#im gonna regret posting it when i wake up

[sad-leon]

"So why am I so tiny, and why am I so mad?"

KoFi || Patreon

[violentdevotion]

i think id be okay with someone spitting in my mouth but they'd have to make sure to brush their teeth beforehand

[marclef]

the pornbots are trying a new approach i see: not only having usernames that punch me in the face but also calling me an Egg.

[ryiju-muunie]

Could you do cult leader! geto I’m so feral for this like he doesn’t care about his followers but reader is just so pretty and he wants to make her his lover for the whole cult to see PLS IM FERAL N I LOVE YOUR WRITING <3

Red Ink

18+ viewer discretion is advised

fem!reader/cult leader!Suguru Geto Warnings: angst, pining, slowish burn not really, selling and technically kidnapping, the reader has a sad backstory KAY [implied physical abuse], age gap [Geto is 37 and reader is 24], forbidden romance, im gonna make the reader sassy dx, alternate AU where Geto is a cult leader but it's set in more of an ancient time YOULL SEE [kind of like my happy marriage], bathtub masturbation, bathtub sex, sexual tension, cumshot [breasts], masochist!Suguru Geto, hair pulling, Word count: 7221 DESC: Suguru Geto never thought about giving a monkey who couldn't wield jujutsu a chance ... until he met you.

Hiii!!! I just got sick so please be patient my posts might get spaced out for a bit until I recover but I really like this! I took a few [A LOT] creative liberties when writing :3

If you want a guarantee I will write and post your request in a timely fashion head over to my Ko-Fi!

Every morning it was the same routine. Suguru would wake up at 7:45 AM every morning to an empty bed, with the lights a dull orange color. They hung from the room's corners and lit up just enough to let him peer around. He slowly forced himself off the squeaky mattress, becoming accustomed to the sensation of the cold wood against his bare feet. A breath of air flowed through his nose as his hand lazily trailed through his robes, hanging in his large closet. There were so many to choose from, all almost the same. Although, some details were different. Blue trim vs yellow, or a red pattern vs green. In all honesty, he never cared much about his appearance. As long as he wouldn’t have to leave, he didn’t mind his daughters or servants doing the shopping for him. Maybe that’s why the leader's hair was too long to manage, so he would lazily put half of it up in a semi-orderly bun. 

All of these people, and Suguru Geto was completely and utterly alone. He had no one who understood why he decided to become the leader of the Star Religious group so young, almost twenty years ago, at the ripe age of seventeen. All of his innocence was lost at such an age that he could feel a bitter taste rising on the back of his tongue. Bile. The taste of regret. Sometimes he looked out the window to some of the convent’s children playing in the courtyard, and he wished he had found a partner to aid him on his journey. No one ever caught his eye, no one ever piqued his interest. No one like … 

Suguru shook his head and blinked a few times, sending himself out of an impending spiral and instead leaving it for another day. He looked over to his robes, where his hand clung to his signature robe, yellow trim with a green pattern sewn to the front. There was something so comforting about this robe. Maybe because it was the first one ever made for him by his monkey servants, the only monkeys he’d ever let near his person without choosing to disinfect himself afterward. They knew their place in society and acted accordingly. The only monkeys he could tolerate. 

Another sound took him out of his thoughts, a knock on the door. He turned his head, “Come in,” was all he had to rasp. His voice was naturally soft, as he didn’t typically raise it past a whisper to most. Only when Suguru was truly enraged would he begin to scream and yell at those useless monkeys… but that was becoming rare now.

A tuft of pink hair appeared from the door as it opened, showing his secretary Manami. She strolled in as if she owned the room, opting to close the door with a push to her hip. The male watched her with an indifferent gaze as she tapped the rickety clipboard in her hand, “I found you a personal servant.”

“Personal servant? Why would I need that? I’m capable of dressing myself, you know,” as Suguru spoke he began to pull at his sheer robe, the one he slept in. His secretary looked up to the ceiling, avoiding any and all contact with his body as she possibly could. 

She tapped a pen along the rim of the clipboard as she continued, “Someone to make the bed and cut your hair. It’s getting too long, sir.” Manami swiftly raised her hand and pointed to him with the pen, still avoiding his body with her eyes up. He raised an eyebrow at her, shrugging off the robe and setting it neatly on his bed. His jaw flexed as he clenched it, in thought. Would the leader of the Star Religious group need a personal maid to do every little thing he needed? I mean, it sounded appealing to have a monkey fetch him any useless thing he requested. Watching them spread themselves thin trying to appease him. His lips pulled together in a silent smile at that thought.

“What’s this servant's credentials?” Suguru pulled his robe off the hanger and blew on it lightly, ridding it of the dust it had collected throughout the week it had been since he wore it. 

“Well she’s about 24, so past any good age to get married off,” she listed off, looking down at her clipboard as she spoke, “She’s worked in several different houses as a housekeeper and nanny, but she’s been let go for differing reasons.”

Geto slid on his robe and adjusted it until it fell across his muscular body, “Fired? Was she unruly or perhaps a pain in the ass?” A humorous tone took to his voice and Manami laughed in response, handing him the clipboard so he could see for himself. In a subtle sprawl, it wrote your name. It was interesting as he perused down the paper, stopping at the section where it detailed how you were let go: “Fired for talking back” and “Inappropriate conduct” happened to be recurring on the list, making the leader quirk an eyebrow. The last time he had anyone with some sense of personality was ages ago, as I previously stated my guy doesn’t raise his voice often. “What does she look like?” He asked, handing the clipboard back to the woman.

“I dunno. Why? Finally over your ex, Sugruuuuuuu?” Manami teased, a grin appearing on her face. However, it quickly disappeared as soon as he shot her a warning glare. Never bring up that name. Even edging around the subject, do not bring it up. Every servant and every secretary knew the leader’s past was a delicate subject. Never bring it up. 

She cleared her throat and continued, “Her parents are the ones using her for labor money. We can undercharge them for an old hag and get full labor! ‘Course, she’d have to live here… but I can situate that,” she waved a hand in the air to dismiss that train of thought, “I think it’ll be good for you, sir. Maybe you can get some release.”

She did it that time. Suguru’s eyes shot up to hers and gave her a look that would have sent anyone running. Manami apologized instantly, bowing her head. Everyone also knew of their Emperor’s lack of sexual lovers, and his constant sexual frustrations. He had never been able to fully relieve himself, for well over twelve years. There was a pent-up hunger burning inside him and no one could satiate it no matter how much he tried.

“Hire her. I wish to get acquainted with my new personal servant.”

Your personality had always bounced back even in the face of adversity, maybe that’s why every household you’ve ever worked for had fired you. Life wasn’t easy for someone like you, in a family who didn’t prioritize you. All they wanted were sons and they were blessed with a daughter who couldn’t even marry, you were a disgrace. So they decided they would use you for money if they could, milking you for every cent you were worth. However, you couldn’t keep a job. 

You started well-behaved and quiet, but soon the snippy comments would start. Then soon, you’d be making a scene, disrespectfully calling out your bosses for their treatment in a very public manner. Then they’d fire you instantly, making your family angry once more. It was a vicious cycle they couldn’t snap you from. You were never going to change until your father had announced you had been sold. 

The Star Religious group had agreed to your purchase, giving your family a sum of money they hadn’t seen in their entire lifetime. It was enough for them to skip town and leave you in your own abandoned house. Rough. Of course, that money wouldn’t hold them afloat forever, but they didn’t realize it at the time. All you could think about was the fact you had been abandoned by the people you had been blessed to, the people who said they loved you. 

You were never going to change until that day.

There was no use in fighting, because what happened after this? You’d have no one to back you up or a roof to sleep under. This time… you weren’t going to fuck it up. A carriage arrived at your vacant lot a day after your parents announced you were sold, leaving you alone with your thoughts. In a side bag were two kimonos, a compact, and a hair clip. You opened your rickety front door and peered over at the carriage with wide eyes. Normally a comment would fly out of your mouth, but you couldn’t even will yourself to speak. You didn’t have the will or energy to do anything more than sit and stare like a rock before a woman came out of it. 

She was beautiful, with short pink hair and a purple dress. She shouted your name and clasped her hands together in front of her stomach, “Oh he’s going to like you very well. Sir Geto has a thing for submissive women.” 

You couldn’t even bring yourself to laugh in her face and contradict her statement, nodding lifelessly, “I am grateful for this opportunity, Ms.” 

“Ms. Manami Suda to you!” She grinned, stepping aside to let you walk inside the carriage. It was a dull red on the outside and the same interior-wise, nothing special. You didn’t note the patterns on the inner walls or how the cushion felt. In all honesty, you didn’t care. Even though it was mid-day, you found yourself fantasizing about sleeping in a cot that wasn’t made of pure shit material, maybe even with a pillow. 

The carriage ride was quiet, aside from the occasional comment from Manami about how you didn’t have the monkey smell. Oh, that’s right… they were Jujutsu Sorcerers. You or anyone in your family for that matter were not blessed with the sorcerer gene, so you truly didn’t understand what it meant. Instead of speaking you nodded politely and let a fake small smile grace your lips, as if you were actually listening to her. The countryside was beautiful, the ride taking you deep into the middle of nowhere. Then you saw it, large buildings all coupled together to create a convent. They were tan with brown bamboo roofs, slanted to a point on the top. Incredibly gorgeous. You had always fantasized about building your own buildings one day, admiring from afar. But you weren’t built for that lifestyle. 

It was only ever going to be a fantasy for you it seemed.

The two of you entered the convent in silence, taking in the architecture. It was gorgeous, something you had seen from far away but never dared to venture to up close. You resisted so many urges to run your hand along the columns of the outdoor hallways that lined the outdoor courtyard in the center, where many of the children played. They all looked happy and free, something you found yourself envying.

“Lord Geto is right this way,” Manami spoke eagerly, walking ahead of you and motioning around, “Get used to it kid, you’ll be spending a lot of time here,” she then glanced back at you, a smile branding her lips, “Don’t get smart.” To her, she didn’t think that you were the same girl with the smart mouth that had been let go so many times. In some ways, you weren’t the same. You were so completely and utterly done with your life you couldn’t bring yourself to even have an ounce of personality you once did.

The rest of the walk was quiet before she turned on her heels to the right and motioned to a large door. It was red, with golden trim around the edges. You couldn’t see inside but you knew exactly what lay behind those doors. Manami took your bag from you politely and knocked a few times on the door, hearing some shuffling and seeing them open. Two guards opened the door, their faces stone-cold and stoic. They were almost scary looking, but nothing prepared you for the man who was behind them. He sat on a mound of pillows, head resting in his palm, and his eyes glued to you. In every sense of the word he was gorgeous, you had never seen anyone that beautiful. And he could say the same about you.

Suguru’s eyes widened just a tad as he took in your person. You were beautiful, looking hand-carved from a cloud by the finest god, wine drunk on nothing but your beauty alone. How could this be? No non-sorcerer should have ever made him stare for longer than a few seconds. Manami noticed, hell, everyone but you noticed. He blinked once, then twice, pulling him out of the trace you had put over him, a delicate smile gracing his lips. He spoke your name and used his free hand to beckon you over.

You did as you were told, walking into the room silently. But you hadn’t seen the rug placed before you or the corner of that small table. You found yourself hitting the side of the table with your right ankle, then tripping forward, completely slipping due to the rug. It was within seconds you were face down to the ground, letting out an astonished gasp. That was it. You had done it. You had tripped in front of the most notorious non-sorcerer-hating Sorcerer in the entire country. You had made a complete and utter fool of yourself and that was going to be the end of your life. A sad and embarrassed blush filled your cheeks and hollowed out your temples, waiting for your punishment. 

“I’m… so very sorry,” you managed to mumble, lifting your head from your crouched position. You didn’t hear Suguru lean forward, changing his position to kneel in front of you, and you didn’t expect him to be leaning over you so closely. His face looked down at you with a different kind of softness, raven strands of hair falling over his ears.

“Nonsense. It happens to the best of us… sit up,” he purred, whispering a magical tune in your ear. In any other person, this caring persona would have elicited a feeling of trust and safety. But you found this to be resulting in a different kind of reaction. Suguru’s brow furrowed ever so slightly when you sat up, moving to sit on your knees in front of him, and stared at him with … fuck me eyes?? No one had ever lusted after him so obviously and that quickly too! I mean he was Suguru fucking Geto, for crying out loud- he was supposed to be scary, not sexy! Well… maybe both. 

He blinked slowly to reset his thoughts, letting a gentle hand swipe past her cheek and softly hold her chin. Geto spoke your name lowly as he tilted your head to one side, taking in your features. It was nothing more than a pass over to see you fully, but you had completely soaked your underwear. Yeah, that’s right, you weren’t scared of him you were aroused. It felt even more embarrassing because it was incredibly obvious your fear-torn stare had turned into something more objectifiying. 

You were just picturing him leaning in and whispering sweet nothings as his voice broke your thoughts, “Your name is very pretty.” His voice brushed against your ears and once he retracted his hand back, a small frown parted your lips. His touch was warm and soft, contrasting the devilish stare Suguru typically wore. You wanted to relish in it for a few more moments, but you couldn’t live in a fantasy, now could you?

“Thank you, sir,” you replied, looking down to your lap. You just felt your wetness create an uncomfortable pool in your underwear, making it hard not to squirm. Especially with those naturally beautiful eyes staring at you with a hidden curiosity. 

Aside from the obvious lust radiating off of your person, you were a hard individual to read. Geto was getting mixed signal after mixed signal from your face he decided to sigh and ignore whatever he was feeling at that moment, opting to go over the business side of things. “You will become my personal servant, focussing on cooking, cleaning, and fulfilling my everyday needs. Understood?”

You nodded as he continued, “I would let Manami show you to your room… but it appears she’s wandered off,” he motioned to the slightly open door behind you, “I don’t mind showing you.” With that, the emperor stood up and cleared his throat, brushing his big hands against his robe. You watched with wide eyes as it flowed around him, making him appear more majestic than he actually was. You found yourself standing up and following your new boss, opting not to speak or do anything to draw more attention to yourself. 

As the two of you walked, the columns lining the walls took hold of your mind. The patterns in the wallpaper were one thing in itself, but the structure of the clearly customized columns made your heart flutter. It was gorgeous. Dragon scales dipped into the wall before coming out, in the middle of every door that lined the long indoor hallway. Your feet slowed to a stop, staring at the gold dragon trim. Your hand inched toward it slowly, just one touch to see the type of material. Suguru hadn’t noticed you wandered off until he turned and in the corner of his eye, he saw you stroke the wall. At first, he wanted to do the dick thing and clear his throat, embarrassing you. But something stopped him. You were as pretty as that dragon, the gold reflecting off your skin and making you practically glow in the dim light. You were gorgeous. Stunning even. It was strange, he had never felt himself this attracted to anyone in his life. Aside from- never mind. 

The leader slowly walked back, making his way behind you. You were tolerable to be around, tolerable for a monkey. That was something he had to remind himself about. You were still a non-sorcerer. You were still inferior to him in every sense of the word. Whatever feelings were creeping into his chest and making his heart sing had to get shut away in that instant, so he did the dick move and cleared his throat. 

Your hand was on one of the scales and you froze, turning your head with the speed of light to meet his gaze. “Lord… Please forgive me,” you blurted out, turning on your heel and pressing both hands to your chest, “I’m very sorry. I should never have gotten distracted. I’m sorry,” you squeaked, shutting your eyes tight. You knew what was bound to come… either a physical punishment or your letter of unemployment. Before Suguru could even respond, you lifted your head and tilted it to the side, motioning to your cheek. 

His eyebrow quirked up. He had never seen a servant ask for a punishment for their own wrongdoings, especially when it wasn’t that severe. A strange pang hit his chest, causing a weight to form across his own heart. What had happened in your sad life that made you so prone to letting people do things like that to you? This wasn’t the woman he was expecting. When you walked in, terrified and shy, then … horny, he thought he had gotten the wrong girl. Something must have happened for you to change like that. Maybe your obvious attraction was a hint of the personality you were hiding. Then Suguru had another question: why were you hiding your personality? The first duh answer was so you wouldn’t get fired right away, right? But he felt like there was something more. 

Something he shouldn’t have cared about. You were a non-sorcerer, a monkey! It was forbidden on all accords. 

Suguru blinked a few times, taking himself out of his weird spiral of thoughts to look at your face, contorted with worry, “It’s … alright. I wasn’t aware you liked architecture,” he motioned to the dragon’s golden bodice on the wall, “That was custom made from…” You let your boss explain how the dragon was made and imported, listening to every word. You didn’t want to speak and ruin your only chance at a new life. This was the one and only time you had ever held your breath, stopping any words from coming out. 

After a moment, the male paused and looked over you once more. Something was turning over inside his head and he so desperately wanted an answer. What was going on inside your head and what had deflated your personality so? What had made you turn yourself into a shell of the person he knew was still in there? …And why was he longing to see this? But he said nothing. The moment had passed and as quickly as you wandered off, you were shown to your room. If Geto had let himself unravel any further he would have requested her to accept a binding vow of pure honesty, with the promise of his protection. Why? Why was she pulling at his mind and making him lose it?

That night, he set himself a bath. The water splashed and made small waves as he dipped his feet into it, before submerging his large body. There was something so very calming about a bath to clear his mind… but he couldn’t rid it of you. Of your face, of your monkey smell, or your body. Even though the kimono you were wearing was a size too big, he still made sure to look you over subtly. He took in your large curves and bit his lip, thinking about them as he sat by himself. He was completely and utterly alone, in spirit and in a literal sense. Of course, he’d get a morning erection every now and then, but it had been a long time since something had turned him on just from the thought of it. 

One of Suguru’s hands dipped into the water and grabbed ahold of his meaty cock, dragging a hand up and down his length. It was foreign, but coming back to him like muscle memory. He didn’t want to savor this orgasm to the thought of a lowly monkey, he wanted to get it over with then pretend it never even happened. He wanted to pretend this was all some strange dream he was forced into… not at all something that was going to be plaguing him. He inhaled sharply and leaned his head back, resting his back against the edge of the bathtub. The water was coming up to his mid stomach, warming up his lower half. His pleasure was a gradual build, but he was trying his hardest to rush it. The leader wanted nothing more than to cum and then forget it. His hand tightened around his shaft, stroking upwards to find any sense of release. It was a few seconds before he came, rolling his hips a few times at the new sensation. It was a build of pure warmth before he felt his fluids ooze out of his tip with heavy force. It sprung into the water and contaminated it with his filthy seed. 

It was enough to make him grimace. A non-sorcerer made him so hot and bothered he was forced to spill all over himself, in the bath no less! First, he felt an odd sense of attraction to you… now he wanted nothing to do with it. If it was going to keep him feeling this way, Suguru wanted nothing to do with you. Even if you were beautiful, and you smelt good, and your skin was soft. He could feel it on his fingertips, a psychosomatic warmth radiating off of his hands. 

This was not going to be good for him. You were not going to be good for him.

You woke up at 9 AM sharp, not by choice. Manami shook you a few times, forced you out of your comforting dream, and made you sit up on the small cot you had gotten as your bed. It was more than you could have ever asked for, even if it was made for someone a bit smaller than you. So was your new kimono. They had a dress code for servants to differentiate them, and clearly whoever was the last servant didn’t have a very large … bust. You stared at yourself in the mirror, seeing your form ache to be freed from the tight clothing. The buttons didn’t go all the way down, exposing a bit of cleavage, and it tore a bit at the small of your back. Manami wasn’t much help either, opting to snicker at you and roll her eyes. You wanted to bite back and say something to get her riled up, but you never found your strength. Instead, you took it and nodded. 

“Okay so, Sir Geto’s room is the one to your left. Go ahead and start his bath. Don’t try to wake him up, though. He’ll be all grumpy if you do,” she explained, motioning wildly with her hands. She was a very extroverted person. Someone you would’ve gotten along with if you didn’t feel like absolute dog shit at that very moment. You nodded your head politely and exited the room, opening your bosses. 

It was neat, with barely any decor. Gas lanterns hung from the walls dimly, always keeping the room somewhat illuminated. You tried your hardest not to look at his sleeping form, but you caved. He was so gorgeous it made you pussy throb just from looking at him. His face was resting peacefully against his pillow, some black hairs sprawled against his forehead. His hair was long, longer than you expected, flowing behind him on his bed. And he was wearing what appeared to be a sheer robe. You swallowed and made your way into his bathroom, almost slipping on the excess water left behind from his previous night's bath. You were innocent enough not to question the pile of tissues on the counter, pushing them into the small garbage pail. Then it was a matter of setting up his bath.

In a cabinet hidden by a curve in the wall, you noticed some aromatic bath salts and other essential oils. One of the households you worked for was very into the essential thing, so you had an idea of what scents went together. You didn’t want Geto to smell like a whole mixture of things, but rather one family of scents. You chose a vial of rosemary, lavender, and peppermint oil, hoping it would go together. The bath turned on with a single turn of the knob. Your hands rested on the base of the tub, feeling the water to make sure it wasn’t too hot. It got to the perfect temperature and you put the stopper on the drain, letting it fill up. In the meantime, you sat on the edge of the bathtub and peered around the bathroom. It was again, tidy and austere. He didn’t have an eye for decorating or he didn’t enjoy it. 

You heard a faint groan in the bedroom, signaling Suguru was waking. You inhaled the smell of rosemary and turned on your side to watch as it spilled one drop at a time from the vial. Then fell the peppermint, followed by the lavender. The scent filled the bathroom in an aromatic fashion, filling your senses with a sudden calm. Was it some kind of drug concoction? It was a smell that made you lean back and sigh, filling you with a sense of safety in your surroundings. 

“Good morning,” Suguru spoke, a raspy edge to his voice. Your eyes shot open from their closed state and you stood up, clasping your hands on your chest to hide your cleavage. But you hadn’t seen him staring at you from the bathroom door. He leaned against the doorframe, in only his thin nighttime robe, and stared at your thick breasts. The fabric was so tight, it pulled gaps between each button. He had to admit it, it was hot. Even if you were a filthy monkey, you were a hot filthy monkey. A hot filthy monkey with a banging body. 

“Lord Geto, I was preparing your bath,” you stepped to the side and motioned to the filling water. He caught a glimpse of your back as you turned to turn the knob to the water down to a stop. He saw the tear and the bit of your lacey underwear peeking out from underneath it. Was he that much of a monster that the first time a beautiful non-sorcerer appeared, he’d cave and melt? 

It was starting to feel that way as something came out of his mouth, “How do you feel about me? …Honestly.”

You opened your mouth to respond, on autopilot, before you closed it as quickly as you opened it. What could you say? You found him attractive and you wanted him to breed you? You couldn’t exactly say that, so instead you opted for something more generic, “I think you’re a very respectable leader and emperor to your coven.”

Bull. Shit. Suguru knew it was a lie and he knew you knew it as well. He didn’t have a reputation for being respectable in any sense of the word. He was a cold-blooded killer who’d murder anyone who wronged him in any way. A cold-blooded killer who was beginning to have a strange soft spot for you… 

“Tell me this,” he took a step forward, “if you vow to never lie to me again … I vow to protect you from getting fired, no matter what.” Was he seriously going to bindingly vow himself to some non-sorcerer? Was he seriously going to do this because he wanted to know how he was perceived? 

“...Really?” You asked, your mouth opening slightly. All he wanted was honesty?? You could do that! You could do that so well!! 

“Really,” Geto took another step forward and began to undo the tie holding together his robe. You had made it a point to stare at his face, but you were aching to quickly glance down below his belt. Just for a second.

“Okay. I swear…” You looked away and bit your bottom lip for a moment. You’d have to be honest now. You looked back at the man and let a smile appear on your face, “I think you’re more hot than you are scary.” 

Suguru’s eyes widened. That’s not at all the kind of tonal shift he had expected from you. He expected you to admit some kind of vague attraction and perhaps that he was a terrifyingly charismatic leader. But… he got a response which made an embarrassed blush fill his temples. 

“I’m .. hot?” He raised an eyebrow, pulling off the robe and letting it fall to the floor. Your eyes didn’t shy away now, making direct eye contact with his flaccid cock. It was beautiful even in that state, making your mouth hang open just a bit more. It was huge too. Thoughts of his girth stretching out your tiny pussy flooded into your thoughts. He could fuck you so good with that thing. And his voice… it was perfect.

“A lot of you is hot,” you looked back at his face, which was an excruciatingly bright shade of red. No one had ever felt this comfortable to objectify Suguru this way to his face. He couldn’t deny the fact he was growing to enjoy it. And grow in other ways. He took a few more steps forward, hands reaching out and pulling you closer to his front. 

“You’re being filthy, not honest,” a small smirk graced his lips as he stared down at you with half-lidded eyes, beaming with lust. 

“I can do both,” you returned a smile. A weight had been lifted off your shoulders. You had complete and utter job security. That’s all you could have ever wanted in your entire life, just a place to stay. Even if it meant working with this hot guy for the rest of your life, you didn’t mind. Although, he thought of you as inferior, you didn’t care. That’s what did it. Your personality had been led out of its cage and shown to Suguru’s perverted gaze. He realized what kind of person you were from your few sentences. You were just as much of a pervert as he was. The tonal shift was enough to make you realize what his next plans were, especially when he let his big hands snake around your waist. 

“This is,” Suguru let out a breath and craned his head down, brushing his lips past your ear, “Very wrong… But I can’t help but imagine what it would be like to kiss you, pretty girl,” he cooed, using his free hand to tilt your chin up to face him as he pulled his face back. You both looked at each other’s features for a moment without anything. What was there to say? You could feel him throbbing between your legs with that massive log he had attached to his front. It was hot. You just wanted to trail your hand down his chest and watch him shiver when you got to his v-line.

“You can’t fire me… so I don’t care,” two hands found themselves placed on his bare chest, running up and down his pectorals, “Am I too lowly for you, sir?” You purred, looking back up at him with a lustful expression. It was all you had to say before he proved you wrong. Devastatingly slow, he brought your lips together. The hand on your chin disappeared, moving to rest upon your ass. You sighed into the kiss, molding your lips together in perfect synchronization. It was as if his mouth was made for you, pulling you into sensations you had never felt before. The kiss didn’t last long before he pulled back and looked down at you with an unmistakable expression. He was going to fuck the living shit out of you. It was written on his face from the way he was clearly thinking about how to go about it. There was a bathtub full of aromatic water, waiting to be used… You looked down at the tub and looked back at him. You two didn’t have to say anything as his hands grabbed at the hole from the back of your kimono and ripped it. It made a loud tearing sound and he continued to pull, until little to no fabric hung from your breasts. 

You gasped and looked down at the mess he had made, moving to undo your underwear, then you looked at his cock. It was just aching to be touched in some way. Your hand found his tip and started to stroke down his shaft, then up. Who knew a non-sorcerer's hands would feel phenomenal compared to his own? Suguru let out a faint groan, leaning into your touch. He had never let himself take pleasure in things, ever since his breakup [at KFC] twenty years ago… but now it felt different. He felt like he had one chance to do this and he wasn’t going to spoil it. Your hands were so warm, he could just imagine how warm your mouth would be, gagging on his length.

Large hands cupped your ass and lifted your body, causing you to exclaim loudly and wrap your arms around his neck for stability. He was so strong, you could hardly believe it. It was pure talent and genetics that made him perfect on every level. His face was godly and his body was sculpted from the heavens just for your perverted stare. The male set you down gently in the tub, being mindful to make sure you didn’t land too hard on your plush backside. He wanted to save the bruising on your skin for when it was from him. He wanted his hands to be the ones leaving imprint after imprint on your skin, slapping and grabbing without a care for what would be left behind. He plopped down into the water, not caring if he got water to spill from the sides. He didn’t care about anything, because his hands and eyes were glued to you. His hands hooked around your hips and pulled you onto his lap, still being mindful not to hurt you. 

You grinned and leaned forward, pushing strands of ebony-colored hair across his forehead and away from his beautiful eyes. Purple, they stared back at you gently. “This… is nice,” you spoke softly, pressing your lips first on his forehead, then his nose, before landing on his lips. It was chaste, as the first kiss had been. But it didn’t stay that way for long. Suguru’s tongue slipped its way into your mouth and took over with a dominating force, making you bite back a whimper. It felt so good. He knew exactly how to move it to elicit whatever reaction he pleased. Your hands raked through his hair, before grabbing fistfuls at the root and moaning into his mouth. He liked that, moaning with you.  

“...Harder,” he mumbled against your open mouth, kissing back for more.

“What a pretty little masochist,” you smiled, running your hands through the roots of his hair before clenching them down and yanking up another fistful, hearing him whine in his low gravelly voice. Fuck… it just made you so wet. You clenched your thighs together as you kissed up his face, pulling his hair just to hear the ardor-esc moans fill the room. This was even better than sex, just hearing him get a little bit of pleasure out of this hair-pulling would’ve been satisfactory. But as you did this, you felt his hands fondle your ass, squeezing and palming your skin. It wasn’t long before he lifted you and had you position his throbbing dick against your folds. 

You had never felt a dick this good penetrate you in your life. Something about the way it curved to the left and the bulbous head, touched areas you didn’t even know you had, just on the way down. You threw your head back in a breathy whine, rocking your hips back and forth once you felt yourself hit the base of his cock. Suguru used his two hands to help you slide up his length, then down again. He had you trapped in a rhythm of fucking your tight cunt with his member, making you his fuck toy. The male had never felt himself slip into such a trace over a monkey of all people. Non-sorcerers should have not had this hold on him, but you were different. You gasped and bit down on your hand to stop a loud groan escaping your mouth, with your breasts bouncing with each thrust. 

“Dirty slut,” Suguru uttered, biting on his bottom lip to stop his own noises from getting too loud. No one could figure out this was happening. It was wrong. It was against everything he had ever stood for. But …god it felt so good. Your walls clenched around him every time he forced you down on his length, taking the time to feel up your hips and ass. You were so soft, inside and out. The perfect toy he could use. 

It didn’t take him long to feel close, a familiar pang of desire creeping up the shaft of his cock. You were beyond ready to cum, with this log inside you it wouldn’t take long. You bit down on your fingertips and cried out, not having time to muffle your wails of pleasure. It was a warmth you hadn’t felt in such a long time wash over your whole vagina, flushing out through your body next. You convulsed, grinding your hips back and forth to continue to elongate your high for as much as possible, causing a second orgasm on your way down. No one had ever made you cum like that, making you dumbfounded by the sheer will of their dick. 

The cult leader felt himself throbbing for release, but as much as he wanted to, he couldn’t do it inside you. There couldn’t be any evidence of your joint mistake running around in nine months, not here. Instead, he pulled you off his cock and pressed his lips together, “Press your…” He motioned to your breasts then his cock, “So I can…” You nodded and pressed your tits together, pushing them up against the length of his dick. That was all he needed, using his left hand to finish the job. He focused his energy on the swollen tip, leaking precum and begging to release all over your mounds of perfect flesh. Mounds he wanted so desperately to put in his mouth and suck. 

Then he came, splattering out of his cock and messily coating your tits. Most of the cum was on your skin, although half of it also found its way into the water. You bit your lip as he came and thrust into the air, into nothing. It was like volt after volt of pure pleasure was shot through his urethra and forced out in one big release, a release he didn’t know he was even capable of. Your cunt had felt so good it made Suguru’s dick completely sensitive to any kind of touches, including his own. So when he came, he let out a loud whine, in his devilishly low voice, “F-fuck… mmm shit.. This was.. Hah.. a mis-mistake,” he breathed out, trying to regulate himself after he had just felt an explosive orgasm run through his penis.

You nodded and looked down at your breasts, coated in his cum. How were you going to explain to Manami that all of your clothes mysteriously wound up torn in Lord Geto’s bathroom? And how were you going to explain the fact you were also covered in Lord Geto’s cum?

“...Can I call you Suguru now?” You asked after a moment, tilting your head to the man who looked as though he had just run a marathon. 

There was something utterly interesting about your personality now that you had freed it from your nervous shackles. Suguru didn’t want to extinguish this new fire in your eyes, he wanted to foster it and let it burn. There was no way he was developing some kind of feelings for you other than lust… there was no way. But there were going to be dramatic changes now. After that day, you were treated as one of the regular Sorcerers, which infuriated Manami to no end. You were the most prized possession of Suguru Geto and everyone knew not to anger or upset you because he would get wind of it. Then… there’d be trouble. You were his prized possession. The possession he wanted to see smile and laugh in the sunlight, rather than stay inside and do mindless chores. The possession he wanted to have slept next to him in his bed at night and wrapped his large arms around. 

The possession he was growing to… love.

[sandwhitches]

request: "can i have an orange and cherry popsicle (hurt/comfort) w suna where he accidentally snaps at reader ??? u can decide how it ends exactly but id like it to be fluffy :3"

𝐁𝐀𝐃 𝐃𝐀𝐘𝐒 (𝐟𝐭. 𝐒𝐮𝐧𝐚 𝐑𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐨)

a/n: u already know i’m going the fluffy route :3 had to repost bc im stupid and forgot tags the first time whoopsies!! also i was like not gonna put a banner on all of these but i don’t think i can physically make a post without one they’re so cute eeughhhh

genre: angst w/ a fluffy ending (hurt/comfort)

warnings: language, gn. reader, teeny argument, mentions of accidentally missing a meal

wc: 779

this is a part of my summer writing event!!! please feel free to send some requests my way :3

In theory, bad days happen just as much as good days, but every once in a while there is a particularly bad day that will fall onto your lap when you least expect it. That’s what today was for Suna. Particularly bad. 

This morning he’d rolled out of bed thirty minutes late, nothing too out of the ordinary for him, which is why he’s well versed in rushing a shower and scarfing down enough sustenance to last him until the afternoon. Traffic on the way to early morning practice? Been there, done that. Hours worth of conditioning? A little bit annoying, but it's not the first time that’s happened. Losing track of time and forgetting to eat lunch? Kinda sucky. Walking to his car to find a terribly noticeable door ding on the passenger’s side? Really sucky. 

Suna happened to have compiled an impressive list of minor inconveniences to combine with the other stack of shit, and it all adds up to the very worst part, taking it out on you. 

It was just an innocent question on your behalf about the dent in his car, “And you’re gonna have to pay?” You frowned sympathetically, watching in confusion as his expression turned completely to a sour contortion of a scowl, “Obviously, I am, the other car was gone by the time I came out.” He huffed in agitation with a superfluous roll of his eyes to seal the deal. 

You sputtered, brow tensed, “You don’t have to get so defensive.” Rintaro had groaned in response, tilting his chin, “Well what kind of a stupid question is that when I already told you what happened?” His breath caught in his throat with instant regret as you set your jaw tight with frustration, there was no doubt you were holding back a return that would only escalate what’s already been blown out of proportion. You stormed off, leaving Suna with the feeling that he quite possibly might be the biggest idiot in the world. 

As of now, you’ve only had the chance to be alone for a few minutes, taking your anger out by completing your most aggressive attempt at folding laundry to date. Suna knocks on the doorframe of your bedroom to announce his presence, you turn around to find him nervously thumbing at the meat of his palm, a guilty expression. 

“I’m sorry,” he mumbles, looking up at the shift in your expression to gauge whether or not he was about to have a t-shirt thrown in his face. Who was he kidding? You’re the most understanding person he knows and he was stupid enough to snap at you. Suna thinks, in that moment, that there will never be anything big enough for him to get mad at you for again. Nothing feels worse than being like this, not even waking up late, nor conditioning, nor missing lunch, and especially not getting door dinged. 

“I just-...” he blows out a breath that makes his cheeks puff up while he sorts through countless words, trying to find the right ones to fix things, “I had a really bad day, and I’m sorry it made me snap at you…I'm an idiot.”  

“…You kinda are, huh?” Suna looks up to find that the echo of a grin has replaced the deep frown you had before, making the knot in his chest begin to loosen gradually. Rintaro huffs out a quiet laugh, “Yeah…” 

For a moment, you thought there might still be something else in his mind with the way his eyes dropped, head swimming in thoughts. The question sitting on your lips was quickly replaced by a yelp as Suna steps forward, wrapping you in his big arms and collapsing onto the bed.

“I love you, you know that?” He declares loudly, taking every playful kick you really don’t mean as you giggle uncontrollably, “Get off of me, Rin!” 

Suna snickers, kissing the crown of your head, “I can’t let go of you! Not until I make things right!” Your stomach already hurts from laughing as you writhe against him, feeling the lovely placements of tender kisses peppered across your face. 

“Let go before I put another dent in your car!” You shout, earning a bout of laughter from your boyfriend, “Low blow! I’m still recovering!” Suna knows that today was supposed to be bad, and for the most part it really was. But right now he has you pressed up against him like this, he can feel the rise and fall of laughter in your ribs, he smells the powdery scent of your shampoo, and presses his face into yours as close as physically possible. Yeah, he thinks, bad days don’t really exist if they all end like this.

[okcoolthanks]

Speaking of fashion famous

The John’s made a return in the worst way possible

Somehow turned into an incredibly gay man while playing fashion famous with my brother-

[sabh0]

Is skk abusive? Other than the name calling and banter that I just don't take seriously, I've seen people say that Dazai is abusive since he planned for Chuuya to be tortured in stormbringer and didn't help because it would be boring, despite having the ability to do so. There's also the whole manipulating the sheep thing.

I've also seen people say that Chuuya is abusive because of how violent he is, how he punched Dazai to wake him up in Dead Apple and called him inhuman(? Ngl, I don't remember that part) and because Chuuya shot him more times than necessary in Meursault.

Personally, I struggle to see them as abusive r toxic, if only because of how much they trust and understand each other, and how they rile each other up for fun without letting it actually impact their relationship, but I may just be biased? What do you think?

Ok im just gonna say - dont take this post ad some 100% real wisdom or anything. It's just my personal opinion and it's definitely biased as well because of how much these two mean to me but yeah

I wouldn't call them abusive in relationship terms because all that banter and most of their fights are just, as u said it, unserious.

They're both fucked up a bit tho, so yeah there's definitely some toxic behaviours anyway.

Dazai manipulating Chuuya to join the sheep always made me real sad, but if you think about it more - Dazai knew The Sheep aren't any better for Chuuya. Plus if not like this, Mori would get Chuuya to join PM anyway in one way or another, since it was a plan from the beginning.

Dazai planned the whole 'helping Verlaine' thing to buy time so the PM forces could get ready to protect Mori and Chuuya later. That's mafia they're in - lives are not equal. Also Dazai wouldn't put Chuuya in danger he knew the other wouldn't be able to deal with. Either way, his whole yapping about wanting to see Chuuya being tortured is yet again that stupidly weird banter of theirs. After all, he's trying to find him and literally stop him from doing something he would regret. (Sab is trying to make some points but that still doesn't make whatever Dazai did something good. Just sayin. I just don't feel it's a black or white situation.)

I said it some time ago but lord, Chuuya is not abusive. Look, he knows when it's alright to fight Dazai and when he should stop himself not to hurt him. Even if they fight, he never does it seriously. Basement scene? He could've very well just punched Dazai without warning there. But instead he literally invited him to fight - and Dazai very much agreed to that sht with a smile on his lips. They're just very much not okay in the head on both sides. Later when Chuuya actually got angry, he himself threw his knife to the ground, which only shows he doesn't really have any intent of hurting Dazai seriously (In the manga. In the anime they changed it for whatever reason and he did strike him with the knife. But anime skk is just. Anime skk.).

That Dead Apple argument is so funny bc??? Chuuya was literally UNDER CORRUPTION AT THE TIME??? Corruption literally makes him lose control. He could kill a person with one touch. Instead??? Corruption Chuuya in dead apple somehow managed to hold himself back just enough not to actually hurt Dazai. Also, Dazai f knew he's gonna punch him anyway. I mean, bro kinda deserved it atp tbh /j

Cant really tell much about the shooting thing in Meursault - i stil have no f idea if these were even real, considering the fact Dazai is moving normally and there's no wounds/holes/blood visible on him or his clothes. These were probably just a play like the whole headshot thing?? (Tho dazai's scream and expression after that arm shot say otherwise),, really don't know, call it a better impression on Fyodor or Chuuya actually paying Dazai back for the other times

Ok so ,looks at all that sht i just wrote and tried to still excuse it somehow, I wouldn't call them abusive anyway just bc I've seen actual abusive relationships in real life and that's just uhh different in a way i cant really put my finger on,, there's some toxicity simply from the fact they're emotionally constipated and won't talk things thru like they should but,,, welp. Tbh i see most of their usual fighting as something unserious that both of em r okay with. Usually when they actually get into an argument about something it's because one actually got hurt by the other's words (for example that scene with Chuuya punching Dazai after he made jokes about Colonel's death). And they apologize without really apologizing, too (Dazai going to find Shibusawa and trying to take revenge on Colonel's death and later Chuuya going to rescue Dazai and saying to 'wait for him').

Unpopular opinion but i honestly feel that in the future they could very well form a normal, healthy relationship. They just really need to talk. Bickering and calling each other names for fun isn't imo really a form of abuse, when both sides know it's not meaning to hurt the other fr (if it was, then me and most of my friends would be fr abusing each other unfortunately) (and I don't feel abused even if we call each other names and say we hate each other, while watching cat reels together at the same time) (consider this some sibling-like stuff)

If nothing of whatever i just said makes sense, don't eat me please, it's just really hard for me to explain what i really think without being able to just talk for 5h straight while considering every ppint of view

[gh0stsp1d3r]

Could you do another story where Hobie Brown gets a death like Gwen Stacy (hobie brown x female reader btw)

THANK YOU AND I LOVE LOVEEEE YOUR STORIESSSSS 😻😻

I needed this angst. I don’t know if you meant like reader being the dead one or reader being like there to help him? So I just made the reader the dead one 😭 BUT OFC IM GLAD YOU LIKE MY STORIESS

Character death, angst, instead of the lizard it’s a symbiote

Death

Hobie has never handled death well. He’s gone through so much of it, his uncle, some random people on the street he couldn’t save, you.

Hobie doesn’t like to talk about it either, which is why not a lot of people knew. Except for Pavitr maybe, who was there to help him when he needed it.

Hobie could’ve saved you, it’s his biggest regret every single day not saving you.

He missed waking up next to you, or hearing your voice. The only way he remembered your voice was when he’d lay down at night, scrolling through his phone.

ding

Spider squad

Gwendy🥁- you guys up for a movie tomorrow?

Hobie swiped up on the notification, ignoring it for now.

Pav 👾- Sure, what movie?

He groaned in annoyance at the notifications and swiped up again. His phone was cheap and didn’t exactly have a do not disturb option or even a silence button.

Miles🤺- Sure (￣▽￣)

Gwendy🥁- Hobie?

Pav👾- He said he’s busy tomorrow):

He stopped swiping at the notifications and thanked Pavitr in his head.

He was lying, Pavitr would probably be in his universe any second now-

“Yo, Hobie!” He called out, knocking on the door to his boat.

Hobie groaned again, standing up and answering the door.

“Hey man, what’s up?” He said tiredly, leaning against the doorway with his arms folded.

“I was just wondering if you’re okay. You weren’t answering-“ he showed Hobie his phone an the messages.

“Oh, yeah, I was sleepin’. Sorry.”

Pavitr gave him an “are you serious?” look. He saw right through him.

“I’m fine.” He shrugged and opened the door more for Pavitr to come in. He stepped through the messy floor, avoiding the canned bottles and glass bottles of beer just thrown onto the ground.

“Hobie.. you need to clean up.”

—————————————————————-

After the whole cleaning his boat thing, Pavitr said he had to go and finally Hobie was left alone.

He changed out of his jeans, shirt and jacket, and quickly started to go back on his phone.

His fingers stopped when he stumbled onto a post.

“We miss you so much. It’s been one year tomorrow. You’ll be forever in our hearts.”

Underneath there was a picture of you smiling widely, Hobie standing next to you with his hands on your back, with a small smile, looking at you with his eyes full of love. Along with your friend and her boyfriend next to you both.

Scrolling down some more he came across a photo of just you two. You were both smiling, and then in the one under, kissing.

He stared at the photo for a while, smiling at it slightly. Then he remembered that you were gone. You could never come back. And he should have checked on you.

It was senior prom, Hobie rambled off in your ear about how much he hated these things.

“You’ll be fine, Hobs.” You put your hand on his.

“It’s not that, you know, the public school system is-“

“Underfunded and treats kids poorly, and is worse than a prison? It’s okay to be nervous.

He stayed silent for a moment.

“Yeah, you’re right. Who cares anyways? We’re gonna be the schools hottest couple." He said with a small smirk on his face, you smiled and kissed him.

“No kissing in my car!” Your friend joked, making you all laugh.

Once you reached the school, you all stepped out and went inside, paying of course.

After an hour you felt odd… you looked down at your arm and saw a liquid goo climbing up your arm.

“Hey, hobes, I’m gonna go to the bathroom.. okay?”

“Yeah.” He said, giving you a small kiss before you left.

A few minutes later, That’s when a giant creature ran towards them all, everyone screaming and yelling.

Hobie narrowed his eyes and quickly changed, and fought the creature. The creature growled at him, and almost seemed like it was trying to not fight him. The creature put its hands up, the color on it turning a gray.

Hobie furrowed his eyebrows, and stopped what he was doing.

For some time, you regained control over it, until it started to get angry. It wasn’t you, it was like it was controlling you. The creature said “Stop.” In a deep voice

You suddenly no longer had control, and the creature started to attack your boyfriend. you desperately pleaded against it.

A ton of cop cars and ambulances made loud noises, making the creature stop and turn, the noises of the cars rang out and hurt the creatures more sensitive ears.

The creature slithered away, your body going limp and falling to the ground, Hobie catching you first.

“Wh… no, no, no, no, no, no.” He quickly held you now, on the floor.

“Hobie.. it’s not my fault. Hobie-“ you grabbed onto his suit tightly, he shushed you.

“I believe you, love. Sh. It’s okay..” he mumbled. “Stay with me, yeah? I’ll get you home.” He said, as quiet and calm as possible.

You looked at him, with a small smile and your hand was now on his cheek. He leaned into it and smiled.

“I love you.” You mumbled quietly, and that caused his eyes to go wide. Your eyes started to close and Hobie slapped you lightly.

He cried out your name, and the cops caught him doing so.

They were about to shoot when he ran away, giving you one last glance.

He would never forget that day, or the days he spent without you. His graduation, when he bought this place, when he got invited to the spider society shortly after.

Hobie brown had always been bad with death, but especially bad with handling yours.

————-

Tag list:

@enviinotes @rayis-psychotic @korizzybee @animechick555 @stupid-ninja @rreasonablydumbb @xxqueen-of-horrorrxx @spidypunkk @criodzasn

@techta @1eonk @chipstermation6 @whosace16 @ @l-pandamatic-l

@spider-phoenix @zebralover @my-melo-gf @wiz-te-ria @tzuyuzzs @luvsaluv @mxkn

@deputy-videogamer @666kpopfan @jared-oranges @likelilac @jjkclub

@kitty-kei @blaxk-widow @hoesindifferentshows @lavsluvsu @lampylamperson @notbluees @sp0kyzz @arlipooh @freeingrebels @ken-zah @blustalker @cursedbitchboy @romanoffswoman

@chaoticevilbakugo @hobiebrainrot @anonima-2 @melda0m3

[baeshijima]

:)

i am not okay :)

um. a lot of spoilers for end of quest utc

everything from a lore perspective was so good and did answer a lot of questions??? misha being mikhails spirit with the express being the only ones to see him due to the nameless connection, everything explored with sunday and robin (VERY happy with all the sunday lore and screen time we got btw) and gallagher being part of the history fictionologists to robin and sunday being orphaned bc their home (im pretty sure) was destroyed and the current (or maybe former now post quest???) dreammaster adopted and raised them and more of acherons past.... god it was so good...

so. the whole fiasco where i said boothill and black swan were travelling with us? yea well that was part of a dream AFTER the easy sunday boss fight bc we all fell under enas abilities AND THEN WE WAKE UP AGAIN WITH THE CREW TO FIGHT HIM (i still am holding onto the hope that they travel with us for a bit ;w;)

WHICH MEANS JING YUAN HELPING US WAS PART OF A DREAM BC DAN HENG STILL HAS THE JADE ABACUS STOP IM SOBBING LIKE

WDYM U DID ALL THIS ONLY FOR IT TO BE PART OF A DREAM WE WERE IN 😭😭

but everything revealed with acheron was so... gosh... i cried a lot in this part... esp when the man turned out to be one of the nameless "tiernan" and felt regret for not being able to find "legwork" (mikhail) and wondered if maybe he would find him again in the afterlife.... shut up... just shut up...

BUT HOLY FUCK THE ACTUAL SUNDAY BOSS FIGHT???? LITERALLY IMMACUALTE. the ost, and cutscenes leading up to it, and mechanics and just everything was so so good and omg....

sunday... head in hands....

AND THEN THIS IN THE CUTSCVENE AFTER U BEAT HIM????

IVE BEEN SOBBING FOR THE PAST 10 MINUTES PLS I CANNOT DO THIS RN THEY BOTH DESERVE SM BETTER AND THE PARALLELS DRAWN FROM THE FIRST MENTION OF "guileless girl" AND "truthful boy" COMPARED TO THE LAST ONE AT THE END HURT SO MUCH AND FUCK IM GONNA CRY AGAIN

another thing tho !!

march having "???" as her real name is so cruel like hyv just TELL US HER LORE ALREADY I NEED MY MARCH MAGICAL GIRL TRANSFORMATION INTO A 5* ALREADY I AM SHAKING U BY THE SHOULDERS WHAT THE FUCK

and then at the end of the quest with jade and aventurine talking.... AND HIM BETTING HIS LIFE AGAIN LIKE NO. STOP IT. AND THEN BOOTHILL COMING INTO HIS ROOM AND ASKING FOR OSWALDO??? AKA THE GUY IM PRETTY SURE RUINED HIS LIFE????? fuck. so

[smoshmonker]

2023 x 2017/2018 fic under the cut. this is meant to be platonic (but interpret however you want) and pls be kind to me as im somewhat self conscious about posting this

hurt/comfort, 2284 words

enjoy <3

August, 2017.

Anthony wakes up slowly.

His eyes feel heavy, like they’re glued shut, and he has to do his best to pry them open. Blinking blearily, he finds himself splayed out over his desk, pencil still in hand and cheeks stained with tears. He can’t help but feel incredibly pathetic as he presses his palms to the desk, unsticking his cheek from the wood to sit up straight.

He glares down at the entry he wrote for a moment before slamming the journal shut. He’d be lying if he said it didn’t help to write all of that out, but the last thing he needed was anyone seeing it, even though he’s alone in his apartment now. A quick glance at his watch tells him it’s near 4 in the morning. He wants to just forget. He wants to get in bed and not move for a few days, but he knows he has to start planning what to do next. He’s so angry he feels his chest burn.

Suddenly, in the corner of his bedroom, a blue, glowing portal rips through the air, buzzing softly. A man falls out of it, ungracefully stumbling on his landing. The portal closes. The man looks up. He looks familiar and unfamiliar all the same, but when Anthony meets his eyes, he just knows.

His heart stops. He can’t breathe. He opens his mouth to speak but nothing comes out, so the man speaks first, seemingly also breathless.

“Shit. This wasn’t supposed to happen.” Ian runs a hand through his hair, blowing out a breath. He glances toward Anthony and his eyes soften. “Hey, don’t forget to breathe. You’re okay.”

Anthony sucks in breath, not because he was told to, but because he needs to. He blows it out forcefully, getting to his feet on shaky knees. Logically, he knows this isn’t really Ian. At least, it isn’t his Ian. He looks older, more mellow. Happier.

“What…What’s going on?” His own voice is the complete opposite of that, devoid of life, notes of fear and anger and sadness all rolled into one.

Ian’s eyes, soft and blue and frustratingly kind behind silver glasses, make Anthony want to throw something. Who even is this? The last time he’d looked at Ian, there had been nothing behind his eyes. Nothing warm, nothing kind, nothing to indicate that the boy he’d become friends with all those years ago was still there. Here, now, he gets some semblance of it. It makes his knees shake, and he has to hold onto the back of his chair for support.

“I’m sorry, Anthony. I can’t tell you. I’m not even supposed to be here.”

Anthony scoffs and looks away. His fear and confusion over the situation is immediately overtaken by anger. “Of course you can’t. Are you here to tell me I made a mistake? That I shouldn’t have left?” He curls his hands into fists, trying to hide the way that they’re shaking. “I don’t want to see you. Why are you here?”

A part of him regrets saying it as he sees Ian’s expression change to something he’s never seen before. It looks like a mix of hurt and understanding. He exhales and takes a slow step forward. “No. You made the right decision. You had to leave.” Ian’s gaze flicks toward the desk where the journal sits. Something like recognition swirls in his eyes for just a moment, not long enough for Anthony to think about it too hard. “I guess I’m here to tell you that…everything’s gonna be okay someday.”

Anthony’s chest heaves as he stares at the slightly older version of his childhood friend. For a moment, he feels like he’s going to throw up. This isn’t right. This isn’t Ian. It can’t be. If it was, then he wouldn’t have left at all.

“What…year are you from?” Anthony whispers, feeling faint.

Ian smiles sadly. “I can’t tell you.”

Not even realizing that the tears had started until one of them plops on the floor beneath him, Anthony wipes his cheek hastily, expecting some rude remark. Ian reaches forward, gently pulling him into a hug, light enough that he could pull away if needed. Anthony’s heart stops, standing completely rigid in place, his exhausted brain slowly trying to process what the hell is happening.

Ian speaks softly. “I know it sucks right now. It’s gonna suck for a while, but it’s gonna be okay, Anthony. I promise.”

He’s standing in the middle of his bedroom in the small hours of the morning, being hugged by the man that has been the reason for all of his pent up anger, and all he can do is break down. He leans into Ian, not bothering to hold back the tears, and holds on tight. Ian’s grip is tighter, practically holding him upright. He closes his eyes, breathing in the scent of cedarwood, and clutches onto his words. It’s going to be okay. It’s going to be okay.

The next thing he knows, he opens his eyes to morning sunlight streaming in through his windows. He’s laying in bed, the blankets pulled over him, and everything is as it should be.

Anthony rubs his eyes, noticing how swollen they feel. “What a weird dream,” he mumbles, almost certain he can still smell the cologne from before.

What hurts the most is when he sits up, he finds himself looking for Ian again.

***

November, 2018.

Ian’s ears are ringing.

He sits on his couch in complete silence, mindlessly sipping at a drink. Having returned home from the party thrown to make them feel better about not knowing the future of Smosh and themselves, Ian immediately went to his cabinets to pour himself a drink, despite already being relatively tipsy.

He isn’t sure how long he’s been sitting here. It was dark when he got home, and it’s dark now. Staring at a crack on the wall that looks relatively like a spider is how he’s been spending the last hour, at least. Probably longer. His mind is devoid of thought, with just a pleasant buzz accompanying him in the back of his head. Staring at the wall keeps him from thinking. He prefers it this way.

Suddenly, the ringing in his ears grows louder. As if awakening from a trance, Ian blinks and pulls his gaze away from the crack in the wall, looking around the room. It continues to grow louder, so much so that it almost hurts as his bookcase in the corner begins to shake.

He hadn’t been expecting an earthquake tonight, but he most definitely hadn’t been expecting to see a giant blue portal sizzle through the air with a man falling through it. No sooner had the man hit the ground did the portal disappear, leaving him breathing hard on all fours.

Ian drops his glass on the floor.

As it shatters, the man scrambles to his feet, and wide brown eyes fill with recognition and guilt. He seems to find his voice first as he gives the other a once-over. “Ian?”

That voice makes Ian’s chest tighten. He hasn’t heard it in over a year, maybe longer. This Anthony looks different. His hair is a little shorter, still curly, and Ian wonders if, in the dark living room, he’s imagining the dark lines that snake from Anthony’s hands all the way up his arms. He’s a little older, Ian thinks.

He quickly stands up, immediately greeted by vertigo, finding that he’s perhaps a bit more buzzed than he had meant to be. But he’s not imagining this. Anthony is in his living room, but there’s something different there. It isn’t his Anthony. His Anthony probably hates him. He hasn’t reached out in a while. He wonders what he’ll think about Defy collapsing.

Realizing they’ve just been staring at each other and he hasn’t said anything, Ian clears his throat. “Why are you here?” His words slur a little. He tries to play it off, but he notices that slight furrow to Anthony’s brow.

“I don’t know,” Anthony answers honestly, looking Ian up and down with a concern that almost makes him lose his footing. Where did that come from? The few times they’ve tried to catch up, it’s been awkward, like they were strangers. This doesn’t make sense. “Are you okay?”

Ian huffs, running a hand through his hair. “Why do you care?” He feels guilty the moment the words leave his mouth. Anthony nods solemnly, perhaps knowing where he’s coming from, and opens his mouth to respond, but something catches his eye. Right on the coffee table, Ian had placed some of the props he’d stolen from the office, with the Easy Step on the floor beneath it. He’d just thrown them all there when he’d gotten home, not bothered to find a place for them yet.

Anthony glances toward the shattered glass on the floor, then looks back up. “You just got an email from Defy, right?”

Breath leaves Ian’s body in a whoosh. He can’t answer besides a nod. The question makes his eyes prick, but he quickly blinks it away, unable to ask how on Earth Anthony knows this.

Carefully, Anthony steps forward, trying not to step on any of the glass. He reaches out to touch Ian’s shoulder. “You don’t look so good, dude, maybe you should -”

“No! No, this is wrong.” Ian shrugs him off, taking a shaky step back, his heart racing. “You shouldn’t be here. This isn’t your problem. I really can’t take any more bad news, Anthony. You need to go.”

That concern he’d seen before returned to Anthony’s expression then, and Ian remembers, just for a moment, that worry on Anthony’s face whenever Ian would get sick in high school, whenever he forgot to eat, whenever he didn’t take care of himself. It’s almost like nothing has changed until reality crashes down around him again.

“You’re right. It isn’t my problem,” Anthony says softly, not unkindly, “but I’m here anyway.” He takes another slow step forward, but Ian doesn’t move. He continues. “I don’t have any bad news, Ian. I’m just here to listen. Okay?”

Ian’s thoughts jumble together as he tries to make sense of it. He can’t. When did they ever spend time just listening to each other? He can’t remember.

Before he knows it, Anthony’s guiding him to the couch, and they both sit down together. He looks at him, his eyes so full of concern and kindness that it almost makes Ian want to faint. “Tell me everything.”

Perhaps, if he were sober, he’d brush it off, push Anthony out the door and tell him to continue with his own life. Perhaps, if he were sober, he’d laugh at the idea and tell Anthony everything was gonna be fine, and he’d make it through just like he always did.

But he isn’t sober. So he opens his mouth and talks.

He talks about it all. He talks about how it felt opening that email, he talks about how it felt breaking the news to everyone, he talks about this crushing weight of all of his employees' livelihoods resting on his shoulders, he talks about the fear of losing the thing that they created together. He talks until his throat is dry, and he isn’t even sure how coherent he is. But no matter what, Anthony stays by his side, nodding, listening, interjecting every now and then.

A silence falls between them. Anthony hesitates. “I’m sorry I haven’t been there for you,” he says softly. Caught off guard, Ian furrows his brow. In the moonlight streaming through the window, he can tell this Anthony is definitely a little older than him. He wonders how much older. Shrugging, Ian looks away. Anthony continues. “I want you to know that everything’s gonna work itself out. It’ll be really hard for a while, but it’ll be okay.”

Ian looks up again, noticing his vision is slightly blurred. He can’t tell if it’s because of the alcohol or something else. “How do you know?”

“I’m from the future.” Anthony cracks a small smile and Ian scoffs, despite knowing it must be true.

Birds begin chirping outside, and Ian knows the sun will be rising soon. He has a lot to do tomorrow, to figure out where to go from here. He makes peace with the fact that he won’t be sleeping tonight. Surprisingly, he feels better than he did an hour ago. He supposes Anthony just has that effect on him.

He closes his eyes, trying to savor whatever familiarity he has left. He isn’t sure how much time passes until he feels gentle hands beneath him, moving him to lay out on the couch. He squints, trying to stay awake, trying to take in Anthony again, knowing full well he won’t be here later.

“What year are you from?” Ian mumbles. Anthony chuckles softly as he gently places a blanket over him. Ian hadn’t realized how much he had missed that sound.

“It’s a surprise,” Anthony whispers. “Now get some rest. You’ll need it.”

Ian’s eyes fall closed again, his body feeling heavy. “Thanks…” He isn’t sure if he manages to say it, or if he just thinks it.

Anthony’s voice sounds far away, but he’s pretty sure he can hear a faint, “I love you, buddy,” as he drifts off.

When he wakes up a few hours later, his living room is empty. The glass has been swept up off the floor. He sits up, staring at the props on the table through a terrible headache, and tries to recall Anthony’s voice as he tells himself everything will work itself out someday.

[lesbiancolumbo]

Question from the genuinely ignorant what is The Post?

because this is a good faith question and this was so long ago, i’m gonna answer it and then respectfully and kindly ask people to stop asking, and i think once you read my answer you’ll hopefully understand why lol

in 2017 as an extremely suicidal and isolated 23 year old, i watched lady bird after a really long and difficult weekend of being with my emotionally and verbally abusive mother. the movie was good but extremely triggering for me - i saw a lot of my self and my mother in the film. instead of killing myself that night (and i’m not being flippant, i walked home from the theatre to my tiny little apartment contemplating stepping onto the highway) i decided i would just get it all out somewhere. at the time, letterboxd was a small website and i was a no-one. i wrote a review and vomited all of my feelings.

it’s not a good review. i wasn’t even really able to fully articulate what my own relationship with my mother was at the time. i was still too young and vulnerable to her abuse. but it made me calm enough to go to sleep and start a new week, so i did. it got no attention, except from some friends who liked it and knew my situation.

cut to literally new year’s day 2021. an eighteen year old on tumblr finds my review, screencaps it in its entirety, and posts it on here. it makes it way onto my dash. at first im shocked - that’s me! and i think i reblogged it to say that hey, that’s me! omg! wow! after i did that i almost immediately regretted doing that, because the attention and harassment i’ve received in the THREE YEARS since this post has gone up has honestly been so detrimental to my mental health. my fucking FACE and NAME are in the post bc the op didn’t bother to crop them out. every day i wake up and thank a higher power that my mother hasn’t found this post. people made fun of me, downplayed my (admittedly not very well articulated) experiences, armchair diagnosed me and my mother, posted my letterboxd icon which was MY REAL FACE on this website to MAKE FUN OF MY APPEARANCE and insinuate i deserved everything that happened to me. white supremacist blogs were SPREADING MY FACE AND NAME AROUND.

i got a lot of followers and attention and wanted none of it, and because tumblr is a website and the internet is written in ink, a post never truly gets deleted, and now every 6-12 months my privacy and something i impulse wrote in a moment of pure and true pain gets spread around this website and i can’t do a god damn thing about it.

and like……… i get it. it clearly resonated with people. and i don’t like drawing a hard line. but the violation and the harassment that proceeded from it for MONTHS has made me intolerant. the op of that post is the same age now as i was when i wrote that review, and i hope to god they learned from that experience, because i still have to deal with the ramifications of their fucking choice.

and it sucks. because i love lady bird. but my health is already precarious and i do not want to go through this all again.

[blood-injections]

Thinking again about an au idea I had where. I saw a post about coming back wrong. But not wrong. Just changed. New. Coming back or well, being brought back, not wrong just as someone else. A blank slate but not quite just a new person with a sense that they are indeed someone, and that they just need to find out need to remember, but those who brought this person back cant accept that who they tried to bring back is gone and so theyre insiting this new person is and they just have amnesia or something and the new person is like no its different om dofferent stop insisting. And it has the 'trans kid at family gathering/reunion' effect and its like. 'Everyones calling me a name but thats not my name thats not me. Theyre insisting it is and that im this person but im not im someone else! Thats not my name im not the memory you know i am not who youre mourning stop calling me that name stop insisting that im this stranger. I am not the same person that was dear to you and i owe you nothing.'

And it gave me an idea. Where one of the fabulous four dies and is brought back. Specifically, because i thought it would hurt the most and also like, ghouls always the one being frankensteined i should shake it up a little. Kobra Kid dies and Party Poison can't accept that their little brother is dead. So they bring him back. But when he wakes up it isnt Kobra Kid in that body. Or maybe, it is, in the sense that who died was someone else, had a different name, and maybe in the future of this au this new person becomes kobra kid, thats who they discover they are, after they woke up in a strange world in a strange body that isn't theirs but also.. is. It feels right but the situations all feel wrong. They become kobra kid but it remains to be seen if this kobra kid is still party poison's brother.

Because party poison's brother is dead. And they tried bringing him back but now theres someone else in their little brothers body. And this someone else insists that theyre someone else and its betrayal and denial and longing on both sides and party poison is still grieving and is now being haunted by the ghost of their brother in the form of his body walking around all because they couldnt accept that he was gone. And now his bodys walking around perfectly fine but their brother is still dead and gone and they have to accept that somehow. And the new person, who im just gonna call Kobra, is anything but regretful of who they are now that they exist. They know theyre not who poison says and they want to go and find out who they are, remember who they are, but its awefully hard with everyone insisting that theyre someone else, someone they knew, someone thats gone. Poison especially, always breathing down kobras neck, and everyones calling kobra the wrong name, looking at him all sad or angry or with pity and he is just. Blameless. Hes someone else and he doesnt owe these people anything but theres also the internal struggle of, well technically they are the reason im here so i do owe them something, i owe them my life, dont i? Even if I was an accident?

So maybe for a while, they try. They try so hard to be the person these strangers say they are, they try to feel things, to remember things that just arent there. But it just doesnt happen, it never will, because hes someone new, hes not who these people are mourning. And pretending only hurts everyone in the room. He realizes this and leaves before hes too miserable, too guilty to not. Because these strangers still cant accept that hes not their friend anymore, and he realizes that he owes them nothing, so he leaves, to figure out who he actually is. And maybe, down the line, once Poison accepts that somethings happened, changed, and finally lets their brother rest, maybe they can get past the roadblock of but thats their brothers fucking body- well not anymore. Maybe both sides can settle with kobra being, 'well i cant be who you want me to be, i can only be myself, if you can accept that, i can accept your friendship, if you truly want mine, mine, who i am, not a ghosts '

And maybe it works out, and they become friends, the bad blood settles, the grief, it never leaves, but it rests. And eventually, maybe kobra even joins the crew, and in some small way, poison gets their brother back, they get their old brother back in the miracle of getting a new one, weirdness of it being the same body aside, because kobra is so different from the brother they lost that its hardly the same body to them anymore too, its just kobras body because at some point they stopped separating the body they brought back from the person it belongs to. And eventually, kobra may see poison as his brother, too, and its all come full circle even though everything has changed.

Just, transgender allegorys and major grief and angst and mourning but also healing and acceptance and finding oneself and family to found family back to just family again and ugh. Yeah. Me when the venom siblings, but not really, but still the venom siblings in the end. Maybe they dont call themselves the venom siblings/brothers until its PartyPoisonandTheKobraKid, because they're something new, and thats the bond they build, thats who they become. Brothers, the Venom Brothers. A brotherhood earned. Earned back, in a way, but also a brotherhood built from the ground up. If I ever write this its so over for you guys.

[crguang]

i'm soooooo bored and antsy waiting for the 22nd. it sucks even more bc na server gets it at 5 FUCKING PM EST. NA always gets screwed in gachas lmaooo, last frfr. also, I play another gacha (otome, so you prob don't play it lmao) and they also have a big event banner...and guess when that happens? also the 22nd. at 4PM. an hour BEFORE PTN. ffs. nothing to do in hsr either rn, or wuwa. LEMME IN SHALOM ALREADYYYYYYYY

i regret forgetting to change the server man😭 i was too excited to start it even tho i told myself to choose the asia server and it ended up choosing for me im so sick. im literally staying off the internet until i have the update i dont wanna see a single person posting their pulls until i can pull as well idc idc this is unfair!!! gonna sleep super late on the 22nd so that i wake up just when the update drops this anticipation is killing me

also— “LEMME IN SHALOM ALREADY” is me when im trying to fuck and schorl is watching us

[raspberry-vinaigrette]

yknow what what the heck. this fic is gonna take me a while to make so im posting the basic jist of the soulsplit au here. maybe ill make an ask blog for it when i have proper refs or something... most of this is copy and pasted off my doc for the au

takes place right after the DSaF2 pure evil end, when blackjack asks why you’re doing what you’re doing – i envision this occurs because blackjack drags jack into the void and is like Hey what the fuck man

jack, currently being spurred on by henry and barely lucid, says he’s chasing henry’s legacy

blackjack, instead of abandoning jack, decides he’s going to interfere before anything can get worse and tries to put jack down for good

the ensuing struggle between the two of them eventually leads to the fabric of blackjack splitting into two – the logic that insists it should basically stay out of things and the emotions that are full of hate and a bit of love and spite and regret and anger and everything

the split parts of jack’s soul wake up in reality, with neutral end jack in the DSaF2 pizzeria as it’s about to be shut down and legacy jack still in vegas with dave

meanwhile good end jack is trapped in the flipside and takes on a bit of a more fucked up “void plagued” appearance.

for legacy jack: he wakes up in vegas with henry in his head and feels remarkably hollow. he kind of... doesn't know what to do with himself when he doesn't have somewhere to put all his upset and rage and he can't Kill right now. he also feels empty and thinks he can't feel things because of this and starts depending on henry to feel "for" him which eventually comes to a head when jack believes he can't properly care for dave

because blackjack saw the fazbunker, legacy jack knows about it, and he bails during the last night at vegas because he remembers seeing a certain bear suit down there that could let henry breach into the mortal world. tl;dr jack lets himself get springlocked by the jacktrap suit which kicks out his half of the soul, henry takes over jack's body, and the half of jack's soul that was in legacy jack's body possesses the jacktrap suit. theyre in some weird co-body situation. when they return to vegas dave freaks the fuck out and bails, which only leads to legacy jack depending more on henry

meanwhile neutral end jack follows the standard DSaF3 plot course of making a new fazbender's after he gets his bearings, hoping to block out the buzzing in his head about the promise with work. this both unintentionally baits jacktrap over, which has its own issues, and leads to neutral end jack accidentally dredging up a happiest day machine that good end jack can speak through. it keeps coming back to the restaurant, even when neutral end jack throws it out. it always comes back.

neutral end jack starts going by "blackjack" fueled by his belief that he's the most reasonable part of the soul but also as an alias to distance himself from the other two. this doesn't work very well

and speaking of good ending jack -- he's stuck in the flipside and can go in and out of the void and the flipside layers with assistance from the happiest day arcade machine. otherwise though hes just stuck down in the void. he's basically trying to find ways to commune with the two halves of his soul so they can gel back together and jack can get back out of the flipside and hopefully fix things.

in the background, dave has the worst time ever

[softxsuki]

hi!!! can I put in a request for the Valentine’s day Letter Event? I would like it to be with Pro Hero! Bakugo, where it’s platonic bc i’m lonely on Valentine’s day :( but we’re really close and he always calls me baby. I would like it to be comforting bc i’m always worried im never gonna find anyone for me, and I want Bakugo to reassure me that it’ll happen one day. Location: we are roommates and he left the letter for me before he went to work. Other info: he’s 23 and i’m 21 and always rant to him about not having anyone to love or to love me and it makes me sad, and he knows this so he just tries to be there for me. Thank you so much!! <3

Bakugou's Platonic Letter To His Roommate

Valentine's Day Letter Event pt.2 (CLOSED)

Pairing: Bakugou x Gn!Reader (Platonic)

Warnings: feeling lonely (mood)

Genre: comfort

Post-Type: Letter

Word Count: 510

Summary: In which your roommate and friend, Bakugou leaves you an encouraging letter for valentine's day so you don't feel lonely

[A/N: I love writing for Bakugou, so this was fun! I hope you enjoy it. From one lonely person to the next, you're definitely not alone. We're all out here lonely, looking for comfort from out fav anime characters. Love that for us. <3]

Oh Valentine’s Day–A day that’s supposed to be full of love and positive vibes from the people around you who love you, yet here you were, very much single.

You envied the people around you who had a love life and someone to expect things from on Valentine’s Day. Was it too much to ask for just someone to hug and call your own on this day? Yet you had no one.

Or so you thought.

You were surprised to see a letter hung on the front door as you were about to leave, addressed to you. It could be from no one other than your roommate and close friend, Bakugou–also known as Pro Hero Dynamight.

You grab the letter and start to read it;

Y/N,

I’m only writing you this stupid letter because I know you’ll probably wake up feeling sad today, well not on my watch. Happy Valentine’s Day, baby. And no I’m not about to confess to you or anything gross like that, you’re like a younger sibling to me.

Anyway, I know how badly you want to find a partner in life. Someone you can call your own and have to celebrate on days like these. You tell me any chance you get how lonely you are and how desperate you are to find someone in your life. I get it. Life can get lonely, but you’ll find someone eventually.

The right person is out there looking for you as well, you just have to be patient and wait for them to appear. And I hope you know that whoever you meet has to go through me. If they can’t handle me then they can’t handle anyone.

In the meantime though, I’ll be here for you. I hope you appreciate that, I don’t go around saying that to everyone. I’ll bring you back some flowers…gosh I’m going to regret saying that after reading all the headlines of love scandals. Jeez, the things I do for you.

Keep your head up, and look forward to the Valentine’s Day you’ll have one day with the right person by your side. That day will come, I promise.

Alright, I’ll see you tonight. I’m on patrol duty until late, but I’ll stop by and get us some dinner too, so don’t cook.

Love,

Katsuki

The guy was a total brute at times, and wasn’t afraid to say what was on his mind, especially if you annoyed him, but you were grateful to have him. Especially on a day like today. He’s always lent you his ear even if it looked like he wasn’t actually listening, he listened to every complaint you had.

Every word you’d ever uttered to him was important and he just proved that.

Maybe this wasn’t your time to have a partner, but there was still a whole year ahead of you with many possibilities.

You’d definitely have to thank Bakugou when he came home. Without his letter you would have been miserable all day. At least now you had something to look forward to; flowers and free dinner :D

REGULAR REQUESTS ARE OPEN :D

EVENT REQUESTS ARE CLOSED

Posted: 2/14/2023

[yuukei-yikes]

REASONS TO LOVE SHINTARO AS A CHARACTER:

first of all; hes a gamer boy depicted as he really is and not what he thinks he is: a fucking loser who fails at every social situation and also stinks

aside from the jokes, i think he has two main songs in the whole series: toumei answer and lost time memory. im just gonna share lyrics from each song that makes me go INSANE thinking about him:

"The alarm that starts ringing/Says to my lonely self: you're a coldhearted fool" <- his guilt here is delicious to me like he blames himself for her death and yes he did act shitty and he abandoned her but he didnt do it out of malice he did it bc he didnt know how to approach her but he thinks he killed her and its also killing him OUGH

"The color of your hair/The shape of your smile/Someone might have already forgotten it" <- and then HES the one who forgets everything about ayano bc of the trauma like here he laments that her absence that has already changed his entire world might be this insignificant to someone else AND YET AND YET HIS MIND LOCKS HER OUT ITS JUST. OUGH

(NOT TO MENTION HIS FACIAL EXPRESSION WHEN HE SEES THE FLOWERS WHEN HE REALIZES WHEN HE SEES THE PAPER CRANE)

(get ready for lost time memory brainrot bc that kills me every fucking time its my fav song)

"Even after years, the shadow doesn't fade/It only invites more emotions." <- he doesnt remember but the absence is heavy on his mind it KILLS me

"If I'm 'wise' then, I can't face forward/I have no reason to so, I'll rot away instead." <- self destructive EVEN in the good route where hes not as suicidal like being self deprecating is a huge part of his brain

"Feeling hazy, let's remain unaffected today too/And keep up yesterday's pace/So that I won't ever forget your warmth/If I'm wishing for a dream that can't come true, then/I'll embrace this blurry past and have a dream which I don't wake up from" <- GOING INSANE GOING FERAL hes SO FULL OF REGRET and hes SUCH A STUPID BITCH that his solution is to stay in his own head and live in his dreams (literally) like i want to hug him and i want to slap him

"A rotten boy at 18 today too, prayed again/While clinging on to your colorful smile" <- just imagining how route X shintaro is often colored with black and dull colors bc his world has lost the color OUGH

(god just. the ending part where he desperately reaches out to clutch ayano vs him moving on from the tragedy and the proud and tearful smile of ayano just HNNGGH HE REALLY GREW DIDNT HE)

(and who cant relate to wanting to change things bc u lost ur chance before but u cant change anything so u just disappear into ur head trying to either comfort urself by daydreaming or trying to find other stuff, try to forget ur will and wallow in passivity, its just so *chefs kiss*)

i get it hes not a very likable person and he does act shitty and bratty and the anime really doesnt give him the floor to change BUT!!! give him a chance and he WILL become ur poor little meow meow. guaranteed.

reply under read more cuz this should be its own post!! and also all i gotta say is YESSSS YEEEES YESSSSS shintaro is. such a good character and i also wanna cry my eyes out with EVERYTHING abt lost time memory.

he's just a stupid guy and the thing abt shintaro is that he will ALWAYS do what's right. he has a very strong sense of justice and he's very clear on his principles. and he will always speak up for others and stand up for what he thinks is right. and this like... a HILARIOUS virtue for a character who is ALSO so awkward, difficult to approach, bratty and self centered. like that's so funny.he is such a special little guy and HE IS AWESOME

he's so cringe fail and an asshole but he's also the hero and deserves praise for it. like cry about it. he is a good guy but he's also the worst. but also he's the best. hope that helps

he and ayano are such character foils... like.... both have this strong sense of justice and they're really really REALLY the damn heroes. hold on i need to cry a little