#im having a lot of fun rn tho
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yk what i WILL share my old dragonfruit ship art from like 2 years ago lol. starting with these!! <3 (will share more later)
#pingdoobles#lego monkie kid#lmk dragonfruit#dragonfruit shipping#lmk mei#lmk red son#lmk fandom#lmk fanart#most of my LMK art was deleted off of my socials cause it got stolen a lot lol (my fault for not signing my art back then sigh)#kinda why i slowly faded out of the fandom and focused on lmk OC stuff with my mutuals (which was soo fun i miss it haha)#tho i have noticed some old mutuals rediscovering me in my dca fixation hell rn and im so very not sorry LOL#damn daycare attendants doing things to my poor heart#i admit i'm weak <3#but also the fnaf hyperfixation cycled back again it always does lol#cw bright colors#bright colors#cw eyestrain#eyestrain#<- juuust in case
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my irl friend started reading tged and she sent me a screenshot and i immediately thought of the overwhelming sparkly picmix gifs that say "good morning rise and grind!" so i. made one
#tged#the greatest estate developer#lloyd frontera#lynn misc#picmix#THIS IS SO STUPID AHAHAHAHA#i might make more i dont quite have the best access to picmix rn tho so we'll see#also i am SO HAPPY MY IRL IS READING TGED SHES HAVING A LOT OF FUN IM SO HAPPY
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Been doing a lot of figure drawing recently. here are some of the free references I've found helpful in case anyone would like to join me!
https://www.deviantart.com/phelandavion
https://www.deviantart.com/theposearchives
https://www.pinterest.com/jookpubstock
https://www.adorkastock.com/
https://www.deviantart.com/null-entity
https://www.youtube.com/@NewMastersAcademyorgNMA
#im trying to shake off the last bits of a lengthy art block and its helping me a lot to do really quick sketches#zeet studio has been esp fun (but theyre not free. they do have a session up for two dollars rn tho and its so much fun)#al chatters
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first thing i drew on my new tablet to test it out is the tv beast themselves
#gonna take a while to get used to... tfw u get an intuos for the buttons but realize u have#way too much muscle memory for ur old keyboard shortcuts (im talking YEARS. of the same/similar shortcuts. like. when did i get my first#tablet???? 2015??? YEAH.) (not my latest one btw i went thru a few tablets but yknow)#oh well!! ill see#took a bit to get used to but eventually i got into the swing of it since the work space on this is a bit smaller than my old one#i LOVEEEEE how the pen feels tho like the brush strokes its more consistent and i think ill be able to do good if ... my hand isnt hurty#and once i get less shaky with it!!!!! its sooo good. then again my old tablets pen had...its nib for 2+ish years#YEAH IT WAS BAD BAD....kept asking for replacement nibs but wouldnt get em#oops... oh well! anyways we ar the SMOOOOFFF zone HEE HEE#anyways i misse ddrawing cathal............. the skrunkle . the him. care him much very much a lot#trying out different ways to draw him too#and not try to be as on model as i was before... just have fun yknow??? get stylized and funky with it!§§§§!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!HEEHEHEHEHEEE#soarry my brain wants to amsh buttons randomly rrly hard rn so its evil laugh time#ok normal tags time GO#toontown#toontown corporate clash#multislacker#cathalposting#guz art
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holy fucking shit
i have 3 concerts to go to now, one is early august, one is a week before a 3 day con and the last i have to wake up at 6 am the DAY after the con to catch a flight to fuckin texas so i can camp out for the pit, which ive never done before and im kinda nervous about.
plus side is ill finally be meeting a really good long time friend of mine i met online in middle school!!!! im so excited AAAAAAAAA!!!!
#next two months are gonna be stressful but worth it#lots to do lots to do#i just gotta get better at getting to sleep and staying asleep and i can power through this#this month i cant do much but finish fnaf games and work to get money for a cosplay plus art fight tho so i need to chill the hell out#its always fucking august-october where im constantly doing things gotdamn#weird how my mental health has gotten better now that i have things to look forward to#like oh yeah im like a young adult this is what im supposed to be doing rn. having fun#wild#also ive been unmasking more so i think thats been helping at reducing stress :3
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getting her ready for her wedding SHES SO PRETTY!!
#they had the baby btww her name is thalia and theyre gonna hyphenate their last names*#*using izas human last name. si yes. its thalia strange-cross is the babies full name#(cross is andrea (pictured)s last name and strange is the simlished version of izas last name)#also andrea is SO much easier to dress than iza is OMGG. i thought it was just bc i have andys color scheme down better (its just green and#purple DJHANIJH and her main hairstyle helps a lot bc its got little beads that i can use to make a nice palette if that makes sense.#whereas iza.. well 2 be honest im never sure what to do with izas wardrobe idt ill ever be happy with it. but i futzed and i think her#wedding outfit is okayyy ill show u guys in a rb. but rn look at miss andrea#also makeup is difficult for me Normally bc i dont wear or observe makeup like ever but wedding makeup is doubly hard#thats why her eyes r just the ones that came with mws bc i was like That must mean theyre wedding appropriate#n then i just tried to match the lip. its difficult for me this is why normlly if i have a sim who wears makeup they justwear crazy shit#even miss andys normal makeup is a bit out there bc shes fun and whimsical and my bff...#i probably need to mature her wardrobe a bit tho now that shes out of college and nearing the top of her career And has a baby and is gonna#be married in abt a year. sim year not irl year. but her clothes r so cuteee :[[
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good news for all my haters: im not coming back. not properly. i think social media and being around ppl in general is destroying me so im gonna just focus my energy on other stuff
ill probably still be a little bit active occassionally but for now i think il just stick to posting art etc. im moving to sheezy.art (which is down for maintenance rn but opens for registration again on fridays!) bc the energy there is much nicer for me.. but ill still post on here and insta. im also gonna be working on building my own website again!! so bookmark it and maybe some day itll have cool stuff on it.... :]
#idk ill see how this goes but ive been like lurking here for a couple days and every time without fail it makes me feel shitty#may not be a permanent thing but i have a couple safeguards in place now to stop me from getting sooooo bad. i think#i deleted all the apps off my phone. which has helped a lot esp deleting insta for reels#and i actually made another blog for like if i ever go Cazy again. for like vents and stuff . altho if im not on social media at all it#shldnt be a prblem#i wont share that but u can ask for it if u want. tho unlikely ill post for a while idk#for the record my neocities has like nothing on it rn. its essentially a series of tests from when i started last yr#and got nowhere lollll.. but im hoping to have a lot of fun with it soon#lol this whole thing is a little stupid. and i feel bad but just know its all my own fault. my own issues etc#its happened b4 itll happen time and time again i think. so im just gonna part ways w it#from now on if im gonna overshare it has to be in a lengthy edited well written blog post !!!!!!!!!!!#oke. bye#i do actually have smth to post later on my rnm blog but whatevaaa#oh ill start up my queues again too
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On the bright side, I've done so much writing recently!
It has, however, all been on academic papers </3
#they've been some bomb ass papers tho. im killing it rn tbh (its also killing me just a bit)#but hopefully I'll have time either this weekend or in like two weeks over thanksgiving to get lots and lots of writing done!#i have some fun things planned heheheh
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messing around with magnet words again
#mine#magnet poetry#i want to do a whole conversation between these 2 characters i just invented#it's fun to play with the different voices. for whatever reason this pack of words has a billion flowery ones#to the point that it can be hard to work around#but the fact that you always need SOME basic words means i can also do the other voice#just have to get creative with what they say#'do you like me' 'my car is here' 'we could go'#im missing 'do you' and 'could' rn tho#i guess i could also do 'i like you' or 'let's go' if i found the words for those. hmmmm#'we could go to a play' maybe#the board is too small to have all the words out so im missing some very basic ones and it's frustrating#someday when i have more space im going to have a whole big magnet board up on the wall for magnet words#and there will be lots of space for poems#i like messing with them it's very relaxing
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alas, turns out grad school is hard so i haven't been drawing much of anything BUT. now. some side characters for yall
#original#ocs#art#satyrs#artists on tumblr#character design#Heiti Varrater#Tcham Bakome#Angus Singh#HAII. i've needed to design these 3 in particular for EVER. finally i have done eet#i actually. really REALLY like how bakome turned out. he looks FANTASTIC#bang on with this guy. he looks great#also rlly like how singh turned out. that dude is singh for sure#heiti.... she's giving me problems. as she does best#this is her 2nd design now and it's better than my first but theres something still missing. idk what#ill probably continue to refine her with time#grouping her with these 2 is kinda odd cause like. she has nothing to do with them other than being in the same general storyline#like she never really meets them?? maybe once for a brief period. idk i havent thought about it much#they're on different ships. theyre doin different things#but theyre all side characters that are relatively important SO. put them together#ive resigned to just. drawing humans with pointy ears. bcause why the fuck wouldnt i#every other species gets fun ears. give humans some point to em why not#there is a. range. of feelings about these guys#LOVE heiti. she sucks (affectionate). she's fantastic. obsessed with her#bakome has lots going on and im not even sure of most of it. but he is VERY interesting and he occupies a cool middle space of like.#doing no harm but preventing no harm either. doing no harm but allowing harm to be done. he has morality but he turns the other way#idk. i like him and i think he borders on sucks but either way he's interesting#and then there singh. god he sucks. he sucks so bad. worst of em all. captain worst#the harm that is being done is allowed by him because hes the captain and that's if hes not just doing it himself. fuck that guy#i do think hes fun tho. hes. a little flatter than bakome rn but hes still got SOME interesting stuff going on. just a lil
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idk what ramadan is gonna look like for me this year lol
#z.gen#i try to be more on my deen and i will do it this year#like hitting all of my prayers when i normally hit like 3/5 etc#no substances which fluctuates yearly since being calisober is what got me off other drugs but should be fine this yr#a lot of people wont listen to music either but i honestly dont listen to it much during the day regardless#having a very night time schedule is helpful during ramadan#i think im gonna try and focus on establishing all of my prayers#i dont really care to talk about my faith much cause its so genuinely no ones business#but i am muslim i just dont follow the practices of any of the four major sunni schools strongly for other reasons#im not shia either tho... looking#none of it matters rn cause i cant fast anyway LOL but its okay#its just like. kind of hard to celebrate islam with whats going on in palestine#like a lot of my fellow muslims get really obsessed w the aesthetics#but the month is about refraining from worldly desires and practing restraint and is generally anti consumerism#so its like. idk if i care for fun silly ramadan recipes. im gonna try to organize stuff with my mosque again inshallah
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my inability to play mobile games nowadays is also a source of suffering as a person who loves rhythm games. i miss her (SIF1).....
#but 1) she is shut down <3 and 2) even if she was still up i probably would barely play because the game was getting.... messy#i loved the old UI but they kept like. adding shit. too many little red exclamation marks#but it was one of the comfiest feeling rhythm game mechanics i ever played#i need to find a rhythm game that really feels good is my problem. high key i actually do not like most of the project diva style gameplay#TOO MANY button inputs that are hard to read im too learning disabled for that#i did love project mirai tho. and i liked project diva X because the progression was less skill focused and more perseverance#i really dont like post ps4 pd i do NOT like those multi button inputs where you have to do like#r1 + square + circle + whatever and it like changes every time. girl i cant READ#i much prefer rhythm games where the inputs are simple and dont require as much thinking or reading#and its more focused on just how good can u hit those simple inputs#i really loved beat saber when i played it at a vr arcade once. but i do not have the space or money for vr rn LOL#i also have really enjoyed taiko. someday i'd like to try a peripheral. one time i played it on the dk bongo gamecube controller#to see what it felt like. it felt bad <3 but it was fun <3 <3 <3 <3#osu i havent really liked. although i do enjoy elite beat agents and oeundan. i think its the physically small screen of the ds#sometimes its fun to boot up melodys escape or audiosurf too. but id really like to try other games#when i did play mobage i was partial to stuff like sb69's three track system and llsif's 9 spot system#but i didnt like the way deemo felt.... the size of the visual hit boxes were TOO SMALL it always felt weird#flick notes sucked whenever i played a mobage tho. i have SWEATY FINGERS dont to this me#swipe notes are fine its just flick. also i dont like how hard they are to read similar to a lot of console games <3
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I do find it so funny that I will graduate college days away from my birthday. Like my birthday is literally in between the end of the semester ("graduation") and commencement
It really will be like a joint graduation & birthday party for me lmao
#speculation nation#i dont really do birthday parties anymore. havent in a long time. mostly just go out and do smth fun around my bday. ya kno#also have cake but like not in a party way. just like. here's cake lol#but im probably only gonna graduate from college once. which means i might as well live it up and all.#invite all sorts of extended family and people who have known me. etc etc.#actually it just kinda sunk in that i am. Computer and Information Technology (Systems Analysis and Design focus) w a minor in Communication#like those are words. it's a lot of words but actually it really is pretty accurate?? like that's indeed what ive been studying.#now how much i *remember* is another question. considering how long ive taken to get thru school lol#but that's what people will see on my degree. that's my Thing. graduated in Computer Systems and Talking.#idk it's just weird to have spent so much of my life on this and like That's the culmination. it took so much work.#even beyond a normal 4 years. i switched my major *twice*. switched my minor too.#first year engineering to undecided liberal arts (as a temp major trying to switch to computer science bc i couldnt stay in FYE)#but then computer science sucked so i switched to trying to get into computer & info tech. which is different. and better.#and ive been in it long enough now that ive kinda forgotten but it did take some fuckin work to switch into it.#like i had to take certain classes first & i couldnt take them during the semesters that in-major students would take them#and i had to have my gpa up to a certain level etc etc. so many hoops to jump thru. i think it took me at least a year. or more. idr#but i made it in and thats my major. thats my thing. computers and information systems and communication.#doesnt FEEL like im an almost-graduate. but then i think about all the things ive taken and learned.#and maybe i dont remember a lot of the more specific things from these classes. but i took core lessons away from each one.#wont be able to recite the theories but i can live them. and thats the point of an education i guess.#anyways im gonna have to start job searching before too long and eughhbb. need to get my license first tho probably.#which i will... i will.... i have so many things to deal with... my life will be So Different in a year...#it will require me to put in the work now. but i can do it. and then a year from now. i'll hopefully be in a better spot.#living somewhere else. graduated from college. with a license and a car. maybe even an IT job of some kind.#kind of scared of trying to find a Big Boy Job. aka a job that requires a degree and networking and all that shit.#rather than just showing up and being like Hi i can do this job. i am not a total drain of a person. hire me please 👍#hfkahfks so many things to think about. and through it all i am still dealing with DEADLINES...!!!!#but yeah this is why my writing has largely been put on hold. idk i have a lot of things im dealing with rn.
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#anyways hahahahaha#i know i literally just got to meet phil#after a LIFETIME fixation#and have so much fun at the show#and i know it was HUGE and so wonderful and im so grateful that i got to be there at all muchless meet them#and everyone was so nice to me even tho i didnt have much energy to give them#and i know it sounds stupid and whiny#but god#i am so FUCKING BURNT OUT#ive been riding on fumes for weeks#really for years but im at an exceptionally thin spot rn#and i cant get thru an hour without crying for no reason#im shaking with exhaustion no matter how much i sleep#and lord i sleep a lot lately#all of my hobbies and interests are just kinda there peripherally#nothing interests me and the things that do interest me exhaust me to even think about doing#its been work home work home work home in an increasingly agonizing cycle for the last little bit#and hey man idk if i can keep doing it#ive been working fulltime for 13 years#the longest ive been unemployed was 5 months (?) and not even consecutively#and i was still doing side jobs then#everything is passing in a haze because I have no energy to extend to it#its everything i can do to get myself up in the morning and drag through my work day#i was at the show last night. that ive been wanting to go to since i was 8#i got to meet phil after 16 years#i got to hug them both#and see a lovely show#and the entire time i just felt numb and exhausted and was aching to just go home and sleep so i could shut off#not to kink post on main#but i used to heavily lean on dom/sub dynamics so that i could have someone else be in charge for at least ONE aspect of my fucking life
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mentor roulette is so wild. mine have just been constantly flipflopping between the most dull, brain dead arr content (prae, lota, guildhests) and EXTREMELY STRESSFUL SHB+ CONTENT (eden raids, strayborough deadwalk)
#falling asleep in prae rn#after my last roulette was the world's most scuffed strayborough#im having fun with it tho#no extremes so far but i havent done a whole lot so im sure it'll come lmao
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...
#aaaand thats a 3rd doctor. a psychiatrist. who listened to me ans thought: mm sounds like bip0lar lol#me: wow its so easy to get diagnosed as bip0lar. thats bc u r exhibiting lots of depression and a limit amount of mood elevation. that's#like. thats what bip0lar is. she was like yea ppl with bip0lar 2 spend like 75% of time being depressed and a lil elevated mood... which#sounds like what u r describing. me:#...yeah. but again its complicated by the 0cd and spectrum issues. but she independently brought up 4dhd. just when i was like no its all#0cd. here we r again. stuck back in the messy overlap. but whatever i got proscribed bip0lar medicine. lam1ctal. we'll see#bc everyone i talk to is like. we need to control the mood 1st. like so u dont die. and im like hm yeah good call lol#she seems super cool tho. like i would love to just talk to her. ugh. she wants to get a handle on the mood and then maybe add a stimulant#bc shes had it happen in thr past where someone comes in with debiltating 0cd and got treated with lam1ctol and a stimulant and the#obsessive rumination stopped. so well see. idk if ill actually qualify as 4dhd enough. well see. fingers crossed#my mood is a lil elevated rn so its all fun. well see if we tip off a cliff bc im getting less sleep and go go going#unrelated#ugh im scared to start the medine tho bc the ssri i got proscribed fucked me up so much. which is also an indicator of bip0lar#god dammit. if this works im gonna have to actually accept the idea of being bip0lar. i mean. it makes sense being on that spectrum#is just sounds insane and i was not expecting it despite my fucking obsession with understanding wtf my deal is#idk. whatever. doesnt matter
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