and some tidbits here, but i'm not even halfway done with transcripting the episodes and planning out my changes, so it'll be a long while before the final drafts are ready to post. when they are, they'll be posted on archive of our own, but until then, everyone and anyone is more than welcome to offer changes that they would like made, or factors of the story they'd like to be kept. theres no guarantees that they'll be included, but it's still so fun talking about this thing with other people, and it's always good to engage with others in this phase of the process. below is a list of major to minor notes i've already got in mind.

I want to keep the serious tone of the story. By far I think the thing that kept me attached to this series for so long is how the mood differs from so much of the fandom back then. the stakes in the beginning were legitimately high, the conflict took itself seriously, and the production quality was through the roof. this is the audiodrama's hallmark, it's iconic and must be kept in mind when contemplating changes.

Many smaller changes must be made to the Fluttercord plot in order to make it healthier and more natural: the infantilization of fluttershy, discord's overbearingness and harrassment, literally nearly all of episode 9. red flags. i think the biggest issue is that the character arcs are based more on shipping and tropes than the actual characters. there's nothing wrong with this in moderation, but in this case, the relationship is unbearably toxic. the arcs in the rewrite will be a lot more character-focused.

Instead of applejack and spike being the secondary romance, i'm going to make it applejack and rarity. yes i do ship rarijack, but this decision was primarily made in order to get two birds with one stone with applejack and rarity's depictions in the series and its sequel. free my girl rarity and leave my boy spike alone :(

Take pinkie pie more seriously as a character. this isn't just a problem with BOD but also the actual show FIM. she just gets annoying sometimes and her lack of depth really irked me in BOD.

GET RAINBOW DASH AWAYYYY FROM SOREN GET THAT OUT OF HERE

i feel like fluttershy's "tragic" backstory explaining her hesitance as being adored is kinda underwhelming. so is her insecurity, her insecurity not expanding beyond the "doesn't know she's beautiful" trope just rubs me the wrong way, she deserves more depth than that.

discord. discord. the relationship is so one-sided to discord that i think i can only name 2 things he legitimately done for fluttershy's happiness (both of which he lowkey ruined not a day later. most of their "bonding" scenes are just him trying to distract her from her tragic reality and her desires by doing stuff he wants to do, which btw is a manipulation tactic so GET THAT OUT OF HERE)

theres quite a few weird undertones and stereotypes. the pedo and "nice girl" stuff with applespike is the most obvious one, but theres also some lowkey misogynistic quips thrown in there and, although this might not have been an issue at the time, zecora does fit the "wise black woman" trope that's been pointed out many times in recent media, so i do need to adjust how she's portrayed.

another problem that FIM also commits, but rainbow dash just feels so mischaracterized as an element of loyalty at some points. i want to make her loyalty more prominent, to the point of putting her career on the line because she couldn't abandon fluttershy or her friends when they were breaking down. that would be real sweet.

i dont know if im also going to rewrite daughter of discord, i might consider it after im finished with this one, though. also i promise i write way better than i do here when i try lol

[demadogs]

2 things:

Argyle will be COMPLETELY stoned the entire season and he'll just think he's on the craziest *trip* that he's ever been on.

Now, can I ask do you like Mileven together or do you ship Byler? Or do you stay out of shipping? Or you don't care who's with who, as long as everyone is happy?

I think Will has a major crush on Mike. Mike loves Will. Like he truly loves Will but just in the general type of love, a platonic type of love. If Mike finds out that Will likes him as more than a friend, I think Mike will handle the situation well. He will try to let Will down easy and then be a supportive best friend, no shaming.

first of all the concept of argyle thinking he’s tripping the entire time is so fucking funny i love that so much.

second, yes i do ship byler and i genuinely do believe it’ll happen. at first after season two i just thought “aw theyd be cute together” but then season three came out and i saw how unhealthy mileven was and all the evidence people shared on here that leaned towards byler and i was like “oh shit theyre actually doing this”. i thought mileven was really cute in season one and when they reunited in season two but then when we saw them as an actual couple they were really rough. i do want every character to be happy but i dont think mileven is right now.

im gonna share the biggest things or evidence that totally convinced me byler is the direction the duffers are heading. this might be long. not trying to be like “YOU MUST SHIP BYLER AND HERES WHY” but you seem nice and open to either so id like to show you what sold me on byler and im curious to hear your opinions on it after you read this. there’s plenty of things that show wills feelings so i’ll focus on mike since you already believe will loves mike.

1. the break up scene vs the rain fight scene

this is the biggest one for me by far. i study film and every color pallet in scenes, every song they choose, even the weather is very much intentional!! the mileven break up is super saturated, in broad daylight, and has a very humorous tone. they couldve easily made this a heartbreaking scene but they chose not to. also theyre not alone its not a moment between just the two of them.

the rain fight on the other hand is the complete opposite. it’s very blue, theres harsh shadows, its pouring rain, and the mood is much more emotional and hurt and they’re alone.

looking at these stills next to each other even if you didnt have the context at all you would be able to tell which interaction is more emotional and means more to the characters.

also look at the difference in mikes face after el and will’s last word. for el he just looks annoyed and for will he looks so hurt.

last point on these two. look at the difference between el and wills reactions to these interactions. i know you said you do believe will loves mike but look at el’s reaction. she doesn’t love him as much as she thinks she does either. why would she be laughing and highfiving?

2. the way the last mileven kiss is framed!!!!

again with the film shit, THIS IS INTENTIONAL. look how mike is not only in a closet, but the door to the closet is perfectly dividing their kiss. this to me convinced me that mikes gay not bi or anything else. some people think he’s bi but they wouldnt have the closet perfectly divide them if he was bi bc that wouldnt be the reason for them breaking up. they could have angled this kiss so many ways if the door wasnt directly in the middle of them i mightve thought it was a coincidence but it is. also not to mention his eyes are wide open, he didnt kiss her back, and he couldnt say he loves her to her face. 

3. this tweet

i dont blame people who dont read into social media posts about byler. i normally dont but like come on why did they tweet this lmao there’s no other meaning to this than implying hes afraid of the idea of liking girls sexually.

those are the biggest things for me personally. theres lots of other shit with wills feelings but i just focused on mike. sorry that was kinda long but id love to hear what you think after this!

[jeonfiles]

once more to see you | kth 01

pairing: taehyung x reader ft. seokjin

genre: angst, fluff, unrequited love

synopsis: taehyung is the complete opposite of you, and you're so in love with him. he's not interested in you at all, but he's willing to pretend so he won't be known for breaking the sweetest girl in school's heart. he knows you'll end up hurt either way.

warnings: taehyung is an idiot, a lot of pining, y/n is annoyingly dependent on validation, y/n does a lot of silent prayers, y/n is a track star, childhood bsf seokjin (cute), mentions of deceased family member

music for this chap: she had the world , carry me out

a/n: taehyung will disappoint u in the beginning but hes cute i promise

"I get why you like him Y/N," Sohee swallowed the rest of her sandwich before finishing her sentence, "He's so hot. People say he's interested in you too, y'know?"

Sohee visibly tried to get food out from the back of her mouth using her tongue, and it made you chuckle at the sight. "I don't think he does." You sighed, resting your chin in your palm.

You were both situated at the table in the inner corner of the cafeteria, with a full view of who walks in the door, and sometimes you swore you could see Sohee drool when attractive guys walked in that exact door.

"Hello, of course, he does! Even his friend Jimin told Kang Seulgi from Class 1, who told Go Euntaek in class 3, who eventually told his girlfriend Baek Ho-rang who ran to me to tell me the great news." Sohee gasped for air after rambling, and you rolled your eyes,

"Stories change when that many links contribute." You scoffed, sitting back in your chair and reaching for your juice box on the table, taking a huge slurp, which you knew would annoy Sohee.

"You don't believe me? Guess we gotta ask a link closer to the source then." Sohee stood up from her chair, and you looked at her with a raised eyebrow.

"Park Jimin, get your ass over here will ya?" She nearly shouted across the cafeteria, and now all looks were pointed at you two, and you felt the urge to just slip down the cracks of the floor tiles and hide there forever grow stronger for each nanosecond.

You sunk further down on your tacky, orange chair, but you could still see Jimin's black locks sway a little over the crowd as he walked over to the table you were sitting at.

"What's up sugar?" Jimin smirked at Sohee, and Sohee didn't even budge, and you had no idea how she did it. He was stupidly attractive and could make any girl drop her pants with a comment like that.

"Jimin my dearest, a little birdie told me that Taehyung likes my sweet Y/N, could you confirm?" She batted her long lashes and smiled prettily at Jimin.

He looked to the left, sucked his teeth, and said, "I can't, I'm sorry." You realized you had grown a little too hopeful, and your heart sunk quite a bit when he spoke.

"Does he think I'm pretty at least?" You spoke up, eyes shining when you looked up towards the standing Jimin, the harsh lights in the cafeteria reflecting in them.

"He hasn't mentioned you much, to be quite honest." He shrugged, walking back to his table, where Taehyung and the rest of his friends sat.

Your heart thumped when he met your eyes, and you looked away in panic. The rest of lunch was just Sohee apologizing and you avoiding eye contact with any of the students at the nearby tables.

Jimin mentioned you and Sohee's name several times, he was a loud speaker, and you were so scared of what he was saying you could probably die right then and there.

Saved by the bell, you picked up your stuff and got ready to start running to your classroom, praying you wouldn't meet any of Taehyung's friends, and especially not Taehyung as you ran Usain Bolt style.

You looked down while running, not thinking twice about leaving your best friend behind, you suddenly fell to the ground with a thud. This was surely not one of your glory days.

When you looked up, you wanted to cry. It was none other than Kim Taehyung, and he didn't look pleased. You gathered your things and muttered "Sorry." under your breath probably about 10 times, and he just watched, disappointingly.

"You're a klutz. Why were you running?" He spoke, and your knees turned into jelly when you tried to stand up, you nearly fell and dropped all your stuff again, but he caught you by the arm, straightening you up like it was nothing.

"Uh... Uhm... Err..." you mumbled, and he rolled his eyes, and not in a joking manner. "Fuck that, why are you going around telling people I like you?"

Your breath hitched, and he stared at you coldly. "I didn't! Gosh, my friend Sohee told me someone had told her that you liked me, and- uh... We asked Jimin, and-" He put his hand over your mouth, making you shut up.

"I don't want you two to go around making up baseless rumors about me, it's incredibly annoying for me to go around correcting people who assume shit just because your little friend speaks louder than a bunch of hyenas at a tea party." Taehyung nearly spat, and you took a step back.

You noticed that people were listening in, their stares burning holes in your back. He was livid, and you didn't understand why, you just smiled, praying to god that this would end soon.

"I just thought you liked me-" You began, and he interrupted you, "You thought I was gonna like someone like you? Get over yourself and enter the real world."

The hallway went silent, your lips trembled as hot tears raced down your face, and like the track star you were, you fled the scene and passed the finish line into the bathrooms.

You stayed till the school day ended, not knowing what was unraveling outside the four walls of the stall.

Sohee 💜: 01:12 pm

Y/N, where are you? i heard what happened :( i hate taehyung im gonna chop his sausage off

Sohee 💜: 01:38 pm

taehyung is fighting w doyoung because doyoung decided to defend you this is hilarious

but fr where are you

Sohee 💜: 01:57 pm

doyoung gave taehyung a black eye damn

doyo is on the verge of tears when taehyung said you liked him and not doyo

taehyung cant not have feelings for you like there must be smth deeper going on

Sohee 💜: 03:39 pm

class just ended i'll wait out back

Sohee always knew when to leave you alone, so she did, partially. You usually shut off your phone when you're upset, but she still sends you texts to update you whenever you turn it back on.

This time, it was quite dramatic, and you rushed out of the icky stall and ran (again) to reach Sohee to get the full story, and as you expected, it was interesting.

"Basically, Doyoung punched Taehyung and Taehyung was a little too OP, so he failed to initiate a fight, so it just turned into Taehyung being an ass to Doyoung for defending you." She shrugged, adjusting the straps of her leather backpack as you walked home.

"Taehyung's rep is so tainted right now, I don't know how he's gonna fix this my dear Y/N, so I guess he got his karma. He's an idiot and I'm glad other people are starting to see."

You nodded yes, pushing out a fake chuckle, while silently you prayed that everything would soon be back to normal and that Taehyung would forgive you for the mess you caused.

Being in love with Taehyung for a year had taken a toll on you, and your best friend since freshman year had noticed too. You were different.

You used to be so independent and optimistic, but now you would strive for validation, and you had turned into one of the most insecure people Sohee had ever met.

Sohee tried to pull you away from him, but to her demise, it only got worse when you tried to meet other guys. She figured that the only way for you to disconnect from him was if you had your go with him, or if he treated you like a complete idiot.

You waved goodbye to Sohee as you entered your house, kicking off your shoes and throwing yourself down on the couch. You wanted to scream, but you saw your brother's and another guy's shoes in your hallway, so you kept it inside.

After having watched an episode of Seinfeld, you could hear the floorboards creak, and your gaze found its way to the hallway, where your brother, Yoongi stood, peeking out from his door.

"Ah, Y/N, you're the one who's home?" He smiled brightly, eyes turning into small crescents, which made you awe at the sight.

"Yuppers." You said and sat back again, pressing play to start the next episode. "Who's your guest?" And as you uttered your last word, another head peeked out from the door, and you couldn't help but feel the happiness brew inside you.

It was Kim Seokjin in all his glory, and this time, he looked even hotter. It had been about two years since you last saw him because he moved to Germany to study medicine.

Seokjin had been your neighbor since you were born, and you pretty much grew up with two older brothers who always took care of you.

No one dared to mess with you, because Seokjin and Yoongi always got to them first. That way, you grew up without a care in the world, protected from all evil.

You had no idea when you fell in love with him. It was somewhere during puberty, where your interest in Brad Pitt and Kim Soohyun from Dream High had grown stronger.

You remember Seokjin was scouted for modeling, acting, and even idol groups all through your childhood. He did a few ads, photoshoots, a popular teenage drama called Double Trouble, and even managed to get his own Wikipedia page.

There was no doubt that Seokjin was an attractive man, and in the two years he had been gone, his face fat was completely gone, and he had defined cheekbones, a slimmer and tighter figure, and you thought he couldn't be any more perfect.

"None other than God himself," Seokjin said smugly, opening his arms to greet you with a hug, and you threw your blanket you were covered into the side as you bolted into Seokjin's arms, legs wrapped around his waist.

He slowly put you down so your feet touched the parquet, and you felt a kind of euphoria as he smiled at you again, the same smile he had flashed you as long as you could remember.

Everything about Seokjin had matured and changed, but his smile remained the same. "What are you doing back?" You sniffled, holding back the happy tears that were forming in your eyes.

"Hey, don't get me wrong, I love Germany, but it's a little bland. I miss ahjumnas complimenting me on the subway and the bomb ass food here in SK." Seokjin grinned as he wiped a tear that fell down your face.

Yoongi was leaning against the door frame, smiling at the grand reunion. You knew he liked seeing you two together, and you had a small suspicion about him shipping you guys.

"Please don't ever leave again." You gripped onto his shirt, digging your face down in his chest, and he said, "I swear to god if you're wearing makeup right now-"

You laughed as you pushed him away, placing your hands below your chin and batting your eyelashes dramatically, "I'm all-natural."

"Naturally pretty." Seokjin leaned forward and whispered in your ear, and your heart did a little somersault.

Seokjin's always been a charmer.

You woke up in your room, pink sheets draped over your half-naked body as tons of messages poured in on your phone, vibrating so much it nearly fell off the edge of your nightstand.

You grab it while rubbing your eyes, and you're shocked to see the messages that had exploded on your lock screen.

Unknown: 08:39 am

Hey, it's Kim Taehyung.

Look, I'm sorry for the shit I said to you and I would love to make it up to you in some kind of way.

Maybe I could take you out?

I get it if you don't want to, but I heard you were interested in me so...

What kinda food do you like? Activities, hobbies?

I really wanna make this right :)

You: 08:43 am

oh hey! I'd love to, you kinda owe me one. if it's your treat, I suppose we could get some sushi and boba...

btw I don't like u like that

Contact made, saved as "taehyung <3" at 08:44 am

taehyung <3: 08:47 am

Okay. Meet me at Nori Table at 6 pm. Don't make me wait.

Your heart was palpitating, and when you pressed your phone up to your chest, you could feel your body heat up from your scalp to your toes.

Maybe Kim Taehyung had no interest in you right now, but he sure would after tonight. You were gonna make him love you, soon enough,

Running to the shower a few hours of Seinfeld later, you scrubbed with all your might with your newest strawberry scrub, did your makeup, curled your hair, and sat down on the couch, outfit draped over the armrest of the chair.

It was an hour till you were leaving, so for the time being you sat with hair rollers in your hair, dressed in pink sweats. Seokjin and Yoongi had been awake all night, you had heard them laugh and play Mario Cart all night, it reminded you of old times.

Old times where you went to bed crying because Yoongi and Seokjin's bedtime was later than yours at sleepovers. Thinking back, your parents made a pretty rational decision, but you resented them for it.

When Seokjin left for school in Germany, during your Sophomore year you cried again. You thought it was so unfair that you had to be two years younger, why couldn't you come with him?

You were painfully in love with him, and you had been probably since you were. A few months after he moved, your feelings faded. You were love-free, only to fall stupidly in love again with Taehyung just a year later.

You were forced to snap out of your train of thought because you heard the floorboards creak again. When you looked over at the dark hallway, you saw a tired, yet familiar face smile at you.

Seokjin looked quite disoriented, hair ruffled and eyes puffy, yet he looked like a Greek god. Sculpted to perfection, he smiled at you like he did yesterday and all the times before.

"Morning." He grunted out, his morning voice prominent. You chuckled when you looked at the time, feeling kind of bad for Seokjin who had slept away the majority of his day, which you knew he didn't like.

"It's 5 pm, cutie. Mom said you guys could order takeout, cause she's working late." You stood up, and Seokjin gave you a good look up and down, and then diverted his gaze to the lavender ruffle skirt and white long-sleeve blouse you had neatly hung over the armchair.

"What's the occasion?" He nodded over at the clothes and then your hair rollers and full-face makeup-covered face. He threw a few walnuts from the little bowl on the coffee table into his mouth.

"It's none of your business, but I have a date tonight," you said smugly, and a walnut flew out of Seokjin's mouth in shock.

"A date? Like a real one?" He frantically asked, and you nodded as you walked away with your outfit in hand.

You came back out minutes later, and Seokjin had to hold his mouth shut so it wouldn't drop to the floor. You had matured so well, a white blouse adorning your waist, and the lavender skirt hugged your curves nicely.

You had decorated your neck and ears with golden jewelry, and you had a pair of Air forces dangling from your left hand. You were beautiful, hair let free from the hair rollers, curls swaying as you did a twirl.

"It's alright, I guess." He pretended not to care, and your proud grin morphed into a frown pretty quickly, and he noticed.

He stood up and walked towards you, standing very close. His tall figure was hovering over you. Seokjin leaned forward towards your ear, not whispering this time,

"You're gorgeous." He pushed your curls behind your shoulder, adjusting your golden necklace as he returned to Yoongi's bedroom.

You were screwed.

The time on your phone showed 6:06 pm. You recall him saying ‘don’t be late’. What a hypocrite. It had started to pour down, so you were squeezed up against the brick wall of the restaurant so the ledge above you would shield you from the rain.

You were shaking from the cold, legs exposed because of your skirt. Sighing deeply, you reached down into your purse to text Taehyung, but when you looked up, you saw him running over to you.

He was holding a bouquet of pink delphinium and peonies. You’d always been interested in flowers, and this small gesture made you all fuzzy inside.

“I apologize for my late arrival m’lady. The flower shop was about to close down for the day, and I had to beg the cashier to let me in, promising to buy a huge bouquet if she did.” He smiled as he stood in front of you.

“No worries sir, I haven’t been waiting for long.” You chuckled, as you accepted the bouquet. His eyes scanned every inch of your body, and he said, “You’re shivering. Let’s go inside.”

This was a side of Taehyung you had barely seen before, caring and warm. This was also the side of him that initially made you fall for him.

The memories of him reading stories for children at the hospital was heartwarming. Whenever you went to visit your brother, who has now passed, you would see him read stories for all the unlucky kids.

Your brother, who was only 7 years old talked about Taehyung like a superhero, and it seemed as if Taehyung’s stories were the highlight of his days at the hospital.

Daejung wasn’t a kid you would pity. In his last months in the hospital he never once cried. You believed that Taehyung was a big part of the reason.

That’s why you fell in love with him. He hadn’t been a superhero in the form of saving lives, but he definitely made a whole lot of sick kids happier.

How could you ever repay him?

Taehyung rested a hand on your shoulder and lead you inside the door, and there stood a beautiful tall woman, black hair to her waist, almond-shaped eyes, and full lips.

She was beautiful. You looked up to see Taehyung’s reaction, and he wasn’t looking at her, he was looking at you. His eyes met yours, and you could’ve sword the whole world stopped.

“Excuse me?” An unfamiliar voice spoke up, and it kicked you right back into reality. It was the pretty woman speaking, an even prettier voice to match her.

“Do you have a reservation?” She questioned, smiling so genuinely from ear to ear. “Yes. It’s on Kim.” Taehyung spoke so confidently.

“Ah, for two. I’ll be your server tonight.” She waved for you to follow her, and before she turned around, you saw her name tag.

Bae Eunmi. A pretty name for a pretty person. Of course, she had to be pretty. Your confidence sunk even lower, and your insecurities grew.

“I’m not interested in her, by the way. I’ve talked to her before. She’s all beauty and no brains. Not for me.” Taehyung whispered into your ear, possibly to reassure you.

You sat down at the table and ordered a huge plate of different types of sushi, maki, nigiri, uramaki, and even sashimi.

This restaurant was fancy, nearly too fancy for your liking. It was huge and flashy, and it made you doubt your outfit choice completely.

The restaurant fell silent since there weren’t many guests here this early. The silence wasn’t awkward between you guys. It was just, too silent, and you decided to break it.

“Do you still write stories?” Taehyung’s face froze. How did you know about the stories he wrote? Had you been stalking him? Was this when everyone would find out how weak he truly is?

“How did you find out... About them?” He asked hesitantly, fidgeting with a small woven basket with bread placed on your table.

“When sun and moon met, moon felt bad. When the moon was alone at night, he cried, because he wanted to shine just like the sun.” You quote his story word by word, it was your favorite paragraph.

He looked at you with a confused look and his eyes told you that he wondered why you knew the story so well.

Before he could speak up, you said, “My brother's name was Daejung. He looked up to you and constantly told me about how he wanted to be like you when he grew up.” You placed your hands on top of his over the table.

Taehyung was speechless. He sat there, body completely frozen as he processed what you just said. The little boy he had mourned for many months was the same flesh and blood as you.

“Daejung told me how he wanted me to marry you because he thought no one else deserved me.” Letting go of his hands, he continued sitting completely still.

First, he felt disappointed in himself. Disappointed of the way he had treated you, how sad Daejung would be if he knew.

Second, he could see him in your traits. Your button nose matched his completely, and your eyes sparkled just the way his eyes did.

Third, he realized he had to take care of you. Fall in love with you, for Daejung. Taehyung had promised the little boy to take care of his friends and family when he has at his worst.

His expression completely changed. It softened, and his eyes looked at you like you were godsent. He believed you were too. It was fate.

join the “once more to see you” taglist

a/n: u guys know the angst isn't over lol u guys r never gonna see the light at the end of the tunnel ! this chapter was originally a bit longer but i have to test the waters and seeing how u guys like it !! pls reblog <3

[gildedgaze]

Just want to say, thank you for your blog and fanfics....Love reading them....

If you don't mind, can I ask something from Captive Prince? What do you think are Laurent and Damen's greatest personality strengths and weaknesses? Why? What do you love about their dynamic? Sorry if you've answered these questions before.....Thanks......

Aw this is so sweet😍 Thank you so so much for reading my work! 🥰🥰🥰

Ou, I have not yet answered these fantastic questions!

Hmmm,

I think my favourite thing about Damen is his fierce loyalty and conviction when it comes to what he considers wrong and right. I think the latter is both a weakness and strength.

His loyalty extends in so many instances; like when he chose to fight at Charcy and meet up with Laurent at the end of Prince's Gambit, beginning of King' Rising. He had every liberty to leave, but didn't. The way he professed Laurent's innocence before his trial in Ios. Such a loyal, loving man, i melt. We must recall, 'I think if I gave you my heart, you would treat it tenderly' 😭🥺😩💛 SIR. I WISH A MAN IRL WOULD. 

In terms of seeing situations in a sort or black and white, right/wrong, the very reason Jokaste felt the need to send him to Vere (and may i add ✨SAVE HIM✨ from Kastor) was that he refused to believe his brother was capable of such evil (Patricide), even when Nikandros insisted his brother had it out for him, and believed the throne was rightfully his. Damianos' loyalty and blinded innocence and rejection of blurred lines are my fave character traits.

What I love most about Laurent is his reputation of being frigid/cast-iron bitch, and his intelligence. Such a stellar combination if you ask me 😂✨ Of course we know his demeanour is a coping mechanism as a result of his abusive childhood, but God, do i love smooth-talkers and people who are one step ahead, most esp in the context of political intrigue. 'It was like watching a man smile as he surrendered himself to drown in deep water' IM SORRY CAN U JUST ENVISION HOW CHARMING LAURENT CAN TRULY BE IN THE CONTEXT OF COURT. 

Laurent being bookish was something alluded to in book one, and I love expanding on that facet of him within my fics! I'm an avid reader and any character who loves reading, i usually love too!! 📚💛

Ugh and their dynamic, where to start??? I think their biggest appeal as a pairing is the way that they're such opposites, and as they say, opposites attract. Pacat has taken the concept of 'enemies to lovers' and turned it on its head!! If you really think about it, it is crazily illicit to find yourself in love with the person who murdered such an integral figure in your life, a brother. That illicitness makes their dynamic so delicious and appealing, it’s like, their history is so messy but that’s what makes it also beautiful...

Also, there's another wonderful post floating around here on Tumblr which addresses the way that Damen can have sex with many people and not get emotionally invested, while Laurent, of course, is the opposite. When I first read the series, I found that there was something about reading their sex scenes which feel almost uncomfortably intimate, like I was watching in one something I shouldn't, because of Laurent's pure vulnerability.

GOD I LOVE THEM SO MUCH! 😭😭

Thanks for asking me this, my lovely!

(My inbox is always open to chat about capri xx)

[panlight]

Oh my god that's so ingenious of you to point out! Jacob really doesn't have any agency in this scenario, but I noticed that while he gave renesmee a clap because that's the reaction she wanted, he was still scared/horrified on the inside. So do you think he'd be internally horrified with killing humans but externally unable to verbalize that if renesmee didn't want him to? That would be difficult for blissful parents edward or bella to admit, i feel, bc they don't want to face that their daughter is unnatural/ anything but perfect, but jasper might be able to sense it. It would probably horrify his family if they knew, although im not sure if they'd take thinking he's okay with murder better. He might get support if they know, trying to find loopholes to imprinting and stuff.

It sounds like his 'true' reactions are still there, but just are suppressed if they conflict with what Nessie needs or wants from him. Which might actually be worse?! That on some level he is still himself and knows how messed up this is? But he can't do anything about it because the imprinting urge is stronger. It's all so awful. I really just don't understand how SM thought this was a happy ending for Jacob.

That scene where he imprints and describes everything that made him who he was, all his connections to the people in his life, being cut like the strings of balloons and then being bound by a steal cable to Renesmee was just . . . absolutely horrifying to me?! I think it was supposed to be like "WOW the STRENGTH of his devotion to her!" but it just read that like "everything that made Jacob, Jacob is GONE." It's implying that romantic love, even romantic love that won't come to fruition for many years in the future and has A WHOLE LOT of disturbing elements, is greater than anything else. Jacob's happy because he has this future with Renesmee and nothing else matters. There's nothing else he would want or need.

Thanks, I hate it!

If Renesmee did go rogue and start eating people, I'm sure Edward would blame himself. He was the one who damned her with vampire genes, Bella only contributed good and pure human DNA. He must have failed as a father, too, this is all his fault somehow. Bella. . . I don't know?? She's generally really chill with vampire stuff. Even if she herself is a vegetarian, would she be that upset? "I mean I don't approve, Edward, you know that, but I kind of understand? Renesmee has never been human." It's like how Bella was asking Edward and Carlisle why they bothered being vegetarians even when she was human.

Another thing is that since Renesmee is not venomous, she could, if she had the control for it, bite people and not drain them. She could have a little human blood, as a treat, and leave the person alive. Maybe she could use her gift to gaslight them into thinking something else happened, showing them 'memories' of how they got those wounds or whatever. So she doesn't necessarily have to be killing or turning people like a true vampire or a male hybrid (presumably, we only know of one and he is venomous; his sisters are not, but with such a small sample size it's hard to say for sure).

I could see Bella rationalizing that. "It's not like she's really hurting anyone and she's covering her tracks so the secret is safe." But Edward would still be in a shame spiral, having doomed his perfect daughter to this monstrous thirst, woe.

[bigbrainblue]

19th birthday

It was late.

you don’t know how late, but late enough that you hadn’t heard a car pass in well over 20 minutes, the only light around was from the distance street lamps and the reflection of the moon on the ocean that stood before you. the only sound coming from the crickets in the hills, occasional wave crashing, and your own shallow breath. 

currently you were sat on a beach. alone.

it was your birthday, you had come to the beach from your birthday party. a party to celebrate the day you were born 19 years ago. 

the party was fine, but there sure as hell were a lot of people, way more than you would have liked

you knew people there, sure, but a good portion of the party was people you've never even heard of, just coming for a party and the booze. 

you had arrived with your friends, a lot of them actually, you had just managed to lose them all one by one slowly as the night grew longer and as your vison started to blur.

the people you came with were your friends, Niki, will, toby, tom, clay, George, nick, and Alex. 

you were having fun, drinking, walking around, socializing. but soon it became too much.

the drinking had made you obsess over every thought that came into your head.

you decided to take a break, have some fresh air, and now here you are. on a beach. alone. at night.

one of the thoughts your brain wouldn’t let go was about Alex, the boy you’ve known since junior year of Highschool. you two met when you decided to do a foreign exchange year in Mexico. it just so happened to be that the parents that decided to host you for a school year also were the parents of a teenage boy the same age as you, with straight black hair that stuck to the back of his neck and with freckles scattered around his face. over the next 9 months you guys became best friends, never leaving each others sides.

you didn't know it then, but you had fallen in love with this boy, this amazing beautiful smart caring boy. 

but eventually you had to go home, but you guys never stopped talking.

Alex eventually started posting videos on YouTube, and not long after, streaming on twitch as well.

you watched him gain fame as you supported him at the sidelines, cheering him along the way.

at some point he convinced you to do it too. you spent long nights on calls with him, helping you set up your streams and giving you ideas for new YouTube videos. 

with the help of Alex, you started to gain fame too, even passing him at one point.

through streaming and YouTube, you made so many friends, and yet none of them compared to Alex. 

speaking of Alex, you wondered what he was doing, probably having the time of his life, drinking an hooking up with girls a bajillion times hotter than you

*A/N HI OK IM SORRY IF THAT PART SOUNDED MEAN I PROMISE IT ADDS TO THE STORY OK BYE*

you laughed quietly at yourself thinking about how stupid it was to think that you could pull a guy like Alex.

just then you heard it.

a familiar voice from behind you, “what’s so funny?”

you looked back startled and confused

‘Alex? what are you doing out here?”

“well y/n I could ask the same thing to you, its your party, i noticed you were gone, so I went looking for you. as simple as that”

“i got overwhelmed in there, I'm sorry. i just needed some fresh air”

“ its ok, don't apologize for something you cant control. can I sit?”

“nope” you said sarcastically, hoping he would get the joke

“too bad!” he said, plopping himself right next to you in the sand

you giggled at his humor

neither of you said anything, it wasn't awkward silence, you two had known each other long enough that sometimes, it was nice to just enjoy the company of the other person beside you in silence. 

and yet, suddenly Alex said something.

“have you been crying? there's dried tear streaks along the sides of your face”

you turned your head towards his and whipped the sides of you face, seeing that he was already looking at you, studying you and your facial expression. 

“i guess. if I did, I didn't notice.”

“how did you not notice yourself crying? that sounds like something very noticeable” he said, putting an emphasis on the very,

you laughed, probably harder than you should have.

he smiled, happy to see you happy

“do you wanna talk about it? why you were crying?”

“no, well, not here at least-” you said gesturing your hands at the ocean 

“plus, there's sand getting in my ass” you added on to your previous sentence

Alex laughed and agreed, standing up and brushing off hi pants, and then handing out a hand for you to grab as he pulled you up.

you also brushed yourself off, and you weren't lying, cause man was there a lot of sand in your ass.

he started walking away from you and as you caught up with him you asked,

“where are we going?”

“you’ll see, its a great place, I promise you will love it” 

you followed Alex to his car as he opened the passenger side door for you.

“how romantic” you commented as you climbed into his car. poking fun at him

as he got into the car he plugged his phone into the aux cord, playing a song you had heard a couple times, but would have never expected for Alex to listen to it, it just didn't seem like the type of music he would like.

he set his phone down face up as the screen flashed up at you as he put the car into gear and pulled out into the street

you saw the title of the song he was playing, “Falling For U” by Peachy ft Mxmtoon, and his wallpaper, a photo of you two from junior year. both standing next to each other awkwardly as his mom made you guys take a photo together on the first day you got there. you wondered how long it had been his wallpaper for. 

you laughed and asked him about his wallpaper

“i mean you gotta admit, we look extremely sexy in that photo. especially me”

this comment from Alex made you break out laughing, even harder than before, as he started to hum along with the lyrics of the song. joined with him actually saying a line out loud every once in a while

it was a peaceful drive, Alex played more lofi songs as you stared out the widow.

eventually he pulled the car into an empty parking lot of a small gas station 

“is this the place?” you questioned 

“nope, just a pit stop.” he said

you both went inside, grabbing snacks and drinks and piling them into the back of the car. Alex making you wait to open them until you two got to your final destination

 eventually, the car rolled into a another small empty parking lot, except this one was made of dirt and was a lot higher up.

Alex had pulled the car to the edge of the parking lot, as you finally got to see why he brought you here,

you looked through the windshield to find a view of the entire city. 

you gasped in awe as you looked towards Alex, who, again, was already looking at you.

this time he wasn't studying you, he was admiring you.

you blushed, but pushed it off.

you and him both got out of the car so you guys could grab the snacks and the blankets he had in the back of his car.

he hopped onto the hood of his car and you joined him.

-

you starred into the sky full of stars above you. 

you gasped as you pointed out a shooting star passing over head 

“what did you wish for, Alex?”

“i cant tell you or else it wont come true”

“well then couldn't you wish the opposite of what you want to come true and then tell someone so the opposite comes true?”

“you're so stupid-” he said jokingly as he laughed.

“so, do you want to talk about why you were crying earlier, or is this still not the right spot” Alex chuckled at his own joke

“yes but, I have a question first”

Alex hummed in response, curious of what the question could be

“do you believe in love at first sight?”

you could feel his gaze on you, but you didn't divert your eyes from the stars above.

“do you remember the first time that we met? at the airport when my mom forced us to hug and take that god awful photo together, and when we ended up playing tictactoe in the car for an hour while we drove to my house?”

“yes? of course i do, that was simultaneously the worst and best day of my life. but that doesn't answer my question dumbass” you said, still not giving into his gaze onto side of your head.

“I think I just did, did I not?” 

it finally clicked, him looking for you at the party, the song in the car, the story

you turned your head to meet his gaze, finally giving in

he sat up and dramatically grabbed his chest, pretending to have been stabbed in the heart, enacting a theatrical performance

“y/n m/n l/m, i am dying, and you must know, that I am in LOVE with you!” he dramatically gasped and fall back down., pretending to be dead. 

you played along as you gasped and put the pack of your hand on your forehead as you spoke

“oh my dear Alex, I love you too, and now you will never get to know how much i loved you” you faked sobbed onto his chest

“maybe a true loves kiss will help save him” he whispered, making the scene even funnier and causing both of you to bust out laughing

“ah yes, the only way to save my prince, a true loves KISS!” you said before coming down and kissing Alex on the lips. 

he sat up with a loud gasp

“I am alive! a kiss of true love saved me!” you giggled beside him as you watched him play out his Oscar-winning performance

“may I kiss you again m’lady? for saving my life of course.” he questioned

“of course, you can kiss me anytime m’lady” you said back, pulling him into a deeper kiss

he pulled way first before speaking

“WAIT DID YOU JUST CALL ME M’LADY?

[headheartbellarke]

HOME | Charlie Gillespie

Requested by anon:  "Hi! If request are open can you do a charlie imagine where him and the reader (she/her) met on a project a while back and have been friends for a while, but the reader kinda had a crappy home life so she gets overwhelmed by charlies family being so loving and perfect and she basically breaks down and feels like she doesn’t fit in and isn’t good enough for him? please and thank you so much, ur writing is amazing!!!"

PAIRING(s): Charlie Gillespie x fem! reader

WARNING(s): mentions of abuse, trauma, anxiety, angst, fluff

WORDS: 2,036

SUMMARY: charlie takes co-star and girlfriend y/n home for christmas but that leads to self doubt in her (im so bad at these) [note: this takes place in 2021]

    As Charlie pulls out the key from the ignition, I sigh, wringing my hands nervously. He unbuckles his seatbelt and faces me, giving me a bright, happy smile.

  “My family is so excited to meet you.” He says, reaching forward to tuck a strand of hair behind my ear.

  “What if they hate me?” I whisper.

  My boyfriend, Charlie, and I first met on the set of Charmed – we were both in the first episode, but I left it after that due to scheduling conflicts with my other show, Chilling Adventures of Sabrina. I had been a part of CAOS since its first episode – I played the role of Sabrina’s cousin, Sarah Spellman.

  Back then, we were just friends. After I left Charmed, we would text and call each other occasionally. Whenever we were in the same city, we would meet up – but that was hard considering we both had quite different lives. So, we didn’t think of each other as more than friends – sure I thought that he was attractive, but that’s it.

  But, in 2020, after CAOS was cancelled, I got a call from the casting director of Julie and The Phantoms: she was the one who had previously cast me in CAOS, and she believed that I’d be perfect for the role of Julie’s British cousin who joins her school after her parents relocate to LA – I also play Reggie’s love interest.

  I texted Charlie immediately after my manager finalized all the details for the new role. He had been excited and when shooting started in 2021, we were pretty inseparable.

  After a few weeks, I had developed a major crush on him ad the rest of the cast had also picked up on that. They were also convinced that Charlie liked me (which I didn’t believe at that time but later found out that it was, indeed, true) and they used to tease us about it all the time. Finally, a couple weeks before production ended, he asked me out on a date and it’s been really, really great so far.

  We’ve been dating for about nine months now and honestly, he’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me. He’s my home – all my life I’ve always felt lost, but I feel like I truly belong with him.

  Now, he laughs. “Baby. I promise you – they already love you. My mother’s been bugging me to bring you home ever since we started dating, and you’ve already met Megan, and she loves you.”

  “If you say so.” I say, still not convinced.

  He grins and we get out of his car and face his childhood home. I take a deep breath, shaking off my nerves. He knocks three times on the front door, and it opens immediately after.

  A petite, blonde woman steps out, with a wide smile on her face. She opens her arms as Charlie yells, “Mamacita!”

  “Mon chéri. Ça fait trop longtemps!”

  “Je vous ai manqué!”

  I have absolutely no idea what they are saying, but the scene in front of me is so heart-warming. Charlie’s mother is genuinely happy to see her son – one can tell by the way she’s holding him, almost like he’s a little child. Charlie is quite a couple inches taller than her, but he’s nestled his face into her shoulder.

  I can’t stop a grin from breaking out on my face. It’s honestly rather lovely. But I also feel a slight pang in my heart knowing that no one ever greets me like this when I go home.

  They separate from each other and she squeezes his shoulders, looking at him with so much love that I have to look away. I have never seen a mother look at their child like that, with such intense love. That’s dumb, I know. Mothers are supposed to love their children. But all my mother ever looks at me with is disappointment, anger, disgust, and – you get it.

  She notices me next and claps her hands. “You must be Y/N!”

  “Hi, Mrs. Gillespie. It’s so nice to meet you!” I extend a hand toward her.

  “Aw, come here! You’re gorgeous.”

  She pulls me in for a hug too, and for a moment I’m engulfed by the smell of white musk and the feeling of warmth.

  We pull apart and I smile at her, genuinely. All my anxiety has washed away.

  “My son is always talking about you, about how pretty you are and –”

  “Let’s go inside!” Charlie quickly cuts her off, eyes widened as I laugh.

  “But I wanna know what he says!”

  Mrs Gillespie winks at me as Charlie turns scarlet. “I’ll tell you when he’s gone.”

***

    Another roar of laughter erupts around the dinner table.

  Honestly, I’ve never seen a family like this – a family so connected, so loving. All of Charlie’s siblings – from his three older brothers to his little sister are here for Christmas Eve, and all of them are teasing each other, telling childhood stories, and just having the best time. I was, too. That was until I suddenly realized how I don’t fit in here.

  Everyone here grew up completely different than I did. When I was young, about two years old – my dad left my mom and I for another woman. I haven’t seen him since – although, he sends me a postcard and some money on holidays and birthdays. He’s travelling around the world with his new wife and is apparently ‘happier than he’s ever been.’

  The reason he left is because kids ‘freak’ him out and he isn’t ‘ready’ for that kind of responsibility. I mean, it wasn’t like he was fifteen when he had me: he was twenty-seven, and already married to my mother for about two years then.

  Naturally, my mother blames me for her divorce. I was born out of an accidental pregnancy, so my mother made sure to remind me every day that I was unwanted, and my birth was what ‘pushed’ him to leave us. Every single day, my mother told me that I shouldn’t have been born, that I was a mistake, that I was worthless, unlovable and so, so many more horrible things. She used to drink like crazy, and if I accidentally faced her in that state, she would sometimes hit me.

  Years and years of abuse and all that childhood trauma led me to develop a fear of abandonment, trust issues, intimacy issues, anxiety, and depression. Throughout school, I had been closed off, unable to form relationships and friendships with other people. I had feared anything and everything – I couldn’t even maintain eye contact with people.

  Of course, when I auditioned for CAOS and moved away to LA, away from that toxic environment, I got help and turned my life around. (My mother was incredibly happy to see me go since she had married another guy and now has a family with him – so I was the only thing left that reminded her of my father.) I learnt to accept, prioritize, and love myself – but I’m still working on that, of course.

  But, I know, deep down, no matter how well I am, or how happy I am – there will always be a part of me that’s broken. I’ve grown to accept that, accept the fact that I’ll always carry the trauma with me.

  But Charlie doesn’t. He’s lived a good life, and he deserves someone who can give him their everything – and that’s not me.

  As much as I hate to say it, I’m not good enough for him.

  He senses a change in my demeanour and squeezes my hand under the table. I give him a weak smile.

***

    “Y/N/N, what’s wrong?”

  I look up at my boyfriend. He has a look of concern on his face as he takes a seat next to me on the couch.

  I sigh into the quiet. Everyone has fallen asleep, except Charlie and I – we are seated in his living room in front of the fireplace.

  “Nothing. I’m just really tired.”

  “That’s not true, Y/N. You were fine throughout dinner – oh my god, it’s the ice cream, isn’t it?”

  “What?”

  “The pistachio ice cream that Maman made. It was weirdly bitter, eh? It’s okay, you can tell me.”

  I purse my lips. “No, Charlie. The ice cream was great.”

  “Are you sure? You’ve been down since desert.”

  “It’s not the ice cream, babe.”

  “Okay, then, what is it?”

  He looks at me expectantly, and I can sense that he’s feeling anxious.

  “I just – I realized that I don’t fit in.”

  He furrows his brows, but before he can say anything, I start speaking again. “Charlie, you have such a loving and perfect family. And you know how I grew up. What I went through. So, you know that I’m not used to this. I’m not – I’ve never seen love like this in a family, you know. And I don’t fit in here! While your mother was being so nice to me, I kept wondering when she’s going to scream at me. Or when your father was genuinely interested in me, I kept thinking that maybe he’s trying to find a way to get rid of me. It’s just – it’s just the way I grew up, and I’ll always be like this, Char. Your family is so nice, and it shocks me, honestly. And I think that maybe it’s better if you date someone who grew up the way you did, someone who’s like you. Because I have been broken my whole life, and I don’t think that I can give you everything that you need. I don’t think I’m good enough for you. You’re the best person that I’ve ever met, and I think you should be with someone who’s worthy of you.”

  I whisper the last part, and feel a teardrop fall into the space between my collarbones. I look down because I’m too afraid of what he might say.

  I hear him breathe out heavily and I feel him take my hands in his.

  “Don’t you ever say that.”

  “But it’s true –”

  “Y/N. Don’t you dare doubt yourself. You are good enough. No, you’re perfect. You’re the strongest woman I know. I completely understand why you feel what you’re feeling right now.”

  He scoots closer to me and cups my cheeks in his hands. “And it’s okay. It’s okay to feel that way. It’s okay to feel shocked. That doesn’t make you a bad person, nor does it make you not good enough. In fact, it makes all the stronger – you went through so much as a kid, and still, you have space in your heart for me. You know, I never doubt the fact that you love me, ever. Because you always make me feel special, make me feel good about myself and always make sure that I’m happy. You always go out of your way to take care of me, and you always make me feel at home. I don’t want anyone other than you. I love you so much and I never, ever wanna lose you.”

  I think I’m fully crying now, as Charlie continues, “It’s okay to feel that way. Take your time. But I’m never leaving you. You’re my person, and you’ll always fit in with me, baby. Always.”

  “Charlie…”

  I look at him properly, and I can see the pain in his eyes as a tear traces along the curve of his cheek. He sniffs, saying, “I’m sorry. I just can’t imagine being with anyone other than you.”

  “Why are you so good to me?” I whisper, my throat still tight from the emotions.

  “Because you deserve someone good, and I can only hope that I’m good for you.”

  I wrap my arms around his neck and bury my face in his shoulder as a sob escapes my body. “I’m so sorry, baby. So, so sorry.” I keep whispering that, while he rubs my back, saying ‘it’s okay.’

  “I love you so much, Charlie. Honestly, thanks for being so good to me. You have no idea what you mean to me.”

  I can feel him smile as he says, “I think I have a pretty good idea, yeah.”

***

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