#im in an all might mood today
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That fae OC of mine who is void of color (black hair/black eyes) and is looked upon as a blemish by the older fae and decides to go all out and wear only black clothing with a sharpness who actually has a good friend group who loves their little black hole. They love him so much. He's just their special little void.
#my characters#he actually has so much anxiety bottled up in his tiny little body ! its totally fine ! hes fine!#but he really is concerned that if hes ever not fun enough for his friends they will think less of him#so he tries to appear as carefree as possible WHILE wearing the edgiest and darkest clothing of all fae#cause most fae are bright and wear rounded clothing (i cant describe it well verbally sorry)#theres just a round softness to their appearances but also v bright coloring to really pop#and lil voidal fae is like :c i dont have that :c :c time to just :c pretend im happy and commit to the bit of Void#hey ive only drawn him like thrice times before (well three posts ! one post had multiple doodles on a canvas)#so chances are youve never met him ! but#i needed a bright little anxious bean today since thats my mood and unfortunately#while i love my son right he is NOT the bright little anxious bean i needed to draw#hes definitely a little anxious bean but unless i go with his dnd au outfit hes not bright#and you might be thinking to yourself well your void is all black how is that bright#and its the vibes you guys 100% the vibes
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grouping up more asks for the next big installement in the itty bitties story and !!!
this might be my first 3-parter... triple whammy combo...
#a 3 parter might be the better alternative to how i usually do it#usually i would do a Chimmy some worldbuilding then TimHazDev and then some silleys. all a bit mixed together in a random assortment#but i think if i only give 1 of the 3 crucial information. im gonna get a lot of asks about it thatll be redundant by NEXT batch of info#or worse. misinterpreted.#so#hmmm#there are 3 concurrent facts involving timmy that all are connected but i cannot put all 3 on the same update#there may be not as much itty bitties today while i work this out!!!#and then i gotta hit everybody with some silleys immediately after to lighten the mood
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Goddamn it Queenie, thanks to your tags on my unreliable narrator post now I have a plotbunny about how Varric and Hawke lie constantly but never lie to each other about anything /important/ and I do not have time to write this, but if I must suffer with the burden of this idea then so you you. Mwah.
klsdjflksdjfk WAAAUGH now i have a plotbunny too!!!!! 😫 screaming crying throwing up ksdfjskdf i'm slowly chipping my way through a vhawke thing right now and OH i do not have time to feed this particular plotbunny, but i am suffering in the burden garden right alongside you, friend, ahhhhHHHHH
because SERIOUSLY, hawke and varric are The Biggest Liars but the way that they lie is so different************* and i am OBSESSED with the ideaaaaaaHHHHHHH
varric deals in half-truths, building shiny pearls around itty-bitty grains of reality. he gives people just enough of what actually happened that they believe him as he talks his way through whatever mess he's in. just enough that they don't stop to question what parts he's leaving out, or WHY. just enough that if anything seems odd or out of place, they can shrug it off as embellishment or artistic liberty and roll their eyes instead of picking it apart the way they probably should.
hawke, on the other hand, tells the truth with the tone of a liar, and that's how she gets away with so much. she learned a long time ago that when you joke about everything, everything becomes a joke, so she smirks and she titters and she winks at the right times, and it becomes impossible to take any of what she's saying as the truth. if you admit to something you did in a sarcastic tone of voice while waggling your eyebrows, did you really admit it at all? can you ever believe someone that committed to the bit?
varric is very good at getting people to believe him; hawke is very good at making people doubt her. but they always see right through each other - there's no bullshitting a bullshitter, no lying to a liar, and even if they have everyone else fooled, well, they recognize too much of themselves in each other to fall for their crap.
*IN MY OPINION IN MY OPINION IN MY HYPER-OBSESSED-FANFIC-WRITER OPINIONNNNNN
#feral-hawke#asks#queenie rambles#truly i cant even begin to tell you how many times today i ALMOST started writing a whole thing for this dklafjlskdjflkasjfkdJFKLSJFDS#AND I STILL MIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!! RAHHHHHH#if i end up doing flash fiction this weekend i might be too weak to resist askldjfklsjfklsjf#im in SUCH a fuckin vhawke mood w all the veilguard stuff happening i stg#my 5+1 thing ive been working on is almost at 9k words rn and just. ITS STILL NOT DONE#I HAVE TOO MANY FEELINGS ABOUT THESE TWO AHHHHHHH
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I always feel so bad about not being able to donate. We are some broke ass bitches but I love and appreciate the effort!
You should never feel bad about not being able to contribute! We're all broke ass bitches, never donate to things if you don't have the means! Its completely okay not to!
#i always feel SO bad doing this stuff but like.#shit man i need money.#ill leave it here in case anyone needs a justification??#a close family member i was living with passed away two weeks ago and i've been trying to help with the memorial#so im making flower arrangements with fake flowers i bought today#and ill admit i've been doing more big social outings to keep from being isolated#and also boyfriend is going to visit for the service#which is paid for#but i'll need funds to take him to go do things too#and if anyone is worried about my mental state i'm doing good!#we had a VERY long time to prepare but that only does so much to make it easier#but if you noticed that i've been posting less thats why#a bit more difficult to get in the mood and all#i might run the doodle sale again too but i don't want to feel like im shaking people down for money#i did get a little part time job that i start on tuesday! but it wont be a lot of income at all
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G/t Halloween
My askbox will be totally open for any and all Trick or Treaters this Halloween! Tell me what giant/tiny you or your OCs dressed up as this year, and you’ll get a treat or a trick from yours truly <3
(Feel free to reblog this to let your followers know you’re also open to trick or treat themed asks on the 31st! I think this could be a fun lil mini-event)
#g/t#giant tiny#im invited to a halloween party irl but idk if im going#[person i have beef with] might be there😔#like id love to go nuts with my friends. but at what cost#if i do go the theme is Greek legends. so im either going to be Icarus (wear all my guy feiri clothing and wings) or Donna from Mamma Mia#OR the greek god of health. idk much about him but he has a staff. and i have enough empty pill bottles to make a staff which would be cool#sorry im rambling. in a rambling mood today#i havent decided what my tinysona is gonna dress as tho
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so my family is going out of town for thanksgiving and my brother was supposed to come pick me up at work like an hour ago and he's still not here and i took an edible expecting id just be in the car and could chill but now im high at work and its a whole thing. anyway send asks?
#juno.txt#i started a new fnv run on my steam deck since i wont be at my puter for like 2 days#also im using my steam deck for the first time in like a year#today was kinda a weird one mood wise. got to talk to my doctor abt meds and we MIGHT have a solution#but everything is still kinda up in the air rn so idk fingers crossed i guess lol#im kinda holding back on my excitement abt it until i know anything for sure#anyway not to turn my tags on all these collective posts into my diary lol#oh also brandy was fronting for a while today so if u have any questions for him he might come around to answer :]
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sometimes i forget that the ship name between hakunon and gilgamesh is hakugil and every time i see them pop up on my tl, haku literally gets a heart attack HBREFJHBERF
#every time i see it my heart does a lil jolt of shock#and then it settles down when i realize its not talking about haku HBERFJHERBHF#this is very random#im just not in the mood today yalls :((#its one of those days when the grief reminds me of things that i lost and i go#whooppee!!! sadness :DD#so yes thats the reason why im not on as much#but good news!!! im getting better!#i dont feel as fatigued anymore#granted i might just need some sugar#dean rambles#gonna rest up for the weekend mostly#can't promise on doodling anything :(( since im gonna be busy with the last few deadlines of the year#thank yuo all for sticking with me !!!
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weeoo
#this is gonna be me talking in tags today#ive been rather sleep deprived lately trying to keep up with everything around me#and its been taking a toll on my health like#if i go too long like this i tend to feel more lethargic and my allergies kick in#i got a sore throat bc my room has been Freezing and then i get headaches way way easier#often times my face will flush but its just my nose and idk why#well anyways lmao i just aint feelin great due to lack of sleep#so i emailed my teachers and stayed home and others might say this wasnt it#but i can barely get to sleep at all these days and just bed ridding myself#seemed like the only way for my body to be like#'fine 🙄 u can sleep' lmao#thats actually one of the worst symptoms is im restless i just Cant grt to sleep no matter how hard i try#ive had a couple days where i was running on 2-3 hours bc i spent even longer Laying there#anyways i hope this makes a difference im tired of feeling tired and shitty#luckily my mood has weirdly been high#its just my sleep and health that are low#i think when the sleepiest soldiers are unable to get sleep thats when u know smths wrong#i think also so much is happening and me trying to keep up is taking more outta me than i expected#im a gal who gets overwhelmed easily even if im happy w whats happening lmao#tho im not Happy im more In a Good Mood lmao#side tangent but i HATE being an adult who doesnt have like idk Help lmao#like my dad was so nice to me sometimes and helped me sometimes#i could go a whole day sleeping bc id be fucking exhausted#and hed qake me up and ask me when i last ate and if i couldnt decide but itd been too long#hed make smth for the both pf us or hed make it For me and id just be able to like recover lmao#ah adulthood is hard lmao#alright im done#gata#no need to read <3 yall
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grgrhgahahh i wanna read more pokespe but i cant do it on my phone and im not unpacking my stuff until the morning
#this is not a real issue i am plenty entertained rn and also am going to be going#to bed soon anyways. i just am rlly in pksp mood#im in a pkmn mood in general lol ive been reading reguri fics as previously stated#but also i got back into legends arceus earlier today which i havent played in TWO YEARS. which is crazy#and man i fucking loveee playing pkmn i rlly hope they make the next#mainline game not half baked. i didnt get scarlet and violet bcuz of that :(#i had a playthrough of it in the bg but. its not the same#it makes me sad that im not up to date like i dont know any of the new#pokemon i dont know anything about SV's region or characters or story#i want to though. maybe ill get around to actually sitting down and watching a playthrough at some point#i also want to get caught up with pokespe in my reread so my first#experience w SV might be thru spe. which is weird to think about#thats never been the case for me with a pkmn game before#i mean. in terms of just being familiar w the game not playing it myself#i have not played every mainline pkmn game lol#my first one was pokemon pearl. which i never beat. but after that i#got alpha sapphire which i was CRAZYYYY obsessed with. i played that game to the bone til there was#literally nothing left to do other than grind to lvl 100 for the hell of it#pokemon moon is INCREDIBLY special to me for a number of reasons#mainly that it was my first pkmn game that i ANTICIPATED. i remember watching the trailers#over and over. every time they dropped new info i was eating it up. i remember when the starters final evos#were finally revealed i was so excited. and ofc the INSANITY that was the red and blue reveal. good times#but yes i similarly played the shit out of moon til there was nothing left to do. and it was the first one#where i was INCREDIBLY invested in the story. i cared and still care about the alola casrt#soooooo much they were literallyyy my friends. i drew them sooo much. and ofc lillie was one of my#most specialest little blorbos ever. i was in LOVE with her as a kid. it was serious#anyways and then i played pokemon sword which i also love dearly. i beat the main game but i#actually still havent finished the dlc.... but i also care very deeply about the galar cast and drew them a lot as well#and thats all not mentioning from my years long obsession with pokespe lol. but anyways yes#serena.txt
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yello, gren, bloo :)
I am politely haunting you in a beautiful forest. It is deliciously cool and damp, and though you cannot quite confirm my existence, I am comforted by yours. I hope you see little signs of my existence, and know that I am there, and intrigued and supportive of you :)
#im in a silly mood today don't mind me#might respond to all the asks like this#little cryptid type of way#hi shadow!!! i love seeing you and your turts on my dash :)
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still feel like dogshit after my quasi-nightmare so excuse me while i go dissociate for several hours
#this has been an original post#personal spewage#might just be bc im still tired#i did wake up after only like 4 hours sleep#maybe 3#but i can tell from how my spotify wrapped didnt really improve my mood at all that today is prolly gonna be a write-off#oh well
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#tag rant#not to get negative on main but every time i think i might be doing okay something happens and i just get so fucking tired again#like this month has been super stressful so far and next month isn’t looking any better#it’s been thing after thing just weighing me down#and i don’t even talk to my friends that much anymore cause im just so tired and sad all the time and like i know talking to them#or engaging in fandom stuff will make me feel better and less lonely but i just feel so bad all the time and i can’t#and today some asshole just blew up at me over a fucking bag charge at work and hunted down my manager to complain about me#and like it’s fine cause my manager trusts me when i said the customer got mad at me and i just disengaged#but it just feels like another thing on me and just wrecked the semi good mood i had today#im just tired and lonely and nothing feels like it’s gonna get better and i just wanna lay down#and i just don’t want tk be that person that’s only ever talking about the bad stuff that’s going on so i pull away#delete later#personal#negative#mj.chatter#me: *disappears from my blog*#also me: *returns to complain*
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i have ubersaw now. fear me.
#painting sky blu rambles#might craft some weapons too since i'm not gonna spend money on the game (fixtf2 is still ongoing guys!!)#i have so many demoman weapons the game wants me main him but i'm so bad at being demo#i tried doing offline training as demo knight and it was fun! i kept dying a lot and didn't really do much dmg but i loved it anyway#one day... one day i will be demo main. but that day is not today or tomorrow because im so in mood for medic gaming#also i tried playing as sniper in offline training and enemy bot sniper decided to hunt me down for sport. HE SPAWN CAMPED ME. WHAT.#i did get a few headshots but i'm not going to play sniper in casual until i get better at aiming#actually i tried out all classes besides my mains in offline training. unsurprisingly i did pretty well as scout and heavy#i didn't do much as soldier and demo. kept dying as spy because i didn't know how to cloak and disguise properly. engi was fun!#but bot engi was such a dummy(/affectionate) he built tele entry and exit right beside eachother near spawn. TRICE.#also bot mefic refused to heal anyone who wasn't right infront of him. rude.
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SUDDENLY STARTED RAINING SO HARD WE ARE SO FUCKING BACK
#i was like huh whats that noise. bc i can normally NEVER hear anything over my headphones but it was the rain fucking shattering it down#my bed is WET the window was only open a few inches 😭#anyway had no signal at work again today smfh. but at least they let me on the bus free on the way there this morning#still a bit wobbly im in the baby deer phase of post major depressive episode#roommate asked how i was doing when she got home and i very very nearly started crying but i didnt i was so brave#my insane insecurity and anger swings post rsd episode have mostly faded too thank fuck. only took 4 days which is pretty good for me#but im still so so tired it takes everything out of me...#when im recovered + can talk abt it without making myself upset again im promising myself i will talk to her abt the rsd if nothing else#but i really really dont want to make her feel bad abt it at all its genuinely not anyones fault. but its important to me that i say smth#just so we can avoid it happening again where possible bc it does really suck so bad. for everyone im sure but mostly me here#and i would like to be able to care abt ppl and have close friends without risking my entire mental (+ physical..) wellbeing 😭#i think if im still struggling w mood once my meds stabilise i might ask if there are options to help w that too#like i think ive gone as far as i can w therapeutic techniques rn. its just too overwhelmingly intense and reflexive for me to apply that#and i dont feel like i live my life around it or in fear of it anymore like generally i have been a lot better#but when im vulnerable and it DOES strike i have no defense against it whatsoever and it can tank everything for weeks#its just high stakes. and it'll help to make sure ppl know abt it and might be able to support etc but it would be nice to never worry abt#so worth trying meds for it maybe. i just dont rly wanna have the conversations w medical ppl in order to get it in the first place#like i wouldnt feel safe telling a doctor abt it bc the idea of someone with that authority having power over me is terrifying#ah well this isnt a problem for right now. plus stimulants might help me w it anyway once im finished titrating so we'll see#got so distracted typing this i forgot what i was gonna do.... i need to check my planner#and then ill probably read and go to sleep early i think zzzzz#ahhh.. and the birds are singing outside now the rain has stopped :-)#.diaries
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idk how to explain it but like in therapy today i was talking a lot abt like my systems for how i do things and a lot of it is for social interactions and im stressed beacuse tommarow is my best friends birthday party and the 2 other people i know best (other best friend and my girlfriend) aren't gonna be there beacuse they are stuck in different parts of the world (ones flight got canceled and is in another country and the other is in Florida on a last minute vacation) so ill be more uncomfortable with talking and the one person I really can talk to will be busy doing shit or talking with everyone else or with his boyfriend of whom im meeting for the first time and i have to sleep in the same room as people i dont fully know with only a stuffed hippo as comfort and now i feel like the 7 year old little girl standing in the corner not knowing what to say or do
#and on top of all that i dont know how to do my hair#which is a serious problem for me#axy talks#axys thoughts#vent#augh#ill be fine im just in a pissy mood today and it is a stressful situation#and i might be walking there#gonna cry in a corner 👍
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