#and today some asshole just blew up at me over a fucking bag charge at work and hunted down my manager to complain about me

[foggysirens]

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[gloryofluv]

Order Up! (Coffee Shop AU) Chapter 5

Well, I guess Alex is going through the motions. I am really starting to love how well-rounded this is getting. Flirty fics are fun, but they always need heart and perseverance!

Chapter

1 - 2- 3 - 4

Fuck. Why did she do that? Alex wanted to toss her phone but knew she couldn’t afford a new one yet. Memories. Social media keeps track even if you don’t. She was bundled on the ground of the bathroom she just cleaned and sobbed.

All she wanted to do was look at this real estate agent that Lucifer texted her. She glanced down at the picture of her and her mother while she was getting dressed for prom. Would she be upset that she was thinking of selling their home? Would she be proud? She felt so fucking alone.

There was a knock at the bathroom door, and she stuttered on a breath. Fucking get it together, girl. She wiped her face and nodded. “I’ll be out momentarily,” she said in a cheery tone.

Breathe. Stand up. Bitch, buck the fuck up, you’re at work. Alex listened to her inner dialog, turned on the water to the sink, cleaned her hands and face, and fixed her makeup. After she was satisfied, she picked up her tool tote and walked to the door with a plastered smile.

Solomon was on the other side of the door. “Hey, Alex,” he said with a curl to his lips.

“Hey, Sol, how are you doing?” she asked.

“Not horribly. I’m a bit stuck on this formula, but it’s bound to come to me,” he voiced while walking in step with her.

She rocked her head and shifted at the entrance to the counter. “Let me just go put this away and clock out. We can chat a minute after I’m off the clock.”

He rocked his head and leaned on the wall nearby. “Want to take a walk with me?”

She tilted her head and hummed. “Maybe.”

“Good, I’ll order, and we’ll head to the park.”

“Oh, good, we’re taking a walk to the park?”

Alex glanced over to see Satan wander over with his tea and pastry bag. “Oh, hey, Satan. I didn’t see you there.”

He tilted his head and gestured to his messenger bag. “I was grading pages.”

Solomon crossed his arms before touching his chin with his fingers. “You want to join us?”

Satan rocked his head. “A little fresh air would be great.”

“Okay, let me just go finish up,” Alex smiled and walked to the back of the shop. Well, it was quite the variation, but after how interesting her Sunday had been, it wouldn’t be a bad thing. She turned to the computer after putting the tote away and clocked out. Shaking out her body and taking off her apron and hat, she rolled her neck.

There was something to be said about the smears on her uniform. Alex stripped off her overshirt and straightened her purple tank top, and pulled out her ponytail. After checking her face in the mirror and reapplying a few touches on her eyeliner and lip gloss, she was ready.

Better. Alex smiled and collected her bag before marching to the front again. Solomon and Satan seemed to be in a discussion about the book in Satan’s hand. Their hand gestures only confirmed the estimation as Alex walked over to collect her drink.

“Hey, babes,” Jess hummed. “Do you think you could do me a favor and take my Friday shift, and I’ll take your Saturday one. It's closing, and I have a date.”

Alex rocked her head. “Yeah, I can. You never ask me to trade, so they must be pretty hot,” she teased.

Jess smirked and rocked her head. “Yeah, Mr. Macchiato, who comes in the evenings.”

“Nice, well, I hope you have tons of fun. Text Jordan and let him know, alright?”

Jess beamed and blew a kiss. “You’re a lifesaver for my social life, hun.”

Alex waved and met up with the two intellectuals holding their beverages. “I’m just saying that Dickens wasn’t as extraordinary as we make him out to be,” Solomon huffed.

“Oh, no, we’re on about Charles again?”

Satan laughed and shook his head as they walked out the door. “Just Solomon’s primary dagger.”

“Solomon, do you just enjoy debating?” Alex asked.

Solomon smiled and shifted his head from side to side. “Occasionally, but so does Satan, so we have a mutual understanding never to take it to blows.”

“I think the Brontë sisters are probably a staple for every woman,” Alex added to the conversation.

“And men,” Satan nodded.

“Very true, but we need to selectively decide what mannerisms are dated in order to value the interpretation,” Solomon voiced.

Alex smirked and raised her hand to her chest. “'Do you think I am an automaton? — a machine without feelings? And can bear to have my morsel of bread snatched from my lips and my drop of living water dashed from my cup? Do you think, because I am poor, obscure, plain, and little, I am soulless and heartless? You think wrong! — I have as much soul as you — and full as much heart!'” She paused after the quote and laughed. “Imagine declaring equality to a man who was higher in rank and stature than you in that time. The dated behavior is only setting.”

Satan let out a stream of hearty laughter. “Oh, Alex, I would have loved to have you in my class today. There was a sexist animal who was definitely in need of a strong female to set him straight.”

“My little Jane isn’t very plain,” Solomon chuckled and waved his hand.

“No, she isn’t,” Alex laughed before sipping her iced tea.

“I was referring to you,” Solomon hummed.

Alex smirked at him and shrugged. “I do pretty well, I suppose.”

Satan cleared his throat, drawing Alex’s attention to her left. “So, you realized that half your customers are my brothers.”

Alex rocked her head. “Yes, I was informed of that by Belphegor in a rather creative way.”

“I heard,” Satan laughed. “We all live together.”

“So I’ve heard,” she smiled.

“Interesting dynamic,” Solomon voiced. “All seven of them together.”

“They also throw some ridiculous parties,” Alex said and then waved her free hand in a circle. “From what I’ve heard.”

“Oh, don’t worry. I know you live across the street,” Satan snorted with a smug smile. “I’ve known longer than Lucifer.”

Alex gasped as they walked on the sideway in the park. “What?”

Satan chuckled and rocked his head. “Yes, I knew from Jordan. I was the one to buy his motorcycle.”

She shrieked and gasped. “Oh! That’s why I’ve seen it around the cafe.”

Satan wagged his eyebrows. “So yes, I’ve known for about four months. He pulled it out of your garage and brought it over. When I asked why he moved, he told me about your circumstance and why he was torn, but family comes first.”

“It does,” Alex smiled. “His mother was great to me when my parents died. She practically lived with me for the first six months. Then Jordan moved in, and he got me a job at the cafe. He’s always been like my big brother. So when his dad got injured at work and couldn’t work, I told him to move home to help.”

“How did you both meet?” Solomon questioned.

“Oh, that’s a funny story, actually. So, in middle school, he was a grade above me, and I was super shy. He saw me being harassed by some asshole. He stepped in and smoothed the situation. I was so shocked he was able to do so without violence. Jordan took me to the bathroom, cleaned me up, and told me that the only bitches in our life are the beautiful bitches we can be, so I needed to learn to walk like it. From then on, he just started pulling me into his antics,” she explained and laughed while shaking her head.

“You were shy?” Satan questioned.

Alex stopped drinking her tea and nodded. “I actually am in general. I took his advice to heart. I’m friendly and enjoy people, but I don’t have very many people I consider close with.”

“Is this why you aren’t dating anyone?” Solomon questioned.

Alex narrowed her eyes at him and smirked. “Yes.”

“Liar,” Solomon smiled.

“Wait, I really find this fascinating. You aren’t close to any family?” Satan asked.

Alex shrugged and hummed. “My aunts and uncles all live in different parts of the country. I was an only child, and now that my parents aren’t here, the only people I see are Jordan and his parents. Jordan’s sister left for a university across the country two years ago. I see them probably once a month.”

“You live alone? Like no one ever comes to knock on your door or calls your phone?” Satan questioned with a scowl.

“Well, I won’t be living there much longer,” Alex sighed. “I have to sell the place, so I’ll have to clear it out in the next couple of weeks. The financial officer, my parents, left in charge, said that the funds wouldn’t cover the expenses this next year, so it would be a good idea for me to sell.”

“Hm,” Solomon murmured. “I could help.”

“No,” Alex shook her head. “It’s time. I don’t need handouts, Sol. I appreciate it, but no.”

“Why do you feel like you have to do everything alone?” Satan asked as they rounded the outside of the park.

Alex breathed and shook her head. “It’s such a long story.”

“Your parents?” Solomon voiced.

This analysis was cathartic in a way, and Alex felt this heavyweight being pulled from her shoulders. “Well, yes and no. I was telling my mother before she passed that I was thinking of taking a year off to go with my boyfriend at the time to travel the world. She was so supportive, even though it would put my education in jeopardy. When they died, he bailed with some other girl, so I kind of just stopped relying on others.”

Satan tutted and exhaled. “To be an idiot teenager who couldn’t handle grief. I’m sorry you had to go through that, especially at such a young age.”

Alex smiled and shrugged as they made their way back to the cafe. “I’m pretty good. I have a degree. I’ll have a decent nest egg to pay for my schooling for an even better education and my best friend. I’m doing pretty well.”

“I have an intrigue before we conclude our adventure into your life,” Solomon hummed.

Alex tilted her head as she grinned at him. “What’s that?”

“You are strong without someone, but it makes it so much richer to share your heart with others,” Solomon declared.

“Says the man who has done his fair share of that,” Satan snorted.

Solomon rolled his eyes. “Satan, don’t cast stones in glass houses.”

“You have been married three times now,” Satan snorted.

News. Alex raised her eyebrows. “Three times? Aren’t you like barely forty?”

“I resent that,” Solomon scowled. “No, I am not. However, marriage and love are difficult measurements in a formula very few understand. I’m difficult.”

“I actually like that about you,” Alex laughed.

Satan scowled as they stopped at the sidewalk near the cafe. “You enjoy that he’s difficult, but you won’t text me?” he questioned with a sly smile.

She puffed and pulled his phone from his bag’s pocket. It was sticking out and available. Alex then went to his keypad, dialed her number, and pressed the call. Her phone soon rang, and she hung up.

“Now, you have my number. Stop trying to make me do all the work, you pushy professor,” she snorted and handed his phone back.

Satan was grinning as he pocketed his phone. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

Solomon handed her his phone, and she groaned but did the same exact thing. “If you both call me all the time, I will block your number,” she teased.

“If you need any help with your house, please tell me,” Solomon nodded. “I am quite organized.”

“I will,” Alex smiled.

Solomon tossed his cup in the trash and smiled before walking to his car. Alex watched him wave and climb inside before driving off in the silver vehicle. Satan shifted and tilted his head when she turned back to him.

“Did you want to have dinner with me tonight? I’ll cook,” Satan offered.

“Just because we’re temporarily neighbors does not mean I’m a booty call, understood?” Alex questioned.

Satan snorted and straightened his shirt. “You’re far too interesting to blow on a booty call, Alex.”

“Just had to make it clear. I would take your offer for dinner, but I’m actually exhausted. Diavolo came in for a coffee tasting, and I hosted it. Since then, I’ve just been drained.”

Satan rocked his head. “Well, I’ll ask tomorrow then,” he smiled and shrugged. “You’ll eventually say yes,” he chuckled and walked over to the motorcycle.

Alex smiled and observed as he slid on his helmet, waved, and climbed on the bike. Bad boy, professor. Pretty sexy. That tickled her to no end. He pulled out with a roaring shift of gears and headed in the same direction she needed to go. Home. Even if it was just for now.

@rsmrymnt-tea @otome-scribbles

[kpoptart216]

Never Alone- Namjoon Oneshot

Genre: Angst. Fluff ending?? read till the end to find out. 

A/n: I’m sorry in advance. 

Length: 6.4k+ oops

Masterlist

It was a rough week. Probably the roughest week Namjoon has had since he debuted, he thought. He’s probably had worse weeks but this one at least took the cake for the last year or two. 

He fucked up one too many things. First, he messed up choreography during one of their live stages, and the fancam happened to go viral. What he thought was a small mistake ended up trending on twitter. It wasn’t that bad, even Hoseok hadn’t berated him about it. He just didn’t like worldwide attention on his slip-up. Next, he ended up deleting an entire file on a song he was working on. No back-up or anything. It was just gone. In all his years composing music, he had always created a back-up so of course the one time he didn’t, it got deleted. Then management came to him and said he couldn’t take time off like he wanted once he got back from his Bon Voyage trip to spend with you and his family like he had wanted. It was his mother’s birthday and he didn’t know how he could face telling her that he couldn’t celebrate with her in person- again. The cherry on top had to have been when he decided to pack early for his trip and then ended up spelling an entire glass of juice into his suitcase when he tripped over the phone cable he had laying around. He felt like tossing the suitcase out the balcony with the level of frustration he was facing and he could feel the stress and anger bubble inside of him. 

The boys were wary of his mood and tried their best to stay out of his way, but unfortunately no one had warned you of his increasingly angry mood. Not even your best friend, Jin, who was busy with his own work before the trip. 

It was now the night before they had to leave and it was always tradition Namjoon came over to see you before he left the country, let alone Seoul. He trudged into your apartment with the spare key he had used a million times before, and if it wasn’t for his mood, he probably would have sensed the tension inside. 

You weren’t aware of your boyfriend’s miserable week, since it felt like you were having a pretty bad one yourself. A few months ago, you had found out your father was dying. You and your father were never really close growing up. After your mother passed away, you and your father grew apart while grieving. You didn’t really blame him, but you grew up with the belief that you could only rely on yourself in this world, no one else. Over the last few years, you and your father have been trying to mend what little of a relationship you had, so when you found out that he was sick and needed a liver replacement, you cursed the stars for such a fate. Why did he get such a diagnosis when you just started to get to know one another again. 

Earlier that day, the hospital had called and said your dad needed the surgery very soon and they were hoping to hear back about an organ donor from the next city over. Since then, you had been on edge, besides yourself. But the only comfort you knew you needed was from that of your boyfriend. But you were so out of it, you hadn’t even noticed he was there till he plopped himself onto the couch next to you, sighing loudly. 

Namjoon just needed to sleep this entire week off. He loved his career, but sometimes it was...draining. Though he had 6 other brothers going through it, it looked like they seemingly had it easier. Why weren’t their mistakes broadcasted to the world? Why were some members allowed to go home when they needed it? He felt physically and mentally exhausted, it took a lot just to drive over here today. But he knew he had to see you before he was off for the next two weeks. 

“Y/n I don’t think I’m going to be staying very long tonight, I’m really tired, love” he said, rubbing his eyes. It was only then that you had turned to face him, feeling the sadness engulf you twice has hard now. You just needed him to hold you right now and tell you that everything was going to be ok. 

“C-can you stay?” You ask timidly. You never asked this of him. Never once had you requested more time of your boyfriend because you understood the importance of his time and career. One of the things you both valued about your relationship was that you both understood each other’s careers. While Namjoon was a world class idol, you were an up and coming lawyer. Both careers demanded a lot of your time, and yet you both made it work. And you made it work well. 

“What?” he asked, still not really looking at you. “I don’t think so. I still have to pack a few things and I have an early morning” he said, looking at his watch now.

“I-I just need you tonight” you say, choking up. You were about to explain the situation before Namjoon interrupts you. 

“What part of no do you not understand, Y/n?” he said loudly. This was the first time in your relationship he had ever yelled at you. “I can’t deal with this right now. No means fucking no. I thought it would be nice to stop by like I usually do, but I did not plan on coming to see my clingy girlfriend. You said you understood my career, so what the fuck is this? I’m telling you I have an early flight tomorrow and now of all days you ask me to spend the night? Jesus Y/n, either learn to accommodate to my schedule or find someone who can be here when you decide you need to cuddle or whatever” he says angrily before stomping out of your apartment. 

You sat there, shocked at his remarks. You had honestly forgot he was leaving tomorrow for his trip with the boys. With everything going on with your father today, it had completely slipped your mind. Was your request really that outlandish? 

(X)

Namjoon pretty much passed out as soon as he got home and finished packing, the exhaustion setting in quick. It felt like he was only asleep for a few minutes before his alarm rang a little too loud for his comfort. Before he could really comprehend everything, he was sitting in his flight seat, well on his way to New Zealand. 

Slowly as he started to relax into his seat, he replayed his last week. As he was on his way to enjoy his time in a new country, he felt thankful for the experience. He eased into his seat further as he tried to sleep until he jolted up, remembering his conversation with you. 

You had hardly said a sentence or two before he practically blew up at you. 

“Ahh Hyung, what’s wrong, you scared me” Jungkook says, startled by his sudden actions. 

“I- I had a fight with Y/n last night. Well I don’t know if you could consider it a fight, but I said some things I really didn’t mean...” Namjoon said sadly, looking down at his phone. 

“It will be ok! Y/n noona is always so forgiving. Remember that time I accidently threw a water balloon at her when I was aiming for Jimin hyung? She was only annoyed for a second before she threw one right back at me!” Jungkook laughed, making Namjoon smile at the memory. You had always got along so well with all the boys having known them for so many years. Namjoon had the biggest crush on you as soon as Jin had introduced you as his childhood friend. It was only a matter of months before you both started dating. 

“I hope she finds it in her heart to forgive me this time too. I don’t know if I deserve it” Namjoon says, sadly. 

“Of course she will! Just call her once we land and explain everything, I’m sure she will forgive you!” Jungkook said before returning back to his movie. 

(X)

As soon as the boys had landed, Namjoon yearned for a moment alone so that he could finally call you. But just like this whole week had been going, he didn’t get what he had wished for. The crew started filming as soon as they all landed and by the time they got the bags and the car, he was chosen to drive. 

And drive he did. For what seemed like hours, Namjoon drove and drove. Only by the end of the first night did he find a moment to himself, when he didn’t have a mic or a camera filming. 

He waiting eagerly as the phone rang, rehearsing his speech in his head. He would apologize profusely and explain his week to you and how he genuinely meant nothing he said. How foolish was he to even insinuate you find someone else when he was so head over heels in love with you. Such a beautiful and intelligent being, and more importantly understanding. The more he replayed the words he said to you in his head, the more he berated himself for spewing complete nonsense. You had been nothing but understanding of him and yet he threw that right back in your face. 

He frowned as the the call went to voicemail. Should he leave a voicemail? would that do his apology any justice? He turned off the phone and called again, hoping you would answer this time. 

Except you didn’t answer. You didn’t answer the next three times he called either. He sighed, realizing you were probably more mad than he had hoped. He decided to send you a text, hoping you’d read his text and decide to answer the next time he called. 

Namjoon: Baby, I’m so so so sorry. I’m such an asshole, you definitely didn’t deserve anything I said last night. I promise you, I never meant any of it. I had a really rough week and I took it out on you. Please talk to me, hmm? I know you’re mad, but please let’s talk?

He waited eagerly for you to respond, but once again exhaustion took over and he passed out in the bunk bed to the sound of his brothers all sleeping too. 

When he opened his eyes again, light was peeking in through the curtains. He felt disoriented, not really understanding where he was for a second. It took another few seconds before he realized he was in New Zealand, and only then, did he remember to check his phone. 

He searched for his phone in the tiny bed. He sat up quickly, forgetting he was in the bottom bunk and hitting his head on the top bunk. He groaned in pain, rubbing at his head while still trying to find his phone. 

He forgot to charge it so of course, the phone was completely dead when he found it. He quickly put it on charge and when the phone finally turned on, he quickly unlocked it, only to find no new texts from you. 

He frowned. Maybe his phone wasn’t working? That couldn’t be true since he had received plenty of other texts from others. He sighed, sending you another text, and a sweet good morning for good measure. 

Just like the previous day, the boys had a packed schedule. Between driving and filming and other activities, Namjoon barely had any time to check his phone. Any time he felt his phone vibrate within his pocket, his heart raced, hoping it was you who finally responded. 

However, any time the boys had a break and he check his phone, there was no new notification from you. And for the rest of his trip, that is exactly what continued to happen. He didn’t hear from you. 

On one day, while the other members decided to do various activities, he opted to spend some time alone, claiming to do some work. He spent the entire two hours he had alone trying to get in contact with you. Calling your work number, calling your phone multiple times, texting. He even tried calling a close friend of yours, who also didn’t answer. 

What if you actually took his words to heart? What if you’d dump his stupid ass as soon as he was home and you’d find someone truly deserving of you. Someone who wouldn’t yell at you when you didn’t deserve it? His mind flashed with different scenes, all with you seemingly happy with another man, and he groaned in actual pain. Just imagining that engulfed his body in pain that he didn’t ever want that to happen. 

At this point, after not hearing from you for almost two weeks, he just need to make sure you were ok. 

Namjoon: Baby please. I know you’re mad at me, but please, just let me know if you’re ok. That you’re safe. 

And once again, no response. 

(x)

The boys watched Namjoon as he eagerly packed his bags in a hurry the night before flying back to Seoul. While all the boys conversed about how amazing New Zealand was and how they wish they could stay a little longer, it was clear as day that their leader was itching to go back. 

“Hyung, we get that you’re dying to see your girlfriend again, but you’re making feel more and more single every second!” Taehyung complained. 

Namjoon didn’t respond as he continued to gather his things and pack. He didn’t care if he had things to do as soon as he got back, the only thing he needed was to go see you and make things right. 

Jin followed Namjoon into his room, closing the door behind him, “What’s gotten into you? Why are you so anxious?” he asked, sitting down on the bed and watching as Namjoon continued to pack. 

“I need to see Y/n” Namjoon said plainly. He didn’t want to confide in his hyung about this one thing, because he knew how close you both were. He didn’t want his hyung to be disappointed in him. 

“Yeah, I can see that, but it’s worse than usual?” Jin said. 

“I- I had a fight with Y/n before we left hyung” Namjoon said, finally slowing down and hoping Jin would drop it at that. Jin waited for him to continue though. “And... and I haven’t heard from her in two weeks” Namjoon sighed, realizing he couldn’t hide it from Jin. 

“What?! She hasn’t called you at all since we got here?” Jin asked. 

“No. And she won’t answer her phone or even respond to my text messages. I even called her friend, and she won’t answer either. I think I really fucked up. What if she breaks up with me over this?” Namjoon says, panicking. 

“Ok no, it won’t come to that. Just tell me what happened, ok?” Jin said, trying to calm down Namjoon. 

And so Namjoon explained everything to his hyung. The terrible week he had, the overwhelming stress and anger he felt, the way he exploded at you, and all the terrible things he said to you. 

“Wow,, that was really loaded” Jin said, sadly. He knew just as well as Namjoon that you didn’t deserve any of that. “Now that I think about it, I sent her a few pictures while we were here and she never responded to that either” Jin finally realizes. 

“Oh...” Namjoon said sadly. He didn’t know if that was a good or bad thing yet. Would it have been better if you were still willing to talk to the others and not him? Or had something happened to you?

“How about as soon as we land, you take another car, buy the biggest bouquet of flowers, and go over to her place. It should be after work hours. Spend the night, I’ll explain things to our manager, hmm?” Jin offers. Namjoon smiled slightly at the gesture. 

“Thank you hyung” Namjoon said. “And I’m sorry” he said truthfully. 

“I’m not the one who needs the apology, stupid. Just.. don’t hurt her again.. next time I’ll whoop your ass” Jin says, smiling as he heads to his own bed to sleep. 

(x)

Just like Jin had suggested, Namjoon had taken a separate van from the boys and stopped at the local flower boutique to pick up some of your favorite flowers. He even got some of your favorite cake slices at the bakery near your house too for good measure. You might be able to deny him, but there was no way you could deny that lucious coffee cake you loved oh so much. 

The sun was slowly setting when Namjoon had gotten to your apartment. He took a deep breath as he held the flowers and cake and one hand and finally pulled out his keys to your place. He swallowed loudly, before opening the door, bracing for what was to come. He’d let you yell at him and take out all your frustrations out on him, but you leaving him was not an option. 

“Y/n, love?” Namjoon says, finally entering your apartment. The apartment was still lit from the natural light, but it looked like no one was home. He frowned. where is she? 

He decided it was just best to wait for you. He needed to see you, talk to you, hold you after what felt like forever. 

After waiting for over half an hour, he finally heard the keys enter the lock on the front door. He quickly stood, gathering the flowers in hand, and squinted his eyes when the lights turned on. He hadn’t even noticed it was now completely dark outside. 

“y-” he began, but frowned when he only saw your friend, Yerin instead. 

“Holy shit you scared me” she said jumping. Before Namjoon could answer, he looked down at the keys she was holding, and they were clearly yours. He knew that little bear keychain he had gotten you by heart now. 

“What are you doing here?” he asked. “Why do you have Y/n’s keys?” Namjoon asks, placing the flowers back down on the coffee table. 

“Nice of you to finally care about someone other than yourself” Yerin snarled. Yerin was always wary of your relationship with Namjoon. She knew it couldn’t be easy dating an idol, but she always admired your willingness to put 100% into the relationship. Namjoon knew that Yerin wasn’t very fond of him, but they always tried to be polite with one another. 

Namjoon flinched at her words. So you had shared what had happened with her. “Where is Y/n? Please, I really need to see her. Is she ok?” Namjoon asked. He looked absolutely dejected at this point. It was evident in his eyes that he was incredibly worried about you and really needed to see you. 

Yerin had a whole speech planned out for when she had to see him again. She was ready to rip into him, but even she couldn’t ignore the look in his eyes. And while she really hated Namjoon at this moment, she knew that he only felt genuine love for you. What relationship didn’t have ups and downs? And who was she to judge your relationship. 

“Namjoon... her dad passed. The day you left for your little joy trip, her dad passed away. His surgery didn’t go well. She asked you to stay not because she felt the need to cuddle as you so slightly put it, she needed someone to lean on when her father was sick in the hospital. And you couldn’t even let her explain before you left, so no, she’s not ok. She passed out at work earlier this week because she went through the funeral basically alone. She didn’t eat, or sleep, let alone drink water. So she’s been in the hospital all week. The doctor said she could probably come home tomorrow so I’m only here to get a change of clothes for her” Yerin explained. “I wasn’t supposed to tell you this in case I saw you, but I think you deserve to feel at least a fraction of the pain she’s felt these past two weeks” Yerin finished before heading to your room to gather your clothes. 

Namjoon just stood there in shock. Your father... had passed. And he hadn’t been there for you. He wasn’t there to help you through such a painful part of your life. You sat through his funeral, absolutely alone. You hadn’t found the energy to take care of yourself which resulted you being hospitalized. What kind of a sick boyfriend makes his love go through that all alone? The one who hadn’t thought of her. 

“Which hospital?” Namjoon asked slowly as Yerin emerged again with a small bag. “Please, let me come with you” Namjoon pleaded, tearing up. “Please” he basically whispered. 

“Fine. I swear to god though if you make her cry again I won’t hesitate to kick you out myself” Yerin threatened. 

Namjoon followed her like a lost puppy, sadness filling his entire being as he got closer and closer to the hospital. What was he even supposed to say? He knew what your relationship was like with your father. You were so happy that he was now back in your life and he remembered how you cried when you found out about his sickness. He remembers assuring you that everything would work out, that your father would recover and you’d spend more time with him

Yerin parked her car in front of the hospital, telling him your room number and that she’d be up after parking her car a few minutes later. Even she knew that you both needed a minute or two alone. 

Namjoon basically ran all the way to your room, asking any nurse he could find where your room was. As soon as he reached your door, he took another deep breath, before sliding the door open. 

If he thought he felt sadness before, nothing compared to the pain and sadness he felt now that he saw the sight before him now. You laid in bed on your side, resting your head on your arm. You faced had thinned, dark circles under your eyes, and there was absolutely no life in your eyes. Your eyes met his for a few seconds, acknowledging that you noticed him, before your eyes returned to the wall. 

Namjoon walked in, closing the door behind him. He gulped, walking slowly to your side. “Y/n...” he started, causing you to close your eyes. 

“Y/n.. I’m so sorry” He starts. His voice trembled with each word, and he was pretty sure it was only a matter of seconds before the tears spilled from his eyes. He sat down on the chair next to your bed, and he reached for your hand. The tears finally spilled when your jerked your hand back with what little energy you had left. 

“I’m so fucking sorry” Namjoon tried again. He was at a loss for words. No speech he rehearsed for could fit for this. 

“I-” he started again.

“Leave me alone” You say, eyes still closed. You said it so quietly he wasn’t sure you had even said it, but when when the tears cascaded down your face even with your eyes closed, he knew you had. 

“I can’t do that” Namjoon said. “I’m not leaving you now. Or ever. Not like this” Namjoon said firmly. 

“Go, Namjoon” You commanded again. 

“No” 

“Don’t make me ask the nurses to get you to leave” You say, still not opening your eyes. 

“I’m not leaving” Namjoon says again. No way in hell could he ever leave you like this.

Just then Yerin had came in as well. She had heard your request. “Namjoon, leave” she said firmly. “She doesn’t need this right now” 

“I can’t! How- How can I? She’s not well and I- I can’t” Namjoon fumbled. 

“Just GO” you said as loud as you could, causing Namjoon to flinch. You turned to your other side, signaling that this conversation was officially over and that he was no longer welcome here. 

Yerin held the door open for him, urging him to leave. Namjoon plopped himself down on the chair outside your room, resting his head in his hands. How had things become this bad so fast? If he had only taken the time to listen to you that night, he could have been there for you! He could have taken care of you like deserved rather than leaving you alone when you need him the most. 

Yerin stepped out of the room a few minutes later. 

“Look, I have to go into court tomorrow morning to take over for Y/n’s case. I can’t take her home. So as much as it kills me to do this, I need to ask you to take her home once she’s discharged in the morning” she says, angrily. “Or I can call Jin?” she thinks out loud. 

“NO. I’ll do it. I’ll do it.” Namjoon says, thankful for the opportunity. He wasn’t sure that when morning came, you’d let him take you home, but at least it was a start. 

(x)

When the doctor noticed him sitting outside, Namjoon quickly explained that you were the last of her family and the doctor explained to him as simply as possible what went down the last week. You were extremely weak and had to take it easy for the next couple of weeks while you gained your strength back. No work, and you needed someone to take care of you as well. Namjoon cursed at himself internally as the doctor only confirmed how much pain you must have been in emotionally. 

“People deal with loss differently, but this is an exceptionally grave way of dealing with it. Please take care of her” The doctor requested before leaving to check on other patients. 

After singing all the paperwork and paying for the long hospital stay, Namjoon entered your room again. You stood by your bed now, and the shirt that used to fit you so well a few weeks ago hung loose on your shoulders. Was it possible to lose that much weight in two weeks? It looked like you had basically starved yourself. 

Namjoon cringed internally. 

As you placed the last of your things in the bag, you turned to face who you assumed was Yerin. You glared at Namjoon when your eyes landed on him. 

“I thought I asked you to leave” you sighed, sitting back down on the bed. 

“I’m taking you home” Namjoon said, ignoring your request. 

“No, I think Yerin is” you say, pulling out your phone. 

“No, she had to take your case to court today. I’m taking you. End of discussion” Namjoon said. 

“No. I’ll take an uber or something” you mumbled, cursing at Yerin inside. 

“Unfortunately, the doctor requires that a family or friend take you home and I’m the only one right now. So unless you want to stay here another day or so...” namjoon said as he walked over to grab your bag “I suggest you let me take you home” He said. 

You glared at him again. While the stubborn part of you would have stayed here another night just to avoid the car ride home with him, you hated the hospital. Once the funeral was over, you had prayed to get out of there as soon as possible and yet you ended right back there a day or so later for yourself. 

Namjoon led the way to his car and you got into the passenger seat, holding onto your bag tightly. You only looked out the window the entire car ride back. You didn’t say a single thing and Namjoon was too afraid to say anything. 

When he parked his car outside your apartment complex, you quickly unbuckled your seatbelt and stepped out. You turned to face him for the first time “I can get inside perfectly fine” you say, implying Namjoon was not welcome inside your apartment. 

“Let me take you inside, please Y/n” he pleads. He was supposed to be taking care of you, how could he do that when he wasn’t allowed in your place. 

“I was stupid before. I can take care of myself without your help. You’ve taught me that once again, I can’t depend on anyone but myself. Goodbye Namjoon” you said, ending this conversation as you closed the door. 

You couldn’t depend on anyone but yourself? Had he really let you believe that? He teared up again at the thought. Namjoon could only watch as you walked slowly back to your apartment. Your weakness was evident in the way you walked and he told himself that in a minute or so he’d follow just to make sure you made it inside ok. Before you walked into the building though, you had stopped and turned your head to the side. Someone had called out to you. 

Namjoon follows your line of sight to see none other than Jin step out of his own car and rush over to you. Namjoon had called him the night before and explained everything to him. Jin was incredibly upset and mad that he hadn’t called sooner. He only said that he’d see you as soon as you got back home before hanging up on him. 

Namjoon watched on as Jin runs up to you, and the both of you engaging in some conversation. Jin hugs you a moment later, and that was all it took for you to break down in sobs in his arms. Jin tries his best to calm you down before ushering you inside, but not before shooting Namjoon a look letting him know that he’d take care of you,

(x)

Namjoon trudged back into the dorm, with all eyes on him. “Hyung, what happened?” Jimin asked, running up to him. “Jin told us about Y/n and her father. We thought you’d be with her” 

“I fucked up, Jimin. That’s what happened. I’m now the last person she wants to see. I said things to her before our trip that I didn’t even mean and now she can’t even be in the same room as me. The person she was supposed to depend on and trust? I’m no longer that person for her. And I don’t know what to do” says Namjoon before breaking down in sobs himself. Did he really just lose you?

Between worrying about your health and the fate or your relationship with him, Namjoon was absolutely terrified. Fortunately the boys didn’t have any schedules for the next few days because there was no way in hell that Namjoon could have stepped out the dorm without looking like a complete mess. 

Could he call you? show up at your place again? Would you even let him inside, even if he had a key? He raked through his mind with any possibility of you letting him just talk to you but he couldn’t see it happening, and that just tore his heart apart even more. 

(X)

You told yourself you’d do anything to avoid the hospital again, so you ate, even if all the food tasted like dirt. Even the cake that was in your fridge didn’t appeal to you. You drank water forcibly and tried to sleep at a normal time. Luckily, work had given you a few weeks off to recover and grieve, but part of you just needed some normaly again. 

Your mind was overthinking everything. Not only had you lost your father suddenly, but you also felt like you lost Namjoon, even if it was you pushing him away this time. 

You always though you had understood him and that he had appreciated you all the more because of it. So when he threw that right back in your face the one time you genuinely needed him by your side, it hurt like hell. You were also angry that you felt the need to depend on someone when your whole life taught you that that would eventually blow up in your face anyways. Your mom died when you were young and still growing. Your dad died when you finally let him in your life again. And Namjoon left when you didn’t even expect it. 

You didn’t know what made you more sad- the fact that the last of your family was dead or that you felt like you were going to be alone for the rest of your life. 

Jin had been over the last few days, bringing food and just sitting with you. He’d play movies or watch some tv with you while you just sat. He’d let you cry, or force feed you some food, but you were glad you weren’t alone at the moment. 

One night though, he finally decided enough was enough. Even he could tell that what he wasn’t doing enough. You were missing a certain someone and it was evident, even if you’d never admit it yourself. 

“Y/n, we need to talk” Jin began. 

“I’ve been eating all the food you leave me, I swear” you say. 

“No not about that. But good, I’m glad. I actually need to talk to you about Namjoon” and he could feel you still next to him on the couch. “You need him, sweet girl” he said slowly. 

“No I don’t” you say, irritated. 

“Yes you do. And more importantly, he really needs you as well. You should see him at the dorm. While you’ve been here slowly recovering, he’s going in the opposite direction. He hasn’t been sleeping well or eating” he says. 

You frown when you hear that. You hadn’t wished that for him. 

“He’s so incredibly sorry, Y/n. He had such a bad week when he blew up on you. Of course, that doesn’t compare to your pain in any way, but you should have seen him the entire trip. He was itching to be back in Seoul and see you. He felt so bad. He called you and texted you so many times, and you were all he could think about. I’m not saying you have to forgive him right away, but just talk hmm? You both need it” he coaxes you.

You contemplate it. Despite what you told yourself, you really did miss him. You could understand the week he had after Jin explained it to you. And despite the fear of depending on someone again, you knew you needed him. 

“I’ll... I’ll call him later” You say. “ You should go home, Jin. Thank you for the last few days” you say, smiling for the first time since you got home. 

“Promise?” he asks. 

“I promise”

(X)

Namjoon laid in bed, just staring at the ceiling, a seemingly favorite pastime of his recently. He heard his phone ring next to him and he lazily answered it, not even bothering to see who it was. 

“Hello?” he asked, slowly. 

“Namjoon”  he heard, and that was all it took for him to jump right out of bed. 

“Y/n” he says. “It’s you” he says, as if he had to confirm the fact out loud for it to be true. He could hear you sigh over the line. 

“Do you.. do you think you can come over?” you asked after a moment. 

“I’m leaving right now, love” he said, darting out of the room. Jin watches on with a small smile. 

“I have a feeling he won’t be back for a few days, guys” Jin says to the other guys who watched with a confused look. 

(X)

Namjoon ran all the way up to your floor, despite it being three floors up. He wasn’t really sure why you had called, perhaps it was even to end the relationship once and for all, but he didn’t care. You had asked to see him, and that’s all that mattered. 

He didn’t want to just barge in on you, so he knocked on the door and a few moments later, you opened the door, staring at him with doe eyes. He breathes a sigh of relief when he sees some life in your eyes again. 

“Come in” you say timidly. 

He steps in and takes his shoes off, and he just stares at you. Both of you are unsure what to do, this is new territory. 

“Y/n, love, I’m so so-” he starts

“Don’t. Please just... I don’t want to talk about that” you say, interrupting him. 

Namjoon stares at you again. Was this going to be the end? He feels his heart drop. 

He watches as you visibly swallow. “Can you just... can you please just hold me?” you say, quietly, and finally looking up at his eyes. 

Namjoon eyes widen in surprise a little, but he wrapped his arms around your small frame almost instantly. He could never deny you of anything. “I missed you so much” he says into your hair before placing a small kiss on your head. 

It was only then that you also returned the gesture and wrapped your hands around your boyfriend’s bigger frame. He felt you slowly cry into his shirt as it got wet from your tears. 

“I love you so much baby, I’m not leaving you ever” he said, holding onto you tighter. 

He lifts you into his arms before walking the both of you to your dark bedroom. He didn’t even need to turn on the light, he knew that room like the back of his hand. He placed you slowly down on the bed before getting in with you and holding you while you wrapped your legs around his. 

It was such a weird feeling that took over the both of you in that instant. While the both of you were still quite sad about the previous weeks’ events, the both of you were also slowly starting to fill with happiness because of the unsaid truth that you both would be ok. You’d make it through this, despite the words exchanged. You’d both lean on each other and love each other unconditionally, despite the bumps along the way, but you’d be together nonetheless. And that was all the both of you needed as you fell asleep in each others arms. 

A/n: I hope you guys liked this. I’d appreciate the feedback! Would you like to see more oneshots? 

[sunkissedpages]

breaking curfew || th x reader [part six]

A/N: what it do babey ahaha

Summary: When you got the job to be a counselor at the summer camp you’d grown up attending all your life, you expected to see some familiar faces. But you certainly hadn’t counted on having to work alongside the boy who had made it his life’s mission to make your life a living hell every summer. In fact, you thought you’d never have to see Tom Holland again. But he’s is in the cabin right across from yours with campers of his own- smirk, jawline, and all. If you didn’t know any better you might’ve thought that he applied for the position just to spite you, but who were you kidding? What kind of asshole would do something like that?

Warnings: swearing, fear of heights

What I listened to while writing: the breaking curfew playlist by @cinnamon-roll-peter!!

Word Count: 2.5k (updated)

Series Masterlist

Tom gulped nervously like he was suddenly reconsidering having to spend an undisclosed amount of time stuck in a small space with you. 

“Tom,” you growled and he took a step back. “What did you say?”

“I was just kidding,” he tried, but you didn’t buy it.

“No you weren’t, asshole. Who told you that?”

“I- um I just overheard your campers talking at dinner the other night?”

“Bullshit, what does ‘overheard’ really mean?”

“I may or may not have talked to them in passing...”

“What? When?”

Tom rolled his eyes. “You were preoccupied.” You still didn’t know what the fuck he meant. “With Ying,” he said like it should’ve been obvious. 

“So you think it’s okay to just take that opportunity to talk to my campers?” 

“They called me over!” 

You went on the offense. “What?! What did they want? What else did they say?”

“I don’t think I should-“

“Tom!”

“They were just asking about why you didn’t like me...”

Thunder crackled in the distance and you narrowed your eyes at him, wondering if the flush on his face was from sunburn or nerves. “And? What did you say?”

“I just said I didn’t know! That you just haven’t liked me since we were kids.”

“Of course you made me look like the bad guy, Tom. Typical.”

Tom scowled, licking his lips. “What did you want me to say? That you’re still pissed about breaking curfew one time eleven years ago?”

“Fuck you, is that really all you remember from that night? From all those years?”

“Do you always live in the past?” He asked, seeming bored.

“Do you always use humor to compensate for your tiny dick?”

“You know what, y/n, maybe if you weren’t such a bitch all the time, your campers might actually like you and wouldn’t be asking why you can’t be more like me!”

You watched his eyes grow wide with shock as yours did in turn. Your jaw went slack and your mouth fell into an o-shape. Whatever insult you had been about to hurl next dissolved on your tongue and turned bitter. It didn’t matter now. 

Tom was quiet, standing with his arms crossed in front of you, offering no apology. Your eyes burned and you didn’t even try to blink the tears away. It was your fault for pressing him into telling you what your kids really thought of you, it was your fault that they felt that way about you in the first place. But to compare you to Tom of all people, that cut deep. What had you done in a past life to deserve that blow?

“I’m requesting a transfer,” you decided simply and turned on your heel to leave.

“Wait-” Tom stuttered. You were surprised he was saying anything at all. “What do you mean transfer?”

“I mean I’m transferring to another daytime activity, if they’ll let me. I’m done with Arts and Crafts.”

“You mean you’re done with me.”

Your hand on the doorknob was the only answer you gave, but Tom reached out to stop you again, placing his hand over yours. 

“It’s still storming,” he said in a tone of annoyance tinged with concern. “The campus is locked down.”

“Are you going to stop me?” you challenged, sniffling.

He looked back down at your hands still touching and considered it, but ultimately let go, choosing to watch you run off into the rain instead. 

-

You tossed and turned in your bunk that night, unable to fall asleep. The camp beds were uncomfortable already, the added stress of the day was only making it more difficult to drift off. Tom’s words played on repeat in your head as you laid there in the dark. 

Your girls lay sleeping silently in their bunks around you, unaware of what you’d learned. In all honesty, you had thought about quitting. Packing your bags and driving home and spending the summer working retail in the city. As miserable as that sounded, you felt like you had let your campers down, and that they deserved better. Zendaya had quickly talked you out of that and insisted that even if the things Tom had said were true that there was still time to turn things around.

The summer wasn’t even close to being over, and it wasn’t that the girls didn’t like you, they just... “had a few critiques about your counseling style” as Z had put it gently.

“No first-time counselor’s perfect,” she had assured you. “I can’t tell you how many times I’ve forgotten my campers names already.”

“Yeah, but have they said they wished you were more like Tom?!” you had groaned back, flopping back onto her twin-sized bed.

“Um, no. But they’re young, y/n. They probably just think he’s cute and meant it as a compliment- not an insult to you.”

“But what about when they said I’m no fun?”

Zendaya took a deep breath. “You have been a little distracted lately,” she admitted. You made a face. “Tom threw you off, I know. You weren’t expecting him to be here and he’s a dick, trust me, I get it. But at the end of the day you have to put that aside so you can do your job and be the best you can for these kids, you know? I think they probably just want you to be more engaged. Less focused on some boy, and more focused on them.”

You knew she was right, but it was still hard to hear. Zendaya wasn’t the kind of person to be brutally honest for no reason. No, she was kind and compassionate. But sometimes she would tell you what you needed to hear- always with your best interest in mind.

When your alarm went off from under your pillow the next morning you had barely slept three hours altogether. You considered snoozing it and getting up when your campers did, but you knew that the only time you had to get ready was right then so you pushed yourself up and out of bed like you were being played back in slow motion. 

You went through your routine on autopilot. Brush teeth, shower, awkward half-naked conversation with Fy, get dressed, wake kids up, help them get ready for the day. It was honestly a blur up until breakfast when you were standing in line with your cabin for pancakes. 

“Are you guys excited for the competition today?” you asked them. “It’s a lake day.”

“Yes!” Amalia exclaimed immediately. “I hope it’s a swimming race because I’ve been practicing at free time!”

From the corner of your eye you saw Grace shrink a little bit into herself and tried to smile reassuringly at her. 

“There will be some swimming,” you admitted, just so that they could all be prepared, “but not everyone will have to swim.”

You were ambushed with rapidfire questions next, but you stubbornly refused to tell them anything about the competition. Everyone else had to wait until the afternoon to learn what it was going to be, you weren’t going to give your campers an advantage by telling them what the activity was. Plus, it would ruin the fun. 

You smiled when the nagging subsided and they knew they weren’t going to get anything else out of you, but teased them with your superior knowledge about the activity all morning. 

By the time the actual event rolled around you were a little worried the hype wouldn’t live up to the actual activity. But as soon as your campers saw the pool inflatables they took off at a sprint down the hill towards the lake without warning, leaving you chasing after them with all of their backpacks and water bottles. 

For once you were early and had to wait for the rest of the camp to arrive before the competition could start, but your girls were already ready to go. It hadn’t even been explained yet, but there was a collection of fun pool floats down at the shore of the lake including, but not limited to: a flamingo, a popsicle, a watermelon slice, a shark, a pizza, a swan, a turtle, a unicorn, an iphone, a car, a rainbow, and a cat. 

They were scattered along the shore and were to be used in a partner race. Each camper would partner up with another and choose a float. One camper would get on the float and the other would be in charge of navigating it. The camper in the water was supposed to do all of the pushing and kicking while the one on top of the float could help with paddling. 

Since your cabin had five campers you teamed up with Grace. It was perfect because you knew how nervous she got around water events and could let her be the one on the float no problem. 

When Lorraine blew the whistle for the event to start chaos broke loose. You were going to let Grace pick your team’s float, but she was too slow so you grabbed the first one you could find- which just so happened to be an orange creamsicle with a bite taken out of it. 

Grace hopped onto the float and you pushed it out into the water, kicking as hard as you could. Three minutes in your stupid, ill-fitting swimsuit was riding down and your lungs were burning, but you still went as hard as you could until you reached the finish line. 

When you finally came up for air and rubbed the water from your eyes you saw Grace laughing along with the other campers who had finished around the same time. 

“What’s so funny?” you asked, putting your hands on your hips even though they couldn’t seem them under water. 

“You ran right into Theo and Amalia!” Grace snorted.

“I did?” You had absolutely no recollection of doing that, you must’ve truly been going buckwild if you didn’t even notice you had run into your own campers. You felt terrible until you saw them all giggling about it and decided to play along. “Well maybe you two shouldn’t have been in my way!”

“You’re the one who can’t swim straight!” Theo argued defensively. 

You shook your head. “I don’t know about that, I think we’re going to need to watch the replay to see who’s right.”

It wasn’t much, but they were laughing. You knew you wouldn’t be able to turn things around between you and your campers completely right away, but it was a start in the right direction. 

After everyone finished racing the winners were announced and then there was a little extra free time to spend at the lake before dinner. Cabin 11 ended up coming in third place which the girls were completely over the moon about, mostly because they beat a lot of high schoolers- which you thought was completely valid.

When event cleanup was finished and everyone was chilling by or in the water, a handful of counselors suggested cliff jumping from a wide ledge that overlooked the lake. You were going to decline the invitation when Harrison asked, but Tom said “nah, y/l/n won’t come she’s not a fun counselor”. The way he said it in front of your campers with his stupid smirk and stupid friends all watching made your blood boil.

Obviously that was a dare and obviously you had to take it, because you weren’t going to look like a pussy in front of all of your peers. And you weren’t about to let your campers down either. What’s the worst that could happen?

The cliff was a good bit higher than you were expecting, but you still told yourself you could do it. Everyone else up here was going to jump and they’d all be fine so you could too, right?

Wrong.

The ledge was probably only forty or fifty feet from the water’s surface, but once you were actually up there looking down it seemed miles away. Your campers looked like tiny dots bobbing in the water below, and you couldn’t even make out who was who. You gulped, and took a step back, pressing yourself up against the sturdy wall of the mountain for balance. 

You could hear Zendaya’s voice in the back of your mind, scolding you for giving in to peer pressure- from Tom of all people. You knew she was down there too, probably biting her nails ragged like she did when she was nervous. 

A cool breeze was making your wet swimsuit cling to your skin even more than it already was and you wrapped your arms around your shoulders in an unsuccessful attempt to fend off the chill. 

Unaware of you cowering in the corner, Harrison volunteered himself to go first. Taking a leap of faith off of the cliff, he spread his arms out like a bird and flipped into the water, shouting and screaming the whole time. 

The rest of the counselors took turns jumping, running, and pushing each other off the edge before plunging into the murky lake while you hung back. There were only a handful of jumpers left when Tom finally noticed you hiding behind everyone else. 

“You look like you’re about to puke.”

“I might,” you admitted, but shrugged like it wasn’t a big deal.

Unexpectedly, his face softened and his eyes crinkled with worry. “You know you don’t have to do it if you don’t want to, y/n.”

“Why, so you can make fun of me for chickening out later and hold it over my head for the rest of the summer?”

“I mean that would be a bonus, but-”

You took a shaky step forward towards the jumping point. “You’re the one who said I’m boring, okay? I know you wanted me up here just so you could get back at me for transferring and prove to yourself I’m a quitter or whatever you need to tell yourself. Don’t try and backpedal now.”

You were the only two up there now, and you could hear confused shouting from 

“So what if I didn’t think you would do it?” Tom argued. “It’s just not like you!”

“You don’t know anything about me, Tom!” you shouted back. “And you don’t even like me so why do you care?”

He scoffed and shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t.” 

You pushed past him to the rocky drop-off of the cliff, pausing to take a deep breath when your toes were dangling over edge. You heard Tom shout something as you fell, but it was lost in the wind whistling past your ears. 

The impact on the water knocked the air out of your lungs and made your vision go cloudy fast. You were still falling, deeper and deeper into the water, the glassy surface disappearing out of reach above you as you sunk. 

When you finally had the sense to try and swim towards the sunlight, pain tore its way up through your right arm and you tried to scream out in agony, but were suffocated by the water around you, pulling you deeper still. 

You were forced to use your left arm to try and claw your way to the surface, ignoring the way the pain from your other arm was making you feel lightheaded. Black spots danced in your vision and you were so far gone that you didn’t even notice someone swim up behind you and grab you by the waist to pull you to safety.

lmk what you think i always appreciate feedback!!

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[movieexpert1978]

Trouble in Paradise

This story is personal to me. This is a venting story. It's another story between our poly relationship between King Schultz, Blofeld , Nora and Elisa. There is alot of angst, yelling, swearing, depression and some drinking.

Nora belongs to @wingsy-keeper-of-songs  

Nora, Blofeld, and King Schultz are not my characters. 

Elisa sighs as she closed the door behind her. It was almost midnight so she made sure to be quiet. She took her shoes off and went to the kitchen and emptied her lunch box. She looked around and didn’t find anything out of place which made her sad. She looked down the hall to the living room and no one was up. She went to the first floor bathroom and turned the shower on. This seemed to be her routine lately. She worked second shift at a factory. It seemed to add more to her unique and complicated relationship to say the least. After all she was human in polyamorous relation with a witch, a werewolf, and a vampire. Ernst was off on business. King worked 9-5 as a dentist and Nora ran a small tarot card shop nearby. Despite all that she was very lonely lately. They had decided to purchase a large home together to be closer. She wasn’t exactly feeling that as she got out of the shower and went off to bed.

When she woke up the next morning, she knew the house was empty. It was all quiet and it hurt a little bit. She felt like she got herself in this situation. She was afraid to talk about her feelings as she didn’t want to come across as needy or jealous. She just kept it to herself. She just kept poking at her phone until she had to go to work again. That seemed to be her routine lately. She was able to check her phone during work and she couldn’t stand it. King and Nora were enjoying dinner and having a nice time. She huffed and turned her phone off for the rest of the night. She didn’t even bother being quiet when she got home and made herself something to eat. In her anger she banged away at the pots and pans she used before she sat down at the dining room table by herself. As she started to eat she heard someone come in.

“Elisa?” King says.

“Oh hi King.” She says quietly.

“What are you doing?” He asks coming over to her.

“I’m eating. What does it look like?” She snaps.

“I was just asking. Did you drop something? I heard a bang.” He says.

“No.” She says calmly.

“No King. I’m fine. Go back to bed.” She huffs.

“Stop acting childish.” He says defensively.

“Whatever King, do what you want.” Elisa mutters. He frowns as he looks at her but she doesn’t look at him.

“Do you want to talk?” He asks.

“No.”

“Well then knock it off and loose the attitude.” He says before he leaves.

“Fuck you too! You miserable mutt!” Elisa shouts before she can stop herself. She grabs her food and hurries to a bedroom as she hears King coming back. She locks the door before he finds her.

“What did you just say?!” He snaps. He goes to the bedroom and the door rattles. “If you have something to say to me then say it to my face!” He snaps. Nora comes downstairs quickly.

“King, what’s going on?” She asks.

“Elisa is acting like a spoiled brat!” He snaps. “Open the damn door girl!” He shouts and bangs on the door again. Elisa hides in the closed with her knees up and clutching her head as she cries.

“King, stop yelling.” She says getting him away from the door. “Elisa…honey…what’s wrong?” She asks calmly. Elisa just curls up as she cries into her knees. “Elisa, please open the door.” Nora says.

“No…” Elisa whimpers. Nora looks at King and gives his chest slap.

“Hey!” He protests.

“Don’t scare her like that.” Nora says.

“Oh really! She was the one banging on everything to wake us up and gave me attitude.” King snaps.

“It doesn’t help when you’re charging at her either.” Nora says. She did have a good point. She did have a good point. “Elisa, King and I are going back to bed. If you want to talk just come in.” Nora says. Elisa doesn’t answer as Nora takes King back to bed. Elisa stayed in the room for the rest of the night. When she wakes up she walks around carefully, hoping to avoid King and Nora. Much to her relief they’re gone for the day. She gets a bag of clothes and a few things before she heads off to work. She won’t be going home tonight. Luckily, she’s at a different part of the factory so she doesn’t check her phone as much. When she leaves work she heads over to one of the apartments Ernst has set up as a sort of safe house. After she takes a shower and gest into bed, she finally looks at her phone. She starts to cry as she realizes most of her notifications are from her apps. She does have a text from Nora.

N: Hi honey, I hope you’re ok. You can always talk to me. Love you.

Elisa sniggles as she writes her response.

E: Love you too.

She has another message from Ernst and a few missed calls from him too.

E: Answer your damn phone.

She waits around and right on cue she gets a call from him.

“Hello?” She says quietly.

“What’s going on?” Ernst says irritated. Elisa flinches at his tone.

“Nothing.”

“Elisa, knock it off! King called and said that you blew up on him last night.” He huffs. Elisa covers her mouth to muffle her crying. “I’ll be back in a few days. You think you can calm down by then?” He asks

“No! Just leave me alone!” She sobs.

“Elisa stop, you’re being ridiculous.” Ernst says.

“You always say that! Fuck you, you fucking asshole!” Elisa screams. A wave of emotions just rushes over her and she can’t hold it back anymore. “You always fucking saw that when I get upset! You never say that to Nora or King when something happens with them. It’s always my stupid human emotions.” She sobs. “It’s not fair Ernst…you may deny it but all of you treat me different than you treat each other.” She whimpers.

“Elisa���you’re human…”

“Shut up! Just shut the fuck up!” Elisa screams. “I don’t fucking care that I’m human. When was that last time you surprised me with flowers or something?” She cries. “I’m always seeing King and Nora surprising each other on social media. I can’t remember the last time that happened.” She says. She sniffles and cries as she tries to steady herself. “I try so fucking hard to keep my mouth shut so this doesn’t happen, but I keep seeing it and seeing it and I can’t help but feel so left out. I know it sounds stupid…so, so stupid…but sometimes King and Nora leave dinner out for me when I get home from work. I felt so happy to see it. They haven’t done that in so long and it just hurts. I know you probably think I’m stupid and I can just ask but I’m scared to ask half the time.” Elisa sobs. “Why do I have to ask for everything? I know it’s so stupid but why can’t I be surprised and spoiled once and a while too?” She cries. She sobs and sniffles wiping her eyes. “I feel so boring and inferior compared to you guys. I’m just a fucking factory worker. I’m a fucking nobody.” Elisa starts sobbing again and she wipes her eyes. “Forget it…just forget it…it doesn’t matter anyway…I’m sorry I yelled at you…please leave me alone. I don’t want to bother anyone.” Elisa whispers. She’s too tired to talk anymore so she just hangs up on him. She slumps over on the bed and sobs as she keeps hitting her head. She sobs and screams into the pillows until she’s exhausted.

Xxxxxxxxxx

Thankfully, today was Friday and Elisa wasn’t scheduled for the weekend. She planned on getting through her Friday shift and going back to the apartment to sleep and drink. She was tired and just wanted to be alone. Elisa managed to get through her shift at work before she went away to the apartment. She was afraid someone was there, but no one was. She got a nice big can of booze and laid in the bed with the TV on. She checked her phone and a notice went off. It was text from Nora.

N: Hey are you ok? You haven’t been home for a few days.

E: I’m fine.

N: Where are you?

E: I just want to be alone please.

N: Elisa, please come home. We love you. I love.

E: I love you too.

N: Baby, please come back. I miss you.

Elisa looks away from the phone, wiping her eyes. She takes a big swig from her can.

E: I’m sorry. I’m going to bed.

N:…ok…goodnight. I love you.

E: I love you too.

Xxxxxxxxx

Even when Elisa woke up the next morning, she didn’t get out of bed. She wanted a drink, but she just hid under the covers drifting in and out of sleep. She was half asleep when she thought she heard something, but she was still dozing. She yelped when someone pulled the blankets off of her roughly.

“Get up.” King said.

“King…how did you find me?” Elisa asks.

“Ernst told us.” He says. “Get dressed. You’re going home.” He says firmly.

“Go away.” Elisa says grabbing the covers.

“Stop it. You’ve got Nora all upset and worried.”

“Ohhh…so this is about Nora….not the fact that I’m upset.” Elisa says bitterly.

“Elisa, knock it off. You know what I meant.” He snaps.

“And I said go away!” Elisa snaps back. He grabs her arm and yanks her out of bed making her yelp and flinch. His grip is too tight.

“You’re coming home right now so we can figure this out.” He nearly snarls. She flinches and goes silent as tears run down her face. She yanks her arm away and reluctantly gets dressed and gets her things. When they leave she flinches again when King slams the door behind them. She knows King will dive behind her on the way back. It doesn’t stop her from sniffling and crying softly all the way home. Elisa is quiet as they walk back into the house. Nora quickly comes over to them.

“Oh Elisa!” Nora says, happy to see her again.

“Hello.” Elisa says quietly. She gives Nora a quick hug before she tries to go upstairs.

“Where are you going?” King says yanking her wrist again.

“Ow!” Elisa cries out but he still holds onto her.

“I told you we were going to talk.” He says.

“Why? I’m here now. Nora doesn’t have to worry anymore. I’ll just go get my checkbook and give you the money for the damn bills since apparently that’s all I’m good for every four months anyway!” Elisa shouts.

“Elisa stop being so childish.” King shouts back.

“Let go of me!” Elisa shouts painfully yanking her arm back. “You and Ernst fucking deserve each other. You always say I’m being childish or something…but these are my feelings!” She screams. Nora watches her sadly with tears in her eyes. “You always forget me until I get like this. Then I’m nothing but a fucking problem or inconvenience for you.” She says.

“You just expect us to bow down to your every whim and serve you?” King argues. Apparently Ernst told them about their own conversation.

“King…” Nora starts

“If you see it like then you don’t know me at all.” Elisa sobs. “You think I just want to be showered with gifts every day? No I don’t.” She pleads. “But as I told Ernst, every now and then you guys would leave me a plat for dinner and I…I…” Elisa struggles with her tears for a moment before she continues. “I really liked that because it made me feel better after a day a work…and I…I always like writing my little thank you notes to leave on the dining room table because I hoped it would make you smile before you guys went off to work.” Elisa walks back a few steps so she sit down as she cries for a moment.

“Elisa…” Nora says sadly.

“And…and…I always see stuff between you and Nora about how lucky you are to have each other and how you guys surprise each other with little gifts or a surprise lunch…and it’s just…it’s just…” Elisa whimpers and bites her lip to hold back her sobs. “I just wanted that feeling too.” She whimpers. “I just want that feeling that someone was thinking of me. I feel that lately all I do is think of you guys and nobody thinks about me.” Elisa sobs. She buries her face into her hands feeling so ashamed. Nora hurries over and pulls Elisa into her arms. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” Elisa sobs in Nora’s embrace. King lowers his head sadly.

“No…no don’t be sorry.” Nora whispers gently. King took this the wrong way big time. She just wanted to feel included. In truth, Ernst had recorded the conversation with Elisa and played it back to them. Nora was in tears while King just thought Elisa was being spoiled brat, which wasn’t how she was at all. Now he was the one feeling like an idiot to say the least. “It’s ok Elisa. We love you so much.” Nora says tenderly. She kisses the top of her head. She knew something was off with Elisa for a while now but she wasn’t sure what. She wished she had addressed it sooner.

“Nora’s right, don’t be sorry.” King says, cautiously coming closer. Elisa glances at King and he nearly turns away, but he doesn’t and he finally sees the exhaustion in her eyes. “Oh darling…I’m so sorry I got angry with you. I shouldn’t have done that.” He says. He gently reaches out and kisses her temple. Elisa whimpers softly as she looks at him

“I’m sorry.” Elisa says quietly.

“I’m sorry too.” King says.

“Me too.” Nora adds. Elisa settles down leaning against Nora as she sniffles and wipes her eyes. Nora holds her for a whole as King rubs her hand.

“Can I lay down please?” Elisa asks after a while.

“Yeah.” Nora chuckles. They help each other up and Elisa smiles weakly at them, unsure of what to do next. “Why don’t you take a nap and we’ll wake you up when dinner is ready.” Nora says.

“ Ok…thank you.” Elisa says. Nora and King give her one more kiss before she lays down to rest.

Xxxxxxxx

Elisa was nervous when she came back home from work because today Ernst came back. She pulled into the driveway and stared at the house for a few minutes, full of dread. She sighed as she gathered herself and went inside. She was surprised that all of them were still up when Elisa walked into the kitchen.

“Hello Elisa.” Ernst says as he goes over to her.

“Hi Ernst.” She says.

“I know our last conversation didn’t go too well…and I’m sorry.” He says sincerely. “I…was honestly so shocked to hear you that upset…I didn’t know what to do.” He says. “I’m sorry I made you feel that way.” He gently pulls her into a hug. “I love you so much.” He says as he kisses her.

“I love you too. I’m sorry about what I said.” Elisa says.

“Don’t be sorry. I needed to hear that.” He says. He kisses her tenderly. “I love you so much.” He whispers again. They pull away and take a deep breath to steady themselves. “Now…time for dinner.” He says.

“We got lots of pasta!” Nora announces excitedly

“Oh yummy! Thank you.” Elisa says as she sits down. They enjoy a lovely dinner together and Elisa feels at peace. Everything feels the way it should be again and Elisa is all the more grateful for it.

[yukichilovesbakugo]

Within Reach

Bakugo Katsuki x Reader

Chapter 3

Warnings: Cursing

Master List

It didn't take long for your acceptance letter to arrive. You got in with 65 villain points and only 10 rescue points. Apparently they docked points because you went out of bounds. Didn't matter much to you though, you got in! Bakugo was pretty pissed when he found out you all made it. He wanted to be the only one. Though, to be honest, he seemed more upset that the mouse made it rather than anyone else. Today was your first day at U.A. Academy. Your class was the ever so popular 1-A, and you had a feeling you'd have two of the same classmates from middle school. A small chuckle escaped your lips thinking about it as you slid on your skirt. When you had the whole uniform on, you stood in the mirror. Although you liked function over fashion, you just loved skirts. They were breathable, they flowed well, and they could look both cute and sexy. You loved them. You heard your alarm go off, letting you know it was time to leave for school. After saying goodbye to you grandfather, you headed out. As luck would have it, after a few blocks you ran into Bakugo. Instead of running up to him, you simply teleported next to him.

"Hey." You greeted. The poor boy nearly had a heart attack.

"JESUS FUCK!! WHY DO YOU DO THAT!?" He exploded. Literally. You just shrugged your shoulders.

"It's just easier than trying to catch up normally."

"Well at least warn me or something, asshole." The boy grumbled walking forward.

"You should just expect me to come out of nowhere." You teased a bit as you followed.

"What, are you stalking me?" He gave you a grossed out look. A sigh rang out.

"More like you're always were I am." You shook your head.

"Tch, whatever." He slouched over.

"So, what class are you in?"

"Not telling, shorty. What about you?"

"Guess you'll find out, huh?" You let out a deep yawn. The walk to school wasn't terribly long and you guys ended up getting there pretty fast. You guys searched around and finally found the door labeled 1-A. As both of you reached for the handle, you sighed.

"Same class again." You grabbed the door and pulled it open. After taking a look at the seating chart, you found your seat. Right. Next. To. Him. 'Fate has something against me.' You groaned. The blond just sat down and kicked his feet up. Soon a tall boy with glasses came up to talk to him. You tried to ignore them when you saw a certain green haired boy open the door. You shouted out to him.

"Oi, mouse!" He froze and looked at you.

"Y-yes!?" Poor boy was shaking as you approached him.

"You got in, didn't you? So stop shivering in your shoes." You smacked his shoulder. The tall guy named Iide, something like that, came over as well. You peered over your shoulder to see the blonde click his tongue. When you turned back, a cute brunette and a man in a sleeping bag had appeared. Everyone quickly focused on the man. He got out of his bag.

"I'm Shota Aizawa, your teacher." He started to talk while pulling something out of his bag. "Now hurry up and change then shove off to the PE ground." He then took his leave. The class was left in wonder while you just did as told. You quickly got changed. On your way, you teleported periodically to the field. Of course you were the first one there beside Aizawa. You had recognized your teacher as Eraserhead, the hero that could cancel out quirks.

After waiting a bit, a gust of wind came. It was mildly strong. Your h/l, h/c colored hair blew behind you. Some leaves flew past you. You turned slightly to see someone had arrived. There stood the blonde, who clicked his tongue and looked away. He strolled up to you, but refused to make eye contact.

"What's up with you?" You tried to peak at his face. With his hand he pushed your face back.

"Nothing!" He grumbled as you smacked his hand away. You definitely thought he was acting weird, but you just shook it off.

"Whatever." You guys stood in silence as you waited for the others. After a while, he spoke again.

"Hey-" his eyes glanced at you before he heard the voices of others. "Tch." He shoved his hands into his pocket. The others joined and Aizawa started talking. He explained the quirk assessment and told the class that whoever gets last place will be expelled. The test were fairly easy for you. With the 50 meter dash, you got the best time, 0.25 seconds. It startled everyone a bit at first. For the other test you tried to find creative ways to use your quirk. Then it came to the ball throw. When it was your turn you grabbed the ball from him.

"Aizawa-sensei. You said not to leave the circle, but is the space above it fair game?" He pause for a second, then nodded. You continue to the circle. You stood there, then disappeared. If the students looked in the sky, they could see that you teleported far above and threw the ball. They got a bit scared to see you fall to the ground, but you just teleported back to the circle. Your teacher held up the screen that read '352.7 meters'. After you yawned you returned next to Bakugo. Next up was the mouse. When he grabbed the ball, he seemed to be in conflict with himself. That's when you noticed that Aizawa activated his quirk. He erased whatever the mouse was going to use. This peaked you intrest.

"Weird." You mumbled underneath your breathe. The blonde side eyed you. After the teacher gave the mouse another chance, you figured it out. Before the ball even left his hand, you put two and two together. That was when the ball went flying. The blonde was in utter shock. He then started to charge the green haired boy, quirk going.

"DEKUUU!" It seemed you and Aizawa had the same idea. The man used his quirk and ropes to stop Bakugo while you teleported in front of him, staring him down. As the boy calmed down and walked away, you eyed the mouse.

"I never would have thought..." you trailed off as you followed Bakugo. Soon the other test were completed and the score board was showed. You didn't really care of your rank so you just started to head back to change.

"Hey," you heard a strange voice and turned around. A yellow haired boy walked up to you. "I'm Denki Kaminari, nice to meet you." He smiled at you, but you just looked at him blankly.

"F/n L/n. A piece of advice, staring at people can be considered rude." The boy flinched and let out a nervous chuckle. He had been stealing glances at you since class started.

"O-oh. I'm sorry, I just couldn't help it. You're so beautiful." He winked at you. With a blank face, you spoke.

"Thanks, I guess." You turned to leave when he grabbed your arm.

"W-wait." He tried but you teleported a few meters forward. With a scary voice, you gave a warning.

"Don't touch me, I don't like it." You turned back to him. "And you should give up now. I'm not here to make friends." When you went to leave again, you were met by the blonde.

"Oi, go get changed." He demanded with his arms crossed. After a sigh, you walked away. Unbeknownst to you, the blonde gave the flirt a pretty nasty look before leaving aswell. Once you had changed and gathered your things you went to go home.

°•°•°•°

On your way out the gate you saw the boy Kaminari. He went to cross the street, but there was a speeding car. The horn sounded and the boy looked up in horror. Within a split second, you teleported to him and then the sidewalk. You held his arms.

"You okay?" Your e/c eyes met his golden ones. His heart skipped a beat. He ended up short circuiting and shocked you a bit with his quirk. You flinched slightly, thinking you scared him.

"OH MY GOD I'M SO SORRY!!!!" He bowed at you profusely. You let out a rather long sigh then spoke.

"It's okay. I didn't mean to startle you, sorry. Just be more careful." After pausing for a moment, you noticed your quirk felt weird. You mentally cursed at yourself. Electric type quirks were your weakness. This is why you didn't want to touch him.

"Oi, shorty, you okay?" A deep voice rang out. You turned to see the blond jogging up to you. Just when he was near, your quirk 'glitched'. You teleported rapidly three times, each time within a foot from your original spot. It ended where it started though. "W-what the!?" His red eyes stared at you. Next to you the yellow haired boy stood in shock aswell. You let out a frustrated wine, then explained.

"For some reason, electric quirks always cause me to lose control of my quirk temporarily. It's such a pain." The pikachu boy stared at you in horror. He felt so terrible for doing that to you. Now the other boy, he glared at the yellow haired mess. He had seen the whole thing, and he new that Kaminari didn't mean to hurt you, but he was still a little upset at him. You started to feel some pain gradually build in your head. You knew it was coming. One thing you didn't mention was that it could also cause you get really bad headaches sometimes. "I'm going to head home. You guy be safe." You turned to leave. When the blond went to follow, you turned back again. Your quirk glitched again. "Alone, please." This time you left for good, taking a short cut to the shrine. Poor Bakugo stood, wondering if he did something wrong. He shot Kaminari one last glare, then went to go home aswell. He was deep in thought. All throughout the day, he has had a funny feeling in his chest. To make matters worse, it was only with you around. He doesn't understand it though. Maybe something's wrong with him?

Tag List: @maisyyx

[reallygrossstuff]

DirkHalDave - Party Tricksters

Not a request today, but a commission! A friend wanted Dirk getting tag-teamed by some snack-happy tricksters, and I aim to deliver. Let me know what you think!

Knock-knock-knock.

Dirk gritted his teeth tighter, focusing with even more intent on the project in front of him. He was in a good groove, edging into hour five of his work session, so whoever wanted his company would just have to wait their turn. If they were someone he wanted to see anyway, they’d know to message him before coming anyway.

And yet.

Knock-knock-knock-knock-knock.

The gaps between knockings were growing shorter, the intensity of the impact growing. Even if Dirk could continue to ignore it, he ran the risk of his visitor knocking his door down if they continued. With a quiet groan, he forced his knees to unbend, rising to his feet and trudging to answer the insistent knocking – and arriving a moment before the lock snapped off its frame, causing the door to swing inward and narrowly miss his nose.

“I’ve got to say, literally knocking down my door is a new brand of bullshit, man.” Dirk groused, still blinking off alarm from the forced entry.

“Haha, sorry, man!” The voice was familiar in tone, and alien in every other way. Dirk took a shocked step back as Dave floated through the door, giddiness dripping off his every move almost as much as chocolate dripped off the dipped strawberries perched in his vibrant green hair. His short cape blew in its own wind as he fidgeted in mid-air, a dangerous grin plastered to his face. “You were just taking so long, we didn’t want to run out of time for the party!”

Dirk didn’t even have time to question ‘we’ before the answer became clear, and Hal of all people traipsed in through the still-open door. “You were taking a long time, Dirk. If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you were something less than sugar-tastically stoked for the celebration.”

Well, at least Hal being in on this explained why he hadn’t warned Dirk about his uninvited guests, even if the rock candy microchip on his head and the garishly trickster-coloured suspenders and tie he wore invited more questions than it answered.

“Alright, who the fuck thought unburying the hell-candy from wherever we shoved it after last time was a good idea?” When that only got a light giggle from Dave and an incrementally wider smile from Hal, he tacked on, “and how does it even work on you, I didn’t give you tastebuds! Or a goddamn stomach!”

“Aw, come on, it’s not a crime to want some fun!” Dave floated closer, seemingly allergic to touching the ground as he curved himself loosely around Dirk, getting a glob of chocolate on his shirt in the process.

“And you’d be surprised what, pardon the word, miracles a juju like that can weave. Who needs tastebuds when it’s so obvious it’ll taste scrumptious?” At least Hal had the wherewithal to close the door behind him. “Of course, then we realised it’d be downright mean to exclude you from the oodles of fun we wanted to have, so we came right over.”

“Yeah! So now it’s party time! You don’t mind hosting, right bro? It’ll be soooooo much fun!” Heart-shaped shades hovered an inch from Dirk’s own glasses, not quite tinted enough to hide the wide, almost manic red eyes behind them.

Dirk wanted to say no. He wanted more than anything to say no. “Sure,” his mouth said, knowing better than to refuse a trickster. “Just don’t make a mess of the place or anything.”

“Of course not.” Hal scoffed, as if his companion hadn’t just forced open Dirk’s door. “We’ll be superbly civil, I promise. Heck, you might not even notice we’re-.”

“Party!” Dave cheered, instantly flying further into the apartment. “Hal, c’mon and help me, you know there’s no party without food!”

“Right!” Hal’s train of thought was abandoned immediately at the suggestion, the android nearly giving Dirk whiplash as he flashed past to accompany Dave. Soon the two were enthusiastically emptying their sylladexes, dumping a hellish variety of party foods across Dirk’s kitchen counter, his workstation, his coffee table, and just across the floor once everything else was covered. There were bags of chips and party-sized soda bottles, alongside massive bowls full of chocolate-covered strawberries and rich, already-melting cakes. The overall impression was that someone had googled ‘party foods’ and just bought everything they saw on the list.

“This is the opposite of civil, assholes.” Dirk stepped forwards to gather some of the food into his own sylladex, even as his impromptu guests continued piling every surface high with more. “Two people don’t need this much food, this is fucking excessive.”

“Two people might not, but three should just about finish it all.” Hal’s grin slanted, somehow becoming more sinister without losing its bright glee. “Stop being such a party-pooper, Dirk, or Dave will have to show you how to enjoy something sweet for a change.”

“Ooh, I should do that anyway!” Finally Dave stopped pouring food out onto the floor, instead collecting an eclectic mix of it and approaching Dirk. Somehow, this didn’t feel like an improvement. “You’re always so sour, man, but I bet you’ll love this! Just give it a try!”

Dirk didn’t get a chance to voice his opinion on giving any of ‘it’ a try – as soon as Dave finished his sentence, he forced one of the crisp bags open with a loud bang and shoved a heaping handful between Dirk’s parted lips.

“There you go! We’ll start easy, I know you like chips and soda! And then once you’re not so grumpy, you can try all the tasty chocolate stuff too!”

Dirk’s responding “mmmph!” was all but drowned out by the crunching of chips within his mouth. He puffed his cheeks up, ready to spit the snacks out, but the moment his lips parted again Dave was there with one of the soda bottles, squeezing it with such force that Dirk had no choice but to swallow, or risk dying from suffocation on cheap party goods.

That set the pace for how Dave treated him. Dirk never opened his mouth without being silenced by more food, never gasped for breath without having to quickly brace for another splash of sugary drink. The taste was fine, good even, but each morsel just tasted of so much that it became almost tiring to endure. Not to mention that the giddy trickster seemed to have no sense for complementary flavours, alternating sweet and savoury, rich and plain, chewy and gooey with such reckless abandon that soon everything tasted like everything just from osmosis.

Thankfully for Dirk’s tired mind, Dave’s corralling seemed to be leading him towards the couch. Each forced mouthful gave him a little shove towards it, each invasion of his personal space made him flinch backwards, until his legs hit the food-covered furniture and he collapsed onto it with a muffled ‘oof’.

Had the feeding been any less taxing, Dirk would’ve had a lot of time to think on the deteriorating state of his clothing. His shirt was riding up something fierce, but even that didn’t save it from straining over the upper half of his stuffed gut. His jeans clung tight around his waist, filling Dirk’s ears with the sound of creaking stitches even after the button popped and the zipper was forced open. His shades were, first, covered in crumbs and smears from the messy feeding, and soon after knocked off entirely by an overly expressive gesture from Dave.

As things progressed, Dirk only became less able to react. Sugary sodas and chocolate bars might have been a distraction, but when Dave moved on to unbearably ripe chocolate-coated strawberries and rich, layered cakes thick and gooey enough to risk clogging his throat, his mind was fit to shut down entirely. There just wasn’t room for anything else beside the taste – even his vision was going funny, fogging and tinting as if he was still wearing his shades.

It should’ve been a relief when Dave relented, floating back to give Dirk both space and time to process the world once again, but the taste lingered in his mouth, in his mind, dulling his response to Dave’s announcement. “Okay, that’s a good start! Um… Oh. I didn’t go too far, did I?”

Dirk just groaned, still trying to clear his throat from the rushed meal. Before he could get himself together for a proper reply, Hal took charge. “I’d say you didn’t go far enough, bro. Sure, Dirk’s enjoying himself, but is he having the gummy-funniest time possible? I don’t think so.”

“Oh, no way! Look, he’s barely smiling!” Some part of Dirk piped up that he wasn’t smiling at all, for the record, but the sentiment never made it into the air. “Can he fit more fun, though? He looks kind of full…”

“Don’t worry.” Through his stupor, and the phantom lights in his eyes, Dirk managed to be intimidated by Hal’s smirk as he approached the couch. He raised one metal hand, and all it took was a puff of a sugar cloud to turn it into a wide, heavy-duty hose end, his stripwound arm turning transparent so Dirk could see something inside. Something neon green, speckled with glittery flecks, that dripped from the hose’s end even before Hal stuffed it in Dirk’s mouth.

“I’ll make room.”

The paste was thick, cold, and almost painfully sweet. The sort of artificial sweet that made Dirk think of his old snack stashes in his last apartment in unkind terms. It seemed to fill every gap and hollow in him, bloating his stomach almost as severely as it bloated the rest of him.

Cloth tore violently. Denim shredded. Even the couch groaned worryingly as Dirk expanded. Where before he’d simply looked overly stuffed, the more of the paste Hal forced down his throat, the more he looked like this sort of feeding was a regular occurrence. His face grew heavy, chins sagging until they touched his collarbones. Whatever fight was left in his arms was snuffed out as they grew too ponderous to leave his sides, which similarly swelled outwards with new love handles. The back of the couch bent slightly as his new ass-flab forced itself against it. All that preserved his modesty was the still-growing spectacle of his belly, forcing his chunky legs to spread and hanging trembling inches off of the trash-coated floor.

Whatever tank Hal was pumping from wasn’t endless, though, as much as it felt that way in the moment. Eventually, once he was thoroughly filling the couch and in no fit state to lift a finger, the hose left his mouth, turning back into a hand just so Hal could give his wobbling cheek a teasing pat.

“I’d say that makes for a mouth-whetting first course. What about you, Dave, any morsels of wisdom to add?”

“Nope! He looks like he’s having loads of fun! Now, for the second course, I was thinking-.”

-ify!

A blinding flash of multicoloured light filled the room. Dirk blinked as quickly as he could, failing to banish even half of the strange spots from his vision. His face and breasts obscured a large portion of his vision, and he was in no fit state to analyse the rest, but something definitely seemed… different…

“Ugh, my head… yo, Hal, the hell’s all this?”

“My initial assumption is some sort of intense party, though there’s no course of action that would explain my lack of memories. Or my sudden ability to have a migraine.”

Dirk’s stomach chose that moment to gurgle loudly, the tacky candy paste upsetting it to the point he had to let out a paper-shaking belch.

The silence that rang after his belch was deafening, leaving Dirk alone with his abused stomach, until, in two voices:

“Oh, shit.”

[heavenly-dio]

A Slightly Bitter Love Story 1

Within UA's office building, through the twisting corridors and dozens of offices, you would find the head office of one Nedzu, the genius animal whose eye for talent and strategy remained unmatched. Within this office, a particularly curious group had assembled. Nedzu himself- it was his office after all- One of Nedzu's trusted teachers, the ever logical Aizawa Shouta, and, oddly enough, the Rank 5 Pro Hero Miruko, arms crossed and foot tapping in annoyance.

The two humans stood behind Nedzu's desk, flanking the small rodent as they stared at the student sitting in the center of the room. They were tall for a 17 year old, and they had longer black hair that fell down their face in long wavy strands, although it was still much shorter than Aizawa's own unkempt hairstyle. The boy, whose face was twisted into a sour expression of frustration, sat with his arms crossed, glaring at the Rabbit Hero with as much heat and anger as she had been sending his way for the last 15 quiet minutes.

Nedzu figured it was about time they broke that silence. “Shogeki-kun, you could just say no, you’ve been glaring at that file fo-”

“Alright sick, later-”

“Sit your ass down, boy!” Shogeki Akira groaned in frustration while Nedzu just sighed, asking Miruko to keep her voice down. She harumphed loudly, crossing her arms and continuing to bare her teeth at her student intern. He gave her back just as much as she gave him, really really not in the mood for her shit today.

“Shogeki-kun," Nedzu decided to try again, "While I can’t force you to accept this offer, I’m sure it will be of great benefit to the both of us.”

“Look Nedzu-sensei, I get it, I really do, but how the hell would I benefit from this? I already have to deal with my classes and training, not to mention my internship with this bitch!” He gestured to Miruko, who just rolled her eyes at him. “I don’t have time for any of this, not that I would want to do it anyway.”

“Hey brat," Shogeki looked back over at Miruko, who had lost her scowl, "Quit being a jackass and actually think this through. The League has had a leg up on the heroes for too long, and we finally managed to catch one. This is a victory these whelps," She gestured to Nedzu and Aizawa with her head, "Desperately need. Now quit causing problems and put what I've taught you into action."

The student pinched his nose, trying to ignore the small bit of shame he was feeling that was quickly replaced with more annoyance. He turned to Nedzu, "Alright, alright. Let's say I agree to this crazy ass plan you've got. What then? I still have my classwork, plus my extra coursework for advanced classes, and hero training, and my internship. I'm running on fumes at the end of my days as is, I don't have the time to play babysitter to some blonde bimbo in a sailor outfit."

"We've thought it over," Aizawa spoke up, bringing the students attention to him, "And we're prepared to transfer some of your classes into a workload only structure. You'll be given all of your work for that class at the beginning of the month, and you'll be able to complete them on your own time- Lectures no longer required."

Shogeki hummed, "Alright, but what classes? Hero training is obviously not an option, I'm acing the entirety of mathematics, so I guess that? And Modern Hero Art History, not that I give a damn about that class anyway."

“Is that so?” Nedzu glanced over at Aizawa in the corner of the room, who returned the look with a dead stare. Looking back, the ferret-like creature shuffled around a few papers on his desk and said, “I think we can drop Modern Hero Art and Mathematics.”

The student blew air out of his nose in thought, before he sighed, nodded his head, and leaned forward to sign the paperwork. He shook Nedzu's paw and asked,  “When am I getting her?”

“We’ll have the police bring her to your dorm in about a week. We’ll make your classmates aware of the basics of the situation and we’ll help you rearrange your room to accommodate.”

“Yeah, that makes sense" I'm gonna nee- Wait, wait wait wait, she’s gonna be shacking up with me?! I agreed to babysit her, not marry the psycho.”

Aizawa jumped in with, “There needs to be a constant watch over her, so measures will be taken to ensure she’s never more than 20 meters away from you. Any chance she has to escape or cause harm to another student, she’ll no doubt take, so you can’t let her out of your sight. Hygiene and other more private concerns will be deliberated to a female classmate of your choosing, however the large majority of her captivity is your responsibility.”

“The hell is gonna stop her from slitting my neck in my sleep?”

“We’ll be changing the lock on your door from the standard deadbolt to a special electromagnetic lock that Power Loader is designing. It’ll only open when a current of 2 Million Volts run through it, a dangerous level of electricity that very few people in this school have the ability to interact with.”

“Alright, I see how she’ll be unable to escape, but you glossed over the bit about her maybe killing me.”

“All staff and students will be made aware that opening that door themselves will result in severe consequences, meaning that if she kills you, she’ll be left to starve to death.”

“Glad to see my safety is of such a high conce-” Miruko clocked him on the head, a sign that he should probably quit running his mouth. Growling and feeling a bit of blood in his mouth, he swallowed and gave up trying to figure out the situation and just stood up to leave. “I’ll assume you assholes won’t just leave me to die and take my leave then. Need to make sure I hide most of my important shit at my dad’s place, but I’ll wait on you guys to help with the furniture stuff. Anything else I should know?”

“Yeah, actually.” Miruko spoke up, “Stop giving the cops such a hard time, you’re not a pro hero yet, so the cops are gonna have to go through the standard procedures whenever you actually bag a criminal. It’s not their fault, so stop acting like a jackass.”

“I’m not giving them a hard time, I’m just showing them a video on my phone that I’ve found to validate my actions.”

“Oh god, it’s not Stain’s video is it?” Aizawa asks from the corner.

“No, it’s a video of me saying ‘Shogeki Akira is my intern and he’ll do what he wants’.” Miruko gave the second-year student a look like she was just asking him to argue with her. Well, if she was asking…

“Well, you did let me record that video.”

“Because that was the only way I could get you to quit calling me at 3 am from the police station every time your sorry ass got arrested for beating up thugs when you couldn’t sleep!”

“And I haven’t woken you up since, now have I?”

“Shogeki-kun, you can return to class now.” Nedzu interrupted what was quickly becoming a pissing contest before either of them could come to blows, or more realistically, before Miruko could beat him into the ground for disrespecting her authority.

The younger hero in training was only too happy to leave, saying over his shoulder, “I don’t have to go to Mathematics anymore, so I’m heading back to my room. Later boys.” A snarky handwave followed and it was only Aizawa’s capture gear that stopped the rabbit hero from chasing him down.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

“Damnit man, I thought we told you not to get yourself expelled.” The voice that came from behind him was playful, if not still somehow mature at the same time.

With a heavy sigh, Shogeki looked up from packing a box with now-unneeded textbooks and over to his door, mildly upset to see Totsu standing there with his arms crossed. “Will you fuck off and leave me alone for once in your life, I’ve got enough shit to do without having to play 20 questions with you.”

“Oh please, we both know I’d kick your ass at-”

“Coffee table.”

“What are you, a wizard?! How do you do that?”

“You always guess coffee table first, even Hamada knows that, and she’s as scatterbrained as they come.” Totsu pouted, ignoring Shogeki’s very obvious annoyance and sitting on his bed. “What do you want, Totsu, I’m busy. I have to make room for a roommate, because being forced to live with all of you apparently wasn’t punishment enough.”

“Would you lighten up, it’s probably not that ba-”

“She’s a serial killer who’s killed over 90 people.”

“You’re complaining about sharing a room with a chick? Don’t you know that half of the guys in our class would kill to be in your shoes right now?”

“Did you literally not hear a single word I just said?”

“Wait, you’re tossing your neons?!” Totsu pointed to a box of neon wall signs wrapped in an excessive number of towels. “Dude, those are sick, I’ll give you 10,000 yen for them.”

“First of all, those are worth at least 500,000 total, so fuck off my dick with this 10,000 shit. Second, fuck you, third, I’m not tossing them, I’m taking them back to my dad’s place for safekeeping. Supposedly this bitch can kill with her teeth, so I’m not gonna give her chemical weapons in the shape of a glass pineapple.”

“Ooh, are we making fruit salads in here? I heard pineapple!” This time the voice was high pitched and feminine, and the face in the doorway was one made completely of water.

“Hamada, get out of here, we’re not making fruit salads, I’m movi- Why won’t you people leave me alone! Go away, Kikai!” Shogeki screamed at the large robotic student that had appeared behind Hamada, spooking them a bit. The robot charged down the hall, seemingly upset, leading Hamada to voice her thoughts on Shogeki’s rudeness. “Goddamnit, Totsu, go get Kikai and calm them down, I need to talk to Hamada about some shit.”

“Don’t go sleeping around, now, your new girlfriend will get all upset.” The shorter boy left with a cheeky laugh, ducking under a textbook thrown his way.

“Stupid bastard. You can’t even have sex, Hamada, your body doesn’t allow it… Right?” Shogeki shot the water girl a look, gesturing to her body.

“Well, not with you Sparky, you’d drive me a different type of crazy.”

“Can you not do this?”

“Like, I get what you mean, bu-” He shoved his arm into her shoulder and released a small shock, causing her body to lose its shape and collapse into a puddle, her clothes falling with wet smack.

“I get that you love talking, but seriously shut up for a minute.” She reformed just her upper body, sticking out of the floor and causing water damage that he’d probably have to fix later but whatever. “The principal is giving me one of those League bastards to keep an eye on, and there’s certain shit I can’t really do. You’re gonna be in charge of that shit.”

“Like what?”

“Like making sure she’s not turning a wall tile into a shank when she’s in the shower or something. Despite Totsu’s efforts, we don’t have co-ed bathrooms, so I’m not really allowed to be around when she’s showering, so you’ll have to tag in for that.”

“How’s it pay?”

“…Fuckin what?”

“How much are you paying me? This is a job right?”

“No, I’m not getting paid, so neither are you bitch. Got a problem, talk to Nedzu, now get out.”

“Fine, I will talk to Nedzu.” Hamada pouted, reforming the rest of her body and walking out of his room with her arms crossed.

With a deep sigh, Shogeki put the last few textbooks into the box and taped it up, carrying it down to the common room. He sent a message to his father to figure out a time to pick them up and went back up to his room. Taking a quick look around, he decided he’d done enough with his day and retreated back to his room, planning to lie down on his bed to wait until dinner. He used his phone to look up some extra info on this Toga chick he was gonna have to be putting up with. He was aware of the basics, just about anyone knew who the League of Villains were, and the names of the members had become common knowledge to most.

After 20 minutes of searching the internet, he still hasn't found any news of her capture. He had to give it to Miruko, when she decided she wanted to keep quiet she actually pulled off the impossible and didn't make a scene. Since he figured he wasn't gonna find anything he didn't already know, he put his phone to the side and crossed his arms behind his head. Once Toga was passed off to him, he fully expected his precious peace and quiet would disappear in its entirety. It would be wise to savor it while he still could.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

2-A Student Spotlight

Shogeki Akira- Male

Birthday- 8-10

Quirk- Electricity

Hero Name- The Gigawatt Hero: Shock Jockey

Heroic Rank 1

Academic Rank 3

6 foot tall, angry, tired, and rarely irrational. Extremely overworked and irritable. Top of the class, with a strong belief in the law. From a long family of servicemen. Black hair past his shoulders, often tied back. Piercings in his eyebrow, nose, ear and lips.

Artwork by Brabbit

https://brabbitwdl16.tumblr.com/

[notesfromthepen]

Killers and Monsters...and Regular People Everywhere

Killers and Monsters...and Regular People Everywhere

I like to think of myself as a realist. Never will you hear me say that there is no need for prisons, that no one should be incarcerated. Without question, there are individuals whose freedom is detrimental to the functioning of a safe and healthy society, who, once arrested, cannot be safely released back into society. Though the percentage of these hopeless cases are far more rare than some would have you believe.

There are arguments to be made—not necessarily by me—about where these people belong, and what the purpose their incarceration is to serve, whether it is about punishment or rehabilitation, or some combination of the two. I'm not here to tackle these issues today. What I aim to do, is much simpler. As with most of my writings, I aim to reveal a better vantage point on a reality, a more complete truth (as much as is possible when coming from the perspective of a flawed human being) and to dispel myths and misinformation through the knowledge gained of personal experience. 

This piece is titled Killers and Monsters because being in prison has shown me that there is a difference between the two, and it's a difference that needs to be shouted to the masses...or at least needs to be made more clearly to those willing to listen.

Rarely are complex issues laid out in plain black and white. If they were, they wouldn't be very complex. Admittedly, it would be much easier if everyone in prison were actual monsters, if the nature of the crime matched the person who'd committed it and you could identify a bad guy by simple appearance. Unfortunately, life isn't a Steven Segal movie. No, real life is much more nuanced. Get close enough and you will see that crime and punishment is a picture, much too intricate, to be painted in simple black and whites.

The illusion that our prisons are full of boogie men, blood-thirsty killers, and heartless drug lords, allows us the comfort of sleeping sound at night while nearly two million of our brothers and sisters rot in prison. (America has the highest incarceration rate in the world: 5% of the worlds population yet 25% of the world's prisoners). This painting of inmates, as maniacal killers and evil degenerates who deserved to be locked away, is a masterful propaganda technique used to manipulate a population into supporting the injustices of a system that will eventually, directly or indirectly, oppress the same population it relies on for survival. It would be death for the status quo if these incarcerated men and women were not looked upon as villains, but were thought of as they actually are: our brothers, sisters, mothers, and fathers. It's easy to subjugate the "other," much more difficult to oppress someone you know or can relate to.

Would it surprise you to hear that you could not, with any degree of accuracy above random chance, guess the crimes of the inmates in prison based on their appearance alone? (Other than child molesters, they seem to be more susceptible to superficial giveaways of their criminal proclivities, such as appearance and demeanor.)

Maybe, maybe not.

Would it surprise you if I said that you could not increase your chances of guessing correctly, even after observing the inmates for extended periods of time? Or even if you were allowed comprehensive conversations (excluding direct questioning about their actual crimes) with an inmate, would you be able to accurately predict the nature of their offense?

Growing up, I had an idea of what a murderer would look like. I was raised in the 80s when our pop culture had clearly defined, however unrealistic, depictions of heroes and villains. So I grew up thinking, for the most part, you could tell what a killer looks like, what a thief or drug dealer acts like (most of them wore black clothes, had scars on their faces, shifty eyes, and a snarl.) When I was younger I used to wonder if anyone I knew had ever killed another person. It was a reoccurring thought that would usually end with the false assumption that, "of course not, I'd know if someone was a killer." But how would I have known? By their shifty eyes?

After coming to prison I realized how wrong I was. It is both inspiring and terrifying, the moment you realize how unreliable our beliefs can be. 

In prison you generally only ask about another inmates case under certain circumstances. 1: If you are bunkies, and 2: If you are a fellow gang member...and that's about it. In both cases it's to ensure that you're not living or associating with a child molester or a rat.

It's definitely not an icebreaker; you don't just come out and ask. Nearly all of the interactions in prison are with people that you know nothing about, or knew nothing about initially. It's only after time, after a level of trust and comfort is established, that you learn about someone's case. In a way it's kind of beautiful; there is less to be prejudice about; it's only after you've become close with somebody that you learn about the worst moment of their life, of the worst act they've committed. By then there's a context, a face and a story to the person who committed the crime. Too bad life isn't like this. We should get to know someone first, judge them on their personality and nature before we judge them on their past.

It's easy to hold onto idealistic beliefs when you keep your distance from the reality. It's easier to hate black people when you've never known, really known, a black person...etc.

I've watched shows like Date Line and 20/20 and gotten all worked up about the senseless and brutal murder of a helpless woman or an innocent child and thought things like: if you willingly take another persons life you should be put to death, or at least you should never, ever, get out of prison. This was just more belief at a distance, based on nothing but reactionary emotion, uninformed, safe from scrutiny, belief. It was ignorant. I'd never known anyone who had killed someone, or anyone who'd had a family member killed.

But the salacious crime stories, meant to play on fear and intrigue, are often the only ones that get told. So it’s easy to see the fault line that these beliefs rise from.

Over the last few years I've learned that the wall we imagine separating us, the free citizens from the degenerate criminals, is much thinner than you think. Often it's only a stroke of bad-luck, a moment of impulse-control between us.

Don't agree?

If you have ever drank more than a beer and found yourself getting behind the wheel of a vehicle without waiting at least an hour to drive, you could be right here in the bunk next to me.

My two time bunkie/best friend is in here for vehicular manslaughter in which he blew a .09 blood alcohol level (just .01 over the legal limit, roughly half a beer) The person driving the other car involved in the accident was also intoxicated, much more so than him but, because the guy died and my friend lived, he was charged with two counts of involuntary manslaughter and sentenced to 13 years in prison, on his 1st prison sentence. And make no mistake, there are plenty of people in here for similar cases. A sixteen year old, who thought he was giving a friend a ride to steal a twenty dollar bag of weed, finds out that his friend killed somebody in the house while he waited in the car and is sentenced to life without the possibility of parole. Thrown away for a stupid teenage mistake.

The point is, we're not all monsters. By my—completely unscientific but nonetheless reliable—calculations, the percentage of monsters, assholes, douchebags, slime balls, lazy fucks, hard workers, generous, ingenious, lucky, funny, genuine, unlucky, selfish and selfless men in the prison system is the exact same as it is in anywhere else in the free world.

The two main differences seem to be upbringing and luck but, surprisingly, not their nature. Without going into a series of examples I'd ask you to trust me when I say that there are people who've committed murder, the most serious of crimes, that I'd trust with my life, and that my mind would be blown if I found out that they'd stole a candy bar after they were released.

But they're almost never the ones we hear about. It's always the escaped convict who kills someone that makes the news, or the inmate who rapes someone after their parole. In these cases, it's a self-fulfilling prophecy; truly reformed inmates rarely ever attempt to escape prison, and they certainly don't hurt people if they do, so you're never gonna hear about them. And there IS no salacious story to be told about the inmates who are successfully released. This is why we only ever hear about the terrifying minority. But this inaccurate exposure leads to the false narrative of prison being populated by blood thirsty monsters.

You never hear about people like another one of my bunkies: One of the best people I've known in my entire life is in here for killing someone eighteen years ago in an act of perceived self-defense. He understands his crime, and himself, in a deep and profound way that many of us will never know. He fully accepts the responsibility of his action and the pain it's caused and it breaks his heart. And after living with it for all these years, he admits that, though he may have felt threatened, he could've, should've, handled it differently. And not because he got thrown in prison for it but because he took someone's life. Trust me, it is the most sobering act you can commit. And though I didn't know him eighteen years ago, in the years that I have known him, it's hard to imagine him hurting anyone. He's a funny, generous, thoughtful person who does anything he can to help other people with no expectation of personal gain. You might think you’d be able to bullshit the parole board for fifteen minutes, but I've lived with this man 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, for 2 years straight. It is not bullshit.

This is just one example of many, since I've come to prison, that has shown me how easy it is to think about crime and punishment from a distance, and how wrong I was about my opinions. People make mistakes, some really stupid and hurtful mistakes, but some really change, and everyone deserves that chance.

Let's be honest, there ARE “monsters” in here: child rapists and baby killers, sociopaths, remorseless murderers, and heinous heartless criminals, but they are an unequivocally small minority. During the six years I've been in prison, in the three joints I've been to, from maximum to minimum security facilities, I've run across maybe a handful of, what most would consider, "evil" people beyond rehabilitation. Many inmates are ignorant, impulsive, immature, and emotionally stunted, but very few are actually bad people. And unfortunately this place does almost nothing to help them get better.

It's so easy to throw monsters away, it's easy to turn your back on people you think, because they're in prison, must deserve whatever their punishment is. But the reality is you're throwing away your brothers and sisters, you're turning your back on your neighbors and friends, and you're wrong about who it is behind these walls. 

I'm ashamed that it took me coming here to realize just how wrong I was, how naive I was, how willfully ignorant my beliefs were. I can only hope that it doesn't take an up close experience like mine for you to take a second look at some of your untested beliefs.

Because it's never so black and white as to think the fence separating prison and the free world has nothing but monsters and killers on one side and regular people on the other.

This picture here calls for more color.

[traviswsoul]

Day 17 Standish Hickey to Dean Creek Resort. 10 miles

1:02 time, 555 calories, 535' climbed, 9.7 avg mph "Resort" is what private camp site call themselves when they want to charge you more than a state park campground, but I'm getting ahead of myself, there is quite a story tell about today.  If I was a pessimist I would call it a shit show but I'm a glass full kind of guy so I'd say it was a blessing in disguise.  God/the Universe/ the Trees, whatever you want to call it was telling me today to get off the road and quite riding.  So I did. I started out waking up to the sound of freeway, almost as nice as the birds or the ocean, at about 5:45, I got up to pee and should have stayed up and got a better start but I didn't.  Despite being a full blown "morning person" I have trouble with pre six am.  I rolled around despite the day light for another hour before got up.  Luckily inland as we were the dew was not an issue so my riding clothes dried after washing the night before and my tent wasn't wet! I was sure I was off to a great day! My companions were only 20 miles to their destination, the Northern Nights Music Festival, so we would be saying out goodbye and my plan was to ride hard and make a big day of it, an 80 miler maybe even my fist century! I've been learning for the last two years to quite trying to plan things out and demand being in control, today was a beautiful reminder of how silly insisting on running the show really is.  We don't run the show, we experience it, our lives exist to teach us lessons; that we not bull our way through this china shop of life but that we may flow, observe, learn and love the process not simply work for the end.   So, I wanted to do the most miles I've ever done and I did the least miles instead do to several things that were out of my control! This makes me smile. 10 mile day, let me tell you how it happened, it was a trip. I woke up to the sound of trucks rushing down the highway dampened by a hundred yards of trees, it's like birds or the ocean but not at all.  I was last out of my tent again. I had been up at 5:45 and got out to pee, I should have stayed up and gotten started but instead I laid on my stomach and tried to use my hood to block out the increasing daylight. I did barely fall asleep again until 6:45 when I started my morning routine sitting up getting off my ground pad, unscrewing it's air valve, fold it in half and begin to roll it up evacuating all the air, then closing the valve and strapping it shut in a small compact roll with a velro strap. That along with the tent that becomes an equal size but twice as long and a bag of camp supplies makes up the entire contents of my rear left pannier.  Well, my Chaco flip flops and my tablet and blue tooth key board go in there too. I rushed to get packed and back across the street which I knew opened at seven and had breakfast burritos, again, I'm not carrying food with me at the moment so I was stoked about a real burrito and coffee breakfast.  Then I got a Revive Kombucha as the icing on the cake of the morning.  It was their coffee brew that blew me away! I have been discussing the possibility of brewing coffee based tea with kombucha culture and what it would take to make it adapt to that change. Revive has figured it out! That bottle of buch I had was out there, absolutely delicious, kombucha with coffee's spirit.  I applaud Revive, I want more, and I really want to be able to have a conversation with the guy that made that! I knew I had a issue as we got ready to ride because my rear tire was low, I almost could have filled it up but the power went out as we were leaving so I couldn't use their air pump. We were given the heads up by one of the rad employees there that we should hit the road before the string of dump trucks did so that we would beat the road block.  There was a land slide and since January they have been working to dig out and remove it.  So they regularly close the road and let traffic pass along the only one lane strip in about thirty minute intervals, that was to be expected but we could get ahead of it starting for the day since we were ready so early.  We booked it. A mile later we see the traffic backed up and I cut over to the opposing lane that is clearly unoccupied and ride up to the front of this situation.  Along the existing strip of construction, over night, a tree had fallen into the road and taken down a power line with it.  Our friendly construction worker in charge of managing the flow of traffic, Carlos, informed us of all of this and all the different companies and steps involved in getting us on our way.  Once we realized we were there for about an hour, at least, we decided to change my tube in my tire, no big deal, I had the CO2 cartridge, the tube, the wrench, the greasy designated chain and gear gloves, I was prepared for this!  Because I had just changed the tube the day before when I got my first flat (which, might I add, was caused my some asshole two days ago asking me if I'd had many flats yet?" WTF! you dont say that, FYI) we assumed there must have been something stuck in the tire that punctured this new tube as well and was why it was slowly leaking.  Through out this whole ordeal we continued to meet all kinds of people who were out of there cars curiously roaming around or going to the porta potty that at the front of the line where we were.  Half of them were also going to Northern Nights Fest, one was a super friendly guy driving supplies to a church camp, which immediately took me back to my indoctrinating church camp days.  When I unrolled my yoga mat my muscle roller was in the center, Kurt was quick to grab and use it, as this was going on we were talking with the jolly sunday school teacher, he had the best intentions, and when kurt gave it to him to try he loved and asked me what he owed me for.  I told to pray for me and my safety.  That was an interesting experience, I have so much I could have lashed out about over why to not be doing "church camp" but instead I didn't judge and jump on a soap box  and simply appreciated the power of prayer, which is the same as the intention, manifestation and positive out put that I also believe has power and effects things in the world.  He said "Amen, brother," and I smiled. Carlos and we worked out a way to get a head start when it did become our time to go.  Sooner than expected they started to clear the traffic with south bound coming toward us first. After the last one we pedaled in, it wasn't more than a quarter mile of construction area and by the time we arrived wreckage from the tree and powerlines was undectable. We went up hill with miles of traffic just released behing us.  At times I opted to ride the wrong way on the opposite shoulder along side the newly parked traffic in waiting of instead of on the white line in the appropriate lane with all the traffic buzzing my shoulder.   Once the traffic cleared and the hill crested it was a wide open downhill across a bridge with a beautifully lit late morning light warming the cold and smiling on a bright today ahead.  Then my new tube went flat for real.  Another flat tire.  I realized and yelled down Pablo who was 40 meters ahead with "Flat!" Kurt came up behind me as he turned back around and it was what it was, a flat tire when I was out of spare tubes, out of CO2, my levers were broken and clearly my tire was host to something puncturing my tubes or I was having the worst luck ever.  I'm grateful they put it into perspective for me because other wise I would have wasted a bit of time avoiding that fact that I was hitch hiking out of there.  If you're hitching with a bike it is really hard to get a ride because you take up so much space, all you can really hope for is a pickup truck that's easy to load in the back of with a driver who will actually think all this through and make the compassionate decision to stop.  It's a lot to consider, especially when you have just been waiting at a road block and are definitely behind whatever schedule you had.  So I gave them hugs hoping to fulfill their invitations to their homes one day and said goodbye.  I put my thumb out for the first time in my life hoping to hitch a ride out of desperation, fully in need of the help of a stranger.  It's a beautiful experience to have, it's not a failure at anything, getting out of your comfort zone so much that you have to rely on the universe for a nod in favor of your survival, is a task worth pursuing. It wasn't even half an hour, probably on the third wave of cars released from the road block after I came through did Jimmy from Long Island in his beautiful piece of shit RV pull over and pick me up.  I strapped the sprouts back on the front, I had already disassembled them thinking I'd have to throw the bike in a truck, but I hadn't anticipated the fact that hitch hike picker uppers inevitably stop a good ways down the road from the hitch hiker, then I started jogging/ pushing my bike up the road hoping they would notice by my body language for as grateful and eager as I was to not make them wait. Jimmy! At first we thought about strapping it on the back rack behind the rv but then realized the bike could probably fit inside.  It was a great experience because when Jimmy jumped out of the cap of that van based RV he was asking me how it should go.  He didn't question wether or not he had room for me, he didn't think it through and base his decision off what would work for him, he saw me in need and he pulled over.  Jimmy is a saint, from Long Island, New York, not Long Island, California, and from whom I heard the word fuck more in the 15 miles I was riding with him than I have in three weeks on my trip.  Jimmy is 55 years old and retired from his families business operating construction cranes in New York City.  I told him I lived in Brooklyn for ten years and we sailing off on our new roadie friendship, and, he clearly hadn't spoken to so many people since he'd been road tripping from Denver, as far as I could tell, in search of the best weed. His passenger seat was swiveled around facing the living space, as in, not facing out the front windshield observing the direction of motion  but it was the only place to sit, after he knocked off the dog bed, so I did, with Bobo, the black Pomeranian, sitting on my lap.