#im just gonna throw it under there
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I've got unlimited access to photoshop, and I will be making unhinged edited photos of them -
#buddie#911 on fox#buck x eddie#evan buck buckley#eddie díaz#idiots in love#911 buddie#buckley diaz family#incorrect 911 quotes#sort of but not really#im just gonna throw it under there#buddie fic
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im gonna start killing
#im not gonna start killing im gonna throw up actually#i will strangle charlie and mariana for ruining my life in particular. only mine im the only special one here#they make me sick they're terrible im gonnaaaaa 👊👊👊👊👊👊#rip flippa also#now how do i tag this oh god--#qsmp#slimecicle#charlie slimecicle#el mariana#????#help#my art#sketch#i *probably* wont draw much for qsmp. i hope.#maybe just a couple designs here and there but nothing *real*#ughghghhg#also why are there 94 pages on ao3 for qsmp. wtf guys it started not so long ago. like. i get it. but 94???????????????? bruh#dont aks what i was doing on ao3 im starving for charlie/mariana content#i probably shouldn't say this in the tags under this post but uhhh uhhhhhhhhh uhhhh
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WHY DID I JUST THROW MY FUCKING AIRPODS BEHIND MY DESK
#for one thing i took out marty byrde in the process#AND IDK HOW IM GONNA GET THEM BSCK#LIKE. MY DESK IS UNDER MY LOFT BED WHICH IS PUSHED UP AGAINST A WALL#I CANT JUST PULL OUT EITHER OF THEM WITHOUT LIKE SCRATCHING UP THE FLOORS OR SOMETHING PROBABLY#for some reason i was trying to throw them just onto the desk. instead of getting out of bed like a normal person and setting them there#and they just knocked marty over and fell behind it#good job aylo#this is a tomorrow aylo’s problem now#aylo talks#mine
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i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU
#im so. i am so#this was never an issue my entire life and of COURSE just when id decided to give up on science and go back to art#theres this shit#of course OF COURSE of course of course. why would anything turn out good why would it ever#i have to post artwork and eventually im gonna have to post on instagram and probably tiktok even tho they fucking suck#this is the last place left on the internet that i WANT to be on and ofc now its throwing all of us under the fucking bus#i hope the staff are happy w however much money they get from selling our data. does that make you happy. i hope your happy#x#i dmed glaze on ig to ask for an account and they havent replied yet and ik theyre probably swamped but URGH#i dont think anyones trying to copy my style but on principle Dont fucking use my shit i need to glaze everything ive ever posted#anyways.
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"yes im so fine"
*researches whether i can get my hands on ipecac*
#tw ed#obligatory MASSIVE do not do this#straight up poison that can kill you from one (1) time#used to be used to induce vomiting#directly the cause of death of karen carpenter and countless others#i wont i swear i wont#but i still researched it bc i was curious#tbh there are easier ways of poisoing oneself than semi illegal drugs#also if yall remember the post about a poison i own: i did more reseach and while that amount would probably kill me w no medical#intervention; it would take just under three times as much to be absolutely certain of hitting the toxic dose (calculated quantity per kg#of the top end of a given range. so it could kill me but if i was gonna go out that way id want about three times as much to be sure.)#honestly surprised ive never heard of any deaths from it. the most likely way to survive would be to throw it up i think#(or present to hospital and take charcoal or smth)#honestly though. my research says loss of consciousness and required intubation within half an hour in case studies#hence if you werent in reach of medical attention youd probably collapse an die#and i am very deliberately NOT mentioning what it is bc of how toxic it is#ive thought of combining it and another method to be absolutely sure but eh#honestly if it DIDNT work it sounds straight up embarrassing to admit to people tho thats one of the things stopping me#but literally a dose in a child requiring intubation and kid ended up in a coma recovered w no ill effects.#thats the dream yk. try and succeed and youre free; try and fail and you see no ill effects.#but yeah i wouldnt try w only the amount i have.#so im safe#....rereading the above. okay i might be a little mentally ill lol#but i am safe and absolutely nobody call the cops on me.#im fine.#tw suicide#puddleglum hours#nobody worry abt me ok. im fine.#just thinking silly lil thoughts like usual :)#EDIT: just occurred to me that using this poison could make it not look like a suicide
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a while ago i saw this human bill design on tiktok and omg i love it so so so much 😭 i freak out every time i see it my thoughts immediately switch from normal to AUGGHHHH STOPPPPPPPPPP I HATE HIM SO MUCH HES THE WORST HES AWFUL WHAT A FREAK
#translation: i love this sucker more than anything in the world i wanna squeeze him#the first time i saw it I actually dropped my phone 😭 I WASNT EXPECTING ITT#its. omg. the art style definitely has something to do with it idk#THEY DRAW HIM SO WELL!!!! IT JUST CAPTURES HIS PERSONALITY AUGGHH#IM OBSESSED#I NEED TO TRANSFORM INTO A GIANT SNAKE AND CONSTRICT HIM UNTIL HE DIES#I WANT TO BREAK ALL HIS BONES#LET ME HUG HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#I HATE HIM I HATE HIM I HATE HIM I HATE HIM I HATE HIM I HATE HIM I HAAAATE HIIIIIIIM#EXPLODE.#BURST INTO FLAMES.#i cannot stand it#i cant stand him#i need him to step on a landmine#i need to throw him into a ravine#im gonna kill that bastard with my bare hands#i WILL bite him and i will NOT let go#FUCKING!!!!!!!!!! STUPID!!!!!!!!!!! ASSHOLE!!!!!!!!#i wanna grab him and shake him around#im imagining it right now. thats my heaven. i just get to beat him up. and then hug him. and then beat him u-#one of these days im gonna snap and none of you will be prepared#yknow when you trap your cat under an upside down laundry basket. i wanna do that to him#oh my fucking GOOODDDDDDDDD#this is what happens when i like a character platonically. im normal about my crushes. but nOT THIS GUY!!!!#NOT THIS FUCKING GUY!!!!!!!!#this is a PROBLEM. I CANT KEEP LIVING LIKE THIS#i wouldnt trade it for anything hes my most specialist little guy#i need to put him in a snowglobe. not even the human design i was talking about just the triangle. i need to shake him + some glitter around#stupid fucking weasel bitch. fuck that guy#UGH. WHATEVER LEAVE ME ALONE
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I mean, I like Daigo and Y3 but it's undeniable that a lot of the reason of MineDai being small is cuz Mine, Daigo and Y3 are generally unliked? Not like hated but like just not liked down upon the bigger side of the fandom. Add to that that the yaoi girlies, like us, are just like a fraction of the fandom... well, not exactly big shit to have.
Personally... I'm kinda glad Mine is overlooked cuz... dear fucking god the radioactive waste he could create if he was popular. Mind you, I'm not exactly a Mine fan but I know he would be... not the best for larger audiences.
minedai really is just for us yaoi girlies you're so right .....
#snap chats#OH BUT YEAH i was gonna make that a point in my last post but i forgot to 💀💀#i don't think mine himself is super disliked- i've seen most people upset that he's not back in the main series#yk. OUTSIDE of my circles ofc. people do have issue with y3 tho thats undeniable LMAO it cause people cant grab </3#but on that note daigo is another essential point. like as much as I love daigo and i can write essays about his character#in a franchise where there are protags who wrestle bears / punch tigers / what the fuck ever is going n with maj|ma#daigo is very. Normal. very hilarious but still it's no surprise people overlook him#it's a strength for his character In My Eyes that he's generally hidden from the spotlight#he's a chairman yk. he's only suppsed to come out when things get dire etc etc#but because of that he more so just fades into the background compared to everyone else#SPEAAKING of the hyptheticals of more mine fans tho. christ 💀#i dont even know tbh cause i cant say . its so weird#cause there are weirdos who idolize mine for the wrong reasons (as if theres a right?? way??) so if that was widespread i think id throw up#BUT IM RAMLING point is i love being a part of the like. under-thirty-people minedai club its so fun
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#that's 2 of 3 partys in my moms honor down. this one was our childhood neighbor friends#which it was really good to see them but it was really just a party. no one really talked about her at all. the subject was avoided#i think bc ppl r awkward abt it. like im fine to talk abt it. it happened. i dont see a point in avoiding it#but im also not the most socially adept. which i did pretty good talking to ppl but i was still the most awkward one there#and idk this experience has really taught me that u should have a lot of friends and a spouse bc i dont kno how a person like me could go#thru what my mom did and survive if i didnt have my dad. so i guess i have to con someone into marrying me#id b difficult to marry. im difficult to b friends with. im too avoidant of any people#im gonna die like that lady from 6 feet under with no friends. like a fridge fell on her or something. idk#but i cant die bc my dad cant go thru this again. i dunno. well see what life throws at me#also. my childhood friends r a lot of real smart ppl. like a lot of engineers and medical doctors#they make me feel so dumb. but alas. im but a humble environmental Science person#ay. i dunno. it was fun but im drained#and my cousings boyfriend is still a fucking freak who harasses animals. he really upset one of our dogs#my sister says she can imagine him murdering someone and tbh so could i. so i hope my cousins safe#unrelated
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#HE#Andrew Lincoln#*#andygifs#AND THE BEARD ON HIS CHIN WAS AS WHITE AS THE SNOW#excuse me but The Nose���#EYE CRINKLES 💕💞#me as that guy in the 3rd gif lmao#that bottom lip is illegal#im calling the UN#rogue neck fuzzies 💙#even his adams apple is nice i hate myself#the nest of hair under his hat#A CERTIFIED SPECIMEN#profile that'd make renaissance sculptors green with envy#Michelangelo gonna just throw David in the river and give up
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oh my fuckin god theres infighting on my goddamn 4v4 pass time team what the fuck do you mean you just learned about the official a few hours ago I PINGED ABOUT IT ON THE 8TH STOP ARGUING YOU GODDAMN MAN CHILDREN OR IM GONNA FUCKING KILL THIS TEAM RIGHT NOW
#you will hear about competitive tf2#live posting about my comp troubles#soldier is finnish and he took all of his gaming shit to a friends place to play this offi#last minute our demo says 'nah i wanna play with other solly who is a master'#finnish solly is already 200 meters away at his frienss house#so hes rightfully pissed ans threatening to leave the team#i (med) am panicking because im the team leader and the rosters just locked so if he leaves he cant join back#my co-tl (us solly) is awol#we are getting casted tonight and the other team is french and want to play on a french server#because me and finnish solly are central ish eu we play on netherlands servers#idk how much ping my otherwise north american team is gonna get#idk if we want a pregame#idk how these frenchies play but they are eu so my expectations are low#and its 30 FUCKING DEGREES (celsius) in my room#DOESNT HELP THAT MY HALF FRENCH FRIEND IS CASTING US#AND WE ARE PLAYING UNDER HIS TEAMS NAME#im gonna throw up
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I'm gonna bash somebody's head into a wall
#realized there was a bit of ✨️miscommunication✨️ in details about EBT card stuff and when i paid attention to the literal wording realized#that im not eligible. let my grandpa know (via writing down the texts w exact & underlined wording) and then texted ny grandma abt the#situation. AND THEN SHE SAYS SHES GONNA TELL HIM 'theyre looking into it' AND WJEN I WAS LIKE NO?? THATS LYING AND I DONT WANT#HIM GETTING PISSED AT ME FOR SOMETHING I NEITHER SAID NOR AM GONNA ENCOURAGE TO DO SHE TELLS ME#'i told him. hes a liar. ill play his game.' so i told her fine whatever dont talk to me about this again she says 'ill talk w you later'#AND IM LIKE? WHATS THERE TO TALK ABOUT??? YOU BLATANTLY IGNORED MY WISHES AND I JUST SAID IM NOT GONNA TALK ABOUT IT#anyway#now feeling unbridled rage and annoyance abd want nothing more than to bash something#but i shant. ill just shut down any conversations she tries to bring up about it#and if my grandpa approaches me i will literally just say 'i gave you the info. nothing i can do. grandma said theyre looking into it i#never said they were. i told her not to say that 🤷♀️'#i dont mind throwing her under the bus if shes just gonna steamroll me like that#and thank fuck i gave him the stupid paper first cause at least he has that as a first impression instead of whatever the fuck she said#amber's shit you can ignore
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#im so tired.#honestly things are going fine for me right now but i just. feel like shit anyway. i just want to throw everything away and start over#cant do that. SHOULDNT do that. hate that whenever i start feeling again i have to feel EVERYTHING.#sure. im not numb anymore. i get to be happy sometimes. but i dont know how to fucking DEAL WITH IT.#even “good” emotions become too much to handle. i cant just shove it all down anymore. this isnt progress this is just a new type of hell#and i KNOW if i dont get this shit back under control its gonna blow up in my face. i dont know how much longer i have til it happens
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Spinning + playing lalalala
#i have another appointment with that gender care clinic about t This Week and Im so excited i could throw up on the carpet#i just wanna know how long this is all gonna take because i dont want to be under the false impression im gonna get hormones#within august if its gonna take longer than that#auuuraugghhh
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Making this post just cause I thought it would be fun! But writing about realizing when I was in love with some of my F/Os 🥰 This is like an..irl version or whatever you wanna call it, where I'm watching the media and having an "OH" moment, but I'll reblog this post with a version of like S/I me having the "OH" moment hehe
Putting it under the cut just cause I think it might get long since I'm doing quite a few F/Os!
I have other stories for how I met other F/Os, so if anyone is interested in any other particular ones or such do feel free to ask!🥰😊
With Lightning I always thought he was pretty cute, but for the longest time I never let myself like..actually indulge in thoughts about him for some reason! I never had a big like an "oh boy." moment, I just always was like "awe he's cute🥰" and now I've let myself indulge in thoughts and... I've been refusing to admit how much hes been plaguing my thoughts. Which I think is kinda ironic because most people that interact with my blog is just cause of him, but ive been fighting to not talk about him XD which I'm sure that dam will break at some point.
I think I always kinda had feelings for Francesco, but I never really like...faced it I guess? I just kinda always overlooked it and went on my merry way. I'm not sure when I started really thinking about him and focusing on him but I couldn't stand giving him even more attention because he already gets so much and his ego is already big enough, not to mention the fuel he gets from fans and stuff. He's actually a big sweetheart softie though and I love him. I was always a little attracted to him but just shied away from it and ever admitting to it.
With Finn it was quite similar to how it was with Francesco, except with Finn I was so sure that I just would not ever have a shot with him that I just never indulged in the feelings cause I was like...there's no way he would get with me. I don't really remember how the turning point was or went for when I decided to let myself be consumed by thoughts of him, but it's been, well, very much taking over me, as one may assume from the engagement haha! But I 100% always had some feelings there for him, I just stuffed them down and shut them out to where I never really acknowledged them. I was and still am a very much flustered mess over him though.
I hardly remember how it was with Axlerod, truthfully. I'm not even entirely sure if I remember it at all! I just remember at some point I started giggling a lot over things he was saying and I was like...I'm giggling FAR too much over this man for it to be a normal amount... and I did my little personal 'test' of "Okay well if I romantically like them then I won't mind thinking about doing romantic things with them" and eugm... well, here we are now! Certified husband, recognized in zero states and countries, but that's okay.
Grem and Acer actually have a really interesting story for how I ended up falling for them, and I can't help but wonder how long it mightve been before I admitted to liking them if I never had it go this way, but basically I was talking with an old friend about C.ars characters, and I made a JOKE that they could probably pick any character and make me fall in love with them, and they started listing some silly dumb horribly-executed displays of romance that Grem and Acer would do and it. It worked HGBBDSJNGBS. But it makes me imagine I met them through like a friend and it makes me giggle a bit cause what a way to meet them! Truthfully with as much as I talked about them at the time I can't help but wonder if there was already something there and I just didn't realize it yet.
With Jackson, I absolutely love this story, and I love sharing it, even if it sounds so absurd that I don't know how many people will believe me on it. Basically, apparently I had watched C.ars 3 before with my brother and dad, but entirely forgot about it, and my brother had to keep insisting to me that we had infact watched it before cause I had just forgotten it so badly. I got a bit interested in rewatching it because my brother owned the C.ars 3 game on the Switch and we had been playing it a bit, and the second I rewatched the movie and got to the part of Jackson speaking, I immediately remembered why I had forgotten it. More so, why my brain had completely erased it from my memory. And it was because it was so darn embarrassed over how badly I liked this character! The second I heard him speaking when rewatching it, it hit me like a bus all over again in the feelings department. I must've been so gosh darn embarrassed over how not only did I immediately have feelings, but it wasn't a small amount of feelings either, that my brain just completely nuked any memory of it ever! Jokes on you though, brain, you love it. At least, you do now!
#has anyone noticed the small touch of me slowly stopping censoring their names🫣👀#i accidentally posted this post wrong so i dont know if its going to likem..properly show up or not or if it will get burried under another#maybe I'll just copy and paste everytging and throw it into a different post#well..actually im gonna reblog this with the S/I version so really i suppose it doesnt matter! ah a win here for the day!#dont know how long it'll take for me to come out with the other part so stay tuned haha!#Lightning❤️🧡💛#Francesco💚🤍❤️#Finn🩶💙#Axlerod💚💙#Grem🧡#Acer💚#Jackson🖤💙
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Wish my hands didnt cramp when physically writing, bc I need to journal some shit out and typing isnt helping me
#i need to do it physically bc when i fill my notebook up im gonna throw it in a bonfire#anyway i need to journal out authority issues and how being reminded of death all my life and being told that that should inspire me to live#and not grieve makes me so fucking angry#especially now having lost 9 loved ones in 4 years like fuck you i try to ignore death as much as i fucking can so that i dont get dragged#into a depressive spiral jackass#being told we only live once/love em while theyre here just makes me so fucking depressed!#ive been battling suicidal ideation since i was 10 so those dont inspire me to live they make me wanna DIE#also need to journal out how my childhood felt like living under a panopticon and how that is what made me touch averse (:#anyway im fucking tired and angry and idk how to bring this up in therapy#being off my adhd meds make me so depressed so its so fun bc i get to have these thoughts and then i get angry bc i have no emotional#regulation without it#marquilla
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I've come to the conclusion that when it comes to new characters I have the same attitude as a poorly socialized dog. I swear every time new content comes around and we get the news of new characters my instant reaction is to just. Dislike them. Hope they have little to no importance in the plot. Even when the design looks nice and the characters seem interesting. They're taking screen time away from my faves and my heart tells me to Bite
#this isnt even about the Thing. Its about Astrid#that cool and interesting looking old lady#(im assuming thats her name its what ive seen people use)#Im pretty sure there's something ot be said about my autism here#i dont want things to change. I dont want to risk the show taking a turn for the worse and becoming Insane#if it were up to me#s2 would have just been a reprise of s2 while focusing on different things#and s3 would be a reprise of s2#which means ofc that the show wouldn't be nearly as compelling as it is. that' why i trust the writers#but at the same time I HAAAAAATE CHANGE#I think the longer hiatuses contribute to this. I am given time to adjust to what can be considered canon and then BOOM#rug pulled from under me with only like 2 months of antecedence.#and I have to be prepared to let go of my headcanons and my current views of this world and its characters#and to accept that these new faces they're throwing at us will be just as important as the ones I already know and love#like I WANT to be spoiler free but at the same time I gotta prepare myself for what's coming#bc otherwise I'm gonna get the air knoked out of me fr#cons of letting a show take over 60% of your brain#turns to the other 40%: at least I've got you. you'll never change or abandon me#*the Cells look at me uninpressed and tell me to get a job*#hilda the series#hilda s3
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