#im finding a lot of things that would have annoyed me 5-10 years ago

[outofmymindbebacklater]

maturing is realizing that adaptations of ur favourite thing doesn’t have to be exact for it to be good

[chosenimagines]

Ich habe 119 Mal im Jahr 2022 etwas gepostet

73 Einträge erstellt (61%)

46 Einträge gerebloggt (39%)

Blogs, die ich am häufigsten gerebloggt habe:

@the-second-tonks

@chosenimagines

@hufflepuffplums

@reader-inserts-and-others-thing

@bookaddictedxhufflepuff

Ich habe 70 meiner Einträge im Jahr 2022 getaggt

Nur 41% meiner Einträge hatten keine Tags

#chosen talks – 19 Einträge

#chosens request board – 16 Einträge

#multifandoms – 13 Einträge

#thank you – 12 Einträge

#flood my inbox – 11 Einträge

#fandoms – 11 Einträge

#fandom – 11 Einträge

#thanks – 11 Einträge

#thank you anon – 10 Einträge

#fangirl – 10 Einträge

Longest Tag: 33 characters

#fred and george weasley headcanon

Meine Top-Einträge im Jahr 2022:

#5

Me again 👉🏻👈🏻 I hope I don’t annoy you guys but I have to make an announcement to make...

It is a big thing for me even tho I already said that I have this thought for a while

I am going to comeback!!!

And I think I will keep this blog but I won’t post much on read of roses 

But I will make some changes and will create an even more complex request system

And of course I want you all to be a part of this so comment, inbox me and dm me everything you think should be a part of chosenimagines and I will gratefully choose everything I like to incoperate into my plan

I can’t wait to read all of your ideas 

And before I forget you can text me if you want to be part of certain tag lists

This part is more specific for the ones I used to tag

@virginsvcide  @reidsbookclub would you still like to be a part of the Criminal Minds Taglist ?

And now for my former mutuals if you like you can be on the cym tag list and/or get on any other tag lists you can tell me that?

@tchatso @emsilverblades @the-second-tonks @bookaddictedhufflepuff @snoopitude @doctorspenceryeet

Of course anybody else can ask to be on any taglists^^

I hope you are as excited as I am

15 Anmerkungen – Gepostet 7. September 2022

#4

19 Anmerkungen – Gepostet 16. Februar 2022

#3

Not another love

Fandom: [1] (F) Harry Potter Teaser: Sierra Malfoy is a divorced single mum who shops for her 11 years old child (her oldest out of two) and meets in Ollivander’s shop her old school crush Harry Potter. After a moment of surprise they started talking… Prompts:  (A)121 I can’t trust myself with love I don’t want to hurt you as well AU: - Tropes: (32) Single parent OC:  Reader named Sierra Malfoy

Warnings:  Divorce | Betrayal | Cheating

Language:  English/German Request: Yes/No by animeangsteng

Link for Request board & the request

A/N:  I am sorry that I quit before I could write your request. But now I am back and I hope this will meet your standards

▪️❤️▪️🧡▪️💛▪️💚▪️💙▪️💜▪️ ____________________________________________

It had been an eternity since the smell of wood and polish had touched her nose. It has been way too long... "Mrs Pucey, it's nice to see you again after all these years!" Ollivander greeted his customer and former apprentice. Suddenly the thought of how sad and unfortunate it was that she had broken off her apprenticeship passed through his head. She was a such talented witch when it came to dealing with wands finding their wizard!

"It's also nice to see you again, Mr Ollivander.", Sierra replied. She gave the wand maker a smile and tore him out of his thoughts with her voice. He immediately noticed that her smile was covered by a sad shadow.

"But the name is no longer Pucey! It's been Ms Malfoy again for a few months now.", Sierra explained. This explained the sad smile on her lips. Ollivander gave the young woman an encouraging look. "I'm sorry.", Ollivander replied honestly. Then the older man was seized by curiosity, "If I may allow myself the question, how did it come to this? On your last visit, everything was fine and you were still in love." A sigh came over Sierra's lips. Her last visit at Ollivander’s was a while ago. At least three years! Since then, a lot has changed in her family environment. That was already a year ago...

"That's what I thought.", Sierra finally confessed. "But apparently a woman who has given birth to two children is neither attractive nor worth anything. Otherwise you wouldn't cheat on them several times and that over the past two years!" A crooked and sad smile sat on her lips. Ollivander opened his mouth to comfort his former apprentice, but the doorbell rang.  Sierra's 11-year-old daughter hesitantly pushed her way through the store. The mother stretched out her hand to her child, which the young witch immediately took. Then she turned to the wand maker one last time. "You can't do anything about it.", Sierra added. "But it's been a few months now and I'm fine. I have made my peace with it." Sierra squeezed her daughter Lucy's hand before gently grabbing her shoulders and pushing her gently into Ollivander's direction. "Just go with him! Mr Ollivander will introduce you to some wands. You know how this works." Lucy nodded. "The magic wand chooses the wizard.", she quietly quoted her mother and also the well-known wand maker because it is what he always say. Sierra nodded. "Exactly.", Sierra confirmed her daughter. After these words, Lucy disappeared between the high shelves. Ollivander did not   follow the girl directly. Before Ollivander went after the witch, he turned to Sierra once again. "If anyone is worthless, it's Adrian and his disgusting behavior and not a strong woman like you, Ms Malfoy!", he wanted to get of his chest. Now a honest smile lit up Sierra's face. "Thank you, Mr Ollivander." It came from the bottom of her heart, but there was still something on her tongue. "But not feeling useless and worthless after such an experience is almost impossible. He also called me worthless countless times!"

Sierra happily winked at her old schoolmate. "What an honor!", the young mother laughed. "Harry Potter. The ex-chosen one and the best Auror of the ministry. And not to forget the husband of the most famous Quidditch player in England." Embarrassed, Harry rubbed his neck and smiled crookedly. "Former auror and ex-husband.", he confessed. Suddenly, Sierra's grin became very soft. "I'm sorry." But Harry waved it off. Apparently, he didn't take it so hard. "You don't have to be!", he clarified. "Ginny has now known for a year and a half that she likes women and she has also found a girlfriend in Luna. I am happy for them! For both of them. I want her to be happy." Sierra nodded. "Of course! It's glad that Ginny knows that now. But you also seem to be doing well," she noted. "Yes," Harry affirmed. "I loved her very much, but if she's not happy in a marriage with a man, I won't hold her back. And in addition, I have also noticed that I only love her as my best friend and that’s what we are. Everyone is happy and that's the main thing." With these words the topic didn’t need to be discussed more for both divorced wizards. "That's really good to hear! But what are you doing here, if I may ask?", asked Sierra. As casually as possible, she stuck a few strands of hair behind her ear. This was an attempt to distract from her suddenly heated cheeks. Harry always had the same effect on her as when she was at school. It was incredible! "On my very last mission, my magic wand broke! But as the new teacher in Hogwarts, it's beneficial to have a functioning wand.", Harry said, laughing. Sierra giggled along. It was as if she was 16 again! "Teacher at Hogwarts?", she tried to focus on Harry's words. The experienced wizard nodded proudly. It couldn't fill him with more pride than to be able to teach in the first place he had called his home! "In front of you stands the new teacher for defense against the Dark Arts! It is rumored that he will be teaching at Hogwarts for more than a year because he survived death twice.", Harry joked. Laughing, Sierra shook her head and wiped her forehead. "There is clearly no better teacher for these lessons than you! And now I know that my child will have the perfect teacher for such an important subject. I still vividly remember the hours of Dumbledore's army!" A wheez escaped Harry at this statement. Then he shook his head as if he couldn't believe it. But no one knew what he couldn't believe until Harry said it out loud! "After all these years, I still can't believe that a Malfoy has joined us!" For this, Harry received a clearly annoyed look from Sierra. Her father's reputation and her brother's former reputation haunted the woman through every situation in her life. As if she had to be the same just because of that cursed last name... Cursed in the truest sense of the word! "I'm sorry to get you off your dream cloud, but I'm not my dad or the teen Draco!", Sierra snapped and crossed her arms. "And if I may remind you of my mother, who also owns the surname Malfoy." From both wizards, the thoughts wandered to the story between Narcissa and Harry, when she had protected him from Voldemort. Sierra had stood right next to her mother and heard every single word! Now Harry's features were flooded with regret. "I know and I'm sorry! That was another stupid thought that didn't let go of me in my youth and apparently hasn't let go of it completely even now.", added the well-known Potter.  After a moment of silence, Harry spoke again. "I'm looking already forward to seeing you again, Sierra." A tender smile pulled the corners of his mouth upwards. Sierra's anger smoked away and she returned his smile.  "I feel the same way!"

Suddenly, Harry chuckled quietly. Sierra tilted her head because she didn't understand why he had started laughing. But she didn't have to ask, as Harry clarified it on his own. "I just had to think about our school days.", he said, looking dreamily into the air. "We really had a lot of beautiful moments together. Also some who were very tense!" You could see that he actually wanted to say something. Instead, he bit his lip and slid his fingers embarrassed as he felt through his raven-black hair. Harry let his gaze wander through the store before he managed to. "Because of this tension, Fred and George always said that you were in love with me.", Harry concluded what he had started. Sierra giggled. "Funny that you mention it! I actually had quite a crush on you in our fifth year." “Mommy! Let's go now. I already have my wand!", Lucy squealed and pukked her mother's sleeve. Sierra looked at her daughter with a mild smile, while Lucy continued to talk to her. But first, the witch turned again to her friend. "Goodbye, Harry! Hopefully we'll see each other again." Harry couldn't respond because Lucy mercilessly pulled her mother out of the business. Now Harry could only wave at Sierra.

A few days later, an owl fluttered through one of the high windows of the Malfoy residence. Sierra lived there with her two daughters since the divorce. Draco and her mom lived in other houses and their dad was still in Azkaban. So the three witches had the whole property to themselves! Frowning, Sierra rose and took the letter from the bird's beak. From whom should the letter be? She had only written a letter to her mother and brother yesterday. She removed the wax seal, which did not belong to anyone in her family, and took the parchment from its envelope.

Dear Sierra,

I can't believe I'm saying something like that because I've always hated divination. But I think it was a sign that we met each other today. I decided for myself this morning that I am ready again for a new love or at least to meet new people in this regard! An hour later you are standing right in front of me. The girl - today, of course, the woman - with I was head over heels in love in the fourth and fifth year! When I saw you, all the old feelings came right back and I thought maybe it was finally my chance. Or our chance! However, you want to see it. But now I've talked enough about it! I am writing you this letter because I wanted to ask you if you are interested in going out with me. Maybe it's stupid to calculate my chances just because you said that you felt something for me at the time!

It was really nice to meet you again after all these years!

Love Harry

Her heart tensed as Sierra laid down the letter. It was filled with such pretty, but he was not the first man in her life to wrap her around her finger with wonderful words. Sierra was not willing to give away her heart again! Above all, she could not expect her children to let someone into their hearts who might disappear. She didn't want to take the risk! Not when it was about her children. With a heavy heart, Sierra picked up parchment and feather to write Harry an answer.

Dear Harry,

This letter is probably not the answer you expected, but it wouldn't be fair to write anything else. I'm sorry, but I have to disappoint you! Unfortunately, I cannot accept this kind of invitation. But if you would like that, we could meet for a coffee. On friendship basis, of course, I would be happy to see you again! It has been far too long.

Best regards

Sierra Malfoy

After she had written the short letter and the ink had dried on the parchment, she gave the sealed envelope to the recovered owl. For Sierra, this wasn’t a matter of fact anymore. At least for her mind. Her heart and soul cried in silence.

The lightning lit up the entire sky for a second, which was shrouded in thunder clouds. When the thunder sounded just a blink later, Sierra was glad that her 5-year-old Amy was already sleeping soundly and was keeping her midday rest. Amy was terrified of thunderstorms and after that hectic morning, Sierra needed a moment to take a deep breath. As soon as she had dropped on the armchair, a heavy knock echoed through the villa. A soft sigh slipped over Sierra's lips as she walked to the door. All the exhaustion was suddenly forgotten when the tired mother opened the door and froze. Harry Potter was on her doorstep! "Harry?!", she gasped. "What are you doing here?" "I don't get it! I just don't understand your answer.", it burst out of the completely soaked Harry, who immediately stormed into the house. Confused, Sierra followed her old schoolmate into the dining room, which he headed for. "I'm confused. What exactly don't you understand?", Sierra replied. Harry abruptly turned to the young woman. "I don't understand why you wrote this to me. Why can't you go out with me? It sounds like you want to in your letter, but something is holding you back. If it is not like this, please look me in the eye and tell me that and I will leave. But if it's not like that, please tell me the truth!" demanded Harry to know. Passion blazed in his eyes and it also flared up in Sierra. "It just doesn’t work. Okay?!" Harry shook his head. "Nothing is okay! You're dodging me." he accused his former classmate. Then she snorted. "Yeah and?" His manner made them defiant. What he could do, she could do anyway! "I know you're hiding something from me! I just don't understand why." This caused all the dams in Sierra to break. "YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY I WON'T GO OUT WITH YOU?! MY HUSBAND CHEATED ON ME FOR YEARS! I MARRIED HIM AT THE DEMAND OF MY FAMILY, FELL IN LOVE WITH HIM, HAD CHILDREN; WHICH I LOVE ABOVE ALL AND ALL THIS TO BE LIED TO AND CHEATED ON." Tears poured down her face and she fell to her knees. Sierra lacked the strength to keep on his feet. It was just too much!  "I can't trust myself with love. Not again! And I can't let my kids be hurt by me possibly being left by someone I might love again."

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Taglists

Always: @the-second-tonks

Harry Potter: @imabee-oralizard@reader-inserts-and-others-thing

29 Anmerkungen – Gepostet 12. September 2022

#2

I only got the chance to watch Merlin once so I am currently re watching it before Netflix is taking it down on December 14th

Everyone in Germany who has Netflix and loves Merlin take this last chance to watch it *sob* sob*

46 Anmerkungen – Gepostet 23. November 2022

Meine #1 des Jahres 2022

The Big Bang Theory characters‘ sexualities

Leonard straight

Sheldon asexual =>sexrepulsed

Amy bi-curious demisexual

Penny straight

Bernadette straight

Howard bisexual but doesn’t want to admit it and tries to appear as straight as possible

Rajesh bisexuell closeted because he is into Howard and knows how hard Howard tries to be straight demi-boy

62 Anmerkungen – Gepostet 18. April 2022

Hol dir deinen Tumblr-Jahresrückblick 2022 →

[transmasc-wizard]

@letters-to-lgbt-kids' 22 Questions for Nonbinary November!

1.Which labels do you use? Transmasculine, nonbinary, genderqueer, nonbinary trans guy, transmasc. (only counting gender labels)

2.What are your pronouns? he/they! No preference.

3.How old were you when you came out to yourself as nonbinary? Uh... idk exactly but it was like a year ago? ish? depends on whether you count the other 3 times i came out to myself lmao.

4.What’s one thing you’d like to tell your younger self? "hey there's actually a Reason you hate being called pretty and avoid mirrors like the plague and really want a flat chest. Wild, right"

5.Is there a myth about nonbinary people that annoys you the most? that we're all unaligned and want to be androgynous. I DO want to be andro, in the sense of being fem and masc at the same time, but others don't. Also, i'm masc-alligned.

6.Is there a nonbinary celebrity you look up to? This might be cheap lol but Demi Lovato, i like their music, so... yeah.

7.If you’re out, how did you come out? I am not ~technically~ out. But my friend knows; i was like "hey i think im transmasc" and she said "ok cool". but i came out to my family and it was. interesting lmao

8.Is there a gender-related pun you like? non-beenary. Also: trans people should handle the money because everything we do is a transaction im so sorry

9.Do you have friends who identify as nonbinary, too? friend-ish people, yeah. Also i have a friend who jokes she's "{name}gender" and says he is ok with literally any pronouns so... we may have an egg here.

10.Do you have a favorite lgbt+ character? Hmmmm Nico Di Angelo is my namesake but i honestly can't pick lmao.

11. Lgbt, lgbt+, lgbtqa+… which one do you usually use? Queer. I have a long, long post explaining why, but i hate being called LGBT unless you also call me queer lmao

12. How do you explain the term “nonbinary” to people who have no idea what it means? "i do not vibe with gender". or, "boy is here, girl is here, no gender is here, and i am here" *points between boy and no gender*. they usually get it

13.Tell us a fun fact about yourself (gender-related or random!) i am absolutely obsessed with books and if you want a book of any genre or type or trope just ask me via asks or anon and i will throw ALL THE RECS at u

14.How did you find your name? I stole it from Nico Di Angelo <3

15.If you’re in a relationship, how did your partner react to your coming-out? I'm a single pringle who doesn't wanna mingle lol, but my FRIENDS were all pretty good (except one. she's a transphobic asshole and i kinda hate her now)

16.Do you prefer partner, datemate, significant other or something else? i mean i've never dated and don't really wanna but my theoretical partner would call me boyfriend or partner in crime. the "in crime" would not be optional and i would not date someone who would object to it

17.A piece of advice for questioning kids? don't treat labels like they own you. E.g. if you ID as straight then really wanna date a boy/girl/ur gender, don't jump thru hoops explaining away that emotion--just use bi or pan or something else that fits. Also, it's ok to change labels!! i did like 20 times before i settled on my labels i've been using for about 8 months now!!

18.Which flag(s) do you use? nonbinary, genderqueer, aroace, bi, trans, transmasculine, asexual, aromantic. Look em up urself, tumblr won't let me post the images

19.Any tips for bad days? read a book. write a story. draw a picture. it doesn't have to be good, just do it. it helps

20.Do you have a favorite nonbinary blog on tumblr? i like @neopronounsmybelovaed, @lgb-positivi-t (not NB specific tho), and @letters-to-lgbt-kids (also not nonbinary specific tho). idk i havent seen a lot of NB blogs--reccomendations are appreciated!

21.Feminine, masculine, androgynous - or none of those things? i would like to be all of them at once but also femme but also manly masc boy but also 'my gender is gay and my sexuality is nonbinary' but also do not percieve me but ALSO-- (u get the idea)

22. What are your three favorite things about yourself? ah fuck uh. i like my writing. I like my ability to usually find good friends. i like how i will literally consume All The Information related to the things i like (in other words, talk to me about the raven cycle or writing pls).

[takerfoxx]

Some stuff from 2020 that I actually liked

Okay, so 2020 was a godawful year, we all agree. But a lot of good did happen to keep us sane, so I want to go ahead and list everything that made me happy last year. Also, note that some of these things actually debuted earlier than 2020, but I came across it in 2020, so it counts for me.

TV!

-The Hollow.

The Hollow is a truly underappreciated show. A cool premise and interesting characters that just got better every episode.

The Dark Crystal: Age of Resistance.

This is one of the best single-season shows I’ve ever seen. Absolutely brilliant, and fuck you Netflix for pulling the plug!

Keep Your Hands Off Eizouken!

This show is not my thing by any means, and I would never have checked it out if the opening wasn’t so attention-grabbing. Glad I did, because it gave me genuine joy. Though it probably should have debuted later in the year, since it seems custom-made for the quarantine months. 

She-Ra and the Princesses of Power: Season 5

What more can I say? One of my favorite shows of all time going out with a fantastic bang. God, I love this show.

Honorable mentions: Kipo and the Age of the Wunderbeasts, The Owl House, Magia Record, and SSSS Gridman.

MOVIES

There wasn’t a lot of movies worth talking about this year, and fewer that I actually saw. This one had the good fortune to drop just in time to dominate the box office right before quarintine shut everything down. And for a film with such an uninspired premise, such a problematic production, and being a video game movie no less, it just brought me so much joy.

VIDEO GAMES

Stinkoman 20x6: Level 10

Homestar Runner was my first favorite thing on the internet, and I spent many hours playing through Stinkoman 20x6 well over a decade ago. So when they finally announced the final level mere days before flash died forever, it was a big of closure I never thought I would get.

A Hat in Time

This game was a surreal delight. More like this, please!

Hollow Knight

On the other end of the spectrum, good lord was exploring the world of Hollownest a joy. Can’t wait for Silksong!

Honorable mention: Orri and the Blind Forest

PRO WRESTLING

Tetsuya Naito achieves his Destino

I’ve already got into detail why this moment was so special, so I won’t repeat myself here. But man, was it incredible.

Kota Ibushi, back-to-back G1 winner!

If it were anyone else, I would be annoyed. But it’s Kota.

I started watching Lucha Underground!

This show is years old, but I only started watching it this year, and I’m glad that I did, because it is so much fun. It’s basically Mortal Kombat as a wrestling show!

Honorable mentions: the Firefly Funhouse match, Roman Reigns turning heel, Kenny Omega and Jon Moxley’s AEW championship wins

LITERATURE

Two Dresden Books

The Dresden Files is my favorite book series, and after waiting so long for it to return, getting two books in the same year was a real treat

Dance in the Vampire Bund

This is probably my guiltiest of guilty pleasures, because unlike other guilty pleasures like To Love-Ru or the Hollywood Undead in which their unashamed schlockiness is part of the charm DitVB is largely a fantastic vampire story with a richly drawn world, great characters, a compelling plot, and some truly great action. It just has that one really gross aspect that overshadows everything else, and unfortunately is promoted as its main selling point. That being said, I was happy to see it return.

PERSONAL WRITING

Returning to fanfiction

Ah, IM and RD, how I’ve missed thee. Sure, my heyday may be over, but it’s still wonderful to return to old stories

Finishing both Walpurgis Nights and Restless

These two were both passion projects that have been taking up space in my head for years, so finishing both was a dream come true, no pun intended

Getting Blood Island going

I have no idea how my future in original fiction will go, but I hope it’s good.

MUSIC

DemonDice

Yes, we all know who she is now, but finding Calliope’s older stuff kind of makes me mad about how unappreciated she was. 

Mystery Skulls - Ultra Rare vol. 2

I remember asking Mystery Skulls right after vol 1 dropped if a vol 2 was in the worlds, and he said definitely. It took a while, but it’s finally here.

Skyhill returns

God, Howling at the Moon came when I needed it the most.

K/DA All Out

I found out that this was coming out literally days before it dropped, and it ROCKED!

Ken Ashcorp

Why yes, I would like more incredibly catchy, shamelessly horny songs about nerdy stuff that I like, thank you very much.

Honorable Mentions: Hybrid Theory deluxe edition, In This Moment, Gorillaz Song Machine

Misc.

hololive

This is the era of the Vtuber. I still don’t fully understand why these cute but psycho anime girls bring me so much joy, but I’m glad that they do. 

And finally...

Donald Trump gets voted out of office.

Fuck you, you narcissistic, fascist piece of shit. You losing didn’t make up for such an awful year or for the four years in which you ran this country into the ground, but it was a good start!

[gagmebucky]

Hi, I just really wanted to rant about something and I don’t really want to talk about it with anyone I know irl so…

My dad is just a normal guy in every sense of the word, good and bad. One thing that’s bothered me for a while now is how I recognized he talks to my mom and while it’s not degrading, it’s just entitled and annoying.

Since my brother and I were born, she quit her job to take care of us so he’s been the one primarily earning money. This arrangement hasn’t put our family in any type of financial jeopardy at all, we live in a nice house in a nice area and his job combined with the money he makes from his previous service in the military makes him around 150k a year. One thing I’d like to note is that he works a normal 8 to 5 job. But for a year or so the majority of his company has switched to a12 hours day so they get a three day weekend every week.

Now I know you may be wondering what money has to do with any of this and I promise that I’ll get to that part I’m just really angry and need to get this all off of my chest.

Anyways, my mom started working again 2-3 years ago at his request and now she works AND does all the stereotypical motherly things (cooks dinner, cleans, any other odd jobs that need to be done around the house)

All the while my mom has been doing this, my dad does his 12 hour days (including lunch in those 12 hours) and he’s allowed to take 10 minute breaks and most often times watch tv in the background while he’s working (he’s been working from home since COVID and doesn’t have any plans to go back since his job is mostly on the computer anyways other than a couple in-person meetings a month)

After my dad is done with work, he basically retires for the night and just watches tv while waiting for mom to serve him whatever food or leftovers she’s put on a plate for him.

Now, I get to the current issue.

My mom doesn’t ask for much or even anything from him in terms of helping her. But there are just some things that make me angry when he says them.

In the past couple of weeks for pretty much the 1st consistent time since March, my dad started walking and exercising again which he does outside or in the garage. My father has naturally oily skin, and even if he didn’t, he is exercising so his skin will be sticky and sweaty! RIGHT!?!?!

However when my mom brought it up a couple days ago she didn’t even say what we both were thinking which was YOU STINK AND ARE THEREFORE MAKING THE HOUSE STINK!!!

Instead, she politely asked if he would take a shower since he worked out and specificied that she was telling him this out of love without even mentioning him stinking up the house or more specifically the kitchen that he was in.

Instead of understanding that exercise makes you sweat and sweat makes you smell, he snarkelly shot back, that he had something to tell her out of love too. And although he trailed off with a cocky laugh, the context of the situation and his numerous past suggestions obviously implied that he was talking about my mom’s weight.

I would like to specify that my mother is not obese or unhealthy, in fact she eats considerably less junk food than he does. And even if she was, it did not prompt my dad making that “joke”.

Now fast forward a few minutes, my mom and I left to go grocery shopping for the food she would make for him without him even having to lift a finger. She ranted to me that him needing to take a shower had nothing to do with her weight. From what she was saying I could tell that she wasn’t that angry about what he said about her weight, but more so about him deflecting the conversation from his smellyness to her (which is something he does often so he doesn’t look like the “bad guy”)

Now to today, my father once again “joked” with my mom when asked if he would honestly like to help her blow dry her hair (I say honestly because she wanted his honest opinion on whether he would like to do it or not, and it was something she never really needs help with but she wanted to spend time with him) he said that he needs to consult the “guy’s handbook” to figure out if that was a trick question. (My father is 55 years old and they’ve been married for 30 something years)

I’m sure there’s a psychological reason why I got so angry at him but I’m not going to settle that I was once again tired that he treated my mom like crap despite her doing everything for him. So I told him that my mom was being serious and it wasn’t a trick question.

I (kinda) knew that he knew this, and was trying to make a joke. But explaining it was my version of the whole “I don’t understand your ‘joke’ please explain it to me” in an attempt to discourage him from making it again.

But in an event that I would have seen coming if I wasn’t so angry, it didn’t work and he instead got mad at me. Recognizing that I could have handled the situation better, I just apologized however I was crying because of his rant that I wasn’t a part of the conversation and shouldn’t have stepped in . (I normally wouldn’t be so sensitive but for some reason it’s like everytime I have a family argument it’s that time of the month so I’m emotionally sensitive)

I retreated back into my room and apparently I wasn’t crying as quietly as I thought I was because be he then knocked on my door, then demanded that I come out and “spend time with him” so he could know what was wrong.

Now, I thought this was code for I’m going to apologize, but no… he literally didn’t understand that his words hurt my feelings and demanded that I tell him what was “really” wrong as if him yelling at me wasn’t a good enough reason to be crying.

After curtly telling him what was wrong in so many words as to not offend him further. He dryly apologized before defending himself and saying that it wasn’t his fault that I got angry and he was just trying to make a joke that he insisted would apparently be funny if I didn’t cut in. Then he dryly promised that he would try to treat my mother nicer and not make as many “jokes” because he can tell how much it affects me.

There is probably more to the story that I forgot to leave out. And I kinda want to know if I’m in the wrong in the situation or not. And reading back over this i am definitely biased but if you can manage to remove the emotion from my words then those are honestly the facts about what happened.

I recognize that I am selfish, he actually told me that one, but looking back over my life I know that I have been rude when “defending” my mom. I put it in quotations because my mom doesn’t need defending and she is more than capable to speaking up when there’s a big problem.

But I just get annoyed at people when they rudely deny her some of the smaller things she requests like help blow drying her hair and things she won’t insist on them helping on. I’d understand if kindly said no thanks or I can’t do it right now, but he just had to joke about it and be curt in his response for no reason.

All in all I’m just so angry that it is impossible for him to acknowledge what he did wrong without defending that actions that make someone sad or angry in the first place.

But anyways, I am extremely sorry for the rant and writing so much and I honestly don’t blame you if you didn’t even read all of this. I just wanted to tell someone and I love how your blog is so open and judgement free and you don’t act like you have all the answers of what is right or wrong but you just give your opinion and help when you can. Thanks so much for listening (reading, really) and I appreciate you so much!

baby, you didn’t do ANYTHING wrong. you are the opposite of selfish — your dad was being a fucking dick to your mom and you stood up for her. you had every right to be angry, and if i were you, i would’ve said some low blow, disrespectful, kick-me-out-of-the-house ass shit.

i think (respectfully) you’re over analyzing yourself to find fault in yourself when it isn’t really there in my opinion. he’s complaining that you’re rude when he was the rude one and you literally just defending your mom. being rude is like “you stinky piece of shit, im gonna fucking drown you in bleach and lets see you make another fuckin comment BITCH”

but you did not do that therefore his argument is invalid. i can only say so much because it’s you in the thick of it but it definitely seems like your dad’s arrogant and entitled personality is so overbearing that it makes you be harder on yourself than you should be. i think, legally, you should get hit him once with a bat, non lethally of course (unless….. haha…?). i just know personally dealing with that personality type can create a LOT of contained anger.

anyway, im rly sorry you have to deal w him. i feel like you have a lot of weight on your shoulders and you seem so sweet and nice and you do not deserve to have to give your energy to that :(

[yarichinbokutoclub]

The train was packed. Who knew so many people would be milling about at 1 o’clock on a Wednesday afternoon. You hated it, being around so many people, but with your job at the museum you had learned to tolerate the crowds. This, however, was different, you were crammed in a tiny cabin with God knows how many other people. Don’t these people have work to do? It is a week day after all. So, to put things lightly, your day did not start off on a good note.

           You were, however, looking forward to the Café’s opening. It was your light at the end of the tunnel so to speak. With the café being a bit of a hole in the wall and lacking any media presence you knew it would not attract much of a crowd. The perfect place to work on your botany journal (basically just a journal with different plant clippings and facts and drawings. Think Hiccup’s journal in HTYD or Deku’s journal in BNHA.) You were really looking forward to the new pages you could add now that the museum had gotten in some new flora, that of course they let you be the first to see. The journal was a great help when you were giving tours as you wanted to be as thorough as possible in hopes that you might inspire a bright young mind, like what had happened to you so many years ago.

           The train finally came to a stop and you couldn’t have been more grateful. You got off as quickly as possible and stopped to take a deep breath, really appreciating the fresh air and the open space around you. After you got your bearings, you adjusted your outfit (gotta look good in case there are any cute boys at the café ;)) and got on your way. The café was only about 5 blocks from the train station so it didn’t take you long to get there at all. You turned off the main street onto a little side one, almost like an alley, and towards the end you saw the café.

           The vibe was immaculate. It was everything you could have wished for and more, no crowds and books everywhere, what’s not to love? Taking a deep breath to prepare yourself, you pushed open the front door. A small bell above you jingled to signal your arrival and you were immediately met with not only the eyes of your best friend, Yachi, but also a pair of wide yellow eyes which seemed to be taking in your appearance. Blushing, you tried not to think much of it and made your way to the counter and greeted the cute barista that you knew so well. “Yachi!!! You look so adorable in your apron.” you exclaimed upon getting to the counter, mindful of your volume of course. “Y/n, you actually came!” Yachi replied with a big grin.

“I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to check this place out and bug you on your first day. ;P Speaking of, how has it been, any rude customers yet?”

“It’s been a lot slower than we would have hoped but everyone has been really polite, I honestly couldn’t have asked for a better first day. Anyways, I should probably get back to work. What can I get you? I’ll bring it to your table when it’s ready.”

Yachi, always the positive one and a hard worker too. Scanning over the menu you quickly make your decision. “I’ll have a hot caramel latte and a blueberry muffin! Oh an make sure you do something extra cute for the latte art!!”

“Only the best for you, y/n! I’ll have it right out!”

           With that you made your way to a table near a window so you could attempt to people watch without being near any of the other patrons. It was a quiet corner just the way you liked. However, you could still feel those big yellow eyes on you. Looking up you finally made eye contact with the man who had been staring you down and boy was he cute. You could tell he was athletic too, giving him a curt smile you turned back to your table and pulled out your journal. Maybe this could be where you find your wattpad romance after all. Or so you thought.

           Yachi brought out your order and you got to journaling about the newest flower in the museum’s greenhouse, the Cytandra Vittata or Candy-Striped Violet. Particularly excited about this one due to the flower’s incredible beauty and unique petals, you made sure to put extra care into the pages. You were having a great time, the coffee was amazing and the atmosphere was perfect for getting your work done. That is until HE decided to stop staring at you and go back to reading his manga. Whatever it was, it must have been incredibly interesting because he was… engrossed to say the least.

           Not only did he seem to zone everything around him out, forgetting where he was, but he also felt the need to verbally or physically react to just about everything that was happening in his childish story. He was annoying, sure, but not loud enough to where he could be considered “disturbing the peace” even though he was certainly disturbing YOUR peace. Every two seconds there was an “oooh” or an “ahhhh” maybe even a “WHAT?!” thrown in there. Your patience was certainly running thin and you made sure to glare at him a few times, even hushing him along with the other patrons, but he just was not getting the hint. The next page must have had a huge plot twist or surprise thrown in there because this response, it was the most dramatic. Abruptly, he stood up out of his chair, knocking it to the ground in the process. His eyes were even bigger than before (was that even possible?) and he yelled (yes, this time it was a yell). His exact words were “NO!!! IT WAS HER BROTHER ALL ALONG?! YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!!!!.” Spoilers, am I right?

           At this you had had enough. Sure, you didn’t like confrontation, but it didn’t seem like anyone else was going to step in and you knew Yachi would be a nervous wreck if she had to. So, you marched over to his table with the most aggressive scowl you think you have ever sported on your face.

“Are you trying to piss off everyone in the store?! Because you’re doing a really good job if that was your plan!” You screamed at the stranger’s face.

He looked up at you confusion written all over his face. “…Huh?” he questioned.

“Are you trying to tell me you have no idea what you’ve been doing for the past 30 minutes?? Because I don’t buy it. You’re being incredibly loud and rude and you need to stop. This is not the place for that. Some people are trying to get work down and you’re making it incredibly difficult. If you wanna read your manga fine do it but do it quietly. Save the theatrics for your bedroom.” you weren’t trying to be mean but you couldn’t help it. Once you start talking you can’t stop yourself and this time you went a little too far. His hair seemed to deflate, something you certainly didn’t miss because was that even possible?

“I’m sorry miss, I didn’t realize I was being so loud I’ll try to quiet down.” He replied with a huge pout on his face.

“Thank you.” You replied and promptly turned on your heels to go back to the violet you were so excited to study.

           Everything was going smoothly now, sure you didn’t mean to be that harsh and you could’ve asked him nicely but your anger took over and you couldn’t help it, though you did feel a bit bad. It certainly didn’t help that your day had started out as poorly as it did and you were so looking forward to the peace and quiet of the café, something that had been so rudely ripped away from you. Another 15 minutes passed by and the silence was amazing, you made some real progress in your journal, even completing a detailed sketch of the flower. After the 15 minutes was up however, the reactions started to seep back out from the yellow eyed man again. He seemed to be over his pouting now. His reactions, although much quieter this time were still quite annoying. You decided to ignore them though, thinking you had been a little too harsh the first time around, and hoping he just slipped up and will go back to being quiet. This, however, was not the case and the disruptions continued for another 10 minutes when you decided you better just leave. Fate is tricky and maybe you just weren’t fated to be at the café today, meaning you’ll try again tomorrow after work. You said your goodbyes to Yachi and made your way to the train station, looking forward to the peace and quiet of your apartment and the soft cuddles of your two cats, Kyo and Tohru.

           What you didn’t know, was that Yachi, deciding it was time to be bold, went over to the loud and excitable customer. She decided it best, for business and for her own sanity, if she politely asked him to leave. And she did just that. The man apologized and made his way out of the café feeling a bit defeated but determined to come back again and next time hopefully not get kicked out.

fear & love

4. series of unfortunate events

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masterlist

PLOT - y/n is in her first year of college at tokyo u., she has a great friend group, a fantastic internship, life is good… that is until she meets bokuto koutarou. this loud and brash volleyball star is about to turn y/n’s life upside down. the question is, will it be a good change or a bad one?

a/n - Im gonna be honest, not really loving this fic but I am pretty happy with how this chapter turned out, as always any advice is welcomed and pls if there's anything you want to see happen just ask!

taglist (open, send an ask) - @dumbb1tc4 @fleurishnblotts@coffeeaddictedmay@bigchaosenergy @noliamallpayne @evan-rose​ @bokutowo​

BOLD COULDNT BE TAGGED

[peaches-writes]

super random prompts for today bc im feeling nostalgic~

tw // death

at 1100 years of you fulfilling your punishment as a human turned grim reaper, no one could blame you when you confess that you don’t really know yourself now if the promise you swore to chan before he died by your sword in his first life is still serious or holds meaning to you. it was a long long time ago, already muddled in your failing memories, when you swore to the joseon era prince that you would ‘find and torture him in every life he gets’ because he invaded your village and branded you as a criminal (which ultimately led to you doing the things that got you landed with your current spiritual punishment). at present, having already met different versions of him in his subsequent lives and delivering him to the afterlife each time without fail, you’re not sure anymore if you can still hold onto this promise and cause him trouble. after all, every version of him that pops up on your radar throughout the centuries never remembers what he did in his first life, let alone remember you. plus, the only time he sees you now as a grim reaper is on his death bed, when you come to fetch him and confess to causing some of the misfortunes he’s experienced in the life that he’s lived. 

so imagine your surprise when the gods inform you that chan only has one reincarnation left to spend and that he’ll spend it in the 21st century seoul, right where everything started. you’re then furthermore petrified when this version you meet not only has the ability to see and interact with ghosts by his 3rd eye but also finds the journal you unknowingly drop at his neighbor’s funeral: filled with notes on him and his previous lives as well as the confusing feelings you’ve unconsciously developed over the years. the final nail in the coffin, however, is that he’s not smug about it when he eventually finds you at the local graveyard, unlike how you expected of the chan from the joseon era. instead, he asks you all about his past lives, your punishment, and what he should expect in his next life if he has any. this time, with no means of escaping from his 3rd eye and his dangerously fast biking skills, you’re forced to confront the soul of the person you once called your enemy. 

more of the kids under the cut!

minho receives a google form link from you at the strike of midnight on your 1st anniversary as a couple, initially opening it on the assumption that it’s the survey form you previously coerced him into agreeing to answer for your senior thesis. the computer science major is then thoroughly surprised when the link opens to a red and pink-themed form titled, “y/n’s boyfriend application!” with questions ranging from, “full name so i can flames it with my name” to “rate my annoying habits from ‘i love them dw’ to ‘this is probably going to be one of the future reasons why we’ll break-up.’” he messages you first before anything else, asking you just exactly ‘what the fuck is this application for, babe?’ to which you only reply with a spam of winking emojis. actually, you only reply with winking emojis and actual winks when he decides to videocall you into answering him, leading minho to answer the form while you’re peeking over on a small browser on his laptop screen. your boyfriend mainly answers the questions lightheartedly, even reading his answers aloud to you after (”what number on the fan do i like? four, of course!” “minho, you’re a monster.”). that is until the last question which he only smiles at before spending the last five minutes of your videocall typing continuously then ending the call after submitting, preventing you from interrogating him and his sudden change in behavior. 

it’s only after the call that you see his answer to the last question (”why do you love me”), an entire eight paragraphs of him just mindlessly rambling about whatever comes at the top of his head to answer the question: ranging from his favourite and least favourite memories of you together, the things he loves about you coupled with the things he claims to not like about you (before shyly admitting towards the end that he still finds things to love about them), and an “overall there’s a lot of reasons why i love you: some i’ve mentioned, some i haven’t, some i’ve discovered, and some i will find out about in the future when we celebrate our 2nd year anniversary, 3rd, 4th, and the ones we’ll eventually forget what number they’re supposed to be because we’ll probably be married and busy with a lot of other things ;) there’s just no one definitive answer to this question, to be honest, but this is what comes at the top of my head. happy one year, baby <3″ 

when the fabric of reality that blankets seoul is reported to have been ripped at the seams, you start mysteriously losing some of your personal belongings to the parallel dimension’s version of your apartment. at first you blame it on your public enemy no. 1 and roommate, changbin, who does have a habit of borrowing things without permission and forgetting to return them. when you find a blue-haired and heavily tattooed changbin using your hair dryer in the bathroom one day (clearly looking very different from the roommate you’ve been living with for 6 months who has blonde hair and piercings only), however, only then do you realize that it’s been your roommate’s parallel version who’s been unknowingly receiving your things. what’s more surprising is him getting visibly confused at you initially throwing a fit at him when you mistook him as your real roommate, explaining to you later on that he and your parallel version are dating. you purposely avoid parallel dimension changbin for a few days in embarrassment from the latter, that is until he sits you down in the living room a week later (while your dimension’s changbin is out at his part-time job) and asks you, “so, what’s your problem with my parallel self? maybe i can help!”  

only parallel dimension changbin proves himself to be unhelpful when all he comments on your subsequent ramblings is a cheesy grin and, “your roommate’s probably in love with you. god, i can’t believe that even in your reality i’m stupid.” 

in a world where the person who doesn’t reciprocate an individual’s strong feelings instead of the other way around, hyunjin’s had his own fair share of sick days and pharmacy runs to suppress the flowers that bloom in him from admirers who fall way too deep into his charms. he’s slightly grown desensitized to it, having already memorized what to do and what to say to the people who are forced to confront and apologize to him each and every time. when it’s you who’s suddenly confessing your sudden feelings to him, promising that you’ll get over it in a month and even stay away for a while for his sake, only then does he feel a strange mix of dread, worry, and fear at the pit of his stomach. he doesn’t want you, his best friend, to ever leave his side but at the same time he can’t find it in himself to reciprocate your feelings for you to stay. for the first time, he doesn’t know what to do nor what to say to you, the daffodils suddenly feeling heavier in his lungs the more you try and distance yourself and see new people.

 jisung, unlike how the cliche trope goes, always bets everything on him missing his shot at your subdivision’s basketball court. he always says something along the lines of, “if i miss this shot, let’s go the movies!” or “if the ball falls off the rim after 5 seconds, you’ll go to the beach party with me!” despite being the star player of your high school basketball team himself. he always purposely misses for fun and gets his reward, of course, even when you remind him to shoot properly through flustered expressions and feigned huffs. this has then caused you your entire summer time and allowance, all spent glued to jisung’s hip and buying him all sorts of things from ice cream, extended time to borrow surf boards at the beach, and even a ride ticket to the travelling carnival’s ferris wheel (where he stole a kiss from you at the top like the cheesy little shit that he is). 

whenever you ask him why he bets in reverse each and every time, however, only then does his confident smirk disappears into his blush and he turns his entire face away from you; too shy to admit that you make him a little too nervous whenever it’s just you watching him shoot hoops. give him a rest, he just wants more full assurance that he’ll get to spend more time with you, as boyish as that sounds. 

you probably should’ve known better than to provoke chenle and wooyoung when you told them over the student council meeting that a marriage booth probably wouldn’t give you a lot of revenue since your school festival this year doesn’t fall on valentine’s day week. you probably should’ve expected that the first thing they’d do after the student assembly, when the festival is formally opened, is to drag you into said marriage booth—your english classroom decorated from top to bottom in cheap white cloth, plastic flowers, and an edit of your senior alumni bang chan as jesus—and put you into one of the flower crown veils they probably got at someone’s baptism, explaining that they need someone to kickstart the booth and attract more customers. but most of all, you probably should’ve expected that these two troublemaking vice president and secretary of yours wouldn’t hesitate to take this opportunity to torment you even further because suddenly you’re getting fake married to felix, your chem lab partner and long-time crush, who also has his own ‘sins’ to atone to chenle and wooyoung (something about ditching them at a party because he saw an injured cat stuck up on a tree on the way to the venue). the two of you stand in front of the “bang chan altar” for 10 minutes with han jisung in a questionable pope costume, the two of you attracting passersby who are mostly your classmates murmuring “oh my god, y/n and felix?” or “i knew it! those two are so cute together!” as the two of you are forced into exchanging cereal box rings and saying impromptu vows. 

what you didn’t expect from this experience, however, is felix suddenly confessing in his vows, clearing his throat awkwardly while sliding the purple plastic ring on your ring finger and saying, “this isn’t how i imagined it to go but we’re both here, all of our classmates are here, and you’re looking really pretty today so, uh...y/n, i just want to say that i’ve really liked you for a long time.” 

your grandmother shows you her first look of disapproval over your weaved fabrics when you start creating pieces that seem to resemble the aura of a boy. as much as you don’t want to see her disappointed, tradition still stands that you have to design your fabrics according to how you would interpret your dreams and since you turned 18, all you’ve been dreaming about is your potential soulmate. of all 7 billion in the world, you just have to be one of the rare ones with the ability to interpret your dreams on textile and have these said dreams be your soulmate bond to someone else as well. instead of arbitrary colors or shapes resembling nature like your grandmother and everyone else, you’re trying to recreate the face of a boy your age with the kindest smile you’ve ever seen and the prettiest brown eyes; instead of putting the sounds of the ocean or the chirping of birds as they would be usually heard in dreams onto colorful fabric, you’re trying to mix red, orange, and yellow dyes on threads just to try and capture seungmin’s golden voice whenever he would sing to you in your dreams. your soulmate becomes your muse, the lasting impressions he makes on you in the 3 real-time seconds of dreaming that you spend with him embedding themselves into the blanket you’ve been tasked to make for the winter. 

seungmin is more than flattered of course, finding genuine fascination in what you do and excitement to see you in person once university allows him. it’s only at the end of the year, however, right on christmas day, when he finally sees you on vacation in your town with his family—finding you at the beach party his new friend hyunjin invites him to where you dance around the bonfire with your own friends, wrapped in the blanket made of warm colors that just scream his very soul and aura. your eyes meet almost as soon as he arrives because of your soulmate pull, causing you to become flustered at realizing that you’re wearing the blanket design that’s been inspired by him, and before he knows it, kim seungmin is running to you and grabbing your arm. “hi.” he pants breathlessly, his relieved smile shining brightly against the orange glow of the fire to your side. “finally. it’s you!” 

jeongin stares at his laptop for a solid 5 minutes in complete and utter confusion before his roommate seungmin pokes him on the side of his head and asks if he passed his dream university, snapping him out of reality. it’s not that he didn’t pass the entrance exam, definitely not because he’s still feeling confident from answering it from almost 6 months ago. rather, it’s that the acceptance e-mail sent to him by the university is for a completely different name, your name out of all applicants out there—that one person he sat next to at cram school and turned down at the end of the summer. logging into his social media accounts, he sees people voicing out their concerns for similar incidents, that they’re getting acceptance or rejection e-mails of other applicants instead of their own, and posts that aim to track down who’s gotten who to remedy this. when seungmin hears this, he simply shrugs and urges jeongin to simply message you and get over it since the two of you are connected on social media anyway. but still, jeongin takes another hour to message you with a simple, “hi, i got your e-mail. should i forward it to you?” even closing his laptop in a hurry and running back into the comfort of his blanket as soon as he hears the dreadful ping of the messenger app. he knows he shouldn’t be flustered to message you, especially with something as important as your acceptance letter, but he can’t help but feel weak in the knees at the thought of having to talk to you again after almost a year because all he can think about is that he really shouldn’t have rejected you in that offer to go to the movies in the first place. 

what’s worse is that, since he sent the message over online, his thoughts can’t help but overthink your simple “really? here’s my e-mail” reply that comes not even a second after he sends his message—even more your follow-up reply of “i got yours too btw! i’ll forward it to you when you forward mine” when he doesn’t reply immediately. jeongin’s fingers uncontrollably shake as he musters up the courage to reply, face blushing red the entire time as he e-mails you your acceptance letter. all this time, considering how the two of you haven’t talked in a long time, he only thinks about one ambitious thought: “is it a bad time? to bring up that movie offer again?” 

[armywriter2605]

Theirs - Chapter 6 - OT7 x Reader

Genre: Mafia AU! BTS; Yandere AU! BTS; Angst; Fluff; Smut; OT7 x Reader

Warnings: Cursing; Mature Content ; Mentions of abuse and bullying; Yandere BTS; Gore; Oral sex (female and male receiving)  Stalking; more to be added throughout the series

Words: 4.7k +

1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6 / 7 / 8 / 9 / 10

Tag List :

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GIF NOT MINE

Three days had passed since you found out what your best friends’ job was. The seven of them were acting like it never happened. Like they didn’t work for a mafia and didn’t hurt people, yet you couldn’t let it go. It was stuck in your mind. The sweet guys you fell in love with had revealed a side you didn’t know existed. Although that had happened, they were still your best friends, at least, you wanted to believe that. They were still the guys you met years ago, the same ones who were there for you through all your ups and downs.

You woke up with a headache, uncommon for you since you rarely had headaches at all. None of the boys had been coming to your room and sleep with you, which unconsciously was a stress reliever for you. You had known these 7 guys for so long, being close to them every single day. It was weird for you not to. Of course, they acted like nothing much had happened yet there was still some tension. Especially between you and Taehyung. You had barely directed any words to them, and now the feeling of guilt was starting to hit you right across the face. Had you overreacted? Was the tension between you and not only Taehyung, but all of the boys on you? Like they said themselves, they were still the boys you met at the arcade. They were the same boys who promised to take care of you and protect you at all costs. Was it you fault they were doing these things and went down this path?

You stood up from your bed and put a hoodie on, which belonged to one of the guys. That was one of the many advantages of always being so close to them during high school years. The endless number of possible hoodies you could borrow and use. You put socks on and walked to the bathroom, leaving for the kitchen once you were done. You sighted all of the boys eating in silence. Some were looking at their phones while others simply stared at the white painted walls, lost in their own world.

You let out a sigh, the headache making it almost impossible to talk. The brightness coming through the windows was making it even worse. It almost felt like you were hangover, the only difference was that you had not drunken a thing last night.

“Angel, good morning.” You heard Hoseok say as he looked up from his phone, putting it to the side as his attention was now on you. He noticed how Jungkook’s hoodie covered your upper body till your midthighs. You gave him a weak smile as you made your way to the member sitting closest to you, who was Jimin. You looked at him and hugged him tightly from behind, surprising all of the other six boys. Were you finally accepting them and putting the whole talk from the other day behind?

“Hey munchkin, good morning.” His voice was raspy which made it sound like he had just woken up yet there was still the same sweetness you knew. You missed the intimacy you had with them. Only then you noticed how dependent on them you were.

“Minnie, I don’t feel good.” You mumbled into his back, closing your eyes.

All the seven guys looked up once they heard you small voice. You looked so tiny hugging Jimin like your life depended on it. If you weren’t feeling bad, they would find this situation the cutest ever.

“My head hurts so bad. I never wake up with headaches…” Your voice was low and with your face buried in Jimin’s clothes, you couldn’t see the smile the boys had on their faces. You were coming to them in such a vulnerable state which meant you trusted them. In their minds, you clearly wanted them to take care of you and that warmed their hearts. How adorable you were. Although in your head, you simply needed comforting. Your head was killing you and it could be anyone right now, you just simply wanted to feel better soon.

“Come here, princess.” You heard Jin say, opening his arms for you. That made you smile. Jin was always the one who took care of you whenever you were sick. You loved how he made your favorite soup and bought your favorite bread. He always made sure you got better in an instant. As you walked into his arms, Jin rested his palm on your forehead which instantly made you relax.

“You don’t have a fever. I’m sure it’s just stress that’s giving you the headache, princess. How about Namjoon and Yoongi take you to bed while I get you some pain relievers and cook you a good breakfast? You’ll feel better immediately.”

You nodded before turning to Namjoon who carefully picked you up in bridal style. You rested your head against his chest as Yoongi walked in front of you both, opening the door to your bedroom. Yoongi was the first one that laid on your bed, taking the left side of the bed. Namjoon carefully laid you down next to his hyung as he took his hoodie off and made himself comfortable, laying next to you on the right side of the bed. You smiled as you felt Yoongi wrap his arms around your waist and at the same time, Namjoon intertwined his legs with yours. Their warmth immediately comforted you, your headache already getting better.

Namjoon brushed a strand of your hair away from your face, caressing your cheek afterwards. “Rest, baby girl. We’ll wake you up once Jin – hyung is here. Plus, looks like Yoongi-hyung is already ready to sleep although he woke just 30 minutes ago.”

“Shut it, Joon.” You heard the older male say, knowing he was smiling against your back. With that, your eyes closed, Namjoon being the last one you saw before you left for the land of dreams.

3rd person POV ON

As Jin and Hoseok were cooking a breakfast fit for their queen, the three younger members sat around the island in the kitchen. Jimin had a smile on his face as he drank down his juice, remembering how tightly Y/N hugged him.

“She’s still mad at me… she didn’t even look at me.” Taehyung said as he ate his scrambled eggs. He was mad at himself for yelling at her, yet it wasn’t his fault. He needed Y/N to understand how much all of them cared for her, doesn’t matter how. Y/N was their everything, yet it was annoying him how she smiled at Hoseok and Jin but not at him. He wanted her close to.

“Hyung, she wasn’t feeling good. Once she feels better, she’ll come to you. You know she loves you as much as she loves all of us.”

“Jungkookie, she was wearing your hoodie, she hugged Jiminie, smiled at Hoseok-hyung and Jin-hyung and is now with Namjoon-hyung and Yoongi-hyung. I also want some affection.”

“And you will get it soon enough, Taehyungie. How about you ask Jin-hyung if you can take the breakfast to her? I’m sure she’ll appreciate it a lot.”Taehyung nodded and turn to the older males that were talking to each other while cutting up some fruit.

“Jin-hyung, do you think I can take the breakfast to Y/N’s room? Or at least help?”

“Of course. I’ll need to clean up anyways. Why don’t you and Jungkook take the breakfast together instead? You’ll need another pair of hands if you wish to take everything without spilling.”

“Thanks!”

Taehyung had now his square smile as he grabbed his phone, staring at his lock screen. It was a picture of Y/N and him at an amusement park, both wearing matching hats. He remembered that day so well. It was three years ago, the day after Y/N got to know she passed her exams. He still remembered the huge smile she had on her face. All the boys had helped her studying till early in the morning even though Namjoon was the one that truly explained most of things to her. Taehyung needed her to understand that their love for her was endless and they weren’t going to let a small detail of what their job was get in their way. Nothing was getting in their way of claiming you as theirs.

About half an hour later, Jin and Hoseok had successfully finished plating everything. They were both extremely happy with it, as it was maybe one of the best breakfasts that had been cooked in this house.

“Okay one of you takes the tray with the food, while he other takes the glass of juice and the medicine. Do not let anything fall or you’ll ruin our whole work.” Hoseok said as he eyed the younger boys who nodded excitedly at their hyung.

“Jimin, you can actually help them. Just open the bedroom door for them so Taehyungie doesn’t try anything funny.”

“Sure, hyung. Let’s go.”

With that, Taehyung took the tray of food that had pancakes, fruit, eggs and much more in it while Jungkook took the fresh orange juice and the pills bottle. Once Jimin opened the bedroom door, Namjoon carefully looked at it, seeing his younger brothers walking in. He smiled as he now carefully started running his fingers through Y/N’s hair.

3rd person POV OFF

You woke up as you heard the clicking of a phone camera going off and long fingers ran through your hair. You carefully opened your eyes, seeing Jimin pointing his phone at you. You let out a quiet chuckle before seeing both Taehyung and Jungkook with what you deduced was your breakfast. It looked extremely good and you were starving. Namjoon kissed your cheek before he stood up. You looked at him questioningly, wondering why he wouldn’t stay right where he was, warming you.

“We have work today, baby girl. We stayed at home these last three days, but we need to do some stuff now, okay? Jungkookie and Taehyungie will stay with you, don’t worry.”

You frowned and simply nodded your head at him before he left the room with Jimin following close behind. You turned to Taehyung and Jungkook before looking at Yoongi, who slept next to you.

“Yoonie, you need to wake up.” You said as you ran your fingers through his hair exactly how Namjoon did for you just minutes earlier.

“Mm…”

“You have work, Yoonie. You need to get up.”

You heard the older male let out a deep grumble before he opened his eyes. He looked at you and buried his face in the crook of your neck. “We’ll be back later, love. Eat your breakfast and stay at home. I love you.”

Yoongi gave the younger boys a look before he yawned and got up before placing a kiss on your forehead. “Bye love. I’ll miss you.”

“I’ll miss all of you too. Be careful, please…” You mumbled as you saw him smile and nod, waving his hand and leaving the room, closing the door after him.

You sat up on the bed as Taehyung now placed the food in front of you, smiling widely. He sat next to you where Namjoon once found himself as Jungkook put the juice glass on your nightstand with the pills before he got into the bed, getting under the covers where Yoongi slept soundly just minutes earlier.

“Eat up, sweetheart! Jin-hyung made many things and you need to eat a bit of everything if you want to get better.”

“I’m already feeling better Tae. Sleeping next to Joonie and Yoonie really helped.”

“Still, you need to eat and take the medicine. Just to make sure that headache doesn’t come back. Me and Taehyung-hyung will keep you company all day. We can play games, sleep, watch something together. We’ll have tons of fun.”

You simply nodded your head at Jungkook’s words, before grabbing the fork and knife and eating a bit of the pancakes. “Please help me eat this okay. I can’t possibly eat all of this by myself plus we don’t want to throw any of this away, so start eating Kookie, Taetae.”

Both of them nodded happily as they heard you use their nicknames. As the three of you ate, you heard the front door close signalizing the other boys had left the apartment. About an hour after, you, Jungkook and Taehyung were done eating and making small talk. Your headache was now much better which was good. You were the first one to get up from the bed as you looked at the boys who laid on your bed. “I want to go out! Maybe to the mall or something. It’s such a nice day out too.”

Jungkook was the first one to shake his head, ripping away the smile off of your face. Taehyung soon followed as he gave you a sad smile.

“No can do, sweetheart. You heard Yoongi-hyung. We should stay at home today. Maybe another day, okay? We can have tons of fun inside. There’s this new game that I bought and maybe I could teach y-”

“I want to go out, Tae. Not play some games inside. I want to go out because the weather is nice, and I feel like it. I was inviting you two, but if you don’t want to come, I’ll go by myself.”  

By now, Jungkook was standing next to you. He wasn’t going to let you leave that room until the three of you were on good terms. These three days had been hell for him, he wasn’t going to go three more days with you not talking to them.

“You won’t leave this house, Y/N-ah. It’s for your best plus, you just had a headache. What if you get a headache while you’re out? No. We’re staying.” Taehyung said as he stood up now, looking at you in the eyes

“Stop fucking controlling me. If I want to go, I’ll go!” You slightly raised your voice at him, the bottled-up anger from the previous argument coming out. You were done with them telling how things were going to be instead of consulting you first. It wasn’t fair.

“You’re ours. And you’re not fucking leaving this house, understood? Yoongi-hyung say for you stay inside and you are going to stay inside. Stop making things so damn hard.” Taehyung replied to you in the same tone of voice you gave him, Jungkook simply staring at the both of you bickering back and forth.

“Fuck the both of you!” You yelled as you made your way to the door. Jungkook noticed that and stood tall in front of you, not letting you grab the door handle.

“Oh, you wish, sweetheart. Having the both of us may even be a dream of yours, hm?” You heard Taehyung say from behind you, his breath hitting your neck. At the sound of his voice, you swallowed hard. The anger inside of you had now completely vanished, as your thoughts were now clouded with the sight of Jungkook looking down at you. His pupils were dilated, filled with an emotion you had never seen before on him, lust.

“Right, Y/N? Was this your way of perking our attention? If that is what you wanted you could’ve just told us, right Kookie?” Taehyung’s hands now made their way to your waist, pulling you into him, yet you still faced Jungkook who nodded at his hyung’s words.

You weren’t sure of what say, yet your body knew exactly what it wanted. You rested your head against Taehyung’s shoulder, your neck now completely visible and exposed to the older male. You let out a deep sigh when you felt Taehyung’s warm lips connect to your neck. He carefully placed small kisses on your neck, his tongue brushing your skin every now and then, giving you goosebumps.

“T-Tae…ah…Kookie please…” You unconsciously moaned as you stared into Jungkook’s lust filled eyes. That was enough to drive him crazy, closing the space between you two connecting his lips to yours. To say you were surprised was an understatement. You immediately closed your eyes, focusing on the hungry kiss Jungkook was delivering. It was like he had been wanting this for God knows how long. His force slightly pushed you even closer to Taehyung, who was now leaving red marks on your neck. Jungkook’s tongue asked for permission to enter your mouth and you happily gave it access as your arms were now wrapped around his neck, your fingers on the back of head carefully pulling his hair which caused him to let out low groans from time to time.

“Were you this desperate for us, baby? What would you the others think if they saw you this hungry for us, hm? Such a naughty girl you are.” Taehyung’s voice filled the bedroom, yet your and Jungkook’s heavy breath was right behind once you two broke the kiss.

“Y/N, please stay home with us.” You heard Jungkook say as he caressed your cheek with his thumb, Taehyung’s breath still hitting your neck. You knew you should put up a fight, giving them this win would only make things worse later, yet you couldn’t help it. Jungkook’s eyes were staring at you as Taehyung’s hands held you tightly in place.

“Of course, Kookie.” You mumbled out as Taehyung started planting more kisses on your neck. That made you smile and giggle yet soon after, those giggles turned into quiet moans as Jungkook now pulled you closer to him into a more passionate kiss. You could hear Taehyung chuckle and a shirt being removed from behind you. This was the first time you had ever made out with someone and you had this weird feeling in your stomach. It was like you were nervous yet at the same time you weren’t. You wondered how many times both of them had done this before but at the same time you didn’t want to know. Were you any good at this? What if you’d disappoint them throughout any of this? As you got lost in your thoughts, Jungkook had stopped and stared at you. In his mind he wondered if you didn’t like it as much as he was liking it.

“Y/N? What’s wrong?” Jungkook’s voice held concern and at the sound of that, Taehyung stopped the magic he was doing on your neck.

“Sweetheart?”

With the both of them echoing their concern, you looked at them. Should you tell them? Or should you just hide it away? You usually never hid anything from them, so it shouldn’t start now, right?

“I…I’m scared. I can clearly see you’ve done this before, and I haven’t. What if you don’t like it? What if the others don’t like it? What if you I disappoint you or disgust you or something like that? What if you stop liking me? I’m just thinking of that. That’s it.” You said all in one breath, looking down at the ground after sitting down at the edge of your bed.

“Wow sweetheart calm down. You said what? Stop liking you? That’s impossible. You are perfect for us; all we’ve ever wanted. You don’t see how much Jungkookie there was enjoying it? I swear to God he was about to cum in his pants.” Taehyung said, laughing. At the sight, you smiled. Was Jungkook really liking it?

“I was not about to cum in my pants, Tae. Anyways, we love you cutie. How could we stop liking you after this? If anything, we like you even more now. Yes, we’ve done this before a couple of times. Not tag teaming a girl together, but even so you are the best of the best. You’re everything we want and whenever we did anything, you were the one in our minds.”

“Jungkookie is right. Whenever I did anything, you were the only one in my mind. And the others will love to know that you’re opening up to us in this way. They’ll be mad that it was with us and not them, but believe me, you will never disgust us or disappoint us. Never.”

You smiled at their words and got up. With your newfound confidence, you slammed your lips on Taehyung’s. His hands were quick to pull you close to him as he kissed you back. You smiled against his lips as you noticed Jungkook taking his shirt off as well. Jungkook took Taehyung’s early place behind you, pulling you down to sit on his lap on the bed as Taehyung towered the both of you now.

“God baby. You’re so beautiful. So so beautiful and all ours, right? Ours to keep forever.” Taehyung’s voice was low as he went down on his knees in front of you and started placing kisses on your bare legs.

“You see what you’ve done to Tae, cutie? You have him on his knees. Do you understand how much we love you now? We love you more than anything. When I saw you walk out of your bedroom today in my hoodie, you had me so weak. I just wanted to take you right there in front of the hyungs. I had to control myself so much.”

“Ah…you have me here now, Kookie.” You let out a moan as you felt Taehyung now kissing your thighs. Jungkook turned your face to the side, planting his lips on yours once again. The both males fought for your attention in different ways and your mind was going crazy with the amount of pleasure you could feel with just kisses. At the same time, you tensed up a bit as Taehyung started pulling the hoodie up. What was he going to do?

“May I, baby?” You heard Taehyung’s voice deep voice ask as he looked up to you. As both your tongue and Jungkook’s fought for dominance, you gave him a quick nod. You trusted these boys with everything. They’d been there for you since you were young. You couldn’t feel more comfortable than you already felt.

At your nod, Taehyung pushed your hoodie up and he now kissed your inner thighs. At each kiss, you shivered. Your thighs were at a room temperature, yet Taehyung’s mouth was warm. His wet kisses only made you crave for more. Jungkook noticed how his hoodie was now revealing more of your skin which only drove him crazier. He smirked as one of his hands found its way inside the hoodie, covering one of your breasts.

“Tae, her nipples are hard. She’s loving this.” He mumbled our before he attacked the other side of your neck, placing kisses of his own as he fondled your breast.

“Is that true, baby? You enjoying our attention? You have no idea how hard you have me. Let me pleasure you even more, baby. Let me and Jungkookie take care of you, okay?” Taehyung asked as he carefully removed your underwear and tossed it aside.

“Okay, Tae.” You said in between breaths as you kept your eyes closed, your head resting on Jungkook’s shoulder. Taehyung smirked and looked at your face before he eyed and Jungkook and nodded his head.

In a quick moment, Jungkook’s hands held your thighs, opening your legs as Taehyung now brought his tongue to your slit. At the warm feeling, you gasped as you looked down at the older male who now licked your slit while the younger male kept your legs wide open.

“Oh my god, Tae…”

“Feels good, doesn’t it? Look at how Tae is eating you out, Y/N. Look at how is tongue is hungrily licking your opening. Keep your legs open for us, cutie.” You heard Jungkook say as on of his hands now moved towards your pussy, his middle and index finger now connected to your clit, carefully rubbing it.

“Kookie!” You let out a louder moan as now Taehyung pushed his tongue inside of you. You couldn’t believe how good it actually felt, having both of them do their wonders on your body. Your mind was completely blank as you focused on the pleasure you were feeling. You knew you wouldn’t last long while both males had their hands on you so just five minutes later you could feel your body reaching its limit.

“Ah…It feels so…Tae, Kookie I’m close.”

You heard Jungkook’s low chuckle before he moved his fingers faster while Taehyung moved his tongue in and out of you even faster. It was your first time ever letting anyone touch you, but it was probably the best you’d ever felt. It wasn’t long until you arched your back and let out a loud moan.

“You taste so sweet, Y/N. I could have you to breakfast, lunch and dinner every single day, sweetheart.” You barely heard Taehyung as your heavy breathing as the feeling of climax clouded you.

Jungkook soon stopped his fingers, bringing them into his mouth. “You’re right, Tae. So damn sweet.”

You rested your whole body on Jungkook’s as you opened your eyes, a smile curling your lips. At the sight, both boys smiled widely. Not only were they happy that they made you feel so good, they smiled at the thought of how they’d tell their hyungs how they’d been the first ones to make your orgasm. That was a clear win for the maknae line. On the other hand, you were smiling because they’d been the first ones to touch you. You were happy it had been one of the seven guys you held so dearly. You wondered how things would be between all of you, but they promised you they wouldn’t stop liking you and that was enough for you. Or was it?

You were so lost in your world you didn’t realize you were now laying on the bed, Taehyung and Jungkook removing their pants and underwear. “Take care of us too, Y/N-ah.” You heard Jungkook say as he brought into your view his cock. It wasn’t crazy big, or crazy thick. Both his and Taehyung’s were what you’d say was average, yet the sight of them had your legs tremble. You carefully nodded your head as Jungkook brought his member now closer to your mouth and Taehyung held one of your hands and guided it to his own cock, wrapping it around it.

“You have no idea how long I’ve wanted this, sweetheart. How many times I imagined your hands around it instead of my own…” You heard Taehyung roughly as you opened your mouth, carefully taking Jungkook’s own cock into your mouth. You closed your eyes and carefully started bobbing your head up and down, moving your hand at the same rhythm. It wasn’t long until both Taehyung and Jungkook moaned and groaned, only making you want to do it more and better. You wanted to drive them over edge just like they did with you and it wasn’t long until the youngest male was moaning louder, rocking his hips against your mouth making you gag each time.

“Y/N-ah…ah…I’m going to cum if you don’t stop…” At the sound of that, you tried your best to keep going as the tears rolled down your cheeks. You weren’t going to stop now.

“Baby…fuck…keep going…” Taehyung groaned closing his eyes. You knew both were close and your suspicions were proved right when, without a warning, Jungkook shot inside your mouth, followed by Taehyung cumming allover your hand. You tried your best to swallow every last drop that tinted your mouth, yet the taste was more bitter than you were expecting.

“You swallowed it? Fuck baby…I was going to apologize but now I can’t. That was so hot.” Jungkook said from behind you, kissing your forehead before heading to the bathroom to grab a towel.

“Sweetheart, you just gave me the best orgasm ever. It was so fucking good. Thank you so much.” Taehyung smiled at you before pulling his underwear up. “I’ll go grab you a new hoodie, yeah? Or do you want to take a bath? Maybe eat? Drink something?” As Taehyung numbered all things he could do for you and Jungkook walked into the bedroom with a towel and fully clothed, you heard the front door opening.

“Angel, we’re back!”

 Preview Chapter 7

“We were gone for 3 hours”

“Is that cum dripping down her hand?”

“If this is going to work, then no more secrets.”

“I love you all so much.”

“My parents are calling…”

“Are you done whoring around?”

“You’re trying to take her from us? She’s fucking our so you two better fucking lay low. We won’t have any problems getting rid of you.”

[babybottlepop96]

Home Again Chapter 1

Jean x Marco

Summary: Jeana and Marco have been friends since the tender ages of 5 and 7. They grow together and fall in love.... then Jean disappears.

Warnings: This story will contains mentions of past rape and abuse. The violence parts will probably be descriptive, but the rape will not be. There will be eventual smut further along into the story. 

~20 Years Ago~

"Jean, honey, this is mommy's new boss, Mr. Bott. He is the man who is going to help us, so I need you to be on your best behavior, okay?" The small five year old with ash blonde hair, dark brown undercut and honey golden eyes nodded his head as he stared at the tall dark haired man with dark chocolate eyes.

"Nice to meet you Master Jean." The man smiled down at the boy with a warm smile. "This is my son, Marco, he just turned seven a few months ago. Heard you enjoy dinosaurs and superheroes?" Jean nodded as he stared at the boy just two years older than himself with wide eyes, mapping out all the freckles along his tanned skin, milk chocolate eyes staring back into his own with a smile that could make the grumpiest of men relax. "Marco has a boatload of dinosaur and superhero toys, Marco, why don't you show Jean your room?" Marco smiled, grabbing Jean's hand and dragging him up the giant spiral staircase to the second floor.

Once inside the room, Jean's jaw dropped, the size of Marco's bedroom was bigger than his whole house combined. The ceiling was high with detailed trim along the edges, painted in a dark brown and a pale maroon shade of red. The bed was bigger than what any seven year old should have, a giant flat screen tv was mounted onto the wall across from the bed and games, movies and toys filled the rest of the room. "Do you want to play a video game? I have Spyro the dragon, Crash Bandicoot, Mario Kart?" The freckles kid asked, naming off games while setting up one of the many gaming consoles he owned.

"I… ummm.." Jean stood there nervously, rocking on his feet while twiddling his tiny thumbs. "I've never played a video game before." He looked up to see Marco smiling at him.

"That's okay! I'll teach you! We can start with Mario Kart, it's a multiplayer game, so I'll be able to teach you!" He smiled proudly as if he just won first place at the spelling bee.

"Oh, okay! Thank you!" Jean grabbed the controller Marco handed out to him with shaky hands. The two sat down on the squishy blue and purple bean bag chairs and started a game, Marco showing him how to pick his character, how to move and control the kart and how to throw the special abilities gained when hitting the boxes with the question marks.

"So, Jean, what's your favorite color?"

"Purple." Jean spoke as he tried to concentrate on what he was doing on the screen, still having a bit of trouble with the turns.

"Cool! Mines red!" Marco spoke as he gestures to the room around them. 

"Favorite food?" Jean asked, stealing a glance at the older kid next to him, he couldn't help but smile, Marco's smile was infectious.

"Spaghetti! Well, all kinds of pasta! Penne, ravioli, ricotta-"

"I thought ricotta was a cheese?" Jean questioned, he wasn't actually sure himself, he just knew that cheese was a luxury in his home, never having enough money most of the time for really fancy things like cheeses.

"Oh, yeah! It is!" Marco giggled, "I just really like ricotta cheese." Jean giggled too, this kid was alright. "You're my new best friend, Jean."

~8 Years Later~

"Will you just shut up, Yeager?" A thirteen year old Jean Kirstein, as calmly as he could, spoke with his fist balled up at his sides as he walked out of the middle school building.

"Come on, Kirstein, didn't your poor piss excuse for a mother teach you it isn't nice to tell people to shut up?" Eren, the school bully, asshole and dick, in Jean's opinion, insulted. That's when Jean's resolve faded into nothing and landed a swift punch to the tanned, unblemished skin, a crunch was heard throughout the whole parking lot. Eren fell to the ground but quickly regained his strength and landed a kick to Jean's guy. The wind was knocked from Jean's lungs, but his anger was dominant. He lunged for the bastard who insulted his mother, the only parent he ever knew who worked her ass off to make sure he survived, to give the douche-nozzle a good pounding, but warm, strong arms held him back before hos fist could collide with it's intended target.

"Jean." A warm voice whispered in his ear, Marco. He relaxed in the freckles arms but he was still livid. "Let's go." Then, he was dragged off to the black Chevy Impala.

"Is that your boyfriend Horse Face? Man, I knew you were fruity but seriously? You could do better!" Jean almost got out Marco's grip, but the taller, older teen had his grip firm and all but threw the teen into the back seat.

"Jean-" 

"No, don't start Marco! He taunted me about how I have to live my life, insulted my mother, then insulted you! He deserved to get his lights punched out!" Jean yelled, unshed tears forming in the corners of his Carmel eyes, threatening to spill any second. Marco just simply drew the younger into his arms and the driver drove towards Bott Manor. "He… he doesn't have to be so mean! I never did anything to him!" 

When they finally pulled into the Manor, Marco led Jean to his room, the same room they first became friends in eight years ago. The stuffed animals and small toys are now replaced with books, CDs and even more games and movies. Marco sat them down on the bed and neither spoke for a few minutes. "He was right, ya know." Marco finally spoke and Jean looked at him like he had four heads. "You could do better than me, if we were together."

"Marco Bott, you stop right there! No one could ever replace you! You are literally the best person alive! If I had the balls to kiss you I would!" Jean and Marco's eyes widened and Jean turned into a blushing, flustered mess. "Oh my god! I'm so sorry! I.. I don't know why I said tha-", but Jean couldn't finish, Marco's lips pressed firmly against his in a gentle yet passionate kiss that spoke thousands of words and so many feelings. 

"I love you Jean." Marco whispered as they pulled apart, foreheads still touching as both tried to regain their breath and slow their hearts. Jean cupped Marco's face in his hands and kissed him again.

"I love you too, Marco."

~2 Years Later~

Jean Kirstein, fifteen year old freshman at Trost High, walked through the park on his way home after work. He hates his job, hates working behind the counter at the local Taco Bell, hates that Eren works there too in the kitchen as a prep cook, hates dealing with annoying ass customers with snarky attitudes complaining that their crunch wrap supreme doesn't have enough sour cream. Well sorry, Karen, I don't make the fucking food nor do I determine how much sour cream goes on it. Today was a particularly bad day, Eren called off claiming he was sick when Jean really knew he was out with his "boyfriend" leaving him to prepare food and take orders. Then someone took a dump on the men's bathroom floor, didn't even try to aim for the fucking toilet! Just took a shot right there in the middle of the goddamn floor which he had to clean up himself while his manager bitched about him not doing his job at the counter. All Jean wanted to do was go home, talk to his boyfriend for a little before he eventually went to bed and got up early the next day for school.

It was a simple request that he wished for while the clock ticked by slowly. Jean was so into his own head, he never heard the footsteps coming up behind him until it was too late. A wet cloth covered his nose and mouth, his eyes widened for a second before the world faded to black.

-------------

"We have to find him!" Marco shouted at his father who was looking at him with a solemn expression. Marco paced back and forth in front of his father's desk, hands taking through his u kept hair. He has barely slept a wink since Jean vanished three days ago, his mind wondering about all the worst scenarios it could think of.

"We are trying, son, but we have no evidence of anything taking place. No struggle, no personal belongings, nothing to suggest anything has even happened."

"But Jean couldn't have just vanished into thin air! He wouldn't run away either! He loved his mom too much to just up and leave her and me…" Marco trailed off, thinking about his and Jean's time together over the last two years. Picnic and arcade dates, eating pizza and hot wings while they binge watched their favorite tv series at that moment, the soft and gentle kisses they shared between one another before they parted ways, always promising to text each other once they got home, letting the other one know they got there safe. That's the single most reason why Marco knew something was wrong. Neither of them forgot to send the 'im home safe and sound' text. Not once, in the ten years that they've known each other, did they miss sending that text. Even as children and Marco's father gave Mrs. Kirstein a cell phone as a gift to keep in contact, did they miss THAT text.

"Son, we are doing everything we can to find Jean. But we also need to think rationally, Jean might not ever be found." Marco froze at those words, Jean may be lost forever? He may never see those honey eyes, beautiful smile, perfect sketches and vibrant paintings painted by those slender pale hands and fingers? May never run his hands through those soft locks of ash and brown ever again? That's when Marco broke, he screamed and fell to the floor in a fetal position on the floor. His father looked at him with hurt in his own dark chocolate eyes, for him, his son and Jean's mother who was currently out looking for her only child as they speak. Don Bott rose from his leather chair and walked around the desk, kneeling in front of his son. He put his hand on his back and whispered a pained, "I'm sorry, Marco."

~10 Years Later (Present Day)~

Here he was, once again, at an underground auction. Mr. Bott hated these things, but he had no other choice, ever since Mrs. Kirstein passed away three years ago from a drunk driving accident, he hasn't been able to find someone who cleaned as well as she had. Every person he hired had an attitude or just didn't speak at all, always forgetting to dust the book shelves or take out the trash. So he relented and took up on Mr. Ackerman's suggestion to go to an auction. Getting there early to get a good seat, Mr. Bott, along with Mr. Ackerman, Mr. Braun and Mr. Hoover, the Dons of their respected parts of New York City, all sat down to converse while the auction for the…. Pleasure portion of the auction slowly came to a close. Mr. Bott cringed as the scum of New York bid money on these poor people just for the gratification of getting their dick in a hole.

"And now for our last and best prize of the night!" The auctioneer spoke as the Dons sighed in relief, none of them liked the idea of people being sold for pleasure as they themselves, tried for years to get it under control but never succeeding. "This one has been in the business for ten years, used and a bit rough looking, but this little beauty will be the best fuck you ever had. Clean and pliant, not a bad body either if I do say so myself. Number 54!" The announcer spoke as someone roughly shoved a young man out into the center of the room. The numbers flying from the crowd started pouring in left and right and it got the Dons wondering whom this "prize" was. "Three-thousand!" "Ten-thousand!" "Twenty Five-thousand!"

"Two hundred-thousand!" The crowd went quiet after hearing the deep booming voice coming from the front row.

"Two hundred-thousand! Going once! Going twice! Sold! To Do Bott!" The young man was then hauled out of the room to be prepped for leaving the facility.

--------------

"Dad! I'm home! Reiner, Bert, Mikasa, Eren and Armin are here too!" Marco called from the doorway as he and the others walked into the Manor. "Dad?!"

"In the living room son!" He heard his father call and the group walked towards the sound.

"What's up? We heard your voicemail and hauled ass here. What happened?" Marco asked as soon as he saw his father, eyes brimmed with tears and a small smile. The others in the room, specifically Dr. Yeager, looked at them, small sad but slightly happy smiles on their faces. "What's going on here?" The group looked at each other, confused and concern plastered on their faces. Once Mr. Bott moved to the side and gestured to the couch, it was then that the group realized what was happening. On the couch asleep, lay a thin pale man, dark circles under his eyes, bruises and scars and even some fresh wounds, now neatly stitched up thanks to Dr. Yeager, littering his almost naked form. Marco stared at the man laying on the pale green couch and tears flooded down his cheeks. "Jean?"

[heywardsarchive]

a beautiful dream

Remus Lupin x reader                                                                                Remus is my absolute favourite marauder and he doesn’t get enough love. So in his honour, enjoy this oneshot.

warning: fluff to angst, remus being pessimistic and a few swear words

gif not mine credits to the owner

this is for Ria’s 2k writing challenge. @im-a-writer-right​

word count 4k words

lets begin~

Magic had made many things possible. It made many things easier as well. But there were some stupid things that in my opinion were stupid. One of those things was the idea of soulmates. Who gave the ministry of magic the right to decide who i was meant for? Well, if i’m being honest at first the thought of having a soulmate fascinated  me. I was so happy to know i had someone out there for me. Well, that was until i developed a crush on none other than Remus Lupin.

We met on the hogwarts express before first year started. I was sitting in a carriage with my oldest and most annoying best friend- James Potter. James was like a brother to me, a very annoying possessive brother. He made sure to sit with me on the carriage and make me part of his group. Basically what was his was mine as well. Anyway I became the fifth marauder. The  mom of the group. It was upon me to look after them (mostly James and Sirius because they were both big babies who needed loads of attention.) and make sure they didn’t do anything too stupid (I obviously failed most of the time and they always ended up in detention) Some people even called me their mom. 

I’m getting off track. Where was i? Ah, yes. The whole soulmate thing. Basically on your 16th birthday you develop a connection with your soulmate and can hear their thoughts and feel their emotions. Isn’t that like an invasion of privacy?My friends say that I’m just being difficult because i have a crush on someone else and cannot accept the prospect of him dating another person. I hate to admit it but they are right. 

my 16th birthday was in a few weeks and James decided that i needed a huge birthday party and there was no way he was taking  no for an answer. After a lot of protest from me and a lot of bribing from James and the occasional puppy dog eyes from Sirius I gave in. They started giving out duties to everyone. I while on my prefect rounds had to help Sirius sneak out to Hogsmeade where he would buy drinks. I made him promise not to get any alcohol but was he going to listen to me? No. The days flew by very quickly and i was not happy. I made my unhappiness very vocal among my friends. They were surprised because i was one of the few who hated the soulmate system. To get to the bottom of the whole situation, the night before my birthday, they surrounded me asked  no demanded I tell them why i suddenly hated the whole soulmate thing. After beating around the bush for i long time i sighed and said,” I have a crush on Remus okay? I can’t bare the thought of someone else being his soulmate.” “Aw honey, don’t be sad. What if Remus is your soulmate?” Lily said, trying to lift my spirits. It was a good effort but i was still dejected. They saw my sad state and dropped the subject. I was grateful for that.

We chatted a bit more after that but i was tired so i went to bed. I could have slept in but no, at 8am Lily, Alice and Marlene blew a party horn so loudly near my ear that i thought there was fire and woke up frantically. My face must have been a sight to see because they burst out laughing. Meanies. To make my morning even more eventful, the boys were waiting at the foot of the staircase waiting for me to arrive just so they could wish me so loudly that the entire gryffindor tower woke up. “That was unnecessary.” I scolded them. “Yes mummy.” said Sirius and i shot him a glare. “So y/n any plans of finding your soulmate today?” James asked throwing an arm around me. I had totally forgotten that from today onward i could another person’s thoughts. Ugh. 

“Well?” Said James looking hopefully at me. “I don’t like the whole idea of soulmates anymore, you know that James.” I said looking at him. For some odd reason, i felt a wave of sadness wash over me. Weird. I ignored it and threw my arm around the Sirius’ shoulder. “So Pads what do you have planned for yours truly today.” He put his arm around my waist and head on my shoulder. Jealousy washed over me. Why was my soulmate feeling all negative emotions? It wasn't wierd to me because sirius was like the brother I never had. "Well love, we have planned something extra special for you." "Tell me what it is." I have him puppy dog eyes. "You'll get to know soon enough." I gave him one more pout before giving up. "Ok that's enough." Came a voice. Remus. "Let's go eat breakfast." I nodded and followed him and the marauders to the Great Hall. Lily, Alice and Marlene had already been seated there and saved me place. I sat down across Remus who was picking at his food. The full moon was close so he probably was unhappy. "Remus are you alright?" I asked. "Yeah, just peachy." I decided not to press further and let it go.

I chatted with the girls for a while before telling them I'm going for a walk. They seemed happy to see me leave probably because I knew they had a surprise planned for me before my party. Anyway, I sat under a tree near the Black lake and thought that I might as well contact my soulmate since we're stuck together anyway. I closed my eyes. "Hello?" No reply. I tried again. "Hello? Soulmate, you there?" Maybe they weren't 16 yet. (Remus' birthday is in march so if your birthday is before March 10 just pretend it's not)But wait, that's not possible. I could feel their emotions just a few hours back. Was my soulmate ignoring me? Uh, rude. "Ok mr soulmate if you don't want to talk to me that's fine. I'm as unhappy about this soulmate rubbish as you are since you're clearly ignoring me." Guilt. Aha caught him.

"I wasn't ignoring you. I was busy." Oh so now he replies. "Well that was rude." "I'm sorry." Atleast he apologized. "So what year are you in?" Wait that was a dumb question. He's probably in his sixth or seventh year like me. "I'm in my sixth year." "Oh! Me too! Which house are you in? Im a gryffindor." "Yeah, I'm a gryffindor too." Okay. So a gryffindor sixth year. I probably know him. "Do I know you?" "Probably. What's your name?" "Y/n." I felt shock wash over me. After that there was no reply just a series of shit shit shit. The cursing stopped abruptly when he probably realised I could hear him. He started singing dance like a hippogriff to cover up his thoughts, I think. I guess my soulmate likes someone else too. I decided to return back to my dorm until the girls decided to take me to my surprise.

When I walked into the dorm I expected it to be empty and not filled to the brim with balloons? Why were there a million balloons in my dorm. "It's for your surprise. Crap." Ah so he is one of the marauders. Oh dear god please not James. I can't see him in that way. This is bad. Then again maybe it isn't the marauders. They could have told the other boys what they were doing. You never know with those boys. They covered my eyes with a cloth and then sirius picked me up and threw me over his shoulder. Dear god what is happening? I was carried a long distance before I was set down on the grass. "Can I take off the cloth now?" "Not yet, not untill Lily and the others arrive." I waited for about five minutes I think when the cloth was removed. "Happy Birthday!" They all cheered. They had brought to me to my favourite spot on the courtyard near the Black Lake. Lily had brought a birthday cake that was frosted with (f/c) frosting. "Aw guys that's so sweet of you! You didn't need to do all this for me!" "Come off it (y/n/n)! You do this for us every year! You deserve it!" I smiled at them. How did I get so lucky?

"you deserve the world" Thank you soulmate I appreciate that. But that comment made my suspicion that my soulmate was one of the marauders stronger. I was determined to find out who it was.

Remus' pov

After we gave y/n her cake and gifts the girls dragged her to their dorm for some girl time and to get ready for her birthday party. When we returned to our dorm, I shut the door and sausy. "Guys. I have a problem." "What's up dear moony? " Sirius said. "I found my soulmate." I told them. "Finally! I guess they turned 16 recently. But why is it a problem." "It's y/n." Sirius smirked and James snickered. "So our darling star (your nickname cuz of your animagus being a wolf.) Is your soulmate. And that is a problem why?" "I can't date her. Im a monster what if she hates me?" James sighed. "Remus, if she hated you she wouldn't have become an animagus for you, she wouldn't hang out with us and she's have stopped talking to us a long time ago." "He's right you know, and besides y/n has a crush on you." Peter piped in. She likes me? Y/n likes me? I thought.

"woah there soulmate I don't even know you. You mustn't always listen to rumours." Oops I forgot she could hear my thoughts. Dang it. "Also soulmate please stop feeling 5 emotions at the same time because it's very confusing." Yep it was our sassy y/n alright. "Sorry." No reply. I started to get ready for the party. I dressed up in a simple shirt and pant. I read a book while waiting for the boys to get dressed. "Nice book. Whatcha reading?" Came her voice. "Little women. It's a great book." "I must read it one day then. Or maybe I can just hear you read it." I smiled at her. She was so sweet. "Yes I know I'm sweet." She commented sarcastically. I laughed and shook my head. "So soulmate when will I know who you are?" "You won't like me if you know me." "Don't be so pessimistic, you're just like my friend... REMUS? IS THIS YOU?" Shit shit shit "no it's not Remus." "I don't believe it. Remus, what are you so scared of?" "Look I'm not Remus and i dont have time for this right now. Goodbye."  How could i be so stupid? Before i could think anything else, the boys had gotten dressed and were ready to head downstairs. 

y/n was waiting in her gryffindor robes for Sirius at the portrait hole so he could go and get the required supplies while y/n did her prefect rounds. Luckily for me i didn’t have rounds today. I would have to deal with the consequences later. She saw me and looked like she wanted to say something but Sirius dragged her out saying that if it got too late they would get caught. She sighed and reluctantly followed him out. “Okay, what’s going on between you two?” “She figured out i was her soulmate and i got frantic and told her i wasn’t.” “Why would you do that?” “I don’t know, i got scared.” James just shook his head and patted my back before returning to charming the room to be soundproof and putting the decoration up. Not long after, the party had started. Sirius and y/n had returned. she went up to get dressed. She returned wearing the most beautiful (f/c) sundress and I think my heart just stopped.

"take a picture it will last longer" "what? I wasn't staring at you. I don't even know where you are." "Don't lie Remus we both know it's you." I didn't reply. The party started and it was loads of fun. Everyone was dancing and having a gala time, but I couldn't take my eyes off y/n. She danced with her friends and laughed with others. The party went on untill midnight when everyone retired to their respective dorms. I knew I was going to have to face y/n in the morning and I was scared. But I put my thoughts aside annd went to bed. I couldn't sleep much that night. I ended up waking up at 6 and decided to read in the common room. I sat by the fire side and started reading.

'I want to do something splendid...something heroic or wonderful that won't be forgotten after I'm dead.'

"I don't know what, but I'm on the watch for it and mean to astonish you all someday." Said a voice. One I know very well. Y/n. "I read the book you know, after you said that I was good. I finished it in a day." I avoided her eyes feeling embarassed. I felt betrayal wash over me. She was definitely hurt. "Why did you lie Remus? I thought we were friends?" "I'm sorry. I couldn't bring myself to believe that someone like you is my soulmate." "What do you mean?" The hurt in her eyes was replaced by concern. "You know what I am y/n. I can hurt you in so many ways. You deserve someone who will be able to take care of you. Someone who doesn't need to go running every full moon." "And yet we're soulmates. Remus, if we were not good for each other we wouldn't be soulmates." "You were the one who didn't like the soulmate system." "That was because my heart belonged to someone else, you. I had a crush on you since 4th year. I couldn't accept that maybe we were just destined to be friends." "I liked you since third year too." "Then why won't you just let me love you? I accept you Rem. If I didn't I wouldn't have become an animagus for you. I wouldn't be friends with you. I love you and I care for you. Accept that." She smiled at me and held my hand. I could feel all the adoration she had for me. "If you're sure." I told her and closed the gap between us. I could feel fireworks and my heart felt complete. All I felt was her lips moving against mine and how happy I felt. I pulled away and smiled at her. "I love you too."

Just as the words escaped my lips I heard wolf whistles and cheering in the background. "Our moony has finally grown up." Said James wiping a fame tear and sirius laughed. I looked at y/n and she hugged me. "Im still pissed at you for earlier but I can't stay mad at you for long can I?" I laughed and pecked her lips. I was finally happy.

*****

We were sitting in the common room a few moths later when James and Sirius ran inside yelling at each other. Lily sighing as she walked behind them. "Y/n your children are fighting again." Y/n glared at Lily and I snickered. She elbowed me hard. "Firstly I am not their mother during the school term. Secondly why are you two bickering again?" "You clearly act like it." Marlene muttered and y/n just ignored her. "James hexed snivellus and blamed it on me and now Minnie is behind my life!" "James! That was wrong. When will you ever act your age?" "See?" Marlene yelled. Once again she was ignored. Sirius and James kept bickering when all of a sudden sirius looked at me all seriously. "If y/n is our mother does that mean you are our father?" Marlene and James burst out laughing and y/n looked like she wanted to strangle Sirius. "SIRIUS BLACK FOR THE LAST TIME I AM NOT YOUR MOTHER IN SCHOOL!" The whole room fell silent for a few seconds before laughter filled it again. This time y/n joined in too. I love her. "I love you too you know." She turned around and winked and I felt my cheeks heat up.

Seventh year came and went by quickly. We were on our way home for the last time on the Hogwarts express. Everyone was discussing their future plans. I stayed silent. Who would employ a werewolf? Y/n literally sensing my discomfort came closer to me and held my hand. She shot me a small smile and I instantly felt better. I studied her profile and realised how much she meant to me. The train came to half. We walked out slowly taking in the feeling of the train. We stepped out of the carriage and hugged each other goodbye. "We must meet up often." Said James who had an arm wrapped around Lily's waist. (They were soulmates. Big shocker am I right?) Everyone nodded in agreement. Everyone started to walk away in their respective directions. I held y/n's hand and told her to wait a bit. She looked at me questioningly. "I've been thinking-" "uh oh." She snickered a bit. "The last time you were thinking you thought I would not want to be with you." I glared at her a bit and she suppressed her laughter. "Marry me." "What?" "You heard me. Let's get married. I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you." I felt various emotions wash over me. Shock , fear, love and finally pity. "Remus I love you too but aren't we tok young? We just finished Hogwarts. I would love to marry you. Just, not yet." "Alright thats fine." She could tell I was hurt but made no comment.

A few days passed we barely spoke to each other. Suddenly out of the blue she aparated into my apartment. "Ok, let's do it. Let's get married." "Wait. Seriously?" "Yes." She pulled me in for a kiss. "I thought about it and I want to spend the rest of my life with you too." I was ecstatic! Over the moon! She laughed at my reaction and I fumbled to pull out my mother's ring. "This was mum's before she died. And I want you to have it." "Rem, this is so beautiful. Thankyou." "Let's go tell the others and your parents and my dad." She nodded. We told everyone and they were all happy for us. We got married a few months later in a small ceremony. We moved in together in a cosy apartment which we bought together. A few months after that Lily and James got married. Life was looking better for us. Lily was pregnant. Soon after that a dark lord called voldemort was on the rise. He was killing muggles and wizards alike. Everyone was terrified. On July 31 1980 Harry Potter was born. He was the ray of light in our dark lives.

All of us spent our time together savouring every minute. Then came the prophecy of the chosen one. The child born on the end of July who could kill the dark lord. He had decided that it was Harry and was out for his blood. Lily and James had to go into hiding. A fidelius charm was placed on both sirius and y/n. Only Sirius' name was disclosed. Then Peter was put under the charm as well. Then the dreaded happened. Voldemort had come to know about the Potter's hiding spot and killed them. Baby Harry was alive but lily and James were dead. Sirius was put in azkaban without trial although it was the rat Peter who gave out their location.

Y/n who had been studying to become a lawyer in the wizengamot fought for custody of Harry after he was placed under the care of his horrid aunt. After all, she had the right to do so as she was his godmother and the Potter's will stated that Harry was to be under her or Sirius' care. I saw her come home in tears after our best friends had died. She promised herself to avenge their death. It killed me to see her blaming herself so much. After a long year of her hard work, Harry's custody was finally passed onto us. I was so proud of my wife. The next thing y/n had to do was prove Sirius' innocence which was an easier task. She declared herself as the second secret keeper and after being put under verataseruim Sirius was declared an innocent man and Peter was being searched for. Things started to look up again. Y/n started to laugh again. She spent most of her time with Sirius (who temporarily moved in with us) Harry and me.

"Remus, do you want children?" She asked me one day out of the blue. "Ofcourse I do. But what if they inherit my lycanthropy?" "Then we'll love them as I love you." I hugged her tight. A few months later we got the news that y/n was expecting. I felt immense joy. I had never been happier. Harry was already 7 by then. He lived a happy life surrounded by people who love him. When he started Hogwarts he had a little god sister to look after. We named her Hope after my mother. She loved Harry and Harry loved her. She didn't inherit my lycanthropy which was a relief to me.

Everything seemed fine for many years until voldemort was on the rise again. We fought a battle once, we could do it again. With that thought in mind, y/n and I stood together, holding hands as the death eaters attacked the beautiful castle that I once called home. We stayed together the whole time. When I was duelling a death Eater another one came from behind me. He muttered a curse. "No!" Y/n called jumping in front of me taking the hit of the curse. She fell down on the ground with a deep gash on her chest. She started breathing heavily. "Remus.." "No no you can't die." I sobbed. "Im not worth dying for." "Oh darling, you are worth everything. Don't cry Rem, think of the good times. " "No" I sobbed. "Kiss me one last time, hug me one last time, tell me you love me one last time and tell Hope that she's my world." I sobbed but obliged. I hugged her and kissed her hard. Pouring out all my sadness into it. "I love you y/n. Always." "I love you too my love, always and forever..."

3rd person POV

Just as the words died in her lips, his world had ended. He felt a numbing silence wash over him as the reality of her death hit him. Everything felt around him felt like a blur because all that was left of his beloved was a beautiful dream.

[zeraphias]

guess whos just doing this for fun!!!!!!!!! answers under cut

1. digital.. i can do traditional sketches but beyond that…

2. pretty much since i was a little baby kid? but ive only been posting art on tumblr since like. one or two years ago? i think only one year

3. beyond middle and elementary art classes, one. and i never will again. i hate drawing and art classes!!!!!!!! that shit sucks!!!!

4. tumblr, instagram & twitter. its all in the pinned post babey. although when i was younger i had a deviantart but uh. we dont need to talk abt that

5. oh just people!!!!! people are fun to draw!!

6. arms raising in any sort of way why is the body like that. hands i can handle. legs and feet i can handle. arms raised? no.

7. less than i should.. i try to and i want to but im also so lazy. too much work.. references make everything easier tho so if u draw use them

8. just for fun. altho if u want to pay me for my art just let me know :) . i have considered doing it professionally but i get burnt out and unmotivated easily. and also if i had to draw professionally i would actually hate art forever

9. uh. very little. my current drawing set up that i had is Unavailable so its destroyed any comfortable drawing i can do. its also why i hadnt posted any art until last weekend. im working on figuring out a new set up. but even before that i dont draw everyday, thats tiring !!

10. sort of? kind of? idk people will always be better at u than something and people will always be worse at something than u thats just life. i like bits and pieces of my art and i dislike other parts. i dont like showing my art to strangers in real life !!

11. a lot!! i think. i dont keep track of who i follow that much? i do on twitter but on tumblr…. ive had this blog for like 6 years thats too much to keep track of.

12. absolutely!!! altho u may have to elaborate.. my process sometimes changes based on what im drawing

13. uhhh i like drawing for others but if im drawing shit for myself then it typically stays in the For Myself area. i have over 800 canvases in procreate and ive only posted like. 150 drawings. most of the stuff i draw is for myself.

14. i dont think i have ever collaborated but i wouldnt mind it i guess? if i ever did it was with my friends like years ago

15. 2-4 hours. up to ten or twenty hours if its something longer or bigger. that multipart bioshock piece took around 12-14 hours and it was a couple of days.

16. i draw less but i do more fully finished pieces now. its mostly just circumstance. in class i always doodle and draw but since i havent had proper classes in a year and a half i havent really been drawing as much. but i do have more time which means i can finish pieces more easily

17. uh. i guess? it depends what theyre drawing? like if its people then i think i could give advice but.. idk i only give advice if asked to? and i dont really think about it?

18. side profiles last night lol.. i think ive figured it out??? in general im still trying to find a way to finish pieces that im satisfied with. like with lining and coloring i mean.

19. backgrounds. easily. that shit is annoying!!!!!! nightmare hell realm and all that

20. hair i guess! its pretty simple for me and i like doing it

21. uhhhhhhhhhhhhh…………. sort of? i like trying things and improving so………. i guess.

22. yes. i like to compare my old art to my new art! i actually have sketches from forever ago that ill go back and redo just to see the differences! its funny thinking abt it bc at the time of drawing ill be like. I Am Superior To My Previous Selves and then the next time i look at it im like. what the fuck is wrong with that little guy

23. more original art definitely!! my original art folder has over 400 pieces and any other folders has like. 100 or less

24. depends! mostly inspired nowadays. i mimic artstyles that i like a lot of the time and it helps expand upon what i already have. i am an amalgamation of things i love and enjoy. i dont really get jealous about art anymore

25. with music, podcasts, videos, anything really! i cant draw and talk tho. i cant really read or write while listening to stuff. sometimes im able to put on music and read or write but if i have to concentrate too much then i turn off the music lol

26. i use procreate!!! like. exclusively.

27. uhh around 20-40 layers depending on how complicated im making it? layers all get merged at the end

28. -

29. -

30. other artists!!!! other art!!!!! i will just see the most pretty things and im like. i want that!!!!!!!! that’s pretty and beautiful!!!!!!! i have an entire folder dedicated to just. pretty art. thats also the entirety of my saved photos but. uh. anyways yeah!!!!!! other people’s art makes me want to do art because its inspiring and nice!!!!!!!!!! mwah @ other artists

[kaiynite]

ok so its so weird and hard to explain what its like as someone who grew up as an Orthodox Jew with VERY restricted food stuff-like everyone knows what kosher is but theres like extra levels, and I grew up with those extra levels till I was 14, so even like things like kit Kats or whatever I wasn't allowed to eat till I was 14 and we let of on the restrictions and started eating regular kosher food. 

now im saying this bc I dont plan on being religious and right now Im secretly not. for example I use my phone on shabbat (sabbath) (tho my parents caught me oof) and ive only recently-starting from almost exactly a year ago-started also sneak-eating not kosher. now besides the fact that its still so weird to me that non jews can just..walk into..any restaurant or store and buy and eat anything? (when jews have to look for specifically kosher stores and food and on trips and shit we bring tons of our own food) its just, the food prices r so DIFFERENT. 

for example Ive been to Taco Bell twice, and the cheesy Gordita crunch is like what $3? do u know how INSANE that Is to me?? if I were to get that exACT thing but at a kosher market/resturant it would b AT LEAST $10 im just- like for $5 at Wendys u can get a whole fuckin meAL thats cRAZY to me, and it also pisses me tf off!! 

why? bc when I was born and growing up my family was literally poor AS FUCK, my parents had me at 24, they just moved to California, and my dad was literally in law school and my mom stopped doing community college to take care of me, they had no money or jobs or support, now whatever we were poor, but what annoys me is the fact that life would've been SO MUCH easier if we didn't keep kosher?? like my mom can pay a couple bucks and baby me can have a full ass meal, but nOPE, and I get it bc theyre religious and that important to them but srsly, wtf. and remember when I said there was like a deeper version of kosher? ya thats call Cholov Yisroel, and it makes it 1. a LOT harder to find food bc ur not even eating most of the reg kosher stuff and 2. A LOT more expensive, so now not only r they paying for regular expensive kosher shit, theyre paying MORE.

my dad even mentioned to me last year that he wishes they hadn't kept cholov yisroel when I was younger bc it would have made it so much easier both money-wise and food-wise.

anyways thats my epiphany and rant since ive started eating not kosher, enjoy lol

[purplesurveys]

1024

What would you say is your favorite food? Sushi. < Ahhh, this is a good one. My favorite is down to a tie: it’s either chicken curry or burgers.

What color eyes does the person you like / love have? Are they pretty? Dark brown. I’m not too sure what the second question is referring to but yeah, she and her eyes are both pretty.

What was the first television show you were obsessed with? Hi-5, omg. That show was my life in preschool and I always watched the 12 NN replay as soon as I got back home from school, back when I was still on a half-day sched. I was so hooked I remember having legit tantrums before starting Grade 1 because grade school meant full days in school and thus having to miss out on the show entirely.

Do you like Mexican food or any other foreign foods? For sure. All my favorites are Asian (Indian, Japanese, Indonesian, Chinese, etc.) but I also enjoy Italian, Mexican, Greek etc cuisines. I generally haven’t tried African cuisines but I really, really want to.

What color is the keyboard you are currently using? The keys are black with white lettering.

Do you own any of those ‘chunky’ and cute rings? Nope, not my style.

What are you planning on eating for dinner tonight if you haven’t already? I saw my dad cooking up something deep-fried; it was like his own version of katsu or something, or maybe it’s fish fillet? I’m not too sure what it is yet but I’m excited and will probably eat lots of it as I skipped all my meals and have only been running on coffee and vape all day - not good.

Do you own an iPod or MP3 player? If so, when did you get it? Technically I still do. Haven’t used it since high school. I got it when I was 10 back in ‘08; I was envious of the kids in school who had iPods, so I asked my dad to buy me one even though I wasn’t super into music at the time. Not the best kid in the world.

When was the last time someone took your picture? Last Saturday when my package came. Apparently online deliveries now require your photo to be taken upon receiving your package and I think it’s for the seller to keep track of their transactions. I’m not a big fan of the new procedure, but it’s whatevs.

Would you rather write a report or type it on a computer? Type. 

What color was the last jacket or hoodie you wore? Gray.

Do you receive more compliments or insults on a daily basis? Neither, really. I haven’t been talking to people a lot; and when I do it’s for work, where I receive neither compliments nor insults.

Who is the lead actress / actor from your absolute favorite movie? Audrey Hepburn and Albert Finney, or Matt Damon and Ben Affleck.

Can you recite the alphabet backward? [continued from last night] Slowly, but I’m sure I can finish it.

Do you eat chili when you get a hotdog, or do you like it plain? We don’t do hotdogs with chili here. I generally don’t see chili much where I live and I wouldn’t call it a common dish.

Would you say it’s easy for people to make you smile or laugh? At first I thought it was, but I’m slowly realizing that it isn’t.

What would you say is your favorite cereal, if you even like it? Cookie Crisp is the only one I like. I don’t have cereal often.

When was the last time you went on vacation? Where was it? It was a quick weekend getaway to Tagaytay and then Cavite, if it counts.

How many states have you been to in your lifetime? Zero.

Do you and your friends normally say you love one another? Yep, especially with Andi and Angela.

Have you ever been an outcast at your school or anywhere else? I was definitely one in early grade school, and again in Grade 6 when both my closest friends migrated in a span of six months, and I spent nearly all my lunch periods alone. Looking back on it, I’m really glad I powered through and made it here because I truly wasn’t happy at the time.

Do you own any dresses? If so, what colors are they? I have lots of sundresses and little black dresses because I was into those for a very long time at one point. Some of them are black, obviously, but I also have dresses in blue, maroon, and olive.

Would you say you drink more pop / soda than you should? I never drink soda as I’ve always felt like I spend more time complaining about how drinking it feels like burning my tongue and throat than actually enjoying it.

Would you rather have orange juice or milk with your breakfast? Water.

How many different colors has your bedroom been painted? Just one. The walls have been white ever since we moved here 12 years ago.

Do you cuss? If so, do you ever cuss in front of your parents? I’ll slip in front of them sometimes but I never get in trouble for it anymore.

Would you ever tell your mom about the things you’ve done sexually? Our humor together can be raunchy sometimes but I don’t think I’d ever do this. I dunno if she wants to hear I’ve had sex with a girl either.

Is there anyone out there who can make you cry very easily? Yes.

What was the worst news you’ve heard this entire week? *In the last week, hearing about the typhoon’s effects in other cities didn’t feel good. This entire country is literally only getting by with donations from the private sector because the government isn’t doing shit for cities and families who got severely affected by the typhoon; it’s almost depressing to hear and read about.

Have you ever been in a car wreck? I’ve been in minor car accidents but it would be too much to call any of them car wrecks. They had all just been tiny bumps or thuds.

Do you have your ears pierced? If not, what do you have pierced? Yes, my mom had my earlobes pierced when I was an infant. I don’t plan on getting any more new ones as I’m not really into piercings.

Has anyone ever told you that they think you have ADHD? Nope.

What is your biggest pet peeve? When people reach out first via text/IM then even if I get back to them in 5–10 seconds, it takes them a long time to get back to me. It’s especially annoying if they classify it as urgent, I drop everything to reply quickly, then they end up disappearing. Like why?

Do a lot of people understand you completely? Who does exactly? No, I like keeping a wall up. 

Would you say you’re really good at cooking and baking things? Haha no. But it’s something I want to be skilled in, definitely. I’d love to be able to make the food I usually just thirst over on the internet. I’m taking baby steps, like figuring out how to make certain sandwiches, but I have a long way to go before I can consider myself any good.

How is the weather outside right this second? It’s been a little cloudy this morning but it might start to get fair seeing how I’m beginning to see the sky turn blue. I’m just hoping there won’t be too much sun, period.

Do you have a lot of trees around your house? What about buildings? No buildings as I live in a gated village. We have a number of trees around, but I wouldn’t call it ‘a lot.’

Would you say either one of your parents are 'pack-rats?’ No. I have that title, and I believe I inherited it from my great-grandmother who was a bit of a pack rat herself, as I’ve been told.

Have you ever disowned anyone in your family? For what reasons? Kinda. I don’t associate with one of my uncles because he has a terrible drinking issue that he never got to permanently fix. Whenever I see him at family gatherings he just smells like stale gin or whatever it is he drinks, and it just ruins the essence of family reunions for me. As recent as Christmas Day last year he drove drunk and crashed into a car with an entire family, but as always his ass got lucky because 1) no one in the family got hurt, and 2) said family let go of the lawsuit they were planning to file against him.

Have you ever seen That 70’s Show? Do you watch it regularly? I tried watching the first episode but genuinely could not find it entertaining for the life of me. Sorry, Mila :(

If you could choose, what decade would you rather live in? I never really think about revisiting decades - they’re already behind, so what’s the point? As bad as the 2020s have been looking, I’m okay with staying here.

How often would you say you get sick? Once a year at most.

Is there anyone out there who has hurt you so much, you wish they’d die? I used to wish they would die, but I don’t feel that way anymore.

Has anyone ever called you a socio-path before? I don’t think so.

When was the last time you watched a movie in theaters? December.

Have you ever moved to a completely different state before? We’ve moved to different regions before.

Do you mind it when surveys ask you really personal questions? No. Isn’t that part of the point of surveys?

When was the last time you told someone you love them? Thursday or Friday I think, when Andi said it to me first and I said it back. I wasn’t having a good day and they were just looking out.

Which one would you like more: kiss on cheek / kiss on neck? Depends on my mood. Right now a kiss on the cheek sounds nice.

Does it bother you when people steal your stuff on MySpace? This never happened to me because I had Myspace for such a short time and I never caught it at its peak. Also, how do people steal your stuff over there? That’s pretty intriguing lmao

Do you have freckles? Do you like / dislike them? I don’t have any.

Who would you say is the best actor / or actress in your opinion? My biased ass would rally for Kate Winslet all the way, but some other great ones for me are Toni Collette, Emma Stone, Jodie Foster, and Natalie Portman.

How many times have you been drunk in your life? Many.

What would you do if the last person you kissed said they hated you? Be confused and ask them to give me a few concrete reasons. I don’t think too highly of myself, but I know I’ve never done anything to make me deserving of hate, especially with regard to us.

Do you ever think you might be pregnant? No, it has never been a worry of mine.

When was the last time you acted really immature? The weekend.

Do you enjoy watching comedies or horror movies more? Horror. I never watch comedies and the only subtype of it that I watch is romcom.

As a child, did you ever have an imaginary friend? Yeah but it lasted all of five minutes until I got bored with the concept.

Does anyone call you baby? Who would that be? No.

Can you rely on one or more people to take up for you? I have no idea what take up means. If this also means ‘stand up for me,’ then yeah I can.

[bbrandy2002]

High Times in Cordonia

Wacky Drabble Prompt #12: You know that's not what I meant.

A/N: I haven't written anything from my Two Men and a Baby crew in...well...I don't know when. I kinda miss the old bunch and their shenanigans, so, I thought I would give it another go for old times sake. If I write anymore from this series, and Im sure I will, the new name will be "The Royals". Sorry if this is a bit rusty.

Summary: Liam and Drake find some pot and contemplate the options for getting rid of it, obviously by smoking it.

Warning: Drug usage and cursing.

Word Count: 1280 (not too much over the limit)

Liam and Drake had spent the better portion of the day putting away gifts from Riley's baby shower. The second largest bedroom in their quarters just happened to be Leo's old room and this was the one chosen for the nursery.

The most the housekeepers and the decorators found while transforming the former prince's room into the baby's was a few used condoms, a couple nude pics and a crusty cigar. The Queen, herself, at 8 months pregnant, had scrubbed and sanitized the room for two days, ridding it of any last lingering remnants of her brother in law. Riley was insistant that the essence of Leo be purged from that room before her innocent baby enter it.

"What do you think this is?", Liam asks while holding a small, baggie in front of himself that he found hidden in the back of the nursery closet.

Drake yanked the baggie from Liam's hand and opened it with a sly smirk before sniffing its contents, "I think...I THINK..it's pot".

Liam rips the bag back from Drake's hands with an annoyed expression, "Back off Cooch, I found it first", he said as he shuffled past him to the other side of the room, holding his stash closely to his chest.

"Cooch?", Drake raised a brow attempting to stifle a laugh, "Did you just call me...Cooch?, he asked with a chuckle.

Liam continued sniffing the contents, passively listening to Drake, "You know... that guy from that show you and Riley watched the other day, you sound like the sarcastic, sweater vest wearing one...Cooch".

"I think you mean Chandler and, my god, how are you the leader of this country.......fucking Cooch", he laughed heartily, continuing his mockery.

Liam rolled his eyes then grabbed a stuffed bear from the dresser, throwing it at Drake, who swerved out of the way at the last second. "Okay, so you've had your laugh, are we doing this or what?".

Drake's eyes widened with surprise, "Whatdya mean...like, smoke it?"

"No, I thought we could paint our toe nails with it, of course, smoke it".

'Who's being...Cooch, now, Your Highness...besides, we both know you won't do it. Maxwell begged you for years to try it with him and you were always...", Drake stiffens his posture and deepens his voice, " that stuff is a gateway drug mister and I will not succumb to peer pressure, heh heh heh".

Liam lets out a loud sigh, rubbing a hand over his face, "Well...it is you know and I don't sound like that". He walks over to the rocking chair and slumps down into it, still clutching the baggie. "Its just....I'm getting ready to be a father.."

"Experts claim that is the best time to start a drug habit", Drake interrupts as he sits on the floor in front of Liam.

"You know thats not what I meant", he replies as he sits up in the chair. "Its just that the most daring thing I've ever done is sneak out of the palace on a cronut run, I just want to do one last crazy thing before, you know, my baby gets here".

Drake scratches the back of his neck, shaking his head, waiting for Liam to come up with some logical plan for getting rid of it, just as they did when servants found other Leo stashes around the palace. He looked up at Liam, who seemed to almost be asking him for permission with those sad blue eyes. He certainly didn't appear to be changing his mind, nor, unsure of his decision.

"Fuck it", Drake groaned, "I'll see if Maxwell left any papers in his guest room".

20 minutes later.....

Both men are sitting criss cross applesauce on the floor of the nursery, each with a lengthy joint between their thumb and forefinger. The room was filled with billowy smoke that reflected off the light from the small giraffe lamp on the dresser.

Liam looked down at his joint, disappointment written on his face, "Do you feel anything yet? I don't feel anything".

"Maybe this stuff is too old", Drake took another hit, coughed, then paused for a moment, "maybe this stuff is too old".

Liam laid back on the floor flat, taking in a deeper draw this time before blowing, albeit- unsuccessfully, smoke rings. "You know what Drake, your name sounds like ssssssnake...did you ever think that a snake is really just a tail with a face on it".

"Yeah...yeah...tail is a snake...I've thought about it....a lot", he replies while trying to touch his nose with his tongue.

"Hey Drake?"

"Hmm".

"I wonder if the Japanese flag is really a pie graph of just how Japanese, Japan is?"

Drake runs his fingers down his chin, contemplating Liam's wise observation before snapping his fingers and pointing at him, "OR! Its a giant pepperoni, you know how the Japanese are with their pizza's and shit".

Liam nods, eyes having not blinked in over 20 seconds, "True that".

The guys spend a a few more minutes, waiting for the effects of their marijuana to start. Both deciding it was futile, they felt completely, normal.

10 minutes later....

"Drake, get the hell down from there!", Bastien yells up at Drake who is in the palace ballroom, perched on a chandalier.

Liam stumbles out of the kitchen entrance into the ballroom, a rare commerative edition bottle of Cordonia's finest bourbon that was given to Constantine 25 years ago in one hand and a triple cheeseburger stuffed with cheese doodles in the other. He suddenly stops when he notices Bastien looking up at the ceiling. He then walks casually over to him, taking a loud crunchy bite from his burger, smacks his lips a few times, "Wha dup?"

Bastien glances over at Liam, then does a double take, "Geezus, Your Majesty, are you feeling okay?".

"LIAM..watch this!!", Drake yells down as he starts swinging back and forth, small pieces of the ceiling falling like dust to the floor. He starts singing, "IIIIIII, wanna swing..from the chandalier...from the chandalier-IER!", his voice raising 5 octaves higher.

Liam gasps, "Oooooo, I wanna do that too", he tosses the bottle over his shoulder, shattering it, and thrusts his cheeseburger into Bastien's hand, "hold my burger dude". As he starts to climb the large metal ladder, Bas grips his feet, not allowing him to move any further up.

Liam cocks his head to look at his head guard, his face and shoulders lowering, "Awwww Bas, you dropped my cheeseburger...not cool man"

"Your Majesty, please come down and I will take you to the kitchen and get you a new one", Bastien pleaded.

"Don't listen to him Li, he's just trying to keep you from getting hurt, BUZZKILLER!!!!". Drake's own voice startles himself and he loses his grip and crashes onto a table below, "IM THE FLYING NUN....ouch".

Bastien releases Liam's feet and dashes to Drake, who landed onto the table next to him.

"Drake! Drake!, can you hear me son?", Bastien asks frantically as he looks over him, searching for blood or broken bones.

"Bas?", he asks weakly, his red eyes seaching Bastien's.

"What is it Drake?"

He smirks, "You gotta a wittle boogie in your nose".

Liam hops off the ladder, scoops up some random cheese doodles, before reassembling his cheeseburger and biting into it, "Mmm...T to the A to the S T E Y..girl, you tasty!".

The loud sound of the palace smoke alarm system blares, emergency lights strobing near the exits, illuminating the ball room with flashes. Bastien gets a call over his walkie talkie, "Sir, the Queen reported a small fire in her quarters, located within the nursery. She is safe and being escorted out by Mara, however, she says she thinks there is also a skunk in there".

Bastien rolls his eyes, "Its not a damn skunk, just, get everyone out and I'll meet you outside with His Majesty, over". He turns to Liam who is sitting in a chair, lapping up cheese and grease from the sleeve of his hoodie, then at Drake, who is trying to look at his own eyes. "Alright, Cheech and Chong, let's continue this little party outside". He carefully hoists Drake over his shoulder and pulls Liam up by his hoodie, dragging him to the exits.

"I'm the Cheech, huh, Bas?", Drake asks while hanging limply over his shoulder".

"King Liam Chong", Liam nods, "I like it!...hey wait...my cheese doodles...Bas go back...my cheese doodle...cheese doodles Bastien...cheese doodles.... Bas...IN THE NAME OF GODDAMN CROWN, MY FUCKING CHEESE DOODLES!!!"

Wacky Drabblers: @emceesynonymroll @burnsoslow @dcbbw @sirbeepsalot @janezillow @katedrakeohd @jessiembruno @pedudley @of-course-i-went-to-hartfeld @romanticatheart-posts

Permatags not listed above: @drakesensworld @ao719 @hopefulmoonobject @eileendannie @fromthedeskofpaisleybleakmore

Im still missing a ton of people from my perm list, I don't know where I saved the list, so so sorry about that. If you want removed or added just let me know.

[lovemesomesurveys]

Has the person you like ever seen you in your pajamas? I don’t like anyone in that way.

Did the last person you kissed celebrate your last birthday with you? No. The last one they celebrated with me was six years ago.

What’s the first word of the last text message you received? “Will”

Do you think you’ve changed at all over the past year? Not in a good way.

Is there a song that reminds you of your ex? Do you still listen to that song? Lithium by Nirvana. Especially a cover of it done by ThePeteBox.

Did you tag anyone in your last Facebook status? No.

How do you behave when you’re drunk? I was chatty and annoying I feel like.

What is your least favorite type of chocolate? Dark chocolate, blech.

When was the last time you felt disappointed? What was the reason? I’ve felt disappointed in myself these past few years.

Is there someone that can make you smile, even when you feel like crying? My doggo.

Is there a certain person on your mind right now? Tell me about him/her. No.

You’re getting ready to go to bed, and the last person you kissed shows up, what do you do? That would be completely random and out of the blue. I haven’t seen or talked to him in almost 6 years. I would certainly be surprised and confused and caught off guard. I wouldn’t go out and talk to him, though. I wouldn’t want him to see me right now. I honestly don’t know if I’d text him at least or not.

What was your last thought before you went to bed last night? I don’t remember. My mind is a jumbled mess.

Do you think someone is thinking about you right now? Nope.

Are you okay right now? I’m tired.

What time did you get up today? Sigh, like 930 after hardly sleeping at all.

When was the last time you saw your mom? Last night before she went to bed. She had the opening shift at work today so I haven’t seen her yet today.

What is the last thing you drank today? Water.

Do you dislike/hate anyone? No.

Where is your best friend right now? She’s at work.

When will your next kiss be? I have no idea.

Will you be up before 7 am tomorrow? 7AM is usually when I go to bed. :X

Does anyone completely understand you? I was just asked this in the previous survey I did, but no.

Who was the last girl you hugged outside of family? A friend. That was like 4 years ago.

Have you held hands with somebody in the past three days? My doggo.

What will you be doing in 3 hours? *shrug*

How often do you straighten your hair? I haven’t straightened my hair in years.

What are you currently looking forward to? To when my mom gets off work because I’m gonna ask if she can get me a Starbucks on her way home. I’m also hungry and wanting a breakfast sandwich, so I’ll probably have one later. She’s not off for 5 more hours. D:

Is tomorrow gonna be a good day? What are you going to do? I don’t have anything out of the ordinary going on.

Who did you last hang out with? My mom.

Did anyone see your last kiss? Probably.

Could things possibly get any better? Uh, I sure wish they would.

Do you know who you’ll even kiss next? Nope.

Do you ever sleep in jeans? I haven’t in years, but I have before in the past. I don’t know how I did that. I’ve been living in leggings for the past few years and I can’t imagine doing that now.

Name something you dislike about the day you’re having? I only got like 2-3 hours of sleep.

Did you get a full 8 hours of sleep last night? Yesterday I got like 10 hours, which is insane. My brother came in and woke me up because it was after 6PM. I never get that much sleep anymore, so I have no idea what that was about. But now today I only slept like 2-3 hours. I tried going back to sleep, but couldn’t and now here I am. Sigh.

Are you in love lately? That’s a weird way of saying it, but no. It’s been a few years since I’ve had those kind of feelings.

How often do you see your ex? I haven’t seen him in almost 6 years.

Who was the last person to text you? My pharmacy.

Did you like anyone last summer? No.

Do you replay things that have happened in your head? All the time.

Who was the last person you stayed up with till 2am? My brother and I stay up late all the time, though we’re in our own rooms.

Do you want a boyfriend or girlfriend? Not at this time.

Are you currently in a relationship? No.

Do you use a full length mirror daily? No.

Would you be shocked if the person you have feelings for texted you? I don’t have feelings like that for anyone.

Is there anyone you wish you could fix things with? Yes. I have to fix myself first, though.

What are you planning on doing after this? I’m waiting for my church’s livestream service to start in like 30 minutes.

Is there a girl you would do anything for? I’d do a lot for my mom.

Who IMed you on facebook last? I had been messaging a family friend a couple weeks ago about something.

How old are you? 31.

Do you love dogs? Yesssss. I don’t know how anyone couldn’t.

Were you finished childhood and teens when Harry Potter movies came out? The first one came out when I was 12 and the last one came out when I was 22.

Did you keep all your VHS tapes? No, just the Disney ones.

Do you think Jack Nicholson is a good actor? Sure.

Have you ever watched an episode of "The Honeymooners"? Nope.

Have you ever owned a pair of high-top Converse? No, just flat tops.

Do you have rain boots with a cute pattern on them? I don’t own any rain boots.

Would you rather eat an apple or an orange right now? Neither, but if I had to I’d choose the apple cause I don’t like oranges.

Would you rather do a cartwheel on land or a backflip in water? I can’t do either one.

Have you ever performed on stage in front of people? Yeah, for choir and band concerts. Never by myself. 

Were you kinda scared of the goths in high school? No.

What size is your mattress?(single,twin,double,queen,king) Full size.

Do you eat foods from all 4 food groups everyday? Not even close.

Do you sleep in PJs? I always wear leggings and graphic tees and sleep in that as well.

Do you prefer watching TV or listening to music? Depends on my mood, but I haven’t been listening to music lately.

Would you rather watch a movie in theatre or at home? There are some movies I love experiencing in theaters for the first time. 

Do you prefer brown or white rice? Neither.

Do you like spaghetti? Yes.

What about lasagna? Not so much. It’s the type of noodle I have an issue with. I’m weird and particular about my food and when it comes to pasta, I like thin noodles.

Do you celebrate Christmas? Yesss.

Is your Thanksgiving celebrated in October too? No, it’s in November.

Do you like chocolate bars? Sure. 

what about ice cream? Sure. I haven’t had either one in awhile, though. 

Have you ever been stung by anything? What was it? No, thankfully.

Do you get tired easily? I’m just always tired.

Or do you always have plenty of energy to spare? Hahahah, no.

Have you ever done volunteer work? Where? Yeah, I’ve done a lot of volunteer work. What about court-ordered community service? No.

Have you ever worn contacts?(even just to try them out) No. I’ve always been too scared.

Would you wear contacts on a daily basis? No. 

Are your ears pierced? How many times? Just my earlobes.

Do you have GOD-GIVEN(not dyed) natural brown hair too? Yes.

Or were you born blonde? Nope.

Have you found a gray hair on your head or body before? Ugh, once I turned 30 they started popping up.

Have you ever had any suspicious moles removed? Nope.

Have you ever been screened for STDs? No.

Are all your wisdom teeth pulled? Yes.

Did you have your tonsils taken out? Nope.

Did you have your appendix taken out? No.

How many kidneys do you have?(have you donated one?) I have both of them.

Would you(to save someone)?^^^ I don’t know if I could, like health wise.

Have you ever found a bug or slug in your salad? skjflsfjklds nooooooo.

Do you like Harry Potter? I enjoyed the movies.

What about Twilight? I was really into Twilight back when the books and movies were coming out, but I outgrew it and find it kinda cringe now lol. How do you feel about Lord of the rings? I never got into that.

Are you going to see 'The Hobbit' when it comes out? ---

Do you have a glass that says 'Molson Canadian' on it? No.

Do you have any collector's glasses or cups or mugs? I do.

Would you rather have a white fridge or a black fridge or a stainless steel fridge? Black.

What size shoe do you wear? 6 in women’s (US). Each of my Adidas are actually a 3 or 4 in kid’s sizes, though.

Do you have a wide foot or a narrow foot or just average? Average, I guess.

Do you bite your nails when you're stressed? I pick and clip my nails constantly.

Do you have to take an allergy pill daily in order to live normally? No.

Are you on the birth control pill? Nope.

Or are you trying to get pregnant? Absolutely not. I’m just not sexually active, so.

You'd rather wear black sneakers or sneakers in a bright color or pattern? Black.

Has anyone ever told you they were attracted to you? Shockingly, yes.

Can you swim well in water way above your head? I can’t swim.

Are you afraid of thunder & lightening? No.

Have you ever experienced an earthquake? No.

What about a tornado? Nope. 

Are you closer to your dad?(more so than your mom) I’m closer to my mom.

Were you your parents' first born? I’m their first together, but not my mom’s. She had my older brother before meeting my dad.

Do you have a child? Is the father still with you? No.

Did you trade stickers at recess when you were a kid? No.

How old were you when you had your first crush? Do you remember their name? I was 9 and his name was Philip. 

Can you even remember what the hell they looked like? Vaguely. 

Have you ever operated any type of motorized vehicle before? No.

Are you going to drink alcohol tonight? Nope. I haven’t drank in 8 years and have no desire to.

Have you ever heard of the Canadian kids show called "Mr. Dressup"? Nope.

What about the kids show "Fred Penner's Place"? Nope.

Did you hate Sesame Street when you were little too? No.

Were you born perfectly healthy or with some(or a lot) of health issues? I was born healthy.

What are those 'said' health issues? –

Do you collect DVDs? No. I don’t have that many.

Do you download music? Nope. I’ve just used Spotify the past several years now.

Or do you still go to stores and buy CDs? No, I have’t done that in yearssss.

Did you skip(jumo-rope) a lot as a kid? No.

Did you ever catch any bugs or insects with your friends as a kid? EW, noooooo.

Didn't you just LOVE art class in elementary school?! Yeah.

Have you ever played dodgeball? Ugh, yes. I hated dodgeball. I don’t find having a ball thrown at me to be fun at all. I was always scared of getting hit in the face.

What about Red Rover? Yes.

Have you ever played "What time is it mr. wolf?"? It doesn’t sound familiar.

Do you hate your weight? Yes.

Have you ever struggled with a mental illness? I do.

Serious question, peanut butter or nutella? Peanut butter, hands down. I don’t get the hype of Nutella.

Have you ever stepped on a snail? Gahhhh, I’ve run over one before.

Do you prefer baked potatoes or mashed potatoes? I like both.

Do you prefer ankle socks over regular socks? I only wear ankle socks.

Last movie you've seen in theaters? The Invisible Man. That was almost. a year ago now. I miss going to the theater.

What is your oldest sibling's middle name? I’m not sharing that.

Have you ever been to Disneyland or Disney World? I have been to Disneyland several times, I love it. I’d love to go to Disney World someday.

Would you ever go backpacking across any country? No.

Would you prefer to travel around the world by yourself or with a friend? I definitely wouldn’t go alone.

Do you like breadsticks? I do.

Do you usually wear shorts around your house all year long? I never wear shorts, I’m a leggings gal.

What state were you born in? California. 

Have you ever had a nose bleed? Nooo, thankfully. I would freak out.

How far away do you live from your birthplace? Still live there.

Do you have a weak stomach? Yes.

Do you know anybody who has been diagnosed with cancer? Yes.

Have you ever had to take care of an intoxicated person? No.

Have you ever considered becoming a lawyer? No. Definitely not cut out for that.

Do you *really* like donuts? Yesss.

Do you think Disney World could ever get old? Not to me.

If you could, would you hookup with the last person you texted? Uh, NO, absolutely not. The only people I text and text me are my parents, brother, and my Nana....

What are your favorite things to spend money on? Food, coffee, clothes.

Will you talk to the person you like on the phone tonight? I don’t like anyone in that way.

What do you usually order on a pizza? *finishing this hours later from when I started* White sauce, feta and ricotta cheese, garlic, spinach, crumbled meatballs, and pesto. Do you and your boyfriend/girlfriend fight a lot? I’m single.

Who's the first person with the letter "m" in your contacts? My mom.

Which would you rather have a new puppy or kitten? Puppy. 

How old will you be on your next birthday? 32.

What color are your underwear? Blue.

Do you ever feel self-conscious when you eat around other people? Yes.

[horansqueen]

AM Conversations : chapter 29

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 6 || CHAPTER 7 || CHAPTER 8 || CHAPTER 9 || CHAPTER 10 || CHAPTER 11 || CHAPTER 12 || CHAPTER 13 || CHAPTER 14 || CHAPTER 15 || CHAPTER 16 || CHAPTER 17 || CHAPTER 18 || CHAPTER 19 || CHAPTER 20 || CHAPTER 21 || CHAPTER 22 || CHAPTER 23 || CHAPTER 24 || CHAPTER 25 || CHAPTER 26 || CHAPTER 27 || CHAPTER 28

NOTES:

-one chapter is her pov, the next is his. -5.3k. (yep longer chapter but it was needed) -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.

- if you want to be notified when this is updated, please message me or leave a comment!

- you can send me questions and theories and comments. tbh they all make me SO SO SO SOOOO HAPPY! and make me want to write more! you can also tell me if there are things you WANT to happen. you never know, i may add it :P

- thanks for being patient btw! i work a lot these days and will work even more in the next few weeks (until halloween) so i may not update as often as i’d like. :(

- note for this chapter: remember the first part is exactly like the last chapter but from HER pov. longer chapter. yes i used that song, sue me. was it too quick? not emotional enough? too meh?  next chapter will be from his pov and ill try to write the process and what happened in his head to get this conclusion. that way you can understand him and where his decision comes from. shit i really hope this reached expectations, damn.

-please, message me, give me feedbacks, it would mean sooo much to me!

Chapter 29 : Her chapter

OLIVIA

I hadn't seen Niall in over two days and it was saddening me. I missed him more than I wanted to admit, even to myself, but at the same time, I knew he was spending most of his time with his girlfriend and I didn't want to bother their alone time. Plus, I didn't want to witness anything anymore. That time spent in Niall's living room watching them cuddle and kiss was haunting me. Yes, I was jealous, because Maya really had everything I ever wanted, including Niall, and it was hurting me more than I could ever admit.

Harry had texted me a few times and we had a few intense discussions about our relationship but also about the friendship we could have. I couldn't lie and pretend the feelings I had for him when we dated had disappeared or that I was completely healed but I was ready to try and that was all it took for us to schedule a movie night.

When I opened the door, I looked up in his eyes as my heart twisted in my chest. I had seen him not that long ago, it had only been a few weeks... was he always that tall? His lips had curled into a fond but amused smile and mine sort of did the same. Harry was the same man i knew, the same man I dated, and I was not sure I could only be his friend but it was worth a try.

I felt bad but I didn't know what else to do so I ended up bringing a blanket on the couch and sat close to him as we watched a movie and ate popcorn and candies. We always did that when we were together and it should feel awkward to do it now that we were over but I liked it. I missed affection and an other human's touch and Harry was a soft and affectionate person. I loved it.

"So, how are things between you and Niall?" he wondered, still staring at the screen as a romantic scene started.

I glanced at him and shrugged, leaning against the back of the couch and bringing my legs up.

"Okay, I guess." I replied before putting a few candies in my mouth. "He's splitting his time between Maya and I and I miss him but I guess there's not much I can do about it."

Harry quickly grabbed the remote and turned the volume down before turning his body my way, facing me. I frowned, giving him my full attention, and for some reason I knew he was going to give me a speech I had heard before.

"It's time, don't you think?" he asked, raising his eyebrows and bringing his hand to my knee. "It's been so long, Liv. You can't hide your feelings forever."

I felt myself get sad suddenly and although I was tired to hear people tell me I had to tell Niall how I felt, I knew they were right and that i had waited way too long. I looked down at his hand on my knee, trying to avoid his eyes. I focused on the way his thumb rubbed gently against the fabric of my pants and raised one shoulder up.

"I don't want to lose him." I admitted in a low tone. "If he finds out he's gonna leave."

I felt Harry's finger under my chin and he moved my face up. We stared at each other for a while and I could feel tears coming to my eyes. I knew I was way too emotional but I couldn't help it. I was scared. Scared like I had never been before, and the thought of losing my best friend again was driving me insane, especially if it was my fault. It also felt like it would hurt even more if he left because of my feelings for him.

"I know Liv, I know you're scared."

I swallowed hard, a bit surprised that he had noticed and feeling like he actually read my mind. The tone of his voice was soft and knowing that Harry cared about me even after what had happened between us made my heart twist.

"But if you-"

The bell rang and I jumped slightly before closing my eyes. I didn't want to answer. I had the annoying feeling it was Niall and I was not ready, especially not after that short discussion with Harry. I was not ready to hear him mention Maya, even if he barely ever did. I was not ready to face him and feel all those feelings I have for him flood my whole body and mind the way it always did recently, whenever he was around.

I felt Harry's hand squeeze my knee and opened my eyes, meeting his gaze. With a fond smile, he made a quick head movement in the door's direction and I sighed, pushing the blanket away and getting up to press the button that unlocks the front door. As I waited in front of my door, I felt my heart jump at the thought of Niall and Harry interacting again. I hadn't mentioned anything to Niall yet, but it was not like something was happening between Harry and I.

The knock at the door made my heart jump again but this time, I had to swallow it. I opened the door slightly, meeting Niall's smiling face, and I could swear my whole body relaxed suddenly. No one else had that effect on me.

“Hey, sorry I didn’t call.” he apologized, licking his lips and making my eyes drop to them. “Can I come in?”

“Uhm, yea, of course.”

Now that he was there, I didn't want him to leave, but I could feel my whole body shaking for a reason I ignored. He looked happy, excited even, and I always found it endearing to see him that way. This time, though, it felt weird and I didn't know why. It felt like something was going to happen and sensing it made everything almost intolerable. He started saying something but stopped right in the middle of his sentence. I was a bit lost in my thoughts but when he mentioned Harry's name, I remembered I was not alone. I was not sure it was a good thing but when Niall was there, It always felt like there was only the two of us.

When my best friend turned to me, I saw a bunch of emotions surge on his face and they passed so quick I couldn't remember or decipher all of them. I thought I saw surprise? Sadness? Anger?

"Wow, really?" he asked rudely, even though I knew it was rhetorical. "Him? Here?"

I frowned, shrugged and looked away before looking back in his eyes. I was lost, sad, and not really sure what exactly was wrong with the fact that Harry and I were friends, except that I knew Niall and him were not on best terms because of me.

“You didn’t even think to tell me that you two were spending time together?” he continued in an angry way. “You didn’t think to mention that you wanted to try again with him or that you had feelings for him again? What am I to you? Are we even still best friends?”

My eyes got bigger in surprise. Did the fact that I wouldn't tell him every single detail of my life meant that we were not best friends anymore? What would he do if he found out I kept this incredibly huge secret from him all these years?

“Niall, it’s not what you-”

“No, wait.” he cut me, leaving me motionless, my lips parting. “I come here to tell you I dumped Maya and I find you cuddling Harry?”  

He shook his head, scoffed and turned around, clearly annoyed as he pulled on his hair. But all I could think about was that he had broken up with Maya. He was not with her anymore and it didn't matter why. I felt my whole body vibrate and I teared up. It was so wrong to be happy because of someone else's misfortune, I knew it, but I couldn't help it. I was ecstatic.

“It’s really not what you think, Niall.”

I held my breath when I heard Harry's voice. I had almost forgotten that he was there, silently witnessing Niall's break down and my embarrassment, but the fact that he added something seemed to piss Niall off even more.

“He’s right.” I let out with a small shrug. “And we weren’t cuddling.”

He turned to me quickly and faced me, making me hold my breath.

“Don’t lie to me, I have two functioning eyes!”

“Oh my god Niall calm down!”

The words escaped my mouth and I felt bad for a few seconds as he took a step back. I could have slapped him and he would probably have had the same reaction. I barely noticed Harry getting up and telling me he was leaving but i nodded and instinctively smiled. It seemed to take forever until he was gone. I could still hear him walk down the stairs on the other side of the door but all I could focus was Niall. We were staring at each other intensely and all I repeated in my head was 'I love him' over and over again, the words hitting my brain in a throbbing sensation, kind of like a hammer.

I breathed in, pushing locks of my hair behind my ears and brought my arms around my body as if I was trying to protect myself but I was not sure from what. From him? From being hurt? From.. myself? I breathed in and out a few times, trying to remain calm because I knew this conversation could turn wrong and I didn't want to.

“Harry and I are just friends, Niall, that’s all.” I explained again, waiting a few seconds before I continued. “I’m not getting back with him, Niall.”

“You know what? I don’t believe you!”

I thought my words and tone would calm him down but the truth was, he seemed even more pissed than before Harry left. I didn't know why, I didn't seem to understand, and I had no idea how to reassure him more.

“Why?” I wondered, taking a step closer to him. “I won’t go back with him!”

“And why wouldn’t you go back with him mm?” his voice raised and he threw his arms up. “He’s perfect, he clearly still has feelings for you and you two didn’t really have any reason to break up.”

Of course I hadn't told Niall that the reason Harry broke up with me was because he knew I had feelings for Niall. I had kept this an other secret and whenever he would ask, I told him I didn't want to talk about it, resulting in him thinking there was actually no  valid reason. I knew I should tell him but I also knew I didn't have the courage to.

“Because… that’s not how it works, Nee.” I replied, shaking my head and avoiding his eyes as I tried not to get too mad.

It was not easy. I couldn't believe he was not seeing it. I couldn't believe he didn't want to see it. It made me mad in a way I couldn't explain. The kind of anger that makes you want to cry until you're completely dry. I was tired that he'd doubt me when I loved him so much. I was tired to have to share him when I was all his. I was so fucking tired to love him without getting anything back in return.

“WHY?”

“BECAUSE I LOVE YOU OKAY!?”

Silence fell between us but I suddenly felt myself become lighter. My heartbeats came back to a normal pace as if my heart had been beating harder than it should have had in the past weeks. I could feel hope and warmth invade my whole body and although I hated myself for it, I also felt better, way better than I had felt in months... years, even. I hadn't realized how heavy this secret was before letting it out.

“What?”

His voice was low and I could hear fear.

“I love you Niall. I’m in love with you.” I let out, swallowing hard but realizing the lump I used to have in my throat wasn't there anymore. “I’ve always been. Since the day I found out what love was, I knew the love of my life was you. I didn’t stop loving you, not even half a second. It’s always been you, and no one else.”

“That makes… no sense.” he expressed in a murmur, taking a step back and making me bite my bottom lip gently.

“Except it makes all the sense in the world, Niall, don’t you think?” My voice was just as low, if not lower, but I knew he could hear me perfectly. He was focused on me the same way I was concentrating on him. “Don’t you think we make sense?”

“As best friends, yea.” he said a little louder, now completely calm. “As.. maybe a bit more than that, sure. We make sense as ambiguous best friends that people question, okay, I get that.”

I don't think he realized what he was saying but to me, it meant exactly that. We were best friends that were more than best friends. We were best friends that were meant to be with each other. Not many people keep childhood friends in their life while being just as close to them as they always were. Did he not see that our relationship was unique? Or was I imagining all this? No, he just didn't see it. He didn't want to see it. And it hit me that I was right. I was going to lose him because he didn't love me. He didn't love me even if everyone tried to convince me that he did.

“But Olivia, you and I? As a couple?” he shook his head and shrugged as if it meant nothing. “No, it doesn’t make sense. It wouldn’t work.”

I had a million thoughts running in my mind normally but since Niall got here, I could only think about my love for him. That's all that seemed to matter. It was obsessing me. I looked up at him after a few seconds and licked my lips.

“Do you love me, Niall?”

I watched him as he literally closed right in front of me, putting his hands in his pockets and withdrawing into himself. He was trying to find a way to answer me without hurting me, I knew it. I knew Niall so well it was scary yet beautiful. This story, I wouldn't trade for anything in the world.

“You always ask me that question. My answer is still the same.”

I took an other step closer and tilted my head more. He knew what I meant, and I wanted him to answer me. I needed to hear it, no matter what the answer would be. It was too late anyway, I couldn't go back, and if I wanted to be honest, I didn't want to go back.

“I mean real love.”

I was very close to him, now, and I tilted my head up to look in his eyes. My head was throbbing with fear yet I felt calm and serene as I waited. He looked down in my eyes and I told myself that no one else looked that good from that angle. Niall always looked good. He also smelled good, so good that it made me slightly dizzy. His eyes roamed on my face and I held my breath, enjoying the way he was looking at me. I knew I didn't look like the kind of girl he dated, liked or fucked, but love was more than that, right? Love was not physical, it was emotional, mental.. it came from the soul, the heart, from deep inside. He brought his hand up and his fingertips brushed on my cheek. It felt so amazing I had to stop myself from tearing up. His thumb rubbed gently on my cheekbone and my eyes fluttered a bit. I wanted to cry and I was not even sure why.

“I can’t.” his hand slipped from my face as he took a step back and my heart stopped. “I’m sorry.”

He turned around, his back facing me, and it seemed like I was too far from him now. I almost forgot how to breathe.

“Niall…”

He didn't move. He just shook his head.

“I’m sorry.”

I watched him grab the knob and open the door before leaving and i couldn't tell how long I stayed motionless, just staring at the spot he was in, after he left. And just like that, the lump was back in my throat and the heavy feeling was smothering me again.

                                                          ----

It took me a few days to realize that Niall wouldn't call or try to get in contact with me. I had avoided phone calls even thought Julie, Liam, Harry and even Louis had tried to talk to me. I was just not ready to face anyone and I didn't want them to tell me that Niall would eventually come back or worse, that they felt sorry for me. It's only after about two weeks of loneliness that I heard a knock at my door. I thought it was one of my neighbors since no one had rang before and I opened the door without thinking. Had it been too long since I saw an other human (excluding the chinese delivery guy)? Perhaps, but when I saw who was on the other side, I regretted answering.

Louis sent me a grin and leaned against the door frame as I stared at him. We were not really close and it was a bit surprising to see him but I didn't ask anything. I just raised my eyebrows and tilted my head, trying to push away the hope inside me that it had something to do with Niall.

"Can I help you?"

He grabbed the cigarette behind his ear and handed it to me but I just shook my head before he put it between his lips.

"Can I come in?" he asked after lighting it up and taking a puff. "We need to talk."

"We can talk here." I just answered a bit roughly, making him chuckle.

"Why so wild?" he wondered, amused.

I sighed and tried to calm myself, shrugging a shoulder.

"I don't know, I guess i'm trying to get rid of everything that makes me think of Niall or that links me to him, which includes you."

"I'm not Niall, you should remember that." he pointed out. "And you and I are friends, independently of him, so be prepared to find a fucking great friend in me, Liv."

I wanted to be pissed but the truth was, I could see myself in Louis and he was entertaining. Plus, I couldn't push away everyone, and apparently some of them were stubborn and persistent. No matter why Louis was here for, I knew that in the end, i'd do what he'd ask me to. I was ready to resist but it was inevitable.

"What do you want, 'Tommo'?" I asked, raising my eyebrows and making him laugh at the nickname his friends give him.

"Good, you're a fast learner." he smirked, pulling again on his cigarette. "See, we're going out for my birthday tonight, and you're formally invited."

I frowned, knowing deep down that it was a fucking bad idea but considering it anyway. I was tired to be alone and even worse, to drink alone. Perhaps doing it with a few friends would help me get some things off my mind.

I turned to look at the window, watching snowflakes fall gently and slowly in front of it and I let out a sigh.

"I don't know, Louis, I have nothing to wear anyway."

"Liv, it's a bar, not a ball." he expressed, raising his eyebrows. "A pair of jeans and your converse and you're ready to go. Unless you want to do something with your hair."

I rolled my eyes and grimaced.

"Oh shut up!" I groaned, making him laugh again, before I shrugged, losing my smile. "Is he gonna be there?"

Louis sighed and shook his head.

"You have to come, Liv, it's my birthday."

"Well technically..."

"Olivia, it's my fucking birthday!" he expressed, cutting me short. "I don't know if Niall's gonna be there, I lean towards no, but I can't make any promise."

I stared at him, watching the smoke from his cigarette move between us, twisting and turning on itself. I breathed in and sighed louder than I should have as his lips curled more. He knew I was giving in and I knew it too.

"Give me ten minutes." I just said, leaving the door open and turning around to go get dressed.

"Make it fifteen, love." he joked as I heard the door close behind him. "Spend five more on your hair."

Without turning around, I moved my arm up to show him my middle finger and heard him laugh from my room.

                                                       ---

The bar was not as crowded as I thought but the closer we got to the table, the harder my heart was beating. I didn't know if I was relieved of disappointed when we finally reached it and I noticed that Niall wasn't there but I just smiled and sat next to Julie who greeted me all while holding Liam's hand on the table. Eleanor was there too, along with Lottie and a her boyfriend and a few more people I didn't know. I noticed Harry who was coming back from the bar with a beer pitcher and when he sat next to me, I sent him a big smile.

"I'm glad you're here." he admitted, bending down a bit closer. "I didn't think Louis would convince you. I was actually pretty sure you wouldn't even open your door."

"He didn't ring." I explained with a grimace. "I thought it was a neighbor."

Harry nodded, closing his eyes with a smile. "Clever."

I laughed a bit and shook my head. "Yea, I guess!"

He poured beer in my empty mug and I thanked him before taking a sip. I was not a big fan of beer but it was still free alcohol and I was always in for that.

"It was not against you, you know." I pointed out, hoping he would understand.

"I know." he said in a low tone, turning his mug in his hand. "I didn't take it personal. I know you didn't answer Julie or Louis' calls either. No worries."

I was glad no one had mentioned Niall to me yet but I couldn't pretend that it was not surprising me. They all had tried to contact me about him and now that they finally got a hold of me, no one was even hinting at him. I was just telling myself how odd it was when something caught my attention.

I recognized him immediately as he walked on the small stage in front of our table. A projector was turned on, suddenly lighting him as he sat on a stool in front of a small piano. My heart stopped completely when I saw him. It felt like I hadn't seen him in years. He looked good and he hadn't changed and somehow, that thought made me tear up. I knew it was Louis' birthday and that he wouldn't miss it and perhaps that was why I was here : to see him for maybe the very last time. I was lying to myself when I pretended it was okay that he had left and that I had made the right choice. The right choice was him and I had lost him.

"I'm sorry to cut your discussions short." he apologized in the microphone and that's when I realized he was going to sing. "I promise it'll only take a few minutes of your time."

No matter what he was going to sing, I knew it would be a song that would haunt me for the rest of my life. It would be the song I would always cry on, the last song my best friend had sang in front of me, and just thinking about it made me tear up again.

"Recently, i've questioned myself a lot about what I want and how I feel. I've never been good at expressing my feelings and I know it's hurt some people. It's hurt the most important person in my life. I've hurt her over and over again through the years without knowing or.. maybe I just didn't want to know. I was in denial but now i'm not anymore. I can't keep my eyes and heart closed."

I frowned but then my eyes opened wider. I didn't want to look around myself, I knew they were all looking at me, and I wanted to focus on Niall and just him. Was it wrong of me to think he was talking about me? Was I hallucinating? Or lying to myself again? I couldn't help but think I should get up and leave but I didn't want to and even if I had wanted, I couldn't have. I was stuck on this chair, my hands gripping my beer, my fingers turning red from the tight squeeze I had on it without even realizing it. He let his fingers slide on a few keys and I could swear my heart vibrated at the same time. He cleared his throat and when he started playing, I felt my heart sink in my chest.

"Looking back through changes Where we started from Don't know about you but I knew it wasn't wrong You know I kept a place For you in my mind And I know you did the same 'Cause you're just that kind."

I had stopped breathing but I started crying. I wasn't even ashamed of my tears and anyway, I couldn't stop them.

"So if we knew all along Why did it take so long? We've known since we were young So why did it take so long? You know you make me feel loved Make me feel like I'm home So if we knew all along Why did it take so long?"

His eyes met mine and I breathed in, trying not to blink. I saw guilt on his face but also something else, something I had seen before but that I could never decipher. He stared at me as he sang, his eyes leaving me briefly from time to time only to look at his own fingers move on the keys.

"Moving on You and I started looking back Now we've got to make up For all the wasted time You know I'd never let you just walk on by From the day that I met you I knew you'd be mine, yeah."

My mind was blank as I tried to understand the lyrics. My heart was saying it was love and my head was telling me to keep it real, that Niall didn't love me and that he had made it clear. But did he ever say that? Did he ever tell me that he didn't love me?

"So if we knew all along Why did it take so long? We've known since we were young Why did it take so long? You know you make me feel loved Make me feel like I'm home So if we knew all along Why did it take so long?"

I was paralyzed and crying in a bar surrounded by strangers but also friends, friends who knew exactly why I was there and that this would happen. A bunch of feelings rushed inside me but I remained motionless as something twisted in my stomach and did the same to my heart at the same time. It's only when he sang the bridge that I realized that my tears had flood my cheeks and that I didn't want to wipe them. It's only when he sang those words that it hit me hard, so hard I felt like I couldn't breathe anymore.

"Just started, it's just started I'm having trouble believing it's true Just started, just started Now we got nothing to prove."

He loved me, didn't he? He was telling me exactly that but my mind wouldn't process it. I had spent so many nights trying to reason myself and get it to my head that Niall would never have these feelings for me and he was there, just singing his heart out to me through a song I had never heard before and I felt my heart jump higher than ever in my chest at the thought that he may have written it for me.

He sang the chorus again and when I heard the last notes, I heard claps around me. A lot of people got up, I heard some whistles and screams, but I couldn't move. Niall got up and moved his head as a thank you before getting off the stage and without realizing it, I got up and walked up to him. I didn't care that I was in front of a bunch of people. I didn't care that everyone was looking at us. I was so close to him that I had to look up to dive my gaze in his. He looked down and shook his head slightly, his face twisting in a guilty and sad expression.

"I'm so sorry, Olivia." he whispered, and I was surprised I could hear him so clearly through all the noise around us. "I was a fucking idiot."

His large hands cupped my face, his fingers pressing on my cheeks, jaw and neck as my heartbeats accelerated. I remained silent, I just wanted to hear what he had to say. I needed it. And I couldn't help but think that I deserved it.

"I love you." he whispered, bending down, his lips almost touching mine. "I feel like I always did. I was not ready, I didn't want to ruin things, I was scared. Those are all bad reasons and I regret them."

I nodded slowly and swallowed hard. It made me realize the lump was gone again and when he wiped my tears with his thumbs, I felt my lips curl slightly.

"I love you." he repeated.

I only closed my eyes when his lips were on mine. They moved slowly and softly against mine. I brought both my hands to his wrists as his grip on my face tightened. I had to touch him if only to convince myself this was real. I needed to touch him to be sure he wouldn't just disappear and that I wouldn't wake up alone in my bed. But this was true, he was there, he was kissing me, and the way he tasted was beyond all my expectations.

His lips parted mine to deepen the kiss and I could swear I heard someone yell "Fucking finally!" behind me. I smiled through the kiss and I could feel Niall do the same. His lips brushed up against mine and a shiver ran up my spine before he grabbed my upper lip between his to kiss me again. No one had ever kissed me like that and I knew that no one else ever would.

"You still love me, yea?" he whispered, his mouth leaving small but soft kisses on the corner of my lips and his hands still holding my jaw.

I chuckled against his mouth as he kissed me again. I felt like he would never stop and I didn't want him to stop anyway. I felt overjoyed and my whole body was throbbing

"Don't be stupid." I whispered. "I always have and I always will."