#im crying and trying to wash these goddamn dishes

[powderflower]

quick angry tags

[kyxgrey]

.

[tomdiddlyumptious]

Tom Holland x black reader getting caught fucking in his childhood bed and his parents making reader and Tom talk about it in a family meeting 💀💀

Oop-

Summary: que?

Warnings: smut and an awkward situation. Cringy smut of course, yelling ar new borns- LaNgUaGe

T.H| I’m Sorry You Said What?

You and tom rode in the car, bumping to something random on the radio as you both made your way back to his old home. Youve been there before but it was nice to come back after a while.

“Y/n?” “What?” You asked looking at him. “I love you” “ewwwww” you stuck out your tongue, he rolled his eyes and smacked his lips while you giggled.

“Im sorryyyyyy” “no your rude” tom shook his head unbuckling himself. “It was a simple joke! Its not my fault you couldnt take it!” He glared at you “you suck” “you swallow” “you choke” “i- i do” you admit making him laugh “ i wont lie” you shrugged and hopped out the car, closing the door behind you.

You both walked to the door and he held on your waist pressing a kiss to your forehead. He knocked and was met immediately with his father with a bib on. “Whats the bib for?” “Im trying to online teach kids how to eat neatly” “they must be newborns for that-“ you bud in.

“Exactly- its to mad in there” “they dont even know theyre moving how do you expect them to know how to raise a fork” nikki asked making you all laugh as dom shrugged but opened the door more inviting you both in. Tom stepped in after you both and you shared hugs before he pulled you into his room. “Thomas is this your room?” “Yes” “why is there a one direction poster?” “I love Niall Horan” he shrugged and shut the door.

Your eyebrows furrowed at him in confusion “I would take you as more of a zayn fan” “well there goes something new, and I know about your obsession with Harry styles already, do NOT rub it in” he demanded making you giggle, you took off your shoes and laid in his bed, which was comfy, not firm like yours used to be, but as long as you had a roof over your head everything was goddamn fine🙄.

Thomas decided to lay down next to you and you still looked around “I’m supprised you don’t have twilight in here” you giggled “shut up” he chuckled and laid his head in your breast, you played with his hair and tugged it a bit making him let out a small groan “Thomas don’t-“ “you tugged my hair!” “This is your childhood room for heaven sakes” “let’s make more memories then!” He suggested. “You get on my nerves’ you smacked your lips as he reached up to kiss your neck and slowly make his way to your sweet spot. “I want youuuu” he sung.

“But I dontttt” “yes you doooo” “okay maybeeee” “I’m gonna take off your clothessss” “go aheadddd”you moaned a little bit from his nibble on your sweet spot as he trailed his hands down your stomach giving you goosebumps. Your turned your head to meet his lips, “did I ever tell you how amazing you look today?” “No”

“Well-“ he cut himself off, you just love to ruin the mood all the time. “Ay don’t blame me if anything you did because were in your childhood bed right now” “I’m gonna fuck you and that’ll make you be quiet, won’t it?” You just sighed at his words, but letting the blood flow south.

“Actually it won’t, I’d make you scream and let everyone hear- (this is your family for heaven sakes😭)” he mumbled, playing with the hem of your underwear and you let out a low moan. “Yeah i know youd like that, naughty girl (😭😭 i cant)”

He gently rubbed your pearl over your paintes while you unbuckled his pants, palming him through his jeans feeling his hard. He let out a groan and pressed harder on your clit making you whine and buck your hips onto his hands.

“AH” you both jumped and looked at the door seeing it was still shut you sighed in relief. “NO NO WHAT ARE YOU DOING? STOP THE FORK DOESNT GO ALL THE WAY DOWN YOUR THROAT! STOP IT RIGHT NOW- IM TELLING YOUR MOM- WHAT WHAT- DONT CRY PLEASE STOP ILL GET IN SO MUCH TROUBLE”

Tom groaned by the buzzkill of his father, but let out laughs in your neck. “Just make it quick tom” you whispered against his forehead kissing it, he nodded and got up, walking to the door and you stood to, taking off your pants while he made sure it was locked, when he looked back he saw you struggling and tripping over your shoes making him chucke before walking over and making yiu stand straight, right before pinning you to the wall.

He took your hands and yanked them over your head making you clench your legs together. “Open up” he demaned softly, putting his knee in between your legs and opening them before looking at you. “Your so beautiful baby girl” he kissed you, biting your lip. “Dont move your hands? Hear me?”

“But it will start to hurt” you pleaded but he only tsked at you and told you to follow his orders before pulling down his pants and boxers a bit to pull himself out, you both still had clothes on, well you didnt have your jeans on (which is so fuckin unfair) and your shoes but he kept his on.

He took his hands and pressed his chest against your to keep you in place before he lifted your legs around his hips and used a single hand to pull your panties to the side. He spit in the tip of his fingers before runnjng them through your folds “oh- your already soaked” he said before coning cocky “i didnt even do anything yet” “please fuck me already” you begged and he smiled, watching as he slipped himself in, a moan leaving both of your lips.

He started to fill himself in you while you struggled to keep your hands in place. He groaned pumping in you, fucking you against the wall, he hooked his hands under your knees and pushed them closer to the walls to open you up. “Fuck tommy” you gasped, your head leaning back against the wall and he took the chance to lick and suck on your sweet spot, to hot in the moment to remember where he is.

“Fuck y/n your so tight- shit-“ he felt you clench, he started to harder but slow, the sound bouncing off the wall as you swallowed your moans. “Shit- tommy” your back arched off the wall, your arms to tired and heavy so they went around his shoulders and your head in his neck. “You tired baby?“

“UMMMMM” nikki said, both of your heads whipping around. “MOM-“ she slammed the door closed before anything else could happen.

“Dinner is in 15 minutes- uhhhh dont be late. Make sure to clean up” she said leaning up against the door “and please dont ya know-“ she nervously chuckled “finish” “IT WASNT LIKE THAT I SWEAR”

“Thomas it’s obvious” you glared at him, when he pulled out of you a sigh left your lips. “I swear i locked the door” he said putting himself back, watching you as you got yourself together. “Does it really matter now?” He only shrugged in response.

Toms cheeks were scarlet while you tried to get yourself to stop shaking so much. “It cant be that bad, right?” You held onto his arm for strength. “I mean it should all be fine cuz like- they did it to have me!” “Yeahyeahyeah” you nodded, kinda getting confident. “Lets just go” you pulled his arm to the dinning room, meeting a pair of 2 eyes starring at you both.

You all just sat there in silence, all of your movements halt as you made eye contact with nikki and tom made eye contact with his dad. “Dont be shy now, its only dinner” nikki said, placing the plates infront of the seat.

You looked at tom and he did a small nod walking right behind you to sit in the seats right next to each other.

“If you couldnt already tell we are having- erm spaghetti” she smiled trying to ease the tension but it was to thick.

After everyone took a couple bites you sipped the water. “Would you care to explain what happened-“ you choked on the water at doms words, the water shooting out of your nose while everyone looked at you. “I drank it to fast- haha” you faked a laugh, cleaning yourself up with the napkin.

“I didnt know you could do that....” tom said before looking at his dad. “We uhhh had ya know” tom looked away, feeling his ears start to burn up. “Ya know???” Nikki comments.

“You knowwwww like uhmmm” “clearly child” dom said glarring at him. “Who had the idea?” “I think we both know who”

You lifted your arms up in defense “it wasnt me” tom smaced his lips at you and you looked at him shrugging “it wasnt!” “You told me to make it quick!-“

“THOMAS” “whaaaat?! Its true!” “You still started it!”

Nikki and don watched the fued between as you to continued to complain and fight. “You were clearly being to loud thats why we got caught!-“

“Actually i heard thuds against the wall soooo” nikki spaced off as you glarred at him. “Who was making to much noise?” You lifted an eyebrow before he rolled his eyes and turned his chair a bit to not look at you.

“Did you use protection?” Dom asked. “Uhhh no” tom said. “Why not?” Nikki butted in. He only shrugged. “You need to use protection” “no we dont”

Nikki tapped behind her ear “what did you say?” “We will use protection” tom changed his mind. “Aha and how did you get that mark on your neck” nikki turned to you.

“I-uh burned my neck with the curling iron!” “Your hair isnt in curls” you bit your lip at her words “yeah welp i gave up after and dumped my hair in water” dom tried to read toms face and body language “it looks like a bruise, how high was the temperature?” Nikki asked, slightly concerned. “I have no idea”

“Just- why here?” Tom starred at nikki “i dont know i was just caught in the moment~” “dont you only say that when your a virgin doing it-“ “y/n we are supposed to be a team!” “Im just saying!”

“Before you both argue again.....” nikki said stopping the pot from boiling. “I just want to say that i hope your both happy and no longer sexually aroused”

“Nikki!” “What?! I have to say that Dominic!” “No you didnt, but if you dont mind i have to be leaving now, i have to teach the babies how to read” dom stood and took his plate to the kitchen, soon everyone done with their meal as you sat in silence washing dishes with nikki.

“Are you planning on making me a grandma?” She whispered, handing you the wet dish. “No not really” you sighef, drying the dish. “That sucks” “yep”

“But like why not!” “Toms busy with work and all do i dont want him to feel to responsible” “i have to agree on that one, barely wants to wipe his ass” “nikki!” You whisper yelled as she giggled, passing you anothet plate as you put the old one back.

“I know how it feels- dom cant keep his hands off of me” she winked as your eyes widened at her. “What! Im old not dead y/n” “you are not old nikki and plus i dont wanna know that!” “Hey im just letting you know” she shrugged.

“Dad she isnt pregnant and wont be anytime soon” “just bring me the babies! I will teach them how to cook, clean, eat-“ “thats our job dad”

“Well its better then these babies- WHO WONT STOP CHEWING ON THE BOOK-“

“WAAAAAAA”

“OH GOD PLEASE STOP CRYINGGG BLOODY HELL” dom said, snatching the ipad. “But please dont have sex in my house, thomas” dom glared at him while tom aggressively nodded his head.

“S-seth”

“THATS A NO NO WORD- STOP SAYING THAT” dom yelled again, stressing himself out. “WHY ARE YOU EVEN DOING IT IN THE FIRST PLACE?” Nikki yelled from the kitchen, walking infront of you into the livingroom.

“BECAUSE THESE BABIES ARE GONNA BE VERY SMART- IF THEY COULD FECKING LISTON (i did that on purpose)”

“f-fe-“

“Dont you even” he pointed at the new born through the ipad.

“Seth!”

“DOMINIC!”

[bitch-im-your-biggest-nightmare]

Parenting 200!

Hey people, its ya boy, the bitch. I’m making another one of these cuz someone asked and YES.  Corpse Husband x Son yes.  Tags: @save-the-sky @alilshit @whatifwedo @hughugh20@fleurmoon @bi-andready-tocry @itsminniekat @yoongi-holland@loraleiix @hacker-ghost @fanworrior @marvelous-musicals @annshit @unknown-and-invisible @letsloveimagines @babyhoneystvles 

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Corpse was running some errands (which he really didn’t wanna do) with Tyler (that's what we calling him)- his son. Y/N was home relaxing and doing her thing, she already did enough. She cleaned the entire house, woke up early to make them both an amazing breakfast, did the laundry, and made sure Corpses office space was nice and well kept so he could be in a nice area to record and stream. Corpse told Y/N that she needed to get some rest when she said she needed to go out to run some errands- he also made the mistake of deciding to bring a literal toddler around with him.  

Now don’t him wrong- He loved Tyler more than he loved himself, but Tyler can be a little shit sometimes. This child has gotten into a rainbow of different substances. 

Vaseline.  “What the hell- what is that- what is that on your face?” Corpse asked, though he already knew. “Baseline.” They said, rubbing their hands together. 

Coconut butter.  “You know better than this Tyler! Now you look all shiney!” Corpse said as he washed coconut butter off of Tyler. “Iz fun.” Tyler replied while Corpse just let out an exasperated sigh.

Baby powder.  “Tyler what the hell!-” Corpse yelled as he walked in and saw Tyler pouring baby powder down his pants. Tyler looked up at him and said “go way.” ANd when Corpse just stared and then Tyler yelled, “go WAY!”  Cake. “Sweetie! That was for your father!” Y/N said as she saw Tyler sitting on the ground shoving his face with chocolate cake. His hands were covered in it and his mouth was a mess. Tyler looked at her innocently and said “Izs mine!” Corpses clothes.  Corpse walked into the closet to put some brand new hoodies away when he saw none other than Tyler chilling there covered in Corpses clothes. It was a mess. Corpe just stared and shut the closet door, not wanting to deal with that just yet. Y/Ns clothes.  Y/N walked into the closet to see the mess. Tyler was putting on her heals and wearing her scarfs. She sighed and took a picture of a very surprised Tyler. Then she went to go yell at Corpse. Deodorant.  “No no no no no NO NO NO!” Y/N yelled as she pulled the deodorant away from Tyler's hands. He was crushing it all up and smearing it on the floor. “It smell gud.” Tyler said innocently as he was picked up.  Soap.  “Tyler no no no! Take that out of your mouth!” Y/N screamed as she saw Tyler put dish soap in his mouth. She panicked and immediately told him to spit it out. Not even a second later Corpse came tripping into the room asking what the hell happened.   Y/Ns pads. “Tyler no-” Corpse said as he wheezed. Tyler was sticking Y/Ns period pads onto his body. “They stickers!” Tyler laughed, opening another one. Corpse fell onto the floor in sheer laughter, not being able to breathe. Corpses Stream. Corpse left to take a quick pee while he was streaming with his friends. While he was gone, Tyler snuck into his office and joined in as a replacement. “Haii” Tyler said, causing laughter. “Whos this?” Sykkuno asked. They all knew Corpse was a father but never heard anything else about him. “Tyver.” Tyler said, making everyone nearly cry from the cuteness. When Corpse came back, he sighed and took his headset away. “Uhm-” Corpse was cut off, “HEY WHAT ARE YOU DOING PUT TYVER BACK ON!” 

They were all memories. Some good, most bad. None in the middle. He was currently in the store grabbing some things for Y/N. She got her period like just this morning and she was running out of pads so he needed to cop some of those and the more important things. Every female reading this oneshot who has gotten their period will understand the following. He threw oreo cookies, red velvet oreo cookies, hershey's chocolate chip cookies, more cookies, two whole bags of snickers, three whole bags of kit kats, chocolate milk, and a chocolate cake into the cart. Then lastly, he awkwardly strolled into the feminine product isle where two other females were. Tyler was jumping around looking at everything and Corpse was avoiding eye contact. 

One of the girls looked at his cart, looked at him, looked at Tyler, looked at the cart, and back at him and said “She hit it hard didn’t she?” 

Corpse looked at her and sighed, “Yeah...” then he picked out the kind he always saw in the bathroom and then dragged Tyler away and out of the isle. 

“Nooo! Im still looking!” Tyler whined. 

“Well you’re done looking.” Corpse said, walking up to the check out area and checking his stuff out himself. He already felt enough anxiety today so all he really wanted to do was go home and cuddle with Y/N and watch Shrek for the fifthteenth time with Tyler. 

After he bagged everything he pushed the cart out of the store and towards their car. Tyler was jumping around again and being a little shit, so Corpse had to pick him up and hold him and load groceries into the car one handed. Painful. After loading the groceries he set Tyler down and went to bring the cart back. 

On his way back, Tyler latched himself onto Corpses leg and cried. Good lord. “I want icereeeeem!” Tyler whined as Corpse sighed, dragging him around. 

“Tyler we already spent enough! Mom will share some of her food!” Corpse said, tugging Tyler off of his leg like a cat and walking him to the car. Tyler kept complaining and screaming, but Corpse did his best not to listen. But while driving home, the screaming got worse, and Corpse gave in. 

“FINE DAIRY QUEEN IT IS!” Corpse yelled, immediately apologizing for yelling. Then he took a sharp turn and headed to DQ to get this toddler an icecream cone (And Y/N an oreo blizzard, but don't tell). He really didn’t wanna pull into the drive thru, but his anxiety said indoors is worse so he pulled into the line. It was November so Corpse did not understand why there was so many people in the line. Corpse sighed, trying to ignore Tylers whining. “I know it’s long and annoying but we have to wait Tyler.” 

“I want icecreeeemm!” Tyler whined, and Corpse began to grow frustrated. He loved Tyler, but he really wanted to get home. Y/N was probably scrunched up in agony with her period pains and when he gets home shes gonna be fucking dead. Yes you heard me. Dead. Corpse didn’t want to go to court for being blamed of his girlfriend's death. 

During the wait he actually got a call from Y/N. He instantly picked it up, saying hello. 

“Where are you?!” Y/N complained. She was hungry, in pain, and worried. Corpse and Tyler should’ve been home an hour ago. But instead they were stuck in a DQ drive thru. 

“Dairy Queen. Tyler wants an icecream cone.” Corpse sighed, “He’s been a pain the ass so far...” 

“He’s always a pain in the ass but we love him.” Y/N chuckled, “Can you get me a cookie dough blizzard?” 

“Oh. Ok.” Corpse was surprised. Y/N always went for that legendary oreo blizzard. Guess he’ll get it for himself then. “Are you feeling ok?”

“Mmm no. Periods suck. Men will never feel real pain.” Y/N groaned, and Corpse rolled his eyes playfully. 

“Say that next time people are calling me sus in Among Us.” Corpse laughed, “Oh- I gotta go, this lines finally moving.” 

“Ok, bye love you~” Y/N said. 

“Love you too.” Corpse said before hanging up. He got up to the speaker and breathed in, trying to order his food without getting nervous. Social anxiety sucks, I don’t recommended having social anxiety. He stuttered a little, but it wasn’t too bad. When he got his food, he quickly got the fuck out of there and zoomed back to his place.

When he got to a stop light, he handed Tyler his ice cream cone. Almost immediately he began to chow down, his teeth didn’t even seem sensitive at this moment. It impressed Corpse. His boy was something else. 

When he finally made it home, he had many things to do. He got Tyler out of the car safely and picked up all the bags full of food with one arm. On the other, he held Tyler and the ice cream. From there, he made his way into apartment building like a goddamn champ. Sure, he was in pain, sure his muscles were gonna burst, but this, this guys, is what real men do. He is a super dad, he will do what no man ever dares to do.

People were looking at him, it made him uncomfortable. He was glad the apartment had elevadors. Tyler kept eating his ice cream loudly, which made Corpses pain ever worse. When he finally got to the door, he lifted his already weakened arm and turned the doorknob, shoving himself into the room. 

“Honey I’m home!” Corpse said tiredly, dropping the bags on the floor and lightly setting Tyler down. He walked over to the living room, seeing Y/N laying in a mess of blankets and pillows on the floor. She was wearing one of Corpses hoodies that were way too big on her. She looked distressed, but when Corpse put a cookie dough blizzard in front of her, she looked up and took it. 

“You look like a mess.” Y/N laughed, sitting with her legs crossed and beginning to eat.

“I’ve had a long day.” Corpse chuckled and sat next to Y/N in the mess. “Tyler seemed to have fun I guess.” 

“What do you mean I guess?” Y/N chuckled into her words.

“Oh you know how Tyler is baby.” Corpse took a big bite of his blizzard, “I bought everything you will need for a week.” 

“Great!” Y/N leaned in and kissed Corpse on the cheek. Corpse blushed a little, but smiled. Next thing they know, they are cuddling against each other and eating their blizzards. This was the only way to make Y/N happy while she was on her period. 

Then heard a loud crash.

“waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!” 

“God fuckin’ damNI-”

[rant-2-me]

My mental state has just worsened over the days, though I'm not sure why, and I just feel so unmotivated and lacking any energy to practice any self care other than napping, and also feel anxious because I'm not studying enough.. feel like I'm just 1/4th assing my responsibilities.. And when someone asks me how I'm doing, sometimes I blurt out that I'm not fine, and the guilt I feel afterwards for making them worry, so I find myself withdrawing from initiating conversation with them, even though I really want to, and this makes them worry about me more.. I just don't know anything anymore, everything feels too much, yet I can't rant in a clear conscience without feeling guilty for bothering them, and thinking how I don't deserve to complain because they have had so much worse (yes I know pain is relative, but I feel so horrible, like a whiny child, who doesn't know how to be content with her blessings)......

Sorry I know it's a lot.. feel free to delete it if it's triggering or making you uncomfortable in any way... I just needed to get it out..

My lovely nonnie, im so, so glad you sent this ask. and got it all out of your system. yeah this sounds cheesy but like ive been there, with not knowing how to reach out—im proud you had the courage to send this ask. girlboss vibes.

also this ask took a while to answer and im so so sorry about that, but I didnt want to do anything less than the best for you, so let's just jump right in <[:)

Lacking motivation, god I've been there, but doing self care is super super important so here is a how-to, hon.

How to do selfcare when you’re not motivated to:

1. Be a little “gross.”

Gross is in quotes because it’s so subjective, but you undoubtedly have a few behaviors you consider kind of gross regardless. Now’s the time to do them without judgment. For me, that’s meant showering less, eating weird food combos (sometimes in bed), and letting my brows and mustache grow magnificently unruly. For you, it could mean doing something you normally judge yourself for or cutting back on activities you only do for the benefit of others. Now is not the time to allow “socially acceptable” behaviors to rule you.

2. Eat whatever the hell you want.

This should be a rule always, but I’m not going to pretend there aren’t societal, social, and personal pressures that go into why we eat what we eat. Try to shut down the voice that judges or polices what you’re eating right now. We’re in the middle of a goddamn pandemic. If dinner has to be some slices of cheese and deli meat eaten in front of the open fridge, so be it. If you have a lot of cravings and are snacking more than you normally would, cool. If pre-pandemic you decided you were going to stick to a certain meal plan and it’s just not happening anymore? Don’t beat yourself up.

Yes, what we eat is connected to our mental health, and I don’t want to discount that—but if the stress of eating healthfully is making you feel like crap anyway, whether that’s because you can’t fathom cooking or don’t have the means to shop for certain foods during isolation, just eat the sleeve of Oreos and try again another day. It’s okay.

3. And wear whatever you want.

Or, more realistically, wear whatever you can. Even if it means wearing the same ratty sweatpants for a whole week. Or month. Maybe you started all this out aspiring to get dressed every day to work from home productively, or maybe you have a whole collection of comfortable loungewear you feel guilty for not utilizing. Whatever arbitrary rules and expectations you’ve set for yourself, you can throw them out.

On the other hand, maybe you need to quiet the voice that tells you there’s no point in getting dressed or feeling presentable. If it helps, by all means, play with your look, wear awesome or weird outfits, do your hair and makeup or whatever activity might feel a little silly given your current reality. In the middle of a pandemic, nothing is a waste of time if it makes you feel good.

4. Use shortcuts to avoid creating chores.

In my first week or so of working entirely from home, I was baffled by just how messy my apartment got. How on earth were so many messes piling up when I wasn’t even doing anything but working, sleeping, and eating? I hadn’t realized it, but a lot of my small tidying routines had become casualties to the pandemic. And, it turns out, slacking on the little ways I pick up after myself every day (such as doing the dishes right after I use them) added up quickly.

Instead of forcing myself to stick to the same levels of tidiness that I used to maintain, I’ve found shortcuts. For example, I use paper plates and plastic cutlery when I feel too fatigued to wash dishes so they don’t sit in the sink for days on end. Or I stick to the same two “outfits” to avoid clothes piling up when I’m too depressed to put them away every day. If you can find a small way to go easy on yourself, even if it feels a little wasteful or indulgent or gross, it’s okay to tap into those shortcuts right now.

5. Be kind to yourself if your place is messy or dirty.

I won’t lie: I’m someone whose space impacts my mental health a lot. Typically, keeping my apartment clean helps keep my mental health in check and letting my apartment get gross makes me feel worse. That’s still true in a lot of ways, but to adapt I’ve been trying to be mindful and accepting of where I’m at. And it’s…helped?

It turns out that taking the pressure off does a lot to mitigate the guilt and some of the other negative mental health effects I usually experience. In practice, it involves a lot of talking to myself. Instead of seeing my apartment turning into a depression cave and immediately thinking, “Oh, God, I need to clean up, this is so disgusting, I’m a monster for living like this, of course I feel depressed,” I go for kindness. I think (or even say out loud because, well, desperate times), “Of course my apartment is a mess right now. I’ll get to it when I get to it. I can handle the mess for now.”

6. Accept your new sleep schedule.

idk anyone whose sleep hasn’t been screwed in some way by all of this. Anxiety, depression, fatigue, pent-up energy from sheltering in place, tech use, new work responsibilities, screwy schedules…pretty much every aspect of our new reality can impact our sleep. Some people are sleeping a lot more, some are sleeping a lot less, and some are cycling through both extremes. Oh, and the temptation of naps! It’s all there.

Trying to maintain a healthy sleep schedule during all of this is a worthy endeavor—and more power to you if you’ve figured out how—but there’s a good chance that it feels impossible.

By “accepting” your new sleep schedule, I don’t mean pretending it doesn’t suck; I mean doing what you can to be gentle on yourself about it. For me, acceptance has looked like watching some comfort tv and reading my favourite books at 2 a.m. instead of staying in bed and anxiety-spiraling about how I can’t sleep. Is it ideal? No way. But I’m not going to waste energy stressing about something I currently can’t control.

7. Give yourself plenty of room to do absolutely nothing.

I’ve given myself permission to do a whole lot of nothing. That includes getting rid of the pressure to be productive and practice self-care, yes, but in a broader sense, it also means not forcing myself to actively “adjust” every day.

Some days, I just need to do nothing but feel my feelings. Or avoid feeling my feelings. Or stare at the ceiling. Give yourself space to do (or not do) whatever you need to.

also, nonnie? my love?

Never feel guilty about telling someone who cares about you when you don’t feel okay.

People who genuinely care about you—and I’m sure they are many—will care if you aren’t feeling good, there are always going to be people who care about you, who want you to be okay, that’s why they ask, why people make rant, why “how are you?” is such a common question.

But if you do need to talk, but you feel like you’ll “burden” people who you do talk to, here’s a guide to ranting.

Guide to ranting:

1. Pick the right person. Someone who’s in the right headspace to listen to you, you could also pick someone who cares about you—if you’re anxiety tells you nobody cares about you, pick someone who “should” care about you in your relationship, e.g: a friend you’ve had for a long time, a friend who’s told a few of their problems, or friend you might not feel close with, but seems very kindhearted and a good listener.

2. Pick the right time to talk to them, so you can have their undivided attention. If they are busy—as most people will be with something—they’ll have a hard time giving you good advice and listening to you. Ask them when they are free, and then ask them:

3. “hey, can we talk? I’m not mad or you or anything, it’s just that I have been not feeling great, and I just want to rant to someone about it.” and “No pressure to say yes, you might have your own stuff to do deal with.” to make sure they are the right person to talk to.

4. It’s ok to test the waters. Start slowly, you don’t have to share everything at once if you don’t want to.

5. You never know how your friend will react to what you say.While you can’t know how they’ll react, just remember that sometimes people’s initial reactions may come from a place of shock, surprise or not knowing what to say. Their initial reaction isn’t always their longerterm reaction, it may just take them a little time to process.

6. Look for ways to take action. Don’t get me wrong, ranting can be amazing for you, but on its own may not solve your problem.

But maybe venting to people isn’t for you. No matter! There are other ways to get out emotions:

Ways to rant without talking to anyone

1. Cry it out— simple and rewarding. When the baggage is just too heavy to carry cry it out. It can help you ease the pressure and ease your mind to think straight after days of holding that frustration in.

2. Work out — easy and fun. tire yourself out and release all the frustration in working out! This is going to be so satisfying for you as you try and punch, kick, balance, lift, and breathe those frustrations away.

3. Clean & rearrange — practical and can be fun. we get frustrated by so many things and one thing that can truly help clear our minds is to have a clean place where we can stay and live for the moment to breathe. Clean your room, rearrange your things and you’ll be surprised by the satisfaction this brings — a signal of a new beginning.

4. Scribble — simple and fun. Make scribbles, doodles, drawings, take a pen or a pencil, and let go. It does not have to be “good” art or professional at all. Just draw whatever comes to heart, sunflowers or clouds or rainbows—anything.

5. Write it down — fun and simple. Let those words out of your head and just live in the moment.

How to fight the lack of motivation.

1. Don't fight the lack of motivation.

If you feel down or unable to muster tons of energy, let it be ok. Be easy on yourself and acknowledge that it's ok to have a dip, especially at this time of the year.

2. Once you have accepted your slump, get to the bottom of it.

Ask yourself, "What is the root cause of this sluggish feeling?" Go deeper than the obvious reasons. Is it related to work? Your personal life? Relationships? It might also just be the weather. Get clear on what areas of your life you're feeling the most resistance.

3. Dig into that area. What is not ideal about this aspect of your life? What would make it better?

Make a list of how you'd like your current situation to improve--and be specific. If you truly can't find a reason to be less than enthusiastic, then accept your feelings and let them pass with time.

4. Take your list of what is missing and go through it.

What is holding you back from being able to create the things that are missing in your life?

5. Get support for creating the life you want.

Do some research and find an expert to help you. Even though they love you, friends and family aren't objective enough, and they tend to give advice that is a reflection of their own life and insecurities.

6. Think of current habits that are contributing to a less-than-ideal life.

Maybe it's fear, laziness, or not having enough confidence. Pick one to focus on.

7. Address this habit over the next 2 months.

They say it takes 28 days to create a new habit, but this varies from person to person. If you focus on it for two months, you are sure to build the neural pathways needed to call it a new way of being.

8. Buy a book, read articles or do some research on this particular behavior or feeling.

Read about the common causes of this habit as well as the proven ways to bust through and work around it.

9. Create a plan around shifting your current habit.

Make sure that changing this habit ultimately helps you move forward in the area of your life that is not ideal. The energy from clarity, awareness and then action will immediately get you feeling more motivated, no matter what.

10. When all else fails: make a list of activities that excite you, and do one of them right now.

Talk to a fun friend, dance around at home, workout, watch a funny YouTube video, tackle something on your to-do list. Accomplishing something will give you a hit of dopamine in your brain. If you're too overwhelmed by your day, sit for five minutes and meditate. Put on some soothing music and breathe.

okay, that's all nonnie, I hope you feel the lust for life in your lungs, please have all my love, i hope this helped, this ask took a while, but it was worth if it helps

and if you need to dont worry to send another ask, if you like spam the inbox!! queen!!!

take care, much love my sweet honey, bye <3

—*putting daisies in your hair as they leave* mod peppermint <[:)

[mxrstar]

would you be willing to post all the answers to that quiz? i got sasha, and it honestly made me sob, but i would love to be able to read all of the possible outcomes

alright so I woke up with several new followers, 900 notes, and seven ask. which is!!! weird for my blog. on top of that, I very soon stopped counting the number of people who told me my quiz made them cry. I,,,,,, thank you? also I am really happy I could provide any type of comfort?

you are not the only one who asked me to post all the answers but im gonna do it once for everyone. okay, so (copied from my notes app)

[Jon] you are eating alone in the kitchen and Jon finds you- immediately can see there is something wrong. he asks you if you are okay, tells you that he is there for you. your replies aren’t spectacularly helpful, but he sits down and eats with you. asks you other questions, though at your own pace. he touches your shoulder as he brings the dishes to the counter, and tries to tell you, again, something vaguely comforting. he isn’t the picture of confidence when it comes to these things, but he is trying so goddamn hard. you don’t feel alone

[Gerry]  you are at a cafe with Gerry when something bad happens. he sees the way you change— notices. long moment of silence, and then: “what do you want to do?” he keeps asking, keeps trying to make you smile. tells you, so earnestly, that you don’t have to talk if you don’t want to. but there is a music shop around the corner, and weren’t you looking for that album a while ago? aren’t you still gonna smile when you come back home and listen to it? [he doesn’t matter if you go or don’t. the important thing is: you know he’ll take you. you know he will still ask. and once you have answered, he’ll help you get up and put on the music.]

[Martin]  it’s midnight and the lights are off. you mention that something is wrong, and Martin moves a bit closer. doesn’t quite touch you yet, but you can feel his warmth. “what?” he asks. you tell him, and he tries to talk it out with you. he is relentlessly hopeful. he tells you about that poem he heard once, about that song you just reminded him off. he hugs you when you cry, tells you about tomorrow, about the cake you’ll make together once you get up.normally, you’d feel guilty for all that you said. you don’t now. 

[Tim]  Tim meets you after work/school. you are getting home, and he randomly walks into you. he sees that you are not doing good. he makes up en excuse for you to be with him (“I am going running, do you want to come with me?” “I know this weird abandoned place, do you want to come see it?”) and eventually you say yes. he tells you about his day, makes you laugh. when you get there, when you stop running— you both sit down and he asks what happened. he is worried about you, he says, and somehow manages to make you feel light. still, you feel yourself letting go and almost instantly start crying. he hugs you through it.

[Sasha]  you haven’t heard from Sasha in a while. she calls you and asks you how you are doing. you lie and she can tell. she is in your house twenty minutes later. she has a plan and you can tell— it feels like a gift and you desperately want to take it. slowly, gently, she teaches you how to. lets you see your pain and work around it together. with her, you start talking. her words calm you, and she holds your hand as you talk. she’s there. she’s there.

[Georgie]  you are on a bus, and Georgie sits beside you. you have been somewhere together, and something upsetting happened. “you won’t go there again,” she says, suddenly and you look at her wide-eyed.“what?” “we simply won’t go there again,” she repeats, “it is just not a welcoming place.” “but you liked it,” you protest, and she frowns, sits back so that your shoulder touch. “I did not.” “okay,” you say, relief washing over you. “okay.” [you are going to eat dinner at a nice place tonight. you know the questions will come only if you want her to. you know she has that story to tell. you know you’ll want to hear it last, so that you can go home smiling. it is a nice prospect]

[kinkymagnus]

hmm let's talk more about twi Malec, like there's just so many endless possibilities

any specifics? no? just kidding, you can’t respond, this is an ask! okay, i’m just gonna throw some random twi malec shit out here then

twi magnus…..hes soft. but also. i feel like since he’s got more Repression™ than canon magnus he’s like WAY WILDER. 

canon magnus a few months into them boning: hey alexander wanna tie me up? ;) 

twi magnus a few months into them boning: hey so i have potion that will give you magical tentacles to tie me up and fuck me with?

(obviously this isn’t just out of nowhere or anything but im saying while they’re both kinky twi magnus is surprisingly a little more shameless when it comes to sex things.) 

twi alec. is HORNY. so horny. canon alec? pretty horny. twi alec? MAXIMUM HORNY. good thing, too, because twi magnus hasn’t been fucked in a few centuries and that has BUILT UP. 

they bone a LOT 

also imagine: twi alec and shitty one-liners/pick-up lines and bad jokes

twi alec says, completely deadpan, “want me to take you to the Bone Zone?” and twi magnus first is like “i am, frankly, horrified and disgusted” but can’t stop himself from laughing (especially once alec is laughing at the cute little face he makes with the scrunchy nose, and it’s so contagious magnus can’t help but laugh too) 

i have a line in one of my twi fics where magnus basically says something like (jokingly/playfully!) “you’re pretty full of yourself, huh?” and alec responds “how you’d like to be full of me, too?” and magnus giggles and it’s ADORABLE AND THAT LINE IS JUST SO FUCKING TWI MALEC TO ME OKAY?

also twi magnus is not innocent of pun crimes. no magnus is innocent of pun crimes. 

twi magnus: [makes a cute bad pun] [wiggles eyebrow a bit] 

twi alec: that was terrible. that was a real stinker. what the fuck.

twi magnus, every goddamn time: gonna PUNish me? ;D

twi alec can and will cook breakfast in bed for his boyfriend

magnus, sleepily blinking: hng? 

alec, with pancakes and eggs and bacon and freshly squeezed orange juice: hey babe :) decided to surprise you :) it’s “i love my boyfriend” day

magnus, still half asleep: ufck did iforget something i dont have anytihnf oryoutgfckkk

alec: oh no babe “i love my boyfriend” day is every day because i always lvoe you and i just decided to do something nice for you :)

magnus: did the dream about wearing acid washed jeans keep you up again?

alec, shuddering: they’re so ugly

okay but seriously he’d totally just be sappy and make magnus breakfast and stuff

and magnus is like “i can make u a sweet dreams potion?”

MAGIC REVEAL does not get TALKED ABOUT ENOUGH. STILL. 

possibility one: alec walks in on magnus making a bunch of chores do themselves fantasia style and is like. uh. what the FUCK. and all the dishes drop to the floor and magnus honestly looks so SCARED that alec’s heart breaks a little even tho he’s also trying to process how confused he is and magnus stutters out something about not being a monster and may or not may not be descending into a panic attack because he’d been so careful for so long not to reveal the truth to ANYONE, only like three people know who and what he is that he actually talks to in the world and a mundane finding out is not good much less his wonderful boyfriend who’ll LEAVE HIM and HATE HIM and he’s–he’s–and alec’s like. oh fuck that. and hugs him like hey it’s okay i’m really confused and i hope you explain later but you could literally never be a monster, especially not for floating some dishes,

possibility two: magnus, scared shitless, tells him, but alec always knew. i love this shit. alec’s just like “babe. babe you weren’t subtle.” because magnus has got a lot of really powerful magic and he’s only jst learning to control it again and it’s waking up, like having a foot that’s been asleep for a long time waking up except if the foot changed the color of the wallpaper when it sneezed and glowed when it was happy. this metaphor broke down. you get the idea. 

there are more possibilities but im tired

ok but when magnus’s magic is revealed. magnus is like. 1. ecstatic to give alec lots of little magical gifts like a little enchanted pendant with protective charms and a magic candy (like a chocolate frog, just a fun little thing that would make him laugh) and the sweet dreams potion and so on. 2. kind of expecting like. he’s more than willing to give, but he kind of lowkey expects alec to like. expect it. to expect magical solutions to his problems. magnus can do the dishes with a wave of his hand, he kind of expects to do the dishes every time now that alec knows he can do that. but alec’s like “what are you doing” “…magic? we’ve gone over this” “yeah but it’s my turn” and magnus is like “i can just do it with a wave of my hand” and alec’s like “you think i dont notice how you collapse in my arms for cuddling and end up dozing off every time? it takes energy. and even if it didn’t we still share the workload even if you can do something easier you don’t have to do everything for me” and magnus is lik,,e,,e,,e,e??? oh. 

like alec appreciates him and is so loving and wonderful and thankful for things magnus does give him but he doesn’t let magnus indulge in the tendency to put everyone else first and take on all the work? he doesn’t take magnus’s magic for granted? 

it’s great

nsfw detour!!! 

twi magnus gets RAWED

u kno how i said that twi magnus is horny and wild? and also lonely and has not had a good hard fuck in possibly over a century? 

magnus has an extensive toy collection.

many, many dildos and vibrators. nipple clamps, magic toys that can fuck him or tie him up… and it’s like all different sizes, types, materials, uses… some costumes and stuff that he bought for himself because they make him feel good/pretty but he doesn’t wear that often because it feels shameful or weird to do by himself.

alec definitely teases him senseless. ties him up and presses the vibrator to his clit until he’s crying, rolling it around and applying pressure and then taking it away again, stimulating his whole clit without mercy

or those. i dont know what they’re called, they suck (literally, not as in “this is bad/this sucks”) and make ur clit/nipples get swollen and sensitive? yes.

fuck his pussy AND ass with various dildos and toys of different sizes and shapes :)) 

sometimes at the same time :))))) 

y’all alec recording him or taking pictures. making him feel so deliciously exposed and watched. amazing and iconic 

also: public sex. twi malec can have fun too

it’s not right away, i feel like twi magnus would be more into things like overstimulation and getting recorded than being fucked in front of people. he still loves the latter, don’t get me wrong, but it’s more canon magnus’s thing? he’s more used to like… showing off ;)

but when magnus does feel confident enough to try that (baby steps–alec groping/teasing him in public, maybe fooling around in a vip booth at pandemonium or its equivalent, until he’s ready to be fucked properly and god once he is, once he lets go, it’s so amazing

he’s used to hiding, hiding under layers both literal and metaphorical, and here he is totally exposed and vulnerable but 1. he’s being taken care of and he’s safe and alec is just making him feel so good, kind of like, forcing himself to express how good he feels and not hide it, making him scream and cry and beg and love it, 2. he’s just? being admired? worshiped? there is nothing demeaning about this, it couldn’t be further from it, he’s exposed and people are fucking basking in it. he looks beautiful, he looks goddamn stunning, he looks fucking amazing and everyone wants to watch and touch and alec’s there holding him and loving him,,, aAAHHh

twi alec becomes immortal, no one can change my mind.

twi magnus: i love you but……i’m…i’m immortal

twi alec: oh. that…. ok.twi magnus, sad: it’s okay… i understand if you want to l–twi alec: become immortal to be with you? oh good i know it’s kind of a dedication considering i haven’t even proposed to you yet–twi magnus: yet? wait-

obviously twi alec doesn’t just completely jump into this with no consideration but look. look. he loves magnus so much, and anyway, it’s not like immortality doesn’t hold any appeal for him anyway. yeah, he knows it’s harder than it sounds, but like, there’s so much potential in things he could learn and do and see, and he could do it all WITH THE LOVE OF HIS LIFE. he could NOT leave him behind when he’s been left so many times before. he has hesitations, but like, in the end he chooses immortality and he doesn’t ever regret it

it’s like that stardust quote. “ I imagine [immortality] would be kind of lonely. Well, maybe if you had someone to share it with. Someone you loved. Then it might be different.” LDKJFLKGJHG YEAH BITCH THAT’S MALEC

also angst: magnus is like. at first. actually against the idea. and alec’s kinda like. hurt/confused/upset. and then magnus explains that if alec’s mortal, magnus will lose him to death–maybe sooner if alec leaves him, but it’s like a letting go thing, it’s inevitable. but if he’s immortal? all of magnus’s immortal lovers… they get tired of him. they get bored. they get annoyed. they stay with him, maybe they’re even in love, for a few years, or if he’s lucky, decades. but eventually they always leave. they drift apart first, they might suggest seeing other people. but they always leave. if alec’s mortal, his leaving is inevitable even tho it will break magnus’s heart. if he’s immortal, then it will inevitably be a choice, and it will shatter him all the more.

of course, magnus wouldn’t stop him even if he was very staunchly against it, it’s alec’s life, but like. he’s worried.

and worse, it’s not just that, but like. once alec grows tired of him, because he will, everyone does, once alec decides he made the wrong choice… he can’t take it back. if it’s soon enough, all his friends and family will be old, and he’ll be forever young, even if he is able to become mortal again it won’t be the same. and if it’s later, they’ll all be dead. magnus doesn’t doubt his ability to make new friends, of course, but the idea of alec regretting his choice, leaving him and being alone or feeling alone, of alec being out in the world lasting forever because of him, cursed with that same lonely immortality magnus has? that thought hurts more than anything, causing alec his type of pain.

so alec is like. no. NO. what the fuck i’m not. i’m not going to grow SICK of you, i’d never be tired of you, or–bored? REALLY? of you? what the fuck. your past lovers suck.

to be clear not every single one of magnus’s exes suck, but they all did leave him in some shape way or form, or else they wouldn’t be exes. you feel. i mean, he’s still friends with dot but it’s been centuries and we dont know what happened between then and now? idk man let me have that angst ok

eventually alec can convince magnus that he’s not leaving and he loves magnus and it’s okay but that little doubt niggles at the back of his head you know? 

on their hundred year anniversary alec kisses him senseless and says “still not bored of you”

same with every other anniversary, but especially the big century ones

they don’t ever break up. they have fights, some worse than others, it’s not perfect, but they always find their way back to each other and communicate and mend their wounds

twi malec cuddling during thunderstorms, thank you.

magnus curled in alec’s arms, face buried in his shoulder

alec’s arms around him

yes

ok but look. twi alec being social media savvy. 

(note: i have never used instagram and i am MAKING SHIT UP.)

alec with an instagram. he’s out here taking pictures of his sweet adorable boyfriend. he’s got a decent number of followers but it goes up a LOT when he starts dating magnus because holy shit who’s this cutie? and then someone finds those god-awful cringey commercials that i still insist magnus made on a dare he lost PLEASE he’s a dork but REALLY?, and they’re like WAIT THIS IS THAT PSYCHIC GUY FROM THE MEME COMMERCIAL WOW HE’S DORKY CUTE AND HOT? and magnus is like (hides face) oh my god

why does this make me think of a twi malec youtuber au–no no no NOT RIGHT NOW

[wokainight]

Could I request a dad Doyoung and dad Johnny (or Yuta if that's easier) ? 😊 Thanks

notes: how dare u ask for a father!doyoung,, are you looking forward to my funeral????? (jks u lovely af

DOYOUNG: 

that dad who revolves his life around his kids but also very attached to his bed/couch

like would v much so cook for them, care and watch cartoons with them (but he’s lying on the couch and they’re snuggled up against him)

can b pretty strict bcoz he just wants the best for them 

“but daddy i want the toy!” and doyoung would cluck his tongue, shaking his head once again. “you got something recently and i dont think ive seen you play with it more than once”

can’t stay mad at them for long and would constantly come to u for reassurance like,,

“i don’t think im doing this right” he would crash into your arms, sighing

“why do you think so? i think you’re doing great” you laugh lightly, patting his back in a gentle, repetitive motion

“they’re giving me the puppy eyes,” he pulls back slightly. “do you know how pitiful that looks?”

no ofc not doyoung,,

ur not the mum ofc not,,

(insert blatant sarcasm)

really tries hard to make healthy things

but kids and sugar is like not separable,,

and then when they have to get their cavity filled, he’s like banging his head against the wall, cursing himself for being too soft on them

because his baby is literally crying on the chair and ur holding their hand and he can’t cry along cos that means he’s approving the fact that the dentist is a scary place–

but he does whine to you that night and is more silent towards his baby moreso than usual

(what is doyoung without the snappy remarks???)

(a sad_dad!doyoung)

literally knows what his kid wants for christmas, birthday and literally every occasion he needs to check off and buy them a gift (ofc he knows u v. very. very. well as well)

would actually get off the couch to play with his baby (tho only if they came up to him and bribed him with a kiss)

“okay fine,, but just for ten minutes yeah?” literally spends the whole day trying to amass this big ass lego town set he bought them for christmas

steps on lego multiple times and has to bleep himself out of context

“sHIT–”wide eyes, glancing at his child looking right back at him, “TAKE MUSHROOMS!” and sort of looks at ur direction, sending sos, “mummy do we have any shittake mushrooms- i really feel like eating some”

calls u mummy sometimes, jagi (honey/sweetie/darling in korean) other times,, and ur names esp when ur alone

and just to mess with him sometimes, u’d legit call him daddy and u bet it’s when ur kiddo’s in bed

because doyoung’s eyes are on u like a hawk and you bet it’s a whole heap of a messy make out session

and then ur kid kinda wal;ks in

and pANIC!DOYOUNG 

his voice breaks: “aNd GooDNiGhT kiSsEs FOR MuMmY”

“me too! me too!” ur kiddo kinda runs into bed and doyoung tries so hard to not be noticed when he pulls his hand away from ur pants

cos

daddy needs to keep it PG

u just kinda cackle in ur seat lol

JOHNNY: 

the cool dad

so laid back he’s taking away the couch’s job legit so legit

the type of dad that comes up to pick up his kid, running a hand thro his hair, an iced americano in hand (even during winter), lookin so fashionably cool and not quite dad fashion,,

and just strolls up (sometimes with sunglasses, or fake non prescription glasses)

anywho so damn extra

the house literally smells like a coffee shop because so many goddamn beanss and grounded coffee and cold brew and so damn extra once again

lets the kid taste test coffee and their reaction is literally his phone bg because their nose is scrunched up like a bunny and the shock is to live for

will legit tease them about it in the future because he’s got that in vIDEO 

is pretty chill when getting them toys but would always double check with them first

“do you really want this baby?” and when ur kid nods absentmindedly, looking over the box once again, he repeats. “like do you really really really think you’ll play with this for a long, long, long time?”

yes no maybe?

toast or cereal kind of dad

is okay with cooking but it’s kinda limited and he doesn’t quite enjoy cooking

but he does do other housework like putting up the laundry for you or washing the dishes

things that take less skills practically

reads to his baby almost everyday before bed and would be so animated

“and then the princess comes out of the castle and–”

“it’s mummy” your little one would point out, finger outreached. 

johnny follows the guidance and puts on a big, wide smile when he sees you, leaning on the doorframe with a mirroring expression

he just looks so soft and you wonder how you got so lucky

so when he beckons you to come and sit beside him (despite there def not being enough room in the single bed), you sort of lay on top of ur husbando and listen to him story tell, letting you read some lines and listening to your kiddo’s tired giggles and twinkling laughter

when the two of you untangle yourself and smoothly exit the room cos ur baby is in night night, johnny just turns to you with open arms

“i did a great job didn’t i?”

when you wrap your arms around him and hum, nodding in agreement,

all you can hear is johnny’s soft chuckles and the two of you rock side to side, content in each other’s embrace

[marsupial-tapir]

okay ANIMORPHS cooking headcanons, who can follow a recipe, who doesnt understand portion control, who sets pasta on fire

wow what a surprise i cannot believe u have requested this

take 3 on the cooking headcanons. U ASKED FOR IT

marco: remember how whenmarco was 11 his mum died and his dad fell into a major depressive episode andmarco unofficially became his own sole carer for 2 years? HA good times wellmarco knows how to cook. thats how he’s alive. he never viewed the task withmuch enthusiasm bc it was just like,, something that needed to be done,, (atleast some of the time. obviously 2 in 5 days it was just m&ms for dinner)and he’s got all his skills from trial-and-error and from watching the terribledaytime cooking shows that his dad watches, so he’s not an Artiste™ but hispractical skills are off the wall. he can make a shockingly palatable meal outof nothing but convenience-store canned items, jake’s lunch leftovers, andgently-expired condiments. also he is a MASTER when it comes to Secret KitchenTricks (many of which were cannily passed down to him by a forward-thinking evabefore she disappeared). the only person who knows about these talents this iscassie. one time he called her and she was like “im SORRY marco im distractedby this bacon disaster, i just put the olive oil in and its all going wrong”and marco’s like “well duh there’s your first problem. you dont FRY withOLIVE OIL cassie. thats why it SMOKES. use rice bran oil like the rest of us”and cassies like ???????? she never tells anyone bc she realises hes lowkeyembarrassed by the fact that he’s developed this as an Adaptive Survival skill,and when hes a kid he plays it down like nbd, but later on when he getsolder he starts to milk this talent for all it’s worth. hes like hang on…. thisshit is VALUABLE. that’s when his true culinary talents can blossom

jake: uworded this “who sets pasta on fire regularly” and my response to that is thatone (1) time jake did Not set the pasta on fire and it made marco cry realtears of joy. listen jake tries So Hard (because, in the spirit of being theUltimate Straight Ally Dadfriend and an All Round Decent Fella, he’s lowkeyaware of his existence as a straight white guy and makes well-meaning attemptsto avoid hypermasculinic douchebaggery in domestic life. also he’s probablythat disgustingly wholesome Hey Mom Do You Need Some Help In The Kitchen kindof kid) but when he tries its just. so bad. oh my god its so bad. he’s onlyever tried like 3 ultra-basic Good Ol Classic American meals and every time hedoes its a crime against his culinary heritage. his brownies come out lopsided,, he putswildly incorrect ingredient volumes in,, he confuses salt for sugar,, somehownever manages to stir the cake mix properly,, tries to do taste tests like “i thinkit tastes ok??” no it doesnt jake this gravy tastes like toxic waste,, withoutfail lets something catch on fire while he’s squinting at the recipe trying tofigure out which step he was up to,,, its a mess. his family suffers through itnevertheless because they are Heroes. “t-tastess – gre at,, llittleb uddy”pre-yeerk tom says once, with tears of anguish streaming from his eyes

rachel: terriblecooking is a berenson gene and if rachel had survived the war marco’s talk showwould have included a nailbiting Reality TV segment where contestants sample amystery berenson dish and have to race to identify the Cousin of Origin beforefood poisoning sets in. this segment would have been discontinued after the 3rdhospitalisation and a food safety inquiry. in essence rachel is as terrible asjake but also worse because the constant failure pisses her off so much thatall of her concoctions are brewed with a terrible bitter malice. Fuck You,Pasta. You Deserve to Burn. also i think at some point in the series itmentions taht rachel tried being a vegetarian and i choose to believe this istrue and also that it is the point where things go from worst to worster.eventually even she has to admit she’s never gonna manage it and resorts tolike. deep-frying entire zucchinis or something

tobias: uknow what?? im gonna say Not Terrible?? tobias is pretty creative and lbr idoubt his neglectful ass relatives were gonna cook for him. he probably pickedup some stuff from recipe books bc he liked reading through them (listen i cantcook for shit but even i get a kick out of lookin at food books bc goddamn??the aesthetic?? plus tobias was a book kid in general so) also if we’re runningwith the autistic tobias concept (its Canon, folks) i like the idea that as ahuman tobias couldve been hypersensitive esp. to tastes, so he was pretty goodat noticing when two flavours clashed and figuring out what stuff to puttogether to avoid that. (obviously he cant do this as a hawk but sometimes hewatches ax’s food choices and the twist of primal horror he experiences is acomforting reminder that some vestiges of his humanity remain). HOWEVER by thesame token he also doesnt strike me as the sort of Organised Efficient personwho’d be a really productive cooker. i might be self-projecting here but like,,have u ever tried to string together a series of practical tasks into an organisedsequence while in the kitchen,,, theres like 80 bowls and justt too manyutensils and timers goin off and u forgot to put the herbs in and u ran out ofbench space so u gotta try start washign up at the same time but meanwhile ugotta Coordinate all the cooking stuff really fast so u dont poison urself orstart a fire and then u lose focus zonin out thinkin about smth else u alreadymessed up the order of actions sso do u start again or just eat the garbage or??? look cooking is hard and i feel like tobias gets that. he’s ok at it intheory but his application is shit. also hes a bird

cassie: idsay she’s not a natural culinary prodigy but with lots of patient practiceshe’s become pretty decent. im not sure if its canon but for some reason imconvinced her dad is a really good cook?? meanwhile her mum is approachingberenson-level bad and DESPISES it. hooooo boy. (she and rachel bond overthis). this means her dad enlists cassie as Head Kitchen Assistant and teachesher the ropes, and she really quite enjoys it? preparing a meal is simple andpractical and instantly-gratifying in a way thats really calming, and she likesbeing able to spend time with her dad. also not to be sappy but one time theyhave rachel over for dinner and cassie and her dad are helping each other stirthe pot on the stove while her mum and rachel viciously chop vegetables andtoss carrot tops at them from across the kitchen as a protest against beingrelegated to washing-up duty, and afterwards cassie tries to make brownies but burnsthem atrociously and they gotta pick through the charred remains to find ediblebits and rachel says “HA who’s top of the Poisons Authority Watchlist now??…dont answer that” and thats. a really good night. cassie holds on to that. ALSOafter the war cassie pretends she’s a way worse cook than she actually is soshe has an excuse to invite marco over to “”help her”” and get him doingsomething different. he never admits that it helps but she knows fromexperience it does

ax: HOOO BOY HERE COMES THE WILDCARD. i was torn betweensaying “theres an intergalactic petition to establish a restraining orderbetween ax and Every Kitchen” and “he is a culinary TREASURE” but u knowwhat?? porque no los dos. ax around food is an unrestrained force of nature. this is a canonical fact. he gathers his flavours from the world around him (literally from the entire world around him, and from under him, and sometimes from the gutter to his left) AND im gonna say that despite his unconventional pantry choices hes actually,, not too bad at making flavours Work. unfortunately since he never has to occupy a human body for longer than 2 hours he has never had to work around the concept of “”food poisoning”” and his talents would have gone to tragic waste,, had marco not stepped in to save the day. with the help of marco’s PRACTICALITY and his handy snippets of earth advice like “the alfoil is aUTENSIL not an INGREDIENT what the FUCK AX how are u even CHEWING THAT” ax’s raw talent is skilfully tamed. together they areunstoppable. They take out several team cooking shows on network tv,once because ax famously used the kitchen’s set props as a garnish. Ax probablybriefly invests in a popup restaurant for the fun of it and meets with roaringcritical success before it is gently shut down by the well-meaning andhighly-entertained food safety authorities, on account of his questionableingredient choices. Notable exchanges in the restaurant’s brief andspectacular history include the food connoisseur who located ax personally toimplore “what is this…. subtle twist of flavour? the acidic flare that tinglesin the throat and warms the belly to its deepest crevice? please aximili, umust reveal what mystery ingredient is responsible for this luxuriant gustatorysensation” “its helicopter fuel”

[isbennythebdshitposts-blog]

100 days of productivity

heyo its scootah (i think.)

i miss ruby tuby a lot (how dare she) so i decided to log on to this ded blog and now im crying because i miss ruby tuby even more so yeah its all g 

the titielelele of the post sounds way too artsy considering what im actually doing which is basically being a decent person (imagine that bois)

i feel like im deteriorating as a person - instead of making myself a better person im becoming worse and worse

im meaner, dumber, lazier etc

so im doing this dumbass challenge no one cares about and putting it out on the internet so i feel a bit more inclined 2 actually do shit

_______________________________________________________________________

heres what imma do

so first off heres a list of productive™ things

reading at least 30pg of a novel

(i have not picked up a book in 500 years)

finishing all homework* (no yt/insta until it be done)

1 hr of extra math, with a learning goal* (i.e learn how to do 3 different types of questions on algebra also ew math)

10 mins of intense cardio + 10 mins muscle training (this is a minimum man, go for more if you can)

going to sleep at a reasonable time (830 - 900)*

eating less sugar/processed foods (no more than 10g of sugar a day)

writing a short poem/story 

practising ukulele/violin (learn a new chord/song/how to actually fucking tune the goddamn violin)

cleaning/housework for 20 mins * (picking shit off the floor, laundry, washing the dishes - become a house-spouse)

giving out 5 genuine compliments a day* (bithc y you so salty)

working on my journal  (bc im a diy queen)

i have to complete at least 8 things a day, and the ones with an asterisk are mandatory. i know this is cringy but im really hoping this stupid challenge will make me not as much of a dissapointment. also this isnt in the list because its my goal for the whole yr and its basically 2 meet up w/rubee tubee way more often - i miss she vv much ;( 

im gonna try and update everyday but might not have time cause ill be too busy being productive 🤧jk ill prolly just b 2 lazy

- scootah

[thenightmareknights-blog]

Confession

I have to be honest with everyone, I am being suicidal and everything I see is completely negative. Last night, I tried wound myself up just to feel if im still alive. I don’t think and I don’t believe that im being depressed. Maybe I am stressed but not depressed. I can’t consider myself without any proofs. I don’t want to say im depressed just because I want to be in. I think if I said that it is just because this society and others are now opening their depression to others. No. I don’t consider myself depressed. I just want you to know whether im stressed or what, I am being sucidal. But once I told my friend that I was depressed, after that, I realized maybe im not. I dont want to consider myself depressed. I may sounds so weird and a mess but its real. I don’t know what kind of mental illness I own. I just give up and forget what made me happy. Last time I check, I am laughing with korni jokes just for them not to noticed how my eyes felt sad about this goddamn society; what it felt to itself. I always tell myself or asked rather “what is happening to me?”. When I was young, I am very optimistic person but that eventually changed. You read it right. I changed. Things were negative. I dont see any positivities on my insides. I feel like sometimes, my dna contains negativity. Well, you can’t blame me.

My friends told me to take a rest. Rest means differently to me. Rest means death. I dont want to rest. I am still fighting. Yesternight, I was crying. I did talked to my friends. One said, I should rest or go maybe to a far places where I could find my soul and my heart. One said, it is just a struggle. I shouldn’t give up.

I could go to give myself time and space but when? I am not on my legal age. I couldn’t travel without any guardian or what. Second, yes it is struggle but it is eating me alive.

Currently status: fighting. I am trying to advocate myself. Yes. Myself. Not anyone but myself. I am so fucked up and a messed I can’t give up just like that. I am complicating things but I want to fixed it. I always tried to be happy but always faked it. I did blame this fucked up society for molding me. Actually, you did nothing. It is just me only me.

I am okay. I am always okay. I never been better.

See I lied again.

I always tell myself to be better. I never forgot that. It is always on my mind. Suicidal thoughts of me made me feel so little and unworth it. I dont know where this came from. I woke up one day, I had this. Forget about my sadness. You’ll be tired listening. Don’t be guilty. I want this. Dont be doubtful on saying how messed I am. I aways want the truth but it was never for me. I decided to tucked myself always thinking. I washed the dishes thinking how awful am I. To my surprised I finished it without complaining. When I was a little young, I complained about it. I am lazy. Now im capable to do things without noticing it. Either I did better or did the worst. Mostly worst.

What’s happening to me. I once felt happy and realized everything was just fake. Faked by me.