#im impressed by moodboard people

[miz-chase]

Since I know you're in deep with the bones mermaid au idea...what about a Rizzles mermaid au??

Headcanons pleaseeeeeee

Cape Cod lobersterwoman takes a winter walk down Herring Cove Beach* and finds more than she was looking for

[outermaybanks]

headcannons for bsf!baseball!jj | moodboard thanks to @nemesyaaa for giving me the idea to make this ♡

⭑ you and jj have been best friends since diapers ⭑ your dad is the one who gave him his love for baseball ⭑ the whole team knows exactly who you are, and what you mean to jj (and also that you're 100% off limits to any of them) ⭑ he's the life of the party, you're his plus one. ⭑ a lot of girls hate you because they don't like how close you two are ⭑ jj calls you his lucky charm ⭑ so ofc you go to every game ⭑ sometimes, you even go to his practices, bc JJ always feels better when he can see you ⭑ helps him to play his best because he wants to impress u ⭑ it's jj, so ofc he loves hooking up with girls, but if one badmouths you he loses all interest ⭑ "what the fuck did you just say?" instant boner killer. ⭑ which should make it obvious you're the one he wants (but you're oblivious) ⭑ lets you wear his letterman jacket ⭑ "c'mon, y/n, you know you gotta rub your luck on it" ⭑ "jj it's like a million degrees out" ⭑ "how else are people gonna know you're my personal cheerleader?" ⭑ speaking of, your schools cheerleaders are technically for the football team ⭑ but that doesn't stop the cheerleaders from trying to get their hands on JJ ⭑ but ur the only cheerleader he needs ⭑ homecoming king lets be so fr rn ⭑ never lets you feel left out, is always dragging you along to his plans ⭑ makes up lies about his home life, and you gladly keep up those lies (not at all because it makes you feel special to be the only one who knows the truth, whaaaaat, absolutely not, u just want to make ur friend happy) ⭑ weekend sleepovers ⭑ if JJ has something on saturday, he sleeps over sunday night, but there is very little he allows to disrupt your guys weekends ⭑ he takes advantage of the attention, but it DOES NOT change him (im adamant on this) ⭑ especially when you guys are hanging out just you two, he's your jj same as always

©ᵒᵘᵗᵉʳᵐᵃʸᵇᵃⁿᵏˢ ²⁰²⁴

[girlbloggersfolly]

DELTA DAWN - part 2// Bee in your bonnet

Pairing: camp counselour!joel miller x camp lifeguard!afab!reader

Rating: E!!!!! 18+ MDNI

Word count: 4.8k

Summary: (1979 summer camp AU) Things go south one morning after a particularly catty argument between Joel and our lifeguard in Joel's boat shed/self proclaimed 'man cave'. - Pictures in the moodboard are simply to get the imagination racing and for me to spill my pinterest all over your screens, the reader is at no point described!

Chapter warnings: age gap (20 + 49), enemies to loves - i mean it, mean!joel, lowkey mean!reader but we love them both, slight vouyerism, cigarette smoking, talk of pornographic magazines, complicated relationship (billy and reader dw), oral (fem receiving), semi-public sex (door open but thats it, degrading, pet names (kiddo, sweetie, doll - the good stuff ykyk), fingering idk, slow burn, fem!masturbation dirty talk, no descriptors of reader except she has hair and is a similar height to joel cause im tired of the lack of tall girl representation in fics, sorry... if that ruins it for you just imagine i never said that), NO USE OF Y/N.

a/n: eekkkk ok you can probably tell from his horrific piece of writing that ive never done proper smut and i went a little overboard but i'm sure you'll like it anyway. i've probably got one or two more parts of their story left in me, depending on how happy i want the ending to be. Id love to get requests if anyone has any bright ideas! I love the 3 people who are reading this, it really makes me blush and you don't even know it.... also lmk if you want to be on the taglist for any future writings xxxx

-----

You were up in the chair early. Waking especially to sit and watch as the sun rose higher over the lake and above the pines, hoping to get there before Joel, just so you had time to ground yourself. You toyed with the cigarette between your fingers, a habit of yours that had really been getting you through the last agonising couple of days of avoiding Joel Miller, but there was no putting it off this morning. 

Kayaking. Something you’d never really specialised in and were not convinced you'd know how to deal with if things were to go south.However, as always, you kept your doubts to yourself. Joel was taking the kids today, he was good with them and obviously knew what he was doing on the water. You hoped that meant no accidents.

“No smoking in the chair, cupcake.” Here we go again.

“Good morning to you too, cupcake.” You rolled your eyes, not bothering to turn around to see the one thing on your frazzled mind, not bothering to put out the cigarette either, 

“Kids’ll be here soon, Lou’s bringin’em” He said coldly in reply, standing beside your chair, his face level with your hips as he looked out to the water.

 Even being raised above him like this you still felt vulnerable, what was it about him? He turned to look up at you with his big arms crossed against his torso, “so, be a doll and put that thing out f’me will’ya?” The chair rocked slightly as he patted it, condescending as ever. 

You rolled your eyes yet again and dropped the cigarette down beside his feet, raising your eyebrows. It was bratty and yeah probably a little crueller than required, but it felt damn good. “Happy?” you were pushing it, really pushing it, you could see it in Joel's hard expression. his impressive profile was only defined by the hot mid-morning sun as he glared up at you through narrowed eyes. He put on his ray-bans and turned away. =

The kids hung onto every word he said as he stood in front of you explaining to them how to kayak, in a way they never did with Billy or Abel, or even Sharon. You tried to listen, tried to look out at the lake, tried to do something that wasn't blatantly staring at his tight ass, the muscles in his back under his t-shirt. It was torture, adjusting in your chair, shifting around like a bitch in heat. 

“Eyes on the water, lifeguard,” He taunted you from the deck, you’d really needed to remember your sunglasses next time. 

If you thought the other day was bad, this was worse, sitting there melting into your lifeguard chair watching Joel being the hottest man alive and not caring how it might make you feel. The kids were playing capture the flag in the woods by the light of the setting sun, giving you a minute to cool off against a tree, the cigarettes lighting themselves at this point. 

Your skin was lit up by the orange light that dotted through the trees as it sunk below the horizon. It was the first moment of mercy you’d gotten from this god-awful day of Joel Miller and his stupid tanned skin, the little sweat droplets on the back of his neck, his salt and pepper scruff, the thought of how it would feel against your inner-

“Found you,” You smelt Billy before you saw him, his freckled arms embracing you from behind, knocking you out of your dreamy state. 

“You know this thing? It's called a shower, real cool I hear?” You chuckled, trying to laugh a little to disguise it as a joke, the last thing it was.

“Haha, very funny,” Billy smirked, planting wet kisses across your neck from behind, the moustache he’d been trying to grow tickling your jaw. 

“Quit it,” You raised your hands, your shoulders tensing like an alarmed cat as he grinds messily against you, “There's kids around you little shit.”

Billy murmured a chuckle against your skin, his tongue tracing against it, a sensation that had the hairs on your arms standing up. “I’ll make it quick,” Now there was something you could count on. 

“I said quit,” you turned abruptly to look at him, brushing yourself off, realising the harsh tone of voice you’d used. He looked pained, his eyebrows furrowed, eyes darting around your face quizzically. 

“You know what,” Billy folded his arms, looking you up and down bitterly, “Im tired of you being a fuckin’ prude the whole time,” His voice was raised, whiny, trying to sound like his father. 

You scoffed, putting your head in your hands and shaking your head in disbelief, this kid was insane. “Its not my duty to fuck you whenever you so wish, christ, you really are an entitled son of a gun,” 

Billy stamped out his cigarette onto the ground, “Nasty bitch,” he shook his head, spitting on the floor, charming. “Don’t know why I even bother.” He marched off, back to his cabin probably, off to write another song about how much he hates women you’d have the pleasure of hearing at his next gig.

The day was dragging, it seemed unceasing, like this spiralling, horny, angry mess that was your body. The forest was quiet again without Billy’s cursing, often you’d hear a distant shout from a kid who’d been caught or a group of them running around, but it was hard to differentiate from a bird call, or the wind in the trees.

“Trouble in paradise.” Great. 

“Look, I am not in the mood, so be a sweetie and kindly fuck the fuck off.” 

That earnt an impressed chuckle from behind you, another pair of broad shoulders leaning beside you on the tree. “S’ my darn woods, ‘do whatever the hell i like, thank you missy,”

“Joel I'm serious, whatever witty little jabs you're cooking up, save them for another day,” You looked to him, it was hard to look away whenever you did. 

“Wasn’t,” He shrugged, there was that gruff, southern nonchalance yet again, christ how it got to you, the complete opposite of Billy’s incessant bitching. You almost wished he cared enough to go off on you the way Billy tried to. 

“Well…” you paused, eyes darting over his face, the strong profile, low set brows, those pouty lips you’d gotten pretty damn used to this week. “Dont,” you concluded.

“You really do have a bee in your bonnet don't you, kiddo,” there it was, just as you’d predicted, calm and collected and making you want to blow his brains out.

You shrugged. “Its Billy,” You shook your head, well that was only one of the bees in your very buzzy bonnet, Joels fucking face was the other. “You heard?” 

He nodded, “I heard enough,” you both stood in the ambience of the evening, kids whooping, birds sounding from the trees. “Billy’s a dick you know that, ‘don’t know a single fucker from here to Timbuktu that dont know that,”  

You couldn't help but chuckle, relaxing further against the tree, your shoulders untensing for the first time in weeks, forgetting who the enemy was. “You know fuckers in Timbuktu?” 

“I bet I do,” he nodded, crossing his arms against his broad chest, the camp staff t-shirt barely accommodating his largeness. 

Joel sighed, looking over at you, “got one of them cancer sticks you're always suckin’ on?” you had a whole pack of them in your back pocket. 

He thanked you and lit one with the janky lighter you'd stolen from Abel, smoke muddying your view of him. There was a lull. “I don't know why you lead that bastard on,” he said through the smoke. 

“Im hardly leading him on,” You scoffed, lighting a cigarette for yourself. “He was the one who wanted to keep this to strictly fuck-buddies,” Lucky for you, imagine being Billies girlfriend, jeepers.

“Sounds like you can’t even do that?” he smirked, and there he was again. 

“You know, as I find myself repeating these days, s’really none of your business,” you laughed, turning to him, sighing through the familiar heat in your abdomen, the butterflies that felt more like horse flies in your stomach back and buzzing harder than ever. 

“You're makin’ it my business, havin’ your lover's spat in my earshot.” he retaliated calmly.

you opened your mouth to bite back with something that attempted to match his condescension, but that was an impossible task. “You know what,” you settled on, again grasping for something to finish that sentence. “Fuck,” again you were gotten the better of.

“I’m stuck with him for the next three weeks, so, gotta keep sweet for that long I guess, maybe put out a couple times.” 

He nodded, stamping out his cigarette next to billies, “S’a damn shame,” The eye contact felt like glass in your eyes, felt a big hand twisting your throat till it turned blue, it was those eyes of his in that permanent, laboured squint which you assumed came with age, they killed you. A damn shame. The words played on repeat like a song on Sharon's broken radio, the static soiling his voice in your mind. A damn shame. He was right, it was a damn shame. 

“Would you make sure to deal with those kayaks tomorrow morning’, lifeguard? Just gotta pile em’ up in the shed,” He said over his shoulder as he turned to saunter away. 

Before you could get your bearings, you were alone again, admittedly less grateful for it too. 

Morning, kayaks, shed. Sounded like a relatively agreeable task that wasn't asking too much right? Wrong. You were lucky your body had gotten into the rhythm of waking up at sunrise cause this was a goliath task. Hauling 15 kayaks from one side of the lake to the other wasn't something you’d factored into your morning of rest and relaxation. You’d planned to take a secret dip, maybe grab a coffee, take a shower if you had time. But no, you were out sweating under the morning sun, huffing like a workhorse.

When the last kayak was hauled into the dirty little shed you reclined on the desk, all dusty and grotty but it didn’t even matter. Heck, you weren't even perturbed by the smug house spider that was perched close to your palm, not even giving a second thought to the porn magazine discarded beside your head. All you could think about was how this wasn't what you’d bargained for when you agreed to go on this little jaunt up to the northwest, oh yeah, and how much you hated Joel Miller. 

After a couple of minutes of huffing and puffing, grumbling to yourself about how you were meant to be in LA by now, living a rich and famous life as some kind of starlet, a model, an actress maybe. The shed was a mess, every surface littered with junk. There was fishing equipment, books, more beer cans than you could count, the whole thing screamed Joel. 

Soon, without even meaning to, your nimble fingers were straightening objects, tossing the cans into the bin, dusting, flicking through boxes, you even took the spider outside. 

“Hey,” You heard a jumpy voice from behind you, clearly receiving the same fright you’d got from the sound of his voice. “What are you-” It was Joel, an accusatory expression all over his knitted brow. He saw the small desk bin behind your back, the cans in it, he saw the neat shelves and dusted desk with all his papers stacked orderly. 

“Hey hey hey, I have a system..” Joel bolted over to where you stood, snatching the bin out of your hands, his knuckles grazing yours, you were in deep if such a small gesture made your heart drop so far down. “There's a system,” he repeated, running a hand through his hair and leaning back on his uncluttered desk, looking… pained, addled by the whole thing. 

You scoffed, enjoying seeing Joel off guard, it was always you getting snuck up on, getting caught in a vulnerable situation. “Is the system complete chaos, cause wow Joel, im impressed,” you put your hands on your hips, your little red shorts riding dangerously high. 

“No one asked you to go messing in my affairs,” he tutted, rubbing his brow, god he was a drama queen. 

“Your affairs?” you laughed maniacally, “By your affairs do you mean a few dozen beer bottles, some dusty kayaks and your crusty spank bank mag?” 

He scoffed, looking down at the magazine down on the desk. He'd been got, he’d give you that. “Just clear off, don’t need your bitchin,” He turned his back on you, tampering with your neat new order on his desk, “too damn early,”

You were furious, not even a thank you? If not for drastically improving his workspace, at least for stacking the kayaks, a lot of work if you did say so yourself. “Are you kidding,” you whined, walking up to stand behind him, trying to get his attention. 

“I’ve been doing hard fucking labour, sleepy head, what were you doing? Jerking it into a porn mag I'm guessing?” he chuckled at this, turning over his shoulder to look at your exasperated expression. “Hard labour?” he murmured, audibly amused by your claim.

“Oh you poor thing,” he mocked, turning round fully to look at you, “Doll, you ain’t done a day of hard labour in your pretty little life.” He smirked wildly.

“You don’t know a thing about my life Miller,” you said, sounding like some cheesy cowboy movie, his accent rubbing off on her a little. This caused a full belly laugh to erupt from him, it caught you off guard.

“Your life ain't nothin’ but sunshine and rainbows, sugar, maybe a day’a ‘hard labour’ would do you some good.” He chuckled, walking across the room and correcting the ‘mess’ you made of his ‘system’. “Fuck you,” you bellowed, crossing your arms, your eyes wide and full of fury as you watched him in all his casual, condescending glory. 

“You are maybe the most infuriating motherfuck on this damn earth,” you said through your teeth, so mad, so hot, so done with it all. He just chuckled again, raising his eyebrows, you were starting to just want his attention, wanting him to reciprocate your anger, not caring how you got there. 

“And by the way, I don't care how you see it, I've been up all morning slaving away at something I am certainly not paid for and I don't even get a thank you?” You blurted out, the words falling out of you, you convinced yourself you felt sweat actually drip from your chin. 

He turned to you, annoyingly amused, but there was something else, an underlying rage that really disrupted the usual sedate presence he provided. “Thank you?” He smirked, quirking an eyebrow. 

You paused, never had you ever felt so damn angry at a man. “Listen up-” you began with a huff before being interrupted by Joel stalking over to you with a hostile smirk on his face. Towering over you even though you were a similar height, you backed up against his desk very slightly, trying to keep your chin raised cockily. 

“Are you always this fuckin’ cranky?” he shook his head in amused disbelief and let out an exasperated scoff at the stuttering look on your face. 

You could feel your heart beating like that of a hamster, hammering against your chest. He was so close you could smell him, old spice deodorant, campfires, the slightest tang of sweat and lake water, also the musty dust smell of the shack, you thought you might faint like some Victorian chick. 

He was close, too close for comfort, his muscular frame, the threat of a non-sedate Joel wasn't something that settled you. You gazed into those eyes of his, narrow and all-seeing under a thick, heavy brow. “How’re we gonna cheer you up, huh kiddo?” He raised his eyebrows in mock concern, your mouth was left agape, eyes so wide they might pop. Joel was closer now, looking down at her very slightly, his breath fanned over her face. Holy fuck.

“Can’t have you all bitchy after doin’ me one little task, now can we?” He said after a beat, placing his hand on your jaw, wiping away a caked bit of dirt, probably from all that ‘hard labour,’ his big thumb moved from your jaw to swipe across your lips softly, gently feeling the plush, pillowy skin, freshly chapstick-ed from the Carmex in your pocket. “Can we, sugar?” he repeated the rhetorical question down at you. She shook her head lightly, the obedience hitting her like a 10 foot wave. 

“That's better, that's it, that's better,” He said softly, like he was talking to a jumpy animal. “Not so hard being a nice girl is it now? Not so bad?” he cocked his head and raised her brow, she shook her head absentmindedly once more, completely entranced by whatever was happening to her right here against Joel's desk. 

He nodded, his hand darting between your teeth, his other fingers holding your jaw still underneath. The other hand rested precariously on your thigh, leaning closer so you were sat up on the desk, right beside the dirty mag. 

He let his hand trace drowsy circled under the hem of your shorts, his eyes following, “Think you're cute?” he smirked, his eyes told a different story, taunting, stormy. “walkin' round in those little damn shorts, all prissy, like you own the place?” He said darkly, almost to yourself, holding your eyes with his, his thumb swiping between your teeth, pressing the pad against your tongue. “Suck,” You did it straight away, hollowing your cheeks out and letting whatever this was happen.

You convinced yourself it was some kind of gross fever dream, being out in the heat for the last few days had given you hallucinations, but it felt real, the taste was real on your tongue, his taste. you lapped it up like medicine. 

He clenched his jaw and gazed at your lips wrapping around his thick thumb, fuck. His fingers grazed the seam of your bikini bottoms under your shorts, he could already feel how warm you were down there, how much this was getting to you. He held eye contact with you as he pulled your shorts off, motioning for you to lift your ass, you were feeling compliant, a rare feeling. 

Your bikini bottoms followed, leaving you bare on the desk, the lifeguard top riding up your midriff revealing your glistening (very 70s (interpret that however you like)) cunt to the daylight that streamed in through the open door - a risk Joel seemed to be taking, or something he probably hadn't even considered. 

He rolled his neck, his hands on his hips, he seemed to be considering his options, weighing up the consequences. You pushed your knees together, hoping for a little modesty, the answer was no as Joel's big hands reached down and parted your legs once again. 

“Ah, ah, baby,” he smirked wildly, truly a man starved. He reached down and dragged his finger between your folds, holding the wet digit to the light. It was all achingly slow, he sucked his finger clean, his eyes on yours as he tasted you, letting out a gruff, guttural groan. 

“This gonna keep you sweet?” he said with an icy smirk, her skin was like a furnace; a sweaty, wet, flustered, confused puddle on this desk, dripping everywhere. “Keep you outta my way for a couple days maybe, kiddo?” He chuckled, looking at her domineeringly. “How’s that sound?” 

You nodded eagerly, your expression desperate, whiny, you needed this bad. “When you touch yourself, whadd’ya think 'bout?” he taunted, leaning a hand either side of your hips on the desk, “You,” you gave in, it was just too easy when he talked to you like that. 

“Show me,” He smirked, his words almost a growl, you raised your eyebrows. “Your a pretty little idiot aren'cha?” Now he was just being mean. “Touch yourself the way you do when you're in your cabin, up in your bunk, squirmin’ around,” 

It was so easy, to let him order you around, to succumb to it. The heat, all the bantering, it had melted you into putty in his hands, it’d get to anyone. So there you were, on Joel Miller's desk, bare on the bottom half, your hand drawing tight circles around your aching clit. 

“Fuck,” you bit down on your lip, it was all overwhelming, the feeling of an orgasm coiling around your spine, the blistering, green-house-type heat that had you all rosy and sweaty, the fact that Joel was stood right there, crossing his arms, watching you like a hawk. You knew he’d be a voyeur. 

You watched as his wire snapped and he’d had enough of just watching, adjusting the tent in his shorts. He knelt down in front of you, his eyes looking bigger than usual from this angle, wilder almost feral. he pulled at your hips violently, hoisting you around so your back was flat against the desk, your head leant up against the wall so you could watch exactly what he was going to do to you. 

His mouth was hot against you, licking a stripe up your seam. You could’ve sworn you heard him moan at the taste, felt the vibrations against your core. “This cunt is wasted on Keenan,” He chuckled, not even pulling away from you to lay his jab at Billy, he never could resist the chance. 

You moaned loudly, your hair flying into his hair, feeling the chocolatey, salt and pepper ends in your fingers and you pulled hard, close now. “Don’t fucking stop,” you whimpered, grinding your hips against his face, nose deep in your pussy. 

“Fuck, does he kiss it this good, doll?” He murmured, the vibrations of his baritone drawl against your aching clit were enough to make you toss your head back in sheer ecstasy, that coil winding uncomfortably tight, threatening to snap. 

“He doesn't.” you chuckled through moans, Billy had never ever eaten you out, no matter how many killer blowies you’d served to him on a silver platter. This seemed to appal Joel, who only licked deeper, slower against you, it was agonisingly good, toe curling. He scoffed down there, his thick index finger working at your hole now, dipping in easily despite how tight you were.

 “Poor thing, thas’ why you're so wound up,” He mewled from below, his voice patronising, taunting, but it touched you, “haven’t had someone take care of this pretty cunt in too long hmm? shit, I’d be mean too.” He said with a wet smirk, pulling away to slot another finger in, but you wouldn't give. “Won’t be able to take my cock if you can take two fingers down here,” He chuckled, taunting you further.

“Please don't stop Joel,” you squealed, pulling his hair painfully tight between your fingers, his condescending words only making you hotter, you weren’t usually into that, but shit, Joel could be wearing a fucking tutu and you’d be into it, come to think of it… 

He was grinning smugly as he pushed his fingers into you at a gruelling pace, the desk shook underneath you, your head thrown back against the wall. “Billy hasn't done me any damn favours down here, you're tight as a virgin, baby,” you could see the smirk on his stupid face even with your eyes clenched shut. 

Your release hit harder than it ever had before, your leg shook hard, a string of ‘fuck’s and ‘holy shit’s, laced with a fair pinch of ‘Joel’s and ‘baby’s, blurted out of your lips, you felt your abdomen clench and moaned incoherently, but Joel wasn't quitting, still kitten licking at your inflamed core, fingers curling up and into you, finding a new depth with every push. 

“Joel stop, it-its,” you panted, not even recognising your own voice now, your vision blurred. Overstimulated didn't even sum it up, that shit hurt. 

He didn't care, lost in your taste, lost in the feeling of you clenching around his digits. “Cocky little lifeguard, you're the bane of my life, you know that sweetie?” He said against your wetness, not giving a flying fuck how uncomfortable this was getting, knowing soon you’d ride it into another earth-eating orgasm. 

“Really shouldn't be doin’ this with’ya, Can’t be,” He said over your moans as the discomfort bled into insatiable pleasure, the desk hard against your clammy ass, your release leaking down your thigh and pooling below you. “Holy fuck-” you squealed, your hand on his shoulder to stop yourself from collapsing, the other interwined in his thick hair, that must’ve hurt. 

“How old even are you?” he asked with a mischievous chuckle, pulling his face away and slowing his hand movements, no no no no no. Your brain was fuzzy, all you could process was that Joel had stopped and that felt like death. “20,” She said quickly, needing him to continue. He knew what he was doing, taking a moment to process, watching the way you were squirming, so desperate for him yet again. 

“You're too young for me, kiddo,” He said as he dove back into your crotch, a very contradictory statement when reflected against his actions so far this morning, i know. “I am not,” you bit back through a whimper, pouting, your eyes fluttering shut once again.

 “How old’re you anyways,” you panted, your words all broken and high pitched, too fucked-out to feel humiliated. “76?” You chuckled, feeling your second orgasm of the morning chasing after you. 

He bit down ever so slightly on your clit, causing you to wince and buck your hips, it didn't cause any damage or hurt, just hard enough to shut your bratty ass up. “49, missy,” he replied coldly from below you. “Watch it,” 

“You wanna take my 76 year old cock next? think you can take it?” He smirked, pulling away to focus on his hand movements, in and out, hitting that spongy part of you, deeper than you could ever get. You nodded, words almost escaping you for the first time in your smart-ass life. He chuckled deeply at this, a hearty sound you were starting to crave like a meth-head. “She’s a trooper, ain’t she?” He breathed in your ear, planting a small, firm kiss on your neck, his fingers gaining a bruising pace, loud wails escaping your quivering lips.

“Fuck j-joel,” you stammered, your hot breath fanning against his neck, “want, need your cock,” you were getting needy, washed up by the incoming wave of your orgasm, ready to hit just as hard as before, if that was physically possible. “Don't get greedy now,” He smirked down at you, eyes wild. Hot tears were rolling down your cheeks, salty and stinging, your body shaking, giving way to another tortuous release. 

He pulled his hand away and sucked eagerly at his drenched fingers, watching as you came apart on the desk, moaning and whining for him. 

He sat you up, grabbing a coke from his outdoor refrigerator and leaning against it as he opened it, muscles flexing he clicked it open, tossing the bottle opener to the side and handing it to you. You grasped it with clammy palms, your vision slowly coming back, your body still fucked-out and trembling, cock-dumb for a cock you hadn't even had. 

“Welp,” He put his hands on his hips, like some suburban dad done with a barbecue, “that was real nice, weren't it?” He patted you on the shoulder, ignoring the bewildered expression on your face. 

“Duty calls, kids’ll be down here in an hour or so,” he slapped his thighs and raised his eyebrows, it was as if he’d just given you a friendly handshake, not eaten you out and made you cum twice. 

“Aren’t you going to..” you stopped yourself, you’d been awaiting the next round, (even if you weren't sure you could take another round) the one he’d talked about with that same smug look on his face as he finger-fucked you. 

He grinned down at her, ruffling your hair, “another time hey kiddo?” he said kindly, but it was perhaps the furthest thing from kind you’d ever seen. You glared up at him in disbelief, mouth agape, cheeks rosy, skin glassy from tears of pleasure, you didn't even know that was a thing. He patted you on the shoulder, smiling earnestly, that glint of mischief turned to one of absolute cruelty in his eyes. 

“Atta’ girl.” 

And he was gone. Joel was out the door as quickly as he’d entered, leaving you panting, bottomless and flushed and sweaty, your shorts half way across the room, the coke bottle dampening your fingers.

 He’d really done a number on you, gotten you all needy and riled up, then done something to you that no one had ever bothered with. Then he’d just left, like it wasn't the best you’d ever felt, like you hadn't been imagining how many babies you were going to give him, what colour flowers’d be in your bouquet at the wedding.

 It was embarrassing; being humiliated yet a-fucking-gain by a man well over twice your age, legs trembling on the soaked desk, the model on the front of his porno magazine beside you grinning up at you smugly, fucking bitch. 

[spaceagebachelormann]

ೄ🪐 𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐥𝐞𝐞𝐬 𝐛𝐢𝐫𝐭𝐡𝐝𝐚𝐲 𝐜𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲 ࿐ ˊˎ

ׂׂૢ ιɳϝσ .. : GUYSSS IM 15!! it’s so crazy to think i started this acc in october just after my 13th birthday (in 2022).. and ive come so far and met so many new people and my amazing wonderful gf !! was kinda scared to make an event cause not that a lot of ppl interact w them :(

ׂׂૢ ҽʋҽɳƚ ʅҽɳɠƚԋ .. : september 24th — september 30th

ׂׂૢ ϝαɳԃσɱʂ σρҽɳ .. : any and all as long as i write for them !! pls read my rules if u haven’t already or aren’t sure of something before sending something in <3

ׂׂૢ ɾυʅҽʂ .. : one.. please please pleaseeee (the smiths ref) don’t be afraid to send asks, i love getting them and ur supposed to send things for asks!! number two, pls remember even though i’m 15 now i don’t write for smut and/or suggestive topics (yet perchance..) so don’t send any of those. number three u can send in as many reqs for this as u want! but i’m shutting my regular requests down briefly so i can focus on school and the event. number four please don’t get angry with me if i don’t do your ask, remember i’m a human being (probably) with a life and i can’t do everyones, but i’ll try my best.

ׂׂૢ ɱυƚυαʅʂ .. : @juneberrie, @satelitis, @badlandsdeluxeedition, @marnieorange, @lunarluvbot, @presidentroarie, @maroon-winestain, @faerieroyal, @orangelovesyou, @su-alteza-emia, @sluggmuffin, @literaturewithliz, @madwickedawesome (dave sevielle), @shefollowedthestars, @doyouknowwhoyouare13, @herrscherofsentence, @lunarfleur, @cau-lee-flower215, @sp1rit-realm, @hibiscusol, @majorlycelliers, @sunniskyies, @forevermoreluver, @sepptember, @diqldrunks, @cranberrv, @lesbianjackies, @mara-and-its-the-same

☆ navigation

・❥・ 𝐓𝐎𝐎 𝐒𝐖𝐄𝐄𝐓 !! -> give me 5 songs that remind u of me and i’ll do the same! (preferably moots only)

・❥・𝐅𝐑𝐎𝐌 𝐄𝐃𝐄𝐍 !! -> tell me what you and/or a character you know i like would get me for my birthday !! (for mutuals i’ll tell you what i’d get u!)

・❥・𝐖𝐎𝐔𝐋𝐃 𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝐈 !! -> matchupsss! match me w any character from any fandom and i’ll do the same for u (based off vibes alone but u can tell me abt ur self if u want!)

・❥・𝐒𝐖𝐀𝐍 𝐔𝐏𝐎𝐍 𝐋𝐄𝐃𝐀 !! -> tell me anything! rant, yap, hyperfixate, tell me an idea u had or about ur day or anything! if ur gonna vent just pls do it in my dms and ask me first

・❥・𝐓𝐀𝐊𝐄 𝐌𝐄 𝐓𝐎 𝐂𝐇𝐔𝐑𝐂𝐇 !! -> give me a vibe/aesthetic and i’ll give u a book/movie/song/artist recommendation!

・❥・𝐃𝐈𝐍𝐍𝐄𝐑 & 𝐃𝐈𝐀𝐓𝐑𝐈𝐁𝐄𝐒 !! -> (moots only) tell me ur first impression of me and i’ll tell u mine of u!

・❥・𝐉𝐀𝐂𝐊𝐈𝐄 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐖𝐈𝐋𝐒𝐎𝐍 !! -> send this and i’ll tell you about some weird theory i believe in or some weird historical fact/story!

・❥・𝐀𝐁𝐒𝐓𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐓 (𝐏𝐒𝐘𝐂𝐇𝐎𝐏𝐎𝐌𝐏) !! -> moodboards!! give me an idea to make a moodboard with!

[firefly--bright]

b99 au has me like this can we have some more hcs pls pls pls pl

see u get me

U ASK AND I DELIVER here is part two to the headcanons (⁠｡⁠･⁠ω⁠･⁠｡⁠)⁠ﾉ⁠♡ (+complimentary moodboard because I Feel Like It)

- ok so after the first date (which goes surprisingly well), you start hanging around the precinct more, and at first Connie and Sasha are ELATED because you didn't do it that often before jean. like they didn't realise that it was because you wanted to see him, sasha was just happy that you'd bring mid-day coffee to her and Connie was happy to just rant to you about how "no-one here trusts me ugh" (he's like a mix of Gina and Charles istg) and ur like mhm yeah it's totally not because you file your paperwork wrong everytime. totally, king. MHM.

- and jean usually grabs some lunch outside (which you notice!) and at this point you're not in an Established Relationship, aka you haven't had the "what are we" talk yet so it's mainly just you guys hanging out. right and eren recognises you and like jokes around with you and it pisses jean off SO BAD and eren (the little shit) KNOWS THAT. so he's just trying to get under jeans skin. and you become like this unofficial part of the family :3

- which, by the way, let's do this. who's who. Reiner is the sarge (yes he goes with the suspenders and yes eren and Connie objectify him because of his boobs). Connie and Sasha are partners because they work really well together since the beginning of Time and they're also really good at acting so they get assigned alot of undercovers. CAPTAIN LEVI it's in the name guys c'mon. hange is the autopsy..person. idk the actual name of it. but you get it. Erwin is Levi's husband and it's the whole arc of them basically adopting the precinct :) Mikasa and Armin are partners, jean and eren are also partners (most of the times) because they also work really well together. jean applied to be a lieutenant but that comes way later in the story. so hang on. for rn, tho, Armin is the lieutenant, and marco is the office assistant. ANYWAY

- right so. uhhh cue the Thanksgiving shenanigans. Levi (begrudgingly) invites the whole squad + hange, and asks everyone to bring your own dish. here's what happened

reiner ; guys ok we have to impress the captain and his husband-

eren : his name is Erwin. don't reduce him to just captain Levi's husband

jean : I don't think that's a reduction to his title

eren : stop bootlicki-

sasha : I don't know how to cook anything

Connie : she burnt the packet of ramen once.

....

Mikasa : the...the packet?

Armin : like, the plastic....covering?

sasha : mhm. I've solved alot of crimes.

Connie : yes she has

sasha : feminism isn't a joke.

jean just nods aggressively.

Reiner : right so....to avoid that... do you, can you possibly get someone to help you?

eren : YO WHAT ABOUT YOUR FRIEND

jean : their friend has a nam-

eren : what about titles now, horseboy?

sasha : YES WE SHOULD. WE SHOULD ALL GO TO THEIR PLACE TO COOK BEFORE GOING TO THE CAPTAINS PLACE

Connie : IM GOING TO TEXT THEM RIGHT NOW

Reiner : right. that could work.

marco : it really won-

jean : I THINK YEAH WE SHOULD ALL GO TO THEIR PLACE. MHM. yeah I think we should..... uh. yeah.

Armin : I'm sure the captain won't mind inviting them over as well

- yeah anyways that's how. it happened. long story short your apartment almost burned down but hey atleast you got the job done! with like twenty people in your small cube of a house!

- jean is the first one to arrive at your place (for no reason, haha) and you're like "oh good ur here Im babyproofing the apartment just in case." and he doesn't question it and just helps you and tells you about his Thanksgiving stories thoughout the years and you guys connect alot and he opens up alot too :3

-anuway. HALLOWEEN HEIST IS ALSO REAL AND IT HAPPENS. and you participate. the first year is pretty mild for you, you're jeans accomplice as he tries to beat eren's team to steal the captain's cup of tea. and it's a whole Thing and you do the thing you do best - distract the captain. again, surprisingly, you get him to open up a little while jean gets in through the office's ceiling and you're talking to the captain, sweating, "oh yeah no, totally, the DMV is crazy....MHM!! the lines were so bad when I went last." anyway. at the end, eren and jean are tied, back to back to a chair while the captain (very menacingly) asks them if they're proud of what they accomplished. turns out the captain won. (i have headcanons for this too but this post is becoming too long so,,)

- enough about the squad, more about you and jean. right, so soon after Thanksgiving, the two of you finally have The Talk. after a particularly long day at the precinct, jean is slumped over his desk doing paperwork and everyone has almost already left. Connie had come over to ur place to tell you about the shitty day he had, and you fed him some dinner after that, and he fell asleep on your couch while watching a show (not an uncommon occurence) and his situation got you thinking about jean. you usually tried not to bother jean too much by sending too many messages or calling a lot, so he knows it's important when he gets a call from you. and he takes a break from work and answers and he swears you breathe life into him after he hears you ask him how he's doing. he tells you that "these muscles aren't for nothing" which gets a sigh and a laugh in return. "how long are you gonna stay at the precinct?" you ask him. "i don't know, the works never ending." he says and you've already made up your mind, taking a Tupperware of the dinner you had made, along with a thermos of coffee and head on over to the place. when you're downstairs, you call jean again and tell him to come down too and he's like "what are you doing here holy shit it's late" and you're like "yeah I could tell u the same thing. i got u sum food open up slut" and he leads you to the balcony to get some fresh air while eating (also because if he were to spill even a morsel of food on his desk after the cleaning crew had gone home, the captain would have his head on a plate. anyway. the terrace/balcony. do u see the parallels.

and you and jean get to talking, you tell him about your day and then are like "I'm sorry if I'm distracting you." "no I like the distraction. i don't mind it." and you smile but then just come out and say it "hey so what are we?" and jeans like "??? have I not asked u to be my partner yet?" and you decide to tease him a bit and are like "partner? are u recruiting me to be a detective?" "no! i mean, if that's what...your passion is, then yes, but please be safe. oh ur fucking with me. okay." and u laugh and kiss him on the cheek and he's like "no that's not gonna cut it" and then he grabs your face (GENTLY) and kisses you so softly and helplessly that you're glad he's holding your face otherwise your bones would've just fallen to the ground without structure.

uhh yes. thats all. if you'd like angst headcanons. hmu 😈 I'm not kidding this is so fun for me to think about I've been Thinking About It for like a month now

also! moodboard time!

:D

[moonastro]

Helloo im CR🌷 i would like to participate in your spring game.

my big3 scorpio sun taurus rising pisces moon

i would like a moodboard of my future childrens

And here is yours. some interesting things about your fs is that he seems to be someone who doesn't open up emotionally to people. He finds it difficult to be vulnerable and prefers to give a macho impression rather than say what he feels about you. He is also someone who loves spending time alone but would like to have your company at those times. They will spend a lot of time together. He is a gentleman so he will want to make your life easier, tie your shoes, make you coffee or buy your books. He won't want you to worry about anything at all.

the cards i pull for you; 4 of pentacles, 6 of wands. 3 of wands. 8 of cups, 4 of cups, the emperor.

hii, description of my fs seems so cute, thank you so very much ⭐🌷🥰and the moodboard is so pretty too<33

moodboard on your future children-

very imaginative, very explorative, they are full of imagination and creativity, i feel like they will shock you with their creative mind and make you go like 'how did you even come up with that????', fearless, full of joy, soul children, they may be spiritually inclined with you and you probably know each other from past lives.

[lavellane]

how do you come up with your character backstories? they're all so detailed and well thought out and you always seem to have an abundance of fun and interesting trivia for all your characters as well. would you be willing to give tips to someone who has a hard time coming up with anything beyond like. the basics lol 😔👉👈

WAH THANK YOU FOR SENDING THIS 🥺 i always feel a little embarrassed talking abt my ocs because i tend to start and never stop lol, and theyre all very special to me so its a sort of vulnerable extension of myself in a way. even if im only sharing with them with the lovely ppl who live in my phone its always a little stressful, so i really appreciate that they left a good impression!!

as for tips, i just wanna say as a disclaimer that i am very chronically online. ive also had multiple periods of extended free time in which ive been able to really hyperfocus on certain media and the characters i want to create within them. ALSO, a lot of my ocs ive had in development for several years and theyve just evolved naturally. ashara, for example, i made when i was 19, and im 26 now lol. ik this is cliche to hear, but i rly do think its important to go at your own pace when developing characters and do whatever makes YOU happy, before looking to anybody elses ocs , because we all have different lifestyles and creative processes and whatnot ❤️

that being said, i can def share a few things that helped me! firstly, i always start developing characters based solely on vibes and sensory stimuli, so i'd highly recommend making a pinterest moodboard for them and/or a music playlist! pinterest esp, since its such a great way to start brainstorming and getting a visual idea of what you want your character to look like/embody/represent. its a great place for inspiration in general.

secondly, one of the most important steps in developing any character is motivation. what does your oc WANT? why? what would they do to get it? should they get it? would would happen if they got it vs if they didnt? do they ACTUALLY want it or just think they do? answer those questions and you've already got a pretty solid foundation to work with. another really useful piece of advice a friend gave me several years ago was this: "what is something your character believes in at the start of their journey, that they no longer believe by the end of it?" for example, my warden oc elspeth believes in traditional heroics and black-and-white morality. by the end of dao she does not. theres a LOT to explore between point A and point B.

lastly, when i make ocs its very important to me personally that they feel inextricably TIED to the media they belong to. this is completely optional ofc, bc lots of people enjoy characters they can drag and drop into different stories, which is fine! for me though, i like taking cues from the world around them. it makes them feel natural to the plot, the setting, the canon characters, etc, because it helps me pin down some of their more hyperspecific quirks. there are a few ways to go about this.

the easiest way imo is to look at any major Core Issues within whatever media you're working with. like real life, people have OPINIONS about ISSUES and POLITICS lol, and those opinions are usually influenced by their own lived experience or personal belief system. so if you can identify a few key figures, factions or events in your story, and give your character an Opinion or Reaction to those things, it can pretty naturally be evolved into a unique and interesting backstory. to use elspeth as an example again: "elspeth dislikes orlais". thats a political opinion about a faction. and then to expand on why? "because her family/country fought in the occupation and she loves her family/country". from there we learn she's nationalistic and places value of lineage. then you could say — "she enjoys history and geography because it allows her to better appreciate her country. she cares deeply about all ferelden peoples, and has studied techniques from avaar and chasind communities". and you can keep branching out and expanding from there. and once you've exhausted that thread, move on to a diff one! "elspeth is nervous around mages". why? "because her religion tells her to and shes never thought to question it." why? etc etc etc.

alternatively, i find it really helpful to find an overlining theme in the type of media im working with/creating. sometimes its easy (baldurs gate 3 has a confirmed theme of autonomy vs authority, da4 will have a confirmed theme of regret, etc) but if its not as clear cut or your designing your own original world, its fine and great to take your own creative interpretation of things and run with it. for example, origins for me is very reminiscent of loss of innocence and war. inquisition is, to me, about personhood and losing it to your own mythology. once you've got a theme it can really help help translate into a cohesive story you want to tell and a character you want as an outlet. and since the character will be thematiclly relevant, you might also find it easier for them to connect to the cast/setting/story etc.

sorry this is so long, but i hope you gained something out of all this word salad lmao. one more thing i want to mention — its also fine to NOT do any of this. sometimes i get overwhelmed feeling like i have to come up with a unique/multi-faceted character every time i go into characterization, and virtually 100% of the time its Never that deep. if you find yourself getting stressed or overwhelmed, remind yourself that its perfectly fine to dream up a simple and straightforward character who makes you happy, and let the rest come to you as your character goes forth into the story. sometimes simplicity is best because you arent held down by the restrictions you've placed on them yet.

sending love, i hope this helped !!!!!! if you have any more questions or just want to chat, feel free to send another ask or slide into my dms ! ❤️❤️❤️

[softranswolves]

In the Teen Wolf fandom, it seems like peeps only love the big-names, the ones who regularly return to post content versus people who joined in the last few years.

As someone who has been here a while, what's your take on this? Should new people stop trying? Because that's what I'm feeling.

Hey friend!

I just wanna say, before I really get to my answer, I'm kind of touched that you see me having been around for a while!! I'm definitely not what I'd consider a big-name and I know my blog is mostly just my little corner full of stuff I curate with my own creations or reblogs of other people's but you see me 😊 I'm also for sure not tapped into the fandom itself like some folks I follow. I just doot my snoot in my little archive of teen wolf shenanigans and try to maintain friendships with anyone who wants to interact with me (via asks, messages, or tags, good golly I wanna hug anyone who interacts in tags lol and I for sure recognize when ppl come back).

I typed a way longer response that you may not have wanted, all to just say I would hate to see new people stop trying!! I adore that teen wolf is still pulling people despite it being off air and potentially not getting more movies (whether or not that's what most people want). I think fandoms need fresh air continually too. No two people will experience the show or content 100% the same way and have every single response be the same. Just with the two cakes mindset of creation, there are multiple cakes for how we all digest the show and they're all delicious. I carved out my own little corner here because I wanted organization for myself, and I create largely for myself. Any interaction I get, I fucking adore, I cannot impress that enough lol. I just never really expect it bc I know I do my own thing here with stuff like Multiamory May moodboards. Rarepairs and polyamory and trans headcanons just aren't everyone's cup of tea and I stopped trying to be recognized for what I "target" when I know my quality isn't 100% and I'm just vibing to my own weirdness instead of being super put together about it. I've definitely flickered in and out of the fandom when it comes to engagement too - like how last year (or year before? idk, time is confusing) I was running regular events but currently I just don't have the energy/passion in the same way.

If you really want to be seen more, esp if you make your own posts/content, utilize tags, even if you're hella lazy with it like me. I try to always use #twedit no matter what, in addition to #twfemslash and #twrarepair when applicable. Those go on the radar of people who fill the queues of some "big" blogs that do a bunch of reblogging just to have continual content out there. I also feel like I got a foot in via a couple of my discord servers, mainly Teen Wolf Legacy, and making a couple too (one for Scott shipping, one for teen wolf femslash; others i know of included pecific Derek-positive ones, a Stiles shipping one). That absolutely increased my reach, because I could share my stuff with people who specifically wanted to get pinged for, say Allison/Stiles content as an example. Idk that my following blew up or anything, I'm still a relatively small teen wolf blog. But it did make it easier to grow into my niche here. It also made me realize how big the fandom is. Some might only watch for or engage with a particular ship or character, while others like me do so for pretty much anyone.

This was still lengthy, I'm sorry. You caught me after work when my brain is like solely focused on decompression via fixation and tumblr is often a source for that. Please don't be discouraged from trying, and if you feel comfortable coming directly to me I could possibly point you in the direction of some other teen wolf blogs with similar interests! Big-names are hella daunting and it still blows my mind some of the ones I always sort of looked up to also just have some nerd behind them that I can talk to (even if I feel like im annoying them lmao). Feel free to talk with me more either on or off anon too, I'm pretty much always here to some extent. I love new people so fucking much, I'm just not engaged enough to always see you 💜💜💜💜

[peixotizando]

People underestimate the power of moodboards.

If I knew how they would help me understand my RPG characters even before I play them I would've done it a long time ago.

Yes I did a very nice moodboard for a new D&D character and Im impressed how it actually explained to me my character backstory better than myself.

It also helps to create an aesthetic for the PC.

So moral of the story: make more moodboards! That's what I'm gonna do from now on.

[wish-i-were-heather]

what's your favorite conan gray song?

soo this is my 100 follower event? wow okay 100 is a big number (well actually 180 now wtf stop following me im not that funny). im lowkey shocked because its been 15 days... i accidentally deleted my blog and then remade this new one 15 days ago. thats like barely 2 weeks? so, uh, thats a lot very fast. i love every single one of you thank you so much for caring about the stupid things i have to say and my silly little fics <33 ~ [INTRO POST HERE]

followers...

LOOKALIKE~ i'll assign you a fictional character that you/your blog reminds me of and explain why!!

"i know in your head you see me instead, cause he looks a lot like i did back then. baby don't lie, it's just a lookalike"

LONELY DANCERS~ i'll give you a song based on the aesthetic of you/your blog!!

"we're lonely dancers, join me for the night. we're lonely dancers baby, dance with me so we don't cry"

GENERATION WHY~ ask me any question and i'll answer truthfully!! (within reason ofc, i'm not giving out my address)

"we get into trouble and loose our minds, something that i've heard a million times in my life, generation why"

MOVIES~ i'll ship you with a fictional character and make a moodboard for you two (pls give gender/any other preferences)

"in my head we're dancing in the dark, in my head we kiss under the stars. but we know that's not what we're doing, cause baby this ain't like the movies"

BOYS AND GIRLS~ i'll make an edit of pretty much anyone/anything (fictional or not, but this is a very vague so pls pls pls give details)

"i want you, i want you, i want you to need me. i need you, i need you, i need you to love me. i want you, i want you, like everyone else here tonight"

PEOPLE WATCHING~ i'll write a short oneshot (under 1k words) about any character x reader or ship

"i wanna feel all that love and emotion, be that attached to the person i'm holding. someday i'll be falling without caution, but for now i'm only people watching"

HEATHER~ i'll give you an outfit specifically with a sweater i think you'd wear, hence the song

"you gave her your sweater, it's just polyester but you like her better, i wish i were heather"

moots only...

BEST FRIEND~ where we'd go/what we'd do if we hung out together + moodboard

"that's my fucking lifeline, thats my ride or die like, thats my fucking hate you but you know that that's a damn lie. baby you're my best friend, best friend"

(CAN WE BE FRIENDS?)~ i'll tell you my first impression of you (none are negative i promise)

"could you be my best friend? let's hang out every weekend. go driving every night, stare at people that we like"

rules/extra

1~ please give any specific details you want for any (like trope of the fic or song for the edit, etc) 2~ i'm not very organized so idk how many i'll do per day 😭 but you send however many you want just one per day per person pls 3~ i don't have a date for how long it's just until i say it's done because im indecisive...

tagging <3

@maybxlle

@lauffey

@myhyperfixationisbooks

@never-enough-novels

@apollosmusee

@xoxonxo

@sweetnnaivete

@whatsamongus

@pinkwinesupernovas

@letmeliveinelfhame

@two-braincells-in-total

@tornqdowarnings

@littlemissmentallyunstable

@nqds

@ramblings-of-lola

@lxvebelle

@alwaysthefangirl

@just-tough-love

@riordanness

@reyreadersblog

im tagging some of my moots but any of you can request the moots only stuff even if ur not tagged- and if ur not tagged then omg i wanna get to know u more!! <3

THANKS AGAIN EVERYONE I LOVE U AHH

[renegadepack]

do you have any twilight blog recs? i’m trying to get back into it but everyone seems to have deactivated :’(

BOY DO I!!!! i've been waiting for an ask like this so long that many of the blogs i originally would have rec'd have deactivated or switched focuses. but good news there's always lovely new blogs joining the squad. here are some of my faves:

@howlonghaveyoubeenseventeen emma the light the angel a queen who chooses to bless us with her presence daily. she's an absolute sweetheart and i love her so much; i'm so lucky to call her my friend! emma reblogs a lot; mostly wolf pack focus but with fair amount of other characters. a lot of good memes. also has an impressively large twilight library and is able to answer basically any question about the saga, with references.

@panlight i'm pretty sure they're one of the OGs of the renaissance, long before it was actually a thing?? anyways an actual legend among people. we haven't talked too much, but they always post a TON. a pretty good variety of all characters, with less of a focus on the main three (eddie/bells/jake.) their responses to questions are so well thought-out and super interesting to read. they also run @keepingupwiththecullens which is truly the funniest thing on god's green earth.

@forkscult noy is another one i haven't talked to much, but they seem so cool!! another wolf-pack focus blog, but they have a pretty good variety of reblogs. a lot of really aesthetic content. they create graphics that im absolutely obsessed with, mostly focusing on a modern au. they're SO pretty and fit the characters so well, esp. with the lil descriptions!

@phil-dwyer-stan-account addison is so cool! their blog features some non-twilight posts, but they have a lot of reblogged memes and such! they made moodboards that are so so pretty. a very fun presence on the dash.

@the-most-pathetic-edge-marquis hello i love mj that is all. no but seriously they're SO sweet. they always leave lil tags when reblogging posts that are just so so kind and i love reading their thoughts. fair amount of reblogging but they ALSO have some writing and analysis that i just adore. super talented and i love seeing what they post! team jacob focus i think?

@musingsofvenus madi is so cool! another wolf pack focus (are you sensing a theme here? good.) she posts a lot of fic and it's so good! i haven't read too much of it, but i've absolutely adored what i have. (pink cheeks, two left feet anyone?) also v funny. an all around gem.

@paulxlahotee big billy black/gil birmingham focus, as we all should be. michele is so cool and funny and adds such an interesting voice to the fandom. has made some really cool and important posts on the indigenous rep aspects of twilight that i'm really thankful for. also super talented and sweet! makes the coolest beaded earrings.

@teamjacobthot dee!!! is!! a!!! gem!!! she's SO funny and has such good takes. wolf pack focus ft. plenty of clowning on the cullens as they deserve. also a brilliant fic writer; "nyctophobia" is six chapters (so far!) of *chef's kiss*.

@rosaalee i love bri with my whole heart!!! they're so funny and sweet and such a good friend - any time we've talked it's been such a positive part of my day! makes beautiful edits and brilliant af memes.

@the-golden-onion madly has no fucking business being so mf funny and yet??? everyday??? she's here??? being thee funniest mf around? no but seriously mads is so cool and her blog is such a delight to follow! also has the sweetest comments. i'm so glad to have her in my life.

[aestheticsuwu]

⛓Ladies first, baby, I insist [I could be a better boyfriend than him ]⛓

Sam LaRusso x Tory Nichols

I will be posting all my work soon, since I might stop writing and making moodboards .

~~~~~~~~~~~

The universe works so many ways ,and outcomes are all different, She wouldn’t have expected it to go her way tonight.

The night was like any other night at a club. Packed with people dancing to the rhythm of the music and drinking to fulfill one’s enjoyment . It’s not a club without random strangers or couples who are practically had their tongue down their throats and grinding against each other.

Lust lingering in the crowded air. It seem people were inhaling desperately .

She had two of her close friends doing the exact same thing . She wish she had bleach for her eyes for every time it happened. Tory honesty thought they were 10 times worse than any sex deprived stranger , She really regrets introducing those two.

But nothing could ruin her night . She sat against comfortably in her booth , a half-empty glass in her hand , and her eyes focused on her .

The dim-light against her skin and the low cut dress made her look like the greatest sin and well Tory was up for adding her to her list.

It had been a month that the blonde made a choice to keep coming to the same overpriced club where the drinks were far from cheap and had a snobby-rich crowd. ‘Swayze force her to tag along, and she was not impressed until her eyes landed on her.

She is not usually like this. But something captivated her attention and there’s no going back ,and by now Tory doesn’t want it to. The girl wasn’t her type, far from it .

The petite brunette held her self like a princess , all soft and delicate . A sugary smile that would nauseate Tory if it was anyone else . Curly hair that framed her face perfectly .Blue eyes that made her want to take a leap and make a move, she would’ve but the beau has a boyfriend.

Every night she watches the couple order drinks , the guy would grab her to harshly and let her dance by herself and at the end ,the idiot would get all winded up and ruin her night and the brunette always runs after him with a prominent scowl .

You can tell the guy didn’t care about her, but himself . Tory would know how to treat her right. Having her around her arm , Showing her off to the world because that’s what the brunette deserved. She would treat her like a real princess and not like a side piece like the turd that she calls boyfriend.

Plus, My clothes would fit her. Bet she would look hot.

“ You know, Stalking isn’t attractive not even if it’s you.” Robby says breathless like he ran a marathon and all sweaty . He wipes his face with a towel from his bag and plops down beside her.

She pushes him away with a spare napkin making him laugh . Flickering her hair away with a bit of attitude, a habit she picked up on from her, ,” It’s not stalking. Im here with my best friend who has spent all night grinding up on his boyfriend while I sit here comfortably drinking and saving myself from the embarrassing sight and if it’s conveniently where I can -“

“Stare at Sam .” Robby cuts her off with raised eyebrows . It turns out they knew each other . She was like his step sister , Tory didn’t get to meet her when they were younger . At the time maybe Tory wouldn’t give her time of day since she was dating Aisha , who also knew Sam. Everyone knew her even Rickenberger ,but to be fair the guy knows everyone.

I’m I really the only one ? That can’t be . She been single multiple times and nobody even introduced her to Sam. And here she was introducing Robby to his boyfriend. ughhh .

“ She’s going to break up with the guy. She told me . I heard because Brian has a small dick or maybe because he treats her like shit , I don’t remember.” Robby finishes with a fit of giggles and topples over the table.

No more drinks for this little guy.

“No more drinks for you , Robby.” Doug helps Robby move off from the table and fixes him to lay back against the leather cushions . She watch how her friend stops giggling and gets a sad look.

He pokes his boyfriend chest with his finger .”I’m not Robby. I’m Baby !”

“Of course. You’re my baby. And I think is time to head back home.” Doug smiles fondly at his drunk boyfriend . Robby covers his face bashfully. He turns to look a her for confirmation , she agrees immediately .

“Give me your card so I can pay the tab.” She helps out her hand out .

“I pay all the time .”

“I introduce you to the best thing in your life .That’s a debt you will pay me for life.” She smirk triumphantly when she’s handed the credit card. It always work. Although right now Robby is not proving her statement right now . Acting like a kid trying to get out of showering.

She helps her short friend out of the booth and until she makes sure he’s glued to Doug hip like a koala ,she heads the other way to pay .

Finish dealing with the bill , she pockets the card and makes a turn to leave when she halts . She was five inches away from the brunette , all alone but a empty drink in her hand . Robby drunk words echoed in her brain . Everyone kept dancing all in their own world while Tory felt time stopped.

Take Swayze home. I have business to take care of.

She puts her phone away and heads towards her. Taking through her brain to come up with the right way to approach her . The female looked bothered, her usual bright smile and her stupid boyfriend didn’t make any appearance tonight . Maybe the new red dress that hugged her right , her hair straighten and red painted lips were the signs she ditched the loser.

Tory walked up to the bar , standing near her, her hand sought out to her wrist to grab attention and reluctantly letting it go to not scare her away.

“Can I buy you a drink .” For the first time , Tory is making eye contact with her and it felt thrilling .She hoped she wouldn’t get rejected but even if she did , Tory won’t give up. She would try next time .

“ No Thank you.” Sam stands up smoothly and her dress down her pale thighs and pushes back her hair away from her face. Tory pulls out her poker face to not show her disappointment , she nods and bites her lips but keeps her eyes on the shorter female .

She makes a move to leave but to her surprise Sam continues, “ But you can invite me to dance .”

The invitation sounded enticingly to Tory’s ears. She stands in front of her , she notice quickly their height difference , and Sam notice too . Tory pulls her by the wrist and she feels her smooth skin against hers , leading her to the dance floor .

Pulling her body closer , enough to feel her but not that close to make her feel uncomfortable but she is surprise when Sam pulls her in closer and wraps her arms around her neck.

“ I warn you I might not let you go tonight.” She whispers to the shorter female ear . Fixing a stray hair behind the same ear.

“ Then this might be your lucky night , Tory.” Sam grins with a gleam of mischief in her blue innocent eyes. Maybe Tory hadn’t been to subtle about her intrest but she didn’t give a fuck since now she had her in her arms .

She will show LaRusso what a better boyfriend she can be ,not like any other guy she had in her life. She will start with tonight. Making her regret not dumping the guy quicker .

[yearningandpatheticaboutit]

SPEAK FOR YOURSELF

CHAPTER 9: LOOK AT THIS PHOTOGRAPH

A/N: i made a moodboard for yaera and im really proud of it lmao

warnings: blood mention, drugs mention, suicide/self harm mention, gambling

wordcount: 8000 and some change

prev chapter

***

i remember climbing out my window that night. the moon was full, my stomach giddy thinking of seeing his pretty eyes. he said he wanted to meet me, i couldnt believe that what people said was true.

guys really were MEAN to the girls they liked.

being made fun of constantly? not my love language. never was. it reminded me too much of how my parents treated me, and i never found comfort in that at all.

my insecurities getting pointed out, getting mocked for the enjoyment of others. how could you like someone who did all those things to you?

i wondered that for a while. i was too hopeful, i guess.

that didnt stop me from doing my hair and finally making use of all the designer my mother brought home. i curled my fringe and the ends of my black hair, giving myself the look only a stupidly happy person could muster and snuck out of my house.

i didnt expect to see my twin sister doing the exact same thing.

our mouths collectively dropped open when we saw one another, completely baffled that neither of us had said anything. i wouldve told her where i was going, but she hadnt given me the time of day.

"i can explain," she nervously said, laughing. "okay nevermind, you first."

"no way!" i said, shaking my head. "you? sneaking out? fess up!"

yasmine was like the model twin to everyone. of course she wasnt perfect, she had flaws just like everyone else. she was a massive people pleaser, so i wondered just exactly who she was trying to impress with her new sneaky habits.

anyone that had my goodie two-shoes sister sneaking out of the house couldnt be good news, i thought. i was also impressed by how they managed to actually get her to go through with it.

"im just meeting...someone," she giggled dumbly. it was almost pitch black in our yard and yet i knew her cheeks were stained red.

"and you didnt tell me about him? who is it? someone from a rival school?"

my sister was dramatic enough to hide something like that. she had just broken up with her asshole boyfriend, collin, who no one liked, so i would have gladly encouraged this phase.

"its just someone. you dont know him."

i raised an eyebrow. "so when will i get to? whats his name?"

"im not saying anything, yae." she deadpanned.

"what?" i couldnt hide the disappointment from my voice. "but we tell each other everything."

she sighed. "relax, i will tell you just not right now. gosh quit being so codependent."

i frowned. "im not codependent i just care about your life. but whatever since you wanna be a massive bitch about it."

silence filled after a familiar insecurity rose to surface level. my sister knew how much i loved and needed her. she was my sister. some siblings were close, some werent. but my sister was my only friend. and all i really had. she knew that.

and sometimes she reminded me of how much i held her back.

she would sit with her massive friend group with attractive, sociable and fun people. she would always try to push me to talk to them or even make my own friends. i tried, i swear i did. it usually didnt go well. i never understood why.

maybe i was the problem. i could only really care about one person at a time. i didnt know what that was called. it took time for me to get close with people, the fear of being judged and abandoned an imminent one.

my brain always told me, my own sister would never abandon or judge me. we were blood. we were in this shit forever.

apparently i was the only one passionate about it.

"yae, cmon dont be like that," yasmine sighed. "i didnt mean that. i will tell you i promise."

i didnt answer her, only wiped the tears that gathered in my eyes for that moment. i crumbled up the letter he gave me as i rolled it into a fist in my pocket.

"its whatever, i guess ill see you in the morning," i muttered and started walking to the gate.

"wait!" she whisper-yelled. "where are you going?"

"ill tell you later. good luck with whoever youre meeting."

i called an uber to the address, trying to lighten up my mood on the way there. i put lipgloss on, trying to smile in my compact mirror. i wasnt really good with make up, but since i had a good feeling about this boy, i would need to start getting good.

this was the first time he'd invited me to his house. usually when yasmine went it wasnt a mutual invite. now i was going solo. he really changed his mind about me.

i kept impulsively eating mints, practicing my facial expressions and the uber driver probably thought i was crazy. when i got dropped infront of the wrought iron gates, he was standing there waiting for me.

in a white tshirt and grey sweatpants. he was so beautiful. he pulled his lips into that sly smirk i knew, as if he got everything he wanted. and being who he was, he did.

i mean, thats how i was here even though he bullied the fuck out of me whenever he could.

"hi," i said, giving a small wave. the wind blew my skirt a little, making me hold it down embarrassingly.

jongho continued giving me that satisfied smirk as he eyed me up and down. "you know its two am. i really didnt expect you to actually come."

i mean you asked me to. of course i would. im almost in love with you.

i shrugged like it was nothing. "you told me to come when i was comfortable. i thought this was appropriate."

"i see you dressed appropriately too. nice legs," he said, making my face heat up. "goddamn, model genes really runs in your family. well i dont wanna keep you in the cold. lets go inside."

he guided me into his home, his hand on my lower back. i swear i couldnt breathe. he never touched me like this infront of the others. infront of her.

his house was dark except for the light in the living room and up the staircase. the sound of my miu miu boots on the marble made me realize how empty everything sounded.

"are you alone at home?" i asked, kind of excited for the answer.

"yeah, my folks left for something in singapore. you know how it is," he casually said, showing me into a room. "make yourself comfy."

it was his room. i dont know what i imagined, but seeing it, it was so jongho.

trophies for singing competitions, soccer, and some even for academics lined the walls around his massive bed. he had a large mirror directly opposite his bed and a balcony that overlooked the infinity pool in his backyard. i strolled around in admiration, turning around when i heard two loud pats.

jongho sat on his bed and was gesturing for me to do the same. the led lights in his room were red and so dim, making him look far more hot than he already was.

i reluctantly planted myself next to him, my heart rate going higher than a kite. jongho licked his lips and took a heavy breath as he prepared to speak. god he was so attractive, i hated how much i liked him. i left my home at two am just because he asked. fuck.

"thanks for coming to talk," he muttered, his voice deeper and hitting the perfect spot in my ear drums. "i know it was kinda a lot to ask."

i rolled my hair behind my ear and shrugged. "its no big deal. what did you wanna talk about?"

jongho moved closer, now he was so close i could feel the radiation of his body heat. oh god.

"i know ive been hard on you for coming into our friend group and everything. im really sorry for all the mean things i said."

the apology struck me, hitting the thoughts from my brain. that wasnt what i expected.

"i called you clingy and made yasmine think you were a loser," jongho sighed, shaking his head. "she doesnt believe that of course, but im really sorry. i know i can be mean sometimes but its just how i give affection. youre cool with that, right?"

i nodded thoughtlessly. i was just happy to have him talk to me.

"yea, thats fine. i get it. im not that sensitive dont worry," i forced a smile, knowing his insults hurt more than anything. but at least he was sorry. right?

"cool, cool." he smiled down at me. "i hope we can be good friends then, yae. can you do me a favour then?"

"what kind of favour?"

my mind was running wild right then. all the insane teenage hormones were overflowing. the close proximity and how handsome he was, the fact that my short skirt had such easy access. choi jongho was a hard guy to resist. and i was failing.

i didnt hear his words, i was so focused on his lips and the cute mole in his neck, i acted without thinking.

i leaned forward and pressed my lips to his, softly grabbing the side of his face. i couldnt believe what i was doing. for a second his warm mouth welcomed mine, taking it in fully. then, i felt coldness on my lips as he pulled away.

"what are you doing?" he scoffed, his eyes narrowed spitefully. my stomach shrunk.

"uh–i–" i stammered, only to be cut off.

"are you fucking kidding me right now? are you deaf?" he raised his voice. "did you not just hear me ask is yasmine if interested in anyone? why the fuck would you kiss me."

"im sorry–i–" i couldnt believe what i just did. what was wrong with me. he wanted to know about yasmine. not me. what the fuck. this was so awkward.

wait. so i read everything...wrong?

"shit," he cursed under his breath. "this is bad."

"is that why you called me here?" i asked, fearing the answer. "to find out if yasmine is interested in anyone?"

"obviously. why else are you useful?" he meanly answered. i felt an embarrassed pang in my chest. "did you think i liked you?"

the mocking laugh that fell from his lips after made me flinch. because how stupid was i to think he actually saw me differently now.

to think that someone like him could actually like someone like me.

"youre so fucking naive, yaera," he kept driving the knife in, shaking his head with that taunting smile. "just cause you look like your sister doesnt mean you should have the same confidence. youre setting yourself up."

i remembered the first day i sat with yasmine's friend group, jongho pointed out that even though we were twins, i wasnt nearly as attractive as yasmine. i laughed it off awkwardly because i thought he was joking.

"you know desperation is unattractive as fuck, right? i cant believe you drove here at two in the morning because you thought i liked you."

i was shivering in my skin, trying not to completely burst into tears. my entire body was flushing hot with anger and spite, and the most embarrassing of all–heartbreak. because deep down i knew he would never get over my sister. it made me insane.

why did everyone fucking act like i wasnt worthy of being liked just like everyone else? but as soon as they saw the scars on my arms they wanted to tell me the same bullshit.

youre loved, yaera.

stop hurting yourself, yaera.

stop using this for attention, yaera.

i couldnt bear to stay a second longer. i wiped the wetness of my cheeks and got up from the bed, immediately going to leave. jongho got up and tugged at my wrist, pulling me back to him.

"you havent told me about your sister yet," jongho said, making my rage spike. because who the fuck did he think he was. "cmon, dont cry because of silly shit like that. its water under the bridge."

"i hate you," i seethed through my tears. "i dont know why yasmine is friends with someone like you in the first place."

"because shes like me," jongho taunted. "and thats what you refuse to see. you dont realize how much of a burden you are to her. you dont realize the only reason she hasnt ditched you yet is because youre related to her."

okay, so he was continuing then?

"you always act like youre so perfect," i spat. "you talk about how much of a burden i am? imagine how much of a burden you are to yasmine because you keep trying to date her. shes never gonna like you. you're just another guy friend in her collection, cunt."

i ripped my arm from his grip and stormed out of his room. he followed me till i reached the bottom of the staircase, where he just watched me spitefully from the railing. now he was angry? of course. pieces of shit like jongho were great at dishing it out and not taking it back.

i felt so petty. he could have rejected me normally but he thought he could say whatever he wanted to me. tearing the little self esteem i had down was fun for him.

i turned around and smiled. "you really wanna know what yasmine thinks of you? she doesnt. in fact, she snuck out of the house to meet someone. shes probably getting fucked as we speak. enjoy that mental image, fucker."

"get the fuck out of my house!"

***

YAERA

an hour has passed since san left me in his apartment. im worried and have a weird feeling in my stomach just imagining what he's doing right now.

despite the anger i feel toward him, i hope he's safe. that's all I hope for. he's hurt badly, looking more damaged than when he fought the last time. he definetely has open wounds. so i look around for any first aid. he's gonna need it for when he comes back.

i rummage through his cabinets. there's so much empty spaces but its filled with random stuff. this guy needs to go shopping. he has so much expired medicine. i find a thin roll of bandages and plasters in the very back of a cupboard but when i take them out, something falls on the ground.

its a folded up piece of paper. when i pick it up, i realize its actually a crumbled up picture. a picture of a family.

my stomach immediately sinks.

a young asian lady and her husband are holding their toddler son. it looks like theyre at a carnival. everyone is smiling, except for the kid. hes pouting.

he was so cute as a baby.

a weird feeling of melancholy hits me hard realizing the people in this picture are no longer around.

san lives alone. apparently hes been alone for a long time. i can tell by the way he operates. hes selfish, not even in a bad way. i get why he caters for himself and tries to keep away from others.

im not even angry anymore. it just makes me sad.

i put the picture back where i found it and go sit by the bed. san doesnt have any alcohol in his house, so i end up having to look up the nearest pharmacy.

i make a quick run for it, deciding to buy him some more medicine and fill up my asthma pump while im at it. i dont know why im doing this when he probably hates me. i guess im always gonna be a sucker for the men i like.

when i get back, his door is unlocked. i panic, but then i find him and his friend eyeing me like they want to kill me.

"where were you?!" san asks me, raising his voice. "dont walk around here. you know this isnt the suburbs."

i lift the pharmacy bag. "i was just getting you medicine. i threw out your expired packs. which were all of them, by the way."

he has a lost look on his face. i turn to his "cousin" and hold my hand out. "the name's yaera marino, san's fake girlfriend. good to officially meet you."

"im wooyoung. san's fake cousin," he says, taking my hand with reluctance.

"are you sleeping here tonight?" i ask him.

"yes he is," san answers. "we're sharing a mattress. you can still sleep on my bed."

i feel a pang of jealously. goddamn it that should be me.

i nod to san. "go take a shower. im gonna give you first aid."

san is confused, looking at me like he doesnt understand english. "you know how to do first aid?"

"i learned it when i was still doing karate. go shower." i chase him away with my hand.

san awkwardly goes off, leaving me alone with wooyoung. i quietly take in the boy, who now that i can see clearly, is obviously younger than san. i cant believe hes in the gang too.

"what took you so long?" i ask him, frowning. "i was worried."

"we had to get rid of the license plate," wooyoung answers, his tone curt and cold. "and you were worried? dont make me laugh."

his words are sharp and sound spiteful. im guessing he knows how san and i began this partnership. i hold my tongue and let him snap.

"you dont care about san. youre using him," he says, but still quiet enough so that san doesnt overhear. "i just want you to know, i can make you disappear at any time i want. all i need is the greenlight from san and you'll be scattered across a lake."

"you think that will protect him?" i ask with a wry smile. wooyoung's fist clenches on the side of him, his knuckles bloody and bruised.

"what makes you think i dont have a million copies of that video? that i dont have a plan in case one of you hurt me? im not some dumb bitch."

wooyoung shakes his head and laughs scornfully. what did he expect me to say? shiver me timbers? i literally know he shot someone tonight.

"and here san thinks you wouldnt hurt him. i dont care what kind of plan you have. if you hurt san, i'll fucking kill you myself," he threatens.

i wouldnt ever hurt him. not even in my dreams. unless he hurts me first, then fuck him.

"trust me, i wont be an issue," i say nonchalantly, sitting on the bed. i lean back and feel a pain in the spot where san kicked me. right above my boobs.

"i just need enough money by the end of the school year. then i'll go back to my country and disappear from your lives forever."

"do you know how much of a risk this is? what san is letting you do?" wooyoung scoffs. "thats if you even make it to the end of the year. if anyone finds out about this, youre both fucked."

"no ones gonna find out unless you tell them," i eye him sharply. i dont trust this guy but apparently san does, enough to tell him about our parternship.

"san has a hard life already. you should just get out of his life," wooyoung snaps. "if you knew why he was in the gang, you'd never ask him to do what youre doing now."

his words somehow make me feel guilty. but why? why should i feel guilty when san doesnt even tell me whats going on.

"woo."

wooyoung's demeanor changes when he hears san's voice. he immediately stiffens and acts completely clueless.

my breath gets stuck in my throat. san is standing there in nothing but a white tank top and a striped red pyjamma pants. his muscles and skinny waist are on perfect display. my mouth suddenly goes dry.

no. fuck. yaera, focus.

"what are you doing?" san asks like hes talking to a kid. i find it highly amusing but keep my face blank.

"i was just defending you," wooyoung says with a scowl.

"im not in any danger. like i told you."

"yeah but–"

"jung wooyoung."

wooyoung groans at san's warning and shoots me a hard glare telling me this conversation isnt close to over. he storms into san's extra room and shuts the door, probably thinking the worst of the situation.

i cant lie, despite his intimidating and handsome appearance, i cant take him seriously at all. i find it endearing that he cares so much about san that he even threatened me. so san isnt alone after all.

he looks at me and sighs, his face adorably awkward. the black strands of his hair are wavy against his forehead, making him look so soft despite the bruises and cuts on his face.

its embarrassing how quickly i forgot how badly i wanted to hurt him today.

"sorry about wooyoung," he says and comes to sits down on the bed. "hes just...possessive."

"you mean protective," i correct him and smile. "its good that you have someone looking out for you. you need it."

san goes quiet but is looking at me like he has a lot on his mind. right, he had to get someone killed tonight. how could i forget.

i take out the first aid materials and scoot closer to him. the warmth of his body is already wafting towards me, the scent of the soap so potent on his skin. its an intoxicating smell.

"can i see where you got hurt?" my voice is so hesitant it doesnt even sound like me.

san is slow with lifting his top. i refrain from visibly gulping at the sight of his beautiful lower body, my mouth going dry when i notice the large gashes against his ribs. they cut him with a knife.

"why would you put on a white shirt to bed?" i ask him with a scowl.

"the bleeding stopped in the shower," san shrugs embarrassedly. "plus this was all i could find."

i inspect the wound and it looks like he cleaned a whole lot of it in the shower. "it looks like i just have to put ointment on and wrap you. you need to go to the doctor if it gets infected, you know that right?"

"i dont think that will be necessary. ive never needed to before," san says coolly.

i cant believe hes just brushing this off. "how often do you get injured like this?" i ask him as i dip a finger into the antibiotic cream. i gently run it over his gashes and he winces. .

"now and then," he forces out, as if trying to hide that it hurts. "it wouldnt really matter the extent. i'd still have to go to school."

i roll my eyes. of course. the perfect student.

i rub in the ointment and it feels like my cheeks are on fire. ive never been this close to anyone. ive never done this for anyone. my hands are shaking as i reach for the sterile bandage.

"are we ever going to talk about what happened tonight?" i ask quietly. "because i dont want us to forget."

san is staring through my soul with his intimidating, and pretty brown eyes. i can see him withdrawing. hes already far away.

"i know i was reckless and im sorry. but please dont lie to me, san. i really fucking hate not knowing whats going on. i know you were probably trying to protect me, but you could have been honest."

i expect him to say sorry too. but only silence is returned.

"i wont lie to you again. ive seen the effects it has," he mutters.

"i dont want our partnership to be us just lying to and antagonizing each other. i know you dont trust me. but we're gonna have to trust each other for this shit to work."

"i do trust you," san says after a few moments pass. he tightens as i roll the bandage around his torso. "i just dont trust myself. and everyone else."

i stay quiet hoping for him to elaborate. i feel it coming. the hope is bubbling in my chest.

"i watched yunho die," his voice is flat, as if drained from emotion. "he got stabbed right infront of wooyoung and i. we should be used to it, we've seen tons of people come and go in the last four years."

i finish bandaging him and lower his shirt reluctantly. san watches my every move, and im surprised he lets me.

"im sorry you had to go through that so young," i tell him, genuinely. the look on his face is so distant that it feels like hes given up a long time ago.

"is this is how its gonna be? forever?" i ask. "is there any way out of this for you?"

i remember san implying that he wasnt doing this out of his freewill. which means his boss must have a lot of leverage over him.

"i dont know. im still trying to figure that out."

"what do they have on you?"

san chuckles darkly, his soft laugh full of scorn and hopelessness. "well, they know where i live, for starters. they know where i go to school. they know everything about me."

and his parents? where the fuck are your parents san?

he can see the question in my eyes. his smile is filled with gloom. "you can thank my dad for that. hes the reason all of this started. the reason ive been in this servitude for most of my childhood."

i frown. "servitude?"

"my dad...he was a shit guy," san sighs. "he was an alcoholic gangster with gambling tendencies. he made a bet with the 105ths he couldnt repay. so he took off. and when they couldnt make him pay it off, they took me instead."

"im paying off hundreds of thousands of dollars of debt, thanks to my shit father. and i dont have any money so i had to give all i could so they dont kill me. myself."

i cant believe it. san is basically in a slave contract. and theres nothing he can do about it. my chest feels tight.

"what about your mom?" i ask softly. 

san shrugs and lays down on the bed, looking straight at the ceiling as he crosses his arms behind his head.

"shes gone. she left when the gang stuff got too complicated. they sent a warning to our apartment telling my dad to pay his debt, in the form of a petrol bomb. it scared the shit out of her, so she took off."

"without you!?" i ask incredulously.

"while i was at school. i just got used to it. coming home to nothing."

what kind of parents...fuck. i cant even say anything. im just fucking sad. i feel a hundred times worse about blackmailing him now.

"the 105ths said they would let me go if i paid off everything. theyre still letting me go to school as long as i dont neglect the gang."

"what if you ran away?" i ask curiously. san stares at me blankly.

"they would find me and do to me what they did to yunho. or even worse. its not worth it really. im just hoping it ends soon. then ill disappear. for good."

and now im dampening his plans by making him share his money with me. god i hate myself.

"how much do you owe?"

"i dont know. i just know the deal ends when miss A calls it off. she deems how much is enough."

i scowl. "what? and what if it never gets called off? what if they trap you here?"

"im hoping it wont come to that. ive been loyal for a long time."

that doesnt mean shit when people only love using you. but i dont say that. it already means so much that san decided to say something. to be honest. i cant lie and act like im okay after hearing the truth. but i wont pity him. san deserves better than that.

"ill help you," i look down at him fiercely. "ill help you cancel out your dads debt."

san looks at me deeply. "thats not necessary."

i hold out a hand. "dont even say it. get a fixed amount from your boss and ill help you get it."

"why would you do that?"

my stomach turns at the question. i dont even know. i cant say its because of the mild lady boner i have for him. its more than that. choi san deserves more than what happened to him.

"its only fair, isnt it?" i say with a small smile. "i get to go back home and you get to go to...where was it? nottingham?"

he wants to study pharmacy. i wonder if he meant that.

sans cheeks are red. is he...blushing?

"why do you remember that?" he asks with a soft groan.

i chuckle to myself. "cause its weird as fuck. england? what the hell do you wanna do in england? seriously if you want to go to europe there are so many better places. why nottingham?"

san shrugs embarrassedly. "i like football."

"you? like football?" i scoff. "that's the reason you wanna live in england?"

"why do you sound so shocked? can't i like football?" he asks defensively.

"you don't even look like you've watched soccer a day in your life. i'd never guess that you'd like an english team."

san snorts and laughs to himself a little. my legs go jelly a little. i keep underestimating how adorable he can be.

"my mother is a huge soccer fan," he admits fondly. my smile is quick to fall away. "once we went to watch her favourite team play in nottingham. she was so excited about it, she got me interested in it."

i feel myself soften. "so you want to go for your mother? is she going to move with you?"

"no," he sighs. i must be shit at connecting the dots because i still dont get it.

"she's in Korea. i can't go back there. i had to give up my Korean citizenship this year because I'm not enlisting."

"so you'll never see her again?"

my question hangs in the air. san doesnt answer it, because even he doesnt know. he still has hope. i can tell. he just doesnt know if its still worth holding onto.

everything has gotten deep so fast.

"maybe we should go to bed. we still have school tomorrow," i say and lie down next to him. theres a small gap between us that i know neither of us will close. but it feels good to hope.

san tries to get up but groans as he holds his injured side. i push him down gently by the shoulder, his eyes slightly widening.

"youre too tired to get up anyway," i say softly. "just stay here. i promise i wont bite."

unless you want me to.

san looks at me awkwardly and nods, lying back down on his back. his eyes are aimed at the ceiling and i pull my knees inward as i lay on my side looking at him.

everything about him is so...i dont even have the words to explain it. i just have a feeling that everything will work out for us exactly the way we want it to.

"thank you," i say. san slowly turns his head and raises his eyebrows at me in confusion.

"for being honest. i know you didnt wanna mention all that. but thanks."

san doesnt say anything more. theres a  ghost of a smile on his face, but its enough for me to hold onto. choi san, maybe youre not actually that much of an asshole.

"goodnight, yaera."

***

san

i thought i imagined it. having her curled up in my arms. i felt it that night, her warm skin against mine and her soft breaths and hair on my chest. i told myself i was imagining it. because the morning after, she was gone.

yaera vanished like thin air. i feel embarrassed for everything that came out of my mouth last night. i cant believe i actually told her what happened to my family.

are you that desperate for friends? i ask the loser in the mirror as i get ready for school. the bruises in my face are so bad it looks like im going to have to wear a mask all day.

wooyoung comes out of the spare room as im almost finished with breakfast. he doesnt greet me with a good morning, instead he looks around expectantly.

"wheres the blackmailer?" he asks sarcastically. "is she also a magician?"

"her parents drop her at school so she left," i answer dryly. "morning to you too, asshole."

wooyoung gives me a bland stare. "you didnt come to bed last night."

"sorry? are we married?"

"what the fuck are you doing san?" wooyoung shouts at me. oh god are we really doing this at six in the morning.  "do you actually like this chick or what?"

"where did you get that idea?" i ask him calmly, knowing it will rile him up even more.

"maybe the fact that you slept in the same bed. youre letting her blackmail you for fucks sake–"

"wooyoung, we both passed out. with clothes on. and didnt i ask you to fucking trust me?" i glare at him. because why is he acting like my wife.

"i dont like this one bit." he shakes his head like a disapproving parent.

"you dont have to like it. all you have to do is let me do the work."

i feel my phone buzz in my pockets. i open it and see a missed call from yeosang. ugh this loser.

i open a message from him and its a birthday invitation. oh shit i almost forgot.

"woo, wanna come with me to a party?" i ask him. maybe he'll be less annoying if he can get the attention of some private school girl too.

"is it gonna be one of those fancy private school prick parties?" woo scowls, then smiles. "free food. im in."

"not to mention you could probably sell some stuff from there."

woo suddenly gets a burst if excitement. "that reminds me, i stole from that black dragon dickhead. we still have to split up the cash."

now that hes reminded me, i move to punch woo in the arm. "owwww!" he yells and shoves me. "what the fuck!"

"youre worried about me getting blackmailed when you possibly started a gang war," i snap at him. "when are you gonna tell miss A?"

"i dont plan to," woo says confidently. my face pales. no way.

"are you serious?" i ask worriedly. woo nods confidently. too confident who saw one of our own get mutilated last night.

"since im keeping your secret, you better keep mine."

thats entirely different, i want to say. i wanna argue with woo but the annoyingly playful nature on his face tells me hes not going to take me seriously at all.

"you know what they say," woo says with a grin. "out of sight, out of mind."

***

yaera

"youre in a good mood," my father notes as we get in the car that morning. and hes right. i cant take the smile off my face because i woke up on choi san's chest.

"i have a good feeling about this week," i say. my mom snorts, her eyes glued to her phone.

"and what brought on this feeling?"

its weird that my father is asking, because he genuinely never seems interested in anything i do. but since we're on the topic...

"miss evans got me a tutor. i invited him to come over after school today, is that okay?" i ask them. my mother immediately turns around with the signature sneer on her face.

"and who is miss evans to assign you a tutor? does she plan to pay for this?" she asks.

"uh? my AP bio teacher? you met her the beginning of the year?" i remind her. "and no, im paying out of my own pocket."

"good," she dryly says. "in that case its fine. the maids will all be home. as long as hes gone by dinner."

i quietly fistbump myself in the backseat, my stomach filled with butterflies. san, in my room, teaching me stuff i dont care about at all. what a dream come true.

best part is? he wont have to meet this family at all.

im skipping out of the car by the time they drop me off at school. i light up a cigarette as i stroll through the parking lot, feeling like a girl from some book who just landed a date with her crush. maybe life is worth living.

"marino!" a voice calls me. i pause in my tracks as i blow out my steam, turning around slowly to see...

...ah fuck.

"hey marino!" kang yeosang calls me with his signature douchebag smirk as he walks up to me. "long time no see."

i take an extra long drag from my cig because god it is needed for any conversation with yeosang.

"what do you want?" i ask him. he acts surprised and offended.

"wow, is that how you greet an old friend?" he shakes his head with a sigh. "kinda mean you know?"

i roll my eyes. "get to what it is you want, you know you and i have never been friends."

yeonsang clicks his tongue, his half smile not even shrunken by an inch. "always the pleasantries with you, marino. i just wanted to know if youve seen lazarus. since i hear you two come as a package nowadays. congrats by the way. you two totally look good together."

"lazarus?" i repeat dumbly. "who the fuck is that?"

"choi san," yeosang giggles like its the funniest thing ever.

"why do you call him lazarus?"

yeosang tilts his head at me like its obvious. "cause hes a scholarship student? hello?"

this fucking asshole. i toss my cigarette at him and he dodges fast enough to my dismay.

"dont call him that," i hiss. "plus why do you want to see him?"

"thats between us men, sweetheart," he says as a matter of fact. "just let him know when you see him, to give me a call. he doesnt answer my messages."

"maybe you should take the hint then."

yeosang looks at me with strange fascination, as if hes high in this very moment. its like he finds me amusing, hes just always giving me that stupid lopsided smile.

"i wonder how it happened, the two of you," he says with a glint of mischief. as if he cant wait to say something offensive. "its just funny how your type went from jongho...to him."

heat hits my face in embarassment. "jongho isnt the only guy ive had a crush on you know, you can stop bringing him up for every fucking thing. we never even dated," i say defensively.

this is why i hate talking to anyone my sister was friends with. all they could talk about was the past. not to mention most of the people she liked were fucking horrible.

"you never dated, but you were in love with him," yeosang childishly points out. "and even if he wont admit it, he probably felt something for you too."

i scoff. no he didnt. choi jongho doesnt love anyone but himself. id learnt that too late.

"i dont care," i grit out. "why are you even bringing this up?"

"yas would have wanted you to be with jongho. especially because he couldnt have her," yeosang just keeps boiling my blood. i cant believe this. i cant believe he just said that.

"i dunno how she would feel seeing you with...lazarus."

"shut the fuck up," i snap.

yeosang lifts his hands in defense. "im just saying because i care, yae. you cant just date someone you dont know. choi san might not be the sweet guy you think he is."

what is he even playing at? does he think san will sell him drugs if he goes around badmouthing him?

"and youre sweet?" i scoff. "you and jongho and whoever else was in that fucked up group? you think you can talk because you knew my sister? dont act like you ever cared about me."

"god youre so sensitive," yeosang laughs meanly. "i was just playing with you. and you wonder why you never got invited to our parties. youre just the strawman of fun arent you?"

"that doesnt make any fucking sense," i snap at him. "i can never get back the time i wasted having this conversation. mind your business and leave me alone, yeah, stronzo? and dont mention san to me ever again."

"dont forget to let him know i was looking for him!" yeosang calls after me as i storm off. i dont even need to turn around to know hes smiling, completely full of himself.

***

i only see san when lunch rolls around. all our common classes are later in the day and ive been obsessively waiting to see him all day. ive got a busy day ahead, my mind set on a very specific target.

i find him by the abandoned stairwell, and its like hes been waiting for me.

he shakes his head at me as i come, i narrow my eyes in confusion.

"am i missing something?" i ask him. "whats with the face?"

"why dont you check your phone?" san grumbles at me. his eyes trail behind me, where i turn to see jongho descending the stairs.

hes smiling like a prick. oh god. two assholes in one day.

"i guess the two of you dont learn," he says tauntingly. "this isnt a place for your dates."

"we havent done anything wrong," san says annoyedly. im glad he finds jongho as annoying as i do.

"maybe not you. but her," jongho turns to me with a smile. "i see your hair still isnt dyed back. you were given two warnings. one more and its suspension. i dont think your failing grades can afford two weeks out."

looking at him now, i dont know what i ever saw in him. im so embarrassed to say ive been rejected by this asshole like a hundred times.

i cant risk detention today. it would spoil mine and san's plans and would just be boring as hell. i guess im going to have to cave.

jongho smirks dreadfully. "why you so quiet, yae? didnt i tell you'd get you back?"

"look, im sorry okay," i say against my will. "i didnt mean to punch you. and ill have my hair dyed by tomorrow. good enough for you?"

san looks between us in confusion. i hope he doesnt ask any questions. if he thinks im crazy now he shouldnt ever hear of jongho-obsessed yaera.

"not good enough, sorry," jongho starts writing on that stupid peach notepad and i sigh. this time he only writes my name. meaning ill have detention without san. miss morri will love this.

"maybe next time you'll watch your mouth," jongho smiles at us before strollling away like the arrogant pig he is. i sigh heavily as san turns to me with narrowed eyes.

"why does he hate you so much?" san asks me annoyedly. "he just came here asking specifically. what did you do?"

"why are you assuming i did something?" i scowl. san gives me an obvious look.

"why else would he hate you that much?"

"because hes an asshole," i scoff. "i might be one too, but im nothing like him. my sister never reciprocated his love and he made it everyone elses problem. he also told me i should have died instead of her."

"what the fuck. he needs help."

"most people at this school do," i sigh. "speaking of help, i need yours."

san gives me his suspicious, pretty eyes. i smile excitedly. "im letting you into my side hustle. you remember how i told you i got my savings?"

"you said you stole most of it..."

"bingo."

san groans. "i hope you dont expect me to help you steal a car or something."

i roll my eyes. he must think im an adrenaline junkie or something. "dont be ridiculous. all i need is a look out before school ends. you think you can do that?"

san sighs hopelessly, surrendering. "what do you need?"

"get me into the boys lockeroom."

"...what are you doing there?"

"if i tell you it wont be special, would it?" i say and he scowls.

"dont do anything stupid. what about detention? are you going?"

i smirk. "obviously not. you still owe me a tutoring session."

san nods in a way that tells me he definetely forgot. how shameless.

"luckily for you, my parents allowed you to come over. and they wont be home till night and i'll make sure youre out of sight before then."

san nods. "just tell me what to bring."

the day goes by quickly until the last period finally rolls around. its geography, and as much as i love this subject, i end up skipping. san is having english and i couldnt convince him to skip, so i wait for him after school near the sportsfield.

the school soccer team are practicing, meaning all the lockerooms are unoccupied. its perfect.

i didnt usually target them, but the plan felt brilliant when i thought of it. usually i went for the girls, they were easy. expensive phone cases, airpods, clothes, and luxury perfume. all things that sold so easily online. people would do anything for a bargain.

can you imagine how much soccer gear would sell? i know damn well not every one of those players were using ALL of their gear.

plus, i need to get back at that asshole jongho. i didnt know his number so i'd just have to look around and guess whose locker smells the most potent and obnoxious.

san comes jogging around the bend, looking so prim and proper in his school blazer. i smirk in greeting. "you ready for some fun?" i ask him.

"i hope this doesnt take long, you know we have to catch the bus if we're going to your house," he reminds me.

i managed to convince my parents i was taking the bus with him home so they didnt have to pick us up. they called the school and made sure san wasnt a trouble maker and questioned his records. you know, a completely normal response.

"dont worry. i'll be in and out, lets go."

i take san's arm and we sneak into the separate building reserved for the boys lockerrooms. of course it smells like stale air, cologne and dampness.

i walk past the lockers and gaze at the numbers and locks. i check my watch. practice ends at 4:30 pm. its currently 4:00.

i nod to san and gesture with my eyes to the door. "guard while i get busy." i take various pins out of my pocket, having brought them specifically for this purpose.

"how are you gonna get those lockers open?" san asks me. i bend down infront of the first locker and start fiddling with my pins.

"lock-picking," i answer distractedly.

"you know how to pick locks?" san says in disbelief.

"you dont?"

"no. im not a weirdo."

"youre such a lousy gangster. arent you supposed to be street smart?"

"im not a gangster," san corrects me with an eye roll. hes feeling sassy today. "im a part time employee."

i cant take him seriously and end up chuckling. the locker clicks open and i find only a folded uniform on the inside. i rummage through the pockets and find a wallet. i open it and theres no cash, only cards. useless because as soon as its found to be missing they'll all be blocked.

i sigh and check deeper. i find a silver watch. its an omega brand. jackpot.

i slip it into my pocket and fold the uniform back. they should really secure these lockers better.

"are you getting somewhere?" san asks as he nervously looks out the door.

"of course," i say with ease and move onto the next locker. its slightly harder to open. i remember a specific scenario like this coming up in the youtube tutorial i watched. all i have to do is whatever that guy did.

it takes longer than i thought. when it pops open i can see san's distressed eyes glaring at me to hurry up.

and thats when i see it. the treasure guaranteed to win us a mini lottery.

"holy shit, look at this baby," i gasp and take out the camera, showing it to san.

"who leaves a camera in their gym locker?" san scowls. "that person deserves to get robbed."

"its expensive too!" i giggle in excitement. "its a Lumix GH5! you know the price of this? we're gonna be fucking rich!"

"who does it belong to?"

i shrug and look back inside the locker. there isnt much except the camera and a few pairs of gym socks and knee pads. "i guess we'll figure it out when we look at it."

i slam the locker shut and we're about to leave when san suddenly shoves me back. i stare at him in confusion as he runs out and i hear voices on the outside.

"what are you doing here?" someone asks him suspiciously. oh god. i recognize that voice. jongho.

"i...was looking for you," san says, and i can tell hes fighting for his life thinking of a good lie. "are there still spots left on the team?"

jongho scoffs. "youre kidding, right?"

theres an awkward silence. oh fuck i need to save him from himself.

"stick to the books, choi san. at least you dont embarrass yourself there."

"no im serious...i wanna join your team. is there anywhere to sign up?"

jongho groans. "im team captain, you have to go with me to the coach for this."

"lets go now then."

"i need to get something from my locker."

"uh...im in a hurry. can we just go now? i cant miss my bus home."

hes trying to get jongho away so i can sneak out. theyre right at the door. ive never held my breath so long.

"ugh! fine! couldnt you have asked earlier?" jongho snaps. "im guessing you need soccer for a sports scholarship too, huh? you wont get into any schools if you suck ass by the way."

i can just picture san's clenched jaw as he holds himself together around jongho. i hear their voices fade and steps grow further away. i stuff the camera and watch into my bag and sprint out and make my way around the school buildings. now i can jump the fence on the other side of the field.

i call san instantly when im alone, looking around for any security. he picks up on the first ring. "hey, im at the fence we jumped after detention. the bus stop is somewhere nearby here."

"okay okay mom, I'll be home right now," san says into the phone and im guessing hes making an excuse to get away from jongho now.

its funny how everything plays out. san gets to me within a few minutes and his face is red with stress. i hold my laugh in.

"next time YOU be the lookout," he says with a scowl and it makes me burst out into laughter.

"i thought you could lie better than that!" i nearly double over from chuckles. "you shouldve heard yourself. seriously youre a criminal and thats how you lie?"

"oh shut it. he wouldve seen you!"

san's angry face is really so adorable. he expects me to take him seriously like this?

"you should have hit him over the head instead," i sigh. "we couldve made him believe everything was a dream."

we jump the fence and end up catching the bus somewhere near my neighbourhood. the entire bus is empty, and san is on the verge of falling asleep, leaning his head against the window. im severely bored and decide to take the camera out to inspect the specs.

its such a good camera. i dont know a lot about cameras but i know by the brand its quality. i wonder which soccer guy has this hobby. maybe he wants to be a professional photographer.

i open the existing pictures and find random pictures of cars, birds, sunsets, and aesthetic places around the school. theres a folder named "her", so i click on it hoping to see something different.

...pictures of me.

thousands of them.

i feel my face pale, which is wrong on so many levels because im brown as fuck. the first few pictures are of me with a cigarette, smoking on and off campus. theyre from a year ago based on my hair colour. the other pictures are dated from two years ago and theyre filled with me in my school uniform.

the point of view is the part that leaves me cold in my bones. from above, places that cant easily be spotted. random corners capturing me sitting on my phone, bending over...looking around...

thats until i realize the lavender scrunchie in my hair. and the lack of bangs.

these arent just pictures of me. in fact, most of them are my sister.

next chapter

[counterphobes]

heyy i really like your blog!! like, the moodboards are extremely good, i loved them all

i wanted to ask, what is it like being contraflow to you? like, how do you manage to "balance" the two functions, so they don't screw over your life and all that. asking for a friend :)

Oh hey thanks ;3

But I think this question is only a question because of a lot of misinterpretation and misuse of instinctual variants.

The idea that imbalance means something negative and the goal should be "to strive for balance", thats the misinterpretation I mean..and frankly just bad wording. It doesn't really screw up your life, you just are a certain way and have a certain language/relation to the world around you that others don't have.

My experience, im sxso and honestly I spent most of my life in a pretty heavy sp-overfocus believing im a naturally introverted person that doesn't enjoy any social interaction (I was also just a teen lmao) Thought I was only sx. Even though I had been plenty social online and my ability to chat seemed to never run dry, I really thought I just wasn't an extrovert. Now that I'm older though, I've tapped into it way more lol. Sometimes you just need to grow into certain functions of your personality and not limit yourself with typo. Personality doesn't finish developing til your 30s.

But yea, some people find me very charming, exciting and upbeat now that I've grown up a bit more. Shameless, brash, easy to read but honestly this is just my sp-blindness and strange idea of boundaries. I also tend to get very very negative reactions, its never neutral. Either way, I manage to make a very lasting impression anywhere I go if I want to or not lol.

So to answer your question, honestly just embrace it and you'll grow into its expression style.

To say I don't use soc would just be dumb, but the functions are not balanced, thats true, the 2 act on their own and in case of sxso, the so creates a sort of pushing/enhancing of the sx, no privacy involved, "broadcasting of the self"

In synflows their expression style and iv sort of melts together, to a point where most of them are unable to even perceive they have a second instinct and therefore they mistype as contra. (Thinking they're only sp, a very common mistype for both spso and sxsp as example -> both mistype as spsx)

I hope this helped somewhat 😭

[tearsasmascara]

themis love!! congrats on 100! aaaaa 🤗💗 may many many more come mwa!! <3

may i please participate in your event? hehe

AHHH HIHI JIN !! omg im so happy to see you here shkdhd thank you <33

want to participate?

for me and anyone else, i think we all know what character comes to our mind when it’s hori right?

falling leaves adorn my night

hehe yes yes it’s kazu dear !! but it’s for so many reasons. kazuha is often a quiet person lost in his thoughts and honestly i have a feeling that’s the impression you give off irl. but once someone gets to know you, you’re one of the most gentle and caring people i know, with a little mischievous and chaotic side hehe <3 you craft stories with the most delicate words and honestly i fall in love with the way you write things. you’re also very polite and kind to everyone, which is a characteristic that kazuha really embodies (as opposed to mr. scara) he also has strong values that he’ll fight for which for some reason really reminds me of you; like i think you would really fight for your loved ones with everything you have. he offers help and gives good advice as well (just like you!!) every reason you love kazuha makes you just as loveable :3

and the color specifically is LIGHT red, not a dark red. light red because it’s such an elegant and gentle color, not as rough as the bright red counterpart. it’s comforting yet still fierce, just like you. it’s such a beautiful color and deserves to be appreciated more just like you

moreover, the moodboard contains sweet things but also soft things because you’re a sweet person who’s so gentle and kind, there’s a fairy wings bc your writing actually transports me to a dimension of simping and just generally beautiful things bc you’re a beautiful person

thank you for being here for me!! you’re such a big sister to me and i’m so grateful for you <33

[thedaddie]

Hello Abbie!! I saw that your matchups are open and i was wondering if i would request one :)

My name is Elena (she/her) and though im bisexual id like to be paired with a boy. Im a taurus, an infj, im also 175cm tall and have brown eyes, i too have brown shoulder length hair and have an athletic body type (but i only occasionally work out) im the girl on my profile pic for reference

I love travelling a lot, im actually a tourism student, and my dream is to travel to as many places as possible, i also love baking, going on walks, visiting museums and galleries, playing card games, petting animals, learning about history and art, trying different foods and laughing. Im a very sensitive and empathetic person who is always trying to make those around her feel happy and nice, im very independent too but i like spending time with people, i also have a huuuge crackhead side and love memes and jokes, i too have a deep sense of justice and id say im an ambivert because my way of acting changes on the vibes of the environment

Neway, i hope this was enough for the matchup but if not please feel free to message me!! Im also open for chatting anytime :) i hope you have a great upcoming weekend and please hydrate yourself and stay safe <3

hi elena! you are so sweet 🥲 thanks for requesting! i match you with…

NISHINOYA YUU

this pairing 😍😍😍😍😍

ok so you guys met in high school

it was total love at first sight on noya’s part

for you it… took a bit

yknow you can be loud too but noya is LOUD

so you kinda brushed him off at first, assuming that it was a school crush and it would die out

and it obviously never did 😃

he would walk you to class, offer to hold your bag, buy you snacks

he just adored everything about you from your height (considering you’re taller than him you know he is OBSESSED) to your eyes

and eventually he convinced you to come to his game

needless to say you were impressed so you asked him if he wanted to hang out after and the rest is history :)

once you guys graduated, you traveled all around the world together!!

from other parts of asia to north + south america, there was almost no place you guys haven’t been

but noya’s favorite place has always been europe :)

he considers you his perfect travel partner, as you always immerse yourself completely in your destination

and you consider him your perfect travel partner because he always stops to let you pet cats in the streets </3

he cherishes quiet walks throughout museums and art galleries, when he can calm down and just appreciate being there with you

the second you turn your back, he’ll always immediately eat up whatever you bake

you’ve never seen a dozen cookies disappear so fast 😟

plus he’s surprisingly a master at card games??? like he beats you almost every time (and you know that mf brags)

no one can be around you guys and NOT laugh, it’s impossible

so now onto your zodiacs and personality types

as an INFJ, you are generally more reserved and organized while noya, an ESFP, is not.

despite your differences, with proper listening skills (noya) and open mindedness (you), your relationship will work out perfectly!!

now with a taurus and an aries, you guys have the ability to form a stable and trusting connection with one another. because of your zodiac combination, your relationship has a lot of positive energy and you share an open agreement on honesty

however if you want to succeed as a couple, you need to put aside your differences and make the effort to understand one another

in the end, you really gave him an appreciation for the little things. you can both be loud and rowdy, but the quiet moments sitting in a rented house in some random countryside, playing cards and eating home baked goods, nothing else can compare 😌

—

moodboard:

“two,”

a windchime twinkles just outside the window. a cool breeze blows the thin curtains inside the house, flowing air causing goosebumps to rise on your arm.

“go fish,”

noya sighs, grabbing another card from the deck between you. his face flashes with excitement quickly and you snicker; he has a terrible poker face.

obviously, there were more complicated card games to play, but right now, after a day full of wandering around the little italian town you were staying in, both of you wanted the simplicity.

you take your turn, collecting yet another 7 when he says go fish. just one more to complete a set!

noya scans over his cards, his brown eyes meeting yours with a quirk of his eyebrow.

“seven”

you tut, collecting the valuable cards from your deck and sliding them over with a groan.

noya leans back in his chair, sweeping up his glass of wine. you roll your eyes as he slaps down all four 7 cards onto the table, a cocky smirk on his face.

“keep up that confidence,” you say, scowling playfully. “i will destroy you.”

—

song(s) for your matchup :)

thanks again for requesting Elena!! you’re so beautiful btw! hope you enjoyed and have a nice day 😊