#but also the pay model is atrocious if i get the thing

[gerudospiriit]

[Late stage capitalism really is just hell, isn't it?]

[gaarasfiance]

Cardigan

Pairing: Jason Todd x Fem Reader (version of jason isn’t mentioned but i wrote it with his original storyline death from Batman: A Death In The Family, not a later, retconned version)

Warnings: angst but also fluff, reader is a famous singer, use of Y/N, pet names (baby, sweetheart, princess, lmk if i missed any), swearing, makes references to other songs (Lover by Taylor Swift, Lucky People by Waterparks, and Favorite Record by Fall Out Boy), i reread this like 8 times but i couldve missed things so don't flame me if theres any fuck ups in there lmao

Word Count: 4,175

A/N: (yes i know cardigan is part of the teenage love triangle songs, yes i made it into somewhat fluff because i fucking wanted to, whats it to you? I was just listening to cardigan (by taylor swift if you were unaware) in the shower and had this beautiful idea of like what if rather than it being about getting cheated on, i make it about the reader experiencing Jason’s death (and resurrection)? also i color coded the dialogue which is something i normally don't do soooo fun little touch i guess.) (originally posted may 22, 2023 on an alternate account)

IMPORTANT NOTE: Italics mean it’s a flashback, bold and bigger means it's a song lyric, regular text means it's happening in real time. (with very obvious exceptions) Cool? Cool. also, real quick, THE FLASHBACKS ARE NOT IN PERFECT CHRONOLOGICAL ORDER!!!!

“HELLO GOTHAM CITY!” The crowd roared in excitement. Y/N was excited too, it was her first show in Gotham in a long time. This was her first tour in a long time. Of course, she let the public think that it was just because she was a teenager focusing on school, not because when she was 16 her first love the love of her life had been brutally murdered…

“It’s really nice to be playing a hometown show, and since this is my first one in forever, how about I play you something brand new?” Screams erupted in the audience, people pulling out their phones to get the first recording of a brand new song. 

“This one means a lot to me, it’s about someone very special to me, and how he came back to me when I needed him most. This is a quieter one so I'm gonna need you all to listen, and please don’t judge me if I cry during this. Alright, this one’s called ‘cardigan’ everybody!” 

Rows and rows of people buzzed with excitement as the music began to play.

~

Vintage tee, brand new phone

Y/N and Jason walked in, strutting about as if they were models in the new vintage tees Y/N had bought for them at the thrift store just days before. They strolled about the mall, eventually making the stop to get Jason a new phone, he had dropped his from a rooftop on patrol the night before. Oops. 

“Jay, baby, you can’t just use Bruce’s credit card without asking all the time” Y/N smiled, knowing Jason wasn’t going to listen to her 

“Says who? Besides, I told him I was taking it. If he didn’t want to pay for me to get a new phone, he should’ve given me a secure pocket in the suit for it like I asked.” Jason shrugged. He wasn’t atrociously rebellious at all times, but he knew Bruce had more than enough money for him to get a new phone, and to treat his girlfriend, and best friend, when he wanted to. “Plus, if I didn’t take his card, I wouldn’t be able to spoil you, would I?” He wrapped an arm around her waist, pressing a kiss to her temple as they walked out of the store.

High heels on cobblestone

Y/N’s heels clicked loudly against the cobblestone walkway as she made her way to the entrance of the Wayne gala, arm linked with Jason’s. 

“Are you sure I look alright? I’ve never worn a dress this fancy Jason. Should I even be at a Wayne gala I mean–” Jason cut her off.

“Sweetheart you look perfect. And if anyone tells you otherwise I will personally ask Bruce to kick them out.”

“Jay, you can’t do that.”

“According to who? I have adopted Wayne privilege and you’re the one who’s Bruce’s favorite”

“I am not Bruce’s favorite!”

“Yes you are, princess.”

He dragged her into the gala, excited to spend a night with her, and after that, her first Wayne gala was nothing but history, as she attended every single one at her lover’s side.

When you are young they assume you know nothing

“That boy is a delinquent Y/N! I doubt you even know anything about him, has he even told you how he came to meet Mr Wayne?” Y/N’s father shouted. He’d never liked Jason, despite him being Y/N’s best friend for years before things ever became romantic. She used to be able to avoid it, but when her mom moved out of state for work and Y/N wanted to stay in Gotham… well this was her only option.

“Yes dad, I know how he met Bruce! You realize I knew him long before he was adopted by Bruce Wayne right? That I didn’t just go for him because he was rich? You assume because I’m young that I know nothing!”

“Clearly you don’t know anything if you would choose to be with a boy who is a thief! He tried to steal Mr. Wayne’s tires!”

“He was trying to steal them because he was living on the streets and needed money to fucking eat, Dad! Clearly you’re the one who knows nothing here!”

She stormed out of the house, furiously texting Jason and trying to will away the angry tears. 

Sequined smile, black lipstick

Y/N grinned at Jason, her black lipstick fresh as they prepared to go to a party. Bruce had cleared Jason of Robin duty for the weekend and they’d decided to take time to enjoy being normal teenagers. 

“What do you think?” She asked, still smiling

“I think… I’m really tempted to kiss that lipstick right off of you”

“Come do it then.”

Sensual politics

“Do you ever think about sensual politics?” Y/N looked up at Jason, her head in his lap as he read a book.

“What the fuck do you mean ‘sensual politics’?”

“Like the politics of being flirtatious or like building a relationship with someone, but like also kind of a play on sexual politics and people’s perception of the difference’s between men and women and the politics of it, you know? Like they’re both very different things but you can name them the same thing”

“And you’re calling that sensual politics?”

“Yes, what about it?”

“I wish I could understand what’s going on in that brain of yours. You’re such a nerd, princess”

When you are young they assume you know nothing

“Jaybird, if you hurt her, I hope you know I’ll have to break your legs” Dick shrugged as if this was common knowledge.

“I won’t hurt her, Dickwad. She’s the best thing to happen to me.”

“Okay, but you’re young and stupid, anything could happen.”

“Just because you knew nothing when you were young doesn’t mean I’m stupid.”

But I knew you

Years ago, Y/n was 11 and Jason was 10. Y/N was on her way home from the school when she saw someone she recognized. 

“Hey! You’re the boy from the library! You showed me my favorite book!”

Jason flushed, unaware that she’d remember him, or that she’d take the recommendation he’d once given her seriously

“Yeah uh, hi. My names Jason, Jason Todd.” He stuck his hand out to shake.

She placed her hand in his and shook. "Y/N."

Dancin' in your Levi's

Y/N and Jason slow danced in her room, her record player spinning some old collection she’d snagged from Wayne manor.

“I was unaware that Levi’s were ballroom attire, Monsieur.”

“And I was unaware your bedroom counted as a ballroom, Mademoiselle”

Drunk under a streetlight, I

“Jason you’re drunk.”

“No I’m notttt. Please Y/N pleeeeaaassseee be my girlfriend.”

“You’re drunk Jay, if you weren’t then you’d remember I already am.” She laughed, watching her lover shoot up in excitement

“Really? That’s so cool!”

I knew you

"Y/N what do you think? Do you think he'd like this for his birthday?"

"Why are you asking me? You're his brother!"

"Yeah but you know him better than anyone else"

Hand under my sweatshirt

"Jason Peter Todd get your cold ass hands out from under my sweatshirt!"

"What do you mean princess?" He dragged his freezing cold hands further up her back

"Eek!"

Baby, kiss it better, I

Y/N carefully finished wrapping the bandages around Jason's waist.

"I can't believe you got stabbed!"

"Kiss it better?"

"Dork." She pressed a kiss to his bandages, before making her way up to his lips.

And when I felt like I was an old cardigan

Under someone's bed

You put me on and said I was your favorite

“What’s got you down princess?” Jason quirked an eyebrow, the moment Y/N entered the manor there was an unhappy energy on her, like she was faking her smile. He knew her all too well. “Come here”. He opened his arms to her, gesturing that she should come lay with him on the excessively large couch (rich people bro) and she happily obliged, latching onto his side like a koala with her head on his chest.

“It’s just… I don’t know, sometimes I feel like an old cardigan, under someone’s bed. Just… forgotten.”

“I could never forget you. Sometimes people lose things that are important to them. If you’re an old cardigan then I’m finding you and putting you on because the whole time you were my favorite.” He pressed a kiss to her hair.

“How poetic” She could feel his chest shake as he laughed.

“What can I say? I’m a man of literature. Speaking of which! Do you want to watch Pride and Prejudice?”

“Again?”

“Yes, AgAiN”

Y/N looked up at her boyfriend, beaming. “Always.”

A friend to all is a friend to none

“You can’t keep acting like nothing is going on Jason. You love her, so why are you friends with someone like the asshole who ruined her reputation?”

“Dammit Dick, I didn’t even know that he was the one who did that until a like week ago!”

“And you’ve hung out with him twice since then! A friend to all is a friend to none, Jaybird.”

Chase two girls, lose the one

Surely all of Gotham had heard them arguing from their favorite spot on the roof of the library.

“Jason I understand that you want to go meet your birth mother, but why does that mean you have to not be in touch for an undetermined amount of time? I don’t understand why finding her means leaving me!” Y/N hadn’t meant to shout. She wasn’t actually mad at him. She understood why he wanted to go, but that didn’t make him leaving hurt any less. Why should she have to lose contact with him, let him run off to another continent without any knowledge of if he was okay?

“Sweetheart I’m not leaving you, I’m just trying to find my mom…”

“Yeah, at the expense of me! Jay I will never prevent you from doing something this important to you but that will not change the fact that this hurts me. That I’ll be lying awake at night not knowing if you’re okay or if you’re even going to want me when you come home! Not even being able to ask Bruce if you’re okay because you plan on doing this without his knowledge! For fucks sake Jason do you realize how that would feel?”

“God dammit Y/N why can’t you just be happy for me?”

“Because you’re LEAVING ME. You know what, go ahead and go Jason. You’re choosing to chase two girls and you’ve lost this one.” She made her way down, trying not to let her hands shake from all the emotional turmoil, at least not until she was on the ground again. There was no way she would know how much she’d regret saying that to him.

When you are young, they assume you know nothing

“It’s your first heartbreak Y/N, you’ll get over it. It was teenage puppy love, something was bound to happen.” Her father had no clue. It had been days and she hadn’t heard from Jason. Last she checked with Alfred, Bruce had followed him out to the middle east somewhere. 

“This was, this is so much more than that. You’re doing it again, assuming that because I’m young I must know nothing.”

“Clearly you don’t know anything.”

But I knew you

“When were you gonna tell me that you being a literature nerd was knowledge Dick wasn’t supposed to get his hands on?” Y/N gave him a look. The look that says ‘i didn't know this was a secret so you can't be upset i spilled’

“Shit, princess, please don’t tell me you told him… he’ll never let me live it down!”

“Oops?” She shrugged. He started to say something else but she kissed him before the words could escape. “It’s alright Jay, it makes you a romantic. And it means I know you better than him.”

Jason smiled. “I guess you’re right…”

Playing hide-and-seek and

“Do you wanna play hide and seek?”

“Sweetheart, aren’t we too old for that?��

“Who said that? Come onnn"

“Y/N.”

“Hm?”

“You know I can’t say no to you.”

Giving me your weekends, I

“You know we don’t have to spend every weekend together right? You can hang out with your friends or your family if you want.”

“Why would I do that when I could give you all my weekends?”

I knew you

"How did you know to tell Bruce I wanted adjustments on the Robin bike?"

"Because I'm just cool like that. And i know you. Now come on, let's take it for a spin!"

Your heartbeat on the High Line

Y/N pressed the side of her head to Jason's chest as a stranger took their photo on the High Line. The trip to New York had been spontaneous, something they'd decided to do for spring break.

After taking her phone back from the kind stranger and thanking them, Y/N turned to her dear boyfriend.

"I could hear your heartbeat you know."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, you'd think it was our first date or something." Y/n grinned.

"Because you make me feel... I don't know, like Pip if Estella was actually good for him?"

"Did you just reference Great Expectations at me as a way of expressing your feelings?"

"Maybe?"

"Kiss me."

Once in twenty lifetimes, I

Y/N often thought of how her mother had once told her that true teenage love like the one she had with Jason only came once in 20 lifetimes. Although, in retrospect maybe it's twice in two lifetimes, or once in one, for the partner who didn't die.

And when I felt like I was an old cardigan

Under someone's bed

You put me on and said I was your favorite

"Would I still be your favorite person if I was a worm?"

"Well no cause you wouldn't be a person anymore, but you'd be my favorite worm-"

"You know what? I'll take it."

"You'll always be my favorite."

To kiss in cars

"Jason Todd, you are a menace to society."

"What? How?"

"You brought me out to Bruce's Rolls-Royce to make out."

"So?"

and downtown bars

"Who would've thought the boy wonder had a fake ID?"

"Maybe his girlfriend who's cousin made it for him"

"What? Which one?"

Jason smirked at her, knowing it was going to eat her alive not knowing yes im projecting how nosy i am onto the y/n "Sorry princess, that stays a secret"

Was all we needed

You drew stars around my scars

"Jason, it's just an old scar from scraping my knee a little too deep, it's no big deal!"

He continued drawing small stars around any scars he found on her, gently dragging the red marker along her skin. "I didn't say it was!"

But now I'm bleedin'

When Jason hadn’t come back, Y/N had done one of the only things she promised him she would never do: taking up vigilantism. She told Bruce it was only temporary. She told herself it was only temporary. But the longer she was in the game the more attached to it she became.

"FUCK!" Y/N yelped as she sat on her bathroom counter, pressing a damp rag to her wound, carefully wiping it off. "God dammit, I used to be patching up Jason's stab wounds, not getting stabbed..." She picked up her phone, dialing the only number she cared to call anymore.

"Yeah, Dick? Can you come over real quick? Need you to make sure this stab wound doesn't kill me..."

The audible "WHAT" echoed throughout the bathroom, despite the phone not being on speaker.

'Cause I knew you

"How'd you know I'd be here?"

Y/N found Jason at their spot on the roof of the library after Dick informed her that he'd had a particularly rough argument with Bruce.

"Because I know you better than anyone else."

Steppin' on the last train

Jason dragged Y/N towards the last train of the night, what they never knew would be their final date before everything went astray.

"Come on! The last train is the best one!"

Marked me like a bloodstain, I

The image of Jason, dead, being carried away by Bruce was forever marked in Y/N's head. He was dead. There was nothing else to say.

I knew you

Speaking at Jason's small memorial was never something Y/N saw herself doing.

"I uh- I really don't know what to say. You all always said I knew him better than anyone else, and I just wish I could've known the way to prevent this."

Tried to change the ending

Y/N tried so hard to change the ending of her story. Make it so she wasn't just the girl who lost herself in grief. But until unless she saw Jason again, nothing was going to happen.

Peter losing Wendy, I

As she sat there writing 'Cardigan' it occurred to her that Peter losing Wendy was a choice, and her losing Jason never was, but it fit. Their love was a magic only to be found in Neverland.

I knew you

"Hey Red, do I know you from somewhere in civilian life? You seem familiar..."

"No way, too new in town, sorry."

She knew she knew him. She just couldn't place why...

Leavin' like a father

Even though she'd told him just to go, Jason still stopped by Y/N's house before he left to find his mother.

"Please don't leave me, Jay." She cupped his cheeks, pressing his forehead to hers as tears streamed down her face

"Don't cry, baby, I'll be back before you know it."

Running like water, I

Of course, Y/N hadn't known the identity of the Red Hood the first time she'd spotted him. All she had time to think was wondering why such a large man, with guns nonetheless, ran from her like she was out to get him.

And when you are young, they assume you know nothing

"Why do people love to assume that because I'm young I must know nothing about love or heartbreak?" Y/N had asked one day. No one answered. No one knew. They only knew that they were all too aware of just how much she truly knew about both of those things.

But I knew you'd linger like a tattoo kiss

"I want a blue jay on my forearm. Full color. Can you do that?"

Y/N had walked into the tattoo parlor like she owned the place. She needed a way to let him permanently linger. The kiss of a needle in her skin the only way to physically represent him.

I knew you'd haunt all of my what-ifs

"What if I had made him stay?!"

"Y/N there's nothing you could've done that would change things."

"But what if—"

"There was nothing any of us could do."

The smell of smoke would hang around this long

"Thought you told me that you quit smoking years ago Red."

"Yeah, well, old habits die hard."

"Rough day huh?"

"Yeah. Girlfriend from before all this almost saw me in the library today. She doesn't know about me."

"About you being a vigilante?"

"She thinks I'm dead."

"You know, maybe I'll do this and be totally mistaken and realize i'm delusional, but I swear to whatever fucking god is listening if i tear off that domino mask and Jason Todd is under there I will be pushing you off this rooftop."

"If I've been hanging out with Y/N this whole time I'm throwing myself off."

'Cause I knew everything when I was young

Y/N was playing a show in Los Angeles, touring at age 15 was insane, but then again, she never thought anyone would listen to her music.

"Alright everyone, I may be young, but I also consider myself to be quite versed in romance, who knows, maybe it's my lovely boyfriend, or the fact that I'm a hopeless romantic, but either way, this one's called Favorite Record!"

Even at a young age, she'd known everything she needed to about love, because it encased her every moment she spent with her favorite person.

I knew I'd curse you for the longest time

She sat at Jason's grave in the Wayne family plot for more hours than she could count, swearing at his headstone

"God dammit! Why didn't you come home? Why didn't you come back to me?" Sobs wracked her body. "I was waiting for you to come home."

Chasin' shadows in the grocery line

Every once in a while Y/N would see someone and think someone was him. Maybe it was her brain's sick way of coping. She reached towards the stranger in front of her.

"Excuse me-"

But when he turned around Jason was gone. It was just another high school boy who had vaguely reminiscent hair.

I knew you'd miss me once the thrill expired

A knock came on Y/N's bedroom window. She opened it warily before the Red Hood came clinking in.

"Thrill of letting me think you were dead over?"

"Y/N please-"

"Did you sit and watch as I grieved? Stand by while I lost my mind because I thought I'd lost you?"

"Sweetheart, just let me explain–"

"Don't fucking 'sweetheart' me. Get out. Get out of my fucking room."

And you'd be standin' in my front porch light

"Get off my damn porch Jason." He was standing in civilian clothes, shuffling his feet nervously as if he was a little kid again.

"Not until you let me explain!"

"Fine. You get to come in for five minutes. See if you can explain to me how there is any way you can justify this."

And I knew you'd come back to me

Y/N sat with her jaw slack in shock after hearing Jason's story. How saying he died wasn't even a lie, how he'd been brought back, the madness he'd experienced, the resentment for nobody killing the Joker. (she flat out told him she would've if she thought she could do it without getting herself killed in the process)

"i'm such a fucking asshole."

"No you aren't"

"No you went through this whole traumatic experience and I've just been a dick to you!"

"And it's been totally justified! You should've been the first person to find out I was back. Honestly I'm surprised Dick or Bruce didn't tell you..."

"I'm going to ignore the urge to castrate both of them and just be happy you came back to me."

You'd come back to me

"I'll always come back to you."

And you'd come back to me

"Make sure you come back in one piece?" They were on the same mission, much to Jason's dismay, but they had to be split up.

"When have I ever not come back to you?"

"...."

"Don't answer that."

And you'd come back

They'd made it out of that atrocious mission. It all worked out in the end but it certainly had taken longer than they planned.

"hey, you came back in one piece, just like I asked."

"I always do, just for you."

And when I felt like I was an old cardigan

Under someone's bed

You put me on and said I was your favorite

Y/N heard Jason coming in. His duffel bag clunked loudly against their closet floor, and she assumed he changed out of his gear at a safehouse before returning to their apartment. She flipped over the edge of the blanket, making room for him to crawl in bed with her. Once sufficiently comfortable behind her, arms wrapped tightly around her waist, Jason spoke.

"Hey Y/N?"

She turned around in his arms so she could face him. "Uh oh, you didn't call me any kind of pet name, just my name, whats up?"

"Nothing I just... I just wanted to let you know you're still my favorite."

~

The tears were flowing freely by then. The audience screamed, cheering at the sweet song. “My favorite person didn’t get to be around for a while, but… he came back to me, and that’s all that matters. Now that's enough crying, I’ve got some much more fun songs, ARE YOU READY GOTHAM CITY!?” And with that, the show went on.

Hours later, Y/N made her way backstage, where she was immediately enveloped by the arms of a mystery man. She wasn’t scared though, she knew who it was. Her arms wrapped around his neck as he spun her around. 

He sat her down gently, beaming. “You wrote a song about me?” “Jay… baby a lot of my songs are about you.” 

“What?”

“I’m going to ignore the fact that you managed to not know that even though I’ve told you before.”

“I just assumed you weren’t serious!”

“... You really think that Lover or Lucky People or Favorite Record, could have possibly been about anyone else?”

“And if I just like hearing you say it?”

“Then I’ll tell you forever.” When their lips met, it was a promise, one that this, this feeling in this moment, was real, and that it wouldn’t ever go away, because they knew everything when they were young. 

[yautjalover]

saw the 'bother with asks and questions' post and reblogged it so a lil obligated to BE THE CHANGE I WANT TO SEE. I appreciate a fellow yautja appreciator that is for sure. I didn't watch the latest movie, if you did, how would you compare it to any of the other predator (or AVP) films? I'm taking my sweet time, but good press from someone who is focused on whats important (tHE BIG ALIEMS,,,), might move it up my priority list.

I get you! We gotta be the change we want to see! I myself went out and asked some folks things. 😊

As for your question concerning “Prey”, in comparison to the others in the franchise it stands out for multiple reasons.

1. It’s not set in the modern era.

With this film not being in modern times, we get to explore, for the first time on film, what a predator hunt in the past would look like! It’s no longer just seeing their historical hunts in the comics and novels, which has long been something we fans have wanted to see on the big screen. “Prey” also answers questions concerning historical hunts.

How different would their technology look and behave? Would they get tangled with historical events that shaped the future? What would they do in the face of long outdated weapons of that time?

“Prey” answers these pretty well, I think!

We get to see possible earlier iterations of the iconic weapons Yautja are associated with, we get to see how one becomes entangled with big historical events in pre-colonial North America, and also get the treat of one dealing with 17th century weapons.

The weapons of the time provide a few genuinely funny moments that help break the tension a little. I won’t spoil them, but I’m sure they’ll give you a good laugh!

I will say that it’s not riddled with excessive humor like 2018’s “The Predator”. There is a wonderful balance.

2. The lead isn’t some forgettable buff military guy and instead a Comanche Native American woman.

Unlike other current Hollywood female leads, she’s a genuine bad ass. She’s allowed to learn and grow from her mistakes, shaping up to use her intelligence against Feral. Naru knows the land and uses it to her advantage. She grew up surrounded by nature and picks up that something weird is going on, something she can’t explain until things happen.

Sorry, no spoilers here!

While there are moments where there is obvious plot armor, she still a cool and likable character with flaws but manages to also be a surprisingly worthy hunt for Feral. It’s also cool to see Indigenous representation and see a glimpse into that culture! We see parallels between a cryptid (can’t confirm if it was just for the movie or actual mythology for that tribe) and our titular Yautja.

With Naru, we get a coming of age story that mirrors Feral in this hunt being his first time on our planet and him slowly learning more about this hunting ground. They’re both, seemingly, out to prove themselves, setting up for later events in the film that pay off.

3. New Sub-Species of Yautja!

Thanks to Feral we get a glimpse of what a Yautja who originates from a different region, other than the jungle, of the planet looks like, with this case being a desert environment. While I think the facial design is atrocious, I can see what they were going for.

We learned from interviews with the design team that his sub-species consumes bones and has a special palette just for that in his mouth. His locs are slender and more numerous in order to keep cool, plus it looks pretty cool! I’m sure he’d be a shampoo company’s dream model!

You get to see a predator actually hunt things other than humans! I won’t spoil it, but there are some awesome scenes that really showcase the strength and agility that Yautja are known for but we hardly get to see. It’s pretty bad ass!

In “Prey”, we also see a more brutal predator who revels in bloodshed and fucks people up. There’s more violence on display, plus some new cool weaponry that only aids the carnage. While he gives off Young Blood energy occasionally, he’s still a bad ass! When he’s on the screen, he commands your attention!

However, he’s the only Yautja I’ll want the mask to stay on. He’s not a pretty fella and I liken him to a golden roast chicken.

“Prey” was the return to form the franchise needed after the questionable decisions made in 2018’s “The Predator”. Whoever thought that Yautja would be interested in my Autism was a big dumb ass. This film breathes new life into the franchise and gives us something genuinely entertaining while also bringing back some of the terror that the original 1987 “Predator” gave us!

I personally rank this high up on the list of previous films we’ve received over the years. It’s better than “Predators”, “The Predator”, and “AVPR”, sitting right with the OG, Predator 2, and AVP for me.

It’s worth the watch. It’s not a 10/10, more like an 8/10, but it’s still worth the watch! You should run to Hulu and give it a go. You won’t be disappointed!

Sorry for the LONG response, but I wanted to break it down. Thank ADHD and Autism and my rabid horniness for Yautja.

Oh! Last thing!

On a scale of 1 to 10, Feral is a solid four for me. His body is gorgeous. Those thick fingers? HELLO!

It’s the face that lowers the rating, though. My GODS that face design is…wow. 💀

[myemotionalsuppportcatboy]

I got Rise of The Sphinx for Christmas and I’m making it everyone’s problem

This game can be summed up in the two sentences I said when thanking my mom for getting it for me. “This game is atrocious. Thank you so much for buying it for me.”

More thoughts under the cut. There are spoilers.

Another quick review of this game is: buy it if you want, but do not pay full price for it.

The good: I CAN BE MY BLORBOS. Both Ladybug and Chat Noir are playable in every level. You get to explore Paris. You can switch between characters whenever so I had so much fun talking to everyone and then switching who I was to see how the dialogue change. You can upgrade the stats of both LB and CN and learn new skills, which is nice. The plot is actually pretty good. It proves again that Natalie is the brains of this operation. Using Chloe to create akumatizations in others is not new, but it does make sense. The new Chloe akuma design (Clonika) does slay. I get to beat up Hawkmoth. There are cute little character moments. Ladybug and Chat Noir talk throughout the levels and while some of it gets old most of it is cute. DID I MENTION THE BLORBOS?

The bad: It plays like a PS2 game. The models are...questionable. There is a good amount of time spent watching loading screens and things still phase into the levels. I jumped in the wrong spot on the Clonika level and clipped through the level and couldn’t get out so I had to redo the whole thing and I was almost at the end of it. You can’t control the camera and it sucks ass. There were several times I had to do a leap of faith or run ahead without being able to see where I was going. Collecting items and orbs is a big part of the game so it sucks that you can’t freely look around. Some areas of the levels were really laggy. This was worst in boss fights but would also happen sometimes when I was just walking around and I was like, I’m not even doing anything? There was one platform section in the last level with some orbs that I gave up on because my jump was so messed up and I also clipped through and slid off the platform without moving several times. The combat was very lackluster, lots of button mashing and standing around until you could get a hit in on bosses. IS THAT WHAT YOU THINK A SPHINX IS? THAT IS MOTH. SHOULD HAVE BEEN CALLED RISE OF HAWKMOTH. COME ON. There is a flashback that explains how HM came to be (Natalie and Gabe are stuck on finding the cat and ladybug miraculouses and Gabe decides that using one miraculous might bring out the others), he makes a huge giant sentimonster moth. It sets up Miracle Queen and the big change of status quo that follows. His RISE in power, perhaps.

The meh: There are A LOT of collectibles. Some are right in your path, which is nice for the literal children playing this game. Some require more exploration or replays. It was nice that exploring was rewarded somewhat. Sometimes there would be a little area you could go to and there would be nothing there and I would be like why did you make it so I could go here and then not put anything here? Like this an obvious spot for a collectable and there’s nothing? In general the levels also go between rooftops and the street and it’s not always clear when jumping down is encouraged and when it will kill you. The game is very forgiving of that, though. Each akuma transforms Paris and honestly I really liked some of then new elements that each akuma brought.  It was weird to have such empty levels and not interacting with the akumatized villain until the end in most cases. I really liked seeing the lucky charm each time and how LB and CN used it but it could just be cut scenes without the QTEs. The little comments were cute but did get old. There is one for CN where the subtitle says Woohoo but it’s more like a deranged giggle and it makes me want to come for Bryce Papenbrook’s kneecaps. As for Christina, Mari has one “awesome!” that I found grating. Other than that the voice acting is great!

TL:DR The game is clearly a cash grab made to capitalize on children who will beg for anything with Ladybug and Chat Noir on the packaging and plays like it.  The quality is poor and the game play is simple. However, you do get to be your blorbos, the story is solid, and there are cute character interactions so if that’s what you’re looking for and you have the cash to spare, go for it.

[decepticon-nerd]

My problem with Pokémon right now is that most of these past generations (SwSh, BDSP, and now SV) have been hyped up to the degree of making you want to shell out between $60.00-$120.00 USD but have come out quite lackluster, but by the time you find that out, Pokémon, Game freak, Nintendo, whoever the hell owns it now. They've already made that money.

I'm gonna gripe about them and this is my personal opinion. I will state now that I am a long time fan of Pokémon; the first game I played was Gold and the first game I bought for myself was Diamond. I am old enough to remember when Black and White 1 had commercials on TV (which is saying something because my memory is atrocious) and I've played at least one game from every generation.

In other words my post is probably gonna be biased.

I had some fun playing Sword and Shield. The plot was decent enough to keep me interested, as were the cool designs of a handful of new Pokémon. Snom, Obstagoon, and Corviknight are my favorites from that generation, probably. The starters are all lackluster and I usually shove them in my box after catching something else. And in terms of designs, can someone please tell me what the fuck Pokémon was thinking when they made Swordward and Shieldbert?

The wild area we were promised wasn't as expansive as we thought, the weather feature was weird as heck, the render distance was abysmal. So they release a DLC for the Isle of Armor and the Crown Tundra. Genuinely love the DLC and how much more you can explore. I don't remember how much the DLC was, but it was like.. $30.00 USD or something to get both of them.

The DLC gave us back one beloved feature that the game devs have failed to provide since Gen 4. Pokémon could walk with us again. You could only walk with them on the Isle or in the Tundra, though. I essentially payed $30.00 for one of my favorite features and said feature ran like shit. My Golisopod walked at a treacherously low speed and I outpaced it by walking. Not to speak of your faster Pokémon that sprinted at you with malicious intent every five seconds if you didn't outpace it.

I don't remember if Let's Go Eevee/Pikachu came out before or after this, but the feature worked perfectly in those games (to my knowledge; it's been a while!) Unless your Pokémon got stuck on something.

The plot of Sword and Shield was kept hidden from us really until the very end. The "big bad team" we got were insignificant flies that tried to trip us up every step of the way. And the Team Yell admin was literally just another gym challenger. I love Marnie and I love Piers but I don't think Team Yell was plot relevant, just extremely annoying.

The games going oh here's this evil team leader BUT WAIT THERE'S MORE started in Sun and Moon but I think it worked there purely because that was new. It was new, it was unique, it was done well, and Guzma got to call us idiots. They keep trying to do that now in different ways and it just doesn't hit for me. I want to go back to one super bad team (or two, in an Aqua Magma scenario) where they try to bring back an ancient deity and everything goes to shit. That's what Pokémon was.

BDSP was literally a copy paste of the file data from DP because there's apparently a bug present in BDSP that was patched in Platinum. Also, it's apparently super easy to a void glitch now, and you can fly on a surfing bidoof. And you can soft lock yourself in the ice gym. There's so many other bugs but those are the ones I remember.

My biggest gripes about the game are the fact that I payed double now what I did for the originals in the past for what was essentially the exact same thing with a few extra bells and whistles (and bugs), and whatever the fuck this was supposed to be.

Garchomp is supposed to be intimidating, and I guess from an in game view that would be, but I just stared at it going what the fuck did they do to him. He's t-posing. At least he keeps up with the player I guess. Not to mention all the models are miniscule. Rayquaza looks like a worm following the player.

And speaking of intimidating, what in god's name did they do to Cyrus.

I'm supposed to be intimidated by this emotionless man but he looks like a chew toy.

I love Diamond and Pearl. I hate having to tear a remake of it down like this. My disappointment was immeasurable, to be sure. I waited so long for a remake and we got this joke. Nothing changed. Yeah the underground is bigger, but what about the special gimmicks? No mega evolution, no dynamax?

And I don't think anyone has really talked about it because we immediately got Legends Arceus out and I will say right now I have put an ungodly amount of hours into that game and still haven't beaten it because Munchlax fucking sucks to find. I know where to find it, it just hates me. Yeah the Pokémon don't follow you, but that's probably preferable to them not being able to keep up. My favorite things about the game were that Pokémon actually got near each other in battle to hit each other, and that to could spam Pokéballs and not fight. Pokémon felt like a proper threat. You had to dodge them to stay alive.

It felt like a proper Pokémon game again, with one bad guy (in this case Volo) trying to end the world just so he can see God because he's too much a fangirl. The game revamped old characters, brought back a familiar face (Ingo my beloved) and gave us a plot worth fighting for. I tell you I squealed when the player got exiled and I was immediately brought back to PMD. Sure there were the bandit sisters, and again, the devs led us to believe they were the bad guys in advertising but they were just stupid pests that had no idea what they were doing.

My favorite things were immediately taken away in Scarlet and Violet. Yeah it's an open world. It's expansive. It's fun. Pokémon still run at you. I can't jump out of the way anymore, I have hop on my bike god and drive away. You can sneak, but what's the point when you have to battle the Pokémon to catch it anyway? Pokémon are practicing social distancing again, apparently. The sprites don't get near each other to attack anymore.

And the designs oh God the designs.

Dunsparse can evolve! He just gets longer and gets a pointier chin. What's Pawmi evolve into? Oh, it just stands up and gets anime hair. Speaking of anime hair, Primape apparently cosplays Dragon Ball Z when it dies. Lechonk was cute, I bet it evolves into something cool. Nope, just a slightly bigger pig with mascara. The pseudo-legendary is a joke among Gods. Cetoddle is cute, and Cetitan would be cool if it's mouth wasn't above its eyes. Love the fact that we have a mimic now. You need 999 gold coins to evolve it into a Dammit Doll. Half the Pokémon have a plastic face glued on a round orb of a head with zero protruding facial features like, I don't know, a snout or a nose? There's a flamingo that's just a flamingo, nothing special about it. Also we apparently get to fight literal cars and engines now! Have we reached the point of Pokémon Gun?

Not to mention that Pokémon following is back! It sucks again. Lots of Pokémon can't keep up with the player or Miraidon (I have Violet.) Meowscarada apparently has the zoomies and might be the exception.

SV: How many technical issues do you want us to have

Game Devs: Yes

They're also doing the misleading bad guy plot again and I can't tell if I should trust Turo or not. I haven't even physically met him in game yet.

The game has potential. I am just so unbelievably disappointed that the devs hid the pathetic Pokémon they were creating until leaks came out. I didn't think half the leaks were real, they all looked so farfetched. My team has ended up comprised almost entirely of old Pokémon that I treasure. That being said, all of them were hard to find so I basically played the entire game with just Meowscarada (because I've found that I don't hate it that much in motion) and Talonflame. My favorite Pokémon Absol isn't even in the game. I doubt we're ever getting the Nat Dex back, which means I can't play with all my old Pokémon friends together anymore.

I don't know how many more new Pokémon games I'm going to play. I feel like I've been let down too many times recently. I'm almost done with Violet, I think, because I never do the dex anyway. I'll catch my version exclusives and give them to my friends but when I beat the game I can't say if I'll pick it up again or not. And if I do, it might be solely so I can watch what's his name heal his dog with herbs again.

[imthepunchlord]

One thing it would be probably funny to see: how do you think episodes where Adrien is the most salted over would be with Felix? Like, Copycat won't really happen because Felinette with the cat = reverse crush, plus Felix would be annoyed, but understanding of Ladybug in Syren and since Felix friend group would be more close knitted, Glaciator also would be a simple outing. Though, him as a model? Pretty unlikely.

Let's see.... mindful, s4 I have hardly watched anything of, so that's going to be more limited and based on what I hear and I haven't been paying attention to a lot of it. Maybe someone else can fill in those cracks?

Season 1

Dark Cupid, Felix would never confess while there's an active akuma about. It's really the worst time and place. Wtf Adrien were you even thinking?

Copycat, yeah nothing would happen. Unless Theo really does something that rubs Felix wrong, he wouldn't do anything and let LB handle Theo, who at the core just wanted to tell LB that he appreciates and admires her.

If Bubbler did happen, Felix would actually let that party happen, but he'd move it inside the mansion and have the attendees trash it just to irk his uncle/father.

Refleckta, Felix would push Chloe off the bleachers if he's next to Juleka and she's trying to climb over Juleka to get next to him.

Antibug, Felix would be right there with his partner in being skeptical of Chloe's claims about Vanisher.

If Volpina did happen, Felix wouldn't immediately trust Volpina and raise a HIGH brow at her giving them immediate commands like she's the one they should answer to. He'd also be incredulous of Lila's lies to him about being a miraculous holder and showing him a necklace to prove it. So hella sus, and him having no patience for it, Lila now hates him in this version. Felix says bring it on. He's ready to throw hands.

Season 2

Collector, Felix would be asking his uncle/father questions about the book and not let that go. Also if Gabriel pulled him from school as a punishment, Felix would go make that public. And even if Marinette lets her suspicions of Gabriel possibly being HM go, Felix isn't going to let that go. He'll continue to snoop.

Prime Queen, he'd be with Ladybug in shutting down Nadja's effort to get them to admit they're a couple.

Glaciator, it depends if he has a crush on Marinette or not. If so, he'd readily attend even if Gabriel said no. Maybe even as Chat if he can't be seen in public. Glaciator would still happen either way cause a girl said no to the man's ice cream. How sensitive can you be?

Despair Bear, that "friendship" with Chloe would still be over at the end. Felix is long done humoring her.

Syren, Felix threatening to quit on a flooded Paris won't happen. He knows the importance of secrecy and if LB has an edge to help, fine. Side note, because he takes things more seriously, by this point, he already knows about Fu.

Frozer the akuma would happen, but not the double dates and him getting mad at LB.

Queen Wasp, Felix is going to verbally destroy Chloe for nearly causing a train accident.

Malediktator, Felix would join the festivity and Chloe would be long gone.

Season 3

Chameleon, Felix wouldn't let that go, join Marinette in getting back at Lila. He'd aim to destroy her while Marinette just wants her to stop lying.

Weredad, Felix wouldn't lead the mood on by getting Marinette a rose and attending dinner if he was planning on rejecting Marinette. He'd clear up that issue ASAP before Tom could get too carried away.

Desperada, Felix would actually use the Snake well and not spend time trying to flirt or tell his partner who he is. So no Snake Luka.

Gamer 2.0, seeing LB stressed and overworked, he'd help her wrap up this akuma quickly.

Puppeteer 2, he wouldn't pretend to be a statue in front of Marinette at all. If anything, they'd go make fun at the atrocious designs of the akumas together and make fun of Hawk Moth.

Chat Blanc, unlikely to even happen. If he found out Marinette was LB, he wouldn't use that info to go date her right away. He'd go to talk with Fu as she is now compromised with his knowing and between the two, she needs to stay a secret. And if they did date, when Gabriel pulls that bs of "you can't date my son blah blah", they'd just do it anyway cause screw Gabriel. And when they fight and Gabriel pulls that "me or her!", it's going to be Marinette hands down. Felix doesn't even like Gabriel. He finally has a chance to punch Gabriel in the face. And if Gabriel makes him Chat Blanc, he is dead. Deady dead dead.

Ladybug, he'd be on the situation ASAP with all the lies and framing Lila was trying to cause to Marinette. Or if it's at him, he's going to destroy her. Two can play at that game, and unlike Marinette, he's down for pulling dirty tricks too.

Season 4

Lies wouldn't happen as I don't see Felix and Kagami dating. He also defintiely wouldn't go in checking on to see if people feel like becoming an akuma cause wtf Adrien.

Hack-San, he'd be suspicious of Scarabella, but instead of going on the attack, he'd hear what she'd have to say then reach out to LB through his baton to hear if she can back this.

Felix wouldn't be bothered about Ladybug relying on other heroes. And he definitely wouldn't be sitting on the couch, sulking away.

[manychocolatefactories]

CatCF Milk Chocolate: Part 1, the kids

About this version: Milk Chocolate was inspired originally by a mix of the book, the vibes of the 1971 movie and the Tim Burton movie aesthetic. A bit more goofier and whimsical than the other versions. In term of era, I thought of it as a mix of 1960s, 1970s and 1980s.

In this version seven Golden Tickets are spread throughout the world, and each time one is found the same female reporter (her character is a reference to the musical) goes to interview the children. Another recurring joke is that while the hunt is going on for the Tickets, there are all sorts of ridiculous debates on television such as: do the Golden Tickets really exist, or is this just a hoax ? Do the Golden Tickets give cancer? Can animals go on a tour like humans? What happens if a Golden Ticket winner dies before the tour? Are the Golden Tickets linked to the rise of youht delinquence? Are the Golden Tickets a proof of Wonka's alleagiance to the obscure sect of the Golden Bird?

  First Winner: Augustus Gloop

(Based on Augustus Gloop)

This Augustus was actually based on an idea Stained-by-the-sea allowed me to "borrow" a bit. Stained noted that Augustus always made him thought of this section from the movie "North", about Buck and the Texan parents. If you don't know what I am talking about, I'll leave links down there. And this is such a perfect matc I had to dig a bit down there.

This Augustus is basically a mix of all the archetypes associated with Texas and Nevada. But more precisely, he is basically "Buck" from North - a boy whose family (and his own mindset) embody the motto "bigger is better".

The Gloop family always thought that they should be "the biggest and the bests" and that "bigger is better". Ironically, the Gloop parents themselves are regular-sized people, but they clearly enforced this mentality on their son. Augustus is a big boy. Literally. He is tall, he is thick, he is fat, he is very, very big. He is probably one of the tallest, and definitively the largest boy on the tour (in fact, he once or twice gets stuck in the doors of Wonka factory). He eats ten meals per day, and we are not talking of regular sized meals. We are talking piles of ribs, kilos of potatoes, entire chickens... His parents also prepared for him a "big" and "best" future - paying the local sportive teams to claim he is a sports champion despite Augustus never setting a foot on a sports field, arranging his marriage with the local beauty queen of the state he lives in, already preparing the three different houses he will live with his fifteen kids... As a result, Augustus isn't just big and fat physically, he also has a massive and bloated ego. He thinks that he is the best at everything, and that he should have absolutely everything he wants.

The Gloops themselves are actually the masters of the state they live in, so to speak. They are the wealthiest and most influential industrials of the area: they built highways, casinos, hotels, private villas, they are cow-farmers, owing a lot of slaughterhouses, and also dig for oil and gold. They want their business to be the "biggest there ever was" and all they do is exaggerately big: their villas are enormous, their hotels are everywhere, their farms hosts several thousands cows, their mines are among the deepest in the world...

Trouble is that, due to their expansion and consumption of everything, they are a threat to the landscape and the environment - destroying forests to build their roads and buildings, drying out the lands to feed their farms... in fact, part of the reason why their state looks like the most desertic parts of Texas and Nevada is due to their actions.

Think... Buck from North. Think Art Land from Mar Attack. Think an evil (and obese) version of Clay Bailey from "Xiaolin Showdown". In fact, if I remember well in one episode Clay turns into a sumo for one of the Showdowns... this would probably be Augustus' appearance in this version: sumo Clay Bailey. (Edit: Yes, I checked out, it is episode 23 of the series).

 Second Winner: Clarence Crump

(Based on: Clarence Crump)

Clarence didn't had any kind of personnality in the original drafts outside of a desire to prove he was right. As a result, I decided to have a lot of fun and create my own character.

The idea of vanity has already been touched several times with the other brats, but I wanted to give it its own character and kid. I also wanted to create a polar opposite of Augustus, denouncing the fact that being skinny can be just as bad as being fat when in excess. As a result, Clarence Crump is here a boy obsessed about being thin, and proud of being too skinny for his own good.

Mr. Crump is a pseudo-health guru that keeps writing phony and very dangerous diet books, the kind that will advice you to stop eating altogether to lose weight. As for Mrs. Crump, she is a beauty pageant champion (local and regional, and while she acts as if she was some national beauty champion, she always failed at nationals). From their union was born a child who inherited their vanity, pride and obsession with "health"

Black haired, very pale, very thin, very slender, to the point his bones show, Clarence delights in being skinny, and works as a teenager model promoting the "thin-fashion". He is also the embodiment of fat-shaming, never missing an occasion to insult fat people (in fact he often calls Augustus a big fat cow). He uses however the excuse of health for that (a trick his parents taught him) - promoting extreme thinness by talking about health and fat-shaming people in the name of health allows one to be much more horrible than normally accepted.

A good proof of how Clarence actually is just very vain and obsessed with being thin, and not at all defending health - Clarence condemns sports for being unhealthy, because according to him "muscles are unhealthy because they don't make you look beautiful, they make you look ugly".

He always wears short and black sleeveless tank-tops, the point being that he needs to show as much as his body to the world as possible, to be a "living example". He even wears his black short and tank-top during the tour (despite it being winte - the only thing he wears on top of his clothes to not get cold is a skunk fur coat).

  Third  Winner: Miranda Grope

(Based on: Miranda Grope)

This character was based on Dahl's own character of "Miranda Grope" from early drafts of the story, the horrible and atrocious girl allowed to do "whatever she wants".

In my version, the Grope parents are hippie-like people, the father having a very long beard and being covered in fleas, while the mother is covered in flowers and oss (plants that grew over her), and both always wearing rose-tinted glasses. They are the kind of parents that refuse authority and orders, seeing these (and social norms as a whole) as a "dictatorship". They prefer to trust their daughter to find her own way in the world, believing that experience is the best teacher in life. The result? They lazily raised her by telling her they would never forbid her anything and that she could do anything she wanted.

Miranda is a devilish little girl who does only what she wants, and becomes extremely violent when prevented from doing something. Or when people say something she doesn't want to hear. Or just when people she dislikes are near her. She shouts, the screams, she insult, she kicks, she hit, she throw enormous and terrifying tantrums. She has a very wide range of insults, and a truly evil mind : most of the things she wants to do are borderline crimes. It seems for her only chaos and destruction is "fun", a true little punk.

Miranda has a disastrous haircut because she cuts her hair herself, and she is always wearing the same clothes that she rarely washes): a white shirt, a blue sweater with long sleeves, and a plaid tiles skirt. An outfit that looks strikingly like a school uniform - but it is pure irony, because Miranda hates more than anything in the world school. She doesn't go to school, and the only time she went near one was to try to burn it down. (Her appearance is in fact based on Lauren Child's illustrations for Miranda, if you are wondering).

  Fourth Winner: Veruca Salt

(Based on: Veruca Salt)

For this Veruca, I wanted to do something slightly different... here, Veruca doesn't want everything just because she is a spoiled rich brat. She is still one, but she is also the product of post-WW2 consumerism.

This Veruca was born surrounded by advertisements, logos, slogans and product placements. On television, in the streets, in shops, in journals, at the radio... She grew up with them and was influenced, brainwashed by them. As a result, she is obsessed with obtaining everything that was advertised, and she herelf looks like a walking billboard since she is covered in big, flashy logo and keeps reciting different brands' slogans and mottos. As soon as she sees something she saw publicity of before, she needs to obtain it at once. She is a true zombie, only hearing the call of the shopping mall and of the television advertisements.

One idea I had was that the Salt parents actually worked for (or where at the head of) a wealthy advertisement company, known to produce, design and create all kinds of famous publicities and slogans - and that they used their daughter as a guinea pig for their tests, and delighted in Veruca being so addicted to consumerism. In fact, they may have named her Veruca because at the moment of her birth they were working on advertisements for an anti-wart product, so that's all they had in mind.

  Fifth winner:  Herpes Trout

(Based on: Mike Teavee)

I went with this version of Mikee Teavee with the focus on "violence" already present in the original work, but also heavily used in the opera (and touched a bit in the 2005 movie).

This Herpes Trout is the embodiment of the fear of kids becoming violent upon watching television and playing video games (his only two passions in life). He has a true fascination with guns and firearms - US soldiers shooting aliens, gangs shooting each other, cowboys shooting at bandits, it's all he ever plays and watches. Herpes worships violence, and is absolutely obsessed with war (here I am thinking of all the wars present from the 60s to the 80s, the Korean War, the Vietnam War, the Glasgow Ice Cream Wars...). War propaganda and the fight being glorifyed heavily influenced him - as a result his biggest dream is to go at war in some foreign country to kill everyone there and come home a hero.

Herpes comes from a family of rednecks and hillbillies from the deep country. They are not poor however, they are wealthy enough to have television and several video games, but they are uneducated people full of stereotypes, discrimination and hate. They named their son Herpes because they ignored what it meant but just thought of it as an "intelligent" name. Herpes has everal brothers and sisters, and all have a disease name.

Herpes himself is a big and strong kid, who followed body-buildings process a la Charles Atlas and military training, becoming impressively muscular. However, he retained a soft, childish and chubby "baby face", which kind of ruins the effect of this massive, muscular, almost adult body. Always dressed in a military outfit, he carries everywhere with him guns and firearms, the question being: are they real? Or are they not?

  Sixth Winner: Violet Glockenberry

(Based on Violet Beauregarde)

I wanted with this version to take back the idea of a competitive and "sportive" girl obsessed with contesting and winning - introduced in the Tim Burton movie.

This Violet is a tall, muscular and strong girl. She won numerous sportive competitions, but this doesn't make her just arrogant and prideful like in the Tim Burton version. In my version she is also very aggressive and violent (a bit like in the original novel). She is a nasty and rude bully easily prone to anger (in fact, if she keeps chewing gum it is mostly to calm her down sot hat she doesn't punch everyone around). Her parents originally pushed her towards competitions to manage her anger issues, but sports only gave her more strength and destructive power. In fact, they became terrified of her, while she considers them losers here to serve her - she basically thinks of herself as self-made, literaly.

  Seventh Winner: Charlie Bucket

(Based on: Charlie Bucket)

For this Charlie, I wanted to go with a Charlie similar to the original illustrations of the character: blond hair, blue eyes, a white boy...

Basically, he is the original Charlie. Very sweet, very innocent, a gentle kid, the best of the group.

However I changed slightly his background. Charlie in this version is not the grandson of four grandparents, but rather the big brother of four younger siblings - and his family here struggles with trying to feed five children (and a total of seven mouths) despite having very humble and low-paid jobs. I think Charlie has taken the role of a parentive figure for the siblings, but at the same time him spending so much time with young children helped him keep in touch with his "childish" side.

[tortoisesshells]

Six Sentence Sunday: Buying Time (1/3, ~1450 words, some salty language, people coping with grief poorly)

this was supposed to be modern!fake-dating!AU for Customs and Duties, but, so far, there’s no dating, fake or otherwise - just a lot of pottering around an antiques shop, with a side helping of cocktail-party knowledge of clockmaking and 19th century US naval scandals. I have a plan. maybe. I also may be sorry.

The first time Nellie Treat met James Norrington, esq., he was already drunk at 2:30 on a winter Tuesday. It was Tuesday simply because it was the day after Monday, and it was 2:30 because sometime after lunch the new-old naval clock had struck five completely uninspiring bells – and it was still light outside. A sixth bell rang from the door swinging open, and Nellie had glanced up from her unending round of correspondences and deep-internet trawling to see a tall, cleanshaven man glancing about himself with complete bewilderment, as though he’d been expecting Narnia – or maybe a drop into a bottomless pit.

“Welcome,” Nellie’d said, with her polished customer-service smile, “Can I help you find something specific? Do you have an inquiry?”

“I drank too much,” the tall man replied, gesturing vaguely behind himself down the main drag, to any number of establishments, “I’ve walked around for an hour but I left my coat somewhere.” He paused expectantly, as though what he said had made any sense whatsoever.

Unbelievably (or maybe believably – she was a widow with two children and wasn’t getting any younger, and it wasn’t like she got out much), this had been the start of a fairly interesting friendship  –

Even if he had spent the next hour rambling about the duel between Decatur and Barron and the Chesapeake-Leopard Affair.

*

What Nellie Treat learned about James Norrington, in fairly short order thereafter, was this:

(1) He was a graduate of Princeton, Yale, and Harvard, in some combination of B.A.s and M.A.s and J.D.s which, as a proud graduate of a state school, she forgot as quickly as she could,

(2) He had upper-class-WASP-male-appropriate love of all things maritime, which led her to believe there was probably a daysailer, at the very least, in a marina somewhere, and she would have bet Sam’s grandmother’s pearls that there was at least one model ship in his office, and a collection of Samuel Eliot Morison’s histories on his shelves, somewhere,

(3) He’d just been dumped by his fiancé at a political fundraiser luncheon in Boston, which didn’t precisely explain why he was here. “95,” was the closest thing she’d gotten to an answer, which she supposed was technically correct, and,

(4) He was both sharp and a little stuffily polite, because not two days after their inauspicious first meeting she’d received an immaculately-penned note thanking her for her coffee, her argument, and her kindness. A few days later came a formal inquiry through her shop’s email: he was looking for a shelf clock from a particular Newport maker she’d never heard of. Was this a commission she was interested in undertaking?

Considering Mary had one more year at Stanford, yes. Yes, she was.

*

God, that fucking clock.

*

There wasn’t any particular reason to believe that Elinor Coggeshall would have turned into a respectable antiques dealer, since as a kid the only thing old stuff meant to her was the endless round of family hand-me-downs. Antiques had been Sam’s thing – in part, he guessed, because he grew up around the stuff (that hadn’t been donated to places like the MFA or the Wadsworth Atheneum or even, in the case of his great-great-something-great Uncle’s punchbowl, with its bold maker’s mark, “REVERE”, in the Metropolitan). The other part had been his love of stories and people and the endless revolutions of historical rumor and gossip mills. So, Nellie had married into the business.

And then, after ten years of marriage, Sam started complaining about headaches. Six months later, he was gone.

Ridiculous as it was, she observed some of the old mourning traditions – she lived around the things that had seen it firsthand, over a century ago – and it gave her something to do, covering mirrors and tying black ribbons on her framed photos, and spending an atrocious amount of time on the internet only to discover no one really made mourning crepe anymore, because, well – who did that? Who needed it? She must have worn the same three black turtlenecks and the same two pairs of black slacks for three months, until Aunt B had kindly but pointedly told her she looked more like a beat poet than a widow. Polly and Sam seem pretty relieved, too – and Mary, all the way from Stanford, pointedly sent her a beautiful and brilliantly colored floral scarf, to mark the change.

And business went on. What else was she supposed to do? No amount of crying would ever bring Sam back – and it wouldn’t pay the grief-counseling bills, either.

*

Where the clock was concerned, she had little luck – furniture, really, was what she knew best, and sure, yes, there was a fair amount of overlap between cabinetry and clocks, particularly when, before the mechanization of clock production in the wake of Eli Terry’s innovations, clockmakers had really only focused on the gears and mechanisms, and left the housings to carpenters and cabinetmakers – but she’d never really dealt in clocks besides a novelty one every now and again. That was mostly for her own amusement, anyway – like the naval clock over the door to her office, or the clock in a fake old-fashioned diver’s helmet that she’d found at an estate sale and given to her brother, who laughed for a good fifteen minutes over Skype because of it.

At the end of the first month, she’d sent an email to Mr. Norrington, esq., reporting very nicely and not in so many words, that she’d found sweet fuck-all, but there were these promising leads on clocks similar in build, mechanism, or origin. She didn’t expect any of them were good enough, and, Mr. Norrington emailed back politely that he appreciated her effort, but none of these were correct, and he’d like her to keep looking.

March was much the same, as was April: Mr. Norrington, here are these clocks that aren’t exactly what you’re looking for; thank you, Mrs. Treat, but I’d appreciate it if you continued to look. There were a few more pleasantries from him, with reference to a short article on Decatur, belatedly making the point he’d tried to make but for the scotch those three months ago. It made her laugh a little, even.

May was shaping up to be much the same, save that, shortly before noon – an unimpressive seven bells, that was punctuated, again, by the ring of the shop-door-bell as it opened. “Welcome,” she said, looking up from her emails and list of estate sales she wanted to buzz through either for out of town friends or from her own sense of piratical treasure-hunting – and the intellectual challenge of getting in and out with two children at ten and eight in tow. It had been a good month since her last major commission.

At any road, she’d set aside her pen and paper, looking up with her placid expression, and –

“Ah, Mrs. Treat,” said Mr. Norrington, “Good morning.”

Nellie had a sudden presentiment that he’d come to thank her but dismiss her in person, since he seemed a thorough, conscientious, and probably old-fashioned sort. She probably should have expected that, and she smiled a little more determinedly and plastically as a result.

“Good morning, Mr. Norrington. How can I help you today?”

“I was passing through, on my way to New York,” he said, by way of explanation, “And I wondered, in light of that, and the work you have done for me, if I might not suspend the monthly email in favor of a short conversation?”

“All right.” She gathered her notes and her tablet under her arm, and gestured towards her office at the back of the shop. “It’s not the neatest place in the world, but it’ll do. Do you want some tea?”

“Would you like lunch? On my tab. I’ve never seen so many diagrams of mechanisms and assemblages, and I’ve certainly learned more about hardwoods than I ever expected. You must have gone cross-eyed, Mrs. Treat.”

Nellie protested that it was far too generous an offer, but Mr. Norrington pushed back that he had hardly discharged her – her kindness (he said, vaguely, a little color rising in his cheeks at the memory) towards him, from those months ago.

So, a little while later, that was how Nellie found herself locking up and setting the security system, setting her quaint little Out-To-Lunch sign that Sam had penned in during his calligraphy phase in the door, and poking her head into Hancock’s to tell Lydia that she’d be back in an hour.

[copychatnoir]

Plz Stahp

Summary:  My take on the AdriChat insanity from Tumblr. It’s just a silly reveal fic where Marinette walks in on Chat Noir detransforming and chaos ensues when Marinette tries to play it off (terribly) and Adrien tries to make excuses (horribly).

(ao3)

She could not forget her homework again. No way. This time, Marinette would stay on top of things! And that meant that she was getting her homework right now.

She had nearly made it home after the latest akuma attack when she realized she forgot her homework and her book bag at school. Again.

“Oh, Tikki! Why do I always do this?” Marinette whined.

Tikki floated out of Marinette’s purse and perched on her shoulder. “It’s not that bad, Marinette,” she chirped. “We’re not that late this time. The school’s still open for after school activities. And think about it! Because you remembered, you can get your homework done on time!”

Marinette sighed. “You’re right, Tikki.” She smiled and patted the kwami on her head. “You always know what to say.”

Tikki smiled brightly. “I am here to help guide you, after all.”

“Thanks, Tikki,” Marinette said.

As they got close to the locker room, Tikki flew into her purse, snuggling up to her macarons. (They were peach flavored today.)

Marinette rounded the corner of the locker room door and saw three things in quick succession. First, Chat Noir coming in through the window, his miraculous beeping its "time's up" warning. Second, a bright, green flash. Third, before Marinette had time to look away, Adrien stood where Chat Noir had been just moments ago with Plagg appearing next to him. 

She definitely wasn’t supposed to see that.

Marinette lurched back out the locker room’s door and out of Adrien and Plagg’s sights. It would be a disaster if she let him know that she saw. It was a disaster that she saw!

She tried to process what she just witnessed. That was definitely Chat Noir. Who was now Adrien and Plagg. It certainly didn’t help her attempt at calm when Plagg whined, “Adrieeen, cheeeeeese.”

“You know where it is, you glutton,” Adrien teased. That sounded like something Chat Noir would say. She had never heard Adrien tease like that before. 

Except she had when Chat Noir—who was also Adrien—had teased her.

“Marinette?” Tikki whispered, floating in front of her face. “It’s okay. You can do this. Just act like you saw nothing. It’s just Adrien in there.”

“Who just so happens to be our friendly neighborhood black cat hero!” Marinette hissed back. 

She knew she was freaking out. She had to get a handle of her thoughts. Better plan: she’ll do what she did last time and come back to the school as Ladybug in the middle of the night to pick up her assignments and bag. She was fine with pulling another all-nighter. It was definitely better than facing Adri-Chat right then and there.

Marinette knew she couldn’t do that. She wanted at least some control of her thoughts. She definitely didn't want to face Adrien after an all-nighter. A sleep-deprived Marinette was a way worse choice. Anyway, if she did that, she would totally spill her all-nighter coffee with too many espresso shots all over Adrien. Adrien would hate her and she would be so embarrassed that she’d have to move to Guam! She didn’t want to move to Guam! She had to be here for Paris. Paris needed Ladybug, but then Chat—

Tikki’s voice snapped her out of her panic. “Marinette! You’re spiraling again. I know you can do this!”

Marinette blinked a couple of times, logic returning to her. “Okay. Right. I can do this!” she confirmed. Tikki nuzzled her chosen’s cheek, then hid in her purse. Just because one identity was blown, didn’t mean Tikki had to reveal the other.

Marinette turned around, opened the door to the locker room again, and ran face-first into Adrien, knocking them both over.

Adrien, the ever-protective hero he was, grabbed her around the waist to keep her safe as they fell. His touch was doing nothing to improve her state of mind.

Marinette squeaked and scrambled off Adrien the moment they landed. She nearly fell on her butt in her haste to get away.

“Oh, no! I’m sorry so! I- Ack! I didn’t mean to do that!” she stammered.

Adrien let out a small laugh, then fixed her with the sweetest smile. “It’s fine, Marinette. I’m not hurt. Are you okay?”

His smile was the cutest thing... Which was also Chat Noir’s smile. There was no way she could handle this right now! Tikki was wrong! 

“Really? Good! I mean, I'm okay! Not a bruise on me! Well, other than the ones I have already. Oh, I’m such a klutz. I didn't mean to run into you. I wasn’t paying attention. I thought I saw a cat outside and that’s why I wasn’t looking where I was going. Maybe it was Chat Noir! That would just be silly though. Of course, he’s not an actual cat...” Marinette fabricated her lie on the spot.

Adrien tensed up, his face going pale. Oh, no, no, no! She already messed up! Tikki probably just planted her face into one of the macarons just so she didn’t have to see how badly this was going to end. Marinette didn’t want to be here to witness her humiliation either.

Adrien let out a nervous laugh. “Maybe you did see him? It’s not every day you get to say hi to one of the superheroes of Paris, right?”

Okay, Adrien was going along with her ramblings. That’s a start. Encouraged, Marinette continued. “Yeah. Saying hi would be nice. It’d be fun to hang out with him on the Eiffel Tower, too.”

Adrien nodded. “I bet he would be really cool to play video games or watch movies with. He’d be way better than me at video games. Probably give you a run for your money, Marinette.”

He was trying to cover up his identity even though she already knew who he was and she was just making it all weird. Marinette couldn’t handle this. This was the actual worst.

He kept talking. “He’s totally cool enough to date, too.” Adrien froze. Marinette went rigid as she processed the words that just came out of his mouth.

Scratch that. This was the actual worst. 

It wasn’t like he was telling her to date him. That would just be silly. Adrien didn’t love Marinette. It was definitely a ploy to throw her off. The only other option was that it actually sounded like he was trying to say that he would date… himself?

This was too ridiculous. She was too high strung for this! Marinette blurted out a giggle.

Adrien’s face started to flush red. “What? He’s cool. And funny. He could sweep you off your feet!” 

Marinette couldn’t stop herself from giggling. He didn’t have to dig himself deeper into this hole. She already knew he was Chat Noir! She was watching a train wreck in progress.

“It almost sounds like you want to date him,” Marinette teased with a playful, though panicked, grin.

Adrien’s voice pitched an octave up when he yelped, “What?!”

“You’re going on and on about how cool and funny he is. I bet you think he’s hot, too.” Marinette did not know what she was saying anymore. It was like her mouth had a mind of its own and decided it was a great idea to put the train wreck’s pedal to the metal and floor it. She didn’t even know if trains had pedals! 

Adrien defended, “He’s no model—”

Marinette burst into laughter. This was just too ironic. She was pretty sure she could hear Plagg’s snickering from wherever he hid.

Adrien’s blush became darker. He just kept on talking. “But he is good looking! Who wouldn’t date a superhero? I hear he’s actually really smart. And he’s really funny! You’ve heard his jokes!”

Marinette gasped for air to reply, “You mean his atrocious puns!”

Adrien was quick to defend his favorite type of humor. “They’re not that bad!”

She wheezed, “They’re hilarious!”

Adrien perked up, “Really?” Clearly he had forgotten he was supposed to be pretending to want to date himself.

Air was finally restored to Marinette’s lungs. “Yes, really!” She wiped at the tears pooling in her eyes, feeling half exasperated, half adoring.

The image of Chat Noir’s excited and happy face was clear in her head. He always perked up when she told him she liked one of his jokes. 

She’d love to look at him now, but she just couldn’t when she knew he was unmasked. She would panic worse than she already was if she saw Adrien’s face. Especially when Marinette couldn’t stop blabbing on. “You know, I can track him down so you can ask him out on a date. I can’t imagine anyone saying no to you.”

Marinette looked up to see Adrien’s face warp from happiness to panic. She bit her lip to force herself not to laugh. It didn't help that she was definitely still panicking. 

It was obvious that he was too with how wide his eyes were getting, and he was smiling with just a few too many teeth. “Whaaaat? Noooo,” Adrien dragged out the first two words, “There’s no way I’d be able to date him.” 

Marinette giggle-snorted.

Adrien continued his reasoning. “He’s—um... not fashionable?” The excuse came out like a question.

Marinette couldn’t hold it in. She doubled over in laughter, leaning against the lockers. The irony was too much and she could barely stand it. 

Marinette caught her breath enough to say one sentence. “It’s the belt tail, isn’t it?”

The reply was immediate. “The tail is cool!”

Her stomach hurt from laughing so hard. There were tears running down her face. She didn’t need to look to know he was pouting. 

The belt tail is kind of cool, she admitted privately.

Adrien was doggedly (cattedly?)  fighting a failing battle to defend his right to date his alter ego, “I can date him if I want to!”

That was the last straw. She couldn’t hold herself up anymore. Her back slid against the lockers as she lowered, as gracefully as she could when laughing so hard that snot was coming out of her nose, to the floor.

Catching her breath, Marinette looked up to see Adrien turn to leave the locker room. This whole thing must have been so confusing for him. Marinette never acted like this around him. Well, she did when she was Ladybug, but that was beside the point now. She just didn’t want her partner to take her teasing the wrong way.

“Wait!” Marinette stumbled to her feet and grabbed his arm, pulling him towards her and smooshing her face into his shoulder. “Wait! Chaton, please?”

Adrien tensed up. A beat of silence passed. Then, he hesitantly said, “That’s something Ladybug calls Chat Noir.”

Marinette giggled into his shoulder, “Well, duh. I know that.”

Silence again. The only sound was Marinette’s labored breathing as she tried to stop her giggle-fit. She could hear her heart pounding in her ears. It wouldn’t be surprising if he could hear it too. 

Adrien took another step towards the door. 

Marinette held fast, hugging his arm closer and keeping him from going any further. “No way. You’re not going anywhere. I can’t watch you do this anymore. I couldn’t handle it if you told anyone else that you were cool enough to date yourself! Even if they didn’t know you were, well, you!” Marinette nervously bit down on her lip and jittered her knees back and forth. “Nino or Alya would catch wind of it and then I wouldn’t ever be able to tell you that I love you because it would be way too awkward with you fake-dating yourself!”

After her catastrophe of words (haha), Marinette forced her mouth shut. Saying anything more would make things even worse than they already were! She kept her eyes clamped shut and breathed his smell in as she tried to get the bundle of nerves in her stomach to calm down.

She felt him staring at her like he was trying to figure her out or something. Probably trying to decode if what she said made any sense.

He took a deep breath, then whined, “Bugaboooo, stop iiit…”

Marinette shook her head against his arm. “Nu-uh. Never.”

A moment later, he murmured in awe, “Ladybug?”

Ladybug? Wait! She was Marinette right now! Not Ladybug!

She let go of his arm and stumbled back the moment she realized the implications of what was said. Her eyes were wide. This needed to be fixed. 

Flailing her arms, she babbled, “Wait! I didn’t say that! I said- um-” Marinette noticed her tear stains that were now on his brand name overshirt. “Oh, no! I got your shirt all gross! I can fix that! I think. Your dad would definitely hate me if he knew I did that and that would probably be the third worst thing I managed to do today.”

She wasn’t supposed to let him know she was Ladybug! Oh no, no, no! What was she even doing, trying to tease Adrien like that! She probably gave him a heart attack and that wouldn’t be good because she needed her other half!

Adrien grabbed her by both her arms to steady her. “Marinette, I can hear you overthinking.”

The feel of his hands steadying her snapped her out of her spiraling thoughts. She looked up at her crime-fighting, superhero partner, who was also her best friend. Who was also her crush. This was going to take some getting used to.

“Um. Hi?” Marinette squeaked out nervously.

“Well, the cat’s out of the bag, huh?” Tikki giggled. The nervous tension surrounding the kids shattered.

Marinette jumped at Tikki’s unexpected disruption, bashing her forehead right into Adrien’s nose. Adrien stumbled back a few steps covering his nose. Marinette held her forehead, “Owwwww,” she groaned.

“Tikki, not you too!” Plagg whined, floating out of his chosen’s bag. “I hear enough of those cat puns from Adrien!”

And now their kwamis were joking at their expense. Marinette looked up and noticed Adrien holding his nose.

“Oh, no! Are you okay? I’m sorry!” Marinette asked, mortified, and immediately forgetting her own pain. She leaned in close to Adrien's nose, checking the damage she’d done. She gently tugged his hand away so she could get a better look. The fact that Adrien’s face started flushing beet-red as she kept looking at him was barely something she noticed.

In the middle of her scrutiny, Marinette murmured, “Clumsy Marinette strikes again.”

“I don’t mind. I fall for you every day,” Adrien blurted out.

Marinette’s entire face blazed red. Just when her nerves were calming, they got kicked right back into overdrive.

“You! I— Uh— Timing! No! Bad Kitty!” Marinette stuttered out, shoving his face away and staring at whatever was not his face. Was she ever going to be coherent again?

Adrien smirked, though it was really closer to a smile, and teased, “Arguably, your confession had worse timing.”

“My wha—?!” Marinette replayed what happened in her head. She did confess. Her timing was definitely worse.

“You weren’t supposed to hear that!” she yelped.

“But, you were talking to me!” he protested.

“You were talking about dating yourself!”

“No, I wasn’t!”

Marinette looked Adrien straight in the eyes. “Adrien, you went on and on about how dateable you are, and you��re the one who said ‘date’ in the first place! What was I supposed to think?”

Adrien threw his hands up. “I don’t know! I didn’t think anything through!” 

“Me neither!” Marinette did a wonderful impression of an upside-down J with her body, letting her arms dangle as she stared at the floor.

There was silence as the pair processed everything that just happened. They looked away from each other, both trying to hide their embarrassment at how badly they messed up.

“When did you figure it out?” Adrien was the first to break the silence. “That I’m Chat Noir,” he clarified.

Marinette straightened up. This was something she could handle. She could answer this question clearly! “Oh, that? Well, I was almost home after the akuma attack when I remembered that I left my bag and homework here. Then, I ran all the way back here because I just detransformed and that wouldn’t be fair for Tikki to transform me again after all that. So, I walked in here and saw you detransform. I thought I was seeing things, but then I definitely heard Plagg complaining about wanting cheese—" Marinette gasped. "That’s why you always smell like cheese! It’s Plagg!”

Maybe not as clear as she thought.

“I take offense to that for the sake of the cheese!” Plagg protested.

Tikki countered with a teasing giggle, “Well, I do call you Stinky Sock for a reason!”

The kwamis chattered away, flitting around each other, and poking fun.

Marinette watched the kwamis. The two of them were pretty cute around each other. They were also very good at keeping her attention away from the present situation.

“Does this mean you’ll be my girlfriend?”Adrien asked, breaking through her distraction.

Marinette stared, wide-eyed at Adrien. “I— Wha—? Really?”

The smile Adrien gave her nearly stopped her heart. It was the smile she saw on pictures of Chat Noir when Ladybug’s back was turned. It was the smile Adrien gave Marinette. “Of course! I’ve loved you for as long as I’ve known you! You’re the love of my life.”

“Ack! Adrien! You can’t just say things like that!” Marinette sputtered out. She felt her cheeks heat up bright red.

“But, I’ve been telling you that for years. Why can’t I announce my love to you and anyone who will listen? What changed?” Adrien pouted.

Marinette whined into her hands, “Because now I know it’s you!”

After a moment, Marinette peeked through her fingers at Adrien. He looked deep in thought.

He suddenly gasped, then looked at Marinette, excitement glittering in his eyes. “Because you love me! I’m the other boy!”

Marinette couldn’t help but giggle through her hands. He was so cute when he was excited. “Yes.”

“Is that ‘yes’ to being my girlfriend or—”

“Both!”

[thebachelordiaries]

Clare seeks HIMBO: ‘The Bachelorette’ cast first impressions

The Covid-19 pandemic has been rough for the entire world, but Bachelor Nation faced some dark days too. Going eight months without a single new episode from The Bachelor franchise is something I would really like to not relive.

Fortunately, those dark days are over. Clare’s season has me sucked back in. 

The quality of this image is atrocious.

Most of these men—presuming they followed CDC’s social distancing guidelines— haven’t seen a woman in months, are touch deprived, possibly unemployed and contemplating moving back to their hometown while stalking the housing market on Zillow. Everyone’s desperate. That makes for some pretty good TV.

This season features men ranging from ages 26 to 41. We’ve got a boy band manager, a grooming specialist, several men who look like they masturbate in front of full length mirrors and even more who probably want me to join their MLM pyramid scheme. 

I’ve never been more ready to roast a bunch of men who have nightmares about going bald. It’s all I’ve wanted to do since March.

Let’s go:

AJ, 28, Software sales

AJ is the kind of guy who writes “Looking for the Pam to my Jim <3″ on his Bumble profile. His bio is generic and probably not reflective of who he is as a person. If I were Clare I’d swipe left.

Ben, 29, Army ranger veteran

“Ben's favorite indulgence is an ice bath.“ Well then.

Alexa, play “Run” by AWOLNATION.

Bennett, 36, Wealth management consultant

Bennett’s profile is the biggest red flag I’ve ever seen. This man says he is the total package but hasn’t always been "this successful and good looking.” But wait, there’s more: “According to Bennett, his high school girlfriend is the only girl he's ever had to work for.“

Can someone tell me what NYC neighborhood he lives in so I can blacklist it?

Blake M1, 31, Male grooming specialist

Blake’s just another stereotypical “29th round draft pick who sat on the bench of the practice team before getting cut, but claims he left the sport due to an injury on his own accord.” 

Blake M2, 29, Wildlife manager

This Blake is an outdoorsy Canadian who seems pretty genuine and cool. Unfortunately, he has the face of someone who’d get sent home on night one. I hope I’m wrong.

Brandon, 28, Real Estate Agent

Just another boring hot person. Nothing to see here.

Brendan, 30, Commercial roofer

Brandan, not to be confused for Brandon, “loves some good true crime, working out and hanging out with his friends.” I can’t even make fun of this man. We have the exact same interests. 

Chasen, 31, IT account executive

The Winklevoss twins are actually triplets and Chasen is their long lost brother. But more seriously, have you ever seen someone who looks more like their name than this man?

Chris, 27, Landscape design salesman

“Chris hopes to find a woman who is sharp and witty but also easygoing.” Chris, sweetheart, have you met Clare? Easygoing...? There’s still time back out of this before it’s too late.

Dale, 31, Former pro football wide receiver

Dale aggressively screams “Bachelor material.” I’d say he’s auditioning for that role but Matt James already scooped it up. Better luck next year, Daley.

Demar, 26, Spin cycling instructor

Demar is a “very popular spin instructor in Scottsdale and says he can get on that bike and spin to any beat thrown his way.” Imagine how many trophy wives Demar has f*cked? 

Eazy, 29, Sports marketing agent

Eazy is very similar to Dale on paper. Except his name is Eazy so he automatically loses that battle.

Ed, 33, Health care salesman

“Ed is looking to find a woman who has natural beauty without looking overly fake.” Ed deserves to die alone.

Garin, 34, Professor of Journalism

Garin’s bio is giving me hubby material vibes. And maybe a little bit of a “gets eliminated on night one” vibe too.

Ivan, 28, Aeronautical Engineer

Ivan, what are you doing here? We’re in a recession. Please go back to your normal job before it’s too late. 

Jason, 31, Former pro football linemen

“He is a former NFL offensive lineman who, after suffering too many concussions on the field, decided to prioritize his health and change the direction of his life.” A big, brawny HIMBO with CTE? I feel like he’s Clare’s type.

Jay, 29, Fitness director

There are too many things about Jay that I dislike and I’m trying to keep this brief. Jay says “it's time to take a break from worrying about others and focus on himself instead.” I am willing to bet money that this man has never made a woman c*m.

Jeremy, 40, Banker

Jeremy is the oldest contestant ever to come on "The Bachelorette,” which may seem like a monuments accomplishment but he’s literally only one year older than Clare. 

He also “hates Instagram models, both male and female,” so he should have a lot of fun here.

Joe, 36, Anesthesiologist

Before I even saw his profession and location, I thought Joe looked like a doctor I’d find on a NYC dating app...and...uh...I probably did see him on there now that I think about it.

Anyway, this man has apparently been through seven stages of hell while on the front lines fighting Covid-19 in NYC so I definitely think he deserves to find love. Someone marry him please.

Jordan C, 26, Software account executive

I can already tell Jordan is going to get the “I’m young but mature” edit which means he’s probably not going to be good TV.

Too bad someone a tad younger (like Tayshia) wasn’t the Bachelorette. I feel like they’d make a cute couple.

Jordan M., 30, Cyber security engineer

I was going to say something mean but Jordan’s into cyber security and I don’t want my blog to be deactivated, so never mind. Cast photos are historically bad so I’m sure he looks much better in real life.

Kenny, 39, Boy band manager

I could go for the obvious drags regarding this man’s profession (or his sh*tty chest tattoo, or his suspiciously boyish face relative to his age), but I like to think I’m more clever than that. 

I’d like to take this time to talk about men, who are obviously difficult people, who rant and rave about how they want an “easygoing” woman. Look into the mirror, bud. No, not the one you use to jerk off to your reflection; the mirror that looks into your soul. Out of respect for the rest of humankind, have some self-awareness. Or maybe just see a therapist.

Mike, 38, Digital media advisor

Mike is seemingly a decent catch, but I can’t help but wonder why he’s still single or how he never (accidentally or on purpose) impregnated a woman in his 38 years of life. 

And now that I’m thinking about it, do any of these men have children? I have yet to see any mention of it in their bios. But there are eight men left to review, so there’s still time.

Page, 37, Chef

I spoke too soon. Page is a father! He also hates football! I’m a fan of this man. I was initially going to drag him for his name and say that Page is not a real name. PAIGE is a real name. PAGE is a piece of paper. I’m allowed to say this because we have the same name except mine is spelled the correct way. Based on my (mostly positive) review of his cast bio, I have decided not to hold his name against him.

Riley, 30, Long Island City

Riley, once married with children, would like to go on a family vacation that consists of touring every single MLB stadium in the country. If i were his wife, I would simply never give this man children.

Robby, 30, Insurance broker

No more Robbys on The Bachelorette. Society has evolved past its need for more Robbys.

This Robby described his dream woman as: “Incredibly athletic and able to throw back a few beers with him after a day of hiking. She has a sweet personality and won't mind that he spends his Sundays on the golf course.”

Someone please give this man a sex doll. He just wants a hole.

Tyler C., 27, Lawyer

“Tyler C. is a badass lawyer who says he is a businessman by day and a cowboy by night.” How does that make him a lawyer? Does this mean he’s into cosplay? I’m confused.

Tyler S., 36, Music manager

Tyler makes an honorable living off riding his brother’s dick success as a country singer. “He just LOVES his job!” Uh yeah, I would too if I had a low-show, high-paying job off the merits of nepotism. It’s the American dream.

Yosef, 30, Medical device salesman

Another dad! He’s totally going to pull the “girl dad” narrative. That saying is kind of sexist to me but the masses generally eat it up, so I’m fairly confident Yosef will get the "sweet guy” edit he’s looking for.

Zac C., 36, Addiction specialist

“He loves Philadelphia sports and dreams of sharing a Philly Cheesesteak with his future wife while watching the Eagles win a Super Bowl.” This man is so South Jersey it hurts. 

On a more serious note, I don’t think anyone in recent history has spoken openly about their personal struggle with addiction on this show, so I hope Zac gets a chance to tell his story. 

Zach J., 37, Cleaning service owner

Zach is seemingly obsessed with Clare already and hopes to introduce her to his mom as his fiancée. Since Zach watched Clare on Juan Pablo’s season, you’d think he’d know that Clare would first meet his mom during the final four hometown dates. Assuming he makes it that far. My prediction is that he won’t.

Final thoughts

After eight long months Bachelor Mondays are back!!!

Uhh....wait.

Actually, we now have the less-exciting Bachelor Tuesdays. Yeah, it definitely doesn’t have the same ring to it. But I’ll take anything at this point.

Here are my final predictions:

First impression rose: Dale. It just looks like he can turn on the bullsh*t charm

Final rose: Jason. Clare wants a HIMBO I just know it.

Bachelor: nobody (Matt James is The Bachelor)

Most likely to get engaged on Bachelor in Paradise: Blake M2

Most likely to get canceled online: Bennett

Most likely to get sent home night one but deserve better: Chris

Who are your favorite men cast on this season?

[mai-nonsense]

Basics: 2, 6. Appearance: 4. Personality: 3, 8,9. Background: 1, 5. Relationships: 1, 3, 4, 7. Fun facts: 1, 7, 10.

*claps hands together* Alright! I'm going to do the answers for my Shepards, otherwise I'll be here all week.

2. What does their name mean? Why are they named that?

Jane: The original reason she's named that is because I was too lazy to think of a name so I just went with the default (she was my first ever Shepard), now I Headcannon that she went by Shepard until she joined up with the alliance, so she chose the name Jane because it's the only one that came to mind

Cassidy: I don't really pay attention to what names actually mean when I name characters, but I named her that b/c it's pretty and she just kinda looked like Cassidy

Henri: Henry is a family name on both sides of my family, but I wanted to use it as for a femshep b/c I like androgynous names (partly because I have one, but also because I think there should be more of them in circulation)

Damien: His name was originally Darren but I changed it b/c my sister and mum pointed out that Darren's a bit bogan. And instead of owning it I covered it up like a coward. I renamed him Damien because my favorite Robin is Damian Wayne and litteraly no other reason

Vance: named after the singer Vance Joy, b/c his songs have a lot of emotional significance to me and I like the name

Ryan: he's my only actual Canadian Shepard and my mum and I have a running joke about all Canadians being named Ryan (b/c of Ryan Reynolds, Ryan Gosling etc.) So he's Ryan.

6. What's their star sign, birthstone etc? Does it hold any special significance for them?

All of them besides Vance have Shepard's canon birthday and none of them besides Cassidy have any belief in that kind of thing. Cassidy is a quietly spiritual kind of woman so she likes the whole star sign/ birthstone kind of thing, but she'd never admit out loud.

4. Appearance- How do they carry themselves? What is their default expression?

Jane has resting bitch face. She walks around like she's going to go beat someone up, probably because she usually is.

Cassidy has a very casual, approachable demeanor about her. Her go-to expression is either concern or pouting.

Henri carries herself shoulders back, chin up and head held high. Her usual expression is a mix of serious and thoughtful

Damien carries himself like a serious soldier but with a hint of sadness, he has resting sad face

Vance also walks around like he's looking for a fight and he's usually scowling

Ryan has a cocky swagger and usually has a sideways smile on his face

Personality 3. What are their hobbies and interests?

Jane: Is gun-modding a hobby? Because if so then that's one of them. She genuinely enjoys the combat part of being a soldier and enjoys training herself to be a deadly weapon, a side effect of growing up in the reds most likely. She doesn't really have many interests outside of being a solider, and doesn't really eat anything outside of protein bars and ready-meals.

Cassidy: she likes to mod games in her spare time, and practices her hacking skills a lot in order to keep herself sharp. She has a fondness for Turian and Salarian pop-culture, video games especially.

Henri: Henri likes hard copy books, with old-fashioned dust jackets and everything. Even with new release publications, she'll always go out of her way to find a hard copy if she really wants to read it. She usually reads non-fiction but she's a sucker for a good romance novel.

Damien: Also throws himself into his work so much that he barely has any free time. On the rare occasion that he does, he likes to build things, usually model ships or card towers (which he knocks down immediately after)

Vance: Vance actually really enjoys cooking, it's something he used to do with his mum when he was little so it's his way of keeping her alive in spirit

Ryan: Ryan has a penchant for old earth comic books and music from the 20/21st century, he likes to draw and regularly carries a sketchbook

8. What are their manners like? Any habits?

Jane's manners are atrocious. She's straightforward, tactless and blunt, which gets her in trouble quite a bit. She's not a fan of sparing feelings, if you're doing something that's pissing her off, she'll let you know

Cassidy is also pretty blunt, but has a lot more tact and isn't as crass as Jane. She's nice whenever possible but she doesn't skirt around issues

Henri is anxious people-pleaser that always looks for the best in everyone at heart, but has a polite but proffesional exterior.

Damien varies depending on his mood, Mass Effect 1 Damien is polite and proffesional but that drops as time goes by. By the time ME:3 rolls around he is 1000% done and doesn't have time to put up with anyone's shit and reacts to social situations accordingly

Vance goes in the opposite direction to Damien, starts off rude and aggressive but gradually softens as time goes by.

Ryan has decent manners, but can often be inappropriate in social situations

9. What are they most afraid of?

Jane: before falling for Kaidan, it's falling for Kaidan, because she hates having intense emotions about people that she can't control. After falling for Kaidan, it's anything bad happening to Kaidan. She doesn't really care for her own well-being but she constantly worries about and will protect her friends and loved ones at all costs.

Cassidy: Dying. Specifically, dying again and Garrus continuing down the dark path she found him on after her resurrection. She'd hate for him to completely lose hope like that again.

Henri: dissapointing those around her.

Damien: Also letting everyone down.

Vance: Everyone he cares about dying painfully.

Ryan: spiders.

Background, 1. Where were they born, what was their childhood like?

Jane was born in Brisbane, believe it or not, she gets carted off to one of her aunts in America at age 4. After that it's foster home to home for her until she ditches them for the reds at 10. Needless to say, her childhood was rough.

Both Vance and Henri were born and raised on Mindoir. They both had good childhoods until Batarians killed their families.

Damien was born in Chicago. He spent his childhood being bandied about from alliance ship to alliance ship. He spent a lot of his childhood alone.

Cassidy was born in New York, but has the spacer background. Her mother had a much more caring presence then Damien's however, so she grew up well.

Ryan was born in Montreal, spent his childhood in and out of foster homes until he was 14, when he joined the reds for protection. Despite this, he views his childhood in a positive light, as he knows he's come a long way since those days.

5. Where do they currently live? What's their place like?

I'm going to skip this one because I don't have a good answer for any of them at the moment lol.

Relationships, 1. Do they have any friends? Who would they consider their best friend?

Jane has more friends/people who care about her then she thinks she does. She considers her best friend to be either Miranda or Liara.

Cassidy gives off chill older sister vibes and treats her crew as family, so a lot of people come to her for support or just for an ear. She loves talking tech with Tali and considers her to be her best friend, with Ashley coming in as a close second.

Henri initially has more colleagues then friends, but she learns to loosen up and to have a more relaxed approach to the people she cares about. She considers her best friends to be Kaidan and Joker (though her feelings for Joker develop into something more ever time)

Damien has the ruthless background, so he's more feared then loved. He's also quite socially awkward so it's hard for him to make friends to begin with. Despite this, the people who do call him friend do so wholeheartedly. He considers his best friend to be Garrus.

Vance, despite being an asshole, actually has a lot of friends. Because he's a loveable asshole. His best friend is either Liara or Jack.

Ryan is very likeable, and is often the life of the party. But people more look up to him then actually consider him a friend. He considers Kaidan his best friend. (who he's also secretly in love with, but shhhhhhh we'll get to that)

3. What's their love life like? Do they have any kids?

I'm currently using Jane as my "Kaidan as subject zero AU" Shepard, because I think she fits so well with subject0!Kaidan, as I love writing stories about two hardened badasses who just want to be loved, falling in love. Non-au Jane also ends up with Kaidan, and have a daughter named Astra

Cassidy is one of my two Shakarian Sheps, who gets the more 'traditional' happy ending out of the two. That is, she retires somewhere nice with Garrus and they adopt a bunch of orphans together.

Henri is my one and only Joker-mancer, one of these days I will write their story (once I finish planning it out lol) but I currently have other projects at the forefront. As for kids, neither Henri or Joker want them because there would be to many medical factors/lifestyle changes they'd have to consider and they couldn't put that burden on a kid.

Damien's life motto is: no kids, only dogs and he manages to stick by that pretty well. When Vance (his half-brother) has kids he settles into the role of cool uncle though. Though Damien thought he wasn't one for romance at all, he somehow fell in love with Kaidan without realizing it and they eventually end up together.

Vance and Ashley fall hard for each other, and after many hardships and triumphs, they eventually marry and have three kids together

Ryan sleeps around a bit but spends the duration of ME:1 and 2 pining for Kaidan but never saying anything b/c he doesn't want to make it awkward™. Naturally they end up together but it takes a while. Am currently undecided on whether they have kids together or not.

4. Who do they look up to? Who do they trust?

Jane: Anderson. He took her under his wing and believed in her when nobody else did. She comes to trust her inner circle in time. That consisting primarly of Kaidan, Miranda, Jack, Liara, Garrus and Wrex.

Cassidy: Her mother, as she managed to give her a good childhood while in the military as a single mum. She trusts Garrus and Tali with her life.

Henri: Anderson and Hackett both, as they've always pushed her to do her best. She trusts in her crew, as, in her eyes, they've never let her down.

Damien: Hackett, as he gave him a second chance after Torfan and promised him that he wouldn't let him down. People don't trust him on impulse so the people whose trust he earns always have his in return.

Vance, Anderson and Samara. Anderson because he helped him after he lost his family on Mindoir and Samara because she's a powerful biotic with a commanding presence and he learns a lot about discipline from her. Vance eventually learns to trust Damien after not wanting him anywhere near his life for a long time.

Ryan: He tries to find a way to learn at least something from everyone he encounters, good or bad. He doesn't really trust anyone for a very long time but gradually comes to trust in his ME:3 crew

7. Are they good with kids? Animals?

Jane: Surprisingly, yes. Though it can depend on the kid or animal in question *cough star child cough*. She strives to protect those who can't defend themselves and improve lives for future generations.

Cassidy: Very good with both.

Henri: She grew up a farm girl, so she's pretty great with animals. She's good with kids until they start screeching and then she promptly nopes out.

Damien: Good with animals, dogs in particular. Is okay with kids, but doesn't really like interacting with them unless he has a good reason (like them being his niece and nephews).

Vance: Despite growing up a farm boy, he's not too big an animal lover. He loves his own kids, but isn't too big on them in general.

Ryan: Used to hang out with stray cats as a teen. Decent kid-wrangler™.

Fun facts, 1. Which tropes do they fit? which archetypes?

Jane fits the "does bad things for a good goal" trope and potentially fits the stereotypical "bad girl" archetype as well

Cassidy fits with the "protective matriarch/sister" archetype/trope

Henri gives me "girl next door", but with a gun, vibes

Damien fits the "everyone thinks he's evil, but he's really just misunderstood" trope

Vance is def an "asshole with a heart of gold"

Ryan's a himbo

7. What languages do they speak?

Vance knows a tiny bit of Mandarin, and Ryan speaks okay Canadian French, everyone else speaks English and only English for now, though that may change as I find out more about them.

10. What songs remind you of them?

Jane: Missile, Dorothy

Cassidy: Dead Weight, PVRIS

Henri: CHAMPION, Bishop Brigs

Damien: The Phoenix, Fall Out Boy

Vance: What's Up Danger, Blackway ft. Black Caviar

Ryan: You're Gonna Go Far Kid, The Offspring

WOW. I just did a big old-fashioned info dump right there. Sorry about that.

Thanks for the ask!!!

[doodle--writes]

She’s Hotter- Eddie Kaspbrak X Reader

Word Count: 1,716 Warnings: Cursing Request: hi so idk if your taking requests but may I request an Eddie Kaspbrak X Reader where the reader is Richie's twin sister and she would always make Eddie flustered with her flirty jokes and then Eddie just gives up and kisses her? Thank you! _____

"Mom," Richie whined, "Y/N is using my bike again!"

He yelled into the house from the garage as your mother cooked lunch for herself and Went.

You looked to Richie. Despite being twins, you two were oh so very different. He was very twig-like with eyes too big for his face.

You, on the other hand, were more proportionally stable. Your eyes fit just fine, especially without those ungodly glasses Richard had to wear.

You smacked his arm. "We have the same bike dumb ass. Who cares?" You practically growled it at him, not wanting your darling mother to hear.

He pouted as your mother shouted back a response: "You kids will ditch them in the street later so there's no need to argue."

Those words wrapped up the quarrel, Richie accepting his loss of the argument.

With that, the both of you biked across town towards the Club House. The structure was more or less a ditch in the ground with wooden planks to keep it standing, but in a weird way, it was homey.

Once you were in the woods, you and Rich dumped your bikes into a bush, having seen Bill's bike there as well. Even after a whole damn year, Denbrough had still looked like a toddler on that bike of his.

Richie made some sort of comment about Bill using his bike to compensate for a lack of a dick and you rolled your eyes. How were you related to such an imbecile?

You and Richie wandered around until you spotted the hole in the ground, aka the entrance, leading into the Club House. You hopped down in, landing with a thud that made dust rise.

Looking around, everyone was there except Mike. Poor guy couldn't get off of the farm even if he wanted to. Ben and Bev sat on old palette boxes, just talking. Stan and Bill sat in chairs that looked like they could break any minute as they played cards. Richie walked over to crash their party and you looked over to see Eddie.

Out of the group, most people found themselves drawn towards Bill for his bravery and brotherly comfort, but you were drawn towards Eddie.

Maybe it was because you were the only person who saw Eddie for what he really was. You looked past his involuntary actions caused by his mother. To you he wasn't frail.

Eddie Kaspbrak was simply Eddie; an outspoken, incredibly intelligent, and incredibly feisty boy who just so happened to have a wheezing problem.

"Hey, what're you looking at?"

You were suddenly shook from your thought by Eddie. He looked up at you, cheeks and nose sun-kissed and freckles peppered across them.

You smiled and winked. "Can I borrow your inhaler? I think you just took my breath away."

You giggled while Eddie's cheeks and tips of his ears turned a few hues brighter red.

"You always tease me like that," he pouts.

"Can't help that it's fun." You smiled. "Now c'mon scoot. We can share the hammock."

Eddie muttered something about you being just as insufferable as Richie but you only laughed in response.

The peace continued for a while before Bill called for everyone's attention. He stood on top of one of the chairs, trying not to hit his head on the ceiling.

"We're guh-honna play a game of truth or d-d-dare."

Richie cheered: "bring it on! I'll take anything you virgins give me!"

Bev giggled in the corner and Bill stifled a laugh. The others were fairly unamused.

"So who's going first?" You asked.

Richie gave you a look. "You ask, you go."

You rolled your eyes but you couldn't deny the twitch of a smirk pulling at your lips. "Hm, alright I'll take a dare!"

Everyone looked to Richie to come up with the dare. He sat there, thinking for a moment (which was rare to see him actually thinking). "I dare you to go find a snake and pick it up."

You tried your best to hide a shiver. You didn't hate snakes, they're a little scary is all. But you weren't one to turn down a dare so you climbed out of the Club House and scanned the area for a snake.

You found a tiny black one and decided that was your trophy. So you held it, nearly squealing each time it tried to escape your hand, and took it back to the group.

Once you were back, you held it up in front of Richie before dropping it into his shirt.

For about ten minutes, the entire room was filled of screaming (mainly from Richie) and cursing (also from Richie).

By the time it was over and the snake was back up on the surface, you were nearly wheezing from laughter.

Stan was beginning to get annoyed with your loud behavior, thinking that it must be a Tozier family trait, and was about to say something until he noticed the look on Eddie's face. It was a clear admiration, a similar expression to one he made at Bill but something about it was... gentler.

Curious as to how things would go from here, Stan decided to stay quiet, his own eyes going to Bill.

After you were done with your series of wheezes and laughter, you looked around the room. "Alright, who do I want to target?"

Eddie raised his hand. "I'll take a truth."

You stared at him for a moment, completely shocked that he of all people was volunteering. In the past he hadn't even wanted to witness a game of truth or dare, yet here he was offering to play.

"Hey, I said I'd go. Don't make me change my mind," he pouted, crossing his arms over his chest.

You stopped to think of a question before it suddenly hit you:

"Richie and I are obviously twins, but clearly not the same person. So, which one of us is better looking?"

The whole room went silent before eyes were cast on Eddie.

Richie opened his mouth, starting to say, "me! Is that even a-"

"Y/N."

In a matter of a second, you were next to Eddie, squeezing his cheeks, making them more red than they already were. "Oh Eds! I'm flattered!" You cooed.

He smacked your hand away but Richie didn't take Eddie's choice without insult.

"Oh c'mon Eddie I've known you longer! You're gonna let a stupid girl win this?"

You turned towards Richie. "If I'm at all an idiot, it came from you little brother," you teased.

"Hey I'm only younger by a minute!"

"You're still younger."

"By a fucking minute! I can make Mrs. K orgasm in that time!"

Everyone wrinkled their noses in disgust as Eddie glanced at Richie with a look that was nearly scary. "You're not helping your case Richie," he deadpanned.

Bill (somehow) managed to get everyone back on topic and the game continued for hours until all of you got ready to leave.

As you were ready to mount your bike, Richie came up and told you he was spending the night at Stan's. You didn't mind but the thought of biking home, alone, in the dark was less than appealing.

So as you were ready to speed off, there was a small tap on your shoulder.

You turned to see Eddie sitting there on his bike. "Wanna ride home together?"

You beamed, going to pinch Eddie's cheeks again. "Aww are you worried about me, Eddie-Bear?"

Once again, he swatted your hand away, mumbling something about "more than Richie's stupidity" rubbing off on you.

You laughed as you two began to pedal down the street.

It was quiet other than the sound of your bike creaking and the insects chirping from the trees and greenery.

It wasn't an uncomfortable silence, but you were one who preferred chatter. "Hey Eddie," you smiled, "thanks for calling me the hottest one back there," you winked.

Eddie turned an ungodly shade of red and started to fire off at you, shrill and defensive. "I did not say that! I said I would take you over Richie and almost anyone would say that! I mean Richie is Richie; his glasses are too big, his vision fucking sucks, his sense of humor is garbage, and his hair is atrocious!"

You couldn't help but laugh. "Oh c'mon Eddie, his hair isn't that bad. Although I do seem like a model compared to him, don't I?" You flipped your hair, almost falling off of your bike in the process.

After another long silence, Eddie asked if you would wanna come into his house for a few minutes. "My mom should be asleep so I can sneak you in."

You smiled. "Yeah I'd like that."

Only, once you got to Eddie's house, you could hear that his mom wasn't asleep after all so the two of you sat on his front porch, quietly talking.

Keeping your voice low, you began to taunt Eddie. "You know, you're so cute when you get all flustered."

Just by saying that, Eddie's cheeks began to heat up. "Oh shut it."

You leaned closer, resting your head in your hands, feigning innocence. "Oh yeah? Make me."

And Eddie made you.

As soon as you spoke, his hands were on either sides of your face, palms open against your cheeks as he gave you perhaps one of the most child-like, yet meaningful kisses one could imagine.

There wasn't anything to it; just lips against each other for a few seconds before Eddie let go. He immediately stood up and went to grab the door but you stopped him by pulling on the hem of his shirt.

For once, you were speechless.

It was only after staring at him for a few moments did you realize what you could say.

"Shut me up more often."

Eddie cracked a grin, looking down at you from where he stood. "I think I will, but I swear to God if you tell Richie-"

"There's my Eddie," you laughed and he laughed too.

After a moment you stood up and give him a peck on the cheek. "Goodnight Eddie. I'll see you around."

"Goodnight Y/N."

On the bike ride home, all you could think was: huh, all that flirting really did pay off.

[imagine-otome-games]

Distance [Victor MLQC]

Pairing: Victor x Female!Reader [1st & 3rd Pov]

Warnings: Cursing, angst etc

A/N: I just started playing this game, so bare with me if this sucks. I got insp from reading a fic from @otonymous. That I Miss You call in your fic made the angst in me go apeshit fghjkl also im not sorry... also this is hella short lol

You were supposed to be sleeping. It was sometime past three a.m and you had work first thing in the morning- hell, if anything, you were supposed to be finishing up a report. One he’d requested in that often aggravating tone. He should irritate you- should get you frustrated and angry- and he did. However, he also made your heart race. By some insane means, the cold tyrant of a CEO had caught your attention. At first you were.. Somewhat okay with it. You assumed it was a fleeting thing and that soon you could look back on it and laugh. Quickly, you realized how that wasn’t happening. Instead of the feelings dying off, they grew. Day by day you’d see more bits of him in the short meetings after the investment in your studio. You learned how he could be soft- how he could be caring. He’d just snap back so quickly, you wondered if those moments were dreams- tricks of your mind. It’d make sense.

How could such a man ever have a soft side?

How could you allow yourself to fall for someone so.. him? Someone so cold and frustrating- so distant and sometimes bitter? Many were aware of his looks, but not even those could save him from the absolute mountain of negative views on him. So why? Why bother- why allow him to break you so? At such an ungodly hour of the night, where only the grieving or the sad were alive. When most people were sound asleep, peacefully so.

“I miss you..”

His voice had been so soft- so warming and lovely. It drew you in, until you realized it wasn’t meant for you. Why would he miss you? You of all people, while he was off in another country? Invited to some modeling show because his company owned part of it and.. A model he knew well was there?

You remembered her well. Chik. Gorgeous- perfect tiny waisted brunette. Perfect make-up. Perfect outfits- she was a goddamn model and you.. You just weren’t. It was hard to not compare yourself- especially when first meeting her, it obviously looked like there was something there. They’d fit beautifully. Like two picture perfect puzzle pieces. A Star Model and a handsome CEO. Better than some random small studio owner and a big shot CEO.

You didn’t have perfectly fitted outfits or a taste for harsh expensive alcohol. You couldn’t drop everything and go to France or Italy- so this call? This lovely feeling? It was bitter- it tasted like bile had just risen up into your mouth.

“You have the wrong number.”, you replied bitterly, “Its two in the damn morning my time, pay attention.”

He seemed to grumble something on the other end, and then hung up, leaving you in your current state. You lay limp against your bed, phone still clasped in your hand, gripping it to will the sting in your eyes away. The side of your face was pressed against your pillow, which was now uncomfortably hot. You lay on your stomach, unmoving. Sometimes your eyes flicked over to your phone- and then you’d curse to yourself as you pulled them away. What were you expecting? Him to call? To say he had the right number all along? As if..

Such a sweet voice was not meant for you. Not when all this time articles were slowly but surely swirling around him and this amazing model. Picture perfect. Beautifully strung together. She was probably in his arms most nights, right were longed to be. With him in a way you hated that you craved.

Victor was not yours, and he would never be..

You realized this first thing in the morning, standing in his office as he scolded you for turning in an unfinished report. His blunt, harsh words bit into you more than normal. Atrocious this, horrible that, foolish this… Exhaustion was already set deep into your bones, and so was the heartache. That eversweet ‘I miss you..’ still lingered in the back of your mind, and you wondered what it might take to be given that? To deserve it- to have it be real?

“Are you even listening?”, he lets out a frustrated noise, “You’ve always been preaching about how hard you’ll work and yet you dare to give me unfinished work-”

“I heard you. I’m listening- look, as much as I’d love to stay here and have you berate me for the rest of the morning while I’m dangerously decaffeinated, I can’t. I have more work on top of what you’ve asked, and you’re home now.”, you say, tone turning sour towards the end, “I’m sure you’ve got someone to see.”

With that, you turn on your heel and somehow manage to not bolt out of the room. You wait till you’re out of the building to just make a mad dash for it. Not caring if anyone saw you or recognized you. You needed the wind to whip past your face- to dry any tears that dared to betray you. You would not cry, it was useless. You’d be damned if you shed a single tear for a man like that.

Yet, somehow, they still fell, only to be brushed away by the comfort of the wind.

Up high, he sat still in his chair. He hated how she looked- hated how somehow he managed to royally fuck up every chance he got. It was like some gruesome internal war. He wanted her near- then far, then couldn’t bare her absence and pulled her in- but he could never express it right. In dragging her back to him, he pushed her away again. One step forward, ten steps back. Another forward, twenty back. Pull- shove, pull.. shove. The show had been boring- he’d drank far too much and she was way too far. Her scent didn’t linger- her cute little comebacks had grown few and far in between- as if something was grating on her, and he feared it was him. Feared he was being too harsh- feared she regretted ever knowing him.

“I miss you..”, he’d breathed, soft and genuine- true.

Her response, he felt he deserved.

The look she gave him the following morning, he felt he deserved. The cold shoulder, the glazed over look from exhaustion and.. something else. What was that look- what- and then she was gone. Hours later and she still wouldn’t answer the phone or read his texts.

Yet again, he found himself awake, at the worst of times, and reaching for her.

“I miss you..”

“... Stop. Stop doing this to me..” Click.

Oh- that burned- why did that burn- what was that tone? He’d never heard someone so broken. Never in all his years of being harsh to awful possible investments, had heard such a defeated tone. So broken and so small.. was that really you?

What have I done now?, he wondered..

He’d never get an answer, just more distance, until you were completely unreachable, as he always had been..

[amityso-blog]

But I wasn't going to give him any of my audience

She is seen to represent her entire gender a putative Team 'The Birds' in a way men just aren't. When a bloke screws up, he's just some bloke screwing up. When a woman makes a hash of it, however, she's a cultural signifier, and basis for a million polarised debates.".

wholesale nfl jerseys The ANZAC jersey joins the home and away strips, the Auckland Nines jersey and the heritage round jersey cheap nfl jerseys. Meanwhile, the Raiders and Newcastle Knights will join forces for a sportsman's dinner at the Queanbeyan League's Club on Thursday night. There will also be an auction for Queanbeyan Kangaroos youngster Kyle Johnson, who was seriously injured in a game last year, severing three nerves of his spine.  wholesale nfl jerseys

wholesale nfl jerseys 2. State law determines who gets assets, not you 3. Additional expenses will be incurred and extra work will be required to qualify an administrator Surety Bond, additional costs and legal fees 4. Miller described him as the Shaquille O'Neal of the hockey world."Shaq's like 7 foot, 300 [pounds], and Chara's 6 9, 270. It's roughly the same build," Miller said. "He's a big man wholesale jerseys."You've got a guy that's hard to get around, hard to play against, is tough and has a mean streak.  wholesale nfl jerseys

Cheap Jerseys china Fans are attending games at a record pace. It is too bad that once again, millions of dollars and who should get them is going to bring another professional sport to a screeching halt. Both NBA owners and players just don't have enough money. His companions were. Lewis wanted no part of the fight nfl jerseys, but not for some moral or noble reason. He wanted to avoid the conflict because he was concerned it might hurt his NFL career.  Cheap Jerseys china

wholesale nfl jerseys Kids are jumping from one grade to the next. Some are running off to get married June is an atrocious season for such endeavors.Change like this is tough on dads. More so than in late autumn, or the holidays, June means the end of things. It should be about 24 25 inches the amount you use will change depending on what project you are working on. Then pull the recommended needle out. You will probably want to wet the thread to straiten it this will make it easier to thread the needle put it throught the hole then have the two end meet then tie your double knot..  wholesale nfl jerseys

Cheap Jerseys china The making of Park Road, an idea in 1924 and completed by 1935 ended this of course www.cheapjerseyschinatrade.com. Several houses were demolished in Cunliffe Road for its passage and houses soon built by the side of that former wasteland. So far as I know, no one has ever recorded this aspect of a town in transition..  Cheap Jerseys china

cheap jerseys "But I wasn't going to give him any of my audience. So we worked out a plan by which I summarized and made my plea for votes. And then we played 'The Star Spangled Banner' and had the flag flying." Those old enough to be Baby Boomers understand what happened next: Many believed the station had signed off the air for the evening and turned their TVs off.  cheap jerseys

cheap nfl jerseys So I'm used to that. Keep your groups to no more than eight people www.cheapjerseyschina8.com. Easier to get a reservation. Shwwww. That's not vroom of a fuel injection engine, but the battery powered sound of electric car phenom Tesla beating analysts' earnings expectations. Shares of Tesla popped 8.4% Thursday after the company delivered a record 6,892 of its Model S sedans, driving $761 million in revenues.  cheap nfl jerseys

cheap jerseys It also has many waterfalls and turn offs along the way for a photo or to take a rest. I recommend starting this bike ride early so you can absorb the intense feeling that nature brings. Always inspect your bike before bike riding any trail. Adidas is well known due to their clothing line. Everything from warm up gear to Adidas sports clothing is created. Choosing the right workout clothing is almost as important as discovering the right mens Adidas forest hills casual shoes.  cheap jerseys

Cheap Jerseys from china The most basic on the bags named pouches ended up exceptionally common in that time period. These purses and handbags were being placed simply by girls inside the beneath purses from the apparel they will put on. On the other hand www.cheapjerseysfromchinasale.com, the excitement transformed once the form of garments for females transformed.  Cheap Jerseys from china

BREWER Sluggers Baseball and Softball Training Facility is offering daily and weekly clinics and lessons to help athletes prepare for the spring sports season. All clinics are $20 per session. Open to all boys and girls in grades 1 8, camps will be limited to the first 125 applicants and will be held at the Fort Fairfield High School gyms.

wholesale jerseys I've spent several years delivering pizza. It's not the best paying or most prestigious job, but I honestly love it. A lot of people end up delivering pizza at some point in their life, and it's a high turnover job. Why complain that there is a shortage of trained workers? Can companies train their own workers? Facebook and other successful companies have discounted the role of schooling in hiring quality workers, opting to train their own. At one time, corporations used to attract managers by offering a one or two year training program in every part of the business. And if they needed specialized skills, they would select their best line workers for further training wholesale jerseys.

[miraculouscontent]

Oh boy.

[Pacebreaker]

Because I’ll have to keep bringing it up otherwise, let me start out by saying that the pacing in this episode is atrocious. I’ve seen some bad pacing in Miraculous before but this is close to the bottom of the barrel if not the bottom of the barrel.

Let me run down how this episode breaks up its scenes:

Fighting/Resolving Gigantitan: 2 minutes and 18 seconds (0:30-2:48)

Setting up the plot: 1 minute and 7 seconds (2:48-3:55)

Establishing characters feelings and waiting for Chat to arrive: 4 minutes and 35 seconds (3:55-8:30)

The most awkward get-together in Miraculous history: 3 minutes and 45 seconds (8:30-12:15)

wErEdaD, i Am hAwK mOtH: 1 minute and 25 seconds (12:15-13:40)

That Scene With Chat and Sabine That No One Wants to Talk About: 45 seconds (13:40-14:25)

Weredad Brings the Dupain: 3 minutes and 40 seconds (14:25-17:30)+(18:00-18:15)+(18:20-18:40)

Marinette Saves Herself: 55 seconds (17:30-18:00)+(18:15-18:20)+(18:40-19:00)

Ladybug Saves Chat and Tom: 1 minute and 15 seconds (19:00-20:15)

Resolution: 1 minute and 47 seconds (20:15-22:02)

This episode wastes time on scenes that don't have value so that scenes that should have value get no time at all. This episode serves to be little more than a Tom akumatization episode, yet Weredad doesn't even have 4 minutes of screen time.

And for what? By the 7 minute mark, I was officially bored. Everything drags on and on despite the fact that it's blatantly obvious where things are going to go. The timing for some scenes even sound correct at a glance, but then the scene itself shows up and it's all over the place. In the scene with everyone having treats, Tom just jumps from awkward topic to awkward topic.

And the scene with Gigantitan didn't need to be anywhere near as long as it was. The episode spends too long re-establishing Ladybug and Chat's relationship when one or two lines would've been enough. The pacifier was an extra detail that not only isn't resolved, but that didn't need to exist.

Marinette got a giant lucky charm jammed through her room; Chat could've just wanted to check on her and found it weird that she was on her balcony so late at night (unless she'd been watching the action, which gives him the idea that she's a fan of his). The episode even tries to run with the idea that Chat would always be there for Marinette and always check on her, but he certainly wasn't concerned when her room had been destroyed late at night when she was likely inside of it.

And then the episode spends so much time establishing how characters feel about the situation when it's already been made clear. Adrien talks about it to August (I've noticed that this show doesn't care to have characters just think to themselves instead of talking out loud) about it first, then talks to Plagg, then talks to Plagg again the next day.

The pacing doesn't just need tweaking. It needs an entire makeover.

[Dia-slog]

The dialog in this episode is so contrived. It's so stilted.

Let's start with the very beginning of the episode, since that's where a huge pacing issue is. Because the episode wants to re-establish Ladybug and Chat's relationship (which it already does later in this scene and verbally by both leads later), it has Chat flirt with Ladybug mid-battle and wastes a scene of Ladybug slamming into an Adrien billboard just so she can fawn over him.

Put bluntly, it feels like one of the chibi shorts with dialog and the show's models, right down to the fact that everything is a lot of "jokes" (Chat trying to kiss Ladybug before she gets flung off so he misses his chance, the billboard, Ladybug's giant lucky charm that was apparently useless since it's in the same place during Miraculous Ladybug which means it was just a gag of Ladybug holding something heavy and also a reason for Tom to rush to Marinette's room despite the fact that an akuma being near their house at all is more than enough reason, etc.).

And I have to talk about that scene with Chat finding Marinette because there are so many things wrong with it. Not Marinette even, because I get that she's anxious and panicking and went for the first thing that came to her mind that would distract him enough, but there are serious issues with Chat's dialog.

Firstly, Chat sees Marinette on Marinette's own balcony and somehow finds that suspicious. Chat has been to Marinette's house multiple times as both Adrien and Chat; there's no excuse for this.

Secondly, Chat starts out mentioning Ladybug's de-transformation. The scene is very clearly set up for Marinette to think that Chat's about to suggest that she's Ladybug. It's not, "This isn't the first time I've seen you near a fight," or "This isn't the first time I've caught you right after a battle." If Chat is trying to imply that Ladybug isn't around but Marinette is so Marinette must be one of his fans, it still makes no sense because, again, Marinette is at her own house.

This episode already had pacing, dialog, and character problems, but even the setup was inherently flawed.

It didn't have to be about a big misunderstanding. If it had to be about Tom getting akumatized out of anger for Chat, the episode could've had Tom seeing Marinette and Chat together multiple times (whether that's because Ladybug de-transforms and runs into Chat, who takes her home, or a meta joke on how a lot of akumatizations tend to happen around Marinette), which then leads Tom to think that Chat must love Marinette (if the episode wants a misunderstanding so badly, it can be a small one: maybe Tom does talk to Marinette, but she thinks he's talking about Adrien when he refers to her love life), only for Chat to explain that he loves Ladybug and incur Tom's anger because it's as if Chat is leading Marinette on. That even brings up the fact that Chat has an issue with mixed signals.

Also, and I cannot stress this enough, but the narrative needs to stop pointing out Marinette's lying as the core issue without offering solutions. Tikki does it all the time and she never learns. Marinette rightfully argues with Tikki that she had a reason for doing it and, once again, Tikki deflects and keeps focusing on what Marinette caused. Instead of offering solutions and instead of offering comfort, Tikki waffles around the issue and leaves all of Marinette's arguments hanging without a proper answer.

Tom isn't safe from poor dialog choices either. In fact, he might be one of the worst examples, whether as himself or his akumatized form. To keep the plot going, Tom has to constantly brush off what other characters say, except when it's relevant to the plot they're trying to tell. This means that Chat and Marinette can't be blunt until the moment where Tom is meant to be akumatized.

This also means that Chat has to sit there while Tom rambles for eternity and asks Chat pressing questions. Chat sits there eating sweets they offered him when he knows that he's about to reject Marinette. It pads out the episode because the writing is panicking to build up the big moment and it's the same thing with Marinette's big reaction to Chat: a big setup.

The episode doesn't even know what it wants to be either. It seems to want to establish Marinette and Chat's feelings on each other at first, but there's a complete 30-second derail of dialog re-establishing Adrien’s issues with his father just so it can come back for a 35-second scene with Weredad later.

And because of poor pacing, the dialog in that scene with Weredad is rushed beyond belief. Tom's whole reason for getting akumatized was a want to never let any boy near Marinette again, but a 10 second speech from Chat suddenly has him like, "okay then actually--"

And speaking of Chat's speech, it's completely ineffective from a comparison standpoint! Adrien wasn't even isolated in this episode. In Season 2 "Glaciator" or "Captain Hardrock", MAYBE, but the problem is rarely isolation nowadays; it's Adrien's dad being so rarely there for him.

That's the difference. Tom was actively caring for Marinette and Adrien's dad is just too strict. Fixating on the over-protectiveness would've been so much better.

And...isolation? Weredad has specifically said that he was going to be there for Marinette. Gabriel isn't there for Adrien, but Tom would be for Marinette. The comparison between Gabriel and Tom isn't invalid (honestly, I appreciate a little nuance ignoring the fact that humanizing the main villain might not be a great idea), but it boils down to little more than something only established for Tom in this one episode.

Here's a thought: maybe instead of the episode focusing on something that's here and gone, it can focus on something that can be slowly improved and has already been a thing.

How often have Tom and Sabine comforted Marinette? How often does Marinette have to go to someone else for comfort? Heck, the only scene in this episode of one of the parents comforting anyone is Sabine comforting Chat (and trust me, we'll get there).

Maybe the parents learning about listening to Marinette? This could've addressed the fact that Gabriel and Tom+Sabine are on opposite sides but have similar problems.

Gabriel is very absent and doesn't listen to Adrien. Tom and Sabine are very attentive (or at least they think they are) yet don't pay attention to Marinette's feelings unless Marinette makes it clear (whether verbally or otherwise).

"Gamer" was Tom and Sabine constantly interrupting Marinette and Adrien's time together despite Marinette's clear discomfort, even going so far as to talk to Adrien about the fact that Marinette talks about him all the time.

When Marinette got home in "Lady Wifi", looking wholly exhausted, Sabine asked no questions and was like "oh hey Alya brought your bag home go get some exercise to help work on your forgetfulness ya scrub."

"Simon Says" had them ground Marinette as if that would solve all her issues (disregarding the fact that it's a ridiculous consequence when the place she was absent from were school activities which they can't stop her from trying to go to) instead of looking at things emotionally and worrying about why Marinette is missing classes.

It took Marinette having her privacy invaded and sobbing hysterically in "Troublemaker" before Tom and Sabine actually do anything of value and, even then, they fight off the people running the show instead of one of them being upstairs to comfort Marinette.

Even disregarding the fact that "overprotective father" has already been done (both in the show and done to death out of the show), it's aggravating that Tom and Sabine both have actual issues that could be addressed but the writing pushes them in a different direction. Sabine rambles about how she always tries to calm Tom down, but she made very few attempts and most of them led to her just smiling and letting Tom go about things.

The dialog feels wrong because it is wrong. It's not natural or flowing because the episode is holding this tightrope of a plotline as all the characters desperately try to walk across it without falling.

[Fairy Tale of Woe]

I'm keeping this one simple. From my calculations, this episode has, at most, six minutes of screen time on Weredad and his vine prison.

Six minutes is not anywhere near enough time to mash together multiple fairy tales so it’s a jumbled mess. It's nothing more than a set piece.

Fairy tales rarely mesh well together. That's why they're their own self-contained stories. I see what they were going for with Marinette being trapped and saved and fairy tale romance and whatever, but it just doesn't work.

And why fairy tales at all when it comes to Tom's character? Tom might dream of Marinette having a fairy tale romance, but Tom doesn't explicitly reference fairy tales or act like he's a huge fan of them. He's obsessed with baking for the episode instead.

"Reflekta" gave Juleka a very vibrant and attention-grabbing appearance to fit with her want to stand out. "The Evillustrator" turned Nathaniel into the hero in his story. "Stormy Weather" made Aurore into a weather girl who could force all her predictions to come true.

"Weredad"...why would Tom want to be a wolf creature? Powerful and quick on his feet, I can understand, but why a wolf? He's a baker and talks about it often in the episode, so this just doesn't fit at all.

[That Scene With Chat and Sabine That No One Wants to Talk About But We're Gonna Talk About It]

Oh, Chat. Chat. Chat. Chat.

I really hope this isn't a trend. I'd prefer to not go into each episode of Season 3 worriedly wondering, "Is Adrien/Chat going to do [the thing] again?"

So...the scene.

There are a total of three major issues with this scene.

First issue: Chat not going into enough detail about what he did wrong. The episode fixates on him not returning Marinette's feelings, but he stayed way longer than he should've when he only went to reject Marinette, brought her a rose thinking that would somehow help the situation, and kissed both of Marinette's cheeks to greet her. It's frankly no wonder why Tom was so sure that Chat was in love with Marinette; just like Adrien, he's constantly mixing up his words and the actions he takes.

Second issue: Sabine comforting Chat at all. I have no issue with Tom and Sabine doing things outside of Marinette, but this is a huge offense. Marinette went up to her room “sobbing” and instead of going up to check on her, Sabine stays downstairs to talk to Tom. Tom goes overboard, sure, and he didn't go upstairs to Marinette either, but he thought Marinette was legitimately hurt and he cared. Sabine makes her stance pretty clear at the end of the episode by basically saying that "oh marinette is strong and she can handle herself." Sabine is hardly involved in Marinette's life unless it's a special occasion or "hey marinette clean your room or i'll go through your emails," yet the second Chat comes in all upset, Sabine is immediately at his side and comforting him while also side-giving a "told him so" at Tom's behavior (something she gives to Tom personally at the end of the episode too). I'm all for Marinette's parents having confidence in her but this doesn't qualify in that field. It's just bad parenting.

Third issue: This has to do with the actual thing being talked about here: specifically, Sabine telling Chat that his feelings are valid. I can forgive Sabine on a few points, because she doesn't have the full story, but Chat says right in front of them that Ladybug keeps rejecting him. That's a big red flag. It'd be one thing if Chat simply said that he was in love with someone else, but even then, this is shown as a good thing that Sabine is doing for Chat when it's not. This is enabling Chat to keep on loving Ladybug and keep on pursuing her because that's what he feels is the right choice. If anyone should be told that their feelings are valid, it's Ladybug. Ladybug is constantly made to feel bad about rejecting Chat in any endeavor, but when it's time to start giving out sympathy cards, Ladybug doesn't get one. Chat's right, Sabine's right, but Marinette/Ladybug is wrong because she doesn't agree with Chat.

Chat can learn that it’s fine if he’s not in love with Marinette, but not that it’s fine if he continues pursuing Ladybug against her wishes.

[Nomance]

It's honestly difficult to talk about the details being discussed in this episode without derailing into a 3000 word discussion about "Will They, Won't They" plots, but I'll try to keep it brief.

This episode was a mistake. I don't mean that it's a mess all over because of the pacing, dialog, and character moments.

I mean, it is, but that's not what I’m referring to.

I’m saying that the idea for it never should've been approved in the first place.

"Will They, Won't They" is very thin ice territory that needs to be handled with care and grace. With the love square, the show gets around some of the problems by having the protagonist and deuteragonist already technically be in love with each other, but having the conflict be getting them to see the other side of their crush in the same light.

It was never a good idea to directly address Marinette's feelings for Chat and Adrien's feelings for Marinette in this way. There is no feasible way it could've gone well.

People do not like it when shows trying to directly retcon and/or put new meanings to scenes that were originally supposed to be vague and open to fandom interpretation.

Adrien does not love Marinette. That's just a fact. There's no denial, no hidden meaning...it's just the truth that the episode points out multiple times without even a shred of restraint. If there was any remaining hope left that Adrien loved Marinette after Kagami came in and Adrien showed genuine interest in her, this episode completely crushes it. If Adrien did love Marinette in any way, there would've been a moment of him acknowledging that instead of constantly shooting down the notion to Plagg.

That means that all of these

were lies. They were teases. They were bait. They didn’t mean anything.

And Chat's entire personality in this episode constantly 180s from having a massive ego to being totally self-conscious. He swaps from "obnoxiously egotistic" to "reminding everyone that he isn't in love with Marinette" to "getting another stamp on his sympathy card because he needs one more stamp for his free sundae."

Once again, mid-battle, he's flirting. Instead of helping Ladybug hold back Gigantitan, he not only ignores the battle entirely to flirt, but he tries to kiss her. Ladybug is flung into the air, slamming into a billboard, but Chat doesn't apologize for being distracted. Instead, he catches her and continues flirting like fighting Hawk Moth isn't serious to him at all.

He hasn’t learned anything. Chat faces no consequences from flirting inappropriately because any damage done while he's distracted with chatting up his crush (who is in love with someone else and he is aware of that fact) will immediately be fixed by the magical ladybugs.

This is the episode where Chat gets his feelings for Ladybug validated and it starts in the worst possible way for it.

This was never Marinette's episode. This was never Tom's episode. This is Chat's episode.

There's so little focus on Marinette being amazing and saving herself because this isn't about her. That's why there's no big moment of Chat being like "whoa Marinette saved herself she's even more amazing than I thought." Chat never even learns that Marinette broke the rose herself; he probably presumes that Ladybug did it. He fawns over how great Ladybug is for "saving Marinette" when it was Marinette herself who did that (the episode easily could've had Marinette mention that she broke the rose and then Ladybug showed up). Ladybug gets credit from Chat for the things that Marinette did, furthering the divide between the "two girls" in his mind.

Chat gets the big speech to Weredad. Chat gets the screen time where he talks about his feelings. Chat gets the sympathy and comfort.

This episode wanted nothing more than to make Chat feel valid. That's literally it. It's why everything is so contrived and Tom's overprotectiveness comes out of nowhere.

It's also why Adrien is not even mentioned once by Marinette's parents.

Tom and Sabine know that Marinette loves Adrien. That's been canon since Season 1. It's not like Marinette fake-confesses and they presume that he must Adrien behind the mask, which is why Chat stays so long so he can convince them otherwise (which would've actually been funny and left Adrien freaking the heck out for multiple reasons; bonus comedy with them deciding that he must not be Adrien in the end).

Marinette "confesses" and there's not one word from Tom and Sabine about Adrien, who they actually seemed to like and were rooting for Marinette to be with. Neither of them ask if Marinette had a fight with him or if Marinette just changed her mind.

And Marinette is the one who's given the "hints" that she might be in love with Chat, what with her being unusually angry at the idea that Chat might've changed his mind on who he loves when she "wasn't interested."  And sure, she's given lines about being happy that Chat isn't in love with her, but Chat's the one being put in the right and given sympathy. He's the one whose feelings we're told are valid.

Thus, the only reason Marinette isn't included must be because her current feelings aren't.

Listening to what a lot of people were saying about this episode, I’ve heard it be related back to fanfiction. To a degree, I can understand.

"Weredad" does have a lot of traits of fanfiction, what with its plot and simultaneously having the writing ability of amateur fanfiction.

But, in reality, "Weredad" is not like a fanfic.

A fanfic would progress the characters’ emotions, however sloppily. A fanfic would care enough to make a plot like this matter. A fanfic would make the characters’ feelings change in some way from start to finish.

A fanfic would be better than this.

[stephic-writings]

Fair Retail Endings -- FFXV x Retail Job Headcanons

So working retail is kind of fun, but it also can drive you bonkers. But after having a fun and silly conversation with my friends about it, why not imagine characters working the ever-so mundane retail jobs? This is a fantasy based on reality, after all. ;D

Also, please like my pun in the title. I’m very proud of myself for that.

Noctis Lucis Caelum -- 

For some reason managed to get a job at this fancy department store, but he doesn’t mind. Money’s money.

Has to wear a stuffy suit all the time, so that sucks.

But he drifts between most of the sections of the store to keep himself busy throughout it.

His favorite pass time is hiding in the home section and ‘testing’ out the beds. You know, so he can show customers.

He’s got this charming personality with him though, which alot of people like.

He gets asked alot if he’s ever wanted to model, but he has some flashbacks.

Prompto got him a bit flustered still.

A bit of lazier side when it comes to work, but if it’s done, that’s what matters.

Really good at go-backs though. It’s like he warps everywhere and drops it all off in the right places.

Has an awesome wardrobe because of that awesome discount that Ignis makes him use all the time.

Prompto Argentum --

Your friendly neighborhood video game store employee.

He mostly applied because he heard about the awesome discounts, stayed because the fellow gamers were actually really fun to talk to and help.

He gets more than he bargained for when dealing with the grumpy rich mothers who come in to get GTA for their five year olds.

Bothers him mostly that they don’t really care much about games, but hey, what can you do?

He gets in trouble because he wants to stay later after his shift to talk or help.

A good worker boy, but no. You’re gonna get in trouble, boy!

Drags Noctis into work with him on his days off to go shopping, and brags about his discounts and deals a bit too much.

But hey! Savings! And he gets that dope discount on the latest titles!

Everyone loves him at work, so they usually come to him and his enthusiasm about games.

Cries a little inside though, because he’d rather be at him playing games than working around the games he’d wanna play.

Ignis Scientia --

The others were both shocked and (slightly) jealous that Ignis got a job at the make-up department store of all places.

Wasn’t that place for just ladies? No, actually. And Ignis was quite alright with that.

Good pay, and he’s quite eager to make someone’s day by making them feel beautiful.

He easily became a make-up artist at the store when he showed off his skills on one of the girls, which caused the ladies to fawn a bit at it too.

He’s loved by the ladies that come in, because he does his best to make them feel great about themselves and is really truthful in what works and doesn’t.

Only judges the boys who go in and whine about their girlfriends being there.

Ladies are making themselves beautiful for you, so you can stuff it, sir.

Not a big fan of the gossip and rumors at his job. He’d rather keep to himself than get involved in catfights.

But considering how good he is at his job, and how well-loved he is by his clientèle, he stays until he becomes a director himself.

His favorite make-ups are usually the extravagant ones with a theme behind it, so Halloween is a blast for him.

Gladiolus Amicitia --

Of course he works at a sports store. What do you expect?

Even if you don’t like sports though, his enthusiasm alone kind of is nice to see.

Will not hesitate to throw his balls at you. His footballs.

He probably makes alot of those jokes with his coworkers too, just for the dumbass jokes sake.

Even though you don’t know a thing about sports, he can still talk about pretty much anything and everything.

It isn’t unusual for Gladio to be talking about sports for awhile, and then suddenly giving one of the younger guys a pep talk about something.

Very straight-forward about how women should do more sports too.

One time got into an argument with a lady who said her daughter should be playing with dolls, not playing football.

In came Iris, who Gladio got to talk about and inspire the little girl.

The little girl came back and said she was allowed to take karate, so that she can become strong and tough like Iris. Gladio shed a tear.

Ravus Nox Fleuret --

The scariest bookseller that you’ll ever meet.

Not only is he intimidating, but he’s very strict about how well-kept his store is and how noisy it is.

With him simply passing by, you can feel a chill down your spine.

Ask him about book recommendations, though, and he’ll give you some really good insight.

Painful honest when it comes to books though.

‘Don’t read that. The main character is atrocious.’

No matter how long ago you had come in and gotten your book, he always remembers what exactly you’ve gotten and will ask you how it was.

He goes into detail about all the books, making you question just how much he reads.

He reads alot. Like... Alot.

Kids think he’s a superhero because he can reach the top shelves without a ladder.

Cor Leonis --

The hot hardware store grandpa that everyone in town gossips about.

They don’t believe him when he says he’s not that old. Or not that young.

You go to him mostly for your tools for any job, but he also is a great teacher too.

‘I need to paint my apartment.’ He’ll help you find the perfect color, then proceed to lecture you on how to get that perfect even coat.

Old women lose their minds when he’s working in the flower and garden section that day.

They enjoy seeing him talk so serenely about the flowers.

That, and you know. Sweaty hot man and all.

Can’t go into the lumber section, unfortunately though. The sawdust makes him sneeze to much.

Plays it cool whenever dogs come in with their owners, but secretly loves the dogs and pets them when he can.

Keeps dog treats in his apron too. For just the occasion.