#im conditioned to believe that in order to get even looked at to pursue a career in an artistic field

[gerudospiriit]

[Late stage capitalism really is just hell, isn't it?]

[faeriejukyung]

True Beauty’s Gaping Mother Wound

*disclaimer*: I understand that all the listed traits are things which are often very common in Asian households, and it may seem that rather than being concerning, these are just a part of Asian culture. That is why, I feel that it’s necessary for me to make it clear that I am, in fact, Asian (Indian to be specific), and parental abuse is something that is extremely normalized here. As someone who has experienced it firsthand, I want to say that just because something is common/normal, doesn’t necessarily mean that it is correct. If you or anyone you know is in a situation like that, it’s very very important to speak out. And it’s not your fault, i know it’s easier to believe that way but it’s really not. We deserve to be in a loving environment, regardless of what culture we are born in.

Throughout the drama, Jukyung’s mother shows many traits of an abusive mother. I have been able to outline 4 of them. I don’t mean to write her off as an evil character,, because overall she is well intentioned, and just like any other mom, she does love Jukyung. This is shown in episode 8 too, where she shows remorse for her actions. That however, doesn’t justify her abusive behavioral patterns in any way. Because we can see how badly it affects Jukyung, her self esteem and her overall view of herself.

-

Act 1: “I’m going to kill you today and go to jail” -- Physical Violence.

Throughout the series, we see Jukyung's mother being very violent. But one scene which particularly stood out to me was the scene where she finds out about Jukyung's dad getting scammed. (in episode 1). While it is true that her dad caused a huge financial loss to the family, and anyone would feel angry in a situation like that, it is also true that there is never a good reason to physically abuse someone.

After hearing the news, Jukyung's mom is overcome by anger. It's completely okay to feel frustrated, but the way she violently jumped at her husband, clearly intentioned to hurt him, and the way she needed to be held back by juyoung and heekyung highlights her abusive nature. And this isn't a one time thing where she momentarily lost control of herself. She constantly shows similar behavioural traits throughout the drama.

In the scene where we see Jukyung's mom and dad together properly for the first time, their relationship dynamic is established. He's meekly massaging her shoulders while she orders him around. Their is an obvious power imbalance in the relationship, and the way Jukyung's dad cowers in fear around Jukyung's mom is a proof of that.

-

Act 2: "Why would you kill my precious son?" -- Conditional Love.

We see examples of Jukyung’s Mom’s conditional love in the kdrama AND in the webtoon. Conditional love is when a parent or a parental figure makes their child compete for love. They withhold their affection until the kid acts in ways that are desirable to them, and if the kid fails to do so, the parent often punishers them through different methods. This is their way of maintaining control over their children.

Jukyung’s Mom’s conditional love manifests itself in the form of favoritism towards her eldest daughter Heekyung, who’s not only conventionally beautiful but also very smart and has a high paying job, and towards her youngest child and only son, Juyoung, who is also written to be very attractive. Both Juyoung and Heekyung have gifts that Jukyung does not posses -- beauty and brains. The conditions that are established in order to attain their mother’s affection are getting good grades at school, and being conventionally attractive, which is why Jukyung often gets the shorter end of the stick

In the scene where we are first meet Heekyung is the drama, their mom’s affection towards her is very evident.

This is shown in the webtoon too.

She displays this favoritism towards Juyoung too, and even more so. In episode 1 where Jukyung tries makeup for the first time, and gets ridiculed by him for doing a bad job at it, she naturally feels angry and yells at him, “do you want to die?!”, but instead of telling Juyoung to stop, their mother yells at Jukyung for yelling at Juyoung (”why would you kill my precious son? why?”). It’s already very evident that Juyoung has picked up the habit of constantly taunting Jukyung for her face from his mom. In the webtoon, when Jukyung decides that she wants to pursue makeup arts and asks for her mom’s support and fees for academy, her mom flat-out refuses, saying that they don’t have enough money. However as we find out later, money wasn’t the problem, because she had enough money to send Juyoung to a cram school for acting.

I find it hard to believe that any good parent would constantly compare their children and pit them against each other like this. In the webtoon and the kdrama, it is made clear that Juyoung doesn’t have particularly good grades either, but he doesn’t have to face his mother’s wrath by the virtue of being good looking. Jukyung on the other hand, does not have any redeeming qualities.

-

Act 3: “I’m going to throw all your makeup away” --Excessive Anger.

Another sign of parental abuse is display of excessive anger. It’s usually used as an intimidation tactic to keep the child in line. Sometimes, it can simply happen because they lose control of themselves. Either way, parents who get angry more often than what is supposed to be normal, and hurt their children (physically or verbally) in the midst of their anger, repeatedly, are abusive. I feel like I don’t even need to elaborate on this one. Jukyung’s Mom is angry during half of her scenes. And the way she acts upon that anger crosses the limit too. Don’t get me wrong, it’s important to express your the way you feel, but the way Jukyung’s Mom does it, is extremely unhealthy and hurtful to others around her. Whether she’s jumping on Jukyung’s dad or talking down on Im Jukyung, she’s very inconsiderate of how her anger affects others. She almost always expresses herself in an extremely volatile way.

Jukyung described makeup as a hopeful light opening up a new life for her. There’s even a whole music segment of her discovering the powers of makeup, characterized by pastel and bubblegum tones, and the segment has a magical feel to it. Suffice to say that makeup brought an almost magical kind of hope and optimism to her life. In episode 6, Jukyung's Mom goes to her school to get her report card. When she sees her low grades, she gets so angry that she threatens to throw away her makeup, without once considering why Jukyung is so attached to it. In my eyes, she's actually very similar to Soojin's dad who also uses intimidation and physical violence to keep his daughter in line. If we put the same background music for the scenes where we see Jukyung's Mom threatening her, as the ones where Soojin's dad abuses her, they'd practically be identical. The only difference is that the show often plays Jukyung's Mom's behavior as a joke.

In episode 7, after seeing that Jukyung didn't improve as much as she wanted her to, she actually threw away all her makeup. Even though Jukyung did try, and did improve, it still wasn't enough for her mom. Jukyung's restlessness after not seeing her makeup on her table was palpable through the screen. Finding out that her mother threw all her makeup away sort became her breaking point. We see her yell at her mother and express her feelings for the first time.

I think it's important to note that Jukyung, who's already finds it very tough to reach out to her courageous side, was inspired by this incident to stand up to her mom, to express her outrage. Saying that makeup meant a lot to her is an understatement.

-

Act 4: "What's the point of looking beautiful with all that makeup on if you're ugly underneath?" -- Verbal Abuse.

We all get into arguments with our parents from time to time, and I’m sure we’ve all been yelled at by them at some point. Verbal abuse however, is not something that is normal, and the two shouldn’t be confused. A parent who constantly humiliates their child, yells and screams at them, talks down on them is in simple terms, an abuser. 

In episode 1, when Jukyung tries makeup on for the first time and goes to school, she gets ridiculed by her bullies and her classmates. Crestfallen, she returns back home after school and goes to her mother for reassurance. Instead of providing that, her mother ridicules her even more and calls her makeup “Ghost Makeup”. This is something abusers often do. Under the guise of teasing the victim, they often attack the victim’s self esteem, appearance etc, to make them feel insecure and to maintain their position of power over them. Jukyung’s mother isn’t very different from those bullies who told Jukyung that she was ugly and made her feel like she could never amount to anything. 

Another example that irks me a lot is from episode 3, when Jukyung’s Mom is chewing her out for being late, and suddenly the conversation turns to cosmetics and makeup. This is also one of the traits of verbal abuse. Instead of arguments surrounding the basic issue, they branch out and turn into character assassination. Her mom accuses Jukyung of wasting all her time on makeup instead of studying, even when Jukyung clarifies that she got late because she missed her bus, not because she was out buying cosmetics. But her mom doesn't listen and says to her, “What’s the point of looking beautiful with all that makeup on when you’re still ugly underneath?” 

Jukyung’s face after hearing her own mother say that was heartbreaking. Unfortunately, this type of mother-daughter relationship dynamic isn’t something  that is rare. Mothers frequently project their own insecurities on their daughters and put them down. Jukyung’s Mother’s behavior explains her self esteem issues, it gives an insight about where her insecurities really stem from. Sometimes our abuser’s thoughts and image of us start maligning our own self image. Frequently hearing them tell us that we are worthless, and that no one will ever marry us or love us, makes us believe that we are in fact, worthless and incapable of being loved unless we change something about ourselves. We frequently get an insight into how Jukyung thinks of herself throughout the drama. 

“It’s not my fault that I was born dumb” (In episode 7, after finding out that her mother threw away her makeup.)

“You know that I’m messed up” (In episode 2, referring to her face, while asking Lee Suho to keep her bare face a secret)

The drama is yet to end so I don’t want to completely write Jukyung’s Mother off as an abuser. I hope she becomes a better mom in the show, I really do. Because Jukyung deserves a loving mother. And Jukyung's mom does in fact have a few redeeming qualities, however, simply love and caring isn’t enough, you need mutual respect, reassurance and effort in each every relationship. We know that Jukyung’s mother is also often labelled as an ugly woman, and she believes that she could only get by through studying well. (“It’s going to be okay as long as you study well” - episode 1). In a world where a woman either has to a exceptionally beautiful to be considered worthy, or be exceptionally intelligent and professional lest she isn’t blessed by beauty, it’s very easy to internalize self hatred and direct it on to other individuals (especially if those individuals are your children). That is why i genuinely find myself rooting for Jukyung’s mother and hoping for a character development arc -- because i understand where she comes from, and because i can empathize with her. 

-

Fin.

[littlx-songbxrd]

okok here it is, i don't have a working title yet lol and i wrote the first like three paragraphs a year ago and only now finished it

but uh here it is ig (it's long so below the cut)

oh and i named the characters before i read chog believe it or not so there is no correlation lol

Prologue - Cordelia

May brings with it the memory of battles fought and won and the ever looming presence of a war not quite lost but certainly nowhere near done. As I hand out threadbare blankets around the flickering fires of the temporary war camp, I have to force my mind not to stray to all the people who should be here but are not. Well, the one person, really. I don’t allow myself to dwell, for I know that if I let my heart open to loss, there will be no hope at closing the hole left behind. No one here will tolerate that.

Yet no one criticizes Halen when she fumbles and breaks her fragile composure, storming out of the planning tent, the memories glistening in her eyes threatening to spill over. No, when it’s her, they rush to comfort her, to appease her, and they tell her to take all the time she needs. After all, has the poor girl not been through enough? they whisper pityingly as though we all haven’t lost others to this fight. But, of course, it’s not my place to comment on the actions of the mighty Chosen One. Even if she is my friend.

I look down to find my hands are empty. Tir has taken the last blanket from me without my noticing, and he’s settling down against his pack with his bare feet at the fire. I scowl; he isn’t allowed to speak against Halen either, despite being her older brother.

Heaving a sign, I slump down next to my friend and pull a corner of the blanket over myself. Tir shifts slightly so I can lean against his shoulder. We don’t speak. There are no words big enough to dispel the cloud of grief that hangs over us.

I know Tir is thinking of Zo today, just like he knows I’m thinking of Cherry.

Both of us, I’m sure, are also thinking that Halen ought to be here. She ought to be spilling those tears she always threatens and apologizing meaninglessly for deaths that aren’t her fault. Since when did she choose to be distant and calm? Couldn’t she at least have the decency to break down with the rest of us?

I scowl at a gecko as it skitters through the dirt toward the treeline to the west. I should say something to Halen. I should scream at her, sob at her, cry out until she understands that we need her as a friend, not just a commander.

My mind made up, I stand quickly, earning a confused stare from Tir. “Where are you off to?” he asks, his voice thick.

I shake my head. “Somewhere that isn’t here.”

He chuckles and reaches up to squeeze my hand. It’s enough. He was never one for many words.

I smile sadly down at him and set off to the eastern shore, where the purple and gold tents of the Eneris royal tents have been set up. Their fire and sun emblem shines bright on the tent flaps behind guards dressed in layers upon layers of robes and wraps and blankets. I scoff. The army settled just twenty yards away is shivering under thin blankets and dying fires while the royals and their company dine on mutton and venison. Not that I’ve come to expect anything else from them. They recruited Halen and built this army from the ground up—of course they believe themselves worthy of a few more precious coins exchanged for better conditions.

Even today, the first anniversary of Monvira’s troops storming villages and uprooting lives, they haven’t so much as acknowledged the flood of pain that’s sweeping through their army. I wonder if they even know what May first means to their people.

I stop mid-stride, staring straight ahead at the Strategy tent, where I know Halen spends most of her time these days.

It hits me: May first. The sky is clouded and the birds are silent, but it’s May first and no one bothered telling me that I forgot my birthday. Which was April thirtieth. No one noticed.

Weariness pushes at the back of my eyes, and I blink heavily against the tears blurring my vision. Memories from last year flood my mind as I turn and hurry towards Halen’s private tent. It bares the same colors and seal as the others.

I collapse on her bedroll and let out a single sob.

Last year, on the night of my birthday, Cherry had wrapped a blanket around us both as we stumbled back to our village after a whole day spent together at Renton Lake. She’d kissed my hand and twirled me toward the hut I shared with Halen, giggling in the moonlight, her dark unbound hair spilling over her shoulder like a waterfall of night. The memory rips through me, forcing another sob out of my quaking body.

The next morning, she’d been gone.

I’m not sure how long I lay there, my tears collecting in a pool around my head, but eventually the shaking subsides and leaves behind a solemn heaviness. Only when I hear the tent flap ruffle do I stir. There’s a small gasp, then: “Delia?”

Halen’s nickname for me only makes the smallest dent in my sorrow. I push myself to a sitting position, sure that my face is red and splotchy and my hair wild and tangled. All in all, I don’t blame her for looking taken aback. “Delia, what is it?” she gushes, crouching before me and taking my face in her hands. “What’s wrong? What can I do?”

This is exactly what I wanted when I stormed in here. Now, I nearly laugh. It’s pathetic, really, all this time I’ve spent cleaning up after Halen, chasing her, thinking maybe she could do something that would fill the cavity growing inside me. I see it now, as her hazel eyes rake my face. “Nothing,” I tell her. Her thumbs are soft as they wipe away the tears that trickle down my cheeks. “Not anymore.” My voice is scratchy, and I push down against a wave of shame. I’m better than this. I’m better than breaking down in my friend’s plush tent. I’ve never been the emotional one—that was always Halen.

I wipe away my tears, feel myself stand and walk out of the tent, my mind still occupied with hazy revelations I’m too exhausted to fully pursue. There’s a feeling in my gut, the only one that matters right now, and it’s an overwhelming cry to get out.

The grass is silent under my feet as I walk, and I’m distantly aware of Halen calling after me. Her cries of “Wait!” and “What’s going on, Cordelia?” follow me, even after she stops.

I keep walking.

I don’t look back.

---

so uh yeah that's it 👉👈 i can give u the idea of the book if u want or you can just take this offering and run lol <33

Im gonna give you my unfiltered thoughts with no order or organization

REMEMBER ME WHEN YOURE RICH AND FAMOUS AND A NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLING AUTHOR

OMG IM GONNA GET TO BRAG I SAW THE PROLOGUE TO AN AWARD WINNING BOOK IN THE FUTURE HOLY SHIT

I DONT HAVE ENOUGH WORDS TO EXPLAIN HOW MUCH I LOVE THIS AND IM BILINGUAL

RENDERED ME SPEECHLESS IN TWO LANGUAGES GO YOU

SHE DIDNT EVEN REMEMBER HER BIRTHDAY HOLY SHIT

LOOK I ADORE THE FEELINGA CORDELIA POTRAYED DURING THE ENTIRE PROLOGUE

LIKE HOW YOU WROTE IT IS JUST

I WANTED HER TO COME BREAKDOWN WITH THE REST OF US?????

NO IM SORRY IM HORRIBLE AT COMPLIMENTING EVERYTHING HERE IS BRILLIANT

1) i have a basis for how the crown is unfair (based on cordelias description) ALSO HOW CORDELIA DESCRIBED "i wasnt even sure if they knew what may 1 meant to their people" IDK BUT I LOVED HOW OT WAS WRITTEN. Its not explicit BUT LEAVES THE MESSAGE SAID

2) basis to whats going on? C H E C K

3) JUST HOW YOU WROTE CORDELIAS GRIEVE AND ESTABLISHED THE CHARACTER

Artie i've told you a million times but I adore your writting style, i always adored it BIT READING YOUR ORIGINAL WORK

I FEEL SO PROUD OF YOU?????

Your style is perfect

I WASNT LOST WHICH IS GOOD!

AND LEAVES ME WANTING FOR MORE

I DIDNT NOTICE BUT MY PHONE HAS LOW BATTERY SO IF I DONT REPLY AFTER THIS ITS THAT BUT TELL ME MORE PLS

[loyally-unfaithful]

desolation!au (lunatic!kaede au)

summary: in canon, kotetsu manages to restore barnaby's memory at the last second, but what if it didn't work? what if kaede ex machina never got the chance to save her father at the top of the apollon media tower and restore the other heroes' memories? in fact, what if she never knew they were being brainwashed in the first place?what if kotetsu died that day?

basically me developing my idea of an au where, consumed by anger and grief, kaede seeks lunatic to help her in carrying her revenge and murdering her father's killer.

illustration of lunatic!kaede is attached at the very end of the fic :3

a/n: tbh, i was watching tiger & bunny w/ my friends and at some point i thought about kaede being lunatic's student because i just want to see her start shit and it wasn't anything much at first, just small headcanons here and little doodles there. but then idk , i made a little sketch and it all snowballed from there.

i ended up developing this au and have become quite invested in it.  

i’m aware the format looks like cat shit on mobile, im sorry. if it’s super disruptive to the reading experience, feel free to refer to the ao3 version (links are in my desc).

alternate names lmao

lunatic!kaede! au

cats-on-the-moon!au

revenge girl!au

revenge-girl-out-for-revenge!au

vendetta! au

synopsis

follows the same storyline up until the memory loss arc, where the au experiences a massive canon divergence.

kotetsu receives a chance to escape after being aided by lunatic, and, not letting his unsuccessful attempt at making his friends remember his true identity deter him, he gathered them at the top of the apollon media tower. he tries again to make them remember that he is wild tiger, and not a murderer, but much like in canon the rest of the group do not believe him—though some falter briefly. unlike canon, however, is that kaede ex machina does not appear in time to unleash maverick’s next power that she copied to restore everyone’s memories.

she does make an attempt to reach the tower where her father is taking a stand, but she does not encounter maverick and on her way up the roof the elevator stops—as it should during emergencies... without her interference, the rest of the hero team overpower kotetsu who is smashed through the roof and lands into saito’s lab. realising that the latter doesn’t remember who he was either, kotetsu quickly grabs his suit and motorbike to try to escape and regroup with ben. the rest of the heroes rush to go after him, though some (blue rose, etc) are more hesitant than others (rock bison, etc). on the way down they [the heroes] find kaede and become preoccupied with her. they’re experiencing an emergency but the child refuses to leave, so some of the heroes have their hands full handling her.

during this, the cameras continue to follow kotetsu. in the end, barnaby pursues kotetsu on his own vehicle and they fight at the bridge where they first teamed up. kaede can follow what is currently happening as the event is broadcasted and grows increasingly hysterical, screaming that she needs to be there and that they’re [blue rose, sky high, etc] supposed to be helping her dad, not pursue him. at some point before the final blow, the feed cuts—the camera probably got hit by chunks of armour or other sort of debris.

the fight follows canon up until barnaby intends on delivering the final kick

« so this is it, eh? take care lil’ bunny…»

this time, the kick connects.

at this point kaede is inconsolable, not being able to handle the fact that the broadcast cut and she can’t check her father’s condition in real time anymore. the heroes’ attempt at getting her to speak or to tell them who her guardian is is met with choked sobs and no response.

there’s two way i see her finding out about her father’s defeat, and subsequent death:

the least traumatic, but still traumatic option: the feed was the last time she ever saw her father. the heroes only hear that « the criminal has been captured/dealt with by barnaby » on their private channel so they slowly excuse themselves and disperse, leaving kaede alone. some of the security guards approach her, trying to get a number to contact but eventually learn that she wasn’t speaking and let her sit there for a bit before calling the authorities.

the intensely traumatic “whoa you ruined a perfectly good 10-11 year old” option: as kaede grows increasingly distressed and the heroes try to keep her under control, she sees members of staff trying to cart something off discreetly. she gets a quick glance on what is being carried and recognises the hand poking out under the large tarp covering the rest of the body. it had her father’s wedding band, which he continued to wear, and upon realising what had happened, she immediately goes catatonic and wouldn’t react to the heroes anymore.

she either sits in the empty building until very late at night, sits outside on the bus stop with no intention of getting on simply watching the last of the buses disappear in the horizon, or waits at the police station with no intention of telling them who to call.

she eventually reaches the conclusion that her father will probably never come back as he died on her own and breaks down.

much like option 1) she sits in the empty building, waiting for someone who will never return.

in both options, ben ex machina (yes kaede got demoted in this au im sorry) finds her and explains to her that he was her father’s boss. this gained her attention somewhat, and she let him drive her back home after he told her that her grandmother has been frantically contacting ben after realising that kaede wouldn’t pick up.

during all this, she remains silent and out of it, still not fully accepting that her father wasn’t coming back home: kaede knows it’s no use to wait for her father anymore, but doesn’t outwardly admit the fact just in case he really is alive. she knows she’s just lying to herself.

on their way back to the kaburagi home, ben explains to her that he tried to get on that bridge as fast as possible to intercept the two, but only arrived after barnaby had left the scene. he doesn’t go into much detail, but does give her the few things he had found and recognised was kotetsu’s:

the tiger emblem that he kept this whole time

the two matching christmas pins that (unknowingly to both ben and kaede) he shared with his former partner

the first sound kaede makes in a long time is more wracking sobs as she clutches the small objects.

she passes out sometimes during transit, and wakes up the next afternoon in her room, the memorabilia safe in her pocket.

the next day, hero tv, and the organisations that funds it, refuses to make an official statement on kotetsu’s whereabouts after being intercepted by barnaby—they know that the latter murdered kotetsu, but they avoid the question in order to save his and the company’s reputation. they would answer something like:

kotetsu running away

being imprisoned for 250 years, with no visitors.

accidentally got himself killed

for the most part, the general populace accepted this outcome and thanked the diligent work of the heroes, but kaede and her family know better. kotetsu wasn’t the type to just leave, and he wouldn’t have committed murder in the first place. this official statement further cemented the fact that kotetsu had died—been killed. within sternbild, another powerful figure also doubted the credibility of the statement. yuri would literally see the red flags, but the situation really isn’t in his favour and he doesn’t know where to even tackle this. he’d need to do more digging up before planning out his attack.

kaede concludes (correctly) that barnaby was behind her father’s death, and possessed with anger and hatred, decided that she will get revenge one way or another and prove her father’s innocence.

basic plot

headcanon form now, because it’s more convenient.

the lead-up:

during the few days/weeks that followed, she barely went out of her room unless necessary. 

she barely ate, even ignoring the flan pudding she adored so much. 

in her self-imposed isolation, she marinates in her own grief, which turns into anger and hatred. 

at first she regrets not having spent more time with her father and reaching out to him, instead of expecting kotetsu to do that for her. 

but the focus slowly shifts to wanting to make kotetsu’s murderer suffer as he has made her dad suffer. 

you know what, throw in the rest of the heroes. 

they should’ve been kotetsu’s friend and believed him instead of pursuing him relentlessly: they’re complicit too and should be punished accordingly.

it’s important to note that, since kaede didn’t interact with maverick and inherit his next power, she doesn’t know that the heroes have been brainwashed. 

she just thinks that they’re secretly an evil group posing to be heroes.

she loses faith in them, and their flawed justice that got her father killed

she wants to avenge her father and prove his innocence so badly, but doesn’t know how or where to begin. the odds are stacked against her, since only her family and a few people here and there believe in kotetsu’s innocence.

while she’s holed up in her room, she mindlessly replays the video clips that featured her dad over and over again until she memorised every single word and committed her father’s movements to memory. 

one day, as she flips through the different collectibles and magazines that featured him, she came across one such issue which showcased a different type of “hero”: the sanctioner with blue flames.

the vigilante who’s idea of justice was becoming more and more appealing to kaede the more she thought about it.

she’s seen the clips, how his next power allowed him to continually keep up with the 100 power duo. how it always allowed him to have the upper hand and to deliver his justice. 

kaede wants that kind of strength, that kind of power, to avenge her father.

she resolves herself to find or contact the vigilante no matter how, though that seemed to be a complicated enough task in and of itself.

kaede figures that when she does find him, she’ll either get him to work with her to get her revenge or copy his power if he refuses.

her searches prove more or less fruitless tho since lunatic can't be found when he doesn't want to be found lmao

after a few weeks/months, she grows disheartened and becomes rather depressed again.

the actual encounter:

i don’t have an actually have a concrete idea on how they met and how kaede convinced yuri to work with her, just a bunch of possibilities going from plausible to straight up crack

one way she could meet him is by bumping into judge petrov when she’s tagging along with her fam to try and claim kotetsu’s body.

the intent was to go to sternbild to recover kotetsu so that they can bury him in the family grave (and rejoin tomoe), but since the city refuses to acknowledge that kotetsu is dead and admit that a hero killed a person, the kaburagi fam can’t get his body back.

very sad times, maybe after the unsuccessful hearing kaede cries and rlly begs to be able to get her father back, and grabs hold of yuri to make her point come across or something.

do you even see a judge when you try to claim a criminal’s body? idk it’s probably illegal to make physical contact w a judge but kaede is only bby so maybe she won't go to jail? i don’t know i’m dum

anyway, he’d probably carefully peel the child off of him and say something vaguely sympathetic before going wherever the hell judges go after trial? court? i know nothing about the legal system and it shows

uh oh skin to skin contact

kaede unwittingly copies his power and moves on with her day. it wasn’t until she came home and felt a burst of anger that she noticed that??? she can summon blue flames??? like lunatic does??? except she doesn’t recall meeting him at all???

she puts two and two together and susses yuri out

or instead of literally harassing him in court

maybe she just stumbles on lunatic because his favourite hobbies are standing ominously on roofs and killing murderers, in that order.

kaede: why is there a funny looking scarecrow on the roof…???

kaede: hoLY HECK

how she manages to get lunatic on her side is more convoluted

one way would be her going back to the city and confronting yuri about it. of course, he’d deny her claim until she gets angry enough and her eyes light up. 

yuri’s like “oh sHIT”. 

she could threaten him by saying that if he won’t help her then she will just seek her revenge by herself. 

yuri doesn’t want her to do anything rash and cause him to get in hot water because he rlly doesn't want to deal w/ the aftermath. also he doesn’t want to like, see a whole child get hurt :(

so i guess he’s like, “this is my lot in life now”, and accepts to take her as his apprentice so long as she doesn’t cause any trouble

that was the peaceful route

kaede could also fight fire with fire

just hound down lunatic instead of yuri and when she finds him it’s on sight. chuck a whole fireball to catch his attention and demand that he takes her as his apprentice. idk maybe threaten to fight him mono e mono unless he complies. 

lunatic would probably just ghost her lmao 

but she’d continue to show up whenever he’s raring to kill a murderer so maybe he’ll accept because it’s getting more disruptive if he doesn’t

if anything, her persistence would impress him somewhat: she’s determined, and even when she’s only had the flames for like, what? 3 days? she can already control it well enough to shoot projectiles. she has potential and would be a helpful ally instead of burdening him.

the chaotic crackhead route is for kaede to somehow get her hands on yuri’s address and bully him until he listens to her

just show up outside his room at 3 am, eyes glowing, floating 3 feet from the ground. hell, t-pose outside his window. 

terrorise him.

she’d play loud music or shout at him day in day out 

she may even follow him to work and just pester him

constantly asking him to mentor her so she can have her revenge, poking and prodding about his secret night job as lunatic

kaede will leave mama petrov alone this doesn’t concern her

her beef isn’t w mama petrov

ever since that encounter, yuri has not known peace

yuri has 2 ghosts to deal with 

that’s 2 too many

he’s gonna take one out

the minimum age of criminal responsibility in japan is 14, while in new york it’s 18 (thanks google)

take your pick

kaede is 10-11

so either way yuri can’t take her to jail for harassment 

she’s coming out of this scott free

he snaps and literally begs her to stfu if he follows her wish :b:lease

he hasn’t slept for 34 days

regardless, kaede will come out victorious and yuri is now stuck with a child 

on a more serious note, yuri’s and kaede’s agenda are the same and it just so happens that their goals align. he has been suss since day one ever since the kotetsu debacle.

in hindsight maverick really should’ve brainwashed the only judge, the person in charge of the justice bureau, the curator who has access to the hero’s files

maybe i’m jumping to conclusion

for all i know maybe maverick also attempted to invite yuri to that announcement “party” thing

but yuri was like 

« no ? fuck off »

and went on his way

yuri wants to look oddly menacing in his basement dungeon thing 

and maverick brushed it off because he didn’t think yuri was lunatic, or a next one the first place

we know that yuri learns that maverick is behind all of this and is probably a next on his own, but decides against taking action. i suppose in canon because he knows it’s not his battle to see through, but in the au maybe because he knows he’s fighting a losing battle. also he kinda injured his arm after being shot by H-01, so he doesn’t want to fight with a handicap.

he doesn’t want to take any rash action and cause more problems for himself.

potentially putting his whole secret identity scheme in jeopardy.

he chooses to take a moment to regroup and plan his actual attack. he couldn’t take on 7 heroes and 1 android at once, and risk getting brainwashed too.

at first, even if working together seem to only benefit kaede, the situation also gives yuri some strategic advantages. 

like once he finds out that kaede’s power is a mimic ability, not the flame ability. i feel like he’d find that hella useful

also kaede is a child who’s also basically a nobody in sternbild. she can infiltrate spaces he can’t, and not raise any suspicion.

  possible denouements:

i see 3 major endings possible, with secondary endings which is just a one of the 3 major endings with some slight changes:

1. all sinners must die ending

pretty self explanatory. kaede gets her revenge: with the help of lunatic she kills barnaby and maverick, potentially killing or maiming the rest of the heroes. her father has been avenged, but the city is more or less in a panic because there are no more heroes to protect them. “faith” in the vigilante, or at least in kaede, plummets because they attacked “innocent” people. it’s possible that she brings her father’s framing to light (but not that the heroes were brainwashed), though it’s doubtful that she gets the chance after causing such an uproar.

kaede probably never learns the truth: that the heroes were brainwashed.

this may or may not leave kaede incredibly bitter and nihilistic, as even though she got her revenge she doesn’t feel any satisfaction or sense of closure. she doesn’t get any form of catharsis and probably still has a difficult time moving on and coping with her grief. the city of sternbild adopts a very cold atmosphere and regains a strong distrust towards nexts, kaede may or may not continue to be a vigilante as she’s still trapped in grief limbo, yuri has to deal with the messy aftermath.

overall, it’s probably the worst possible ending.

of schemes and double agents ending

a kinda slow burn route, i suppose? in this ending, kaede realises that the heroes are being manipulated unlike in the previous one. she decides to restore the hero’s memories one by one and getting them to secretly help her. i don’t think she could recruit everyone, but i’m thinking about those like blue rose, who seemed to remember somewhat after kotetsu’s speech thing. kaede could slowly remind them, and despite initial mistrust and animosity they would come round and realise there was a huge discrepancy in their memory.

outright rebelling against maverick would be rash and the heroes risk being brainwashed once more, so they figure they would pull the strings somewhat and provide kaede/lunatic with internal knowledge to help them.

in the epic showdownTM, when the heroes and kaede finally have a face off, barnaby (and those who weren’t approached by kaede) would experience quite a curveball: those who regained their memories would side with kaede.

safety in solitude ending

in this ending, kaede works alone (with lunatic) without having recruited the other heroes even after realising they’ve been brainwashed. perhaps because it’d be too risky just in case they get brainwashed again or that they don’t agree with the vigilante’s idea and rat them out, whatever the reason may be the duo works alone.

this will lead into an even more epic showdownTM where it’s 2 v. 8: even though the stakes are not in the duo’s favour they somehow manage to come triumphant? or maybe the heroes regain their memories one by one and decide to stop fighting, even though they don’t exactly join the duo’s side.

constants:

maverick dies. lunatic kills him. i doubt many are against the idea though.

barnaby’s memories would be the last one she “restores”: (courtesy of my friend) it would probably go something like, in a burst of anger she jumps him and gets his hundred power. as she punches at him, she tearfully confronts him about how her father must’ve felt in his last moments and how much kotetsu seemed to adore him back when he was alive.

if bunny dies (ending 2/ending 3) kaede would not feel as angry and cynical, but more regretful or grievous. she’d probably stop using her next powers to do much anything (instead of continuing to be a vigilante like in ending 1). she’ll move on eventually, with more than less difficulty. the city of sternbild is on edge, but continue to place their faith on heroes.

if bunny lives (ending 2/ending 3), kaede would get a stronger sense of closure as she would be able to dialogue with bunny. barnaby would however, feel unending grief once he realises what he has done. 

regardless if bunny is dead or not, the truth is revealed to the general public along with maverick’s scheme and true intent in ending 2 and 3. so basically canon episode 25 ending except more angst and kotetsu is dead a while ago

not a constant… but it’s possible that because of lunatic’s whole code being “kill murderers and those who protect them” he’d be displeased with kaede choosing to spare bunny. maybe he’s the last boss… kaede and bunny defeat lunatic with 100 power, much like barnaby used to do with kotetsu?... nah that’s too messy and honestly i prefer lunatic and kaede to remain on peaceful terms lmao

lunatic’s satisfied with killing maverick, he’ll back off of this one—barnaby was manipulated anyway. so technically... it wasn’t his conscious decision nor his fault???

basically i don’t want kaede to fight her mentor figure, but i’m merely acknowledging the possibility.

actually…

maybe he walks up towards barnaby, the other heroes too beat up to do anything but watch while kaede remains by barnaby’s side

and lunatic just stands ominously in front of bunny, looking like he’s about to shoot him

but then he turns away

« hmph, how ridiculous. repent for the rest of your life, barnaby brooks jr. »

and then lunatic disappears in a flash, leaving a singed mark—the only proof that he had stood there.

heck, remember how she recovered the christmas pins? she could chuck those angrily at barnaby’s general direction to put emphasis.

kaede knows she’ll never be able to bring her father back, but she’d manage her grief easier. if barnaby lives, kaede would probably become a hero to honor her father and to use her power for good as her father would’ve wanted her to do.

miscellaneous

headcanons in no particular order, certainly not chronological. crack, fluff, angst, just whatever comes to mind. for ease of reading, i will try to organise them thematically.

relationships

tiger x bunny

rest in peace king, you will be missed.

kotetsu ded so the gay cannot be, rip in species.

but i’m putting this here because prior to the brainwashing they do be kinda gay tho, and even if kaede doesn’t know the exact nature of the relationship between the two she knows that her father was very fond of barnaby and cared for him deeply.

lunatic | yuri petrov & kaede

this au is pretty lunatic & kaede centric, because well,,, kotetsu kicked the bucket, and barnaby and the heroes are considered the villains here

i see lunatic and kaede having a mentor-student kind of relationship, that can be fluffy sometimes a found family trope could eventually be established, but that’s super delicate

on another note, if you really want to fuck up your 11 year old because you absolutely want to give kaede the worst possible outcomes for some reason, she could—as a young child who has lost both her parents at a very young age—develop an unhealthy dependence on this [lunatic] new authority figure. she might incorrectly interpret his concern for familial care, etc… but i’m not even going there, that’s too messy.

tbh the real tragedy would be kaede imprinting on yuri’s garbage sense of fashion… the secret to dressing well died with kotetsu.

idk if i should explicit this, but just in case: this is not a romantic ship please don’t come for my throat. literally this au was created because i wanted to see kaede start shit—just go absolutely feral and start chaos lmao

i would like snapshots of him teaching her how to control the flames better but also look out for her general well being because this kid has issues. basically give me a montage of yuri mentoring kaede and slowly becoming fond of her or give me death:

lunatic probably made his own costume so? i’d like to imagine yuri takes the time to make one for kaede too?? also he makes sure it wooshes cool in the wind and idk, flammable enough to allow her to burn the cape off before she attacks???

just yuri hand sewing some apparels for kaede uwu

also give me vaguely domestic yuri or give me death

also mayhaps, gives kaede affirming headpats?

like if she performs well and her mastery over her powers improves in leaps and bounds? or when she finally unlocks a skill she’s been struggling with for a bit?? just a proud head pat and a well-intentioned-but-cold-sounding « well done »???

maybe when kaede first actually learns how to use her powers, her emotions might get the best of her or maybe she’s plain nervous because fire = danger and scary. 

and it shows because the flames grow more erratic and out of her control, and yuri grows very concerned for her well being because he doesn’t want her to get burnt like he did when he first awakened his power.

before it all degenerates, he helps calm her down and prevent his house from burning down. or wherever he goes to when he’s doing lunatic stuff…

a dungeon ?

his basement ?

my basement don’t look like that

we know where all the judge money is going: renovating the basement

much like her mentor, when she gets rlly angry her eyes burst into flames. to prevent her from getting into trouble by accidentally activating her power and injuring someone or simply revealing her identity, yuri would teach her grounding exercises or anchoring phrases that he himself uses.

idk just teach her breathing techniques to ease her anxiety or a mantra to recite if she feels like she’s gonna set someone on fire

also idk if i should give kaede a different weapon from lunatic (i know i will because the crossbow is lunatic’s aesthetic, and his only), but i like to imagine yuri teaching her how to shoot crossbows and her becoming oddly proficient at it

grandma kaburagi wondering why kaede has wicked aim all of the sudden

tbh kaede would just shoot w her hands. just pew pew finger. 

or she does the kamehameha thing she did w blue rose’s power lmao

at first he kinda sees being responsible for her as a bit of a chore and annoying, but maybe he slowly grows fond of her and idk, dotes on her. 

protecc the bby

help her do her homework

« i’ve only had kaede for a day and a half. but if anything happened to her, i would kill everyone in this room and then myself. »

on the flipside, at first kaede thought that yuri is hecking weird, man. just creepy suspicious prosecutor dude who she allies with because revenge girl rlly wants revenge

but he grows on her and kaede thinks he’s not so bad after all. an good authority figure whom she respects and cares for 

she still probably thinks he’s hella weird tho

kinda weird but also sometimes kinda cool 

eccentric but like in a good way

like your weird neighbour henry who means well despite what he says sometimes 

kaede would learn his corny cool catchphrases and repeat them when she’s out and about as a vigilante. 

just adopt/mimic his speech pattern of saying things slowly for more oomph

gotta do the whole code of justice and thanatos speech before she bombards barnaby with flaming arrows

yuri feels oddly proud

they’re both probably hella protective over each other tho. because that’s just kaede’s personality and yuri feels responsible for the safety of this child that he has been entrusted with.

children love sweets right? yuri secretly likes sweets. they can share sweets after setting murderers on fire uwu

idk man i just want some good mentor-apprentice relationship

it doesn’t have to always be angst

we can have fluff

maybe they can learn from each other and be semi-functional human beings 

that thing where the apprentice’s outfit is like directly taken from their mentor’s but also vaguely different. i want that.

sometimes the real revenge is the friends you make along the way uwu

  school + domestic life

ok so like

kaede gets big depressed because duh your dad just got murdered by his partner 

and she rlly misses him and wished she was more understanding back then. she wished she spent more time w him back when he was alive

but it’s too late now and that makes her big depressed

so i feel like for the first few weeks/months after her father’s death, kaede wouldn’t go to school?? and i feel like her grandmother would understand and just like

not pester her about it and let her sort out her emotions first before talking to kaede about the elephant in the room

but also like, the school board also agrees to wait it out because the parents are kinda iffy about what has transpired

to be fair, oriental town is probably one of those small towns where everyone knows each other? so the parents/adults who know kotetsu are like??? kotetsu wouldn’t kill a person??

but the children who are more connected to the media and don’t know him personally believe that kotetsu murdered someone and deserved to be “arrested”? because why would you doubt hero tv and the heroes, they’re the good guys after all.

so when kaede found it within herself to finally go back to school, she has a rude awakening and learns that words travel fast in a small community

the other kids, not knowing any better, believed that kotetsu is a criminal w their whole chest and started all kinds of rumours on kaede

when she went to class she was greeted w her desk being pushed far away from the rest of the class, the other students steering clear from her

all sorts of nasty things were carved/marked with a sharpie on her locker and table—some others stuck paper with w the word “murderer” on it

kaede lost most of her friends and the rest of the classmates avoided her like the plague as they say vile things about her and her father

« look she’s back »

they don’t even try to hide the fact or bother to mask their voice and speak in a hushed whisper. 

« they said her father killed someone, who knows what she could do »

so kaede hears everything.

« don’t get close to her, or we might end up finding your body in a ditch »

kaede doesn’t follow through, but sometimes she thinks about running away from school to escape the bullying.

« come to think of it, she was always weird wasn’t she? she’s so creepy! »

maybe at some point it gets so disruptive that kaede can’t have a functional or healthy school life due to the constant harassment and alienation, so the school board agreed to let kaede do the rest of the year through online classes or homeschooling

in a way this works out very well for kaede, because it allows her more freetime to do vigilante stuff and she gets to avoid people’s gaze. 

she’s grown to dislike them, the scornful gaze of her peers and the pity from the adults.

the student’s parents always come to apologise to her, but for some reason their pity infuriates her to no end.

sadly this means that kaede isn’t as cheerful as before and becomes more closed off and reserved :(

kaede would continue to do ice skating tho

because it’s her passion

but also because she’s obstinate like that

« oh the others don’t want me here? they hate me?? they think i don’t belong on the ice??? they can go stick it, i’m gonna be amazing out of spite! »

at home kaede becomes even more protective over her grandmother, as seeing as she’s being homeschooled means she gets to spend more time w her and help her out with the housework

idk the blue flames could be handy for doing housework

oh the stove won’t light up? oh you’re gonna go get a different lighter? nice this is a convenient time to use my next power to spark the stove! when grandma is back kaede is just like « look i got it to light up, guess u didn’t have to go through all that trouble huh? » :D

since the fire doesn’t burn indiscriminately, could she, theoretically, control the heat/where it burns to make laundry dry faster???

kaede nearly gets a heart attack seeing the new scarecrow for grandma’s cabbage patch, but turns out she just found kaede’s vigilante costume laying around and didn’t think twice about it 

bonus points of grandma uses lunatic himself as a scarecrow

lunatic would make an incredible scarecrow fight me

despite not being able to retrieve kotetsu’s body to bury him with tomoe, kaede often visits their family grave and the shrine in kotetsu’s room and bring them flowers. 

she knows she’s just talking to air, but she likes to recount her day to her parents. about whatever she’s up to, and keeping them updated on everyone’s condition: grandma and uncle are doing well. grandma is still healthy thank god, while uncle sometimes like to joke about how his store is terribly quiet now without kotetsu around.

she tells them the whole truth, how she found lunatic and was going to avenge her father. that she was going to prove his innocence to everyone, if it was the last thing she’ll ever do.

in a bittersweet way, it comforts her somewhat that her father is finally with his wife again and that they’re both watching over her.

  of next powers and secret identities

to this day, kaede is the only one who knows about yuri’s secret identity

they’re both complicit in this secret matter

schemes 

this continues even after the endings 

even if she became a hero she’d refuse to reveal lunatic’s real identity

it’s a matter of principle

she will always hold a great deal of respect for her mentor 

schemes

on another note, i’m fixing kaede’s next power because it’s too broken and is kinda inconvenient lmao: in this au she needs actual skin-to-skin contact to assimilate someone else’s next power, so if the individual is wearing gloves or touching clothes it won’t work.

adding on to this, kaede starts wearing gloves when she’s up and about so that she can limit the amount of nexts she may unknowingly make contact with and keep her current ability [blue fire].

the power would be super useful tho. like you can make yourself disappear into a puff of flames,,, so theoretically if kaede finds herself in a situation she’d rather not be in she can just ghost you irl

« y’all ugly. boom. »

remember how kaede’s room is filled to the brim w barnaby merch???

great for target practice and for letting out your anger

also to dramatically scribble out the eyes in black sharpie to get the revenge girl aesthetic 

oh man she’ll probably be sad that she snipped her father off from that one picture with barnaby 

in that regard her attitude towards bunny will take a complete 180

she used to think the world of him, but now all she thinks about is crushing him under her heel

also, i know she’d imitate lunatic’s whole speech thing, but what if she repeated her father’s catchphrase to provoke barnaby?

also in homage of her dad ofc

« it’s time to let out a wild roar! »

*strikes pose*

*angery barnaby noises*

what if as time goes on it gets increasingly harder and harder to hide the fact that kaede is a vigilante. 

like at first, her family is like “oh she’s grieving in her own way, let’s give her some space” and they’re surprised by how well kaede is taking it because she’s so calm, even if she’s more distant 

while kaede sneaks out at night to start shit

and her grandmother starts to notice how she seems more alert and jumpy, or sleep deprived. how kaede seemed to be hiding bruises and injuries, and tries to clean her wounds herself late at night. 

when asked kaede would deny everything and say she doesn’t use her next powers anymore because it freaks her out

but grandma is suss

she concerned for her granddaughter

maybe she doesn’t know about kaede’s secret identity but maybe she finds out she’s been meeting with yuri

a grandma beats up a man in his late 20s-mid 30s on live television 

maybe at some point the heroes learn kaede’s real age, or assume correctly that she’s barely a teen and they’re like

is lunatic forcing you to do this ?

you don’t have to do something you don’t want to

it’s not too late for you if you give up

when rlly this was all kaede’s choice in the first place, not even lunatic’s

and that assumption rlly makes kaede angry, because their inactivity led to her father’s death and forced her hands

so it’s not their place to act like they’re concerned for her and her safety

just rlly distrust and dislike the heroes 

has a strong disdain for them

real talk, but kaede doesn’t know that the heroes were brainwashed. that’s why she’s able to be so ruthless against them, because she thinks they’re evil and working for some big conspiracy while playing a helpful and friendly front.

but when/if she does learn the truth? the kotetsu factor jumps out.

they aren’t acting as if they were the good guys, they rlly think that they are because to them they just took out another criminal and not their longtime friend.

she’ll have an inner conflict. because on one hand, the heroes don’t know any better and are being manipulated so it would be cruel to punish them so harshly. on the other hand, they got her dad killed and for that she wants to inflict them as much pain and grief as they have caused her.

the kotetsu factor would keep her going tho. now she’s determined to not only clear her father’s name, but also restore everyone’s memory, because it’s the right thing to do.

but now everytime she has to face them and fight, she feels a slight hesitancy and feels sorry for them.

mayhaps blue rose as double agent ???

origami got big double agent potential, but he wasn’t having any of kotetsu’s shit so alas

another important character we gotta talk about: h-01

hear me out

so the android isn’t built with a voice box so it can’t speak. it don’t got any acoustics. but because of maverick’s brainwashing, when the heroes talk to the empty air they hear “tiger’s” response, which is purely borne from their own psychosis.

h-01: …

barnaby: perfect idea tiger, you can cover me

or

rock bison: who is that guy?

h-01: …

rock bison: yeah they look very suspicious to me too…

or

or

h-01: …

barnaby: i know!

anyway, it’s very weird and surreal to watch

just the heroes having a very one sided conversation

lunatic and kaede don’t know what to make of it and finds it really bizarre, because they know the android isn’t saying anything at all

yet the heroes are convinced he’s communicating with them

so maybe if kaede manages to restore someone’s memory, they start to notice that “tiger” doesn’t actually talk. he never did this whole time.

and it gets hard to come up with a response and pretend he answered them. 

the restored heroes also find it super creepy how it’s just silent and watching, how the others seem to think that the robot can speak.

maybe this will cause some suspicion amongst the heroes (who will brush it off) and maverick, and the restored hero will have to pretend to still be brainwashed to not get manipulated a second time

basically h-01 is creepy and just generally not fun to be around

illustration

edit: thank you @kyarymell​ for cleaning the sketch up on photoshop ;w;

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[mittensmorgul]

I’m rewatching 13.15, A Most Holy Man, right now, and... and I remember when it first aired. The reaction was largely “meh,” or “the noir format doesn’t really do it for me and the episode was kinda boring overall.” It’s possibly the s13 episode I have the least amount of posts for on my blog. It was largely skimmed over as mostly irrelevant, with the only takeaway being:

A. They got the macguffin they needed to progress the A plot by the end of the episode

and

2. They really should’ve cut that scene of Dean going on about how he’d kill everyone who tried to steal his car...

But... this was a Dabb episode. I wrote this post back in May, but I think it merits an additional look now:

https://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/184946657745/so-im-still-out-ahead-of-the-tnt-loop-but-i

Because this single episode functions as a microcosm of their entire lives, at least thematically, if not in a 1:1 fashion. I mean, it is just a 42 minute episode. There were only so many twists and layers they could reasonably shove in, and the Rule Of Three is a convenient metric for demonstrating the pattern in narrative shorthand that invites us to consider the unspoken “etc. etc. ad nauseum” ourselves.

I’d go into the entire structure of the episode, but I’m hoping that just explaining the outcome-- after reading the post I linked above-- everyone will be able to see the parallel itself without me having to write 5k words on the subject today. :P

Let’s start with the exchange at the end of the episode that prompted this realization. Because it’s a bit of chicanery:

FATHER LUCCA: I think I got shot. [DEAN lifts up FATHER LUCCA’s shirt to see only a little blood.] DEAN: Looks like he just grazed you. A few more inches to the left and, uh... FATHER LUCCA: It’s a miracle. [SAM and DEAN, with FATHER LUCCA behind them, search the warehouse and find GREENSTREET still hiding.] GREENSTREET: I didn’t know this would happen. I… I’ll give you anything you want, huh? DEAN: The blood, where is it? GREENSTREET: It, uh… doesn’t exist. SAM: You… what? Wait a second. You told us– GREENSTREET: Exactly what you wanted to hear. It was just a bit of… DEAN: Chicanery? GREENSTREET: Exactly. DEAN: Well… chicane this. [DEAN punches GREENSTREET to the ground.] ACT FIVE EXTERIOR – WAREHOUSE – NIGHT [There are police cars outside the warehouse. A policeman leads GREENSTREET to a car and sits him inside.] GREENSTREET: No, no, no, no. Wait. Don’t – you – you – you’ve made a mistake.

For a refresher, Greenstreet was the author of this entire bit of chicanery. For a while, it appeared as if it was actually each of the other people involved:

Margaret Astor, the first person we meet, and also the one APPARENTLY holding all the cards when they walk into the final deal, who ends up backstabbed (well shot in the back anyway, close enough) by her own assistant

she sent them to Greenstreet, who introduced the term “chicanery” to the narrative, which I’m gonna focus on next, because despite all his plotting, his narrative didn’t end the way he wanted (he’s getting hauled off to jail, but heck, at least he didn’t end up dead like most of the rest of these conspirators...)

Greenstreet sent them to Scarpatti, with the partially true information that he’d been the one to have the artifact stolen in the first place, only to learn that it had been stolen from his man in turn...

(and remember, the skull isn’t actually what Sam and Dean need... it’s the currency they believed they needed in order to trade for what they DO actually need... it’s a bit of a chicane... which I’ll get to... sorry for this meandering on the way to the conclusion, but this little side journey is 100% relevant... you’ll see what I mean in a minute)

While investigating Scarpatti’s side-detour, they end up having to investigate a murder, and inadvertently stumble over Father Lucca Camilleri... but Sam and Dean have no idea that they’re now traveling through this episode with the thing THEY actually need. But rather than just... take what they need because that fact hasn’t been revealed to them yet, or even continue to pursue the currency they believe they need to trade for the elusive thing they need, they selflessly choose to do the morally right thing despite believing that in doing so they are forfeiting their chance to get the macguffin they need.

Ain’t it just Winchesters vs The Cosmos on a microscopic level?

Because one thing I’ve learned about Dabb as showrunner is that his absolute favorite thing is gleefully pointing back at canon and explicitly clarifying things. It’s not always obvious, he tends to be incredibly subtle, but if you’re looking for it, it’s impossible not to see in pretty much all of his writing. He LOVES messing with prior perception, and making us work for the satisfying moment where all the pieces fall into place.

Chicanery and the chicane. THAT ITSELF IS A CLARIFICATION. From vague to specific. Because “a chicane” is a very different thing than “chicanery.” And it’s all a bit of a winding deception.

For reference, the definitions of these two very different words:

chi·can·er·y /SHəˈkān(ə)rē/ noun, the use of trickery to achieve a political, financial, or legal purpose. "an underhanded person who schemes corruption and political chicanery behind closed doors" synonyms: trickery, deception, deceit, deceitfulness, duplicity, dishonesty, unscrupulousness, underhandedness, subterfuge, fraud, fraudulence, legerdemain, sophistry, sharp practice, skulduggery, swindling, cheating, duping, hoodwinking

and

chicane (/ʃɪˈkeɪn/) noun, a serpentine curve in a road, added by design rather than dictated by geography. Chicanes add extra turns and are used both in motor racing and on roads and streets to slow traffic for safety.

What the definition of “chicane” doesn’t provide is that in auto racing, a chicane isn’t seen as a “safety” measure, but an obstacle. If you’ve ever watched road racing, the chicane is where a lot of drivers wipe out. It’s a choke point where everyone HAS to slow down, but when you’re RACING each other, the objective is to remain out in front, you know? Jockeying for position, trying to get through the obstacle as quickly as possible to get back to direct racing toward the finish line. So while a chicane literally slows the racing by design, forcing drivers to adapt to the physical reality of safely navigate through the pinch point while not wrecking themselves, they need to maintain absolute focus to retain their position, as well. It’s not about slowing down for safety but about finding the balance point between “safely navigating through without wrecking myself or being wrecked by the other cars trying to achieve the same objective I am” and “but we’re still racing and I can’t let anyone pass me so I’m still gonna push it as fast as I can while still conforming to the laws of known physics.” It’s... difficult.

THREE TIMES in this episode, they use the word “chicanery” before Dean clarifies it to “chicane.” For reference, out of the other 306 episodes of this show that exist at the time of writing this post, they’ve used “chicanery” a grand total of ZERO other times. Seems significant, yes?

In the same way the show has frequently used Wizard Of Oz imagery to convey these same points, with the reminder in the end of the “you had the power inside you all along” sort of themes, this episode takes it one step further. Which... logical considering the nature of the spiral narrative, that when it comes around again, the circumstances aren’t exactly the same. Think of it in terms of that racetrack with the chicane.

In the case of the plot of this episode, a similar comparison can be drawn to The DaVinci Code, since through most of the wild goose chase running through all the games and puzzles, the guy is literally traveling with the object he seeks. It just doesn’t become obvious, like with Dorothy and her Ruby Slippers, until they’ve worked their way through all the puzzles and subterfuge along the way. As Dean says in Scoobynatural when Sam points out that if he knows how the episode ends, why don’t they just get to the point already, and Dean replies “Because sometimes it’s about the journey.” Rather intuitive meta observation about the point of the narrative structure, yes?

Back to our road race analogy now, after passing through the chicane chicane. Every lap, the drivers are driving through the same essential course. The shape of the road doesn’t change in the most fundamental way. The same parts are still paved, the walls around the edges don’t move, etc. But each time they drive around, other conditions vary. Their tires wear down so their traction changes. Heck, the drivers themselves are wearing out physically and mentally. Maybe a dude’s just thirsty or has an itch on his nose or just has to pee real bad. Maybe the wind speed or direction has changed. Maybe the sun has moved so different turns become more tricky with a glare in their eyes. Their engines are slowly shifting as wear and tear of operating at a high performance level alters performance. Their brakes might be wearing down. They may be in need of more fuel and are driving more conservatively, or may have just gotten new fuel or new tires or made some other alteration to their car that shifts not only their ability to go faster, but changes how they handle corners, etc. But there’s also the factor of all the OTHER cars driving around them. Maybe they’ve hit the chicane all by themselves because they’re out ahead of the pack (or trailing far behind it). Maybe they’re clustered tightly together with other drivers. Maybe there was a wreck that altered the road surface... cleaning up fuel/oil spills, sand or dirt having “spilled” out onto the road surface, maybe a slight drizzle started making it more slippery, or even random trash has blown from the stands into the road, or debris from a wreck-in-progress hampers their progress. There are SO MANY FACTORS at play that make each lap around the course an entirely different experience, you know?

Same with the spiral narrative. The major landmarks might be similar, but everything else is new.

And the moment Dean says “chicane this” and punches the author of this series of events in the face, that’s basically 14.20, yes?

They’re tired, and they’re on the last lap, and they’ve been through this chicane so many times now. And they’ve just been told that after every lap, Chuck refused to wave the checkered flag. They kept reaching the finish line over and over, only to discover it was also the starting line and the race was still going. And each time through Chuck’s big chicane, he’d deliberately change those variables, so the more experience they gained on the track, there’d always be a bit of new debris to navigate, a new difficulty level added.

And now in 14.20, it’s like they finally caught him in the act of throwing thumbtacks down on the road, you know? They caught him at his tricks.

And like, to use a favorite metaphor of Dabb’s, it’s like the roadrunner and the coyote. Only the roadrunner had always known all along that the coyote was laying traps for him and always found the most hilarious ways to foil the coyote’s plans and turn it back around on him. It took them 14 seasons for TFW to finally pull a roadrunner.

This has always been Dabb’s ending, because it’s actually the story he has been telling all along. The spiral’s broken, and instead of continuing lap after lap with no end in sight, they’ve finally realized they can just... stop driving in carefully paved loops and drive in a direct line to the finish.

(and maybe the only way to make it to the finish is to pave their own road around all of Chuck’s chicanery... it’s gonna be some heavy lifting and some rough off-roading, but it’s the only way to get off the track to victory lane)

(apologies, this is the sort of place my brain goes when Mr. Mittens is watching nascar at Road America in the background... but it’s super apt, and full disclosure, I started writing this about an hour before he turned the tv on. I was already on this road course >.>)

[artificialqueens]

(I Can Still Recall) Our Last Summer - Chapter Six (Group Fic) - pureCAMP

A/N - so here we go! as u might remember, a phrase coined from mean queens several aeons ago…. welcome to the fuckening. from here on out, it will be disastrous because thats just how we do things these days

im going on holiday for a week now so here’s ur update!! will be back soon with more and potentially some shillam and shalaska <3

“Mommy! Mommy, look!”

The little girl, her hair in messy pigtails around her face, was playing with her younger brother. She couldn’t have been any more than five years old. Sharon smiled, nodding intently to show her daughter that she was paying attention. It was one of those lazy summer days, most of which had been spent lying on a towel, watching her beautiful children play as she soaked up the sun. Next to her, Justin was watching too, his gaze filled with adoration.

“We’re so lucky,” Justin breathed, his voice low. His hands ghosted over Sharon’s sun-warmed skin, a tender display of affection.

The little girl attempted a somersault, and they both clapped. When she righted herself, she was beaming.

“Yeah. We are.” She agreed, burying her face in his shoulder. She allowed herself a moment of clarity, to just take in his scent as he watched the kids. Everything was perfect.

The warm sensation soon faded, and as Sharon lifted her head, she was filled with an icy shock. Her face was no longer buried in Justin’s shoulders. He wasn’t anywhere to be seen. He was no longer watching the kids, and they were screaming - crying out desperately as an unseen force dragged them into the sea. Their tiny fingers left lines in the sand as they tried to anchor themselves to the shore.

Soon she found herself running, ignoring how the beach had transitioned from idyllic and peaceful to grey and violent. The wind whipped at her as she tried to run at her children, biting at her skin and forcing her back. The last she saw of her children, their screams were being swallowed by the monstrous waves that were cannibalizing the beach.

Sharon sat bolt upright, panting. She was covered in a sheen of cold sweat, having awoken in a sheer panic from her nightmare.

They had been happening for five nights in a row now, and she didn’t know what to make of them.

It wasn’t always children. Sometimes she was on stage, performing as usual, and one energetic jump would lead to the stage collapsing, and she would fall into an abyss, screaming. Other times, she was arguing with her mother, who would then pull out a knife and carve a grisly crucifixion onto her stomach. Whatever the dream, it was always harrowing, and she awoke the same way - in the peak of her terror, sweating and shaking.

She leant back, breathing heavily as she tried to relax. If this dream was textbook - following the pattern of all her others - then soon enough, she would be suffering with the more physical effects of her tormented mind.

Sure enough, like clockwork, the nausea within her rose quickly. It was a race against time, and Sharon was briefly grateful to be in the house she hated so much, as the bathroom was just a few feet from her bedroom door. Thankfully, she made it in good time, and ended up crouched over the toilet bowl, retching and spewing what little she had consumed.

Sharon had done everything she could think of to find the root of her weird dreams and sickness. Cutting out alcohol had been the first and most obvious one, but it seemed that a string of terrible hangovers hadn’t been causing her morning misery. She tried to eat better and move more, but nothing helped. After that, she’d been pretty stumped for causes.

The whole ordeal usually lasted about an hour, although she spent at least half of the day feeling sick and wobbly. She assumed, grimly, that that would be the case for as long as the illness lasted. In the meantime, she wasn’t going to let that stop her. With not so long left until her friends headed off into Europe to pursue their further education, Sharon wanted to spend every moment of her time with Jinkx and Raja.

Once she was sure that everything she had eaten had come back up, she cleaned herself up and got dressed, leaving as quickly as she could. There was a narrow window of time during which her mother would be out, pottering to do errands for the church, so she needed to take it to avoid a confrontation. It was the safest option to just avoid her as much as possible.

The state of her family life was depressing. Sharon closed the front door behind her and tried not to think about it.

-

Before heading to Raja’s, Sharon made a quick trip to the store near her house. It was her go-to - maybe because she could buy anything she wanted without fear of it being traced back to her mother. Despite Jinkx always claiming she was paranoid, Sharon knew her mother had eyes everywhere. Once, she had attempted to buy a magazine that had been deemed ‘inappropriate’ by her mother’s standards, and three different people had reported back to her mother. She knew most of them through church, and there was no shortage of religious fanatics working in and around the local shops. Sharon much preferred the safety of the shops near Raja, where no one she knew would frequent.

Her goodbye gifts already picked out, Sharon decided to just wander a little, mostly searching for the cider Raja had been begging her to get and hoping her nausea would calm down. She was just reaching for the third can when somebody bumped into her.

“Ooh, sorry!” A soft voice said. Sharon looked up, making eye contact with a gentle-looking woman. She was blushing with embarrassment, and gesturing apologetically towards her swollen stomach.

“I’m still figuring out how to manoeuver myself with this one! Sorry, sweetheart.” The woman continued. She patted Sharon’s shoulder before continuing on her way, the mishap already forgotten in her mind.

In complete contrast to the kindly woman, Sharon felt as though a cold fist had squeezed her heart into a vice grip. It was as if sense had slapped her straight in the face, and she was reeling from the sting of the revelation.

Feeling sicker than ever, she tossed the drinks into her bag and walked to the opposite corner of the store. A burning shame permeated her whole body as she scanned the aisle, overwhelmed with choice. It made her beyond angry that her supposed faith, something she didn’t believe in and never would, could still condition her to feel so disgusting.

The innocent white boxes lined the aisle from top to bottom, wall to wall. Some of them had smiling babies on, with big blue eyes and no teeth. Some had large, rounded bumps, as though the idiot models really needed that purchase just to make sure. Some of them were just plain and simple. Some of them showed couples embracing together, their loving expressions mocking her. We’re married, financially-stable adults planning a family. You’re a slut.

She snatched the closest one from the shelf and left, her cheeks flaming.

The cashier, of course, said nothing. He had no reason to care about the anxieties of a seventeen year old, despite Sharon’s worry that everyone was judging her. He didn’t even blink when she snatched up the offending box and buried it underneath the rest of her purchases, trying to pretend it wasn’t there.

At Raja’s house, it was all she could think about. The three cans of cider - which were, admittedly, amazing - had been poured into glasses, but she felt too nauseous to have much more than a sip of her own. It took all that she had to try and look normal, to mask the sickness and the anxiety that wrestled in the pit of her potentially-pregnant stomach. 

It was terrifying.

Whenever she spaced out, becoming entrapped in her own thoughts, she laughed herself out of it, pretending to Raja and Jinkx that she was just feeling a little dreamy.

“It’s probably sex-withdrawal.” Raja laughed. “I get all spacey when I haven’t fucked in too long. It’s been forever since we ran into asshole Justin for the first time. You haven’t been fucked in at least a month. It’s so bad when you get the bug for it. Go and find a man, it’ll drive you crazy if you don’t.”

Jinkx clinked their glasses together, clearly in agreement. “Or I’ll do it. Girls know what girls like.”

Sharon forced out a laugh. “Ha, maybe. I’m just gonna use the bathroom, I’ll be right back.”

Her mind was fixated on that evil box, still sitting at the bottom of her bag. If she didn’t do it now, she would never have the courage to find out. Her bubbling apprehension wouldn’t be able to stay simmering long enough to play the waiting game. She had to find out, if only to put her mind at rest.

She practically tore through the box, gulping as the little stick fell into her hands. It was a clean slate, waiting to predict her future. Reading the instructions on how to make the plastic fortune-teller work, she sat and wished the damn thing would just stay blank. She needed to know, but knew she couldn’t face it.

“If sufficient levels of HCG are present then…” Sharon mumbled under her breath, reading the label. She almost tossed it onto the floor when she reached the end.

How obnoxious. If she was pregnant, two lines would appear, and the little smiley face already at the end of the stick would smile at her, reflecting the happiness that all new mothers should feel. To most people who bought it, it was a sweet memory to look back on. To Sharon, it would be a garish joker, taunting her of her stupidity.

In order to avoid arousing suspicion, she activated the test and then shoved it deep into her pocket. As a decoy, she flushed the toilet, washed her hands and headed out, making a show of looking calm and casual. Her cider glass was empty, and the mischievous grins of her friends told her exactly where the drink had gone.

“You snooze, you lose.” Jinkx told her triumphantly. “Sorry. Did you buy any more?”

“No. I didn’t buy anything else.” Sharon said, a little too quickly. “It’s okay, anyway. You guys like it more than I do.”

Any conversation she tried to make was pointless, and every fibre of her being just wanted to burst into tears. It would be a while until she saw Raja and Jinkx again, after they’d left, and she didn’t want them to remember her as depressed and dull, a shell of the lively girl they knew her as. That was how she’d been ever since Justin left, even with her distractions on the side, but now it was worse than ever. The worry was killing her.

All she needed was to see one line, and the smiley face would look kindly, reminding her that even though her luck was terrible, somebody up there was on her side. Surely, someone up there had seen how her heart had been broken three times by lovers, about to be broken a fourth by her friends, and would cut her some slack. There was no way she was that unlucky.

Whilst Raja and Jinkx started discussing their plans for the future, Sharon held her breath and started to count.

“I wonder how many hot French boys there’ll be in Paris.”

One, two, three, four, five, six… What happens if there’s a positive? What if it’s a false?

“Apparently the place is like, rife with lesbians. There’s an infestation. Sounds like my kinda place.”

Thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen, seventeen, eighteen… Could I really be pregnant?

“My dad paid for the nicest accommodation ever, I’m so excited. You two have to visit me there!”

Twenty eight, twenty nine, thirty, thirty one, thirty two, thirty three… How will I pay for a baby? I’ll need to get a job and find somewhere to live…

“My halls have this huge auditorium! We could put on a concert there!”

Forty two, forty three, forty four, forty five, forty six, forty seven… Would I be a good mom? What do you even do?

“I’m gonna miss you so much, Sharon. You gotta come and visit.”

Fifty five.

“Yeah! Same here. I wish you could come too.”

Fifty six. I’ll be fine. It’s gonna be fine.

“I can’t believe our last show is next weekend. It’s all happening so fast.”

Fifty seven. Fuck, it’s not going fast enough.

“This summer has been the best one ever. I’ll never forget it.”

Fifty eight. This has been the longest minute of my life.

“Me neither. I feel like everything has changed this summer. It’s completely unforgettable.”

Fifty nine. Oh god, I can’t look.

“God, I love you girls so much.”

Sixty.

She looked.

“Are you crying?”

Sharon wiped her eyes with her sleeve, chuckling weakly. “Oh, ignore me, seventeen and crying over my friends. I’m just thinking about how much I’m gonna miss us! I’m nothing without you two, my best friends.”

Raja softened. “Aww, sweetheart! You’re a strong, fiercely independent woman, whether we’re here or not. I’m gonna miss you every day!”

“I think we need a hug, no more tears.” Jinkx insisted. “Hugs fix everything.”

Sharon laughed once again, sniffing as she buried herself into her friend’s embrace. Hugs fix everything, except for when you have an unfixable problem growing inside you. 

Two little lines stared back at her.

Justin had cheated; Jaremi had run away; Willam had gone home. Her two best friends - her only friends - were leaving: Raja for Paris and Jinkx for Amsterdam.

And Sharon was pregnant.

-

It wasn’t going away. Normally, if she tried hard enough, she could simply ignore the problem and it would go away. It would disappear and float away into the ether, and she would wonder why she had ever worried about something so obsolete.

It wasn’t working this time.

For one, it never left her mind. Her dreams were cursed with visions of shrieking babies and boyfriends who would flit in and out, breaking up with her in various ways. During the day, her mind was haunted in the same way - the vision of that positive swirling in the back of all of her thoughts. She had an aversion to the fish in the marketplace and thought, absentmindedly, it was probably to do with that. She saw babies being carried by their sweet, caring mothers and wondered if she really had it in her to be a mom, or whether she had to take some kind of action to end it.

Secondly, her sickness only worsened. In order to avoid her mother noticing, she had been leaving the house early; she rose before five just so she could go out and be sick somewhere else. The nausea didn’t seem to want to leave her, either. It hung around all day, jolting her stomach at the slightest scent it didn’t agree with. Two nights ago, at the taverna, the heady scent of beer had set her off, leading to Raja and Jinkx performing without her as she retched in the dressing room toilet. All she had to do was say she had a bug, and they left it at that. Even when she seemed fine, they didn’t ask. Sharon was glad for that. When she flat-out refused to perform the next night, they shrugged and assumed she was still wobbly.

And last - but worst of all - it wasn’t physically going away. The damned thing was slowly becoming more visible, and she had begun to notice it.

The final Supermodels show had come upon them, and Sharon decided she couldn’t miss it for the world. It was a Saturday; in just four short days, her friends would be jetting off to begin the next chapter of their lives, leaving her to figure out how she would handle the next chapter of her own. Despite her anxiety and nausea, Sharon was resolute. She was going to do the show.

A full length mirror stood before her. They had decided, for their grand ‘going away’ performance, they would break out the showy little number they reserved for special occasions. Each of them had a specific colour dress - Sharon in blue, Raja in orange and Jinkx in green - which reached about mid-thigh and clung tight. There was a zip at the back and sequins bedazzling the entire outfit. It was beautiful.

It was also too small.

Sharon had always been slim. Growing up with her strict mother, who was always the type to belittle her for eating too much, she had been spindly and wiry for most of her childhood. As she’d gotten older, she’d grown a little curvier - not as curvy as Jinkx, but not as skinny as Raja. Either way, she had always been a slim girl. But now she was changing, and rapidly.

“Damn, girl! You could take somebody’s eyes out with those!” Jinkx had joked earlier that evening, gesturing at Sharon’s chest. That was worrying enough, but it only increased when she tried the fucking dress on.

It would not zip. The tiny zip went over her thighs, just towards her hips, and then stopped. No amount of force could tug it upwards, no matter how hard she tried. The little tell-tale tummy she’d acquired was making sure of that. Against her better judgement, she tried to suck it in, but to no avail. The curve of her tummy remained, the zip stayed stuck.

Examining herself in the mirror, Sharon frowned. Her chest felt tight. Her own body felt alien, as though it didn’t belong to her. Instead it belonged to that thing, the thing taking up residence inside her.

Sharon mustered as much courage as she could simply to open her mouth. It took a few seconds for the words to follow.

“Hey I… I don’t think I’m gonna do the show tonight. You girls go ahead without me.”

It was pathetic, how shaky and unsure she sounded. Raja and Jinkx’s fluid conversation about whether they should ever switch up the colour scheme silenced immediately, and Sharon cursed herself. It was the last show the girls might ever get to do in their current states, their final goodbye to this part of their lives. They couldn’t just do it without her.

Jinkx sounded hurt. “We’re a trio! We can’t be The Supermodels if we’re a duo!”

“Just do it!” Sharon snapped, her voice shrill. Reality was falling onto her shoulders, crushing her beneath its weight, and the fear of change had encapsulated her heart. If they carried on asking questions, she would have to tell them, and if she had to tell them then she had to acknowledge that it was happening, and she really really really was not ready to acknowledge what was happening.

At her tone, Raja’s voice softened. “Still not feeling good, darling?” She asked. She sounded almost motherly, tinged with the care and love Sharon knew she wouldn’t get from her own mother. “It’ll pass, I promise.”

Sharon sighed. “Yeah. B-But it’s not just that.”

“What else is stopping you?” She pressed, gently.

All at once, everything that was stopping her seemed to form an avalanche of emotion, crushing her chest and squeezing her ribcage until she could do nothing but break. Tears began brimming in Sharon’s eyes, slowly enough that it gave Jinkx and Raja time to edge forwards until they were just behind her screen.

“My… my dress. It doesn’t… fit, anymore.” Sharon sniffed, trying to hold back the steadily increasing stream of her tears with little success. Every fibre of her being didn’t want to tell them, didn’t want to have to acknowledge it, but there was no avoiding it now.

Sharon covered her face as they joined her, all three staring into the same mirror. Her vision was blurred from the tears, and she felt Raja’s hand on her exposed back, where the dress should’ve been zipped. Each of them just stared, not sure what to say, not wanting to assume the obvious.

“Take it off, sweetie,” Jinkx instructed softly, moving to assist Raja in unzipping the dress and letting Sharon step out of it. “That’s it, you’re okay.”

In just her underwear, Sharon felt more exposed than ever. There was no hiding her secret from her friends anymore, no convenient bags or flowy shirts to obscure it from sight. The tears slowed a little, allowing her a shaky view of herself in the mirror. Jinkx and Raja clung to her as if trying to keep her in one piece, seeming to sense how close she was to collapsing.

“Fucking Justin.” Raja cursed, quietly. “He did this to you.”

Sharon pushed down the doubts in her mind, the subtle suggestion that maybe this wasn’t him. She knew it was likely, but she knew there were two other candidates who she could never mention.

“I know,” She breathed. “I don’t know what to do.”

Jinkx bit her lip. “You can either keep it or… not.”

“I’m not ready to make that choice.”

“You shouldn’t have to be.” Raja butted in, her tone fierce and her eyes flaming. “He should’ve been more careful, he shouldn’t have let this fucking happen to you!”

“It takes two, Raj!” Sharon found herself almost shouting. “It wasn’t just him! This isn’t his fault.”

In a moment of confusing, blind anger, Sharon stormed away from her friends to gather her regular clothes, tired of feeling vulnerable and naked. The tension in the dressing room had quickly become thick enough to cut, as it became clear that neither of the three girls knew how to react to the situation they were confronted with.

“Why are you defending him? You should be furious. This is huge.” Raja changed her tone, suddenly solemn and serious.

Sharon sighed. “Don’t you see? I have nothing to be furious at. Justin’s gone, he doesn’t know anything about this. I can’t get mad at him for something he knows nothing about.” She paused. “And… I don’t know. It doesn’t seem fair to get mad at…”

Her throat closed up. Jinkx, her eyes welling up with tears, rushed over and nearly toppled her with the force of her bear hug.

“The baby.” She supplied, tearfully saying what Sharon didn’t seem to be able to do. “You can’t be furious at a baby.”

Immediately after, the mood of the room seemed to shift. Everything was out in the open now. Jinkx had delivered the bomb they were all waiting for, and now they had to discuss the fallout.

“The baby,” Raja repeated, seemingly awestruck. “Oh my god, there’s a baby.” 

Sharon wrapped her arms around her stomach, as if to hide it. “There’s a baby.”

She told them as much as she could bear; the nights with Justin, the bouts of sickness and the strange dreams, how she had taken the test in Raja’s house and kept up the smiles as her world crashed down at her feet. Now that she was confessing it all to her friends, she felt bad for being so secretive. Part of her knew she should tell them about the other potential fathers, but for the sake of her own dignity she decided against it. They, of course, would never shame her, but she saw no sense in naming the two men that her friends would never meet. It was best not to overcomplicate things. After all, it was difficult enough with a baby.

“It’s okay, though,” Raja was saying, back to business as usual. “I’ll book you in with my doctor, darling, she’s fantastic. She does confidentiality like it’s nobody’s business, literally. Never told a soul when I had that STI test. Which, by the way, was negative because I’m clean.”

Her intelligent, abrupt nature was already doing wonders for Sharon’s peace of mind. Raja was always good at sorting through the bullshit - sometimes lacking in tact, but with a kind heart determined to fix each and every problem she encountered. 

“I can’t afford your doctor, Raj.” Sharon told her. “I don’t have any money of my own. And there’s no way my mom can pay without asking what it’s for and then finding out.”

Raja rolled her eyes. “Oh my god, Needles. I’m paying for the doctor, shut up.”

“You don’t ha-”

“Bitch, I said shut up. I’m paying for it. It’s not an offer or an obligation, I’m just doing it.”

She blew a kiss and stepped out of the dressing room as Sharon giggled weakly. Jinkx kissed her temple.

“Whatever decision you make, we’re with you the whole way.” She promised. “And we would be great aunties.”

Sharon nodded. “I don’t know what I’ll choose yet. Maybe I should just… give the thing up for adoption. I’d be a terrible mother. I don’t exactly have the best role model.”

Jinkx scoffed. “Be your own role model.” She shrugged. “If you decide to keep the baby, who’s to say you’d be a bad mom? I think you’d be amazing. It’s about love, not being perfect. And I know you have a lot of love in you.”

In some ways, Sharon appreciated Jinkx’s gentle, caring instincts more than her sly sense of humour. It was a relief to have a friend that she could laugh with and cry with, who would hold her tightly and work through her emotions until she could stand on her own two feet again. She had a feeling that, depending on the choice she made, their support would be all that she had to keep herself going.

Raja reappeared. “I cancelled the show. Let’s get you out of here.”

-

Two major changes had taken over Sharon’s life, and she finally felt prepared to face them. The morning, as she knew, would be difficult - she would be seeing off her friends in their brand new beginning and then getting ready to face her own. None of her decisions had been easy, but she felt that they were the best ones she could make.

Surprisingly, as she lingered at the top of the staircase, trying to fill herself with the confidence to walk past her mom and out of the door, she found that the old fear that used to gnaw at her was ebbing away. The heavily-adorned crosses all over the walls judged her and she judged them back, wondering how a woman who believed so deeply in a man dying for their sins could be so against love and acceptance. The so-called mother she had grown up with was nothing more than a bully using the cover of religion as a defense, and Sharon wasn’t going to be afraid of her anymore.

She headed downstairs.

“I’m going out,” She called into the kitchen. Unfortunately, she wasn’t able to dash from the kitchen to the front door, and her mom soon confronted her.

“No you’re not, young lady.” She admonished. Her hands were covered in flour, leaving white marks all over her sensible floral dress. “The church bake sale is today and I told them we would be there to help sell everything. You’ve been slacking again, Sharon, and I won’t have it.”

All of her confidence gathered from moments ago deflated like a sad balloon. Still, Sharon stood fast. “Well, you’re gonna have to tell them they’re down a member, because I’m not going.”

Her mom narrowed her eyes. “Don’t argue with me. You know what I can do.”

“You can’t do shit to me.” Sharon bit back. “I’m going to see off Raja and Jinkx, they’re leaving today. That’s that.”

“It’s always about you, isn’t it?” Her mom replied, taking a step closer. Instinctively, Sharon took one back. “I slave away to make sure you have a home, food, a good Christian upbringing and a decent education, and what do I get in return? I get your rudeness, your attitude.”

Sharon tried to interject, but there was no stopping her.

“I give you a home, you’re never here. I feed you, you don’t eat it. I diligently take you to church and you swear and sin like a heathen, purposely embarrassing me when all I do is try and do my best for you. You didn’t try at school, and now you’re wasting your time on sin and recreation even when I try to offer alternatives. So I have to discipline you, and then you think I’m evil. I’m not evil, I’m not disgraceful. You are. You’re a selfish daughter.”

Already, Sharon could tell things were going to go from bad to worse. The morning had barely started and they were already getting into a heavy argument that she knew would end in disaster.

“I’m selfish? Because you like to hit me?” She asked, in disbelief. “Do you think I enjoyed telling my teachers that my bruises were from me being some kind of fucking idiot, because you told me you’d do it again if I told them the truth? Because I didn’t fucking enjoy that, mother.”

“Don’t use that vile language, Sharon. It’s unbecoming of a young lady, as far from one as you might be.” Her mom hissed. “I don’t enjoy hitting you. I do what’s necessary to keep you in line. Our Lord told us to discipline our children. All I ever try to do is his bidding. All you care about are disgusting words and disgusting sins.”

All at once, a surge of white-hot anger lacerated Sharon’s body, releasing the boldness that Raja and Jinkx had always urged her to use. “Oh, fuck you and your shitty religion. Fuck you, fuck God, fuck Dad for never being here. His shitty missionary activism means nothing. All you care about is that everyone follows your fucking Bible and you focus so much on the lives of innocent strangers that you don’t even notice the shit happening right in front of your own eyes!”

She was pacing now, trying to rid herself of the all-consuming frenetic energy. “Fuck you. I’m not the selfish one, you are.”

Her outburst would not go unpunished. As she had seen many times before, her mom’s eyes flashed dangerously. It was as if all at once, her kindly Christian mother facade had melted away, flickering back to reveal her twisted reality. Though physically, nothing changed besides the clenched jaw and closed fist, Sharon suddenly saw her through the lens of her childhood fears. She was eight feet tall, laughing maliciously, her hands slowly raising upwards as she prepared to deliver a menacing blow. It would leave bruises that she should be ashamed of, for the abusive monster had won again and again.

Not again.

“Don’t you fucking dare touch me!” Sharon yelled. Her eyes were filled with furious tears. “I will never let you treat me like a doormat ever again. I will never let you abuse me in the name of your fucking God. This isn’t just about me anymore, which you would know if you fucking paid attention to the child you pretend to love.”

Without even realising, Sharon cupped her hands over her stomach. Somewhere in there, tucked away in the small bump she could feel beneath her fingers, she knew her baby was rooting for her.

“You disgust me.”

Her mom’s tone was much quieter, the fiery, destructive anger replaced with the slow black smoke that lingered afterwards. It was tinged with loathing, telling of her honest reaction to the news. Somewhat calmed - unbelievably - by the feeling of the bump in her hands, Sharon closed her eyes.

“Mom, please.”

Anything else she wanted to say to defend herself dissipated. Her mom’s sheer hatred silenced her before she could even process her own thoughts.

“Seventeen?!” She exclaimed, incensed, and threw her hands up in the air. “And I did everything right, too. I was a good Catholic mother. Lord, what did I do to deserve a slut for a daughter?!”

Despite everything, it still felt like a punch in the gut to hear such scathing words from the only person who was supposed to love her unconditionally. Sharon had known she would react explosively, but it hurt more than she wanted to admit.

“Mom, I-”

The woman stood before her pursed her lips, perfectly still. Her gaze was livid, her body stiff with rage. She looked at Sharon as though she were scum, a piece of dirt, a blight on her picture perfect life.

“I didn’t raise you to be like this.”

“You didn’t raise me at all!” Sharon bit back. “You were never here for me. You’re a shitty mother!”

“I’m not your mother.” She delivered the final blow in a low voice. “No daughter of mine would turn out to be a whore. A slut. You’re on your own.”

Swallowing the lump in her throat, Sharon raised her chin as high as she could. “Good riddance. This is the last time you’ll ever see me.”

“Get out of my house.”

Carrying only an old diary and an album full of photos with her, Sharon crossed the threshold of her front door for the last time, and heard it slam behind her. There was no going back now.

“We’re gonna be okay, you and me,” She whispered, her head hung low. “We’ll build a life together. I’ll be a good mom, I swear. I’ll show you just how much I love you, every day.”

[ravenaveira]

People that say Taka was the best team/friends for him is like saying a drug addicts friends who are also drug addicts are whats best for them simply because they went along with and encouraged their habit rather than trying to get them help and off a toxic lifestyle

Just because you have friends that support your bad habits doesnt mean their good friends and whats best for you

Friends who try to get you out of that toxic lifestyle to a better place where your clear-headed and healthy THOSE are real friends who want the best for you

I know this is a weird topic to touch on after the previous episode which I'm not downplaying because I thought it was wholesome, but the fact that people blatantly ignore how toxic and unhealthy Taka was for Sasuke AT THE TIME really just rubs me the wrong way

Do I think his relationship with Team 7 perfect? course not, but you can definitely see the difference between how TRUE friends behave and how enablers behave

Whenever Sasuke talked or thought about Team 7 he viewed them like family and precious bonds he had to cut in order to focus on and pursue revenge

Whenever Sasuke talked or thought about Taka he treated them as strictly subordinates, we never see him bothering to interact with them other than pursuing his goals and once they were no longer needed? he discarded and abandoned them without a second thought, he didnt even know Karin was an Uzumaki or that he even met her in the past which shows how little he cared about any of them on a personal level, the only one I can say Sasuke even remotely cared about to that degree is Jugo

None of them tried to empathize with Sasuke, none of them tried to talk to him about his struggles or problems and let him suffer alone, none of them cared for Sasuke to that point and if they did then they had one hell of a way of showing it

So my point? yes I think Sasuke cared somewhat about Taka in his own way and yes I think Taka cared for Sasuke as well I'm not saying they didnt, I'm just saying they didnt care enough

And it seems crazy to me that the same people who complain about the injustices done to Sasuke and his clan are the same one who support Taka and them supporting Sasuke and his crimes against pretty much everyone

Yes killing Danzo was a good thing but it was still a crime, Sasuke and Taka joined Akatsuki and tried to kidnap the 8 tails which was a crime against the Cloud village, Sasuke attacked the 5 kage summit and every single kage there making him an international criminal regardless if his goal was just Danzo it was still a risk of them getting involved, Sasuke just being a rogue ninja joining another rogue ninja is a crime, Sasuke attempting to kill all the 5 kage after the war would have been a crime

Yes some injustices can be resolved through violence but that is not the one and ONLY solution, Sasuke going rogue unfortunately even from a narrative standpoint yea it needed to happen for him to train with a Sanin etc but the only way to resolve Konoha’s injustice was to go through the right channels and expose to corruption that was in it, once Sasuke left and started committing crimes he lost the moral high ground and anything he said or did would easily be ignored and just thought of as another crazed Uchiha who deserved to die

You can argue yes but then Naruto and Kakashi could have said something once they found out but by that point it was like Temari said, it was FAR too late for Sasuke and even with the truth revealed how does that excuse his actions at the summit? against Bee? joining Akatsuki? killing Itachi and Danzo MIGHT have been able to be excused but the rest? there's no way that was getting overlooked even with the corruption exposed Sasuke was still just as much in the wrong now

I'm a huge Sasuke fan but even I can acknowledge that not every single one of his actions was 100% right and just, his actions towards the people who actually wronged him WERE in the right, but his actions in everything that didnt? yes he was in the wrong no ifs ands or buts about it

So for those who think Taka is so much better for Sasuke because they supported his criminal actions [except Jugo I believe he’d be fine either way] but not Team 7 who wanted Sasuke to stop his criminal actions and return to his senses and be in a healthy condition again, truly make me wonder if they actually care about Sasuke’s well being or just think everyone who isnt a yes man to everything Sasuke did somehow dont care about his feelings or the injustices done to him and just wanna change him

Yeah, change him for the BETTER not worse, if anything Taka tried to do the opposite of that but hey I guess being a bad influence is better than being a good one

And listen we can go back and forth all day about Sasuke's situation after the war because I agree wholeheartedly that thats bullshit, but realistically speaking the fact that some things about the Uchiha massacre are unresolved like those two elders even being allowed to breathe, realistically speaking what CAN you really do? the Uchihas are dead and the main man responsible is dead and Hiruzen who failed to stop it is also dead so what would exposing everything do at that point? everyone directly involved is DEAD so exposing it really is pointless even if only to clear Itachi’s name which I'm gonna say something alot of you wont like

But the Uchiha’s were not all innocent victims, atleast not the ones involved and planning the coup, yes they were treated unfairly but does that mean the best approach to fixing this is to overthrow the government? how does that make you look? your proving their suspicions of you right by attempting to be the threat they all think you are, that is NOT how you get your point across and demand justice for your clan by planning a coup that would result in many lives lost including your own

Does that mean do nothing? course not, but if you want their trust then you have to EARN it and if you want justice and equality then go on strike and refuse to serve them until their willing to talk and compromise, seriously the Uchiha was a HUGE asset to Konoha so them refusing to obey and offer their services definitely would have gotten their attention and force them to listen and find a compromise, if that didnt work they could have tried spreading the word to fellow citizens and gain their support as I'm pretty sure not EVERYONE in Konoha felt the same way towards them and would have joined their cause for equality

But no, they chose the path of violence and it resulted in their entire clan's downfall and they end up with NOTHING but a bad name, so what did they gain? absolutely nothing, so was it worth it? NO

So lets stop acting like Konoha’s the big bad villain that did nothing but wrong and the Uchiha’s were pure innocent souls that did nothing wrong to deserve what happened to them because Ima say it THEY DID and their downfall was entirely their own fault for their approach, was it right? of course not genocides never ok and just as the Uchihas could have found another method Konoha could have as well so they were both in the wrong not just one or the other

Itachi also isnt a saint for the same reason the Uchiha’s and Konoha isnt and thats choosing the wrong approach to resolving the problems, there were many other paths he could have chosen but he chose the worst ones every time so just clearing Itachi’s name because of his good intentions wouldnt be right because his methods were beyond fucked up on so many levels

So my point is Sasuke was a victim of both sides wrongdoings, Taka didnt help with that at all, Team 7 tried to empathize and tried to understand and console him and save him from himself, its just that Sasuke didnt let them and pushed them away and thats of no fault of theirs since they did try but mainly Sasuke and them being mostly in the dark about everything

Yet Taka knowing almost everything didnt even try to reach out to him or help him cope in any way, Karin you’d think would understand and get through to Sasuke the most, cared more about her lust for him and seeing his ‘smile’ than actually empathizing with him and helping him through the turmoil he was in, Suigetsu made it clear he was out for himself from the start and Jugo is just wholeheartedly loyal to Sasuke no matter what

The fact that in the end, Sasuke makes no attempt to visit them until he needs them for something speaks volumes of his attachment to them, I think Taka thinks more of Sasuke than Sasuke does of them

He didnt even say goodbye to them before he left for his redemption journey nor did he bring them along on his years-long mission which again speaks volumes

So all Im saying is, Taka being the best team for Sasuke and his true friends is complete bull because I have yet to see any argument or reasoning for this be anything other than he chose them and that they went along with everything he did without question

If you have a better reason for why you think this then please share with me I welcome it maybe you can change my mind, but as of right now all the arguments I see is bullshit or occasionally shipping based which isnt a legitimate reason btw, so if you can be civil then I'm all ears

Note: I didnt mention the other Kages because it should be obvious their ways were screwed up as well and ruined a lot of lives, however what does Sasuke’s idea of basically ruling as a dictator resolve? how does that fix and reform the system? Sasuke wont live forever so what happens when he dies? he cant be the enemy that unites everyone once he’s dead and gone it’ll return back to how things were and thus mission failed another Uchiha dies for nothing, Sasuke’s approach to the situation was just a temporary solution not a permanent one and one that wouldnt last long anyway so lets not pretend Sasuke had the best solution to the problem when in all honesty both his and Naruto’s solutions were flawed and it makes sense that they’d work together using both methods rather than one and compromise, again we can argue about Sasuke’s situation after the war all day but fact of the matter is just gotta accept this is what it is and move on, at least Sasuke achieved partially what he wanted which was a bright future for the next generation and the villages to be at peace with one another without the need of a common enemy anymore, are things completely resolved? no, but its progress, and 15 years is nowhere near enough time to fix decades worth of damage so its still a work in progress and will be for a long time

[promiseimnotacop]

let's go about this a different way: pick your fave ten questions from the trans journey ask game and answer them!

bold of you to assume I’ve ever managed to make a decision in my life. also warning this gonna be looooooong

from this ask game

1. How did you choose your name? 

so I’ve always been interested in names and a couple years before i ever came out to anyone I asked my mum casually if there were any other names she’d considered giving me. She said that Finn or Finnbar were up there had I “”been born a boy”” and so I latched on to that. It worked pretty well for me because I wanted something that felt like an equivalent exchange for my birthname and that I didn’t associate strongly with a particular individual and I’d never had a Finn in my year at school so that was all hunky dory. Took me a while longer to figure out middle names (because my birthname has two middle names and it’s sort of a tradition on my dad’s side so I wanted to have those). 

There was a hot minute when I considered calling myself “Hugo Finn” which I’m so glad I didn’t, not that it is objectively a bad name, but because my reasoning was erm....bad. It was at a time when I had a lot of internalised self hatred/disgust and the name Hugo I first came across and associated heavily with the morally ambiguous “freak” from ASOUE. At the time I thought using a name I associated so heavily with the word freak was a way of subverting negative feelings but tbh it wasn’t. I’m so glad I didn’t tether myself that negativity. 

Also fun fact, my birthname is Shakespearean protagonist who spends most of the play dressed as a boy so again for a hot second I considered using the name she does, Fidele, but I wasn’t about having a super conspicuously uncommon name. 

For middle names in the end I went for James Lee (though nothing is legal or set in stone feedback and opinions are welcome lol). Lee came first, after the river in my village that I have a lot of postive memories associated with, outside of all the gender bullshit. The problem then became that the name “Finn Lee” would sound like/get mistaken for “Finley” and “Finnbar Lee” would sound like “Finn Barley” which would be eccentric and confusing. So it needed a buffer. In the end I went for James, partly because the first middle name of my given name is a saint, but mostly because James can be Jim and that allows for some of my childhood nicknames (im jim jam, imbo jimbo) to sort of still apply. that was a long answer to a short question lol but I spent a lot of time thinking about this because for some reason I felt  like I couldn’t come out until I’d already settled on a full name. 

3. Do you have more physical dysphoria or more social dysphoria?

I don’t think they’re separable. I have dysphoria about my body but it is because of societal perceptions of my body

8. How would you explain your gender identity to others?

depends on how savvy that person is to trans jargon honestly. The best, if clunky, label I’ve found for my gender is “transmasculine non-binary” which is two different quite broad umbrella terms lol. I like the looseness of it. For me personally, it means that the framework of masculinity and maleness is not an exact fit and does not cover some of the complexities of my gender but, in my daily interactions it is a close enough approximation and I do desire to pursue parts of what might be considered a “trans masculine” medical transition. For the most part masculine coded language (including he/him pronouns) is what suits me the best, with only a few particular exceptions. So, for most of the world I am functionally “a man” (even though that is one of the few bits of masculine coded language I don’t gel with), or maybe “a gender non-conforming man” and I am not gonna split hairs about that if we aren’t close. 

But if we’re seriously getting into a chat about gender there’s a lot more to be said. If drawing a diagram of my gender I would say I’m about 55% male, 30% “other”/third gender/maverique/genderqueer/whatever you want to call a gender identity autonomous and seperate from male or female, and 15% nothing/void. And all of that is subject to fluctuate a bit and which parts I might connect with most can be slightly contextual. I am more “a man” than anything else but also pretending to be a binary man is cutting out a significant part. 

12. Do you pass?

Let’s unpack the most Problematique question lol. Just kidding. It is important to acknowledge how “passing” or not effects daily safety/experiences but....god can we not use that word? Can that not be the agreed upon term? The implication that you are otherwise “failing”? The way in which it is incredibly difficult to apply to no-binary people? The way it does not acknowledge the nuances and the way that being read as a certain gender can be conditional? 

I prefer to use the terms “read as” because it allows for more nuanced discussion, does not have moralistic implications, puts the onus on the people viewing - not the individual being viewed and is kinda intuitive to understand.

To answer the question though? For the most part (like maybe 80% of the time) I am read as male. By no means always, and it is conditional on me following a certain level of gender conformity, but for the most part I interact with the world being addressed as a guy. As someone who is very much pre-t it seems that this alone subverts the standard “trans narrative”. Hell I was mostly read as male for a while before I ever came out. I’ve been corrected and laughed at in the women’s bathrooms. I’ve been harassed for gender nonconformity not in spite of but because I was wearing “girl’s” uniform. I have had fellow trans people assume I was a cis man (on more than one occasion) even when I introduced myself by my very much feminine birthname. I have little kids point blank refuse to believe I am “a girl”. I have had strangers confront and correct my mum for addressing me with she/her pronouns (before I was out). I have had kids yell the T slur at me (before I had begun to learn the invisible rules - which to be totally clear are bullshit -that need to be followed in order to be more consistently and unerringly read as male). I’ve been read as male occasionally in contexts where it was impossible for me to be out (near strangers on holiday whilst using birthname, new teachers and students at a school i’d been at since I was 11 and worn “girl’s uniform” until 16, etc).

It’s by no means always though. Which makes the times I don’t difficult and awkward. The technician on my course refers to me with feminine language but none of my tutors. The other day I tried out wearing eye shadow to class and I guy I bumped into later said that he hadn’t recognised me because it made me look like a girl (cringe). etc.

17. What do you do when you have to go to the bathroom in public?

haha i don’t go. I literally haven’t been to the men’s bathroom (apart from once on holiday) but also i get harassed in the women’s/get directed towards the men’s so.....here’s to hoping I don’t get a UTI lads. Literally been in a public loos once since June (not including holiday abroad) and then i nipped into the disabled one during shark week. 

19. Would you ever go stealth, and if you are stealth, why do you choose to be stealth?

so at the beginning of uni I sort of tried to go stealth to see if I could/if it was comfortable (and by go stealth I mostly mean I just didn’t openly talk about my trans-ness for a while). I didn’t wanna be known as ‘the trans one’ and so i didn’t want to introduce myself with that fact. It fucking sucked would not recommend 0/10. It’s incredibly lonely-making to try and filter your experiences and to not be able to discuss certain issues with anyone irl. 

32. How do you see yourself identifying and presenting in 5 years?

I used to do this thing when I was feeling particularly dysphoric/hopeless where I would draw myself now, and myself in 5 years time. Help construct something to look forward to, and work out what I would sincerely like to wear/express but don’t due to dysphoria. For me I really want to get to a place where I am comfortable in androgyny. I want to grow my hair out without sacrificing being read as male. I want to wear long skirts and crop tops whilst still being read and understood as a guy. I’ve done a lot of self reflection and I don’t think I can get to the place of being comfortable until I have had top surgery and I might also require T (though top surgery is really the necessity for my day to day life). Fingers crossed that will be possible and slightly healed within 5 years but given the NHS it really is not certain. 

39. Is your ideal partner also trans, or do you not have a preference?

T4T is self care. Jk. Honestly probably but that’s not to say a cis person couldn’t be my ideal partner? like at any rate it’s fucking necessary that my partner fully understands/perceives me to not be a woman. They could just be cis and no. 1 ally but in all likeliness they’re probably gonna be trans (particularly given the number trans and/or nb cuties out there)

40. How did/do you manage waiting to transition?

I’m not managing. Send help.

seriously every week I have a break down about how long NHS wait times are.

42. Do you interact with other trans people IRL?

I’m an art student in Brighton. Yes. 

(Also my sibling Sumner is an NB lesbian, and my childhood best friend Hunter is NB). 

Literally going to be one cis person in my house of six next year. 

[fox-steward]

@illinoisbeau didn’t respond when i said it was up to him about tagging, so i’ll give him the chance to respond, but please let me know if i should remove the tag.

where to even start with this? it’s wildly illogical but i am waiting for my wife to get off a 9hr plane ride so i’ll bite.

image 1: i’m sorry if you think i just came up with everything on this blog like some inspired fount of radical feminism, but these ideas are here to help make sense of my experience. they do not come out of my experience. what i’m saying is, my experience with dysphoria is likely indistinguishable from most other female trans people, and you said it best yourself, “transition [is] not the right treatment.”

i try to make this point with exhaustive examples, drawing on the indisputable conditions of being female in this society.

image 2: acknowledges misogynistic society? check. everything you said after that and before your own experience? word salad. how am i missing how “misogyny permeates each person in society in all areas of life?” that is exactly what i’m saying. and extrapolating from there, im suggesting that even sex dysphoria is informed by the all-permeating misogyny. why do i have to repeat this? it would seem we agree here?

you’re right we never stop learning from society, but as you experience the socialization of manhood, you do so with a history of girlhood. guess who fundamentally does not do that: natal males. which means even now, your experience of manhood is going to be fundamentally different from theirs. just as mine was. just as all transmen’s are. we never stop learning from society,“ but we also cannot just erase what we already learned. i’m suggesting it is possible (probable) that for female people like us, who experienced girlhood with dysphoria, it is precisely the experience of misogyny that gives rise to desires to become the opposite sex.

image 3: my man, there is no reliable difference between “cis and trans dysphoric people.” it’s not helpful (except insofar as to construct and substantiate some kind of innate trans narrative) to distinguish between types of dysphoric people, especially when the overlap of our experiences is so huge–nearly a circle!

i’m not sure what exactly you’re arguing, but the notion that therapists aren’t helpful to dysphoric people is…dubious. from one side of the coin, i agree, from the other, i don’t. i agree that right now, therapists are not doing dysphoric people right and helping us investigate the deeper meaning of dysphoria and helping us work on ways to deal with it outside of steering us toward medical transition. i don’t agree that therapists are seeking out reasons to “make us normal.” this is…a wild claim. so intangible as to be useless to this discussion.

again, there is just no use in trying to draw a line between “cis” dysphoric people and “trans” dysphoric people unless that purpose is to bolster the idea that transness is an innate state of being. practically, there’s no difference between your life experience (what you’d call trans) and mine (what you’re calling cis). any difference exists in your mind in order to justify why we can have different outcomes of the same experience: transition.

image 4: not sure what the point in bringing up the difference between society and nature is. sure, they’re different, but each one is real in that we have to live with both and with the ways they interact. those interactions being something like: all females (nature) are oppressed by misogyny (society).

no one is asking you to obsess over your biological sex? all i’m suggesting is, it’s better for mental health when we acknowledge our reality, that we are female, rather than believing we are or could become male.

look, you’re 18 and an adult, so i’m not trying to belittle you when i say this: at 18, the human brain isn’t done forming. in my late 20s, mine is. i guarantee i have life experiences behind me that you just don’t. i say from experience and observation of others, feelings change a lot between 18 and 30. i say from experience, it’s no good for mental health to feverishly pursue something you can never attain (becoming male). whether you believe me or not is up to you, but you in particular is not who i write this for. i write for any dysphoric female, myself included.

image 5: no, what jeopardizes your healthcare is a medical industry that suggests transition without the appropriate investment of time and resources in figuring out how to physically and emotionally care for trans people. what jeopardizes your healthcare is a lack of research into long term testosterone use and how that changes a female body. but make no mistake, changed by medication or not, it’s still a female body. what jeopardizes your healthcare are transphobic doctors and nurses who turn away trans patients because they don’t understand or are disgusted by our bodies. and that is a flaw with society, not nature.

i get that you don’t want the experience of womanhood and transition will functionally fix that for you, but your body will not enter some mystical space between male and female. it will be a female body on testosterone. and that’s fine! like you said, functionally, it does the job! no one “gives a shit” that transition is an aesthetic approximation? this discussion is not about feeling a certain way about transitioning, that is literally just the honest description of what it is. claiming to somehow slide into a biologically male body? that has a lot more to do with feelings–namely, appeasing your own internal sense of being. and as my personal experience informs me, insisting doesn’t make it so.

no one said or implied that transness or transsexuality is unnatural and thus wrong. nothing about this discussion or any of my writing is about transness being wrong. it’s almost all about how females suffer misogyny, how that influences dysphoria, and wondering if medically transitioning is the best treatment for it. that’s it. and you can agree or disagree, but trying to make it seem like i am anti-trans isn’t true or fair.

image 6: you are the only one distinguishing our dysphorias, though. you insist they’re fundamentally different, while i suggest that maybe they aren’t? your evidence that they’re different? i acknowledge the role of misogyny, while you deny it. at 18 i would have denied it, too. functionally, though, experientially, i’ll bet your story and mine have a near perfect overlap. our experiences likely mirror one another’s. and that is my point from above: there's no practical difference in distinguishing between you and me unless we’re trying to support the idea that transness is innate. and that distinction relies not on our actual, concrete, lived experiences, but on how we choose to describe them.

if i had to guess why you want to create this gulf between our experiences, it would be to rationalize why it is two very similar people with exceptionally similar experiences of functionally the same thing can reach different outcomes.

image 7: i just wanted to include this to publicly acknowledge that i had permission to post these screenshots.

but as i said in our chat message, LMAO @ the notion that my experience with transitioning doesn’t necessitate an opinion on transness!!!! what a wild stance to take! “your experience doesn’t necessitate an opinion on that experience.” lmao 😂

good luck out there, this world is a trip. i wish you well.

[roxilalonde]

hey could i ask advice on being bi and bi relationships? im a woman and im currently in a relationship with a guy and we've been together 3yrs and as I've gotten older I've realized i'm mostly attracted to women. and idk recently i've just had a lot of doubt about like. if I'm actually bi or. like if I'm actually attracted to him sexually. I know i love him, i just feel conflicted and confused and i was wondering if you've felt that way or have advice or. anything.

hey there! first off, i’m really sorry you’re going through that. i’m here for you, if that helps – i think a lot of bi women experience what you’re going through. if nothing else, please know that you’re not alone in your problem. 

there are a couple of things that could be at play here. on the one hand, bi people face a lot of pressure to downplay their attraction to one gender in order to conform to a mainstream idea of sexuality as an either-or phenomenon. as such, bi women often doubt their own bisexuality, as it’s easier to convince yourself that you’re faking than to convince a society that they’re wrong. i personally do this to myself a lot! it takes a lot of effort  – and, point blank, raw stubbornness – not to just give up.

however. compulsory heterosexuality (the societal pressure for women to be attracted to men) is going to be a part of any wlw’s relationship to her sexual orientation, and it can really do a number on our ability to parse platonic intimacy from sexual attraction. as a consequence, there exists a documented phenomenon of lesbians identifying as bisexual for a period before coming out as lesbians. this may happen for a number of reasons, and to be clear, i don’t want to speak over lesbians or speak personally to experiences that aren’t mine, so i would really recommend seeking out takes written by lesbians on this subject in order to get an accurate sense of perspective. but one explanation i’ve seen is that lesbians may identify as bi during a time when they had realized they’re attracted to girls, but haven’t yet realized that they’re not attracted to boys – two different mental conversations. 

“attraction” is a really, really social concept, to the point where even if you have absolutely no real attraction to men, there may still be moments where you think you do. an explanation of the issue i particularly like is the distinction between the idea of sex/romantic relationships with men being “possible” or “endurable” and “enjoyable activities that i actively want to pursue.” i.e.: if your desire to date or have sex with men is not borne of honest enthusiasm for the idea, but instead any reason besides earnest personal desire, then it’s not attraction. sex and dating are supposed to make you happy. if it isn’t making you happy, something’s wrong.

this is, admittedly, easier said than internalized. women are conditioned all their lives to believe that they are and should be attracted to men, and we carry that paradigm with us, regardless of how cognizant we are of it. realizing you’re gay, unfortunately, isn’t enough to make that conditioning go away. since i don’t know the details of your situation, i’m hesitant to give you advice as to how to handle the situation itself. but i can offer you some resources which, i hope, will help you make your own decision about what you feel, and wade through the thunderdome of sociological theory that makes up any conversation about sexuality.

“Compulsory Heterosexuality and Lesbian Existence,” by adrienne rich, is a fantastic article that helped me, personally, sort out my relationship to my sexuality. i consider it a foundational article for understanding how women experience SGA. “The Queer Apologetic: Explaining the Use of Bisexuality as a Transitional Identity,” by nicholas guittar, talks about the experiences of people who do or have id’d as bi despite not being so, and why that is. and a resource i recommend in general for a lot of bi and bi-questioning people is “Thirteen Ways of Looking at a Bisexual,” by david halperin, which is great not because it offers a conclusive answer to literally any questions about bisexuality or what it means to identify as such – it doesn’t – but precisely because it nails down the ambiguity inherent to id’ing as bi in the first place. and then it cites a bunch of attempts to answer that question.

an additional resource is “Defining Bisexuality: Young Bisexual and Pansexual People’s Voices.” it’s a study recounting a variety of responses given by bi and pan people when asked how they understand bisexuality. now, i don’t agree with everything the participants say, necessarily (when asked what bisexuality is, for example, one person just tosses out a number on the kinsey scale, which is proof positive that just because a person ids as bi/pan doesn’t mean they know shit about it). but others have insightful takes on what it means to be bi and how they conceptualize it, and if you skip to the conclusion of the study, you can get a useful overview of the article without wading through all the responses. 

if you decide that what you feel for your boyfriend is platonic intimacy instead of romantic attraction, understand that you don’t have to lose your relationship entirely or cut your boyfriend out of your life – relationships change and evolve, and it’s more than possible to develop meaningful, deep intimacy with people you’re not attracted to. people who care about you will recognize that. conversely, if you decide that what you feel for your boyfriend is romantic, know that you’re one of many bi women who happen to have a preference for other women! and having a boyfriend does not make you any less such. good luck, and whatever you conclude, i hope you end up happy.

[sonreiv]

i absolutely despise when ppl paint katsuki as an abuser when horikoshi doesn't even say he's an abuser. Bullying and Abusing has some similar aspects but they are different at the end of it. Katsuki is. a. bully. Izuku recognizes that Katsuki is a jerk and what he did was wrong/bad (and he actually has stated that he hates katsuki, twice) but still sees his strong qualities that make him admire him

(This ask has been sitting in my drafts for the longest time and I thought with the upcoming episodes it was the perfect time to stop procrastinating and finally finish it. Sorry for the wait, nony! I mostly agree with you, but I want to further discuss some points so I hope you don’t mind I got a bit lenghty. You got me an excuse to ramble up some meta haha.)

A TL;DR beforehand: canon analysis supports that Katsuki should not be interpreted as an abuser, but an early bully at most. I also did a little analysis on the early middle school chapter and how it shows BNHA’s society/the peers Deku and Katsuki grew up around set up a bullying enticing enviroment, and how bad translations have us interpret their relationship as more aggravating than it really is - Deku NEVER said he hates Katsuki, for instance. Not once.

I agree that Katsuki is not to be interpreted as an abuser. He does not want to pursue Deku in order to hurt him; instead, he wants to push Deku away from himself. There’s a difference between “I want to possess you, to make you stay around me and hurt you emotionally and physically” - and “I don’t want anything to do with you, go away, don’t interact with me or else”. The first one is abuse. The second one is what Katsuki felt about Deku for most of his life (albeit very simplified). At the times when Katsuki did hurt him - threatening him in middle school, getting out of hand during the heroes vs villains team trial, punching him during the end of the term exam, etc - was because he felt threatened; so his response was to push him away with violence, with an attempt at “teaching” Deku to stay away from his lane.

This is not to defend Katsuki’s actions; this is only a reasoning, not an excuse. His violent behavior towards Deku is still inexcusable. I only want to make clear there’s a difference between “I want to go out of my way to hurt you” and “I will smack you if you push me”, even if his concept of being pushed is distorted to his own experience and it still does not make his violent actions okay. He fears and despises what Deku did at those times: talking to Katsuki as if Katsuki isn’t on the pedestal he grew up believing he was on. This is the core of Katsuki’s feelings. He does not want to abuse Deku. He wanted him to go away, and he WOULD physically/verbally assault him if that meant pushing Deku away from him. And the rest of his threats/aggressive banter is just really how he talks to everyone else.

Even in canon it’s explicitly stated Deku was the one who insisted on following him because of his admiration, and that was what Katsuki couldn’t stand; he wanted him to be away.

And that was way before. The game is changing, and the development of their relationship is one of the core points of the series. Katsuki recognized him as someone who is not allowed to lose, someone worthy of All Might’s trust, and just very slowly started talking to Deku like he does to everyone else.

I also believe that affirming Katsuki would be an abuser in a romantic relationship with Deku misses the point if the person is okay with it if it’s a friendship/platonic relationship, or if they ship Katsuki with other people. Someone who is abusive does not isolate their behavior to one single person, nor does abuse happen only in romantic relationships. Abusive friendships exist. If one thinks katsudeku is okay as long as it’s platonic, if they believe in their growth and healing enough to believe they can start and share a healthy friendship, then the same should be applied to a romantic relationship. Also if Katsuki were to be an abusive partner to Deku, he’d be the same to other partners. If he were to be emotionally manipulative, possessive, constantly putting him down and hurting him while also keeping him - he’d do it to any other partners. The thing is people who ship katsudeku usually don’t ship it hc'ing that Katsuki keeps his ill behavior towards Deku in the relationship - we cherish the character’s growth and development. The canon Katsuki, the Katsuki with the bad behavior in the older chapters, as stated above, didn’t even wish to keep Deku around as a peer, let alone to form some kind of deeper bond. The romantic katsudeku ship I personally want is the kind where Katsuki grows and changes (as it’s slowly happening in canon) enough past his insecurities towards Deku to be okay with approaching him like he does to other peers. No possessiveness, no emotional abuse, because I personally don’t see that coming from him.

Since we got to this point, something interesting and relevant that I don’t usually see being pointed out is that in the very beginning of the story, it wasn’t only Katsuki opposing to the idea Deku could enter UA while being quirkless. The entire class laughed at him, and the teacher didn’t bat an eye.

This is not to gloss over the fact Katsuki did show unexcusable behavior towards Deku, but I think the scene was set up that way to show it was not only Katsuki’s isolated behavior, but the system, BNHA’s society is shaped to mock and discourage individuals who believe they can become heroes or achieve certain things despite the conditions of their quirk(lesness). The way the society is shaped was Deku’s childhood bully. He was mocked by his peers as young as 4, while at the same time Katsuki was put in a pedestal because of his quirk - which led to his massive ego complex. We can’t analyse their personalities and relationship without taking in account the context they grew up in. Many people frame Katsuki as the single-handed culprit for Deku’s bullying background without taking this whole context into account, while also casting Deku the role of a submissive, persecuted victim when he deliberately chose to stick around Katsuki, and just generally shows to be a character with a lot more agency than that.

And what’s interesting in this scene is that Katsuki didn’t laugh along with everyone else when Deku says he wants to apply and he might have a chance. Because Katsuki takes that seriously. He takes that as a personal offence. The whole point of Katsuki’s ill feelings towards Deku were always that he

feels as Deku is mocking his efforts by believing that himself, a quirkless boy who didn’t do any kind of physical preparation for a heroics course - has chances of becoming a hero as much as Katsuki, who is a born genius AND presumably prepared himself to apply to UA, with training and studying, going as far as scolding his colleague for smoking because he wanted a clean student record.

he feels threatened by Deku because ever since they were kids, as much as Deku admired him, he also saw Katsuki as someone who was able to get hurt and could have a hand offered to like anyone else; Deku saw him as superior in terms of skill, but an equal as a human being, while all the other kids did not. And that made Katsuki not stand him. Because he’s scared of being anything less than the very best, he’s scared of being someone who can be offered help - in his eyes, someone who can be pitied and looked down onto.

And that’s why he reacts with hostility. He wants to intimidate Deku out of even trying to apply to UA. It’s even stated by Katsuki’s colleagues he got out of hand this time, implying it’s not normal behavior for Katsuki (and I’ve seen people saying it was confirmed by Horikoshi himself, though I don’t have sources so don’t quote me on that). Again, he will only seriously smack Deku down if he feels threatened. He does not go out of his way to put him down on a daily basis because he doesn’t want to interact with Deku to begin with.

Also, Deku actually never stated he hates Katsuki. Not once. What he actually says is closer to “he may be a jerk, but-”, which is how the official english translation translated it, as seen above (stole the picture from this post by @kiraelric because it’s where I found it faster :P). Here’s a post explaining it, and I quote @sugarmagic who gently broke down the first panel - which FA translated as “I hate his guts” - for me:

Basically the word 嫌う, the verb form is “to hate” but 嫌な奴 is “unlikable/disagreeable guy.” So what I’m pretty sure happened is that they didn’t realize な was modifying the word to be an adjective. It’s not describing Deku’s feelings, it’s describing Kacchan’s character. The reading of the kanji is written as “iyana yatsu,” versus “Kacchan ga kurai” which really would be “I hate Kacchan”. Then again, even if they read it that way, the furigana explicitly shows the reading, so I don’t even know what they were thinking.

 The translation group Fallen Angels takes way too much freedom and completely distorts some lines, and the dislike of Bakugou/his relationship with Deku in the western fandom was heavily influenced by interpreting it via FA’s aggravated translations. I had people who know japanese tell me how gratuitously innacurate the translations are - as an example, FA translates Deku thinking Katsuki is difficult to deal with as Deku thinking Katsuki causes him to be aware of his own flaws (source). The translations paint Bakugou’s character and his relationships, specially with Deku, unnecessarily harsher than they really are. In fact, something the localisation usually fails to translate is how Bakugou’s “die!” and similar threats are not be taken as seriously in japanese as one would in english - but rather pretty immature and petty (source).

So! If you read up to this point and you’re interested in reading other meta on Katsuki and Deku’s characters and relationship, you should check @explodo-smash’s meta tag. They’re a pretty smart team and can explain/analyse things better than me - in fact their meta helped me a lot understand better their dynamics post my bloody Fallen Angel readings. That’s all for today, and thank you for taking the time to read.

[sunnysidewrites]

92 Questions Tag

tagged by the lovely @kakaotaeks​ rIP I DONT EVEN KNOW WHY IM DOING THIS BUT,,,, GET TO KNOW ME!!! 

THE LAST

drink: water

phone call: my dad LOL

text message: my irl friend

song you listened to: honeyst - like you wHICH IS A BOP STOP SLEEPING ON HONEYST

time you cried: i dont remember,,,, i cry quite easily,,,,,,

dated someone twice: lmAO GOOD ONE

kissed someone and regretted it: LMAO!!! GOOD ONE!!!

been cheated on: i have to date someone in order for this to happen

lost someone special: a relative :((

been depressed: not depressed but there have been times where i just felt useless!!!

gotten drunk and thrown up: no

3 FAVORITE COLORS

purple/lavender

light blue

aqua green

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU

made new friends: yes a few but not much!

fallen out of love: no what does it feel like to be in love,,, i wonder,,,

laughed until you cried: i woulDNT BE SURPRISED IF I DID

found out someone was talking about you: um,,, idk,,,,, but i also definitely wouldn’t be surprised,,,,,,,,,,,,,

met someone who changed you: hm not sure i got really close with a few people tho

found out who your friends are: uhhhhh,,, i guess???????

kissed someone on your Facebook list: i never kissed anyone, period

GENERAL

how many Facebook friends do you know in real life: almost all

do you have any pets: no cAN SOMEONE PLS GIVE ME A PUPPY!!!

do you want to change your name: there were times where i thought other names sounded better but at the end of the day i love my name!!

what did you do for your last birthday: i bought a cake,,, that’s it

what time did you wake up: i have summer class so i gotta wake up at around 9, 8 sometimes, but usually i wake up at like 10

what were you doing at midnight last night: ,,,,,tumblr,,,,,,,, gdi why am i like this

name something you can’t wait for: to master what i wanna pursue

when was the last time you saw your mom: like an hour ago or smth?

what is one thing you wish you could change in your life: me LOL :(

what are you listening to right now: im listening to my calming music playlist sooo,,,

have you ever talked to a person named tom: no wtf lmao wHAT KIND OF QUESTION

something that is getting on your nerves: a lot of things,,, just a lot

most visited website: idk i go on tumblr a lot but there’s also youtube and my email

LOST QUESTIONS

mole(s): yeee

mark(s): yes,,, i think

childhood dream: i wanted to be a lot of things lmao be a teacher, writer, actress, the list goeS ON

hair color: dark dark brown i find the color nice when the sunlight shines on it bc it looks like regular brown!

long or short hair: LONG HAIR FTW

do you have a crush on someone: not really i just find one or two guys cute but not worth investing my time in

what do you like about yourself: nothing lol im trash????

blood type: i DONT KNOW WHAT MY BLOOD TYPE IS :(((

piercings: i have earrings!

nickname: ill keep that a secret

relationship status: married to 6 husbands im single

zodiac: cancer!!!!

pronouns: she/her

favorite tv show: well i love kim possible a lot and for kdramas the list never ends :)))

tattoos: none

right or left handed: right

surgery: none

sport: um?? lol??? im athletically challenged

vacation: i’ve only been to hawaii aND ITS SO BEAUTIFUL I MISS IT!! i wanna go to a bunch of european and asian countries there’s a lot of places i wanna go,,,,

pair of shoes: converse, vans, combat boots, running shoes (lmao i dont exercise tho,,, i just had them for PE)

MORE GENERAL

eating: NOODLES!!!!!!!!!!!!! N O O D L E S!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ESPECIALLY CHOW MEIN AND PASTA AND SPAGHETTI OMG I CAN GO ON FOREVER

drinking: i like drinking water and anything with mint chocolate or just chocolate or mocha,,,, you get the point

I’m about to: do my assignment uGH I WANNA KMS

waiting for: me to get my life together smh

want: food,,,, and sleep,,,,,,,,,,

get married: i mOST DEFINITELY WANNA GET MARRIED but i dont have to worry about that for a while

career: something involving computer science!!

WHICH IS BETTER

hugs or kisses: I AM A STRONG ADVOCATE FOR BOTH and it also depends on the person,,, obviously if its with my s/o both but anyone else is a hug and it also depends on the kiss iDK IT JUST DEPENDS LMAOO

lips or eyes: eyez eyez 

shorter or taller: tall but not way too tall

older or younger: same age or older!!

nice arms or nice stomach: idk i dont really care that’s not the first thing i think about??? y not both idk???? idc????

hook up or relationship: relationship always!!! i only wanna do long-term

troublemaker or hesitant: um idk??? i would say both in appropriate conditions, but rather than troublemaker i would say adventurous i dont want a troublemaker lmao

HAVE YOU EVER

kissed a stranger: no

drank hard liquor: lmao yes but it was at a wedding so like,,,, and that was my only time

lost glasses/contact lenses: no

turned someone down: no one likes me???

sex on the first date: N TO THE O SPELLS NO!!!

broken someone’s heart: not that im aware of,,,, :((

had your heart broken: well yes but not like that

been arrested: no

cried when someone died: yes

fallen for a friend: eh when i was younger but not atm

DO YOU BELIEVE IN

yourself: ,,,,,,,well,,,,, depends,,,,,,,,,,,

miracles: yes sure!!

love at first sight: idk this is where it gets fuzzy,,,, more like attraction at first sight bc thats real dont lie

santa clause: no

kiss on the first date: sure!! depends on how comfortable i am w them but i would like to take things a lil slow

angels: sure??? idk??

OTHER

eye color: brown im boring

favorite movie: dont rlly have one,,,,,, but i like disney movies,,,, :’)))

ok who to tag um i dont really have a lot of ppl to tag so this list is gonna be pretty short: @mintyjihoon @justkpopjokes @mansaeboysbe @7teentexts @chanilovehours and anyone else reading this!! mention me so i can see it!! :)

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Virgos Quotes

Official Website: Virgos Quotes

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• A virgo is genuinely a nice person but once they feel you have crossed the line they will never look at you the same. – Unknown • A Virgo is not heartless, we just get tired of doing shit and caring for ungreatful people. – Unknown • Anything that controls my state of mind I never really want to do because I always want to be under control. That might be part of me being a Virgo. I never want to do something that stops me from being in control of who I am and my actions. – Keke Palmer • Ask a virgo for an opinion on any matter and they will give you the most truthful answer even if it hurts you. – Unknown

jQuery(document).ready(function($) var data = action: 'polyxgo_products_search', type: 'Product', keywords: 'Virgo', orderby: 'rand', order: 'DESC', template: '1', limit: '68', columns: '4', viewall:'Shop All', ; jQuery.post(spyr_params.ajaxurl,data, function(response) var obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); jQuery('#thelovesof_virgo').html(obj); jQuery('#thelovesof_virgo img.swiper-lazy:not(.swiper-lazy-loaded)' ).each(function () var img = jQuery(this); img.attr("src",img.data('src')); img.addClass( 'swiper-lazy-loaded' ); img.removeAttr('data-src'); ); ); ); • Beyonce is a very hard-working woman. Astrologically, for whatever it’s worth, she’s a Virgo – like Michael Jackson, a hard worker. – Aretha Franklin • Do not assume with Virgo,it’s better to be straight forward and direct. – Unknown • Either you are a good Virgo or a crazy Virgo! The good Virgo side of me is educating and raising the children – being there for them. – Carine Roitfeld • Get to really know Virgos and you will discover they’ve beautiful people. – Unknown • I am 100 per cent Virgo, stubborn, over-organised, slightly abstracted from the rest of the world. – Paulo Coelho

• Im a virgo and im really good at scheduling and i really make it work i get up 6. 30 every day. – Nicole Richie • I’m a Virgo, and I know what I like. – Zendaya • I’m a Virgo; I naturally love to organize things. – Patrick J. Adams • I’m kind of psychotic and I like to talk about things. I’m a Virgo, too, so I like to analyze and overprocess. – Pink • Im never satisfied man im virgo. – Wale

• I am a virgo we don’t keep calm we turn shit up. – Unknown • I believe in astrology and the spirits. I’m a Virgo myself. – Peter Sellers • I love finding things. I love digging around in the dirt. It’s part of my Virgo. It’s like acting, really. You’re always searching around for something and finding little hidden treasures. – Julia Sawalha • I’m a Virgo and I’m really good at scheduling. And I really make it work. I get up 6.30 every day. -Nicole Richie • I’m a Virgo; it’s in my sign to be hard on myself. – Keanu Reeves • I’m fifty-six and still a Virgo. – Liz Carpenter • I’m never pleased with anything, I’m a perfectionist, it’s part of who I am. – Michael Jackson • I’m never satisfied, man. I’m Virgo. We overanalyze and we’re never satisfied. So I’m gonna keep going ‘til the wheels fall off. – Wale • I’m not silly! I’m very sensible! I’m a virgo, I’m very… organized. You know? – Vivian Campbell • If astrology is real, I guess I’m a pretty quintessential Virgo. – Ian Harding • If you believe in astrology, I’m a Virgo, so I’m very controlling; I’m very neat, and I’m very organized. – Trisha Yearwood • I’m a Virgo and I’m more – I don’t want to say ‘negative’ – but I’m the girl who thinks no one’s coming to my birthday party, no one’s buying my clothes, no one’s reading my book, no one’s watching my show – that’s just how I think. – Rachel Zoe • I’m a Virgo and I’m really good at scheduling. And I really make it work. I get up 6.30 every day. – Nicole Richie • I’m a Virgo and the sign is a virgin. So when I was 16, I got the word virgin tattooed on my wrist, thinking I was sooo deep and cool. And now I just look really weird having virgin written across my wrist and I have to explain it. – Nicole Richie • I’m never satisfied, man. I’m Virgo. We overanalyze and we’re never satisfied. So I’m gonna keep going ’til the wheels fall off. – Wale • Im not silly im very sensible im a virgo im very organized you know – Vivian Campbell • I’m on the daft scale. I mean, I am a typical Virgo in some ways. I am driven. I like to be prepared. I make lists. But I also like to muck around. – Suranne Jones • It is a sin to follow your horoscope because only God knows the future and He won’t tell us. Also, we can tell horoscopes are false because according to astrology, Christ would have been a Capricorn, and Capricorn people are cold, ambitious and attracted to Scorpio and Virgo, and we know that Christ was warm, loving, and not attracted to anybody. – Christopher Durang • Keep calm it’s officially virgo season. – Unknown • My wife loves to get all dressed up and go out, and I’m this gloomy Virgo. It works because of the mutual recognition that we are two democratic narcissists. She does what she has to do, and I do what I have to do. We respect that. – Peter Falk • Once virgo finds true love they are faithful to the core. – Unknown • One of the great things about Virgo is their dependability. – Unknown

• The cosmic game changed forever in 1992. Before then, logic told us that there had to be other planets besides the nine (if you still count poor Pluto) in our solar system, but until that year, when two astronomers detected faint, telltale radio signals in the constellation Virgo, we had no hard evidence of their existence. – Thomas Mallon • The only Virgos left in the world are people like you who were born in August. – Gabriel Garcia Marquez • The world might be a very scary place if it were only run by Virgos. – Tom Ford • Virgo all our dreams can come true if we have the courage to pursue them. – Unknown • Virgo always either fall for the wrong person or the right person at the wrong time. – Unknown • Virgo are about seeing results they can’t stand things being incomplete. – Unknown • Virgo are nice people but if you get on their shit list you might as well be invisible. – Unknown • Virgo are very private people if they let you into their lives you should feel flattered. – Unknown • Virgo be not afraid of greatness. – Unknown • Virgo cancer relationship mesh well & intimacy is great. – Unknown • Virgo do not let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do. – Unknown • Virgo enjoying a still and quiet moment after having dealt with their thoughts and peoples is what really brightens up their day. – Unknown • Virgo females are the sweetest of the zodiac but mess with them and you’ll wish you didn’t. – Unknown • Virgo i haven’t failed i’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work. – Unknown • Virgo i over think everything. – Unknown • Virgo if you cannot do great things do small things in a great way. – Unknown • Virgo it is never too late to be what you might have been. – Unknown • Virgo life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how i react to it. – Unknown • Virgo logic will get you from a to b imagination will take you everywhere. – Unknown • Virgo on a bad day very nasty attitude and overly sarcastic. – Unknown • Virgo people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones who do. – Unknown • Virgo that which doesn’t kill us makes us stronger. – Unknown • Virgo there are two primary choices in life to accept conditions as they exist or accept the responsibility for changing them. – Unknown • Virgo thinks they can overcome any emotion with reason and they do. – Unknown • Virgo twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you dodn’t do. – Unknown

• Virgos are very cautious when entering new relationships. They want to be sure they are making the right decision. – Unknown

• Virgo remember that happiness is a way of travel not a destination. – Unknown • Virgo twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you dodn’t do. – Unknown • Virgo what lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us. – Unknown • Virgo when stressed have sleeping problems poor appetite and bad posture. – Unknown • Virgo when you get caught tying to a virgo. – Unknown • Virgo women do not enjoy being part time lovers. – Unknown • Virgo worker now here we have the nearly ideal employee. – Unknown • Virgo you make a loving by what you earn you make a life. – Unknown • Virgo you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take. – Unknown • Virgo you must be the change you want to see in the world. – Unknown • Virgo your teddy bear will reveal that he is pregnant and will require counseling – Sue Limb • Virgo, and a real Virgo. Nit picky, cranky, cantankerous, fidgety, neurotic. All of the above, but that’s good. – Jay London • Virgo: Your teddy bear will reveal that he is pregnant and will require counseling. – Sue Limb • Virgos are hard on themselves they have high odeals for how they should be. – Unknown • Virgos are natural investigators you’ll be surprised with what they actually know. – Unknown • Virgos are not the neatest people contrary to belief they just know where they leave their stuff. – Unknown • Virgos are one of the main signs to suffer in silence. – Unknown • Virgos are very cautious when entering new relationships. They want to be sure they are making the right decision. – Unknown • Virgos are very faithful. I’m a faithful friend. I’m a faithful lover. – Karl Lagerfeld • Virgos will make you think they are sweet and innocent, then they will seduce you. – Unknown • When a virgo gets caught up in their feelings they get irritated by everything. – Unknown • When a Virgo is in their zone, trying to get stuff done, Back off! – Unknown • When I was dancing, I felt in control and happy. I’m a Virgo, so I really like to be in control. – Misty Copeland [clickbank-storefront-bestselling]

jQuery(document).ready(function($) var data = action: 'polyxgo_products_search', type: 'Product', keywords: 'a', orderby: 'rand', order: 'DESC', template: '1', limit: '4', columns: '4', viewall:'Shop All', ; jQuery.post(spyr_params.ajaxurl,data, function(response) var obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); jQuery('#thelovesof_a').html(obj); jQuery('#thelovesof_a img.swiper-lazy:not(.swiper-lazy-loaded)' ).each(function () var img = jQuery(this); img.attr("src",img.data('src')); img.addClass( 'swiper-lazy-loaded' ); img.removeAttr('data-src'); ); ); );

jQuery(document).ready(function($) var data = action: 'polyxgo_products_search', type: 'Product', keywords: 'e', orderby: 'rand', order: 'DESC', template: '1', limit: '4', columns: '4', viewall:'Shop All', ; jQuery.post(spyr_params.ajaxurl,data, function(response) var obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); jQuery('#thelovesof_e').html(obj); jQuery('#thelovesof_e img.swiper-lazy:not(.swiper-lazy-loaded)' ).each(function () var img = jQuery(this); img.attr("src",img.data('src')); img.addClass( 'swiper-lazy-loaded' ); img.removeAttr('data-src'); ); ); );

jQuery(document).ready(function($) var data = action: 'polyxgo_products_search', type: 'Product', keywords: 'i', orderby: 'rand', order: 'DESC', template: '1', limit: '4', columns: '4', viewall:'Shop All', ; jQuery.post(spyr_params.ajaxurl,data, function(response) var obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); jQuery('#thelovesof_i').html(obj); jQuery('#thelovesof_i img.swiper-lazy:not(.swiper-lazy-loaded)' ).each(function () var img = jQuery(this); img.attr("src",img.data('src')); img.addClass( 'swiper-lazy-loaded' ); img.removeAttr('data-src'); ); ); );

jQuery(document).ready(function($) var data = action: 'polyxgo_products_search', type: 'Product', keywords: 'o', orderby: 'rand', order: 'DESC', template: '1', limit: '4', columns: '4', viewall:'Shop All', ; jQuery.post(spyr_params.ajaxurl,data, function(response) var obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); jQuery('#thelovesof_o').html(obj); jQuery('#thelovesof_o img.swiper-lazy:not(.swiper-lazy-loaded)' ).each(function () var img = jQuery(this); img.attr("src",img.data('src')); img.addClass( 'swiper-lazy-loaded' ); img.removeAttr('data-src'); ); ); );

jQuery(document).ready(function($) var data = action: 'polyxgo_products_search', type: 'Product', keywords: 'u', orderby: 'rand', order: 'DESC', template: '1', limit: '4', columns: '4', viewall:'Shop All', ; jQuery.post(spyr_params.ajaxurl,data, function(response) var obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); jQuery('#thelovesof_u').html(obj); jQuery('#thelovesof_u img.swiper-lazy:not(.swiper-lazy-loaded)' ).each(function () var img = jQuery(this); img.attr("src",img.data('src')); img.addClass( 'swiper-lazy-loaded' ); img.removeAttr('data-src'); ); ); );

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Virgos Quotes

Official Website: Virgos Quotes

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• A virgo is genuinely a nice person but once they feel you have crossed the line they will never look at you the same. – Unknown • A Virgo is not heartless, we just get tired of doing shit and caring for ungreatful people. – Unknown • Anything that controls my state of mind I never really want to do because I always want to be under control. That might be part of me being a Virgo. I never want to do something that stops me from being in control of who I am and my actions. – Keke Palmer • Ask a virgo for an opinion on any matter and they will give you the most truthful answer even if it hurts you. – Unknown

jQuery(document).ready(function($) var data = action: 'polyxgo_products_search', type: 'Product', keywords: 'Virgo', orderby: 'rand', order: 'DESC', template: '1', limit: '68', columns: '4', viewall:'Shop All', ; jQuery.post(spyr_params.ajaxurl,data, function(response) var obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); jQuery('#thelovesof_virgo').html(obj); jQuery('#thelovesof_virgo img.swiper-lazy:not(.swiper-lazy-loaded)' ).each(function () var img = jQuery(this); img.attr("src",img.data('src')); img.addClass( 'swiper-lazy-loaded' ); img.removeAttr('data-src'); ); ); ); • Beyonce is a very hard-working woman. Astrologically, for whatever it’s worth, she’s a Virgo – like Michael Jackson, a hard worker. – Aretha Franklin • Do not assume with Virgo,it’s better to be straight forward and direct. – Unknown • Either you are a good Virgo or a crazy Virgo! The good Virgo side of me is educating and raising the children – being there for them. – Carine Roitfeld • Get to really know Virgos and you will discover they’ve beautiful people. – Unknown • I am 100 per cent Virgo, stubborn, over-organised, slightly abstracted from the rest of the world. – Paulo Coelho

• Im a virgo and im really good at scheduling and i really make it work i get up 6. 30 every day. – Nicole Richie • I’m a Virgo, and I know what I like. – Zendaya • I’m a Virgo; I naturally love to organize things. – Patrick J. Adams • I’m kind of psychotic and I like to talk about things. I’m a Virgo, too, so I like to analyze and overprocess. – Pink • Im never satisfied man im virgo. – Wale

• I am a virgo we don’t keep calm we turn shit up. – Unknown • I believe in astrology and the spirits. I’m a Virgo myself. – Peter Sellers • I love finding things. I love digging around in the dirt. It’s part of my Virgo. It’s like acting, really. You’re always searching around for something and finding little hidden treasures. – Julia Sawalha • I’m a Virgo and I’m really good at scheduling. And I really make it work. I get up 6.30 every day. -Nicole Richie • I’m a Virgo; it’s in my sign to be hard on myself. – Keanu Reeves • I’m fifty-six and still a Virgo. – Liz Carpenter • I’m never pleased with anything, I’m a perfectionist, it’s part of who I am. – Michael Jackson • I’m never satisfied, man. I’m Virgo. We overanalyze and we’re never satisfied. So I’m gonna keep going ‘til the wheels fall off. – Wale • I’m not silly! I’m very sensible! I’m a virgo, I’m very… organized. You know? – Vivian Campbell • If astrology is real, I guess I’m a pretty quintessential Virgo. – Ian Harding • If you believe in astrology, I’m a Virgo, so I’m very controlling; I’m very neat, and I’m very organized. – Trisha Yearwood • I’m a Virgo and I’m more – I don’t want to say ‘negative’ – but I’m the girl who thinks no one’s coming to my birthday party, no one’s buying my clothes, no one’s reading my book, no one’s watching my show – that’s just how I think. – Rachel Zoe • I’m a Virgo and I’m really good at scheduling. And I really make it work. I get up 6.30 every day. – Nicole Richie • I’m a Virgo and the sign is a virgin. So when I was 16, I got the word virgin tattooed on my wrist, thinking I was sooo deep and cool. And now I just look really weird having virgin written across my wrist and I have to explain it. – Nicole Richie • I’m never satisfied, man. I’m Virgo. We overanalyze and we’re never satisfied. So I’m gonna keep going ’til the wheels fall off. – Wale • Im not silly im very sensible im a virgo im very organized you know – Vivian Campbell • I’m on the daft scale. I mean, I am a typical Virgo in some ways. I am driven. I like to be prepared. I make lists. But I also like to muck around. – Suranne Jones • It is a sin to follow your horoscope because only God knows the future and He won’t tell us. Also, we can tell horoscopes are false because according to astrology, Christ would have been a Capricorn, and Capricorn people are cold, ambitious and attracted to Scorpio and Virgo, and we know that Christ was warm, loving, and not attracted to anybody. – Christopher Durang • Keep calm it’s officially virgo season. – Unknown • My wife loves to get all dressed up and go out, and I’m this gloomy Virgo. It works because of the mutual recognition that we are two democratic narcissists. She does what she has to do, and I do what I have to do. We respect that. – Peter Falk • Once virgo finds true love they are faithful to the core. – Unknown • One of the great things about Virgo is their dependability. – Unknown

• The cosmic game changed forever in 1992. Before then, logic told us that there had to be other planets besides the nine (if you still count poor Pluto) in our solar system, but until that year, when two astronomers detected faint, telltale radio signals in the constellation Virgo, we had no hard evidence of their existence. – Thomas Mallon • The only Virgos left in the world are people like you who were born in August. – Gabriel Garcia Marquez • The world might be a very scary place if it were only run by Virgos. – Tom Ford • Virgo all our dreams can come true if we have the courage to pursue them. – Unknown • Virgo always either fall for the wrong person or the right person at the wrong time. – Unknown • Virgo are about seeing results they can’t stand things being incomplete. – Unknown • Virgo are nice people but if you get on their shit list you might as well be invisible. – Unknown • Virgo are very private people if they let you into their lives you should feel flattered. – Unknown • Virgo be not afraid of greatness. – Unknown • Virgo cancer relationship mesh well & intimacy is great. – Unknown • Virgo do not let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do. – Unknown • Virgo enjoying a still and quiet moment after having dealt with their thoughts and peoples is what really brightens up their day. – Unknown • Virgo females are the sweetest of the zodiac but mess with them and you’ll wish you didn’t. – Unknown • Virgo i haven’t failed i’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work. – Unknown • Virgo i over think everything. – Unknown • Virgo if you cannot do great things do small things in a great way. – Unknown • Virgo it is never too late to be what you might have been. – Unknown • Virgo life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how i react to it. – Unknown • Virgo logic will get you from a to b imagination will take you everywhere. – Unknown • Virgo on a bad day very nasty attitude and overly sarcastic. – Unknown • Virgo people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones who do. – Unknown • Virgo that which doesn’t kill us makes us stronger. – Unknown • Virgo there are two primary choices in life to accept conditions as they exist or accept the responsibility for changing them. – Unknown • Virgo thinks they can overcome any emotion with reason and they do. – Unknown • Virgo twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you dodn’t do. – Unknown

• Virgos are very cautious when entering new relationships. They want to be sure they are making the right decision. – Unknown

• Virgo remember that happiness is a way of travel not a destination. – Unknown • Virgo twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you dodn’t do. – Unknown • Virgo what lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us. – Unknown • Virgo when stressed have sleeping problems poor appetite and bad posture. – Unknown • Virgo when you get caught tying to a virgo. – Unknown • Virgo women do not enjoy being part time lovers. – Unknown • Virgo worker now here we have the nearly ideal employee. – Unknown • Virgo you make a loving by what you earn you make a life. – Unknown • Virgo you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take. – Unknown • Virgo you must be the change you want to see in the world. – Unknown • Virgo your teddy bear will reveal that he is pregnant and will require counseling – Sue Limb • Virgo, and a real Virgo. Nit picky, cranky, cantankerous, fidgety, neurotic. All of the above, but that’s good. – Jay London • Virgo: Your teddy bear will reveal that he is pregnant and will require counseling. – Sue Limb • Virgos are hard on themselves they have high odeals for how they should be. – Unknown • Virgos are natural investigators you’ll be surprised with what they actually know. – Unknown • Virgos are not the neatest people contrary to belief they just know where they leave their stuff. – Unknown • Virgos are one of the main signs to suffer in silence. – Unknown • Virgos are very cautious when entering new relationships. They want to be sure they are making the right decision. – Unknown • Virgos are very faithful. I’m a faithful friend. I’m a faithful lover. – Karl Lagerfeld • Virgos will make you think they are sweet and innocent, then they will seduce you. – Unknown • When a virgo gets caught up in their feelings they get irritated by everything. – Unknown • When a Virgo is in their zone, trying to get stuff done, Back off! – Unknown • When I was dancing, I felt in control and happy. I’m a Virgo, so I really like to be in control. – Misty Copeland [clickbank-storefront-bestselling]

jQuery(document).ready(function($) var data = action: 'polyxgo_products_search', type: 'Product', keywords: 'a', orderby: 'rand', order: 'DESC', template: '1', limit: '4', columns: '4', viewall:'Shop All', ; jQuery.post(spyr_params.ajaxurl,data, function(response) var obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); jQuery('#thelovesof_a').html(obj); jQuery('#thelovesof_a img.swiper-lazy:not(.swiper-lazy-loaded)' ).each(function () var img = jQuery(this); img.attr("src",img.data('src')); img.addClass( 'swiper-lazy-loaded' ); img.removeAttr('data-src'); ); ); );

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jQuery(document).ready(function($) var data = action: 'polyxgo_products_search', type: 'Product', keywords: 'i', orderby: 'rand', order: 'DESC', template: '1', limit: '4', columns: '4', viewall:'Shop All', ; jQuery.post(spyr_params.ajaxurl,data, function(response) var obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); jQuery('#thelovesof_i').html(obj); jQuery('#thelovesof_i img.swiper-lazy:not(.swiper-lazy-loaded)' ).each(function () var img = jQuery(this); img.attr("src",img.data('src')); img.addClass( 'swiper-lazy-loaded' ); img.removeAttr('data-src'); ); ); );

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[ayz8yf9q-blog]

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What is the best car insurance to have?

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