#im having rough days so i cant tell anymore

[justxtalking]

I just read what togashi said about the ending of hxh and I can't tell if he's being serious or just joking again

[aether-weather]

manifesting summer rn (it's 18 degrees)

[malka-lisitsa]

[lovieku]

GOOD LUCK, BABE! #3 ⋆ 정국

what happens when you leave everything behind, only to be faced with it again years later? eunbi is convinced she was given another shot at keeping all she ever wanted, but it’s difficult when that all is her childhood best friend who doesn’t want to do anything with her anymore. how to earn his trust back?

☾ pairing: non idol!jk x fem!oc

☾ genre: childhood friends to strangers, friends to lovers, angst, fluff, smut

☾ word count: 9k +

☾ warnings: explicit language. say hi to eunbi!!! and to the friend group!!! its a bit funny until it becomes angsty … ouch. jeongguk is a bitch lowkey. pun unintended (you’ll see). theyre dramatic as hell. like bro it cant be that serious 😭. im sawrry for this. and its not all!!! see you in fourth chapter 🫡

☾ author’s note: hi hi hi!!! this took a bit to fully convince me but in the end it did. i was frustrated because i felt like i couldnt really use my words properly to tell the whole thing but… here we are now!!! thank u!!! enjoy 🫶🏻

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three ⋆ this is me trying

Up to that point, Eunbi’s life has been a constant adjusting to new surroundings, leaving bits and pieces behind, getting attached to new ones, and hoping they wouldn’t be taken away from her. It would always end up as she feared it would, though. From as early as she can remember, Eunbi would live off her blue backpack, where she gathered a toothbrush, a change of clothes and her favourite plushie to help her sleep and adapt faster to the smaller bed at her dad’s house. When her parents had divorced, it had been a rough patch before the both of them could come to a legal agreement; that being, she would spend the weekend with her father, and then stay with her mother again until Friday rolled around.

She rarely looks back at those days now, but when she does — mostly at night, her mind seemingly incapable of putting a stop to her furious flow of thoughts and just sleep — she thinks if it hadn’t happened to her when she was still pliable and mouldable, when she was yet to be met with what ordinariness was supposed to look like for others, she wouldn’t have been ready to wholly face all that followed. Eunbi was young when she learned that love between two people could end so easily, and her innocent self accepted that as the norm.

As a result, what she found harder to accept, more than her own mother and father not even being able to stand next to one another without ending up quarrelling, was having to leave her small black poodle in Gwangju, with her grandma, after moving away to Busan. Curly (little Eunbi had given him that name for obvious reasons, and to this very day she finds it dumb, but it makes her giggle nonetheless) had been a great companion through the inevitable loneliness she had to face as an only child. She was convinced he could understand her better than no other, even when she would force the tiny creature to sit and listen to her ramble on.

Busan was the next big change that was pushed onto Eunbi, only a few years after her mother got engaged to a man that would soon replace her biological father: with time, sleeping over at his house for the weekend was no longer even a contemplated thought on his side, coming up with excuses after excuses as not to, and that slowly led to showing less and less interest in keeping up with her and meeting up. The little girl had always been numb in relation to such negligence, and because of this she could consider herself lucky in some distorted sense; it didn’t affect her as much as it should have.

Part of that was also due to her step-dad being a great father figure during the initial times of his and her mom’s relationship, making sure to adapt to Eunbi’s pace and boundaries, never overstepping while also being able to bring fun into her life by taking the family out to visit places and eat delicious meals. What he couldn’t do for her, however, was live with a dog. When he and her mother decided to finally move together following their wedding, they both agreed on wanting to restart from a brand new place. Busan was their perfect pick for a variety of reasons: her mom got offered a job at a recently established company that seemed promising, and her step-dad could fulfil his deep-rooted dream of expanding his by starting a new branch.

Every single thing about him seemed perfect to her mom’s eyes, even if he was apparently deathly allergic to dog’s fur. And, of course, she picked her husband over Curly. Eunbi couldn’t believe it, nor accept it. The girl cried over the small dog for the two weeks prior to moving, during the trip to Busan, and for the following days there. Her grandmother would keep her updated by sending pictures of Curly through email, and even after the scar had healed, those would never fail to make her tear up.

As shameful as it might be to admit it, after having dried herself from half the water that made up her body because of the constant crying, it didn’t take long for the scar to close. When she first stepped foot in the big city by the seaside, Curly showed up right in front of her. Just in human form. Big eyes, long black hair and puppy manners, her neighbour was definitely sent to her by something greater. Eunbi was obsessed. It didn’t show at first, her pride prevailing. But it was harder and harder to fight against it. Jeongguk was simply too easy to love.

They became inseparable. Wherever he was, better believe she was there too, attached at his hip. And if they showed up alone, people would naturally ask about the other. Because the moon is never seen without its stars, and sunflowers only ever turn to face the sun. Their bond could be perceived by anyone as unbreakable, a friendship to envy and wish for, and every brick that built it had resulted in the creation of their own safe haven that only had space to contain the two of them. Not anybody else could be let in, the bubble exclusively recognised their password. It wasn’t composed of words, or numbers. It was the look of understanding they would share; the white lies used to cover the mischief of the other; their own handshake, accompanied by an original friendship jingle that Eunbi came up with randomly; the assurance that they could reveal their biggest secrets to one another, and they’d be kept like an oath.

There’s many of those that Eunbi shamelessly revealed to Jeongguk, some with intent and others unleashed spontaneously during their many endless talks. But when she thinks of it, she never admitted the single one that really mattered, the one that her best friend in the whole world needed to know, and remember. At all times. In any circumstance. It wasn’t a secret, it was more a result of her pondering; it came to a full reasonable thought only years later, and by then it was too late to tell him.

Eunbi thinks, and she’s sure, Jeongguk was the reason why all that came before the two of them had to happen. If it didn’t, she would have spent her whole life looking for that missing puzzle piece: under the cushions of the couch, in between her bed sheets, accidentally thrown away in the bin. It was as if all the hardships she experienced were justified, because at the end of the tunnel Jeongguk was waiting for her. And everything finally made sense. The puzzle was complete. Jeongguk was the reason himself. He was sent to teach her an important lesson: everything happens for a reason. There’s a cause and an effect, and even if the cause was suffering, at least the effect was her favourite boy.

Then, a gust of wind had wiped the puzzle to the ground, every single piece losing its place. When her best friend was taken away from her, she stopped being so convinced with the thought she herself had harboured, because she suddenly couldn’t find the meaning behind such a cruel fate. If everything really happened for a reason, then what was it? Jeongguk helped her see colours, only to return to black and white. Leaving him behind had marked the death of a version of herself that she would never get back.

Seoul was big, and harder to adjust to, even more with the baggage she was now dragging behind. Unpacking it, she found out all she had brought with her was a shattered trust and a soon to be broken promise to never get attached again. It was hard to be faithful to such an imposition, when Eunbi was born to give out love. It was hidden in that luggage, in between fears and regrets, but surely present.

And it prevailed in the end. Even at a slower pace, love found its way up and helped a lost Eunbi navigate the big capital city, promising new beginnings and healing. She found that in the faces of people that she would then start to recognise as friends, inside warm cafes during the coldest days of winter, and in the certainty that no matter where she is, she is always looking up at the same moon.

What she has built in Seoul so far feels the closest to stability that she has experienced in years. Starting university and meeting Dahye was the last bit of convincing it took to make her consider once again that a reason could exist, and that in the end it would make sense. Maybe not totally. Maybe just partly is enough after all.

Until, seeing a pair of familiar starry eyes in the midst of dull ones was all she needed to firmly believe in what she had been finding hard to accept. It took one shared look for past and present to get blurred together, and the mixture of old with new feelings created a mess. It was nice, nonetheless. Better than the seemingly impossible to get rid of emptiness at the pit of her heart.

Behind her eyes, Eunbi could see the puzzle slowly reaching its final form again, this time with more missing pieces, but the image was at least recognisable. When Jeongguk showed up in front of her again like magic, she contemplated becoming religious. Getting to her knees and starting praying to whatever greater force was shining on her path to please keep doing that. None of that showed on the outside, her smile breaking and mirroring the expression on the boy’s face. Pure sorrow. She knew she was probably the last person on earth Jeongguk wanted to see, and the fact that he wasn’t even trying to mask it didn’t help.

The most rational response she could come up with at that moment was to act as if nothing ever happened. And then, the bricks that a long time ago held together their safe bubble were being used by the boy to raise a high wall between them, making sure accessing his space would be impossible for Eunbi. Who could blame him? Still, the happiness she shamelessly felt when Jeongguk showed up at her 20th birthday party was too consuming, she selfishly wished for the rest of her birthdays to always look like that as she blew the candles. Nonetheless, when he suddenly left sprinting on his bike she knew the gods would need time to grant her desire. Although, this time around she had faith.

She doesn’t know how long it would take for it to break, though. September getting closer and closer only means that Jeongguk’s birthday is just around the corner. As part of his friend group, she had been involved in the process that led to organising the surprise camping trip, even if she didn’t exactly participate. After all, she doesn’t get to say she knows the boy better than anyone, anymore. Jeongguk has evidently changed, and as a consequence she knows way less about him than the others.

For that exact reason, Eunbi had made various attempts to back down from the trip, fearing her presence could significantly ruin it for the celebrated boy. At first, she tried to be casual about it with Dahye, since she’s the only one she’s opened up to about the whole dilemma, “I think it’s better if I don’t come. After all, it’s a friend trip. I’m not really his friend.” To which her roommate only replied with bullshit, proceeding to type away on her keyboard. That did not help whatsoever.

Then, the night she was too tipsy to take a taxi back home and Jeongguk had offered her a ride on his bike, she came home with a smile on her face only to burst out crying in front of a just as drunk Dahye. In between sobs, she begged to be left out of the trip, “Ple- Please, Dahye. He hates me. I can’t stand it.” Her friend tried to shush her whines, pushing Eunbi’s head on her chest and consoling her, “He doesn’t, baby. I’m sure he doesn’t.”

As a result of that night, Dahye had then sat her friend down with the intent of fully convincing her to be present for Jeongguk’s birthday trip for a number of reasons, “It would be rude to not show up after he was there for your birthday. And also, what if you two end up talking about… things! And everything gets solved! That would be nice, wouldn’t it, Bibi?”

Eunbi had just nodded all the way through the motivating speech, not really understanding nor believing her words, but apparently they were enough to lead her to the present moment: awkwardly squished between Dahye and Jimin on the couch of her flat, while they animatedly converse with the others to approve on the trip schedule. She has never felt so out of place before, not only because she doesn’t feel like she has a say in the whole discussion, but also because as time went by the two friends by her side kept shifting to subtly get closer to one another, not realising they were compressing her body in the process. To the point she is forced to get up, the position she was in being too uncomfortable, and sit on the ground under the couch next to Namjoon.

She can feel her movements being followed by a pair of curious eyes, and when she looks up to meet them, she finds out they belong to the origin of all her worries. Before Jeongguk can divert his attention elsewhere, aware he was caught observing, she gives him a quick tight lipped smile. It goes dismissed, as if it hadn’t happened. Ouch. It’s okay, Eunbi can take it. She used the few days prior to this to mentally prepare. She knows she’s not exactly welcomed anywhere near him, that’s why she made a silent secret pact within herself: whatever happens during the trip, don’t be a bother to Jeongguk. Stay away from him as much as possible, and if not possible, then do anything to avoid putting that frown on his face, exactly the one he’s sporting right now. On a second thought, if just looking at her gets him to react like that, maybe it’s best to mentally wipe that off her list of things to keep in mind for Jeongguk’s birthday camping trip.

With there still being a day left before their minibreak takes off, the girl can already tell it’s going to be hard to follow the flow of that list, Jeongguk making it obvious her presence could have been avoided before the vacation has even started. Still, she remains composed and brushes off what had just happened, instead focusing on the main topic of conversation.

The group (Hoseok) has decided to meet to go over the schedule one last time because, “Everything needs to be perfect, guys. We can’t afford to slip!” It’s still Hoseok talking. Eunbi learned that he had always been the one in charge of organising events and little getaways when it came to the friend group, his obsession with keeping everything under control coming in handy in such scenarios.

Not only that, but the reddish haired guy is also amazingly quick on his feet, and in a relatively short amount of time he has managed to find the perfect excursions and experiences to go over during the trip, making sure every day spent together would be filled with fun activities that he knows the birthday boy is going to look forward to. In between what he has arranged there is cycling, canoeing, trekking, and more stuff that Eunbi can’t keep up with. Surviving this is going to be made ten times harder by the amount of energy that is going to be expected out of her. She sighs at the thought, looking down at her manicured nails. She just got them done, and now they would surely break.

It takes a few seconds for her to realise the sudden silence that fell above the room, and when she looks back up she’s met with eleven pairs of eyes staring at her. She straightens her posture, suddenly too aware of being perceived, and she deduces her previous exhale had been released with more energy than intended. Hoseok sweetly smiles at her, “Anything you don’t agree on, Eunbi?”

The panicked girl opens her mouth to justify herself, her eyes getting wider and shinier with embarrassment, but Dahye beats her to it, “Bibi, didn’t you say you, like, hate cycling? I’m sure we had a whole conversation about it.“

Eunbi is mortified. Her eyes jump from Dahye to Jeongguk, trying to get her best friend to shut up while also registering the boy’s scoff and muted roll of his eyes. Oh god. Her whole be-lowkey-and-make-yourself-unnoticed plan just shattered in a matter of seconds. She can feel Jeongguk’s eyes bore flaming holes into her skull, his arms crossed and his legs furtherly stretching out on the armchair. If she still had a small, tiny hope left that he didn’t fully hate her, she just witnessed that shattering in pieces too.

She quickly shifts to sit on her heels, her hands frantically shaking to try and save her face for what she could, “No, what? I love cycling. Seriously, I’d do it everyday if I could.” She chuckles shakily while subtly shoving Dahye’s knee next to her to signal going with the lie. At first, Dahye looks clearly confused: she was so sure of that information about her roommate. She furrows her brows, looking down at a panicky Eunbi widening her eyes. It takes only a few more seconds for her to suddenly get it, shaking herself from her doubts and catching the ball, “Oh, right! You do! I got it confused with, huh… something else.” The girl mutters that last part only to join her friend in a nervous laugh, and an apologetic smile. Best believe Dahye is going to hear about this later.

Hoseok looks just as puzzled as the others, but nonetheless he nods, announcing the schedule has been officially confirmed. A collective acclaim fills the room, only for the boy to stop it with a raise of his pointer finger, “Now, I will assign you guys in your respective cars.” Which is comically followed by a joint groan, and some protests. Hoseok ignores them, and goes on reading off his perfectly planned out Word document.

”Namjoon is the first driver, and he’s travelling with Iseul, Seokjin and Sora,” he looks up to briefly check with the mentioned members to see if there are any complaints, then proceeds. “We’ve got Yoongi with me, Aera and Taehyung. Then…” Hoseok squints his eyes while scrolling down the document, and those few seconds of silence are enough for Eunbi’s thoughts to anticipate what is about to follow. She lowers her head, unwilling to meet Jeongguk’s glare when Hoseok says, “Jeongguk is driving with Jimin, Dahye and Eunbi. All set?”

The positive response is quick, even too rushed and disregardful of what was said, as Namjoon and Taehyung have been impatiently begging for the never-ending organising to be over so they could order food and finally fill their starved stomachs. No one pays any mind to it, but Eunbi and Jeongguk stay quiet, while Jimin and Dahye share a knowing look. Tomorrow is going to be a long day.

The evening is spent in the cramped living room of Eunbi and Dahye’s shared flat, eating pizza and letting a random movie play, which soon only functioned as a background noise the moment Taehyung started a game of Would You Rather. Even if Yoongi initially shushed him, everyone eventually became more delighted with Seokjin’s unthinkable suggestions than with the film, “Would you rather be trapped in a small room with 10,000 tarantulas for 10 minutes, or eat 10 tarantulas in 10 minutes?”

Eunbi tries to let herself be distracted by the content smiles on her friends’ faces, even feels less distressed when she notices Jeongguk relaxing as well, but that doesn’t stop her mind from overflowing with all the things that could potentially go wrong. It inevitably shows on her face, and in her unusual quietness. She has been pondering on the last information Hoseok had shared about the confirmed schedule for hours now, worrying it was going to start the trip on the wrong foot. There were all the best intentions to not poke the sleeping bear, but she fears being in the same car as him is going to stir him awake.

After the group leaves the apartment at past 1 a.m., Hoseok checking with everyone that they’ll show up at 8 sharp tomorrow morning in front of the same building they’re now parting ways from, Eunbi releases a long sigh as she closes the door behind her shoulders. Dahye catches the look on her features immediately, taking her pretty face in between her palms, “I’m sorry for earlier. I was trying to help.” She pouts, and it makes the shorter girl chuckle.

Eunbi shakes her head, dismissing her apology with a small it’s okay, and freeing herself from her friend’s hold so as to avoid meeting her eyes, instead busying herself with tidying up the mess in the living room. Her flatmate looks at the strangely silent girl narrowly, “What are you thinking? Please, don’t let it be something stupid like I don’t wanna drive in Jeongguk’s car.”

When all Dahye is met with is silence, she knows that specific something stupid is flowing in the other girl’s head. Eunbi spends the next hour packing and letting Dahye think she’s wholly convincing her distressed roommate nothing could go wrong from just being close to each other, and if anything, it could be a starting point.

For the sake of getting at least three hours of sleep before the long drive ahead, Eunbi fake promises her friend that she won’t let such thoughts haunt her mind and stop her from enjoying the holiday (she was forced to repeat those exact words) knowing she’s going to let them do precisely that. She also ends up staying awake all night either way, trying to come up with a reasonable excuse that she can use to ask Hoseok if a small change would be possible, hoping it wouldn’t be too much of a hassle to him and his perfect plan.

When the following morning rolls around, the group gathers in the courtyard of the flat complex as instructed hours earlier by Hoseok, who looks like he’s on the verge of a serious crisis when it’s one minute past 8 a.m. and Taehyung still hasn’t shown up. Eunbi fears for her life when she taps his shoulder as delicately as she can, still unable to avoid a jumpy reaction from the boy, who then relaxes when he sees the girl’s sweet smile. That lasts for about one second, because when Eunbi softly asks him if they can talk he’s back to puffing out panicky breaths.

She hesitates a moment before uttering in one single exhale, “I’d rather not go in Jeongguk’s car.” Faced with Hoseok’s perplexed stare, she goes on explaining in a rushed, messy speech, “It’s nothing personal, really. It’s just- Iseul! Yeah, Iseul begged me to be in the car with Dahye… She doesn’t know Sora that well so she said it would be way too awkward. I can go with Namjoon!” She ends it by trying to sport a convincing grin on her lips, but with the way it looks like she’s being held at gunpoint to smile it’s doing the exact opposite, not helping in hiding her own panic at all.

Hoseok takes a few seconds to process her request and read her expression, but in the end he just shrugs and nods enthusiastically, “That’s okay!” He then claps his hands twice, recalling the others’ attention who comically snap their heads in unison, hanging on the boss’ lips, “Tiny change. Eunbi doesn’t wanna be in Jeongguk’s car, so she’s going with Namjoon.”

For the second time in under 24 hours, Eunbi is so embarrassed she prays the ground to swallow her whole. Hoseok doesn’t seem to be making a big deal out of the way he worded his announcement, busy typing away on his phone, probably updating his Word document with the recent change. The others don’t look too fazed either, accustomed with the two infamously not being too fond of each other for no apparent reason, except for Dahye and Jimin: the former is looking at the girl incredulously; the latter has shifted his attention to his best friend.

Eunbi can feel cold sweat dripping down her forehead, the weight of the world crushing on her shoulders. She’s afraid to follow Jimin’s line of vision, but as she slowly does, it leads her to meet Jeongguk’s intense gaze, a slight pissed scowl hardening his features along with his brows almost meeting at the bridge of his nose. His all black attire composed of an oversized t-shirt, cargo bermuda shorts and chunky sandals matches perfectly with the look on his face. He seems confused, and unnerved. And sad? This is not how things were supposed to unfold.

Under such pressure, the girl impulsively releases a nervous laugh, her whole face red with awkwardness, “It’s not like I didn’t- Okay! I’ll just go wait in the car.” Her head hangs as she distances herself from the group, finding an escape from Jeongguk’s disappointment in Namjoon’s car. She bangs her head on the dashboard a few times, making the most of the last minutes alone she’s getting before departure.

Starring in that shitshow was not on her list of things to keep in mind for Jeongguk’s birthday camping trip in any way. On the contrary, what she has been trying to do is going by the rules of the list itself: stay away from Jeongguk and don’t be a bother. Instead, the opposite seems to be happening every time she attempts to be nice to him so as to not be a hassle during the trip. Releasing a shaky breath, she hopes her intentions wouldn’t be misinterpreted by the boy, as she tries foolishly convincing herself the telepathy between them still exists, at least to a small extent. She was only doing this for him. To make it easier for him. Please, please send this telepathic message to Jeongguk.

Connection probably isn’t working too well, because when they all get to the destination after a fairly long ride, Jeongguk still looks pissed, shutting the car door with more energy than required and unloading the luggages, taking his and Iseul’s to the entrance of the camping site. Eunbi narrows her eyes as she observes the scene, the short haired girl thanking the previously annoyed boy and effortlessly putting a smile on his lips, and she almost doesn’t notice Namjoon urging her to move. She abruptly shakes herself out of that trance, relaxing her hands that had subconsciously closed into fists, and takes her bags out of the car. As she clumsily drags them on both of her shoulders, her Converses do little to protect her soles from the rocky ground, and she groans. It’s not like she was expecting Namjoon to carry her baggage, she can do it herself. But as she keeps watching Jeongguk easily handling all that weight, she huffs.

The campsite looks amazing. The space that the group has at their disposal is huge and wholly surrounded by nature, making it the perfect getaway from the chaos of the city. Not too far, in between trees, a glimpse of the sun reflecting its rays in a large lake can be caught. Eunbi witnesses an excellently carried out jam session, with the lively enthusiasm of her friends on microphone, birds on percussion and cicadas on bass. She smiles, and sighs contentedly. Dahye’s words from last night echo in her head, don’t let this stop you from enjoying the holiday, and today she wants to believe them. She’s glad she chose to wear jeans shorts instead of cargos, the heat slowly but surely rising, and a flowy white top that keeps her fresh, for now.

Hoseok instructs them to get to work, and they do. All their bags are gathered under a big ancient tree as each couple and trio starts (tries) setting their tents. While they’re busy figuring out how to ensure the tent won’t fly away, which Taehyung fears particularly, Jimin and Jeongguk offer themselves to go and fill everyone’s water flask at a nearby drinking fountain they had found. Eunbi kneels down to fish hers out of a blue backpack and goes to hand it out to Jeongguk, who’s collecting Dahye’s bottle. The boy smiles at her friend, but it gets wiped off when he shifts his gaze on Eunbi’s shorter figure. The moment is brief, and awkward: her big unsure eyes stare into his hardened ones, arm extended out to him, wondering if there might be something funny on her face for him to turn so serious; she hesitantly lifts her brows, waiting for something; Jeongguk looks her up and down, only to not acknowledge her water flask, and just walks past her.

Eunbi is dumbfounded, the tip of her ears reddening as she remains paralysed with her hand out, even after Jimin collects her flask, muttering something close to Don’t mind him, please accompanied by an apologetic smile. She regains consciousness of her surroundings only when, beside her, Dahye can’t help the snort coming out of her mouth, trying but failing to save it with her hand. The still shocked girl slowly turns to face her amused friend, mouth slightly agape and left eye clearly twitching, “Did he just… act as if I don’t exist.”

The situation shouldn’t be funny, but to Dahye it’s the peak of comedy as she keeps giggling the more the slow realisation of what has just happened shows on Eunbi’s features. Obviously, the latter can’t find one single reason to laugh about it, whining while the taller girl pats her shoulder, still smiling, “You really need to talk to him.”

The targeted girl ignores that, biting her nails nervously, ”Was he saying anything about… me, in the car?”

Dahye lifts her brows, shaking her head, ”Nothing. He’s probably talking shit about you with Jimin, though.” Eunbi follows her pointed finger and catches Jeongguk animatedly discussing with his flatmate, balancing the bottles in his arms, before they turn a corner. Eunbi fusses, lightly tugging on her braided pigtails, and she feels helpless as even the friend who’s supposed to be supporting her through all of this is chuckling at her. Despite being shorter, when Eunbi shoves Dahye’s shoulder she manages to make her stumble, but that doesn’t stop her laughs, though.

”You’re building the tent on your own.” Arms crossed and pout on, Eunbi isn’t joking as she goes to sit under the tree surrounded by bags and ignores her name being called out. Rather than reacting to it, she spots tiny bugs between the grass and inspects them for a while, pretending it keeps her distracted from what’s plaguing her mind. Soon after, with her knees to her chest, watching those ants working to transfer food from one side to the other inevitably gets her lost in her thoughts. What is she doing wrong? There’s clearly unresolved problems between her and the boy who brutally ignored her existence minutes ago, but she thought maybe if she started seeking for truce, then he would too. His response, instead, makes her realise no matter how much she tries, it’s apparently not enough to mend what happened all those years ago. She messed up worse than imagined.

The constant pondering makes her lose track of time, and she comes back to reality with undesired outcomes that she convinces herself to be true. When she recovers from the (as she has deduced, deserved) humiliation, Dahye has already set up half of the tent and Eunbi walks over to her bashfully, “Sorry for being childish. I’ll finish this, Hye.” The girl just smiles softly and nods, sending her a flying kiss that makes Eunbi chuckle before taking her previous spot under the tree. At least Dahye doesn’t hate her.

It takes her a while to figure out what to do but she soon grasps how hard a seemingly simple task can be, feeling bad for letting Dahye do a great part of it on her own. Still, she needs to work fast as lunch time is approaching, and everybody around her is almost finished. She has been crouching on a particular spot on the ground for a while now, trying to properly secure an angle of the tent unsuccessfully. Until she groans exasperated, puffing her hair out of her vision and lifting her body up to find a solution. She tries stomping on it a few times, but it doesn’t work, and if anything it worsens the situation. Huffing out, with her hands on her hips she looks around for help, and the first person her eyes fall on is Jeongguk.

He was already staring at her, comfortably sitting on a deckchair with his legs spread and sunglasses on. His tent looks perfectly set already, with Jimin seemingly fixing the inside of it. His hand is covering his mouth before he uses it to lift his glasses over his head, and is that a smirk? They both stare at each other in silence, Eunbi still struggling to breathe, and she hesitates slightly until her eagerness to be over with the tent becomes stronger. She speaks up to make herself heard over the small distance, “Can you- help me?”

Jeongguk narrows her eyes at her, initially not answering but not even moving from his relaxed position. The girl is ready to be met with silence again, but it’s something worse when he opens his mouth, “I think Namjoon would be happy to do that.” He’s as stern as ever as he returns the sunglasses on the bridge of his nose, furtherly spreading his whole body on the chair and facing the sun. Only then, he releases a content sigh, smiling slightly.

All of this cannot be real. What does that even mean? Eunbi can feel her eye start to twitch again and she needs to clench her jaw to stop it. It’s okay. Breathe. She unexpectedly but successfully manages to hold herself from exploding on him, both overwhelmed with tent building and frustrated with his behaviour. She can’t really decipher what led him to not only act cold, as he usually is with her, which is fine, but also mean! But no problem, she’ll try once again. It costs nothing to be nice. And she tells herself she’ll stay that way, even if she’s met with the opposite, until he breaks.

The storm of negative emotions tormenting her thoughts can be distortedly seen as a good thing on one side, if she considers that the sudden adrenaline flowing in her body gets her through most of the task without any help, even mindlessly, while she keeps reflecting on the interaction and the previous ones. Why the fuck would Namjoon be happy to help her? Well, he would, he’s naturally a helper, but why did Jeongguk say that? Is he really that pissed about her going in his car? She tries to understand, she really does. Keep being nice is what she tells herself instead.

When the tent is finally up, only with Dahye’s finishing touches, and food is finally in her stomach, refilling her energy tank, it’s like there’s a switch going off in her head, making it seem as if nothing bad has ever happened. Eunbi is back to her talkative self with a full tummy and a bashful grin while her best friend teases her for the earlier tantrum she went on about, but at least it’s all smiles again.

The first day at the campsite is spent basking in the slowness that follows after ticking off the only two activities planned for today on Hoseok’s schedule: setting their tents and preparing meals for lunch and dinner. The boss then instructs the group on just getting acquainted with their surroundings, and they don’t need to be told twice, making the most out of those short remaining moments of ease.

The rest of those hours are used to laze by the huge lake, in between swims and sunbathes. Luckily, Eunbi had packed a few bikinis and she chose to wear a black set, its laces meeting at the back with a bow. Sitting back and taking it easy, before all that she will be faced with the next few days, gives her a chance to get closer to the others. During the earlier drive, she had the opportunity to chat with Sora and discover the sweetheart she truly is, and the car was then easily filled with laughter, mostly provided by Namjoon and Seokjin’s terrible jokes. She now sits by Sora on a beach towel, all the other girls in a circle catching up and laying by the sun. In the back of their gossip session, the boys could be heard laughing and squealing, and the sound reminded Eunbi of sweet childhood. She briefly shifts her attention to them and smiles when she observes how they’re doing the most to tire their energy out, from using a rope hanging by the branch of a tree to leap into the water, to initiating a volleyball match using one of their rolled up towels.

Eunbi grows even fonder than before of the people she’s surrounded with, the earlier stress leaving her body and being replaced by serenity, a small sigh released from her lips before she returns to listen to the girls’ chat. She laughs at something Dahye says and jumps on it excitedly, making the others chuckle at the two friends eagerly recounting one of their craziest uni experiences so far.

All of it is short lived when Taehyung and Jimin suddenly drop a water balloon over their heads, a collective gasp filling the space followed by the two boys’ childish giggles and Dahye’s screams, getting up to run after them. They all spend the rest of the afternoon trying to get back at each other with more pranks, bathing in the lake’s cold water and taking silly group pictures to seal the day. As the sun begins to set, they all sit on their towels and silently observe nature, definitely too tired to speak, and preferring to savour the sweet moment.

When the sun finally leaves its place for the moon to rise and the group of friends gets back to their tents, their stomachs growling signal it’s time for dinner. They take turns to shower using the nearby public structure and then help setting a campfire to cook. It also works as a very needed source of heat, given the temperature has significantly dropped and their bodies are still humid from washing up. Eunbi wears the grey cargos she had discarded earlier this morning when deciding on what to put on, and a white tee, her damp hair falling on her shoulders and making her feel slightly chilly. She comes up beside Yoongi to help him with the meat, benefiting from the warmth of the fire.

There’s not much talk between the two, only the older boy advising her to be careful of the flames every two minutes, but it’s comfortable. Eunbi still has a hard time reading through Yoongi, and maybe it’s what she enjoys the most about him: his aura is soothing and it exudes security. He doesn’t exactly show it, but he’s deeply attentive and caring of his friends, and the girl feels safe next to him. She can sense him looking over at her while the meat is cooking, and as she turns to him she meets his eyes with a smile. He ponders, scanning her face “You got sunburnt. You need to wear sunscreen tomorrow, or it’ll get worse.”

Eunbi chuckles, dragging her pointer finger up and down her red nose, “Yeah, I know. It kinda hurts but it looks like I have natural blush now!”

Yoongi shakes his head with a small amused scoff, “That’s stupid, Eunbi. Wait for me here, I’ll go get you an after-sun cream.” And even as he walks off, he reminds her to not stay too close to the fire. She thinks that’s an exact demonstration of what the boy is truly like in her head.

The girl keeps grilling the meat, humming unknown melodies under her breath, and she almost misses a broad figure sitting on one of the chairs surrounding the fire. When she looks up, it’s Jeongguk avoiding her eyes and instead staring at the flames, their light reflecting in his big orbs and making them shinier. He wears his bermudas from earlier, but he now has a grey Stussy hoodie on top of it. His locks are still wet after freshly coming out of a shower, and they curl on his forehead, making him look like a poodle. She smiles. It’s like 15 years old Jeongguk is there with her again, his bare, exhausted face and droopy eyes taking her back to Busan. Without even realising what she’s doing, she extends a cooked piece of meat his way, “You want some?”

Startled, the boy breaks from his spacing-out and registers the request. He looks between Eunbi and the meat, gulping. He licks his lips, and she swears she can also hear his stomach rumbling. When he keeps ogling the food without replying, she wiggles the fork and his eyes follow its every movement, as if hypnotised. Then, he suddenly screws his eyelids shut and breaks from the trance, simply shaking his head no and fishing his phone out of his pocket, mindlessly scrolling on it. Just like that, she’s back to the present, and Jeongguk hates her. Eunbi narrowly glares at him while he can’t see her.

Yoongi comes back soon after with two different creams in his hands, and he gives them to Eunbi with a chuckle. She thanks him and lets him take over the cooking, while she curiously inspects the products, still standing next to the fire. When Yoongi spots his younger friend on the chair, he asks the same exact question as her, forking a piece of meat, “You want some?”

Jeongguk’s attention is back up, this time on Yoongi, and when he sees what his hyung is referring to he eagerly nods. Eunbi interrupts her examination just in time to see the boy hungrily shoving the food in his mouth, brows furrowed and praising noises accompanying his munching, making the older friend by her side chuckle. Instead, the girl is once again in disbelief, even more as he watches Jeongguk patting his knee with force, satisfied with the bite, “Hyung, this shit is so good. I want more.”

Eunbi scoffs imperceptibly, leaving the scene with an annoyed scowl wrecking her pretty features. As she enters her tent, she’s glad Dahye is still showering as she makes the most of that isolating moment. She sighs wearily and whips out her phone. Using its camera, she tries to ignore her tumbling emotions and instead puts on the creams Yoongi had given her, but not even those are enough to distract her. She’s still incredulous at what she’s being put through, her patience wearing thin, and the pact she made with herself before coming here is dangerously close to being broken.

Dinner is spent with good food and even better people, and only then Eunbi visibly untenses again. In between bites and full mouths, they go from discussing random facts to casually engaging in games of Truth or Dare or Never Have I Ever, the beer bottles slowly being emptied while their tummies get filled. When they’re done eating, the relaxed smiles on their faces implicitly communicate how the meal has been the perfect ending to the lovely day spent together. Still, they stay by the fire and keep up an effortless chat. When one of them comments on the limpidity of the sky, its stars being perfectly visible in this zone of Seoul, they all look up and stare in silence at the fullness of the lights.

Even if it’s not too late, the weariness from being out in the sun for multiple consecutive hours is weightening down on most of them, Seokjin and Sora retiring to their tents, soon after being followed by Yoongi and Hoseok.

It’s a little past midnight, and Eunbi starts to feel more and more affected by the cool breeze, its effects showing on her prickled skin. She tries to warm herself up by rubbing her exposed arms with her hands, but it’s to no avail, “God, I’m so cold.”

A collective agreement follows her claim, with Iseul speaking up and curling herself into a ball on the deckchair she’s sitting on by taking her legs up to her chest and hugging them close, “Me too, it’s freezing.”

”Oh, I have a spare hoodie.” Both girls snap their heads at the voice, which belongs to Jeongguk. However, as he quickly gets up to retrieve the sweater from his tent, it’s not clear who between the two he’s referring to, their curious expectant eyes following his every movement. Eunbi has her reasons to feel so eager, given the fact that she has been begging for one nice interaction with the boy, a spark of hope lighting up in her chest at his offer. On the other hand, she doesn’t know why the other girl seems equally excited, twirling her short hair around her fingers as she waits for Jeongguk to come out of the tent again. She huffs, a pout ending on her features.

When the sought-after boy gets back with a blueish crewneck in his arms, both girls hold their breaths, the sudden tension going unnoticed by the others (except for Dahye, she’s like a psychic when it comes to her best friend’s emotions), until Jeongguk lays the piece of clothing on Iseul’s shoulders, coming behind her and then sitting on his chair again.

Iseul bashfully thanks him, the tips of her ears seemingly reddening while a sweet, alluring smile makes its way on her lips. Eunbi scoffs at that, and if looks could kill Iseul would be dead right now. The dirty look she sends her way luckily goes unnoticed, and she keeps hugging her own body trying to provide herself with warmth. When she shifts her attention to Jeongguk, he’s already looking at her, smirking. She can’t be convinced he isn’t doing all this on purpose.

Even with her teeth almost chattering, the neglected girl forces herself to stay with the others until the end, and with Namjoon and Taehyung retiring to sleep only six of them remain. Under a white full moon, the conversation doesn’t really follow a clear direction, steering from existential questions that none really have the answers to, to Jimin’s drunken adventures. Jeongguk giddily joins the recounting and adds many details to it, specifically highlighting the embarrassing parts that his roommate is trying to omit to save face, and making all of his friends laugh with their whole chest, Eunbi included. She simply can’t ignore the fact that he’s naturally charming, and hilarious as well. In the middle of his storytelling, his whole body gets involved and it makes the events seem even more impressive. Eunbi smiles when she compares the Jeongguk in front of her to the beloved one in her past, the one that would sit her down and force her to keep up with his running imagination, constantly up with new ideas for silly scripts.

Then it’s Dahye’s turn to share one of her experiences, and Eunbi inevitably gets thrown into the tale, which had seen the two friends drunkenly sneaking themselves into a concert. It’s like they’re perfectly mirroring Jimin and Jeongguk’s dynamic, because while Dahye is trying to leave out critical parts of the story, Eunbi strongly insists on specifying them with an unseen emphasis for 1 a.m., causing everybody to laugh along. In between chuckles, her eyes fall on Jeongguk, who is mindlessly scrolling on his phone and seemingly not paying attention. Throughout the recounting, she notices Jeongguk distractly listening but never laughing, and if he does it’s only after something said by Dahye. Slowly, the enthusiasm gets wiped off her face as she curls up on the chair, sulkily letting her friend finish telling the story.

Another hour of effortless conversation goes by, and Jeongguk is back to lively chatting again, his animated gestures and witty jokes getting laughter out of his friends, but this time Eunbi doesn’t join. She silently sets on observing the boy, despite being caught a few times. She really wants to understand the reason behind his behaviour, but there’s no factual explanation she can come up with other than the obvious reasons that put them in this situation in the first place. If that’s the case, there’s nothing much she can do other than going up to him and finally talking it out like the mature adults they should be, but with their petty, silent bickering she doesn’t think that’s happening any soon.

While she’s busy squinting her eyes at the boy, in a borderline creepy manner, she doesn’t notice Iseul crouching in half in laughter at something Jeongguk said, until she’s directly referring to her, “Oh god, Eunbi! Why did you never tell me Jeongguk was this funny?” Said girl is startled by the question and by the abrupt interruption that shakes her out of her trance, confusion written on her face and it must be evident with the way Iseul goes on explaining, “Dahye told me you’ve known him for a long time.”

All at once, the atmosphere is tense and maybe Iseul and Aera can’t feel it, but Dahye definitely can as she snaps her head to her friend, who’s staring directly into Jeongguk’s eyes. The two seem to be battling an unnamed war through eye contact, and the intensity of the boy’s gaze ignites something implacable in the girl’s chest, dangerously close to rage, and it has to do with all the feelings she’s had to bottle up in less than 24 hours. She scoffs, referring to Iseul but never breaking the staring contest with the boy, “Oh, is he? Don’t think I’m well acquainted with that side of him yet.”

If the tension wasn’t palpable to everyone before the comment, it surely is now, the only ones that have something left to say being the crickets and owls in the background. Jeongguk only snickers before washing a hand over his face, an unsettling smirk on his lips. He seems to finally acknowledge the other girl’s presence, but it’s not in the way Eunbi initially imagined it would go. Instead, it’s venom spitting out of his mouth, “You would've been if you weren’t so self centred, always wrapped in your own bubble all the fucking time.”

Eunbi's confidence falls as quick as her heart, a sudden force weighing on it and almost crushing it. She’s fast at hiding it, ignoring the slight sting she can sense in the back of her eyelids, her only goal is to shoot harder. She forces the fakest smile she can muster, “Self centred? Are you sure you're talking about me?” The affronted girl scoffs, loud and sarcastic, “Fuck, and I thought you'd know better than that, Jeongguk. You should try getting your head out of your ass and look around. Maybe you'd see how shitty you've been treating all of us-” me “-for these past weeks.”

Jeongguk is visibly taken aback, and it’s his heart falling this time, his face following suit. His broken features do little to hide the doubts plaguing his spiralling mind. Had he pushed it too far? Had he been actually so bad to his own friends? Seeing his contender’s face relaxing with victory makes him snap out of the sudden trance, as he regains consciousness fast. No, he hasn’t. Fuck this. Blinded by anger, he utters the unimaginable, “Speak for yourself when you say shit like that. As far as I'm concerned, I've been treating you fairly seeing the bitch you are.”

His eyes are as pitch as black, the stars in them that Eunbi would love to get lost into are unreachable now, almost as if a dark cloud had obscured them. It must be the pollution that's taking over his heart too.

She’s frozen in place as the cruel words echo in her mind, the force that was keeping her heart underwater had managed to crush it, and it was now coming up her throat, squeezing the air out of her lungs. Her ears ring with the sudden lack of oxygen, and she can only faintly hear Dahye’s raging comments coming in her defence against Jeongguk. She can only seem to focus on the cracking of the fire, though, its thumping noise suddenly unbearable, as she feels more and more engulfed in its flames. She forces all sounds to come back to her, strongly pulling herself out of her own plagued head, the boy in front of her now unrecognisable to her empty eyes.

Looking around, she notices all of her friends — his, after all — had gone extremely quiet, the pressure weighing on them too. She can't stand it, needs to get out. She wishes she had never agreed to this. So much for keeping her peace. Yet, she'll never give him the satisfaction of knowing how much that hurt her. She'll die before crying in front of him.

“Well, if you don't mind, the bitch has had enough now, so with all due respect, she's going to sleep.” With a forced tight lipped smile, she gets up in one fast movement and walks to her tent, leaving the others disoriented, and a still furious Dahye scoffing at Jeongguk. He follows her with his eyes until she disappears in her shelter, clenching his jaw and announcing his departure soon after.

Inside the tent, Eunbi takes several deep breaths trying to calm down, and she feels frail when she can sense her eyes prickle with tears. She tells herself it’s angry ones. Apparently, being nice isn’t enough, and she watches as the seal to her pact shatters with force, signalling no come back. Following suit, the puzzle breaks once again, and she’s left scrambling for the pieces falling, looking for the one that will start it over again. And this time, it’s going to be even harder.

[urmomschocolatemilk]

Angst Simon x reader Old draft I finished at 2am, does it make sense? Idk not really, do I care? Also no bc I lowkey kinda love it. Alway idk rlly know how to end this so send some ideas in on how you think it should end bc I’m torn bro ALSO ig im back for now! after months...hehehe 😅

You’ve done long distance relationships, and they’re hard. Much harder than most people think them to be. But whatever you have, going with Simon is harder.  

You don’t know what he does for a living, or why he leaves you for months on end, only to come for a month or two (at the most) and leave in the middle of the night. He doesn’t say goodbye, doesn’t even say hello.  

One morning you’ll wake up and he’ll be there, arms wrapped around you, and his chest rising and falling steadily. And then the next morning he’ll be gone, leaving you to wake up to a cold bed and no idea of where he’s gone off to or when he’ll be back. Sometimes he’ll leave a warm breakfast in the microwave in apology, or a boquete of flowers. Other times you get nothing, and he vanishes without a trace. 

Once he’s gone you don’t hear from him for months until he gets back. Until he shows up in your bed again, on a random, sunny morning. That may just be the hardest part.  

You respect his need for privacy, never pushing him to tell you what he does or where he goes. If he wants to tell you he will, but sometimes you can’t help but wonder if he’s even really real or you’re just hallucinating it all. It quite literally feels like you’re dating a ghost. 

But for now, you pretend like the jarring nightmares he has are normal, or the excessive amounts of scars that paint his body aren’t there. For now, you keep the bubbling curiosity you feel strapped down and tucked away.   

Whatever you have with Simon isn’t too hard, not on a day-to-day basis, but sometimes it gets harder.  

Some days you go through the day, every cell in your body aching to see him, hear him, smell him, touch him, and taste him. Other days it comes randomly, often before bed, as an animistic need for him with you that bubbles under your skin, trying to claw it way out, only to be satisfied by him. Those nights you go to sleep hoping - no praying - for some miracle to bring him back to you. To wake up the next morning with him at your side. 

Most times your prayers go unheard. Leaving you to wake up in an empty bed again, and the need for something as simple as his presence unsatisfied. 

Rarely though, are your prayers answered and you’re awoken to the sound of soft breathing next to you, and the weight of his arms around your waist and the comforting warmth that radiates from him and envelops you. Today is one of those rare days. 

You watch his sleeping form, your heart swelling with gratitude and love. You shift closer to him, burying your head into his chest and inhaling deeply, trying to get enough of him to last you a century. In his arms all your worries and stress, and everything bad disappears. You can already feel it all melting away. You feel relieved. It makes you want to cry – no it does make you cry.  

Simon wakes to your trembling body and silent sobs. At first, he simply shoves his face deeper into the crook of your neck with a small groan, placing gentle kiss to the skin. After a moment though, everything starts to come into focus, and he becomes aware of the quiet sound of sniffing and shaking figure in his arms. He pulls away quickly, suddenly more alert and completely awake as worry and fear course through him.  

“Darling?” The pet name slips through his teeth so easily, the roughness of sleep adding to his already deep voice and for some reason it only makes you cry harder. “Darling what's wrong?” He asks worriedly. You sniff, choking on your own tears as you attempt to respond.  

“I c-cant do this anymore Simon.”  

He frowns, his stomach dropping at your words, “Do what?” he asks. 

“This,” you emphasize, “The never knowing where you are or when you're going to come home, or if you're even going to come home in the first place!” another sob escapes you, “it's too much for me. I-I mean sometimes it's okay but other times it's just so unbearable! I just can't do it anymore.” you cry 

Hes silent, unsure of what to say to comfort you. He knew this arrangement was rough on you. He’d thought he’d been protecting you by not telling you the truth about his work, but he wasn’t sure telling you now would make things any better.  

His body seems to have a mind of its own and he find himself reaching for you, pulling you into his lap and easing you both down as he sushs you gently.  

“I know love, I know,” he cooes, but your quieting sobs are the only response to his weak attempts of comfort that he desperately hopes hide how torn he is on what to do. He listens to your breathing as it evens out and your body relaxes against his as you drift back to sleep, but he knows he isn't getting a single wink for a while.  

[55sturn]

https://www.tumblr.com/55sturn/750063603824181248/send-in-blurbsrequests-for-a-concept-night-im

what do you think fights with chris would be like ? what starts them and how they get solved ?

this can go one of two ways

1. he’s had a bad day and is incredibly overstimulated, [ i don’t think chris would mean what he says, but when a person is overstimulated, they lash out unintentionally ]

“jesus christ, please just stop talking, i cant take how annoying you’re being.” chris snaps, he’s fidgety, almost as if he skin is vibrating with nerves that are going haywire and his voice rough and direct as he looks at you, his anger and resolve withering away at the sigh of your shocked, slightly hurt face.

he hadn’t mean to snap, or sound so harsh, but his thoughts were going a mile a second and ricocheting off his skull and he couldn’t catch up with them, and paired with your slight frustration made his emotions run high.

“y/n-“ he starts, the words forming on his tongue but he can’t get them out, he has never wanted you to be the target of his misplaced frustration and your name comes out strained, and he sounds defeated.

“go take a shower, or just some time to cool down. you’re obviously on edge, we’ll talk when you’ve calmed down, promise.” you whisper, removing yourself from the situation to let him have some breathing room.

but almost in the blink of an eye, he’s crawling on top of you as you on the couch and tucking his head in the space between your neck and jaw, mumbling jumbled apologies and is nearly in tears over how badly he needs you to know that he’s sorry and wants to make sure you’re okay.

and you’re running your fingers through his hair as he lifts his head, watching your face as you tell him that you’re fine but you need to know when he needs a breather so that things like that don’t happen.

2. leaving important details out in favour of the other person’s feelings and the other takes it the wrong way. [ ie: miscommunication ]

chris has mentioned he was going to a party with nick and matt to film some content as an indirect collab, but what he had failed to mention was who was throwing the party, and you felt hurt by this.

the party chris was going to, was being thrown by a girl he had been with for a while, but he had called things off months before getting with you. however, what made things hurt the most was the fact that everyone who knew of her “relationship” with chris, sung the highest praises about her. chris himself had nothing bad to say about her.

sometimes, the way he would talk about her if asked, it made you think that maybe there was still some lingering feelings floating about. and it didn’t help that the two of you had been having issues communicating things properly for the last few weeks, and for chris to go ghost at this party after leaving out vital information, whether intentionally or not, it set you off. and it hurt you. so when he came back home to an empty bed, he was confused. instead of replying back to your clearly upset texts, he made his way to your place, and let himself in with the spare key that you had gifted him on your seven month anniversary. as he found you curled up in bed, a stoic look on your face, he couldn’t help but scoff to himself.

“so instead of talking adults, you decided to just fuck off and not let me know?” he spits, his arms crossed as he leans against your door framed, sighing as your gaze on your tv had reminded unwavering as you shrugged.

“you didn’t tell me who threw that party, so i didn’t tell you where i was going and clearly it didn’t cause you much trouble because you found me.”

“so that’s what this hissy fit is about?”

“oh my god chris, if you’re going to act like this, please just leave. we’ll talk when we’re not angry with one another.”

“no y/n, we’re going to talk about it now. i’m sorry i didn’t tell you that she was throwing the party, but honestly i didn’t think it mattered because she doesn’t matter anymore and i didn’t want you to overthink anything.” he sighs as he sits on your bed, his head in hands as you cross your arms.

“chris have you ever stopped to try and think about why i would overthink about that shit? have you heard the way you and everyone else talk about her? it’s like she hung the fucking moon! i know you’re with me but feelings don’t just disappear when you snap your fingers. everyone talks about how good she was for you and to you, i feel like i can’t compete with that. it makes me sick to think of you around her because she’s set this standard and i don’t know if i measure up to it. and i get scared that i’m not enough and that you’ll find your way back to her because of it.” i love you so unbelievably much, and i just want to be good for you and to you.” you vent, your voice starting out strong and dignified, but just like your guard, it slowly crumbles and depletes into nothing but a scary, shaky whisper of vulnerability. you’re baring your soul, and it terrifies you as you turn your back to him, trying to form some sort of shield to save yourself from the raw emotion of the topic at hand.

chris lifts himself off the bed, sitting himself on knees in front of you with his hands wrapping behind your knees, anchoring you in place so that you have no choice but to look at him, unable to hide from the truth to what he says that shows in his eyes,

“baby, you are everything i want and more. i don’t give a fuck about her, not in the ways that matter. i come home to you every night and i want it to stay like that, i left the party because i missed you. i came back because things have been so rocky between us and i knew something was up, and i knew that i had been wrong to hide that she was throwing the party from you. i chose you tonight, and i’ll do it for the rest of my life. i’m sorry that i made you feel like this, and i understand what my actions did, and i’m sorry for that too. i love you, okay?”

“okay, i love you too.”

[whoisneo404]

bsf to lovers with nick hcs!!!

BEST FRIENDS to LOVERS

SLOW burn. SLOWEST of burns.

You have been friends for a LOOOONG time. Like, you were one of the first persons he came out to, you were very supportive and always there for him. When you told him you also like guys (maybe you already knew or you realized it and told him) your bond became stronger.

Even when a lot of people told you guys will look good together you always shake it off.

"No, he is my best friend, Mom. I already told you. BEST friend, not BOY friend. "

He has talked and cried about guys with you and you have talked and cried about people to him. He was sure he didn't liked you in that way, but, why was he trying to convince himself of that lately?

Nick would fall first. His mind filled with thoughts of you and his poor heats aching at the thought of loosimg you. It took him sleeples nights to admit to himself that he had feelings for you.

You feel harder. It was the way Nick laughed at your dumb inside jokes, the way he called you when you told him you had a rough day, the way his hands warmed your shoulder when he hugged you from the side, the way his thigh felt against yours when the car was full. It was everything, it made your heart burn.

Neither of you were gping to confess, EVER. The both of you rather be shot on the leg twice than "ruin" the friendship.

He was going insane, he had told his brothers and mom. He couldn't bare it anymore. It happened on a spring night, the breeze messing up Nicks hair who stood at your door with his pajamas and his wet eyes.

"I like you... Like, a lot. And i cant hide it anymore, I cant. I am so scared to lose you but Im more scared of never telling you what I really feel."

There was no answear from you, just a warm hand on his cheek cleaning his tears and your lips pressing against his.

He spend the night at your place, both of you didn’t sleep that night. It was spend talking, crying in eachothers arms, hugs and kisses.

After a few weeks of akward 'what do we do now?' the both of you got used to doing traditional partner things. Like dates, holding eachothers hands, kissing eachother, cuddling, etc. That doesn't mean you stopped being best friends, in fact, it made the jokes and teasing go to another level.

"I'LL KILL YOU!" You chase Nick all over your house as he runs from you. Your hair blue from the dye he poured into your shampoo.

He is very romantic and open with you. He is used to talking to you about his problems, dreams, wants, icks, hurts and joys, so there isn’t lots of problems with communication.

100% will marry you. He knew it even before falling in love with you. He knew it by the way you held him when he cried and how you made him laugh like no one else.

Everyday he is glad he confessed. He will always say that dating your bestfriend is the best thing that anyone could do.

+His family already loves you. Since you always used to hang out whit them before dating.

"I told you, Nicky. I always told you he would be a greay boyfriend, and now look at you. You are dating."

"Mom, stop. You are embarrasing me..."

Taglist: @freshloveforthefit @shywolfapricotfan @sturnphilia @matty-bear @thenickgirl @stvrniolvsp @paige05 @soursturniolo @miloisdone1 @teenagetrash00 @lovely-calypso @h3arts4harry @malirosee

[tortor-sauce]

18+ POST LOOK AWAY 👹🔞 if you’re not 18+ PLEASE DNI with this post!! 👹🔞

(sketch and drabble and headcanons)

(jel/reth/oc stuff)

GO AWAY LOOK AWAY!!!!! IM WARNING YOU 🔪

SCREAMING CRYING THROWING UP I CANT EVEN TAG THIS I DONT EVEN WANT PEOPLE TO SEE BUT I HAVE TO SHOW SOMEONE AND TALK ABOUT IT OR I’LL EXPLODE!!!!

i’m too shy to share the whole picture IM SORRY—i just wanted to capture a few headcanons into a single shamelessly horny drawing of the three of them together. also, my thoughts are completely unorganized and this post is mostly just me rambling!

small disclaimer, if you don’t agree with or like my headcanons, that’s totally valid but please don’t tell me so 🙇 i kindly ask you just move on from this post. thank you!

okay. so i feel like both reth and jel are service tops HEAR ME OUT—like, they’re both just a couple of pathetic lover boys who are so head over heels in love with you. the fact they practically always gift you something when you flirt with them in-game (jel gifting silk and reth gifting soup) i feel is their attempts at spoiling you and taking care of you in their own way. they just want to see you happy and make you cum your brains out a thousand times until you can’t think straight anymore 🥺

and in general, i feel jel would love to shower you in compliments and words of praise and practically worship your body. while i feel reth is the type to show you how he feels and relish in watching you come undone with him. but personally 👉👈 i feel jel and reth align more closely as switches because they’re both so.. so soft and need to be spoiled and loved so deeply (no innuendo intended)

with that said, i think jel is a more intimate and passionate lover while reth is a bit more unhinged and rough. that’s not to say jel doesn’t have his sadistic bouts. i feel it stems directly from his obsessive nature and grows into a desire to watch you submit to him and his whims, sort of in a controlling way. but it makes him so happy when you do. the need to know you belong to him, both your heart and body, is honestly really important to him. i actually feel he has control issues due to a number of reasons but that’s a different discussion—💀 and he rewards you so thoroughly for showing him how much you love him. god, the aftercare? he’s so gentle and attentive and treats you like the most precious thing he’s ever held.

more on reth, while not as sadistic, i feel he’s still plenty controlling when he wants to be. the poor man has hardly any control in his day-to-day life and the fact you allow him an ounce of control? over your body of all things? yeah, that shit drives him mad (positive). gets a bit carried away and leaves marks on your body, hickeys, scratches, bruises, the like. but hey, at least it’s a pretty reminder of how much fun you had together. plus, if anyone sees they’ll know you belong to him. but he definitely teases you about it the following days by making sly comments and even running his fingers over the more sensitive marks.

so, in my polycule i envision moments where two will actively spoil the other. so for instance like when maddox and reth want to spoil jel and shower him in the love and affection he deserves, he gets all shy and blushy but relishes in the moment. he pays them back tenfold once they’re finished, but not that same night. maddox and reth make sure he’s completely worn out so he’ll finally get some damn sleep for once. reth is the same in that regard; he gets all shy and blushy but he enjoys being spoiled for once. not having to care about anything or anyone else and focus fully on himself and his pleasure. and the two know this and want to show him how loved he is. lowkey i imagine jel bringing him to tears, crying tears of pleasure and from overstimulation but that may be a personal thing of mine. 💀 and as for maddox? they both know exactly which buttons to push. i imagine them sort of egging each other along. i mentioned earlier i think jel has a sadistic side to him, well i think the same of reth albeit not nearly as prominent. like, the fact he teases and flirts so much could be for a number of reasons, but how lovely it would be if it were only to watch their reactions each time. with that said, maddox happens to be very reactive and discovering that fact in bed, like, awakens something inside of him to tease more, to push as much as maddox will allow him. and yes, he notices the way jel reacts to it too. it only makes him want to tease him for the fact as well 🥴 WHICH is why i drew him with that expression LMAO normally i would’ve imagined him with a much softer and kinder expression but i think he’s quick to lose himself in the throes of pleasure which causes him to act a bit selfish at times. but like i said, i see him as a service top so really his ‘selfish’ moments are him just spoiling maddie and jel and showering their bodies with so much love and attention.

i have so many more thoughts but this post is getting long and i’m getting embarrassed so i’ll stop there for now.

IF YOU READ THIS IM SORRY LOL BUT THANK YOU FOR INDULGING ME///////

[heartsoji]

LOVE LANGUAGES

starring the bllk boys!

featuring kunigami rensuke, chigiri hyoma, and bachira meguru

a/n: sigh some easy headcanons bc i simply cannot write anymore

KUNIGAMI RENSUKE

acts of service!

pls acts of service just screams him

hes your hero, after all! hes at your service

you're hungry? here, have some of his food!

on your period? chocolate and midol for you!

cant go to sleep? he has a bottle of melatonin and huge, snuggly arms

he will literally do anything you ask

he's def an 'actions speak louder than words' typa guy so he feels that when he does something for you, its proof of his love

ALSO something that i was thinking ab was yk how kunigami is ripped

if ur feet were tired, he'd carry you on his back with ease

'are you sure im not too heavy?' *looks back at you with disappointment and betrayal* 'hell no."

hes a sweetie

CHIGIRI HYOMA

words of affirmation!

hes a rizzler, ok

he says cheesey things with the same composure he'd have if he was taking a nice stroll in the park

"the stars, the sun, the moon. they're supposed to shine bright, but they pale in comparison to you" with a calm, soothing smile

also CHIGIRIS VOICE

ITS SO HOT

HE HAS THIS LIKE SILKY SMOOTH, SUPER PRETTY, FLOWY, SOOTHING, SEXY VOICE OK

AND HE JUST LIKE SAYS THESE SUPER ROMANTIC THINGS WITH THIS SUPER HOT VOICE AND ITS JUST <3

ok sorry

he also provides really good comfort!

if you're crying from a rough day, he's there with you, rubbing your back, whispering sweet things into your ear

"it's ok, love. i know it feels like the end of the world now, but it was etc etc" WITH HIS SILKY SMOOTH VOICE UGH

HES SO PERFECT

AND GOING BACK TO HIS RIZZ

HE LIKE

DOES THIS

THING

I

AKJASJKSD

ok i hc that after he gives you those cheesy poetic compliments, he makes you look him in the eyes and just lets you melt into putty in his arms

hes just so

yes

(can u tell i love chigiri)

BACHIRA MEGURU

quality time + physical touch!

he love love loves spending time w/ you

he plans the most fun dates ever and he always makes sure you have a great time

picnic dates, arcade dates, amusement park dates, you get it

hes just so thoughtful and his laughter is literally contagious

hes one of the guys who will be happy just by being with you (and his happiness is contagious so youre happy too)

also hes super touchy

big fan of back hugs. you'll be standing there when you suddenly feel him ram into you, arms circling around your waist

a big cuddler also

i could def see him being either a little or big spoon tbh

he just loves being close to you

sometimes you'l be laying in bed when you hear a "YAHOOO" (like mario) and suddenly hes ramming down on top of you as you let out a loud, "OW"

he has the tightest hugs ever

just grabs you and squeezes you and spins you around

also loves dancing with you

he'll put on some fun music and he just spins you around and laughs and has fun

pls hes so cute i love him

heartsoji 𑁍 please do not steal, plagiarize, or repost onto any platform. thank you!

[sadisticsanji]

stupid girl

Eijirou Kirishima + Reader

word count: 5.4k

tw: voyeurism, hidden cameras, slight somnophilia, jealousy, dumbification, rough sex, cream pies, breeding kink, panty stealing, sick sex, medication, drowsy sex, dubious consent

whenever kirishima takes care of his sick best friend

Eijirou Kirishima isn’t sure if it’s because he hasn’t been able to cum (or see y/f/n) in four days but his cock was making a mess in his pants as he looks through his best friend’s window when she would least expect it. He can’t help himself. He missed her so much and her being sick and away made him yearn for her attention and presence. She's in a Dynamight t-shirt and white panties, covering her face into a tissue as she sneezes in doubles. Dumb little girl. Why would you leave your blinds wide open like this?

He tugs out his cell, watching his phone light up and cause a blue hue against the black night. Turning his brightness down quickly, he’s making sure that his cover isn’t blown. The girl is heading towards her desk, pouring herself cough syrup and not even paying attention to her window with the open blinds. She’s wincing at the putrid taste and Kirishima has a toothy grin on his face at the view.

From: Eijirou Kirishima

To: y/n

hey! how are you feeling? still sick?

Her head turns towards her buzzing phone and he can notice the grin that presents itself on her face. She texts him back before sitting her phone back down and tucking her hair behind her ears. He can see a flustered blush sprinkled across her cheeks and he cant help but think of covering them in his seed. His thoughts are interrupted by his phone vibrating in his hands.

From: y/n

To: Eijirou Kirishima

hiii kiri!!!!! i have a doc appt 2mrw at 9am so im gonna get me the good drugz! feel sicky still :,<

He’s upset that she’s still sick. Now that they were graduated, it wasn’t a guarantee that they were to see each other everyday anymore but he wasn’t willing to find a way.

From: Eijirou Kirishima

To: y/n

poor girl. need me to take you to the doctor tomorrow? i miss you!

He tries his hardest to sound platonic but it’s hard whenever one of his hands are pumping his cock over his jeans while he watched the woman. She’s quick to respond, cell already in her small palms.

From: y/n

To: Eijirou Kirishima

katsuki is taking me!! dont wanna get u sick kiri!!!!! ur my favlrite

He can tell that she’s tired by how she’s can’t stop yawning, kitten resemblances coming from her form. That doesn’t stop how he’s literally growling at the thought of someone else taking care of her. How dare they, Kirishima thinks. He doesn’t even respond, leaving her on read. His face is red, scoffing before he’s slowly turning on his feet and heading back towards his own home across the street. By the time he’s walking through the door a minute or two later, the girl is asleep (with her blinds still open). Stupid girl.

In Kirishima’s mind, he’s cursing his little bunny out for being so stupid. Why would such a pretty girl keep not only her blinds open constantly but, keep her window unlocked too? Like, you’re just asking to be fucking assaulted. He’s genuinely pissed off. She’s so smart and to do such an idiotic thing? But he had no room to be upset. He was the big bad wolf that she needed to watch out for in the first place.

Because of the fear he had obtained of his girl being hurt by someone that wasn’t him, he roamed her home while she was gone. Kirishima had been there enough to know where everything was at, so he knew exactly where his destinations were.

There are a total of twelve cameras that the red-haired man has connected and hid inside of y/n’s home. Four were in her bedroom, hidden in various places facing the bed, closet, door, and desk. Four were split up between the living room and kitchen, and the last handful were in the hallway and bathroom, filming the inside of her shower and the sink, where Kirishima can view her sudsy body and toothpaste-filled mouth every day without even needing to get out of bed. He’d had so many wet dreams about his best friend and at this point, he was willing to do anything to see her. He knew he was selfish and he didn’t give a fuck. Checking the time, he’s grinning widely. 9:04. It’d only took him about ten minutes to set the cameras up and her appointment had just started.

From: Eijirou Kirishima

To: y/n

good morning! how are you feeling? let me know when your appointment is over and how it goes! love you

He assumes she’s with the doctor now because she’s not responding quickly like she usually does. That is until his phone is buzzing and he can tell that it’s not his pretty girl.

From: y/n

To: Eijirou Kirishima

She’s busy.

His eyebrows are furrowed as he nearly shatters his phone by how hard he squeezes it. Fucking Bakugo, I swear to God. How dare he invade her privacy like this? He thinks, as if he wasn’t making Y/n’s entire life his business now. Laying on the bed, his dick swells immediately at the thoughts of what she’s done in this very spot when he wasn’t looking. Her light blue sheets would look so pretty covered in her slick and drool and he pounded the snot out of his tiny little princess. Her scent fills his nose and its an instinctual action to shove his face into her pillow and take his strained cock out of his tight pants.

“F Fuuuck~” He’s hissing as soon as his hand is wrapping itself around his prick. Although his hands are enormous, his fingers barely touch as he strokes himself off to the vivid imagination of his best friend’s tight cunt gushing around him, his dick being too big, even for him. His hips buck, chasing the pleasure.

Eijirou has his shirt pulled up with the end of it held tightly between his teeth as his pre-cum slicks himself flawlessly. He couldn’t help his perverted mind whenever he’s reaching over to y/n’s dirty laundry hamper and picking up the white panties that he’d seen snug tightly around her pussy and curvature the previous night. Holding the small piece of fabric in his fist and bringing them to his face, a load of his cum is shooting onto his stomach and chest at the smell of her fragrant heat and he’s groaning wildly.

If he hadn’t been so good at sneaking around, he wouldn’t have heard his phone buzz. It was from his doll.

From: y/n

To: Eijirou Kirishimai

m omw home with drugz!!!! i’ve got a cold n the sniffles but im not contagious!

His heart (and dick) leap with joy. He’s wiping the slick off of his abs with tissues before burying her panties in his pocket and heading out the way he came in; through the unlocked bedroom window.

Whenever Kirishima hears Bakugo’s car pulling into y/n's driveway, he’s almost immediately pissed off. Getting out of the car is his unwell best friend. He really missed her. She’s waving goodbye to her old classmate (and favorite pro hero) before heading to her front door. Eijirou starts up his laptop so that he can see what his girl is up to.

Unlocking the door and walking in to the place that she had come to know as her home throughout her life, something felt different. Maybe it was the shot she’d already been given at the doctor’s office or perhaps it was because of sleep deprivation due to constant coughing, but y/n felt uneasy.

Heading to the bathroom, she’s starting up a shower with her favorite smelling soaps. Strawberry and cream suds is being scrubbed into her tangled hair and Kirishima has never thought she looked so beautiful as he stares at her through his camera’s point of view. It’s from overhead, close to where the shower faucet comes out of the wall. Her nose is pink and flushed, rubbed raw from the snot that would come out of it from the previous nights. Her eyes were a bit puffy, making her orbs look as if she was squinting a tad. And even though she goes through constant heat flashes and her sinuses are swollen so its hard for her to breathe, she can’t stop thinking about Eijirou either.

As soon as she’s stepping out of the shower and wrapping a towel around her frame, she’s checking her phone as it buzzes, perfectly on time.

From: Eijirou Kirishima

To: y/n

let me come over and nurse you back to health?

From: y/n

To: Eijirou Kirishima

yes doctor kiri!

She’s rushing to get dried off and dressed and he knows it. That’s why he’s practically sprinting to her door with a backpack halfway slung on his back, hoping to catch her while she’s still naked and dripping in warm water. When he walks in the door, she’s tugging her socks on and he curses himself for not being quick enough.

“You showed up quick.” Her voice sounds weaker and more delicate than it usually did, her throat coarse and sensitive. He’s walking towards her and he realizes why so many people have asked y/n if she was okay while with the man on the street. With the small girl only growing to his chest, Kirishima towers over her as he pushes close to seven feet tall and his broad shoulders are hard to get through most doorways. He wraps his thick arms around her head, holding her face close to his chest.

“Duh. Told you I missed you.” He’s blushing and is glad that she can’t see his cheeks and giggle at it like shes done thousands of times before. She smells so fresh and feminine, he’s practically purring against her, “I brought some things for you.” She gasps, excited.

“Really? Like, a surprise?!” Y/n's third favorite thing (behind baby animals and Pro hero, Dynamight, was surprises). He smiles, a sharp grin glinting.

“Yes, a surprise. Sit down.” She was excited, plopping down on the sofa, where Kirishima and his backpack sat. She’s bouncing excitedly and he must be the most sex-obsessed man on earth because he’s getting hard at the motions already and is shoving the backpack on top of his lap to cover his growing erection.

“Um,” He clears his throat and pulls out a hoodie, “Here’s a hoodie in case you get cold.” He’s handing her a folded up hooded sweatshirt with the bold “RED RIOT” in the middle. She’s grinning widely and taking it. He refuses to acknowledge how many times he’s thought of fucking his pretty little neighbor while she wears his clothes that are three sizes too big.

“‘S soft, Eiji! Thank you!” He hopes it will replace her Dynamight merchandise because seeing his old friend (and y/n's potential future-lover) on her shirt made him physically sick to his stomach.

The second thing that Kirishima is digging out of his backpack is a couple grocery bags that he sits on the coffee table, “Was gonna make us some tomato soup and grilled cheese.” He has no idea but Y/n is swooning and the way he’s acting so endearing is making her heart thump out of her chest.

“Also grabbed you up some candy. They came out with a limited edition flavor and I thought you’d wanna try when you can taste again.” Y/n was a touchy girl, so whenever her head is resting on his shoulder and shes thanking him for all of his gifts, he doesn’t see anything out of the ordinary.

“You take your medicine yet?” He knows that she hasn’t, he’s been watching her since Bakugo’s car pulled into her driveway. She shakes her head no.

“They gave me a shot earlier, ‘Ts supposed to make me sleepy. The other stuff tastes too ick.” Her tongue sticks out of her mouth to prove her disgusted reaction.

“You’ve still gotta take it, bunny. How ‘bout I make us some lunch and then you can take your medicine?” Her big eyes stare at his as her pupils are blown wide and she’s nodding her head.

“‘Mkay. Will you stay the day with me?” He nods his head, “I’ll even stay the night if you want me to.” He’s so sweet, like always, Y/n thought. Meanwhile, Kirishima thinks of different places to fuck his pretty pet while she looks him in the eye. “Really? I can’t wait!” They hadn’t had a sleepover in what seemed like years.

Even after Kirishima had made the classic tomato soup and grilled cheese lunch, Y/n’s throat still burned. The girl would not stop whining and Kirishima could tell that something was going on. She was acting like a cranky toddler. She whines, clearing her throat for the nth time. Kirishima takes a breath.

“What’s the matter? You need anything?” They both sat on her bed, eyes glued to the television as one of their favorite anime play. Little does she know, she’s sitting where Kirishima had just came hours ago.

“Don’t feel good. M’ throat hurts.” Her small hand grabs her neck and she looks up at Kiri, “Is it swollen?” Opening her swollen lips and sticking her tongue out, she waits for an answer but he cant stop face fucking her in his mind to even form a coherent sentence, “Eiji?”

“Y yeah, it’s swollen.” Now he’s the one to clear his throat, “W Will the medicine you were prescribed help with it?”

“No,” She frowns, “Medicine’s only good for my cough but it won’t help the itchy feeling.”

“Wan’ me to help? I got some cough drops earlier. Could help you scratch that lil itch.” He’s unwrapping the candy and placing it on her tongue. It’s not even a minute before she’s whining again.

“S’ too much. Need something else.” She’s whining and it’s making his dick twitch, but he refuses to fuck the pretty girl without having her beg.

“Open up, bunny.” He warily places two of his fingers on her tongue. Watching as she opens her mouth wider and sucks his index and middle finger deeper, he loses his breath. First, she was sitting on the bed and letting it happen but by the time her cunt had realized what was happening and started leaking (literally within the first minute), she was slipping to her knees and towards the in between of his legs.

“What you think you’re doing down there?” Her eyes were half-closed as her tongue ran laps along his thick fingers and he can tell the medicine is kicking in. She’s delirious. Her hand touches his thigh and he’s looking down at her, one eyebrow up. Giving her a second to breathe, his fingers leave her throat with a muffled moan and pop escaping after it.

“M’ wanna taste you.” He’s smirking, “I think it’ll help.” She’s wiping her mouth with the back of her hand and he can’t fucking stand how she looks right now. So sick and desperate.

“You are tasting me.” She knows he’s playing stupid, “My fingers are in your mouth right now and you’re practically crying over it. Little crybaby.” She whimpers at the nickname she was too used to hearing by Bakugo and all of her other peers. Her eyes water.

“Need your cock in my mouth, Eiji.” Her small hand rubs at the obvious bulge that’s straining against his pants. He’d never heard her say something so vulgar and nearly growling at the feeling, head thrown back at the touch he thought he’d never feel in a thousand years from the girl he yearned for the most.

“Aw, you need it? Well, that’s too bad because i’m not giving you it with your pretty throat so swollen,” Her brows are furrowing and she’s upset and cranky. All because she was tired, didn’t feel 100% and wanted a dick in her. Trying to tug his pants down anyways, she’s yelping underneath him as he’s grabbing her hair roughly and bringing her face inches away from his. “Don’t be such a greedy fucking baby and i’ll put my cock somewhere better, ‘kay?” Letting go of her hair, her pupils are still blown wide and she seems fucked out of her mind, “Be a good girl and watch your show.” She can’t stop making a mess in her pink panties and she crawls back up to the bed to sit on his large lap. She’s sat on his lap dozens and dozens of times before but this time it felt different. Maybe it was because she was rocking her clothed pussy against him.

“What’re you doing?” He asks, hissing.

“Watching my show.” She says innocently and he wanted to make her fucking cry around him. He felt the need to be so mean to her that she’s begging him to stop. Kirishima was right. The medicine was kicking in at an unbelievable pace and before either of them knew it, the brat was asleep on Eijirou’s lap. His dick still leaked underneath of her and it didn’t help that the restless sleeper couldn’t go two minutes without bucking her hips or shuttering in his ear. Two hours in and he felt as if he was going to cum just at the breathless pants that the woman would let out. Stroking her skin, he hopes it wakes her up and after another couple of hours, it does.

“Well, g’morning, sleeping beauty.” It’s six in the afternoon, the sun was already threatening to set.

“Mmm, goo’ mornin’.” She rubs her eyes with the backs of her hands and sniffles a few times, “Did you sleep?” He lies and nods his head.

“Yeah, I did for a little bit.” Translation: No, I was too busy rutting against your sleeping body and edging myself, trying not to wake you up. He would be surprised she didn’t if he hadn’t slept over with her before. Once Y/n was out, she was out for good and he knew that.

“Good.” She’s trying to crawl out of his lap and although she could feel his hard prick pressing against her since she woke up (and went to sleep), she didn’t pay any attention towards it. Payback was a bitch.

“Wanna watch another movie with me?” She acts as if she’s not literally changing into pajamas in front of him. Her front is facing a corner as she takes off her shirt and is left in only panties and Kirishima feels as if she’s doing it on purpose (it definitely was) but the angel on his shoulder tells him that this is an often thing that occurs and to calm down.

He can’t seem to look away from the patch of dark pink in between Ino’s legs and wants to devour her completely. By the time she turns around, there’s practically drool hanging from the pervert’s lips and he doesn’t try that hard to hide his attraction.

“You okay, Ei?” She knows exactly what she’s doing, wearing the prettiest panties with his merchandise.

“Y yeah.” He can see the faint smirk on her lips before she’s turning on her heels and heading towards the living room.

You dirty bitch. You’re fucking doing this on purpose.

He’s walking towards the living room, not even saying anything. He pours her another dose of her medicine before handing it to her, “Oh yeah. Thanks.” She’s got her back facing him as she reads through the movies in her bookshelf. As she takes the medication, his sweatshirt is riding up on her and the bottom of her asscheeks can be seen.

Do something. She’s fucking begging for it, Kirishima’s thinking but his good morals and the way his parents raised him brought the man against it. Rather than shoving her chest against the bookshelf and shoving his entire cock into her at once like he’d yearned to do, he swallows his words and backs away from his actions. She hands him the empty medication cup before putting the DVD into the player and flopping onto the couch, sweatshirt flinging up to expose her stomach and cunt as well. Her frame is so small compared to his, well, everything.

He’s pulled away from his own thoughts. “I put in the new All Might documentary. Katsuki is in it!” He cannot fucking believe her but she’s bouncing around and looks so excited.

“Sure,” He says through his clenched teeth. She presses play and sometimes he wishes that she wasn’t so stupid whenever it came to people’s emotions and true meaning. He felt as if he could catch on fire at any moment but she acted as if nothing had even happened.

He’s blocking the entire film out, staring at her plush thighs and trying his hardest to calm down. It works for the most part, his anger fading when he makes a point to focus on the way her heart beats as her back eventually leans against his chest.

That is until there’s an obvious different reaction coming from his best friend and he’s filling with fury again.

“Look at him, Ei! Doesn’t he look so cool?!” Her eyes are glistening, a reflection of the tv shining back as they’re open wide with pure adoration. He wishes that she acted that way towards him. He doesn’t answer and rather than being smart and stopping at that, the Dynamight fan could not stop. Every single frame the man was on, she seemed to giggle with excitement and kick her feet.

“Why do you even like him so much? He’s such a dick.” Kirishima’s getting grumpy now. He couldn’t stand how she fonds for a man that in his opinion, is worse than she deserves. Kirishima is what she deserved. She’s turning, shocked.

“How could you say that?! He’s so cool and is such a good hero!” She’s grinning, cheeks glowing a little red and for a second, she reminds Kirishima of Deku, “Not to mention how handsome he is.”

Eiji is upset, pouting and groaning. It’s quite obvious with how a sharp attitude laced his words. “I don’t see you wearing your little Bakugo sweatshirt with soaked panties right now. How come Red Riot’s not your favorite?” Her eyebrows scrunch at his jealous words. She crosses her arms over her Red Riot merchandise and looks away.

“Don’t be mean, Kiri.” She’s blushing, embarrassed. He doesn’t stop.

“No. Really. Tell me why i’m not your favorite. I could feel you leaking on me through your entire fucking nap. Doubt you’re doing that to your beloved Dynamight.” She’s getting pissed off at how he’s treating her, like she was at fault for sharing her interests.

“You think i’m only like this for you? You’re dumber than I thought. Why do you think my throat is so swollen? Because my beloved Dynamight wouldn’t let me up off of his cock for thirty minutes.” Y/n is standing up off of the couch, she’s red in the face and dizzy from the cough syrup and the adrenaline from arguing with her best friend over something so stupid. Kirishima was bubbling with anger and doesn’t dare let her get away.

“Get your little ass over here.” He’s grabbing her wrist.

“Let go. I’m mad at you right now.” She’s pouting, bottom lip puckered out and all. He wanted to fill her with his generation.

“Why? Because I called you out for being a slut?” His hard-on is pressed snug against her back and she shutters at the feeling of its size, “Or is it because you’ll get in trouble if Katsuki finds out? Don’t worry, bunny. I won’t tell a soul.” He’s lying through his fucking teeth and plans on marking her pretty skin and emptying himself into her cervix so the entire world will know. Y/n doesn’t try to get away for too long, knowing he’d always win in their fights. He was way too huge to stand a chance against.

Whenever Kirishima is rubbing fingers between her legs, feeling at the slick that slipped through her panties, he’s smirking, “Look at all that. You don’t look very mad at me,” He’s gently leading her back towards the couch, his hand barely touching her. Still being annoyed with his jealousy, she tries pushing against him but doesn’t stand a chance against his strength or size. At first he’s gentle but soon after, she’s being pushed against the couch, ass and pussy in the air, “You’ve made such a mess. We’ll need to get these in the wash right away.” She would have thought he was being somewhat helpful but his quirk makes his fingers sharp, slicing the fabric right off of her skin.

“Ei?”

“Shut up. Your throat is swollen.” He’s snappy and his breath makes her twitch as he talks so close to her twitching cunny. His tongue slurps at the pearlescent juices that spill from her core. She’s whimpering under his mouth.

“P please, s’ too much.” Her face is red hot, eyes squeezed shut as she becomes so embarrassed under his gaze and touch.

His large hand slaps a print onto the curve of her asscheek. “What did I fucking say?” His demeanor made her twitch around nothing and shes covering her mouth with her own small hands as her chest presses against the sofa.

Her back is arching and legs are spread as her face is being pushed further into the couch cushions. His tongue sucked and flicked at her sensitive nub until her legs were literally giving out. Large hands finally coming up towards her needy hole, he’s slipping two fingers into her cunt and its squelching immediately. Her whines get louder, “Please, I’ll do anything!” She’s begging, trying to move her hips closer towards Kirishima so he’ll go even deeper.

“No,” Tears start to fall past her waterline, “I’m not putting my dick in your slutty little pussy unless you tell me how much of a better hero I am compared to your shitty Dynamight.” She doesn’t even have to think, already fucked out on two of his fingers that literally feel like the size of Bakugo’s entire shaft.

“F- feel like I’m gonna die without your cock, Eiji. N- need you!! Need my favorite pro’s hero so I won’t die. Save me, please!” He can hardly help himself before he’s shoving his pants down, thick cock springing out.

“Such a good fuckin’ girl for me, yeah?” His cock is barely slipping in and Kichona is moaning loud enough for the neighbors to hear.

“Shhh, baby. It’s okay, you’re okay.” Gripping her plush hips and shoving his entire cock in to the hilt, she’s clenching around him hard.

“E Eiji, m’ gonna cum!” Her eyes are screwed shut, jaw slack as pants and moans fall from between her lips. He doesn’t slow his pace, keeping the same rhythm as she’s twitching and leaving a creamy ring around his dick.

“Already? Such a sensitive girl.” He wasn’t going to stop. Not anytime soon, at least. He had been dreaming and fucking his fist to this thought for years at this point and he wasn’t just going to rush and get it done.

“N’nnng hhh~” He’s laughing and it’s making her clench even harder around him.

“You tryna’ tell me something? Or are ya’ too stupid?” Her eyes are barely open but they’re staring back at Kirishima and small tears are leaving trails down her pretty cheeks.

His large hand rubs her spine all the way down to her hips and she feels so in love with him, “L’ love you s’much.” He has to hold on tighter to her skin than he has for the entire day this far due to her confession (that he was sure to her being fucked out but didn’t care).

“You love me? Is that right?” She’s nodding her head, drooling and leaving a puddle of her own saliva on the sofa. Leaning towards her ear, his abdomen is pressing snug against her back and the angle is entirely different. She’s practically purring underneath him, “Love me s’ much, you gonna let me stuff my babies in you?” At this point, Y/n’s hips were meeting Kiri’s thrusts perfectly in time as his dick head abuses her cervix.

“Y Yes! Wan’ be your lil’ wifey,” She’s rambling on and he can barely understand what she’s saying. He’s getting off on the idea and the thought of coming home to Y/n in an apron and making dinner for him and the kids make his load sneak up on him and he was cumming in her quick.

Pulling out of her, Eijirou doesn’t plan on staying out long, “Let’s turn you over, lil’ housewife. Needa’ see your pretty face.” Her chin is glistening, covered in drool and her lips are puffy from how much she’s been biting them. He can’t help himself, his dick slowly entering back into her as his lips come towards hers and end the distance between them. She’s kissing back sloppily, her coordination off because of the cough medication. One of his large hands are grabbing at her tit and her back is arching off of the couch.

“Eiji~”

“What is it, baby?” She’s so fucked out and in a head space, her hands gently rub at his biceps as she stares up at him with doey eyes. She’s not even able to answer him but he’s not upset over it, he was too busy staring at her and taking in her soft figure from underneath him. Her eyes are barely able to keep open but her pupils are still blown wide. Frail arms coming up to try and wrap around his neck, he leans down to help her out. She’s so soft compared to his scarred up chest from working so hard as a Pro and he can’t help but think of nipping up her precious skin.

“Wan’ you.” Wet lashes graze his chest as she’s so close to him and he can’t help but want to be closer to her than ever before. Arms wrapping around her figure, hands squeezing at soft love handles, he leans back on the couch and takes in the sight of her sitting on his cock, thighs on either side of his torso.

Teeth tugging on the skin under her jaw and leaving bite marks along the nape of her neck and collar, Y/n’s become practically numb at the overload of senses. Tears roll down her cheeks as she’s quivering under the pressure of his cock nudging against her cervix.

“A ahhhh, K Kiri,” They’re so close together, the two are nearly one being. The sensuality of it all had made the slightest touch feel like a firework of lust. She looks up at him with tired eyes as he slowly but deeply rocks inside of her.

“There’s no fuckin’ way i’m letting you go.” She didn’t find anything wrong with the statement Kirishima had just come out with. In her opinion, this is where he belonged. Nine inches deep inside of his best friend.

Lifting the girl for the last time that night, he’s holding her tightly and refuses to leave the warmth of her cunt as he’s putting her back against a wall and fucking her as thoroughly as he could. An entirely new noise leaves Y/n’s throat; a squeak, high and desperate. With the newfound angle, her legs began to go numb and a tingling sensation spread across the tips of her toes all the way to her tits that bounced with each thrust.

“L Love you s so much. Wan’ marry you, Eiji. Wan’ have your b babies.” She’s so fucked out and babbling every thought that goes through her head out loud. Kirishima is so overwhelmed with his senses that he barely hears her pleads. All he can pay attention to is the feeling of him repeatedly fucking his load back into her and how it dripped down her quivering thighs as well as the sound of skin slapping skin.

Lips finally locking together, Y/n feels close on the edge of finishing on her best friend for the nth time. Wrapping her legs around his hips as she’s clenching and dripping around his cock, he’s speeding up his pace and becoming more desperate as his end comes near. He doesn’t dare pull out. Why would he? His entire goal was to be part of her life forever.

Thrusting his load into her cunt a few more times, he’s slowly pulling out and laying Y/n against the couch gently. He can peek the cum dribbling out from between her legs and snickers at her body twitching at the overstimulation.

“How’s that for some good medicine?”

[burnedwriter]

What type of lovers they are pt1.

A/n:i will be taking a small break and creating pt 2 so stay tuned!,i will step away from tumblr bc these last 2 days have been rough 2 of my posts have been community labelled,its only the dottore ones which makes me think that there is a hater out there that is reporting me,plz if you dont like my posts just scroll its not that hard

Warnings:smut,gentle s*x(kazuha),petnames(kazuha,kaeya),semipublic(kaeya),cockwarming(kaeya)breeding(childe),rough s*x(childe),breeding king,!afab reader

A,/n:im not responsible for what people read

🍁Kazuha

🍁kazuha is a romantic lover.He would write poems for you when he leaves for his travels,so you wont miss his presence while hes away.

🍁he will bring you small gifts and flowers from the places he has visited back home to you.

🍁if you really want to join him to his travels,though hesitant at first since hes concerned for your safety but he will accept you to join him.He cant say no when you look at him with those puppy eyes plus you wanted your life to become interesting than the boring one you are living right now.

nsfw

🍁hes really gentle with you showering you with kisses as hes exploring every inch of your body.He has memoriesed what you like and hat you dont during your time and knows exactly what to do to make you weak for him.

🍁he uses you as his muse and has wrote many poems about you,he will read them when he is alone so he can never forget your beauty.

🍁hes really gentle with you and will not be rough until you tell him to even then he would ask you if you are alright or need him to stop

🍁outdoors sex is very common for the both of you,you would usually go to picknicks far away from civilazation,and one thing always leads to another and now hes on top of you.

‘‘zuzu’‘you moaned as kazuha rolled his hips in a lazy pace

‘‘you are doing amazing my muse,let me hear your voice’‘kazuha praised you,continuing his slow pace

it was true this place was far away from any city in inazuma,you didnt have to wory about your moans being too loud because now it was only you and him

‘‘please zuzu,can you go faster~’‘you whined getting impatient from his gentle pace

‘‘anything for you my muse’‘

❄Kaeya

❄Due to his work being the calvary captain,hes constantly busy but that doesnt mean he doesnt invite you to his office and keep him company while hes doing his paper work

❄he will set up dates to make up for it though it would usually be at the tavern,both of you will drink and have fun

❄he has opened up about his childhood,talking about the big fight between him and diluc and how it affected him both physicly and mentally over the years.You are the only one that has seen whats under the eyepatch and what his eye looks like from that day

nsfw

❄he loves teasing you all the time,whispering dirty things in your ear before leaving for work,making you wanting more.He loves seeing you desperate for him to touch you.

❄Quickies are very common between the 2 of you,as i said before hes a very busy person due to his work,but he will try to make time so you can both take your time and enjoy it

❄he loves fucking you in his office.The feeling of getting caught turns him on.

‘‘kaeya we are going to get caught’‘you whispered

his hand on your hips keeping you from squarming on his lap as he continued his conversation with jean like you werent sitting on his cock,you tried your best not to loose your mind,wanting to move your hips to get some friction.

‘‘are you ok?’‘Jean asked concerned as she saw your face  turn red as a tomato.

‘‘yeah im fine,dont worry about me Jean’‘you replied cearing your throat trying not to look suspicious

‘‘are you sure  sweetheart?~’‘he teased you,a small smirk started to appear at the corner of his mouth.

You bit your buttom lip trying to capture any monas that might escape from your lips as kaeya tried to readjust his position,his cock brushing off of your sweetspot.

‘‘wont bother you anymore,please take some rest’‘Jean said to you before getting up from her seat and walked towards the door,leaving the room.

Waiting for her to be far away from kaeya’s office,as you finally got to move,you started moving up and down his cock.Kaeya leaned back and spread his legs, you were able to use them to balance yourself

‘‘ang~,you are an impatient little thing arent you’‘‘he groan as you continued to bounce up and down chasing your orgasm.

‘‘fuck~kaeya~’‘you let out a low moan trying not to attact any attention from the guards

‘‘you are doing amazing sweetheart,let me help you a bit’‘he said holding your hips firmly fastening up your pace.

‘‘im close~’‘

With one last bounce,you felt your walls squeezed his cock practicly milking him as you finally achieved your long awaited climax.

🐋tartaglia/childe

🐋ajax is  a loyal lover

🐋he has discussed with you from the start that he wants to start a big family just like his and he would spoil them with his harbinger money 100%

🐋He doesnt want you to get involved with his work,since he doesnt want you to get hurt or even worst...get killed he cares so much about you it would absoloutly break him if something ever happened to you and wont stop blaming himself about not being able to protect you.

🐋Just like kazuha he brings you gift from the places he travels but th difference is that its expensive or exclusive jewelry he would find in nations

nsfw

🐋When it comes to fucking you,hes rough.This man thinks the bedroom is also a battlefield.Prepare to wake up the next morning with bruses and hickeys all over your body.

🐋Speaking of hickeys he will leave them to places that are visible such as your neck and/or collarbone to show who you belong to.He would also leave some hickeys in places only he can see like your inner things and chest.

🐋This man has a breeding kink,you cant tell me he doesnt.He want you to start a family together afterall and he will make sure to fill you up to the brim.

‘‘fuck your cunt is milking my cock’‘he groaned loudly as he fucked you mercilesly

your legs pressed at the either sides of your head as you laid back on his chest,with this position he was able to reach deeper than the previous ones.

‘‘Ah~Ajax~’‘you whimpered throwing your head back on his shoulder

‘‘fuck im close, i w-want you to take to take every ast bit of my cum ~’‘he breathed out not stopping his brutal pace.

‘‘Ah~,YES YES!’‘you screamed,holding onto the bedsheets for dear life as you feel your eyes rolling at the back of your head.Both of you reaching your climax,you could feel his seed insideyou filling you up

‘‘i wont pull out until i know you are full’‘

[gor3sigil]

hi i dont really know how to introduce myself, so i hope you dont mind if i skip that part.

i just wanted to ask about that post you made a few days ago. in one of the last paragraphs you mention how hatching is painful. but is it supposed to feel like my entire world is cracking apart around me?

what you mentioned in the beginning of the post, about how the people around you felt about masculinity, that very aptly describes a lot of my fears of reactions to me identifying as masculine, which is what started me crying and ultimately spurred me to message you.

im just so scared

i have lots of trans people in my life, i just dont know how to talk about this with most of them (see: Very Scary :C) ive spent my whole life using femininity to take down peoples walls and help them feel comfortable around me. what the hell am i supposed to do as man? can i even still behave that way? will people even still trust me? will they like me? will they feel safe around me? its unbearable. every time i think about it my brain tries to run away, there's just so much fear.

is this normal at all? to be scared like this? i mean, considering i too struggle with the radical feminist narrative you mentioned? i dont believe the narrative, but i fear it. and then i get insecure and i cant stop thinking the insecurity an indication that manhood is the wrong direction for me.

am i making any sense?

Hi, it must've taken lots of strength to write all this so congrats to you. My answer will be based on my own experiences so take it with a grains of salt. Yeah, your world will definitely shatter too. Because even if you're just socially transitionning, if you do so while being surrounded by trans friends, most of them will change the way they percieve you so your interactions may change. I know that's scary, but you have to trust the process. If they're good friends, they won't like you less or anything. That's the hardest part I think. As you read in my post, coming ot made me lose tons of friends, most of them trans, because they treated me badly after I came out.

And yes, you are making sense. I went through the exact same fears as you. The fear of not being deemed as safe anymore. Unfortunately, I don't really have any solutions to offer you, appart from building your own community, online and/or IRL. Like I said, most of my trans friends were kinda crappy about me being masc and I struggled for years to feel comfortable in my masculinity as a result. Because I did the same as you, me being a "woman" was my way of saying that I understood the struggles of others and was safe. Let me stress one thing. You are still okay, you're not a bad person. Even if you discover new things about yourself, even if you're transmasc, even if you're transitionning (if you do), you are still very much the same person as before, with your understanding of a number of issues, with your own pas experiences.

It's a point I really can't stress enough. As I said in my post, you are still worthy of love, support, tenderness, being understood, being heard, being listened to, being comforted. One thing I noticed is that my previous friend tended to dismiss my feelings and/or be "rough" with me thinking that it was "affirming" because I was a man now. Let me tell you that that's BS and don't let anyone treat you this way.

Maybe try to test the water, idk if you came out already or not but maybe in your presentation or just by talking about transmasc specific issues with them, see how they react. That being said, I really do hope that your friends will be understanding. Or that by explaining to them how their behavior is wrong they will understand and act differently, because sometimes people so shit cause they don't know any better. I hope this helps, and I really wish you all the best. If you ever need to talk feel free to reach out again. Take care.

[watchmegetobsessed]

okay this idea is based on this specific video so imagine that harry is a technician in yn’s crew on her world tour, he is shy and nerdy but they get along so well, they spend a lot of time together when she is off the stage.

so lets say yn is going through a rough time and she tells harry how she cant really focus on stage, its not the same anymore and she is not enjoying performing that much too.

there is this choreo she does for a song and harry has seen it so many times he knows the moves too at this point and this one time yn is having a particularly bad day but she has to perform anyway and harry wants to brighten her up so when the song comes on he just starts dancing with her from his spot on the floor and she sees him and it instantly brightens her mood and she can’t stop smiling for the test of the show and from then harry dances every time bc she told him how much she loved seeing him dance and fans start to notice him and record him dancing so it goes viral and everyone is like “well now we know who yn has been staring at in the crowd” or “they look so cute we need a vid of them dancing together” and they start to hardcore ship them and harry is like “i don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable about this” he is worried she might be upset people think they are an item and then she goes “well, im kind of one of them. i do ship up” and harry is like 😳 but then 🥰

[lunarmoonheart]

HFFF day 2: retro

summary: two different times miss holloway has met webby

title: chiquitita tell me whats wrong ship: hollowebby prompt: retro

It was the night of the 37th annual hatchetfield honey festival and missy holly was getting ready to go onstage. She had been preparing for this for months and she was thrilled.  The honey festival is the biggest thing in hatchetfield if not the entire state screw clivesdales dumb cherry festival who would wanna go to that anyway. This was missy's year she was finally gonna get her music out to the world beyond hatchetfield. Ok yes this is a hatchetfield event but it's THE hatchetfield event and there's gotta be someone here that's gonna hire her. 1982 has been her year! She finally sold some of her shirts most of them to her friends but one person bought it at her set at that new place the slaughtered pig. Shes also written a full albums worth of songs that she played for her friends and they loved it.

“Missy holly your on in 5.”

“Awesome ill be right there!” YES finally here we go missy you can do this you can do this. Missy walks to the backstage area and waits five minutes until she hears her introduction.

“Now welcome to the stage local teenage artist missy holly.”

Missy walks onstage and waves to the crowd. She sees her parents and friends near the front cheering her on. She plays her 20 minute set and everyone seems to love it especially her song ‘run away with me’. She gets lots of applause as she walks off happy and excited for her future. As missy walks away from the event area to see her family and friends a girl runs up to her. She has white hair, pale skin, dark eyes, looks around her age, and hey is that one of her shirts.

“Hi! Im like your biggest fan! Could you sign my shirt?” wait i have fans? Thats crazy!

“Yeah totally! Do you have like a marker or something?”

“Yes here!” the girl hands her a black sharpie and missy signs her name.

“Thanks for coming to the show.”

“It was awesome! I cant wait to see you perform again. I love your song run away with me its so sweet!”

“Thanks ill see you at my next gig.'' At this the girl winks at her and runs off leaving missy smiling at the thought of her biggest fan.

It was the night of the 75th annual hatchetfield honey festival and miss holloway was cleaning up her diner. She didn't really want to go to the festival even though duke invited her. It reminded her of the last time she was truly happy. She made the deal a few rough years later and now shes here lonely even though she has duke, desperate even though she has the diner, and forgotten even though people had loved her. All she has now is this diner and duke but hes bound to forget her again soon. She doesnt even have her own name anymore not that anyone would care if she took it back next time but she doesnt really deserve it does she. She isnt that girl anymore. That girl deserved better than this she deserved the music career she wanted, the person she loved, the family that loved her, and the friends that cared for her. 

While miss holloway is cleaning she hears the bell above the door ring and turns to see a girl about her age. She reminds her of the girl from her last concert. She walks around the counter to grab a menu and seat the guest.

“Welcome to miss retros! Take a seat wherever you'd like.”

The stranger stays silent as they sit and as miss holloway gets them a water. She walks back behind the counter to give the guest a few minutes. As she waits she thinks back to that concert and that girl. She wonders where she is now. Does she have a family? Is she still in hatchetfield? If so could miss holloway find her? But miss holloway is cut from her thoughts when she hears a very familiar song quietly fill her ears. But how? shes the only person that remembers this song. Miss holloway walks up to the girl confused.

“What song is that?”

“You know it dont you miss holloway. has it really been that long?”

“How do you know that song?”

“Oh come on you remember me dont you miss holloway. Or do you want me to call you missy holly.”

“Your not supposed to remember that song… or that name. So tell me how do you remember them?”

“Sit?” the stranger gestures to the other side of the booth motioning for Miss Holloway to sit down. For some reason despite how many different emotions she was feeling, Miss Holloway felt she could trust her and sat down.

“So you gonna explain yourself?”

“Be patient missy im getting there. Anyway i know you know the lords so im gonna skip that question-”

“Wait the lords? Do you mean the lords in black?”

“Duh who did you think i was talking about the lords of the rings.”

“That reference was completely incorrect.”

“Whatever. Anyway, so im there sister.”

“Sister…”

“Yup i'm webby nice to remeet ya!” webby takes miss holloways hand and just holds it. Miss Holloway sits there not necessarily confused cause she's seen a lot of stuff in her many lifes but a bit bewildered.

“So why are you here? And why were you at my concert?”

“Well I was checking to make sure nibbly wasn't causing too much trouble when I heard your music and decided hey that sounds cool so I checked you out and realized something so I thought i'd make myself known in an inconspicuous way.” 

“Ok… why are you here now then?”

“Well uh ive actually been keeping an eye on you but ive been busy so i havent seen you in a while but when i saw how lonely you were i thought id come say hi. Because well you know im the only person who really remembers you so i thought you might want a friend.”

“I have friends.”

“None that truly know you though.” This made Miss Holloway a little sad. Because webby was right none of the people she cared about knew her. The real her. They knew one of her personas. Yes thats still her but none of them know her name, her story, her pain. But now shes sitting with someone who remembers her. Remembers her songs, her life, her name. So she gives it a shot.

“Well webby, feel free to drop by the diner whenever.”

“I will missy i will”

And with that webby is gone and miss holloway is alone again. But now she knows she won't be alone forever. So she waits for the next time. She works and cleans and hopes webby will come back cause shes getting lonely again. But about a week and a half later the white haired goddess returns and takes a seat at a booth and waits for miss holloway. Miss holloway grabs a plate of french fries and walks over to the booth.

“I was starting to think you werent gonna come back webby.”

“Sorry ive been pretty busy.”

“Its fine. French fry?” miss holloway slides the plate over to webby who grabs one hesitantly. As soon as she eats it her face lights up.

“Thats delicious! Can i have more?” miss holloway laughs and smiles properly fro the first time in a long time.

“Go ahead.” webby eats a few more fries before talking again.

“So what you been up to missy?”

“The diner keeps me busy so thats really it. Lifes pretty boring and lonely.”

“Can i ask you something missy?” miss holloway nods for her to continue.

“Can we go on a date?” miss holloway chokes.

“A date?”

“Yeah I heard it's a fun thing humans do and you look like you need to have some fun.”

“Webby a date is something people in a relationship do.”

“Ok so?”

“Well were not you know in a relationship.”

“So were not friends?” webby seems sad at this.

“No we are its just dates are for people in like a romantic relationship and were not.”

“What if we were though?” webby asks quietly looking down at the table. Miss holloway freezes she never thought this ethereal goddess would even know about dating but here she is being asked on a date by the queen of the white. How it would work miss holloway didn't know. what she did know is that she has felt so alone for so long and that having someone who actually knew her could make her feel a little less sad and a little more alive. Besides how could she say no to a literal queen.

“I think we could do it if we tried.”

“So is that a yes missy holly?”

“It is indeed webby.” webby smiles a plants a kiss on miss holloways cheeks. Miss holloway welcomes the affection her cheeks flush red and she turns to webby. They look into each others eyes both feeling more alive than they have in ages.

[sonny-whorezik]

haiii ... like a week short of a month since i left everything.... i just wanted to use as Journal and catch up before i do Fully return to social media, gettin rid of the app after this post yet again:

has . been . rough. grief has been consistent the last month from my best friend and now ex leaving me, losing that new job due to being physically sick from grief and being unemployed an additional month, my best best friend my dog, sage, passed away last friday and although i left to drive to kansas i just didn't make it in time. She has wind chimes over her grave and passed listening to the sound of the wind chime my great grandma left for me. two days after her passing marked the First Full Year since my grandpa passed away, i had a dream the night before where we drove around looking at christmas lights with people no longer in my life and he just looked so so sad. i am consistently physically alone; i facetime a couple friends but i go outside alone, sleep/wake up alone, eat alone, this has been going on since i left arizona in november Most of my time is spent completely alone.

ive tried new habits. i meditate and stretch in the morning and night. i read a page a day of a stoicism book my dad got me last year with a propeller hat. i see a therapist weekly, wake up earlier, even floss now. The complete back to back to back grief has left me no choice but to just Do Something. while i would Love to share something with someone its best i reserve it to myself, yet here i am vacantly sharing my last month to who knows who...

my friend invited me to see stop making sense last night in a farther town, showed the original film not the remastered and general admission was all standing and everyone acted as if it was a real concert dancing and singing. this was my 6th time seeing it in a theater. did not cry once yet celebrated the experience i have had and although i will never have anything quite like i did with someone quite like them, at least i had it for a good portion of my life. had to devote this must be the place to myself, foreign. to be completely transparent, i do miss them every day. i do not cry like i used to, i dont let myself get consumed by thought and feeling, ive grown more desensitized as time has passed, but i still miss them of course. i consistently see things that remind me of them even when theyre not on my mind and when sage died i wanted to reach out so terribly; reminisce of the fort we built where she slept with us and i had no one to talk to but my mom who was with her til the end. i didnt. i havent reached out. it is not my place given they were the one to leave i just will not keep reaching out and chasing someone who sounded so blatantly apathetic on our last phone call. i tell myself it was just a form of self preservation to them but yknow. like. that's it, i have no choice but to experience grief with self compassion and continue on, wherever that goes.

i may be starting TMS treatment , having magnets zap my brain 5 days a week, 6 weeks. i see a cardiologist on the 30th since my chest frequently hurts and both ekgs have concerns in the pause between beats. my pulse at resting is consistently around 120 yet my blood pressure is fine; who knows. well i guess ill know actually in 10 days. im finishing a vape, got a full pack of cigarettes ive yet to touch yet plan to quit smoking here soon in hopes it helps. maybe after my pack to eliminate temptation yet not waste my money... i bought it an hour before sage passed. i barely drink coffee and dont use energy drinks anymore i do what i can for my heart now.

atticus still sleeps with me, most nights. sometimes he wanders the living room when i cant sleep. im almost halfway through galapagos. i washed my sheets for the first time since buying them in august. im very much alone and this is all fine i tell myself. the stoicism has encouraged me to alter my perspective on things more rationally as opposed to the wired self deprecating and depression-based "take everything personally" thought processes ive had for 18 years. im on my phone significantly less and i even wrote a piece on piano i may share after this post. ive been transposing it to cello, my grandma requested.

i have no interest in perusing anyone anytime soon still, whether its still too early or what i think i do just Need to do these things alone for a while. ive never found sole stability in others, i learned this at 6 with my dad, yet while outside aid would help, it is not a requirement to live however. forgive me for how long this is and for leaving once again there are a few of you i used to talk to daily and now ive just got a few contacts in my phone.

despite chronic mental illness, mourning, loneliness, you name it, ive never taken this approach before. i will typically have a suicide attempt yet here i am doing a pancake stretch and ommm-ing every morning. i keep as busy as i can, today i went through every single thing i own to sort donations and the day before i deep cleaned. there is a box wrapped in a blanket of some of the things that remind me of them. i went through it today and brought out some things like the books theyve given me, it doesnt hurt as much anymore to remember. im donating the mugs i never gave them and the one theyd use at my house when theyd come over. all their letters havent been reread yet sit in between the photo of us in the cave. it was nice to see. i am so honored they let me, of all people, share these experiences with them. i am more thankful it happened then miserable itll never happen again; at least i had it for a while. i say this yet if a year passes and i hear from them, i would love to reconnect: hear how their life has been, what they've been doing, how their family is and if they are doing better. if this has helped. while for 6 years i believed they were really it for me, whether we ever dated or not ive always considered them the only one who Really Knew who i was, how i worked, you name it. although im "moving on" by taking care of myself more, it is upsetting to admit if i ever have a chance again, id take it in a heartbeat. i say this yet still believe Even if i do never get a chance, that's okay too. While i would, i dont anticipate it, rely on it, sit in denial "theyll surely come back," its alright if they never do. i live each day as if they never will yet to my core do know that i would try again

a knee ways .. i hope you, whoever reads, is doing okay, that you feel alright and what not. you dont have to feel good every day, but at the least alright i hope ... not sure if/when ill come back maybe just once a month im unsure yet .was just in a solid enough state to do this for a moment . wish you all well ,

[semiotomatics]

just some venting

climbed a ladder for the first time since leaving work/going on meds yesterday, and it was. eye opening. one of the side effects of my meds is muscle tremours and it didnt even occur to me that that wld make ladders difficult, but BOY did it. esp since i was on an old as balls aluminum 10ft-er 😭 now today im so sore and i assume its from clenching all my muscles as hard as i can trying not to fall off.

sometimes i think abt going back to work, and what that wld look like, and obvs i knew there wld have to be changes so i didnt have another breakdown, but like. i cant even climb ladders now. or at least, i can only climb short ones (like 4ft), and only very slowly. i cant climb more than a single flight of stairs, i cant stand for more than 5 minutes at a time w/o support, i certainly cant walk around for more than, at most, a few hours (and ill still end up in pain + sore the next day). i do believe some of this is muscle atrophy from lack of use, but not all of it. cause if im being honest, it still fucking hurt like hell to try to be Normal before, i just pushed thru the pain. but now that my tolerance is shot, i just cant do that anymore. and i know i shldnt be doing it.

one of the hardest parts abt becoming/accepting that im disabled has been figuring out what my limits actually are, cause im so used to blowing past them every day. and if i want to be able to work sustainably AKA in a way that wont make me want to kill myself, i need to respect those boundaries. but its hard. im not used to listening to my body, im really not. i still struggle with even realizing im in pain, let alone what causes it/how to prevent it. and now that im trying to listen more, im noticing how dissociated ive been for like. my entire life. i think thats also why my memory feels like its getting worse—its prolly actually abt the same, im just actually trying to remember things now instead of repressing/dissociating from them.

anyway, yesterday was kinda rough and i just had to get that out. when im at home, sitting comfortably, i can sometimes forget what my body's like now. its only when i have to actually do things that i realize. and its kinda scary, ngl. esp when every dr ive talked to abt it either dismisses it, attributes it to my depression, or just tells me to "exercise more" :/ like maybe there isnt a treatment/cure for whatevers wrong w me, but id at least like to know. hopefully one day i will.