#im gonna cry now (positive) | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

fella-lovin-fella · 3 months ago

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guess who got diagnosed with ocd a couple weeks ago

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skunkes · 1 month ago

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the bad: i have been raised without much warmth from my parents in childhood, but also pressured to conform to familial authority, doubt myself always, and value familial connections above all else (<- failed at this, and feel guilt about it.)

but also in experiencing this i have been so isolated from the entire rest of the world and others, that it will be nearly impossible to create my own "family" -> find safety and comfort in anybody else once my family is Gone. despite dis i find it really difficult to break away from the familiar, disobey and disappoint, because, well, why are my wishes more important than anybody else's. why would I cause upset and distress in anybody, and exert so much effort into my doubt filled half decisions, for my meaningless little Wishes. being away would also mean less time with these people who I'll never see again once they're gone. being raised this way is definitely paying off for those who did so.

the good: yaaaay adjacent inspiration for writing talon lore

#talkys #my dad scaring me but also giving me no advice on what to do instead only saying if i do this it will be the wrong choice leading #to more wrong choices well yep you got me i am scared. i am inept. i fear regret and punishment for wrong decisions.#i struggle to make decisions because i cant go back on them.#''ill never have savings again'' and ''you cant value friends over family they'll abandon you''#and ''living here is only a problem for you because you dont communicate. there is a way to work things out''#i wish i could work it out and stay i dont know why i cant work it out ! and what do i want #to leave so badly for... to continue to never have stable housing #never have savings again? be alone and in danger?#to be able to wear whatever i want and...buy things? really? that doesnt seem very worth it #nothing seems very worth it #im miserable here but maybe i'd be more miserable away...it is true #well at least the chances to leave are very slim. and will continue to get slimmer the more time passes.#but maybe its fine i dont want to ruin my life or be even more of a burden or reason for distress in someone else's #moving out wouldnt fix anything. wherever you go there you are.#my friend said i have to be a little selfish (positive) to push myself to leave. bt i dont want to be selfish. im ashamed of that as a trai #delete later #even now i feel immense guilt and stress when my dad does things that hurt or bother me bc i know ill miss him when he's gone.#(and ill have nobody after all of that. due to the being kept in a cage)#that sucks. why does everyone else always win. why am i always the weakest pliable one. i wish i had no emotions #my surgery is the only decision in my life ive been 100% sure on for years #and even then my parent's words had me crying and rapidly changing emotions daily until the day came #im not strong enough or sure enough about anything else to withstand More of that #<- and i know that tomorrow im gonna be like actually you know what who cares lets try to leave #and the next day ill be resigned to staying here forever #and the next day ill be like actually you know what who cares l

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emry-stars-art · 3 months ago

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i was literally checking ur blog like an hour ago like wow i miss them and now u post again……. A gift

I???? 💕🩷✨

IM JUST HAPPY TO PROVIDE

#anon think of the CONSEQUENCES OF YOUR WORDS #ON MY POOR LITTLE HEART #i miss posting as much... i just be busy now with a real job TT #and also. ive been drawing a bunch more of my ocs #so. sadly. less aftg stuff to post on this blog #i dont intend to stop posting here #just in case thats a concern lol #but THANK U #im gonna cry now (positive)#not art sorry guys #asks #kind words

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arsenicflame · 2 months ago

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genuinely, how do you learn to cope with the idea you'll have mental health issues for the rest of your life? how to you learn to find peace with the fact that rock bottom is always going to be just around the corner and theres nothing you can really do to stop it?

#i guess this is rhetorical but also if you have genuine tips i probably do want to hear them #im trying to adopt a 'be happy now because youll be sad later' attitude but some days its so hard to deal with the idea ill never be fully #in control. ill never be fullt stable. something will always set me off. ill always downswing #im at peace with the idea that whatevers wrong in my head is for life i just need to figure out how to be content knowing itll always be #bad again.#id like it to be easier #nyxtalks #idk stupid shit sent me panicking and the lingering effects have me catastophising and near crying about things that literally dont exist #its just in my head. i am seeing something that isnt there and i must remind myself that #and this is by no means a bad day in the scheme of things for me either #i just had a few awful thoughts #but it reminds me of how bad i get #idk its not that serious its fine #im gonna. maybe try and find something positive in the world now and stop thinking things that arent even true

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opens-up-4-nobody · 6 months ago

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...

#oh lads. its not looking good for my genomics exam on Thursday. its all fucked #i dunno. its just been a weird day. bc one of my lab mates is getting ready to go to the astr0biology science conference #and its just so wild how i got here. into the perfect position. i have a great advisor. a great phd project. a committee member who is super #integrated with n4sa astr0biology projects. and so many of the instructors are amazing. my genomics prof is terrifyingly smart #so is my advisor and his wife. and the program is great. ecology and Evolution. its perfect. its all perfect #and yet. and yet. it just feels like its all falling apart. ive lost that compulsive thing thats always set in my chest #and now all i want to do is lay on the floor and cry and sleep and not do anything. why am i so tired?#its just so frustrating. and im sure ive got the most wretched vibes bc im constantly like 1 comment away from bursting into tears #like 2 weeks and its done. then im off to find a summer job. and find a long term job. and consider throwing away everything ive ever worked #toward. just let it all burn. im so tired. and i dont get to see my therapist until Monday. thats gonna b fun #hi. hello. since last i saw you my life has crumbled into pieces. ugh. i just dont wanna fail this genomics exam but it looks like that's #where we're headed. maybe i should have just dipped out of these last 3 weeks. but no. i didnt want to leave the lady i ta for 100 lab #reports to unexpectedly have to grade 4 days before grades are due. ugh. itll b fine. i mean it wont but whatever #unrelated

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the-acid-pear · 22 days ago

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im gonna kill a hostage

#luly talks #im throwing up and crying right now oh i dont like this shit one bit im gonna #blow the world up with my death ray #dialtown liveblog #<- im trying more positive language :)

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exsqueezememacaroni · 1 year ago

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i am certainly feeling super (ab)normal about Mike's braids right now

photo by Jonathan Syverson

#mike patton #mr bungle #this is from the 2022 tour #I was on the vaguely positive side of the braidy Mike spectrum #but now im on the enthusiastic yes please omg they make him so happy and im gonna fucking cry about it extreme end #the snoozle urge is unbearable

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minhmynchi · 2 months ago

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(venting in the tags ignore this lol)

#minhmy.rambles #(i just need to shout this somewhere where my friends don't see so they don't worry too much about me)#but oh my god work just got worse for this week im already working every day but tomorrow (aka in six and a half hours)#i will start at 5am and end at 9pm aka a double shift bc my coworker tested positive and there's no one else that can work #just for tomorrow but the rest of the week ill be working 1-9 #which i hate even though im used to it night shifts are just boringgggg and takes up a lot of my time #which i already have so little of #my mom said i should clean my closet and i was going to tomorrow bc i wanted to play grandfest today but now i cant do that #bc ill literally be at work all day lol #and god its just so hard its so so hard but it could be worse. it literally could be worse #i cant be here as much anymore bc im so busy and tired i just draw when i can and drop them all here and leave #and i miss writing a lot but i have even less time and even less motivation and the more i work the more awful i feel #and i don't want to worry anyone like . i just don't #but its so difficult for me it really is #theres so many things i want to do but i cant do any of it and im so tired im literally so tired #like im not gonna end my life kinda tired i have a lot to look forward to. but work just really sucks and i am Tired #and i Like my job its literally the easiest and ill never have something like this again #but urghghghh. urggfhhghgh. death pain and suffering #if i draw more sif and loop suffering lol. this is why. i need to get the emotions out somehow and i don't want to cry over it #i cant cry bc i need to work i just have to keep my head up i just have to keep at it i just have to be strong and not break #i can do it i can.. i know i can i've been through worse #its just. augh.#ok done. sorry i rly rly should sleep soon bc of my 16 hour shift tmrw lol its past 10:30pm already

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nutria--oscura · 1 year ago

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Was having a bad day (guy dead naming and misgendering me said that he didn't know he was dead naming and misgendering me even though 4 different people corrected him several times(amongst other things said)) then boom remember new dndads tonight

#aghhhhhh #anyways on a more positive note #it's so nice that i have trans friends irl now #theyre so nice im gonna cry #whispers of the raine #dndads #ALSO SHOUT OUT TO LOUIE. THE ABSOLUE KING THAT HE IS #and to my bestie for talking about chemistry to me and letting me holdhis hand when my voice didn't want to work to help calm me down #(i love chemistry)

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s-ccaam-era-crepe · 4 months ago

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im such an emotional guy

#camera talks #both positive and negative #right now positive because i just cried over feeling loved #ngl that was cathartic but also kinda embarrassing. i feel like thats not a crying matter #but like i feel emotions of happiness and love and stuff so so strongly it genuinely hurts my chest sometimes.#also negative because of like. everything else BUT.#im thinking of the positive right now because today has been difficult #stupidly and annoyingly difficult but im going to ignoreee it <3 #anyways. i love you guys #i really really do #i dont Like being sappy that much but like. i really could rant about how cool and awesome and amazing yall are for so long #like. i dont do hugs very often irl but i would hug all of yall in a heartbeat forever #idk how to describe it guys.#uhm anyways thats enough of cam is vulnerable hours. im gonna hole up in my room again <3

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lesbianfrottage · 4 months ago

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Okay but I need to be someone's beloved wifepet and belong to them completely and be able to pour my whole energy into just loving them. When will it be my turn!

#it won't be honestly #I do not think I will ever actually get to have that #I'm not pretty and I'm disabled in ways that both physically and mentally make me unappealing #so no one really wants anything real with me #especially JUST with me #and I'm *scared* of hurting someone with my craziness tbh #and I only trust like. 3 people at all rn and for various reasons none of those people and I are going to date #and in most of those cases I'm very relieved and in the other there's mixed feelings but mostly positive bc again. i don't want to hurt any1 #but i still yearn for it #it's still an emotional need #and I hate that it just isn't ever going to be met #it actually hurts so so badly knowing it won't be met #but i also understand that some people just dont get that kind of happiness #some of us just don't get to be loved #some of us are too ugly and crippled and insane for people to *want* us #i just don't really... want to keep going knowing thay #I'll post it here in the tags bc no one i know reads this blog #(a few know about it but it's not like anyone ever checks it)#but I'm definitely ideating and at risk rn #and i feel pathetic that this is what's doing it #but im an emotionally gooey person and a physical touch person and I'd already been thinking relationships probably werent something i can #like. even do #but then there was a blowup with my ex and like. it was made clear that i can not safely engage with anyone #like emotionally or romantically or sexually #because I'll just hurt them.#like there are parts of me i would like to change but are such a core part of me that they will never change #and they will always hurt someone if we're together ling enough #so im just going to idk.#isolate now tbh #im just gonna cry so much and know i will NEVER have what i emotionally need out of life

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mushroom-through-the-stargate · 10 months ago

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what do writing fic and playing scrabble have in common?

both make you question whether or not you actually Know Words

#just mentally rolodexing through synonyms because the only word you can think of is Obviously Not Right #im so tired but im not sleepy so i cant take a nap #and also tumblr is using me to pick on my friend so thats fun #i cant scroll up on mine and sticks dms and theres this one post of hers that refuses to show up Anywhere #she tries to send it directly it doesnt go through #i check her blog its Not There #its not on my dash i got a blank notification for it #makes zero sense and im gonna cry about it #on a more positive note though i got a REALLY GOOD title for my mute john fic #it is now officially called Louder Than Words and im so so so proud of that title

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ozlices · 11 months ago

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realized it's my friend who disappeared a year ago's birthday,,, and just got. absolutely whiplashed with grief. i hate not knowing if she's even Alive, much less doing okay. i sincerely, with all my heart and soul, hope she's alive & well. happy birthday, m. not a day goes by that you don't cross my mind. i miss you.

#mine #m tag #idk. what to rly. do w myself now.#i just wanna cry honestly.#ive lost so many people over this past year #but she's one of the hardest ones bc i dont even know if she's Gone gone.#i just know she's unreachable from my position.#& it hurts. it hurts so fucking much. my heart hurts so much & it's so empty.#she's one of the best people i've ever had the absolute delight of knowing.#she always checked on me & was so loving & understanding & always knew exactly what to say to cheer me up.#& she's so fucking funny GOD i miss her humor.#she disappeared before i had full system discovery so my alters never even got to introduce themselves to her...#fuck. im gonna tear up i hope you're okay. please be okay. please come back someday. nothing is the same w/out you.#every time a new v/nc chapter comes out i just. think abt you. & i cant even look at them anymore bc it just hurts.#i love you so much. i hope you know that. wherever you are.

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pink-booty-butts · 2 years ago

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going on a mini hiatus! I'm SO sorry to the anons who've requested things that I haven't written yet, I promise I will write them at some point!! and I'm so sorry I'm taking forever to write them in general!!

#i hope no one blames themselves for this im just very sad and i dont have the capacity to be positive right now #and if i cant be positive then its really hard for me to be around other people ngl 😂 i feel like im being depressing and i hate that #idk i feel like im making their life worse if im sad ya know?#anyways im gonna go cry now lmao 😂#yall are free to send requests still of course but pls keep in mind it might be a hot minute before i get to it!#love you all #💛💛💛

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pandanscafanfiction · 1 year ago

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🙃

#im just gonna rant here real quick #all i want to do is erite but every sentence feels terrible and i'm having trouble getting from point A to point B #work was terrible today and i havent eaten a full meal in like a day and a half and i know its all just accumulating to poor mental health #and i know i'll get over it #but being in the position i am now is just awful and the only thing that makes me happy i can't even do because of my bad headspace #i just want food but i can't even go grocery shopping until day after tomorrow #i've been eating not even 1 meal a day because of work getting in the way and i'm over it #like. i fr just want to cry tbh. what i really want is to fly back to GA but i cant i'm stuck here #sorry to anyone who read this i just wanted to say it somehwere i knew no one would listen #before i go insane #like. i even bought a pizza and got it delivered to my current work place just so i'd finally be able to eat #but systems crashed and the store is also short staffed and both the staff i did have were trainees.#so i put the pizza in the fridge and told myself i'd remember to take it back to the hotel with me #but od course due to exhaustion and an already horrible short term memory of course i forgot #so it's another night with no dinner #i hate this shit

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sensitivegoblin · 1 year ago

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Vent

#I fucking H A T E my sister I can't wait till I get the fuck out iof here #her kids are gonna be fuckin miserable #again she gets hung up on something that doesn't matter and makes MY LIFE harder #I fucking hate her it's not fair she gets to make me so angry and I just have to take it #fuckfuckfuck fuckfuck #I'm never gonna care about her crying over her stupid BF ever again #I'm so fucking done with this house o can't wait to get out of here she's so annoying #I told her this would happen #but everything's fine on her end cus I'm actually a good sister and DONT SAY ANYTHING #I know no one's gonna agree with me so I'm not gonna specify what happened #no one understands that I have a process and worrying about the chance of germs makes everything so fucking harder it #she negates the benefits that come with living in a clean house #I'm never living with her again EVER #and if she ever has to live with me im gonna be an annoying dictator just like her cus it'll be my house #why is she being this way????? I would leave her alone and not say anything if she was in my position #she's such a bitch I don't fucking care anymore #now I can see her BFs side a little#I'm not allowed to show emotion or anything I hate her so much I wanna die

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