byebye-pounds

[byebye-pounds]

ew its snowing like crazy outside i was planning to go to the gym but.... auufhhhfjfkskg

but maybe its empty today maybe everyones styaing home because of the weather HMMMM

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i shouldnt have told them about my ED past aaaaaa its gonna be so annoying if they notice im tryign agaun cause i know they wont leave me alone im an idiot

funny thing is they keep being all RESTRICTING BAD NOT EATING BAD COUNTING CALORIES BAD!!!!! but when i buy endless amounts of junk and eat it all in one sitting until i feel sick and still keep eating more? over and over again.. thats not bad?? alllllright... you guys know nothing

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people acting like you're suddenly healed because you have a good day are so freaking annoying

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shits been rough but here i am again

i started going to the gym for the first time in my life... shits expensive but now that i paid for it i gotta keep going there

and im fatter than ever ha ha amazing how i keep failing again and again ands agaaiiinnn

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only thing keeping me alive is my bunny i have no other reason to keep struggling through life

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why do i have to be alive and have thoughts and feelings and shit thats so cringe I DIDNT ASK TO BE HERE CAN I QUIT

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also i bought new jeans and i look like a gigantic whale in them so i want to liikeeee tear my body apart

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i need to stop existing at least in physical form i am so tired

and yeah i got no other place to vent about anything so here i am am again hello darkness my old friend

[byebye-pounds]

soo... every time i decide to be normal with food and stop restricting i end up eating junk and crapload of unhealthy snacks every day ha ha ivw gained almost all of my weight back and i feel huge and miserable and i dont know what to do anymore.

i wanna restrict again but what if people notice ive been pretending to have a healthy relationship with food to these people and i dont want to make them think othwrwise

[byebye-pounds]

hell yeah horrible anxiety for no reason just casually feeling like im in danger and something bad will happen any second!

i keep listing things in my head like i havent forgotten anything theres nothing i have to do theres nothing out of ordinary going on so why the fuck cant i breathe normally? why am i so tense and scared? NOTHINGS GONNA HAPPEN i hate this USLEESS GARBAGE BODY AND BRAIN

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i proly should make blu bird app account cause spamming short text posts on tumblr just feels wrong yknow....but idk how to find Our People there

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EVERY DAY I HAVE THE URGE TO SNACK SNACK SNAAACKKK please i am too weak i am tired i dont want to

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now if i only had some people to play with... 🤡 s

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cant believe im actually getting a little excited abt OW2........ i used to play ow sooooo much years ago its such a good time sink (even though i rage too muchdbgndngb) idk gimme

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how am i supposed to relax when there are things

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im feeling weirdly hopeful abt possiblw friendship wit this one person from my uhh mental health recovery activity whatever group (idk what to call it in english. we sad but we hang 3-4 days a week at the clubhouse and try to get our shit together while doing fun activities like arts and stuf)

hes super friendly and has lot of same interests as me!! and he invited me to hang out before and it was fun so i guess he wants to be friends too?? i havent made friends in a looong time so im really not sure how to act but.. would be nice to have a real friend 🫣 ive isolated myself kinda bad these past few years and lost the couple of friends i still had so my social relationships rn are only my bf (long distance) nd my sister....

[byebye-pounds]

meatless chili: canned tomato + 3 different kind of beans + onion + garlic + red pepper + corn + jalapeno + spices and shit idk + avocado

0 motivation to do anything but managed to make dinner so