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#im gonna go to bed now because i know myself well enough to know that fighting this to write a paper is actually far less productive
puppyeared · 1 year
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ive made myself more wet and pathetic
#new icon because im SUFFERING. im in HELL#its so bad. i had to sign out of discord so now im both lonely and stressed#because i KNOW im still gonna get dstracted. i just did making this URGH#how good are brains at working around things. i once set a 7AM alarm on my phone with snooze cause i was so sure my brain would#be too lazy and keep snoozing instead of actually turning it off. but nay it either kept sleeping through the alarms and snoozing#or actually managed to turn off the alarm half awake that i barely remembered it and then waking up late#i actually have a track record of climbing out of bed and turning my alarm off without remembering. which is impressive bc i have a loftbed#the other thing is setting fake deadlines so make myself panic into doing things ahead of time. but unfortunately that doesnt work either#because if theres one thing my brain will put all its energy into remembering its self assurance. meaning i WILL be able to remember#the real deadline even if i try to trick myself. cant ask someone to give me a fake deadline either#the only things keeping me going rn is that i have deadlines due at least 1 day between each other and excitement being able to talk with#crow after break. but you can see how well thats going <- ignores long term rewards in favor of short term pleasure#BTW CROW IF YOURE READING THIS IM SO SORRY TURNING OFF MY DISCORD WITH BARELY ANY EXPLANATION#im a huge fucking dumbass and i had barely enough impulse control not to block everyone in my dms because i realized that would send a real#really bad msg. youre not distracting me im distracting myself and i promise youre not annoying me i just really like talking to you and#thats why im just barely stopping myself from signing in. I WANT TO TALK TO U LOTS BUT AT THE SAME TIME IM KICKING MYSELF FOR DOING IT#you can be a little mad at me btw cause i definitely could have done that better but i was all over the place abt how to do it without#making u think im ignoring you. IF THAT MAKES SENSE. SORRY#yapping#doodles#puppysona#edit but last week i tried to schedule and give myself work periods and break periods using my class schedule#and reminders on my phone to tell me when to start and stop. can you guess what happened
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ofcowardiceandkings · 19 days
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the sinus headaches are already not great but Extra Shit has been added to the pile and im just sat on that right now trying to figure out what the fuck to do
#ive uh not processed it yet and it also wont really shake out for a little while now i guess but .. yeah#long story short my friends who ive been A Trio with since we were 11 might be done with each other#theres a LOT of additional factors but theyre splitting a house share so one can go live with a boyfriend#and in the process it sounds like theyve made a lot of selfish choices for some unknown reason#ngl theyve pissed me off a little bit for being so weird and reclusive since theyve had the boyfriend as well but only with us#its ... yeah i dont know what alls happened because i dont live with them#but i just cant fathom how they got to this point quibbling over the contents of their shared house of 5 years#over a boyfriend whos been around for 2 or 3 years ..... to ruin a friendship of 18 years ????#again i dont know the whole story but i trust what the friend whos still good at talking to us to not lie about them being screwed around#i just dont get it at all how to reconcile what ive been told with who ive known over half my life#theyve felt off .. or wrong for a while now tbh ... i miss them#i havent seen the other one since before may ...#the thought that mightve been the last time we all hang out is kind of killling me inside lol#and it was also pretty weird and stilted again because it was very boyfriend-centric#this always happens to me lol ive lost count of all my school friend groups who end up basically fighting over me after they fall out#its a MAJOR trauma point for me and i thought we kind of grew past that but i guess i was wrong#ive been catching myself with a weepy eye or a single sob all day#i dont know what to do i wanna know what the fuck happened and what was worth doing this for#i wanna confront everyone and ask for a fucking explanation as to why my single life solid bedrock is falling apart#i mostly wanna dig a hole and die in it ... im fine im safe but im bothered by like ...#what a total fool ill look like if i just melt down at work ... i might find the mental health first aiders list and write an email lol#im like not okay cksbdkssj fucking hell#i have some hope but its ... its hard out here#i need to go to bed fuck#id dont neeeeed thiiiiisss im gonna choke on life agaaaiiinnn#the battle to keep my shit together enough to at least not self-sabotage ??? its testing my patience#rory's ramblings
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bluesidedown · 2 years
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why do things have to be scary
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sockiess · 5 months
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sam monroe walking in on you masturbating? like fingering yourself and humping your pillows? PLEASE I LOVE SAM 😍🥰
I LOVE THIS REQUEST BUT ALSO SCARED BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE I AM NOT GOOD AT WRITING SMUT BUT ILL DO IT FOR YOU POOKIE ALSO SORRY THIS IS SO LATE PLEASE FORGIVE ME
We might as well just fuck
warnings: SMUT SMUT SMUTTY SMUT SMUT WHOLE LOTTA SMUT ITS JUST SMUT
I laid on Sam’s bed with my fingers between my thighs softly rubbing at my clit. Sam was at work and I was going to wait for him but I was just so horny and needy. I’ve been thinking about him all day and the wetness between my thighs was just unbearable at this point. I thought if I could quickly just make myself cum I could be fine until he got home.
My fingers weren’t really doing it for me and I needed more. Then I got an idea and I quickly grabbed the pillow on the side of Sam’s bed, the one he used every night. I quickly straddled it and started rocking my hips back and forth on it feeling the softness rub against my clit. It wasn’t like anything I have ever felt before. No, it wasn’t as good as Sam’s fingers, tongue, or cock but it would do the job until I could get what I actually wanted
Little did I know that I wouldn’t have to wait long as Sam got home earlier than expected. I continued rocking my hips back and forth on his pillow making a mess of it not knowing that Sam was in the door way with his hands down is pants watching me.
I felt the bed dip and his hand gripping my neck. I quickly let out a yelp. “shh shh baby it’s just me” Sam said turning my face and messily kissing me. The kiss was all tongue and spit it was barely a kiss. “Sammy” I moaned out stopping the rocking of my hips. “Keep going.” Sam demanded out. Even though the pillow felt good Sam was here and I wanted his cock in me. now.
“Your cock” I whined out. “no, you wanted to be a slut on my pillow so continue.” He said while starting to rock my hips for me. I moaned out and continued to grind down on his pillow.
Sam finally had enough of watching me make a mess on his pillow and picked me up and sat me down on his lap pushing his dick into me. “Sam!” I basically screamed while he bounced me on his lap leaving hickeys all over my tits. “So fucking beautiful” Sam said in between my tits. “Sammy i’m going to cum” I moaned out. “Me too baby” He said bouncing me harder onto his cock and kissing me. The knot in my stomach finally snapped as I moaned into his lips. Sam quickly released inside me pulling my head back by my hair to kiss my neck. “fuck” Sam breathed out while rubbing my back. “I made a mess” I giggled. “Yes you did baby” Sam said laughing quietly and holding me closer kissing the top of my head.
“Never gonna wash that pillow again”
“Sam that’s disgusting.”
THIS WAS SHORT IM SO SORRY🫶🫶 I HOPE YOU LIKE IT IF YOU WANT ME TO ADD OR CHANGE ANYTHING LET ME KNOW :))
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goatpaste · 2 years
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Alrighty, this has been something I'v been putting off for awhile because I really just wanted to save all the money myself but I just dont think its gonna be able to happen anytime soon and I'm tired of putting it off for Daisy's sake
but this is officially the Donation Post for us to start pooling together money to move daisy up from Texas to Pennsylvania. I'll bore you with the details under the cut but in the mean time here is links and info on the ways you can support the move!
[My commissions are Open] [My Etsy is Open]
[My Kofi were i offer PWYW commissions as low at 3$]
[My Toyhouse has designs for sale on it]
[You can Donate here and all the saving made toward this will be going directly into savings]
These are all the ways you can directly support us and help us work toward the goal of getting Daisy into a safe and better environment! I know not everyone is going to be able to chip in but anything helps even reblogs and sharing around! We've been talking about this move for over a year and I want to try and move her by the end of this year at the latest.
For more info on our specific situation and bit more details, please read under the cut
Daisy has been my friend since we were 6 years old, she is like a sister to me! We've been at each others side through thick and thin and I care about her so much.
Daisy's home life has never been the best and her parents are nightmare people who are a blight on the general public but as well as Daisy's home life.
Daisy doesnt have the ability to drive, work or save her own money even when she did work as her mother would take the money she earned constantly, and was ultimately the reason Daisy was unable to keep her job.
So for Daisy's end she has no ability to save and moving funds, it will primarily be on me to round up the money.
We are not 100% sure how much we are going to need at this moment in time but have a rough estiment.
Were hoping to get Daisy's mother on a good mood and have her pay for Daisy's plane ticket. We are going to be unable to move all her stuff and will just have to pack as much as she can into a large suitcase and fly up. So we will not have to pay for the plane, but will have to pay for bedding, and everything else she will need once up here. we have some temporary arrangements Via my bed and couch and potentially picking up a blow up mattress. But my current apartment is extremely small and not much room for two people let alone just me. Not sure how long I will be in this space while Daisy is up here if at all.
I may potentially reach out to my step father and ask him to dip into the savings he has kept for me to get Daisy furniture and necessities. But im avoiding that for as much as i can as im not on the best terms with my dad.
I will start looking for a bigger place for us to live together once we start getting in a comfortable area on savings. As the only money maker currently i will be needing savings to afford a place for us to share that will of course be much more expensive than where i am right now. Daisy will start looking for a job once she is/has moved up here and hopefully we will be able to support ourselves at that point, it will just be the first little bit of time we will need a cushion.
this is one of the areas im not 100% sure how much were going to need but certain in the thousands area knowing rent for a place big enough for two individuals.
after that its just gonna be us figuring it out.
but this is the situation as it stands right now, we are trying to help a trans woman out of her shitty living situation and across the country where her friends who love and care and want to support her are. We dont know exactly how much its going to be, but its going to be a lot and were really just looking for a bit of support!
thank yall so much!
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sordidmusings · 11 months
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Switching Up Roles - Part 2/2 (Buggy x Reader)
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A/N: gif relevant cuz this mf gets his hand privileges revoked 💀 I have finally finished it QuQ getting Buggy to admit his sub desires to you for anon is here! I really hope it is what you wanted and that you enjoy 🤍 there's lots of filth but there's also a lot of them being sweet dorks together and painfully in love because I couldn't help myself whoops
Word Count: ~8.5k
Warnings: feminine leaning afab!reader (no pronouns), NSFW my dude, very sub side of switch!Buggy, face sitting, oral (both receiving), light restraining, praise, degradation, edging, p in v, creampie, brat taming im p sure (Buggy doesn't mean to be a brat, petulance is just in his soul), takes a little to get to the sex but then it just keeps happening lol
Enjoy turning the clown into even more of a hot mess 🤡
Part 1
~ ~ ~ ••• ✦✦✦ ••• ~ ~ ~
Buggy is, for once, at the door to your shared room, kicking off his shoes for the night, right when the last colors of sunset begin to fade and no later. His hat is pulled off and thrown with little care for where it lands and his gloves are yanked off and flung away. He stomps over to where you sit on the bed with heavy feet, plops you fully onto the bed with a complaining grunt, and flops his full weight on top of you with spread limbs. You would be chastising him right now, but all the air left your lungs when he belly-flopped you into the mattress. A few forceful breaths re-inflate your lungs, but by the time you have your words prepared, Buggy is finished with his prolonged and dramatic sigh, and he greets you with a “heya, sweetcheeks” that barely makes it out of the comforter engulfing his face.
Gods, you love this silly little man.
“Hello, lovebug,” you reply with a fond giggle. “I’d ask how you’re doing but the dramatic entrance told me everything.”
Another complaining grunt is his response.
“Sounds about right. How about this?” You shimmy yourself a touch so you can fully move your arms and slither them under his coat. Your fingers touch his sides before sweeping in and trailing next to his spine all the way up his back. You dig them in just enough to create resistance then you drag them all the way back down to the small of his back. You feel his shiver in your own body and bask in his happy sigh. “How about you let me take care of you tonight? You really need to spend some time relaxing before your body falls to pieces that won’t listen to you anymore. I don’t wanna have to put you together like a figurine again; you don’t come with assembly instructions.”
Something that sounds like “needing a waxing” vibrates into the mattress.
“You’re gonna have to repeat that one, Bubs.”
With a huff to let you know what an absurd effort you’re making him go through, Buggy turns his head to lay with his mouth next to your ear. “I said ‘sleep is relaxing’, dumbass.”
You easily ignore his toothless insult. You begin massaging the muscles under your hands on his lower back to ease him up some more. “Well, yeah, and that’s why I want to help you sleep like the dead.”
Ever a man with his mind frolicking in the gutter, Buggy gets some new found pep. He breaks out the rough whisper he knows you love to say, “And how do you plan on doing that, sweet treat?”
You turn to him and inch in close enough to speak against his lips, “Why waste time telling you when I can show you?”
Buggy’s pressing his lips to yours before you finish the final word. The kiss is full of ease with its slow rhythm and syrupy movements. You pull back to tease his lips with a brush of your own and take a moment to savor breathing the same air. Buggy won’t let you stop for long; his impatience for your touch always becomes all consuming after he gets that first taste. He’s still gaining more energy back and using it to put more strength into his movements. He props himself up on one elbow and his opposite hand slides over to palm the base of your skull. His thumb brushes the sensitive skin behind one ear and his fingers easily reach to the other, leaving you completely at his control. He gently sucks your bottom lip before giving it a hungry nip, and it comes back to you that you’re supposed to be leading this night somewhere.
When you go to pull away, Buggy’s hand keeps you exactly where he wants you. He responds to your attempted escape by teasing his tongue between your lips. This man clearly knows how weak you are for him, because you couldn’t keep yourself from deepening the kiss if you tried. Why would you ever deny yourself these moments where you could taste each other’s want on the smooth slide of tingling tongues? Wait. No. Focus.
“C’mon, gorgeous,” he breathes out in response to another attempt to pull back, this one weaker. “Don’t you wanna be my good little slut?” You let out a high-pitched moan into his mouth at that, internally cursing him for being so hot. “I need my cock-hungry pretty baby to make me feel good. Didn’t you want to be my cocksleeve? My little toy to fuck whenever and however I want?”
Yes, yes you did. You loathe your past self for giving him that ammunition to use against you right now. Without meaning to, you spread your legs fully, making space for his hips to shimmy flush to your center. He rewards you with firm grinds of the thick bulge straining against his pants. His movements are unhurried, letting you focus on every moment and the way his cock drags on your heat, reminding you of every time it had you drunk on pleasure before. The promise it gives you is mouthwatering. You realize that you may have miscalculated. You had thought his brain would be too fried from the week to use your soft spots against you, but here he is, getting you wet and pliant with one deep kiss and some choice words. What a bastard.
You try pulling away again and are met with the same result. Fine then.
Buggy squawks and flinches back when you pinch his side. He splits at the waist to keep his lower half on you and floats his upper body out of your attack range. The look he gives you is absolutely seething, but you would not be moved. You remain unimpressed.
“I did pull back multiple times. What if I had to sneeze and you made me headbutt you?” you reason, knowing it was too obvious that you were enjoying yourself to pretend otherwise. The way your legs are still happily hooked around his hips would be all the argument he needs against you.
“You always do those little prep inhales and reel back like you’re getting an exorcism. Would’ve given me plenty of time to get out of the line of fire,” Buggy grouses, crossing his arms to give you his most petulant pout.
You make an exaggerated gasp and distort your voice to sound tearful when you say, “I thought you loved me for my dramatic sneezes! Have you been lying to me this whole time?”
“Every. single. day,” he deadpans.
“And here I was,” you begin, shoving his legs off and standing from the bed, “Ready to play doting housewife for you and undress you with kisses and massages and love!” You turn your back to him to really sell the soap opera scene. Using the word “love” may have been a little bit underhanded; you both have been skittering around saying your first “I love you”s, only daring to use the weighted word indirectly. Even so, it was always easy to see how hearing the word from your lips would make him forget everything else and seek another hit of it from you.
“Aw come on, baby,” he draws out, already switching from pouting brat to placating lover. “We can still do that right?”
There is a lot of frantic rustling behind you. You peek at him over your shoulder, only allowing yourself to turn enough to see him in the corner of your eye. He is popped back together and is sitting up on his knees. He had skooched himself to the edge of the bed right behind you, where he is now giving you his best puppy dog face. You’re able to hold out just long enough for him to start wondering if your anger was all play before you spin around and chirp, “Only if you make a deal with me!”
Buggy flings himself back out on the bed and groans, “Fiiiiiiiiine.”
“It’s one you’ll like, I promise,” you soothe. You ease Buggy to sit up at the edge of the bed, laughing at the way he’d sway too far into whichever direction you pulled him, staying just one step removed from going dead weight. Once he’s settled into his spot, you take a moment to examine him. It doesn’t go unnoticed to you that his back is hunched forward under the weight of his exhaustion. Though his eyes are playful, they also hold dark bags, which peek out around his makeup. Your heart aches for him. Even when he is overworked and needing sleep, he’s taking the time to goof around with you and listen to your requests. You’d make sure he had the best sleep of his life tonight. You’d get him all clean and cozy and ready for bed and then you’d make him cum so hard that his brain blue screens. Truly a proper recipe for a good night’s rest.
“How’d you take off your gloves at the door but not your coat?” you ask, pushing said coat off his strong shoulders. He helps you by pulling out his arms. While your eyes admire any new skin exposed to you, Buggy keeps his eyes on your face.
“Can’t feel you through the gloves,” he explains. Oh, wow, that’s actually really sweet- “You ever try to enjoy tits and ass through fabric? Doesn’t work as well.”
You puff out an exasperated laugh. Yep, there’s your Buggy.
Before you move on to take off his scarf, you brush your fingertips along his neck and jaw to enjoy the warmth of his skin and the scratch of his stubble. Once the cloth is gone, you begin using your lips instead. He reaches out to hold your hips in a practiced welcome when you settle into his lap. Anywhere your kissing moves, Buggy opens himself up to your touch. You nose his jaw up for his head to fall back and kiss your way along his pulse. Your hand comes up to support the other side of his neck, your thumb admiring the shape of his adams apple. Your other hand hooks into his shirt’s collar and pulls it aside for more access. By the time you follow his collarbone to his shoulder, your kisses are open-mouthed, sucking and licking at his skin. When you move back over to the base of his neck, you feel his throat bob from a heavy swallow then vibrate under your thumb with his pleased hum.
Eager kisses lead you up to his ear, which you greet with a nip. Pulling back, you blow cool air on him to light up the damp trail you left behind. While your lips explore him, his hands explore you. They had started at your hips and are now massaging indulgently at your chest. Like everything else, the motion is not rushed, which perfectly compliments the teasing way he thumbs your nipples through your shirt.
After a sweet kiss to his temple, you undo his bandana, exposing his beautiful blue hair. You guide his head down to rest against your sternum so you can more easily take out the pins and ties keeping his hair in place. Buggy hums in pleasure from the relief in his scalp once his waves of long hair all fall free. You help soothe it further by massaging your fingers from the nape of his neck, around to temples, up to crown, and back down again. You always love when you can play with his hair; it’s become covetously soft in your care and you’ve become addicted to the faint smell of shampoo topped with ocean spray that came from it. 
Buggy’s hands move from your chest so he can wrap you in a loose hug. He mindlessly massages your lower back and ass while you tend to him. The break from your kissing lets him regain enough thought to ask, “You gonna let me know about the terms I’ve agreed to or am I supposed to start guessing?”
You give him a sweet giggle and kiss the top of his head. While moving on to unclasp his many belts, you reply, “If you insist then I guess I’ll tell you.” Even his shirt has belts, what is this? Yeah, they look nice, but each one is one more step between you and getting him naked. “What you’re gonna do-” you don’t miss his shiver at the sternness in your tone “-is lay there and enjoy what I give you.” You soften up just a touch. “I’m here to make you feel better. I need you to trust that.”
“Of course I do,” he says, almost offended. He earns a kiss with the ease and earnestness of his response.
Finally, all the belts are undone and his shirt is opened. Buggy pops his arms off so you can easily push it off of him without the rest of his body moving an inch. He reassembles while your hands work on touching every new stretch of skin. You’d never tire of feeling his abs twitch under your touch or tracing the contours of his body. You get bolder, scratching pink lines through the light texture of his blue chest hair. It matches his stubble in a handsome blue, slightly darker than the hair on his head.
With a grip on his hair, you ease Buggy’s head off of your chest. He moans at the pull of it on his tender scalp and hopes you think it's from discomfort. The way you turn your hand so it pulls firmer, earning more sounds, lets him know he’s not fooling you. He finds that he doesn’t care when he sees the appraising look you’re giving him. 
Now that he’s sat up, you get back to work on marking him up. There’s a gentle, tingling scratch of hair against the skin of your face while you work him over. Buggy is slowly and surely falling apart between your dominating hand and worshiping lips. Where before he felt the need to muster the energy to meet you for pleasure, he is now surrendering to let you control when and how he feels it. He lets himself lean into your grip and keeps himself relaxed, only moving his hips in mindless grinds. Having this man offer you free access to himself is winding you up quickly. You needed to get this moving along. You could take all the time you wanted soon. After smearing a few more kisses across his chest, you get up to work on getting him out of his pants.
“Come on, Bugs, let’s get you out of the rest of those clothes,” you coo, moving back to stand in front of him. 
“You want me naked~” Buggy taunts in a singsong voice like a schoolyard bully, giving you the cheekiest grin. He holds out his arms (making grabby hands of course) for you to pull him up. With a sturdy heave, you get the sleepy clown back on his feet. 
“You’ve found me out,” you whisper in fake shame. “Whatever will I do?”
“Well, toots, you can buy my silence with kisses,” he offers.
After giving many quick kisses all over his face, many with exaggerated “mwah!”s to get more giggles out of him, you move on to his pants. Buggy stays quiet and pliant while you undid them and pull them down to his ankles, following them down to the floor. You are happy to see that familiar bulge more clearly while he’s just in his boxers. You kiss along his length through them, making it twitch eagerly. His hand comes to rest on your head, letting you know how much he wants you to stay there. You look up at him, making eye contact, before pulling back and pulling his boxers down to join his pants. You think it’s cute the way his breath still catches from seeing you like this. It’s also cute the way his hands move to your shoulders to help him balance while you take off his pants and boxers then pull each sock off of his feet.
Buggy settles himself to recline on the pillows at the head of the bed, legs crossed at the ankles and hands behind his head. He eats up the way your eyes scrape over every inch of his spread out body. It isn’t lost on him the way your eyes always gravitate towards the prize laying heavy on his stomach, highlighted by a deep blue happy trail and trimmed curls. “Your turn, sweet cheeks,” he prompts.
“Not so fast,” you say, turning away from him and going to grab some items on the dresser. You turn back holding out a cloth and bowl of water to answer Buggy’s raised brow. He is not happy with your answer.
“Come ooooon,” he complains. “Aren’t you used to the makeup by now?”
“Yeah, I thought that was obvious,” you respond, gesturing to the marks he’s left on your face and chest. “But our skin will be happier without it and you’ll feel better sleeping clean and without a whole stage show’s paint on your pillow.”
“But I want you on me now,” he growls. Okay that greedy tone almost won you over, but you could use his weak spots too.
“I also..” you had wanted to only play shy but found that the feeling became genuine. “I also want to see you bare faced tonight.” Buggy narrows his eyes so you continue. “Don’t get me wrong, the makeup is sexy - like obviously, you’ve seen how I get - but you’re handsome without it too. And sometimes all I wanna see is you.”
He relents easily, trying to hide the blush that burns up his cheeks and down his neck. You reward him by making very quick progress of getting him fresh faced and cleaning the smears off of your own face and body, before moving onto your clothes. 
You’d like to say that you were sexy in the way that you stripped yourself, but the reality is that you were quick and unchoreographed in your rush to get back to Buggy. He’d never complain though; there’s already plenty of your mouth watering strip teases filed away in his mind. There was also a rush in knowing how quickly you want to touch him again. And in the way the rush has your tits and ass jiggling.
Buggy reaches out to welcome you back into his lap, but is blindsided when you move to grab and spread his ankles instead. The way you crawl in between his legs is slow and maddening. Where’s that impatience that had you tearing off your clothes? Buggy can’t lie, he does love the way you’re kissing up his legs and the way it lets him savor how your body moves and curves. His worn body and thumping heart are addicted to the way you’re touching him. The problem is that he’s having trouble thinking of anything beyond the way his cock throbs angrily at the lack of attention.
The whispers, nips, and kisses that you layer on his thighs stay just on the right side of ticklish. Buggy’s hands follow your movements, brushing into your hair and tugging gently whenever you find a particularly sensitive spot. You keep at it until his thighs are twitching and jumping to your touch and he’s lost control of the pace of his breath. It’s only then that you begin teasing his cock with soft lips and cold blown air. You mix in firm, sedate licks to keep hinting at the relief your mouth could bring.
Buggy detaches his hands and begins to trail them down your sides. He’s hoping that playing you with his fingers would urge you along. Beyond that, he needs to feel how slick and warm you are and get his mind ready for the feeling that would soon slide over his aching cock by sinking his fingers into your plush grip. You quickly stop his plot by plopping your hips flush to the bed so that he can get no further than groping your ass. 
“Ah ah ah, I didn’t say you could touch me yet,” you reprimand. Buggy whines back at you and you nip his upper inner thigh. “Hands,” you command, holding your own out. Even with his protests, he detaches his hands and floats them to your own. You link your fingers together with his then shove his hands down into the mattress, leaning your weight on them.
With him disarmed, you focus back to winding him up. Taking his head into your mouth, you begin swirling your tongue. Buggy manages to keep his hips from pushing more of him into you, but they shake with the effort. You turn your head to the side and begin massaging his head into the inside of your cheek, careful to keep your teeth off of him. He bites out curses and looks down at you to burn the image of your cheek bulging from his cock into his mind forever. He begins to let his hips lead the movements pressing out your cheek, so you pull him back out of your mouth.
“Fuck, don’t stop,” Buggy pleads. He needs to keep feeling you or he’s sure he’ll go insane.
“I didn’t hear you say please,” you snark at him. He starts chanting the word for you in hopes to fix his mistake and earn your mouth back, but you’re already decided on the matter. Instead of sucking on him again, you simply nose around his hips and crotch to tease him, using what you could with your hands occupied restraining him. You found you enjoyed it; he smells strongly of clean skin and sex and the new method of touching him lets your brain notice new details to cherish. “It’s too late, silly clown,” you taunt.
When he can take no more, Buggy detaches an arm and bends it around the back of your neck. He pulls you into him by the crook of his elbow and growls out, “more”. You glare up at him before quickly taking him back into your mouth, all the way to the back of your throat, grinding his head there while sucking harshly and gripping his balls.
Buggy yelps out an apology, the sensation way too much to process so suddenly. His arm flies back to him and you ease your grip on him. You soothe him with a few gentle bobs of your head before popping off and leaving a kiss to the soft skin on the underside of his cock. That sharp hit to his nerves chased by the tender touch fogs up his mind.
“I’ll do what you want, please tell me what you want,” he begs.
“What I want-” you’re crawling your way back up his body, “-is for you to be honest with me. Tell me what you’ve been hiding this whole time.”
Buggy’s face scrunches in genuine confusion. “I’m not hiding anything from you.”
“You sure?” you press. You lean towards his lips, which gently part in anticipation of a kiss. The moment before your lips brush, when you feel his stuttered breath, you change course and ghost your lips across his jaw to his ear. “But it would make me so  happy if you just told me,” you whisper. “You usually make me feel so good.” You can feel him listening intently. “You don’t want to be good for me?” He stills completely. “Don’t you want to be my good little toy?” His whole body shivers beneath you. You kiss and suck your way down his neck and he leans his head away to give you as much access as possible. “Just say it baby and I’ll make you feel good.”
If you weren’t so busy buried in his neck, you would see the breathtaking mix of apprehension and need flaring in his bright eyes while he debates how to answer you.
“I want you to use me. I-” he trails off and looks away, losing his nerve. 
You begin gently petting his hair and placing kisses on the side of his face. “You’re doing so well, sweetheart.” He looks back at you and his shining eyes and furrowed brow plead for the promise that you’re telling the truth. You give him a firm kiss on the lips, which he eagerly returns with a small suckle to your bottom lip. You pull back to check in, looking into his eyes, before encouraging him again. “Keep going, lovely. I wanna hear it.”
Buggy tenses once more before he seems to let his resistance break and fall out of every muscle, leaving him limp and prone amongst the pillows and sheets. “I want to be your toy - I want you to take charge and do what you want to me. I want.. I want to follow your orders.”
The kiss you gift him is ravenous, and he fills with relief. “You’re so good to me, baby,” you praise, and that relief triples.
You reassuringly squeeze his captive hands and lead your way back down his body with your lips. The transition helps relax him and loosens his mind again. As you get back to your sweet torture, he keeps reaching downward not remembering that his hands aren't there then whining when he doesn’t reach your head. You switch his hands to being clamped between your knees so you can scratch your nails down his thighs, using just enough pressure to leave long pink trails. Taking it further, you move your mouth away from his dick to work across his v-line. Buggy gets more fussy at the lack of attention on his cock, squirming and whimpering below you.
Mouth still busy on his soft skin, you use one hand to palm over his balls to the underside of his dick and curl your hand closed around him, one finger at a time. You angle his cock upright, enjoying the feeling of his precum beginning to trail down across your fingers. Your mouth changed course back closer to him, emptying his mind of any thoughts but “yes, yes, yes-”. He blanks out completely when your blazing hot tongue drags across his balls during a squeeze and a pump of his dick. The relief is short lived when your grip loosens and stills and your mouth leaves him completely. His head snaps down to see why you stopped and he sees that you’re already giving him a malicious smirk. Your eyes stay on his when you pucker your lips to blow on his aching tip. His head snaps back sharply, the movement exaggerated by his hair.
“You’re going so sloooow,” Buggy complains, frustrated. “I thought you were gonna take care of me.” He sounds impressively sulky.
“If you’re not happy with my services,” you start in a measured tone, moving forward until you are nose to nose, “then you can take care of yourself.” His face pales. You look down at his dick in your hand thoughtfully before saying, “Better yet I can just steal your cock and run off to the showers to take care of myself.”
“No!” Buggy wants it to come out like an order but it is definitely an anxious plea.
“Oh, so you’re telling me I can’t?” He shrinks even more under your glare, making you feel powerful.
“Just stay in here, pleeeease, need to see you feel good,” Buggy begs, voice small. “Don’t even need to cum, just need you.” 
You aren’t supposed to give in unless on your own time, but knowing that he’s only thinking of your pleasure is making you weak.
“I thought you wanted to be my good little toy and good toys don’t whine and make demands. They are happy with what they’re given if their owners give them anything at all.” He whimpers. “Right now you’re more of a fucking brat.”
“Noooooo,” his broken complaint sounded delicious, but the look on his face was nearing too close to real distress. 
“No?” You mock. You look down at him with a condescending pout. Your eyes bore into his, needing to notice every little detail of his next reaction. “Oh, baby, if you’re not a brat then you’re just a pussy-hungry slut.”
Buggy shuts his eyes and moans loudly at your words. The sound of his own voice calling you a cock-hungry slut many times over echoes from his memories. He didn’t think having his own insults turned on him would feel so invigorating. It’s clear to you that that is much more what he wants to be for you. Your slut; not your brat. How sweet. When all his layers are peeled back he only wants to please.
“That’s okay you sick little thing. You just can’t help it, can you?” He shakes his head with those gorgeous, shining eyes pleading at you. “If you’re so hungry, I guess I gotta feed you so you can shut. up.”
Before his mind even realizes that you began moving, you flip around and sit directly on his face. Your strong thighs are clamping his arms down to his sides, leaving his hands to be snatched up in your own again. You’ve positioned yourself so his mouth is at your clit and his nose is teasing your entrance. He gives a thick inhale and presses his tongue out to lap at you with a satisfied moan.
“Much better,” you groan, completely self-satisfied.
You waste no time before you begin rocking your hips. The room fills with the sloppy sounds of him licking and sucking at you, overly enthusiastic about having your pussy in his face.
“Now stick out that tongue for me,” you order, giving him his only warning before you drop much of your weight down to get the best pressure of his tongue, nose, and chin against you. The sensation has you clenching against the surface of his nose, getting it wet. You switch between a few long grinds from cupid’s bow to chin and making sharp circles of your clit on his tongue.
Buggy barely gets any time to fully breathe and he loves it. His head has become a murky swirl of your addicting taste and smell and the lovely sounds of you moaning for him. It sends pleasure prickling through him, making him burn with need, but he’s sure he’d stay on this painful precipice forever if it meant you kept using him to feel good. Buggy’s moans are becoming slurred whines as he gets drunk off your pussy. He was trying so hard to be perfect for you. He would stiffen his tongue to grind back into you or curl the end up for you to use on your clit. He’s ignoring his nerves at having his nose be an active participant, because he feels the way you follow its pressure. His hands are clamped on yours, floating in front of you to give you better leverage to move. He’s done good to not pull either of them away and give his leaking cock the relief it desperately needs. He deserves a reward.
You bring his hands in to place them on your breasts, where they need no direction to start working you. The warm, grounding pressure of them kneading your breasts is broken up by little circles, pinches, and pulls to your nipples that send tingles to your spine and straight down to your clit. Once they’re settled on you, you curl forward to place your head back in front of his red, twitching dick. You put your elbows down by Buggy’s sides and take advantage of the fact that he’s too lost between your legs to notice where you’ve put your face.
Buggy arches and yelps when you blow strong, cold air on his head and tease your fingertips along his Apollo's belt. His utter excitement at your attention shows in his bucking hips and pressing face. His whole body is buzzing with the thought, “I did good!”
“Your mouth is fucking good, perfect for an eager slut” you praise. Buggy keens loudly into you, sending strong vibrations through your pussy. “I’ll have to steal your head as my seat more often.” You flick your tongue on his frenulum, earning a strong twitch. “I’ll hunt you down any time I need to cum and force you down under me,” you promise in a husky voice. 
Finally, you slide him into your mouth and moan at the familiar taste and weight and heat. He’s as sensitive as you’ve ever seen him, hips and cock jerking. You tease a hand down to cup his balls and feel them pull tight while his dick starts a familiar pulse, his voice going wild in your ears. Oh?
“Not so fast, stupid doll,” you warn, moving your hand to make a tight ring around the base of his cock. “Thought you could just cum without getting me off first?”
Buggy tries to get out apologies but his mouth is too busy buried in your pussy.
“I’m touching you as a reward. Don’t get greedy,” you scold. Then you’re putting him back in your mouth and he’s sobbing under your cunt. You couldn’t do anything more than light sucking and trailing your hands on him before you’d have to pull back and keep him from cumming. Each time, he’d try to apologize and each time he would look and sound more and more pathetic. By the time you feel the pressure of your own orgasm pulsing throughout your hips, he’s shaking like a leaf.
The crackling complaint Buggy let out when you pulled yourself off of his face was heartbroken. His fingers slipped and pulled as they made their way from your breasts down to your hips, where they weakly tried to pull you back down on him.
“Shhh sweet boy,” you soothed, placing your hands reassuringly over his, “I’m just gonna use your cock now, gotta give that pretty face a break.”
That quickly distracts him from the loss of your touch, if his urgent pleas and raised hips are anything to go by. You get down to his hips and lean forward slightly, gripping firmly onto each of his warm thighs for stability. You admire the lines that twist over them as his muscles move and react to you. Feeling a little bit sadistic, you grip them hard enough to bruise and hover just close enough to his cock so that he feels the heat of you there but only the ghost of your touch.
“Please touch me,” he begs. “So close, need to feel you-”
Buggy continues to babble and you continue to hover, delighting in the way his dick would sometimes jump up to tap your entrance, electrifying both of you. He squirms under the strength and weight of your grasp on his thighs, trying to chase you with his hips. Suddenly, he splits his legs off above your grip and is finally able to grind fully into you, gliding smoothly through the thick mix of slick, spit, and precum between you. An absurdly hot groan rushes out of him, starting as all exhale before morphing into a loud tone supported by a rumble in his chest. Your mind blanks with your own gasping moan before you recenter yourself and let your dead weight drop on him, shoving his hips deeply down into the mattress.
You had angled your hips to save your clit from all pressure but the tap of his balls when they bounced up from the impact, but Buggy was given no such mercy. The first hit between your weight and the bed presses his cock near painfully between the two of you, but he can’t deny the way the feeling sent prickles across his every nerve and the relief after it let up has him baring his teeth in his bid to not cum. Instead of nice grinds, you simply oscillate your weight around your hips to keep giving him too much stimulation but not the right kind.
“Am I not doing good enough for you?” you ask, voice carrying a warning that he better answer properly.
“N-no I love it, I was just-”
“Just what?” you interrupt, hand moving from bruising his thigh to cup his balls, adding to the threat in your tone.
“Couldn’t think! S-sorry, I’m sorry -hhhanh- ” Buggy keeps his apologies streaming because he can’t stop disobeying you - he can’t help making tight little movements of his hips against you to feel more of you.
“Having trouble being the one fucked stupid, little whore?” you goad. “Don’t like being so pussy-whipped you can’t think like a person anymore?”
“I love it,” he moans, fiercer than you expected. “Need it -hahh- need you, I’m yours, need to be yours.”
Fuck, you need to get him inside you; you were too close to cumming empty from hearing him talk like that. You keep the hand on his balls, starting to fondle them, and use the other to line him up with your entrance. You can already feel bliss curling in your toes as his fat head presses at you, but Buggy does the last thing you expect - he pulls back.
“No!” his voice breaks and you whip around, scared that something was wrong. He’s staring at you with wide, wet eyes. “Turn around, please, please, wanna see you.” You relaxed knowing he wasn’t hurt or scared or uncomfortable. He begins to have trouble looking at you, turning his head away shyly and letting some of his hair sweep over to shield his face. “Want you to look at me.”
You’re getting whiplash after being thrown from panic to overwhelmed with affection so quickly. You move slowly and smoothly when you turn yourself around and slink your body down over him. You rest on your elbows and slowly lower your hips back down to him, this time grinding his head against your clit generously. Buggy’s head spins between the fire you’re tending in him and the loving way you hold his face and brush away his hair.
“You sure you can take it, honey?” you ask softly. “You can’t even look at me right now.”
“I can!” he asserts, needing to prove himself to you. He turns his face to yours and flicks his gaze to your eyes and away a few times before he’s able to lock eyes with you. You pet his face and continue your smooth grinding, taking the time to look at him like he wants you to. Buggy’s face is the most beautiful shade of pathetic you’d ever seen; shimmering tear tracks highlight skin that is pink and flushed and damp with sweat. The color of his cheeks brings out the ruby color of his nose and you can’t resist brushing your own nose against it. He tries to flinch back but you follow him. When he turns his face away, you lure him back to you with sweet kisses. When he faces you again, you intensify the stable grinding you’ve kept up to nudge him a little closer to the edge once again.
“So pretty,” you whisper, reverent and honest. Your eyes are looking right into his, seeing him in a way that has him feeling worshiped. Loving fingers map out the structure of his cheekbones and jaw, moving on to chart his lips. They kiss at your fingertips sweetly. “I have the prettiest toy on the seas. Better than any other treasure.”
He perks up at that, giving you a moan and bucking hips.
“You wanna be my treasure?” you ask, getting an immediate, breathy “yes” from him.
“Well I love every bit of my treasures, from their gems to their dents,” you tell him. “After they’ve caught my eye with their beauty, the only thing they need to do to stay my treasures is let me care for every piece of them.” You brush your noses together again, staring at him pointedly. “Can you do that for me?”
There’s real conflict in Buggy’s eyes and you slow your hips to let him think. After a few long breaths, his whole body tenses and he nudges his nose back into yours in a hesitant eskimo kiss.
You turn your head and crash your lips on his in a consuming kiss full of teeth and tongue and praises. You’re bursting with your pride and love from his show of trust and he’s lost in the flood of your acceptance. Your hips are insistent again and, without breaking the kiss, you reach down and, at last, guide his cock into you.
Buggy cranes his head back again, so you switch to sucking and biting his neck. You can’t taste or feel enough of him, he’s not close enough. Even when he’s deep enough to lick at your cervix you need more of him. Even though he’s wedged you open enough for you to feel the pressure of it in your hips. Even though he’s crammed between your legs, ringing in your ears, sinking under your nails, sitting on your tongue, filling your breath - none of it is enough, so you keep taking more from him.
Though his hands have found their way onto your hips countless times, this grip felt foreign. Normally they’d hold firm and sure and guide you to move just how he needs you to. Right now, his grip is somehow tighter even though it’s all pawing and clawing. He has no control on how you fuck him, he’s just desperately trying to hold on for the ride and grasp more you - he’d do absolutely anything if it meant he’d get a single bit closer to you - to knowing nothing in this world other than every inch, every sound, every feeling that you have to offer. And then he’d beg for even more.
“Talk to me, treasure, tell me how you feel,” you urge. 
“I -mngh!- I-I feel-” Buggy gasps out. It’s clear he’s trying to listen to you but that pretty little head of his is scrambled. He keeps his foggy eyes on you in an attempt to focus, despite how much they want to roll back behind fluttering lids. He pants and moans a few more times before licking his lips and trying again. “-’s good, so good, s-so -uungh- s’gooooood -hahh-”
“That’s my good man, my perfect treasure, my sweet love,” you coo somewhere between a whisper and a moan. The way he’s stretching you open, rubbing at you with his hot cockhead is fraying your control. The freedom to call him “love” sends flutters through your chest. Buggy is just as desperate for the claim, each time he hears the word a keening whine answers it.
“Please, please, need you to cum,” he pants. “Can’t -hhah- c-can’t-”
“You can and you will.” The command leaves no room for argument.
You’re getting so close, feeling the promise of your release in the tingle of your fingers, the heat searing through your trembling thighs, and the tight gripping in your body all the way from your throat to your pussy. The feelings pulse stronger with each clap of your hips to Buggy, each time his thick cock shoves you open and lights up every buzzing nerve that it rubs through your walls.
“Fuck, love, you can cum.” He feels your lips form the words against his racing pulse. It’s hard to keep track of what you’re saying through the white out in your head and the heat licking through your entire body.  Your words rush out desperately, trying to get your scattered thoughts to him through a heavy tongue and a lack of air. “You’re so, so good, feel so good, gonna cum so fucking hard, love it so much, fuck, love how you make me feel so good-”
“Thank you thank you thank you thank you-” he gasps out on loop as his hips stutter and his cock jumps, filling you up. His pathetic thanks and the feeling of him releasing into you send you over the edge and everything burns so good. Your body involuntarily bucks and trembles on him for a few seconds where you have no say. You find yourself caving into him under the weight of your clenching muscles. Every clench of your cunt around him feels long and gripping and lets your swollen walls feel him with a little more detail. You make small, slow circles of your hips to wring out his climax, which seems never ending. Rush after rush of hot cum fills you until it’s spilling back into his lap, but his hands still encourage your movements and his body still shakes and trembles and he still babbles praises into your shoulder. Even when the aftershocks are settling to fewer and further between, he lets out a pathetic whine any time you stop moving in an attempt to give him some respite. After indulging him in another minute of overstimulation, you slowly lift off of him, receiving an upset groan. You hush him with trailing hands and sweet kisses, which he happily returns.
When his breathing is finally steady, you take a moment to check him over. His face is so relaxed he actually looks knocked out, but he does hum in response to your light squeeze on his shoulder. Buggy’s lashes have always been beautiful, but they look especially nice sending shadows across his cheek bones. His hair is a wild mess around him, and it feels silky between your fingers when you detangle it. His broad chest is still moving a bit fast with his breath, but each rise is a bit larger and longer. You admire the way his breathing moves the red spots and pink streaks decorating him, especially enjoying their contrast to his blue chest hair. His throat bobbing on a heavy swallow points your attention back upwards, and you admire the way his dark stubble makes his jaw even sharper. A little higher, you notice how red and swollen his lips are and how shining tear tracks dry across his face. You’d never seen him so fucked out. It looks gorgeous on him.
Since Buggy is calm and settling, it’s time to get up and clean you both up a bit. This time he communicates his displeasure at your absence with a petulant grunt. You turn back with a raised brow to sass him but break out in laughter instead when you see he couldn't even muster the energy to turn his head toward you. You don’t think this man has even opened his eyes since before he came.
“Don’t worry, love, I’m just getting a towel to clean up.”
A begrudging grunt.
Good enough.
After quickly taking care of yourself, you reappear with a warm, damp towel. The moment Buggy feels your weight back on the bed, he musters all of his remaining strength and pulls you on top of him. You giggle while he grumbles something into your shoulder.
“One more time, Bugs.”
He sighs like you are the most unreasonable person he has ever met, and you laugh at the deja vu you’re feeling. His lips move up to your ear and you hum happily at the tingles his breath leaves behind. “You took too long.”
You roll your eyes. “Sorry, your highness. Just trying to make sure we don’t wake up sticky in a puddle. Now come on, it’s your turn.”
On the third attempt to pull back, he finally lets you go (with yet another grumble) and you set to work on wiping him down. You begin with his face, enjoying the hum he lets out at the light warmth in the soft cloth, and move down to his neck. You spend a little bit of extra time on his shoulders and chest, massaging between swipes of the towel. He obnoxiously flings each arm at you when you are ready for them, just to hear you laugh another time. He enjoys the emptiness of his head while you move to his calves and work your way up. On his thighs and stomach, you sprinkle sweet kisses that leave his heart feeling gooey. He falls in love with you all over again when you blow a raspberry on his side to rouse him once he gets too close to dozing off.
He thinks he is all out of aftershocks until he is savoring the last few when you finish cleaning him up. You leave a loving kiss on the sensitive skin just inside his hip bone, before standing up, again to a groan. Buggy was always touchy after sex (and honestly touchy in general; you’re surprised he doesn’t demand you to hold a detached hand at all hours) but this is something else. It has you thinking of how much you crave his affirming touch whenever he is pushy or rough with you during sex. You’re both lucky that you find his pouting endlessly endearing. Grabbing the blankets that had fallen from the foot of the bed, you finally make your way back to him.
“Took you long enough.” Buggy’s words are bratty, but his tone is sweet and starstruck. He’s making sure to enjoy the last bit of seeing you clearly before you turn off the light.
“Fine - next time I’ll throw you a towel and go find a clean hammock for myself,” you tease. “That should be much quicker.” You plop onto the bed next to Buggy, jostling him, and you fluff the blankets out over the two of you.
“Noooooooooo,” he whines. “You’d leave me to fend for myself like that? I’d die.” Even with the dark, the way you two move to intertwine is coordinated and sure, played out many times before.
“I’m pretty sure there’s cryptid in your bloodline; you should do just fine with survival,” you laugh, snuggling deeper into him. As always, a deep inhale of him (saltwater, spices, leather, smoke, musk) has you immersed in your safe space. “Aren’t you the self-proclaimed untamable man, oh great Captain Buggy?”
“I’ve been domesticated-” you guffaw “-and it’s all your fault so you need to take some responsibility for your actions.”
You settle your laughter and look to meet his gaze. By now your eyes have adjusted just enough for you to see the moonlight from the porthole reflecting in his eyes. The unguarded affection you spot in them stalls your breath.
“Okay.” The word promises much more than he had asked. The meaning seems to reach him, because he holds you just that much closer and plants a lingering kiss to the top of your head. 
The brushing of the waves on the thick wooden sides of the ship guides your breath to deepen. The creaking of wooden boards and distant thunking of feet on the deck comfort you with their familiarity. Buggy is just barely hanging onto consciousness, trying to keep his fingers tracing nonsense patterns on your skin. The last things your mind holds onto are the warmth seeping from Buggy’s body, the gentleness of those calloused fingertips, and the sleepy slur of his tender mumble.
“Goodnight, my brightest star.”
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harufluff · 1 year
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things enhypen say
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warnings - minor cursing
genre - fluff, enhypen x gn!reader, established relationship au
wc - about 100 words per member.
reblogs and comments are highly appreciated.
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bolded is reader - txt version
yang jungwon
"y'know, i feel happier when i'm with you."
"i like how your eyes twinkle." "twinkle?" "mhm, they shine like stars."
"what was your favorite part of the day?" "all of it with you."
"YOII" "what?" "nothing..."
"i'm just gonna steal these...thank you..."
"you're like my pillow. nice and soft."
"i think my parents will like you." "really?" "uhmm alrigh- OW"
lee heeseung
"wanna come play with me and the boys?"
"why do you look so emo?" "what? i always dress like this." "yea. emo." "you're the one dating an emo then."
"you're stupid." "yea i know." "well now i feel bad. ok you're really smart, and cute"
"it's time to wake up, the earth says hello"
"you can go to bed if you want? no?? ok then, you can stay here."
"your finger is so cute." "what the heck hee." "what!! its true!!"
park jay
"crap i'm in love." "my ramyeon is good, right?" "with you." "..." "*chuckles*"
"is my brain playing tricks on me, or are you actually this pretty?" "you're so cheesy...i am this pretty"
"gold or silver wedding band. what do you think?"
"let's move in together"
"if i die, what would you do?" "die." "NO"
"thank you for not making fun of me like the boys do."
sim jake
"c'mon smile, or don't whatever you want. youre pretty anyway."
"why are you looking at me?" "it's impossible to look away."
"don't be a stranger, ok?"
"is that my shirt?!" "uhm, yea?" "wait no!- just keep it."
"pinky swear you'll stay?"
"cmere, you!! give me a damn kiss already!!"
park sunghoon
"i think im different with you than with the boys..." "oh really?" "mhm. its like i'm a rock with them, and i'm cotton candy with you."
"feels like the first time."
"thank you." "for what?" "just for being here"
"stop that, you're making me blush. i look weird when my face is red" "you look adorable when your face is red" "shut up"
"cuddle attack!!" "oh fuck"
"why aren't we dating?" "WERE NOT DATING???!!" "no we are i was just wondering why we didn't before, cause i was head over heels for you since day one."
"i love you." "i love me too."
kim sunoo
"there it is!! there's my favorite smile!!"
"wake up sleepyhead. its time for a new day with your lovely boyfriend"
"i feel comfortable with you." "why is that?" "because i can be myself. i don't have to act a certain way or anything. i'm just me."
"i like your pj's" "thanks!! they're yours..." "well not anymore. now they're yours."
"mint chocolate or me." "mint chocolate." "thats what I thought." "WAIT WHAT- YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE OFFENDED AND I COMFORT YOU WITH HUGS AND KISSES"
"let's make a fort, the watch movies together, and then eat ice cream."
nishimura riki
"hugs" "hugs what?" "hugs please"
"your voice is like music to me." "that's so cheesy." "i know, jake hyung told me to say it to you."
"c'mon it'll be fun!!"
"lets go get bungeoppang together." "can we hold hands?" "that was a given."
"were literally a cliche. nerd in love with popular." "I'M NOT A NERD" "i never said you were the nerd." “ohhhhhhh…that’s sweet, my nerd”
"stay for a while. it hasn't been that long." "it's been 5 hours" "not long enough."
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©Harufluff 2023 | Do not copy, repost, or claim any of my works.
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mysticficti0n · 1 year
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all my attention part 1
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warnings- swearing, smoking, fights (mention of blood), gets a bit sad toward the end
words: 4.8k (im sorry)
If you'd like to read the previous parts → All my attention series
a/n- so I am British and cannot speak any German, I speak a little French, Spanish and Italian but German- no. I also do not trust Google translate so this is gonna be like an avatar thing (if you've seen the newest one Jake says that their language just became normal or something along those lines) so in reality this is all in German, you as a reader know German but, its wrote in English... make sense? no... well. anyways enjoy its my first Kaultiz fic so maybe a little everywhere but please read and enjoy 🤍
┍━━━━━━━━━━ ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ━━━━━━━━━━┑
backstory- you are the 5th member of Tokio Hotel and you always thought the love was equally platonic between you and a certain guitarist... but what if that all changed?
I sat backstage messing around with my mic waiting to do sound check, I love my job and I'm lucky to be doing this at 17 but I do miss laying in bed all morning and not having to worry about what I look like constantly "Y/n we need you now!" our stage directer called to me pulling me from my thoughts, I stood fixing my sweatpants around my hips and carried myself to stage were Gustav was sat taping away at his drums "okay just need to go through where you'll stand in schrei" I nodded waiting for the man to decide "go top left" I complied and made my way to the corner near to the blonde boy
"does my snare sound normal to you?" I herd Gustav ask then a loud hit on the skin of the drum, it was lower sounding then usual
"no.. maybe tighten it again" he nodded and began playing with the bolts at the side
"Y/n can you speak into your mic" he asked sitting on one of the plastic chairs in the pit
"hellllooooo" I spoke getting a laugh from the drummer
"perfect...okay your done can you send Georg out" I nodded walking back out wiping my eyes as I made my way into our backstage room, 'quickest sound check ever' I thought to myself
"Georg they need you" he huffed rolling his eyes and grabbing his bass
"its way to early for all this" I agreed "its half fucking six!" he grumbled leaving the room, my attention turned to the only other person in the room, Tom, he was slouched on the sofa with his dreads freely sat on his head, we near enough had the same outfit on except he was wearing no shirt, as usual
"how did it go?" he spoke looking up to me to which I shrugged "oh Bill wont be back till like 12 he has meetings and vocal shit to do"
"I thought, anyways how was yours?" I spoke referring to the soundcheck
"well my guitar wouldn't come through the speaker, then the mic cut and I tripped so, perfect" I laughed at his words "anyways wanna smoke?"
"yeah" I hummed seeing him stand and grab his cigarettes from my bag I brought with me, we pushed the exit doors open and walked into the warm morning air that was finally in Germany, it felt like it had been winter for ages but finally It was warming up "I don't know whether I feel like performing tonight" I sighed as he handed me a cigarette, I brought it to my lips and he lit it for me
"why not? you love it" he was right but today just felt like... not a good day to do anything "you'll be fine when we get out there, I know you will"
"I just.. I don't know" I hummed breathing white smoke from my lips
"is it because of Brian?" Tom spoke making my head snap to him
"Brian! no of course not, me and him were done weeks ago I don't fucking care about him" I defended
"because you know he's gonna be their tonight Y/n. look I'm not the one to usually say this but nobody else is saying it- you broke up only two weeks ago and you've ignored what your feeling"
"fuck Kaulitz you're going soft" he laughed taking a drag "and I don't have a 'feeling'"
"I don't give a shit.. wait no I give a shit about you, not him, but honestly are you okay?" he spoke placing an arm over my shoulder to which I sighed again resting my head on him
"i...no, but I don't wanna think of it uno, he made me believe he loved me and that he was the one but all I saw was him hitting it off with a stupid bimbo" Tom's grip tightened comforting me "am I that bad?" I asked laughing solemnly
"I mean.. I" Tom began with a sly smile
"fuck off" I laughed shoving the dreaded man
"hey! I'm joking" he rolled his eyes at my childishness
"but I am sexy as fuck, I have piercings, fuck I dye my hair and yet I'm not better than a skanky, badly blonde haired big lipped whore" Tom shook his head stamping out his cigarette to which I followed
"well tonight play like the git isn't there and if anything find a fan pull them up and kiss their god-damn lips" Tom was a bastard for revenge, when his last girlfriend broke up with him (many years ago) he slept with 5 girls and sent her a picture with the caption 'pussy4ever' I looked back to the boy as he began to speak again "or kiss me?" he smiled wriggling his eyebrows
"yeah sure I will Thomas" we both laughed, in fairness we always found ourselves subtly flirting with one another but never really meant it, the little jokes, touchiness, it was all good fun. We walked back inside and watched as Gustav came off stage swirling drum sticks around his fingers and Georg with a grumpy look across his face
"whats wrong with you sunshine?" Tom spoke holding the backstage room door open for me which I whispered a 'thank you' and sat onto the brown, cold, leather sofa
"fucking bass wouldn't link!" he groaned going to the fridge in the corner and pulled out a water "every time we kept trying and in the end it was the wrong line" Georg slammed against the wall and hit his head
"dude calm down its fixed now" Gustav spoke looking at the bassist who was in no need of being told to 'calm down' Tom sat himself next to me and rested an arm around the back of the sofa occasionally tapping my shoulder and laughing every time I looked to see who it was, we all sat in a comfortable silence all In our own worlds- I was worried for tonight, seeing Brian again is making feel like I need to be sick, I just hoped I wouldn't mess up my parts.
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK
we were all quickly pulled from our heads and turned to the door where Felix our stage director was stood "we need you all, don't bring your stuff" he spoke in a hurry and running back to who knows where, we all sighed internally and stood up. Being closest to the door I held it open for the other 3 but they all waited
"just go-"
"Y/n we have this argument all the time" Gustav pushed me through the door before I could even argue back and they followed out laughing as I shoved the drummer back with a yelp leaving his mouth. We made it to the stage and walked to the middle, the feeling in my stomach got considerably worse as for the first time I realised how big the show was going to be my eyes curled around the room I couldn't even see the end of the building
"what are we doing?" Tom asked coming to stand next to me and resting his arm on my shoulder as for him I was 'perfect arm height'
"well I need to explain lights to you-" we all gave a small look to one another, nobody want to stand and listen to how the lights will be during the set but we also all knew we had no choice "so when you-" I acted like I was listening but I faded away, I stared right threw Felix and I imagined Brian instead, those fucking dark blue eyes, curly brown hair and that emotionless face he pulled when he said 'we're over' it's been 2 weeks since it happened and Tom was right I didn't really show that I was upset in front of anyone or how the moment haunts me, but they don't see what happens behind closed doors...
"Y/n" I herd a whisper into my ear and I looked to the boy beside me, his eyes looked worried "we need a few minuets" Tom's voice cracked through what Felix was saying and before the older man could interject I was pulled away back behind the curtain "you need tissue" he spoke, my forearm still in his hand as he dragged me into the bathroom next to our backstage room
"Tom I'm fine" he shook his head pulling toilet roll off and folding Into a square
"so do please tell me why you're crying?" I sighed, I knew he wouldn't stop till he got an answer or something from me
"strobes make me emotional" I spoke looking to the floor but he wasn't playing around
"look at me" he commanded but my head wouldn't let me, and I just stared to my shoes "please" at that it was like a release button was pressed and my head snapped up, our eyes met straight away but vision became watery "talk to me-"
"what did I do Tom? I tried everything, he had everything he said he wanted, and he's the only fucking one who's ever wanted me for me, not because of you four guys, not because of my work or money, he wanted me!" I sobbed as for the first time I finally told someone how I really felt "I haven't said a thing but to know he'll be here tonight makes me feel like shit- I can't look at him Tom, after everything we did and for him... for him to say its over and the same night fuck a girl kills me every day! I loved him and this is what I got-" I called in an almost scream, I leant against the wall and slid down until I could feel the tile on my legs and I just held my head, crying into my palms
"I know, and I know its going to be hard babe I know" he spoke and I felt his hand stroke my head "and he wont be the only one to ever want you, so many people will, I promise, you can find someone so much better- fuck sake you're Y/n Y/l/n!. and tonight we'll play the best we ever have just to show him, and I swear to fuck he tries anything on you, he'll be dead" I nodded finally lifting my head and looking towards the boy who just opened his arms for me while crouching, quickly I jumped to him which for the first time in a while- I felt at peace
"yeah..yeah we will" I breathed hiding my face in his neck
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6:00pm (one hour before the show)
"HELLO!" a voice rung into the room followed by a spiky haired boy who walked through the door "fuck me its dull in here" he laughed coming over to sit on his make-up chair
"where the fuck were you!" Tom called to his twin In a angry tone
"meetings and voice stuff" the other brother came back with
"you said you'd be back by 12!" Tom shouted
"I got caught up alright get over it I'm here!" Bill rolled his eyes and slipped of his shirt and began changing for the show, I decided it'll be best if I did the same, the other 3 were ready anyways
"I'll be back" I spoke getting up and going to my bag pulling my outfit out and walking to the bathroom. I locked the door and stared at myself in the mirror, my hair really needed a re-dye, the Y/H/C was really starting to fade, moving on I took off my vest and bra and pulled a lacy black one out and slipped it over me so I didn't have to unclip it, I saw a glimmer of light in the bag and pulled it out seeing a matching thong 'Fucking Clair' I smiled to myself and quickly slipped it on, I did look good I couldn't lie, I posed in the mirror and fixed my hair around my head- I needed a photo "CAN SOMEONE GRAB MY PHONE!" I called waiting to hear a knock as I combed through my hair with my nails
"here- woah" I herd a voice behind me say and I quickly turned seeing Tom looking me up and down with a smirk appearing on his face "who's that for?" he asked leaning against the door frame, his eyes set on my body
"well first of all- how did you get in I locked it, secondly its not for you Kaulitz so don't get you're hopes up" I spoke facing him and his eyes only widened "get out Tom" I laughed seeing him raise his hands in defence
"hey! don't blame me" he smiled placing the phone on the side and walking out and shutting the door which I promptly locked smiling at the idiocy of the boy "dudes she is in a thong!" I herd Tom telling the rest to which they all 'ooo'ed at
"CREEPS" I shouted hearing an up roar of laughter, I rolled my eyes and carried on pulling the phone up and snapping a few pictures of myself, then I grabbed the skirt which just about covered anything and a white top which usually matched Tom's as we decided we'd being doing that for the next few shows. I left the bathroom holding my old clothes and phone and saw all their heads spin to the door "god you guys need to get some pussy or something" I grinned seeing them all blush
"do a twirl Y/n" Bill spoke re-directing the conversation and so I did and he clapped when I bowed
"don't do that on stage if you're facing the crowd" Gustav smirked "I just saw your ass and I don't think your mother would be impressed if that happened"
"good call, someone write- don't bend at audience!" Georg spoke settling in his seat, we all sat and could hear the faint chats of the audience that was arriving, I began pacing around the room humming my lyrics to myself over and over
"smoke?" Tom asked to which I passed him out the door and waited for him outside, the cool night air hitting my skin "here- you need to calm the fuck down" I nodded taking the cig out the box
"I just don't wanna mess up" he smiled at me, lighting the end of the tobacco and then his own "what if they boo me or leave?"
"babe they won't" his hand wrapped around my waist and held me gently "everyone loves you out there, I've seen at least 100 people in your shirts, you've got it" I looked up to him and our eyes connected instantly "if anything look to me I'll do something alright?"
"like trip up or was that only for soundcheck?" he fake laughed rolling his eyes again making me smile, the distance seemed to shorten, we do have our moments but those are funny- this felt real...? tension building around us, eyes locked and ash falling by our feet
"you know-" he began
"TOM Y/N COME ON!" Bill crashed threw the door, hair standing on end and dressed in black (new for him) we quickly broke apart and took one last drag from our smokes before kicking them out and walking inside, people crowded us giving us mics, drum sticks, picks, guitars, sprays, you name it we probably had it
"WELCOME.... TOKIO HOTEL" the speakers sounded and the twins swagged onto the stage followed by me and Georg and Gustav last going to his kit
"GOOD EVENING TRIER" Bill called and the crowd erupted "how we all doing?" and the screams made us smile, it was such a familiar feeling but seeing everyone happy helped, Bill looked to me and gestured for me to come over so I brought myself to the front of stage passing Tom who winked to me getting a 'ooo' from the people in the room who saw, the black haired boy placed his arm around my head and the sea of people snapped pictures and screamed my name
"I think I know what the people want" I spoke with a smile, jokingly the boy 'leaned in' and screams of anticipation filled the building "no not that" I called as we pulled away and the boys behind got the cue to start playing schrei and I ran back to my place hearing the cheer only get louder as Bill began to sing- we loved destroying the imaginations of our fans, its thrilling there was always rumours, usually around me and that I am 'fucking them all' but it's defiantly not the case.
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It was time, I saw the boys look towards me and with a breath I joined the lead singer up front, being a backing singer I wasn't needed much but I was showing something tonight "so you all see my gorgeous girl Y/n here?" Bill spoke pulling me to the front of the stage, hands spiked up everywhere scratching to touch just a thread of our clothing "she has some news!" with a toothy smile Bill past me his mic and backed away back to the group behind- I wasn't used to being centre stage but it was crazy, I could see everything (ish) smiles and tear stained faces
"so you all know we haven't had new music in a few months right?" they all shouted incoherent words "well- you seem like a crowd who'd wanna see some new material!?" I looked back to the boys who were all dopily smiling at me as the people infront blew up in shouts "okay okay so, I wrote this song when I was at not an amazing time in my life.. I felt like giving up but instead, with the help of these, I wrote my feeling into a song, usually this would be preformed by our lovely Bill but.. just got tonight, I'll be singing" I hyped and the band got into places to start playing don't jump
I began singing the words and walking around the tip of the stage holding the hands of as many as I could 'On top of the roof The air is so cold and so calm I say your name in silence' until my eyes landed on him- the words seemed to be pulled from my mouth, everything went silent and he knew what he'd done to me... the song was partially made because of what he did before we broke up, my mind switched as I herd the strum of Tom's guitar- remembering his words 'and tonight we'll play the best we ever have just to show him, and I swear to fuck he tries anything on you, he'll be dead' with a breath I carried on stomping my way back up stage to the rest of the band Bill was off the other side by Georg and I went to my place by Tom, a smile smothered his face as I stood facing him 'hi' he mouthed, I let my free hand reach for his face and held his jaw getting a roar from the fans, Tom placed a kiss to my palm and I soon let go trying to hide a very big blush from swamping my face and our next move came to play- we both turned back to back as his strummed his guitar, I leant against him spilling my lyrics until the beat jumped again 'I scream into the night for you Don't make it true Don't jump The lights will not guide you through They're deceiving you Don't jump' I walked back to mid stage being followed by Georg first who smiled at me and banged his head, then by Tom who only smirked sending me a wink. I got to the edge of the stage and hands reached to me and I tried to hold them all 'And if all that can't hold you back I'll jump for you' the song ended and the building blew up, cheers, screams, claps it was a rush, I blew kisses to them all, my mind forgot about what I was thinking before. Bill and Gustav joined us at the front and we all did a joint bow getting a laugh from us all, the others let go but Toms arm still stayed around my shoulder pulling me close
"see told you they'd love it" he whispered I smiled looking to him, he was sweaty and panting slightly as when he concentrates to much he forgets to breath, his arm pulled me even closer and he planted a kiss to my forehead before the lights turned off- our queue to get off stage the 5 of us were ushered off and as I stepped over to be in the backstage area someones arms scooped me into a hug though I couldn't see because the whole place was pitch black "Ugh you did so well" it was Tom's voice, calming me instantly "they loved the song!" he spoke settling me down but still had me close "told you they would" I looked back to the sweaty guitar player and he pulled my head to his as he pressed a kiss to my forehead again
"get room!" Gustav poked erring a laugh from he rest "nobody wants to see a softy Kaulitz!"
"eh what do ya mean- he aint soft" Tom quipped eyeing his friend up
"gross" Gustav laughed walking his way back to our room, me and the other boy followed and walked in to see Bill lay on the sofa with his makeup nearly rolling down his face due to being so hot
"Y/n I can't get over the audience" the black haired man spoke "god... that was one of my fave ever shows"
"I can't get over it" i went to my bag and pulled my cigarettes out and the boys all seemed to perk up again "coming?" I joked seeing them all get up as we went to the outside, it was dark with only the security lights illuminating the floor, I handed them all a ciggy and pulled my lighter out and burning the end "I saw Brian, he was just kinda stood there" they hummed "I'm over it- he can fuck who ever he fucking wants because none will ever be as good as me" I groaned feeling the hot smoke going out my mouth
"I saw him and he just looked sad, he misses you, I can tell" Bill spoke getting a shove from Gustav "what? I doesn't matter. All I was saying is that he looked sad probably because Y/n/n was happy unlike when he last saw her" I laughed, we stood in a silence finishing our cigs, stepping them out and walked into a runner calling all our names
"BILL!...GEORG!?" he looked out off breath "Finally- we need you all, meet n' greet" we all had the realisation and practically sprinted to our room and began to spray any aftershave or perfume we could find as after running round and singing you sweat, meaning we don't smell the best, me and Bill fixed our eyes and hair and then we all walked out like we hadn't just shit ourselves and made our way to the front of the building to see a line of (mostly) fan girls crying out
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"thank you so much I loved the show and the new song! holy shit it was amazing" a girl named Bethany spoke hugging us all one last time, we were told not many more people so we fixed ourselves up and waiting for the next person
"I love the flowers" I spoke looking at the roses a girl called Alicia brought me "is their anyone else-" as I spoke the door opened with Erik (our runner) holding it for the next fan, we all looked up and saw a brunette boy.... blue eyes "what the fuck do you think you're doing?... seriously!" Brians eyes were red and face tear stained, I felt myself tense up at the sight, all the boys stood scarily still
"I want to talk to you babe" his voice shook, those eyes staring into mine, its like he didn't realise he was in a room of people who really did not like him "please its me... baby please"
"don't call her baby" Tom grumbled " she doesn't have to do shit for you" I looked toward the boy, his hands in a ball already he moved quickly, towering over Brian
"Tom" Bill warned but no remorse went to his twin, we all watched as Tom stared down at Brian saying words to fast to even work out, Brain looked like he was about to break down nodding his head
"and I'm not fucking lying- you ever touch her, talk to her, anything... I wont fucking stop until you can't move and my hands are red- understand?" I looked toward the others, I wasn't scared for Brian but more worried that something would happen, Georg got the memo and walked to the guitarist placing a hand on his shoulder, I saw Tom relax and walk back to us leaving my ex standing with shock on his face, he looked back to me
"please" he pleaded 'shit' is all I thought as I saw Tom's face drop, his knuckles white he stormed back to Brian "...dude-" he squealed before the guitarist had him up the door slamming him back and forth, I watched as my ex's face became red trying to shove Tom back but him being a lot shorter- he had no chance, perfect "GET THE FUCK OFF ME DICK!" he shouted and Bill grabbed his brothers shoulder and pulled him off
"leave I-" the singer couldn't finish as a fist flew into his shoulder "WHAT THE FUCK" Bil'ls hand collided with Brians face sending him back quickly followed by Tom punching down at the boy, nobody touches the other twin without the other one getting involved. The fight continued until a scream cut the room, blood was on Toms arm and he stepped back, Gustav was keeping me back by our picture wall and Georg stood next to him and seized looking over
"damn-" Gustav hummed, I looked over to see Brian holding his nose and Tom proudly standing above
"this is your fucking fault Y/n... I should've dated you-" his words stung "this would have never bloody happened if I had just left you earlier!" my heart ached "fuck" he grumbled standing against the door, I looked to his eyes- black and blue. He took a step forward, stumbling slightly but he quickly found his feet again and came at me "YOU DID THIS!" I turned back waiting for my pain- a punch, a slap, a kick but I never felt it THUD I opened my eyes to see Georg on the floor slamming his fist into the boy again- he was really getting the works tonight
"BA-ST-ARD" he chanted before the door burst open to two runners with astonished faces who quickly grabbed their walkie-talkies and spoke some words I couldn't work out, within seconds security rammed in pulling Georg off of Brian who looked even worse and we were all taken back out "fucking dick what did he think he was doing!" and the five of us were pushed out the room
"arsehole" Tom stormed "hope he's in fucking pain for ages-"
"I can't believe he tried to punch me, ME!" Bill shook his head going through to our room I walked with Gustav giving him a 'look' to which he only nodded at "he's a dick" the boys all sat and I just stared into the mirror- those 5 minuets felt more like hours and I just didn't have any words
"this is your fucking fault Y/n... I should've dated you-"
"this would have never bloody happened if I had just left you earlier!"
"YOU DID THIS!"
those sentences flying around my head, I couldn't pull myself away from it, I just looked at myself, I just felt- wrong
"what the hell! why did I just have to see security drag a bloody nosed kid out that room!" Our stage manger burst in "you lot are a world famous band we don't need stunts like that being pulled! 16 people have had to miss a meet n greet because of it!" he shouted but I couldn't hear him really- I wasn't there "Y/n!" he shouted snapping me back
"I'm sorry" I spoke turning to face him
"it's not her fault" Gustav spoke "he was fucking deranged" I laughed slightly looking back at him with a smile
"I don't care! its not a funny matter, its disappointing" we all nodded as he walked out, I turned to the boys and looked to the twins, Tom had blood over him still and Bill just looked pissed off
"I think I'm going to go to the hotel..." I spoke grabbing my bag off the side and hanging it over my shoulder and pulling my skirt lower to feel more covered "bye-"
"wait-" someone spoke "I'll come lemme clean myself up first- five mins" it was Tom, I nodded and settled myself onto my make up chair watching him run to the bathroom
"we're not annoyed at you Y/n, its not your fault" Georg spoke coming over stroking my shoulder "he's a prick"
"I know- I just feel bad, you all basically got hurt because of him and the whole thing was so pathetic I doesn't even seem real like.."
"yeah I get it- its fine, just sleep it off alright" I agreed and watched through the mirror Tom come back in
"ready?"
514 notes · View notes
boozenboze · 2 years
Text
Dose of Caffine
Tf 141 x Male reader
Summary:Being a Captain in the military causes a lack in sleep.Drinking some coffee could convince them to stay awake, while a certain someone encourages them to sleep
Captain John Price x Male reader
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Being one of the captains on the base was tough. No matter what you always have papers to sign and recruits to put in line. Feeling his body beginning to relax. He pushed himself out of his seat and made his way to the kitchen. He grabbed a coffee mug from the cabinet, as well as some fresh dark roasted coffee beans. Once the coffee finished brewing he poured himself a cup and let it cool for a moment. l took a sip of it and sighed at the comforting warmth traveling down my throat. After I finished, my heart was beating much faster and I felt more awake. “I’ll be able to finish those papers, hopefully.” I said to myself as I went back to my office.
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M/n’s body was slouched over his desk. He had fallen asleep and some of his drool dripped onto the papers. Sure the Caffine should’ve kept him awake but it seems that it failed. His light snores could be heard because of the silence in the room,besides the slight crackling noises of a candle that he had lighted. The rhumps of his heart got louder until his eyes snapped open.
.
.
.
The male jolted up, eyes averting in every direction. He looked down at his paper that had small drops of his drool. He sighed as he wiped the excess of, leaving the paper slightly damp. He glanced at his coffee for a moment before sighing. He suspected that he hadn’t been sleep long since the mug was still warm. It was about to be a long night.
.
.
.
How long has it been now... 2 hours? Its 3 am now and I feel tired.I really wanna get this shit done now. I understand im a Captain but jeez, I think my eyes wanna pop out their sockets. I don’t know how much longer i’ll be sitting here, I just hope it’s not for long. My sleeping schedules already been fucked up for the last few days, I think I’ll start going crazy if I don’t sleep.
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The male hadn’t slept at all that night. The amount of caffeine he had consumed the previous night made his adrenaline high. Not to mention he was anxious and it didn’t help that his heart was still pounding against his chest. He had dropped off the documents to their respected places and took a breath kf relief. After that he had his breakfast and downed a tall glass of orange juice.It was sweet, not to mention healthy. Despite that, the taste of that french vanilla dark roast still lingered in his mouth, and gave him an itch to drink some.
A sip of coffee wouldn’t kill him right? It’s just coffee,plus it was his favorite flavor. Then with a splash of milk made it so much better. The h/c haired male stood up and went to the coffee machine. Someone must have dumped out the coffee he had made the previously since the pitcher was empty. He sighed and repeated the process he had done the previous night. Just as he was about to take a sip a familiar voice filled his ears.
“Don’t you think you’ve had enough C/n?” The voice said, M/n looked and saw John Price. The two knew each other quite well and M/n chuckled lightly, blush dusting his face.
“Hey Price...didn’t see ya there.” M/n said as Price took the cup out his man making the h/c haired male sigh.
“Price come on, it’s french vanilla it’s the best flavor!” M/n complained as Price put the coffee to the side.He examined the males face and saw how red his eyes were, which made his gaze soften.
“Did you sleep at all L/n?” Price asked as he gently put his hand on the males cheek, which made him hum and lean into the mans touch.
“Negative, had to finish those damn files and documents so I couldn’t.” M/n responded as Price hummed to himself, stroking the males cheek before leaning in and kissing him on the tip of his nose.
“Lets bring you to bed eh, your gonna need it.” Price spoke as M/n nodded in response, allowing the man to lead him to his room.
“Can I have my coffee afterwards though?”
“Negative.”
That ended up being the best nights sleep the male had in a while
555 notes · View notes
river13245 · 10 months
Text
I Don't Beg
Navigation / SPN Masterlist
Warnings: Fighting, being taken, arguing. Lucifer being an ass. OH ALSO best friend Crowley
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Crowley who had been one of your close,dare you say friend. So when he had called you very early in the day asking you for help on a case. You couldn't exactly just tell him no. You drop everything you're doing just to go to his place
He knew to call you at a certain time when your boyfriend couldnt hear you. Your boyfriend slept in rather late while you got up at a reasonable time and went to bed after the sun goes down. Unless you had plans throughout the night.
After ending the call you had went to you and your boyfriends shared bedroom and looked at him once more before leaving a note on the door.
Goodevening Darling I had to leave early this morning something had needed my attention Im safe and sound so dont come looking for me Ill be home before tonight. Try not to evil today xoxo ~ yours
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When you arrived to where Crowley was he was sitting on his throne. He wasn't the king of hell anymore, but you had managed to let him keep his throne even after your boyfriend took everything from him. You just stole it back and gave it back to him.
what do you need my help with crow?" You used his nickname and he rolled his eyes. "Ive told you to stop calling me that y/n/n" He got up from his throne and walked in front of you with his hands in his pockets.
As you hear his response "yeah well I don't think the Winchester boys enjoy you calling them moose and squirrel. Now do they?" He shrugs and smirks "well you might have a point there"
You both looked at each other for a moment before you broke the silence "Okay what do you need from me. What's the job we need to do" Crowley looks at you for a moment as if he's debating on if he really should bring you into this. However he really did need help. "There's a family of vampires in the next town over, I could take care of those myself really but there's demons all over the place. Those I cant take care of alone"
Sighing you shake your head "Fuck Lucifer is gonna be so pissed" Crowley rolls his eyes placing his hand on your shoulder "yeah yeah your dear old boyfriend will be upset. Never stopped you before, now come on"
----
When you got there you moved quietly trying to find an opening to sneak through so you can go straight to the vampires and deal with them first.
Crowley of course had other plans, he made himself known. He always had to make an entrance but you also know why he did it. It was so you can go undetected because they would be too focused on him.
As you walk into this abandoned facility that was in the middle of no where all you smelt was dust. You had to fight the urge to sneeze, it looked so unclean. Hell they were vampires, they had no class they were ugly creatures.
You make your way through the building until you find one. You knew that if you attacked now that there was a good chance of all of them looking for you but you decide to risk it.
When the vampire wasn't looking you grab both of your knives and jump onto its back. Legs wrapping around him and use your knives to completely cut off his head in one swift move.
It never had time to make a sound except scratch you slightly. That was something you could deal with later. You wipe of the blood from your knives so blood wouldn't trail behind you and give off where you were, you were smarter than to do that rookie mistake.
The next room you walk in there's a group of them all standing around a bit on edge from the demons outside causing a chaos. You had to think strategically so you grab the nearest thing you can throw and throw it across the room. A few of them go towards the sound but some of them come closer to where you are.
You end up slicing ones head off while the other one grabs onto you rather roughly. using your foot you kick high behind you right into the mans balls, you knew how painful getting kicked there is. he loosens his grip on you just enough so you could pull away and cut his head off too.
As you do this the other two vamps run up to you but you were quick and managed to get one. The other however did pin you down to the floor. However as soon as you manage to grab the blade you roll over on top of him as he beings his mouth to your neck. Before he sings his fangs in you cut his head off. "fucking ugly bloodsuckers"
Standing up you brush yourself off and let your guard down for one second before you hear a voice whose you've never heard before. "well that's a bit rude don't you think?" Turning around you see a demon.
"well what can I say im not very fond of vampires or demons. You guys are nothing but pricks" as you say that you go to step forward when something grabs you and presses you against them. When you hear a sarcastic evil laugh you know its another demon. "well thats no way to talk to a demon. Plus you cant hate us all to bad when you are dating THE lucifer"
I let out a laugh and look at the demon in front of me. "well lets just say he won me over. He is a fantastic kisser...I don't see any of you puckering up"
Saying this only made them more frustrated causing the demon behind me place a knife to my throat. "hm you've got a mouth on you. Wonder what Lucifer would react like if we were to cut your tongue out and then send you back to him"
Opening your mouth to say something that would be very stupid you heard someone come into the room and speak. "I wouldn't do that" everyone's head turned. The demon holding you turned the both of you around, the blade still against your neck and there stood your boyfriend. Looking at the others "you see if you would have cut their tongue out and sent them back to me I would have fixed them of course and then I would have found you and what I would do to you is a hell of a lot worse than you could think of"
The demon behind you falters just a moment but its enough that you are able to break free and swing your leg out tripping him and then you use his own blade to cut his head off. The other demon was running up to you who was stopped by lucifer and he instantly killed them with just a flick of his wrists.
Instantly he goes back over to you and looks over you. Clearly pissed even as you place your hands on his shoulders to try to ground him. "what the hell are you doing here?" he asks demandingly "I should have known you couldn't let me go anywhere without you knowing where I am"
He glares at you and before he responds Crowley comes rushing in. "shit y/n are you okay?" Lucifer turns to look at him and without even a second thought lucifer pinned him to the wall and punches him causing him to go flying back.
Running towards Crowley you shield him with your body so if Lucifer wanted to hurt him he would have to hurt you too. Lucifer looked at the both of you. "I should have known he would be the reason that you drop everything and leave to put yourself in danger"
Ignoring him you place your hand on Crowley's face and you keep asking him if he's fine and he leans away from you and stands up. "I'm fine y/n/n now shoo" he had a busted lip and was bleeding but he instantly used his magic to fix it and you were finally able to breathe.
You then stand up and look over at your boyfriend who is standing there glaring daggers at the both of you. Walking up to him you grab his arm. "were leaving"
----
As soon as your heels hit the floor lucifer is off of you and instantly yelling at you. "what the hell were you thinking. You really thought i would buy the whole "I'm safe" thing. Come on you should know be better than that by now"
He was pissing you off, this is how it was between the both of you. there was always something you do that angered him, the littlest things always ticked him off. "Yes because I thought since I'm your boyfriend that you wouldn't need to feel the need to come after me."
"oh come on. I'm Lucifer have you ever heard any stories where I'm anything but the devil. I'm not a nice guy, you knew what you were getting into when you got with me" he says as he glares at you his eyes turning colors but it doesn't intimidate you anymore.
Instead of coming up with another angry retort back you let out a sigh and shake your head. Lucifer looks at you and almost says something to piss you off but stops when you say. "Yeah you're right I did know what I was getting myself into" your voice is quiet but loud enough for him to hear. "maybe I made the wrong decision"
Finally looking up at him you see how he freezes. "what? what do you mean by that?" Tears start to form in your eyes but you take in a deep breath. "what it means is that I'm leaving. I cant keep doing this"
Lucifer looks at you for a moment before responding "cant keep doing what?" At his cluelessness you scoff and grab your bag. "I cant keep doing this. There's always something I do that makes you upset, I'm tired of being yelled at by you. That isn't what I want in a relationship...im tired"
Not giving him a chance to respond "I love you so deeply Lucifer but I cant keep doing this with you." He doesn't say much so you give him one last look before turning and walking to the door of your home.
The same home that you had to beg him to get because he just wanted you to live down in hell with him but he gave in and he even enjoyed this house more than you did. He was a good boyfriend some days. But you couldn't keep arguing all the time anymore.
Your hand is on the door when a hand grips onto your arm and turns you to look at him. He looks....heartbroken? Not really ever having seen this side of him before you yourself are confused.
When you see him start to kneel in front of you as he holds onto your hands you shake your head. "what..no..what are you doing?" you knew he wasn't proposing. He didn't believe in marriage, he had said "people will know your mine we don't need a label on it. You are my partner and that's enough for me" but it still made you nervous because he has never knelt in front of you like this before.
Lucifer looks up at you and in a shaky voice he speaks. "please don't go. I need you and I'm sorry for the way I've acted, I promise ill change." Now realizing what he's doing. He's begging for you back and your shaking your head placing your hands on his face gently.
You didn't need to speak right now all you had to do was focus and you would be able to see into his mind. As you hold his face he nods giving you permission and the memories he had shown you made your heart break.
He showed you the moment when you guys got your house. You had been so happy and instantly kissed him, or when you guys first kissed and he was so gentle. As he let you inside of his mind you seen everything and heard every feeling he felt for you that he struggled showing. However its the last one that finally makes you break.
~~~~
You had been taken by an angel who had been working with a demon and taking them both on had been a struggle but you did well enough that you were still alive. It had been almost three weeks and you know that the reason they kept you alive was because they needed something from Lucifer and the guys. They had fed you just enough to keep you alive but still keeping you weak and tied up. Then one day Lucifer had came and found you. The guys were there too, Crowley and Cas were defending you. You were barely conscious but conscious enough to hear what was being said. "Okay Lucifer you have something we need and we have something you want" one of the demons say before the other one finished "I think its a fair trade don't you think?" Lucifer wasn't having any of this while Cas was just telling him to just hand it over but that wasn't his style. "How about you hand him over to us and I let you go free" At the sound of them potentially gaining their freedom they almost let up. One grabs you by the neck tilting your head back ready to snap it. "hmm as tempting as that sounds I think id rather see you begging for your precious toy back" there is a chuckle in the air that's coming from Lucifer "I'm the devil, I'm not going to beg for anything." At his words you feel your heart break thinking he was just going to let you die to save his reputation but then you see the demons vanish and there stood Sam and Dean and you had passed out"
----
Coming back from the memory you move your hands to his shoulders and you kneel in front of him so you guys are kind of at the same height. Realizing that he was begging for you...not caring about how he looks right now. You place a kiss to his lips and wrap your arms around him. "I'm sorry. I don't want to leave you, but we have to work on the anger towards me. Ill work on my stuff too"
"of course as long as I have you with me" he says as he kisses you again
152 notes · View notes
A heart to heart conversation and I am in love with you
"My gosh Sam stop calling me beautiful!!" You snapped. "Stop calling me beautiful! Stop calling me the prettiest girl you've ever seen, just stop!!" You yelled.
Sam was taken back by your angry outburst.
Chad, Tara, Quinn, Anika, and Mindy were also taken back.
You walked away still livid and angry and slammed the door to the room.
Sam sighed. She had no idea how to react.
"Sam", Tara said. "Just give her space to cool off. Okay?".
"Wow", said Mindy. "I have never seen (Y/n) yell at Sam like that ever". she said.
"Yeah". Said Anika.
"That was scary". Said Chad.
Quinn gave Sam a hug. "Just give (Y/n) some to cool down.
"Did I do something wrong guys?" Sam asked her sister and her best friends. "All I did was tell (Y/n) that shes beautiful". Sam started to tear up. She put her head on her hands as her sister and best friends went to comfort her. Sam wiped the tears from her eyes and said "That poor thing. Something must be troubling (Y/n). She must be in some kind of emotional distress. Did me calling her beautiful trigger her?". She asked.
"Its definitely possible". Said chad. "We'll stand by the door incase she wants to talk to us too. Maybe shes going through something".
After an hour Sam got up from the couch and said to Tara and her best friends "I'm gonna go talk to (Y/n)".
Sam walked to the bedroom door and knocked on the door. She opened it and saw you just sitting on the side of the bed.
"Hi". You said.
"Hi babe". Sam said. She sat on the side of the bed next to you.
Tara, Chad, Mindy, Anika, and quinn stood by the door.
You sighed. "I'm sorry I yelled at you. Its just", you said to sam. You started to cry. "Im extremely insecure! I'm nowhere the look of a model I dont even think im pretty I dont know how to feel about myself because-"
"Hey, hey, hey". Said Sam. "You're pretty. Very pretty. Have you seen you lately? You have the most beautiful long hair and the most beautiful hazel green eyes". Sam said to you.
"I don't! And I'm not!" You cried.
"(Y/n)" said Quinn. "Where's all this coming from?" She asked you.
"I was in a relationship for about 6 years way before I met you guys and Sam". You said.
Everyone looked at you and sat next to you and Sam.
"It was pure hell". You said. One minute she told me she respects me and the next minute she made my life hell. She was controlling. Manipulative. During that time I lived with her and her mom my ex girlfriend even had this look on her face and raised her hand to me". You said to everyone.
"What?" Quinn said in disbelief.
"That is awful". Said Anika.
"Do you want me, Anika, and Quinn to kick her ass? Because we will!" Said Tara.
Sam gave you the most safe and warmest hug ever. "Oh (Y/n). How did you end the relationship?" Sam asked.
"We got into a terrible argument. I walked away from her. She told not to walk away from her. I told her to never speak to me ever again and I blocked her number. My ex is very toxic to my mental health. My ex never gave me a compliment. Anything I did was never good enough for her. She made jokes about me that were hurtful and mean. She'd insult me with little verbal jabs whenever she could. And she never told me I'm beautiful. She made things so terrible that I had to block her number more than once. Even a crisis counselor had to come to the house. But once I ended that relationship I moved here. Got a great job too". You said.
"Well you know what?" Said Chad. "You're safe here with us. We've all got your back. We love having you around. And your ex blew it big time with you. Now it's our turn to show you how special you are to all of us". He said. He smiled.
You smiled. "Thank you guys for being here for me. I never told you guys about my ex because it triggers my anxiety". You said to everyone.
"You're very brave for sharing what you went through". Said Quinn.
"Its not easy to talk about past experiences but you did and I'm glad you shared it with us and told us about what you went through with your ex. Chad is right. Your ex blew it with you big time". Said Anika.
Mindy gave you a hug and said "You can count on is to always be here for you".
"Thank you guys. Can you give me and sam a minute please?" You asked.
"Yeah. Of Course". Said Tara. "And (Y/n)?"
"Yes Tara?" You said.
"You're a great friend. When you chased ghostface and had him running that was pretty bad ass". Said Tara. She smiled.
You giggled.
After Chad, Mindy, Tara, quinn, and Anika left and closed the door you sat closer to your girlfriend.
"So". You and your girlfriend Sam said at the same time.
"I'll go first". Said Sam. "If I triggered you in any way I am truly sorry. I didn't mean to trigger you baby. I just want you to know how beautiful you are". Sam said to you. "And that I am so deeply madly in love with you".
You smiled. "Oh Sam". You said lovingly to her. "Do you mean that?".
"I do". Said Sam.
"Even when my hair is wet from the shower?" You asked.
"Yes". Sam said to you.
"Even when im just in my football Jersey and sweatpants?" You asked sam.
"Yes". sam said to you.
"Sam". You said to her. "I'm not the best with words but trust me when I say that I am so in love with you. You make me feel beautiful. And safe". You said to Sam.
Sam held you tight. She looked deep in your hazel green eyes and kissed you so affectionately. You kissed her back and gave her a hug too. You've always loved her hugs.
"I love you". You said to your girlfriend.
"I love you too baby". Sam said to you. "Now let's go grab some lunch. I'm hungry".
You and sam were holding hands and everyone smiled at you and Sam. "Me and my girlfriend (Y/n) are gonna get lunch. Does anyone want anything from Jersey Mike's?" You asked.
"Bring us all back anything from there. We are hungry too". Said Mindy.
You nodded. "Okay".
"I'll be back. I'm gonna grab my purse". Sam said to you.
"Okay babe". You said to Sam. Sam gave you a kiss on the cheek and went to get her purse. She took her keys and purse with her and said "Ready".
Sam opened the door as she waited for you. "Thank you chad. Mindy. Quinn. Tara. Anika. For everything".
You walked out the door with Sam holding her hand.
And everytime you and Sam hold hands you feel comfort.
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alyssaswrld999 · 3 months
Text
Why Are You Doing This To Yourself?/ Dean Winchester x Reader
Warning: Vaping, Deppression, Self-harm, Kissing, Comfort, Deep Conversations
Story Prompt: Y/n has been hunting with Dean and Sam for a long time. She has had trouble dealing with some stuff that's on her mind and everything going on around her lately. Y/n finally finds her best solution and she has considered "Vaping calms her". Dean finds her and he has so many thoughts on this.
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Y/n's POV:
Lately hunting has been a struggle for me. Everything has just been going wrong and I feel like I'm messing things up. Im having a hard time believing I'm gonna be ok. That it's gonna just get better and I can move on.
Is it though?
Am I going to get through this?
Am I doing good by putting others first?
Life as a hunter is never easy at all. I always hear Sam and Dean say "This life isn't easy". It's true I mean this life puts the ones you love in danger.
This life makes you end up dead.
This life makes you a different person.
It changes your whole aspect of reality...
Ever since Charlie died I've had a hard time. So has Dean and Sam. Charlie was my bestfriend and she would always call and check up on me and the boys.
But now since she's gone I have no one else to be a nerd with. Me and her loved the same music, movies, etc. She was like a sister to me and I miss her.
I just wish she was here...
I get up from my bed in the bunker and I walk over to my desk. I open the left drawer and I pull out my vape. I never told Sam and Dean that I started because I didn't want them to worry.
The only time that I use it is when I'm overwhelmed and just need to calm down. It helps me and it let's me take a break from the stress.
I walk back over to my bed and I put some music on and start to take a hit. It was relaxing to know I can have a moment to myself.
Suddenly someone knocked on my door. "Y/n you awake?" Dean said.
"Yeah give me a sec" I said quickly. I take my vape and put it in my bra really quick. As I fix my shirt Dean opens the door. "Hey" I said smiling at Dean.
Dean looked around my room and then looked at me. "Hey... does it smell fruity in here?" Dean asked. I look around and played dumb. "Uh no not really I mean the only fruity thing in my room is my perfume" I said.
"Oh okay uhm well I came In here to ask you if you wanted to spend the night with me? In my room and uh we could watch a movie?" Dean said smiling.
Dean and me would do this every Friday night and I mean it is one of the best things me and him do. This would make me feel better I mean it's Dean. I love him a lot and well even if we don't stay in the same room that doesn't mean he isn't the best boyfriend ever.
I just don't want him to know I vape because I don't want him to worry. He already has enough stress on his plate and it ain't fair to him or Sam.
"Of course I'll spend the night with you De" I said. Dean smiled and got excited at my answer. "Alright uhm I'm gonna make the popcorn and set up the movie. You go to my room and make yourself comfy ok" Dean said.
I nodded my head and laughed at him. "Alrighty De I can do that" I said. Dean walked up to me and kissed my head. "I love you Y/n" Dean said.
I love how Dean gets like this because it's so sweet. He acts all tough but the truth is he's just my big teddy bear. "I love you to Dean" I said kissing his cheek.
Dean then walked away and went to make the popcorn. I sighed and got up to put my vape away in my desk. "Can't let him see me hurting" I thought.
I change my clothes and put on my black night pants and Dean's grey tshirt. I mean you can't have a good movie night without being In comfy baggy pj's.
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I get into Dean's room and make myself comfortable on Dean's bed. I brought my pillow and my favorite blanket. I set it up on Dean's bed and I finally lay down and wait for Dean.
Pretty soon a couple of minutes later Dean comes back with a bag of candy, popcorn, and two beers. I chuckled at him seeing him struggle. I get up and walk over to Dean smiling at him.
"Let me help you De" I said grabbing the beers and popcorn. I walk over to the bed and sit down and set the snacks up. Dean puts down the bag of candy beside me and then walks over to close his bedroom door.
"I'm gonna change real quick so is it cool if you set up the movie?" Dean asked. I nodded my head and grabbed his laptop and pulled up the movie. He wanted to watch "Scream" and "Texas Chainsaw Massacre".
"Thought you only wanted to watch one movie?" I said. Dean turned around and as I looked up I was really liking his pj's. He had only grey sweatpants and a white tshirt.
"Yeah uh I was just thinking if you wanted to watch another movie we could have two? I mean it's just fun to do these movie nights and well just wish you could stay in this room with me all the time" Dean said.
I nodded my head and tapped the bed. "I mean we could make that happen" I said. Dean smiled and sat down on the bed beside me getting comfortable.
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4 hours later me and Dean are still laying in bed watching movies. As I was sitting there I kept having the urge to go and have a quick "break". I look over at Dean and seen that he was asleep.
I get up quietly and cover him up with the blankets. "I'll be back" I whispered as I lean down to kiss him. My lips make contact with his forehead and I sighed as I pulled away.
I make my way out of Dean's bedroom and make my way down the hall to mine. My breath kept getting quicker and quicker as I made it closer to my room.
I didn't even realized that I arrived at my bedroom door and opened it. My feet were moving for me and my mind was fuzzy. The next thing I know I have my vape in my hands and I'm taking hits from it.
I didn't even hear the footsteps coming down the hallway to my room or the faint voice calling my name. I was just focused on inhaling the vape.
"Y/n..." Dean said. I finally came back to reality after calming down and realized I've been caught. I turn and look at Dean and he was pissed. "Oh shit..." I mumbled.
The expression on Dean's face explained everything that he was feeling. He seemed Angry, confused, sad, upset. "Why the hell are you vaping?" Dean said walking towards me. I froze in place not being able to move away. I was angry at myself that I could be so stupid to give up quickly to hit that stupid damn vape.
"Dean let me explain" I mumbled. Dean kept walking toward me and grabbed my vape from my hands. "I can't believe that your doing this to yourself" Dean said with venom at the end of his sentence.
"Dean just let me explain" I said. Dean looked at me with anger in his eyes. "Y/n why? Why do this" Dean said with less venom. I started to tear up and Dean noticed. "No... no you don't get to do that not after this" Dean said holding up the vape. I look down at the floor finding it more interesting to look at then Dean at the moment.
All I hear is Dean's footsteps leave the room and I start tearing up again. I look up and seen he was gone and I felt my heart breaking as I fall to my knees on the floor. I wanted to shout and scream but I couldn't. All I could do is sit there and cry on silence with no one to hear me.
Dean was hurt by me doing this to myself and he has every right to be. But at the same time he doesn't understand how I feel about anything. How I have to just live with this pain and not show it. And because the fact I never show it I always feel alone.
But I need Dean to be here for me but he won't. I understand why he won't be but still. He stormed out instead of talking it out with me. Do I need to be alone? Do I need to suffer alone? Who knows...
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The next day was more stressful and awkward as last night. It was different and I felt more alone than I was before. I woke up in my room and I felt a tug in my heart. I didn't want to get out of bed but I knew I needed to face the day.
I open the door slowly and I take a quick breath. "Hopefully no one's awake yet" I thought. I walk out of my room and I make my way to the kitchen to see Sam on his laptop. I quickly walk over to the coffee maker and make myself a glass of coffee. "Good morning" Sam said.
I sighed and turn to look at Sam. "Mornin" I said. Sam looked at me and raised his eyebrows in question. "Are you okay?" Sam asked. I sighed and took a sip of my coffee but I choked at the bitter taste. "Yeah... uhm I really don't know how to answer that" I said.
"Wanna talk about it?" Sam said closing his laptop. I looked at Sam and was about to respond until Dean entered the kitchen. I look away and put my coffee mug down. "I'll see you later Sam" I said leaving the room.
As I walked away I heard Dean scoff and I then decided to hide beside the door to the kitchen. "What was that about" Sam said. I heard Dean sigh and then he began to speak.
"Y/n was vaping"
"Wait what? Why would she do that"
"I don't know Sam"
"Did you talk to her about it"
"No, I stormed off last night and haven't talked to her since then"
"Dean you need to talk to her"
"Why Sam? There is nothing to say, I just can't believe she would do something like that to herself"
"Well Dean talking is better than leaving her to fight with whatever is going on alone"
I finally had enough listening and I made my way back to my room. I just didn't want to be around Dean because he clearly has nothing to say to me.
As I enter my room a whole new wave of depression hit me. I couldn't take this pain anymore and I just didn't want to see Dean right now. I shut my door and I rush to my bed seeming as that was the only thing to do.
"Why Charlie" I thought. As I sink down more into my bed the thoughts kept spilling like it was a waterfall in my head. What after felt like moments I heard a faint knock at my door. I didn't respond. The only thing I could do was listen.
After a moment the knock came back but it was more louder. Then finally the door knob turned and the door was opening. "Y/n?" Someone said. I didn't move my head to see who it was but the type of voice and the way the person acted from what I could hear was Sam.
"Y/n please can we talk" Sam said. I didn't move and Sam sighed. I thought he was going to leave but I was wrong. "Y/n Dean told me what happened and I was wondering if you could talk to me" Sam said gently. The next thing I know Sam is sitting on my bed and rubbing my shoulder softly.
I finally gave in and I latched myself to Sam and I was crying. I wanted to tell him what was going on but all I could do was cry. I couldn't stop crying because of all of my thoughts playing over and over in my head. I felt like I was crazy and I didn't know what to do.
"Hey, hey Its gonna be okay... it's okay Y/n" Sam said rubbing my head softly. I sobbed and I looked up at Sam. "I- I'm sorry" I said softly. Sam rubbed my head and comforted me. "It's okay you don't need to apologize. Just tell me what's going on and we will find a way to make everything okay" Sam answered.
I nodded my head and I started sobbing again. Sam comforted me until I calmed down to where I was ready to talk. I pulled away from Sam and I straightened myself to sit up.
"Its- there's just been so- so much going on" I mumbled. Sam looked at me concerned and rubbed my back softly. "After Charlie- after everything its just- I'm losing it Sammy" I said looking up at Sam. Sam gave me his usual empathetic look and nodded his head.
"Y/n I understand how you feel... and your not gonna lose it okay"
"But how do you know im not"
"Because you have me, Dean and Castiel"
"Are you sure about Dean? Because clearly from last night it explains he is mad at me"
"Dean's not mad at you Y/n he's worried and wants you to be okay"
"I understand he is worried I just don't want him to be... I just really need him right now and I don't want him being distant"
"Just give him a bit to calm down Y/n... he loves you"
"Okay... thank you Sammy"
"You're welcome Y/n"
Sam pulled me into a hug and I wrapped my arms around him. "It's gonna be okay" Sam whispered. I nodded my head and I pulled away. I laughed a little wiping my tears away and I smiled at Sam.
"Yeah... yeah it's gonna be okay" I replied. Sam smiled and got up from the bed. "I'll let Dean know your okay" Sam said leaving the room. I nodded my head and smiled while wiping my tears.
After a couple of moments Dean appeared in the doorway. "Hey" I whispered. Dean walked towards me and I stayed still. "Look I'm sorry-" I said but was interrupted by Dean kissing me. I pulled away a few minutes later and Dean held my cheek.
"Y/n you don't have to apologize okay" Dean answered. I started to tear up again and I gently smiled. "I love you... and I'm sorry for walking off last night" Dean whispered. I kissed his cheek and I nodded my head. "I understand why you did it though... and you don't need to apologize either" I said.
Dean sat down and pulled me in for a hug. I sighed and wrapped my arms around Dean as he kissed my head.
"We're gonna get through this"
"Yeah... we are... one day at a time"
"I love you Y/n"
"I love you too Dean"
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dollfacedsl1ut · 1 year
Text
YANDERE PROMPTS
(Send in the anon section then type the number and the idol you want me to write about)
“I’m doing this out of love”
“Go on, I wanna hear you say it”
“It’ll be the family we’ve always wanted the one I’ve been trying to hard for”
“See? It’s not that uncomfortable as you thought right”
“Pretend it never happened I hate seeing you so scared”
“Im doing this because it’s best, you don’t realize now but soon you will”
“Lemme see that pretty smile”
“Did you sleep well?, don’t lie to me I watched you”
“stop trying to leave it’s no use”
“Why won’t you love me?
“I can provide for you so you’ll say with me forever”
“I’ll give you one more chance to stop resisting”
“Don’t cry over them they never deserved you”
“Don’t cry like that it almost made me feel guilty”
“Stop giving me that look! Stop looking at me like I’m some monster”
“We were made for each other why cant you see that”
“I asked a question, If you knew what was good for you, you’d answer”
“Why do you let me them stare at you like that do you want attention that badly”
“You aren’t a saint, you’re just as worse as me”
“Please!, give it to me”
“Where’d this attitude come from”
“I know baby I’m right here, just breathe”
“don’t tease me”
“I can kiss all the pain away”
“I could Kill you right now so behave”
“why are you so damn stubborn”
“Just take it”
“Do you think I enjoy hurting you?”
“Is it really that hard to love me?”
“I wish you’d let me have you”
“Let me show you how much I love you”
“You’re so cute when you’re struggling”
“We can be happy together”
“You aren’t glint without me”
“Tell me how much you love me”
“Why’re crying aren’t you happy to be with me”
“You’re all I ever think about”
“Don’t be stupid, you won’t be any fun if you’re dead”
“Sit there prettily while I go and collect your ransom”
“I’m not gonna kill you, they’ll think you did it yourself”
“Try and run again, I swear I’ll break the other one”
“I’ve got enough blood on my hands already”
“Stop whining they’ll hear”
“ You don’t wanna disappoint me do you??”
“Angel I don’t like violence, don’t make me do this”
“I’ll soundproof the walls isn’t that romantic”
“Should I make you a pretty corner in the basement”
“I’m sorry sweetie it was just precaution I’ll warn you next time”
“I’ve been holding myself back for you don’t be so mean”
“Shh it was just a bad dream go back to bed let the poison take over”
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kunipuppy · 1 year
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Leander x gn!reader
warnings: yandere behaviour, magical manipulation, manipulation, reader is tied to their bed it doesn’t go far though.
ermmm my first language isn’t english so im sorry if some of my sentences came off nonsensical :3
Ever since you came to Eridia you expect the unexpected. After everything and more than enough almost death’s you just don’t get surprised anymore. Though, you just had to jinx yourself…
Last night, after having enough of Vere’s teasing and being embarrassed beyond belief, you retreated to your room. Well, at least only Leander witnessed it, since Vere made a rare solo appearance at the Wet Wick just to mess with you. You thought you were in the clear, Leander is an understanding guy, he won’t tease you for it.
Your eyes flutter as you sense someone else beside you, and jolt awake. Gasping when something pulls on your wrists. You blink your sleepiness away, finally making out Leanders face. He’s giving you his usual, charming smile… it feels off. Everything feels off. You’re not panicking as hard because thank god you just passed out and forgot to unwrap your bandages, the harsh reminder of your curse feels even more suffocating than usual. 
When you finally tear your eyes away from awfully and unusually quiet Leander you notice the thing tugging at your wrist. Green glowing rope. Except it's not a rope, it’s Leander’s magic.
He basically cuffed you to your bed. Okay. Hm. Wait. What.
“Leander, what is going on?” 
You did your best to keep your voice stable, is he playing a prank on you or something? He’s got a shit sense of humor if that’s the reason he tied you to your bed.
His smile didn’t falter, “I noticed something about you last night.”
The voice that once soothed all of your worries away now made your blood run cold. This isn’t the Leander you knew, he must be an amazing actor. Right, that’s it.
“Leander, I don’t know if this is a joke or not but I really don’t like-”
“You’ve become so close with everyone else and drifted away from me, it hurts, you know. Feels like everything I’ve done for you was nothing to you.”
He cut you off with a glare that if looks could kill you would be dead where you sat. You shifted uncomfortably, have you been that distant? You went to Wet Wick every night, always made sure to talk to Leander if he was available. This feels…wrong.
“I’m sorry. What can I do to make it up to you?”
You swallowed thickly. Sure, you could fight him, but you know you would never come out alive if you were to fight to the death. He would wipe the floor with you, you knew that. So you went for… other means of survival. Plus if this was just you being neglectful you could make up for it.
He looked you up and down, his eyes making your skin burn.
“Lay down for me.”
“Leander wh-”
He sighed.
“Don’t make me repeat myself.”
You exhaled shakily and just did as you were told. That seemed to please him because a small smile appeared on his face, good, you’re gonna be fine. He won’t hurt you. He won’t.
He pressed his fingers on your forehead, before you could ask him what he did, you noticed it too late. Your voice isn't coming out. Fuck. What the fuck.
Noticing your distress, he planted a kiss on your cheek as he straddled your hips.
“They are way too close to you. I won’t do anything you don’t want-
He started to unwrap your bandages, you couldn’t move. He’s way too sturdy. Shit.
-so don’t be afraid and let me make sure they all know-
He took both of your hands and pressed his lips on them, suddenly your brain stopped panicking. It was okay, you wanted this anyway. Right? Your heart thrumming loudly and your insides feel like they’re on fire-
-that I’m the only one that can touch you like this. I’m the only one you can touch, I’m your only hope.”
He bent down and planted a kiss on your forehead.
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pretty-chaotic-world · 11 months
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if my BPD can scream
1. I wish i could have a normal love... but no, my brain wants to worship every little detail of you until it drives me insane
2. sorry i pushed you away i felt abandoned and suicidal 
3. I’m sick of going to bed and knowing things won’t be better tomorrow 
4. I'll ask you thousands times if you really love, please don't get annoyed
5. I'll create "drama" and mishaps only to feel like I'm in home
6. i’m afraid that one day my anger will overshadow the little love i still have left for the world
7. I feel numb. No tears, no anger, nothing. Just going through the same day again and again. I would rather just sleep without waking up.
8. I'm so tired of everytime one small argument or inconvenience breaks out I want to end it and self destruct, it's so draining. 
9. I want to stop feeling anything and when i actually don't it breaks my heart but I can't cry it out.
10. "its all in your head" well duh where tf else is it gonna be??? in my fucking kidneys????
11. I am constantly between wanting people to care about me and wanting them not to so I can hurt myself without feeling guilty 
12. Psychiatrist told me there is no cure for bpd and I've to change myself. Well why cant they just let me die then?
13. Until you live with bpd you'll never know what it's like to be too much and not enough at the same time.
14. i know im constantly too much for everyone but sometimes i just want to be enough for someone
15. if he will leave me, my next diagnosis will be of "sociopath"
16. im so jealous of all the people who see him and touch him and talk to him every single day it should be me me me me 
17. oh I got my hair coloured. why? because I can't hurt myself anymore 
18. "you're so distant" because you can't handle my abandonment issues.
19. My younger self disappoint me a lot. like why were you begging people to stay in your life? ohh no worries I know the answer
20. I wanna throw a plate against the wall, stab a knife through my hand, destroy my laptop with a hammer, smash my door in with an axe and spray graffiti all over the walls of my room 
21. Why shouldn’t I be mad? Why can’t I just be angry and be allowed to feel it? Why can’t I burn everything down?
22. I have to watch my mouth every fucking second to make sure I don't destroy every relation I have coz apparently social life matters!!
23. Isnt it fucked up how he got away with every horrible thing he made me experience and I’m the one who has to live with myself feeling absolutely fucking worthless 
24. I don't deserve food and love. im a horrible person.
25. this is how my eating cycle goes
feeling weak coz i haven't ate anything -> eat -> purge -> feeling guilty after purging -> eat more -> feeling guilty after eating so much -> cry coz you don't know what's happening
26. the diagnosis makes me believe I'm not insane just lil emo ig!! NOOOO YOU'RE INSANE
27. “don’t let it bother u” baby i’m gonna be bothered by this for the next 10 years 
28. if I tell you I love you its equivalent to I can kill someone for you
29. Actually upon further inspection that shit really hurt my feelings 
30. I don't dive into insecurity anymore, i drown in self-loathe
31. i shut up in between group convo coz I know I'll talk invaluable shit and nobody really cares what I say until it's psychology class
32. "if you are fully aware of yourself, why do you keep acting like that?" slapping self awareness on top of bpd only grants the ability to watch yourself self-destruct straight from the vip section thats all it does literally
33. “Where do you see yourself in the future” building a cult for mentally ill people 
34. ofc I've a praise kind i was ignored as a child
35. I'm much better than I was before. you know why coz I don't to air now and don't see monsters walking by side all the time
36. No I don't want to self harm anymore I need to kill that fucking monster
37. Don't mind me, I'm just casually sabotaging all my positive relationships with negative delusions because my life doesn't feel real unless something dramatic and destructive is constantly occurring 
38. i don’t care i don’t care i don’t care (im going to sob my fucking eyes out)
39. “Stop making your disorder your personality” I have a fucking personality disorder for god sake
40. turning my mental illnesses into kinks and calling it the BDSM-5 
41. "destroy something precious while you're in rage" ohh yeaa and then I'll do that again and again 
42. what I hate most about my BPD is the fact that I have started doubting every emotion that I’ve ever felt in my life, whether it’s love, my grief through multiple traumas, or my anger, & it’s so saddening. It has actually led me to start questioning my reality.
43. if I need medication to stay alive, am I really meant to be here?
44. it's either be alone without 75% of my symptoms, or be with someone and display the most horrendous unstable awful version of myself. why do i have to choose between love & happiness or peace & stability?
45. That fucking bpd rage where everyone's voices makes you want to scream and every noise around you makes you want to sh and you're so mad you can almost feel the cuts everywhere 
46. getting worked up to the point of becoming physically ill (throwing up/stomach issues etc) because you felt rejected/abandoned by your favourite person  
47. i wish my trauma made me kind as everyone says but i’m becoming what i fear the most- a monster.
48. imagine getting diagnosed with a personality disorder and the only visible representation of that disorder is an animated horse man, a sociopathic sitcom character from philadelphia, and darth vader
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lilacs-world · 9 months
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I feel like I’m chronically not okay but idk if I’m valid enough to label myself as chronically ill. I am able to work 40h a week but with the cost of laying in bed the rest of the day when I’m back home. In the weekends I sleep mostly. My room is a disaster because I never have the energy to tackle the chaos. I wished I was able to walk to work and back but standing for more than 15 min is already exhausting me and I get dizzy and lightheaded. I am constantly in pain, my normal pain level is on good days at a 2 on bad days it’s at a 4 or 5 but maybe I’m too modest about my pain due to fear of admitting I’m not okay. I am always tired even if I sleep usually enough. At times I feel more refreshed with only 4 hours of sleep hell knows why. I am waking up daily at 5:45am to get myself ready for 8am work. I don’t know if I’m ever gonna be a functioning adult. I am scared of the moment I will unmask bcs im masking daily due to Audhd. Plus daily I’m confused because we are often switching and my quality at work at times fluctuating and my TLs wondering wtf bcs we know u know all the processes so wtf. Daily I feel like I know only a specific part of the processes and I have days where I ask so many questions that one of the TLs told me they are growing gray hairs bcs of me asking so much. The doctors in my country are shit when I mentioned suspecting we are a system they said nah it’s just ur anxiety. When I questioned if I have adhd my former psych said nah only kids can have it. My former therapist said yeah after unofficially diagnosing me with it. Autism I suspect that too and I got my confirmation more or less from my bf who’s on the spectrum as well. He got his confirmation he has adhd as well by me noticing lots of adhd things in him and he has now meds whilst me is in this godforsaken country that isn’t taking me seriously. I got my confirmation I have adhd when I took speed and realised for the first time "so this is how neurotypicals experience their life?" I for once had a train of thoughts in order and not a carambolage of luggage’s getting stuck in the baggage claim belt. I sobbed so hard. On good days I am able to remember and memorise lots of shit. But on bad days I barely anything. My body is out of control. I have pcos and it’s ravaging my body. I grow hair on my chin and arms and it’s making me uncomfortable and I developed anxiety about having hair in my face to the point over pluck and over shave it. My period is out of control. I either bleed for 2 months consecutive or I don’t have my period for 6 months. I am anemic due to it. I am such a pale human that I’m constantly being asked if I am okay. Oh yeah not to forget having an autoimmune disease since I am 2 years old. Having to deal with psoriasis break outs each winter where I end up being covered on my legs, arms , ass with skin patches of psoriasis. At times it’s even in my eyebrows and on my scalp. Each winter is a torture for me. I am battling with depression as well. Luckily this last year it wasn’t so overbearing and I felt more human than I used to in the past. Nonetheless my anxiety is ravaging and leaving me crippled daily. I sound ridiculous talking about myself rn bcs in my brain I feel like you aren’t this sick or unwell you are faking this you are a horrible human for saying all this things but I know it’s probably my internal ableism and the internal critical subconsciously developed voices of my surroundings telling me I’m not actually sick and I need to go to work even if sick etc. Sigh. Idk where I wanted to go with this whole post. I know you guys don’t see often a personal post from me or posts from me and more reblogs of stuff I enjoy seeing and stuff I wanna boost and stuff I find important or relatable or stuff that I think might make someone feel better and less anxious or feel seen. I hope this is fine. I hope being more real is helpful. Maybe I should do this rambling on my other blog @unfilteredrealities where I tried to talk about life in a real way , unfiltered. You can even send in your own submissions if u want to.
Anyway thanks for reading my ted talk.
TLDR: I don’t know if I’m actually chronically ill and if I’m valid enough to label myself as that and then I rambled about my life experiences with audhd, did, anxiety, depression, pcos, psoriasis and there are more but I’m exhausted.
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