#im gonna murder them all (makes an absolutely unhinged character)

[fungus-no69]

I title this one the weird ass clown guy i found under my shoe

They a bit (a lot) unhinged

[ghostismybbygorl]

Okay heres how id vibe with cod characters

First off i think my call sign would be 'mouse'

Bc im small i can scurry around places pretty quick and i can escape out of a situation fast as well that or cause i sneeze like a mouse

Id be a sniper and demolition expert ngl

Price

Legit i would call him dad 24/7 not like in a daddy kind of way but like legit a father figure

he'd just roll his eyes and accept the fact that he has another kid he has to take care of

100% would smoke a cigar with him though id smoke those tiny cigarillos (my brother smokes cigars and ill smoke a little with him)

Gift giving is my love language so whenever id visit a new country id buy him a cigar from there

I have a hat like his and i WILL wear it around and mimick him

Id do the grunts and everything

I feel like id be on more missions with him than anyone else

Definitely would hang out in his office to keep him company and annoy the shit out if him

Soap

Dont let anyone near us

Like

AT ALL

wed be doing diabolical shit especially since im an arsonist and free will plus military grade explosives plus mouse and soap. have the fire department on speed dial

We'd be the reason price is greying faster

100% stealing his shirts and hoodies they'd be so big on me

Im gonna be up front with this one

We'd be fucking. I'm down bad for this man

We'd annoy the absolute piss out of ghost. He can handle one soap but TWO hes gonna need the backpack leashes for us

Quoting vines and tiktoks ON THE DAILY

Jam seshes in the car would be 100% perfect

We'd have a snap streak and its only stupid photos we take

Im recording everything he does i know damn well hes always in a silly goofy mood

Definitely in the blunt rotation

He's definitely the type to find my snack rations and eat them in front of me

Lots of hugs and kisses for this man

Except when he eats my snacks

Wed play fight all the time. When i'm really close with someone ill start "beating them up" (just be faking to fight you)

Ghost

Oh this poor poor man

Have sympathy on him because he's going to try to avoid every ounce of my being

And i wont stop that

Im giving him hugs left and right this man needs some love

I feel like once i start cracking dark humor jokes he'd open up to me

100% would be making the most absurd worst dad jokes and laughing about it

We'd text on the daily mostly just me sending him memes and him sending a 👍🏻or a 👎🏻

Im stealing his hoodies and his masks

Id probably piss him the fuck off to be honest

Id give him so many gifts to make him happy i know he crinkle's his eyes when he smiles

In the blunt rotation too but i think he'd just join for the company and not smoke that much

Id be over in his room if im overstimulated and i don't want to deal with people

Id have him proof read my fanfiction and he'd be my personal dictionary cause i cant spell for shit

Gaz

Did i say big brother vibes cause HE WILL BE MY BIG BROTHER

Id steal his hat so many times but like not in the ride a cowboy kind of way

Id buy him the most ridiculous hats and he will 100% wear them

I feel like he was a spondgebob kid so i know damn well we'll be quoting some of the lines

Part of the blunt rotation as well

When I'm upset he's the one id rant to

Definitely would vibe in a room without talking to him in general

He's most definitely the one to keep me from being unhinged

Totally would listen to murder podcasts together

So at my previous job we had to wear full body harnesses and we played this game called the carabiniere game where you take a carabiniere and hook it on to someone without them knowing and you see who can put the most on them

Soap, gaz, and i would be playing it 100% all the time with each other.

Id also grab them by the harness and pull them around or clip myself to them

Let me get a video from my old job and just put em here and id just explain

Okay back to writing

Laswell

Once again id call her mom and she's just gonna have to deal with it

Id definitely spend time with her outside of work (especially since she lives in maryland my family lives up there) which gives me more of a reason to visit her lol

Shopping sprees i feel like she's a frequent shopper at tj maxx and target

I also feel like she gives the best life advice so id come calling if im in a predicament

Okay so i am partially fluent in spanish, my god mother and best friend are Mexican so I've been around Mexican culture the majority of my life

Alejandro

definitely calls me niña or cariño

I feel like he'd roast my spanish and doesn't correct me if i say something wrong

100% my drinking buddy

I feel like he'd be very protective over me

Id be his date (platonically) and hed be mine to all the family gatherings

Fucking Mexican families are so much fun too. party my tia throws one and im there two shots of tequila in my hand listening and damcing to music

We'd text on the daily i feel like he'd frequently visit me and my family in the south as well he'd be the life of the party at my tia's parties

Rudy

He's the one that corrects my spanish and WILL only speak spanish to me until I understand whst he's saying

Insert him pointing to a random object and says it in spanish

I feel like we wouldnt bond much but we would you know?

I also feel like he gives great life advice

Graves

Id kick him in the balls

He's the type of guy i avoid or ruin his reputation

Absolutely despise him

Completely roast that motherfucker

Drop kick him

He pisses me off so much

Gives off leo and cancer energy

OHOHOHOHHH AND AT THE BETRAYAL SCENE DONT GET ME STARTED

Id 100% try to fight him even before Alejandro would

Tbh id probably get killed by one of his shadows bc of it

König

Sweet babe i would help him through an axiety attack

PIGGY BACK RIDES FOR SURE

id hug him every-time i see him

Definitely would say uppies and have him put me on his shoulders

He definitely wont see me at all ( im 5'4) so he would definitely have to crouch down to see me

His nickname would be bear cause of how big he is

I feel like when he'’s comfortable around you he’s very out going

I have no clue how to speak german but i will act like i do

He's in the blunt rotation as well

Thats all i got for now 😊

[write-and-buried]

I'm thrilled that you're enjoying all of us spiraling down the tlou rabbit hole but also-- may we hear your thots ? 👀👀

FUCK YES

So, spoiler free. After i finished the episode i went grocery shopping and accidentally bought fifty bucks worth of comfort cheese.

TLOU SPOILERS (EPISODE ONE & GAME) BELOW THE CUT

OK, In no particular order;

The way they introduced the concept of a fungal pandemic was amazing, the absolute dread that opener inspired was absolutely amazing, and I really commend them for adding that little bit of world building.

Speaking of dread - the way we just follow Sarah about her day, the little hints of the world rapidly going to hell around them with her being an innocent child who is none the wiser, was amazing. The old lady twitching out of focus in the background was hella effective.

Oh god. Joel & Sarah. Their relationship is perfect. The way they caught this sliver of one day of their lives and you already know so much about them, that Sarah has definitely been raised in a loving environment, feels comfortable and safe with her dad, and that they are extremely close. It's magnificent.

Im gonna jump around a little here, but the bookend deaths in this episode were EXTREMELY effective. Joel killing his neighbour with a wrench out of necessity, the way Sarah reacts (reasonably and terrified) and almost looks at her dad differently. Ellie, who watches Joel brutally murder someone with his bare hands, which it could be argued he didnt have to do (this guy could have been bribed) and she looks like she trusts him more.

TESS!! Oh god. TBH I never really paid her much attention on my playthroughs, but MAN they did us a favour by fleshing her out - the softness and intimacy she displays with Joel, the sarcasm.

THAT scene; I knew it was coming. I knew I would cry. I didnt know id cry so hard id have to pause the show, get up and have a cigarette to calm down.

ELLIE;

Bella Ramsey is perfect in this role. They have such a command of the character, the sarcasm, you already get the feeling that she knows she is alone in the world, and is trying to hide it as best she can. But Ellie is just a kid.

The scene of her immediately getting yeeted into a wall was absurdly funny and shouldnt have made me laugh.

She places her trust in strength, and that's going to come back in Winter.

JOEL;

Oh god Joel.

Lets talk about two BIG changes they have made, right off the bat. He is more sympathetic, and more unhinged.

The drugs, was a surprising choice, but one that makes complete sense. He is truly a wounded animal, medicating and lashing out at any given opportunity.

I love that they have him as Tess's attack dog - because thats exactly what he is. A German Shepherd with PTSD.

His blunt, dont give a fuck attitude is absolutely spot on, and the way he carries himself, single minded and focused is so spot on.

THEY HAD NO RIGHT FOR OUR FIRST SHOT TO BE OF A SHIRTLESS SNUGGLER - THAT WAS RUDE AS FUCK

LETS GET THIS OUT OF THE WAY - ALWAYS KEEP HIM WET. THE SLICK BACK HAIR, THE WHORE STANCE, THE ABSOLUTE FERAL LOOK OF RAGE ON HIS FACE, I AM DESPERATE TO FUCK THIS MAN.

POSTCARDS;

RATION CARDS AND PUBLIC EXECUTIONS THAT'S WHERE MY BABIES LIVED I LOVE THEM SO MUCH

In short, I loved it. I thought it was a wonderful first episode, with enough nods to the game for people who have played it, without leaving those who havent completely in the dark.

[doorrobloxstuff]

Your version of figure is my poor little meow meow istg

Eheheh yea.

Also trigger warnings for bugs and dead people and stuff SCROLL AWAY IM ON MOBILE.

Figure is so sweet and gentle and is the loveliest person in the whole wide world. Sure, it kills people but only to feed itself and it’s babies.

Figure is probably the only one in the hotel (besides Jeff and Gobby) who doesn’t hate people or pretends to do so.

I like to imagine it’s into super fucked up stuff though.

Reads horror novels were the protagonist dies horrifically at the end, Writes poems about murderous flowers eating people because they keep putting poison on them or Seek lovingly eating it alive or about the time it played with maggots. Death! DEATH! Figure’s the name body horror in order to make a literary point is the game!

Also Figure would love taxidermy and vulture culture. Fun with corpses! Fun with bones! Get to study animals!!

Figure is genuinely unhinged and it’s okay because that’s a very happy little Figure.

Rueben has the patience of a saint and the understanding of christ himself (he understands that this is normal and healthy figure behavior so he’s not gonna stop it AT ALL.) Sometimes I like to imagine in some not-so-distant au Figure had a string of bad exes who tried to get it to “act normal” ahahah.. they were never seen in the hotel again go ahead. Ask Rue were the bodies are. /j

So I was at a tractor supply today when I was looking at some chicks and came to an absolutely beautiful revelation.

Ducklings would be perfect for figure. Doesn’t bite too hard, doesn’t scratch or run around and follows the leader well. Constantly making noise so it can hear were they are. Both silent yet loud enough to be seen by it.

--

Okay rant here

Also if anyone messages me saying “ewwww!1!1!1 Figure (Rush, Seek, Ambush.ect) would never do x”

Are you okay? Are we even talking about the same figure??? Don’t sanitize this character from a horror game.

Anyone who believes Figure can do no wrong please take a nice long look at the blood stains on the floor of the library. (Yes, they are there.)

Figure and .co has killed and will kill again. I’m not going to sanitize or Flanderize it’s character. Any Y/N (platonic or romantic, Human Child, Lover or Queer platonic partner or Friend) is the exception not the rule. Poly Y/N is just that good okay???? Be grateful they aren’t evil because they and their partners as well as their children would rule the world as ruthless, murderous gods.

[scary-flag]

can someone pls explain how the hell izzy hands is racist? im literally a bipoc and am fighting for my life trying to figure it out.

Hi!

The thing is most people do not actually think that! I am trying to understand the issue from the outsider perspective, but let me throw my hat into the ring:

There is, of course, a large number of people who do not like Izzy (which is understandable - he is the antagonist after all), but some of them (like, 5 or 6 people maybe? These are the same users all the time tbh, but I'm not gonna list nicknames here) make some very weird stretches. Their reasoning is mostly:

- Izzy is racist because he manipulates Ed, who is a PoC (would be true to an extent but we know Izzy's reasoning is not racially based but a toxic relationship-based)

- Izzy is racist because he only acts mean towards characters that are PoC (which is not true, as he has hit Black Pete and deprived Wee John of rations for a week which was a rather severe punishment on a ship)

- Izzy is racist because for some reason people insist he must be from the upper class, which is not true again, as there is nothing that would suggest that

- Izzy is racist because he asked the English to release Ed into his custody (this one, in fact, clearly rises from the lack of understanding what "release to custody" would mean on a ship in the 1700s and people read it in the modern sense of the term)

- Izzy is racist because he wants to dominate Ed (this is epic bullshit, the man is clearly fixated on actually *being* dominated here)

- Izzy is racist because he wants to see Ed as a cruel, unhinged murderer (and this would be racist indeed, if it was a correct assumption, but it is not because we know Izzy wants it *not* because Ed is PoC, but because he is in a toxic love with the legendary image of Blackbeard)

Tbh all the anon hate is 100% one and the same person and I am 99% sure it's one of those people who constantly post their "crit" in the Izzy Hands tag. Because let's face it: what person would spend so much time writing posts about a character they do not like?

It is worth remembering though that not everyone who does not like Izzy is a part of the weird, unhinged circle. Most people are normal about it and I had some really good discussions with those who dislike Izzy that were absolutely not hateful. They usually do not go around calling people racist and abusive for reblogging Izzy fanart.

I am also VERY disappointed seeing people who call themselves anti-racist legit attacking bipoc. This is beyond my comprehension.

If you want to dig deeper I recommend reading @uselessheretic post - they are PoC, were harrassed by the anon haters, and makes good points about the whole situation.

[coweggomelet]

volume 5

im so sad please do funny things

i know what’s coming though so

i’ll be crying while i laugh

- i love how qrow walks he looks like he has back problems

- oooo pretty waterfall

- ruby gushing over weapons is my favorite thing

- ahahaaaa frozen background gays that’s representation babey

- oh shit he just wanted to finish the job and go home 😢

- wait are all the academy headmasters characters from the wizard of oz? like ironwood is the tin man, lionheart is the cowardly lion, oz is...oz. who’s the headmaster of shade? the scarecrow? dorothy? i am 100% sure that people have already connected these dots but that just occurred to me

- oh ilia you poor little lesbian

- ahahahaaaa qrow “i did it!”

-uggghh the new intro i need my babies to be back together

- ew watts don’t smile with your teeth like that it’s creepy

- oh yeah cinder can talk now! gimme that fun ominous banter-y dialogue pleeeaase

- floating islands babeeeyyy

- ooooh i love this pilot! he’s so nice and funny and he works well with weiss. so sad he dies in a couple minutes

- adam you are such an asshole siena was SO COOL

- AAAHHHHH he’s got dad reading glasses!! i love ghira

- i would DIE i would lay down my little life for oscar and ruby the BABIES

- fuck yeah yang!! you stand up to her!!

- WE GOT TWO OUT OF FOUR GANG TWO OUT OF FOUR

- awww hugs

- of course you’re more scared than you've ever been, oscar, you are a CHILD who worked on a farm!! it’s okay to be scared!! it’s okay to have to adjust!!

- SHE SURE IS REMARKABLE OZPIN

- uh oh ilia doesn’t wanna kill blake i smell a gay

- hehehe awkward backpedal

- ooohhh man the kid... fuck, all those people are just... gone. and we can guess what happened to them, it’s pretty obvious but we’re never told exactly what happened and it’s so sad and scary

- awkward tea time with mom

- ugh raven shut up you SUUUCK

- THREE OUT OF FOUR BABEEEYYY IM GONNA CRY

- they all love each other SO MUCH this is ILLEGAL

- yesssss arm wrestleeee

- ooooo the ticking clock is so ominous

- she’s gonna come back, yang, don't worry

- weiss i love youuuu you’ve grown so much i’m so proud!!

- oh ilia you poor thing

- oh boyyyy here we gooooo!! the fake out of the century!!

- mercury. shut up. you’re a good fighter and people underestimate you. but. you’re a kid. and there’s some real big players now. no one’s afraid of you. you’re not that scary.

- god this plan is so goddamn smart. raven wears her helmet. vernal keeps her eyes closed the whole time. so fucking clever. jesus. also?? vernal’s subtle showmanship?? amazing. great detail

- aang??!!?

- i really wanna know how oz hid the vault at beacon. there’s gotta be something about it other than he’s just old and powerful, there’s gotta be some shenanigans there

- god i love this theme it’s so good. casey really just gives it her all every time and i’m so grateful to her

- oh boy the fuckin lobby here we go

- siblings amirite

- boys and girls? really cinder? let’s be more inclusive please

- surprise y’all they’re murder teens sorry you had to find out this way

- fuck i forgot how much jaune’s lil speech hurts. he’s still just so sad and he’s breaking down a little cause he’s so good and can’t understand why or how someone could be so bad. god i love my lil sweet boy he’s breaking my heart

- qrow i think the time has passed for everybody to be cool. cinder’s already talking smack. there’s no going back buddy

- “who are you again?” CINDER ILL STAB YOU. but also… good— good line. absolutely devastating

- emerald’s like “gotta protect my mommy girlfriend”

- shut UP mercury

- siblings amirite part 2

- THATS MY BOOYYY GO OSCAARR

- ooooohhhhh this muuuussiiiicccc

- ope there’s an aura break oh FUCK weiss gets stabbed in this episode doesn’t she and JAUNEY BOY DISCOVERS HIS SEMBLANCE i love him

- AHAHAHAAAA fuck her uuuuppp ruby

- ohhhhh shit here it comes oh god oh no

- god with pyrrha’s spear too. cinder’s really got a taste for dramatics doesn’t she

- oh god and the spear dissolving like pyrrha did i CANT

- when i say i LOST MY SHIT i said no fuckin way they kill weiss right now NO FUCKIN WAY and my friend had the AUDACITY to say “just watch”???? RUDE

- oooohh GET HIM oscar

- HES DOING IT MY SWEET BOY I LOVE YOUUU

- ohhh the tree of knowledge! i just got that

- there’s the grimm elastigirl arm

- SIKE CINDER THERES NO POWER TO TAKE FROM HER YOU JUST KILLED HER FOR NO REASON

- GOD WHAT A REVEAL

- again i lost my shit

- the amount of times i lost my shit and my friend had to tell me to be quiet was… a Lot

- NORRAAAA I LOVE YOUUUU

- oh hazel. can’t wait for your Growth

- THERE SHE IIISSS MY GIRL WHAT AN ENTRANCE BLAKE

- uh oh hazel is disheveled that means he’s unhinged

- oh FUCK yeah blake you’ve LEARNED i’m so proud of all my babieeesss

- WEISS what a power stance!

- THE LOOK they’re so GAY

- ooooo i love this fight it’s maiden vs maiden babey

- poor vernal. she spent the last moment of her life helping a woman who probably manipulated her and used her, and she helped her try to kill someone who didn’t even end up dying. vernal deserved better

- OH HERE WE GO RAVEN ITS YOUR DAUGHTER BITCH AND SHES HAD GROWTH

- oooo get him blake

- ooof the shoulder check. raven she fuckin nailed you on the head and did not hold back and knew EXACTLY what to say and you did EXACTLY what she said you were gonna do— run away. she is SO MUCH better than you and you will never recognize that and that is so heartbreaking

- uh oh the clicky orb thing. you’re gonna die lionheart

- oh emerald my baby. she relied on cinder so much, was so dependent on her, that she was powerful enough to make that in like 8 brains at once. that’s grief babey

- it took them. TWO WHOLE VOLUMES. to all get back together. this is illegal. and also i’m crying

- this is not ALLOWED they can’t look at each other like that my heart can’t take it

- awww qrow’s default really is just taking care of kids. good guy

- i’m always so exhausted at the end of a volume

[inkykeiji]

AHHHHHHHH IM GOING ABSOLUTELY CUCKOO BANANAS FOR UR DABI AND SHIGGY FIC LIKE AHHHHHHHH bc like first of all 🥺 oh to be shiggy’s dumb lil trophy girlfriend like that really is the life and gah u wrote his character so well where he rides the line between provider and unhinged super well and his character is such a good contrast to the dependability of dabi’s character like AHHHHHHHH idk which one of them i like more and i want to know so much about that fic and it’s universe like how did dabi’s apology to y/n go? how does he comfort her after shiggy does something stupid (i am very curious about the instances where he makes her upset) and god i am just dying to know what she thinks of dabi bc brain go brrrr for him like ugh i just love the universe you’ve set up ur pacing and ur writing style are just so amazing and nice to read it flows so beautifully and u managed to create a fic where idk who i like more and i’m interested in the world too and not just the character dynamics like wow i am so excited to see more of that universe bc ugh ur fic was so good pls have 1 million smoochies for all ur hard work

okay wow FIRSTLY thank you so much for this beautiful message???? it honest to god made me tear up (i’m a big baby ik) but it’s just,,,  one of the best, most heartwarming feelings ever to get such a lovely message. writing is very important to me, so to receive something like this.... honestly anon u just made my whole year 🥺

k responding under the cut tho because i’m gonna ramble

AAAAAAH okay i wanna say thank u again ahahah i’m so happy you feel that way about their characterization!!! and it makes me so giddy that you can’t decide who you like better n that they’re both appealing to you for different reasons omg that’s so interesting!!

see i was thinking of doing something like that, like a collection of oneshots that delve more into very specific incidents but i wasn’t sure if anyone was gonna be interested?????? because there really is so much to explore there, like literally just today i started writing a lil thing purely for myself detailing how that murder in the warehouse went down (because i too love this universe so much 🥺 am i allowed to say that without sounding conceited??? i hope so) but i wasn’t planning on ever actually posting it because again like, does anyone care?

HOWEVERRR if u want i would absolutely love to write u lil oneshots that answer every single one of your questions (esp since i already know the answers ehehe,,,  dabi’s apology almost ended up in there but i took it out because that fic is already a freaking MONSTER and tbh i was terrified people would see 10k words and just keep scrolling, because it is a bit of a commitment lmao). i can’t promise you any set date that they’ll get posted, but i can promise u that i’ll write them even if just one person is interested!!

waaaah i have to say thank you again for the thousandth time because 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 owh this all just makes me so, so happy to hear. so thank you, for such beautiful compliments and super fun feedback, i appreciate it so much more than u know <333

[mulderspice]

have you ever watched an episode of the Emmy award winning sci-fi drama, The X Files?  Maybe you’ve read my original post and yet you’re still wondering where the hell Fox Mulder got all those strands of hair on his jumbo gigantic head.  I am back and here to help you find the answers to some of your burning questions; as we celebrate the hard work and triumphs of the hair and makeup department on the Fox Lot and team up with my big huge brain and my New York State Cosmetology license to give the people what they want once again: another top ten guide to Mulder’s fucking hair..

upon making this post a second time (rip 😔), I realized that just about every episode (yes, every. single. one. even the ones without Mulder and the latest season where he has to share headspace with [redacted]) has its own important and iconic hair looks... You may recognize that some of these are slightly repeated from the last post but that’s ok! What I'm here to do is enforce! So lets get started..

#10 s6:e21 Field Trip: Here again we begin our journey into cosmetic superstardom with a personal favorite of mine.  Mulder rolling with the times by getting a haircut fresh off the FTF wave left our nation in fucking shambles. Can’t imagine going to see a major motion picture in theatres jam packed with Mulder’s most supreme hair looks only to come back to my tv screen to see it all gone away.  For students reading this post for educational purposes, this caused a worldwide walkout on popular salon franchise Supercuts in the year 1998.  However, a haircut didn’t necessarily mean Mulder forgot how to take care of his hair.  The precision and placement as each strand of hair perfectly outlines his jumbo head is revolutionary and inspiring.  Mushroom induced drug high? K. Lemme still grab my teasing comb and my hairspray and make sure I look presentable for when my partner walks into my apartment screaming abt “where's Mulder” and wanting “answers”.  The answer is this: this look is about giving people like myself with big heads rights and looking fuckable while doing so. 10/10 for inspiring hope.

#9 s1:e9 Space: Imagine you’re a few episodes into a show, the core plot is developing right before your eyes and you’re beginning to get to know The X Files three main characters; Fox Mulder, Dana Scully, and Mulder Hair Strands #1-3.  All is well except, you still have no clue how crucial, and critical Mulder Hair Strands 1-3 will become to the show and to your life and I am here to tell you that you are in for a very rude and bold awakening.  This message goes out to all the haters and all the people who didn’t believe Mulder’s hair was valid prior to season 4. He is here to tell you he DID know how to use dry shampoo and even the occasional blow dry oil and you can suck a dick abt it. Bold of you to assume he wouldn’t pull the round brush and the biosilk out the drawer to impress a visit to fucking NASA. 10/10 for involving science.

#8 s4:e6 Sanguinarium: I sit here writing to you today as the song ‘Handmade Heaven’ comes on shuffle; strikingly fitting for this raw and ethereal image of straight up beauty and wonder and magic and heaven in hair. This special, freshly washed and air dried smells like strawberries and sandalwood and fuckability. The look reaches through your TV and wraps its hands around your neck and sucks the life right out of you.  Are you gonna let it happen? You sure are.  Lucky for you, I just so happened to be there when the angels hand sewed each strand of hair onto his head and here’s what they had to say about it:  this is everything and more and the way Mulder has just washed his hair with fresh mountain water droplets hand collected like nothing else mattered. Put his clothes back on and went on his merry way. Can’t imagine being in Scully’s shoes ready to walk on in her partners room unannounced to go over serious case related matters and theories.  Woulda went bonkers. This truly is a handmade heaven.  Hand crafted by Mulder for Scully and for the good viewers of the globe. 10/10 for embracing me in its arms.

#7 s4:e3 Home: A look from one of primetime TV’s most notorious banned episodes.  Viewer discretion IS advised not only for the horrifying and cringeworthy content displayed in this episode, but for also making it painfully blunt to the viewer that Mulder’s hair follicles are happier and healthier than anybody else's will ever be in their lifetime.  In fact, I can feel my own hair falling out and being respawned onto HIS head as I type this and I’m sure you can too. The way the sun glistens off his golden brown strands makes me want to walk into oncoming traffic.  You might also notice how effortless this look was, as it probably only took a quick run thru with his fingers, and Mulder’s passion and need to look sexy at any time of the day at all times. It’s obvious that this kind of thing comes naturally to him, which just comes off as insulting to men everywhere. 11/10 for striking fear into men’s hearts.

#6 s4:e20 Small Potatoes: Genuinely took every bone and nerve ending in my body to not put this look in the top 5 even though it so clearly deserves it.  Here at mulderspice we believe in diversity, meaning it wouldn’t be right to make my top five greatest hairstyles ever produced on The X Files just of Mulder’s iconic and revolutionizing middle part (though really who is stopping me..). This screenshot in general has me up in arms at how perfectly the blue background matches his eyes, and how it accentuates his hydrated skin and lips.  But you’re not here for that. It’s the hair particularly that really pulls the shot together, as Mulder took the time that morning to spray it with some tinted dry shampoo that most defiantly and absolutely smells like chocolate.   This look feels like a warm hug on a frigid winter day. I feel EMBRACED and I feel CARED FOR thanks to the wonderful staff and team @ Mulder’s head and hair follicles. What the fuck could be better than this. 16/10 for making me feel some type of way.

#5 s4:e8 Tunguska: Currently you may not think anything of Krycek to the left of this image though ill have you know he plays an extremely vital part of this look and all the words I’m about to speak to you directly. So listen up: Krycek may have heroically slayed Mulder’s father in cold blooded and justifiable murder, but we thank him for this, as it caused Mulder to lash out in the best way possible: through looks. “Un-shun: Krycek do you think I’m good to bring my Redkin Rewind 6 styling paste with me or will the Russian TSA think of that as contraband? :Re-shun”.  A sweaty, manly and highly illegal treck through a Russian testing facility and a stint in a violent foreign PRISON surely was not going to stop Mulder from keeping his hair properly hydrated, styled and parted. That’ll really ruffle Krycek’s feathers and make him feel sorry for what he did…. The sexiest way to avenge the death of your deadbeat father. 24/10 for you know why.

#4 s1:e6 Shadows: In the year 1993, Mulder steps onto the scene, young, fresh faced, bright eyed and ready to give men around the globe what they (so desperately) needed: the encouragement to care about their hair.  Any backstreet boy you may know have this scene to thank directly, as this is what encouraged them to reproduce Mulder’s hair onto their own heads time and time again.  What I would give to see with my own eyes Mulder length times width times height his head to equal this perfectly proportionate look of volume and sexy. And who can I write a warrant out to for allowing this shot to take place.  Oh to be the various and expensive hair care products in Mulder’s bathroom …… 899/10 for starting a movement (-1 for making us do equations).

#3: s1:e10 Fallen Angel: The biggest regret I’ve ever had in my short little life was not adding this moment to the last post.  And tumblr deleted it in order to give me this opportunity to present this to you today.  By the way, that absolutely is in fact a choir of angels singing as you view this image. Go ahead and try to think of something on this earth that could be better than this tossled bed headed im-stressed-becos-my-partner-of-2-weeks-isn’t-seeing-the-big-picture-about-how-we’re-all-key-pawns-in-an-ongoing-government-conspiracy hairstyle hand crafted by Mulder all while holding his head in his hands hard at work trying to break through to the truth.  Scully [insert photo of Scully with her eyes popping out of her head here] and I both wanna rip our own hair out and throw it in the garbage. 2000/10 for making our hearts ache..

#2: s4:e10 Paper Hearts: Behold- the image I’m slamming down on the desk at full force when I finally get myself a therapist. I need a licensed professional doctor to help me understand the various angles that this purposeful shot affects my life health and well being. In a paranoia induced out of body experience Mulder took his pinky finger and parted his hair down the middle, took a protractor to perfectly round the tendrils falling ever so gracefully on his forehead and ran out of his apartment and through the woods of DC.  Doesn’t matter if he’s crazy? Doesn’t matter if its fuck all 4am? Who knows if the discoveries of this night is finally going to answer the heartbreaking questions regarding Mulder’s baby sister? Fuck it we’re just gonna make sure Scully has something to look forward to after being awoken yet again in the middle of the night and asked to come wrangle and control this stupid idiot.  This just makes me unhinged.  50000/10 for waking up in the middle of the night and doing the most for us all.  

#1 s4:e3 Teliko: This one will remain number one for as long as I shall live.  I’ve dedicated my life to this cause and I’m ready to make you painfully aware of it. Grab a pen and paper and get ready to do some heavy math with me because this look right in front of your eyes is the equation to happiness and sexiness. Can barely find the words to describe to you how this picture makes me feel. Each strand of hair is personally reaching down and wrapping his head in one big giant hug of protection and solitude.  Unbelievable that Scully didn’t head back to her hotel room and scream at the top of her lungs right after this. There’s no way she went about her day as normal without wanting to kick the shit out of him and then put him back together with soft feathery kisses.  What you are witnessing here is the very turning point of the show where Scully looked into into the very center point of that part and said “guess I have no choice but to fall in love with him 🚶🏽‍♂️”. Chris Carter’s idealistic version of Mulder and the one we actually ended ups seeing as viewers were so drastically different that it’s blatantly clear that he had absolutely no idea the cultural implications that were about to rock the world to its core and tip it on its axis when David Duchovny showed up on set looking like this. I could write a thesis about this. I could conduct research and studies about this.  I got kicked out of college because I cared more about this than I did actual schoolwork. I feel like I’m in a very sexy chokehold. Wish I could live forever in one little square pixel of this image.  Nothing means more to me than this.  1000000/10 no further comments.

and the honorable mentions go to....

s8:e16 Three Words: Dead? Did you die? Did you die and miraculously defy god by rising from the dead and coming back to life? Just got home from the morgue? Think nothing is the same? Left guessing if you’re a soon to be 5 minute father? Did you just fucking die? He’s lost his family and his job and the world just went on without him like it was nobody’s business.  Walked out of the morgue right to his apartment and what did he have left? His expensive array of hair styling and finishing products that’s what the fuck he had left.  Being an all around reject from society didn’t at all stop him from taking his fingers and dipping it into that Big Sexy styling pomade and fluffing his head to high heavens. As a personal fuck you to god and to John Doggett too.  He’ll never let you know the emotional hellstorm going on in his life in that moment but he WILL make it known to you that despite being 8 feet under ground for 6 months he’ll never give up on his hair. For the PEOPLE. Try and go through the nightmare of death and then rejected fatherhood and see if you come out of it with any hair at ALL.  An itty bitty glimpse into what would have been Untitled Mulder Abduction Story (2001)....

I Want To Believe (2008): Here you will see the sluttiest moment in major motion picture history.  Shh im not using this opportunity to show you this screenshot for the 800th time I’m trying to keep you educated.  BREAKING NEWS; Man hiding in home office for 6 years fully off the grid has FULL head of hair and is getting regular sex *not clickbait*. So what if Mulder has gone fully unhinged and off the walls bonkers he’s also gone FULL slut and it shows in that sexy thick voluminous head of slut hair.  If you ever for a second thought prior to seeing this movie for the first time that Mulder would show up a full on son-less wreck and a half think the fuck again babes.  He’s managed to hold on to every single little strand ever grown on his head even well into his middle aged madness and its about time we give him the credit he deserves.  (PS. Please know I wrote this entire spiel without even viewing the shot shown here. Its just permanently etched on the inside of my forehead so its there when my eyes roll back into my head.)  For this we say…..; Whore rights.

s11:e3 Plus One: Incase you were unaware, I have been going through a very slow and painful process of erasing Season 11 from my brain completely.  Its been a long road but its achievable and the end result will save me from a lot of future heartache and trauma.  This however, is a moment I will cherish forever and though you may think its for the hot sex (which is like maybe 30% the case) its actually because it puts together everything I’ve ever loved and believed about the show in only a few thousand pixels. How old is Mulder here? 30? 31? Still has hair and still has an unbelievable amount of love to shower Scully in for as long as they both shall live (which lets face it, she deserves one million times over.)  What this has taught me was to hang up my “Mulder deserved…” hat for good and just be thankful for what I’ve got. I ended up with no son or happy dreamy ending where Mulder gets to die with a family he’s never had in his life, but here we are left with the little things.. Like Mulder and Scully’s unconditional love and most importantly .. The hair on Mulder’s head. Its called growth and acceptance and I am learning it.  Also I just wanted to show you what it would look like if you were like 57 and sexy and still had all ur hair. That’s it :-)

[happyfunnycoolgirl96]

why the fuck did i watch lee hardcastle simpsons at midnight on a school day not in a OOooHH i’m gonna shit my paNts i shook in my boots, like lee hardcastle stuff isn’t funny and i’m able to watch a claymation video of the simpsons getting brutally murdered by jimbo (???) without getting horrified but, it upsets me how you would work so hard to create something so unemotional and purely shock value with not a lot of meaning or humor or any substance at all other than oh shit man!!! homer got his hand cut off!!! OOOOOOH itsrainingdownblood n bones aAWWW MAN hes got exposed MuSCLES and a prolapsed asshole!!, like considering how long stop motion takes watching lee hardcastle shit just makes me feel kind of horrible for a second and then its like, well the visuals kinda sucked. guys its midnight i dont usually get like this, as in this pissed over this one content creator just doing his sick thing. blaarruuraaargh let me get real for a second school kinda sucks i would usually facetime somebody about this but everybodys sleeping tight rn anyway i just feel kinda perpetually bored these past three weeks i just don’t feel like i get enough stimili ever and everyone in my school is introverted and quiet since its one of those schools that you get it purely because your grades are above average so i guess i kind of expected this but im not used to not being surrounded by jokes who chop you in the chin on a daily basis, what a weird thing to complain about jesus. i’m gonna devolve this lee hardcastle rant into general rambings about how my day went so HARD, also don’t watch the lee hardcastles simpsons gag its not funny its just kinda disturbing like if you wanna watch a family get murdered play dough style thats alright by me im not your mom but youre gonna want your 2 minutes back if youre not soft and doughy its just meaningless violence and it’s not even fun to watch violence okay like its gross enough to make you sick in the stomach its just so empty honestly. alright i’m getting to bed hope you guys didn’t hate reading this or something that would suck. tell you what though sometimes i used to look at peoples personal posts and be like, why oh why would you post this? who is this for? but that was before i became a peoples who wrote personal posts and like, theres something cathartic about making posts like this in comparison to sitting someone down and telling them something long and winding with no point or conclusion like this, since it’s sort of placing the weight on someones shoulders if they read something they didnt want to read since reading posts is always optional, i guess its just the feeling of being like WHOOSH! the feelings out, its out there on the table for both of us to see! out of my system whoo boy. and thats all i have to say on the matter

also if you clicked readmore on this on desktop you probably saw my new massive bart picture i slammed on the right side of my page. you guys like it lol it really cements the whole “im crossing my fingers this guy doesnt have a kin page. please dont have a kin page” feeling. i hope i dont give off an obsessive vibe over this cartoon ten year old lmao otto man and lisa are my favorite characters surprisingly barts kind of a dick sometimes so he gets bronze place. i wonder why i delved so quickly into simpsonsmania so long after the show quit being popular like back when i was obsessively watching and talking about south park in 7th/8th grade i thought simpsons was kinda old guard or lame. i was so fucking into south park in that time of my life what was my deal, i haven’t even really changed as a person in that aspect of controlling how much i like something or just being able to put on the brakes if i’m getting way into something like just imagine my current blog right now except my icon and sidebar and about page are images of... kyle brovflislkislov. sometimes i’m like, no i’m not gonna get back into south park that was such a dark period of my life but there was also that time where i was pretty young and generally unhinged or just not a chill person to be around, and that was also the time i was a SUPER ABSOLUTELY ENGULFED RAGING FAN of ren and stimpy and i jumped back into that pretty quick, like that was the main content on my blog not that long ago. WHOO IT JUST HIT 12:30 AM IM GOING TO PUNCH THE SHIT OUT OF THE HAY OR JUST HIT IT LIKE EVERYONE SAYS. GNITE I HOPE YOU GUYS HAD NICE DAYS OR THAT THE NEXT ONE TURNS OUT BETTER, AS CORNBALL THAT SOUNDS 

[sorcieresque]

Today at 3:08 AM

sorcieresque Although I do not for one second regert the thievery, the unkindness, the coy filirting and hot and coldness, the attempt to use you as a hitman, the backahanded mockery of your interest, I do, regret the unecessary gendering

sorcieresque Grieviously so

bythepowerof4 do you regret that list because i hadnt even noticed like half of those but you know. thanks (:

sorcieresque No problemo. I iddidn't expect you to notice, but knowledge is ppower and power might actually catapult you somewhat clsoer to my league, do with that what you will

bythepowerof4 ...ok ?? i dont even have a coy flirty response to that uh. im good here on the ground for now thanks

bythepowerof4 especially if damian is in "your league" lmao, im good to stay 20 000 leagures away

sorcieresque Damian couldn'y ytouch me if he paid me. I am so  laughably out of Damian's league that I can't even come up with a witty simile SPace babe,s, on the other hand, might have a fighting chance

bythepowerof4 i dont know why you assume theyd be willing to fight for it but!! good to know also if he really doesnt have a chance, you should stop dragging him around the dashboard, poor thing ):

sorcieresque I will tell you a secret Clea spacebabe Like Ines, I think I might want to dab, in the fine ancient sexy art of humiliating men

bythepowerof4 intriguing is there a clas on that here or are you self taught

sorcieresque I learned myself, baby Straight from the Internet

bythepowerof4 oh you must be the expert then!! please, show me your maneating ways i expect damian to be burned within an inch of his undead life lmao

sorcieresque I have said too much I am afraid I may be making a snuff film of the mystery

bythepowerof4 oh ok could we scale it back to like, hardy boys mystery then? still tricky but not so heavy on the cryptic metaphors

sorcieresque I am made of cryptic metaphors

bythepowerof4 oh bummer

sorcieresque Liek you're one too talk Miss visual mindfuck

bythepowerof4 please i didnt choose to be so hard to read :p

bythepowerof4 you seem to enjoy it

sorcieresque Sometimes I can even make sense of your intergalactique planes Not to sound like a straight boy, for  I am a feminist, but once I touched the side of your bra, it was sick

bythepowerof4 oooh, should i be impressed? oh my gd

bythepowerof4 i shouldve know you were trying to cop a feel, thanks for letting me know to avoid all human contact Ever much obliged

sorcieresque NO No* Casplock Clea. Clea I could see myself doing it For a moment

bythepowerof4 !!!!

sorcieresque For a breathe, for the split of as eocnd, It all made sense

bythepowerof4 you broke character!!!! do i win a cash prize

sorcieresque Clea Indulge me in a little rolepaly for a moment?

bythepowerof4 what um sure?

sorcieresque I am holdibng your shoulders. I am staring deep into your brown eyes.

bythepowerof4 yep

sorcieresque You have them, those, in all the right places Eyes and shoulders Do you get it now

bythepowerof4 i? oh what the fuck really

sorcieresque They were there And then they were not And I was back to coping a feel

sorcieresque It was sick

bythepowerof4 no offence but that really doesnt happen like as in not once since this happened

sorcieresque I'm a connoisseur of intergalatcic girls.

bythepowerof4 not, girl

sorcieresque Fuck Damnit I am, as they say, very high. I apologize Grieviously so

bythepowerof4 i was uh just gonna ask

bythepowerof4 how u guys are holding up

sorcieresque Terrible Absolutely terrible He kissed my cousin I'm going to murder him No That's stupid

bythepowerof4 eww

sorcieresque Nick can kiss whoever he damn pleases They're grossing me out

bythepowerof4 doesnt mean u gotta sit there and watch :p

sorcieresque Great call I'm outtie

bythepowerof4 hey are u in ines' room?? w all the snakes?? cause im only one floor down and definitely not ur cousin making out with a vampire

sorcieresque Are you trying to take advantage of me in my intoxicated shook state

bythepowerof4 never!! but someone else might, you never know what kind of man lurks these halls, preying on girls high of their ass (its damian. i mean damian.)

sorcieresque He's too busy trying to unhinge his jaw to eat Nick's face But I'll take it Thank you gender unspecific space babe

bythepowerof4 if you say anything else aboû *about damian geting hot and heavy with anyone im rescinding the offer my bed awaits milady. ill take the floor

sorcieresque I'll take your shoes Clea ?

bythepowerof4 do you mean youll bring my shoes or are you gonna take even more

bythepowerof4 also answer nick

sorcieresque It's part of the Mystery now But you can't and shan't tell me what to do

bythepowerof4 u sound very confident. hes coming over too whoops

sorcieresque What Clea No. You cannot allow this.

bythepowerof4 what?? why what am i meant to do about it

sorcieresque Let me in. Not him.