#im geniunely so happy hes feeling better

[super-done-dead]

my cat is scared of thunderstorms

[ateez-himari]

Hi bb!!!! Thank you for the heartfelt reply you gave me cause like mingi has to be the most geniune idol out there❤️‍🩹, I'm not saying that he shows us everything cause obviously there's plenty of emotions or actions he can't show us but the fact that he always acts out his emotions makes me happy🥹

It's rare to see idols being natural(they're not to blame cause it's basically the idol standards put by fans) which I think is stupid, "fans" should know better than to hate on their idols for doing basic human activities such as eating normally, and should instead be happy to see their idols acting naturally and being comfortable enough with their fans to show this domestic side of them

But speaking of my actual question I knew it's gonna be MATZ I mean they're the oldest and they always think two steps ahead💓, but it's so cute that all of the members supported them and I'm so glad kq has this rule cause honestly I wouldn't expect such fine men to be single🤭, and it's stupid when comapnies put a dating ban like what? that's a basic human right to have someone love you in a romantic way

And I honestly feel sad when people focus on woosan or seongjoong just for their closeness and moments rather on their skills and talent, but I mean we're already so far into that no one could change their mindsets🤷

And im so happy they're going to couple events like that's so cutee🥹

And I wanna ask a question because I wanna do a little something hehe🤭if you were to choose a song that perfectly fit mingi's and hima's relationship what would it be??

Love you mwahhh💗💗

Hey sweets 🥰, I'm so sorry it took so long but I've finally caught up with everything so I can answer this! I completely agree with you honestly idols are humans just like their fans and they fall in love, they make mistakes, they get their heart broken, but they should get to experience this as openly as the rest of us. (Seeing how boyfriend material all of them are, I refuse to believe they're single too dw 🤭)

MATZ being the oldest meant that they were very involved in her life specifically especially because of the environment she came from (she was loved a lot but people also made many mistakes, so she was always unconsciously older than she should have been). Actually I'll give you a little spoiler for a draft that I have; When they lived in LA Himari used to sleep alone on the couch but one night Hongjoong fell asleep on it while everyone was washing up, which made her share a mattress with Seonghwa and from that day forward nightmares became rare, so they kept that sleeping arrangement until moving back to Korea.

This is a tough question so I went through quite a long playlist to answer this (it was fun don't worry) but I would say Intro: Serendipity by BTS (Jimin). The title means 'the occurrence and development of events by chance (in a happy and beneficial way)' which is essentially what brought them together, it was simply the chance of them being the same group as one another that led to the meeting of two soulmates.

The song itself talks about the fact that two lovers fit one another perfectly while the speaker asks whoever is listening "Let me love you" and since both struggle with loving themselves, it illustrates perfectly that the love they cannot create is simply given by the other. There's also a line saying "As much as my heart flutters, I'm worried", which expresses the deep rooted anxiety both have to this day (although that worry can extend from their relationship to truly anything in their lives). In a very cute coincidence, Jimin also refers to the person listening to this song as "my angel" which is Mingi's nickname for Hima🥹

I always write them as two puzzle pieces created solely for one another and this is what the song talks about, people that fate brought together by pure coincidence which led to the blooming of a beautiful relationship. The overall sound of this track also suits what their love is like, very gentle, calm, complete and despite being simple flows ever so perfectly throughout time. (Euphoria by BTS (Jungkook) would also have been a good song for them)

The fact that they were made for one another doesn't mean that she didn't truly feel love for Eunwoo or Mingyu, but it was different than what the two of them have. It was adoration, affection, love, and she felt at peace when they were together but it was not the sense of completion she has with Mingi, it didn't feel like their hearts beat in sync, their voices didn't sink into the depths of her mind when hearing it even for a brief moment.

As usual sweets thank you for your question (and your patience)! Love you too, MWWAAHHH 🥰💕

[cyberdragoninfinity]

I'm gonna apologise in advance for how dark this is, but looking at your recent Placidodumping from the tag force games... i feel like he's geniunely suicidal, and even if not exactly suicidal then he has no concept of self-worth.

Like, he's way too happy to die. Being willing to sacrifice himself for the sake of the future is dark enough. But the fact that he's saying he will be able to rest? That he's expecting you to be happy to die too? Yeah, that's the darkest part.

Placido's literally come from hell, but he's not even trying to save himself. He's not just acceptant of his fate, he's welcoming it, and it makes me wonder just how much he's been through. His despair, is it entirely from the memories he's been created from? Or is it from something else? *coughcoughashittyoldmancoughcough* Thinking of the Jakob part in tag force, how he straight up killed Placido and Lester, how he spoke about them, I feel like it wouldn't be too far fetched to assume he's said these things to Placido's face (and let's not forget how Zone spoke to Placido-and only Placido- in duel links)

Perhaps Placido's real despair wasn't the inherited trauma from Aporia.

Maybe it was the way he was treated by the only people around him. One of his duel links lines is "it's so sad when you have no one to love" and yet the other Iliaster members are right there, as family. And yet, he didn't get love from them.

Maybe he could have been saved if someone did love him. Maybe then he would have had something to live for.

(Apologies for the mini essay in here it was supposed to be a few sentences and then suddenly I've written an essay)

OH YEAH NO FOR SURE we are definitely WELL past the point of Primoplacido Yugioh 5D's having a true sense of self-worth in any emotional or psychologically 'human' way, but I think when analyzing that (and his behavior that could definitely be labeled some form of suicidal) it's important to approach it less from a "oh what [abuse/traumatic event/negative feedback] has he personally been through to cause this" and more from a "what are the circumstances of Primo's creation and how does that effect him." The former is still an important element of course, but it's a bit of a disservice to his character to attempt to 100% separate him from Aporia when dissecting what's going on with him; one really can't exist without the other! (i.e. Primo was only brought into being via Aporia's memories and suffering, and Aporia as we see him in-show only can be brought into being when the emperors fuse....the cyclical infinite nature of these characters runs very very deep hehehe)

imo it's not an either/or situation with Primo's despair--I think his completely fucked sense of self worth stems from the trauma he's inherited by being a piece of Aporia AND the bullshit he deals with from his peers currently AND, also, the inescapable fact that Primo was Created To Act Under a Specific Set of Parameters. more after the cut, lots of analyzing this miserable Swordbot9000, apologies for the Epic of Gilgacidomesh

Primo is not human. IM NOT SAYING THAT TO BE MEAN TO HIM OR ANYTHING he's just Literally Not a Flesh and Blood Human Being; he's a machine created from a dead man's memories and emotions by Just Some Guy who thinks he's god, and due to this Primo has deemed himself Above humankind--better than them, more capable than them. Sometime I need to go off more on my Emperors analysis discussing the fact that theyre basically Mechanical Angels, BUT FOR NOW I think a very core trait of Primo's is the fact he doesn't see himself as human, and he takes great pride in that. He's less come from hell himself, I'd say, and more or less come forth from Someone Else's Hell and Now He Has to Live With That. And also he is completely, almost desperately devoted to his God. If anything, he sees himself as a tool blessed by god Himself, with a great power he will use to enact justice upon this wretched timeline.

He sees saving the future as a very important task he needs to complete (and he DESPERATELY wants to be the one to complete it himself, more on that in a moment,) and I think that in part is why he's so excited about "finally being able to rest" and welcoming his fate--it means that he has completed what he was made to accomplish, the way a computer would complete a process, and why would he ever want to "save" himself from savoring that experience? (reminds me of how in TF6 lester is like "why would I want to run away?" re: trying to escape the Ark Cradle crashing into the city--it's not just a Primo thing, this sort of lack of self preservation!) (Also considering primo's track record of failed plans, no wonder he would be Especially obsessed with completing the Circuit and getting the cream of the crop "glorious honor" of dying in Z-one's name in God's Very Citadel and preventing the catastrophic future. That IS his will to live; he doesn't know how to have another one 😬) Dying in the process of the Ark Cradle crashing onto New Domino isn't seen as a 'sacrifice' for these guys I don't think; it's seen as an inevitable conclusion to what they were brought into existence for.

(Also, while we never really get complete confirmation on this, I do think Z-one also Definitely programmed the Emperors to worship him, to act with such dedication to the cause, to work ceaselessly towards their goals despite years (centuries?) of failures, and not stop, not give up. And I think that, alongside the fact they're effectively gijinkas of the most traumatic moments of Aporia's life, robots built from misery, quite literally Embodiments of Despair, that's not just flavor text. It's what powers them. And it explains a Lot of why they act the way they do, especially with regards to something like Primo's 'suicidal' behavior. In fact, I don't even think they would see this way of thinking as "suicidal," even, since that implies being alive in the first place, and the emperors…um. don't see themselves as 'alive!!!' :,) kind of fucked up to think about!!!!!)

OK SORRY FOR THAT TANGENT IT'S JUST SOMETHING I THINK A LOT ABOUT WITH THESE GUYS the inherent discussion of humanity when it comes to a robot. anyway, re: the way Primo's peers treat him, yeah i don't think that's helping much !!! Primo seeks approval like he'll die without it, he's an android copy of how much it Sucks To Be 19; like I said above, he desperately wants to be the one to complete the Circuit, to save the future, in the dub he basically states he wants to be God's Favorite, so course that brings him into conflict with Jakob (the implied actual Favorite,) of course Z-one apparently REPEATEDLY not giving a shit about him is doing damage to his psyche.

He gets clowned on and demeaned by effectively all of his coworkers (including and especially these other pieces of himself) (good GOD), no one even seems to LIKE HIM. LIKE. AT ALL, of course he wants to feel important to someone!! he probably (definitely) thinks if he can complete the Circuit he'll win favor with God, get the respect and attention he craves. I've talked before about how I feel like Z-one condemned his dead friends to the same loneliness he's become cursed with, and you REALLY see that with the Emperors and Primo especially. Aporia got split into threes and all three of 'em somehow ended up even lonelier than they would have been as one body--Primo is SUCH A MISERABLY LONELY GUY. HE DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO INTERACT WITH PEOPLE LIKE A NORMAL PERSON BECAUSE HE WASNT PROGRAMMED TO BE A NORMAL PERSON.

sure yeah his chronically unpleasant to be around attitude doesn't help, but in the Tag Force games you see these repeated little moments where you can tell he enjoys your company, he's Excited to spend time with you. I get the impression half of him thinking you should be happy to die too is just that he's so excited to share what he considers the ultimate culmination of what he was created to do with you (if TF5 is considered 'canon' in TF6 he might even be under the idea youre also an android--but that's a kettle of fish for a different time, primo's TF5 route is also insane). This isn't suicide to him! This is saving potentially billions of people! This is something really important to him, and he wants to share it with you!! Our hard work will pay off and we can rest!! This is the highest holy honor you can have!!!!! Aren't you excited???

I just wouldn't say his continued agonies are Solely hinged on what's happening to him currently, nor are they what are driving him to this supposed lack of something to live for (again, since ridding the world of Momentum IS his something to live and persevere for, since that's what he was made to do.) I'd argue they're definitely external factors exasperating an internal problem built into his very code, though, and it just makes Primo's situation all the more harrowing to think about. He has got so much shit going on with him and none of it is good. "I feed off my own despair" OK COOL BUT THAT'S NOT A GOOD THING, DUDE. BEING A MACHINE POWERED BY YOUR OWN MISERY AND ANGER IS NOT SOMETHING TO BE PROUD OF. He was literally Built to Harbor Someone Else's Agony. If you keep dropping straws on a camel who was born with a back already covered in 'em, of course it's only gonna get worse, regardless of how much the camel thinks suffering makes him stronger and above humanity!!!

I do agree, though, that things maybe would have gone so much differently if someone outwardly, properly expressed love and affection to this poor guy. If someone told him he mattered in a way beyond his programming and divine mission. That taunt in Duel Links, the way he actually says it, it comes off as almost this snarling scornful jeer, but he looks so sopping wet sad saying it.

He is the embodiment of "losing those who you love" and you have to wonder how that manifests with him, despite the fact that, like... he doesn't Know Eurea. he didnt even know she existed until Z-one put him back together and told him the truth of what he is. I wonder if Primo feels the itch to inflict that same pain of losing your closest love on other people (a trait Aporia also Very Much Has.) Or if he's written himself off as unlovable entirely (😢)... or if 'disgusting humans' are just beneath his sky high standards. And, yeah, you really do have to wonder why he doesn't class the rest of Iliaster as someone to love, why he gets along so poorly with the other Emperors in the first place. Did Z-one also program them to not fucking get along with each other??? Was this also some 6D chess bullshit to actually hinder their progress even more??? Is this indicative of just how bad Aporia's mental state was/is????? CAN WE KNOW!!!

this is all just theorizing and guesswork at the end of the day, but it's a lot to think about, and i love ruminating on it. I personally think Primo's fixation on having no one to love stems from a combination of things, and the fact some of it is coming from these vague feelings of agony baked into him from when Aporia lost Eurea is, like, GOD. MAN. I also think at least a little of it may be just that Primo thinks he doesnt 'deserve' anyone to love properly, and also that the Emperors are so divorced from humanity in their eyes that to "love" one another, or to see each other as 'family', is absurd and a waste of time (though if they actually fully believe that, who knows--it definitely seems like Primo cares quite a bit about Lester. wahhh ;;; ) Like. They're literally this post. In the Tag Force games Primo always acts kind of jumpy and almost shy when youre nice to him??!? HE DOESNT KNOW THAT ONE. AND IT'S SO SAD.

WOW. OK. THIS GOT AWAY FROM ME A BIT. APOLOGIES!! tl;dr: yeah Primo's sense of self-worth is complete dogshit, the ghost of Aporia's suffering over a woman Primo has never met or known haunts his circuitboards in a way that can't be ignored, and that plus the fact he gets treated with disdain by his closest cohorts (which may be due to their God's 'divine' decisions) are definitely exasperating his issues and behavior. BUT, that being said, that's actually probably the least of why he's shown to be so excited to die, and the actual reasons that seem to be at play are a lot more horrifying! :D Primo largely sees himself as a means to end rather than as a person (he is a beautiful machine, a half motorcycle agent of justice and punishment, and far mightier and above miserable humans like Yusei Fudo,) and THAT'S largely because he was programmed by his creator to see himself that way. He is a computer built to complete a task and shut itself down. He was made to serve his God at the request of His long dead best friend for the good of a future he isn't meant to actually see.

i dont really have a conclusion, but I think a lot about this post with regards to the Three Pure Nobles.

Maybe Primo could have grown beyond his programming, if he'd been exposed more properly to love and kindness. and i hope you want more for him too. im going to bed and going to think about this until i fall asleep. ok bye

[cosmicheartz]

More in-depth details abt Crystal and Clems falling out that happens in my hc/au along with a couple hcs

CW for mentions of suicide/self harm, parental abuse/neglect, bullying and toxic relationships

So in the post I made abt my hcs for older Crystal and Clem I mentioned they had a falling out during Clems last year at camp and I thought I’d talk about how it happened

Before I talk about that I wanna talk a bit about my hcs/speculations on both of their home lives bc it does come into play

CLEM: so its heavily implied on his campster that he and his dad don’t have a good relationship along with his dad being verbally abusive to him

We don’t have any info on his mom but I think she either A. Is out of the picture ( death, divorce etc ) B. Similarly abusive or C. Enables her husbands abuse towards his son ( either due to not caring or fear of also being abused )

I also feel like his dad would be physically abusive too ( to what severity I’m unsure )

When Clem gets older he’s either kicked out or he runs away. A scenario I have in mind that would lead to that is that he finally retaliates against his father ( most likely with psi powers and possibly leading to his fathers death or injury )

I think that Clem is also extremely envious of the campers who have happy ( or presumably happy ) home lives, it could be somewhat implied depending on how you interpret the tone on this post on Elton’s campster

So yea he has a really rough home life

He also most likely barely has any friends in his hometown too.

CRYSTAL: we don’t really have any canonical info on her home life so I’ll just talk about my personal interpretation

Compared to Clem her home life isn’t as “ bad “ but is still shitty. I feel like her parents could neglectful/distant and would dismiss their daughters clear mental health struggles ( ie oh it’s just a phase/I’ve had similar issues when I was her age but I pushed though it )

I’ve also seen some interpretations of them being very religious which I im not sure if I hc that but it’s interesting to think about.

Personally I think the major factor to her depression is that she’s severely bullied/ostracized at school ( especially if she’s in an area where there’s little to no psychics )

Another thing I’d like to note is that compared to Clem it seems that some of the other campers are genuinely worried about her mental state

I excluded Elka, Kitty and Nils bc they didn’t seem all that geniune/had ulterior motives ( I also omitted Chops replying to Bennys comment bullying her bc idk if that would fully count but I personally think he’s concerned for her well-being )

Clem doesn’t exactly have this on his campster

Sure he has positive testimonies but none of them seem to be concerned about his mental state compared to Crystals

^ This is the closest thing we have and even then Milka doesn’t seem to be all that concerned but moreso confused on why he was stealing the drain-o

I think that ends up affecting Clem and causes him to become jealous of Crystal but bottles up those feelings because he doesn’t want to bother her with his issues.

Anyways after the events of psychonauts 1/the campers having their brains stolen/Crystal and Clems “ project “ Crystal starts to be like “ oh shit maybe I should try and better my mental health “ it’s tough at first for her but she does genuinely wanna get better. She starts reaching out to the counselors ( both the canonical ones like Milla and some personal oc counselors since I hc that there’s more counselors than Sasha Milla and Coach ) along with the other campers ( Phoebe I think is one of the campers she starts to hang out with more often )

Clem however doesn’t hold the same viewpoints and throws himself in the cycle of faking positivity and partaking in self harm/planning his next “ project “. Eventually he stops the faking positivity altogether and just becomes incredibly withdrawn and kind of rude/snappy to the other campers

Crystal tries to help him but she can only do so much. It’s also pretty mentally/emotionally taxing for her bc Clem tries to drag her down with his cynicism so she starts to hang out with him less ( she still makes sure he’s not harming himself )

Clem takes notice of the fact Crystal is less keen on hanging out with him and it makes his jealously worse. It gets to the point where he can’t bottle it up anymore and he starts to become kinda cold to her? Also manipulative to an extent bc he notices that regarding their suicide pact she’s been “ flaking out “ along with making her promise to not tell anyone about what happened during that one summer.

It causes Crystal a lot of distress and her mental state starts to regress. Someone notices ( ie a camper or counselor ) and asks if she’s ok to which she tells them everything ( the suicide pact she and Clem had and how she’s concerned for his mental state ). Crystal also begs them not to tell Clem that she said that if they end up deciding to confront him about it.

When someone inevitably confronts Clem about what Crystal told them ( ie his suicidal tendencies and he and crystals attempting a suicide pact that one summer ) he immediately knows that Crystal blabbed.

This results in a huge argument between them with Crystal trying to reason with Clem and him finally spilling out his bottled up feelings towards her. He says some pretty nasty things to her in an attempt to make her feel worse and Crystal ends up saying some choice things too.

Afterwards Clem gives her the cold shoulder ( even when Crystal tries to apologize for what she said ) and basically becomes reclusive. He’s just waiting to get out of this stupid camp.

So Clem graduates from whispering rock without so much as a goodbye to Crystal

Crystal feels so awful about it which results in her going through a really bad mental health situation. Luckily she has a support system to help her get through it even if it’s only at camp.

Her home life is still pretty bad but she does end up getting a therapist ( though her parents aren’t exactly thrilled about it ) and she starts to hone her skills in levitation along with learning mental projection and psi punch. She also becomes pen pals with some of the former campers including Phoebe, Quentin and Lili ( she doesn’t fully reconnect with Raz until she starts her internship )

Crystal starts her internship at Pyschonauts when she’s around 15 and reconnects with her camp friends including Raz. She often hangs out with Lili so she and Raz end up becoming pretty close ( she ends up gaining a small crush on both him and Lili and maybe Phoebe later down the line bc I think they’re cute )

I haven’t decided on who her mentor would be yet though. Maybe Gisu or Morris bc they seemingly specialize in levitation? I’ll need to continue watching Holly play pyschonauts 2 to know for sure. I love @/doodle17s idea of her having psyball rollerblades/roller skates so I’m thinking of using that idea for her

Meanwhile Clem is in spiral which results in him hating humanity and starts to become a villain. At first it was pretty minor/petty crime things but as he got older it the crimes became more serious to the point he’s getting involved with the psychic mafia ( ran by Maloof )

Crystal does still attempt to check in with Clem though to usually no avail ( the only reason she knows he’s not dead is bc she’s in contact with Mikhail who has contact with Clem along with him occasionally responding though it’s very rare for him to and if he does it’s very a short/blunt conversation )

I’m still trying to hash out on the details on when they “ reunite “ ( deciding between when she becomes a junior psychonaut or when she ends up tagging along on a mission with Raz and co )

[whump-captain]

ehhhhh work rant under

im gonna have a 1-1 call with the managers about "what can be done so that i feel better in the supervisor position" etc and the reason for that literally half of the supervisors have quit within the last like 2 weeks (for the same company no less it was a little bit funny) along with like 6 other staff and the boss is like DESPERATE to keep people

and the issue is that ive decided like a good half year ago that im going to quit the Second i get my freelancing legs under me so there. really isn't anything they can do. to keep me.

and it's weird bc the guy leading those calls is geniunely passionate and geniunely worried and geniunely wants everyone to be happy enough in the company to stay

and i have to come up w/ a gentle and diplomatic way to tell him that he's missed the chance. while remembering how it felt when i cared as well and trying to convey that i. don't. anymore. but also not burning the bridge until im ready.

also ive been in pain legit every day for like 5 months and the entire thing is yet another problem that i do Not have the strength to be dealing with in this state

[kirishimas-manly-eyeliner]

aksjsk ellie!!! my darling!!! my wifey!!! my bestie!!! the light of my life!!! <3

oKAY IK I HAVENT BEEN VERY ACTIVE OR RESPONSIVE IM SORRY I HAVENT BEEN FEELING TOO WELL AND IM TRYING REALLY HARD SKDNWND :’) JUST KNOW ILY W ALL MY HEART OKAY U MAKE ME SO HAPPY MWAH MWAH MWAH!!! >:))) <333 💘💖💗💞💕

pspspsp may i request number 26 w my boi shinsou please? <33 i think my answer to that question would probably be my soul. sounds dramatic ik but i wish i had someone to share my problems, dumb thoughts, not so dumb thoughts, random things im thinking abt, (etc.) w no judgment yk?? and that they could trust me to do it back bc yES 👁👁 oh! and my song would probably be airplane mode by limbo <3

sORRY FOR THIS BEING REALLY LONG ILYSM SKDNSKDNWD <3333 💕💓💖💓💖💘💗

26. COMPLETE THIS SENTENCE: “I WISH I HAD SOMEONE WHOM I COULD SHARE...” 

𝐇𝐈𝐓𝐎𝐒𝐇𝐈 𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐒𝐎𝐔 || SHINSOU’S DORM AT 4AM || HURT/COMFORT

“is black a color or the absence of light?” shinsou asks quietly, sitting up from his bed. you yawn, rubbing the sleep away from your eyes. 

“hmm?”

“no, just.. weird midnight thoughts,” he whispers. “well, dawn, i suppose.”

it was your turn to jolt out of bed. “no, i get those a lot, too. what’s up?”

shinsou chuckles to himself. “it was just from this weird dream i had. i was asked if black was a color or the absence of light, and now i’m not too sure. it’s been bugging me since i woke up.”

“well,” you say, hand on chin as you think. “should we... google it or something?”

“no,” shinsou says. “it was a dumb question anyway.”

for a few moments, the ticking clock and the whir of the heaters in the dorm was the only sound that filled the silence.

shinsou shifts in the blanket sheets and slowly inches towards you. “you um, said you got weird midnight thoughts before, too. would you mind if i asked what they were?”

your eyes light up at that as you nod. “yeah! i’ve had a few, like.. these random stupid facts i remember at two in the morning. like-- whose idea was it to milk a cow? did they just look at them and go hehe today’s a good day to squeeze a cow?”

that gets a laugh out of shinsou as a smile makes its way to his face. 

“right? another one would be like,, right as the tiniest bit of light reaches my room, i remember the speed of light. according to google, it’s-” you take out your phone and point towards your screen. “299 792 458 m / s ???”

shinsou nods. “do you also get weird questions that show up in your brain with no context?”

“mhm!” you hum. “definitely. all the time. some chaotic, some a little darker than others.”

that makes shinsou face you directly as he raises an eyebrow. “if you don’t mind me asking... darker?”

“no it’s just- you know, the intrusive unwanted overthinking thoughts of the universe coming down on me every now and then. i sometimes stay up all night just... thinking. but it’s not really my place to say though, because i know that you probably sleep early, and-”

“no,” shinsou interuppts. “i was dreaming pretty lightly up until when i asked you the question,” he says, scratching the back of his head. 

after a few more moment of silence, he adds, “it’s the caffiene.”

you laugh slightly in agreement. “yeah, so i usually just stay up on my phone, trying to distract myself instead of giving my thoughts attention.”

“if it’s alright with you... would you ever want to talk it out?”

“nononono, it’s alright!” you plant a smile on your face. “i couldn’t ask that of you if you don’t get anything in-”

“i don’t need anything in return, i mean, we’re dating. it’s.. kind of my job?” his fingers intertwine with yours as he kisses your knuckles. “but if it makes you feel better, i can also share some things in my life, too?”

you grin, geniunely, this time. “i’d love that, hitoshi.”

36 QUESTIONS (OPEN)

[symphonicmetal101]

Babysitting in the Devildom

Chapter Six: Beel- Dinner Indifference

"Beel n-"

Solomon had to cast a teleportation spell before he could even finish his sentence. Beel's wings fluttered furiously as he burst through a portal and into Solomons arms instead. He immediatly clamped down on Solomons shoulder and started to chew. Solomon sighed as he watched his cloak get drooled on, big violet eyes watching him back as more of the cloth disappeared into his mouth.

Solomon paused. Should he take Beel to you? You seemed to know what you were doing but you also already had Asmo and portioning out food for the rest of the kids...Beel would be in the presence of food either way. He glanced back down and the chipmunk-cheeked Beel and considered trying to take the cloak out of his mouth.  Buuuuut if Beel cried again it was his fault, again...but he really shouldnt be eating fabric...not that it would ruin his appetite but-

He was running out of time to make a decision as the delivery person made their way back to the door. Beel seemed content eating his cloak for now. Beel would be fine, right? Yeah- its Beel. Solomon tightened his grip just slightly on the baby as he approached the front door again, ready to take the bags.

He should have taken Beel to you.

It was like fighting Taz from Looney Toons as Solomon stumbled about, half eaten cloak and a blur of movement around him as he used small portals to keep the bag of food away from Beel.

Barbatos had walked into the kitchen with Luke, wondering if he could help somehow. You had taken Luke from him and used one hand while also sometimes directing him on how to help you while Asmo followed behind him to make sure each plate "looked pretty". Everything was going really well....until the other bag of food appeared suddenly in your free hand and you heard a demonic screech come from the hallway and a loud buzzing noise which was curiously silenced soon after, though Asmo had given you wide berth after hearing that. You sighed and asked Barb to continue portioning things and to go tell the rest of the kids that if they had to go to the bathroom, the time was now. You held Luke close to you as you ventured just outside the kitchen doors and nearly bumped into Solomon.

".....I can expl-"

"Why is Beel eating your clothes?"

You didnt really want to laugh for fear of waking Luke up, but a wide silly smile bloomed on your face as you watched Beel use both his tiny fists to stuff more of Solomons cloak into his mouth, wide eyes staring at you as he cooed a bit and continued to stuff his face, Solomons cloak almost gone.

Solomon had a combination of exasperation and amusement on his face. "Uh...well I didnt want him to cry or attack the food- o-or you so I.....I fed him my cloak."

"....wHY? Earlier you were summoning food for him- you could have done that again right- or multiplied the food we already have even if he ate the bags worth of food-"

You were still smiling, the whole situation a little ridiculous as Beel finished Solomons cloak and started to sniffle, pouting and making grabby hands to the air for more.

Solomon paused before a goofy smile spread across his face as he summoned a popsicle to give to Beel. "I. Dont. Know." He laughed a bit before smiling fondly at you. "This is why you're the one in charge." He started to walk past you into the kitchen, but not before a quick kiss was planted on your temple and a small smirk at your expression was given to you. You gave yourself a moment before joining him and Barb, and a slightly startled looking Asmo.

".....can I have a posicle before dinner too?"

Asmo looked up at Solomon, pleading who just shrugged. "Thats not up to me." He looked at you and smirked a bit. *Motherfucker*

Asmo gasped and skipped his way to you, big, pleading amber eyes as he batted his eyelashes. "May I have a posicle before dinner too please? Pretty please with a cherry on top?"

It was too much. From the way he asked politely, to the way he said popsicle, to his little pose and big ole eyes-

You looked around the table of happy faces as all the kids destroyed popsicles that Solomon had summoned for them, all save for Beel, Barb, Diavolo, and Lucifer untouched food in front of them.

"POPSICLES FOR DINNNNNERRRRR!"

"They said we still have to eat our food if we want to have dessert tomorrow."

"But I'm not hungry anymore..."

"....I guess I can try to eat some food but Im full from the popsicle..."

"LOOKIT IM PUTTING MY FRIES IN MY ICE CREAM!  But I aint havin the green stuff, thats yucky."

"You're yucky Mammon."

"HEY-"

"My father would NEVER let me do this!! Thank you MC!!!!"

A chorus of thank yous came from all of the kids, luckily before another fight. You sighed softly and forced a small smile as you said "youre welcome". You figured they wouldnt eat their food if they had popsicles. The bigger kids had eaten their food, and Beel had no problem eating his portion and Belphies who....oh. Belphie was sleeping in his mashed potatoes. You glanced around the table again, noting all the sticky faces and hands and...bodies in Satan and Luke's case. Solomon looked exhausted as he summoned another piece of food for Beel. Asmo was trying so hard to eat some more of his food but only ate a few more bites and looked a little upset. Mammon had eaten his fries, at least.

".....if youre full, give your food to Beel. Dont make yourself eat anymore, its ok. I just need to talk to Sol for a minute, ok?" You smiled as you walked to take Belphie out of his highchair and gestured to Solomon to put Beel in. He was a little confused but did so as you wiped some of the potatoes off Belphies face.

Levi spoke up very quietly. "Can we still have dessert tomorrow if we didnt finish our food for dinner?" The sound of plates being pushed towards Beel paused as the kids all looked at you, waiting for an answer.

".....it depends on how well you eat your breakfast tomorrow.." you smiled as the kids thanked you again as you asked Barb and Lucifer to make sure Beel didnt eat the actual plates as you took Solomon and Belphie into the kitchen.

"How are you feeling...you look exhausted.." geniune concern on your face once you had Solomon basically alone. His face twisted slightly and he sighed. "I had hoped the rejuevenating spell I casted would re-energize me more than it did...why? Are you worried?~" he smirked slightly, though it fell just short of smug. You rolled your eyes a bit and ruffled is hair, your turn to smirk as his face turned light pink and started to protest, pouting when you stopped, though you werent sure if it was because you stopped or because you ruffled his hair in the first place. You stopped his protesting by asking your next question, also avoiding answering his question. "Do you have enough energy to clean all of them or am I going to bathe them in an actual bath..."

"....I? It should be we..."

"Well if you're tired you should rest...I'll need your help tomorrow too..."

"I can sleep after the baths..."

"But if we're doing the baths then I need you to cast one last spell to keep the water in the tubs..."

"So I'll sleep after that spell...maybe..."

You gave him a withering look before sighing, though appreciative of his stubborness....for once. You smiled a bit.

"Alright then. Bath time. Especially for the babies. The bigger ones can probably just shower.... Belphie, Luke and Satan need baths the most. Beel made sure his food ended up *in* his mouth....the others..." you chuckled as you peeked back into the dining room, seeing only Barbatos' face clean, and Lucifer and Asmo both fussing over the little mess they had on themselves, Lucifer using Asmos mirror, and Asmo following Lucifers every action to get clean. You brought your attention back to the sleeping Belphie in your arms.

"....do you think he'll stay asleep for bath time?"

"Its Belphie. He could sleep through anything."

"Dont jinx it." You sighed softly and looked out at the kids again, some playing tag, others just watching. Satan continued to mash his food onto the platter in front of him, Luke giggling and copying in glee. Solomon tapped your shoulder to get your attention again.

"Are you ok? The bags under ypur eyes could hold all my potions-"

"Shut up- maybe if a certain sorceror had been more careful I wouldnt be as tired....not to mention the popsicle before dinner was a bad mov-" you were interrupted by Barb lightly tapping your arm.

"Sorry to interrupt, but I was just wondering if you want me to wash the dishes or just leave them in water in the sink....or if you have a dishwasher..." you were a little surprised when you turned and saw him carrying all the dishes from the table, and Lucifer behind him with garbage. Simeon was wiping down the table with a cloth, but gave the younger ones in high chairs some room. Diavolo was trying to talk to Lucifer, who just kinda kept nodding and saying "oh thats cool" before looking at you almost desperately. His look brought you back to your senses as you nodded at Barb.

"Just in the sink with water is fine, thank you Barbatos. Thank you for cleaning up Lucifer, Simeon. It makes a huge difference to me."

Barb and Simeon beamed, and Lucifer managed a small smile before shooting Diavolo a dirty look, but the other boy didnt notice, too busy rambling on about how this was so much better than home for the upteenth time. Ypu ruffled Lucifers hair as he walked by, and noted Diavolo's slight stumble in words as he eyed you a bit, but rushed past to go talk to Barb, glancing back at you, almost pleading, though your attention was divided again as you felt Levi hug you and snuggle into your side wordlessly. You patted his head softly and turned back to Solomon.

"I'll answer that question later. For now lets clean up. Then bath time."

Levi squeezed you a bit and beamed. "I love bath time!! I can do it myself! I promise, I can! I can!"

Though Levi couldnt see it, Mammon was mocking him from behind. You gave him a bit of a "look" before the hem of your shirt was being tugged at and you were met with those same amber eyes that had persuaded you into giving everyone treats for dinner. "I love bath time too! Me too! But you have to watch me. I make great bubble hair dos! A-and guess what? In the water, it might look like I have legs, but really Im a mermaid!"

"And Im a sea dragon!!" Levi cried out, still wanting your attention. "And Asmo, you're not really a mermaid-"

"Am too!"

"Are no-"

"Everyone can be who or whatever they want to be, in the water or otherwise. Fooooor example, I'm actually a sheep, see I go baaaaa" you smiled softly, and winked at Levi before turning to Asmo again who was practically dancing at your side, bursting to ask you a question. "Whats the prettiest animal you like mc?!!!"

"....whats your favourite sea animal mc?"

"Whats the coolest animal mc! No wait- whats your favourite animal?!"

"Yeah, whats your favourite animal?!"

"Oi, I asked em first!"

"Guys its ok, you can all be my or your favourite animal. Theres more than one of each." You chuckled, listing off animals as more questions were asked, meowing at Satan as you handed Belphie to Sol and took him out of his chair, who happily meowed back as you lead your noisy little zoo to the communal bathroom.

Masterlist

[darthmaulification]

Hey I got this idea. What if reader, SO whatever, is an assasin، or a bounty hunter after Mauls head, or a jedi, they want to kill maul, that's what Im saying. Maybe when he was the mandalore. They sneak up on him but he got the force he knows. Epic badass battle. After one long hell of a fight he gets the better hand. Darksaber near readers neck but he hesitates. They can be a great tool because they nearly got him right? In the midfle of a planet full of warriors and mercenaries. So he's thinking to offer them to join him but they're looking deep in his eyes. He's unsettled. Out of character for him, he wonders. Then they say something that Maul could've never expected.

"Do it. It's ok." The assassin says. With a soft smile. a geniun look in their eyes not even the best actors and spies can pull off.

And he sees through them. The pain, the suffering they'd seen. This whole charade is not for money. Not for the betterment of the world. Not even for fun. It's suicide.

He is an embodiment of life itself. He is unfair. Harsh. He takes to thrive. He doesn't know it himself of course.

What he knows is revenge. And he LIVES for it. This man tricked and fooled death so many times people are begining to wonder if he's a god. Mauls story is tragic. From the beginning till the end. And it makes him angry. He's unjust because justice was never shown to him. After all he went through, he deserves to take what he wants. At least that's what he thinks.

But this one. The exact opposit of him. This person on their knees with the most dangerous weapon threatening to behead them, smiles and it's......sad. they went through hell and apparently it never went away. It haunts them. He sees in their mind. But unlike him, they accepted their fate. That the world cannot change. They will never see justice. They can never rest. The only peace they will recieve is death. And.....

It shook Maul to his core. How? Why? They just accept? and all the people did them wrong still live?

Maul is baffaled. For once in his life, he doesn't know what to do. He takes another look at his killer and see they're no longer smiling. Their face blank. Their mind is.......empty.

This helplessness. This acceptance. Its........not even pathetic.

He turns off the saber. Assassin looks up at him. Face still blank. He reaches his hand to them.

They take it.

A/N: WOW. OKAY. so you really just said this, huh??? you just brought this to my house and placed it on my dining room table??? 👁👄👁

i like this idea a lot. and i don’t know why, but it gives me the vibes of the movie Killing Them Softly (2012), and if you or anyone’s seen the film (see it if you haven’t, it’s good), maybe it makes sense??? i don’t know, the energy of ‘emotionally and mentally drained bounty hunter/hitman who feels like they have nothing to lose and is kinda giving up on life and the world’ makes a really interesting type of character.

i wrote out this weird little companion piece thingy to yours, that follows the prompt you’ve already laid out, though i have a bit of a different conclusion, one that’s a bit less... happy. it’s still hopeful, though, maybe just not as obvious. 😊

content: implied mental health issues, mental disintegration/fracturing, downward spiral, implied breakdown, 🚨suicidal ideation🚨, this is all written in tidbits tbh, gn!reader, there’s not really any real plot/story going on in this one, implied reader’s villain origin story?? 💀💀 oops.

word count: 708 (short ‘n sweet)

enjoy! 💗

Let’s say Reader is force sensitive. Maybe they were a Jedi at one point, but they’d always kind of been... different than other padawans. Reader never really fit in, never really “got it”, y’know? And so that grows for years until something happens, maybe Reader fucks up or there’s some other catalyst, but it leads to Reader becoming disillusioned with the Jedi Code and abandoning the order. Maybe they leave dishonored and angry, maybe they leave quietly, with an aching numbness about them. It doesn’t really matter to them, not really.

Needless to say, Reader is on their own now, just wandering the galaxy with no purpose, planet hopping, not staying anywhere for too long. Reader starts to implode, self-destruct, they turn unforgiving, reckless. Maybe Reader starts to visit cantinas and get shitfaced drunk, waste away their credits at brothels or gambling. Maybe, Reader even begins to lose grasp on their moral compass, and start doing... bad things.

And then the downward spiral all comes to a head when, somehow, Reader gets in the way of Maul and his mission, probably by mistakenly messing with the Death Watch or some lackey’s of Maul’s crime syndicate and the Crimson Dawn. Regardless, Reader and Maul clash, like you’ve mentioned, and honestly it’s just Reader’s last fucking stand. Like, they’re done now. Have been for years, but this is finally the moment.

Reader gets the Darksaber to their neck, and it’s over now. And then Maul hesitates.

[Do it. It’s okay.]

And like you’ve mentioned, Maul can see it, can feel it too if Reader is force sensitive. And Maul will get angry at this. He wanted a fight and a satisfying win over the person who’s been causing him trouble, not some pyrrhic victory over an opponent that would welcome the death he gives them. Maul is an old-fashioned warrior, so he would see this type of surrender as pathetic. weak. This is when he fully realizes what you’ve mentioned:

[This whole charade is not for money. Not for the betterment of the world. Not even for fun. It's suicide.]

The fight is over, and Maul knows that Reader wants it to be. Unexpectedly and completely unprompted, Maul sees himself in Reader. They’re both victims to the absolute Hell that the galaxy can and has dished out, they’ve both been wronged, both have hit rock bottom and somehow went even lower. Maul sees now that he had the valuable asset of wrath to pull himself from the hole he was plunged into. He sees that Reader is still stuck in theirs, has decided to die in it.

Maul isn’t a believer in giving up. he fights; scratches, bites, and claws his way to the top until he’s won over and over again. Like you said, he’s baffled that Reader is accepting their fate, wanting it. Maul fought against his supposed end, he can’t wrap his head around why Reader desires theirs.

The Darksaber will leave Reader’s neck and be sheathed.

Maul won’t offer any comfort, he won’t offer his hand, won’t help Reader up. That’s not the type of person he is, never will be. He’ll let Reader wallow in the self-pity, melancholy, surprise, and flash of anger that’ll rear up when he doesn’t kill them, because Maul wants Reader to feel it. He wants them to get angry. It’s time they did.

“Stand up.”

Maul will say, and he’ll sneer down at Reader like they’re the pile of bantha shit they think they are. Reader won’t make eye contact, won’t say anything, will be too ashamed to reply in any way to the man that spared their life, because they didn’t want him to. It will be utterly humiliating. It will also be infuriating.

So Reader will stand up. They will stand up, because now they have to. They will stand up, because now it’s become harder to die, harder because now Maul makes it harder. Reader will stand up, fury and embarrassment wills them to. They will stand up, and Maul will offer Reader something that he will give this time:

“Forget your sadness, it doesn’t control you anymore. Be angry. Stop at nothing, and make the galaxy kneel.”

Reader decides to start with the Jedi.

They smile.

[mellointheory]

first opinion: oooo big blog wow so cool oh wait he writes?? woahh

current opinion: this person has fundamentally changed both my experiences online and myself as a person in the best way possible. i miss you when you're not online but i'm happy you are doing better. i see purple objects, think of you and smile to myself like i'm sharing a secret with a person half way across the world. i wish u happiness and health in every form you seek and i wish i could hug you tightly and say everything will be okay every time you say u aren't feeling good. (this got a bit out of hand sorry)

this is geniunely such a sweet ask gmhnmgnhmgnh im . fgjfga aaaAAA thank you wiggles you are . yeah i really like hanging out w u ur super cool mhhngnm,r

[franeridart]

Anon said: Are you still into krbk? I noticed you haven't draw them a lot recently (I don't mean to pressure you, I was just wondering)

I still very much am!!! but a convergence of unrelated happenings (my focus being unusually scattered, lack of general motivation, them not having interacted much in the manga lately, my having pulled out of the fandom a little for a bunch of reasons, having gotten into a lot of new things I want to make a lot of stuff for ??) had my output of stuff for them/inspiration related to them die down a lot ): I miss them though, I should fill a page with doodles of them one of these days... well, I haven’t drawn much in genereal lately, so maybe let’s start first with fixing that haha

Anon said: Fun Fact : In smash bros ultimate there are spirits with octopath traveler and they're in pairs and guess what ? Alfyn and Therion are together :3

I KNOW!!!!!! It makes me so emo I’m a bundle of feelings they’re soulmates I tell youuuuuuuuuuu ;;A;; (little inconsequential things making me a mess, what’s new xD) - another fun fact is that h’aanit and ophilia share one too!! and I ship them too!! and cyrus and tressa share one as well, and they’re my brother’s mains in his save! A series of delightful little coincidences haha

Anon said: Will you be drawing more Jujutsu Kaisen? I love your art sm and I would love to see more!!!!

Right now I feel like I want to spend the next ten years drawing these kids, so I sure hope so! But as I said my focus has been very scattered for the past three or so months, so I can’t promise anything ): let’s both enjoy it while it lasts haha

Anon said: You are my emotional support artist. I check back every once and a while and BOOM. Serotonin.

You’re too kind!!!! But thank you, I’m glad I can make you feel better! :D

Anon said: i'm super new to your art (and mha) and i just wanted to say your krbk stuff is just !!!!!!! it makes me so happy and makes my poor jaded heart feel something and it's just all around incredible!!!

Thank you so much!!!!!!!!!! I’m glad you like my way of portraying the kids!!!!

Anon said: I’m about to cry I’ve spent an hour looking though your bnha tag for that lil comic where Kiri hugs Baku and. It. Sent. Me. Back. To. The. Top. I didn’t even get to finish reading it. I’m so upset. So. So. So. Upset.

(same) Anon said: OH MY GOSH IT KEEPS SENDING ME TO THE TOO I HATE MOBILE AND LOVE YOU I LVOE YOU BUT THIS WEBSITE IS K I L L I N G ME I JIST WANNA SEE WHAT HAPPENS AS KIRI ATTEMPTS TO HUG BAKUGOU BUT NOOOO, AN HOUR OF MY TIME ISNT ENOUGH SAYS THE TIME STEALER

(samesame) Anon said: I. Found the hug thing. On Pinterest. In. Five. Seconds. I hate life but also it was really cute. Thank you but seriously I hate this website

The saga hahaha sorry anon I couldn’t get to you before you went out of your mind trying to find it, I got the asks in the middle of the night! Glad you could find it, though I’m kinda sad you had to look on pinterest for it (...sad it is on pinterest at all tbh) here it is anyway, if this is the one you were talking about! you really went back in the years for this one huh

Anon said: So for that thing that you made a w h i l e ago where Bakugou ruffles Kirishima’s hair, right? So I imagine Kiri is like w h a t and calls over Mina or Denki or Sero or all of them or something like that and tells them and is freaking out and they’re like “he wasn’t in the right mindset, you know he sleeps at 8:32” and make a joke out of it as Kiri is freaking out. And Kiri is freaking out soooo much as they are crying laughing on the floor at Bakugou’s sleeping schedule.

hahaha I’m sure he must have freaked out on them at some point after that, and bakugou must have done the same (probably with jirou, less likely but more hilarious with todoroki or tokoyami haha) - though, the original idea came from a bigger one where the scene in the comic didn’t bring them anywhere closer to getting together (or figuring out they’re into each other, for the matter lmao idiots) maybe one day I’ll get back on that >:]

Anon said: In your comments, you said “at this point my hands will never forget” and I had a nozaki-kun memory float into my head, imagining him sick and trying to make his deadline xD yes muscle memory

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! anon you have no idea how often I think about that hahaha yes, I say my hands won’t forget but we all know that’s exactly how it’ll end at some point lol

Anon said: dang this happens all the time like I follow someone for their bnha content and then like two months after following them I find out they used to make yowapeda content and im just sitting their like dang thats wild because bnha and yowapeda are like the only two animes I watch

ANON!!!! HI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Always so nice to find other ywpd fans!!!!!!!! Sorry I’m not making art for it anymore (for now) but despite my sister insisting I read the manga already I’ve been putting it off......for years lol but it’s on my reading list!! So maybe I’ll get back on it at some point!

Anon said: FRAN!!!!!! i love ur art so much and im trying to buy ur products on redbubble and i geniunely cant decide what to get!!!!! i tired asking my friend but she doesnt know which one either hahahahhahah ig i just wanted to send this because i really appreciate u and u are very talented. im sending u lots of high vibrations and love❤️🧡

THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!!!!! It means so much to me that you guys are still buying my stuff (TTATT) I should...........seriously update it..........gomen m(._.)m

Anon said:YES YES YEEES MORE ALFYON ON THE WAYYYYYY 💖💖💖💖💖 They're both the cutest really their ship is the beeest  Try reading some the alfyon fanfics if you have some time, they're really good ! The one i really recommend you is Crismonberries, blackberries by court_court on Ao3 !Your art is the best ever can't wait to see more octopath !!💖💖💖

Anon thank you SO MUCH for suggesting that fic to me I!!!!!!!!!!!! loved it so much I deep-dived into it and spent two straight days reading it it’s such a gem!!!!! ;;; bless you

Anon said: Have you watched Fullmetal Alchemist?

Hell yeah! Only Brotherhood though. I read the manga too tho!!

Anon said: Have you read Noragami? It’s one of my favourite manga, and the anime isn’t half bad either (still waiting for s3 tho lol) anyway it’s really good, concept-wise it’s similar to Soul Eater, I totally recommend

I watched the first season back when it aired! It’s not really my thing though ): feels a bit sad in that very specific way that always ends up just making me miserable as I keep reading............................... sorry

Anon said: I will never not be in love with your art. Everytime I'm feeling down and/or missing the boys I scroll through your krbk tag and it reminds me exactly of why I love them so much and I'm so thankful for that. Your brand of krbks is the one I love the most and honestly thank you so much for all your marvelous art of them and of other things as well because you art is just so pretty and I love seeing your ocs and other fandom art 💕💕💕

Anon I love you......................... ;;;;; thank you so much, you have no idea how much this means to me (oTT^TT)o<3

[heywardsarchive]

Heyy can you write with harry? Where harry and reader are dating and when Harry and reader are alone harry is being all needy clingy touchy touchy kisses hugs cuddles all cute but reader is a bit uncomfortable because she is shy. After a few attempts of trying to warm her up(this part maybe a bit smutty if you write smut) harry  gives her space and he is heartbroken bc she is not comfortable with him yet? And then they make up this time she pushes herself out of her comfort zone. Im sorry this is so specific but i thought it would be cute. And harry is so underrated he deserves more imagines. I would be so happy if you can write this!! Love you😻

Requests are closed btw!

So um I don't write smut mainly because I'm a minor and I also cannot write make out scenes because I legit know nothing about it and whatever I know is from other fanfics that I've read. Anyway so be prepared for cringe writing<3

Summary: reader is having a bad day and Harry tries to make her feel better with cuddles and maybe a bit more but she's afraid and refuses fo go any further. (Consent is important kids, always respect people's boundries)

Pairing: Harry Potter x female reader Word count: 1.1k

Warnings: uh a badly written heated kiss, slight angst, my bad writing. (Lmk if I missed anything!)

****



(Not my gif)

Y/n was having a horrible day. Nothing was going right. First she got a letter from her mother saying that her favourite cousin would not be visiting them that Christmas. Then she brewed her potion wrong and got into trouble with Snape. He chastised her after class and she almost missed lunch. All she wanted was to fall into her soft bed and go to sleep.

The last class of the day was over and y/n happily ran to her dorm. She threw her robes on her bed and fell face down on her pillow. There was a knock on the door and she groaned. "It's me, Harry." The door swung in and her boyfriend in all his messy haired glory walked in.

"How did you manage to climb up the stairs?" She questioned.

"Fred and George." He simply shrugged.

Harry walked over to the bed and lied down beside y/n. She scooted closer too him and he wrapped his arms around her waist. "Wanna talk about it?" He asked her. She just shook her head and buried herself deeper in her lover's embrace. He pressed a kiss on her forehead and then on her hair, cheek, nose and finally on her lips.

"What are you doing?" The girl laughed.

"What, can't a guy just love his girl? His girl whom he loves very very much." Harry said pressing kisses to her lips. Y/n's laugh resonated in the empty dorm room. Harry's lips left hers and travelled down her jaw and to her collar bone.

Y/n stiffened. In her 16 years of life she had never done this before. Yes, she had dated before but it always ended in heartbreak. Her first boyfriend in 4th year cheated on her a few months into their relationship and the second one broke up with her over another girl. So yes, he fears were valid. She didn't want her heart broken again. She knew Harry would never hurt her in that way but her brain was telling her to pull away.

Harry felt the girl stiffen and pulled away. "What's wrong?" He asked, geniune concern in his eyes.

She gulped. "I uh, um. Im sorry." She ran out of the dorm and went to the black lake. She stared into the water blankly. She felt bad about leaving Harry without any reason, he didn't deserve it.

It soon became dark and y/n headed to the great hall for dinner. She sat at the ravenclaw table with padma Patil not wanting to face Harry at that moment. She ate quickly and and retired to her dorm. Hermione wanted to ask her friend what was bothering her but the girl had already fallen fast asleep.

The next day y/n went to the great hall before most of the population had woken up. Harry entered the hall soon after. Seeing her at the table, he sat at a far corner. Hermione and Ron entered and gave the two of them bewildered looks. Hermione whispered to ron and then proceeded to sit beside y/n, who looked miserably at her toast, while ron went to harry who looked equally miserable.

"Alright, what's the matter with the both of you?" Hermione asked y/n sternly.

"Nothing!" She protested. Not meeting Hermione's eyes.

"Something is clearly wrong." Hermione's face softened.

"Look I don't want to talk about it right now." Y/n stood up and left the table.

****

A week had passed since the incident and both Harry and y/n had been avoiding eachother. Both of them were clearly miserable without each other but both were giving each other longing looks but not talking to eachother.

Hermione had gotten tired of their behaviour and banged her fists on the table where she and y/n sat doing their charms homework. "What?" The girl asked confused.

Hermione sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. "I know something happened between you and Harry. Don't act like nothing is wrong. I know there is something and I want to know what the problem is." Y/n was about to protest but seeing the glare Hermione threw her way, she decided to tell her what happened.

Hermione listened and then sighed. "You know, I think you should talk to him."

"But Hermione, he's probably mad at me. I just ran out with no explanation." Y/n whined.

"I doubt he's mad. Harry could never be mad at you. He's probably hurt, and sad. He looks like a kicked puppy without you and honestly it's sad to watch." Y/n let out a small laugh.

She stood up from the table and decided to find Harry. She told the fat lady the password and entered the common room. Harry sat in front of the fireplace looking positively miserable. The flames danced in the fireplace and emitted their light on Harry's face which made his sad expression even clearer and y/n's guilt increased.

"Harry," she called out. "We need to talk." Harry's eyes shot to her and he patted the space beside him. "Yeah we do." He ran a hand through his unruly black hair.

"Im sorry for what happened last week. I didn't intend to walk away like-" Harry stopped her. "I'm the one who should apologise, I should have asked first." He looked at her sincerely.

"Harry listen to me. It's not your fault. If I'm being honest, it's neither of ours but my heart has been broken two times too many and I don't think I can take it once again. I know you would never willingly hurt me, but I'm scared you know." She finished.

"Oh darling, why didn't you just tell me that. I would never be mad at you." Harry wrapped his arms around the girl embracing her in a hug.

"I love you, you know? I was scared but maybe not that much anymore." She said shyly. Harry's green eyes lit up. Y/n could see the reflection of the flames dance in his eyes. "I love you too." He pressed a kiss to her forehead.

"I want to try that again." Y/n said. "What we left last week." She smirked slightly. Harry pressed a kiss to her lips and laughed. "Are you sure you won't run away this time?"

"Positive." She winked.

*********

A/n: Im sorry this is so shitty😭 I really wasn't able to like get into the story but I tried my best🥺

[deafmatteo]

hi hi so first i really love your writing, it’s so comforting and lovely, and i look forward to every little bit of it!

and idk if you’ve already answered something like this but i was wondering about your thoughts on skam france season 5?

hello, thank u! 🖤🖤🖤

and i have talked a bit about skam france s5 when i was watching it live but im more than happy to talk about it again & put all of my thoughts into one post JFJSJD.

let me just put a disclaimer here for abuse, both personal & what was shown in the season. also adding a read more because this got LONG, i am so sorry. i talk a lot </3 (ignore the spelling errors, i literally woke up and saw this anon and jumped out of bed to answer dflkgjkdlg)

also! i talk about deafness as a disability in this but that’s my own personal experience & what was written into the season. we know arthur sees it as a disability because he was raised in a hearing society as a hearing person. not all D/deaf people believe this!! this isn’t universal.

first things first, i just wanted to let people know these feelings come from a very personal place. i lost my hearing similarly to arthur — i was beaten as a young child and as the years have gone on and i’ve grown, my hearing has gotten worse. i was hard of hearing with mild to moderate hearing loss in both ears and now i call myself deaf because i have severe hearing loss in my left ear & i am completely deaf in my right ear. (don’t worry about being apologetic or anything! i’m very open about how i lost my hearing because although it’s sad & traumatic, it’s talking about how trauma and disabilities are often more intertwined than people realize. you don’t ever see a disabled person thriving in their natural environment. you see traumatized disabled people learning how to survive.)

i don’t have problems with how arthur lost his hearing. i think it’s a very important story to tell & it’s one that does occur — even if people don’t recognize it. it added to the fear and isolation he felt during his season because he was suddenly extremely disconnected from his peers and the people he called his best friends.

i also absolutely ADORE noee and camille. having a Deaf* woman who was as sassy and blunt and straight-forward as she was is a good thing. people often talk about how D/deaf individuals can come across as rude or unattentive or too blunt and it can be true but when people often talk about it, they do it in a rude/offensive manner! noee did it in a manner that wasn’t stereotypical and felt real. she also had the distain towards hearing people because they continually traumatized & belittled her and they showed that in a way that you knew was justified. she had been hurt by these people and she knew what arthur was experiencing, hence why she was so warm around him. having a Deaf love interest who wasn’t a hearing-people pleaser or someone who needed approval from hearing people was so good because it helped add layers of her own identity that the audience may not even realize exists.

camille as well. having a hard of hearing gay (queer? i can’t remember what he labelled himself as) person on screen without fetishism or trauma porn was refreshing. that doesn’t happen and seeing it was?? amazing. he was able to have fun, be himself, etc. also him acting as a connector between noee and arthur is a reality as well. he exists inbetween both of their worlds and while it’s clear that he is comfortable and okay with it, it’s a reality that often stems into feelings of anger and hurt. (as shown in arthur!) it’s good to see a hard of hearing person who doesn’t feel ostracized from the Deaf community & or the hearing community. he’s just vibing!

the isolation that arthur felt. the lonelines, the pain, the fear—all of it is a reality of the situation he was in. even with his friends attempting to support him in the ways they knew how, he still felt alone. having noee and camille there was such a good!! good thing!!! to have. the way noee criticized his friends, the way ARTHUR eventually yelled at them (especially lucas, like wtf was up his ass), the growth of arthur from clinging onto his fantasy world and accepting himself. i geniunely enjoyed these aspects.

NOW ONTO MY CRITICISMS.

my biggest one is the abuse clip. it was absolutely unnecessary for them to include the audio (and the shadowing) of arthur’s violent abuse. i understand they needed to potray his dad’s behaviours but there were many other ways to go about it that doesn’t re-traumatize people. i rarely rarely get triggered by things due to desensitization & repression and this made me extremely nauseous and it caused me to spiral into memories of my own abuse. yes, i understand the story of arthur’s dad being the villain and contributing to the trauma. no, it did not need to be done in this way.

also the way it was brushed aside & arthur forgave him after the car accident. i know it’s contributing to the cycle of abuse and it will continue after the seasons have passed but i think it should have had more fear, confusion or anger. we could see that arthur hated his father, just by how he constantly attempted to fight back and argue. i understand that it was him acting from a place of survival and trying to mediate to make things calmer but this is his perspective—we could have felt the underlying emotions or seen a brief moment where arthur let his anger take over when he was alone. the abuse was written solely for hearing people. it was trauma porn. it was used as a way to make people feel sorry for arthur and to weaken him. it wasn’t written as integrated into the plot as it should have been and was brought up only to deter the plot away from his cheating. it was one of the things that made it clear the plot was more written for hearing people than for deaf people.

(again, it’s not the actual story i’m criticizing. it’s how they integrated it.)

the second was noee using her voice to essentially beg arthur to love her. using her voice was a moment of vulnerability and fear that they could have either: a. used in a different manner or b. not included at ALL. i am an oral deaf person—i was raised in a hearing environment & i went to speech thrapy for many, many years. i use my voice a lot. however, whenever i am without my hearing aid and i am tired, i don’t often use my voice because i am insecure about my deaf accent.

noee doesn’t use her voice at all. she has talked about how using only sign language gives her power and stregethnes her identity in a way that the hearing world would never be able to. it was a pivotal moment of her own identity and growth and they threw it out the window to tell arthur she loved him. he rejected her so she used her voice, something that reminds her of her trauma and pain, to beg him to love her back.

another is how alexia said that she wasn’t wired to love disabled people. i love alexia as well, except for this alone was enough to hurt my opinion of her. it’s a reality of abled people—they often act like loving a disabled person is more work and view disabled people as less than to avoid seeing them as potential lovers/friends/etc. my main problem is the fact it wasn’t ever properly addressed and they used it as a plot device after she had been nothing but loving and supportive to arthur during the beginning of his journey. she was so, so loving and caring and they could have used to as a way to talk about how relationships and perspective changes rather having her just be straight up ableist.

when arthur first got his hearing aids, he got smaller ones that were less visible to avoid having other people see. this is a big example of internalized ableism and is a very important point but they never touched on it again. i think it would have been more personal and monumental of his growth to have him go back & change the hearing aids he uses to better aid him in his day-to-day rather than aid his desire to be hearing-passing. i just wanted to see continuation of this.

the love triangle. ABSOLUTELY USELESS. i love both alexia and noee as love interests. they are well-developed women who both had vulnerable moments in the season where they talked about their insecurities and were vulnerable and still had arthur reject/use them both. this is more of a fandom criticism but the love triangle was used solely to demonize noee while they continued to put arthur on a pedestal. the season could have gone either/or with them as love interests or not at all. the season was meant to focus on his journey as a now disabled person and the love triangle took up a large portion of that.

(don’t think i’ve forgotten about people calling others fatphobic/biphobic for preferring noee as a love interest)

this isn’t entirely a criticism but a good point to note. i don’t think skam france had a plan in regards to season five when they casted arthur but he should have been played by a hard of hearing person and there should have been foreshadowing in the earlier seasons for this. i think arthur’s actor did a fantastic job with the content he was given but it would have been a bit more personal if played by a truly deaf/hoh person. noee’s actress talked about this! she said how good of an opportunity it was for season five to occur because it’s extremely rare for deaf people to get opportunities and casting designed for them. having a main actress talk about this and still having the main actor being abled is a bit? bad taste. i just think it’s a product of lack of planning, is all.

ALSO THE CAR CRASH????? this isn’t a big criticism, i’m just like HUH? me & arthur really out hear being deaf and getting hit by cars ig. arthur kinnie

*definitions that add as to why i use deaf & Deaf in this piece.*

[hermywolf]

ranking my favorite characters about random shit part 5

ranking my favorite characters (clarke griffin, dean winchester, fox mulder, rose tyler, newt, kaz brekker, samwise gamgee, charles xavier, bill denbrough, lord asriel, steve rogers, scott mccall, anna milton and barry berkman) about random shit. this is entirely self-indulgent

Part 5: How they’d react to a breakup (i’m imagining a completely random oc as the one breaking up with them because if i start thinking of the people i ship them with breaking up with them i WILL cry)

1- NEWT

he’s the sweetest man on earth he’d want to talk about it and understand his partner’s reasons and he’d be so kind and understanding even though he’d be sad lemme tell you this man is a SAINT

2- STEVE ROGERS

sweet understanding KING. absolute TREASURE. he’d be so confused and sad at first but he’d be SO understanding UGH i am in love with this man

3- SCOTT MCCALL

remember when allison sorta kinda broke up with him and he was all sweet and kind about it and said that he believed they would find their way to each other again eventually. yeah. iconic behavior. king shit

4- SAMWISE GAMGEE

he’s the PRESIDENT of ‘let’s stay friends!’ squad he’ll definitely stay in touch with all his exes they’re all his absolute besties

5- CHARLES XAVIER

mr telepath mindreader therapist teacher man absolutely sees it coming from a thousand miles away and he might even be the one to bring it up so that his partner doesn’t worry about it. he will be sad but he gets over it in a healthy way because he’s (MOSTLY) in touch with his feelings

6- ANNA MILTON

for a fallen angel with a bit of a god complex she’s surprisingly well adjusted. i think she’s the kind to definitely stay friends with her exes except like two of them which she’s got five different plans to murder each. all in all if it’s a healthy breakup they stay friends if it involves cheating she’s out to get you motherfucker and you know what you deserve it i mean who the FUCK would cheat on ANNA MILTON of all people istg

7- DEAN WINCHESTER

whoever thinks dean is emotionally constipated enough to be the ‘i didnt like u anyway’ kind has NOT seen spn 1x13 road 666 like GUYS. he pretends to be this no-chick-flick-moments and no-attachment kinda dude but we all know he actually cares SO much and if you look at his relationship with cassie or lisa he’s actually pretty open and communicative and sincere and he geniunely tries to talk about shit with them?? so he does have a constructive and heartfelt conversation and says he understands but he also WILL cope by either going on more hunts to distract himself or by locking himself in his room with pizza and movies in his hotdog pants and send noods socks, s14 style. TONS of ice cream. he’ll ghost his ex for a while when he’s coping with it but then later on they do end up being besties (yes i AM on the team dean-becomes-bff-with-all-his-exes don’t mind me just spreading my dean being besties with anna, cassie, lisa,amara, benny and crowley agenda)

8- BILL DENBROUGH

he’s pissed and sad and offended and grumpy and confused he just feels a LOT of shit at the same time like he’s having a full breakdown inside but from the outside his reaction is pretty much ‘what. oh. ok’

9- LORD ASRIEL

he does not, and mark my words on this one, give a single fuck. he IS what kaz pretends to be and what ketterdam thinks he is. asriel does not give a FLYING FUCK he’s like ‘well ok then see you around i guess’ and then just moves on. he was probably cheating on his partner anyway if we’re being honest here, he’s just that terrible. god why is he my favorite character again- oh right he’s insanely hot and wants to murder god right right that tracks

10- FOX MULDER

he’s extremely sweet and compassionate and understanding but then he disappears for like five months to chase down an alien in guatemala or some shit and then comes back pretending as if nothing happened at all

11- CLARKE GRIFFIN

she’s NOT happy about it and gets all grumpy and pouty and will angrily rant about it to her friends for ages but then once she’s over it she’s like. OVER over it. she completely moves on, like full on flip the switch and the feelings are GONE

12- ROSE TYLER

full breakdown in her room with tubs and tubs of ice cream wondering what she did wrong and then probably gets offered by a friend to go throw eggs at their house or some dumb shit. rose says no but she ALMOST did it. she keeps asking if there’s someone else even when it’s very clear that there’s NOT.

13- KAZ BREKKER

allow me to introduce you to the pettiest bitch on EARTH. he will definitely not hurt his ex in any way but he’ll do his absolute best to show them how much they’re missing. like he’s PETTY about it he’ll hold a gruge months, no year, no DECADES after it happened. he shows absolutely no emotions whatsoever you’d barely notice there’s been any change in his behavior, he’s not, like, sad or angry or anything, he’s just suddenly VERY devoted to the fact that everyone must know how AMAZING he’s doing and how rich and powerful and feared he is and how much a hypothetical ex-partner is missing. like this bitch probably has a full twenty pages long plan about what to do in case he gets dumped so that his ex will regret it terribly. and the worst is that kaz is a smart bitch who knows people’s weaknesses and how to exploit them so it WORKS it works and he absolutely loves it, jesper is like ‘dude how come every single time you got dumped they came back asking you to get back together only for you to reject them EXACTLY five months later’ and kaz hiding the twenty pages long binder with his elaborated plan behind his back as if it wasn’t carefully calculated and just shrugging like ‘idk i guess im a catch’ he makes everyone SO angry and honestly good for him!

14- BARRY BERKMAN

two words: murder spree. healthy coping mechanisms WHO we don’t know her in this house he’s sad and angry and he’s going to make it YOUR problem. guns out angry bill hader face ON baby. pew pew motherfucker it’s murder time. bam thirty casualties. rip to them. and he doesn’t even feel better after it either he’s crushed by guilt and having ANOTHER breakdown which will result in MORE ptsd and more sadness and anger and eventually ANOTHER breakdown and ANOTHER murder spree. its a lose-lose situation for everyone. except for his partner who’s free of his shit now i guess so true of them

[angelic-holland]

TMO Alternative Epilogue

“Love, that is the only thing that can occupy and fill eternity. In the infinite, the inexhaustible is requisite.” - Victor Hugo

Word Count: 3.6k

Warnings: mild angst but also plenty of fluff and a few doubts

Summary: You and Harrison create a life together.

A/N: thank you all for the love on this series, can’t wait to hear your reactions!! this series meant a lot to me and I put a lot of work into it psychologically and all, im geniunely super proud of the story as a whole even though it ended up ending very different than how I originally intended! <3

The Birth

***

“There you go darling! Squeeze my hand as hard as you need to,” Harrison murmurs, pushing hair out of your eyes.

“Haz, I-, ow! This baby wants to kill me,” you cry, afraid you might break his hand as you squeeze it.

Your doctor, the one you met with the moment you arrived in Boston 5 months ago, Dr. Glenn, is encouraging you, telling you she sees the head. 

You can hear the baby’s cries and the sound brings tears to your eyes, happy tears.

“Almost there, excellent work Adeline,” Dr. Glenn praises you, and all of a sudden a huge weight lifts off your shoulders as you give birth. 

Harrison kisses your cheek as you let go of his hand, “Can I see him?” you ask, wiping the tears from your eyes as you watch Dr. Glenn clean your baby off and wrap him in a blue blanket.

“Happy, healthy, this little guy looks great,” Dr. Glenn helps position your child in your arms and you swallow down a sob, because he has Tom’s nose. And Tom is-

“Have you decided on a name yet?” one of the nurses asks as your baby coos and cries in your arms. 

“I uh, I was thinking Phillip, Phil for short, like your mom,” you looked anxiously up at Harrison, hoping he liked the idea.

His face lit up brighter than Christmas tree and you felt your heart fill with warmth as he nods.

“Hey there Phillip, you’ve got the best mommy in the entire world,” Harrison smiles, reaching his hand out to rest on your shoulder. 

***

8 Months Old

“No! I, I don’t deserve to be his mother!” you shout, sitting down on the couch as Harrison paces the room.

“When are you going to- Y/N, I thought we got through this! I thought you- when you left to go back with Tom-,” 

“Don’t say his name.”

“When you left with him all that time ago, you were better! You were happy! I thought you were ready to be a mom! With me,” Harrison stops, turning toward you. Pleading with wide blue eyes, begging you to see you the way he sees you.

“I-,”

“I mean, what could have happened in four days that changed that? Is this because you-,”

“I killed him! Harrison, I killed the father of my child and now-,”

“Harrison! Y/N! Come quick!” Ian shouts from the kitchen and both of your eyes nearly bug out of your skulls, terrified something happened to Phillip.

By the time you and Harrison make it to the kitchen, Ian is sitting up against the fridge, clapping excitedly with a huge smile on his face.

“Where’s Phillip? Is something wrong?” You ask, looking around for your son when you hear him babbling from behind the center island.

You watch him, gasping as he struggles to stand on two feet, clapping his chubby hands together. 

“Mama!” He cries out, your mouth falling open in awe.

“Phillip, oh my goodness, look at you!” You praise, kneeling down on the floor next to Ian, opening your arms to encourage him to keep moving.

“His first steps, look at him, practically running already,” Harrison chuckles, sitting next to you, the fight from earlier practically forgotten about.

“Come to mama,” you encourage, smiling widely as Phillip’s feet start to move faster, wanting to be wrapped in your arms.

“Da-da!” Phillip shouts instead, falling right onto Harrison’s lap.

His hand curls around Harrison’s thumb, snuggling against his chest as you brush a dark brown curl behind Phillip’s ear.

“Always knew he’d be a daddy’s boy,” you chuckle, “he did say your name first.”

“No! He was laughing, his speech slurred a little, that’s why it sounded like Haz, but his first word was loud and clear, mama, he loves his mama,” Harrison says, kissing your cheek.

As if to echo his words, Phillip wordlessly crawled from Harrison’s lap to yours, snuggling against your stomach as you hold him close. You could get used to this, you definitely could get used to this.

***

3 Years Old

“We need our own place,” Harrison reasons, “it isn’t safe to raise Phillip here. Bless Ian and the rest of the guys for helping us out these past few years, but I want to keep him away from the mob, from danger.”

“This place is like a built in babysitter though, there’s always someone here to help look after him when we want to go on a date night or we’re both working…”

“Well, that’s what babysitters are for, and besides, you’re almost never away from him for more than a few hours at a time. I found a beautiful townhouse for rent in the North End. Three bedrooms, two floors, even has a small backyard. Don’t you think Phillip would love to run around and play in a backyard someday?”

You nod, resting your head on Harrison’s chest as you think it through. Logically, there was no reason that you shouldn’t move into your own space. Sometimes the men got too excited during meetings, shouting and cheering when Phillip was trying to sleep. Plus, sharing a room with Harrison and your ever growing son is getting exhausting. 

“Three bedrooms,” you muse, smiling at the idea of Phillip having a younger sibling to run around with.

“Yeah, you know, our room, Phillip’s room…” Harrison’s sentence tapers off so you can fill in the blank.

“Maybe a little brother or sister for him?” You smile, gently kissing Harrison’s jaw.

“Really?” Harrison sounds like a kid in a candy shop as you trail your lips along his jaw and down his neck.

“Really, I was an only child, it sucked, so Phillip deserves more than that,” You close your eyes and imagine having another kid, a kid of Harrison’s, a kid of yours.

“I would love for Phillip to have a little brother or sister,” Harrison sighs as you straddle his hips, “maybe both.”

“Oh no, we do not want a 19 kids and counting situation, mister,” you giggle as his hands curl around your sides.

“Who said 19? I just want three, darling, three cute little kids to run around and play with.”

“You’re a great dad, you know that, right?” You smile, tracing your finger along the curve of his nose. 

“And you, Y/N, are the best mom Phillip could ever ask for.”

As if on cue, just to interrupt your moment, Phillip wakes up, “mama? Daddy?”

“Maybe we can make those babies when we have a room of our own,” you laugh, getting up out of your bed.

“Great plan,” Harrison sighs, watching you pick Phillip up to bring him to cuddle. He couldn’t imagine his life happening any differently. And neither could you.

***

4 Years Old

You just got Phillip to sleep in his new bedroom and you’re exhausted after moving into the new townhouse all day.

You all but collapse on your new bed next to Harrison, “finally got our little boy down,” you curl up with your head on Harrison’s chest. 

“Are you talking about Phillip or me?” Harrison chuckles, his eyelids drooping.

“Hmmm both, but I have to ask you something, need to ask something of you.”

“Anything,” Harrison says, suddenly wide awake as you tap your fingers against his chest.

“If they finally catch up to me, if the FBI come snooping around asking you questions…”

Harrison’s breathing stops for a moment as his arm tightens around your side, “they haven’t in almost five years…”

“If they do,” you continue, “if they do, I need you to promise to kill me, to take me out, I-,”

Harrison sits up immediately, pulling you up with him, “no, absolutely not. Your case is cold, there’s been no activity on it according to my sources on the inside, we’re fine, you’re fine,” he sounds like he’s trying to convince himself more than you. 

“Harrison,” you turn, cupping his cheeks, “it’s a precaution, me asking you this. But I have some leftover needles from back in the day, they’re locked away in the safe. If, and it’s a huge if, if something happens to me and they’re seconds away from catching me, then you use that needle on me. Simple jab to my neck.”

“Why would I- you know I could never kill you-,”

“Don’t think of it as killing me, okay?”

“How would it not be-,”

You press your forehead to his, forcing his eyes to meet yours, “it would be saving our child from the horror of finding out his mother is a-, was a serial killer, he can’t know that I- that I used to kill people. So you would have to kill me.”

“I can’t-,”

“Harrison,” your voice is final and you don’t give him a chance to speak, “babe, I- I wouldn’t ask this of you if I wasn’t thinking of Phillip, of our kid, of his future. It may never come up, you might be right, maybe the FBI has forgotten about the Scooby gang,” you shake your head, “but if they haven’t, please don’t hesitate to make sure Phillip has the best life possible, please take care of our baby.”

Tears well in his eyes as he kisses you slowly, “for Phillip,” he says through gritted teeth.

You nod, kissing him again, “for Phillip.”

***

5 Years Old

“Hey, Phillip, wave for daddy!” You laugh, holding onto Phillip’s arms in the wading pool.

Harrison was kneeling at the edge, video taping you and Phillip, his introduction to the public wade pool in Boston Common. It’s a hot day, probably in the mid 80’s and humid as hell. Your baby bump is peeking through your T-shirt, due in October.

Phillip waves, “hi dad!”

You wave as well before Phillip jumps in your arms, resting his head on your stomach.

“I think I can hear her, she’s my little sister, right? Can we name her Matilda?” Phillip giggles. He’s recently been on a Matilda binge, watching the movie over and over again when you and Harrison allow it. 

“Matilda?” You giggle, feeling her kick once again, Phillip backing away with wide eyes.

“Was that her?” He squeals, reaching up on his tiptoes to press his hand against your stomach.

“That was, that’s your little sister,” you grin, resting your hand over his smaller one, feeling her little feet pressing right against your belly.

“Matilda?” He looks up at you with wide eyes, dark brown eyes that remind you of Tom’s. 

“Why do you want her to be named Matilda, sweetie?” You smile, crouching down to tickle him slightly.

“Because mama! If she’s Matilda, she can use her super magic powers, and steal me cookies from the jar above the fridge before dinner!”

“Oh, so you just want a little sister so she can be your little cookie stealer?” You joke, picking Phillip up and resting him against your hip.

“Noooo,” Phillip insists, “I want a little sister because I know I would be the best big brother!”

“Alright, well since Matilda isn’t born yet and can’t steal cookies for you, how does a snow cone sound?”

“Yay! Snowcone! Come on mommy!” Phillip tugs at the sleeve of your shirt as you meet Harrison at the edge of the pool.

“How was it in there bud?” Harrison asks, draping a towel over your shoulders and kissing your cheek.

“My turn,” Phillip giggles before kissing your other cheek.

“Alright boys, there are plenty cheek kisses to go around, but I heard a little guy would like a snowcone,” you smile as Phillip rests his head on your shoulder.

Once you get to the stand, you squeeze your eyes shut when the sickly sweet smell of cherries hits your nose.

You’re not a kid. You’re not in your parent’s station wagon waiting for them to come out of their friends house, the now sour taste of a cherry ice pop lingering on your lips.

“Mommy! Open your eyes silly!” Phillip laughs, tugging at your shirt sleeve.

Harrison gently squeezes your hip, mildly concerned at the glazed over look in your eye.

“what flavor do you want bubs?”

“Could I get blue raspberry?” Phillip asks, “pleaseeee.”

“Of course, nice job using your manners, bubs.”

By the time you get Phillip home for his nap and the blue raspberry snowcone stain cleaned off his chin, you’re exhausted.

“C’mere, lemme give you a little massage,” Harrison says, patting the bed in front of him.

“What would I do without you?” You smile, stripping off your shirt and sitting in front of him, your hand resting on your baby bump.

“Well, you’ll never have to find out. Hey, do you think our baby, who Phil has very aptly named Matilda will have my eyes?”

You think for a moment, “I mean, I hope so, you have very beautiful eyes.”

Harrison’s hands start massaging your shoulders, “Do we tell Phillip?” 

You raise an eyebrow, unsure of what he means, “tell Phillip what? That we aren’t naming our daughter Matilda?”

“Hey! Why not? Matilda is a cute name,” Harrison brushes your hair off your neck, pressing his lips to your skin.

“Okay, maybe we can call her Matilda, I feel like we have to get a good look at her first, like, what if she doesn’t look like a Matilda?”

“How do you mean?” Harrison asks, running his arms down your own, intertwining your hands together as he rests his chin on your shoulder.

“You know, I look like a Y/N, and an Adeline if I want to,” you laugh, “you look like a Harrison, Phillip looks like a Phillip. Was that what you were thinking of telling him?’’

“No, I was wondering if we should tell Phillip about his dad…”

You and Harrison haven’t talked about Tom, almost ever. From the day you came back to Boston and damn near collapsed in his arms. 

“I- Harrison,” you smile weakly as he hugs you, “I took care of the things I needed to in Idaho.”

“Are you okay? What happened to-,”

“I’m fine,” you choke back a sob, “he’s dead.” 

They seem like very contradictory statements. 

You killed Tom. You killed him because the FBI was seconds away from catching both of you. In your mind, the only way he could- the only way either of you could escape the police was death. 

When you first made the decision to kill Tom along with the rest of the men from your safe house away from home five months ago, you didn’t expect to be pregnant. When you fell in love with Tom Holland and you still had it set in your mind that you’d kill him, you figured you’d put yourself out of your misery shortly after. But if your life taught you anything, you had to clean up your messes. What happened between Tom and you was a mess, no doubt about it. And if you wanted to give your kid a life, more of a life than being known as the kid born from two serial killer, you had to stick with your original plan, no matter how horrible it made you feel. You couldn’t leave your baby parentless, and you certainly couldn’t kill him just because you wanted to die.

You turn around on the bed, cupping Harrison’s cheeks in your hands, “you, for all intents and purposes, have been Phillip’s dad since I found out I was pregnant.”

“I love you,” Harrison sighs, “I love Phillip, and I love Matilda or Julia or Elaina, whatever our baby’s name will be, I love our little family.”

“I love you too,” you smile, kissing him gently, “Thank you for being my sunshine.” 

Harrison chuckles as he lays back, pulling you right down with him, your head resting on his chest as he curls the sun necklace in his palm.

“You are my sunshine, my only sunshine,” he begins to sing, nudging you to sing along with him. 

“You make me happy, when skies are grey,” you sing along, smiling as he kisses the top of your head.

“You know, this song puts Phillip to sleep, just like it puts you to sleep,” Harrison smiles, reminiscing on all the times you’ve sung to Phillip with him and ended up almost drooling on his shoulder.

You’ve fallen asleep again, snoring lightly on Harrison’s chest as he rubs your shoulder and kisses the top of your head again.

“Goodnight darling, don’t forget that you’re my sunshine,” Harrison closes his eyes, quickly falling asleep with you.

***

8 Years Old

“Hey! We need to write Santa a letter!” Phillip jumps up, running around with his toy airplane, plopping down next to you.

“Is that so?” You grin, turning to wiggle an eyebrow at Harrison.

“Yes! Because he got Mattie the doll she wanted! And I got my airplane!” 

Harrison holds Matilda close to him, snuggling her into his chest as she giggles and squeezes her plush doll.

“That’s very nice of you Phillip, why don’t we write the letter tomorrow?” You smile, picking up your mug of eggnog right as his foot collided with it, nearly knocking it over.

Suddenly you’re a little kid again, sitting through Christmas with parents who weren’t actually present as you accidentally knocked over your mom’s cup of coffee. 

“When you make a mess you have to clean it up!”

“Y/N…”

And it’s not your dad’s biting voice and it’s not your mom’s was withdrawn one.

It’s Harrison and your parents are nowhere in sight, your stomach isn’t covered in coffee and you aren’t getting sent up to your room to spend Christmas alone.

You blink your eyes open and ruffle Phillip’s hair that looks all too much like his dad’s, grounding yourself in reality.

“Merry Christmas,” you smile at him, looking back to Harrison and nodding, a silent gesture that you’re okay.

“Nice save, darling,” Harrison chuckles, watching Matilda reach her arm out and make grabby hands at you.

“Want to come to mama?” You ask, holding your arms out.

“Mama,” Matilda giggles, tossing her doll to the side and crawling out of Harrison’s lap.

She walks over to you, stumbling a few times but ultimately climbing into your lap to snuggle into your body. 

Last night Harrison and you exchanged gifts. For a while you’ve just been each other’s partners, that’s how you introduced yourself to Phillip’s friends parents at school and to the parents at Matilda’s play group. 

“I got you something,” Harrison says, handing you a small bag as you settle into bed next to him.

You look at the red shiny material of the bag and smile, “thought you said we weren’t going to exchange gifts.”

He shrugs, slinging an arm around your shoulder, “I know but I saw this in the store the other day and couldn’t resist.”

“Well good because I got you something too, it might be stupid so like tell me and I’ll get you something else,” you sigh, turning your grab your small box off the nightstand. You had it specially made in a jewelry shop in the North End, you came across the idea one day while out walking with Matilda, she would tug on your sunshine necklace and remind you of all that time ago when Harrison bought it for you.

You hand him the ring box, resting your head on his shoulder, snuggling into the warmth of his white T-shirt. 

“Oh my god,” Harrison chuckles, “open yours too.”

You open up the bag, pulling out a similar ring box.

“You didn’t, Haz…” you break into a huge grin, opening your box as he opens his.

You bought him a ring, in the center was a golden sun.

“You’re my sunshine,” you choke out, catching the glimmering diamond inside your box. 

“I know you said we can’t get married, that we can’t legally be husband and wife but I feel, I know that we’re basically husband and wife and we’ve got two lovely kids and, wow I just am obsessed with the idea of calling you my wife.”

You smile through tears as he helps you put the diamond ring on your finger, “I like the idea of calling you hubby I guess.”

“Alright! Family picture! Squish together and I’ll try to get a timer on the camera,” Harrison sets his Polaroid on the fireplace, turning the self timer on for 10 seconds. He jogs over to you, kneeling behind you as Matilda claps her hands.

The camera clicks and you’re positive none of you are looking at it, but you’re going to cherish the photo. Phillip is sticking his tongue out and trying to do bunny ears with his fingers behind Matilda’s head. Matilda is half-turned to you, giggling with her eyes crinkled, she does, in fact, have Harrison’s eyes. Harrison and you are grinning as he rests a gentle hand on your shoulder. You’re a little mismatched family but you wouldn’t have it any other way.

***

Taglist:   @gioandreolli   @honeymoonparker @itsjusttor @averyfosterthoughts @worldoftom @angelhaz11 @rebekkah4766  @murdermornings

[fiftyshadesgrl]

He saved me/ part 9

Summary: reader is in a abusive relationdhip. When things take a turn for the worst she finds help in the winchesters.

Warning: this story will have smut, language, violence, abuse and torture. If youre triggered by any of this i suggest not reading.

6 months later....

Me and bobby were sitting at the table eating the homemade lasanga and garlic bread i had made when his phone started to ring. He leaned over and with one hand snatched the phone from its cradle never faltering with his other hand that had a fork full of lasanga.

"Yeah?" Bobby said evenly. "Alright what time will you be in?" Bobby glanced my direction, i smiled warmly at him and he just stared. "Alright see you in a few."

He sighed when he hung up, "that was sam." I perked up at the mention of his name. I hadnt seen him in so long and to be honest i missed him. "Theyre going to stop by, need some info on a hunt."

I smiled, "thats great! I miss that boy." Then it hit me. "Wait, you said they. That means.."

He nodded, "yeah deans gonna be here too. Sam wanted to give you a heads up before they get here. Ya know, just in case you wanna bolt."

I thought about it long and hard, would seeing dean bring up all those old feelings ive been burying since i left? Would he even be happy to see me? Would he be mad? Would he even acknowledge i was here?

I sighed and gave him a small smile that im sure didnt reach my eyes. "Ill be alright bobby, ive got dinner dishes to do and plenty to keep me occupied. If i know dean hes gonna want food so ill fix them a plate when they get here then you wont even know im here."

We finished our dinner and when i stood to take our plates i asked, "what time will they be here?"

"Id say about another hour."

I nodded and made my way to the kitchen to get started on the dishes and to clean up.

An hour and a half later there was a knock on the door. I could hear from the kitchen.

"Hiya bobby." Sam said.

"Good to see ya boys." Bobby said sounding cheerful.

"Doing some spring cleaning bobby?" That was the voice that has haunted me for the past 6 months. I could almost smell him from where i stood. That comforting feeling blanketed me just by hearing his voice. I sighed to myself knowing he didnt know i was here.

I took the lasanga and plated a huge piece for sam and dean, along with placing the garlic bread in the basket from earlier. I took a deep breath and took my first steps out towards the boys.

I walked up behind them where they sat at the table, i set down the plates in front of them. Both men jerked in response then our eyes met.

"(Y/N)!" Sam jumped up from his spot at the table and engulfed me in a huge hug.

"Hey sammy, its good to see you." I was geniunely happy to see him.

He pulled back and inspected me, "you look great. How are you doing?"

"Better than i was last time you saw me." I said matter of factly and im sure dean knew what incident i was talking about.

"What the hell?" Dean said still in shock i think.

"Hey dean." I said in a flat tone. His brow furrowed at that.

"How long have you been here?" He asked.

"6 months." I said over my shoulder making my way to get their drinks. When i turned around from the fridge dean was standing there behind me.

"You have been here this whole time and never contacted me? Ive been going crazy not knowing where you were." Dean sounded mad, the nerve.

I straightend my spine to stand as tall as i could, "you made it pretty clear that night what you wanted."

"Damn it (Y/N), thats not fair."

I chuckled, "lifes not fair dean, you of all people should know that. Now go back and eat. I cant stand for food to be wasted."

"We are not done here." He said through gritted teeth.

I pushed past him but turned around right before i walked out. "Yeah dean, we are." With that i placed the drinks on the table and walked upstairs.

I changed into my running clothes the same ones i wore the night me and dean had sex. He thinks he has a hold on me well im going to remind him just what he walked out on.

I hopped down the stairs and put my hair up in a high ponytail. I hooked my ipod to my armband and slipped my tennis shoes on. All eyes focused on me when i walked into the dining room.

"Im going for a run, dont stay up to late old man." I walked over to bobby and kissed his cheek.

He smiled up at me "be careful."

"Dont worry, ill be fine." I looked to sam and dean and didnt fail to notice the lust in his eyes. "If you boys are gone before i get back, its been nice seeing ya again."

Sam stood and gave me a hug and a peck on the cheek. Dean didnt move didnt even look at me. I slapped him on the shoulder, "see ya deano."

With that i made my way outside. I started stretching my muscles when i got out in the warm air. I was getting ready to start my run when i heard the front door open behind me.

"(Y/N), we need to talk." Deans voice sent a chill up my spine but i tried my best to ignore it. I closed my eyes and sighed as i turned towards him.

"Have you found parker yet?"

Dean shook his head.

"Then we have nothing to talk about." I said as i started walking up the driveway. Dean was close behind me.

"Yes we do. You cant run from me forever."

I picked up my pace to a light jog, "tell ya what. If you can keep up we can talk."

I started running faster, i knew dean didnt do running. I heard him huffing then stop all together. I smiled over my shoulder at him then put my ear buds in and cranked up my music.

When i got back to bobbys an hour later the impala was still parked in the driveway. I rolled my eyes and opened the front door. I heard the guys talking in the living room then i heard my name come up.

"I dont know what to do. (Y/N) just wont talk to me." That was dean.

"Maybe she will come around. I mean you walked out on her at the worst time in her life." I recognized that as sam. He was taking up for me.

"Did she never mention anything to you? I mean she has been here for half a year." Dean asked bobby.

"She never talked to me about anything. I wasnt going to force her." Bobby said sounding aggitated.

"You mean to tell me after all this time you two living under the same roof nothing has come up about that night?"

I heard a glass slam down on the table. "You calling me a liar?"

I figured id show my face before it got more heated. "Im back, gonna grab a shower then head to bed."

Bobby nodded and i dashed up the stairs before anyone could say anything else. After my shower i walked down stairs to get a bottle of water. The guys were talking about some kind of lore and really didnt pay me no mind.

I walked back upstairs but instead of going to bed i went into the other spare room and started sorting files and cleaning up.

I almost had all the files organized and in their own seperate piles, i just had to put them in the file cabinet. A certain file caught my eye, the name sounded so familiar. Patrick windsor, i opened the file and gasped. It was parkers father.

I started reading through the file and it had all kinds of locations where he had been at and owned. Apparently patrick was a demon as well, working for lucifer himself. I was so focused on the file that i didnt hear someone approaching.

"Couldnt sleep?" Deans rough voice sounded from the doorway. I looked up and he was sipping yet another beer.

"No, i came up here to sort through all of this." I said in a flat tone, hoping he would just go away. I didnt want to discuss anything with dean right now. Instead he walked in and took a seat in the chair right across from me.

He didnt say a word, just sat there watching me. After a few minutes it started to get under my skin. "Why are you in here?" I asked a little snippy.

He smiled, "for you." I rolled my eyes and continued placing the files in different stacks. "Come on (Y/N), you cant ignore me forever."

"Its worked for six months."

He sighed heavily and stood up. Walking over to where i was sitting on the floor. I thought he might leave but instead he sat down next to me.

"I know i hurt you, but i was only looking out for your well being." He ran a hand through his hair, "ive learned that in this life we dont get love. We dont get happily ever afters. A hunter can retire and ward off whats out there. Like bobby, he lost his wife a long time ago and has never got close to anyone since. A hunters family and loved ones are never safe."

I nodded letting him talk, this is a side that i doubt many people ever saw of dean. I felt a little honored that he would open up to me, so i let him continue.

"That night when you told me you loved me it scared the hell out of me. Not because i dont want you, because you have already been through so much. You cant and shouldnt fall for me. Youre just going to get hurt or worse."

I nodded and placed the file i was holding down beside me. "I understand where youre coming from, but you cant push everyone away dean."

He shook his head, "i dont think you do. I tried the whole leave this life behind and have a family thing. She had a son, i thought of him like my own. I loved her and for a minute i was happy. Then a demon possesed her and tried to kill her right in front of me and her son. We got her to the hospital and cas healed her but i also asked him to take away all of lisa and bens memories of me. That was hard to see a woman and kid i loved look at me a different way than they had that morning. Never knowing who i was, but it was better for them, if i had never came into their lives in the first place it wouldnt have happened. So i just made things right, the way they shouldve been."

A silent tear fell from my eyes hearing dean talk about what he has went through. I now truly understood his hesitance about getting close to people. Instead of making me hate him it made me love him that much more, but i could never act upon it again. He downed the rest of his beer and sat the bottle down next to his leg.

"Dean, im sorry for everything you have went through. I have never had someone who truly loved me so i wouldnt know how that feels." I figured since he opened up to me it was only fair that i do the same. "At first i thought parker loved me. I just got so blinded by his words. I never had a family i was in the system until i was 15, then i ran away and never looked back. I was prostituting to make rent and for a little food, then i met parker. He took me in, sweet talked me, made empty promises on marrying me having children and having anything i would ever wanted. I fell for it and that has led me to where i am now."

"You can still have that life. Get married, have a family."

I shook my head, "no parker done so much damage to me that he destroyed the chance of me ever having children."

He opened his mouth to say something but i cut him off. "I never knew what love was, until i met you. Youre just so easy to fall for, but i know now that you dont feel the same way."

"(Y/N)....."

"Let me finish." He nodded and i continued. "Just because you dont love me doesnt make you less of a person. Youre a great guy and i hope one day you can prove youself wrong."

He looked down at the floor, when he looked up his eyes had tears in them. I placed a hand on his that he had on his leg. "Its okay dean, dont beat yourself up." Just as he was about to say something sam appeared in the doorway.

"I think we may have something on parker."

@an-unhealthy-obsession

[dykesvt]

quick! what is your favorite thing about wonwoo?

uh oh

its stupid but ive been a wonwoo stan for almost two years now and like over all that time span even if he wasnt my main i really always? admired him?? like his attitude towards things and how he presents himself is something i really look up to and i dont think i can say that abt other artists i listen to. one thing that really,, like i look at wonwoo and it really sticks out,, is how geniune he is. hes not fake hes not playing shit up for the camera hes really just being himself. his reactions to things are so real? and you can tell just how much he loves everyone around him and idk…. i just.. something about him and how fucking real he is blows my mind. and our signs are really similar too i mean im a leo sun and hes cancer and i ws literally.. Supposed to be a cancer too anywa. but i connect with him a lot? i notice that with other stans too like they r really similar to their bias and maybe thats what drew me to wonwoo?? but like i really just admire him a bunch. the way he puts himself out there reminds me a lot of myself and im always so proud of him for making comments or talking during shows without being prompted its so fucking amazing to see him be bold and get what he needs to do done? hes just… idk! the way the memebrs talk about him in such a great light really makes me estatic?? and hes just so lovable and GENIUNE???? like i cant stop thinking about how raw his reactions are and you can tell! like sometimes he doesnt find shit funny and he doesnt over exaggerate to make it seem like hes amused he just doesnt fucking do that? and when hes so happy he SHOWS it hes scrunching his nose and throwing his head back and clapping and just LAUGHING. and its so nice to see him carefree because it just makes me so ???????? happy msyelf? seeing him enjoying himself really puts me in a better mood. and like.. again… im really just pushing all my feelings out at once and its STUPID of me i should organize this but when i think of all the things i admire wonwoo for its really just how fucking. responsble he is for himself. like when he had that drama in the beginning about past things he said abt female idols when he was like 10….. he didnt fuckign let the company say anything he didnt make excuses he wrote a like 3 paragraph letter about why he was sorry and that he has grown up since then and realized so many things and i just admire him so much for that/??? for actually DOING something when he got negative attention and taking notes and not just hiding behind his company like they company was gonna say something but he ASKED to be able to talk about it and appologize to fans himself. i just really…. hes so REAL.. and i hate to see people downplay his emotions because likes he so full of them. really… hes so fucking full of love and graditude and laugher and i jsut wnat to see that always??? i love him so much and idk……. hes just?////// i look up to him so much and im so thankful for him and seventeen and that he got to find these amazing people who bring out the best in him like when he said hed live a boring life wit/out svt…. i felt that. wonwoo is such a geniune and emotional person and he handles himself so well and hes professional and grown up but still super goofy and shit and im just proud of him!!! i really am. hes such a well rounded guy and i just want nothing but succes for him in the future :((((( and maybe im just a fucking stupid wonwoo stan but i hope you all know it really does hurt when i see people call him emo or depressed it really fucking hurts me. because its not his fault he has a rsf (resting sad face you get it). its not his fualt he has a gemini venus. but like. the amount of LOVE you see in his eyes when he looks at his members i want to achieve that one day. because wonwoo is so full of love and he expresses it through fucking cute things like laughing extra hard at someones joke or monitoring their practice or teasing the mmebrs hes just so??????? im gonna say it AGAIN…. GENIUNE!!!!! thats my favorite thing about wonwoo is how he doesnt act for the cameras he’s himself and i just. admire him so much and adore him and i just hope he really knows that there are people out there who love him with all their heart depsite him being a brat :((((( and this is way too long and you said one thing i know and i could talk about the small things like his nose scrunch or how he lets himself go sometimes and is just fully SILLY with the people arund him and how he thrives off of praise be it through laughter or like smiles. and i just love everything about him so much and idk!!!! idk im being het and its DUMB but i adore him so much :( anyway in summary of whatever this is i just love wonwoo so much and nothing can ever replace in my heart hes such a role model for me and i just want all of yall to know! this isnt a game when i say i love him beyond the moon!!!!! im not playing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! mwah xoxo