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starlightingsss · 1 year ago

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sparks fly / 4

the lucky one. 5

u guys i think i accidentally wrote the reader to be batshit insane sooo

nvm! mentions of the events from last chapter in case its triggering, self image issues

pit. pat. pit. pat. pit. pat.

the dripping sound of water from the sink he hadn't closed driving her crazy, but, it was 2 in the morning.

she wasn't allowed to walk due to the injury on her leg, she had been in the infirmary for 3 days.

she was going to be released tomorrow to go back to her room and it was crucial for her to minimally move her leg.

haymitch was asleep on the couch next to her, having opted to spend quite a bit of time in her infirmary room - this was the only time he had fallen asleep.

she didn't think he was doing it because he cared about her, but because he was scared she was going to try something again and no one would be there to stop her.

she wasn't sure why he cared so much over whether or not she did something to herself, but he did.

he hadn't been drinking as much lately, as alcohol wasn't allowed into the infirmary.

she didn't dare to wake the man, who rarely got any good sleep as indicated by the bags under his eyes.

there wasn't a nurse in the room, as it was late, and there wasn't an avox because haymitch dismissed them.

she had missed 3 training days, and hadn't met any tributes yet.

she was pretty sure that if she even tried to train, everyone else would already have allies.

basil had probably gone out of his way to sabotage her chances at knowing anyone, with him, haymitch and vanity being the only ones who knew about her injuries and what she did to herself.

basil had laughed when he found out, calling her dramatic.

haymitch had been giving her updates about what was happening outside of her little sterilized room, her escort would visit to just talk to her about fashion and stuff, her stylist came in once or twice to tell her about her plans with clothing.

coriolanus snow himself, the president, had come in to check on her.

he told her that she was a very valuable tribute, and that he was there to personally check on her face, to see how it would heal, telling her that that was something that made her insanely valuable.

after he sat on her bed, leaning in and observing her face, he told her he would be back soon - hopefully after her games, and beyond that, when he was leaving - he said something peculiar.

"may the odds be ever in your favor, but i'm sure they will be."

he emphasized sure, as if it was a promise, a message for her.

she wasn't sure what he was thinking of, or if she was just thinking too much.

after that, the head gamemaker visited her. burgundy skymark, known for her bloody and exciting games.

she wasn't as close to the girl as snow was, but her presence was dominating, a little scary.

she examined the room, before asking, "what are you good at?"

the girl was a little shocked by this question, before letting out an "i dont know".

"well, that's unfortunate. that might just make or break your games, can you do anything that'll help keep you alive?", the woman said her eyes finally landing on the girl.

her eyes were peculiar, her pupils blood red and her irises black.

"i- i can forage pretty well .. i know a lot about plants? poisonous ones, and the not poisonous ones .. and when i was younger i would play around with the poisonous ones in our district , eating a little bit every day and eventually upping the dosages to see what would happen.. i can eat a few nightlock berries w-without dying .. stopped after my mom found out." , she told the woman, fear in her voice.

"that... is, spectacular. now anything else? are you fast, or anything like that? what weapons are you good with?", the woman asked, her eyebrows quirked.

"um.. i'm pretty fast i think .. and i'm good at climbing trees.. oh and im super flexible! i can bend all the way backwards when im standing, and then touch my toes." she told the woman, trying to think of anything.

"weapons?" she asked, her intense gaze still on the girl.

"i-i've never used a weapon before but i know a lot about the human body?" she said this, trying to find something.

"elaborate on that." she snapped, demanding.

"i- i mean like i know how to kill someone, their organs and w-where to stab .. and p-pressure points .. oh and i know how poison affects people too.." she said, a little scared.

"what about your aim?" the woman asked, not sure if the girl ever held a bow or throwing knives.

"i'm not .. sure?", she said this as the woman tsked.

"can you swim?" the woman asked, "can you climb mountains?"

"oh .. yea! i can swim and i'm pretty good at climbing mountains? my balance is pretty good." she told her, the woman seemed ok with this answer, as she left her room shortly after this.

the girl was pulled out of her thoughts by haymitch coughing slightly, which reminded her it was 2 in the morning and that the water was still pattering into the sink.

the woman let out a frustrated grunt, before grabbing her pillow and throwing it over her face, trying to muffle the noise of the water - only for it to get louder.

apparently, her grunt had woken up haymitch, who pulled the pillow off her face.

"what are you doing?" he grumped, having just been woken up.

"the water! the faucet isn't closed correctly! i hear it dripping!" she whined, having been tormented with the sound for hours.

he mumbled something under his breath before going to check, "sweetheart theres no water dropping out of the faucet!"

"there has to be! i hear it!" she snapped.

"well there isn't.. sink is dry too." he told her, from the bathroom.

"i still hear it." she snapped this, having not been able to sleep over the sound.

"i hear absolutely nothing." he told her, before resuming his previous position on the couch.

"ughh!" she grumped, before covering her face with the pillow again in an attempt to quiet the sound .. only for it to get louder. "haymitch."

"what? what is it, sweetheart?" he huffed with a scowl on his face, his patience very very thin.

"my pillow. it sounds weird." she told him.

"you've gotta be kidding me.." he mumbled, "let me see."

she threw the pillow at him, as he caught it, pressing it against his ear. "i hear absolutely nothing."

"give it back!" she told him, as he threw it back at her, "i hear the water!"

"sweetheart, i think its time for you to get some sleep." he told her, looking at her questioningly.

"but my pillow sounds weird." she told him, with a frown.

"how about we trade?" he told her, grabbing the couch pillow he was laying on. they exchanged pillows as they both laid down to sleep, his pillow smelling like pure alcohol.

"i still hear it." she told him, as she laid on his pillow. "it's coming from your pillow now."

"i'm about to call a nurse and tell them you're hallucinating." he told her.

"but i'm not. i literally hear it." she told him.

he gave her a look, a little bit of a "what the hell are you on," kind of look.

"throw the pillow out." she demanded.

"and what am i gonna sleep on instead?" he asked her.

"you can use me as a pillow, now throw it out." she snapped.

"you? sweetheart, you're pretty and all but i don't think you'd be a very good pillow ..." he said, looking at her like she was insane.

the glare she gave him was convincing enough for him to put the pillow outside of the door, as he walked back inside, closing the door.

"you still hear it?", he grumped, unhappy at what she was making him do.

"yes i still hear it." she said. confused.

"wow sweetheart, you want me to throw that pillow out too?" he remarked sarcastically, gesturing to the pillow she was laying on.

"yes, please do." she told him, willing to do anything to stop hearing the pitter patter of water.

he rolled his eyes, before throwing her pillow out too.

"you still hear it?" he asked, he was disgruntled, partially joking.

"yes. this is literally driving me crazy i swear to god." she said, as she put her hands over her ears curling into herself. but to her dismay, the pattering got louder.

she reached over her bedside table, grabbing a pen as haymitch realized what she was about to do, he lunged over, grabbing her arm as she aimed the pen at her ear, in an attempt to stab the pattering away - out of her head.

haymitch hissed out a very agitated, "what the hell are you doing.."

"i hear it! it gets louder when i cover my ears and i hear it i hate it." she snarled, as she fought him, with tears in her eyes.

"gonna fucking kill yourself i swear to god ... if you stab yourself in the ear, its gonna go straight to your brain." he told her, as he fought the pen out of her hand.

"i hear it." she told him, tears in her eyes.

haymitch was unsure of what to say, what to do. the woman who nearly just killed herself, an unstable woman.

he threw the pen across the room, away from her and engulfed her in a hug.

"don't ever try something like that again, i don't care what happens." he whispered into her ear. "i'll stay up with you, until the water stops, ok?"

she nodded with tears in her eyes as he didn't stop hugging her, he was like a human straitjacket at the moment.

eventually he did relax his arms, adjusting their position and letting her find something comfortable, where she ended up with her face in his chest, as he held her while they laid down. he felt the fabric covering his chest wet with tears of frustration, as the sound didn't stop.

he stroked the top of her head, telling her to try and get some sleep.

"i feel like im going crazy." she told him, still crying.

"you're not crazy." he promised her this, holding her still.

"it feels like im losing myself." she told him, as tears streamed down her face, "it feels like im losing my mind."

he just pulled her up, looking into her eyes, as he let her keep talking to him.

"it's like everything is slipping away .. i act so differently and i think so differently now .. but also i'm not thinking about anything at all and.." she sniffled as she told him this, "usually before, i just took anything anyone said - because they were probably jealous - but now, whenever someones mean to me .. i start thinking about doing really bad things to them."

"bad things?" he asked, unsure what she was saying.

"l-like killing them .. or torturing them and everything, and it's really bad because i start imagining it and thinking about it.." she whispered to him, tears in her eyes.

haymitch just sighed, caressing her cheek as he let her continue.

"a-and thats not like me at all because u-usually i couldn't even think of an animal dying without being really really sad .. and i couldn't even pick all the flowers in a patch without feeling bad about 'killing them all off'.." her voice was scared, shaky, unsure of what was happening to her.

"a-and lately i've been seeing those things happen to them .. like i stare at that person and i see those things happening to them in real time but then i blink and its gone.. but also sometimes im really really happy, like i really wanna do everything and i just can't stop smiling or anything." she was sniffling, sobbing as he looked at her, his face undistorted, "a-and maybe i was always like this but it's finally just coming out .. like i've always been a bad person."

"if you were a bad person, you wouldn't be crying over this right now," he told her this, as he brushed some hair out of her face, "i'm not a shrink, sweetheart, i'm not really sure what to say."

"b-but even before .. it felt like this sometimes, like i hated everyone and i just wanted them to die and sometimes i did think about it ... i was so angry sometimes. and that i hated myself, and i wanted myself to die but usually when that happened i just went out and started talking to people and giving them food and stuff.. it felt like i was faking it, faking being nice so i wouldn't be bad."

he hesitated before he spoke, not wanting to upset her further, "i think ... you're just stressed because of the games."

"are you sure? what if its something else? what if something is actually really wrong with me?" she whispered, tears in her eyes.

"you're not a bad person, sweetheart. takin' care of me when i get too drunk, smiling at everyone, running around and calling everything pretty, if you're a bad person - theres no hope for the rest of us." he told her this, with a smile on his face, "like one of those fairytale princesses in real life, sweet girl. now, stop trying to hurt yourself because theres absolutely nothing wrong with you."

she had matched his smile at first, before it vanished, and she went back to crying, apologizing for stressing him with that, tears streaking down her cheek again.

"not even sure why you would wanna do that in the first place, pretty girl. gorgeous face, gorgeous body, gorgeous personality, all i can say about you is gorgeous in every way possible.", he told her this as he hugged her closer to him, as she cried harder.

"why are you so nice to me.. i don't deserve it, 'm not even that pretty", she sobbed out.

the realization rang in his head. she didn't think she was pretty, one of the only things people saw about her. she had grown up in a world all about looks - because thats what people would see when they saw her, that she was gorgeous - and that was what they would tell her about, her being pretty. looks were put on a pedestal in her mind, the most important thing because it's what got her friends, and people to be around her - and she didn't think she had that, she didn't think she had the thing that she thought would make every one like her.

in her world, where beauty was everything, she didn't think she was beautiful.

then it all made sense to him, the starving, the stabbing, the fit she threw that ended her in the infirmary.

how he didn't understand why she was smashing mirrors, and the bottle on the table - then he realized, everything she broke was reflective.

they reflected her face and her room had a million mirrors in it. they reflected the face she thought was "ugly", the reflections a reminder that she was "ugly", a reminder that would shatter a girl based on looks, and when she couldn't get rid of the reminders - she tried to get rid of the thing they were reminding her of.

when that didn't work, in her frustration, she stabbed herself.

as he thought about it, everything made more sense.

when she worked in the bar, the men would've made comments about her weight, something they loved doing to women - little things like, "are you really eating all of that?", "you should watch out for your figure more", "shes pretty but she could be skinnier,".

the girl was young at the time, those comments definitely taking an effect on her, sprouting into her disordered eating habits that seemed to be triggered by stress.

how she felt insane and how she felt like a bad person, how the thoughts came quicker as the games neared - the thoughts coming faster as she stressed more, having been revealed due to her being under the constant stress of the games.

as he was in his own thoughts, he felt her breathing become calmer, more even as she stopped crying.

he stroked her head again, as he just watched her - not wanting to know what would happen if she woke up and he wasn't awake, unwilling to risk her having another "episode".

later in the morning, at around 5, haymitch got up and went back to the couch, knowing the reaction if a nurse caught him in bed with the girl.

his head was hurting a bit, from his lack of sleep and lack of alcohol. he slipped out of her room, for just a second to grab something to drink, coming back to find her awake.

"whered you go?" she asked him, sad.

"for some refreshments," he replied with a smirk, as she saw his bottle and glass. "nurse should be coming in a bit, supposed to check you to make sure you can train."

she let out a groan, putting her head back down.

"my head hurts.", she whined.

"hey sweetheart," he called,

"what." she grumped, not really happy.

"you still hearing water?", he teased.

"stop.", she said with a frown.

"just trying to make sure you stopped hallucinating," he half-joked.

"i don't hear water." she answered, begrudgingly.

at that, her nurse entered the room, letting out a "oh good! you're awake.", she walked towards the bed before she stopped and saw haymitch, with a bottle of whiskey and a glass in his hand next to the girls bed, she gave him a glaring look before deciding not to say anything.

the woman examined the girl, having her walk around the room, do some squats, and stretch.

y/n seemed to be ok, so she dismissed her from the infirmary.

there were 2 hours before the training, so she and haymitch just went back to their floor instead.

once she went up, she was hugged by her escort, "oh dear! i missed you so much, the guys are driving me crazy!"

the woman just smiled and hugged her back, before going to her room, to which haymitch considered following her - until he decided against it.

he just sat down on the sofa to enjoy his drink, waiting for her to come out, and it took her a whole 2 hours.

he felt it was taking her a little long, and he had no idea what was taking her so long - 2 hours? what could she even be doing in there?

when she finally came out, she was literally glowing.

"2 hours." he grumbled, as she sat down in front of him with a smile.

"felt like 2 minutes honestly! haven't been able to take care of myself like that for so long!" she told him excitedly, she had done everything - a hair mask, face mask, hand mask, foot mask, she waxed, she took an hour long shower and she did her makeup.

he just looked at her as if she was crazy, "ok sweetheart but you have a training in 3 minutes and basil is already down there."

"oh! wait hows it gonna go?" she asked him this, as she pressed the elevator, "like what's the general idea of whats gonna happen?"

"you'll probably just find whatever you're good at and keep yourself busy, if they wanna be your ally they'll come to you." he told her, sipping his drink as she waited for the elevator.

the elevator came with a ding, as haymitch raised his hand in a goodbye, and she went down - scared out of her mind.

as she arrived on the training floor, it seemed all eyes were on her - stuck to her, and following her as she walked around, inspecting the equipment and trying to find something she might be good at.

the woman landed on a pack of throwing knives, and a bow.

the throwing knives were small, but sharp, small so they could be fast and sharp so they could land in the soft skin of a person, but there were also a variety that were dull - meant to be thrown with force and shatter bones.

she was nervous, feeling almost every eye in the arena on her, as she saw the knives, grabbing 2, and throwing both of them rapidly - landing in the stomach and head of the bot, impressive seeing she threw them almost at the same time - fast and precise.

this time, she grabbed another 2, a dull one and a sharp one - the dull was more weighted, meant to be thrown harder so it could hit harder, but it was still sharp, as it was a knife.

she stood back further, around 10 feet further than before, and launched them again, this time hitting the exact same spots with a smile on her face.

she continued moving back, and throwing knives like that - making sure they landed in the exact same spots, a display of her precision, speed, and accuracy.

once she was done with the pack, she went up to the bot, examining the wounds, not a single knife had missed, and every single knife she threw was a fatal blow.

she seemed shocked as that as she smiled, and clapped her hands together, unaware that she had the attention of the whole room.

this time she moved over to the bow and arrows, standing back further - halfway across the room, before she bent backward, contorted in a disturbing way, her face in between her calves, and looking at the bot, she shot the arrow from the floor like that, hitting the bot dead center in between the eyes, before she uncontortioned herself, firing another arrow - splitting the previous one.

once again, she grinned and lightly clapped her hands together - a childish excitement, and because of her peculiar way of shooting the first arrow, she held the attention of a few of the tributes still.

she wasn't sure how to train now, instead decided to go hand to hand against a bot.

she was small, hard to hit, fast, and precise with her strikes, always having a purpose with how she punched.

she let the bot get the upper hand, as it pinned her in a chokehold and she fought her way out of it.

the attention of the other tributes had faded as she continued this little routine, until she got bored - unsure of what to do, and decided to find a friendly looking person to chat with.

everyone seemed to be in their own groups already, the career pack, and everyone else.

she saw how her previous observations stood to be true, with the girl from 4 occasionally looking over at the girl from 5, the boy from 2 comforting the girl from 2, and how the couple from 1 was a little too touchy for them to just be friends.

she remembered haymitch's warnings, but still decided the career pack was the best option.

and she knew exactly how to start a conversation.

once the girl from 4 was by herself, she walked over to her and sat down next to her.

"shes pretty isn't she?" she told the girl from 4, a smile on her face.

"excuse me?" she asked, confused.

"her!" she smiled, as she pointed to the girl from 5, "you like her don't you? i see how you look at her across the room.

before the girl from 4 could reply, the look of shock gave her away.

"don't worry! i won't tell, i pinky promise!" she told her this, as she stuck up her pinky. as the girl intertwined hers with hers, a shocked look on the girl from 4s face, and one on her face. "wait whats your name?"

"i- amaryllis.." she said, still a little shocked.

"well! amaryllis, its really nice to meet you! i hope we have more opportunities to talk in the future, i'm y/n!" she told her, a smile still on her face. "please don't be worried or anything, i already pinky promised not to tell! i'd never break a pinky promise .. but i do admit, i came over to you and started a conversation wrong. borderline blackmailing is definitely not a good way to make friends!"

"y-yea i guess.." she whispered, confused.

"could you teach me how to tie a fishing knot?" she asked.

"w-what?" amaryllis replied, confused.

"a fishing knot! you're from 4 right? so you know about knots and fishing and everything, i remember a game where the fish were the only thing that was safe to eat, teach me how to tie a fishing knot please? i'll teach you about medicinal plants!"

"alright?" she said again, still a little in shock.

"so you just bring the hook under the bridge, make a bunny and loop it through!" she said, a little more excited.

"um." y/n was a little lost, "i like bunnies so honestly its totally fine!"

amaryllis laughed at this, happy about the girls optimism.

"it's ok, i think you're gonna get frustrated pretty soon so how about you start teaching me about plants?" she told her with a smile.

"oh of course! 1 write this down because i'm reciting as much as i can as fast as i can, ok?" she told her this, before handing her a sketchbook.

"ok so general information, green, yellow and white berries are almost always poisonous, red berries have a 50% chance so don't risk it with those, berries in clusters are bad too, if they're bitter, theyre poisonous, if you can't tell from those, crush the berry and put the juices on your inner arm, if its irritated, its bad, if its not, test some more, avoid berries on creeper plants - like vines and stuff, if they look weird, don't try them, if theyre black, don't try them, if theyre bulgy, dont try them. basically only eat what you can recognize - blueberries, strawberries, blackberries, raspberries, etc., if you can't identify it make sure you test it. if its white, dont eat it, if it has dots, dont eat it." she said all of this, purely from memory. "and for edible flowers, if you can find a katniss plant, you'll never starve, chrysanthemums, sunflowers, carnations, violets, pansy, tulips, roses, honeysuckle, and lavender are all very common edible flowers - but if they're too bright don't eat them, if their smell is off, don't eat them, if anything is artificial about them, don't eat them, dadnelions, daisies, and red and white clovers are all weeds that are edible, don't eat mushrooms because you won't be able to tell if they're poisonous or not. and for berries, just because an animal eats it doesn't mean its safe - i don't care how desperate you get because the human body can go for up to 2 weeks without food, as long as you have water, your mentor is smart and you're from a career district so you'll have loads of sponsors - you probably won't starve, or dehydrate so this isn't something that you necessarily need to worry about."

"haven't you heard?" she told her, "literally everyone plans to sponsor you this year! thats why everyone was staring at you, they wanted to know what the sponsors were on about."

"ehh its probably all my mentor anyway.." she told her, hesitating a little.

"are you kidding? literally half the country is in love with you at this point, they go crazy whenever you do anything!" amaryllis squealed, "almost everyone wanted to ally with you at first, but then you didn't show up on the first day and no one knew what happened."

"really?". she asked the girl, a little shocked.

"yea! don't you see how the careers are totally staring at us? they're gonna ask me to introduce you to them at some point!" she told her.

"oh .. well i don't really want to be part of their little pack thing .. my mentor told me to stay away from them and everything." she told amaryllis, a little shocked.

"wait then why did you come over to talk to me?". she questioned, confused.

"oh! because i saw you and 'her' at the tribute parade, saw how you looked at her and i figured you were going to go find her instead of sticking with the careers,", y/n replied, explaining her observation, "wanted to be apart of your little group!"

"i'm going to stay with the careers.. they're probably the biggest threat in this arena, except for maybe you, i have to protect her from them." she informed y/n, leading to y/n to let out a shocked "oh!"

"well then i'm not sure who i'd want to ally with then ... hey, you know your mentor is finnick odair right?" she said, asking the girl.

"well- yea, but he's working with mags flannigan and stuff.. shes his mentor," amaryllis explained.

"tell him to help mentor me a little please i need to learn more about fishing / swimming ! i can't do either of those , i suck at fishing and i can barely swim." she laughed, a smile on her face.

"oh well .. i heard you could invite tributes over for dinner! you should join us tonight!" she smiled, "gonna have 'her' there .. wanna say its a thing between friends, you know?"

"yea i totally get it! we have to bring our mentors though right? i'm not sure i could make mine go." she laughed, again, "he drinks alot. "

"girl ! everyone knows that, haymitch abernathy is a drunk." she smiled, "just try to convince him, ok?"

"alright! i'll try my best!", the woman laughed. "what time is it? we can leave at 2 right? don't wanna be here anymore.. this room feels so weird"

"i know right! and it's 2 so you could go right now." amaryllis said, "see you tonight?"

"yep! see you tonight!" she smiled, as she walked towards the elevator.

as the elevator ascended, she tried to figure out how to convince haymitch to let her go, and how to convince him to go with her.

the elevator dinged as she went back up, haymitch no longer on the sofa.

she went to his room, barging in and finding him with nothing except a towel covering him, with him having just come out of the shower.

"seems like someone doesn't know how to knock.." he mumbled, as he poured himself a glass of whiskey from one of the many bottles on his counter.

she stared a little, taking him in.

he was fit, a drunk but still in pretty good shape physically.

he didn't have abs but he still looked good, not toned or anything but still attractive. and she noticed it, a little trail of hair leading downwards.

she seemed to be fighting to keep her eyes on his face as she stopped herself from going any lower.

he looked at her with a questioning look, as she fought to keep her focus.

"you know what! i-im gonna go.." she said, as she left the room, quicker than she came in. until she remembered what she needed. "um so actually!" she said, barging back in, catching the man about to drop his towel and put on his clothes. "i-i need you to come somewhere with me tonight .. its a um a dinner and theres gonna be a girl from 5 with her mentor, and its going to be on the floor for 4, with their mentors and both their tributes.

"you made friends with 4?", he told her, "cover your eyes," before dropping his towel, her eyes were squeezed tightly shut with her hands over them too, "anyway, 4?"

"y-yea! the girls really nice and i have something on her that i would tell you but i cant because its a secret and you might tell people! her name is amaryllis and i havent met the girl from 5 but i know about her and they're totally cool and yea!" she said, her words coming out really fast, "can i look now?"

"you can look now, sweetheart" he told her, but he was still only in his underwear.

"wow um so are you gonna.. go? i can't go if you don't and i really wanna go cause i already promised and everything.." she told him this, talking quickly as a blush spread on her face.

"yea, i'll go, sure, just make sure you remind me an hour or so before." he told her, as he quickly smiled at her, as she happened to be looking quite a bit lower than his eyes. he chuckled out a, "sweetheart.." as he realized, "think its time for you to let me put on my clothes?"

#haymitch #haymitch abernathy #thg haymitch #haymitch x reader #the hunger games #haymitch is my man #yummers #haymitch abernathy x reader #my man is going through it #my man my man my man

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jils-things · 10 months ago

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too afraid to ask off anon but I MISS YOUR FNF ERAAAAAA

Is it okay to ask what happened with you and the other two certain boyos?? Luckily I was there when you were fawning over them but I'm curious to know the update?

AWWW HII!! dude thats so long ago im surprised there's still some who knows (aside from my close mutuals of course)!!!! that makes me super soft 🥺🥺 my fnf era was 2 years ago can u believe that!?!?!

im sure the two boyos are ruv and julian!!! (well there was a 3rd one but i'm ashamed to say it /lh)

to put it simply, i just lost interest - i actually thought i could last a little longer with ruv because i know i genuinely adored his character but if you were to ask me who is my favorite fnf mod character - it would be ruv anyways! sometimes the fnf community exhausts me to the core and i would occasionally separate myself from it - with the exception of hypnos' lullaby and pokepasta perdition (i'm very active in those two mods specifically) but trust me, i wish i could be active with the cookie man especially... but at least my ruv gallery still exists (i looked and searched hard for those fanarts i dont wanna waste my efforts haha)

julian was short lived because i was already close to tapping out for fnf (and my eddsworld phase would come up next to last long) but i still think hes so fucking cool and would smile when i see him :]]]

#i remember telling my fnf mutual not too long ago that i'd draw mint oreos just for nostalgia's sake and tbh i really should follow up on #either way - this warmed my heart a whole lot - thank you so much!#~ mailbox #anon tag #did you know i still have his song on my phone tho teehee #ruv i mean

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chososcamgirl · 8 days ago

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HEYHEY ALPHA SIGMA ‼️‼️ HRUYYEUHEH?? IM DOING VERY SKIBIDI (it’s Halloween tmrw and I’m SO PUMPED 😈😈) DAILY CHECKK IN TIMEEEEE!! IM SO GLAD TO BE DOING THESE AGAINNNN YAYYAYAY

NOOOO I HOPE UR TUMBLR IS WORKING FINE NOWWW DONT WORRY ABT THE OTHER ASKK U CAN IGNORE IT IF U DO FIND IT LOL 😭😭

STARTING UNI IS A GOOD IDEAAAA 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️ IT COULD OPEN UP NEW JOB OPPORTUNITIES AND GIVE U MORE EXPERIENCE BUT MAKE SURE TO NOT STRESS ABT IT TOO MUCH‼️ AND WORKKKK HEBRBDHE IT CAN BE SO DRAININGGGG ☹️☹️ I HOPE U GET THE PROPER REST YOU DESERVE POOPIEEE 💔💔

MEETING UP WITH A LONG DISTANCE FRIEND?? FUNNNNNN🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️ IM SO HAPPY UR EXCITEDDDD TELL ME HOW IT GOES‼️🙏

OH YESSSS I NEVER FINISHED DEMON SLAYER SO ITS BEEN ON MY LIST TOOOO BUT IM PLANNING ON WATCHING AOT SOMETIME 🤗🤗

I GOT MY IPHONE UPDATED TO IOS18 AND ITS SO FUN 😭😭 I CAN FINALLY USE THOSE TIKTOK EMOJIS (OR RANDOM EMOJIS I MADE) TO MY FRIENDS (it reminds me of discord SM LOL)

YESYES PICTURES 😈😈😈 be ready for some freaky ones… heh… 😛😈‼️

SJAP WEEKEND AND SJAP HALLOWEEN???? HELLO??? IM SHAKING RNN OMGGG 👀👀

NOTHING REALLY INTERESTING IS HAPPENING IM JUST ATTENDING SCHOOL AND STUFF SOOO 😭😢 BUT THATS KINDA GOOD TOO SINCE ITS NOT THAT CHAOTIC.. I JUST HAVE A LOT OF WORK TO FINISH SINCE I TOOK SO MANY DAYS OFF 😭😭

MAXINE MINX OMGGG THAGS SO CUTE‼️🙏 I LOVE MIA GOTH SHES SUCH A GOOD ACTER I HAVENT WATCHED MAXXXINE YET BUT ITS DEF ON MY WATCH LIST🙏🙏 IVE BEEN BINGING HORROR MOVIES THIS MONTH AND I WANNA WATCH A FEW MORE BEFORE OCTOBER IS OVERRR

HEBEBDBEBBEBRB I WAS WATCHING A HORROR MOVIE AND THEN MY ALARM SYSTEM WENT OFF… I THOUGHT THE ALARM SOUND WAS COMING FROM THE MOVIE AT FIRST BUT THEN FREAKED OUT WHEN I REALIZED IT WAS MINE INSTEAD 😭😭 BUT IT WAS JUST CUS A COYOTE TRIED TO GET IN SO IM FINE 🙏🙏

OKOK AOTD ANSWERR 😈😈 IM BEING SIMON FROM ALVIN AND THE CHIPMUNKS (matching with my friends hehehehe 😛) IKK ITS REALLY BASIC BUT LIKE WE DIDNT RLLY KNOW WHAT TO DO SINCE IT WAS LAST MIN 😭😭

QOTD… WHAT ARE/WERE UR HALLOWEEN PLANS??? (Milking out the Halloween questions rn since it’s still October here 😓😓）

NRNRBRBEJDNBE HAVE A SKIBIDI DAY IYAAA ILYSM MAKE SURE TO GET PROPER REST 🫶🫶

Us btw 😈

- 🐺/kiko

MIKOO!!! <33

do u prefer me calling u miko or kiko… lmk <3

CHECK IN YAY!! ME TOO <33 I LOVE ANSWERING THESE (seemingly late, but i’m gonna get back in routine now that things are back to normal!!🗣️)

IM VERY GOOD!! i just cleaned my entire room and made my bed (fresh sheets AMEN 🙏) and i’m gonna have a shower after this🙂‍↕️ i’m so tired because i woke up at 7am to a missing cat😭 he was like missing for an hour and he didn’t have his collar on (because he takes it off???? like he’s very silly) and i was having a full panic attack/meltdown and went through the forest at the back of my house in my pyjamas because i was actually hysteric😭 i found him though!! (he was not in the forest…) but yeah that was an adventure…😓😓😓

THANK YOU ANGEL!! <33 i’m just trying to enjoy my free time whilst it lasts and trying to write as much as i can because i know with the course im taking next year + work it’s gonna be so full on😭 but we ball!!🔥🔥🔥

yes i’m meeting with her jan next year.. less than 80 days… im so keen like im gonna scream!!!🙁🙁 PLS me and u both… we shall watch it together.. spiritually 🤞🤞 OMG I NEEED IOS 18 i have yet to update it bc i have like no storage 😒😒 i say this as tiktok takes 35gb of my storage… oops!! BUT OMG WTF THAT LOOKS SO COOL OK DELETING SOME OF MY TIKTOK DRAFTS TO GET THE UPDATE😈😈💪💪

EEE I HOPE YOU LIKED THE NEW CHAPTERS + HALLOWEEN SPECIAL YOU MUST TELL ME ABOUT IT AND UR FAVES <333 🔥🔥🐺🐺🙂‍↕️ ahh that’s okay!! don’t go too hard with the school catchup! you’ll get it done eventually, prioritise yourself first though <3

YESSSS!! i must show u photos soon i actually loved how they turned out LMFAO and YOU MUST WATCH IT!!! it’s a little mature.. but if you like thrillers and horrors then i’m sure you’ll like it🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️🤞WHAT THE EFF??? a coyote… we don’t get those here so i’m #thankful🙏🔥 but that would be so alarming and scary PLS i would’ve pissed myself😭 ESP WATCHING A HORROR MOVIE LIKE HELLO???

YESSSAA🙇‍♀️🙇‍♀️🙇‍♀️ no i love all costumes esp group ones idc chipmunks eat EVERY TIME!!🗣️🗣️

AOTD‼️ i just went trick or treating with my neice and cat.. i was supposed to go to a party but didn’t end up going bc something major happened😍 but trick or treating was lowkey fun!!💪💪 WBY🫵

QOTD‼️ (i’m gonna start doing these too LMFAO) now that halloweens over… what is at the top of your wish list for christmas!! <3

ILY MIKO!! TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF <333 AND HAVE A SKIBIDI SIGMA DAY!!

#៵ 🐇 ࣪ ִֶָ ⋆ 𝓻𝓮𝓬𝓮𝓲��𝓮𝓭 𝓶𝓪𝓲𝓵 #🐺 daily check in #miko 🐺

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hydrossity-zone · 1 month ago

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since you’ve mentioned using blender before, how hard is it to learn? i’m curious what other people’s experiences are with the program.

That.. depends on your definition of “hard”, really. Despite its accessibility, Blender really isnt an intuitive program; Im still learning new stuff about it every day, and Ive been using it since version 2.74(!) (geometry nodes my detested..)

Though, if youre just using it for basic box-modeling and rigging, then Id say 90% of the battle with Blender is just memorizing all the damn keyboard shortcuts lol. The good thing about it being free is that theres thousands of tutorials for pretty much anything, so even if the program looks intimidating there are countless ways to get started and break into it.

I dont actually use Blender as much as I should to give out proper advice myself since Ive been prioritizing 2d work and just use 3d as a supplement and a hobby tbh….

My experience with 3d is definitely a bit different than most though, since Ive had formal education in CAD-modeling which is VERY different from modeling for animation and games — stuff like products and engineering and prototypes for 3d print (3d-printing our models was actually part of the course in fact— it was fun! I have professional CAD certification from those years now). The primary software we used there was AutoDesk Inventor, SolidWorks, AutoCAD… we did have Maya and technically could use it if we wanted to, but it was never part of the course.

Point being, I was working from a vastly different mindset when it came to 3d modeling where next to Nothing was actually transferable to modeling for creative work like what Maya and Blender are for. So, starting Blender during its 2.7x version, doing something entirely different for 4 years and then coming back to Blender’s 2.8+ version was…. A Lot. For sure. (Blender’s 2.8 update was one of the biggest if not the biggest updates to the program that completely redefined it as a whole — all the version updates between 2.0 and 2.79 and 3.0 and 4.0 dont even come close to what happened between 2.79 and 2.8.)

I guess Im saying is that, even if you know nothing, or if what you do know is wrong/not useful, you can pick it up and figure it out any time. There are so many resources that can help you, at least one of them is bound to be the one that clicks. (No, you dont even need to do the infamous Blender Donut Tutorial to figure it out— I myself never did it, after all!)

A big part of figuring stuff out for me is just looking at what other people have done and figuring out why, which is also why I wanna make my model rips open to people, bc model rips genuinely have helped me. Just taking what was made already and playing with them like theyre touys does actually help! Just seeing their geometry for yourself up-close or posing them and seeing how their bones and rigging work, its good learning material! (Id probably recommend looking at people’s personal rips if possible before going to places like the-models-resource or SketchFab, seeing as theyre pretty hit-or-miss in terms of quality. I also just have a lot of beef with tmr in general lol.)

This has been more summarization of personal experience rather than any actual advice, but I hope you could at least take something from it!

#theres a lot of other things I could say but this is already super long 아아아아아 #like how bc of my cad experience Im way too familar with the .fbx format (which is an autodesk format)#which is great for me bc thats the original format of the Runners #SFSB and Dash models and its what I convert my SpeedSim rips to (since the scene ripper rips models in its own native format first)#gosh I wanna talk about the ripping process for these games someday. not now but Someday #especially since you’ll be assed to find a complete tutorial on how to rip most games especially mobile games online #cant talk about how I rip SpeedSim models though unfortunately bc it bypasses roblox’s anti-cheat #p much all ripping tools are picked up by the game’s anti-cheat but I have a bypass and Id really rather not make it public #both so I wont get in trouble and so they wont patch/block it #but I can talk about how ripping stuff from SFSB/Dash works definitely #it might not work for everyone though. reason why it took me forever to finally do full proper rips myself is bc it just wouldnt work #due to Circumstances with my computer and whatever I guess #whatever. I should sleep Ive been talking too long #ask #anon #thank you for the ask!#hydro.txt

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kindlyfunkn · 2 months ago

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in other news though this past month or so has been maybe the worst of my life, was already feeling down about everything but now my cars fucked up again. power steering pump is shot, terrified me driving to the garage the other day (for just an inspection, an inspection no repairs, so i can get my car re-registered. ffs.) bc it started blowing smoke out of the hood and the wheel suddenly locked up.

couldnt get a hold of anyone but idk none of my friends either have cars or are free during school/work hours this was maybe around 11. my first instinct was to call my mom but she was unavailable, shes been travelling bc of my cousins wedding in alberta and mightve still been on a plane maybe idk. but she would've probably called my dad anyway bc hes the one who could actually help me, i called him right after my mom didnt pick up.

he lives 2 hours away though, i was within walking distance to my house so i just called to ask what i should do. the switch in his voice from neutral to worried was funny, especially bc ive been giving him sort of the silent treatment since we got in a petty fight. he contemplated if he could come out to town to have a look but remembered his friend craig and told me to stay where i was to. his friend is someone ive met before and had look at my car before too, and he lives out in town.

so craig was really nice, got some power steering fluid for me, drove my car for me (bc he's used to driving junk) to the garage and spoke to the mechanic for me, vehemently denied my attempts to pay for the fluid and cab fees. he told me its really funny how similar i am to my dad when we need help. he said that he told me: "you're shy like him, you stutter like him, you're nervous like him... uh no offense."

anyway so the garage wasnt able to do anything for my car bc if they didnt have the parts to fix my steering then they couldnt complete the inspection, but he didnt charge me anything so that was cool.

gotta make another appointment at a different garage.

also, speaking to my mom last night i told her how awful thingsve been. headache almost every day, i cant sleep (other night only got to sleep after 7 am, then the next night only got 3 hours, as example), how when i got up i just started crying full waterworks and i wasnt even thinking about anything. didnt tell her how i keep wanting to get drunk at night bc my thoughts just run rampant, done it a few times now. the headaches come with or without a hangover though, i grind my teeth at night. my guard was missing for a while but recently ive found it i just havent been wearing it though i should.

i didnt mean to unload anything on her just give her an update how ive been feeling bc i havent had anyone to talk to really. dont really like to vent really seriously to my (twin) sister, and my older sister (whom i live with) doesnt ever really seem to care—i feel like i cant really be upset when im around her bc she always has something happening at work or whatever. plus she keeps saying things that make me feel worse or more worried and she doesnt realize how awful ive been feeling, a few times when expressing that my head or back hurts she offers nothing except "do you want to try my meds?" NO i dont want your prescription meds!! i did take one of her migraine meds once bc they wouldnt work for her so the last pill in the bottle she offered to me and i remarked that it worked a charm, but the new meds she has now are different and strong enough that apparently they are sometimes given post surgery. sure ibuprofen/naproxen and tylenol dont work more than half the time for me but im not going right into strong meds when im taking other things. my sister doesnt take any meds other than the migraine stuff, i do take meds, i dont want any interactions.

but anyway i got sidetracked, i'll tag with the sister vent tag too. anyway i kept what i said to my mom short and simple, didnt think much of it bc sure ive been stressed out and demotivated (what else is new) and just needed to get off my chest. hate complaining to my friends i feel i do it too much. mom gave me support words of encouragement stuff like that, but told me she'll look into therapy options for me if i want since im still under her and my step moms insurance while im a student (which i technically am, exams and classes are done but still need a workterm and we're only considered fully graduates until we complete a workterm). baffled me. i used to see a counsellor (not by choice to start and i got put in dbt which sucked but i could cancel so i did bc it wasnt going anywhere. dbt mightve helped but it was on a webcam and i leaned out of frame to grab my pencil once which dropped to the floor and i was scolded so i thought this sucks im dropping this lol) but it never did much for me, but i didnt expect my mom to bring up therapy outright. we dont really do/see stuff like that in our family.

but yknow a therapist may help me right now bc everythings going south and im not that smart with adult things yet so much that i think its detrimental, so i think i said yes. if it turns out i dont need it then i can just drop it, but i think somebody unbiased who knows how things work would be able to help me a lot. its just for figuring my life out.

woof this js a huge post. did not mean to write so much and meant to keep this simple and to the point, but yknow im incapable of being concise its a curse. wasnt even gonna talk about my car initially but just started rambling. anyway thats my shitty life update

#funk's record log #older sister tag

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pwblogarchive · 3 months ago

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February 2005

February 1, 2005

im guessing you are regretting this monster you created. he gave me a prescription and said "these will take take care of your shyness". noone really gets that part though. and who ever wanted you to come out of your shell anyhow. maybe im just pretty sure that i am a total bore. and there's nothing tragic at all, this is (i'm) completely ordinary. and that's whats so tragic. it's so fucking mundane. so while we're all wasting our eyesight on these screens late into the night dying to find some connection to someone- our backs breaking from being hunched over the keyboard- im sending mail addressed to myself just so i get some. im looking in the mirror and dissecting myself, just a smile connected to a pulse, barely connected at that. this wont make any sense when i read it in the morning. i dont want to sleep alone anymore.

- petey

February 2, 2005

“lets pet puppies”

seriously though, lets pet puppies. i have one at home and i had a dream the other night that he was in desperate need of some petting. then i went to my folks and sure enough, he needed some pets. so i did. anyway, im way late on the oc trend, but im into it. ive been co-opting steeg's season 1 dvd and i must say im in love. im three discs in thanks to her. i dont have much to say about it other than its hard to stop watching. its really late right now. ive consumed half of a crumb cake, half a bag of chips with some dip, the rest of my salami, some soy milk, and some rc cola. im disapointed with the fact that ive been periodically drinking soda. it makes me feel so sick. i got an exercise bike the other day. havent used it yet. i should consider using it. it took me 2 hours to put it together. i feel like it owes me some sort of compensation. maybe a fine meal? a flick? a foot massage? who knows, its really up in the air. havent really made any purchases lately except i went grocery shopping the other day. now i have food. ive been trying not to eat out and not to buy stuff. its going somewhat swimingly. i must say that this is such an un-interesting entry. its as boring as a new yorker cartoon. its not fun like those picture searches in highlights magazine. i miss highlights. oh well. currently sleep is calling me but im trying to fight it. and now its about to overtake me. so i bid you all a farewell. if you have foreskin, clean it regularly. sanders, im talking to you.

February 4, 2005

“honeynutcheerios” 12:55am

I am gonna do a real update later. Me and patrick are sitting the cafe they shot swingers in. I keep calling patrick "baby". Joe and andy are asleep back in the midwest. I saw the initial art for the record cover today, I don't think you will expect it. I like it a lot though. look around the internet for a new song in the next month or so, it will be very very hidden.

Our friends in new found glory are in europe right now so we had to send chad an mp3 to scream on and send back, bi-continental like jayz "the blueberry still connects"... Look out for that on the record. Chad that is, not jay z.

Oh yeah is it me or do I have a total crush on "kate was like" from the messageboard. Brighteyes, weakerthans, super cute and an attitude... Swoon. Girls don't come much hotter.

Too bad I'm gay.

oh yeah and i'm trapped in l.a. and homesick. so i want to exchange intergeek valentines with you. if you send me a sweet valentine message, ill send you one back: [email protected]

be mine

Peeeeeeeter

ps im playing ghosts and gobins on oldschool nintendo and i think im gonna make a bottle of milk that tastes like after honey nut cheerios were in it- how good would it be if they sold that shit. im not making sense,

February 8, 2005

Iamthedream - Youarethedreamer

new clandestine stuff for the spring, pick it up over at www.clandestineindustries.com in the next couple of months.

February 14, 2005

Turn Up The Geek Factor

im sorry i have gotten sick. my valentines will be finished as soon as possible.

stay lovely.

peter

February 14, 2005

throwing up in the sink(ing feeling)

Hey. I'm back. Actually not really. I am in nyc. I found myself here last week trying to get better and get stuff for our record finished. Thanks for all of the kind words from everyone. Don't want to say too much right now. Keep your eyes on the site. Interesting things will be happening in the next month. Buy your tickets for the u.s. Tour now its almost all sold out. Go watch harold and maude. Clandestine has a couple of limited and exclusive items in hottopic right now. Stop by and grab some and tell them we sent you. I can't wait to see everybody.

Trouble loves me but not as much as you do I hope.

Peterpan

#fall out boy #pete wentz #livejournal #pete wentz livejournal

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starjxsung · 5 months ago

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HI BABY OH MY GDKJSHFKHSDFIUHKJSDHFKSHFHSDKFH YOURE BACK !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ive been checking on your main blog every single day since uve been on hiatus just waiting for the day you come back and somehow i think the past few days i just completely forgot you had a side blog and idk how i missed your comeback the past few days but ig i did... :((

I HOPE YOURE DOING ALRIGHT!!!! summer has been pretty okay w me so far, mostly just hangouts with friends and staying inside to avoid the sun and any uv rays possible like the fucking vampire i am, etc.

im going to kcon la next month!! unfortunately skz isnt part of lineup and i wont be able to go friday so ill only be able to see the saturday+sunday conventions and concerts, but i hope itll be fun nonetheless. my uncle is some kind of manager in the entertainment industry (idk too much abt it but he usually gets me signed albums every year so im not complaining!) and he usually helps out at kcon every year, so he always has at least 2-3 free tickets.. whenever he visits so im usually able to head to kcon if my schedule fits!!

i think for other life updates on my part theres not tm.. i ended up going on a diet the past month because ive been really wanting to lose weight for a while now but ive never been able to do it in a healthy way because ive had an ed for as long as i could remember.. (growing up with asian beauty standards is pretty tough unfortunately 😞) i used to be 130lbs at 5’1” so i always considered myself overweight because of my height, but i recently lost 10lbs and im hoping i can reach my goal of 110 within the next month asw 🤞

aside from my life update rant though, ive srsly missed you so much star you dont even know !!! im so happy youre back 🥺🥺🥺

as always, ur biggest fan

~ 《 ☘️ 》

BABY BABY BABY BABYYYYYDHDKDKDKKFOVKFKEMRKFKF I MISSED YOUUUUUUUUU my little clover angel I LOVE YOU SOOOOO BAD I AM ACTUALLY YOUR NUMBER ONE FANNNNNNN 💔💔💔💔💔

I’ll be back on main blog™️ soon !!!! I miss it there too tbh RAHHHH side blog is good too but main blog is where everything started and I miss posting so bad 💔 I also somehow check tumblr less ever since the creation of side blog so I have to physically remind myself to check tumblr and I just. miss when I had more time to post and people wouldn’t get annoyed of me answering asks on main ☹️ BUT FEEL FREEEE TO SPAM SIDE BLOG™️ TOOOOOO she exists for all ur spam/vent/miscellaneous needs and I love checking on you guys even when I’m not on main. I love you !!!!

I’m so glad summer has been treating you so well ALSO KCON??? HELLO??????? I AM SOOOO FUCKING JEALOUS OH MY HODDKDKDMDMDKD I wanted to see Taemin & nmixx SOOOOO FUCKING BAD MY BABIESSSSSSS 🤲😭 TAKE SOOOO MANY PICS FOR ME I CANT WAIT TO HEAR ALL ABOUT IT RAHHH IT’S GONNA BE SOOOO FUCKING SICK I CANT WAIT I love this for u. Kcon era. Yes.

Also don’t be so hard on yourself my angelllll just make sure you’re staying healthy :( I love you :( and I fully acknowledge that beauty standards are fucking impossible to live by and they can genuinely be so taxing to try to fit. But as long as you’re healthy and happy and doing what you want for yourself only, that’s what matters :’) I’m always a message away if you need me (even though I’m fucking garbage at responding) and I love you no matter what. Take care of yourself precious cargo 🤲💓

I LOVE YOU and I missed you and I promise I will be back on main blog™️ as soon as I physically can be. I am ur biggest fan actually if you were a clover I would pick you and keep you in a little resin necklace and wear you all the time. I love you !!!!!!!!.!.!.!!.!/!:!!,?,!.!.!

#☘️ anon #ask

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journalofabrokenheartedvirgin · 2 years ago

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Page 93 (part 1)

Update: They broke up with me on Saturday. I had sent them a good morning text on Thursday and they never replied, which gave me even more anxiety then I already had about all of this shit. I didn’t text them or send any memes or anything the rest of the day or on Friday. Eventually they texted me late on Friday night asking if I wanted to go for coffee the next day. I immediately knew what that meant and I started bawling. Jessica asked how I knew it was a breakup talk or if maybe they just wanted to go out, but I knew, I knew then for sure that they were going to break up with me. I cried for a majority of the night after that until they texted me again basically saying that they were in a funk about our relationship and just need time for themselves but they would explain more the next day. That made me cry harder. Jessica asked me wasn’t this what I wanted, a face to face conversation? I said yes but I just couldn’t believe they were ending it, besides all the little things in the past few weeks, im blindsided, it felt like it was going so well and It was devastating me. The next day we met at the coffee shop and they told me that they didnt have the time, space, or energy to focus or give so much to something serious and that demands so much attachment and emotions, that its for the best we end it now before we get too attached. I told them that I was already there and I was attached. I started crying, which was really embarrassing and I apologized, and they just said I didnt need to apologize and that breakups are hard. They said they wanted to make sure I knew it wasn’t because of me or anything I had done, and in fact I had been “nothing but wonderful and anyone would be lucky to have me” (ugh) but that they just need to focus on the last few months of being here and doing their job and looking forward to their move and school. I told them I completely understand and that im so incredibly happy and excited for them, which they appreciated. I told them that even though it hurts, that im glad I got to meet them and have the time we did, and they agreed. Although, when I told them id miss them, all they said was I’d be okay, which hurt because does that mean they won’t miss me? Why couldn’t they have said literally anything other than that? And the fact that they didnt seem sad at all kills me, in fact, they looked more like they felt bad for me, which makes me want to die. That is literally so embarrassing to think that they just feel bad because they’re breaking my heart or whatever and that they aren’t actually all that affected. But, what hurt the most, was them saying that if things were different and they were staying, they could have seen us working out long term, and it just fucking sucks, knowing that there had been a possibility that if they hadn’t gotten into Harvard then they would be staying here and we could have been together. Another cliche, oh it happened in another universe or maybe next life ill be in the one where they dont leave and we stay tohether. It always come back to that for me, wanting to feel happy in the idea that somewhere else it might have worked. Hana said that if they had really meant what they said, then they would have been willing to try and make it work because my person will want to go through the hard stuff with me to make it work. That hurt so much to hear and I just wish I could be with them. I already miss them so much, and this is a different kind of pain then if we had broken up in August, because even though I knew what was going to happen, at least they would have been gone, out of San Diego, but now, they are still here, living 10 minutes away from me, and I will have to live for the next 2 months knowing that they are here and I am not getting to be with them, and that is painful as fuck. It’s like with Liam over summer two years ago, where I knew he was back in Florida, and instead of making plans like we had previously, I had to know he was there but never actually get to spend time with him.

#love #breakup #brokenhearted #heartbreak #relationship #journal

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midnightmisadventures · 2 years ago

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Dream updates cause ive been busy

And now that i did that, i can tell u about this dream last night. Lately ive been on the roadd againn, getting offers about social media jobs and stuff like i was offered a “tumblr” related position and i was like omg slay

Staying in chip when someone else lives there

Hanging out with groups of guys i dont knowwwww at all. Like i do in the dream but i dont in real life, and theyre all so nice and cool and funny and sweet. And this one cutie was like hugging me and i loved him. He’s like a guy i would fall in love with in a tv show.

Oooh the other night i was in this same situation but Liam was there. And we were on a school bus and picking seats and we alos had to sleep on the bus so there was that. And in the beginning Liam and i were super spread out, we were not maknig eye contact with eachother, trying not to beb awkward but also i was like im not even gonna talk to him. Like not in a mean way, i love him of course in a, its completely ur move and im respecting your 3D boundaries when you said GET AWAY FROM ME. (bc obviously i didnt know we were in the 5d) ONe time when he was walking through the isle on the bus i looked at him when he passed me just to give him an opportunity to give me a gesture and he didnt.

Also we were for sure passing through wyoming and seeing this cool attraction. It was a one of a kind, all metal, one passenger rollercoaster that looked like a pin wheel. I was real excited to see it

So then later.....we are inside somewhere sitting on this long couch against the wall. And when we walked in Liam was already sitting in a conversation and there was this guy in our group who was talking to me so it lined up perfectly like we were walking in and he was like “no no arielle, you have to run that back like go back to what you were talking about” and i casually passed right by him and sat on the couch next to the guy.

So then as the time goes on, people are getting up, leaving and coming back and the seats are switching up. So im sitting chilling talking to someone and Liam comes sits next to me. And at the time i didnt see it as super purposeful but looking back it definitely was. Like there was so much room else where and he sat soooo close. And then, while either joining the conversation or doing something else he subtly moves even closer. To the point where we’re touching knees. But didnt like look at me specifically, didnt acknowledge it. (omg its giving nosebleed) so quickly i just like automatically. Stretched and shifted slightly. Because i wasnt thinking he’s trying to talk or anything, i was just making sure my boundary was strong for me sake. Like please i’m trying to learn how to not miss you dont sit close enough for me to smell ur scent.

Oh and then later, we’re in a family mansion and some family some friends. Its morning and we’re about to leave but i was downstairs before i got ready and then they called everyone to leave so i was like fuck, liam’s gonna see me so ugly i have to sneak past him. So im running up the stairs and i see his room across the way and theres this pretty brunette in a white robe stumbling out his room like they just had the best sex, and i see into the room and liam was turned around butt ass naked getting his things. And i was like........who the FUCK was that?? WHAT

That was that.

Anyway LAST night. I was dreaming in a similar format and i was with friends, but sometimes with family.....and i was with Ia and she begged someone like uncle hans to get us tigers. And convinced him itd be fine and she could take care of them. I was NOT advocating or defending cause thats crazy. And it was. We had two adult grown tigers who were not super violent but not loving and sweet. They were wild animals with big teeth who could hurt us at any moment and we had them on chain leashes. Sometimes it would take all my might to hold onto the chains and i was always so scared to let them go. Ugh is this about control?? Thatd be annoying but whatever. We had tigers.

Then we were smoking and doing other drugs like there was ketamine?? And it just kinda felt like long lasting poppers cause i don’t actually know what ketamine feels like???? And then we were going to this....you guessed it, free concert like show where we could go early and get the best seats. It was sort of in a gymnasium like the dream with kins, or the dreams about skaing and rink sports. I walked in with one of my friends who had the drugs cause we went early to do more K lol. And we got super drunk and pregammed cause we knew there wasnt alcohol in the venue and it was a festival lineup so we’d be here a while. So we run in, get through security drunk im slipping on the first couple of bleachers and we’re looking for the best seats. Then my friends like “heyyyy don’t fret, i snuck in a little k!!” and im like omg! but i felt weird about it out in the open, like she immediately put a line on my leg and did it, and i felt like people were looking but then i was like maybe im paranoid?? Like um yea bestie ur in PUBLIC. But whatever, guess i didnt care, cause she put some on my hand, like a good amount and there i go sniff sniff sniff.

So now we’re fucked but it was such a good time

#dream catcher

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vyvesvi · 1 year ago

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ep #1 update

drops:

im no longer feeling kato kagura but i'll still keep an eye on her

keiko...her sense of humor annoys me a little (not because she's annoying or anything, more just different taste) but apparently she's really talented so we'll see next ep

aoki yuka is pretty and did ballet but she can't really sing. curious to see how she'll do moving forward but 🤷🏿‍♀️

updated picks:

my new top 2

rino's group didnt go in ep 1 but i just kept noticing her. she's my 1-pick for now

yui ando i noticed through her audition with tanaka koto! she has a lot of potential and i like her attitude...very "cool girl" vibes but still personable. i could also tell how nervous she was in the audition so she made some mistakes but like i said...potential

tier 2 picks

mana is like. gorgeous on the show im not surprised that she was Miss Japan at alllll. her audition (with ando chiharu, who i also like) was cut and she got an F but the clip actually sounded pretty good to me? the judge's comments were confusing with the cut they showed. i feel like im gonna have to give her up to god (the other contestants ranked her 90th in skills 🙃) but yeah. uhm. FACE

what made me like momona was really her personality pre-show but she showed a very...disney princess like personality ep 1? so im a bit disappointed. looking for to her audition (with kokoro!) next ep

im very torn on aruha. she danced at body rock which kind already makes her the best dancer here but her team's audition (violeta) wasn't good at all. why did three dancers pick such a vocal focused song? aruha still got A but it feels like a set up since she has no singing experience. either way, i think her potential is through the roof honestly

a secret third thing

i absolutely want her in the group and it seems she absolutely will be, but im not super gripped yet. i apprexiated that the judges pointed out that her face shuts down when she's nervous because that's the first thing i noticed when she was center. rooting for her growth 100% because she already has everything else

peanut gallery

suzu's a good performer but im not sure how i feel about her in the group yet. ran & mena didnt go in ep #1 but i still noticed them a lot, altho mena didn't actually have as much screentime as i expected

i noticed them in the first ep but i dont really want any 2007s debuting.

kokona - very hyewon (but a lot better 😭) & chebul coded. would be very very popular in korea i feel

kokoro - had to do a million staring contests to keep the #1 seat but it was funny every time. ppls eyes would be shaking and she's just staring into their souls 😭 very meme. why did she and rena literally go until there were tears running down their faces, i think it was like 10 minutes? 😭😭😭 ridiculous

tsuzumi ebihara is a good vocalist, was voted #1 by the trainees and was the first person to get A class. when it comes down to it i want as many good vocalists as possible but her age and her vibe kind of don't fit exactly what i want from this group. i feel like there will be other vocalists that i just end up liking more tbh

chronic tiffany face. she's just so idol

still like tsukushi, i think her group is doing latata in the next ep?

kokoro is kokoro. curious as to how much her past in chebul will help here (seems to be helping a lot thus far)

all the random girls who i haven't mentioned who made me go FACE or i noticed otherwise

kamio ayano, zhang zining lookalike

ando chiharu (miss japan teeam with mana)

yamazaki mitsuki (face)

rimika - former hkt48, optimistic

kitazune sakura, strong performer, would be good in kpop, miyajima yugo vibes

bando fuka, funny

sato serina, face charming onstage (performed w kokona)

kenmotso nano, face

akiyama ema, yumeki stan who stole jihyos face

planning to watch pd101 japan s3 so as usual, here are my pre-show picks :^)

selected commentary -

i have a feeling that mana koyama is a dozen but every show needs at least one to keep things fun! she's a 98 liner and the oldest contestant, a former ballerina & miss japan 2021. idk i just think she seems fun but we'll see, i hope she gets decent screentime

momona kasahara is everyone's it girl right now and she's kind of stolen the hype that people expected miu and kokoro to get (😭). her pr video is currently rhe most viewed at over 380k, as compared to all of the other videos which are between 9 and 80k. she's a former member of ANGERME(?) and has a lot of funny clips. looking forward to seeing her skills!

rino sakaguchi is a new add for me. i don't know a ton about her but i liked the energy in her pr video. like tsukushi (below) she competed on iconz and was in cdl infinity. after looking up vocal clips from icoz, im really looking forward to hearing her sing more (as she rapped in her pr video).

others i'll be looking out for

+ kokoro (former cherry bullet!) is competing! crazy that her and linlin popped up on survival shows in the same week

selected commentary -

sakurai miu was on gp999 and is the theme song center! when i watched the theme song...she's super pretty and obviously talented but i thought she was actually outperformed by yamamoto suzu unfortunately

tsukushi sasaki was on iconz girls, the show that created moonchild (the group ruann is in).

ran ishii was in...a group...before this show so she's coming in with a small fanbase already. i watched her pr video just to see and i liked her attitude! she has a very...competent? energy about her

#t watches tv #produce 101 japan #sakaguchi rino #ando yui

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jay-me-says · 4 years ago

Text

Me: I am very patient and will wait patiently for The Memory of The Observer to update

Also me: *checks the TMOTO tag like every other day*

#seriously though #i will wait patiently #im just making sure i dont miss it when the next update comes out #tmoto #hermitcraft

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cynettic · 3 years ago

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hi, i hope i'm not bothering you, but i can order a Scaramouche × Kitsune reader, the two met before the vision hunt (and before he was a fatui if you want) the reader was always in the same place, sometimes having a conversation , the good old routine, but with the hunting of visions the reader disappeared not wanting to give up his own vision, and years later a reunion, SFW or NSFW is by your will, thank you, I really admire your work

Summary - Scaramouche met you as a child, growing up with the constant assurance that you would be right there, sitting at your spot where he could meet you with every visit. He isn't happy when you suddenly disappear.

Pairing - Kitsune!Reader x Yan!Scaramouche

Warning - Slight Yandere warnings?

Penpal - Ahhh- hope this is what you were looking for. I couldn't find a spot to put much nsfw unless I considered writing more for the series ( I could, just put a request in if thats what you’re looking for ). But I hope you liked it!! You're not bothering me at all and I'm glad you like my work!

A/N - Alright- so considering that with the 2.1 update with Scaramouche coming in, I just wanna state beforehand that I wrote this prior so I dont know if we learn about his backstory or anything!!

Link for Part 2

Stay With Me

Scaramouche was used to the routine he’d found himself going along with every visit to Inazuma. As a child he’d pass through the wild fields that stretched just beside his hometown, adventurous and curious with all the tenacity of a child.

And of course you, a kitsune that sat perched on the ground awaiting the Kitsune Saiguu, was bound to notice him. Unlike the other earth kitsune statues, you hadnt turned to stone during your wait. Instead, staying in the same place did you interact with travellers and the locals, which included Scaramouche.

“Fox person!” The little boy chanted, pulling at the hems of your clothing. Bright blue eyes bore into your own, and you slowly shifted your head to pay attention to the boy who was on the verge of bouncing on you.

Humming in reply to his excitement, the little boy paused, both of his small hands still tightly clasping the fabric of your clothes. Soft matted hair brushed past his face in a messy manner, calling out the boy for his boundless running and rebellious urge to keep his hair messy despite his parents wishes.

“Play with me!”

Staring at the boy only a moment longer, you simply chuckled at his antics. “I’m afraid I cannot move from the spot in which I dwell~ Perhaps I’ll be able to entertain you if you bring cards?”

But the young boy had made up his mind at the statement to which you couldn't move. A pitiful frown enfluged his face as he cast you the nastiest glare a five year old could muster. “Boring!” He shouted into the distance of the fields, dramatically turning on his heels and bouncing up into a sprint away. You watched his small figure fade away into the background, absentmindedly sighing and returning to your mindless thoughts.

As a child, Scaramouche would pass by you fairly often. Frequent when he asked you to play with him, and storming away with the same expression when you denied him. Nothing out of the ordinary, you’d lived for an exceptional amount of time, and even though grumpy children were not your specialty, you’d grown accustomed to their behaviour.

Growing up, Scaramouche got no better. You soon noticed his violent tendencies before they became an issue, the way the children shied away from him when playing Temari. Hiding in front of a tough exterior, he scared them away and laughed, approaching you later with tearful sob.

“Will you play with me?” He asked again, trying to hide the fact that he still wept when the other children pushed him away.

But your answer stayed the same, helping him wipe his tears and coaxing him into your arms. Not the first time you’d made contact with a human, but the first time you held them in such an affectionate manner.

It was clear Scaramouche was beginning to see you as some sort of pillar of reassurance when he began running away from home to simply ask to be held. You always welcomed him with open arms, urging him to head back to his household and sort things out. There was no harm in simply providing love and comfort for a child who received none was there?

“Now now, hurry back home little one. Your parents must be growing awfully worried if you’re out by this time at night.”

“My parents dont care about me!”

Darkness slowly pooled into the fields, an obscure shade covering the two of you from the tree you were under. Biting back form your normal emotionless statements, you pondered for something to soothe and convince the boy. Misunderstandings and hardships were normal from what youd seen with children, and you could only offer your hand on his shoulder, a promise. “Go back, I promise to stay here if anything further happens. But you shold give them another chance dont you think?”

And so he’d sprint back to his hometown, and you wouldnt hear from him again till he ran up right up to you a few days later. Begging you to play a game with him. The normal you supposed, and with a grin that seemed to stretch wider with every day, you told him the same thing you told him every single time.

“You cant move?!” Scaramouche nearly yelled one time, tiny fists curling at his side. “Thats… thats stupid!”

“It is isnt it?” You only smiled in response.

Unsatisfied with your response, he clawed your arm, pulling you with all his might. Strong, you realized with surprise that he was much stronger than most children his age. Easy enough to tug away from, but strong enough to take you off guard.

Snapping your hand back to your side, you narrowed your eyes. You weren't angry… no, you hadnt felt strong feelings like that after the disappearance of the Kitsune Saiguu. “Do not attempt to move me,” was your curt response, said in the most stern voice you’d used with the boy.

He’d looked at you only a few seconds longer before bursting into tears, turning away and running. You didn't feel regretful for defending yourself, only turning once more with a tired sigh to stare at the distance.

But just as you stayed ageless, Scaramouche grew older. Still, crossing each others pass was inevitable when you sat in the plains, just alongside the path that lead to his hometown.

With a permanent scowl that seemed to stain his face, he still seemed to have mature a tad bit. Maybe hadnt improved in the social department, because he now scared children and adults and alike, but more mature…

“Hm? Whats this?”

Once again, sitting criss cross under the large tree that provided the perfect shade on sunny days, you stared at the boy expectantly. His hands hesitated at your question, but he resumed shuffling. “Cards,” he simply said in response.

A small featherlike feeling flitted across your chest, making you feel lighter and… almost ticklish. A small smile crossed your face, and you recognized the emotion to be one of adoration. For him to have remembered words you’d spoken years ago, it gave you a warmth you’d sorely missed. A warmth akin to watching him and the other children grow up.

“Ew, dont smile like that, its creepy.”

Swatting at his head, he frowned further when you laughed. “You’re more mature,” you pointed out, lazily leaning back. “You need to work on your people skills though, as someone who hasnt moved in years, thats pitiful that I know more than you.”

“Shut it!”

But as he grew up, you hardly got to see much of him. He’d reached your height and then fully disappeared, leaving no goodbye. And much as you hated to admit it, you hardly noticed, not when days passed in a flurry. You were used to being by yourself, entertaining the kids and greeting the people that passed by.

Sometimes, there’d be the reminder of the warmth he’d given you. But it was quickly overshadowed by your duty to remain seated in wait for the Kitsune Saiguu. A dedication kept in its earnest, but beginning to dwindle.

Inazuma was beginning to change.

“The vision decree…” you repeated, staring at the traveller who’d mentioned it to you. “Care to elaborate?”

The new archon threatenening to take away visions from every inhabitant of Inazuma. It was preposterous, so much that you didnt move. Your vision meant the world to you, but so did the Kitsune Saiguu. You werent sure just how you weighed the two till you saw civilians passing by you, ones you recognized, ones that didnt recognize themselves.

It was snowing, cold snowflakes melting into your skin while your hair soaked in the water. Unflinching, you hummed to a little tune, awaiting someone to pass you so that you could attempt to strike a conversation of somesort. The unnatural weather distanced all who entered the field though, and you simply waited. For the Kitsune Saiguu, for someone, or for some form of entertainment, you didnt know. You Slowly closing your eyes, you decided not to care.

“Im gone for five years and you’re still sitting here like a dumbass.”

Eyes snapping open, you find yourself face to face with a complete stranger. Dark purple hair with dark blue eyes, piercing and dangerous in a way you dont recognize at all. Fancy clothing that you cant identify or put a name on.

The boy took a step towards you, crouching down to stare at you directly. His eyes scanned over your figure briefly, and he brushed the snow out of your hair and ears with one flick of his hand. In the next, he was offering a coat to you. “Take it, you’re probably getting cold.”

You leaned forward, ignoring the coat he offered you. Gently, you raised your hand to brush the hair from his eyes, centred on the way his pupils widened. Offering a small moment of surprise and one glimpse into the small childlike blue eyed wonder he was. “Kiddo,” you breathed, pulling your hand back and scanning him once again. “You’ve grown.”

“And you havent.”

Snickering at his comment, you took the coat. You didnt need it, but he looked like he didnt either. He was already wearing clothing that kept him warm, and with careful observation and an untouched coat, you settled on the fact that he’d brought it here. Brought the coat here for you.

“Still havent improved with those social skills of yours have you?”

He scoffed, letting himself fall back till he was sitting fully. “I dont want to hear it from someone who refuses to move an inch for years. Lazy ass.”

You open your mouth to retort, but instead laugh at his comment, shaking your head. “Gained some humour on your journeys have you? Bad words too it seems. Anyways...” He had sat down, which meant that he meant fully well to sit, chat, and catch up. That familiar warmth filled your chest, a contrast between the cold snow. “Welcome back.”

It wasnt often that Scaramouche visited Inazuma, but when he did, he was sure to visit you. The two of you would sit down for hours, talking about the most trivial topics. He never mentioned what he did in his time away, and you never asked.

But things began to go downhill when news of the vision decree finally took action.

“Its no joke anymore! The Raiden Shogun has taken custody of almost a hundred visions!”

In that moment you made your decision, weighing your vision over the Kitsune Saiguu. Awfully selfish you knew, but you’d spent decades sitting there in wait.

And for the first time you sat up from your position on the ground, clumsily stumbling upright but gaining balance. It takes a few steps until you’re back to normal, and you begin your journey in order to escape the Raiden Shogun’s vision hunt decree.

_-_-_-_

You didnt expect to see him again.

Long grass tickled at the skin of your legs, making you adjust your footing to no avail. Sun slowly descending past the mountains to mark the start of an evening and the soon approaching night. A normal day of exploring the mountains and islands of Inazuma, observing the constant changing situation, and running away from the vision decree like a favourite past-time.

With the exception of a firm grip on your wrist.

Dark purple like hair, same hate brimmed eyes and lavish clothing. You recognized Scaramouche the moment he had appeared, looking just as surprised as you were. That being before he snatched your wrist and snarled, “You.”

You wouldve considered it pure luck to find him, an unexpected reunion with someone you actually remembered. But no, his tone had some predatorial edge to it that had you cringing. Hard. “Yes, its me.” You answered back with a frown, trying to loosen his hold. “Nice to see you too, is something the matter?”

He only seemed confused at your words, pulling you closer.

“Something the matter?” He asked as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. “Well, to start, you’re not sitting at your damn spot.”

Taken aback for a moment, you wondered if that sole fact was what drove the boy to such lengths. Surely he couldn't be so troubled over the fact that you moved… “The vision hunt decree, I'm sure I mentioned that I was sticking around in wait for the Kitsune Saiguu. I decided to wander around and avoid the conflict until I could settle back.”

“You could’ve waited for me,” he stated almost instantly. “I could have protected you.”

You felt your brows furrow quizzically. “Wait for you? Why in the world would I-”

“Why wouldn't I?” He pushed you closer till he could fully grab both wrists, taking a step closer as if his words would resonate clearer in your head. “You took care of me as a child, it would only be fair for me to repay the favour.” But he only seemed to be looking for excuses. “And besides, you can't just up and leave… I didn't know.”

Before you could interject with the obvious answer that he didn't need to know, you stopped. You’d lived decades, nearly centuries if you’d kept count, and you had learned to read people's expressions even when you’d stayed away from them for so long. He didn't know. It hit you in the most unpleasant way that he wasn't aware that it was none of his concern. To him, you were just another thing he needed to keep track of, something he had control over. His face basically screamed, ‘I depended on you to stay in that place.’

Deep breath in and out. You’d lived long, longer than him, you could deal with a child throwing a tantrum.

“Don't worry,” you gestured to the vision ta your side. “I'm strong enough to protect myself, I appreciate your concern, but I’ll be back when the vision decree ends.”

Unconvinced, he pulled you closer, just until your faces were mere inches away from each other. “No,” he said in a stern voice. “I’d rather you by my side, where I can protect you. I hate to question what you’re capable of, but you’ve been sitting down for as long as I’ve known you for.”

“I’ve lived decades more than you,” a simple reply, hopefully enough to get by him. You snatched your hands back with ease, ears flinching slightly when a cold breeze swept past you. But you stayed firm, not wanting to look vulnerable against the imposing air he had around him.

Still unconvinced. “You’re coming with me.”

“No I’m not.”

You’d known him as a kid, watched him grow up along with all the other small ones in his hometown. And maybe you admit you cared a smudge bit about the warmth he gave you when settling down to play cards, but he was different. He had changed in the worst way and you weren't about to deal with it.

“So you’re not coming with me voluntarily?” He asked softly, taking a small step to which you responded by stepping back. He had his hands up, as if telling you he wouldn't hurt you. But the way he said voluntarily sent shivers up your spine.

“No.” Hand on your vision, you held your own hand up threateningly.

He took his time when tilting his head, taking a deep breath in, and then appearing in front of you in just a short stride. Too quick to react, you hesitated before you could attack him. You didn't want to hurt him, he was still a child in your eyes, and you paid the consequences for that. He slid his hand just along your neck, and a jolt of electricity seemed to thrum inside you just as you collapsed in his arms.

Scaramouche was quick to catch you, hoisting you up into his arms dearly. “I do hope you’ll come to understand,” he said softly, cradling your unconscious form in his arms. Making sure not to crush your tail when carrying your legs, he looked past the mountains, sigh resting on his lips.

Because Scaramouche liked to have control of the things he held dear. Like keeping all your valuables neat and tidy in a closet, he was happy knowing you were safe and stable in that spot you always sat on.

And he couldn't have you moving could he?

#genshin impact #genshin headcanons #genshin oneshot #genshin fanfic #genshin scaramouche #genshin scaramouche x reader #scaramouche x reader #genshin impact x reader #cynshealthysfw #genshin fluff

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insertdisc5 · 3 years ago

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Hi!! I wanted to ask, in celebration of Deltarune CH. 2, do you have any updated thoughts and head canons about the game?? Like, y'know, similar to a previous ask about Kris in your Deltarune tag? Thanks!

thoughts on kris part 2 i guess???? (part 1 from ch1 here lol)

spoilers for deltarune like woah. this wont be kris focused just random thoughts on everything. thank you for giving me the opportunity to talk

not that many thoughts for this chapter tbh! EDIT LOL: this was a lie i have a lot of thoughts

-just in general i feel like the player isn't the only one controlling kris... like yes the player forced kris to do what happened in the snowgrave route but AT THE SAME TIME idk it feels like there's someone else too. just because of the terrifying voice i suppose. and also the jerky movement kris does every time they get their soul out? unless there's another reason for it... maybe getting your soul out means you walk weird lol

-BUT ALSO i feel like kris is 100% in control when they create fountains. idk it just makes sense kris would create them. to create another world, a better world, A WORLD WHERE THEIR BROTHER IS HERE PERHAPS? i do wonder why they get their soul out then though. i'm all for it sweetie! do whatever! i support you!

-(i am and will be playing deltarune with only kris' best interests in mind. i will not hurt anyone unless kris wants me to. dont worry my little meow meow im on your side! talk to me! no? okay ill stay under the sink its fine)

-speaking of asriel. SUMMER VACATION COLLEGE WHEN? SUMMER VACATION COLLEGE WHEN? SUMMER (starts crying) V-VACATION COLLEGE WHEN

-kris misses their brother so much it's so sad. if you make kris steal 5$ from asriel they take it "reluctantly"? talking to asriel online so often even alphys knows?? the google search?? GOING INTO ASRIEL'S GOOGLE SEARCH ROOM WITH THEIR EYES CLOSED BECAUSE THEY'RE CONVINCED THEY ALREADY KNOW WHATS IN THERE? THAT ONE IS LESS OF A MISSING THING BUT IM LIKE OH MY GOD

-the city walk with susie at the end makes it clear to me that kris really values susie's friendship... kris even sits with her if you spend long enough near the lake like aaaaah ;_;

-and even in snowgrave you spend your last acts with the final boss calling for your friends like YES there's a way bigger creepy aspect to this (kris as more of a Leader who Commands and commands their subjects to come) but still :'0 (and then noelle answers oh my god noelle im so sorry for the trauma)

-berdly. listen. listen. listen. liste

-berdly sucks but [berdly hurts his arm in the battle against queen if you don't save him because he doesnt want to hurt you] [berdly realizing smg's wrong in snowgrave and immediately taking steps to save noelle] berdly is my little crumb nugget. i will protect him.

-noelle. noelle. girlboss!

-like ooooh listen. hearing about the genocide path for undertale. made me go "that is SO COOL. i HAVE to experience it myself this is great. hehehe killing time" and like no regrets. i was fully enjoying the experience knowing i was an awful person. SNOWGRAVE THOUGH. i will never try this myself its too fucked up. casually grooming your childhood friend to murder people <3 and also acting like a weird stalker towards her <3 stockholm syndrome speedrun i will get all the info i can about this but i will never do this myself

-people remarking the kris/player>noelle relationship is similar to the relationship between player>chara in genocide path is like yes. chefs kiss. don't worry we just are making you stronger and everything will be fine "you made me kill my friend? and for what?" this is fine sweetie don't worry about it!!!!!!

-like the amount of details added to snowgrave, like if you equip noelle's watch she notices later? and her battle animations change as time goes on, she gets an ice shield and stops sighing in relief after battle? oh my god? oh my god.

-(berdly is not awake.) JUST KILL ME RIGHT HERE I HAVEN'T STOPPED THINKING ABOUT BERDLY NOT BEING AWAKE!!!!!

-also why didnt he turn into dust. so many possible reasons. is magic a thing in the normal world and perhaps no magic means no dust (theres graves). maybe he isnt dead. maybe hes braindead. maybe he'll come back. either way that boy is now in the closet big enough to put someone in

-also dess' name probably being december AND THATS WHY NOELLE LOST THE SPELLING BEE?!?!??! FUCK ME UP!!!!! JUST FUCK ME UP!!!!!!! OH MY GOD!!!!!!

-also so many good pixel art this chapter. too many? i didnt need pixel art of cardboard noelle falling on the statue. like thank you but please. please it hurts my game artist brain.

-the expressions in this chapter were also top notch. all the unsettling noelle expressions like (i fall over face first)

-i threw away the ball of junk (which i already tried in ch1) and this time the game was like "ARE YOU SURE BC THIS IS A BAD IDEA" and kris felt bitter :'( (it deletes all your items in the dark world)

-i uh fucked up and skipped the susie+noelle scene bc listen last time ralsei mentionned seeing what susie is doing we missed some PRIMO LORE. turns out it just makes you skip the scene and you dont get anything new. welp

-speaking of ralsei well you know. he exists. but im stuck on him going "i just wonder what being ralsei-like even is...?" ralsei my dude there's so much i could say about this. do you feel like you can't be ralsei-like because you feel like you have to be asriel-like

-but also that makes no sense bc susie hasnt even mentioned ralsei looks like asriel. and i cant imagine asriel being so meek. so WHAT GIVES

-ralsei as kris’ “i wish i was a monster just like my bro and family and i’d look like asriel but with red horns [THE HALLOWEEN COSTUME] and my name would be something cool like ralsei instead of a boring human name like kris and im sweet and cute because thats how i act with asriel because ASRIEL MADE ME” theory because that would be cute.

-ASRIEL GOING TO THE CHURCH TO CONFESS HIS "SINS" WHEN "SINS" AREN'T A THING IN THE ANGEL BELIEF LIKE I KNOW THIS INTERACTION WAS TREATED AS A JOKE BUT WHAT THE FUCK ASRIEL?

-kris definitely has a connection with the big red door in the city, judging by what the kids say they probably went there... i feel like this place's dark world will be the Final Dungeon you KNOW some shit happened there. also the sounds you hear when you go there is the phone dark world call's sound slowed down? AND AFTER SNOWGRAVE APPARENTLY YOU CANT HEAR IT ANYMORE? HUWAH?

-speaking of songs the songs were all so good, My Castle Town rules, the berdly snowgrave music is stuck in my head, flashback is uwah wuahah, Until Next Time is so good, AND ALSO A FRIEND NOTICED THE DARK WORLD CITY THEME IS JUST tHE SONG 74 (MOST NOTICEABLE WITH THE SNOWGRAVE VERSION)?????? WHAT DOES IT MEAN????? it might be just "hey its just reuse" BUT MR FOX YOU KNOW WE'RE GONNA READ INTO THIS IS NOELLE THE ONE SINGING IDK BRO!!!!!!!!!!

-asgore dreemurr fired from the force what happun!!!!! game theory is that asgore is related to dess' death/disappearance but eh who knows

-you start the chapter at lvl2 and get to lvl3 after the final boss, a friend mentioned this is probably because we destroyed a world and im :0

-to go back to kris it's still so interesting to figure out who they are based on how they act/people mention them. like kris shaking the ferris wheel car? yeah makes sense i can imagine a pranking kid do this. kris' dance? yeah thats a little silly but i can buy it. doing cool anime poses? well i dunno this doesnt line up PERFECTLY but sure. BUT EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENS IN SNOWGRAVE... especially >proceed like that is such a weird thing that i can't imagine them doing, but i can't completely see the "player" doing either (compare with going to sans -which kris doesnt know- and going "SANS!" because of course the player would know sans), like THATS one of the reasons i feel like there's someone else in there. the weird robotic merciless actions. if im going super meta it feels like there'd be someone else like writing the choices into existence for us to pick you know? gaster probably? god i need to read more gaster theories i completely sidestepped the gaster shit bc i wasnt interested. anyway just spitballing

-(looks at big shot guy) please dont make him the next tumblr guy i beg you

-obligatory "queen was great" mention if only because this part made me laugh a little bit too hard

that was a lot. thank you for letting me talk

#ask tag #deltarune #deltarune spoilers #snowgrave spoilers

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