#i realized i haven’t really made much original art in years

[ruushes]

was going through old art and remembered i had a phase of trying to paint my weird dreams, this one kind of rules actually?

[weirdmageddon]

why i think aradia and john work so well

(with some stuff i’ve been wanting to yap about for ages)

have you guys ever given arajohn / johnradia (idk if its popular enough to even have a standardized ship name) any thought …? i know it seems kind of out of left field. i’ve considered it and i think its. really really good. i have a bunch of thoughts to unpack. come join me. and maybe grab a snack or something because i didn’t realize how much i'd actually have to say about this

(fantastic art by skeletood)

the other day i made a tweet that did rather well where i said, “john and aradia shouldve talked more. its so simple but i like how she actually earnestly answers his questions. so many characters in this comic are so mean to john for just wanting to know more give him a break”

putting it out there now im not big about shipping for the sake of shipping. there needs to be real chemistry. i need to sense that as a reason why two characters would potentially be a good influence on each other. i never knew why i was always so obstinate about this because it’s fictional and not materially hurting anyone, but i think it might be because i’m not sure how to justify it or explain it if not.

i strongly believe john and aradia would have had it made out for them if circumstances allowed it. (what i mean by “ship” or “johnradia” extends to any kind of interpersonal dynamic, even if just a good friendship. it doesnt even have to be romantic, just some sort of dynamic with them.)

unfortunately aradia originally committed herself to staying out of trolling the kids over their timelines, so john and aradia never talked until year 3 on the ship in the dream bubbles but they never had a truly proper one-on-one without outside meddling. i think if john knew aradia better and her story beforehand, she had more time to explain herself and her history, he wouldnt have been unsettled. and also of course if his experience with the trolls didn’t suck so bad because he already had expectations for how antagonizing most of them were.

i found people’s sentiments about johnradia elsewhere too. i remembered that they were both on the song art for ascend, and searched ao3 to see how many fics have been written to gauge how substaintial it’s been in the homestuck fandom. only 17 of them turned up. but the people who do talk about it are either curious about it or really do like it, and that interested me.

clearly it’s pretty niche character relationship to be depicted in any fanwork and i can understand why. despite being so small, from what ive seen it seems universally agreed upon to be nice. i haven’t seen a single person object to it. what ive seen falls into two categories: “wow i didnt think about this before but i actually dig it” or “(starving) finally some good fucking food”

the pattern im seeing is that people think it’s “random”, but i disagree. there is something there substantiating it even if they’re unable to articulate it.

the fanfic these comments are from is chronology of wind. that fic is really, really good, and sadly unfinished. i have more abstract reasons to believe why aradia and john would be good in theory, so actually seeing someone else actually make something with them helped me read it in action, to get a more tangible feel of the dynamic beyond what we have in canon.

i wouldn’t normally make claims about a relationship with regard to homestuck canon by looking at their relationship in a fanfic, because i think you all know by now i am very nitpicky about accurate characterization, and it does not go unnoticed by me when people get it right because for some reason it feels like a one in a million thing (even though it really shouldn’t be?). so this was a special case. the tone was completely consistent with canon. this fic is so in-character i’d basically consider it an extension of canon. to me it’s like they took the same characters and plopped them into this scenario to see how they’d interact. guys… i love that stuff so much. i love fanfiction or fanworks that depict realistic extensions of canon and stays true to the energy and tone of the source, but deepens it. there isn’t enough of it imo. i want to see more of it.

anyway, what i read of their conversations in that fic basically aligned with what i was thinking in my head about what i’d expect it to be like. i was able to compare how aradia and john talked to how aradia and the other characters interacted, their comparative attitudes towards each other—how they’re treated by others compared to how they treat each other.

have you noticed john and aradia’s communication values are both based on sincerity, being in the proper know, treating people fairly, and thanklessly taking on the necessary work that “must be done” in order to have what they really want — a good time that feels meaningful? and they accomplish this without any adjustment in how they talk to each other.

john is always subtly (or not-so-subtly) asking the people around him to answer him soberly and to the point so he knows whats going on and what that means for what his options are. he needs to know to what end he will be applying his absurd energetic drive into making shit happen. aradia honors his time before john can even become uncomfortable with the amount of time being eaten up by conversation. contrast this with rose, who seems to go on for a while with prose-like conversational adornments. in dire situations that need rapid explanation and definitive answers so he knows what to do, this is really the last thing he needs. aradia doesnt waste john’s time. she answers all his questions, and does it politely to boot. his time talking to her doesn't feel wasted.

john's impatience with this sort of nonsense is also why i can’t see something like dirkjohn working out, for example. to me it feels like @entropicbias also deeply understands this on some level because i literally couldn’t have demonstrated what i mean by it any better myself than that. i'm gonna have to to hit him up about how much i genuinely respect that like tbh hes one of the few i absolutely trust to handle writing and depicting these characters in situations and their interpersonal dynamics. and also care about doing their characterization justice as much as me.

of course people are still entitled to like whatever they like, ship whatever they want to. i dont care. but i just don’t think it would work from the perspective of the minds of the canon characters, how they generally think and approach situations. and i can already tell people might ask me how do i know this? what makes me an expert? i’m not more than anyone else is (although i have been called a "characterization expert" from my friends), but i do know that i can pick up on the energetic chemistry between people, including characters, honestly precognitively, without even thinking? like if it’s stiff or tense or awkward, if people aren’t free to express themselves uninhibitedly, if they feel unsafe or uncomfortable. i can sense this almost instantly. it’s something that’s a visceral feeling in my body i cant express and i have to rationalize it after the fact. like i’m doing now in fact writing this big analysis.

> listen to me talk about my special interest boy

for the next section to make sense, you probably want to read this post. i initially started writing it within this post to explain but there was so much brewing i had to explain the context that it turned into something i wanted to post on its own terms.

> okaaaaaayyyyy i read all that

thank you, really. my main point is using the conceptual tools provided by this system to expIain why aradia and john feel nice together and why i’ve seen people positively perceive the idea of a relationship between them even if it seems “random”.

framing them in this system, it wouldn’t be random! there’s a good reason they seem to fit nicely. this is because john and aradia have complementary forms of information metabolism. information metabolism is talked about in this section.

Jung’s psychic types are the types of cognition, or intelligence. But it would probably be easiest to call them types of IM [information metabolism], since the main difference between the types of people lies in their exchange of information with the external world.

Aushra Augusta, Commentary on Jung’s Typology and Introduction to Information Metabolism

aradia megido’s type of information metabolism (otherwise known as a TIM) is LII. john egbert’s TIM is ESE.

aradia and john’s types are duals. you can read more about what that entails here. in theory, their interactions would reflect the duality dynamic. reading chronology of wind, that one really in-character fic that explored their dynamic made me excited because they do!

michael pierce gave an overview of his impression of the characteristics of this intertype dynamic. despite only rough knowledge in socionics while he wrote this, his understanding of duality was spot on to me from my experience and others and i wanted to share it here. (fittingly, i believe he is also LII.)

Now we have the famous duality relationship: in a nutshell, this role is characterized by two traits: 1) a very close psychological distance or intimacy, and 2) a great ease of interacting with each other. It is sometimes described how meeting one's dual can be the event of a lifetime, because it inspires aspects in each party's character that they had never expressed before: the pair may even drop out of society for a time in order to focus on just each other, and to explore themselves through interaction with each other. The curious thing in this relationship is that these parties are rather different in outlook, and when they are not actually interacting as potential friends it's probably more likely for them to dislike or mistrust each other because of how different they are. […] However, when they are able to interact normally, it is a strange and wonderful discovery to realize that the interaction is unexpectedly smooth and invigorating. It's hard for people to describe, but as I understand it: while both parties recognize their differences on the surface, these differences are created by a root structure that coincides perfectly with each other, so that the differences on the surface are entirely complementary and cause no friction at all.

it’s also meaningful to consider that the structure of my own psyche is LII as well. so i’ve got a bit of a bias towards aradia and john.. not in the sense that what i actually say about them is personally biased, but that the bias is moreso my personal attention to people and characters of these two types in particular to see how my own experiences are reflected in them. i really do feel of a reflection of my own thought and work process in aradia and in the more abstract sense she is like an extension of myself. when people say they like aradia as a character i get secondhand joy from that because shares certain specific traits with me. of course i am still my own person though.

these are some of the most apt profiles i've found for these types at a glance. again, think about these characters as you read these descriptions. [from here (ESE / LII)]

ESE (Ethical-sensory extrovert) - john

The trademark quality of this type is a focus on socializing and guiding social situations and interactions so that the people involved can have fun and enjoy themselves. ESEs are typically in the middle of what is happening socially and know about the latest events and what people think and feel about them. They are skilled at bringing people together in fun and interesting ways and making everyone feel actively involved. Their friends know them as people who love life and feel most at home in social situations surrounded by other fun people. In their pursuit of fun-oriented and stimulating social interactions, ESEs typically neglect to structure their own thought processes and views in a way that would help them know exactly what they think and why. They are receptive to others’ attempts to help them introduce more structure and logical consistency in their life and thinking processes. They gravitate most to people who open up to fun and emotional interaction easily, yet are also skilled at systematizing thoughts and views and explaining ideological matters.

LII (Logical-intuitive introvert) - aradia

The trademark quality of this type is a focus on logical, structured thought and generating true assertions and views. LIIs are typically strict thinkers who are concerned that everything fits together in a logical way. They are skilled at understanding, generating, and criticizing logical arguments and instilling their views in the people around them. Their friends know them as people with well-organized thoughts and opinions who know what they think and can elucidate their ideas to others. In their pursuit of logical understanding, LIIs typically neglect their external social interactions and activities that would help them lighten up and experience a connection with other people. They are receptive to others’ attempts to create these fun and lighthearted situations for them. They gravitate most to people who are interested in their opinions and understanding of things, but are also skilled at organizing social interactions and creating a sense of emotional unity.

ive recently consciously experienced the feeling of duality for the first time since i've been communicating with my mom's high school classmate, and it is definitely a real thing. i even remember mom pointing out she noticed when we were all talking on the phone over a year ago that i perked up whenever he said stuff. here is how i explained it:

its bonkers how only once i experience something for myself i’m able to explain in detail what makes it so great based on what my impressions about it were because i tend to have a peculiar way of describing the qualities of an experience. my specialty is deep precision in my analogies for what it’s like. so now i can tell you how conversations with your dual feel… heres the status report. it’s weightless. its so strange. like the topic conversation stretches into infinity that you can pick right back up at any time. it’s hazy and unfocused but still pleasant (unless you’re particularly self-conscious and need to unlearn hiding your true self). but the best parts of it come when you have a specific issue or insecurity that comes with being your most natural self that the world seems to misunderstand about you, or just not give you what you don't even know you’ve been looking for. i think you might mutually intimidate each other at first because you're lowkey both expecting to be made fun of for your inadequacy with certain types of information that the other is nuanced with (and you’re not), but it never comes. you don't feel like what your dual wants in life is wrong. your dual seems so talented in all the ways you hope to shine but you’re always unsure of. for the introvert (me) wishing they felt their own active presence as an object (Se, Ne, Te, Fe) like the extravert does. for the extravert, wishing they felt their own relationships with other objects (Si, Ni, Ti, Fi) like the introvert does. any other intertype relationship (ITR) vs. duality is like the difference between 99% and 100% totality of a solar eclipse, except it’s the level of understanding with another person, like the eclipsing of your own information metabolism with theirs. of course there are other things that influence how well your relationship with this person goes, but i am talking strictly about when it comes to basic communication, the level of understanding you share. sometimes it might feel like you dont have much to talk about or the topic is unfocused, because you two ARE opposites in many ways after all, especially at a glance (domain of interests usually come with specific macroelements. theories about thought structures—like socionics, for instance—are in the domain of intuition, while physical interests and experiences are in the domain of sensorics.) i’m LII in the NT club (researchers) and my dual ESE in the SF club (social-communicative). so they’re constantly providing you with information from their own niche in life that you may be entirely unfamiliar with, but for some reason still interests and relaxes you to hear. you might not feel like you have a lot to say about the topic since but you are fully amazed by this person’s activity. it also makes you feel more sure of yourself and more confident that people truly appreciate and need your natural abilities.

> let’s break it down

here’s some lightly modified descriptions of the information blocks in LII and ESE's information metabolism models from pyatnitsky so you can get an overarching impression of how their type contributes to the informational sphere. i added some of my own adjustments and borrowed some sentences from stratiyevskaya's descriptions. additionally, you can click on the name of the block for an explanation of the role it plays.

i put about a week’s work into these collages but my goal with them was to actually show where i think these information blocks are most pertinent in these characters specifically and where they apply so it’s not just some abstract thing, just as supplementary examples as needed. (for the meaning of these information elements individually you can refer to cysia’s document.)

LII (Logical-intuitive introvert)

EGO (-Ti? -> -Ne!). Analytical thinking. They are well aware of the interrelationships of some objects or phenomena with others, and what laws are in effect or not in effect. On the basis of a comprehensive analysis, they put forward insights about the global essence of specific objects and phenomena, their possibilities. They acutely charge the situation with potential energy. For every situation, there is an archetype.

Super-EGO (-Fi? -> -Se!). Normative ideas about relationships between people and ways to get out of unpleasant ethical situations. Understands ethics as founded on the principles of fairness; to do to one side of the equation that you do to the other. Volitional manifestations in order to protect their living space are carried out only on the basis of personal experience. Because of the limited opportunities to fight back, they react painfully to attempts of any interference in his life. Does not respond to any arbitrary crudeness or volitional pressuring. Does not compromise goals, stubbornly clings to them. Avoids direct confrontation if possible, would rather talk civilly and earnestly. Uses their naturally strong sense of the conditioning of objects over time to avoid collisions with their material interests. Due to this, they may appear as someone with very little weaknesses.

Super-ID (+Fe -> +Si?) Attracts information about a good mood, a specific positive state, or a feeling. They would like to think that they can eliminate serious inconveniences, make the environment around them more comfortable. This skill needs to be evaluated. They are unconsciously activated when there is a need to make the environment more comfortable, which should lead to a better state, raise the mood at least in the immediate environment. In friendly, comfortable, and informal company, their cool exterior thaws and they start lighting up with joviality.

ID (+Te! → +Ni?). Has developed guidelines and methods that relate to specific practical activities, technological effectiveness, and resource use. Spontaneously feels the correct allocation of resources over time, which allows them to effectively solve tasks at an unhurried pace. This pace is deeply rational in nature.

ESE (Ethical-sensory extrovert)

EGO (+Fe! -> +Si?). Perception of the world is fundamentally emotional. Feels the emotional atmosphere well in any situation, knows the relevance of the way of expression, the place and weight (importance) of the internal state in each situation. Flexible approach to solving problems of managing and expressing emotions. They show bright emotionality both negative and positive. Creatively produces around themself comfort, coziness, conveniently arranges space, surrounds others with beautiful things, changing thereby the general condition and mood. Usually opinionated about their tastes.

(wow i really went all out on that this one that tumblr wont even display it in full resolution, so here. john just has so many more lines to choose from, sorry!)

Super-EGO (+Te! -> +Ni?). Practical and technological thinking is tightly based on acquired knowledge and patterns of solving similar problems. Methods of business activity in both general and specific areas are selected based on the opinion of reputable sources, or adjusted to one of the mastered templates. Predicting specific changes in the sphere of their interests is carried out only on the basis of personal experience. He is not able to compare his own method of forecasting with others, so he is sensitive to criticism of poor timing or deadlines, does not like situations that feel like a waste of his time; he is lost in connection with negative events. Guided by purely personal experience, he chooses specific times and deadlines for various tasks with a normative understanding of business activity in general.

Super-ID (-Ti? -> -Ne!). Attracts information about the order, specific logical relationships in the field of activity or interests. Needs someone to suggest specific ways to make connections between phenomena, patterns, and rules. Tries to be reasonable himself, even though he knows that this is not characteristic of him. Sometimes he openly talks of his actions that were poorly reasoned through, as if inviting other people to laugh at his thoughtlessness. The ordering and systematization of thought opens up a new way of understanding of events that are happening around him, as well as new prospects, potential, and capabilities. He likes to think that he understands the essence of a situation and lights up with new ideas. This skill needs to be evaluated. It is unconsciously activated when it is necessary to create order, clear consistency and clarity on a particular issue, especially if their abilities are recognized.

ID (-Fi? -> -Se!). Involuntarily keeps track of communications in their social circle. Without hesitation, they use a variety of ways to establish and maintain relationships that have been developed in his personal practice. Good relationships are important for personal inner confidence in a situation. To prevent unfavorable relationships, they are inclined, often without even realizing it, to act with pressure, forcing a showdown, forcing the partner to change the relationship for the better. Frequently demonstrates his resoluteness, persistence, and purposefulness, as if proposing his behavior as a model for imitation. Usually tells in much detail what obstacles were created before him, and how he overcame them, what he was told in response, and what he replied with, and so on and in the like.

(full res)

you might be able to see already how they would complement each other's thought process nicely. here are some descriptions of what the communication between these types is like:

+Fe! : program function of ESE and dual-seeking function of LII

The ESE periodically tells emotionally charged "program" function stories, telling of how somebody has acted and what they have done. The main orientation of ESE's leading ethical program is: "No one should be offended." The LII carefully listens to these statements, and, demonstrating a full understanding of these issues, develops logical basis for them, e.g. in calm persuasive voice he explains how the ESE has acted justly and fairly. The effusion of turbulent emotions coming from the ESE is counterbalanced by their absorption by the LII, who breaks them down into fragments by asking clarifying questions of the ESE.

-Ti? : dual-seeking function of ESE and program function of LII

The ESE is tuned to accepting information when it's relayed in clear logical form. He issues requests for logical explanations delivered from a point of view of generalized rules underpinning specific life events, which he receives from the LII, who delivers clear unambiguous interpretations, places the dots over all "i's", and demonstrates good understanding of problems that are of concern to the ESE. Not receiving information of this kind, the ESE begins making demands of those around him to be "intelligent" and understand the reasons of his actions.

-Ne! : activating function of ESE and creative function of LII

The ESE feels uncomfortable if he doesn't extend his help to people who are in need of it. His subconscious orientation is: "care and guard the talented", be kind and attentive towards other people. The LII usually meets such criteria by proving in action his aptitude at uncovering hidden capabilities, winning trust, passing on the knowledge. The ESE creates supportive conditions for people who are capable but lacking in assertive "push-through" qualities, among whom the LII finds himself, and a special work regime that protects such individuals from overloads on sensing functions. Newly discovered possibilities inspire and promote the pragmatic and business-oriented activities of the ESE. He can support a new undertaking or initiative with an enormous amount of energy and enthusiasm, light up by new ideas. Only the LII is able to, even having a vague general notion about the subject, construct a developed theory or idea of any issue. This theory shows to be promising in the process of its concrete application within its field.

+Si? : creative function of ESE and activating function of LII

LII tries to take care of their well-being, but may gravitate towards demonstrative asceticism, exhaust himself with work, studies, or exercise. The ESE periodically takes care of creating an environment that "charges" the LII with pleasant sensations: a reception of guests, a good meal, a visit to a theater or a concert, an interesting trip, and so on. At the same time the ESE takes pleasure in this himself.

+Te! : role function of ESE and observing function of LII

The role function of the ESE manifests as business-oriented activity and initiative, supplying interesting information, provision with material assistance to those who are in need, general restlessness and fussy busyness. This function is normative, i.e. the ESE seeks to comply with the norms and accepted ways of doing things. The nuancing of the understanding of these norms, i.e. introduction of activities that go beyond them, is possible only by considering LII's advice and recommendations. The LII serves as a director of this function, adjusting its workings by advocating the necessity of practical application of some beneficial ideas, rejection of useless though spectacular ideas, and the need to ensure standards of life not below average by rejection of equalization.

+Ni? : vulnerable function of ESE and demonstrative function of LII

The ESE poorly feels the flow of time, both physical, which manifests as running late and poor distribution of his strengths over time, and historical, which manifests as poor ability to anticipate consequences of actions and tendency for traditional ways of solving problems. The ESE finds it difficult to make radical choices. The LII fully takes this aspect onto his shoulders. He has an unconscious ability to distribute activities in time, thereby avoiding work stress and overloads, and is capable of making a radical choice. The LII is able to calmly wait and in the necessary moment get to work when the wasteful fussiness of the ESE reaches its critical point.

-Fi? : ignoring function of ESE and role function of LII

On this function the ESE gives advice and makes demands concerning the creation of appropriate psychological distances in form of proper behavior, courtesy and politeness, denouncing rudeness and boorishness. In this manner, the ESE adjusts LII's role function, which in itself contains a set of large psychological distances: a sullen stubborn look, unsociability, etc. With such fine-tuning it becomes easier for the LII to come into contact with people, whereby he becomes more animated, resolves many of his ethical problems that previously frightened him, gains greater insight into human relationships and a more accurate understanding as to whose side to take in situations of conflict.

-Se! : demonstrative function of ESE and vulnerable function of LII

The LII finds it very difficult to exert pressure on other people from his own will and initiative, especially in cases when he needs to attain something for himself. He finds this difficult to do - to press ahead in certain situations, to gather all the required paperwork, to stand in lines and queues, to petition for his own interests, even the ones that are of vital importance to him. He finds it difficult to push a person away, to sharply refuse someone, to quarrel loudly and defend his rights, to put an end to relations that have exhausted themselves. The ESE doesn't directly affect this function, i.e. he doesn't verbally criticize and teach the LII on this aspect, but takes over its functioning completely. The ESE exerts a constant, sometimes intrusive and imposing pressure on other people if there is a need to achieve something, to defend justice and demand fair treatment, to protect interests of those who are close and dear to him. The ESE goes to the right jurisdictions, inspires people around him and directs them towards work and purposeful activity, keeps up a high pace of life himself, and breaks off relations with those who don't deserve trust.

and some miscellaneous excerpts from literature i liked a lot. (i can't remember the sources i used since i've been working on this on and off, for the past week and i was just spilling things onto the post. i think stratiyevskaya?):

Mood - that’s what matters in this dyad - emotions and feelings. Anything that suppresses and overshadows good mood is considered unethical in this dyad and is strongly condemned.

The ESE does not allow the LII to limit him in the possibilities of consuming the amount of pleasures and joys, which he considers to be necessary and sufficient. Fortunately, both partners in the dyad - LII and ESE - are obstinate and unyielding. Both are demanding, unwilling (and not allowing anyone else) to lower the bar of their requirements, unable to give in and make concessions (especially in anything that is of principle for themselves). Both know how to make their partner reckon with their interests and insist on the fulfillment of their demands.

LII is impressed by the emotional generosity of ESE and his spiritual responsiveness. All this finds the deepest understanding in LII, since he is tuned to the same priorities and values. For his part, ESE admires the ability of LII to speak clearly and definitely on every issue. ESE is struck by the harmony of the reasoning of LII, the amazing clarity, accuracy and laconicism of his statements. To ESE it seems that for LII, there is nothing incomprehensible in this world; he can give a comprehensive explanation on every issue. And everything that ESE thought about before is gradually being built into a definite and clear system of views, which he can now very freely and naturally present. Confusion and chaos in his worldview gradually gives way to a stable logical order, as if someone patient and careful was sorting all his thoughts into shelves. Such clarity inspires and activates ESE; he begins to see some prospects for himself, new opportunities. His energy and activity, in addition to emotional and ethical expression, also receives sensory realization: ESE begins to take care of LII and carefully looks after him. If LII is a colleague with whom ESE is especially pleasant to communicate with, he begins to treat him with something tasty, homemade; will make some small, but beautiful and necessary gift (for example: new cologne or a warm scarf).

> okay that's great and all but when are we talking about john and aradia specifically?

yes, that was the point of this post. i just had to build all that up first so i could walk you through my thoughts in a fully substantiated way.

considering chronology of wind again, john doesnt realize it but he needs aradias frankness and insight. even if she’s unable to explicate on vague things, she states the reason why instead of making him feel stupid (it would create a doomed timeline) but thats all john needs to hear. she is self-effacing and only tells him the truth, and we know other people can take advantage of john’s suggestibility in this way. aradia tells john who is or isnt trustworthy, what actions would be useful/necessary and which ones wont, without any selfish personal motive a la vriska or terezi.

^ (juuuust the record my nitpicky ass doesn’t agree with the truth of the classpect interpretation on behalf of the author in the last bit BUT that is beside the point here. the point is that she is answering john’s question in a way that is meaningful for him)

aradia doesnt realize it but she needs john’s friendy goofiness to brighten her up because she is surrounded by people who antagonize her when she’s literally not even trying to get under anyones skin. everybody gets frustrated at her “spooky nonsense” because theyre afraid of their own mortality, basically telling her to put a lid on it because thinking about hard truths makes THEM personally uncomfortable. but to her it’s always just been a fact of life. plugging your ears to reality is ignorance, but at the same time that doesn’t mean there’s no meaning in anything. she wants to help people see this and she dedicates herself to becoming a psychopomp for the deceased and earnestly trying to make people feel emotionally and physically comfortable in their situation through exploring their memories.

john isn’t hostile towards her. by being herself she is immediately able to earn john’s trust when they initially talk. this is also true in canon; the one time they talked when john initially comes up to her, saying “can i ask you something? seem reasonable, and pretty nice.” unfortunately he asked her the one question she didn’t have much to say about, and i can’t blame him for expecting all the troll girls to be basically insane at that point. but i don’t think aradia is insane. yes she is odd, but i think it’s evident that she has a good head on her shoulders with knowledge of the way the universe around her works, and in the end wants to simply bask in watching it play out. i think she deserves to get childishly excited about it, especially considering she was dead for most of her developmental years.

aside from getting his answers answered, john shows curiosity about her and her species and even care about her well-being and state. this naturally comes from their conversation’s ebb and flow. aradia tells this straightforwardly, without bells and whistles and without trying to trick him, unlike the other trolls who seem keen on well..trolling him.. and providing him with unclear answers to those sorts things. maybe aside from vriska, but she did have a little bit of an attitude about it wherein her and john’s dynamic felt uneven or off-rhythm, with a large psychological distance. it’s a different feeling with aradia, however. they exchange information on the same rhythm and so are able to achieve a closer psychological distance in communication.

there are no judgments coming from aradia about john being “stupid”. she doesn’t underestimate him. it’s not just that john wants to understand (although he does), but he needs to understand what he is doing. aradia compliments john about the traits he possesses that allow him to be effective. i guess in a way i’m doing the same thing with john right now.

john is so mobile and strung along by being the action hero going from place to place as a can-do deliveryboy that he never has time to reflect on his losses, think through them, and accept them.

literally who else is more qualified in all of homestuck than aradia for talking to john about these things?

on top of all of this, they have objectively significant connections beyond just mutual self-realization in a way i think could've been fleshed out. there is potential here.

for a story, i can think of a way that a conversation between them could plausibly happen using the systems established in homestuck's mythology. in canon, we see that john never met aradia until year 3 on the golden battleship in the dream bubbles when he goes to sleep.

but john still dreamt out in the furthest ring. that means during those 3 years it was possible for john to have had a dream with her in it, or at least aradiabot. i know john didn't know aradia's name beforehand but let's just explore the possibility that they could have had met before that. remember that all these aradiabots were once this person.

aradia had obtained john's crosbytop, his dads hat, and his wallet quite a while before their sgrub session. theres your entry

imagine john seeing that

memories of dear old dad get stirred up through the link of seeing those items

the dream bubble transforms

john is forced to stand in his memories and explore grief and the meaning of life with aradia

physically being in the space around him would definitely help john reflect easier i think because it will force him to actually exist within the space and talk to someone, taking some time out for this. he wanted to know if anything could've been done or if he was just too late to save them. i know aradia would be able help him slow down and introspect. don't forget the opportunities created by the properties of these spaces that are glubbed out in the furthest ring by the horrorterrors that meld the labyrinthine time and space of their surroundings to the memories of the people and finding others through common points in memory. i would imagine that objects known by multiple people would provide a common point in memory to bring them together.

The bubbles allow the players of Sburb/Sgrub who have lost a life to continue dreaming. The reality constructed in the bubbles is a combination of the memories of everyone inside the bubble accessible to any who has learned the bubble's nature. According to Aradia, it would be quite difficult to exit a bubble to get into a new one, however someone inside a bubble can travel to another one through common points in memory, taking their own memories with them to be integrated into the new bubble. These memories mix and combine, but in general, no new memories are created. Additionally, the bubbles store the consciousness of a player who has lost their dream selves and their original selves, making them double as a form of afterlife; the player is then capable of accessing the memory of anyone else who has gained access to the bubbles. Living players, who have lost or become their dream selves, appear in the dream bubbles when they are asleep. It is in this fashion that the bubbles can be used as meeting places between the dead and the living; even those from alternate universes and doomed timelines can be found in a bubble. Furthermore, in addition to memories, the bubbles can to some extent reflect the thoughts of a player. Beyond that, the bubbles can also behave similarly to Skaia's clouds, showing things that are in some way relevant to the player - such as when coin-flip Dave saw alpha Dave grieving over Bro's corpse - something he was not aware of before being shown it by a bubble.

physically reflect the thoughts of the player…… rubs hands

john and aradia share points in memory related to those objects, and to top it all of they are directly related to john's dad on the same day he died, while aradia grew up with them as bizarre alien artifacts from an archeological dig. the memories are more emotionally charged for john, and i think that distinction would probably be relevant to them both.

to be honest i think after speaking with him for a bit she would readily tell john that she regrets not talking to the kids from the universe her team created sooner before she died, but is glad that she can in the afterlife. in canon, alpha aradia told a doomed dave, "i think its absurd i never introduced myself to you in all that time i spent moping around the lab. guess i wasnt in a very good mood".

now not all the aradiabots would know who john is, because the trolls only found out about the humans once they created the genesis frog and hid out in the lab in the veil from jack who infiltrated their session. the aradiabot in the lab was the last one that survived. so if any one of them would know who john is, it would be the aradiabot that exploded. aradia's dream self ascended to god tier in jack noir's rampage on trolls' derse and took those memories with her which we can assume is what made the last aradiabot explode. its known that any original copy that dies when another rises up becomes a ghost and lives on in the dream bubbles, which would include her. a doomed aradiabot we see in the comic, which was the one that originally landed to alternia in the past, becomes more lighthearted after she dies, a bit more like her alive counterpart.

oh yeah, and the more obvious surface-level connections to top it off? ghostbusters? john ain't afraid of no ghost girl. john would be genuinely interested in what aradia living as a ghost irl on her planet and not as a gaming abstraction in the furthest ring would be like. i imagine she would be able to explain the subjective experience and that she had to prototype herself into the kernelsprite order for her server player to see her. there's also no way john hasn't seen a movie as classic as indiana jones and judging from her poster i can imagine he probably thinks it's sweet that aradia's strife specibus whipkind is a reflection of her own personal tastes, interests and hobbies.

so yeah i've just been chewing on all of this and thinking about it but i know i needed to just get this out there somehow. obviously since i spent two weeks putting this post together i'd be happy to hear your thoughts

[uncreativeuser27]

Hello! I haven’t posted anything for…a while now lmao but I HAVE been drawing. So, allow me to dump all my art in this post so I can disappear off the face of the Earth again because composing a good post is too much effort for my pathetic brain to handle /hj

I’ll try to put them in order of when they were made, but I’ll also group them into categories. The date as well as my signature can be found on all of the drawings (if you care lol)

This is a drawing I did for a friend of mine. It’s his original character, Mad Snake. Normally, I don’t like taking requests, but I genuinely enjoyed drawing this guy, so I didn’t mind it. He was a step out of my comfort zone, and I liked how he turned out!

Now, the Jaiden pieces! The first one was my idea that Jaiden started performing for Las Casualonas (but, like, as a singer or stage personality. She never actually did anything spicy). I also thought she and Melissa could have a really funny dynamic. Like some sort of rivalry for the audience’s attention/love.

The second picture, as it obviously states, is what I headcannon Jaiden looks like working for the federation. I had fun with her scythe (and if you pay close attention, you can see a little something in the reflection:])

And the third one is of Jaiden stretching w/ her wings. It’s also the most recent of this entire batch. Basically, I finally came up with a way that I liked to draw wings and had a sketch in my sketchbook of that pose, so I drew Jaiden. Her shirt intentionally comes down low in the back to make space for the wings, and her hands are out of frame because I didn’t want to draw them. Also, that one only took me about 2 and a half hours, where most of the other took from 6-8 hours, so…lol

The next pieces are an original work from 8th grade an the redraw two years later. It was an assignment that we had to read a novel and then make a trailer for it. I asked to make a drawing instead, and thus, this creation was born.

I changed a little bit, like putting two of the characters in the trees instead of a fading color behind them. Overall, they both took me three days and I’m really happy about how the redraw turned out.

This is Imp. Yes, he looks like SomethingElseYT, but I don’t care. I love him, and I was already attatched when I realized. I made a whole spread in my sketchbook for him (I ran out of images, so I didn’t include it here. Maybe another day) Also he serves no purpose other than being something I can doodle on random things and places. He doesn’t even have hands

This next one is a self-portrait in an outfit that I really liked! The original had my full name, but I blurred it for the sake of not wanting my full name on the internet (I’ve probably screwed up somewhere, but at least I’m trying :’)

And this last one is meant to be part of a collection, but I only made for Kenny. I want to draw all of the main four in South Park as teens, but I haven’t been able to think of poses and stuff for the others. It willl happen one day, but for now have this I guess

So, yeah. That was all the art that I wanted to share but haven’t had the motivation to actually put together posts for all of them. Hope you enjoyed my little display lmao

You probably won’t see for the next, like, couple of months because I’m really bad at posting. So, take this as my going away gift :D

[itscaptaint]

Is That Alright?

Dean X reader

based off the song “Is That Alright?” by Lady Gaga

There’s probably grammatical errors, but I’m getting back into the writing game after a few years so cut me some slack...

“Why can’t I just be undercover as a bartender? That’s what I’m good at!” I argue with Sam as we are getting dressed for this shape shifter hunt. Somehow this asshat got me a legit job at the art museum’s gala tonight as the entertainment. I’ll be on piano all evening entertaining the guests as they peruse the old junk that the shifter is trying to steal. 

“Because this way if we get our cover blown, at least we will still have a set of eyes in the joint no matter what,” Sam says, straightening out his tie. “You’re also a musical genius, so that’s why.”

We’ve been tracking this shifter for days and we finally learned that it’s MO was expensive old shit. The art museum is holding their annual charity gala tonight and it will be the perfect time for extra bodies to be in the building unnoticed. Sam was the brains on this one which is why I’m stuck in the public eye all night, Sam is working security and Dean will be hanging out behind the bar. At least if Dean is slinging drinks all night, they’ll be free. 

“Are you two ready-” Dean starts to groan rounding the corner and stops dead in his tracks, staring at the long velvet green dress I scored from the closet of the shifter’s last vic. It’s simple, long sleeved with a deep V neck and a slit up the leg that shows a little more than I’d like. I can tell Dean is staring at the slit and I catch his eyes as they wander up to the neck line. By the time he reaches my face, he is pink with embarrassment. 

Not wanting to be gawked at, I turn instantly, grabbing my bag and gun and heading out towards the car. 

“Dude, seriously?” I hear Sam say through gritted teeth, thinking I was already out of earshot.

“What?” Dean whisper-yells. “I haven’t seen her dress up since…well it’s been a long time.”

“Yeah, that’s why you were staring.” I can only imagine that Sam rolled his eyes as he said that before heading to meet me in the car.

“Alright superstar, you ready?” Dean wiggles his eyebrows, sliding into the driver’s seat. 

“Not really, but at least I have the skillset,” I say, shrugging and sinking lower into the backseat to try and avoid Dean’s eyes in the rearview mirror. 

Back in college, I was a dance and theater major. I had grown up dancing and playing piano my entire life. It wasn’t until school that I realized I had a real knack for writing as well. I got really into writing short plays and original songs for musicals. After graduating, I was working at a nightclub in New York as a bartender and singer. Everyone in NYC is some sort of artist so we all had other jobs to help with that lifestyle. Most of the other people I worked with were actors and singers so we all played double duty behind the bar and on stage most nights. It was good practice for auditions and good money to get us through until the next gig. Unfortunately, the club I was working in was destroyed by a poltergeist. 

I’ve known the Winchester family my entire life. My family lived next door to theirs when I was little. Dean was my first friend. We were 4 years old and would always be playing in the backyard together. I remember my mom constantly having to drag me back inside for a lunch or dinner break. After their mom died, I remember Dean being really sad and I couldn’t understand what was really happening, but I just knew that my friend needed me. We talked about everything, and he told all about the man with the yellow eyes. It didn’t make sense at the time but I was a kid so not much made sense. Two years  later, he told me that he was moving, but he didn’t know where. That’s when John decided to hit the road and hunt down whatever killed Mary. Dean said that he would send me a postcard when they got to wherever they were going so that way it was like we weren’t going to be apart. 

The postcards and letters from Dean were coming as often as one a week. My dad would set them aside for me to read after school and then help me send one back. Even apart we were still best friends. As we got older, the letters were less frequent. We went from sending them once a week, to one a month, but life got busy. My family moved to Ohio and Dean was all over the place. I finally accepted that all the crazy stories he was telling me were true after John had to talk my dad through salt and burn over the phone once. 

I struggled when we first got to Ohio. It was the middle of my freshmen year of high school, I had no friends and I was super into dancing and playing piano.I was definitely labeled a dork the first day there. I obviously wrote to Dean to tell him all about it and his next letter came much quicker than they had been. He wanted to make sure I was ok. It was nice knowing that I had someone looking out for me even if he wasn’t there in person. Our letters were getting more frequent again and my dad noticed that I was getting a little too excited to hear from Dean. My dad, wasn’t dumb. He could tell that I was crushing on my pen pal. He tried to tell me that I was just crushing on the fantasy and the thrill of he adventure. Along with the letters, Dean had started sending pictures of him and Sam in cool places or doing silly little things. I never showed my dad any of those photos. 

My favorite photo came towards the end of my senior year. It was a picture of Sam and Dean standing next to a giant bear in the woods. They had gone up to Vancouver for what they thought was a werewolf hunt, but it turns out that it was just a bear wreaking havoc on the town. The caption on the back said big scary bear hunt, wish you were here to see this. A big scary bear hunt would be more exciting than trying to find a prom date. When I wrote back to Dean I wanted to say those exact thoughts and then beg him to come to town to go with me, but I chickened out. Instead I wrote back I’ll make sure to send a scary photo of me in a prom dress so we’re even.

As prom night approached, I had been so stressed about graduation and final exams that I hadn’t even realized that Dean hadn’t sent a letter in a while. A few friends that also didn’t have dates for the prom were over taking pictures and we were having a blast. This was definitely going to be a night to remember. The second we pulled up to the school parking lot, the sky just opened and start raining cats and dogs. Luckily we didn’t get too wet on the way in the building. By the time we got in, the music was going, people were dancing and I could tell there was already someone spiking the punch. I was having the night of my life. When the third slow song of the night started playing, I took that as my cue to go outside and hope it had stopped raining just long enough to get some fresh air. When I get to the main entrance I noticed a boy standing all by himself pacing back and forth in front of his car with a flower in his hand. I thought nothing of it until I realized what kind of car it was. 

“Dean?”

He turned his head so fast that he probably gave himself whiplash. “Hey, Y/n. Happy prom night.”

“What are you doing here?” I ask in total shock. 

“Well, you said you were going to send a scary photo in a prom dress, but I wanted to see it in person. Figured it wouldn’t be so scary that way,” we both chuckle and awkwardly just stand there for a few more minutes. “Oh, this is for you by the way,” he says, handing me the wrist corsage. 

“Thanks,” I say and I can’t help but blush. I could hear cheering from inside so that must mean that the music has picked back up. “Do you want to come in?”

“If that’s your way of asking me to prom, Y/N,” Dean sighed. “Then abso-freaking-lutely.”

Dean and I danced all night and when it was time to go we ended up driving to the park down the street to just catch up. The rain had stopped and it had turned out to be a pretty decent night so we just sat on the swings talking for hours. He filled me in on hunting life, I filled him in on high school and what I was doing after graduation. The plan was to study dance and theater at NYU and hopefully end up living in the city. Everything just felt right. It was in this moment that I knew I was falling for Dean. The way he talked about his family and how he took care of his brother when his dad was away, or the way he looked at me when I was telling the silliest of stories just made me feel slightly weaker than I should have. 

We were so into our conversation that we hadn’t realized it had started to lightly rain again until it started pouring. Dean took off his jacket and tried to shield us from getting wet. Halfway to the car I froze. I knew that if we got in that car and he took me home, I might not get the chance to do what I have been wanting to do all night. Dean turned around, having given up on the jacket at this point since we were already soaked. “Y/N, come on!” 

I still just stood there. Dean comes running up, grabbing my hand to try and get me to move, but when he does I resist, pull him in to me and slam my lips onto his. It takes me a second to realize what I’ve done before pulling away. What if he didn’t want this? What if he thinks of me like a little sister? What if he is with somebody else somewhere else? Thoughts crowding my head, I pull back and start to profusely apologize. 

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry. I don’t know-” I was cut off by Dean pulling me back into our kiss. This time my thoughts slowed and shifted out of panic and into something else. It was something I hadn’t felt before but I liked it. We kissed for what felt like forever, forgetting that it was raining. When he pulled away he pressed his forehead to mine. “Was that alright?”

I just smiled the biggest smile I had ever smiled before. “Definitely alright.”

…..

After prom night, I hadn’t seen Dean or Sam much. I knew of their whereabouts and they knew of mine, but life got even busier. As much as I wanted to see Dean and talk about us, I knew it probably wasn’t going to happen. By the time I had graduated from NYU I had convinced myself that my feelings for Dean were just a school girl crush and that I could just get over it. The boys were hunting nonstop and I was focused on my career. I was so focused on my career that I had almost missed all the signs that the club was being haunted by a poltergeist. 

As soon as I figured it out, I had called Dean and Sam and they were in the city the next day and the problem was mostly solved. Things got a little hairy and unfortunately the club burned down and was going to need rebuilt. On the brightside, the poltergeist problem was gone. With the club gone and my job no longer existent, I had no way to pay rent so in a very quick turn of events, I ended up leaving the city in the back of the Impala and have been with the boys ever since. 

The night started slow. Sam was scanning security footage looking for any flares while Dean was trying to subtly touch every guest with some sort of silver. I was posted up at a gorgeous black baby grand piano all night and was much less focused on the hunt than I should have been. Guests were requesting their favorite songs, and some of them even asked if I had any originals I would be willing to play. I do have a few originals, but nobody has ever heard them before. Most of them are a tad too personal to be playing for this crowd, specifically Dean. 

Off by the bar, I see Sam and Dean deep in conversation. When we make eye contact, they flag me down. I announce that I’d be taking a short break and head down the hall to the main gallery. We barely make it down the hall and out of sight of the guests before I’m slammed against a stone statue and start seeing double. Well, just double of Dean. There was still only one of Sam, though he was knocked out in a crumpled mess on the floor. One Dean was laying on the floor scrambling to get out from under a painting that had come crashing down and one was strolling towards me without a care in the world. 

“Turns out shifting into the bartender is easier when he’s already half drunk,” the sauntering Dean said. “Even if he is a hunter.” 

I try to find my bag which has been knocked out of my reach when the shifter reaches me. “So you’re the pretty one he’s been drinking over all night.”

“Y/N!” I hear Dean yell. “Stay away from her, you son of a bitch!”

“‘Did you know that when we change appearance, we also get a little insight into what the human scum is actually thinking. Turns out, Deano over there has been undressing you with his eyes since you got here. But what I don’t understand is why he hasn’t done it before.” 

The shifter’s words meant nothing to me. I knew it was lying. Did I want Dean to think of me that way? Yeah, yeah I did. But this was not going to throw me off my game. My purse with my gun in it may have been knocked clear out of reach, but the knife I had strapped to my leg was already in my hands. Before I can let the shifter get any closer, my silver knife is through its chest and I’m shoving it away as fast as I possibly can to avoid any blood getting on this dress. Shifter hits the floor, Dean is finally on his feet and Sam’s eyes are back open. 

“What did I miss?” Sam groans, grabbing the back of his head. 

“Seems like Y/N had it taken care of,” Dean reached out his hand for Sam’s, pulling him to his feet. “Y/N, we can clean this up if you want to get back out there.”

“Uh,” I say looking down at my dress making sure I still look presentable. Don’t want the guests freaking out over a blood splattered dress. “Yeah, totally. I can go and finish up my set and then we can get out of here.”

“Hey, Y/N,” Dean runs over to me before I head down the hall. “You good? You look a little shaken.” Thinking about what the shifter said did shake me up a bit, but it’s not true. It can’t be true. 

“I’m good, Dean.” I pat his shoulder and head back to the gala. I stopped for a glass of wine on my way back to the piano when the event organizer stopped me.

 “Any chance you can play some of your originals? That crowd is getting a little rowdy with the classics. Maybe a few new songs will tone them back down a bit. I think the bartender is a little heavy handed on the pour.”

I glanced around for any sight of the Winchesters, knowing full well that they were going to be a while since they had to clean up our mess. If they aren’t here, then they can’t hear. “Um, sure. I’ve got a few that I can play.”

“Great! Thank you,” she says running off in the other direction to go deal with some big time buyers. 

I down the glass of wine and take my place back at the piano. A few guests clapped at my return. I take a deep breath and decide to slow things down a little bit for the crowd since it really has turned into a party out here. Well, here goes…

Life is so simple

A little boy, a little girl

Laughing and loving

Trying to figure out the world

It felt like summer

When I kissed you in the rain

And I know your story

But tell me again

Nothing you say wouldn't interest me

All of your words are like poems to me

I would be honored if you would take me as I am

I want you to look right in my eyes

To tell me you love me, to be by my side

I want you at the end of my life

I wanna see your face, when I fall with grace

At the moment I die

Is that alright?

Is that alright?

I hadn’t realized that the entire crowd had stopped everything they were doing to listen. I glanced up out of my trance to see everyone watching with eyes that were truly taken by what I was singing. Thank god Dean wasn’t out there listening to what I knew I would never be able to say to his face...

I hope you're still with me when I'm not quite myself

And I pray that you'll lift me when you know I need help

It's a warm celebration of all of our years

I dream of our story, of our fairy tale

Family dinners and family trees

Teaching the kids to say thank you and please

Knowing if we stay together that things will be right

I didn’t need to look up very much to see that furrowed brow and look of confusion that I hoped wouldn’t be watching. Can’t stop now, if he only knew this was all for him…

I want you to look right in my eyes

To tell me you love me, to be by my side

I want you at the end of my life

I wanna see your face, when I fall with grace

At the moment I die

Is that alright?

Is that alright?

Is that alright?

Finishing the last few notes was a relief. I loved this song, but it was too personal. I should have picked a different one. Luckily, the organizer was the first to applaud as she walked over with a mic announcing that the auction would be starting which was my cue to head out. I didn’t even take a second glance over at the bar to know that Dean and Sam had already headed out so I beeline it out to the Impala, hop in the backseat and sink as low as I can avoiding Dean’s gaze in the mirror once again. I was exhausted physically and mentally. I knew the ride was short but I closed my eyes anyway. The car was quiet and I took advantage of the silence to feign sleep. Turns out I actually fell asleep and didn’t realize it until I was plopped into my bed in the motel.

When I wake up the next morning, there’s a cup of coffee next to the bed already and Sam is sitting across from me at the table, laptop open. “Morning, Y/N.”

“Morning Sam,” I sat up realizing I’m still in my dress from last night. “Sorry I passed out on y’all last night.” I swing my feet out of bed and grab a t-shirt and shorts to throw on instead of my dress. As much as I was loving this dress, it wasn’t really daytime apparel. “Dean go to grab food?”

“I think so,” he shrugged.” He was gone before I got up. Should be back within the hour I assume. You wanna go for a run while we wait?” 

Sam was always down for a run. Dean hated all versions of physical activity which made zero sense. The man ate like a linebacker but was still fit as hell. It wasn’t fair. I change my clothes, lace up my shoes and head out with Sam. We reach a small pond at the end of the trail and realized where Dean actually went. 

“Did you run out here?” Sam asked, approaching Dean sitting on the sole bench next to the water. 

“Uh, yeah,” Dean scoffs, turning to look at us approaching his quiet time.

“Were you running from something spooky? Or was it voluntary?” 

“Fuck off, Sammy.”

“Language!” I scold as I finally make it up to Sam. 

“Ya know, it was quiet before you two hooligans showed up,” Dean scoffs standing up from what I have now determined was his hiding spot. We all just stand there in total silence for about a minute before Sam calls dibs on the shower and takes off faster than I’ve ever seen him run before. Clearly the silence was more uncomfortable for him than it was for me. 

“Guess he really wants a hot shower,” I murmur, turning towards Dean. “You wanna just walk back?” I shrug starting on the trail back when Dean grabs my arm and turns me towards him. 

“We gotta talk.”

“About…”

“Seriously? I heard that song last night, Y/N.”

Oh, so he did pay attention. Crap.

“It was just a song, Dean. Have you heard the crap on the radio nowadays? Songs can literally be about anything.” I try to get myself out of this confrontation. I was able to walk away from his grip for 4 seconds before he shouts at me.

“It was about us!” 

I froze in my tracks. “Dean,” I slowly turn around briefly finding his piercing green eyes. “There is no us,” I whisper, taking my eyes to the ground and shaking my head. “It’s just a song.” I turn back around and start walking as fast as I can back in the direction we came hoping I can get far enough down the road before involuntary tears start falling. I don’t make it very far. The tears start to fall and my steps slow. I freeze and let my emotions finally take over. I haven’t let myself feel what I had been wanting to feel in a long time. I hadn’t even realized that Dean had caught up.

“Did you mean what you said?” He whispered into my ear as he pulled me into his chest. “Do you really want me by your side? Because if you do, I want to be there.”

I pull away briefly looking up into his wet eyes. I want him so bad. He’s all I ever wanted. “Is that alright?”

Dean’s facial expression changes into one that is rarely seen. “Oh, sweetheart. It’s more than alright.”

[jmagnabo92]

Hi, rwrbnygiftexchange here! Your match is: ssmtskw. They would like fic or art or gifs and these are their prompts: New Year’s eve but make it Groundhog Day mixed with a little bit of Scrooge ~ one of them keeps living through New Year’s eve but it’s from various different years and this guy they haven’t met yet keeps popping up in all of them

Alex gets roped into going to a historical reenactment event with June and damn if the guy out there isn’t turning him on… maybe there is something to that Mr. Darcy billowing shirt stuff

One of them accidentally gets the other's winter hat on the subway and it follows them on their ridiculous journey to get it back to the original owner (bonus points if things end up on the news / they are somehow live blogging or sharing about their day) and the return of the hat isn’t the only sweet treat that evening

They don't want anything nsfw. Remember, don't publish this ask and keep your match a secret until New Year's Day. If you have any questions or problems, send us an ask. If you have to drop out at any point, please let us know ASAP so we can ask one of our pinch hitters to step in. For questions about the prompts, you can contact your match, but remember to keep your identity a secret until January 1st! If you want to let us know you received this message, you can create a new post and tag us. Happy creating! - Team rwrbnygiftexchange

@ssmtskw Happy New Year! & Thanks to @rwrbnygiftexchange for setting this up :)

I wrote the Hat Prompt - hope you enjoy it :)

IF HATS COULD TALK

When Alex finds a hat on the subway, he goes to any length to find the owner despite his friends teasing him about it. Luckily for him, the owner finds him.

AO3

***

Alex always hated winter, especially since moving to New York City.  Although it was pretty terrible in D.C., it was even more terrible in NYC, and it made him terribly miss Texas, but his life had changed drastically when his mother had won the Presidency, and he’d chosen Georgetown for undergrad.  It meant living in a cold winter area for nearly four years before choosing law school in NYC following his Georgetown graduation. 

That… might not have been his greatest idea.  He could’ve gone to a warm climate for Law School like June did for her graduate studies (once Alex left the White House, she figured it was time for her to as well), but he didn’t have a boyfriend in California that he was eager to be with like she did.  Although, to be fair, he hasn’t really had the opportunity for much dating as the First Son, too much paperwork.  June was lucky in that regard – meeting Evan before they were First Son and First Daughter. 

Not that it matters, anyway, because he chose NYC and now, he has to deal with that. 

He rushes through the crowd with Cash, his secret service protector, following close behind him as he barely makes the subway.  He knows that Cash prefers that he uses secure cars, but he had enough of not being the normal college student at Georgetown and had insisted on doing it with law school, which meant riding the subway and being a real new yorker. 

He collapses in a seat, taking his hat off and laying it next to him, he’s relieved that something was open and closes his eyes for a minute or two.  His stop is only three stops away, so he doesn’t have long but he was running late and needs a few minutes to himself.  He doesn’t bother to notice the people around him, even as he feels a presence join him seconds after he sits and the presence leaves at the second stop. 

When he opens his eyes to get ready for the third stop, he reaches over and grabs his hat without thinking, and makes his way out of the subway station.  It’s not until he gets outside that he realizes he grabbed two hats instead of one. 

One is his – slightly holey because he should’ve replaced it by now (and no, it’s not the reason that he was so cold and not into winter, no matter what Cash says), and one that isn’t his.  It’s a soft grey hat with an H emblem on it.  The H looks vaguely particular.  Like some monogram he’d seen before, but he can’t place it.

“Cash, you didn’t see who this belongs to, did you?” Alex questions.

Cash shakes his head.  “There were so many people that it could’ve fallen off of anyone.”

Alex hums and puts it on.  “I’ll figure it out later, I’m already late enough.”

“Then, stop yammering and let’s go.”

Alex rolls his eyes but leads the way to the school.  He couldn’t miss any more classes than necessary (he already misses enough due to stuff for his mom), he’ll worry about the hat leaver later.

***

Despite his earlier determination to worry about the hat leaver until after classes, as he sits beside his best friend and one-time lover Liam for lunch, he finds himself staring at the hat wondering about the hat leaver. 

“You know that it can’t talk to you, right?” Liam teases.  “It’s not going to explain who it belongs to any more than I would have explained to you that us fooling around meant something.”

“Maybe if you had, I would’ve figured myself out sooner and we wouldn’t have lost a year and a half of friendship,” Alex states. 

He’d been quite oblivious and determined that fooling around with Liam hadn’t meant anything – it was totally a normal thing to do as best friends, except, you know, it wasn’t – and even though it didn’t work out with one of the staffers when he was working for his mom (however briefly) on her campaign, one kiss with another guy had certainly thrown things in perspective (especially when he insisted on talking about it) and reaching out to Liam had been one of his better ideas that resolved their issues and put them back as best friends just in time for Liam to take up graduate studies at NYU, too.

“Some things you just have to figure out for yourself, surely you’ve realized this by now.”

Alex huffs.  “I just feel like I know the person.”

“Based off a hat?”

“Well, I mean, it’s embossed – that’s gotta mean something.”

“Are you sure that it’s for a person and not like a brand name?”

“It’s not a brand name, I’m sure of it.”

“Well, then, what’s your plan?  How are you going to find one person in a sea of a million people?”

“I’ve got a few ideas…”

***

His ideas started with getting on and off at the three stations between his home and the school and visiting the lost and found.  Unfortunately, no one had come looking for a hat and as Cash pointed out, they don’t know when the hat leaver got on or off the train.  Thus, he had to go to plan B, which was to go through all of the different available brand name symbols and make sure the Liam was wrong about the damn thing and it wasn’t just a random name brand.

He asked Nora to help – who found his randomly obsessing over a hat as hilarious and tease worthy. 

“What makes you think the hat leaver even cares?” Nora questions.  “Not everyone gets so easily obsessed with things that they come across on a random subway.”

“Or maybe they’re missing their very precious hat and would appreciate my efforts to reunite them.”

“Not everyone cares a ridiculous amount about their hats – by the way, have you replaced that old ratty one you’ve been wearing yet?”

He hadn’t bothered to answer, and by the end of that endeavor, he had two thoughts: man, he has a thing for people who are assholes to him and that he really needs to control his obsessive behavior sometimes.

Now, is not one of those times.

He wasn’t giving up. He decides that maybe he could try and get on that exact train and that exact car, hoping to run into the hat leaver – even had a note attached to the hat that said, ‘Am I your hat, if so please tell me’.  

Unfortunately, wearing a hat that said that did not help whatsoever and the he did not run into the hat leaver.

All that did was get Alex (and Cash) more annoyed as various people decided to interrupt throughout the day, but definitely were not the hat leaver. 

It was not one of his better ideas.

After that, June suggested that he make a post a twitter – probably because she knew he’d get inundated with tweets back claiming that they were the hat leaver, when NONE of them could even tell him where they left the hat. 

It was a truly terrible idea, but June, Nora, Liam, and Cash all ended up laughing at him for thinking that it was all a good idea.  He knew better than to trust them. 

At the point where he was with June at some event that he’s actually supposed to speak at, he can’t help saying, “I need to figure this out.”

“You know, I doubt the hat leaver as you call them even cares about the hat.  If they’re fancy enough to have it monogrammed, they probably would’ve bought or made another one by now,” June offers.

“No, I don’t think they would’ve, but even if they did, I have to figure out who owns this hat.”

“Technically, it’s owned by you –”

“It’s borrowed by me.”

“– it’s been a week, baby bro, you’re not going to find a random person searching for their hat.  It’s yours now.”

Alex huffs but doesn’t have to time to argue because he and his hat are on for their speech.  Maybe the hat leaver would see him on the news and find a way to contact him?

He could only hope.

***

Alex can’t help groaning as he stands in the entrance way of the White House (he was annoyed to be here when it was halting his pursuit of the hat leaver since the odds of finding them aren’t high in D.C. when they lost the hat in NYC).  Standing outside in the freezing cold to greet the Prime Minister, Prince Henry, and Princess Beatrice just a few days before the state dinner.  It had been decided that he and June would show the Prince and Princess around D.C. as an attempt to foster a good relationship with Britain.

Considering that he and Prince Henry hadn’t exactly gotten along previously (despite the thawed ice after their near-miss with Prince Phillip’s wedding cake – they had nearly caused an international incident and been told quite frankly that they needed to find some way to be neutral to each other).  The hour spent glaring at each other in silence in one of the many rooms at the palace had only been broken by June and Princess Beatrice insisting they talk out every one of their few encounters and figure out what the problem was. 

It only took one – the first. 

Henry had been apologetic when he figured out what the problem was, and Alex had apologized for not realizing that Henry was a prick to everyone in his grief (even though that wasn’t really his fault – how was he to know?).  They had agreed to be neutral, but that didn’t mean they were friends.

In the few times since they’ve managed polite conversation, but they still didn’t interact much, and he didn’t know what he was going to do for three days while he supposedly showed him around the city. 

When he voices this thought, June, who’s standing beside him, teases, “Maybe he’ll help you search for the hat leaver?  You could go on an adventure searching for hat leaver with you.”

Alex groans.  “I need better friends.”

June just laughs as they pull up. 

***

Alex waits and accepts a handshake from Henry, who pauses, hand still in his, and says, “Is that my hat?”

“Your hat?” Alex questions.  “What – how?  This is a hat I’ve been trying to find the owner for – for a week now, who lost it in New York City…”

 “I – er – I live in New York City now.  I lost my hat a week ago.  I think that’s it.”  Henry lets out a laugh.  “I saw your tweet, and you wearing it during your speech, but I didn’t realize until now…”

Alex takes it off as Henry lets go of his hand.  He runs his thumb over the emblem.  Now, it made sense – it’s H over the royal insignia for the British royal family.  “I can’t believe – I’ve been trying to find the hat leaver since I found it – it’s yours…”

Before Henry could respond, his mother and the Prime Minister interrupt to usher them inside and suggest that Alex and June show the Prince and Princess to their quarters.

“Henry says it’s his hat,” Alex states.  “I told you I would find them.”

“Technically, he found you,” June states.  “Are you sure that it’s your hat?  Because it would be far funnier to continue watching Alex attempt to find one person in a sea of millions just to give them back a hat.”

Alex glares at her as Beatrice laughs. 

“I like you – older sister privileges, teasing their younger brothers.”  She winks back at Henry before asking, “Did you make him dress up in dresses when you were little, too?”

June doesn’t hesitate to confirm as Alex and Henry both yell, “Hey!” “OI!”, but it doesn’t matter because they’re both running off leaving their brothers alone and embarrassed. 

“So… you’ve been searching to return the hat?” Henry asks.  “Why?”

Alex looks down at the hat.  “Oh, uh, I don’t know, really.  It was just… I’ve had the same hat for a long time… if my hat could talk … it would basically be able to tell my life story… well, it’s winter story anyway.  And I – it just looks cared for despite its slightly weathered age, and I just thought… the person who wore it might have a connection to their hat as I do to mine.”

Henry smiles, softly at him.  “I do.  Actually.”

Alex looks up, half expecting him to be mocking Alex’s thought about hats, but he isn’t.  He seems genuine. 

“I’ll tell you my hat’s story, if you tell me yours?” he offers.

“Sounds brilliant.”

***

He does show Henry his quarters before they go back to Alex’s room, and share stories about their hats.  Alex’s hat is from 2010, the year his father left, and his parents divorced.  It was his last hat given to him at Christmas from his parents – jointly.  It’s dumb to hold onto it, he thinks, but somehow, Henry assures him it isn’t. 

“Sometimes, we like to hold onto the past … and this is a piece of a past that you don’t want to let go of…”

Then Henry explained the origin of his hat.  It was a gift from his father.  He had felt terrible about being away to film his Bond movies, and he taken up knitting so that he could knit each of his children something special to bring home from his filming.  It, too, came from 2010. 

So that hat did have a story behind it.  

They while away the night telling their hat stories (which are really just stories about themselves).  It was as if telling the stories from the hat’s point of view allowed them to not feel like they were bearing their souls to one another despite not really being friends. 

Well, except…

“I suppose we can call ourselves friends, now, after this, yeah?” Alex asks, as the night comes to a close.  They have places to visit tomorrow, and it’ll at least be nice to feel like it’s less of a duty and more of something fun he can do with a new friend who’s not an asshole. 

Henry pauses in his doorway.  “Perhaps we could be more?”

“More?” Alex asks, admittedly confused.

Henry leans forward and kisses him lightly, like a Prince fucking Charming, and damn, it was good.  So damn good.

They break apart, and Alex is quite stunned, but smiling.  He’d completely forgotten that Henry had come out in the last year despite the stories about his foundation and the youth center for LGBT+ in NYC (which is why he was on the subway in the first place when he lost his hat). 

“I know it would probably be a lot to date me, but if you’d like to …”

“… go out sometime?” Alex finishes.  “Yeah, I – I, uh, would.  Law school kicks my ass a lot, but uh, we have our couple of days now and uh, I would – would very much like to date you.”

“Good.”

Henry gives him another kiss, this one a bit deeper, but it’s interrupted by clapping, which jars them apart.

“Finally!” their sisters cheer, which suggests that they knew something that at least Alex didn’t, but he doesn’t find that he minds. 

“Do you mind?” Alex asks.  “We’re trying to have a private moment here.”

“In the middle of an open doorway where anyone can walk passed?” June teases.  “Yeah, real private.”

Alex rolls his eyes.  “Yeah, yeah.  Whatever, you already interrupted –”

“And now, I’m dragging my brother off for details,” Beatrice says, not waiting for a response from any of them drags Henry away by the hand.

Henry follows after her glancing back and blowing Alex a kiss with his free hand.  “Tomorrow, then.”

“Tomorrow,” Alex calls after him.

He turns back to June, who pushes him back into his room and demands, “Details, dish.”

With a stupid grin on his face, he says, “If my hat could talk…”

***

A year later, Alex grins as he puts his hat in the pocket of his coat as he hangs it up.  It’d only been a week since their anniversary and Henry asking him to move in together, but he couldn’t help feeling at home already. 

It’d been a world wind of a year since he’d found Henry’s hat on the subway, but every day, he’s grateful it happened.  It opened up their worlds to a different side of each other, a side that brought them together as more than acquaintances and potential friends, but to boyfriends… and it’s been perfect.

All thanks to a lost hat mishap.

Best mishap ever – totally worth it. 

[dracothedeatheatingcupcake-ao3]

Hello all!

So, someone sent me an ask about that "Writer truth or dare" (link to the post) and I decided to do them all like I said I would in the tags, ha. I will also answer their question directly, but I mostly just wanted to do this for fun. :-)

Answers under a read more to preserve your dashboards. :-)

🎱 ⇢ post your AO3 total stats

User Subscriptions: 128 Kudos: 10,934 Comment Threads: 1,855 Bookmarks: 3,138 Subscriptions: 1,565 Word Count: 2,133,056 Hits: 291,461

This is over 28 fics, written over the span of about 10 years, since my first published AO3 work was done in 2014 when I was 16.

🍓 ⇢ how did you get into writing fanfiction?

I honestly don’t quite remember? I know that I had an idea for a Scorpius Malfoy/Rose Weasley fic while at lunch in like… 7th grade and I wrote about a chapter of it in my art notebook, but as for why or what got me to know what fanfic is, I honestly don’t remember.

🌵 ⇢ share the link to a playlist you love

I… don’t really have one? I mean, I tend to listen to my songs on one big playlist on iTunes or on YouTube, with maybe a couple of specific ones, but nothing that major. As such, I’ll just link the playlist I made for TPWP.

🕯️ ⇢ on a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you enjoy editing? why is that?

7-8 depending on the fic. If I like the chapter and it’s mostly just fine tuning that I’m doing, I like it quite a lot. But if it’s a “ugh this chapter/paragraph/sentence is awful and I don’t know how to fix it and I hate it ahhhhh” kinda thing, then I don’t like it quite as much, ha. But it is satisfying to finally realize how to fix a problem I had with a chapter, so it can be rewarding too. Thus… 7-8.

🛼 ⇢ describe your latest wip with five emojis

😍🥰🙊❤️‍🩹🏳️‍🌈

🥑 ⇢ you accidentally killed somebody, which mutual(s) do you text for help?

Well, first of all if I accidentally killed someone, I likely would just turn myself in because lying would help nothing and would just make me super stressed. Second of all, I wouldn’t text a mutual, I would text my brother or my dad, ha.

🥤 ⇢ recommend an author or fanfic you love

This one is hard, because I love a lot of fanfics and authors. So, I’m just going to pass, oof.

💌 ⇢ how many unread emails do you have right now?

35 exactly. The same number of unread emails I have had since I was 13. Why? Because I am so used to seeing a red “35” next to my gmail account on my phone or in gmail itself, and anytime I try and get rid of those emails, I get anxious and mark them as unread again. So, technically speaking, I have 0 unread emails, since to me 36 emails would indicate that I have an unread email. Yes, I am neurotic about this kind of thing, no I don’t really care.

🌻 ⇢ tag someone you appreciate but don't talk to on a regular basis

I don’t like tagging people… it always makes me feel awkward and anxious, so I’m gonna skip this one too. :-/

🐇 ⇢ do you prefer writing original characters, reader inserts, or a mix of both?

Original characters. I dislike reader inserts. They feel… weird to me. No shame on people who like them! Just… not for me.

🧃 ⇢ share some personal lore you never posted about before

Uhhhh…… I mean, I don’t really know what I have and haven’t posted here before? I’m usually a fairly open person. Well, I guess I can share this, since I don’t think I’ve actually ever shared this here yet, even though I’ve been planning it for almost a year now… no idea if it technically counts as “lore,” but it’s something, ha. Anyway, next month my older brother and I are going to Japan! We’re going to be there for 2 weeks and are going to 3 different cities. I’m hoping to possibly find some Danganronpa things, though I know it’s not super mainstream anymore. Here’s hoping!

🎲 ⇢ what stops you from writing more in your free time?

Lack of motivation or energy. Just because I have time doesn’t mean I have the will.

🍄 ⇢ share a head canon for one of your favourite ships or pairings

🧸 ⇢ what's the fastest way to become your mutual?

This one is tricky, because I don’t tend to follow people back often? Not for any reason, just it’s not something I do often. Usually, if someone asks or if they mention in tags following me for a while I’ll check their blog out and follow if I think their stuff aligns with my interests. But otherwise… not much I guess?

🪐 ⇢ name three good things going on in your life right now

I’m going to Japan next month with my brother.

I passed my final exam that I was positive I failed, so now I’ll be able to graduate (as soon as I figure out the requirements…)

I no longer have to wake up early to do an annoying internship I didn’t like much. :-)

📚 ⇢ what's the last thing you wrote down in your notes app?

It was a response to a mutual asking a question, since it got pretty long and writing in the Tumblr app can be iffy at times.

🍬 ⇢ post an unpopular opinion about a popular fandom character

Nope. :-)

🔪 ⇢ what's the weirdest topic you researched for a writing project?

I don’t tend to research weird things for my fics. I did look up all parts of a ship once, since I wrote a pirate AU a long time ago and was like “shoot… what’s this part of the ship actually called???” Not weird, but definitely interesting.

🦷 ⇢ share some personal wisdom or a life hack you swear on

If there is nothing you can do in a situation, good or bad, then it’s okay to just ignore it and move on if you can. I use this advice whenever there are big global issues that I personally can’t do anything to help. Why spend my time and energy getting needlessly angry over things I can’t change, when I could focus that energy on the things I can, you know? The way that I can change the world is by helping children and encouraging them to grow. That is my life’s goal and my biggest desire in life. I’d rather spend my time and energy on getting my degree, and then later getting a job as a school counselor. I’m not good with anger. I don’t like being angry. So… I just ignore it as best I can. Like, I’ll be informed on what is happening, but I don’t get angry or obsess over it, you know? And it doesn’t make me a bad person, and if anyone thinks it does, then I legit don’t care. It’s my life, and I know how obsessive I can get over things, and I don’t want to ruin my life over things I can’t change. I don’t have the temperament to be an activist. I’m too mild emotionally speaking. So… yeah. I hope that makes sense, ha.

❄️ ⇢ what's your dream theme/plot for a fic, and who would write it best?

I either have already written my dream themes/plots, or I’ve thought about them in enough detail to know exactly how they’ll go, which is good enough for me. And I personally think that I would write it best. I know my own tastes and I would rather write something myself than ask it of something else, you know?

🌿 ⇢ give some advice on writer's block and low creativity

Just give it time. Don’t force it. If you force it, your work will not be your best, which will frustrate you more and add to the writer’s block. For me, inspiration and desire to write comes in waves. Some weeks/months I’m super creative and write a ton (I’ve written two 375k+ fics in a month and a half each, for example). Other weeks/months it feels like every word I write is like pulling teeth. If I try and force myself to write during the latter times, then I get frustrated and it leads me to hate writing, which leads to those times lasting longer. Every time I’ve waited it out, however, I am able to come back to writing fresh and wanting to write. So… just wait. Have patience. Unless you’re a professional writer with a professional deadline, you don’t have to rush it.

🥐 ⇢ name one internet reference that will always make you laugh

Can’t think of one on the top of my head.

🏜️ ⇢ what's your favourite type of comment to receive on your work?

I like all comments, but my favorite are the long ones where people point out things that I wrote in chapter they liked, they theorize where things will go next, or they ask questions. Honestly, I love it when people ask questions, since I love rambling about my work, ha.  

🍦 ⇢ name three good things about a character you hate

No. :-)

🥝 ⇢ do you lie a lot? what's the most recent lie you told?

I mean, it depends on what you mean by “lie” and by “a lot.” Because I will tell white lies or half-truths on occasion. Less now than when I was younger, but if it will get me out of trouble or if it will smooth things over, I will tell white lies. Big lies I don’t tend to do, though. It’s only things that don’t really matter one way or the other but make my life easier. Otherwise, I am fairly honest and I prefer honesty. I’ve found that people are much more likely to be forgiving if you’re like “yeah, I messed up, I’m genuinely sorry.”

This all being said, I did tell a huge, very elaborate lie to the children at work recently, ha. Basically, I went to Ireland in 2019, and when I started working at my current after school site, I mentioned to a kid offhanded that I met a leprechaun there and became friends with him. I meant it as like... a joke, you know? But the kid fully believed me and was so excited. She asked if the leprechaun would come visit for St. Patrick’s day, and I was like “uhhhhh yeah?” So, from then on, I have had to not only keep up this lie but expand it. Last year my “leprechaun friend” got married. This year, he had twins. I communicate with my leprechaun friend via letters that I translate (badly, I tell the kids) into Irish, and he replies with letters written in “ancient Irish.” The kids absolutely LOVE it. I have no idea if they all believe me, but even the fourth and fifth graders are super into it, and even if they don’t believe me, they don’t let it show.

Last year I had the children write my leprechaun friend letters, which they (badly. VERY BADLY) translated into Irish and wrote on a paper, which my “leprechaun friend” had to painstakingly translate and then write a response to over 7 different children. Then “he” had to make the paper looks old and worn, since it would be suspicious if a thousands year old creature wrote on crisp white printer paper. It was. Not fun. So, my “leprechaun friend” refused to write them letters this year, since a student last year (no, of course I don’t know who, and even if I knew I wouldn’t tell you, stop being so nosy child) showed their letter to someone they weren’t supposed to and my “leprechaun friend” was unhappy, since “he” specifically told me to tell them not to do this.

Yeah. It’s, uh. It’s getting a bit much. Every time a kid asks a new question, I have to quickly come up with a lie. And I’m like… a good liar, right? But dang is it a lot. 😅(Also I don’t feel too bad about lying, since it’s less lying and more making believe, you know? And I hope that when the kids look back, they won’t think “oh my god my after school teacher lied to me for years!!!” and they will think “Oh wow. My after school teacher spent so much time and effort creating an elaborate story for us because she genuinely cared about us.” Or something like that, ha.)

🦋 ⇢ share something that has been on your heart and mind lately

Nothing really? Not anything bad or major, at least. I mean, I’ve been thinking about the end of my grad program a lot, but not in a bad way.

🦴 ⇢ is there a piece of media that inspires your writing?

I mean… yeah? Lots of media? That’s what fanfic is, it’s writing inspired by various media. If you mean, like… writing style, then no. I just write how I think (as shown above with my leprechaun friend rant, ha). It’s why my work has a lot of ellipses and introspection and random details that aren’t really important, but add to the vibe of the scene, you know?

🍅 ⇢ give yourself some constructive criticism on your own writing

I’m a bit weak when it comes to plot. Like, anything more advanced than “character A likes character B but is all conflicted over it” is a struggle for me. The few fics I wrote that actually have plot always go off the rails at some point, since I always go too big and get stuck. It’s one reason why all my fics are very same-y and follow similar troupes. But honestly? I don’t really care. I like writing similar fics with different environments with simple plots. I much prefer exploring the characters and their motivations and their emotions than focusing on plot.

🐚 ⇢ do you like or dislike surprises?

Depends on the surprise.

🪲 ⇢ add 50 words to your current wip and share the paragraph here

Ha, I did this last night when I first saw this post, here you go:

“That makes it easy to ignore them and just enjoy everything else.

Once the group exits the elevator, they collectively pause for a moment, taking in the sight before them. And, honestly, Mondo gets it. He’s never been one for fancy as fuck surroundings, preferring simple shit and small luxuries over anything stupidly elaborate. But this…? He’s gotta admit. /This/ is fucking nice.”

Have fun trying to figure out the context of this. :-)

☁️ ⇢ what made you choose your username?

When I was, like… thirteen or fourteen I created a Facebook page for A Very Potter Musical/Sequel, entitled Red Vines, What the Hell Can’t They Do? (A quote from one of the Potter musicals). Since I was a Draco fan, my “Admin name” was ~Draco. But once I added more admins to help me run the page, I decided to make my own Admin page, since that was very popular back in the day. I didn’t want to just be ~Draco, though. Honestly, I don’t know if I was allowed to be, since it’s not exactly a unique page name. So, I changed it to Draco the Death Eater. A couple weeks or so later I saw a Draco themed cupcake and though “!!! I WANNA BE A CUPCAKE!!!” since I was like. Twelve. And overly excitable.

I thought “Draco the Cupcake” looked weird though, so I added back the Death Eater element and settled on “Draco the Death Eating Cupcake.” Then I began using my Admin page a lot more and got over 200 likes, which back then meant you couldn’t change your page name again, so I was kinda stuck as “Draco the Death Eating Cupcake.” I didn’t mind though. I kinda liked the name. Ever since, it’s been kinda my thing, using it over various websites and whatnot. It’s “my brand” I guess you could say. Even though I’m very anti J.K. Rowling, I do harbor some nostalgic affection for Harry Potter, and I refuse to let her steal something I’ve built for myself over the past decade and a half, you know?

🐝 ⇢ tag your biggest supporter(s) and say one nice thing about them

Ah, this is another one I don’t really want to do. Like I said earlier, I don’t like tagging people in general, but I also don’t like singling out “biggest supporters” for the same reason I don’t like having “favorite” people. It just feels icky to me, you know? Because everyone who supports me, no matter how small, means so, so much to me. You could be here every single day, following me and screaming my praises, or you could give me a single “I like your work!” and it means the world to me. And that’s not to downplay the more vocal supporters! You all know who you are, and I hope you know how very honored I am to have your support. I don’t like singling people out, though, since A) it’s sometimes awkward for the person who is begin singled out and B) it might make other supporters who I either didn’t mention or forgot to mention or who aren’t quite as big feel bad, which I don’t want to do. It’s the same thing I say whenever the kids at work ask me who my favorite is. I always reply “no one. I don’t have a favorite student since I like you all in different ways. Yes, even the more challenging ones.”

That all being said… to everyone who has ever supported me, big or small, I really do appreciate you so, so much. When I started writing at 13, I was so incredibly critical of my work, and a lot of the comments I got back then were “con crit” that just made me feel worse, even if it was genuinely constructive. I struggled with “show, don’t tell” a lot and it frustrated the hell out of me because I couldn’t figure it out for the life of me. Even now, when I am so much better at writing and don’t feel ashamed admitting that, I still feel that anxiety of not being good enough. Of not knowing enough. So, to have people not only enjoy my work, but be so supportive? It genuinely means the world to me. So… thank you.

🌸 ⇢ do you have any pets? if you do, post some pictures of them

Yep! I have two little fluff buckets, Rosie and Addle (Adelaide for long). They are guinea pigs and they are very cute and very dumb. :-)

The first two I took today, the other three on previous days. It's them chilling in their hay box we give them, ha. They love climbing in their and kicking the other one out. They... don't like each other much. They don't fight, but they also don't really interact except to try and steal the other's food (which is what's happening in the top photo, ha). Addle is the brown-ish, black, and white colored one, while Rosie is the black and white one. Rosie is five and Addle is three. Rosie used to have an original cage mate, Sara, but she sadly passed after a quick illness that started on Thanksgiving in 2021, since we couldn't get her to a vet thanks to the holiday. It was very sad and I still miss Sars. :-( She was such a little sweetie.

For reference, Sara:

RIP little girl... :-(

🎨 ⇢ link your favourite piece of fanart and explain why you like it

Ehhhh I’m too tired to go looking for fanart I like, so I say no for now.

🧩 ⇢ what will make you click away from a fanfiction immediately?

If it’s first person POV. I don’t know why, but first person POV in fanfiction always bothers me, and only in very rare instances have I read first person POV fics. More often than not I immediately back out and move on. Again, no shame to people who like first person, but it’s just never been my cup of tea.

[sapphire-weapon]

It’s been pretty much given in terms of remakes we’re getting re5 next but I was wondering why a group of people are so passionate about code Veronica being next? Wouldn’t re1 remake (yes again because as much as some people wanna deny it I don’t believe it’s enjoyable for younger players, I mean talking from experience I played through but I wasn’t exactly having fun) make more sense first then re cvx? Re5 story is a little confusing without knowing re1 lore sure but re cvx just straight up doesn’t make any sense if you haven’t been watched or played re1 or does it?

sorry i'm in the "don't remake REmake" camp. as far as i'm concerned, REmake is a perfect game.

i'm about to be really annoying about this, actually LOL sorry

bc that's not a title i give lightly. there's a whole list of games that i consider to be the greatest games ever made (RE4, OG FF7, uncharted 2, yakuza 0, devil may cry 3, xenogears, diablo 2 -- just to name a few off the top of my head) that are not perfect games. they all have flaws, they all have things i can and will bitch about if asked.

REmake and hades.

that's it.

those are the only two games that i consider to be perfect, without a single flaw or thing to complain about. i sat here for like 20 minutes and wracked my brain for another game to put on that list, and i can't find one.

everything about REmake from art style to level design to atmosphere to pacing to enemy design to sound design to voice acting to writing quality to atmosphere to controls (now that 3D controls have been implemented) -- all of it is flawless.

any remake of REmake would be a lesser experience. there is nothing you can do to make that game better.

if it was still using the old tank control system, i would maybe agree with you on the accessibility aspect for younger audiences, but 3D controls modernize the game completely.

you personally may not have liked the fixed camera angles, but there is an artistic merit to them in REmake specifically that would take away from the overall experience of the game if they were to be removed and replaced with an over-the-shoulder camera.

this game released in 2002.

it is older than or as old as a decent chunk of my followers.

do you realize how fucking insane that is, for this game to be that old and still look like this? there's not a single other game on the planet that holds up artistically 21 years later the way that REmake does.

for reference, other games that released in 2002 include vice city, morrowind, bloodrayne, eternal darkness, and kingdom hearts 1. none of them hold up. not a single goddamn one.

and it looks this good because of its art style, which includes pre-rendered backgrounds that you can't do/use without fixed camera angles.

in fact, part of the reason why RE3make was received so poorly is because RE3 doesn't work without fixed camera angles, either, because of the way that nemesis and his encounters were originally designed/developed. he's not a 1:1 comparison to Mr. X in RE2. nemesis encounters were highly scripted and made use of the fixed camera angles and limited visibility in order to make them tense. taking those things away just turned nemesis and his encounters into minor inconveniences rather than the setpieces they were meant to be.

like... RE3make was fine. but that's all it was, because it really lost something in translation.

even RE4make has real legitimate criticism to be leveled at it in terms of the change in art style leading to a change in atmosphere from OG. RE4make does not feel the same way OGRE4 does. something got lost there in the environment and sound design. RE4make just happened to add more than it lost, which RE3make didn't pull off -- and a re-REmake would fall short the same way.

that is why people are calling for CVX to be remade before RE5 and not RE1.

because there is no reason to remake REmake. not a single goddamn one. it can't be remade to be better. it just can't. because remaking it would cause it to lose more than it would gain. because it is already a perfect game.

[apartments4rent]

Apartments For Rent: TEN-YEAR RETROSPECTIVE

Ooooohhhh man, this… This is fucking me way up, big time… I don’t even know where to begin with this… I should definitely be using this free time I have today doing my homework, you know, the thing with a hard deadline? That was technically due yesterday?? Well, how about instead of that, I take a walk down memory lane…

Do you remember the 21st night of September? 

Picture this: It’s 2013. It is your sophomore year of high school. You have more friends than you ever have in your life and they are all so wonderful to you (this wouldn’t always be the case and they all wouldn’t stick around but you didn't know that yet). One of you proposes the question: If you were a monster, what would you be? A witch. A vampire. A werewolf. A mermaid. A ghost. A selkie. A dullahan. (You had to look those last two up.) You are so inspired by this that you want to make a story for these ideas to live in. You create a fantasy. Where all your best friends get to live together under one roof. A slice of a life you know you’ll never have. It’s actually the 20th night of September that you created the tumblr blog where most of what comes out of this will live (your first post says “why do i do this to myself”) but it is the 21st night that your creations get their names. Their genders don’t all stay the same but their cores haven’t really changed. “a very dramatic/theatrical witch who loves animals and sass master. a bubbly and happy mermaid who gets really scary when u cross her. a passive, nerdy vampire who isnt so out spoken. a moody selkie who loves to learn and lost her seal skin. a strong beautiful fairy girl who doesnt take shit from no one but is v nice to her friends. a ghost girl from the 1920s who is forgetful and not really confident but really likes her new friends.” You put a disclaimer at the bottom of the post, clarifying that these descriptions shouldn’t be taken as a description of your friends but separate characters entirely. This is also the birth of Marvin, the human man created to navigate this world of chaos, not based on anyone you know in real life. The straight man in this goofball circus. Your Original Character. (Who, you now realize, was designed as the boring main male character in the harem anime.) This was the genesis. And you would never know peace in your life ever since. 

And then what happened?

Bro, so much. A lot can happen in 10 years. You develop the characters further. You make a small town for them to live in (even though you’ve never even been to a small town in your life). You make (bad) art. You make sims because you hate the way you draw but you need a physical version of them to exist outside your head, as you see them. You apparently make a rule where no one outside of your little group is supposed to know about these characters (because you “had an experience” and “don’t wanna repeat it”). You make Alternate Universes for these Alternate Universe selves to populate, again and again. (As of right now, your “AU of an AU” list stands at 26 but there are probably more dumb ones not yet counted on the doc you made.) You try to make a one-shot comic collaboration with all your friends but no one seems to agree on how it should go so nothing but a script and panel formatting ends up getting made. (You know that your script was worse with many unnecessary details but you were bad at killing your darlings and stubborn about your ideas being the best. You’ll learn eventually.) You love and appreciate all the things your friends make for this story you start to feel full ownership of. (You haven’t noticed yet how much of a control freak you are.) Their writing and art give you life, especially considering they are doing The Most while you mostly just come up with ideas. The setting goes from apartment building to boarding house and back again before a year has passed. The first anniversary is a blast! You actually wrote something! And drew something you were proud of! Others wrote and drew and it was great. (How would you know it would never be like this again?) 

And the years go by and by… 

After the first year, you decided you wanted to make a dating sim with these silly characters because you just loved them so much. You shipped the characters (not realizing that your friends did it as a way to express they had crushes on each other, conveniently shipping your self-insert with the only man/only character not based on a friend.) There were still a lot of headcanons being made and posts being shared. But noticeably less and less. Then the second anniversary hit. Not much fanfare. After the second year, more characters started popping up based on more friends you make. Some of the friends that were there in the beginning weren’t anymore and you try not to think about it. After all, these characters aren’t your friends, they are separate and distinct from them. So it’s still OK to play with them, right? (The answer must be yes; ten years later you still do.) Then the third anniversary happens, with 4 posts between them. It was understandable. That was your senior year of high school. Everyone was getting ready to go their separate ways. You were moving clear across the country. Your friend group was getting smaller still and this big shake-up would prove who would stick around to still be a part of this thing and who would remain a memory for you to look back on in ten years. 2017, though, was a big year for the blog. You were unemployed and not yet going to college so you had A LOT of free time on your hands. It was probably the most number of posts you made since the first year of the blog. It was magic. Then you got a job. There have been 16 posts in the last 6 years. 2019 had none. 2020 and 2021 had one each. They were all made by you. There has certainly been less activity on the blog but that doesn’t mean these kids have been lying dormant all this time. You haven’t stopped thinking about them since they first popped up into your head. In 2019, you rewrote the story you had written for one of those anniversaries; the first chronological beat. (You haven’t read it since then; You have no idea if it’s good or not.)  In 2020, you attempted to write the actual story (like fr fr) for NaNoWriMo -- you didn’t get very far but it’s the thought that counts? 2021 was a quiet year as far as actual writing goes - as was 2022 - but trust that your brain definitely didn’t forget about them. 

The Retro part of the Spective 

Alright, enough second-person POV. 

Ten years.

Ten years. 

Talk about hard pills to swallow (thanks FOB). 

I’ve had this “story”, these characters, banging around in my head for ten years and what do I have to show for it? A couple thousand words and a blog full of half-thought ideas? Around this time last year, I was excited about this anniversary. I made a new Twitter for it (before that died) and was planning on actually publishing something to do this story justice… and I chickened out. I convinced myself, once again, that I wasn’t ready. That other things were more important, they took precedence. Do I have even that much to prove I was right? No, I don’t because I really haven’t changed all that much in ten years, if you can believe it. I know, a real shocker. (I still like all the same things I liked back in high school for crying out fucking loud!) I wanted to reach out to the people I used to do this with, to see if they still wanted to be part of it. (I’m sure that wouldn’tve been at all hard, I wonder why I didn’t follow through?) I wanted to have something so I would be able to say, “I did it.” So that maybe, I could finally move on. But that’s the thing, isn’t it… I don’t want to move on. I’m stuck in this arrested development because I refuse to change, to give up any past part of myself. Because if I don’t have that, I don’t know who I am. 

So now what? What’s all this for? One big, sad diary entry reflecting on the parts of myself that I already know very well? 

Honestly, I don’t know. I was hoping I could come to some sort of conclusion by writing this but as it turns out, it only made me want to cry. 

I wanted this to end on a good note.

I spent all day writing this, I can’t end it like this.

So let’s instead talk about all the things that have changed about these goofballs over the years:

Mystic Cove is a city in a Northern California town. It started out in Florida, it almost ended up as a mountain town. I also briefly considered straight up placing it in San Diego because there are some nice, beautiful, old-ass buildings downtown that juxtapose the cold, sleek skyrises in such a way that I thought about writing something about being lonely in a city and finding your own family. 

Vast Acres has been an apartment building, a boarding house, Mediterranean Revival, Victorian, Queen Anne, even briefly considered a Bed and Breakfast. All I know is it has to be the place where this family gets together. At one point under the ownership and operation of Marvin’s dad Alejandro, it is now bequeathed to Marvin by a mysterious, freshly dead uncle/great uncle. 

Marvin is a wholeass person to me, in that he’s not completely knowable to even me anymore. Marvin is probably the person in Mystic Cove I know the BEST and that like doesn’t mean anything to me. Like yeah, I’ve written pages and pages and answered so many pointless questions about him but… I don’t know how else to describe him other than, “He’s an enigma.” The most significant thing about him that’s changed is I’m considering undeading his mom? Just because I feel like we’ve had enough dead mom media and it’s not something I can speak to truthfully. Briefly considered making her a runaway mom? But we’re still thinking about it. I think her name is Lily? 

Mel’s name went from Melinda to Melody because I decided Melinda was a weird name? And Mel likes music so I thought I would be clever. She went from “Marv’s sister” and side character to basically co-lead. Mel was even almost briefly considered as the real main character for a time when I thought to lean into its roots as a product of a high schooler’s imagination and go full YA coming-of-age adventure. It was actually the subject of my 2020 NaNo attempt. I decided against it because I loved Marv too much to push him to “supporting character” and if there’s something about me that’s developed, it’s that I don’t much care for YA books anymore. 

Amber is unsurprisingly my favorite because I’m a Leo. I think I finally decided on a backstory for her that I like and she’s not white anymore? Like, not fully anyway lmao. Before she was like, from someplace in England with like Spanish parents so like tan? But now we’ve decided that she’s from colonized Mexico and her father is a white devil. :) I’ll let you figure that one out. Over these ten years, I’ve grappled with the fact that an immortal is almost impossible to understand. I’ve gone back and forth on whether her immortality is on purpose or by accident or a curse or what. Honestly, I’m still thinking about it, I don’t know for sure what I’ll end up picking. Right now though, it is an involuntary immortality with her life being tied to her sister’s (yes, the cat). Details are fuzzy. I’d have to finish the main story first but if I were to make a spin-off, I would make a prequel story about Amber’s life because it is QUITE eventful. 

Lucas is a man now lmao. And so is Will. And they r gay. For each other. But that’s been that way from the beginning lol. I think Luc’s story had to do with self-worth and Will… Will didn’t have much going on in my mind. My instinct was to make him a himbo but Will has always been very smart in my head so I don’t think that will work? Dude’s beefy asf and mad respectful so perfect man tbh? No notes. 

Jenny’s been my way to try to break down the trope “Born Sexy Yesterday” because that’s just the kinda guy I am. No, but fr I think I was making a very infantilized version of Jenny initially and that’s why I shipped her with Mel in so many AUs?? I’m not against skewing Jenny younger to make that ship viable in canon but I don’t know if that’s the story I want to tell. I don’t think Jenny ever had a goal beyond “Get to the surface” which she gets when she makes her appearance in the story so?? Where do we go from here? Things to think about…

Rohen was fat (like a proper seal should be) before they lost their skin on the beach to some snot-nosed kid and became depressed. When they start healing on their depression journey, they start to gain weight again and it's a good thing. :) 

Everyone else I haven’t mentioned yet hasn’t changed much (ie. I haven’t thought about them much). It’s not that I have favorites (even though I just said that I did), it’s just that I basically go down a list whenever I think about these guys, and, due to my short attention span, I never make it all the way down the list. AND honestly, it’s probably for the best because looking back… there were WAAAY too many characters to keep track of ngl… Like it’s a slice-of-life thing, I know. Not every character has to be involved in every storyline but like… At some point, you have to draw a line at, “How many named characters with their own plotlines can I insert into this story?” YKWIM? Especially because at one point there was a whole roster of other people who lived in the apartment building when there were like 20 units. That was (rightly) reduced back down to just the core cast. 

You can pry Jonesy from my cold, dead hands, tho. He’s perfect. He can stay.

This post took me literally all day. 

I’m tired.

I don’t really expect anyone to read all this but if you are not me and you made it to the bottom, congratulations! You now know me on a much deeper level! :) I hope I can convince myself to buckle down and write, straight up. Maybe NaNo this year? No promises. I’m trying to apply for university this year and living situation issues might take precedence but such is life, right? 

Thank you.

I love you all.

For giving me this gift.

Even if you never intended to give it fully to me.

It’s mine now, bitches. >:) 

Here’s to 10 years! And many (but hopefully not too many) more…

Cheers. 🥂🍾

❤️

[quibbs126]

So I remembered this one concept I made some years ago and I just wanted to sketch and talk about it

I talked about how maybe I needed a design overhaul, but since I’m not really sure how to do that, I went back to @droolingdemon imitation for now. Or at least, semi that. I wouldn’t say it looks…anything like their work

I had a lot of fun with the rough sketching of this group (Callous was a bit difficult though with his demon form), but realized I need to also do sketches of them that were nicer, which I had less fun with. Don’t think it turned out too bad though, I just need to figure out how to do sketch lines in this style, since I instead just do straight line art. Though maybe it’s also because I’m always looking at the reference image (the smaller screen of the entire picture thing). I don’t think I used that back when I first did the imitation style

I definitely messed up Callous’s hands in the bottom left though. I wasn’t really thinking about them tbh

But anyways, how about I talk about the characters here?

You know, I think I’m gonna try and be more concise with my points on the plot. I feel like with these things I ramble too much and it starts to become a bit incoherent

Okay, so basically this takes place in a world where humans summon demons from their realm via magic scrolls as basically servants. Our main human character, Pawky, summons a demon from a newly appeared scroll, this being our main demon character Callous, to help her with a quest by being her bodyguard, and that’s pretty much how the plot gets going

I don’t think I ever actually decided what quest she’s actually going on or what they’re doing. I haven’t worked on this for a very long time and a lot of the plot points that might have been there are lost on me. The things I do remember are vaguely how the demon thing works and Callous’s backstory. Mostly since I think those are the things I actually thought about

But I do know the two become friends by the end

So I’ve drawn Callous before, a long time ago, but I’ve never drawn Pawky, which was basically what I was trying to do here

Here’s the original drawing

I like how their designs look in the end though, at least the final pic (bottom right). Need to work on Callous’s demon form though

Okay so first up, origins. Of the story I mean

So basically this thing was inspired by this one au I saw back in my Dragon Ball days (so junior year high school) of basically a monster au, in which witch Bulma summons demon Vegeta for reasons I don’t remember. I don’t remember if it was part of a larger au or this was its own thing, since they did have a full on monster au too. Basically I just took the concept and made it original. Though I did later take out the romance aspect as I changed Callous. But the inspiration may be seen somewhat in their hair

Anyways, so let’s start with the whole demon summoning thing and how it works

Basically how it works is that demons get summoned with scrolls that end up magically appearing in the human world, and with summoning, demons can enter it

There’s different “levels” of demons depending on their power, with the low level ones being your common enemies like slimes and skeletons, stuff like that. They’re generally summoned in groups for proper effectiveness. Then there’s the middle group, which are usually part of a species, but are more powerful than the common enemies, things like manticores and such, but aren’t powerful enough to stand on their own. Then there’s the high level demons, who are so powerful they get their own personal scrolls

Callous is a high level demon

Now granted, the levels are a spectrum, there’s a big difference between the weakest member of the middle level and the strongest, while there likely isn’t as much between that weakest member and the strongest member of the low level. But there is a separation somewhere. Callous technically lies somewhere on the lower end of his spectrum

Demon scrolls usually pop up in the human realm once a demon is old enough or powerful enough, with Callous being the former

Now as for demon summoning, you can’t just do it willy nilly, it takes practice and training, sort of like alchemy in Full Metal Alchemist. And the higher level a demon, the more difficult they are to summon. But when summoned correctly, a demon will appear and the two strike a bargain, the human asking for them to do something, and the demon having to carry that out so that they can return to the demon realm. Though technically speaking it’s not really a bargain, the demons don’t have much say in what they have to do. And while the demon is summoned, they basically have to cater to the summoner’s wishes

If the imbalance of power seems unfair, yeah. I think the lore is that demons and humans fought a war that the humans ultimately (somehow) won, and this is the demons’ punishment for it

One big thing with demon summoning is that if someone of too little experience and power tries to summon a far more powerful demon, they run a very high risk of dying in the process, if not certain risk. And if a summoner dies while summoning a demon, then demons are ultimately left in a loophole where they can go about the demon realm with no limitations, which generally isn’t good. There are people who hunt down those rogue demons, but generally speaking to prevent these sorts of things, there are strict regulations and laws when it comes to distributing demon scrolls, to minimize the risk of this happening. Pawky is someone of a high enough experience that she can summon someone like Callous no problem

Also I’m just remembering, I think there may have been a character who was a Goku stand-in in this story, who’s one of these demon hunters. He’s a very friendly guy, but he has an absolute hatred of demons for one reason or another, and this puts him in conflict with Callous, who is a demon. He might not know Callous’s true nature due to him using a human disguise

I don’t remember why he’s using a human disguise, just that he is

Anyways so I think I’ve just about covered the world building, let’s finally get in to the characters, starting with Pawky

So I don’t have much to say on Pawky, mostly because I don’t remember much about her, if I even wrote stuff about her. She’s spunky and sassy, and she’s good at summoning demons. Also she’s an adult at least in her 20s. I don’t…really have much, that’s about it

As for Callous, he has a lot more going on

So Callous is a manticore, which is a mid level demon class, but he was able to rise up to a high level status on his own. Not only that but he was originally to be of a relatively high ranking in his own race (which is why he has horns like he does). As such he’s very prideful of his abilities and doesn’t take too kindly to being stooped to something as demeaning as being some human’s bodyguard

Now I’m sure you may notice that he’s got something weird about his back, and also that he doesn’t have wings (I know not all manticores have wings, but plenty do, including here). Well he originally did have wings, and quite nice ones that that. But at a young age, the manticore group he was part of was basically exterminated by another, much more powerful demon, with him as the only survivor, and he had his wings ripped off by this other demon, who takes body parts of other demons and basically just attaches them to their own body, becoming this patchwork demon. The copious amount of scars on Callous’s back in the original are from him scratching his own back because of the pain he feels about what happened and to cover up that he ever had wings in the first place, as he sees him losing them as incredibly shameful

Yeah, don’t know why I have him a backstory like that. But that patchwork demon is still out there, with Callous’s old wings, and Callous has a chip on his shoulder from the incident. That demon would probably show up sometime later in the story

Another thing to note is how in his human form, I called out in the sketch that he’s supposed to be small and skinny, which is also supposed to be demonstrated in the bottom right pic, to which Pawky is confused by his non threatening appearance. He’s also supposed to look like a teenager in this form. This is because when a demon goes into a human form, it’s essentially them if they were humans. So what this amounts to for Callous is that despite his appearance in demon form, in comparison to other manticores, he is pretty tiny, and in manticore years only a teenager. His small size is because he was malnourished and had his growth stunted after the extermination of his people. However it might take Pawky some time to realize the reason why Callous looks the way he does in human form

So in reality Callous is actually a tiny 16 year old with a lot of trauma, and ego to compensate

Now let’s talk about Callous’s abilities. Generally he’s just got great strength and sharp fangs and claws, but he also has natural poison/acid that comes from his mouth and stinger.

…Thought I’d have more to say on that front but no. But one thing I have is that he’s a carnivore, and while he’d love to eat human flesh, they usually aren’t fighting enough people to do so, so he just settles for large animals he finds, and he uses the acid in his mouth to essentially melt his prey while tearing an eating it. He’s an incredibly messy and loud eater. Pawky finds his way of eating absolutely disgusting and so makes him eat somewhere where she can’t see and generally hear him

And I think that finally about covers it

I realize now I don’t actually have a title for this. Hmm, was there a name for it? …I don’t remember, nor can I really think of one, other than like, Summoners, but that’s lame. I’m not good with title

But yeah, I hope you enjoyed this

[seahdalune]

Seana’s 2020 art highlights (a thread)

(Note: this is a reupload of a thread i did on twitter a few years back. so these are really old.)

January: i didn’t draw anything complete that month.... closest thing i could find to finished is this art i made of my OC, Angelord. man. remember when i drew my OCs? [2023 note: it's..... funny you say that. you would try to start up an original comic for the entirety of next year.... not that it ever came to fruition.]

February: i finished Link’s Awakening that month. i drew Marin bc i thought she was cute. i wish i could get motivated to draw fanart of recent video games i finished more... this is probably the last proper traditional art i made this year... after this, it’s mostly digital.

March: look. i’m attempting anatomy... and i failed lol. i remember being like “how do you draw woman” after drawing this... i mean. i still wanna know how to draw woman, so i guess i haven’t changed lol. [2023 note: I STILL DONT KNOW HOW TO DRAW WOMEN]

April: wait NVM here’s another traditional piece i made this year. he was an adoptable i made... but nobody was interested in them so he’s with me for now. i’ll try and redesign them, either to sell them or to keep him. [2023 note: i never sold this guy.... i was lazy and nobody values points these days. probs for the best because scamming children with virtual coins is probably not a good idea lmao. at the same time, i wish there was an easy way to buy and sell designs+commissions without having to get a credit card or paypal or something.]

May: another month where i didn’t draw anything. buuut i did some plush sketches to reference so das dat. [2023 note: you'll probably be able to name most charas here, but who's the guy i drew the most? that's Matteo, he's a little pink vampire and i made him through Gatcha Life.]

June: ah. the month where i started digital art. this was fanart for my friend’s OC. i didn’t know a lot of features of digital art so it looks like shit LOL not the first digital art i made ever, but it might as well be. [2023 note: i actually received my tablet around 2018, but i never had time to draw on it because i had 1 hour of screentime every day. this restriction was finally lifted in 2020 (because online classes) and i finally had time to venture out into the world of digital art...]

July: i made a lot of stuff this month, but to shorten the list... i finished the plush of my OC, Matteo. i wanna make another plushie... maybe with Suitcase.

this was also the month i joined the OSC... oh hell. it’s been 6 months?? [2023 note: 2 YEARS BITCH. ITS GONNA BE YOUR 3RD ANNIVERSARY if i didn't get so tired and started to hate the community so much.]

August: ...ergh. lets get over with this month quickly... Object OCs this. Object OCs that.

occasional Algebians.

i do not like the art here... it really shows that i’ve improved. ok let’s get outta here. [2023 note: i fucking despise the person who asked me why "they were old" to my humanizations of the Dangos. this is why i refuse to join another public server ever again and might have contributed to the delay of my human drawing skills.]

September: lots of Taco II. i seriously liked her a lot. still do, but the love is a bit more spread out between characters.

oh. and i watched ONE that month. cool.

October: i finally found a style that i could weld. hooyah.

don’t ask why i drew my friend as a cat maid... i thought it was funny ok.

September: the month of gift art. nothing else to say, but i like the thin lines. yes, ‘thin’. ...god i need to think of better things to say. [i would then realize i said the wrong month, and unlike tumblr, i cannot edit tweets once published, so my only option was to delete the whole thing and start over. or just say this:] did i just say September... oh for fucks- no i am not fixing this i’m already tired of this just imagine i said November ok

December: best art of this year so far (doh) nothing to say. just... happy that i improved. can’t wait to improve even more.

[hey look! i was in the 2020 JnJ christmas video! thats me! me!!]

aaand, that’s all for this year! man, i thought i was done with improvement. i can’t believe i proved myself wrong. usually other people do that for me lol. lets see if i can disprove myself again in 2021.

[naysaltysalmon]

8 shows to get to know you

I was tagged by @emiliosandozsequence​!!💖

Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood – I don’t think this one comes as a surprise to anyone who knew me before 2015. This was the show that got me into anime, the show that got me on Tumblr, and one of the most perfectly constructed stories to exist. So much of who I am is attributed to this show. Edward Elric’s determination even in the face of impossible adversity has helped me in so many ways since I watched this in middle school. I have watched this series at least 8 times over. The story and characters are perfectly cyclical, and the darker elements are completely earned. If you haven’t watched this show yet and you like anime, what are you even doing?

Hunter x Hunter (2011) – This is probably my favorite anime of all time and I highly doubt anything will ever top it (FMAB is a close second). This show carried me through some really depressing times in high school and early college. I made unforgettable friends in this fandom; my most popular fanfic to date is from this fandom. HxH destroyed everything I thought I knew about how narratives and characterization work. Every character is so 3-dimensional despite the seemingly simplistic storytelling. The animation is beautiful, the plot and characters are so endearing and sublimely constructed. Despite watching the entire series at least 4 times over, certain character moments will never stop me from crying for just how much these characters and this series means to me.

Spongebob Squarepants – What is there to say about Spongebob. The zany atmosphere, the absolute buffoonery. I would not be the master of meme humor I am today if not for Spongebob. I have no idea who I would be in general without Spongebob. As always, this counts for earlier seasons more than later ones, but my point still stands.

Fairly Odd Parents – Unfortunately, given its shitty creator and shittier new seasons, I hate mentioning this one at all now, but it’s true. Timmy Turner’s home situation and unflappable desire for mischief and adventure never failed to draw me in as a kid. I often wished I had my own fairy godparents to get me in and out of trouble, being the lonely kid I was. Timmy Turner is probably one of the first fictional characters I saw myself in in general, paving the way for the insanity of many others.

Star Wars: The Clone Wars – No one goes as hard as The Clone Wars when it comes to turning a meme-y prequel trilogy into some of the most powerful, compelling, and emotional storytelling to exist on TV. I already really liked Star Wars as a kid, and even the prequel trilogy, and yet I didn’t get around to watching this show until it was on Netflix in 2016. It changed my life; of course, Ahsoka Tano had a huge part in that. I expected her to be just another cartoon protagonist who would contribute to the fall of Anakin in some way, but what actually ended up happening and who she became completely floored me with its development à la Episode III. It’s so empowering to watch, and brilliant to behold its methodical unfolding.

Garden of Sinners – I have only watched this show twice, but both times it changed me as a person. Despite watching it originally in middle school, it has stuck in my mind as one of the most beautiful pieces of art I have ever experienced. That still holds true. I recently rewatched it in January. Shiki is such a nuanced, tragic, and compelling character. The dark topics addressed in the series are treated with a depth and nuance that I have seldom seen anywhere else. This series has really impacted how I approach storytelling to this day in my own writing, something I didn’t realize until this year. It’s not a show I remember all the details of, and yet so much of it defines my tastes and style now.

Helluva Boss – Listen, if you haven’t watched Helluva Boss yet, and you like profane language and adult animation, you’re missing out, man. Not only is this show absolutely hilarious with that kind of zany, dark, and random humor I enjoy, but the characters are so endearing and entertaining. The animation is unique and colorful. The latest episode (s2 ep3) really got to me, as did s1 eps6 and 7. Not every episode is an amazing hit, but this is the shit when it comes to indie and adult animation y’all, and if you haven’t watched it, you should go do that right now.

The Untamed (2019) – What can I even say about The Untamed at this point. I started watching it in September 2021 with a friend as a joke. It’s really hokey. The lighting is terrible. Some of the plot makes no fucking sense. But the acting is really good. And I was going along, thinking to myself “wow this plot is really stupid.” And I was right. It is really stupid. And then I got to the end, and the unreliable narrator villain reveals he’s actually a poor little meowmeow, and he’s the one who killed his divorcee clan leader husband. Oh my. And he goes off on a glorious homosexual rant about it. My heart. I must now dedicate my entire fanfiction career to this little meowmeow, and let me say, I have few regrets. I feel my writing scope and ability went from 10 to 100 in the span of a year thanks to this meowmeow. The rest of the show is fun now too, but god, I’m really only here for Jin Guangyao (and his husbands).

The only live-action show on this list is The Untamed. If that doesn’t tell you something about my tastes and my particular brand of insanity... I don’t know what will. Feel free to fill this out if you want!!

Tagging: @stupidbluejay​ @miricactusito​ @mattbear-music-nz​ @jackshade21​ @lizard-dumbass @arrysa-clair @wifiwuxians​ @dogs-are-rad​

[27thetherealmoon]

*crying on my bed* so you really abandoned the perfect human heart 🥹🥹😭

I apologize, I’m very emotional righ now because I love the story so very much that I’m fine waiting months or even years for an update from you. I even thinking about making some fanart from the story. I know you are currently enjoyed writing another fanfic, and I’m happy for you because I read it too, and that fic was amazing. your writing is amazing. I thought to myself that it was fine if you didn’t want to update tphh, since it was okay to take a break here and there or if you didn’t feel like to continue your older works/wips at the moment (like me but with arts) but It never crossed my mind that you would orphaned the story. I just realized it yesterday, and the fact still won’t leave my mind until I go to your profile today.

Like you’ve said, I’m sure you have your own reasons as to why you orphaned the story and of course I would respect your decision. Just one thing though, it’s not because I haven’t look around that there’s no written stories I’ll love even more than tphh, it was precisely because I’ve read almost all of them in nvfr tag that I can said for sure that yours was my favorite. The perfect human heart was very dear and special to me. That being said, I should probably grateful you didn’t actually deleted the story or else I would be beyond devastated haha.

Again, I apologize if I make you uncomfortable or something (and for the wall of text), please know that it’s never my intention. I just hope you will find more enjoyment and happiness with whatever you’re writing right now and in the future. And thank you! for ever grazed us with your beautiful writing 🤍

Ah, I cried a bit (a lot) reading this, I can't lie.

I would've loved to continue The Perfect Human Heart. I love that story with all my heart.

I love the Furina I have created, my pretty girl with her white eyelashes who wears odd clothes because she finally can and doesn't really know how to dress like a normal person. The girl that doesn't know how to be a human and behaves weirdly all the time. The girl that doesn't remember her past at all and finally has the time to do something about that and uncover the truth. The girl that struggles with suicidal thoughts and doesn't know how to continue living but does it anyway because a part of her wants to see how far she can go, if she can reconnect with her past and figure out who she was and what she can be. The girl that wants to know if she still has family out there.

Really, I have two reasons why things ended up going down like this:

1. My mental health is really bad and has been for a while now. Hibernaculum, my Haruno Sakura fic (I really do love girls who are hated by the fandom of the media they belong to, huh...) is a lot less taxing on my mental health because while I might've given her the same issues with paranoia, she doesn't struggle with herself as much as Furina does in The Perfect Human Heart. Working on it made me worse, so I took a break. I usually enjoy writing very emotionally taxing stories that deal with many dark themes, but it started to affect me negatively after a while. It's so heavily focused on what the characters go through, and that became very overwhelming in combination with my own struggles. That's what originally caused my unplanned hiatus.

2. You might call me dramatic for this (I know twitter and tiktok both don't care about these things and think people who do are pathetic) but I really really don't like hoyoverse/mihoyo as a company and what they do with their games (the whitewashing, the loli stuff in ggz, the mixing of cultures in mondstadt, natlan, sumeru and fontaine that led to none of these nations really representing or showcasing anything, the ai rumours going around since they allegedly fired a bunch of people last year, the occasionally really bad writing in some of their games, the way some characters and their stories are just never expanded upon and all you can do is pray for crumbs of information in later updates, I can go on) and I just... idk. It became too much after a while.

Nothing ever changes. The company doesn't care... so why put my love and energy into a fanfic for a game made by people who don't really give a shit about their players or the stuff they make? I know, super dramatic.

It's stupid too, because it's not like Kishimoto is an angel who has never done anything wrong and writes every arc and every character perfectly (Hibernaculum partially exists because he doesn't really care about so many characters), and me orphaning TPHH won't change anything about mihoyo.

But it was just so frustrating. I worked so hard to make sure I represent everything as well as possible, even to the point of basically terraforming Mondstadt entirely (something I never got to tell/show you guys) and coming up with more details and story for Fontaines past and Egeria. I did so much hard work, but it was also so... easy? It's so easy to find information on these cultures nowadays, to get into the details and talk about language differences, foods, skin care, clothes and all of that and hoyoverse just didn't bother with most of that. It's so... idk. Annoying? The hard part is sorting through the endless rivers of information to figure out what exactly you need and they couldn't be bothered with that, nor could they be bothered with showing the people who actually live in the countries they're trying to represent.

So I guess I kind of did it to make myself feel better about my frustration with the company? Which is stupid because I feel incredibly guilty and awful since I orphaned the fic.

But it just became too much for a bit. TPHH was the only sign of support I've ever shown mihoyo for their work (besides playing the game for a few years of course, but I quit that a few months ago too) and I just wanted that gone. To stop feeling like a hypocrite when I criticised the company while working on fanwork for something hey made.

But then I couldn't delete it because I remember all of the sweet comments I've received from you all and I got so sad, like I was betraying you all, so I orphaned it instead and now I regret that too but I also don't because I know that a lot of people loved it and... it's all really weird right now.

A part of me wishes I deleted it, another wishes I never orphaned it and instead kept it on my profile to work on it in a year or two when my mental health is better. Because while it is a fanfiction for a gacha game, it's also kind of my baby in a weird way.

I have a huge folder with everything I had planned for this fic, filled with quotes and scenes and details. I genuinely love this story so endlessly I can't put it into words.

I loved coming up with Furinas past, with her origins and who she was and became before her ascension, how her ascension affected those she knew at the time, everything. The main themes of sisterhood and family, friendship, divinity, immortality and its struggles, grief, mystery, and love. There's so much pain and so much healing and love in this fic, especially from Furina but also Chlorinde and Neuvillette.

Ah, Neuvillette. I never got to write him or really get into chlorinde and wriothesley and Sigewinne, Ganyu, Xiao and Zhongli, Rhodeia, Venti, Lisa, Callirhoe.

I made a human form for Rhodeia, who I really loved, too. She was so cool! I made a backstory for her and Callirhoe as well, which was so awesome (I don't like praising myself, but it really was a cool backstory). It would've been so fun. Big sisters for Furina, two people she could unapologetically lean on because they're family, and that's what family is supposed to be like.

Ah, I'm crying again. This feels like such an overreaction, but I genuinely care about this fic so much.

I'm incredibly thankful for your words and love. I really really am. Thank you for loving this story as much as I did, maybe even more than I did. The idea that you thought about making fanart for it blows my mind and really just makes me cry even more. Thank you for your sweet words about my writing as well. I've said it too many times at this point, but I really am endlessly insecure about it, so seeing people say they enjoy it is always a bit of a relief to me.

Don't worry, your words don't make me uncomfortable. They're actually very touching and sweet. Really, I hope my rant/very emotional response doesn't make you uncomfortable. If you have any more questions about the story, mysteries you'd like me to uncover or anything like that (or if you just want to talk), you can always message me! My ask box and dms are always open.

[azurdlywisterious]

So I think I’m onto something.

Every time I think about the Institute and what the Commonwealth is supposed to be, it feels really dissonant to me that the gen 3 synths are just people with brain chips. Everything else the institute does is textbook robot shit (like all of Kellogg’s cybernetics), so the cloning stuff kinda feels like it’s coming out of left field.

And that’s because it is.

Back in fallout 3, you can get a quest in rivet city from this guy who is actually from the commonwealth. He tasks you with finding his “very special android” which he later clarifies is an advanced synth. You later can get approached by a railroad agent who tells you that they wiped the synths memories (confirmed by the synths own logs). If you choose the help the railroad, the agent gives you some mechanical part that if the guy sees it, he’ll know his synth is dead.

Now, if this synth was actually just a person with a chip, why would he bother saying that it’s a special class of android. Most people talking about gen 3 synths in 4 don’t refer to them as machines, just gen 3 synths. Nick refers to himself as mechanical, because notably he is. Not so with his gen 3 brethren.

The reason why I’m not rolling over and assuming that the mechanical part you get in 3 is the brain chip and it was all planned from the start is because there’s some background information that is crucial to my revelation. Fallout 3 was released in 2008. Fallout 4 was released in 2015. A solid seven year gap (account for new Vegas and that gap is now five years, but nv was made by a different studio). According to dev notes and concept art, the commonwealth was originally going to be a much bigger technocracy, actively being ruled by the Institute. But then the game came out and that’s not what we got. So what caused this change?

I couldn’t tell you for certain, but let’s follow a through line. A while back, I found a post or a comment on here asking why the railroad’s plan was to wipe the memories of androids and make them think they’re people when they’ll never age or die and have machine parts. Which I saw that and I agreed. I even thought it was strange in the fallout 3 quest. Like the guilt he feels about his programmed role of slave catcher is an understandable thing to erase (since he too was a slave), but making the android think he’s human is a bizarre thing to do. It would have pretty noticeable consequences pretty early on. Think like a DBH android that’s had its memories wiped and now believes it’s human. Like, that would be a new kind of traumatic and that’s only scratching the surface.

My guess is that the team realized that (or were told that) this didn’t make a lot of sense, so they retconned it. Badly. Because, instead of saying something like “yeah that’s a fringe branch of the railroad and we’re trying to get it under control, but we don’t do that here” or “they aren’t affiliated with us and we’re trying to get them to stop because of all the problems they’re causing” or fuck the timeline and say “that was old protocol and it’s amazing no one saw the glaring flaws sooner.” But instead, they made the synths test tube babies and created a whole new problem: why is this dollar store dark mech faction (affectionate) doing stuff with cloning instead of making more robots? But they never answered that. Not in a way that makes sense or matters.

Everyday I mourn the lost technocracy.

Of course, this is an open discussion and would like to get some other perspectives on this (I haven’t finished the main quest of 4 yet) (and I probably never will so spoil away) (most of its already been spoiled for me.)

[healeroflightanddark]

Collegebound, Chapter 8: Undeclared

Yuya had already decided that he wanted to major in drama before he had even graduated from high school. But now that he was actually in college, he realized that there were other similar degrees he could major in.

“Agh!” the poor tomato groaned one morning at breakfast. “I thought I knew what major I wanted! Now I’m having second thoughts!”

“Really? Why?” asked Yuto, who had brought homemade melonpan to share with his friends. “You’ve spent the last sixteen years saying you wanted to be a performer. Why the sudden change of heart?”

“No, no, I still want to be a performer, but I did a little more research and found out that there are multiple majors that relate to that particular career path, and Drama might actually not be the major I want to pursue…” Yuya sighed.

“What other majors are there?” Yugo asked. Yuya picked up the pamphlet he’d been reading, “There’s Drama, Theater, Performing Arts, and Acting.”

Yuri blinked. “And there’s… a difference between those four majors?”

“Apparently,” Yuya sighed. “According to this pamphlet, Drama focuses on the study of dramatic literature, theater history, and the theoretical aspects of theater, as well as practical skills such as acting and directing. Theater focuses on the practical aspects of theater, including acting, directing, stagecraft, and production. Performing Arts encompasses a broader range of disciplines, including theater, dance, and music, and may offer a more interdisciplinary approach to performance and artistic expression. And Acting is specifically focused on the development of acting skills, including character analysis, scene study, and performance techniques.”

“Ohhh,” Yuto, Yuri, and Yugo spoke in unison. Yuya put his pamphlet down and poked at his tamagoyaki. “You can see why I’m now questioning what major I want now.”

“Mhm,” Yuri agreed. “Have you already declared your major?”

Yuya shook his head. “I was originally planning on applying to Ryutoshi as a Drama major, but when I saw the other three majors it made me hesitate. So I applied as Undeclared.”

“Well, you have until the end of our second year to decide,” Yuto said. “And don’t worry, you’re not alone. I still haven’t been able to decide my major either. I can’t pick between Philosophy, History, Art History, Liberal Arts, or Fine Arts.”

“I wanna major in Engineering, but there are a bazillion different kinds of Engineering majors!” Yugo said, sulking a little. “There’s like… Computer Engineering and Mechanical Engineering and Electrical Engineering and like… so much Engineering. So now I have to decide which Engineering course I wanna major in.”

“I’m pretty sure I wanna major in Botany, but Horticulture also sounds interesting to me, so I’m a little unsure,” Yuri admitted. “And Biology in general seems fascinating as well. So I guess we’re all Undeclared at the moment, hm?”

Yuto, Yugo, and Yuya all nodded and hummed in agreement. Yuto smiled a little. “Well, we’ve got two years to figure it all out. That should be plenty of time!”

[seaoreos]

I got a new bag at forest fair this year. It’s red and orange and shaped like a whale shark with big button eyes, ridiculously adjustable straps, and a surprising amount of space inside compared to my old bag.

So I’ve piled a lot of things into it. Among the usual things like wallet, phone, lip balm. A small bottle of lotion, a small tin of hand cream, two different kinds of earplugs, glasses cleaner, phone battery, a notebook & pencil, and a small box of the Pride pins I make.

It only has one small pocket inside of it, so I put my most-used and smallest stuff in there. So, to keep things more organized, I put some things into a small handy little mesh bag I got from some dice or earrings or something I got. Two different sizes of pads, normal band-aids, waterproof band-aids, at least four ibuprofen, a pack of tissues… I’m sure there’s something I’m forgetting. Anyways, *everything* that’s in my bag isn’t exactly the point of this post.

Once I realized how much stuff I could put in my new bag, it made me happy to think of being the ‘has literally any random thing and god knows what else in his bag’ guy. And there’s still stuff I wanna add, like maybe a small sewing kit, glasses repair kit… gum. So on.

And recently, in an online class I’ve been in (which could be another, less positive post, at least right now) I saw someone trying to post their art on the discussion board that had done something I had almost done, until I figured out the way everyone else was doing it. So I just dropped a quick comment, telling them I’d had the same problem, and trying to help. Not required or anything, I just… wanted to.

Last night, my friend Skyler was drawing something for the first time in awhile- they were struggling with a small part of it, asked for some help- I did a quick show of how the reference they were using lines worked, the sort of shape they made, and also drew a vague shape of what it could look like over/with their lineart. It didn’t take much work, just a few minutes or so, but they were really happy. The art came out great, by the way, and it made me really happy to see them drawing again.

and tonight my partner was also drawing- something for my birthday, actually. (Tuesday. Oct 3rd. I’m turning 18.) At first he was just struggling with the cuff of a sleeve, some fabric folds, so I did a similar thing to help him out. Now I’m also drawing a quick reference of my oc Viri’s face scar for him, (which I have yet to finish. Class project. That I should be working on instead of writing this.) because he needed that too, and I don’t mind.

They were both thanking me for my help- we were all on call together- and in trying to find something to say, I just managed “I like to help.” And, you know, I really think I do, actually. I like to help. It’s nice. I don’t know where I was going with this originally, but… I like to help. I want to help. And I’ve been doing it without much of a second thought lately, which is nice. It feels good.

it’s 7am and I haven’t slept which isn’t helping my mush brain make the original point/meaning here that I’ve kinda forgotten by now. But I wanna be good and kind and help but I also wanna remember how to be mean again.

but I guess what I mean by ‘mean’ I think, is I want to.. have a backbone again? Be brave again? Be a brash little autistic kid who said ‘but why’ to everything and anything and just did what they thought was right? And it’s kind of ‘mean’ only because a lot of other people see it that way. I wanna stick up for others and myself too, instead of clamming up and not doing it. It doesn’t help that I don’t feel very intimidating. I’m almost 18, but I’m pretty short and a weird little hopefully-kinda-gnc-lookin thing and people just always seem to think that I’m 13 or something. It’s genuinely getting on my nerves. Ma’am. I am a fucking grown ass man. Please stop talking to me like that.

I’m tired I need to sleep. Basically I wanna be kind but take no shit. I guess. That’s very punk to me. And I wanna make a jacket covered in patches and pins and other customizations, maybe some spikes and some moss, paint and sharpies and god knows what else. I simultaneously wanna look like a wizard, some cottage thing, a punk ass fuck, a colorful blob, and some forest creature, which is great. Anyways remembering the nice stuff I’ve done recently w just the. I dunno, almost bewildered ‘I like to help’ that was.. instinct? Makes me feel good. I wanna have my sharp teeth back.