#im just so extremely depressed and anxious about all of it absolutely all of it

[theskyexists]

I am falling apart

[yongseungkim]

.

[gojo-mochi]

Softyyy~ is your req still open? 🥺👉🏻👈🏻 ueueue you know how I adore your writing badly I can’t pass this opportunity 😖 ueue if it’s still open can I please req sabo being absolute feral, needy and nasty? wkwjskwswks the rest is up to you xD

thank youuuu🫶🏻

HIIIIIII OMG IM SO SORR FOR THE WAITTTTTTT I HOPE IT GOOD AND THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ENJOYINH MY WRITING SJKDF AHH I BLUSEHD WHEN I SAW UR ASK DSKF DFDF

˖◛⁺⑅♡ Female Reader! Canon world! Established Relationship!

˖◛⁺⑅♡ Warnings: Mentions of wounds and blood, nightmares, lack of appetite, depression symptoms, etc.

˖◛⁺⑅♡ Sexual Content: Creampie, unprotected sex, lots of biting, overstimulations, close pussyeating, cum eating, spit.

˖◛⁺⑅♡ Word Count: 7k +

105 days, 7 hours, 52 minutes, 13 seconds, and counting. Sabo had been gone from you for that long. Usually, he was accustomed to leaving on extended, secret missions, far from his friends and, in fact, everyone he knew. However, since you and him began dating, Sabo has been unable to tolerate being apart from you, crying on the inside like an anxious puppy when his owner is out of sight. 

A nervous puppy with the abilities of a professional killer, but to you he was still a puppy. 

The mission he was sent on was extremely important, and one he could not fail. Failure would result in months or even years of setbacks in the army's advancement. Even so, it was not any easier to leave you, he kept you in his arms for as long as he could. Holding you close to his chest, your heartbeats synchronizing themselves with each other. 

You were the first to begin to distance yourself from his warmth by leaning away, which only caused Sabo to draw you closer. He inhales deeply as he tries to recall every single thing about you before he had to depart. Tears sting at the corner of your eye, but you suppress them. Instead of leaving Sabo with tears in your eyes, you wanted him to remember that you were smiling. So, he would know that you’ll be just fine without him for a while. 

Hearing a sniffle, Sabo slowly pulls back, bringing his hands up to your face and holding them tenderly. Wiping away the single tear that escaped from your glossy eyes. 

“Promise me you won’t do anything too stupid.” You breathe out quietly, looking up at your lover’s face for the last time in a while. 

“I promise, my dear. I promise you that nothing in this world will keep me from coming back to you.”

He pulls you in for a long kiss, your lips finding their place onto his right away. You two stayed there for a long while, not parting a bit even for air. As you concentrate solely on Sabo, the sounds around you gradually fade away because you wanted to absorb much of this moment as possible

*bwAAAAAAAHHHP!*

The ferry horn blaring in the air startled you both out of the kiss, a thin trail of saliva formed a bridge between your bottom lips and his. Sabo was the first one to laugh, a cheery and airy laugh that washed away any last lingering anxiety held in your chest. 

“Looks like the crew is mad at me for being late, oh well, it was worth it.” He winks at you. 

He takes hold of your face, gives you a final peck on the cheek, and leaves, knowing that if he lingered a moment longer, he would notice your dejected expression and would instantly falter. You wiped away any more tears that were starting to form and yelled at Sabo as he boarded the ship, waving your arms in the air.

Screaming your farewells, sending your best wishes, and letting your heart run wild. You didn’t stop until you saw the ship leave over the horizon, your arms and throat sore from all the waving and shouting you did. It was all worth it though, you needed to let everything go this moment because you know the next few days, weeks, or even months will be miserable without him. 

And it was…

Every day that went by without a letter or any kind of news from his crew was agony to your very soul. The rest of the Revolutionary Army tried their best to cheer you up or soothe your worries, saying that Sabo was one of their best agents and he always came back from a mission. 

You knew that, but sometimes he doesn’t come back unscathed, sometimes the mission takes a heavy toll on him, whether that be mentally or physically.

Late at night, when he is at his most vulnerable, you can see the scars on his body and behind his eyes. The night terrors that would cause him to scream and claw at his own skin, the tears that he kept hidden from the public, shedding themselves in front of you. 

All the scars, stitches, and bruises that you took care of and looked after when Sabo said it wasn’t that big of a deal to everyone else. You knew Sabo trusted you enough to let his guard down with you, and you never wanted to betray that trust. You witnessed all of those moments and held them near and dear to your heart. 

So, whenever someone approached you and commented on Sabo’s toughness and resilience, saying how he’d be back in no time, you simply nodded along and smiled. Holding your hands to your chest tightly to fight down the anxious thoughts as you wish for his safety night after night. 

Once the second month passed, the anxiety started wearing down your body. Heavy bags under your eyes, a sickly complexion, your clothes being a little bigger on you than normal. Your smile now did little to sway the frowns on other people’s faces when they came up to check on you. You still had hope in your voice that he would come back to you safe, but everyone could see that hope was dying slowly as the days passed by.

Then, finally, a letter came. It was brief and had to be burned immediately after, but it contained news. Both good and bad news for how the mission was going, but at least you knew that Sabo was still alive, and that brought a smile back on your face. Though your heart did sink at the fact that the mission would take even longer than expected now, you did your best not to let this get to you.

Busying yourself with helping around the base, picking up new hobbies every week, anything to distract your mind from Sabo and his wellbeing. And soon another month had passed with not another letter being passed to you. For the past few weeks, your bed has been piled on high with Sabo’s clothing on top, you just needed to be near him in some way. Bundling up to his sweaters and holding his coats to your chest helped you sleep a little easier. The scent was wearing off with each night that passes, but you needed this or you felt like you were going to go crazy. 

“Y/N really, you can stay at my place tonight.”

Koala tugs at your arm, a gentle smile on her face.

“We could stay up all night if you want too! I have lots of card games up my sleeve that I can teach you! Oh! I can even try to teach you some fishman karate too!”

Koala starts to bounce up and down, listing off all the fun activities you two could do together.

You lightly shake your head and try to return her smile back, but she could tell it was forced. 

“Thank you, but I’m really okay alone. I’ll come see you for breakfast in the morning though, I promise.”

Koala lets go of your arm, with a frown forming on her face, but she didn’t push you anymore.

“Fine… but you better come in the morning! In fact, I’ll come over to your room and drag you out myself if I have to!”

Koala gives you a bone-crushing hug that squeezes the air out of your lungs. 

After a few harrowing seconds, you can breathe normally again. You said your goodbyes to Koala and promised her again that you'd be fine for the night. 

You start your trek back to your shared room with Sabo, stopping in front of the door with your hand on the handle. As some part of you prayed that somehow Sabo would magically appear behind the door if you believed hard enough. 

The door creaks open to a dark room, the clothes pile on the bed seems even lonelier tonight, you sigh and shuffle your way in. Throwing your shoes to the side and just gathering enough energy to shimmer out of your top and pants. You crawl up on the bed dressed down to your undies, grabbing a random shirt from the pile and shoving your face in the soft fabric, inhaling as much of Sabo’s lingering scent left on there as you can. 

With no more tears left to shed lately, you hugged the shirt tighter and willed your body and mind to go to sleep. 

A few hours go by before you fall asleep completely, still holding a shirt in your hand as your body huddles next to the heap of old clothing. You barely stir when you hear the door creak open. You turn over on your back as you hear more sounds—shoes scuffing on the floor, rustling, and then a voice that seems so distant.

A hand presses against your cheek, then the voice comes closer to you. With your mind still exhausted, it takes a while to realize that something was happening. You mumble something, and the voice laughs at you. You frown at being laughed at.

Your hands go to swat at the voice, still thinking it was just a part of your dreams, only to hit something surprisingly warm and sturdy. Your fingers start to trace whatever you just hit, pinching and pulling at it. 

The voice snorts at you, gently taking your hand away and holding it in theirs. Your eyes start to fly awake at this moment; a figure comes closer to your vision as you do. 

The figure stops just a few inches short of your face. You lift your head up to try to get a better look as your vision begins to clean up. What was blurry forms of dark blue and yellow soon turned into a real-life Sabo right in front of your eyes. 

Sabo smiles at you, going to pinch at your cheek as he says, “Hey there, beautiful, miss me?”

You gawk at him, your eyes goes wide. “Sabo..? Sabo? SABO!” 

You immediately leap from the bed into his waiting arms, with the heaps of clothing following in right behind you. But you didn’t care at that point, Sabo was back, and that was all you cared about right now. 

“Sabo! Oh my- Sabo I thought you-! I mean- I really didn’t think you be dead but sometimes I- I just worried so much and-” 

Your hurried words quickly transformed into sobbing blubbers, and Sabo listened to it all and comforted you.

“I know, I know.. I’m so sorry for being so late. The mission just got out of hand, and no…….. No, not tonight, I don’t want to talk about the mission tonight. Tonight is all going to be just about you, my darling.” 

Sabo holds your face in his hands, wiping away all your tears as he starts to pepper you with kisses. Sabo kisses you from the forehead down to your lips and nose, then down to your neck, where he also gives you a few bites. His teeth grazing down on your soft skin, with just enough pressure for it to leave a mark.

Your body reacts to the attention quickly, as low whimpers form on your lips. “Sa-Sabo, wait-you just got back and-”

Sabo nips at your collarbone, eliciting another moan from you. He pulls back just enough so he could look in the eyes. 

"Darling, please, I can’t wait any longer. Every waking moment I was on that mission, I was plagued by thoughts of you. I came here as fast as I could just to get to you, I didn’t care about anything else.”

You didn’t realize it before, but now that you got a better look at Sabo, you could see just how haggard he looked, his clothes had dark stains and were torn in some places. His body was covered in scars and bruises, both recent and old. 

“Sabo! Did you not go see the doctor before you came here!? Oh my god, I think you’re still bleeding some places too, we need to go see them right now.”

You make a move to get up, but Sabo quickly pulls you back down and pins you to the bed. Even in his weakened state, he was still overpowering you. His trembling hands press down on your exposed shoulders. You look up at him, much too worried about his condition more than anything else.

“Sabo, you’re hurt… we need to get you to the doctor.”

Your voice was gentle but firm, and as much as you missed his touch, you cared more about his health than anything else. At least that's what you kept telling yourself, in truth, you felt that your own self-control was slipping quite rapidly. 

Sabo leans down to rest his head on the crook of your neck, taking a deep inhale of your scent. You feel his hot breath ghost over your neck, sending shivers down to your core. 

"Darling, please, you don’t understand. I need you. I crave you.”

"I miss your scent, your body, your voice, your taste, and everything else about you," he muttered, his voice dropping an octave. His tongue slides up your neck, and his finger slides under your bra strap as he begins to pull it down. Pressing his tongue right over your pulse point, you whimper at his advances, feeling your guard lower with each passing second. You needed this too. How many times did you wake up with wet panties from a dream about Sabo's touch?

.

.

.

Fuck it, Sabo survived worse-looking wounds before.

You gave in, pulling Sabo in for a long overdue kiss. Your lips crash into each other with vigor, with teeth clashing and nose bumping pain, but you both didn’t care about that. Sabo’s tongue slipped into your mouth first, wet and sloppy with no sense of the control he usually has. Sabo moaned at finally tasting you again, drool dribbling down both your chins from how messy this kiss is.

His hands fiddled with your bra for a bit, practically ripping it to get it off of you. His hands then roamed down to the hem of your panties, shimmying them down as far as he could while he was still stuck to you. 

With you being almost fully naked now, Sabo wasted no time feeling up every inch of your body, his hands squeezing and pinching on your soft belly, rubbing up and down like he was mapping out your body in his mind. You squealed into his mouth when he squeezed you, feeling a little bashful about your body now.

You turn your head to break away from the kiss for a moment, trying to say something, but Sabo didn’t let you escape his grasp for too long. Quickly maneuvering himself between your legs as he literally tears the panties off of you with his bare hands. 

They were such a cute pair too…

He pins you down by the shoulders again as he takes over your mouth, snaking his tongue in as far down your throat as he can. He grunts as he pins both of your hands above your head and cuffs them with just one of his. 

You struggle and move from beneath Sabo, but his grip renders your arms useless. Even your legs are useless as you flail them around. Any more attempts would only further wear you down, you could only give in at this point. Letting Sabo take total control of you right now, allowing your mind to become clouded by desire as you feel every movement of his tongue. 

Sabo gives you some mercy, after a while, breaking the kiss and letting you have air again. You take in a few gulps of air and look at your lover, whose chin was absolutely covered in slobber now. His eyes aflame with desire, looking right back at you, held no shame for how he was acting. 

Sabo continued his assault on your neck, licking and nibbling at every square inch of your skin while keeping you pinned. Covering you in love bites that would be a pain to cover up in the morning later.

“Sa-Sabo, slow down a bit, nggh-please?” 

You did want him badly, so fucking badly, but Sabo was acting a little bit differently than he usually is tonight. Your worries start to creep their way in through the fog inside your brain. 

You feel Sabo shake his head against your neck, his free hand dragging down your side, fingers pushing against the softness of your body. All the way down to the side of your hips, his thumb circling right above your cunt. 

“Can’t slow down, need ya’ too badly.” Sabo whispered out. His nose presses against the curve of your neck as he pushes his thumb down onto your clit. You shudder out a moan at the feeling, eyes fluttering down as Sabo works his magic on your cunt. 

“Just enjoy it, my love. And, let me enjoy you…”

His thumb swirls and flicks at your precious little nub, getting it to be nice and hard. His other fingers swipe at your folds, coating them in your slick. Barely pushing the tips of his fingers in your opening, just teasing you with each stroke of his hand. 

“You’re tighter than normal, didn’t touch yourself when I was gone?” Sabo asked in a slightly strained voice. After that, he tilts his head downward and bites your collarbone too forcefully, causing a bit of blood to seep from the wound.

You mewled out in pain at the increasing amount of bite marks Sabo was giving you. Sabo's face falters at this, and making an apologetic noise from the back of his throat. He soothes your pain by licking at the wounds, his hot tongue lapping up the crimson liquid quite greedily. You crane your head backward, allowing Sabo to lick at every other wound he gave so far, his thumb slowly increasing pressure on your now swollen clit.

A brief thought then passes through Sabo’s mind: ‘What if you got with another man while he was gone?’ 

“Answer me, darling. Did you or did you not play with yourself when I was gone?”

Sabo trusted you with his life and all his secrets, but his insecurities did get the best of him sometimes, rearing their ugly head in the worst moments. 

You were too focused on trying not to cum too fast from his fingers that you didn’t really hear his question. Biting your lip to try to keep yourself in check. Your silence only made Sabo more anxious, he upped his tactics. Moving down and latching his lips onto your nipple and sucking harshly. Your body arched off the bed, colliding with Sabo’s, who was gently using his teeth on your now hardened bud. 

He pushed his fingers about an inch inside your cunt, only two for now, he wanted you to work for more. Moans and whimpers came from you, soft pleas for him to stop teasing you and fuck you already, it’s been too long. 

Sabo shakes his head, unlatching from your breast and curling his fingers deeper inside your cunt. 

“Not until you answer, darling~, did anyone touch what’s mine while I was gone, hmm?”

“Huh-ngghh! Sabo-please!” 

Before you even had the chance to think about your answer, Sabo starts plunging his fingers in and out of your wetness at a skillful pace, letting go of your wrists as well so he could cup your face to make you look at him. 

“Answer. Me. Love.”

Your eyes try to focus on Sabo and answer his question, but the heat pooling up inside your belly was getting too much to handle. You were only focused on how Sabo's fingers were long, how rough he was going, how his fingers hit all the right places inside you, and how much you wanted him to fuck you right away. 

"N-no, mmph-ngh-I-fuck."

You mumble out an answer as best you could, your breath shaky and unstable, as your whole body began to tense up for the oncoming orgasm. 

Sabo’s lips twitch upward at your answer, “No? So, no one touched this pretty, pretty pussy while I was gone. Are you certain? He cooed in a mocking tone. 

He squeezed your face a bit as drool dribbled out of your mouth and onto his fingers. Your eyes were closed, and you moaned pathetically, just wanting to focus on feeling good, but Sabo didn’t let you. You opted to just shake your head to answer him and just let go of your body’s control and let the orgasm wash over you.

“Ah-hah-mghmm-fuck! Sabo!”

You cum all over Sabo’s fingers, soaking the bedsheet beneath you. Your mouth falling open as you feel your body instantly relaxing and falling limp under Sabo. In the aftermath, your head falls back onto the pillow and your legs twitch slightly. Everything about you feels heavy now, your mind is already spent after one orgasm. 

Too bad Sabo wasn’t going to let you off that easily. 

Sabo lets go of your hands, leaning back on his knees as he starts to take off his clothes. Through your blurry vision, you could somewhat make out Sabo towering over you in this position, your cunt throbs at the thought of what is to come. 

“Fuckin hell- this is taking too long.” After undoing the first few buttons on his shirt, Sabo got annoyed at how slow this was taking.

Then, in Sabo's hand, a tiny fire appeared. It quickly leaped onto his chest and spread thinly down his body. Burning the troublesome buttons right off, along with some of his pants. Sabo quickly rips off the remaining burned garments. 

In one fluid motion, Sabo grabs your legs, pushing them apart and huddling himself right between them. His newly freed cock, hard and dripping, was now pressed against your thigh. Smearing the precum on your soft skin as he climbs over your body to fully face you. His hair falling down to his eyes, his usually kempt appearance now switched to one of a wild animal. 

He grabbed his cock and started rubbing the tip of it right on top of your clit, tapping against the sensitive swollen bud a few times to see your reaction. Then he pushes forward, sliding his cock in between your folds but not entering just yet. 

Getting your juices mixed in with his precum as he keeps on sliding back and forth, using your own slick as makeshift lube to cover up his cock. Sighing heavily at the feeling, Sabo fought his self-control to just plunge himself deep inside you, he still felt like he needed to get you more wet before he could enter. 

Rocking his hips back and forth on top of you, Sabo let his cock rub up all against your wet cunt, barely teasing it inside on some swings. The thick tip of his cock brushing up against your clit, making you feel his pulsing veins as he drags it back down. Sabo enjoyed seeing how your pussy fluttered against his cock when he was teasing you like this. 

You were getting more impatient with each passing, you needed him to fill you up, to remind you who you belonged to. 

“Sabo! Please, please, just fuck me already. I need you bad! Please!” 

You whimper and mewl out his name and try to wiggle your hips in an attempt to get his cock inside you faster. Sabo’s last remaining shred of self-control broke in that moment. Watching and listening to you beg for his cock just made everything in him snap. He spits down right on top of your cunt and his cock, rubbing the savlia in with his hands as he used two fingers to spread open you open.

Easing the tip of his cock in the opening little by little, really feeling much, he was stretching you out. He leans over more so his cock could get in just the right position to pound you fully. 

“Fuck… darling, you’re so good to me. So, so good to me.” Sabo grunts out as his cock was halfway deep inside of your cunt. Already feeling pussydrunk from how tight and warm your pussy was making his cock feel. He captures your lips with his once again, greedily stealing all of your gasps and whimpers as his cock fully sinks inside you. His hands grab you by the hips as he begins to slowly fuck you, the pace steadily increasing speed with each thrust. You feel Sabo moan in your mouth, his tongue going slack as he starts to focus more on pounding your cunt. 

You definitely felt the weight and the girth of Sabo’s cock in this moment. The stretch was a bit painful at the start, and the pace he was going at made you see stars. His cock was filling you up like never before. You felt like a virgin from how your pussy felt around him. Your hands clamber up to his shoulders, and your nails dig into his back as you try to steady yourself from how rough Sabo was going. The bed underneath you two shook heavily, and some articles of clothing fell from the pile as Sabo kept on ramming you. 

Sabo was gone at this point, the only thought in his head was breeding you, fucking you, and keeping his cock inside you at all times. Even in the small window where he had to pull his cock back, Sabo hated the feeling of not being squeezed by your cunt. 

“Fuck, fuck, yes, yes, yes! Mine, mine, mine, you’re mine, this pussy is mine. All mine, mine, mine!”

Sabo rambles on and on, repeating the word “Mine” a lot, his hips repeatedly slamming into yours, his hands roaming all over your body. Sabo’s hand felt like lava on your skin, in fact, Sabo’s whole body was heating up immensely. The entire room felt like a sauna at the moment, with steam rising to the ceiling. 

You felt the pleasure really start to increase inside you, your nails dug in deeper on Sabo’s back, clawing all the way down as you lost your mind. 

“Sabo, nghh, hahhh-ah! Mm-more! Yes!”

Your vision goes white as you reach climax, your legs go to hook around Sabo’s back, bringing him impossibly closer to you. Sabo groans as your cunt spasms around his cock, trying to milk every single drop out of him. He came soon after you did, spilling his hot seed inside of you. 

Everything was hot, too hot, you felt like you could melt into a puddle on the spot if it got any hotter. You felt sweat everywhere on your body, and you could feel it dripping off of Sabo as well, little beadlets of sweat dropping down on your chest as Sabo hovers above you. His breathing slow and heavy, his eyes meet with yours, and you muster up a tired smile in response. 

He smiles back, pulling forward to give you a chaste kiss on the lips before saying. 

“We’re not finished yet, you know that, right, my love?” 

A mixture of fear, excitement, and anticipation coiled through you, you didn’t know if you could handle another fucking like that, but your body was saying otherwise. Your pussy clenched at the thought, and Sabo felt that, with his cock still buried inside of you. 

“I knew you were ready for another round.” He said cheekily. 

You try to lean up on your elbows, only to find yourself lacking the energy to do even that. Falling right back down on the pillow, you look up at Sabo, biting your lips in contemplation. 

“Could you at least go slower this time? Please?” Your voice a little hoarse and meek. 

Sabo pats down your sweat-soaked hair and smiles brightly at you. “Don’t need to ask twice, baby. I’ll go extra slow for you, just relax and lay back. I’ll do all the work.” He coos at you gently, going in and burying his face in the nook of your neck. 

Taking in a deep inhale of your scent and licking up some of the sweat that pooled up on your skin. Sabo moans deeply at your taste, making you blush from embarrassment. Sabo placed his palms down on the bed and heaved himself up on them. So, he could look down at your expression as he started to slowly roll his hips forward once more. 

Dragging his cock deeper inside your sore cunt, your eyelashes fluttering down at the feeling. The stretch wasn't there anymore, but you could feel bruises forming from the earlier slamming. 

Sabo’s eyes didn’t leave your face as he continued on, enjoying all the cute expressions you were making. This was making you feel a bit self-conscious, and you turned your head away and tried to muffle any noises. 

Sabo had none of that and gently grabbed your chin and pulled you back to face him. 

“Look at me.”

Your lips quiver, and you still keep your eyes closed. You hear Sabo sigh softly, his hips picking up the pace, making you moan a little, your body trying its best to match him. 

Sabo’s other hand creeps up the side of your thigh, gently massaging it. His fingers warm and calloused, you could feel all the little scars he had on there as his hands glided up and down on your skin. 

“Pretty girl. Shy girl, so shy. You missed me, but now you can’t even look at me huh?” Sabo teased.

Your ears burn more at this, but you still refused to look at him. 

“That’s alright, you can just focus on the fully feeling me then.” 

Sabo purrs the last line as his hand moves up to the side of your hips, his fingers fanning out to gently rub on your clit. The light pressure on there was still enough to make your body jump from the feeling. Sabo used his pointer finger to rub small, lazy circles on your sensitive nub as his cock sinks in deeper. 

Sabo leans down back to your neck, his tongue lapping over all the bite marks he left there before. Trailing down to your collarbone and then over your breasts, where his breath ghosts over your nipples. His tongue snaking out to lap over your perky bud, circling around it a few times with the tip of the wet muscle. 

You mewl out in pleasure, feeling so full and so stimulated by everything that Sabo was doing to you currently. His cock sitting heavily inside you, his finger still rubbing on your clit, and now his tongue flicking against your nipple. All the pleasure was rapidly building up inside of you once more, but you still needed that push to let it all out. 

Your hand goes to the back of Sabo’s head, fingers in his hair, as you try to push him down further on your chest. Hoping that he gets the hint. And of course he does, his tongue is soon replaced by a pair of warm lips. As Sabo latches on to your bud and starts softly sucking on your breast. His body finally moving again, as he starts to slowly fuck you, his length felt bigger than before. 

Hitting deeper with each hit, Sabo didn’t go as fast as before, but this pace was more than enough to make you squirm. His fingers did not relent on your poor clit, as Sabo switched over to his thumb, flicking his appendage back and forth in rapid succession. 

This was getting too much for you, you began to shimmy your way back on the bed, away from the overstimulating feeling, away from Sabo. Sabo notices this and bites down on your nipple, making you yelp in surprise. His hands grab you by the hips and pull you back, practically slamming you down on his length. 

“Don’t move.” Sabo growled. His mouth still latched on to your poor abused bud, he lets you feel his teeth go over your nipple once more as a warning as his pace gets rougher. 

The sounds of skin slapping against each other and your weak and pitiful cries filled the room, Sabo soon added his own noises as he slurped messily on your chest. Switching from side to side, making sure that each one got their own set of attention from him. 

“Sa-Sabo! G’onn- Gonna!” 

Too fast. Too hard. Too much. Everything was too much for you, you were going to lose it, and Sabo was close behind you. 

“Yes! Yes, yes, yes, oh god-fuck, cum, cum, cum for me, love.” 

Sabo moans unabashedly, lifting up your hips and hitting in a new angle that pushed you over the breaking point for the second time tonight. 

Your hands claw up into Sabo’s side as your vision goes white and you release all over Sabo. This time you squirted all over yourself and Sabo, covering the bedsheets underneath you even more with your wetness. However, you were too exhausted to give a damn at this point.

Sabo was in heaven at this point, feeling your wetness gush all over him was like jumping into the fountain of youth. His grip on your hips didn’t falter one bit, in fact, it only got stronger. His fingers dug into the plushness of your skin and pulled your drained body right up to his, as his thrusts became shaky. Sabo just needed to feel more of you, screw with precision, or trying to find the best spots to hit, he just wanted his cock to as deep inside you as humanly possible. And if there was a way beyond that point, Sabo would find it or die trying. 

“Fuck-mm-haahh, love! Oh my-ngh, gonna fill you up again-so badly.You’re mine-mm, all mine, mine, mine forever.”

Sabo’s eyes started to cross from the bliss he was feeling right now, your pussy was still so tight around him, and you were so warm. Each thrust he could see and hear, both his cum and your own slick come out of your cunt. It was a sight he wanted to engrave into his mind, even if he had to forget everything else to have it there. 

“Mmm-hnngh, hahhh, Oh lo-love.”

Sabo’s eyes travel up to your face, watching you with your fucked-out look. The way your tits bounce, your mouth hanging open, your eyes barely open, but he could still see how absolutely beautiful you looked in his eyes. One of Sabo’s hands leaves your hip as he grasps the top of the headboard behind you, getting leverage as he relentlessly fucks you for the last ounce of power he still has in his body. 

His grip on the headboard was so strong it started breaking the wood there. Sabo was reduced to a beast in this moment, with just the primal need to breed. He feels his heart beating rapidly in his chest, the heat moving all throughout his body, his balls tightening once more, ready to release all his love inside you. 

With a final move of his hip, Sabo buries his cock as deep as it could go and came. His seed spurting out all at once, accidentally ripping a piece of the headboard as he finishes. He lets go of your hip, letting your body drop back down to the bed, your legs trembling and sore from all the abuse that it went through tonight. 

Your stomach felt like it was a furnace now, as Sabo’s cum was still being pumped inside. You felt so full from all of it. It felt like forever until Sabo finally pulled his cock for good tonight, his length twitching a little and covered in a mixture of your and his love. 

Sabo threw away the broken piece of headboard somewhere on the ground and made a move to get off the bed. You watch him wearily as he pushes some clothes aside and moves you closer to the middle of the bed, tucking your head underneath a fluffed pillow and grabbing a blanket to cover you with. 

There was your sweet, gentlemanly Sabo. You close your eyes and get ready to get a good night of sleep with Sabo by your side. 

As Sabo gets back on, you feel the bed dip, and then the blanket moves, but something was not right. Sabo wasn’t getting in to sleep beside you, he was getting under the blanket for some reason. You focus your gaze on the blob moving underneath the blanket, trying to gauge what the hell Sabo was doing under there.

‘Did he drop something? Or did the sex wear him out so badly that he forgot how to sleep in a proper bed?’

Your mouth moves open to speak, but instead a small yelp comes out instead, as you feel something wet move across your thigh. 

“Sabo!”

You lift the blanket up to see what was happening and see Sabo in between your legs, his tongue still out in the middle of a blep.

Sabo smiles at you cheekily, rubbing his cheek on the thigh he just licked, “Sorry for scaring you, love. Don’t mind me, I’m just helping clean you up.” He gives your thigh a wet kiss. 

“Saboooo, I’m tired and too sensitive.” You whined, you knew that any more stimulation on your clit would be too painful right now. 

“I promise, I’m just gonna to clean you up and not do anything else, dear.” Sabo flutters his eyelashes at you, trying his best to make puppy dog eyes as well. Your guard did lower a bit at the sight. 

“Fine…”

You were too tired to argue any further anyway, you put the blanket back down and closed your eyes. Finding the best position to sleep in with Sabo between your legs, you mumble out a goodnight to Sabo. 

“Goodnight, my princess.” Sabo purred, softly kissing a lot on your thigh. To your surprise, Sabo didn’t go wild at all. He was soft and gentle, doing small kitten licks on your skin, lapping up all the stains and areas. Moving to the inner part of your thigh, his hair tickling your skin a little bit, but it wasn’t that bothersome overall. 

Your hand moves down to pat Sabo on the head, absentmindedly running your fingers through his blonde locks, as your body starts to cool down and nod off to sleep. 

Sabo goes to the other side of your thigh and finishes cleaning over there, taking his time to lap up all the leftover creme. Allowing the sweet nectar to sit on his tongue for a bit before he swallows it down. 

Then, he moves up to your cunt, and being a man true to his word. He was gentle with this area, lapping up very slowly, making sure not to touch your clit too much. Just using the flat of his tongue to cover as much area as possible with each swipe. The feeling was oddly comforting in a way to you. 

You fell asleep far before he was done with cleaning, your hand still laid on top of his head. Your body softly snoozing away, with Sabo’s hand on your stomach feeling the rise and fall of your chest with each breath you take. 

When Sabo was done with his job, he shifted his body upward just a bit so he could lay his head on your stomach. Not wanting to accidentally shake you awake, he was fine with cuddling you here under the blanket together. 

His eyes flutter closed for the last time tonight as he holds your hand in his.

.

.

.

Morning comes quietly, you were the first to wake up, finding your body extremely sore but happy at the same time. You stretch your arms out and let out a big groan, feeling your shoulder muscles being pulled. You feel something move under the blanket and lift it up to find Sabo, sleeping comfortably on top of your stomach. He was like a heat pad for you all throughout the night. 

He nuzzles his cheek on your stomach closer when you try to poke him away. You huff at this, knowing that he was probably awake the moment you were. You poke his forehead again, Sabo jokingly bites at it in return. You pinch his cheek in retaliation, giggling at his reaction. 

“Come on, I feel gross and sticky. I need a shower. We both need showers, actually.” 

You make a move to get off the bed, but Sabo pulls you back in by wrapping his arms around your waist. 

“Nooo, stay.” Rubbing his face on your belly as he whines quietly.

You ruffle his hair and sigh, smiling at your lover’s silly antics. With the sunlight coming in the room, you could see just how bad some of Sabo’s injuries were now, along with the multiple bruises and marks littered across your body. 

“Come on, we both need to go to medical anyway. I’ll help you wash up in the shower if you get up now.”

Sabo’s ears perk up like a puppy’s, and he eagerly looks up at you with awaiting eyes. 

“You promise?” 

“Yes, dear.” You lean down for a kiss, lingering on his lips for a second as you look into each other's eyes. Sabo leans back in for a longer, more passionate kiss, his hand going to the back of your nape. Softly biting at your bottom lip as his tongue tries to sneak in your mouth. You shake your head but your body didn’t deny the need for him again. 

‘What about we do a quickie, then shower, and then I promise to be a good boy and go to medical?’ Sabo blinks his wide eyes at you as his hand lowers to your thigh, squeezing it softly. 

Your brain fights for an answer, the horny side really wants to do it again, but the rational side says that you should take him to medical sooner than later. 

“I-”

“GOOD MORNING WORLD! TIS IS I! KOALA HERE TO TAKE MY LOVELY FRIEND TO BREAK-EEEEEEEEEE!”

You were interrupted by Koala bursting into the room, all merry-like. You forgot that about the breakfast thing… and now she sees you and Sabo, butt-naked in bed together. 

“Sabo?! You’re back and you’re naked! Oh my god-sorry-I gotta take this call and goodbye!”

As quickly as she burst in, Koala left. Leaving a snickering Sabo leaning over on top of you. 

You soon join him in laughter. Though your cheeks were tinged pink with embarrassment, it was good to have Sabo back. Everything was the way it should be now. 

Well, except for Koala’s poor eyes.

[my-own-walker]

Hi :) I came with a request for Tate’s headcannon when the reader is depressed! Like your Peter and Kyle ones) you’re sooo good at this 🤍 thank you from all the depressed readers 🤍

How Tate Is When Reader Is Upset - Headcanons

note: im gonna try to get as much done as possible today! it’s hard to find time to write lol. Thank you for the request darling.

+++

The thing is, we know Tate is an extremely traumatized and emotional individual.

When you’re depressed, odds are he is too. I mean literally dude is trapped in eternal purgatory being spoken to by the devil or whatever

But that doesn’t stop him from being an absolute sweetheart when you’re upset.

He’s been there. He’s surprisingly good at empathy. Especially when it comes to you.

He totally gets it when you start feeling numb and unable to get out of bed. He will crawl in with you and cuddle with you for as long as you need.

Your tears make him cry. He hates to see you sad.

Like he will actually start crying slightly when you cry. He just feels so deeply and totally gets your pain.

When you’re anxious and experiencing anxiety attacks or anything of the sort he’s a very good grounding force.

He will talk to you for hours about your feelings.

When you’re actively panicking, he tends to hold your hands, look you in the eyes, and count with you. If that doesn’t work he will try the five senses grounding trick (he learned it online after you showed him how to use google)

As in, five things you see, four things you can touch, etc.

He’s already dead, so he doesn’t have very many needs, which means he will take all the time you need to make you feel better.

He can’t leave the house, obviously, but he will try his best to get you things that comfort you.

The main thing that comforts you, though, is him.

He’s a cradler. As in he will hold you like a baby. When you’re super sad, he wraps you up, acting as a human blanket.

Once you’re feeling a bit better, he tries to distract you from what’s upsetting you by playing card games with you or helping you explore the house.

He’s extremely patient. Even if it takes you days to feel better. He will help you clean your room, get you water, etc.

[cosmic-ships]

Cool thing about Obi-Wan he'd let me have my space without letting me have my space when I'm caught in a depression spiral if that makes sense? He'd be in the same room with me. He knows that I like to disconnect from people when I get like this and I get very very quiet and speak as little as possible when i do have to speak but eventually I will want someone near me and I'll want company but I'd be too anxious to ask. (Under read more as it's personal and im really going through it rn™ and really really want comfort. Sorry for mistakes I'm emotional right now.)

Obi-Wan: What are you doing?

Kaden: Playing minecraft.

Then he'd go back to doing what he was doing then maybe an hour or so later he'd ask. "What are you doing in the game?"

Kaden: building stuff.

Some more time would pass he'd inquire once more I would respond: "mining stuff"

He'd go back to whatever he was doing for awhile and then once again ask "what about now?"

Kaden: growing stuff

Obi-Wan: May I watch? It seems peaceful. The music is lovely.

Kaden: Sure.

Obi-Wan would settle on the bed beside me but he wouldn't touch me. Hed simply just be a presence beside me. He isn't actually particularly interested in the game but he does enjoy the music and he wants to make sure I know he's there.

That would be all it took to have me start breaking down and crying, throwing thr control away and curling in on myself. It just happens, especially after I've had an extremely long high. (Not sleeping/being reckless/ irritated and snapping at people/ god complex etc.....all the "joys" of being bipolar) I just feel this overwhelming sense of dread and that I'm not okay in the slightest and the realization of my actions while I was in that heightened state. I feel broken. Ashamed, embarrassed and disappointed in myself once more.

He'd ask if he could hug me and god knows I wouldn't be able to speak just nod as I'm scrunched into a ball. He'd pull me against him and run his hand soothingly over my back while I sobbed, whispering soft gentle reassurances and telling me that I'm going to be okay that its okay, that he's here for me.

Even when I apologize profusely for being like this he reassures me that I've done nothing to apologize for. I cannot control what happens. While he says that he reminds me that I'm never a bother and he wants to be here to help me.

I'd tell him I feel like a burden and bothersome and he's quick to reassure once more telling me if he truly felt bothered or burdened he wouldn't be here at my side at all.

He tells me while he cannot fully understand what I'm going through as he doesn't have the same mental disorder I do he says I will never have to feel alone because he's here to help lessen and quiet all the thoughts that seem to overtake my mind.

He reassures me that even when I have incredibly bad days where any regular person would see my paranoia, my irritation, depression, manic episodes as personal attacks or threats that he doesn't, that he will be here in any way that he can because he cares about me deeply, he loves me so much and he wishes he could take it all away, he knows he can't so he instead vows to stay with me through the storms, that I'm not hard to love, I'm not difficult.....that I'm not a horrible person, I'm not all the nasty stereotypes people lump together about my disorder...that I'm not dangerous or a threat...I'm just...me. and I try my absolute best each day.

Come hell or high water, he's here with me and for me. No matter how ugly or beautiful a day may be for me. He's here. I can't ask for more than that...

[marcyclone]

new hc + ships post bc my old one was long and unorganised

im going to be organising them by fandom so you can pick out the ones you actually care about and adding more on as i inevitably get into more musicals and i’ll try to keep it shorter than last time for each category ok go:

Ride the Cyclone🎢

ships:

SPACERAPS!! perfectsugardolls (separate or poly), nischa, oscha kinda cute ngl wiggles my eyebrows at it, lambcest

head(lol)canons:

(Per character)

Ocean: trans (masc or fem depending on my mood), undiagnosed mental disability, parents are abusive, developed anorexia because there’s never any food at her house. loves animals, becomes stressed if she feels like she doesn’t have control over her surroundings, can’t cook because no one taught her how, scratches her arms habitually, has abundant arm hair regardless of agab

Noel: views ocean as a little sister, insults people to show affection, his mother is an alcoholic and extremely homophobic and has intentionally frightened him with threats of aids if he does as much as kiss another man. picks at his cuticles a lot, also doesn’t know how to cook but is trying to self teach so he can provide for ocean

Mischa: talia is wicked abusive, his parents prefer not to even see him, he essentially vaporises the thought of potentially being bisexual before it even crosses his mind. the more hats he’s wearing at once, the more hyper he is. forward facing hat means trouble.

Penny: autistic, doesn’t think even once before speaking, says things that are usually rude or out of pocket or straight up disturbing and morally reprehensible without even thinking, has a slew of fucked up sexual fantasies due to her exposure to similar things in the commune, self harms to control her restlessness and less to cope with depression, DOES know how to cook

Ricky: pansexual, hyper, teases and makes snarky comments to show affection, gets snippy with ocean too easily, very sexual person in general, craves and requires physical affection, becomes absolutely overjoyed when anyone includes him in anything

Constance: allergic to cats, lesbian but refuses to label herself because she thinks lesbian is a bad word, burns herself on the café kitchen appliances, lips are often swollen due to biting, has gotten a lot quieter and more reserved over time since ocean made the choir

Heathers❤️💛💚💙

Ships:

JDronica, chansaw, mac x Veronica, mac x duke (if you think im going to write the actual ship names with my own two thumbs you’re wrong), Kurt x ram??? kum???

Headcanons:

Veronica: sits really weird, every time she sits on a wide seat like her bed or a sofa she sits butterfly legged with the soles of her feet pressed together, started saying ‘very’ ironically to mock chandler and it ended up becoming part of her vocabulary, has an affection for reptiles, wants a monitor lizard desperately, throws things when she’s upset, likes to hear things make loud noises

Chandler: only actually likes veronica, really she just tolérâtes her, low-key admires Veronica because Veronica is a senior, there’s no motive for her personality she just is actually an asshole, needs to be in control and if she isn’t she freaks the fuck out, ‘tried out’ bulimia too because she was honestly jealous of dukes figure, now has a vomit kink

Mac: transfem, is technically above duke in the pecking order but acts like she’s at the bottom, cuts her ankles only and picks her skin off all over her body, tends to get anxious when she feels literally any extreme emotion, terrified of chandler and would probably be a really funny person to be around if she wasn’t trapped under chandlers thumb, lets duke spend time with her bird

Duke: constantly jealous of everyone around her, miserable home life, abusive parents AND brother, wants to have pets but her parents won’t let her, vents to Tweety to the point he has become her personal therapist and she will literally break into Mac’s bedroom just to talk to him, likes to draw but no one cares or shows interest so she doesn’t do it even though she’s really good at it

JD: he’s literally just insane, dad is orin scrivello (joking… kind of; he is in spirit), works out excessively to the point he overexhausts his body, really likes winter, likes ice in general, his pet hamster is named Pringle and is the only reason he stays on this god forsaken planet, id give him a sexuality but honestly he just likes anyone he can abuse and take control over, consent? who’s that?

Mean Girls🔥📔

Ships:

Regina x Gretchen, Janis x Kevin is low-key cute af, Cady x Gretchen, Karen x Seth (JOKING)

Headcanons:

Regina: has a bit of repressed homosexuality at any given time but it doesn’t affect her too much, actual hypersexual but in the unhealthy way, physically, sexually and mentally abusive and manipulative towards Gretchen specifically, actually enjoys being insulted and degraded, genuinely loves animals

Gretchen: will put up with anything from Regina as long as she gets praise from her, very easily manipulated, "straight" but will fold for anyone with authority over her, acts sexual to fit in with Regina but doesn’t really like sex in general, will literally be raped by whoever is in charge of her and thank them afterwards

Karen: is actually just having fun, has no idea how she got in the clique, she’s just being silly, no clue where she is most of the time, likes dogs, she’s a pretty sexual person but she switches between owning it and being embarrassed of if, confident in her abilities to do anything which actually makes her really great at picking up new hobbies

Cady: observing animals has given her an insatiable desire to lead a pack, really likes monkeys, very autistic, makes jokes that no one fucking understands because she sounds like this🤓, is also abusive to Gretchen when she’s in charge of her but a lot less than Regina (she doesn’t rape her is basically the only difference)

[she-waves-at-cats]

So I relate to absolutely everything in yr "quiet and hardworking" post, except the quiet part cos i talk more the more anxious i am but that's besides the point. What I am interested in is the reading eyebrow twitches because mine twitch A LOT and go all over the place without my awareness. Even if i try to, and feel like, im keeping my face as still as possible. I hate it and it makes me even more nervous cos nobody elses does. I am not diagnosed autistic, if anything i have the opposite problem of reading facial expressions [reading them "too well"/too much into them] but the ADHD doctor diagnosed me with ADHD after about 5 minutes cos he said he could tell by "how alive my face was". It makes me very nervous that my face is doing much more than other people's and Ive gotten paranoid that's why people dont seem to like me. Cos my face is saying things im not aware of and that might be interpreted completely wrong. It feels like yr supposed to have a blasé pokerface and I have the face of a meth addict. Naturally.[I'm not medicated for ADHD]

So im curious as to what you read from people's eyebrows? Do you prefer people with "talking eyebrows" & a face that's alive or does it make you nervous? How do you feel about greyhounds an other dogs with that type of eyebrows?

In short, facial activity (or neurotype) doesn't matter as much as whether your expressions match your true feelings. Some people just don't understand the ways and reasons we express ourselves and if you fight your expressions, that reads as false. This will turn away those who might want to be your friends. But then there are people and situations where we just don't fit in no matter how hard we try, and for those occasions i think it's good to mask. I'm biased here because a poker face is easy for me. Easier than "toning down". But being permanently masked is a miserable life. You don't get rejected but you don't get to experience anything good.

Hey, thanks for asking and helping me think about this. From here on out, it's a stream of consciousness. It's a long post, but you can take heart in knowing that I deleted most of my first draft.

First of all, I think it needs to be said that I haven't been diagnosed with autism or adhd, but at 35 I don't need to be. I've had enough of talking to psychiatrists in my 20s, getting traumatised by them and labeled with mental illnesses that didn't fit me on the basis of my masked behaviour in an artificial situation. Once I allowed myself to accept autism as the cause for my lifelong struggle, it all just fell into place. I was instantly healed of depression, for one.

I wish I was that sort of autistic who doesn't notice and doesn't care about social stuff. Life would be so much more manageable. Alas, I crave friendship and love. In an autistic way. Being loved is my special interest.

The eyebrow twitch was a metaphor mostly. It's about being consciously on the lookout for signs someone's tired or unhappy with me. I think we have the same problem of reading too much into other people's expressions, but it's the right thing to do if you don't want to risk being excluded.

Of course it's all part of a larger picture: what they say, how they phrase it, how they have acted around me historically etc. A single eyebrow movement is nothing, but on a person who has expressed contempt of me before, it's the first sign they're about to say something nasty. Maybe I can stop them if I stop speaking now.

Outside of my close friend circle, people rarely give status updates like "i liked when you did x earlier", "I'm tired of this topic, let's talk about my interest now", or even "I like you". You're supposed to just figure it out from small clues, and if you fail, you suffer consequences. In my experience.

What type of face I prefer? It depends. My two best friends have extremely lively faces, 100 expressions a minute. My husband is not very expressive unless he's actively laughing at a joke. None of these people try to force or fake expressions that don't fit their emotional state. When they emote at me, they are just being themselves, not trying to get me to do something or become something through subtle pressure. They are welcome to look me in the eye because they look with love and acceptance. All these people are great at asking rather than assuming things. And when I tell them something that is true about me, they believe my words.

My own face? I don't know. I think I've always appeared mostly sad and bland. I taught myself to express appropriate emotions, so much that people accepted me even if they instinctively didn't trust me. Now I know for most of my life I was deeply unhappy, so my true expression would've been a scream. Now that I'm no longer depressed, the amount of joy i take in simple things… makes me mask my expressions as well. Grinning like a maniac at a flower or bird or a chain of associations in my mind wouldn't get me any friends either.

I've always preferred to just not be watched. Keep my joys and sorrows private inside my mind or at least inside my house.

I also don't mind looking at faces per se, except when people look straight back at me. When they're busy doing something and telling me about it, or talking to others, I enjoy watching their expressions. It freaks me out when a film character breaks the fourth wall, but I'll allow that if it's really funny. I like looking at photos of others and myself where we're living our lives rather than posing, because faces just look nicer when the eyes are not pointed straight at me.

It's funny you ask about dogs. Being around a dog can be really tiring because they make me feel so observed. I can see the dog making judgements about me, deciding how to react to my words and actions. Their constant alertness to humans makes me self-conscious. The way they mirror expressions is unsettling. It's hard to believe that a creature can genuinely always want to be together and do what i ask it to.

Multiple dogs watching my every move? That would be just like retail. I'm not putting myself through that for less than fair minimum wage.

It's easier to relate to less social animals. Fish, birds, snails even. You don't feel judged by a snail. My cat is easy to care for, because he is very clear about what he wants when he wants something, letting me know with sounds, eye contact and movements, but when he doesn't need me, he does his own thing. We are aware of each other but with no demands.

This is also true about the people who are easiest to interact with. We parallel-play in the same room, text each other our random thoughts rather than demand instant attention. We talk without necessarily looking at each other.

I appreciate not being drawn into a game of just emoting at each other for no external reason, but if someone wants to share something big with me, or ask me for something I can give them, I'm there for them. If a year or two have passed since we last talked, that makes no difference. And if their face is easy to read, that's just a bonus.

[negative-citadel]

Omg. I wasn't expecting to be tagged, but I'm so honored. <3

5 Things that make me happy?

I'm gonna sound really basic and I'm sorry I think I've copied a lot of people...but here it goes LOL

Rollercoasters & Theme Parks in General

What can I say? I love operating rides, I love riding them, I love researching & figuring out how & why they do what they do. I'm a massive safety enthusiast and I LOVE seeing rides in motion. I love operating them the most but I LOVE riding them. I must sound like a dumb thoosie but... I am LOL. I love every aspect, the history - the sounds of the chainlift & safety dog going CLANK CLANK CLANK, seeing my (younger) riders experience their first rollercoaster... ALL OF IT. I love every second I'm in an amusement park. Even on the worst, most busy days - there's always something so comforting about being around these beautiful structures built for amusement. <3 I probably sound so dumb rn lol

2. Cars

I'm a basic man, okay? I love my old Japanese cars. I fell in love with my first car (a 99 Subaru Legacy) and I've been madly crazy in love for older vehicles since. I love working in auto paint. I love explaining to people how auto body repair works. I love listening to my Forester's engine purr when I press the gas pedal. I love the loud, obnoxious Subaru WRX's & Civic's I see running down the road. LIL OLD MIATAS WITH FLIP UP LIGHTS STEAL MY HEART. Literally any car with flip up lights, oml.

THIS IS BASICALLY A REPEAT OF #1 BUT I AM A SIMPLETON, IM SORRY.

3. Fanfiction & Fandoms (ty DBH fandom)

I LOVE writing. I am too shy to post my stuff here but if you are interested in my GARBAGE writing - my ao3 is the same username. When I'm anxious - I write and usually feel better. Depressed? PACKAGE THEM EMOTIONS INTO A DUMB FIC & SHIP IT! I'll always feel much better once I see the amazing & sweet comments the DBH fandom leaves on my fics. I've been in a lot of fandoms throughout the years, but I am SOOOO grateful for this one. Ya'll are so sweet and I wish I wasn't so shy so I could make some friends lol. Every morning, I check my email for comments and kudos and it makes me psychically jump with joy to see people actually like my content.

4. Animals! (Mostly Dogs, but I love all animals)

Who doesn't love pets? I rescued a lil mutt named Lily and she is my ENTIRE WORLD aside from Barney (my car lmao). I LOVE HER WITH ALL OF MY HEART. She's silly, adorable... And most importantly - her favorite hobby is to sleep and cuddle. <3 Before Lily, I did not get much exercise but this dog motivates me to take 3 walks per day. :) I just love doggies in general, but I love, love, love Lily with my entire heart.

5. My Amazing Friends Online!

I admittedly don't have friends irl. SO. I'm extremely grateful for all the amazing people I have met online. <3 You guys are the absolute best. I love to hear what my friends are up to. I love to play games together. It's just a great time altogether.

-

I don't wanna bother too many people with tags... SO sorry to put you on the spot, but @woffpls - I'd love to hear 5 things that make you happy.

When you get this respond with five things that make you happy!!! Then send to the last ten people you got notifications from :)

aww i love this babe =] you're gonna get it right back cuz you're in my notifs 👀

My dog, she is such a sweetie, and although she is V V independant, she knows just when I need her and comes for a cuddle

my friends on tumblr :) seriously I look forward to talking to y'all every day. you have added so much joy and love to my life

Creating! whether that's writing or making upcycled crafts/art I just love being able to get messy and express :D

4. My fandoms/hyperfixations. Seriously I'm obsessed with tv/movies/comics/video games and the communities attached to them. its really cool to be able to exist in a time where we can all come together and scream about out blorbos and make a bunch of art/additions to the fandom to make it ours as much as it is the creators.

5. My found family. My partner, and our collection of fellow depressed, adhd/autistic queers has been crucial to not only my development but my survival <3 its been a very strange existence

@sweeteatercat @kittywolves @malware-wolf @heiko-goes-detroit @treeffles @a-book-of-lost-things @winter-seabass @tentoriumcerebelli @destroya2005 @pushbuttonkitty

[weebsinstash]

Crazy, absolutely insane how the people being replaced by robots thing is starting to actually happen. Writers, artists, translators... Something seen in science fiction media and talked about for ages is becoming a reality is freaking terrifying. Holy shit. I used to brush this type of thing off as some futuristic fiction trope, but the fact the artist AI is already damaging real artists does not feel real. Robot apocalypse might be a possibility. Wild.

Not to sound like a boomer but like yeah basically. ai making concept art, ai music, ai art making nfts, ai writing, actors acting in front of a greenscreen completely alone for their entire movie never even told the context of the scenes or even what movies they're going in, people still arguing that "real jobs" are a thing and advocate for millions being replaced by automation, all the while the excessive environmental damage, the waste, the overproduction, the consumerism, the new release of the exact same shit next year but only minor tweaking so the patent is fresh, price gouging, just

it's hard for me to not be constantly depressed in general, I'm really just constantly getting stoned and using escapism and some probably definitely maladaptive daydreaming to cope. I like to think I've written novels and novels mentally but I guess there's just a persistent air of, hopelessness that I feel isn't just in my life but im my environment and community and just, all of us as a whole that kind of sucks out my motivation from doing anything that takes mild effort.

Like I know I'm kind of jumping from ai art to societal issues/corporate greed but like for example, i reconnected recently with a friend i used to know online like 10 years ago and he basically reached out because, covid was hell and he had some people die and a lot of people are anxious and lonely right now, and we are both those people so, he invited me to come visit. And something that happened to him is that he used to paint and he loved painting and one day at his job, his shithead bastard boss built his own scaffolding to stand on and it collapsed, and a bar swung out and hit my friend in the elbow and gave him permanant nerve damage in his arm and hand and he now has extremely limited use of that limb, period, can no longer paint, even holding his fingers in such a way is painful

It just breaks me. It breaks me how so many of us feel so trapped and unhappy and how when some of us finally achieve some sort of happiness, someone with more power ruins it. Other people just damaging your life, your dreams, gone, and you didn't even do anything, it wasn't even in your control. I dunno. I am a diagnosed doom and gloomer but I guess ever since I was a really young I always felt like people were treated so replaceable and disposable and now I'm an adult and it just kind of chills me that holy shit if I picked up on that as a 1996 baby how hopeless does the current young generation feel. Like I could write paragraphs like some manic crackhead about how worried about shit I am lmao 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

[aroacemarie]

peeked in the 'asocial' tag and it seems theres like. 10 million different definitions of it being used in various communities? so i feel like having used the term just now i wanna clarify what *I* mean by it

im gonna pop this under a read more bc its a long one.

im NOT using it as an ace/aro microlabel (not judging those who do tho). i dont consider it a part of my sexuality/orientation/lgbtq identity. its more of just a personality thing?

im also not schizoid, to my knowledge. im sure i have traits of it? or maybe my understanding of it is wrong? i just know i went through a brief stretch where my being asocial meant i was schizoid, but upon more thoroughly researching the symptoms of schizoid personality disorder i determined it did not apply to me.

its also unrelated to social anxiety. i DO have social anxiety disorder, but my being asocial isnt a fear-related trait. basically while social interaction/the anticipation of social interaction can trigger an anxious response in me, i dont have a strong Drive to be social in the first place.

its also why i consider my asocial trait as being different from being an introvert. its kinda like introversion on steroids. introverts still seem to have a need to interact, whereas loneliness is genuinely a foreign concept to me.

i also dont consider it a symptom of my depression... mostly. yes, withdrawing from social interaction is a bigtime depression, its more of a withdrawal in that context than an general inclination. when im withdrawn bc of a major-depressive episode, it is characterized by hurt and an overwhelming sense of dread/hopelessness. when its just my day to day default state, however, it has a peaceful, content quality.

so to describe it by what it IS instead of what it ISNT:

-i describe my being asocial as an extreme lack of a drive to be social. i dont really feel the need to seek out interaction, and while i still absolutely DO interact with the people i like, i tend to be abnormally unlikely to reach out.

-being alone makes me feel content, not lonely. it feels like sitting by the window on a cold day, wrapped in a warm blanket and sipping a warm drink, peacefully watching the leaves float by delicately on a gentle breeze, the with soothing voice of the wind whispering to you a comforting hush.

-i love my friends deeply. even when i dont interact with a friend for an extended period of time, i still think of them with a deep fondness. i picture their smiles, the way they make me laugh, the way their eyes sparkle with excitement when they talk about their interests. i feel a deep warmth in my heart, and reflect on how much i cherish them, even though i dont feel inclined to reach out and chat with them at that moment. i can still miss them too, even if im not necessarily doing anytying to fix it! (for the record, hazel if youre reading this i was thinking about you as i typed this section, ahaha 💚)

-i get exhausted and overstimulated by conversation easily, even when im speaking to someone i love about one of my favorite topics. its pretty common of me to tap out of conversations or "leave you on read" for hours simply because i exhausted myself. that being said, i DO love to have deep, meaningful conversations!

-i dont find talkative friends to be "annoying" or a burden. quite the contrary; im flattered they like me enough to invest their time and energy into speaking with me! i just have low stamina.

-its kind of like when youre doing your favorite hobby or playing your favorite game but youve been at it too long and youre too wiped to continue. thats how i feel about talking to the people i like, but my stamina might only last a minute or two before im metaphorically "out of breath"

-i dont hate people. in fact? i LOVE people. i look upon all the humans out there, living unique lives and unique experiences, and i feel a sense of childlike wonder. i think of how fascinating their perspective of the world is; their core beliefs and how they developed, the things that bring them joy that would seem strange to me, the things they know that i simply do not. but i dont really want to necessarily have a conversation with them. i prefer being an observer, reading the thoughts they share in public forums (like tumblr and twitter). humans are so fascinating. i just wanna watch you for hours like youre in a little terrarium!

-im told im great with people, and honestly i make friends very easily! not to say im never awkward or am immune to social fuckups! but im empathetic and am told have a high emotional intelligence and tend to make people feel at ease. im really tactful and great at defusing conflict (my favorite quote was in college when a friend told me "you could literally tell somebody to go fuck themselves without offending them." love it, ahaha). the thing is... i dont WANT to make friends. ive got everyone i need already, yknow? my Friendship Inventory is full.

im also gonna acknowledge that my asocial nature is very likely linked to trauma. i do have CPSTD from abuse that spanned the entirety of my childhood, from my earliest memories all the way into my mid-late teens. alone felt Safe, and it still does. but its not a Disorder; it does not cause me distress or impede my ability to "function." god knows ive got plenty of disorders/symptoms that DO. but being asocial is not one of them.

anyway, i hope this helps people understand me a bit better. im always worried that im a Bad Friend (being in a 6 year abusive friendship w someone who constantly called me that didnt help) for not reaching out to people/checking on my friends more. its just... a Thing. ive accepted that its not something i can change about myself, and i acknowledge that means im just not compatible with certain people, to no fault of their own. and thats fine! im not gonna be insulted or like you any less just because we arent the kind of people who could have a closer relationship in a healthy way. some folks just dont vibe w each other!

to any of my friends (and acquaintances! we dont need to be close!) reading this, i love you! i mean that, and i hope reading this helps you understand that i truly do, even if im bad at showing it.

stay frosty ✌

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

tw implied abuse and cheating mention

looking for reassurance and validation and some way to cope with guilt. this is ok to post for followers. a few of my asks have been answered before but namelessly. my name is nettie

I feel guilty that my ex is depressed while I'm doing well for myself now. I have c-ptsd but it's been very manageable in the past two months and I've been happy but I've heard from mutual friends that my ex isn't doing well for themself and is extremely depressed. I have no urge to reach out I just feel really bad that theyre suffering and I'm not. I feel like it should be the other way around and it makes me think that maybe what happened between us wasn't as bad for me as I thought it was. It took ages of self improvement and therapy to get to where I am now but I'm a functional member of society and in a happy relationship while all I hear about them is that they're really struggling. theyre financially fine and in a relationship with someone they (most likely) cheated on me with but theyre still majorly depressed like they were when we were together. they blamed a lot of their depression and anxiety on me and said a lot of hurtful things to me and now im terrified that theyre still feeling that and ive deluded myself into thinking im a victim when im really just a bad person. I've been known to struggle with reality (my therapist and friends believe that I was gaslit and manipulated but I can't remember much of the relationship for whatever reason) so now I'm not sure what's true or not. I don't want to hurt them, I never did and Ive tried everything in my power to make their life easier but it was/is never enough to make them feel better. I feel like I deserve to be punished, somehow. my boyfriend is upset for me because he despises my ex (my bf and I were friends when my ex and I were together; bf and ex never formally met, bf just had a crush on me and thought my ex sounded like an ass and then obviously when i found out I have ptsd he started outright hating them) and he's absolutely adamant that my ex was depressed before-during-and after our time together and I had no influence on that because they are "insistent on wallowing in their own misery and attempting to drag anyone who gets too close down with them". I feel like that's a bit harsh but I thought maybe his thoughts would provide an opposing pov for an outsider in this situation? I dont know. I'm really upset and that familiar "I don't deserve to be happy" feeling is coming up again.

Hi nettie,

I'm sorry about what you've been going through.

It sounds like your ex is blaming things on you which you have no responsibility for. It sounds like you haven't given him any reason to be anxious and depressed, and in fact you went above and beyond to make sure it wouldn't blossom. Perhaps the gaslighting and manipulation you faced may be influencing your impostor syndrome, that you deserve to be punished without any clear evidence as to why.

You don't owe anything to your ex. I think he's making it sound like you do in order to string you back in - my abuser did that by pretending to be sick in multiple ways and blaming it on me, as if asking me to return to his side and tend to him. That's the trap.

You've been through a lot. Why not allow yourself happiness as a reward?

-Bun

[figula]

i do feel quite low atm + cried on ben about it for a while earlier

he had to request that i talked about it again and im continually frustrated by myself for forcing a distance that doesnt need to be there - like literally what is the purpose? he has to ask me all the time to not write my problems on tumblr INSTEAD OF talking to him about them irl. and i just find it so fucking hard to talk irl?! :/ i guess the solution is not to just refuse to do things that are hard for me tho (as usual) so i did talk to him about it

im continually stressed / triggered i suppose by this bullshit w/ my sister and the knowledge we’re going back to my parents for christmas has compounded that a lot bc im terrified of my mum commenting on my body, and im terrified of being compared to my extremely thin sister, and i have been weighing myself 2x a day to check that the number is going down rather than up. i did tell ben this and he was immediately in favour of throwing the scales out but i feel that id be more anxious if i didnt know the number. i know how this all sounds, and it sounds like that bc that’s how it is. it’s already a deeply sad + unhealthy mindset to be in, but i don’t know how to get out of it. i’m fine + eating normally, but im sad that i’m doing this again. (by ‘this’ i mean weighing myself in the morning and evening + thinking constantly about my weight + body) and ashamed :(

also as ive mentioned i feel very battered by the relationship OCD + the gay thoughts OCD (lol irl at that phrase but like... it’s what it is) and i spent a while last night doing absolutely stupid shit in response - like reading all these articles about comphet, measuring my index and ring finger WITH A RULER bc of that study that suggested lesbians are more likely to have a longer ring finger than index finger. and just like being totally batshit about it. ben asked for a list of thoughts but going into detail about that specifically just felt Not Doable so ill probably do my usual thing of writing him an email about it lol. im not a fucking lesbian holy shit! the absolute irrationality!!! i did also do some googling + found a number of bisexual women in a similar thought spiral which was quite interesting - the same kind of shit - terrified of being a victim of comphet, terrified of their relationship not being ‘valid’, terrified of not being ‘true to themselves’. i guess i have to wonder how many of them actually have gay thoughts OCD and how many of them genuinely are victims of comphet bc i do bet it’s a non-zero number. however that’s not a very helpful thought for me specifically lol

plus this latest chess bullshit is also just like depressing me to my core bc i have to spend a significant portion of my online life in a group w/ people who like even if previously i thought they had my back they clearly fucking dont. i do think some of them do, but i thought the mod i talked about yesterday did as well so like fucking hell maybe none of them actually do :| and that’s a really desperately sad thought to have when i do despite my understanding of the situation desperately want to be around to help improve the chess situation wrt women. its just fucking sad and too depressing to even think too much about

anyway. i daresay this is kind of all due to the shit about my sister at its core bc i feel like i was fine before that all kicked off. i am gonna think of another diorama to complete bc i always feel much much happier when im working on an art project + i havent been doing one since i finished the last one, and i think i’ll feel much better once i start up something else. other than that: i dunno, just gonna keep keeping on

[qvackjack]

as much as klonopin helps. you Should Not take it every day bc you will become extremely reliant on it (a withdrawal symptom is major depressive episodes). ive been on klonopin for i wanna say five years now? and it's helpful but if you can avoid becoming reliant on it, you absolutely should. my source for this is that I am reliant on it and even two days without it messes me up sooooo bad it's not even funny </3 im glad you found a medicine that helps you, just remember to be careful with it /gen

not to worry, its only for emergencies. my psych said only to take it if I was on the verge of a panic attack or about to experience a very stressful event. I was given 10 pills to cut in half, and I've only taken four since april, two because I was in severe pain and panicking would have made that pain worse for me. (I am no longer in pain, I was just sick.) Typically if I feel a bit of anxiety coming through that im not working through very well I take low dose of Hydroxyzine as a kind of 'supplementary' thing. these days im not typically needing to that either, whereas this time last year I was taking 50mgs of it three times a day and STILL feeling anxious.

I genuinely appreciate you reaching out to me about this though, and Im sorry you ended up reliant on it. If it eases your mind at all, My psychiatrist was VERY clear on the dangers and im only taking .25 on the rare occasions I DO take it. also I tell my mother every time I take one, so that if I start taking it too often she can always let me know and we can work on it together.

[night-dragon937]

Sorry i accidently Unfollowed trying to hit the ask button: Im a little anxious about this but, I want to know how best to refer to you/yall? I know, the basics of DID and im sorry if this just, comes off as wrong/bad, but im, assuming that DID is specific to each system (I think im using that term right? im sorry if im not) and i just want to know how best to, like. avoid making you feel bad/wrong? (like, im anxious about referring to you as, you or do i need to refer to you as, like. them? or yall?, because i think all of you is valid and great and deserves respect? individually and as a whole?) and i saw the post where like, people think the Host (I am so sorry if i am messing up these terms) is more valid then the others, and that made me sad because, I think everyone is valid? and its like, i dont want to refer to you as the wrong thing (eg: a singular person, incase that strips away the importance of being known?, or as multiple, incase that invalidates?) like, im sorry if any of this comes off as tone deaf. i also got anxious about asking because, I dont want it to seem like the first thing i think about is, this? when interacting, but its why i get really nervous about using you/yall? not that anything was done to make me feel like that, i just want to be respectful? I also dont want to ask tons of questions cause, i know what it feels like to be bombarded with questions about something like this and being treated less like a person, more like a thing to gawk at i guess? like, ive done my best to read up on DID to, better try to understand, but if its unique to each person, I dont want to generalize it? I also am trying not to refer to this as a disability? as im not sure if its, ok to? because it just felt, strange, referring to, what to me seems like a Group of people? as a disability? Im sorry if thats, incorrect or wrong, or even ableist? im genuinely not trying to be. I just, think its important to give everyone individuality and importance? and if you all ? are, different people with their own personalities (if im, understanding that right, i know its possibly different from one person to another?) Then i want to respect that to the best of my ablity? Sorry for all of the rambling and if this is too much a wall of text. im also extremely sorry if anything ive said/done in our interactions, or this ask were offensive? Its alright if you dont want to answer this of course, or if any of this was too personal/touchy, im not gonna get upset or anything and thats completely fair ? I honestly second guessed asking, but figured i needed to before i accidently messed up and said something wrong?

hey no need to apologize! we are willing to answer questions about our experiences with did/plurality! (in fact, it's nice when singlets/non-systems ask questions when they're unsure bc it shows that they care about respect n stuff)

each system's experience with their diagnosis is unique, yes! we have did, but there are various types of osdd that are diagnoses for systems as well

we have what's called a singletsona, essentially a "sona" that's a single person. we mostly have this irl for safety reasons, but we also understand that a constantly changing roster of many people can be confusing esp for neurodivergent people. so, generally, we go by night (cause we're the night system lol it fits perfectly!) and use they/them.

some people do want to interact with us individually (like. maybe four singlets so don't feel bad if you'd rather just interact with us as a whole, but we will let you know if we switch or about alter-specific things) and they refer to us either by who's fronting or by "night sys" or "night system" and refer to us with plural pronouns

you're so very sweet <3

so that refers to people who act as if the body belongs to the host and no one else in the system, the life belongs to the host and other alters shouldn't get as much of a say, or as if other alters aren't really people, like the host is.

you're not being tone deaf at all! even if you were, we'd still be willing to provide info

so, referring to a system depends on a few things. if you're referring to a singletsona, then singular pronouns/preferred pronouns. if you're referring to a single alter, then singular, but if you mean the whole system, then plural. also, if you feel weird about using "you," just know that you was originally a plural pronoun (but has changed in meaning and usage, like they! and thou was the singular)

we're generally pretty understanding and won't get offended unless one is being intentionally malicious (understanding what one is doing, what the affects of the actions are, and still choosing to do it)

we don't know enough to comment on osdd but did is absolutely 100% a disability because this impacts every aspect of our lives, for several reasons. there's the obvious sharing every life decision with a multitude of others with their own personalities and opinions, but did is a trauma based disorder and thus has a lot of symptoms of trauma. did is usually concurrent with ptsd and c-ptsd, and often others. this is bc dissociation is a learned (unhealthy) coping mechanism where we put ourselves literally anywhere but the physical present rw to avoid trauma at a young age, which impacts development of the personality (talking specifically about did). did is... so much more than having brain friends, its freaking out bc someone used a specific tone of voice even if it's not meant maliciously. it's coming to front and having no clue where you are or what's going on. it's being held accountable for actions you have no memory of (and are often out of character). it's often dealing with depression, anxiety, flashbacks, anxiety attacks... you get the point lol

the group of people isn't the disability, it's how traumagenic systems form that cause them to be disabilities, and how that affects daily life. that sounds contradictory. it's... not that any specific alter is debilitating, but the cause of the condition (trauma) and the effects of the condition (dissociative amnesia, etc) that make it a disability. does that make sense?

and you've been nothing but respectful! but thank you for checking, it means a lot to us, truly.

feel free to send more asks/reply to this if you have any more questions or need any clarifications in regards to this (we've been awake for far too many hours lol). also we love talking about our system and info dumping about our diagnosis/diabilities lol

[beidousbunny]

Okay I just read my last ask and went "sweetie, your mental health issues are showing" at myself, but that's besides the point.

It's not even just the character from a personality or story viewpoint, but at least in Childe's case everyone seems to just make fun of Childe mains just because they think he's a bad and annoying character gameplay-wise.

Like yes, I understand, the cooldowns and all are difficult a first, but I really don't get why people say he's annoying to play as. Personally I fell in love with the playstyle the moment I tried it for the first time. Like the riptide? It's so convenient. Two different burst versions? Love it. Sure, you have to play around with the cooldown on the meelee stance but it takes a couple hours practice and it's fine.

That, and the fact that the genshin community can overall be so toxic makes me super anxious to play on co-op with strangers. Like my mains include Lumine, Kaeya, and Amber, and every time I'm playing with other people I'm scared that they'll start making fun of me or even kick me for using them during fights where they are the most convenient ones out of my decently leveled characters.

You can skip the next part if talk about mental health makes you uncomfortable, it's basically just me complaining

It doesn't make it any easier that I have a diagnosed anxiety disorder that includes me shutting down completely from anxiety, or even getting a full-on panic attack when talking to strangers if I'm even slightly uncomfortable/start to overthink too much. Hell, it sometimes even happens with my closest friends or cousins. I can never predict how I react to something because I can be just fine one moment, and crying my eyes out for no reason at all the next thanks to my depression. So it really breaks me when I get criticized about basically anything, let alone made fun of or treated even slightly coldly compared to how people are generally treated.

Mental health talk stops here

I'm sharing that last bit because I really wish people would be more mindful of how they act online, and it's a good example of why you should be mindful when talking to people, especially strangers, because you can never know what's going on behind the scenes. (This wasn't targeted at anyone here, just a general note)

-📝

i absolutely agree. it’s just so sad :( i think childe is an outstanding character and people fail to realize that his ranged attack is also extremely good. he’s super strong, his passive talent is great, and he’s overall extremely powerful no matter how you build him.

i feel you. i have depression and anxiety as well so co-op, especially with strangers is extremely nerve-racking. so many people are toxically competitive to the point where ive wanted to quit. im embarrassed by my builds, my damage, the characters i have/dont, it just sucks.

use whoever you want. there is no bad characters. i dont wanna hear people bitching about childe when they probably don’t even have him/have used him for more than 5 minutes 😐

[rant-2-me]

My mental state has just worsened over the days, though I'm not sure why, and I just feel so unmotivated and lacking any energy to practice any self care other than napping, and also feel anxious because I'm not studying enough.. feel like I'm just 1/4th assing my responsibilities.. And when someone asks me how I'm doing, sometimes I blurt out that I'm not fine, and the guilt I feel afterwards for making them worry, so I find myself withdrawing from initiating conversation with them, even though I really want to, and this makes them worry about me more.. I just don't know anything anymore, everything feels too much, yet I can't rant in a clear conscience without feeling guilty for bothering them, and thinking how I don't deserve to complain because they have had so much worse (yes I know pain is relative, but I feel so horrible, like a whiny child, who doesn't know how to be content with her blessings)......

Sorry I know it's a lot.. feel free to delete it if it's triggering or making you uncomfortable in any way... I just needed to get it out..

My lovely nonnie, im so, so glad you sent this ask. and got it all out of your system. yeah this sounds cheesy but like ive been there, with not knowing how to reach out—im proud you had the courage to send this ask. girlboss vibes.

also this ask took a while to answer and im so so sorry about that, but I didnt want to do anything less than the best for you, so let's just jump right in <[:)

Lacking motivation, god I've been there, but doing self care is super super important so here is a how-to, hon.

How to do selfcare when you’re not motivated to:

1. Be a little “gross.”

Gross is in quotes because it’s so subjective, but you undoubtedly have a few behaviors you consider kind of gross regardless. Now’s the time to do them without judgment. For me, that’s meant showering less, eating weird food combos (sometimes in bed), and letting my brows and mustache grow magnificently unruly. For you, it could mean doing something you normally judge yourself for or cutting back on activities you only do for the benefit of others. Now is not the time to allow “socially acceptable” behaviors to rule you.

2. Eat whatever the hell you want.

This should be a rule always, but I’m not going to pretend there aren’t societal, social, and personal pressures that go into why we eat what we eat. Try to shut down the voice that judges or polices what you’re eating right now. We’re in the middle of a goddamn pandemic. If dinner has to be some slices of cheese and deli meat eaten in front of the open fridge, so be it. If you have a lot of cravings and are snacking more than you normally would, cool. If pre-pandemic you decided you were going to stick to a certain meal plan and it’s just not happening anymore? Don’t beat yourself up.

Yes, what we eat is connected to our mental health, and I don’t want to discount that—but if the stress of eating healthfully is making you feel like crap anyway, whether that’s because you can’t fathom cooking or don’t have the means to shop for certain foods during isolation, just eat the sleeve of Oreos and try again another day. It’s okay.

3. And wear whatever you want.

Or, more realistically, wear whatever you can. Even if it means wearing the same ratty sweatpants for a whole week. Or month. Maybe you started all this out aspiring to get dressed every day to work from home productively, or maybe you have a whole collection of comfortable loungewear you feel guilty for not utilizing. Whatever arbitrary rules and expectations you’ve set for yourself, you can throw them out.

On the other hand, maybe you need to quiet the voice that tells you there’s no point in getting dressed or feeling presentable. If it helps, by all means, play with your look, wear awesome or weird outfits, do your hair and makeup or whatever activity might feel a little silly given your current reality. In the middle of a pandemic, nothing is a waste of time if it makes you feel good.

4. Use shortcuts to avoid creating chores.

In my first week or so of working entirely from home, I was baffled by just how messy my apartment got. How on earth were so many messes piling up when I wasn’t even doing anything but working, sleeping, and eating? I hadn’t realized it, but a lot of my small tidying routines had become casualties to the pandemic. And, it turns out, slacking on the little ways I pick up after myself every day (such as doing the dishes right after I use them) added up quickly.

Instead of forcing myself to stick to the same levels of tidiness that I used to maintain, I’ve found shortcuts. For example, I use paper plates and plastic cutlery when I feel too fatigued to wash dishes so they don’t sit in the sink for days on end. Or I stick to the same two “outfits” to avoid clothes piling up when I’m too depressed to put them away every day. If you can find a small way to go easy on yourself, even if it feels a little wasteful or indulgent or gross, it’s okay to tap into those shortcuts right now.

5. Be kind to yourself if your place is messy or dirty.

I won’t lie: I’m someone whose space impacts my mental health a lot. Typically, keeping my apartment clean helps keep my mental health in check and letting my apartment get gross makes me feel worse. That’s still true in a lot of ways, but to adapt I’ve been trying to be mindful and accepting of where I’m at. And it’s…helped?

It turns out that taking the pressure off does a lot to mitigate the guilt and some of the other negative mental health effects I usually experience. In practice, it involves a lot of talking to myself. Instead of seeing my apartment turning into a depression cave and immediately thinking, “Oh, God, I need to clean up, this is so disgusting, I’m a monster for living like this, of course I feel depressed,” I go for kindness. I think (or even say out loud because, well, desperate times), “Of course my apartment is a mess right now. I’ll get to it when I get to it. I can handle the mess for now.”

6. Accept your new sleep schedule.

idk anyone whose sleep hasn’t been screwed in some way by all of this. Anxiety, depression, fatigue, pent-up energy from sheltering in place, tech use, new work responsibilities, screwy schedules…pretty much every aspect of our new reality can impact our sleep. Some people are sleeping a lot more, some are sleeping a lot less, and some are cycling through both extremes. Oh, and the temptation of naps! It’s all there.

Trying to maintain a healthy sleep schedule during all of this is a worthy endeavor—and more power to you if you’ve figured out how—but there’s a good chance that it feels impossible.

By “accepting” your new sleep schedule, I don’t mean pretending it doesn’t suck; I mean doing what you can to be gentle on yourself about it. For me, acceptance has looked like watching some comfort tv and reading my favourite books at 2 a.m. instead of staying in bed and anxiety-spiraling about how I can’t sleep. Is it ideal? No way. But I’m not going to waste energy stressing about something I currently can’t control.

7. Give yourself plenty of room to do absolutely nothing.

I’ve given myself permission to do a whole lot of nothing. That includes getting rid of the pressure to be productive and practice self-care, yes, but in a broader sense, it also means not forcing myself to actively “adjust” every day.

Some days, I just need to do nothing but feel my feelings. Or avoid feeling my feelings. Or stare at the ceiling. Give yourself space to do (or not do) whatever you need to.

also, nonnie? my love?

Never feel guilty about telling someone who cares about you when you don’t feel okay.

People who genuinely care about you—and I’m sure they are many—will care if you aren’t feeling good, there are always going to be people who care about you, who want you to be okay, that’s why they ask, why people make rant, why “how are you?” is such a common question.

But if you do need to talk, but you feel like you’ll “burden” people who you do talk to, here’s a guide to ranting.

Guide to ranting:

1. Pick the right person. Someone who’s in the right headspace to listen to you, you could also pick someone who cares about you—if you’re anxiety tells you nobody cares about you, pick someone who “should” care about you in your relationship, e.g: a friend you’ve had for a long time, a friend who’s told a few of their problems, or friend you might not feel close with, but seems very kindhearted and a good listener.

2. Pick the right time to talk to them, so you can have their undivided attention. If they are busy—as most people will be with something—they’ll have a hard time giving you good advice and listening to you. Ask them when they are free, and then ask them:

3. “hey, can we talk? I’m not mad or you or anything, it’s just that I have been not feeling great, and I just want to rant to someone about it.” and “No pressure to say yes, you might have your own stuff to do deal with.” to make sure they are the right person to talk to.

4. It’s ok to test the waters. Start slowly, you don’t have to share everything at once if you don’t want to.

5. You never know how your friend will react to what you say.While you can’t know how they’ll react, just remember that sometimes people’s initial reactions may come from a place of shock, surprise or not knowing what to say. Their initial reaction isn’t always their longerterm reaction, it may just take them a little time to process.

6. Look for ways to take action. Don’t get me wrong, ranting can be amazing for you, but on its own may not solve your problem.

But maybe venting to people isn’t for you. No matter! There are other ways to get out emotions:

Ways to rant without talking to anyone

1. Cry it out— simple and rewarding. When the baggage is just too heavy to carry cry it out. It can help you ease the pressure and ease your mind to think straight after days of holding that frustration in.

2. Work out — easy and fun. tire yourself out and release all the frustration in working out! This is going to be so satisfying for you as you try and punch, kick, balance, lift, and breathe those frustrations away.

3. Clean & rearrange — practical and can be fun. we get frustrated by so many things and one thing that can truly help clear our minds is to have a clean place where we can stay and live for the moment to breathe. Clean your room, rearrange your things and you’ll be surprised by the satisfaction this brings — a signal of a new beginning.

4. Scribble — simple and fun. Make scribbles, doodles, drawings, take a pen or a pencil, and let go. It does not have to be “good” art or professional at all. Just draw whatever comes to heart, sunflowers or clouds or rainbows—anything.

5. Write it down — fun and simple. Let those words out of your head and just live in the moment.

How to fight the lack of motivation.

1. Don't fight the lack of motivation.

If you feel down or unable to muster tons of energy, let it be ok. Be easy on yourself and acknowledge that it's ok to have a dip, especially at this time of the year.

2. Once you have accepted your slump, get to the bottom of it.

Ask yourself, "What is the root cause of this sluggish feeling?" Go deeper than the obvious reasons. Is it related to work? Your personal life? Relationships? It might also just be the weather. Get clear on what areas of your life you're feeling the most resistance.

3. Dig into that area. What is not ideal about this aspect of your life? What would make it better?

Make a list of how you'd like your current situation to improve--and be specific. If you truly can't find a reason to be less than enthusiastic, then accept your feelings and let them pass with time.

4. Take your list of what is missing and go through it.

What is holding you back from being able to create the things that are missing in your life?

5. Get support for creating the life you want.

Do some research and find an expert to help you. Even though they love you, friends and family aren't objective enough, and they tend to give advice that is a reflection of their own life and insecurities.

6. Think of current habits that are contributing to a less-than-ideal life.

Maybe it's fear, laziness, or not having enough confidence. Pick one to focus on.

7. Address this habit over the next 2 months.

They say it takes 28 days to create a new habit, but this varies from person to person. If you focus on it for two months, you are sure to build the neural pathways needed to call it a new way of being.

8. Buy a book, read articles or do some research on this particular behavior or feeling.

Read about the common causes of this habit as well as the proven ways to bust through and work around it.

9. Create a plan around shifting your current habit.

Make sure that changing this habit ultimately helps you move forward in the area of your life that is not ideal. The energy from clarity, awareness and then action will immediately get you feeling more motivated, no matter what.

10. When all else fails: make a list of activities that excite you, and do one of them right now.

Talk to a fun friend, dance around at home, workout, watch a funny YouTube video, tackle something on your to-do list. Accomplishing something will give you a hit of dopamine in your brain. If you're too overwhelmed by your day, sit for five minutes and meditate. Put on some soothing music and breathe.

okay, that's all nonnie, I hope you feel the lust for life in your lungs, please have all my love, i hope this helped, this ask took a while, but it was worth if it helps

and if you need to dont worry to send another ask, if you like spam the inbox!! queen!!!

take care, much love my sweet honey, bye <3

—*putting daisies in your hair as they leave* mod peppermint <[:)