#im gonna do laundry now
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( okay i THINK thats it for my current threads???? idfk my notifications are a mess since all ive done is reblog art these last few weeks which i will not stop doing btw, if it bothers u just block #->| the tool in the mirror . Anyway, if i did miss a thread please @ me in the comments. i will get to it asap! )
#admin babbles#srsly i reblog a lot of art#idc as an artist i love arg#and i feel like it plays into soundwaves whole fascination with humanity#anyway pls lmk if i missed anything#im gonna do laundry now
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me: waiting for shoe(s) to drop
Personified Alan Becker YouTube Icon: oh... buddy...
#me reassuring myself like#it's okay. look see? they can speedrun the genuine apology process too. see? yeah i know#i know#--/ art#L1_CAT#subpixels#alan becker#green influencer arc#ava influencer arc#(OHMYGO D BRIAN MADE IT??????? NO WONDER IT'S GLORIOUS?!?!?!?)#i don't think there will be- well no. that's a lie there will totally be more great works with these specific themes in the future . . .#because there will probably be these specific problems in the future. but W0w does it hit now.#not that long ago i know i was dealing with angst online. and that just. permeates everything. for *months*#what a shot to the heart !!! new weakness unlocked ! ! ! !#/pos ... yeah no it's. you know what i mean#ghhhhghh the imperfect files feeling defensive about not being included hhhhhhhhhhhhhh kindness to snarling creatures hhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!#gonna need to rewatch this a few more times. at Least. hooh#ps: i have a vivid memory of reading a fic on ao3 that emotionally compromised me and i saw in the notes that the author said...#''[please trust me. i know what im doing c: ]'' or something that that's what they meant. it was either a doctor who or a good omens one.#and i did trust them. and the story continued being amazing. and they didn't let me drown in that space i found myself in.#i feel responsible for not letting myself get too far underwater like that- and i have succeeded.#and i also trusted Them (scriptors directors animators etc etc etc). and i am. safe#it feels like there was a wound here i forgot about that is only now beginning to heal. . . ... . . . . . .#i think ill be 100% ready to laugh about it in like. a year. for now we roll catharsis gang#a year is maybe too long. you know what i mean. arbitrary time unit. laundry minutes.
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paramore was right im always running out of time
#have to leave at 17:40 to go to my friends house#the beef goes off today so i was gonna cook at 13:00#but the kitchen was dirty and i hate cooking in a dirty kitchen#so i cleaned and that took an hour and a half cuz i had to do laundry as well#then i was tired so i went to lie down and take a break before i cooked#Then my sister came down and made her own food for an hour and made the kitchen messy again ☹️#she used like four fucking bigass pots so i had to clean all that shit so i’d have something to cook with#Now suddenly it’s 17:08 i have no fucking time!!!!!#So i either cook when im home which will be late#or i just forget about the beef and let it expire#fml .. there needs to bd more hours in the day
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WASHER DRYER COMING TODAY!!! GET HYPED LOSERS!!!!!!!!
#not the new ones i want it'll be my sisters used secondhand ones BUT#YAY#im gonna have them for like. a year or so.#until she moves again#and only bc the place she's renting for the year already has a set that she doesn't need to pay for#so im borrowing hers for now :)#but that's infinitely better than having to go to the laundromat to do my laundry so#YEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH BOOOOOIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII#and hopefully next year ill actually get to buy my own finally#shh ac
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Fuga AU, but they're all in daycare / preschool and Alcatraz is just the classroom where they all the "bad kids" go when they're put in time out or miss recess. Cell's the kid that bites his teachers and the other kids way too hard (hard enough to draw blood) and Pac and Mike are sent to time out for trying to steal their teacher's wedding ring.
#i talk#Mike wanted it for Mine because he said he's gonna marry her when he grows up#(The teachers still don't know if Mine iss a real kid or if she's Mike's imaginary friend)#Felps is probably the teacher's kid or something who hangs out indoors during recess because he gets sick a lot#and can't do a lot of physical activities#How do I tag this#Fuga talk#...? I guess? It's not QSMP so I guess I can't use my usual tag#what the hell#QSMP talk#''Aren't you supposed to be working on your fic?'' I AM IM JUST DISTRACTED I had to do my laundry#back to the grind now#But I thought of this while putting things in the dryer and it made me laugh
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my back really hates enthusiasm. woke up not eager but ready to get started on multiple things at once and it really said 'oh? you want to be able to move without pain? fuck you'
But fuck my back say I, bc I can work on the grocery pick up while laying down. Check mate, you... spine.
(turns out nothing i can think of to say/type to shame my spine sounds effective. it all just sounds vaguely clinical lmao)
#text post#brain woke up in a weird place too and im trying to push past that#it's not that i have A Lot to do today it's that the timing needs to be mindful#if i start laundry too late then that fucks up lunch#in between that i need to get grocery pick up finished and figured out and start on prolific and cloud#then to check on data annotation stuff#i should at least take some pictures to post for the side gig#and i need to finish up the holiday cards and gift boxes for my family bc those need to be shipped out asap#...maybe my back is trying to give me a gift lmao. i can attempt productivity so long as I'm also laying flat on my back#...my laptop can be brought down to sit in my actual lap so really the survey sites/grocery/pictures stuff could be done here#and the cards are closeish by#so then it's just laundry and gift boxes to do while physical moving#FUCK AND DISHES. i almost fuckin forgor them. the dish#...im gonna wind up doing laundry tomorrow aren't i. im not actually getting that done today and i should probably accept that now#not gonna tho! gonna be mad abt it later but i really should have started laundry#before i let myself lay down and that's on me
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maybe i'm just a failure of a person but working full time means i genuinely have trouble keeping my damn place clean not to mention make doctor appointments so i put them off for weeks but it's fine it's all good lol
#like the past two weeks its also just bc of constant extreme migraines for sure#& that happened to be in the same time period my dog reacted badly to new wet food i got her so she spent 4 to 5 days shitting on the floor#so that did a number on me lol and i have not been doing any cleaning other than cleaning after her those couple days and so now its like#oh my god theres so much to clean and dirty laundry and cutlery i didnt bother washing immediately#anyways ignore this i needed to vent a little bc im exhausted and idk when im gonna do this now bc i have only two free days#until this month ends#and not in a row#and one is for vet visit with my dog#so.
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<- god's wettest most pathetic most stressed most anxious beast btw
#i have a flight in 2 days and i hate airports they stress me out so much too many people *vine boom*#i lost my driver's license last month so i'm gonna have to get through the tsa without legal photo ID *vine boom*#the flight takes off at 7am meaning im gonna have to wake up at like 4 to get there *vine boom*#it also means i need to stay the night tomorrow with some family friends i barely know *vine boom*#so i need to do laundry and email teachers and shit Tonight *vine boom*#my ride busted a tire and got stranded in the middle of nowhere so now i have to worry abt his safety and also find a new ride *vine boom*#AND I'VE GOT A FUCKING LAB DUE TOMORROW#so now im just doing homework and daily tasks and whatnot walking around all chill like i dont feel like the most stressed being alive#conclusion: oh shit the Creature is back
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It's really nice having a free housekeeping service thru my Medicaid but ever since my regular housekeeper that I had for a year (now friend) got promoted in March it's like every other person I've had fuckin hates disabled people
#there was one perso who would drive by my house to clock in (your location has to show that you're at the client's house) and leave#found out when i called and was like hey why has no one been showing up and the office was like it shows shes been clocking in there what??#apparently i wasn't the only one and she got fired#and then we had a woman who treated my shift like it was her break time#i mean she would sit at our table and eat a full meal and talk on the phone as loud as possible instead of cleaning#she'd clean for 20 minutes usually just dishes then spend the rest of the time eating or playing on her phone or on a phone call#she would put away WET TOWELS i mean they were more than just 'damp'#and once left a full unflushed shit in our toilet with shit stains on the toilet seat#i remember once she sat outside in our front yard on a phone call and when i went out there to ask what was going on#she was just like ''im on the phone'' and ignored me#i asked for her not to come back several times and they sent her 2 or 3 more times#and then i got a new lady who just straight up lies to my face#i give her a list of what i need done for the day and she will only do the dishes#then sit at our table and be like ''oh i got everything else done I'm just waiting on laundry''#and then I'd look to see that actually nothing else was done at all counters dirty floors dirty LAUNDRY NOT DONE#i confronted her last time#i was like ''hey I've asked for the bathroom to get done the past few times now and it hasn't been''#and she was like ''yes I did clean it'' so i wiped my hand across the sink and showed her the dust and grime stuck to my fingers#and then didn't clean it again that day. and said sat at the table saying she was waiting on laundry. and no laundry was done#and said she swept the living room which absolutely was not swept#bc I'd get out the vacuum and she'd be like ''oh i can just use the broom'' (on the carpet??)#I'd get the bathroom cleaning supplies out and she'd just put them away#and i dont mean that im being super picky about wanting things cleaned prefectly#or thaf she's ''not doing it right''#she's literally not doing it at all#i told my friend/ex housekeeper about this and she told me that every other person who's had her also asked for her not to come back#oop she's here. it's gonna be her last time i called the office and set it in stone this morning that she wont be coming back#.bdo
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Literally woke up from my alarm. Snooze. Falls asleep for ten minutes and dreams about getting ready for work. Wakes up and I'm not ready for work . Evil
#the sky speaks#ive laid here and watched time go by. at this point even if i was ready and left right now id be late#might fake illness#i mean i do feel vaguely nauseous but thats not abnormal esp in thr morning#either i text someone and say im gonna be late . or i email boss and take off today ..#my dad's gonna give me shit for it tho aughhhh#hes always like You wont hqve such a laid back job forwvwr where you can just take off on a whim !! and hes RIGHT but . bbbut. sleeoy :(#like im trying to get this fulltime job at a university and ahit like this wont slide for sure#but also. the little devil on my shoulder adds. why not take advantage of current jobs chill way about it for now hmmmmmm????#even more time has passed now damn#yrah im not going in today#but i need to like do chores today tho. must vacuum and put away laundry i folded yesterday. to make up for not going to work in my mind lol
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i suddenly became aware of what i looked like and had to stop everything to draw it
#zymart#zymtalk#uhhh context im in a really bad overnight job rn [totally jacked up my hands]#but its also like absolutely floored me so my rooms been bad#and i had leftover adhd medication that wasnt quiiiite right for me from a few months ago#[as in it worked enough to justify the headache it gave me but it still gave me a mega headache]#and if i didnt take it i was just gonna sleep all day and have 0 laundry#and for the record you should never do this i take medication and getting the right types and right dosages very seriously#BUT. IN MY DEFENSE. my floor is clean now and all my laundry is put away. so like do i get results or do i get results.#this was a once time thing until i talk to my psych again LOL
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#spending so much time doing house stuff when i have dpwntime all i can do is snooze#the landlord replaced the fuckd up laundry machines tho! we have these fancy ones now tht sing annoyig songs when th clothes r done#gonna start painting soon and then im gonna be reattaching the cabinetry in the kitchen bc its all fuckd up#frank.txt#u know despite how rough things are i AM hapy w this place . its so cozy and VERY quiet . and my abuser doesnt know where i live anymore#which is gr8 ! i can go outside and im less likely to deal w irl stalking again. still an agoraphobe bc stalking scary as hell BUT#At least im an agoraphobe in a cozy house that is far away from my prev place so its also safer#mental illness and seasonal depression and ptsd stuff kinda make this month scary for me BUT#its ok. its esp ok bc im making ham on xmas. literally all is well when i can make a big meal and watch ppl eat my food#downsides of this house - well ttoday i saw a stinkbug in the oven:(
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i got literally one of my dream job opportunities and finally got to start and then proceeded to have the worst two weeks of my life and already feel like i have fumbled the bag severely. cool! 👍🏻
#personal#vent#trying sooooo hard to be kind to myself rn and reminding myself that the first couple weeks of any job you're gonna suck at it#but the issue is i feel like im messing up every single area of my life right now across both jobs and all my classes#and even just my personal life like i literally dont have time to do laundry or clean or help with household chores like dishes#and my physical health has massively suffered from it but it's gonna be a hot min til i can even see a doctor and i just. agggggghhhhhhhhhh
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sighs and collapses and disintegrates into the wind
#Seven’s Public Diary#vent post#cw vent post#ah yes. another restless nights sleep in a cold room bc i was too upset and sick to eat enough yesterday and my nightmares won’t let up and#my heater isn’t enough to warm the room when it’s this fucking cold outside. but it’s fine bc i don’t think i deserve to be warmer anyway#i should get water but i’ve been stuck laying here for an hour wondering if im racist and feeling like i should just. leave. or smthn. idk#i need a caregiver so there’s someone here to stop me from doomscrolling tumblr and reddit discourse for two hours before bed. lol#but ig no matter how careful i try to be there’ll always be part of me thats. unconsciously? racist? bc im white so its just part of me#idk im not educated enough to talk about it so i guess the real lesson to learn here is to keep my fucking mouth shut. which i can do!#i don’t. know how to apologize correctly. bc no one wants to hear me piss and moan abt my white guilt. if that’s what it even is#im too stupid to understand what to do or say and the more i type the worse it sounds so im just. sorry. i apologize for anything i’ve said#or done. that wasn’t right or was insensitive or thoughtless or uneducated or. whatever else it is i rlly don’t know#i didn’t mean to use AAVE. i really didn’t know. so i’ll go edit the tag where i used it but. that’s only one example. how many more am i#unaware of? how often do i put my foot in my mouth and not know it? im sorry. i’ll try to do better#but there’s so much to be mindful of that i can’t keep track of it all and it’s overwhelming me so i think i should just. be quiet.#‘always a fanfic writer at the scene of the crime’ i. didn’t know there was a connection between racism and fanfic. now im worried#was that just an easy jab to make bc it’s cringe or is it actually problematic. why does it seem like theres smthn wrong w everything i do#anyways. i have to stop thinking abt it or im gonna anxiety vomit. i could go lay on the couch#it in the only warm room of the house but it’s covered in dog hair and i hate the smell from the stupid fucking propane heater#it gives me a headache and makes me paranoid. why did he install gas heat when he could’ve gone with a heat pump. all he did was make#everything harder on everybody. so now we have dangerous gas heat in the winter and shitty mold-filled window ac units in the summer#when he could’ve installed a heat pump/ac unit combo thingy and we would’ve been good to go. why is he like this.#YOURE A GODDAMN ELECTRICIAN. HAVE BEEN YOUR WHOLE LIFE. YOU CAN DO ANYTHING YOU WANT. SO ACT LIKE IT.#im staying in bed. the rest of the house reeks of burnt plastic bc SOMEONE decided to take FOUR sedatives and drink a couple beers before#trying to use the stove to cook dinner :))) so now i have to figure out how to clean that up. i take back everything i said about winter#being my favorite season. this shit fucking sucks. there’s so much more to stress over and it’s all so much more expensive and exhausting#i never want another dog or cat ever again after these two pass. im not the person i once was and i cannot care for them like i used to.#i can’t even care for myself. couldn’t if i Wanted to right now bc everything is frozen solid. can’t shower. can’t do any laundry.#just get to sit here filthy cold and miserable in the one clean-ish sweater i have left for ? days until temps get back above freezing#anyways thats enough bitching abt my first world problems. time to shut up and be grateful for what i Do have bc it could be a Lot worse
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I feel like I'm constantly trying to walk on a knife's edge, and everytime I lose my balance, I risk getting sliced head to toe.
#between my job#and constantly trying to get things together around that job#and monitoring every word I say and how I say it in fear I'm gonna fuck up everything#and I slipped a bit today#and now Im scared ill get a long paragraph of text about hurting someone's feelings or being judgemental#or that tommorow I'll get a lecture at work#or that everyone hates me#and i need to do my laundry#and finish my christmas shopping and wrapping#and I just want to calm down#but i fucking can't
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Car sick but not in a in a car w nausea way but in a homesick I miss my car kind of way even tho my car is outside rn like. I’m just in my room
#mom got me the hinges I needed for my floor in the van yippeeeee#but now I just wanna be outside in the car not in bed in my room#I miss my carrrrr whatever#literally whatever !!!!! I have five dollars to my name until Friday ! okay ! ahhhhhhhhhh everything is so normal#* guy who’s flying up north Friday morning voice * I can’t wait to be around family and friends and totally not be triggered and weird#no im just kidding (not really( im gonna have a really good time and enjoy the cold and the family and the weed oh god the weed drools mmmm#Maine weed yum yum yummy I miss you Maine weed oh I love weed so much yayyyyy okay sorry#me when I’m gonna actually cancel whatever i was saying and go get high until my cramps go away or calm down and then hopefully I’ll pass#out cause I work tomorrow early as fuck again and then I have to shower and do a quick load of laundry and pack for the trip and sleep early#to be up early to fly out of an airport I’ve never been to before so waghhh whatever no I’m excited it’s okay I’m exited#it’s all good things#it’s fine
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