#im getting better at handling it from other people but from myself? doing something i might regret later? i just don't know

[azulpitlane]

just pr I ln4

pairing: lando norris x ricciardo!reader summary: after being caught hooking up with lando, you both decide it would be good for your images to fake date. too bad you hate each other. notes: been loving enemies to lovers rn🫣 masterlist

f1gossip

230,421 likes

f1gossip New WAG alert? After a night of partying, Lando Norris was pictured kissing Y/n Ricciardo outside the club! Onlookers claim they then went home together after this👀 He was seen having a private dinner with another girl just a few days ago and rumored to have brought a different girl on his ski trip a few weeks ago.

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user lando is on a streak LOL

user this is so random?!? i was not expecting this duo but im here for it HAHA

user no cause she rarely attends races but when she does shes never seen with lando?😭

user omg he better not play my girl, I love y/n

user WHAT DOES DANIEL THINK OF THIS OMG

user I wanna read the family gc so bad...

user wait they would be so cute

user is he finally settling down omg

user I hope so, I lowkey see them together

user im here for it!! shes so much better than these other girls hes been seen with

notification center

danny what. were. you. thinking. you're in so much trouble missy call me ASAP!!!

y/bff/n LANDO NORRIS?!?!? WHAT HAPPENED TO HIM BEING A PIECE OF SHIT??? girl we need to debrief last night

lando norris we need to talk

Fucking fantastic.

Based on your notifications, you put two and two together and realized you were paparazzi'd with none other than the man you hated the most. You and Lando had a very complicated relationship to say the least. You had met when your brother, Daniel, joined McLaren and from the start he had given you the cold shoulder. You didn't know what you did wrong and tried to be kind to him, but after a while you stopped when he dismissed you like a child. You thought you would get along with him after Danny had told you about his interest in photography. You yourself were a photographer and decided to take the year traveling with your brother to capture some photos in F1, but you had figured the fame was getting to Lando especially after his breakup with his girlfriend. He was starting to bring different girls to the garage in every race and you would never see them again after.

You remember your last interaction with him in the McLaren garage in the final race of the '22 season was when the complicated part of your relationship began.

"What are you doing here, y/n? This is a place for serious professionals, not hobbyists."

"Lando, always the charmer. I'm here to photograph greatness."

"Greatness? You wouldn't know greatness if it lapped you on the track."

"Well, I'm pretty sure greatness doesn't come with an ego the size of your car."

"Watch your tone, y/n. This is a dangerous place, not a playground for kids."

"I can handle myself, Lando. Unlike some people, I don't need a helmet to protect my head."

Both your eyes were filled with hatred as they interlocked, each refusing to back down. As the race begins, y/n continues to snap photos, capturing Lando's intense focus and determination.

After the race, both Lando and Daniel were disappointed they were not able to get into the podium on their last race of the season. Your brother asked for some time alone so you approached Lando, camera in hand, knowing it would be the last time you were in the same garage as him.

"Tough race, Lando. I got some incredible shots, though."

"Don't patronize me, y/n."

"You know for what it's worth, I saw a different side of you on the track this season. It's like you're fighting not just against other drivers, but against something within yourself.

"What are you talking about?"

"I may be the younger sister of your teammate, but I'm not blind. There's more to you than the arrogant facade you put on."

After that conversation, you began seeing Lando less and less considering your brother was now racing in AlphaTauri and you were hardly at the paddock anymore. The few times you did see Lando, the tension had shifted into something different. But it was now winter break and you and Lando were both back in Monaco.

You had gone out last night and you did not believe your luck when you saw Lando in the same club with a smirk on his face. Determined to show you could rise above the tension, you decided to lose herself in the pulsating rhythm of the music. As you moved to the beat, you felt a tap on your shoulder. Turning around, you found yourself face-to-face with none other than Lando.

"Surprised to see me, princess?" He looked at you with a mocking smile knowing the nickname would rile you up.

"Surprised to see you alone at a club and not wrapped up with some girl? Yes, actually."

"Didn't take you for the jealous type, I like it."

Against your better judgment, you found herself drawn into banter with him. The tension between you turned into a strange kind of chemistry as you exchanged barbs, each remark escalating in intensity. A few drinks were exchanged and you slowly began to lose your guard around him and eventually ending up on his bed that night.

You groaned at the memory of last night's mistake and decided it was best to text Lando back before anyone else to get your story straight. He quickly replied saying he was on his way and you began to straighten yourself up.

"You know usually when I hook up with a girl I don't see her the next morning. Consider yourself lucky y/n."

"Still arrogant as ever, even when we're both fucked right now."

"Well you're a little more fucked than I am really."

"Just get in here Lando." You opened the door to let him in and quickly shut it afraid you would be pictured together again.

"I've got good news for you sweetheart. My team has made a plan to sort this mess out."

"Go on with it. What is it?"

"Jeez feisty in the mornings, heh? But congratulations, you are officially my girlfriend, we've been dating for a few weeks now and have kept it under wraps to figure out our feelings for each other privately."

"A fake relationship? That's your solution? No fucking way."

Lando sighed and rolled his head back in annoyance. He knew you were immediately going to shut this idea down but he had planned what he was going to say beforehand and knew what to say to convince you.

"You think I want to do this? My team needs me to do this, I haven't exactly looked like a saint these past few weeks and hooking up with my friend's sister behind his back isn't going to make me look any better."

"And what's that got to do with me?"

"Well in case you haven't noticed, this doesn't look good on your part either princess. There's some hateful people on the internet already slut shaming you and saying you betrayed your brother. If we tell people we were already dating prior to these pictures, it lessens the hate. Not only that, are you really going to tell Danny you had a meaningless one night stand with one of his friends?"

You knew he had a point. Danny wasn't going to be happy if he found out about the brewing tension between you and Lando.

"Please y/n, the internet already likes us together. This would be good for us."

"Lando Norris saying please? Wow, never thought I'd see the day." You genuinely were shocked at his desperateness for you to agree, you didn't think about how this affected him as much it did you.

"Yeah, yeah. It's only for a few months then we could go back to pretending we dont exist to each other."

"Okay fine, just for a few months. And I'm doing this for Danny, not for you." You quickly agreed not really thinking it would be that big of a deal. Just a few posts and appearances together and this would be over before you knew it.

"I knew you'd give in." Lando gave you one of his infamous smirks and planted a kiss in the corner of your mouth. "Now come on we need some pictures to make this convincing."

And so it begins.

landonorris

liked by maxverstappen1, yourusername and 3,294,240 others

landonorris secrets out

tagged yourusername

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user OMFG

user im actually so happy theyre so cute😭❤️

user WHAT WAS DANNYS REACTION

yourusername 🧡

danielricciardo on the next flight to monaco btw. maxverstappen1 yourusername ooouuu you're in troubleeee user LMFAO MAX user WAIT DID DANIEL NOT KNOW???

danielricciardo 🫠🫠

user AHAHAH he doesn't seem too happy user 💀

user am I tripping or is he holding y/ns camera🥹

user it looks like the one she always has on her I LOVE THEM ALREADY

user my new roman empire I won't shut up about them from now on

user wasn't lando just with other girls?

user he can have female friends!! its not impossible

part two??

[atlabeth]

i crumble completely (when you cry)

pairing: sebastian sallow x fem ravenclaw reader

summary: there's only one way to get into salazar slytherin's scriptorium.

a/n: hogwarts legacy was 70% off, i bought it and it's good but not good enough in all the ways that matter so im fixing it for myself. no i dont know why this is where my inspo is when i have so much unfinished stuff but just go with it

wc: 2.1k

warning(s): angst but hurt/comfort angst! a more in depth scriptorium scene so crucio is used but this is from seb's pov so lighter descriptions of all that fun stuff

“Ominis, you have to.”

“I’m not doing it!” he exclaimed. “What do you not get?”

“Would you rather die here?” Sebastian spat. “Because if you don’t, that’s what will happen. And I’ve become rather fond of my life over these past few minutes.” 

“I refuse to use dark magic,” Ominis seethed. “You of all people should understand, Sebastian!” 

“I don’t understand why you’d let us die instead of casting one spell!”

He barked an incredulous laugh. “It is not just one spell! God, you—”

“Can you do it?” 

Sebastian’s anger faltered for a moment when you spoke up, and he frowned when he saw you were looking at him. “What?” 

“Can you do it?” you repeated. “Can you cast the curse?” 

“I—” His mouth fell open and shut as he looked between you and Ominis, before they finally settled on you. “—I think so. Not well, but—”

“Then you can do it,” you said. “Cast it on me, and we’ll be out of this mess.”

Sebastian’s eyes widened as he said your name in disbelief. “You can’t be serious!”

You stared at him. “Do I look like I’m joking?”

“You’re being ridiculous,” Ominis cut in. “I know what it feels like—you’re not putting yourself through that. We’ll find another way.”

“There is no other way.” You gestured at the letters on the ground, his aunt’s last mark on the world. “You’ve got the answer right here, and a willing victim. What are you waiting for?”

Sebastian grimaced. “Calling yourself a victim isn’t helping.”

“The only reason you’re willing is because you don’t know what you’re signing up for.” Ominis’s blank gaze pointed at the ground, but his sharp words hit you all the same. “It’s unimaginable, excruciating pain. Every one of your nerves exploding, your bones being crushed to dust, your blood turning to fire. You will never forget what it feels like.”

You crossed your arms, trying to ignore the chill settling over you. “Well, it’s either that or we sit around here until we die.”

“Even if he wanted to—”

“Which I don’t!” Sebastian cut in. 

“He would have to really mean it,” Ominis finished. 

“Again, which I don’t!” he exclaimed. 

“That just means it won’t hurt as much,” you said. “Should take away some of your reservations.”

Sebastian huffed. “There is something wrong with you.”

“And you were all for this when it would be Ominis casting it on me?” you asked, tilting your head.

“I— I figured he would cast it on me!” His eyes widened. “I— I could teach it to you, and you could cast it on me!”

“Will the two of you stop bickering?” Ominis asked. “It’s not making this any better.” 

“Of course,” you nodded. “Sebastian will cast the Cruciatus Curse on me, and we’ll be out of here. Okay?” 

Sebastian stared at you, your steely gaze having already met his. You’d always been stubborn, unyielding—he’d known it since you bested him in a duel in your first ever meeting. 

Ravenclaw hardheadedness, he figured. Always assuming you knew best (you usually did), that you were right (you usually were), that you could handle whatever ended up in your path (you usually could). 

And here you were, standing right in front of him, those determined eyes unwavering as you practically begged him to cast an Unforgivable Curse on you. 

Did you know that he wasn’t even sure he could cast it on you? Not just because it was near unthinkable, but because he had no idea if he could scrounge up enough ill will towards you to even partially want to hurt you. 

Did you know that you were the reason he’d started doing better in classes? That, no matter how much he complained about your study sessions together, that he could have been doing something much more productive, he treasured every moment with you? 

Did you even know that the mere thought of causing you pain made him want to retch? That, yes, he may very well choose death over imparting the torture curse on you? 

Did you even know how he felt about you? 

Sebastian pulled his wand out his robes, his grip tightening in an effort to stop his hand from shaking. “You’re sure about this.” 

You nodded. “It won’t leave any physical wounds. It’ll be over sooner than you know it.” 

He huffed as he glanced away. “You shouldn’t be the one reassuring me.” 

“I don’t mind,” you shrugged. “Just… buy me a pint of butterbeer when we get out of here. Then we’ll be square.” 

“You’re not exactly aiming high,” Sebastian said wryly. 

You smiled. “My mum always told me it was the simple things. Now, do it before I lose my nerve.” 

He swallowed the lump in his throat and nodded, once, twice, three times as he adjusted his hold on his wand. He closed his eyes as he tried to remember the wand movement, but instead, he saw your face. 

The first time he met you, when you embarrassed him in front of the whole class by beating him ina duel. When you asked him to take you to Hogsmeade for the first time, and you ended up taking down a troll—how beautiful you looked with the glow of exertion beneath your skin, when you turned to him with the widest (and maybe first) smile he’d ever seen from you in the wake of your efforts. 

How could he do something like this to you?

He pushed the doubt down. There was no other way. You wanted him to do it—wanted him to save them all from a very boring, very preventable death. 

Something in the scriptorium could save Anne. That was worth anything. 

Sebastian took in a deep breath. He brought forth every negative thought—the goblin that cursed his sister, his housemates that believed in nothing but blood purity, his uncle that refused to believe in him, refused to even try to save Anne. 

None of it to do with you, who had done nothing but support him since you helped him up from the ground after pummeling him into it, but he tried to project it onto you anyways. 

He raised his wand. 

He opened his eyes—your gaze hadn’t moved. They showed no fear, no anger, no emotion at all but steely determination. 

“Crucio!” 

Red light arced from his wand to your body. You crumpled to your knees the instant the spell reached you, skull-splintering screams echoing throughout the small room as the curse wrapped its way around you. 

Your scarf fell from your neck, your robes pooled around you, your knees and palms scraped the stone as you tried to support yourself in any way. Your agonized wails were deafening, and Sebastian nearly lost it right then and there, nausea rising in his throat. Ominis’s blank, widened gaze fell on the wall, his hands clenched into fists as he fought to keep his expression even. 

You were one of the strongest people Sebastian knew. Always infallible, always so smart, so level headed in the face of his impulsivity. Naturally gifted at magic, and somehow willing to tolerate him. And he’d been forced to reduce you to this. 

But it worked. Your screams of pure torment unlocked something in Salazar Slytherin’s sick design, and the door of tortured faces pulsed with red energy before sliding into the stone. 

Sebastian rushed over the moment the door started to open, his wand falling from his grasp in his haste and his eyes wide with fear and concern. He went to touch you, but stopped just before he could—he didn’t want to hurt you more. Your entire body rose and fell with your beleaguered breaths as you rolled on your side, your every movement labored. 

“I’m so sorry,” he breathed. “I— I’m so sorry. Are you okay?”

You couldn’t respond, the pain still arcing its way through your body despite the curse being done. You inhaled sharply as your eyes screwed shut, and you nodded. 

“You’re clearly not okay.” The slight waver in Ominis’s voice betrayed his unaffected stature. “That was remarkably stupid.”

“Ominis—” Sebastian started, but you shook your head. 

“It worked,” you interrupted as you lifted a shaky hand to point at the now revealed scriptorium. “Couldn’t… couldn’t be too stupid… could it?”

“There is something wrong with you,” he whispered. You could only manage a pained laugh at his words. 

Sebastian stayed there with you as you fought through the last few convulsions—he said nothing when you grabbed his hand, bit back his wince when you squeezed tighter than a vice. After what you just went through, he could bear something so small. 

Your breathing was still labored when he finally helped you up. Your legs nearly collapsed beneath you, but he kept you upright. 

“You’re okay,” he whispered, desperate to reassure you. “You— you’re okay.”

“I told you I would be,” you said. 

“You did,” he conceded. “I keep forgetting you’re always right.” 

He got the slightest smile from you at that. Sebastian glanced over when he heard footsteps, and he saw Ominis approaching. His whole body still held a tenseness, but he was sure it was for a different reason this time. 

“…You took that well,” he finally said, and he held out your scarf. 

Again, another laugh and another wince. “I really didn’t. But thank you.” 

You reached for the scarf, but Sebastian got to it first. He gently draped it around your neck, taking special care to keep the Ravenclaw emblem in the front. You had a lot of pride in your house. 

“How’s that?” he asked softly. 

“Perfect,” you nodded. “Thank you.” 

He nodded too, and Ominis cleared his throat. Sebastian turned back to him, his cheeks tinted slightly pink. Ominis held his wand, and he took it back before shoving it back into his robes. Casting any sort of spell felt dirtied right now. 

“Thank you,” he said. “I… I’m sorry about all this.” 

“…Thank you,” Ominis echoed. “Let’s just get out of here before any more of Slytherin’s tricks find us.” 

“No arguments here,” you mumbled. 

Ominis walked in, and though your eyes followed him, you lingered back with Sebastian. He still supported you, one of his arms interlocked with yours. A part of him was worried that you would collapse again the second he stepped away. He could feel your chilled skin even through your robes—no wonder you always wore your scarf. You ran colder than a mermaid. 

“I’m so sorry,” Sebastian said quietly. 

“You already said that.” 

“Because it’s true,” he said. “These curses are unforgivable for a reason. You never should have had to go through this.” 

“Well, I forgive you,” you said. “We had no choice, and I asked you to do it. And,” you gave him a wry look, “it didn’t hurt that much, so you clearly didn’t mean it.” 

He couldn’t even laugh at that—he kept hearing your piercing screams, agony beyond all reason. He would surely hear them for weeks to come in his sleep, see your prone form every time he closed his eyes. 

He felt you nudge him in the side. “Hey. Perk up. I’m okay. Besides,” you gave him a sideways smile, “Rowena would be proud. Anything in the name of knowledge, eh?” 

That got the slightest of smiles out of him, and he shook his head. “There’s—” 

“Something wrong with me, I know. That’s the third time today.” You tilted your head towards the scriptorium. “Now, shall we get what we suffered for?” 

Sebastian nodded, and the two of you walked in, him still supporting you. Ominis had already made his way up the stairs—he really did want to get out as soon as possible. You had your wand in your free hand and had already murmured a quick Revelio, eyes darting around in an effort to unearth any secrets. 

“That brain of yours never stops, does it?” 

Your lips quirked. “Never.” 

Another beat of silence as you searched the alcoves together. He couldn’t help but watch you—you were a Ravenclaw in her natural habitat. Your brow creased just so, your pretty features honed to a single point of focus, cycling through all your thoughts at breakneck speed despite what you just went through. It made his heart swell with something he couldn’t quite name, right beside a gnawing hole filled with guilt.  

“I really do owe you a pint,” Sebastian murmured.  

You laughed. Lighter, this time, and with only the slightest grimace. “Make that two.” 

A smile crossed his lips without him even thinking. Sebastian was so glad he had you in his life—he was only sorry he had to wait until fifth year. 

“Deal.”

[wolfwarrior142]

As someone who relates to Rayla on a ton of personal/internal stuff and has actually seen some improvement in my own massive self confidence issues as a result of seeing her try to work through hers (both in this season and previously) and work on trusting people better, I hate that people are saying that bullshit. Oh no, characters who appear strong because of unhealthy coping mechanisms they've learned now learning how to develop more healthy ones. While also becoming close with those around them as a result. Oh no. The humanity. It's so awful to see. Especially in a show that's technically a kids show. And can maybe help kids. The humanity.

I'm glad I haven't actually seen anyone say that personally, cuz thats a very toxic mindset for people to have and I'd get so...annoyed with it. I'd block em immediately for sure cuz no one needs that bullshit.

people watching rayla learning how to trust / let other people help her, which a lack of was her entire fucking problem in arc 1: is this a bad character arc

[cremedensada]

I’m gonna need general hcs on interactions with the boy next door… like what if we just moved to town and we first meet him as we’re moving in… Also can they be in like highschool? I don’t know if that’s already the gist but yeah. She’s moving in with her mom and he’s there…

Yandere Boy Next Door

sorry anon i think i went way to far away from what you wanted shdhdh also theyre senior high school students (grade 11 - 12) which is like, two preparatory years for college. so theyre adults bc im much more comfortable with that :33

btw his name is lukas !! he's named now

male yandere + gender neutral darling/reader

lukas is easily approachable - he's got that warmth about him that just draws people in. it's all practiced to maintain his popularity though.

he's also a huge people-pleaser, despite the fact he easily gets burnt out and has his social battery drained.

so when his mom asked him to be a dear and help the new neighbor's kid on their way around the school + neighborhood, he just couldn't say no

sure he's tired, possibly close to having another breakdown just thinking about being pestered by fellow students for answers to homeworks and other menial stuff, but he still manages to say yes and give her another perfectly practiced smile

when he goes over to the house next to theirs - the ones you moved in to, you had no lasting impression on him

now, don't be mistaken, he does think you're good looking but at the end of the day he'd much rather curl up in bed and sleep

so he puts up that perfectly crafted persona and invites you to head to school with him. a new environment is much easier to deal with when you're not dealing with it by yourself! (or something like that)

he tries not to be overbearing, trying to get you to open up while also making sure he's respecting your boundaries and comfort as you made your way inside the school gates

you don't share the same classes, so he asks you for your time table so he knows your schedule

he hopes he's not being creepy or anything, he's just making sure your first day transferring here goes well

sure he's known for being a caring person in general but he does feel like it's his responsibility to make sure you're doing well you know? you're neighbors now, you guys should get along!

it's smooth sailing until it's time you guys finally went home

like that morning, he waits for you and invites you to walk home with him to familiarize with the shortcuts and local lounging spots for students

all the while he tries to get you to talk about your experience today

it must be due to the amount of stress piled up on his plate that lead him to feel... nervous.

his perfect persona cracking as his calm demeanour and collected way of talking slowly devolved into nervous tangents talking about anything at all

were you displeased? his perfection was practiced and polished since he was a kid, was it still not enough for you?

he could handle disappointing people a lot better now but paired with his currently leaning towards unstable, your displeasure is something that's slowly tearing him from the inside

he's jolted out of his thoughts when you suddenly speak up.

"thanks for showing me around. i thought i was going to struggle getting used to things all by myself."

you smiled up at him. "so... yeah. you're... okay."

his heart thumped.

everywhere all around him feels a ton of degrees warmer.

"...okay." lukas was tongue tied.

on the remainder of the journey back home, he walked you to your house, ensuring you got inside safely before making a beeline towards their house and into his room.

normally at this hour he'd be passed out in bed, tired after a whole day of pretending and smiling. today was perhaps the first time he didn't go to bed with his cheeks hurting and aching from smiling so much.

laying in bed, making an excuse as to why he's not going to be joining for dinner, just thinking about you and your words.

lukas grew up living to the standards of being perfect. a perfect son. a perfect student. a perfect friend.

anything less is... unacceptable to say the least. when you do or think of something so often in your day to day life, it becomes a habit. and lukas' habit is perfection.

but you thought he was okay.

okay.

suddenly 'okay' sounds much better than being perfect.

suddenly your opinion towards him becomes much more important than anyone else's.

lukas is a people pleaser, and onwards from that moment, the only 'people' he will ever want to please is you.

i hope this is sufficient? i'm actually v sleepy rn lol but thank you for the idea!

[heartach3d]

the spoon incident..

gally x reader

not requested

1k words

kinda like a grumpy x sunshine trope type thing that's what I meant it for at least at first and then it spiraled like all my work soo

I mean usually I wouldn't let anything like this get to me but today was a particularly bad day so I guess I just fell under pressure.

I'm always trying to help anywhere I can if I'm not doing anything so today I was with fry working on some stuff in the kitchen.

there's this new greenie who's also working with him and he's already known for his little bit of.. ego? I dunno I just don't talk to people like that if I don't have to.

and so I was stirring a stew in a big pot for fry while he got some cilantro, I backed up to try and grab a different spoon and I bumped into him as he walked past.

of course I immediately said sorry and continued to reach for the spoon until he chucked what he had in his hand at me!

it missed me by an inch butwho does something like that? I apologized and it was clearly an accident.

I looked at him in shock for a second before taking the spoon in the stew and throwing it at his head.

I stormed off after checking to make sure it hit him. I already heard fry coming back anyway so if I left the stew unstirred it wouldn't burn or anything.

I felt so overwhelmed with everything and I just couldn't believe someone would stoop so low. once I found a spot I knew no one would find me I broke down.

I would rather break down here then right in front of the guy I mean I'm sensitive but not pathetic!

I cried myself out and more before hearing footsteps coming my way. alright maybe not a spot no one would find me then.. I was hoping it was gally. I mean it probably was gally. no one else would know where I was.

I crossed my fingers just in case.

I wiped my tears and looked up to see... gally! how'd he know what happened though? probably fry tellining him if I really think about it.

"oh hi gal. what're doing here?" I say as I put my head on my knees and make a light smile. not forced, because I could never force a smile when he's around, but light.

"what's wrong, fry told me you ran off somewhere and 'he'll handle the other situation'" he said and I let out a small laugh at imaging fry 'handle the situation'

"what, what's with him?" he asked crouching down beside me. "nothin something happened and blah blah blah so I guess he'll handle it"

lifting up your chin to get a better look at your cheeks and red lined eyes "does this something happening have to do with these tears happening?"

I rolled my eyes and wiped my cheeks out his grip. "no it's nothing" mumbling slightly as I speak in, mostly embarrassment.

"tell me baby or I'll go find out, hm?" he stood up jokingly to go walk off when you interrupted him and brought him back down.

"fine fine!" he has a smug look on his face so I just rolled my eyes at his look as well. "ok so the new greenie was working in the kitchen with me right? I reach back from the pot I'm stirring and accidentally bump into him. I say sorry and reach for the spoon again but he throws the spoon he has in his hands in my direction! like it didn't hit me or any-"

"he threw it at you?" I look up and nod trying to go on with the story but he shoots up and starts speed walking away.

"gally! no I'm not finished!" I say running after him. I hear him muttering obscenities and different varietys of 'who does this shuckhead think he is'

"stop walking!" I yell from behind him before giving up and wrapping my arms around his neck and clinging to his back until he stops.

"y/n get off of me" "no let me tell my story!" "fine tell it! but after it's done im gone."

"what I was gonna say was after he threw the spoon at me, or tried to I threw my stew spoon at his face and left. so really you don't need to do anything, I've finished it!" he let out a small laugh imaging the scene but was still set on going.

"how bad of a boyfriend would I look if I didn't take care of him for you!" "you don't care one bit about how you look to other people but go on."

he stubbornly shut his mouth and agreed before continuing to walk. I kicked him lightly to get him to stop so I could talk to him about it at least.

I got off his back as he stopped and stood in front of him, holding the back of his neck I said "nothing too serious to end him in the medhut alright? I don't need you getting in trouble."

I gave him a kiss and looked back at him to know it really got through his head. he thought about it at first then stubbornly shook his head alright.

"thank you baby. now go get em" I say sending him off with a kiss to the forehead.

-

"you call that not serious?" "yes actually, I could've killed him and guess what, I held myself back just for you"

"he might as well be dead by now!" "well he deserved it. I can't believe he would throw something at you"

I couldnt believe that either really so maybe he did do something good. "and I also threw it back at him?" "and I'm super proud of you for that baby. taught you real good" he said trying to make it up to you by kissing the back of your hand.

"oh my gosh, why do I even try with you?" I say before rolling my eyes and walking off. "because you love me!" I hear him say as he trys to catch up from behind me

should've made him pinky promise.

[turtlesystem]

loooong, positive (but bittersweet) essay about our system and the hulk:

the nice thing about being a system where each part is so different from each other is that we have at least one guy who can take care of something . also, it’s given us the privilege to have the brain space to handle a very wide breadth of interests and specialties that we keep up with consistently as alters front .

i absolutely don’t like the circumstances that caused us to form the way we did . the worst part of the circumstances is that giant hole in our chest that nothing can fill , and figuring out whether it’s because we keep pushing away anything that tries to come in or if it’s because the hole just grows no matter how it’s treated .

do i wish those circumstances didn’t take place? yes, but also, i’m grateful that we found a way through . i think what also helps us is that we’ve known nothing except those circumstances from infancy, so we have the privilege of seeing a better youth as an unattainable ideal than a blessing long gone . “better” meant numbness , moments where nothing happened .

even if the path we forged through the years is an ugly one, it’s still a path and it’s helped us function in human society more than anything else . especially the alters that socialize , that help others , that are able to do that , that have it in them to do that because they are supported by the system members designed to handle our own baggage .

there are alters who hate the world because of trauma but it’s because of them that the alters who love the people in it exist . our anger holders give the rest of us the capacity to deal with other things , to have the energy do things that we want , like supporting others while having a temporary pause on our own triggers and struggles . it’s like temporarily getting the ability to walk on water to extend a helping hand, temporarily able to ignore a giant flood wave just about to crash over you . if i could , i would just never be affected by our own baggage again so that we could never get frustrated and anxious with people for using us for help

i don’t like seeing people suffer but helping them out of that suffering opens up a lot of old wounds . like plunging your hand into a den full of harmful bacteria while it’s still recovering from semi-open lacerations . it’s our anger holders that allow us to ignore the pain .

anyways … without hulk , banner was shown to not want to help people . from the outlook of my system , it seems like banner is unable to help people without the hulk because he, as one identity, cannot handle the weight of … well , all the circumstances that caused his system to form . banner has expressed several times that he has a desire to help people, a lot of his healing arcs are he and hulk learning to coexist so that they can help ppl with their abilities … oagh … and he fears hurting others and just turning into something so aggressive that represents his emotions , an involuntary reaction to his circumstances , but that is the farthest thing from what he wants and IS as a person , a person who wants to help …

hulk is often interpreted as “banner losing control” but in actuality … hulk is KEEPING banner from losing control … protecting banner from involuntarily becoming the opposite of what he wants .

give it up for all anger holder protectors , they’re fr doing God’s work . because oh my god i cannot imagine dealing with … everything … all by myself … like omg … because i know i could not have survived if i dealt with all this by myself . my system did not make me lose the core identity, the whole system IS the core identity because it’s the only thing that could have possibly existed in the very questionable childhood we had . moreover, the system at least allowed us to exist in the present day as SOMETHING . it’s again not the prettiest form of existence but im so grateful that i have multiple people here with me … even the alters who scare me , honestly , even they hold a portion of the trauma that would be impossible to survive . their taunting and triggering behavior is at least coming from them , and not on my own volition , which is comforting to know .

arlo (he’s part of our system, the anger holder protector in question) if you read this later, we all love you so much . you’re our hulk fr <3 we are so so grateful . i’m sorry that i’m so scared and moreover ASHAMED of getting angry , because it makes you feel like we’re ashamed of you . thank u for giving many of us the blessing it is to have the energy to help people

- the gamma subsystem :)

[borderline-culture-is]

not culture, but a rant. saying "everyone leaves me" isnt inherently a red flag and thinking it is feels anti-personality disorders to me. get to know a person before judging. you can ask why they were left, you don't have to stick through toxicity, but immediately deciding they dont deserve a relationship because they've been abandoned multiple times is fucking cruel. you don't know what someone's been through, you don't know who left them or why. people with personality disorders deserve relationships and support systems. don't shun them without fucking knowing them.

"oh but what if they were left for a reason" DO YOU KNOW THAT?? a LOT of people have weird stigmas against bpd symptoms. they'll have one experience and decide they're done. they'll refuse to accommodate someone. they'll decide a pwbpd is too high maintenance. especially considering a lot of pwbpd and other personality disorders tend to get into relationships with people who don't fucking care about them because their upbringing conditioned them to that kind of relationship. or maybe its all been perceived abandonment. you don't know!

AND BY LEAVING BECAUSE OF THEM SAYING THAT, YOU ARE FUELING THE FIRE AND PROVING THEM RIGHT. PROVING EVERYONE LEAVES THEM.

look, pick your battles. if you don't want to be with someone like that, fine. but that is a personal choice. you don't get to post on your social media that being abandoned numerous times is a red flag. you don't get to publicly label everyone whose been abandoned numerous times as toxic, undeserving, etc. because you do not know them.

additionally, they haven't done anything to you personally and they deserve a close friend to help them get better. they deserve a support system.

obviously if they did something unforgivable to others, refuse to change, refuse to acknowledge they even have a problem (if it is their behavior driving others away), then yes they are a red flag. but again, none of that is implied in "everyone leaves me."

and obviously, if after you get to know them you can't handle that relationship or you get hurt, you have every right to leave. but i'm talking about people you don't even know/situations you don't even know about(if its someone you got to know but had no clue they were abandoned before they said that.)

this doesn't apply to my situation as i know i AM undeserving of my relationship and SHOULD be abandoned. i just saw a video from dannyphantomexe (big sigh, thought i liked his content) and got pissed because i see this rhetoric everywhere. it isolates pwbpd.

i dont know though, maybe i'll regret posting this because i always feel bad defending bpd because society has given me internalized ableism. i already do feel bad but whatever! im not even defending myself even if it feels like i am, and others deserve to be defended even if i dont.

i wish i could just laser beam this post into people's heads because i know only pwbpd are going to see this so this wont change squat. but i had to say something.

-🫶🐎

.

[midnight1nk]

I actually kinda like how Four didn't learn much from IGBP. How are you supposed to learn from something when it hurts so much to think about? And the perfectionism is never going away, he's a creator, like you said, he simply cares too much about making people happy and making stuff he's proud of to ever settle

The main thing he DID learn is that his friends will always be there for him, even if he's not perfect. But it's easy to feel like friends who are kind enough to stay no matter what deserve perfection anyway, like they shouldn't have to settle. And besides, his in-universe audience has been established to be very... fickle. And that is sorta his livelihood as well. And the balance of the universe depends on him and

and anyway people learn best through positive reinforcement, not getting possessed by The Horrors. What he caused in IGBP probably just feels like another way he's "not enough" that he needs to make up for. With more perfectionism. Obviously. Like him being...off in Meme Factory ended up being him essentially being perfectionistic about his plan to protect his friends.

and frankly as an ex "gifted kid" myself... Four is very adjacent to that in the way his time at meme school is discussed and the way he reacts to not meeting his own expectations for himself. (Or maybe I'm just projecting)

Now, personally, my mom has been drilling "don't let the perfect be the enemy of the good" and "done is better than perfect" into my head since I was diagnosed with ""gifted"" in second grade and I have been made very aware that no one is abandoning me over imperfections but it's still hard to get away from the "IF I CANT MAKE SOMETHING IM PROUD OF THAT MAKES SOMEONE GO 'whoa :0' WHATS EVEN THE POINT" line of thinking. so Four is. Relatable

anyway yeah sorry forr dumping all that on you but uh... ¯\_(•_•’,)_/¯

i love. The silly

RIGHT! 4 is very complex and I love how the Team didn't go with "he learned absolutely everything from that and it's all okie-dokie 👍" route bc really, it's not as simple as that.

I totally get you with the whole "gifted" child thing, I was kinda like that myself. Not exactly, having extreme expectations from others, but I'm learning how to deal with my own perfectionistic side. It just makes 4 a relatable character and kinda healing to know that we are enough in our own right. There isn't anything we can do to erase these "extreme" traits; it's simply how we handle them, ideally in a healthy way.

and ofc love one of our specialest of boys, the silly :) 💙

Honestly, with how Karen's arc went and the Team is willing to do character exploration, I do hope they continue to do more with that.....and then make IGBP 2—

thanks for the ask!

[ellieslittleburrow]

Requested by the beloved @fatherlesschild2 : CAN YOU WRITE SOMETHING ANGSTY ABOUT SHERLOCK AND ENOLA BEING SIBLINGS WITH READER, IDK I HAVE A QUESTIONABLE IMAGINATION BUT MAYBE THE READER GETTING INTO A FIGHT AND TRYING TO HIDE IT?

Warnings : uuuuuuuum angst? Grr scary brother

A/N: sorry for the delay lol. I had to copy and paste every single line from my other account so if something's out of place im soorry hahahah ❤️

------

*creak*

God damn you st-

*creak*

Maybe if i went slower

"God da-"

"Young lady."

Your eyes flew up as your lips parted in a little gasp. Before you stood a large figure. Broad shoulders and a threatening stance, it towered over you, causing you to freeze in place.

Tiny splinters dug into your frozen fingers as you gripped the stair handle, tightening your hold the more Sherlock kept silent.

I mean, is he going to keep standing there until the sun sets and the birds start churping?

Your older brother stepped aside, motioning for you to step inside. And you complied, slowly and hesitantingly.

"Youngsters ought not to be wandering about late at night, particularily when expressly told ,on multiple counts, not to slip out." Sherlock patienly waited for you, taking after you the moment you passed by him.

You felt smaller with a much bigger shadow than you. But you kept your posture straight, anyways.

Your head was feeling too heavy for your liking and you just wanted to sleep.

"I'm sorry, Sherlock, is there any way we could do this tomorrow morning? Now's not the time for a lecture." The words came in a gruff tone. And as if you weren't already in enough trouble with the man, you just headed for the room you and sister Enola shared.

"Sure...Tomorrow." Sherlock's voice sounded." Good night, little one."

"And don't think i didn't see those marks on your neck"

Fuck.

"We'll discuss it tomorrow."

--

It's tomorrow.

A pain is etching from your temple down to the hollow part that sits under your cheek.

Flashes of your....eventful evening storm in from your subconscious and a long sigh escapes your lips.

" Finally awake."

AH. You shriek, your body jerking to the uncomfortably close voice over you. Rolling around halfway, you jump backwards, shrieking at the two people standing over you.

What the hell?

Sherlock and Enola were standing at your bed, both leaning down to examine you like you're a cadaver they were just about to start inspecting.

But you weren't. So why the fu-"

"How did you get that, y/n?" The investigator's eyes dart from your own eyes to your cheek, and you unconsciously cover the said thing with your hand.

Uh....you were't sure whether to lie or not. Whether to tell the whole truth or just half of it.

"Uhhh..." A long sigh escaped your lips without your accordance as you hadn't already decided on which story to tell yet. "Uh..." You stuttered again, flustered.

You shrink in your bed, melting into the sheets as you leaned away from the figure that lowered it's upper body over yours.

"Little one, your answer better be the right one."

Sherlock's eyes calculatedly pursuited yours until they locked.

Dark and threatening, they glared into your soul. Shit. How can someone regret their decision the second they made it?

"I....I fell down the bar stairs."

Fuck. How can someone regret their decision the second they made it?

Sherlock straightens his back. "Really?"

"Y...yeah. you c-c-an ask the men th-there if you want." You got out of bed, the opposite side of where your siblings were standing.

"I was walking....I might've had a drink or two." Maybe admitting to another forbidden punishable act will help you elude the real thing? "And as i was walking down, my ankle twisted and i found myself flying down the stairs."

You brushed past both of them, heading for the door. Nice lie! If they were to go ask the men there, nobody would be able to say a single word, because all of them would have been too drunk to even know their own names.

You'd highfive yourself but-

"Alright then, show me the other bruises."

You were glad your back was facing them, as your eyes widened in surprise. Fuck! You didn't think of that. "The ones on your hands and knees, probably, as well as your hip." Triumph laced Sherlock's voice. You internally damned him to an afterlife in hell.

"What...other bruises?"

"Well of course i can't do that!" You spin around, disdain etched across your face. You scoff.

"I can't undress myself in front of y-"

Haha! Enola. You almost forgot about h-

"He'll leave the room."

You snort a provocative chuckle "You really believe i think of you any differently, Enola?"

"I'm sure he trusts my decision making by now." Your sister lifted a triumphant brow.

Enola's eyebrows relax as annoyance etches across her face. She sighs and happiness internally floods your body. Looks like you were close to win the battle. With her.

"How's this?" Anger embodies Sherlock.

Definitely only with her.

"Lie and i will make sure you...never do that again."

Sherlock started walking towards you.

"But then again, i would like for you to spare us the anticipation, i already know you're lying. Because your-"

"Because my toes seem strange and i breathed in instead of out?"

"Because your friend came running here and said you were getting yourself in really bad trouble. And that it was only a matter of time before somebody got badly hurt."

Oh..of course she did...

"Listen, y/n, we understand that you're afraid of our reactions." Enola started, crossing her arms over her chest. "But you can't hide those things from us, we're your siblings."

Adorable-not good enough, though. Not to insult Enola's attemps and efforts, but you'd never do that just because you're siblin-"That's Enola."

"On my part, if i ever find out you're lying to me about something like this, i will make your life a living hell, little girl. And trust my words, i will make sure of it."

Your head spun towards Sherlock, a bit surprised and...scared as darkness suddenly swamped his voice.

You would've rolled your eyes at him but you were already in enough trouble. You wouldn't want to bury yourself in it, would you?

"I'm sorry." The lie slipped out of your lips like butter. You're not sorry. You don't care. In fact, you're not done with those stupid bastards. And you're not one to let go easily.

Thankfully, they weren't going to know since your face was already bruised. Or are they?

------

I HAVE A QUESTIONABLE IMAGINATION TOO I WILL DO BETTER NEXT TIME OKI KISSIES NOW BYE BYE. ❤️❤️❤️🥀🥀🥀

[catmask]

Been meaning to catch more of your streams because they're so fun and relaxing and inspire me to do art alongside you! but I have a question?? How on earth have you managed to keep a streaming schedule? (kudos!!!!) I've tried it a few times and after about a month of consistency I get so tired and drop off of it, do you get guilt about rescheduling? (saw some announcement from the other day and it was so communicative and professional) and, how do you measure your own levels of energy to know how long you can stream for? Some people are just Built Different but I don't hear it often talked about how being social like that can drain people, especially when popular streamers in this era are usually streaming all day every single day of the week! Honestly love your work and everything you do, from what you share we seem to have a lot of similar tastes and experiences so I was just curious if this was something you encountered, and if so would love to hear any routines or strategies you have, if you're comfortable doing so! :3

for one thing, this isnt my first time around the bend! i used to stream about four years ago to a much smaller audience, and i feel like that gave me a lot of experience that was useful now as a streamer. i was also still in college/working full time then, so it sort of gave me the like... 'if i stop now im going to sink and die like a shark' mentality about a LOT of my hobbies. art and streaming both.

i do fully understand the feeling of burnout, and with anything you do its important to develop a gage as to how tired you are to determine whether or not you need to reschedule. killling your momentum of doing something can often result in dropping the habit altogether, but at the same time you are a human being with needs so theres gonna be some days you have to just call it off.

my internal 'system' for sickdays/delays is 'if i cant fix the problem in an hour, its a sick day, and if i can its a delay. if i can fix the problem in ten minutes and im avoiding it, then i need to remember im gonna have a lot of fun after its fixed and get up off my ass'

sometimes that 'problem' was as simple as 'i got yelled at at work today and idk if i can handle being smiley and funny for people when i feel like shit', but reminding myself that i always felt better after i streamed was often enough to pull me out of that. if the problem was i was tired/felt like shit, id take a delay and prepare a dinner, shower, and sit down for a bit. then id generally feel okay enough and streaming was no problem!

its easy to beat yourself up for not maintaining a consistent schedule fr streaming when you start out, but the thing you should really be asking yourself is - did you take care of yourself, the streamer, so that consistency was possible? good food, good sleep, and alone time to relax are imperative to any public facing activity, especially something like streaming!

[mrradmccoolman]

hello everynyan!! it's baby's second (?) tumblr post. i present to you:

ELLIOTT'S ANDERPERRY SONG ANALYSIS

okay, so, here's the gist of it: i have an ever-growing playlist on spotify of songs i feel fit neil, todd, or their relationship as a whole. each song is not only one i like, but also has lyrics that represent something specific about them. this sort of thing is something ive done for multiple characters for a long time, and ive always had carefully curated reasons behind my choices. i just recently got back into the dps fandom, and thought this would be a good way to not only show how i see the characters, but also become a part of the community on Tumblr myself :)

i will not be doing every song simply because i do not have the time and the playlist is way too long for that, but i'll definitely be choosing some favorites. i'll most likely just post whenever i feel like it, so i can't promise any sort of a timeline. this is just a little project i thought would be fun, especially considering the fics im working on take me ages lol 😅

sooo without further ado: song number one is....

Habanero by Rosie Tucker

i've been listening to a lot of rosie tucker's music lately, and this song really stood out to me as a todd/neil song from neil's perspective. one of the reasons i connect so much to neil as a character is because i see myself in him, and subsequently how he handles what i see as a very real depressive disorder throughout the movie. this song makes me think of his feelings and relationship with todd in canon, how he sees himself and todd, and the bittersweet-ness of loving someone in the "wrong" way.

"...you said "this never happens to me, this never happens" but you smile while you suffer so you're lying or wrong" this lyric encapsulates a big part of neil's perception of todd, especially towards the beginning of the movie. it specifically reminds me of the "what do you mean no?" scene and the argument they have leading up to it. it also alludes to todd's poem scene in front of the class and neil's reaction to it. he sees todd as saying this sort of bewildered, in awe, "this never happens to me," because, well, for todd, that's how it feels. he doesn't speak in front of people, he doesn't share parts of himself like that. i actually believe he didn't even really write poetry on his own before keating's class, either, so even writing at all is a big step for him- never mind showing others. we know todd hates public speaking and being perceived (although it's a lot more complicated than that, but i won't get into it here) so he "smiles while (he) suffers" because even though this is something he hates and feels so much shame about, a part of him is amazed and happy he did it at all. thus the "you're lying or wrong" from neil- i see this as neil recognizing that actually, knowing todd, this isn't the first time he's done something like this like he might think. in truth, todd says and does beautiful things like this all the time. though todd sees himself as dull and embarassing, neil sees the truth. we often think of neil as recognizing todd as a diamond in the rough, but people are more complicated than that. really, todd has always had this beauty inside him- this is just the first time he (and everyone else) has gotten the opportunity to really see it. neil feels vindicated in a sense, because he knew it was there.

"i'm never happy, but i've never been better" i feel this lyric is pretty straightforward when it comes to neil. he has depression, which makes it so so hard to feel happy, even when you think you should- and most of the time, neil doesn't even have those moments. todd isn't some cure-all for his problems, and certainly doesn't make his depression go away, but he's a huge aid to neil. he's the one person who really sees him. even if neil still isn't happy in the traditional way, he still feels better around todd. another thing i could get into buttt this post is already gonna be long enough as is lol.

"i need to see you sweat" i feel this one is also pretty self explanatory. it's sexuality and desire, something neil has likely not felt to this level before. especially when you're depressed, it's hard to feel any sort of desire. i feel that any thoughts neil would have would already be pretty vague because of his internalized homophobia, but this would be similar to the way he would allow himself to verbalize his feelings. there are a lot of great fics out there that i feel really encapsulate this well.

"wouldn't we be perfect together if we wanted exactly the same thing?" i would argue that the majority of the fandom kind of accepts neil's feelings for todd as pretty obviously requited, even though interestingly enough, from an outside perspective i would actually argue neil's feelings are the most obviously canon. not that i don't definitely believe todd feels the same, nor do i think this is a bad thing- it's just that the entire movie revolves around identity, and neil's passion for acting serves as a metaphor for queerness pretty obviously, and beyond that acting is associated with queer identity as a whole, another reason behind mr. perry's aversion to it. neil doesn't know if todd feels the same as he does. even if things may seem obvious to us, this isn't "normal" for the time period and so i believe wholeheartedly that neil didn't know todd had any feelings for him. was this more his own self hatred, him protecting himself, or that anything he saw that may have alluded to reciprocation he convinced himself was his own mind playing tricks on him? probably a mixture of all three.

"but i smile while i suffer like a sucker supreme" even though neil knows this won't end well, that his feelings are "wrong" and this is hurting him in the long run, he can't help himself when it comes to todd. he's a sucker for him and the feelings he gets being around him.

"all at once i'm a child trapping tadpoles in a cup, and i know they'll never make it (...) but i smile while they suffer 'cause i want it so much" neil knows being in the play, being with todd, and defying his father is a losing game. he knows, on a distant level, that he'll never get away with it. maybe during the play he finally, for one gorgeous moment, truly believed things would change- but then his father shows up and proves he was right all along. he knows he's doomed, that todd was right to doubt his plan to lie to his father in the first place, but he wants it so badly he doesn't care (or, more than that, he feels so incredibly trapped that he's given up and has resigned himself to the consequences). not only this, but his depression has made his latching onto the one thing that gives him hope even more intense. to be ripped away from this, the only thing he's ever wanted- the only person he's ever wanted- is the end. he knows that. even so, even though he can see the futility of it all crumbling beneath him, he sees the fall through.

"i can't believe i'll die before becoming a frog" there's a sort of disbelief in his resignation to death in his final moments, a darkly humorous "i can't believe it's come to this, that this is really happening" despite not really being surprised. neil is cutting everything short and throwing away his potential before his father gets the chance to do it for him. he'll never "become a frog" in so many ways- never get to live for himself, never get to become an adult, never get to act again, etc.

well...that was very long! if you've made it to the end of this post, i hope this was as fun for you as it was for me :)) i'll definitely be doing more of these as time goes on!! let me know your thoughts!!

(the playlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3Fh97W8EItmoJHjQvjsBl4?si=WoH7J5GHTfmt3v7OuqbHnQ&pi=6x2g03n8Q1Knc )

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[drdemonprince]

Anon from a while back who had the weird situation with the inexperienced poly guy…

So I’ve got myself into another weird situation with a man. Apparently it’s my thing. Known each other for 8 years, have been into each other on and off for that long but we’ve always either been with other people or it just hasn’t panned out. We’re now both single and he’s borderline obsessed with me. I know this because he tells me. We’re good friends at this point.

I’m thinking of suggesting fwb. But is that cruel knowing he feels more? I think it’s probably morally wrong. But also meeting a need for both of us. If it was made very clear that’s what it was so he could make an informed choice does that make it better?

Usually im the one complaining about emotionally unavailable men so now I do feel like as asshole for being the one physically into someone but not wanting a relationship with them.

Anon, it is not "morally wrong" for you to have your own set of desires and boundaries that are not a 100% reproduction of what this guy wants and to try and negotiate some mutually beneficial arrangement. If he can't handle getting things from you that you are not positioned to give, that is his problem. He can exit the relationship. And so can you, if he attempts to round you up to a romantic partner when you've articulated that's not what you want.

My main concern is not whether you having romantic boundaries will hurt him -- my concern is whether he will actually respect what your boundaries are. Do you think he will? Does he generally show respect for your boundaries? How does he generally treat, and talk about, the people he is involved with sexually or romantically? Has he had casual relationships before?

If you think this arrangement can work, lay out exactly what you are down and not down for. If he acts all forlorn and pitiful about that, he's manipulating you -- whether he means to or not! --- and that's a bad scene. If he tries to argue with your boundaries, convince you to see him romantically, or acts as if there is no incompatibility between your two desires for the sake of like, trying to slowly frog-in-a-pot-of-boiling-water you into a relationship, stop seeing him or speaking to him as frequently until he learns to show you respect, or end the relationship. You might be surprised though. He might consider a friendship where you fuck to his net benefit and something he can work with. Who knows. But either way you gotta tell him.

[alatismeni-theitsa]

I have some questions abt hellenic polytheism and how its practiced. I myself have been practicing it for a while, but something I noticed while researching about it is a distinct lack of actual greek people in online social media spaces. It was first brought to my attention after seeing a reddit post and youtube video explaining how using “hellenismos” is considered cultural appropriation. After that, Ive noticed how the main sources Ive used about hellenic polytheism isnt really from the people whos culture were trying to practice. AKA non greeks.

I would like to know your explanations on the basics of hellenic polytheism like altars/shrines, khernips, prayers, devotees, tarot/oracle cards, pendulums, kharis, and offerings. There might be some knowledge that I got wrong and need to change, like maybe the way I give offerings needs fixing and I need to give more perishable offerings like food than handmade crafts like art for apollo. And maybe theres a spicic way to do it and not just place it on the altar. Other than websites like hellenicfaith.com, r/hellenism is usually my main source with a grain of salt because of the strange lack of greeks in discussions, and although my friend who is also practicing hellenic polytheism gives me a lot of advice, their main sources are tiktok and. Well, I dont think I need to explain why thats a bad source. (Their main justification is “of course tiktok isnt that serious” and “it comes from the pagans themselves”)

Also, Im also curious on your thoughts about people who practice in secret.

I hope this isnt too long, I just wanna make sure Im using a better source than reddit because, well, its reddit. Not the most reliable source.

Hello! If you don't mind I will also address two more questions I got on the matter, since I feel they are related to yours. They are the following:

Hello all! You did very well to seek Greek sources because you are essentially dealing with a foreign culture and it's not right to assume it looks just like your local one. I will guide you as much as I can but I am very open to being corrected by knowledgeable Greeks and xenoi alike because I am not an infallible scholar. As always, my posts are open to additions in case I missed something.

Let me start by saying I believe it's important to focus on the living Greeks as well, in parallel to your studies of ancient religious texts. Not only were our ancient people diverse with various opinions but... they are also dead and cannot speak anymore. So, it's the alive Greeks who now handle and pass down the culture. If something gives the ick to modern Greeks, it probably goes against what the culture considers appropriate or strange.

Greeks will get "the ick" even if they are not well-read on ancient Greek customs, because the Greek culture largely holds its philosophy when it comes to worship. Disclaimer: This is not an unbroken rule, as some of our cultural elements have shifted or changed, as it happens to all cultures around the globe, and also because a Greek does not know everything. But it's good to keep that general statement in mind.

An example of a practice not seen favorably by Greeks nowadays is some Western women practitioners covering their heads because of Hellenic Polytheism. The ancient faith may demand it but the veil was forced a lot on Greek women and collectively we believe it doesn't make any sense to wear it, even in scenarios of faith tied to our culture. Now, that doesn't mean that it's any of our business if a Hellenic Polytheist wants to veil but it'd be good for this person to have knowledge of the history and rights of Greek women, and really evaluate why they want to veil beyond "the ancients did it", since Greek culture is largely disagreeable to that practice now. Find a larger discussion on veiling here.

Also please capitalize the first letter of Apollo's name because this shows proper respect ;)

Let's dive into specifics a little bit. Our culture was and is practical and anthropocentric. It takes into account reality and environment, as well as human nature.

For the anthropocentric aspect: Yes, there are general guidelines because we are talking about a tradition here but no one will take your head if you do it a bit differently. As for the practical aspect: if you give non-perishable items to the gods by putting them on their altar, in 10 years you won't have a space in your house to stand. If they are non-perishable you have no reason to remove them. Because if you remove them is like taking back offerings that were meant for the deity.

The offerings of Greeks in Polytheism and Christianity included perishable items such as food, candles/oil lamps, flowers, incense, libations, etc. And since they go bad you have a reason to remove them. But you also don't want any waste on the streets or in your house. Even the sacrificed animals were meant to be eaten, and the Greek communities believed that the smell of roasted meat made the gods rejoice. In some cases, offerings that were left outside were meant to be consumed by the homeless and travelers. Everything has a purpose and a reason within that specific community. (Flowers not so much, they are just ornamental)

It's not that you cannot or should not offer non-perishable items to the gods. I'm sure a few don't hurt anyone. Just keep in mind that if the offering is a non-perishable item it is/was usually offered to the temple, so the priests can sustain themselves and continue doing their religious service on behalf of the community. We are talking about coins, clothing, jugs, animals, or whatever else.

Continuing on the matter of offerings. A small rant on how clueless some people seem to be about offerings. It would be weird to knit a winter scarf for a god and then wear it yourself because that's not how dedication/devotion works in the Greek context. Also, leaving that winter scarf on the altar doesn't make sense either because it's just… impractical in the Greek sense. You are wasting a scarf, to put it plainly. But if you make something for one deity then give it to the deity, don't wear it yourself.

I'll tackle a few more specifics now. I think you already know what they mean so I will give my opinion on them rather than explaining them. I think my opinion is shared by many Greeks.

hellenismos -> I am not sure if it's appropriation but it's surely inaccurate. Here is why, for those who wonder, with some suggestions on how to call yourself. (hint: Hellenic Polytheist is fine)

on how to be respectful and accurate: I always recommend reading as many ancient Greek texts as possible the view of the gods directly from the ancient worshipers themselves. You can read whatever texts interest you, including plays. Plays are my favourite source, to be honest. Understand on your own what the text says. The Hymn to Demeter is focused on the pain of a mother, which is pretty obvious, you are under no obligation to hear Kate the TikToker who insists on something different. You don't have to hear YouTubers who tell you Zeus is an asshole when ancient texts show us the opposite, and give a good context on why he does what he does.

altars/shrines -> The altars I've seen are usually fine, so I think western polytheists have this down. The ancient ones would be more homogenous but in our era the religion is unorganized so it's up to the individual to create an altar. Greeks still have altars in their homes as a continuation of our polytheist practices and they also have some variation. Generally, all good here.

khernips -> χέρνιψ literally translates to "washer of hands". It's a Greek practice to have clean hands before touching any sacred objects, either in Dodekatheism or in Christianity. We do not always follow it but it's important. Our old custom is also to wash hands, face, and feet before entering our Christian temples (that's why there are κρήνες outside many of them) but that's not practiced anymore because our hygiene is overall better and we already visit the temple while clean.

The cleansing part will feel natural for most Greeks and not unfit for the whole procedure. You can also cleanse items with water if the purification ritual says so. Don't lose sleep over it. Remember practicality. Khernips is just water with which you wash your hands and you can do it before a meal, like we do today. It is meant to keep you clean but doesn't bear any spiritual force - it's not like the holy water of Christians which is imbued with divine power. It's just water included in a practice that helps the religious person get ready for spiritual time.

Also! Khernips doesn't mean that you wash the whole body! It's second part, νήβω / nivo = rub is connected to cleaning body parts. For the cleanliness of the whole body we used/use "λούω / λούζω". Fun fact, on of the greatest christian temples Hagia Sofia, had a reminder outside the gate with the same verb, and it was an anagram. "ΝΙΨΟΝ ΑΝΟΜΗΜΑΤΑ ΜΗ ΜΟΝΑΝ ΟΨΙΝ", meaning "wash your sins, too, not just your face". This anagram is found in other Christian sites, as well.

prayers -> Any prayer is good. There are only a few ways a prayer can go "wrong", since there's not a subscription for that. For example a prayer has to usually praise the magnanimity of the deity, even if you are just doing it to ask something, but words from the heart are also fine. Zeus won't smite you if you include him in a phrase without praising him first.

devotees -> Afaik this was a rare phenomenon in antiquity and it's only nowadays that Westerners decided that everyone is a devotee, which looks weird to Greeks because being a devotee doesn't work exactly like Westerners do it. You don't get to pick one god, talk 99% of the time about that god, or worship just them and not recognize the whole pantheon, or just give little attention to them.

Ancient Greek towns and people had gods they were closer to, for sure, but from what I know they didn't have the same concept as modern foreign worshipers today. They were not "αφιερωμένοι"/devoted, unless they devoted their life to a deity by serving in their temple. The devoted/devotees were not everyday people.

The everyday people felt closer to some gods in the way someone can have a saint or a prophet that they align themselves with, that they feel like they can see themselves on them, or that these gods see them, or that they are related to their struggles, or have given them some sort of protection. A cultivator of vineyards will probably feel closer to Dionysus, while a fisherman to Poseidon, and a warrior to Ares. It's the same for Christian Greeks, since each of the saints has one domain and we call on them depending on our needs.

I mean, it's okay if modern people want to make new things, but we should also be clear on the nature of the ancient practice.

tarot/oracle cards, pendulums -> They are unrelated to the practice. They are just recent elements of western spiritual fascination, and the ancient Greek religion is already complete without them. If Apollo chooses to reveal himself through tarot he may as well reveal himself on a toaster xD A toaster is as related to the ancient Greek religion as much as tarot cards.

kharis -> Some Westerners overhype foreign words that are, in reality, very simple terms. Kharis is just "the grace of god" and the concept is similar to the grace spoken in Christianity, Islam and Hinduism. Kharis is not lost if you forget to wash your hands once, or if you are afraid that the item you placed on the altar is not good enough. You don't have to tiptoe around it, it's not something incomprehensible and mystical.

miasma -> Nobody asked for it but I am delivering it anyways because I see many new people to the religion treat miasma like they are 5th-century Greeks who will be punished by the plague if they menstruate too close to the altar. I've seen endless discussions online about what miasma is and all the detailed ways that you can avoid it, and how to cleanse everything and... as a 21st-century practitioner you are not supposed to be that fearful. In the Πλυντήρια festival, the statue of Athena goddess was washed clean but also cleansed metaphorically by people's sins. And you can cleanse your statues as well of course but not with the mindset of considering yourself unclean. Do not follow every advice from ancient people who thought women unclean when menstruating. Ironically, this post and this post from r/hellenism have a good approach to this. As one user says:

people who practice in secret -> I don't have particular thoughts for them. If they must hide their spirituality for reasons beyond their control, it's natural for them to do so. I wish them the best in their spiritual journey.

Take a look at my F.A.Q. page, and more specifically on these questions:

Can I worship the Greek gods as a xenos (non-Greek)?

What do Greeks think of people outside of Greece worshiping the Greek gods?

Reading List / Book recommendations on Greek Mythology

Are the Greek gods assholes? // What’s up with gods coupling with mortal women?

Also, when it comes to the practices of the ancient Greek religion, Google Scholar is your friend. Read a variety of scholars and please include Greek ones on your reading list. Western academia focuses a lot on what the myth means to The West today, while Greek academia focuses on what the myths meant in their time. Some classical students report that studying classics in Greece VS in the US can be night and day, and they got a more authentic feeling from the knowledge they gained from the Greek classes.

For gods, festivals, and rituals in Greece, I have some recommendations below, if you’d like to take a look! (The links open directly to them so you can read them for free)

Let it rain’, or ‘rain, conceive’: Rituals of magical rain-making in Ancient Greece, a comparative approach. In Roca, Z. et al. (eds.): European Landscapes and Lifestyles: The Mediterranean and Beyond. Lisboa: Edições Universitárias Lusófonas 2007: 285-304.

Cosmos 17 (2001), 197-251 Rituals of Magical Rain-Making in Modern and Ancient Greece: A Comparative Approach by Evy Johanne Håland

http://en.arch.uoa.gr/fileadmin/arch.uoa.gr/uploads/images/evy_johanne_haland/cosmos_17-2_haland.pdf

p.s., I call Christian temples "temples" because that's how we call them. We use ναός very frequently for our religious buildings.

I hope I covered your questions so far 💙😊 See you around, and have a great day!

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If my posts have helped you in any way, consider buying me a coffee or giving a Paypal donation. I spend many hours per day on questions and posts, so that would support me a little.

[pearlescentparade]

PEARRLLL I need some advice from an experienced fanfic writing such as yourself. I know you don't really write Canon x Canon but I've been planning to start writing ship fics!! (You were one of inspirations to start writing.) But I find myself struggling with it in general. :( Do you have any advice??

HELLOOO i think i could probabblyy give some good words on it bc its general romance

when it comes to relationships (not just dating, but of all types), you wanna think about the dynamic you want to portray between the characters!! is it intimate?? playful??? full of yearning?? distant??

and how exactly you can go about showing said dynamic can be through action and/or dialogue. and depending on your dynamic, its either better demonstrated thru action or dialogue (ex: a relationship involving a character who keeps to themself will likely hold more nuance in their subtle actions rather than words, and if they do express their love through words, they are usually concise and incredibly considerate. and louder characters will want to profess their affection through noisy exclamations and over the top or silly gestures. OFC THESE R HUUUGEEE GENERALIZATIONS it always depends on the characters involved!! just go with your gut when it comes to thatttt)

in any case, you want to have a good grip on the characters you're writing about!! can you see a character saying this or doing that?? and in elaboration, can you see them saying/doing that to this other character? are there traits in either character that would connect them?? are there traits that would drive conflict between them??

OFC this is not concrete like MUST DO THIS OR U SUCK pointers this is just my personal experience with how i like to write relationships and im the olympic champion of overthinking and overcomplicating every thing!! art is completely subjective, and writing classifies as art! ik some people like to make their characters slightly ooc for ships for the sake of romance and that's okay too as long as its not perpetuating harmful stereotypes (which is something to especially look out for in characters who have mental illnesses. if you are writing such characters, handle the topic with grace and care. do your research as well)!!

i say just have fun with it, and it's completely optional to listen to this :] im happy to hear i've inspired you 2 start writing!! it's going to be a slippery slope, but you'll always improve with time. nobody ever gets bad by doing it more, you only get worse if you stop!! if you have any more questions, even about specific topics, dont be afraid to shoot me another ask!

[queenpalms]

TLDR; please consider donating to me if you can. I need help to get past this supremely difficult time & it rly would mean the world to me. ty guys, ily💗

Cash App: $sierraflwrgrl

this is sort of a desperate post for $ due to being in an insane debt cycle since my ex fiancé of five years ghosted me the day after signing a year lease with me / ran away with one of my best friends of over ten years / lived with her (and at least one of my other girlfriends) while he ignored my desperate blue-wall texts for almost two months / during which he went on a drug binge to all my favorite bars in Miami with her /+ many other nefarious and hardly believable acts of betrayal

i’ve had to pay double the bills/rent unexpectedly while simultaneously dealing with the grief and pain of my new reality. add the torment of my ex giving this girl everything she needed to to stalk, harass, and slander me relentlessly over the next six months (while he ran away to another state) cuz she has no job, full support from her mother, and is severally mentally unwell.

since then I’ve lost two of my cats within one month, one to cancer and the other disappeared trying to transport her when my house was getting fumigated and it haunts me every day and night where she may be.

but one of the biggest stressors is the fact that since January my truck has been broken and I’ve been riding a 49cc scooter to my full time job literally logging 3k miles since, everyday from NMB to little Havana in fcking Miami the most dangerous city to drive in. my truck part costs $800 and thankfully the labor is handled but it literally seems so far away when rent is tomorrow and I’m about that much away from paying even that . it’s summer now and it’s going to be raining every day. today it was torrential and I wanted to give up.

my duplex looks insane and is completely dysfunctional as a living space b/c I never really moved in. i literally made desperate Instagram posts at the eleventh hour and had a bunch of strangers come help me “move” while I catatonically laid there depressed . these same strangers bought my shit that I didn’t really want to sell so I could afford to move. my fucking ex-friend came to my sale while my ex-fiancé was at her house and i didn’t know, still wondering where he was.

there are also several other ongoing factors and stressful issues occurring to myself and my family that I never would have imagined would be happening right now.

honestly in times like these I wish I could be more vengeful but I can’t even be. I always hesitate to post about this bc sometimes I still feel like I want to protect them. i know people that don’t like me will read this and say “hah!” and that’s OK . they don’t know what’s next for me. I’d rather not have most ppl know about all this in general really. but I have to allow myself to process. im too low . I’m just in this big fucking mess now.

I’m still doing my best and trying not to let important passions and once in a lifetime opportunities slip me by. I’ve moved personal and logistical mountains to make these malling events happen before they closed forever (all three in different Florida counties), pulled off so many creative side hustles etc. I still continue to photograph and document , I still advocate , I still help others and work hours and hours for free at the Hollywood historical society . I somehow have managed to keep my job although I never am on time for work anymore and have been talked to about that. before all this happened I was really on a roll finally diving into what i know I’m meant to do on this earth. due to isolating and not trusting anyone anymore I’ve already missed more deadlines and collaborations than I can bear . as proud as I am of myself it’s still not enough to get past this alone.

i know i will be better for this. i know this is one of those rock bottom moments before something big . honestly writing this has helped more than i thought . i’ve always expressed myself thru blogging and I just want to be me. sierra. it’s been hard keeping it in b/c I don’t feel like I know anyone who’s been in this particular kind of insane situation. I also don’t think anybody cares that much b/c they’ve got their own shit to worry about. I get that. I love you guys anyway. And I love them too.

[zoniteillusion-pyritedreams]

can you read wonbin from riize current energy? he just revealed that he not doing well mentally and have some self-esteem issues while also having serious injuries im just so scared that he will go into hiatus bc he clearly been struggling alot since that October situation. 💔

“How’s Wonbin from RIIZE really doing?”

A little messy, but baby, there’s light at the end of that emo tunnel.

Mood Check:

Wonbin is deep in his “I’m trying my best, but I don’t even know if I like myself right now” era. The energy is raw, restless, and quietly aching. (Think, lying in bed at night replaying every interaction he’s had in the last 6 months.)

There’s a mix of self-doubt, burnout, and that classic "I know I have potential but why can’t I feel it?” spiral.

( very kind of was going to end up happening kind of spiraling for Life a better way of putting it. I feel like because of everything that has been going on with the group and the company a lot of the members but specially him have been in this weird space. Like they've been working so hard all the music videos all the preparations for this falling album come back while also still dealing with the alleged so-called "fans" that have also been demanding some form of perfection that they just don't have the energy to be giving.)

Self-Esteem Status:

He’s struggling, but not defeated.

A part of him knows he’s talented, beautiful, and admired (because duh... He's freaking Wonbin. But on the other hand he's definitely seen the comments online and the allegations from some of their again so called ot 6 fans about his Beauty being malfactured or him only being attractive when he is staring forward blankly" I'm not even a big fan of this group but I'm not going to lie when I saw that people were making comments like that about this man it fucking pissed me off because these so called fans forget that artists are constantly struggling with their physical image because of the stupid ass beauty standards that have been created by society and their companies and it's like he is interactive looking dude. Then again these are probably the same motherfuckers that thought that Sohee was it attractive looking either so it's kind of just like damn maybe y'all should look in the mirror or stop projecting because you most likely had worked on or want to get work done.) but another part just can’t feel it right now.

He’s in a tug-of-war between knowing his worth and not trusting his impact. A constant loop of second-guessing.

There’s also this pressure to be Perfect or perform at a level that leaves no room for humanity which is Virgo energy in reverse, screaming “I must do everything flawlessly or I am nothing.”

(I don't think I can sit here and emphasize enough while doing this reading help pissed off I am over the energy I'm getting. Mainly because a lot of this feels like it could have been avoided but once again the company is not doing their job properly. In terms of protecting their artists and giving them the proper tools to handle and deal with certain things.)

Emotionally?

He’s low-key isolating. Not in a dramatic “leave me alone” way, but in a quiet, “I don’t want to burden anyone” kind of way.

He feels like he’s walking through fog trying to make sense of who he is outside of the expectations, outside of the noise.

Past heartbreak, disappointment, & feeling misunderstood is still lingering. He’s trying to move on, but there’s a wound that hasn't totally healed.

(I'll never forgive this goddamn company for not sitting here and actively protecting them. I stated before and my other reading said it's definitely been affecting all of the members but it feels like it's starting to physically manifest in quite a few of them in terms of second guessing their positions. How well they are taking care of by the company but also how much they actually matter to the fandom. Like could they possibly be the next member kicked out over something stupid? Are they protected do the fans even care? Definitely The Vibes and the feeling that was coming through while doing this reading.)

What’s Lifting Him Up?

There’s a little spark still alive in him. A soft flicker of joy moments when he does feel appreciated, seen, or connected (Three of Vessels / Joy).

He’s learning that healing isn’t linear. Some days he wants to run the world, other days he just wants to disappear into his hoodie and vibe to sad playlists.

Whether he knows it or not, he’s building quiet resilience. There’s strength in the fact that he’s still showing up even if he’s emotionally checked out sometimes.

What He Needs:

Space to redefine success on his terms.

Genuine affirmation, not just “you’re hot” comments. (although those help too little bit at this point in time.)

A creative outlet that isn’t performative, is something that lets him express, not impress.

( he needs to find an outlet that allows him to be creative without feeling like he's putting on a show. Where he's able to just be creative to be creative it's not being judged by anyone whether it's the company or the fans etc. Also again if you guys end up on their social media accounts and there's a photo of him or did he post something up give it lots of love be like well look at this talented handsome man thank you for existing. I feel like that would definitely help out quite a bit matter of fact I feel like it would help a lot of Idols out quite a bit but especially what he's feeling according to the cards and the energy right now it's definitely The Vibes that he needs to be seeing more of.)

Spiritual Message (courtesy of Nyx):

“You are not broken. You are becoming.”

" Let go of perfection. Let go of shame. There’s transformation blooming beneath the surface even if all you see right now is soil."

Overview:

Wonbin is in a vulnerable place, fighting to balance who he is with who he thinks he has to be. He’s tired, tender, and rebuilding. But once he finds his footing again?

He’ll be unstoppable.

Send him love. He needs it more than we know.