#im feeling fragile today

[pattons-stripper-euro]

One thing I dream of being able to tell Mike one day, is how much his Mondo Cane project helps me with my anxiety and tics. Honestly it holds such an important place in my heart.

Like, his voice in general always helps me, but I have absolutely no idea why Mondo Cane in particular (Even more specifically, the 2012 Chile performance on YouTube) has the power to completely calm me down when my anxiety flares up. I could be nervous, stressed, overtired, overworked, my phobias could be playing havoc on my mind, but as soon as Mondo Cane is put on, my brain is silenced, my tics stop, and I can relax.

I think there's honestly a whole different level of talent involved when someone's passion and work can have such an affect on someone like this. I'd genuinely drive myself mildly insane with my phobias and stresses if I didn't have this man's music keeping me grounded

[cloudcountry]

my mental health just took a huge beating so i'll be slower to interact again!! might take a bit of a break tbh ^^ i think i wrote more than i should have in such a short period of time.

[recapitulation]

one of my fav coworkers. I will call him Neutron Guy. he is so nice he's nearing the end of his career and knows literally everything about neutrons and is really generous with his help. when I told him I wanted to maybe give a talk at this conference he kept telling me it was a really good idea and gave me a bunch of good critiques. and now that the talk is over he's like we should write a paper about this here's a list of places we could submit to which do you want? like if I hadn't said anything this whole thing would have been nothing but now with his encouragement it's a talk and a paper 😭 imposter syndrome whomst

[zackcharine]

Hmmm i really hope i dont get anxious to the point i cant work on anything today :")

[thatoneweird014]

live footage of me rn

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[littlefang666]

Rain always meant something to me

When i was really small i learned about the water cycle

It comes down, pools around, stirs up again and back around

Rain and lakes and falls and oceans and clouds.

When i was still small i learned about weather

Taller clouds fall in crowds and thunder makes the hair on the back of your neck stand up

When i was a teen came the droughts

The world is ending and i wont make it out

I will feel no more rain and the times it did fell on numb pain

When i grew up i was hopeless listless and grieving

The world ending tirelessly endlessly around me

Until i learned again when i thought i was done

The world isnt ending, she's still turning. She's still raining

Just with hotter fires and crying out

"What am i doing?" I wake and shout "it will matter to that sea star" i remembered

A beach of drying animals and distress, hopeless to save most let alone the rest

But the story goes that a little kid throws

Back to the sea, another day.

To that one sea star it mattered when it mattered most

Just because that little kid decided to say.

So when i grow up, i want to learn about the rain some day.

[gayspock]

im going 2 have wasted all my money again arent i -_

[clueless1995]

anyway what if i made an edit that’s just dancing/fun in doctor who. does anyone want that

[spamtoon]

(Out of nowhere, you are approached by a familiar lightbulb-headed Cog.)

Ah, it's you, cat. Thinking you're oh-so-slick. Muttering and whispering under those raggedy whiskers of yours... Thinking I am unable to hear it all...

Well, you've simply underestimated my fantastic hearing. You probably want to know the reason why I'm here, taking a 'break' from my incredibly important scientific breakthroughs? It's quite simple, really!

(She gets close, and squints her eyes.)

I know what you are.

Farewell, now!

(She then leaves the way she came from.)

(Spam giggles immensely, covering her face... it always seems like she's giggling, isn't she? This lasts... at least thirty seconds. Longer than usual.)

And I know what I am too, Sparky! You broke through something, that's for sure. Really, broke through...

(She looks down, continuing to laugh nervously.)

You know, I find it odd you Havent tried to bulb blast me into the stratosphere by now. I mean knowing how you acted with Frostbite. Is there something peculiar about me that you perhaps can't quite track? Something about me that you... don't know what I am?

I know, I know, I'm talking to nobody again. But you were there when I had a moment today with the one the only Frostbite The Bravecog. You may be remaining. Lurking in the shadows. Knowing about these thoughts that I'm thinking.

(The giggling resumes, lasting far shorter this time.)

Your brother's a piece of fucking barp, by the way

(She braces for impact for a few seconds, wincing while smiling, before comically looking around to realize nobody's there. She sighs.)

Wow, okay maybe toony superhero show logic doesn't apply in this situation. Cool.

WAIT I JUST FUCKING REALIZED WHAT SHE MEANT but like. Dude if she meant that then what's the point I mean the whole ahh sellbot department barping knows unless you're Really low on the ladder. Heheh... maybe she did mean what I thought she meant.

Oh i'm so fucking screwed. What kind of bitch gets filament fever

[swagging-back-to]

im actually floored by how well the girls are getting along. they're all running on the wheel together and just napping. they are literally so chill together rn it's insane

[dmumt]

driving is so fun apart from the horrors (parking)

[nerice]

romanticizing the fuck out of recovery right now...... every day is a new day every day is a day where hopefully i am in less pain as long as i continue to put the work in. it will take months, maybe even years i know that. ive been thru close to two years of extreme (di)stress, a gaming sponsored rsi (wrists), medically induced heart problems that persist in small scary ways, an acquired anxiety disorder, covid, a work sponsored rsi (wrists and ankles) & all of that after years of extremely sedentary lifestyle and disordered eating. my body is fucked. my health is bad. tomorrow i'll be one week out of my workplace, one day tentatively out of pain medication which i needed to be able to move and use my hands at all. i am so fortunate that my partner can cover our expenses while i focus on recovery but god if i haven't cried today multiple times because i am already in significantly less pain than on my last work day which was horrific. i don't know if full recovery is possible i don't know if my joints are fucked beyond repair in some ways but i HAVE TO BELIEVE. that day by day and week by week (gentle yoga or tai chi/qi gong multiple times a day bc its all i can manage, lots of rest, ice packs galore, eat enough, BY GOD i need to count calories to make sure im eating enough) maybe hopefully possibly i can have a semblance of my old life back by 2024 ;...........;

[the-kipsabian]

idk if im gonna be very vocal today, had a very anxiety inducing dream about topics im very sensitive about and now i feel like shit so. yeah

[despite-everything]

so i send out these monthly cd playlists and write letters to the recipients... i send them to my best friend's parents (even though i've only met their mom like 4 times and their dad only once) and its super fun right? well i included "this too shall pass" by danny schmidt on my january playlist, and wrote in my letter about the impact of welcome to night vale on my music taste and about how it was the first piece of media i came across that had a nonbinary character and just how much that meant to me. this morning, i got a text from my friends mom saying she's excited to listen to my playlist and has already downloaded wtnv to listen to it

[keydav]

Didn't get the results I wanted/expected from my neuropsych eval haaa

So now I'm drinking Starbucks, eating chipotle, and maybe buying new shoes about it oops

Oh, but I did get a social anxiety disorder diagnosis, so that's fun, and my therapist is now recommending I see a neurologist for my migraines & sleep schedule, which she literally called "horseshit" lol (can't blame her, it is pretty bad)

And people have told me I should see a neurologist before for my migraines, so that's fair, but....neurologist is a scary word, so I'm also a little freaking over that

Anyway, what a fun day lol