#im in a mood now fk

[humanitys-strongest-bamf]

Consequences | revenge sex with Levi

✧ notes ➼ !!! MINORS AND AGELESS BLOGS DO NOT INTERACT !!!, levi smut, 18+, lightly proofread, my first time writing anything smut-related since like 2017, i just really want revenge sex levi ok, like i will pay someone to write a whole scenario i just - a;lsdfja;lskdjf

so i really can't stop thinking about revenge sex levi like

just imagine how he'd be if you were out on a date and you were wearing The Dress™ that he picked out for you. at first, it was because you looked damn gorgeous in it, but of course, as the night progresses, his attention shifts from the dress in general on you to specifically your features in the dress: the way it hugged your curves, the way the dress stretches around your ass, and the way it just made you look so. fucking. gorgeous. to the point that all levi can think about is you

and you know what makes it even worse? you know this. you knew this from the minute you walked out of your bedroom in your outfit. levi had always found you irresistible at baseline, but seeing you walking towards him in this dress made him want to drop all the plans you had for the night just so he could bury his face into you for the rest of the night.

and you're feeling particularly feisty, so of course you're brushing up against him in all the right ways during the party. you're purposely running your hands gently around more ~intimate~ areas when you know that he can't react without giving up a fair amount of his pride. you're making sure that he has extra glimpses of all of the parts of you that particularly sets him off. you took some sinister joy out of seeing him squirm for the entirety of the night. as composed as levi was, you knew you had it in you to break him.

by the time you get home, levi is ravenous. you barely take a step into the door before he's all over you, a bit rougher than even he usually is. he's filled with impatience, longing, and lust. you'd been teasing him all night, any expectation of continued composed behavior was wishful thinking.

his hands travel all over the areas of your body that he'd been forced to watch, yet unable to feel all night: your ass, your tits, your lips. as he's peppering rough, sloppy kisses up and down your neck, levi quietly grumbles into your ear about how you've been teasing him all night and exactly how mad it was driving him.

he'd push you down onto the bed, before descending on you, using one hand to pin you down by your wrists and the other to quickly travel to your inner thigh, gently brushing his fingers against your core, chuckling at how absolutely wet you already were.

he'd gently press down on your clit, circling his fingers around it, gradually adding more and more pressure, kissing you even harder as you began to moan and squirm under his touch. he'd squeeze your wrists harder to get a firmer grip on you the more you moved.

a dark look appears in his eyes as he watches your eyes roll to the back of your head as he pushes his middle finger all the way inside you, curling his finger up to hit the one spot that made you see stars. levi plants another rough kiss onto your lips before slipping in his index finger as well, using his thumb to continue rubbing against your clit, relishing in the way that your body was moving underneath him.

the look in his eyes is borderline sadistic as levi felt your entire body (and especially your core) tense as your orgasm approached.

"you wanna cum?" he'd whisper into your ear, pushing down harder onto your clit as he felt your body shudder underneath him as you begged and begged for him to let you release. however, you had been a dick to him all night and this was levi, so he removes his hand as soon as he feels you teetering over the edge, giving you a subtle smirk at your frustrated expression at having your orgasm stolen from you.

"you've been teasing the hell out of me all night, so it seems unfair for me to just give you what you want, right? why don't we have some fun with this, first?"

tagging: @chaotic-on-main @romantichomicide95 @svftackerman @levisbrat25 @leviismybby @roseofdarknessblog @anviacker @aam1na @luvjiro

join my taglist!

[liliallowed]

back to your scheduled self loathing

[fadelbison]

Your theory is funny & might work for thk engagement wise. If only jd were that great of actors 🤣 fk hornyness is a mood though

i pettily saved this ask because I *knew* my moment would come. This fandom constantly owes me so many apologies because every time I do or say anything unhinged there's always someone telling me I'm doing too much. I know I'm unhinged but it doesn't change that I'm right.

From the beginning, my theory that the JD divorce is staged has nothing to do with how well JD acts (which they do very well also btw nonnie you sent this to me pre THK release and I hope JD in THK is making you eat your words) and everything to do with just how soc med savvy Joong is and the way he manipulates every fan reaction to himself and his business to ultimately work in his favor.

Quite frankly this is simply not a divorce era and I really don't know why JD fans are so desperate to have one. The earthmix divorce era might be funny in retrospect but it was absolutely not funny to experience and JD fans should feel honored that their pair does literally The Most to keep their enclosures enriched. Though I have many many misgivings over how JD has manged to distill down a divorce era into it's most 'funnest' parts...b/c there are not many which is why the JD era was so short. And I am not looking forward to how every pair now will start having divorce eras right before their show premieres that will conveniently resolve with a nice little bow a week into the show. It's a little insulting actually.

A divorce era is months of confusion - im talking half a year of confusion, the amp up is slow and half this time is spent doing fandom infighting about whether or not its even happening because the pair is coming onto pressers and variety to promo their show or are literally actively filming the show. It's months of being like is this emo song that Earth has been using on his IG just an emo song or Does It Mean Things, is it suspicious that Mix has picked three fights with annoying fans in the same week that Earth has posted 8th grade pre-goth girl angst status updates, is it weird that Mix's responses to Earth on twitter is 26% shorter than it used to be? Then there's another contingent of fandom making complex analysis of their relationship status based literally on this metric

And then you spend another few weeks infighting except this time it's about whether or not the divorce era is over because why is Mix suddenly on Earth's treadmill?

And then you find out even more weeks after that - when you've fully convinced yourself that you surely hallucinated all of it because surely Earth's cringefail dad spirit must have always shone this bright and certainly the rate at which Edin shows up on Mix's socmed can't be a real metric to the health of EM's relationship - that it was in fact real because Mix suddenly starts sobbing over how conflict with Earth withers his soul and the force of those feelings then has Khaotung quaking in his boots and crying choked up manly tears over an imagined divorce era with First.

If you haven't been girlbossed gaslighted and gatekept by your branded pair of choice over it then im happy to inform you that they haven't had a divorce era.

[omg-imso-fat]

shit, kinda forgot about this

almost like a year had gone and everything changed, totally, like a month later I started dating a guy it started horrible, we hated each other at some point but like enemies to lovers we found out we were needed.

he's cute, I know I should tell the beginning, but it is kinda hard. Some shit happened, and I'm not proud of it. it was abusive at first and took me time to realised how fucked up it was, then eventually I got better and took my place

now it's not perfect but I'm really trying, imma start with the bad stuff bc I'm really sad about it

he's extremely jealous, we're not int he same page (if you know what I mean) like if I ever want to go on a date I had to pay for it, I've never did this before (kinda weird), he's not taking any photos of me and he's not posting me in lit ANY social media, I sometimes feel bad about it, it kinda hurts

now I changed the ways, I'm just paying for what I eat, and nothing more (not half and half bc we don't eat the same), I'm not posting him on mi ig or some bc it's not mutual (so fk it), as soon as I started mirroring him he asked me why I was so mean at him, I almost forgot men ain't shit.

why some men are so weird like fr, whenever he want me to "confess" something he would start asking all the time "what's up" or "everything right?" like tf???, like EVERY SINGLE 3 SECS

now, I got tired, we had 2 exams in a row at the same day and by the end he just went "you're being mean, I feel like you don't wanna be with me" FRRR, BITCH I KUST GOT 2 EXAMS, IM TIRED AFFFF

nonono, I mean he's so sweet, he takes care of me, he's always paying attention to the details but he got some moods

in totally not getting it, I've never been with someone THAT difficult

[videostak]

ok now im really nervous cause my dads moving furniture rn for my sister and we’re still supposed to go driving later and anytime he has to do anything like that (which he himself offers to do) he gets in a super pissy mood. ughhh but also neeed to drive idk. practicing w/ just cluthc is probably harder than actually driving like getting to first isthe hardest thing like getting started once u’ve come to a full stop is harder tahn anything else. so like yeas.. but my dad rly puts the heat on for absolutely no reason. ill have a full 10 min conversation where we both agree that the only u can learn is by just driving learning little by little and no one can possibly get everything from the start nor execute it perfectly til youre regularly driving comfortably but then the moment im behind the wheel he gets legitimately so frustrated when i make a mistake -_- hoping it goes wellll idk he might say not to since its already getting purdy late but if he does idk i just have to say fk it and try my best..

[rakimaiirisa]

Saw @thepirateandtheshieldmaiden do this and I wanted to do it too!Anyway, this was fun to do and while I wont tag anyone to do this, feel free to tag me so I can see!!

25 facts About Me

I go by Rina and/or Raki on here.

2. I am a constant poster and reblogger for the wolf twins and Danse on here. I'm obsessed with them 😅❤

3. fictional characters have kept me going and Danse and the twins literally saved me during a period of time that I struggled to find the reason to stay.

4. Ive been playing skyrim for 3 years now and still have not have been bored of it. Ive tried to get into other games but I end up missing skyrim and go back.

5. I have a hard time making friends in RL so my internet friends mean alot to me. I love to make new friends on here ❤

6. I try to stay out of fandom drama especially in the tesblr community. I've blocked most of the tesblr drama queens and am just looking to enjoy my friends and their ocs and post about mine and the twins on here.

7. Arisa and Asbjorn mean everything to me and I love to share stuff about them when the mood hits :)

8. I'm anxious as fk in rl so tumblr is my escape when im not lost in skyrim.

9. I like to write tho lately I haven't gotten the urge. I still consider myself a writer, even if its not the best.

10. I own a cute german shephard pup named Vegas. Fun fact about her is that I named her after fallout new vegas 😂

11. I'm into different sorts of music and will often listen to the same songs for hours as I play my game.

12. I have several side blogs as Ive jumped from blog to blog due to my anxiety. Rakimaiirisa is my last one tho and one I keep active.

13. 2 of my Farkas photos was featured on Divent Arts pininterest! I thought that was pretty neat tbh.

14. I'm 5'5 in rl and that's how tall I head-cannon Arisa. Vilkas in my head-cannon is 6'1 . She loves her tall nord❤

15. I'm shy so I often dont reach out first to talk to people on here but I do love to interact when people reach out to me.

16. I speed read so i sometimes miss the point of asks I get. I will try to do better at slowing down tho.

17. I'm mostly a night person so alot of times I tend to post late. I dont sleep too well tbh.

18. I love fall weather and Halloween! Cant wait for spooky time 🎃

19. Ive been on tumblr for 7 years now :)

20. I love clothes but I dont dress up. Arisa, on the other hand, I will dress up to the nines because I love the pretty clothes modderes have made.

21. I like to people watch ingame. I dunno, I am fascinated by the vanilla Ai and additional aI mods that are out there. I am currently using AI overhaul sse.

22. I find certain game voices soothing. For me, Vilkas's voice is comforting as hell. Especially when he is romanced ❤ Farkas, Asbjorn and Danse are comforting as well and I always look forward to hearing them.

23. I love skyrim and fallout art. Wish I could draw but for now Im satisfied with commissioning art of the twins and my ocs.

24. Love to listen to romance songs and think of my otps ❤

25. I can be obsessive about things (skyrim, the wolf twins, danse, my ocs, ) at times 😅

[byebye-pounds]

idk rambling abt food and eating and shit

its sad that even tho im restricting i try not to count calories because it gives me so so much anxiety i cant completely get the numbers out of my head its just automatic tbh i grab an apple and my brain be like "95 no wait maybe 80 its kinda small" 🤡 but at least im not weighing everything while cooking and calculating totals... just gotta use low cal shit mostly and higher cal things in very small amounts idk

IM TRYIGN TO BE BETTER i hope once i reach ugw (42 maybe) i can slowly try to recover and be better with intuitive eating and making healthier choices so i wont gain the weight back but i wont be obsessing about food this much and crying idk if thats even possible idk what the fk im talking about anymore

im just so tired of being fat and having issues with food it is very tiring and not good for my overall mental health which is in a pretty shit state now anyway.. being like this makes me hate myself even more i wish i could be normal for once you know

also its fucking stupid how much the number on the scale affects my mood like when its randomly 100g more than yesterday i feel like a failure and want to cry EVEN THOUGH I KNOW its just food/water weight or because i havent gone number 2 in few days and am literally full of crap LOL but i dont know the stupid side of my brain be like nice job gaining weight you pig!!!!! im so tired and frustrated i feel like i should have grown out of this at this age but nope

[cvastals]

im literally fkd up n hv no willpower. its himbo o’clock.

* harris dickinson, demiboy + he/they | you know leopold fowler, right? they’re twenty-four, and they’ve lived in irving for, like, six years? well, their spotify wrapped says they listened to hit it and quit it by funkadelic like, a million times this year, which makes sense ‘cause they’ve got that whole floral scents clinging to all your clothes, coughing around foam after clumsy keg stands, pushing limits for a desired reaction thing going on. i just checked and their birthday is november 12th, so they’re a scorpio, which is unsurprising, all things considered.

pinterest can be found HERE.

background.

born to a southern former pageant girl and son of a business savant who was bred into old money leo was literally the last thing their parents were expecting in a child frankly

he’s the middle of 5 other boys, their mom rly wanted a girl n it jst wasnt happening n their dad eventually was like please. i can’t do this.

right after the 5th kid their dad ended up cheating w his assistant and pretty much immediately set off to new york after their mom kicked him out bt honestly leo still laughs abt it……………

he was pretty much a horrendous child tbh and was tossed back and forth from tallahassee to manhattan bc if his mom cldnt handle him anymore she’d ship him off until his dad cldnt handle him anymore etc.

got expelled from a bunch of schools fr a variety of reasons, but the biggest one was setting off fireworks in the washroom of his school, so now he has a warrant out for his arrest in florida

OVERDOSE TW - he had a rly bad overdose when he was 18 n instead of his dad attempting to support him or get him rehab he pretty much said leo needed to move out asap

his aunt n uncle came to the rescue n let him stay w them in irving where he’d spent a lot of summers growing up anyway………… which meant he also got to live w his cousin finn who quickly became more like a brother to him than his own brothers

DEATH/GRIEF TW - unfortunately finn eventually passed from an overdose of his own 3 years ago, which led leo down a bit of a spiral but he had actual support in his aunt marj and uncle steve<3 - OVERDOSE/DEATH/GRIEF TW END

details.

u can hear his thick ass southern accent from miles away………. its honestly shocking…………………………..

kind of tiktok famous??? almost at 100k followers<3

got kicked out of his moms once for shaving one of his little brother’s heads when they got into a fight

and then in turn got kicked out of his dads like a month later for hiding his pet snake in his dad’s gf’s purse knowing she was deathly afraid

suffers from manic depressive episodes n is supposed to take mood stabilizers to help with them bt :/

has never taken anything seriously in his life ever for one moment, everything is a joke n he’s jst a giant walking meme like the most easy going Weirdo

social af n jst doesnt care wht ppl think abt him

sleeps around a lot literally jst fr fun

jst says whts on his mind n doesnt give a fk abt the consequences

genuinly jst a fkin idiot its jst the truth

works at his aunt and uncle’s flower shop Fowler’s Flowers

connections.

childhood friends/summer flings from when he spent summers in irving before properly moving in

ppl who knew his cousin :pensive: i imagine he had a long time gf so mayb even this? n now they’re like the only person on earth leo cnt face rly/they used to b bffs bt its jst weird now...............

exes?? on good or bad terms, he’s not a Terrible Boyfriend bt hes definitely been unfaithful in the past

Gal Pals

hook ups/fwbs hes got a few of those bad girls going on

enemies………. he wld definitely have a lot of these bc of his Motor Mouth

maybe ppl who either works at the flower store w him or regular customers!!

anything rly…………. im open fr wtvr!!!

[fadelbison]

See this is why I first starting talking to you. The insightful, heartfelt way you write about FK.

Would you believe that before I read all your FK fics I've read less than 10 RPF in all my time in fandom? (And not gonna age myself but thats quite the number of years.) Like I will admit if there was ever any couple to get me to consistently read fic about them it would be FK, but I've always been very happy to keep the boundary between CPs and their characters separate. I was always content to watch videos and see pics settled firmly in what they display to the public and nothing else.

And then you came along with your AK fic and I wanted more kind of fics like that from you I had to try reading your FK fics - and of course they were so wonderful I read them all and lost control of life. I'm obsessed. I've written fic! I might write more! I have a FK fic idea I kind of teased to you. I'm probably gonna draw them too! I don't know what has become of me! 🤯

There's less than a week left until moonlight chicken comes out and I'm a bundle of excitement for two characters that if they even show up in the same area at the same time I may vibrate out of existence! It's 100% your fault! Thank you for the insanity and obsession! I mean it truly! Thank you for inspiring me into a frenzy of fandom creation. It's been so long since it's gripped me this hard. And so I'll continue to send you as many asks until you ask me to stop. Because I blame you and that's absolutely a compliment! =D

hahahaha vibrating out of existence if alan and kaipa are in the same scene is SUCH A MOOD. I cant even blame anyone else. I really did wake up one day and was like alan and kaipa should be in love and everything has been madness since.

ahhhh!! anon this ask!!!. I seriously need to print it and put it up on my wall because i don't think ive ever been complimented quite like this. I am honored to be at the center of your brainrot!! I know I infected a few people with the AK brainrot but to think that contributed to your FK brainrot too!!! aahh!!! we are so brainrot compatible 🤧 and I am ready to take full responsibility and keep writing hahaha and like i can tell that you're feeling some genuine joy and excitement over it! this is it!!! this is how fandom is supposed to make you feel. I try very hard to keep my own energy within this wavelength and to think i helped you find this - im on such a high right now lol i seriously was clapping and squealing and outright cheering reading this. you have no idea how happy you made me. i am really shy about promoting my fics and only do it in the most inconsistent way 😅 (you may notice i dont have it linked anywhere on my blog) but this is such a stellar advertisement that well....if anyone else is curious here's my ao3 hah!

[lcofowler]

bri again w muse numero Dos............ my chaotic lil himbo..... pats his head while simultaneously tugging my shirt collar before running to finish his intro

「harris dickinson & demimale」⇾ fowler , leo, the senior radcliffe student’s records show that he/they are a scorpio and 23 years old. he/they are studying media studies, living in noland and can be charismatic, adaptable, cantankerous & volatile. when i see him/them i am reminded of floral scents clinging to all your clothes, coughing around beer after clumsy keg stands, kissing strangers for the hell of it.

pinterest can be found HERE.

TW’S FOR OVERDOSE, CHEATING, DEATH, AND GRIEF BELOW!

stats.

name: leopold ‘leo’ kristoff fowler.

age: twenty-three.

gender identity: demi-male.

pronouns: he/them.

sexuality: pansexual.

birthday: november 12th, 1996.

star sign: scorpio.

myers-briggs: entp.

year of study: senior.

major: media studies.

occupation: florist.

place of birth: tallahassee, florida.

religion: atheist.

background.

born to a southern former pageant girl and son of a business savant who was bred into old money leo was literally the last thing their parents were expecting in a child frankly

he’s the middle of 5 other boys, their mom rly wanted a girl n it jst wasnt happening n their dad eventually was like please. i can’t do this.

CHEATING TW - right after the 5th kid their dad ended up cheating w his assistant and pretty much immediately set off to new york after their mom kicked him out bt honestly leo still laughs abt it…………… - CHEATING TW END

he was pretty much a horrendous child tbh and was tossed back and forth from tallahassee to manhattan bc if his mom cldnt handle him anymore she’d ship him off until his dad cldnt handle him anymore etc.

got expelled from a bunch of schools fr a variety of reasons, but the biggest one was setting off fireworks in the washroom of his school, so now he has a warrant out for his arrest in florida

OVERDOSE TW - he had a rly bad overdose when he was 18 n instead of his dad attempting to support him or get him rehab he pretty much said leo needed to move out asap

his aunt n uncle came to the rescue n let him stay w them in connecticut………… which meant he also got to live w his cousin finn who quickly became more like a brother to him than his own brothers

DEATH/GRIEF TW - unfortunately finn eventually passed from an overdose of his own 3 years ago, which led leo to apply to radcliffe as a bit of an escape, it was so dreary BUT he does go to visit them a lot and stays with them quite a bit still too - OVERDOSE/DEATH/GRIEF TW END

details.

u can hear his thick ass southern accent from miles away.......... its honestly shocking................................

got kicked out of his moms once for shaving one of his little brother’s heads when they got into a fight

and then in turn got kicked out of his dads like a month later for hiding his pet snake in his dad’s gf’s purse knowing she was deathly afraid

suffers from manic depressive episodes n is supposed to take mood stabilizers to help with them bt /:

has never taken anything seriously in his life ever for one moment, everything is a joke n he’s jst a giant walking meme like the most easy going Weirdo

social af n jst doesnt care wht ppl think abt him

sleeps around a lot literally jst fr fun

jst says whts on his mind n doesnt give a fk abt the consequences

genuinly jst a fkin idiot its jst the truth

works at his aunt and uncle’s flower shop Fowler’s Flowers

connections.

exes?? on good or bad terms, he’s not a Terrible Boyfriend bt hes definitely been unfaithful in the past

Gal Pals

hook ups/fwbs mayhaps???

enemies………. he wld definitely have a lot of these bc of his Motor Mouth

tutor?? he needs one frankly

roommates!! :D

maybe ppl who either works at the flower store w him or regular customers!!

anything rly…………. im open fr wtvr!!!

[thebluecatwriter]

Vienna is beautiful, even more Roman than Rome.

Hôm nay ngày 24/12, chị Rainie đã về New York từ sáng. So I'm gonna spend Xmas alone in Vienna.

Hai ngày trước lúc bọn mình ở Hallstatt, Austria, mình có nói với chị Vy về chuyện mình thấy không ok khi mình từng thích chị ấy và gi��� chị ấy thích người khác, và rất thản nhiên thể hiện điều đó trước mặt mình. Everything seems ok but it's not, sometimes it ruined my mood and as I'm spending for this trip and Xmas is near, I dont want anything that can possibly ruined my mood. Nên mình đề nghị chị V nếu có call hay gì với người nào c đó thích thì cũng làm ơn đừng call tỉnh bơ trước mặt mình, mình không muốn nghe không muốn biết không muốn thấy. Why are you so lack of common sense ?

Chị Vy cũng nói luôn những gì chị ấy không thích trong trip này, nào là bạn bè em nhiều người Bắc, culture ở Finland quá khác khiến chị mới tới đã muốn book vé về NY ngay, cả chuyện chị gặp người này ngay trước khi chị bay tới Helsinki gặp em và fall for người đó. Dù là em và chị đã talk to each other hơn 3 tháng. Woa, mọi thứ đều xoay quanh chị. Trip đi chung mà chị cứ ko hài lòng này kia là muốn về lol? Nếu vậy thì start trip này làm gì wth

Mình bảo "nhưng chị ko thể ignore the fact là em từng thích chị? Chị không thể thản nhiên có người khác và expect em hoàn toàn ok với chuyện đó được. Mình đi chung trip này với nhau, dù còn mấy ngày đi nữa cũng phải respect nhau. Em ko thoải mái và em ko muốn nghe chị call thì sau này chị gọi ai chị có thể ra ngoài. Simple vậy thôi, chị làm được ko?"

Chị Vy nói nếu không thể rạch ròi giữa chuyện em và chị là bạn hay là thế nào, và chị thì vẫn phải gọi ng ta và nó sẽ ruin mood em dù chị có ra ngoài gọi đi nữa, vậy nên solution là, sau khi rời khỏi Hallstatt chị sẽ mua vé máy bay về New york, còn em cứ ở lại Vienna và đi hết trip này đi, dù gì em cũng spend nhiều cho trip này rồi.

Mình im lặng. Oh woa. Suy nghi dau tien. Wow How rich she is to afford a one way ticket to new york right in Xmas day.

Suy nghĩ thứ 2: Wow how heartless she is , for real. She is willing to pay that much to end this trip to get away from me than simply compromise with my code of conduct to "respect me". Wow how fking selfish she is...

Từ một người mà mới 2 tiếng trước còn cùng mình giặt đồ, nấu ăn, ăn chung một bữa đi, đi chung nhiều chuyến tàu, spend hơn 10 ngày cùng nhau, turn to một người có thể immediately put an end on everything in the most heartless way.

Và rồi ngày hôm sau ở Hallstatt mình và chị Vy cũng không đi với nhau. Chị Vy còn ở cùng mình 1 ngày hôm qua nữa ở Vienna, cũng đi riêng. So awkward and stupid. Kiểu ok chị muốn về sớm để respect cảm xúc của em th�� 2 ngày sau chị tránh em như tránh tà chi dạ.

Đến buổi sáng cuối cùng mình thức dậy cùng chị Vy ở Vienna, i cant even look at her anymore, I hate her so much. All the thing she does, the way she treated me in the end is so fk unfair. I treated her so kindly, damn, I was stupid I still treated her so well even when she told me the day she first arrived to Helsinki that she met someone else. I thought "well, then we can be friends, I still want you to have a lovely time in europe"

And the moment when I need her to think-about-my-feeling, she got up and left, immediately, turn her back on me, changed the attitude. I was so mad at her , so mad that all I can react is silent. Nothing to be said anymore, I have so much to yell at her like why the fuck can you just leave me alone in Xmas in Vienna. I dont even want to go to Vienna in the first place, it was you who wanted Vienna in this trip lol. Why the fuck can you choose a guy you just met for one day over a person who has been talking to you, comforting you, for like 3 months? I dont need this to be any romantic relationship but I need respect. And your selfishness is so awful it killed everything.

You treat me like shit chị ơi. And when you left, you left a 20€ note with the charger that you borrow from me, with a message on fb like nothing happened. You got on the plane, keep posting story about how much you treasure that guy you like and merry xmas to him.

And I dont know what to feel about everything anymore. Whats the point of being a good person? Of treating others kindly? Of caring about their feelings? Of trying to heal and save someone?

What is the point?

She is the kind of always see mistakes in everything, like if there is sth good she would take it for granted but if sth isn't good , she will point it out right then. Like when we got to Hallstatt where I feel like heaven, so fk beautiful, all she said is "This place would be so fucked up very soon. It's full of Chinese now. Everywhere Chinese go will be ruined." Lol. Like no matter how much i tried to plan this trip, all she sees was how disorganized it is. Lol

Ofcourse I dont like her anymore, I hate her, disdain, disappointed. I wish her a good and healthy life in hell where she belong and I regret for wasting my last 3 months listening to her non stop complaints about everything in her life. I regret falling for her voice and seeing her brokenness and wanted to save her. I shouldnt even try to do that. How could I? SHE IS WHERE SHE DESERVE! She told me she is a drama magnet, now I understand. But chi oi you're not a drama magnet, you are a fk drama machine, you create drama and drive ppl crazy with your highest level of selfishness. And you call it "high standard in life". LOL

I'm so sick of all of that. I'm angry with myself for caring about u and prioritizing you so much than you ever deserve.

You never deserve me.

Please go away.

*blocked*

[dltbzrkcr]

             “ ...Well fuck. “ He groaned as he realized the phone was cracked in three different parts, all strung across the room. One of Princess’ maids came rushing in to clean it up but he floated over to grab the pieces and grumble at himself. “ Good fuckin’ going Butch... good fuckin’ job flipping out... “ He fidgeted with the shattered pieces for a moment before taking off and heading to walmart. Good thing it was just at stupid phone from there, with straight talk, because that made it just as easy to swap his number to a new phone and set it up again. 

              At least, that was the plan... But finding what phone he could get within the limited cash range he had at this very moment was hard. He’d had about 30$... the best phone he could get was one that looked about five years old, and shitty as hell. He did his best to bottle up a drawn out, exhausted sight as he purchased the damn thing and went to sit on a bench in order to swap the sim cards to get reception. Only problem, his hands were too damn big. “ C’mon you fuckin’... just come out of the broken slot... “ One of his fingers snagged on a jagged edge, cutting it open for blood to start seeping out. “ Fuckin... fuck ya’ phone. Fuck ya’. “ He continued to grumble and began to suck on the finger to stop the bleeding momentarily. 

               It seemed one of the employees noticed his struggle and came over to help him remove the sim card, and swap it over to the new phone. They’d even whipped out a band-aid for him to wrap his finger in. Well, that was nice of them. Didn’t change his grumpy as fuck mood, but whatever. With his new phone at least set up with the Sim card in it, he began to start it up. That came with rolling through the set up screen of course... His mind struggled with comprehending half of the words, and those that he could were playing around on the screen like damn musical chairs in place of each letter. 

              Around three hours later of sitting on this bench, Butch finally got through the start up and was getting his phone to realize it had a signal to it. Before long, old notifications were coming in--- the phone freezing up due to its cheap quality with the rush of pictures and messages that were logged from previous conversations. Taking that as an incentive to chill out with it right now, Butch pocketed the phone and wandered around Walmart to buy a few snacks for himself (rather, steal some) before heading back to Princess’ place. 

              It’s not until he’s sitting cushy back at her mansion that he’s opening the laggy piece of shit up again (making sure to plug it in as the battery was near-dead from the updating). A new message from Blossom, one that he hadn’t read yet... It could wait, there was a message from Brick first. His leader came first and foremost in any situation. The spam of messages took him for a mild loop, reading each one over-and-over again before he stubbornly replied.

           [ text to brick ] u txt bmr tht he was n chrg. im gn fk him up.             [ text to brick ] ... so ur rly cmn bck?            [ text to brick ] r u gna answer?

             After a solid few minutes of not getting a response, Butch gave up and decided to move on from this current subject. 

             Looking at Blossom’s message after this, he’s taken back by what her final response was. In fact, it almost felt as if his... heart? Had dropped. That... she didn’t really send him that, right? He swallows a lump in his throat and begins to type out a response. Only everytime he tries to, he deletes it.                [[[ [text] We should take a break. ]]] 

              He definitely was not reading what Blossom said wrong. It almost has him ready to throw the phone again. But, then he’d be without money--- no wait.. Brick said there was money under his mattress.. AUGH! Frustratedly, he pockets his phone and tugs on his hair before jumping up off the fancy sofa and marching himself back to the front door of Princess’ home. Within milliseconds of leaving the building, Butch takes off to their ‘usual’ place. He drops loudly on the second floor of the motel and swipes a card through their usual room to unlock it. Finally, he moves to sit on their bed in order to stare at his phone screen for awhile longer... At some point his fingers moved without him really noticing--- he had began to dissociate from the real world, it would seem. 

                                     [ text to big bow ] cm 2 usl spt. wnt 2 tlk. 

[hea-ve-nly]

I feel your pain. I felt extremely emotionally distanced from my life for about 5 years, until fairly recently. I didn’t have any desire to live, but I didn’t have enough desire for death to justify disturbing my family with my suicide. I was an emotional vegetable. When you can’t feel joy, it is rational to think that there’s no point in living.

Eventually I came to a realization that finally allowed me to get some real help: feeling emotions relies on both physical mechanisms (chemicals in the brain) and mental mechanisms (logic/thought patterns). Imbalances in the hormones that are supposed to help you feel happy give you a general sense of emptiness, which can turn into rationalizations about why life is empty, which can translate into new thought patterns reinforcing that life is empty, which results in further decreasing your feel-good hormones–it’s all a self-reinforcing loop. The only thing that helped me get out of the loop was to tackle both mechanisms at once.

I asked myself what I could do to have both a healthier mindset towards life, and what I could do to have more dopamine/serotonin/oxytocin/endorphins running through my veins.

Specifically, here’s what’s helped me the most:

A few sessions of counseling. I was skeptical about trying this for years, but I finally gave it a go when I had a free counseling available to me through school. I didn’t have any special epiphanies or breakthroughs, but I did start to tease apart some of the mental blocks that were keeping my mind in its stagnant, negative state.

Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). After a few sessions of one-on-one therapy, I started a group CBT workshop through my school’s psychological services. If you haven’t tried this kind of therapy yet, please, please try it. It helps you adjust your behavior in small ways that will start to allow you to reset your attitude towards life. It was the first thing that gave me some semblance of control over my depression.

Walking/jogging/running regularly. If you already exercise regularly, consider what other things you might do to improve your hormonal health–better sleep, change in diet, supplements, etc. I’m not sure, but I think taking cod liver oil pills may have had an impact on my mood as well.

Having the sense that life is meaningless does not mean life is, in actuality, meaningless. The feelinglessness you are experiencing now is not the ultimate truth. As you get your mental health back on track, you’ll be able to go out and find what makes life meaningful to you.

I still have really low days, but I do care about living again. I would be heartbroken to go. From the bottom of my heart, I hope you can say the same soon.

i know life isn't meaningless, i just feel like MINE is. but yea i lowkey wanna live bc fk there's so much out there i know that.. but i just need the motivation.. also im glad you're okay ❤️ and thank you for sharing

[xforall]

You ever think about how strenuous One for All is, and we know how bad it is when used by an unsuitable vessel and you ever just think about how this:

probably isn’t a suitable vessel anymore?

And maybe that’s what’s been driving his decline in health so strongly. We always do see him starting to cough up blood when he’s nearing his limit in hero form, like it’s putting so much strain on him

I’ve already written a headcanon post n this but fk it im in an emotional rambling mood today. and yes his injuries were really severe and pretty devastating but maybe he could have recovered to a good level of quality of life if he hadn’t been running himself ragged and how now after he’s retired and no longer using OFA constantly

his health just starts improving, a lot. neither the removal of a stomach or a lung actually leads to decreases in life expectancy ( people with complete gastrectomies actually have higher life expectancies because they tend to be more health-conscious with their diet... ) so like....i fully support him living to a really old age and happy....

[survivorforestofhorrors]

Episode 1: My Own Personal Hell - Zach

Can’t wait to get first boot

Y’all. This cast has me SWEATING. I know like 80% of these players and you wanna know how I’m doing? Not well bitch! I feel like there’s so many tengaged people here that I had the unpleasant time of playing some celestial game or something like that. I know Nik and Livingston and tim from that. And according to Nik there’s a ton of people who have played together before with a ton of beef so I’m just scared! I’m hoping they all go after each other before me but knowing my luck I’ll be the hot one that does first.

-

I haven’t played a game in a few months and honestly messaging 20 people trying to have a good first impression has me FATIGUED! 

Also finding out from keaton that a 13 person friend group was all cast for this game is.... a mood

When everyone is random.orging their lists but I went through and evaluated each individual conversation with a fine toothed comb in order to make my list 🤡

-

So I figured what better way to do my cast assessment but by going through each person based on my list that I made for the challenge. We love this big brain energy. 

1. Ryan - RTP is a legend. We have been in this community for such a long time. I think there's a common respect for one another and I would love to work closely with him this game. I think that we have a good rapport and all in all he's a great guy. 

2. Nik - I love Nik so much because he's 100% himself no matter the occasion. I played a trinity survivor game with him and we didn't always see eye to eye, but I really loved his spirit and getting to know him. I think we could do a lot of damage in this game together. 

3. Gavin - What a sweetie! He seems so kind and a gentle soul. In my mind we've hit it off and the messages haven't been just the normal get to know you messages. This might be too high of a ranking for now, but i'm just going with the vibes. 

4. Zac - Zac seems so cool! I think he's a pretty open book and is willing to talk game or about personal stuff. We both love food and honestly that's a connection I can work with. 

5. Savanna - We really hit it off talking about horror movies and life. I feel like her and I quickly started talking, but then the convo kinda dropped out. I am hopeful that her and I end up on a tribe together because I feel like she's someone I could trust long term. 

6. Livingston - Oh boy, I was a little nervous about seeing Livingston on this cast. I was like...wow 2020 really is doing me dirty.  BUT as we got talking, we really did have a good conversation about the past and how we will move forward from it. This is a hopeful placement for Livingston and I hope he sees it as an olive branch. 

7. Maynor - My boy Maynor is so nice and such a threat haha he's a good person to have on your side because he's very social and in most games i've seen him in, a late game threat. he's someone I want to work with but also watch out for. 

8. Keaton - Keaton, Keaton, Keaton. A mess. I love him so much, he has such a good spirit about him, but he's messy! He already spilled a 13 person friend group in the game, but then failed to give me any names... Sis, you were high on my list, but now! I dropped ya. 

9. Jessie - What a genuine nice person. I feel bad about lying and saying I've seen Silent Hill, but I'M JUST TRYING TO CONNECT WITH PEOPLE. 

10. Chips - Chips and I just don't vibe that well in games, so he's middle of the pack for me. 

11. Brandan - Brandan is a little chaotic and I know him from other games, I just want to keep an eye on him because he can be a little emotional. 

12. Daulton - He seems really nice, but we didn't really get past the get to know you questions and I kinda lead the convo

13. Liam - I wish I could have put him higher, but he only started talking to me now after 9 and I honestly love him, so rip. 

14. Zach - I'm afraid a bunch of people are gonna put zach high because of his popularity in the community and charisma, so i'm hoping this lowers him a little. 

15. Austin - He seems cool! Just didn't talk much. 

16. Grace - We really didn't talk, meh. 

17. Billy - I know he works at a gas station! 

18. Josh V. - Literally didn't talk

19. Duolingo - Hoping based on his name he can teach me Spanish. 

20. Tim - The only PERSONAL ranking on my list. I don't care for him. He's condescending and someone I was REALLY upset about being cast. He will 100% be my target if given the chance. He can go. 

THIS SUCKS BEING AT THE BOTTOM...BUT IM SAFE BITCHESSS...I god hope this is just a one round thing. I hope fkn ryan or dan goes, i just hope its not josh...btw when i say josh i mean duolingo fk the other josh lol

I think it's cool that I'm medium-liked even if a lot of the lists were randomed...

PLS LET ME DIE! WHY WHY WHY!!! this tribal is TOXIC!!! I'm working on Getting Billy out with Nik but there's some obstacles I think we can get 10 people but we need 1 more. Billy & I are friendly but I wouldn't say we're close friends so it's a lil bit confusing me. I'm trying to get Brandan to think he's coaching me because It's my 2nd ORG so I think it's working a lil but I'm out here to play HARD! 10x Harder than I did in my last ORG! I can't play the same way everytime so this is a new way of playing for me! I'm ready to play HARD

I have many thoughts but been busy so havemt been able to put stuff in confessionals. Ill try to do some after work. Right now i just hate the 21 person tribal but atleast (i hope) it isnt me to night.

I feel like I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place with this stupid vote!!! 21 votes at a tribal can choke!!! 

So on one hand, I have Billy. Who I have no connection with. And on the other hand I have Josh V, who I also have no connection with ahha. The only difference is, billy is a part of the big premade alliance. Nik is pissing me off a little because it seems like he wants me to do the majority of the leg work to make a billy vote happen, but I’m not comfortable throwing my name into conversations so Nik can play both sides. It may be better for me just to go with the friend group and vote Josh V

[theday]

minpuppy day

its 8pm here, and his birthday is almost over. im listening to day6′s stream rn and im ready to type out my essay 4 lmh 

this got so long and its a mess without proper sources whoops!!!!

SO FIRST OF ALL... lee minhyuk!!!!! the kindest boy on earth and also the most extra lmao

tbh i only became a mbb in late august so i was only present for the last 2 ep of mxray but with everything else, i had 2 catch up rip.. i watched the first episode of season 2 first bc im a dumbebe and it was the cafe/nail salon episode ?? yeah. at that point i didnt know any of them and i couldnt recognise anyone except for jooheon bc i started liking jh first i was just super confused with everyone else, minhyuk included. nobody really stood out when i watched it but i still found it extremely funny (mx are so funny every show theyve been on i always laugh its great i love it) was the next episode the party one ?? (nope) i dont remember but i dont think i focused on anyone at that time either but i noticed how minhyuk was so fucking extra with how he would give kh + hw false clues and i was like .. ‘this guy is seriously..’ and when changkyun plotted with them to abandon mh i was cheering for him tbh LOL and i got so scared for ck when minhyuk found out sbwjaiks idk ive never talked about first impression for mxray so im gonna side track a bit (a lot) and?? the way he played everyone and eventually himself (and changkyun) was so funny wtfeksmk we love an idiot?? in the animal episode, i didnt take notice of mh (again) bc he was with jh and i was 2 focused on him poor mh and mary LMAO i think throughout my first watch of mxray i didnt have that much of an impression of minhyuk other than that he is super extra?? watching their older shows like ‘right now’ and the des??koptac??? fk if i know im a fakebebe i think he grew on me more?? 

but the time where he really impacted me and made me fall for him was when i watched no.mercy?? the way he gave the flower to the judge (i lov EHR SO MUCH) (the male judges can ***** x) it really gave me the impression of how sweet minhyuk is?? and i remember when he got second last and he cried i felt so fucking bad? he loves his parents so damn much???? minhyuk is really out here being the best son/friend/group mate?? AND despite that he worked together with the other guy (im so sorry) and they did a wonderful stage?? the way minhyuk lightened the mood after the performance showki gave? that made me really think because people gave minhyuk the title of mood maker you know? and just based on that i could truly see why and after that im so happy minhyuk is with monsta x (ill talk abt this later) and im pretty sure he was the one who lost since it was like a battle (work together with your partner but youre also fighting against them) and i know how they like messed the thing up didnt they? and they told him he won but they announced the wrong name minhyuk didnt even let that get to him? he had the biggest smile on his face even though he lost? i love lee minhyuk so much?? he was happy because he and his team mate managed to show such a good performance and that makes me so proud??? 

it was probably at that point where i really started to see minhyuk as who he is??? he has a lot of sides to him honestly and i dont know all of them but from what i can see minhyuk’s just great?? i was also starting to fall deeper for monsta x as a whole and that meant finding out about past incidents and watching old vlives,, i saw ppl mentioned about how minhyuk would be there for wonho throughout his harder times?? and i watched the video where wonho actually thanks minhyuk (and other members) about that and you can just see how supportive minhyuk is of wonho? hes always there for him and not just wonho, minhyuk’s always with everyone although it is different every era?? he shows so much love to all of his members and its ?? amazing??? minhyuk’s like everybody’s support system and im jsut so!!!!! minhyuk ur doing amazing sweetie :-( 

right now back to the thing i said i said id talk abt later which is now so. i was watching the last ep of no.mercy (where they select who gets 2 debut) and i knew who were gonna debut obviously but it was still so fucking nerve wrecking???? honestly? you could see the shock on minhyuk’s face when he gets chosen as the last member. idk what he was thinking but it really hurts to think that minhyuk probably thought he wouldnt be able to get in? (i also have no idea how no.mercy works and im still a bit skeptical about it, was it all planned? etc.) and just the surprise and disbelief really??? goD ??? mh probably felt really bad about being chosen despite have 2 other suitable ppl next to him i kind of think minhyuk sometimes doubts his abilities??? back on weekly idol too where they asked him how he managed to get in and they (hyungwon?) answered with passion like?? i dont know :-// this whole para is a joke tbh bc of how much i dont trust no.mercy lol so disregard it?????

what i wanted 2 say though was how without minhyuk, i dont think monsta x would be able to be how they are today. as much as i hate to say this, performance & song wise, there wouldnt be much of a difference because of how little lines minhyuk gets (which is understandable, still makes me a tad bit mmMPH) however, the presence on shows would change so much??? minhyuk helps bring out everyones sides on shows? and maybe he doesnt and im just being bloody delusional but i believe that minhyuk plays a super important role whenever mx are on any kind of show because he’s able to ?? i dont know??? he can see whenever one of the members are feeling uncomfortable/not talking enough and he goes to them/asks them stuff im pulling this out of my ass actually ah . i dont fucking know i dont have any sources nd this is all from my shit ass memory so if u do read this and realize how inaccurate it is im sorry but thanks 4 reading lmao 

basically . minhyuk plays an important role in monsta x as more than a vocal but as a person who’s always there for his members 

ANOTHER THING. we all know of when minhyuk speaks english?? like he doesnt have to because theres changkyun but he does it anyway?? again, idk if he does it bc he wants 2 lessen the burden on changkyun (who cant speak english that well - same) or because he wants to connect with more intl fans but its sweet either way?? and its really funny the way he translates stuff too lmao 

i already saw someone else talk about this but its something i noticed too though it didnt really click unitl i saw their post about it,, back on like the radio vlive he would do with kihyun he was always setting goals for the vlive and everything but in the recent vlive with kihyun (again) he assured mbbs that they didnt need to press hearts and that they should focus on the vlive (was this mentioned or assumed???) idk but we can think he probably means that even if it was unspoken.. it really shows how much minhyuk’s grown??? he went from asking for hearts to making sure that mbbs could properly watch the vlive instead?? minhyuk really looks out for others ? when he picked out the stuff kihyun didnt like too??? he didnt even to think twice about doing it he just did it immediately?? minhyuk is so fucking sweet and he just??? thinks about the others ??? always being there for them and everything????

minhyuk is also so sososososo nice to fans? i watched that one video where he gave fans his like towel because they didnt have umbrellas and it was raining/?? yeah sure maybe thats like. basic fan idol stuff but it really says a lot about minhyuk??? he didnt have an umbrella either but he still wanted to make sure they wouldnt get sick????

in these past 2 months, ive learnt that minhyuk is more than extra, hes someone who cares for just about everybody??? he was the last member selected for monsta x but he’s constantly improved himself since then and im so proud of lee minhyuk?? so shoutout to the boy who loves his members and monbebes like theyre his family and shoutout to the boy who loves his family so much. happy birthday lee minhyuk and thank you for being born :-D 

also its 9pm now lmao and day6 are doing their last song im happy this has been fun so bye now