#im doing fine tho
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Arthur Lester maxxing tonight by drinking poorly mixed blood and sands out of an antique tea cup while sobbing over instrumental piano covers
#malevolent#malevolent pod#arthur lester#im doing fine tho#its just for the aesthetic#tw alcohol#tw alcohol mention
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the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again
#yeehaw#1k#5k#10k#posts that got cursed. blasted. im making these tag updates after... 19 hours?#also i have been told it should say speech loss bc nonverbal specifically refers to the permanent state. did not know that!#unfortunately i fear it is so far past containment that even if i edited it now it would do very little. but noted for future reference#edit 2: nvm enough ppl have come to rb it from me directly that i changed the wording a bit. hopefully this makes sense#also. in case anyone is curious. though i doubt anyone who is commenting these things will check the original tags#1) my friend did not do this on purpose in any way. it was not intended to distract me or to hit on me. im a lesbian hes a gay man. cmon now#he felt very bad about it afterwards. i thought it was hilarious but it was very embarrassed and apologetic#2) “why didn't he use 🫵🏼?” didn't exist yet. “why didn't he use 🆗?” dunno! we'd been using a lot of hand emojis. 👌🏼 is an ok sign#like it makes sense. it was just a silly mixup. also No i did not invent 👉🏼👌🏼 as a gesture meaning sex. do you live under a rock#3) nonspeaking episodes are a recurring thing in my life and have been since i was born. this is not a quirky one-time thing#it is a pervasive issue that is very frustrating to both myself and the people i am trying to communicate with. in which trying to speak is#extremely distressing and causes very genuine anguish. this post is not me making light of it it's just a funny thing that happened once#it's no different than if i post about a funny thing that happened in conjunction w a physical disability. it's just me talking abt my life#i don't mind character tags tho. those can be entertaining. i don't know what any of you are talking about#Except the ppl who have said this is pego/ryu or wang/xian. those people i understand and respect#if you use it as a writing prompt that's fine but send it to me. i want to see it#aaaand i think that's it. everyday im tempted to turn off rbs on it. it hasn't even been a week
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feed your partner a salamander
#i have Very Many emotions in me right now and im coping by humour#arcane#arcane spoilers#and thinking about old viktor feeding jayce salamanders is somehow delightfully absurd in all this#“yeah#youre doing so fine crawling out of that hole keep going have a treat“#just for funsies tho ofc ofc#jayvik#jayce#viktor#viktor arcane#jayce x viktor#jayce arcane#arcane season 2#arcane memes
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unconditionally
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#yuji itadori#megumi fushiguro#itafushi#fushiita#fanart#jjk fanart#jujutsu kaisen fanart#megumi#yuuji#im shaky and numb the way this took years off my life#genuinely cannot believe i thought it was smart to make it a comic i could have stuck at a painting and it would have been fine#but nooooooo in my hubris i thought Surely im an expert at this longform stuff now Surely i can do it :)#and then it killed me it killed me dead this is like over twice as long as the train comic and 4 times as detailed#backgrounds . angles. i yearn fr death.#AND I HAD 2 WRITE THEM ACTUALLY TALKING GGSDH i am actually so insecure abt the way the dialogue flows gomen....#i wanted to add more to it to fix how clipped and rushed i think it reads#but that would mean drawing more expressions would mean drawing more panels would mean more gd hyDRANGEAS#so ultimately i decided 2 have the conversation take the hit because let me tell u.#if i have to draw. one more blue petal i will snap i will lose it#i knew tht would happen n wanted to alleviate some of the pain so i found a few brushes that helped speed up the process#but the thing w a lot of premade flower brushes is they also come preshaded n look uniform in a way that stands out badly against my style#so i had 2 render over them anyway........#yuuji's domain rly putting me through the wringer first the train station now death by a bajillion petals smh#all that to say tho . my labour of love . i am going to take a nap#hina.comic
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looking.
#I was really in the mood to do a portrait soooo#though the colors were really hard for me to settle on ngl#like even not im on the fence about them but its cool#the hand and the face are pretty fine tho#art#digital art#my art 🦷#mcr#gerard way#my chemical romance#mcr fanart
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so one of the things that's so horrifying about birth control is that you have to, like, navigate this incredibly personal choice about your body and yet also face the epitome of misogyny. like, someone in the comments will say it wasn't that bad for me, and you'll be utterly silenced. like, everyone treats birth control like something that's super dirty. like, you have no fucking information or control over this thing because certain powerful people find it icky.
first it was the oral contraceptives. you went on those young, mostly for reasons unrelated to birth control - even your dermatologist suggested them to control your acne. the list of side effects was longer than your arm, and you just stared at it, horrified.
it made you so mentally ill, but you just heard that this was adulthood. that, yes, there are of course side effects, what did you expect. one day you looked up yasmin makes me depressed because surely this was far too intense, and you discovered that over 12,000 lawsuits had been successfully filed against the brand. it remains commonly prescribed on the open market. you switched brands a few times before oral contraceptives stopped being in any way effective. your doctor just, like, shrugged and said you could try a different brand again.
and the thing is that you're a feminist. you know from your own experience that birth control can be lifesaving, and that even when used for birth control - it is necessary healthcare. you have seen it save so many people from such bad situations, yourself included. it is critical that any person has access to birth control, and you would never suggest that we just get rid of all of it.
you were a little skeeved out by the implant (heard too many bad stories about it) and figured - okay, iud. it was some of the worst pain you've ever fucking experienced, and you did it with a small number of tylenol in your system (3), like you were getting your bikini line waxed instead of something practically sewn into your body.
and what's wild is that because sometimes it isn't a painful insertion process, it is vanishingly rare to find a doctor that will actually numb the area. while your doctor was talking to you about which brand to choose, you were thinking about the other ways you've been injured in your life. you thought about how you had a suspicious mole frozen off - something so small and easy - and how they'd numbed a huge area. you thought about when you broke your wrist and didn't actually notice, because you'd thought it was a sprain.
your understanding of pain is that how the human body responds to injury doesn't always relate to the actual pain tolerance of the person - it's more about how lucky that person is physically. maybe they broke it in a perfect way. maybe they happened to get hurt in a place without a lot of nerve endings. some people can handle a broken femur but crumble under a sore tooth. there's no true way to predict how "much" something actually hurts.
in no other situation would it be appropriate for doctors to ignore pain. just because someone can break their wrist and not feel it doesn't mean no one should receive pain meds for a broken wrist. it just means that particular person was lucky about it. it should not define treatment.
in the comments of videos about IUDs, literally thousands of people report agony. blinding, nauseating, soul-crushing agony. they say things like i had 2 kids and this was the worst thing i ever experienced or i literally have a tattoo on my ribs and it felt like a tickle. this thing almost killed me or would rather run into traffic than ever feel that again.
so it's either true that every single person who reports severe pain is exaggerating. or it's true that it's far more likely you will experience pain, rather than "just a pinch." and yet - there's nothing fucking been done about it. it kind of feels like a shrug is layered on top of everything - since technically it's elective, isn't it kind of your fault for agreeing to select it? stop being fearmongering. stop being defensive.
you fucking needed yours. you are almost weirdly protective of it. yours was so important for your physical and mental health. it helped you off hormonal birth control and even started helping some of your symptoms. it still fucking hurt for no fucking reason.
once while recovering from surgery, they offered you like 15 days of vicodin. you only took 2 of them. you've been offered oxy for tonsillitis. you turned down opioids while recovering from your wisdom tooth extraction. everything else has the option. you fucking drove yourself home after it, shocked and quietly weeping, feeling like something very bad had just happened. the nurse that held your hand during the experience looked down at you, tears in her eyes, and said - i know. this is cruelty in action.
and it's fucked up because the conversation is never just "hey, so the way we are doing this is fucking barbaric and doctors should be required to offer serious pain meds" - it's usually something around the lines of "well, it didn't kill you, did it?"
you just found out that removing that little bitch will hurt just as bad. a little pinch like how oral contraceptives have "some" serious symptoms. like your life and pain are expendable or not really important. like maybe we are all hysterical about it?
hysteria comes from the latin word for uterus, which is great!
you stand here at a crossroads. like - this thing is so important. did they really have to make it so fucking dangerous. and why is it that if you make a complaint, you're told - i didn't even want you to have this in the first place. we're told be careful what you wish for. we're told that it's our fault for wanting something so illict; we could simply choose not to need medication. that maybe if we don't like the scraps, we should get ready to starve.
we have been saying for so long - "i'm not asking you to remove the option, i'm asking you to reconsider the risk." this entire time we hear: well, this is what you wanted, isn't it?
#where's the word woman in this u might wonder if u suck#good news i am nonbinary and have a uterus so that is something that can happen#im also gender fluid tho which means im immune to certain psychic damage bc if u call me a woman i'll be like <3 okay <3#writeblr#the tightrope of ''ppl need access to this''#and like also#''what the fuck is going on over there'' is like. so difficult as an activist#i was <3 punctured <3 during mine#and almost bled out on the table :) they didn't have anyone standing by bc it's ''just a little insertion''#so i started crashing and i vaguely remember apologizing for the fuss as i heard my heart rate monitor start going <3 tachycardic <3#she wasn't even a bad doctor tbh#ps btw the reason i even HAD a heart monitor is that i have a genuine heart condition and they knew GOING IN that there was a chance#i'd crash on the table#like my heart just likes to do fun little tricks and <3 stop working <3 (i do not want to discuss the specifics ty i am okay im ontop of it#and they were like 'oh u will be fine' and then she did do a puncture thru my uterus . pop!#and im sitting there dizzy and feeling my heartrate start to drop bc it feels almost. beautiful. like. the whole ground just#woosh! out from under you. and shit is like grey's anatomy. i'm looking up at her grey eyes#she's old she wears this nice shawl she's like got Cool Lesbian vibes and people are sprinting into the room#from other parts of the clinic unrelated to me. while the monitor is like a little aria singing#and shes like hey youre okay stay awake stay with me something went wrong we have to keep trying#and i remember thinking - i was trying to think of nice things. i have so many beautiful places that now overlap#with this terrible memory#i became dimly aware that there was too much on her wrists and hands. like#that was too many liters#and then when they had finished all this. i packed up and drove myself home#i have had (bad thing) happen to me. and the same feeling happened after#that numb almost lamblike bleating. you cry without noise. like. ur body is so shocked and ur mind so empty#you just stare at the road and everything everything is happening behind glass and static and you are standing so far away from it#while you hold ur hands at 10 and 2. and something in ur brain is SCREAMING at you - IT WAS BAD AND IT SHOULDNT HAVE HAPPENED#and ur just watching the alarms in your body going off and youre thinking. a little pinch! ha. i think i just lost something important.
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the grand mage said i can't grind on their staff :(
#its fine its fine i have a backup plan#[several decades pass and i have since eaten the mages flesh and wear their bones on my person at all times thus gained their magic#im the grand mage now. except the old kingdom is gone there is no need for such hierarchy. i do have a staff tho. and its MINE#no one can tell me i cant grind on it. hell if i wanted i could shove it up my]
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To lose your purpose...to find another.
[Prequel, of sorts]
#my art#goro akechi#persona 5#shuake#p5r#ren amamiya#akeshu#persona 5 royal#akira kurusu#yea this is another vent comic like the previous except NOW im not busy#weird feeling#i will be fine tho im doing great im excited to ahve a break after 10 months
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Thank you all for giving the little rat wheel in my brain a crumb of nyc pizza in the form of dopamine, it will be truly and justly rewarded
what if...🫣 i made 👀 a trials of apollo 🫢 animatic 👉👈
#in a weird mood rn#anyways guess who caught auntie covid#after THREE YEARS of immunity#smh#im doing fine tho#just feels like a cold to me#but anyways I have had this animatic planned for a while#i got started but lost my momentum then smacked by a job
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was going through old art and remembered i had a phase of trying to paint my weird dreams, this one kind of rules actually?
#i lowkey want to get into trying original horror art?#i realized i haven’t really made much original art in years#which is like fine ive been doing what i enjoy but im compelled to try it again#i never shared much of it bc it felt like so much pressure on each piece to be good w it being my job#but it would be chill now…#not that i need more ideas tho jfc 🤦#talkin#my art#horror
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they could have been such haters together
(ID in alt text)
#dungeon meshi#mirumisu#mithrun of the house of kerensil#milsiril of the house of tol#dungeon meshi spoilers#mithrun dungeon meshi#milsiril dungeon meshi#doodles#mine#the filename is xoxogossipgirl#yes im still on my mirumisu missed connections yuri bullshit. they could have been their worst selves ever........ TOGETHER#it's fine tho bc now they can be their less worse selves..... together <3 and deal untold psychic damage to kabru#having sooo much trouble w the other big dm piece im doing so i meant this to be a quick mental refresh and um. took too long to be casual#unclear if i am refreshed or if the farcille kiss will take me out of commission again. that's the beauty of life <3#save me mirumisu..... mirumisu save me.....
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poor boy now counts wolves instead of sheep (sketch is under the cut!)
i think the first sketch of this deserves to be here as well it's so cute to me :D
#i actually love how it turned out#drew this while being very sleepy myself#deciding on colors was a great struggle tho#i didn't even plan red color here it kinda happened naturally and i was like ok i guess#wasn't planning blue colors there too#i love chaos i have no idea what im doing and it's fine#rdr2#rdr2 fanart#barghestland#john marston#art#artists on tumblr
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The boys are back in town (to kill you!!)
Still versions under the cut!
Here's V1 Bloodmoon, 👇
And here's V2 Bloodmoon! 👇
#xero creations#I CAN'T BELIEVE I FORGOR 2 POST THEM SOONER THATS SO TRAGIC HDJSBDJDND#they lichrelly got turned into silly little discord stickers b4 i set them loose on tumblr smh /silly /silly#AHEM. YEA THO THESE WERE SUPER FUN LMAO#i've been wanting to wade into animation for a but now so i figured that some simple 2 frame gifs is a fair starting point !!! im rlly-#-proud od how these turned out but also i'm soooo fine on doing fully colored animations for the forseeable future BAHAHA#v2 bloodmoon gave me sooo much hell with having 2 actually match up the lines 😭 BUT IT WAS SO WORTH IT . again#i am So proud of these. it was tedious but damn its nice to look at them schmove LOL#sun and moon show#the sun and moon show#tsams#sams#sams bloodmoon#tsams bloodmoon#sams bloodtwins#tsams bloodtwins#v1 bloodmoon#v2 bloodmoon#gif
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*puts a sticker on your forehead*
#he has been gone for more than 170 days#im coping just fine why do you ask#where is he tho is he safe is he alright#note to self stop doing lineart when you havent even done the sketch#cody my beloved#commander cody#the clone wars#tcw#star wars#deckdraws
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I understand people being curious/excited about when you’ll release your comics but demanding anything from you is unfair and I can only imagine makes you feel unmotivated to continue. Thank you for all you do and props for maintaining your boundaries 🫶
Aw thanks doll ♥️
Luckily I feel like I’ve got a good sense between real life and internet life. And even though I’m online like all the time, I know how to prioritize real life’s demands, duties, and fun times.
Even if those comments are a bit annoying, I am really grateful that the vast majority of the folks who like my fanart are kind and gracious 🥰
I still don’t really understand how I get all this interaction (ty algorithm?) but making fanart is my favorite pastime and I’m glad there are fellow fans who appreciate it! It’s all very sweet. Makes this corner of the internet a happy place for me 🌷
I’m also totally addicted to seeing fanart of hazbin hotel and I love fanfiction, cosplays, and the like. Fandom is so fun, and it’s great to see people be creative. So I try not to pay much mind to the “not-fun and not-helpful” aspects 😂
#that being said#even tho I know how to prioritize irl over internet#doesn’t mean I’m GOOD AT IT HAHAHAHA#I have so much gotdamn homework to do#but whatever I know I can get it done#I’m like the opposite of all work and no play#which is why I’m such a poor mfcker#but it’s fine#I don’t have much financial ambitions anyway#and once I get my job with a pension#im good to go ham in the off hours haha#but first grad school ugh#I mean grad school is actually really lovely#demanding but lovely people and I’m learning a lot#again Im just a greedy gal who wants to draw gay demons all the time#anyway#time for breakfast
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"That is where you are wrong, my boy!"
@ratb4stard3 and I deliver another Cowardlyghostbro's(™) collab ✨💛
#Cinderellas castle#The brother of all time did Sir hop and the background 💛💛💛💛#Obsessed with the little froggy scales on Jon btw oh ymgod and just how great he and sir hop look in general i am UNWELL#also just...theeeee background!!!! uhggng!!!!#i can't get over it - its so good#the vibe is jUST RIGHT uhgughughguhuhg loooook at it oh ymgofdddloooooookiminufd#This ones going up in the CGB clubhouse's Hall Of Fame#adjsgkfs gosh I've been wanting to do Fanart for cinderella's castle for a long time but i was struggling really badly with it#But then i was sent the Cursed “Let's collaborate” business card by my favorite ghost and all was well#no you wont get any more context on that#Love doing art with the brother tbh - he makes it feel less like a chore when art is feeling difficult and it becomes a lot more fun 🙏#even tho i take forever with my part#he says its fine but don't listen to him he's crazy 😔😔👎#starkid#Cinderella's castle#what are even the tags for this uh#sir hop a lot#Crumb#??#crumb the mouse#crumb the squire#dunno if i'd count this as spoilers but just in case#cinderella’s castle spoilers#cc spoilers#cinderellas castle spoilers#brrotothers forrerevvrerrer#also i was supposed to post this earlier BUT I FORGOT because im a MONSTER#but its fine#mhm
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