#im better now though (17 months clean) | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

aamethyst000 · 4 months ago

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i didn't realize exacctly how slow my progress will be (july 9,24 - 10:56pm)

holy fuck i did not realize how slow my progress in life will be! it feels so weird to be 26. like, not only the progress of my name and gender change, im talking about my progress in life! the changes im gonna have, the hardships ill probably cry to. i thought teenage life was hard, no siree. the adult life is difficult. once the adults before you leave you alone to be independent and strong and whatnot, they all end up telling you how wrong you are and how you're living life wrong. one side is trying to control how you live, the other wants you to be dependant and independent and some how balance that out on your own. anyway, getting off track here. today i woke up feeling lazy but also feeling pretty good about myself! i actually wanted to clean the house and do the dishes without complaint! which is a rare thing for me since teenage hood. it can get pretty bad on most days. my little brother and i did the dishes today and a little bit of sweeping. i am planning on doing the rest of the house chores tomorrow and start on the towels that were supposed to be done last week. which kind of sucks that it is only me doing the laundry, but what the hell can i do when we got my mothers' brother staying and only doing his own laundry, a 17 who is overly cranky, yknow, normal teenager bs, hes gotta do his own laundry whether he likes it or not. and a mother whose arthiritis hurts her enire body and really bad insomnia. 10 year old me would be very surprised of where i am at right now and 14 year old me would be very confused.

july 11,24 - 11:16pm - just got through washing the dishes and cleaned up a bit in the living room. finally and now i have time to clean up my room and start washing the towels, we desparately need clean towels considering how hot the weather will be this week. you know the funny thing about this? i have stopped taking my anti depressants for nearly a month now! i think i only need to take them during the winter. they seem to work better by then, which is weird to me. anyway, now that i have more trans tapes, im going to wash the towels tomorrow and have a bath by the next day. my poor room has been a mess for too long now and it has been bugging me for a couple of days. doing this will help me feel better about buying myself a new 3ds and cases for it, being more prepared about taking care of it than i did the first time around. i ended up buying another black 3ds, kinda thought i wanted a white one but i ended up changing my mind part way through the search of the new 3ds. i found one for somewhat cheap that came up to 195 plus 10 shipping which was fckn awesome! i so cant wait till they arrive now. though they wont be here till the first week of next month. i know ill be impatient about it but that is not new at all lmao im impatient with every perchase i make, i just gotta keep myself distracted till the items get here.

july 18,24 3:43am - i am planning on rearranging my room to open up the air vent in my room. since i bought the 3ds, i feel like i need to ''earn''' when it finally arrives here, but i am hoping to god that it works for me or id cry. well, not really, i'd be sad about it but wouldnt do nothing about it until i have enough money to save again to buy another 3ds. hopefully it wont come to that at any point for me. anyway, as im typing this out, i am wathcing chuggaconnroy's lets play of kirby 3ds. i heard about his recent..situation, not happy to hear it and not sure how to feel, not entirely anyway. not gonna lie, it kind of sucks and nearly ruined my day. im better now, i heard about this a week ago, so im fine. i think. i havent been able to go to sleep at a reasonable time lately and it sucks. some nights i dont go to sleep until it is literally gets really bright outside (5am or 7am), i did not think id be slowly devolping insomnia at the age of 26. though, i shouldnt be too surprised considering the fact that my whole ass family has it and possibly autism or adhd. not gonna lie, my whole family is a mess. but they are my mess, i guess. you ever feel that way? they are not the best, toxic in their own way (the older ones, not my cousins), when it some down to it, they are there for you (until they sabotage that closeness during any death) they seem to have continued the generational trauma. i hope my cousins are doing alright, some if them have a kid or two, others are single or childless, but they all have a decent job that helps them keep their apartment. so, i hope they are doing well.

by this point, i have one more journal entry to edit and double check on, and a set of papers to look for in my room. i was supposed to mail it back to the place i was getting my legal (now dead)name to my current one, it is coming up to a year so that it is my own fault on that one, considering that all i needed to do was give them the signed papers that i have right now. well, i can do that now and be a bloody adult about it instead of putting it off for tomorrow, every single day. is it weird to still feel like a teenager (16-7) at the age of 26? should i go to therapy for this? is this normal or should i be worried? does every other adult feel like this? and not just me and my friends possibly being delusional or just dramatic about it. either way, i am not entirely sure if ill find the answer or if itll be given to me. i am going to have a puff and then head to bed, it is already very late so im gonna have a puff and enjoy whatever sleep i can get. good night/day, readers!

#lgbt #2spirit #happy #journalist #they/them #lgbtq #journalist amethyst000 #journal #journal entry #queer #self love #self growth #spiritual growth

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katstratfordfanclub · 1 year ago

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december 17, 2023

dear tumbr,

finals are over and i have an abundant amount of time to just get lost in my own mind. i spent the whole day cleaning my bathroom for fuck's sake.

life since the last update has been full of complete ups and downs but i kinda want to focus on my emotional shit right now because thats the thing im struggling the most with.

so ive always been a huge mess emotionally. change is something i struggle with really bad too. my mom stayed home with me until pre-school where it was decided that I needed to go so that my separation anxiety could have a chance to get better. it was hard. going to school continued to be hard for me until the third or fourth grade, long past when it was normal. i would cry when i would get dropped off for the first week or two but the older i got the more ashamed i became of crying. it wasn't normal but i couldn't help it, i would try to stop it but i couldn't. i could only try to hide it to the best of my ability. my emotions were to sensitive according to those around me. being sensitive shouldn't be a bad thing but the word 'sensitive' is frequently used as an insult. i internalized it. i didn't let myself show anything that could be construed as weakness past the fifth grade. it helped. once people stopped seeing a reaction they were less likely to pick on me. this has lasted to nineteen. i have become uncomfortable showing any emotion that is unguarded to others, even those who i desperately want to be able to show how much i love them and that i know want to know when i'm not doing well.

i've taken to experiencing my emotions in private. the dull ache of yearning for connection and the pressing weight of the worlds standards and wanting to be better. i want to be better. better in both in terms to my health, mental and physical, and for those around me. i fear i don't do enough. i don't want to be clingy or rather i don't want to be seen as clingy. i know i'm clingy, i alway have been. but my clingy nature has made me scared that i'm annoying. i don't want to be annoying. i don't want to give anyone a reason to leave.

i'm scared to show sides of myself that are unsavory. especially with clar. the more of myself i show him, the more reasons i give him to leave. at the same time, i want him to know me, in my entirety. its almost like i want him to have all the information before he makes a decision. i truly don't know what keeps him with me. he has done nothing but support me and i've been a complete mess for the past month. i try to pull it together but i don't want to lie. i don't lie to him. that's one vow i've told myself is that i wont lie to him. i don't know why he's with me though, its the one thing i can't wrap my head around. i don't know why he reached out in february about valentines day. i don't know why he reached out in march. i just don't know what is appealing. don't get me wrong, i'm glad he did. i love him. but he could do so much better than me. he could have someone who isn't like this.

anyway, it's christmas time i shouldn't be sad.

i've been crying for two hours now, i cant think straight about what i want to write about.

tldr; i'm insecure and mentally unwell. i hate who i have become.

kat out <3

#i saw a post about not being seventeen and i spiraled #i thought about how two years ago this time i was seventeen #i was two months from getting diagnosed with cancer #i was entertaining someone who was only interested in my body #and using me to get over her ex #and here i am now in college crying about not being seventeen #and my mental health is in shambles #and im constantly insecure #and im dating the most amazing man that i dont deserve #started spiraling after finally putting everything related to clar and i's relationship in a box #im going to decorate it later once i get my paint!#its going to be cute isgt #i hate overthinking

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technowoah · 4 years ago

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if you're taking asks for the prompts, can you do 11 and 17 from the angst list with george but have a fluffy ending? she/her pronouns pls

I Can Make It Right

SHSJS I HAVE SO MUCH ANGST IN MY INBOX YALL!

Thanks for the request babe! The way it came out was gender neutral i dont think I user she/her, but it still works trust me!

George x reader imagine (established)

11) "It's not important apparently"

17) "You already made me feel like shit so might as well finish me off"

⚠︎ angst with happy ending, unresolved issue but they're gonna fix it dont worry 😌, angry George, swearing

*** = flashback

Masterlist

You had stood infront of your bathroom mirror finishing up your makeup for the night. Your hair was already done and you had a nice outfit on, not to fancy and not too comfortable. While listening to a playlist George had made for you, you had put down the brushes you were using. It didnt really matter if you cleaned up your makeup that was littered all over the sink right now, but right now you were feeling good.

Today was your and George's 3rd year anniversary and you couldn't be happier about it. Today you two were going to dinner and doing something else which was supposed to be a surprise for you. It was a night on the town.

George and you met 4 years ago actually. You two started out as acquaintances, the slowly grew into friends and then one day he asked you to join him to dinner. At first you were oblivious to his actions, thinking he was just being a good friend, but turns out the more dates you two went on the more you caught on. He officially asked you to be his girlfriend 3 years ago today.

His friends keep on pressuring George to propose already, they think it's been long enough. The only thing close to marriage is a promise ring. He put the ring on your finger as a promise that one day he would marry you, everytime you doubt that he will propose you turn your attention to the cute ring on your finger.

You had turned off the bedroom lights and sat on your bed finally relaxing after struggling to find a decent enough outfit for tonight. George said that he was going to pick you up around 6:00 and now it is 5:47 so you had some time to spare.

You had found yourself scrolling through tiktok because you had nothing else better to do at this moment. It was a guilty pleasure of yours even though you and george both joked around about hating tiktok.

Time began to tick away so you had checked the clock on your phone which said 5:57 pm. You had grabbed shoes that you set up against your bed, slipped them on and grabbed all of your belongings for the night. You stationed yourself in the living room waiting till George came to the door.

Nervousness always came up before a date, it was the anticipation actually. You were excited and nervous about the date as you always were, but today for you was special. It was three years worth of beautiful love. You remembered the time he first said I love you too, it was just like it was yesterday.

***

"Hey y/n." George looked towards you. You both were sitting on a plaid, plush blanket with a brown woven basket ontop in between you two. It was just like the movies and that why you cringed because of how cheesy it was when George led you to it.

It was sweet, it was extremely sweet and you loved these dates that George always brung you too. You always felt special when you are sitting next to him.

You responded to George. "Yeah Gogy?" You laughed at the use of his nickname.

"Im trying to be serious right now and you call me Gogy." George smiled and shook his head. "Anyways, you know I love you, right?"

"Of course I do-"

"No I love you. I mean. I'm in love with you." George reached to rest his hand ontop of yours and repeated himself. "I'm in live with you y/n."

You wasted no time answering. "Im in love with you too."

***

6:03

George didnt show up yet, but there was no sweat. He was only 3 minutes late, maybe he ran into traffick. Your stomach was rumbling, but you didnt want to eat yet since you two we're planning to go to dinner. Patience is key, and it wasnt like he wasn't late before.

6:10

You started to get worried, it's been 10 minutes and still no sign of your boyfriend. You had gotton up several times to check outside of your door only to be met with no one. Your mind was jumping to conclusions about if he forgot your anniversary, but you shut those thoughts out for the time being.

6:19

Okay this is getting out of hand. You brung out our phone and began to text George, you couldn't believe that you had waited this long before texting the man.

Where are you? Ive been waiting for 29 minutes?!

[Sent: 6:20pm]

George what are you doing?

[Sent: 6:20pm]

You awaited his text message with your phone faced up on the coffee table infront of you. You didn't want to believe that George woukd forget, or overslept, but that was becoming truth the more minutes passed by with no call or text.

6:30

Calling him was useless, because he didn't answer. He didn't hang up on you he just wasn't picking up the phone, like he turned it off. You started to get worried if something happened to him, if he was in a situation where he couldn't call or text you. You wondered if he was safe at home and not out in the middle of the street.

In a flash all your worries subsided when your phone lit up with a notification.

ThisIsNotGeorgeNotFound is live:

Im Playing golf with my friends

That son of a bitch. Pissed off was an understatement, you were fuming. How could he end up streaming at home when you had constantly reminded him about this day, he knew damn well about this day too. How could he?

You ended up grabbing a jacket and your purse and ended up driving to George's place. It seemed like he was mocking you in a way, he knew you had notifications on for Twitch. You loved to support him and his career, but this was making a fool out of yourself.

Your hand tightly gripped the steering wheel as you tried not to run every red light you cane across. You finally came across George's home, you found a place to park and quickly got out of your car and sped walked your way to George's residence. Finally making up to George's door you knocked harshly on the door probably making more noise than what you intended too. You continuously banged on his door until you got fed up.

Remembering that George had given you a key to his house you dig through your purse to get your set of keys out anr unlock his door. You stomped inside his house and closed the door behind you.

"GEORGE! GEORGE!" You yelled through the house. You were being reckless and annoying, but you didnt care at this point you were fuming and needed to tell George how you feel.

You had made your way to George's recording room where he was talking to his friends on discord. George looked towards you in shock clearly not hearing the sounds you were making throughout his house.

"Y/N?!" George yelled and muted his microphone.

"What the hell are you doing?" You exclaimed back.

"Im streaming thats what Im doing!" George sassed back at you, not paying attention to his screen and the chat.

"Dont get smart with me. End the stream."

"What?! No!"

"You heard me, we need to talk." You crossed your arms across your chest. Your heart was beating too fast for your liking and you tried to calm yourself down, but George's comments were getting to you.

George was about to unmute himself and get back to the game. "No we dont-"

"GEORGE END THE FUCKING STREAM! This is embarrassing! Talk to me cause you have some explaining to do." You snapped at him.

A silence tell upon you two and he glared at you before turning to his stream and closing it out.

"Okay guys! Go watch the other boys streams I need to go now! Bye!" George quickly ended and turned off everything.

He turned around to you still sitting in his chair. "What? What do you want?"

"Do you know what today is?" You asked.

"April 30th." George answered bluntly.

"Thats all you have to say?" You asked in shock. "It's our anniversary dickhead!"

"I fucking know that." George said.

"You do? So why did you start streaming and we had dinner plans?!"

"I told you we were streaming! You weren't listening to me!" George stood up from his chair when he said that.

"When the fuck did you tell me this?!"

"A couple days ago! You didn't listen!"

"But you knew that was our anniversary! And we made dinnerr plans-"

George yelled over you. "A month ago! We made those plans a month ago so excuse me for forgetting!"

"So all these other years you remembered our anniversary and went out of your fucking way to cancel other plans around that date, but today you didnt because why?!" Tears were threatening to fall down you cheeks, but you wouldnt let him see you like that.

"Because I planned this already with the boys! And AGAIN you werent listening to me when I said that-"

"There were several other times that you could've told me too! But you didn't!" You sniffed trying to keep the frustrated tears inside.

"I already planned this and I cant go back on my promise-"

"But you can with me?!" You yelled and George stopped talking. He's just studying your face at this point and you hated this silence.

"Its not important apparently." You said while walking out of the recording room.

"You're being a bitch." He mumbled.

"Excuse me?! That is so disrespectful!" You spun around yelled at him.

"You already made me feel like shit so might as well finish me off." George said in a annoying tone.

"Yeah you should feel like shit! I feel like shit too so-!" You threw your hands up in exasperation and stormed out the room. You had made it to the door before George called out to you again.

"Y/n! Y/n! Please!"

"No! Just..." You paused before opening the door and ushering your way out. "Call me when you get your shit together.

You were currently curled up on your couch eating leftovers that you had in the refrigerator. That had satisfied your hunger for the night because the dinner was canceled that night. Your anger and sadness had subsided and you were only left with an unusual feeling in your heart. Your relationship felt incomplete, this fight felt incomplete. You didnt break up with him, but you were waiting for closure.

The TV was the only light in the room. It illuminated what it wanted to, you didnt care if it was too dark. Usually you would be cuddled up with George at this ungoldy hour, but you weren't and that made you tear up.

Your sadness was still there, your anger towards George turned into pity. You were sad about the actions he took, but somewhere in your heart you could forgive him. You could forgive and move on if he would come to you.

Speaking of, you had a knock on your door. You didn't have the strength to get up, but you did. Shuffling your way to the door you sluggishly opened it to find George standing there with his hands in his hoodie. The person you wanted to see, but at the same time you wanted to slam that door in his face.

"Hey." George spoke and you gave him a small smile, nothing more.

You turned around to find your seat back on the couch where you were comfortable, but also giving him a silent invitation to come inside. You had sat down on the couch not paying attention to George, but you knew he closed the door, took off his shoes by yours, and put his keys on the table by the door like he always did. It was like a routine to him.

George ended up awkwardly standing beside the couch as you ignored him.

"You know, if you didnt open the door I would've used my keys like you did." George tried to spark up a conversation, but you only hummed in response. You were scared that if you spoke, you would cry.

George ended up making his way to the couch sitting beside you and pulling you into his embrace. Your head was on his chest and you began to sob. You missed this it's only been a few hours, but you had felt that in those few hours you had lost everything. You continued to sob into his hoodie as he rubbed your back and shushed you, whispering sweet nothings into the air only for you to hear.

"Im here, and Im sorry. Im so fucking sorry that I did this to you and I only hope that you can forgive me." George said, his voice cracking a little when he said that. You kept crying.

That's what you wanted to hear all along, that's what you needed. You could forgive him in due time, you always will because you love him, you will always love him. You both can always make it right.

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flashflashhundredyarddash · 4 years ago

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batkids and their relationships with their siblings headcanons. under read more because this got fucking LONGGG

dick

dick is the eldest so he doesnt want to bog down his younger siblings with his problems, but if he DOES, he tends to talk to jason about it

dick and cass start to really begin to bond when Cass shows up to dicks gymnastics class for 3rd-6th graders and then cass shows up all the sixth graders and they get frozen yogurt after lmao

dick and tim are Very much thick as thieves. tim is very much like bruce on the Emotional Suppression scale, so dick just really wants to make sure his little brother is safe and happy ALL the time

Duke and Damian are the only two really permanently at the manor anymore, so when dick drops by he tries to do something with both of them. duke frantically zoom calls dick every other week to help him with his his trig homework. dick shows up to dukes high school graduation with literally the BIGGEST SIGN

everyone insists damian is dicks favorite but he does actually genuinely love all his siblings equally, his relationship with damian is just Very different from the others because of the age gap and being dami's primary caretaker for a year. dick babies dami every chance he gets

jason

would sell Dick to satan for One corn chip

him and cass don't have the greatest start to their relationship because cass is very much Against Killing so it takes a while for jason to warm up to her and earn her trust. now, though, jason is competing with steph by showing cass all the classic American Teenager things she missed out on. steph is currently winning but jason is like 98% positive a crunch wrap from taco bell is going to push him over the edge

tim and jason are currently competing over who can solve the most cases in a month. tim is winning. that won't last long.

jason Loves to Big Brother duke its so embarrassing. duke will get out of school and go to his car and jason is SITTING IN THE FRONT SEAT FRANTICALLY WAVING TO GET DUKES ATTENTION. JASON THAT IS MY CAR. signal has one (1) mission with arsenal and arsenal goes hey did you ask that girl to homecoming yet and duke is like I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU.

Damian is proof that Actually, Little Brothers are Pests. Jason fully believes that he was brought back from the dead PURELY to torment damian and he will fulfill this mission at any cost

cassandra

it actually really upset her when Dick didn't accept her at first. she knows her other siblings really adore dick so his lack of trust was really disheartening. it takes dick a while but once he Actually Accepts that cass is going to be a permanent part of their life and oh, wow, dick you really hurt her feelings he really hyperfocuses on bonding with cass for a couple of months which definitely improves their relationship

she really likes jason!! their relationship doesn't start well but because he's close with steph and tim who are cass's top two favorite people to exist ever, cass is like well i GUESS ill hang out with him more. jason is fun to talk to because he always tries his best to explain jokes and give context to what people are talking about (also tim took her to taco bell already but she didn't tell jason she just wanted to hang out)

cass LOVES tim. they just click okay. tim always seems to know when to give her space and when to push and come closer. Tim's "guest room" is just her room lets be real. tim and cass occasionally get mistaken for twins and Cass Loves it.

duke makes cass listen to metal once and cass loses. her. damn. mind. they bond over music a lot because they both Love Music to a degree the others in their family don't.

damian!! damian is her little brother!!! dami isn't As Hostile to cass at first because he is 100% aware cass has the edge in fighting and respects her. cass likes all of his instagram posts and they have a snapchat streak going

tim

tim Loves dick, dick was his first sibling!! he had Very strong hero worship when he first met dick but it mellowed out when tim got older because wow 17 is really not that cool and mature lol. tim has an open invitation to dick's apartment which he does occasionally take advantage of. tim has more than once scared the shit out of wally when wally comes over and wally is convinced they're being robbed (HA) for half a second. i mean. he's not wrong.

listen. tim understands that forgiving the guy who tried to kill you would be a Struggle for some people and it was! definitely! but also at least he can trust jason to, uh, be open about if he doesn't like tim. which is not an assurance he has with other people. so if the guy who tried to kill him tells him tim is cool now then like. maybe tim isn't that bad or annoying a person? also jason arrested a whole gang and won the cases competition but then it created a power vacuum that the whole batfam had to clean up the rest of the month. thanks, jason.

tim LOVES cass. you know how most of the time theres this empty feeling inside you and you just kind of ignore it because you don't know what will fix it or if you do, you know you can't fix it? cass makes that empty feeling feel a little less empty. they just click. tim always tries to travel with cass whenever she leaves gotham.

tim and duke. Tim is actually the sibling who duke goes to whenever he has questions he doesn't want to ask bruce or alfred about, like, life or vigilante-ing or school or college or whatever and Tim is always like yes!! i love Giving Advice and Solving Problems!! tim and duke and jason fill out their college applications together.

tim and damian. LMAO. ROUGH START THAT'S ALL ILL SAY. at some point alfred goes like fuck it. family therapy. and tim and dami are PISSED. tim and damian get along best when they have a common enemy to work against. their relationship gets much better when damian is older and they actually talk about their feelings like emotionally stunted bats. despite how bad their relationship was, tim will ALWAYS protect damian

duke

very much intimidated by dick at first. dick is so much older and has his own job and friends and life and is very much AN ADULT. dick likes to take duke out to do lots of cool stuff (paintball, lasertag, tech exhibitions, concerts, etc). also, dick PERSONALLY introduced duke to superman and is dating THE FLASH. 10/10 awesome big brother.

was intimidated by jason for 0.5 seconds before jason actually opened his mouth and started speaking. jason is literally. So Embarrassing. which is weird because nobody else really seems to feel that way about jason but duke knows he's 100% in the right here. like yeah jason is also An Adult and does Adult Stuff but he's also at the manor like every other weekend???? and he always complains about bruce but always seems to be in the same room bruce is in????? like okay jason. they bond over literature!! jason and duke and alfred will spend literal hours talking about books and duke loves it. duke is the only one who doesn't think jason is funny and jason gets so upset about it lmao.

cass has this one week where she gets really into photography and by virtue of being nearby (and also not nocturnal), duke becomes her victim subject. duke prints out all the pictures and hangs them up in his room (his favorite is one he took when he stole the camera and took a really bad selfie of them together).

tim is closest in age to duke so duke tends to hang around with him a lot. tim introduced duke to his young justice friends and duke is like yes!!! meta-friends!!!! tim really helps duke out with his powers because tim is always like wow i wonder if your powers would work if we did This? can you see farther than other people? is your visible spectrum of light different than other humans? Bruce does the same thing but bruce is boring about it lol.

damian and duke live in the same house and will be in the same room and just send each other social media posts back and forth. they follow each other on instagram and will, OCCASIONALLY, make tik toks together because they're tik tok fiends. each of his siblings have visited his parents once or twice but damian routinely comes with him.

damian

damian gets a special bullet point to say that it took him. forever to come around to the idea of having siblings. he very much believed that he was Bruce's Blood Son and everyone else were just tagalongs or allies. it took him ages to acknowledge that dick, jason, tim, and cass were his siblings, so when duke came and like a week later damian was like Ah, Yes, this is my brother Thomas everyone else was like dude wtf

listen. LISTEN. Obviously. Richard is very highly skilled. and also Father values him highly. and also Richard will listen to Damian complain about his schoolmates. and also Richard is much more patient with Damian than other members of his family. listen....,,, (all this to say damian kind of fucking adores dick lmaooooo this kid).

Todd is kind of unbearable but damian has been informed this is both a normal feeling when it comes to Todd and also big brothers. damian was an only child for ten years so yes, Father, if Todd attempts to tickle me I WILL break his fucking nose. yes i WILL put money in the swear jar but I want you to know i don't regret it. they always try to sneak up on each other but mostly fail.

DRAKE!!! but no lol once damian grows up and is like I Apologize for attempting to murder you it was wrong and you are just as much a son to Father as I am tim is like UGH i guess its cool since ur being so emotionally mature and all. also im 2 for 5 on siblings trying to murder me so im definitely going to win trauma bingo and damian is like i take it back you are insufferable. When Will My Older Siblings Stop Joking About Their Trauma.

CASS!!! listen. cass is cool. Cass Gets It. They have a special Bond. also damian really likes it whenever cass is home because 1) he gets to hang out and do something cool with cass and 2) he feels significantly safer with cass in the house because Nobody will be able to hurt any of their family if Cass is there. ALSO he tries to call her cain but everyone is like DONT DO THAT and he doesn't want to call her wayne bcus theyre ALL wayne (dick adds it on as a middle name but also Richard John Wayne West-Grayson is just. the lamest name ever so dick needs to reconsider it before his upcoming nuptials)((dick will not reconsider it except maybe whether grayson-west would work better)) and so he tries cassandra but cass is like :) call me cass and damian is like cassandra is more formal and respectful and cass is like :) and finally damian just has to give in.

Duke! him and duke actually live together so they get the Most Bonding Time and have a bunch of inside jokes as a result. (is it bad i wanted to laugh because inside jokes... joker... i'll see myself out). they're eating breakfast together (and also alfred sits with them IM NOT A MONSTER ALFIE'S LIKE 70 NOW OKAY) and duke laughs and bruce is like what are you laughing at, son? and duke is like oh damian just showed me this funny meme and then he shows the phone to bruce and bruce grabs it (both the boys groan) and after WAY TOO LONG is like "i don't get it" and so now duke and damian have to try and explain the comedic intricacy of bob's burgers

#this took. two fucking hours #batfam #batman #bruce wayne #dick grayson #jason todd #cassandra cain #cassandra wayne #not sure which one to commit to yet #tim drake #duke thomas #damian wayne #dc #the burd squawks #birdflash #birdflash was like. one of my first ships lmao

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raineydays411 · 4 years ago

Text

Steve Harrington sucks.

Steve Harrington x Henderson!reader

A/N: Yay! My first request done!🎉✨ Please don’t hesitate to request anything, and I hope you enjoy. Sorry it tooks so long, I just started school.

Summary: (Y/n) Henderson has been through some shit in her 17 years. Her father leaving, an overprotective mother, bullies, interdimensional monsters, government conspiracies, etc. Needless to say her life was constantly changing. There was one thing that will always remain the same though. And that was the hatred she has for the one and only Steve Harrington.

Request from anon.

Masterlist

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You and Steve have never seen eye to eye. You haven’t for a very long time. You two used to be best friends, but that was a long time ago. Before high school and cliques mattered, and before Steve was known as “King Steve.” But once you two entered freshman year, Steves popularity rose and you were left behind.

Even though you and Steve no longer associated with each other, that didn’t stop you two from fighting any chance you got.

You two argued about everything. If you said the sky is blue, Steve would argue that its actually purple. No kidding, he actually made the argument that the sky was purple. Needless to say, you two hated each other.

“Steve, I swear if you don’t move your feet I’ll--”

“You’ll what Y/n, please tell me what you’ll do?

“ I’ll take your feet and shove it up you---”

“Can you guys not...”

It was always like this. Ever since Steve started dating Nancy it was like he was always there. And because Nancy was your best friend, you got reacquainted with the King of Hawkins High.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After everything Will with through with the Upside down and El, you were relieved that it was over. You could go back to your normal life of being a big sister and being top of the class. But then your brother started acting weird.

It started on Halloween, he came home and was holding his ghost trap thing from Ghostbusters weirdly. You thought it was a rat or something at first but something seemed off.

Then Mews went missing. Mews was given to you on your thirteenth birthday, so loosing her was devastating to you. You still had faith that she just ran out and was lost somewhere in the woods. You spent hours looking for her but no dice so far. You were in your room when your mom called you from the kitchen.

“Yeah?!” you shouted, finishing up some missing flyers for Mews.

“Can you go find Dusty for me? It’s getting dark outside.” After the incident with Will and Barb, the parents became a lot more wary when it came to being out after dark.

Rolling your eyes, you get up from your small desk and walk out to the kitchen where your mom is. As you get closer, you smell the weird concoction your mother is making on the stove. Your mom wasn’t the best cook.

“Did he mention where he was going?” you ask, scrunching up your face at the sight of the...stew??

“He mentioned something about Lucas and a code red?? Whatever that means.”

“Code red?” you ask, you weren’t too nervous because code red could mean anything. and Dustin tends to be over dramatic. But still, a small voice in the back of your head is warning you.

“I’m not too sure dear. Would you like to have a taste before you leave?” aaand that was your cue to leave. You start rushing to the door

“Sorry mom! I better go find Dustin before it gets to late.”

You start to make your way down the road when a flash of red catches your eye, you walk towards it . You realize its just some pieces of meat. Then you see what looks like a trail. Leading from your basement to the woods. A bad feeling settles in your stomach, and before you go in the woods, you get a hockey stick that you wrapped with barb wire a few months ago just incase.

Then you follow the trail of meat into the woods.

You follow the trail till it leads you to the junkyard. By the time you got there it was already dark and surprisingly foggy.

“Dustin?!!” You shout, seeing the pile of meat stopping. You step over it as you walk around shouting for your brother.

“Hello!!? Dustin this isn’t funny, moms worried about you.”

And that's when you heard it. A low growling sound. Right behind you.

“Y/N!! WATCH OUT”

You spin around to see what looked like a demogorgon, but on all fours like a dog. And it was slowly walking towards you. Growling as it stepped closer and closer. Your heart was beating out of your chest as you tighten your grip on the hockey stick. Adrenaline rushing through your body. Your senses heightened as you focused on the creature in front of you. You lowered your body into a crouch to prepare for an attack. You slowly backed away slowly as it stalked toward you. You heard what sounded like Lucas or Dustin tell you to run but you knew if you turned around, that thing would pounce on you and you’d be dead. And if you died, what would happen to your brother? To Lucas?

Then the demodog lunged at you. The muscles in its leg tightened as it jumped toward you. You held your breath as you swung the stick with all your might, hitting the monster in mid air. It yelped as its body was flung sideways. It layed there for a moment them leaped up on all fours again, You backed away but never took your eyes off it.

“Holy shit what is she doing” a girl??

“YEAH THATS MY SISTER!” Dustin

“Y/N THREE O’CLOCK! THREE O’CLOCK!” shit.

You can see another figure moving in your peripheral vison. Another one. You position your body so your able to see both dogs at the same time, but then you hear chirping and growling from all ends. You were being surrounded.

“STEVE WHAT ARE YOU DOING?”

Then, Steve Harrington runs out of a broke down bus, bat in hand as he settles up behind you.

“What the hell are you doing here Harrington?”

“Saving your ass Henderson, what does it look like?”

“I had this under control”

“Oh yeah, being surrounded definitely screams under control.”

You aren’t given a chance to respond as another demodog leaps at you and Steve, forcing you to swing out and hit it again straight in the head. Another dog leaps at Steve, and he manages to hit it with the bat.

“We’re going to die if we stay here” you say assessing the situation.

“ No shit sherlock.”

“Shut up and listen” You shout. “you run back to the bus. You need to protect the kids. I’m going to distract these fuckers. When I say the word, you open the bus door and let me in. These things hunt in packs, so they won’t chase both of us if I run first.”

“Henderson thats--” You don’t hear the rest as you dash from the spot. As predicted the dogs chase you and don’t pay no mind to Steve. You can see Steve reluctantly run back to the bus as you take a lap around the junkyard. You have to hit some more dogs but you manage to get back where you were.

Then you were tackled. Dropping your stick you scream in pain as the demodog digs it claws in your shoulder. You struggled to get your stick as the other dogs get closer and the one on top of you is lowering its flower mouth to your throat.

“Y/N” you hear your brother scream desperately. You find the strength to kick the dog off of you and launch yourself off the ground. You scoop up the hockey stick and swat the other dog that was in your way as you sprint towards the bus.

“NOW STEVE LET ME IN” You screech as you near the bus. The doors slide open as hands wrap around your arms and pull you in.

You lay there for a few seconds breathless. Muscles burning and ears ringing. You ignore the kids talking over each other and Dutsin fretting over you. You just breath, feeling a bit safer than you did outside. Then something rams into the side of the bus. The kids start screaming and Steve shouts something. You gather your strength once more and stand up, your body screaming at you. You see those demon dogs are trying to get in through the roof. You watch Steve start fighting them as you push the kids behind you. You step forward to help when suddenly they stop. Then they all run away and its quiet. After a few moments you feel weak and slump to the floor.

“Woah woah, Henderson” Steve surges forward and grabs you by the shoulders, you hiss in pain as he grabs the wound, “Shit, this is bad”

“Bad? What do you mean bad? How bad??” Dustin questions, his eyes watering at the thought of loosing his sister.

“I’m fine Dusty.” You say standing up. “ It probably just needs a cleaning and some stitches that all.”

‘You look like you should be an extra in a WW2 documentary.” Steve deadpans. “You should go home.”

You roll your eyes “ Oh like YOU would know what that would look like, you don’t even show up to history class.”

“ That's not the point Henderson, your arm is about to fall off.”

“I am not leaving these kids here defenseless.” you say crossing your arms, but wince as you do.

“First of all they have me, and second of all, you can’t even move your arm! You’d be in the way.”

“ I’m sorry but who was the one that distracted those things? Who came up with that plan to get you back in the bus??” you say, annoyed at the accusation of being useless.

“she has a point” muttered Lucas, earning him a smack in the arm by Max and a glare from Steve.

“Listen Harrington” You say poking him in the chest. “ I’m fine, im not going anywhere, and I can kick your ass even with my arm fucked up. Now we’re going to get out of this FUCKING bus and figure out what the fuck is going on. AM I CLEAR?”

A shocked silence settles in the bus. Lucas and Dustin chuckled and Max smirked in admiration. Steve glared at you, simply saying “Crystal” and turned around marching off the bus. You roll your eyes as Lucas and Max get off as well, leaving only you and your brother.

“That was really badass. The way you fought those demodogs back there.” Dustin said looking up at you.

You smile and ruffle his hair.

“ I wasn’t going to let them get my Dusty Bun” You say in a baby tone pulling him in for a hug. He groans at the name but hugs you back.

“HENDERSONS MOVE YOUR ASSES” Steve shouts. You roll your eyes and nudge Dustin towards the door.

“Come on, before King Steve blows a gasket”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You find out that Dart killed Mews and are absolutely devastated. Dustin felt guilty as he was basically the reason why your beloved cat died.

“It’s fine Dustin, now I have even more of a reason to kick their doggy ass.”

You walk ahead of the group seething in anger and fear. Your arm was still sluggishly bleeding and throbbing in pain.

“You really should do something about that shoulder” Steve said as he walks up next to you.

“Sure, let me just stop at the hospital while my brother and his friends chase flesh eating dogs from another dimension.” you reply in an sarcastic tone.

“I’m just trying to help.” Steve says in a soft tione

You roll your eyes and mutter a fine. You then rip a strip of fabric from the bottom of your shirt and wrap it around your shoulder.

‘There are you happy now?”you ask

Steve is stunned, he never realized how...tough you are.In fact this whole experience has made him realize how smart and resilient you’ve become. Far different from the shy quiet girl you used to be when the two of you were friends. He never wanted to stop being your friend, in fact he even harbored a little crush on you but he just got caught up in the popularity and attention. Then he got with Nancy and started seeing you constantly again, only now you hated him. It hurt him in ways he didn’t understand. And while he’ll always love Nancy, he’s starting to realize that maybe he’s starting to fall in love with you too.

You look at him weird, as he just stared at you with this weird look on his face. You walked past him as the entrance to the lab becomes clear.

“Hey guys” You shout. “We’re here.”

Then you hear it. Bone chilling roars fill the air. The lights are out inside the lab and you can hear the screams of the people inside. and then rustling comes from the woods. You push the kids behind you and Steve as you tighten the grip on your weapons.

“Steve?” “Y/n?’

“Nancy?’” “Jonathan?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After finding out El was actually alive and Will’s interrogation, you officially have seen it all. You, Steve, and the rest of the kids stayed in the Byers house while the “A team” went back to the lab. You finally were cleaning your shoulder when you heard the rumble of an engine.

Great Billy Hargrove.

“It’s my brother! If he catches me here he’ll kill me” Max says, he tone laced in fear. You and Steve look at each other, and then Steve walks out to deal with Billy.

“Quick hide and don’t let him see you” you say moving toward the door. You open it in time to see Billy knock Steve down and kick him. You flinch and are just glad that it wasn’t you.

“Oh” Billy coos, “ Are you gonna let me in Princess or am I gonna have to move you?”

“Moving me sounds fun, how about we try that” you flirt back, hey anything to get him to calm down.

He chuckles. “Nice try toots but I got a bone to pick with my step sister.” And with that she shoves you out of the way. You realize that you can’t fight Billy off alone, so you run to help Steve.

“Come on Harrington, up you go” You try and help him up. You hear the kids shouting and some stuff smashing. “Come on Steve, he’s on there with the kids.” You say urgently.

“I’m gonna kill him.” Steve says, finally getting up. You and Steve rush into the house to see Billy holding Lucas up against a shelf. Steve then rushes to the two, as you go to the kids making sure they’re behind you.

“YOU’RE DEAD SINCLAIR, SO DEAD”

“No, you are” and with that Steve punches Billy in the face. You pull Lucas away, checking him over to make sure he’s alright. The kids are cheering Steve on as he beats Billy.

“KICK HIS ASS STEVE”

Then the tables turn. Billy smashes a plate over Steves head, knocking him down and punching him in the face. They get into the living room and Billy isn’t stopping. He’s punching Steve in the face continuously.

“STOP YOU’RE GONNA KILL HIM” Dustin screams

“BILLY NO”

You rush forward and try to pull him off. “Billy thats enough, he’s already down!” he just pushes you to the ground and resumes his beating. You get up, desperate to help Steve.

“Y/n!” You hear Max yell. You look at her and she hands you something.

Will’s morphine.

Without a second thought you ripped the cap off the needle and injected the drug in Billy’s neck. He flinched and stood up, giving poor Steve a break from his brutal beating.

“youbitchwhatdidyoudo” He slurred as he pulled the needle from his neck. He then fell on his back, half unconscious. Max, surprising you all, took Steves bat and yelled.

“From now on you leave me and my friends alone, you understand?!”

“Screw you.”

She brought down the bat between his legs. Your eyes widened as she slammed the nail covered bat on the floor between them.

“SAY YOU UNDERSTAND. SAY IT! SAY IT!”

“I understand” Billy finally whispered as the drugs took over. After watching that you ran over to Steve. You checked his pulse just to make sure he was alright.

“Alright Harrington, get up” You said. “Come on Steve.”

“Y/n, we don’t have time.” Mike said. “We have to help El.”

“How are you even going to the tunnels Mike? It’s too far to walk.” You say as you put Steve's head on your lap.

Max then walks up to Billy and pulls his keys out of his jacket. “Y/n can drive us.” she says. Then the whole party laughs. “What? What's so funny?”

“Y/n can’t drive us” Dustin said laughing. You glare at him from your spot.

“Why not?” Max asks.

“Because” Mike replies, “ She failed like three of her drivings tests”

“Yeah, unless you want to hit every mail box on the way and get whiplash, y/n is out” Lucas chimed in.

“Hey! I was not that bad” you yelled incredulously. “ Besides what would we do with Steve?”

“Leave him here?” Mike said

“With Billy?” You asked

“Yeah we could just tie Billy up or something”

“We are not leaving Steve” Dustin said. “He’ll be chill when he wakes up, I promise.”

“We still can’t go” you say. The group groans

“Why not” Mike says

“Because, I can’t drive you.” You reply. Then Max ‘s face brightens

“I can drive.” She says

Suddenly, you’re in the backseat of Billy's stolen car, Steve sprawled across yours, Mikes, and Dustin's lap as Max drives erratically to the field.

And then Steve wakes up.

“y/n??” He mutters looking at Mike, Mike gives him the side eye as Dustin starts talking.

“Hey buddy” Dustin says “ He kicked your ass but you put up a good fight”

“Dustin!” you shout

“What?”

‘Oh god” Steve says realizing what was happening “ Oh my god stop the car!!”

“Steve I promised them you’d be cool if we brought you”

“oh god

“Make a left here” “you’re okay”

“Steve relax she’s driven before”

“yeah in a parking lot””That counts!”

“Stop yelling!”

“Stop the car, stop the car” Max takes a sharp turn

“WOAHH” “STOPTHE CAR”

“Steve calm down” “I told you we should have left him!’“

“AHH SLOW DOWN” “CALM DOWN”

“EVERYBODY SHUT UP! I’M TRYING TO FOCUS”

Max hits the breaks as she makes to to the field. You all stumble out of the car and head to the trunk, getting ready to head into the tunnels. As you’re putting on your mask and goggles Steve stumbles to the back of the car yelling,

“HELLO! Do you guys hear me, we are not going down there!”

“Y/n how could you let them talk you into his” “ARE YOU DEAF? HELLO?

“WE ARE NOT---”

“STEVE!” Dustin shouted, “The fact of the matter is that a party member needs our assistance. We can’t just abandon her.”

“...fine” Steve says, and he puts on the bandana and goggles. You walk up to him and hand him his bat. “ Wow Harrington, you’ve never looked better”

“Ha ha, get in the hole”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After struggling to get into the hole, you finally made it into the tunnels. It was dark and damp in there. Cold as you and the party walked further and further into what could be your doom. Specks of...something floated in the air and the walls were covered in what looked like vines. Steve was at the from of the line while you were at the end.Making sure both ends were covered and there wasn’t any chance at a sneak attack.

You stood at the back with Dustin as he kneeled down to tie his shoe and then a flurry of that white shit sprayed in his face. He started freaking out immediatly, screming and spitting

“SHIIT! ITS IN MY MOUTH!”

Steve ran over to him and started asking whats wrong. Seeing Steve so worried about your brother warmed your heart, especially because it’s been so long that Dustin had a male figure who cared about him in his life. Now that you think about it, Steve has been really protective over Dustin these past few days, in fact he--

“Hey Y/n, are you okay” Steve says, interrupting your thought.

You look at him and nod, “We should keep going”

He nods and take his place back in the front. The group only had to walk a few more steps till they reached the hub,

“Let’s torch it” Steve said as he stepped forward. The kids spread out, pouring gasoline on every inch of the cavern. After you were done, Steve pulled out his lighter and flicked it on.

“You ready?” He said. You all nodded and prepared to run for your life. Steve threw the lighter and the whole hub was lit. The everyone ran. Mike got caught as a vine wrapped around his leg. Steve struggled to it get off when you came around.

“Stand back!” you yelled and swung you hockey stick down on the vine a couple times. This cut it in half as you heard it..squeal?? You then helped Mike up and urged him to start running. You were almost back to the hole when you were stopped.

A demodog stood in the way of your freedom. Hunched low and growling as it wait for you to make your move. Thats when Dustin spoke up.

“Dart” “Shh Dustin get behind me” You shushed him, trying to pull him away from the creature but with no luck. He slowly walked toward iy.

“Dustin what are you doing?””Get away from it” the rest of the group whispered as he pulled a candy bar from his pocket.

“yumm nougat” He said, breaking the candy bar into pieces and fed them to the demon dog. ��There you go buddy, eat up” He then waved to you.

“hurry up go” He said still crouched down. Carefully, each member of the party passed by. Creeping passed the demodog who paid no attention.

“Bye buddy” Dustin whispered as you and Steve pulled him away.

You finally got to the hole. You and Steve helped each of the kids up the rope. Rushing as you heard the rest of the demodogs running to find you. You finally got Dustin up the rope when you saw them. The pack of demodogs running full speed toward you and Steve. There was no time for either of you to get up the rope. Steve pulled you into his chest as the pack drew nearer. You tensed up, waiting to get torn apart by these creatures.

“Y/N! STEVE” Dustin cried, being held back by Mike and Lucas.

The closer they got the harder it was for you to breath. You closed your eyes and dug your face into Steves chest.

They ran past you. The demodogs run right passed you and Steve as if you weren’t there. You feel them run past your legs, bumping into you as they are called somewhere else.

You sigh in relief . You look around the cavern, realizing you’re not dead. Steve laughs a breathless laugh as you smile, the threat of death gone. You realize that you’re still pressed up against him, and look up. Staring into the brown eyes of the one and only Steve Harrington. His goggles pulled up against his forehead and his bandana around his neck.

You don’t know if the adrenaline or you not giving a fuck, but you fling off your safety glasses, pull down your bandana ans surge up.

Capturing Steve’s lips in a kiss.

He makes a little ‘oomph” sound in surprise as he realizes what's happening. But then he relaxes and kisses you back, wrapping his arms around your waist. Your hands go into his hair as you wrap your arms around his neck, prompting him to lean closer. His tongue brushes against your bottom lip and you begin to let it in when--

“OH GOD, REALLY?”

Dustin. “GUYS THEY'RE MAKING OUT’”

“Ewww, come on do you really gotta do that here” Lucas complains.

“Yeah! we don’t wanna see that” Mike says, frowning in disgust.

“Come on’ Max says, pulling Dustin and Lucas by the collar of their shirts. Mike following behind them.

You pull away from Steve, giggling as you see the awe struck face he's making.

“Come on King Steve” You say, starting to crawl up the rope. “Before Max starts joy riding and leaves us here. He shakes his head as he watches you get to the top and starts climbing.

“Hold your horses Henderson, I’m coming.”

#steve harrington x reader #steve harrington x henderson!reader #steve harrington #dustin henderson #lucas sinclair #mike wheeler #reader insert #stranger things x reader #fanfic #steve headcanon #netflix #enemies to friends to lovers #adventure #d&d campaign

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mental-health-advice · 3 years ago

Note

TW//

i feel trapped inside my head. its like its controlling me. i hate it. i don't even know what emotions i feel. tbh i haven't felt any emotions in a very long time. the only "emotion" i ever feel is when my heart rate increases (it happens randomly these days or when i try to bring myself "back into the real world") and i have difficulty breathing or when i have a "chest burn" from an anxiety attack (that hasn't happened in over a month now). sometimes, i cannot even sleep at night, because of how fast my heart beats. when i cry, i neither feel sad nor happy, its like that grey area between sadness and happiness which calm you down and makes you realize that you are a real human being.

i cannot picture myself in future (no, i haven't had any suicidal thoughts since the past 4 months, and have been self-harm clean for almost 7+ years now) but still my head goes blank every time i try to think of my future. I always imagine other people, without me in it. and i feel that i don't deserve to be loved, and no one can ever love me.

i just feel like a side character in everyone's life, including mine. i haven't felt like a real person in a very long time.

I'm going to turn 17 this year, and i have no fucking idea how im going to function in the future, when i'll be living by myself. im not even sure if i'll make it into my dream college, the competition is too much. i used to be a straight A's student, but now my grades are slipping, and im just managing to pass my classes. AND THAT SCARES ME OUT.

(if you want a bit more context, just look up "soup prime" in your asks)

Sincerely,

soup prime

Hey there,

Firstly, I want to congratulate you on being almost 7+ years of self being self-harm free. This is an amazing achievement and something to be very proud of!

It can be quite frustrating when we have emotions but we can not pin point exactly what they are. Sometimes when I am feeling this way I draw a big circle and just colour it with what ever colours I may be feeling at the time and this makes me feel somewhat better because even though I can’t put words to those colours and consequently the emotions, I am still getting those emotions out if that makes sense? Is this something that perhaps you could give a try?

Panic attacks can be really scary and especially when your heart rate increases to be really fast that it makes it difficult to breathe at times and makes your chest hurt. You have probably already tried this but have you tried to slowed your breathing down or focusing on those things around you when this happens. For more ideas on how to calm yourself when you have a panic attack or are just feeling really anxious I encourage you to check out this page here.

When you are feeling between happiness and sadness, do you feel like you are kind of outside of your body, that you cannot connect yourself to your body and the world around you? If so then this may be a form of dissociation, just a thought!

Having trouble sleeping at night is hard. Have you tried some sleep hygiene techniques? Another idea to help you to sleep when you are feeling so anxious is to perhaps to have a pen and paper near by and to write down what ever is on your mind at the time. This can sometimes help to get some of the anxiety out of your system and help you to get some better sleep as you are writing your worries and anxieties away. I hope that makes sense!

In regards to feeling like you don’t belong in the world and you have trouble seeing a world with you in it, this must be really tough for you. There is no easy way to feel like you are deserving of love and/ or ever being capable by being loved by other people other than trying some positive self-talk to yourself and believing in yourself that you matter and make a positive influence in this world. Try and remind yourself that you are alive for a very good reason and that everyone deserves to be loved and accepted for who we really are as people, flaws and all.

Living by yourself is a really big step. Is there a way that you can take some baby steps to get you ready for this big change? So for example, doing more around the house, maybe do some extra chores or cleaning and cooking a few nights a week? Sometimes doing these small things can be really helpful in getting us ready for living alone. I know it will still be a big step and that nothing can really prepare you with living completely alone but if you learn the skills in looking after yourself then this can really help. Also if you don’t want to live alone there is also the option of living with a friend or in a shared house. Just something to think about!

I am so sorry that your grades have started to slip. This must be really hard for you and especially given that you usually do really well with your schooling and work. Please don’t be too hard on yourself though, you have a lot going on for you right now and so it only makes sense that you might struggle with something that you use to find really easy and are/ were good at. This happens to us all and it’s nothing to feel ashamed of!

I really hope that this has helped a bit and please do let us know if we can help to support you in any other way!

I’m thinking of you and hope that you are going well!

Take care,

Lauren

#mha-lauren #advice #advice blog #mental health advice #soup prime #self-harm free #panic attacks #sleep #emotions #school grades

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dcviated · 3 years ago

Text

Tag ten followers you want to get to know better

name: Bear/Will

star sign: aquarius I have never bothered to look into what the others are nor what they mean

height: 6′-3″

middle name ?: Brady. After my uncle.

put your itunes / spotify on shuffle. what are the first 6 songs that popped up?

Gates of the Moon - Soken

Opacus - Arkasia

River of Time - Ayreon

The Noetic - BT

First to Love - Blaqk Audio

Mulholland - Battle Tapes

Grab one book nearest to you and turn to page 23. what’s line 17?: there are in fact no books near me because im down in our office/gaming den and all the books are upstairs. could I go grab one? yes. will I? nah.

ever had a poem or a song written about you? : I’ve had someone sing a song that was targeted to me! bitterly! and while I kinda deserved it I kinda didn’t. that was a weird year at summer camp and wow that girl was crazy into me out of nowhere...

when was the last time you played air guitar?: Today. Though I usually do air drums. Especially on the steering wheel.

who is your celebrity crush?: Jake Gyllenhaal can get me to watch pretty much any kind of wild movie because he’s just that interesting of an actor in my eyes. Does this count? Because it’s about all I can think of.

what’s a sound you hate; sound you love?: Sound I hate is metal utensils scraping against teeth. It’s worse than nails on a chalkboard. ALSO BEES BUZZING. I have a massive phobia of wasps and the like and I have literally gone into a near panic attack because a light was broken and buzzing in a store once. ---- a sound I love would be just music in general? don’t make me pick one sound... cats purring is also great (stealing that Rae)

do you believe in ghosts?: In contrast to my WIFE, no. She swears she has seen spirits and the like including around our home (lovely) but I’ve seen nothing of the sort. My brain is totally logical and left side (the last vestiges of the right side are why I can write at all). If I see something I’ll believe it but so far it’s a big 0.

how about aliens?: In the universe? 100%. Here on Earth? 30%.

do you drive?: I feel like the only person I know who ENJOYS driving. I love going out and hitting the road. I get into a groove and it’s very relaxing. Been driving since I was 15.5 with the learners and pretty much had my license within a couple months of my 16th. My new job is all office work but I drove all over the DC tri-state area for my old job.

if so, have you ever crashed?: There have been some very close calls in my time driving but aside from a couple fender benders and a speeding ticket I’m clean on the record.

what was the last book you read?: I was reading Dune the other month. Should get back to it because it’s good.

do you like the smell of gasoline?: I do, like I remember going out to the yard shed now and then and lingering just a bit longer than necessary for the fumes from the gas cans and mower. That said, never hung around and huffed it. Or anything.

what was the last movie you saw?: Last thing in theaters was that anime movie Belle, which was gorgeous to look at but overall pretty mediocre and I didn’t much enjoy it. There are so many better anime movies out there and it felt like a disjointed excuse to play with fun themes. Last movie I watched streaming was with the GC and that was Silence of the Lambs. Always good.

what’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?: I’ve got tons of scars on my right hand (ironically I’m left handed with everything) from a variety of stupidities or mishaps. Dog bite, knife stab, wire slice, burn... but none of those really hurt that much. Maybe it was the shock lel. I’ve never broken a bone and haven’t had any big things happen to me... I guess the worst one would have to be the dog bite? since it left so many scars on my hand and one of em needed stitches?

do you have any obsessions right now?: I still inhale lore and art around Library of Ruina lately. And I’m getting into playing Genshin a lot these past few days (it’s really started to click how to play) but as far as obsessions... no. I haven’t had any big passion for awhile. I’m happy and content but not driven since I haven’t found anything to really light a spark.

Tagged by: @more-than-a-princess (thank!) Tagging: steal it!

#dash :: games ooc #how is it already 11:30pm? buh #I think I'll do some writing tomorrow if I can get up at a decent hour #which means I need to stop myself from staying up...

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almuerdesayuno · 4 years ago

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aaaa thanks for tagging me @muriendodeplena @wiseandromeda and @soy-chiara <3

1. Why did you choose your url? bc in my house we tend to get up late and end up having breakfast and lunch at the same time xD. Also Nolwen is a ~translation~ of my name in elvish heh

2. Any side blogs? if you have them, name them and why you have them. Actually i have one that was for photography that i didn't post in much, but i've been meaning to post other stuff that i do like emboidery or lil drawings....maybe i'll just put those here though, i havent made up my mind yet heh. the url is @nolwen-arts owo

3. How long have you been on tumblr? I think.....7 years? and some months lol

4. Do you have a queue tag? absolutely not <3

5. Why did you start your blog in the first place? ........to look at sherlock gifs.......(dont worry i got better)

6. Why did you choose your icon/pfp? Right now its Freddie Mercury sitting on top of a car....how could i not djaksdjkas

7. Why did you choose your header? I was playing Gris w my little brother and the cube was just too cute (go play Gris its amazing)

8. What’s your post with the most notes? I usually don't post anything lol

9. How many mutuals do you have? I wouldn't know....but i lov u all <3

10. How many followers do you have? 625. I know there are some porn bots there but i try to keep it relatively clean(?

11. How many people do you follow? 2506 and counting lmao

12. Have you ever made a shitpost? nah

13. How often do you use tumblr each day? more than i should....lets just say that i have reached post limit more than once this year.....

14. Did you ever have a fight/argument with another blog once? who won? im just here to look at silly pictures im not fighting anyone :)

15. How do u feel about “u need to reblog this” posts? i dont like them at all but if the information is important i'll probably reblog it :/

16. Do you like tag games? YES I LOVE THEM though sometimes i take long to reply bc im a mess (sry) but please do tag me !!! also i never know who to tag......

17. Do you like ask games? yesss i love oversharing <3 but i sometimes loose the post with the questions ;-;

18. Which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous? all my mutuals are tumblr famous in my heart <3

19. Do you have a crush on a mutual? do my actual partners count? heh

I'll be tagging (if you want to of course! no pressure)....... @buddybuddylesbians @tony-the-toe-snatcher @theelfmaiden @ghostsdontcry @osonos @our-total-paradise @captainsaku @mi-lalalan and......thats the limit of my imagination for tagging, but please, do it and tag me if you want!

#tag game #nice!#@ all the mutuals whith whom i dont usually speak but always make me smile when i see on my notifs: ily <3 #i KNOW im missing people but #im sorry my memory is terrible

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marvel-holland-love · 4 years ago

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Never enough

Type:

angst / fluff

Pairing: Tom Holland x reader

Warning: Eating disorder, self hate, body dysmorphia

Summary: You’ve been dealing with an eating disorder for some time now but haven’t told anyone until Tom starts to notice something in your behavior that leads him to worry and so he keeps an eye on you and sees something that exposes your secret.

Word count: 2,362

A/N: Hi everyone, hope you enjoy this imagine, as I said in the warnings, this imagine includes detailed eating disorder talk, this is my first imagine so I hope you like it, i also speak spanish so sorry if there is something wrong with my grammar. I’m already writing another imagine which Ill post soon, at the bottom is my masterlist and there I’ll have the imagines I make. Hope you enjoy and have a great day!

y/n: your name

y/n/n: your nickname

y/l/s: your last name

If you have an eating disorder and need help, you can find it here https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/find-help-support

You and Tom have been together for about 1 year and 5 months, you love each other dearly and tell each other everything, but there is one secret you decide its best to stay secret, which is that you've dealt with an eating disorder since you were 17 years old, and now you were 22 years old. You found ways to hide it from him, to hide the meal skipping, the purging, the excessive exercise, everything that came with your disorder.

Tom had noticed since the beginning that you had a bit of a small frame, but he thought you had a fast metabolism or that that was the way you were, but he never thought you had an eating disorder until he started to notice somethings on your behaviour that started to worry him.

- Today -

3rd person POV:

You were coming through the door of the Holland household after your 2 hour run, it was 9:00 a.m at the moment. You were walking through the door when a sudden hit of dizziness struck you and you stumbled a little while you started to get your vision blurred with black spots. Harry was walking by to go to the kitchen when you came in and he noticed your pale face and stumbling, so he went over to you to check on you. That's when you felt someone grab your arm and say something to you, that you couldn't quite put together. You turned around to look at the person and noticed through blurred images that it was Harry, that's when you spoke.

y/n POV:

“Harry?” you said still feeling like you were going to faint, “y/n/n, what happened, are you okay?” he said with a worried tone. You didn't know quite what to say, you could barely make out the words that came out of his mouth, but you understood it enough to give him somewhat of an answer, “Yeah, im fine,” you said not even convincing yourself on that answer “I guess I just got a little dizzy, didn’t drink water before going on my run, better go do that” you said knowing how unconvincing that answer was, but still going to the kitchen in order to avoid the conversation you didn’t want to have. I heard him say something to me, but I didn’t quite catch it so I just ignored it and kept walking.

Harry’s POV:

I watched y/n/n come in the door, but she was really pale and I noticed that she started to tumble. When I got near her, I asked what was wrong, but I guess she didn't hear me because she didn't answer, so I got near her and held her up so she wouldn’t fall and that's when she spoke; “Harry?” she said, but I could sense something wrong in her tone so I asked her again what happened and she just answered that she didn’t drink water before her run which didn’t convince me at all, because I’ve known her long enough to know when something in her tone hints that something is wrong. After I saw her start to walk towards the kitchen, I decided to ask her if she had eaten anything before her run but before I could finish my sentence she was already out of my reach. So I decided to tell Tom, there was something I really didn’t like about this so I knew the one person who could get to her should know.

3rd person POV:

Y/n was in the kitchen drinking water when Tom came in, already on board of what had happened, so he wanted to have some proof that his theory wasn’t true, because he already had an idea of what might be going on.

y/n POV:

I saw Tom come in the kitchen, but he had an expression on his face that gave me a reason to believe Harry may have told him what had happened. I tried to put on the best face I could with a somewhat believable smile, so he wouldn't come with conclusions, even though he had already formed conclusions since he started to notice your weird behavior. “Hey darling, how was your run?” He asked, but he wanted to see if you would deny what had happened previously, “It was great,” you said which caused him to give you a questionable look “I just forgot to drink water so I got a little dizzy when I came into the house, but now i'm perfectly fine” you said hoping to change the course this conversation was turning, “Oh, and did you eat before you when on your run?” he asked already knowing your answer, “No, I wasn't hungry” you said with a more defensive tone. “Oh great, then we can have breakfast together, because after that run, you bet you are eating something babe ” you wanted to say you weren't hungry or make any excuse to not eat because, how could you eat, after all the effort the run took do to your lack of energy, just to throw it all over the border, just like that for some stupid calories you didn't want to have in your body, but you knew he was already worried and suspicious of you, so rejecting his offer would just bring more attention to the topic, so you agreed “Sure! What do you want?” you said hoping to sound convincing, but failing miserably.

Toms POV:

When I came in the kitchen, I looked at y/n/n and actually took notice of the weight she had lost and her pale face. I realized that what I'd been pushing to the bottom of my mind, might actually be a problem. I had started to notice how y/n/n skipped meals but she always gave a convincing excuse, so I convinced myself to not look through it, I also notice how when we had a meal together, she would cut her food in tiny pieces and play around with it, and only eat a portion of it, also that when she was “done” she would drink a lot of water and go to the bathroom immediately. And her intense workouts as well, after what Harry told me, I started to put the pieces together and realized that what I feared might be the situation here, no matter how much I want it to be a piece of my imagination, I fear that y/n might have and eating disorder, but I won’t make any serious accusations until I’m 100% sure. That's why after a little bit of talking with her, I managed to make her get breakfast with me, “Sure! What do you want?” she told me in what I guess was a miserable try of sounding excited, “Ummm, we should make pancakes! Yeah, pancakes will be.” I said trying to lighten the tension that was in the room “Su-sure” she answered but the stutter on her voice, I could tell she was nervous about something. “I'm gonna go tell the others we are making pancakes for breakfast” I said before leaving to tell the others.

3rd persons POV:

After a while of cooking, you and Tom placed the pancakes on the table and called everyone to eat.

Everyone was sitting down and eating but you couldn't get the voice in your mind to shut up and at least let you enjoy one meal with your boyfriend and his family. That's when you noticed Tom and Harry were looking at you at times with worry in their eyes, so you started to eat to get any suspicion away from you, but it was too late for that.

y/n POV:

Every time you took a bite of your food your mind was going crazy and your intrusive thoughts were kicking your ass.

Why are you eating You are SO fat how can you be eating You don't deserve food If you get fat, Tom is gonna leave you If you get fat, no one is going to love you Correction, no one loves you You are a piece of crap You look like a fucking whale, WHY ARE YOU EATING?!?!!

You don’t know how much time passed but Nikkie and Dom had already gotten up from the table and you could feel tears welling up my eyes and one or two down my cheeks I quickly cleaned them from my cheeks in hopes no one saw them but Tom noticed them just that he decided to not say anything until we were alone. So after finishing my pancakes to not bring up suspicion I decided it was time to go to the bathroom and get rid of my guilt. Before going I drank water and excused myself “Be right back” but what I wasn’t expecting was for Tom to start making questions, “Where are you going y/n/n” “Oh, I’m going to the bathroom” “Why do you always go to the bathroom after eating?” I started to get really nervous and think, why was he asking so many questions, I knew I needed to get out of here ASAP, “Dunno, guess you just gotta go when you gotta go.”

After telling him that, I sprinted as fast as I could to the bathroom, but I was in such a rush that I forgot to lock the door. I got on my knees in front of the toilet and stuck my fingers in my throat until I started to feel everything coming out. My mind was so lost in my thoughts that I didn’t hear Tom walk in the hallway or get into the bathroom, but the next thing I felt was a pair of arms embracing me in a hug and stroking my hair in a comforting way.

Toms POV:

After y/n/n got up from the table I had a gut feeling I had to follow her, I don't know what it was, I don’t know if it was the way she said it or the look on her eyes, but I knew something was going on. After maybe 2 minutes, I got up and followed her to the bathroom but when I got to the hallway I heard it. I started to hear muffled sobs and gagging and I instantly knew what was going on. I got to the door to open and noticed it was unlocked, which surprised me because I thought it would be locked. When I got in, I froze, seeing y/n/n so vulnerable and in this situation, it just made me want to hold her near me and never let her go and tell her how much I love her and how beautiful she is, also to tell her that everything is alright and that I’ll never leave her, I just wanted to hold her and stay like that forever.

I ran to her and kneeled next to her and held her in my arms, by the shock in her face, I could guess she didn’t hear me come in so I started to struck her hair to try and comfort her and the instant I did that, she started to sob.

y/n POV:

I started to sob into Toms arms and couldn't help but think that he was going to hate me or leave me so I started to apologize, “I-I-I-m so so-sorry T-T-Tom, I didn’t mean for it to get to this,” “Im s-s-sorry”

After that I left a muffled cry out since now my face was facing his chest. He said something but in between my cries I didn't understand it.

How could you forget the lock of the door!

You are so stupid, his gonna leave you

You are so disgusting

He probably thinks you are a waste of time or a lost cause

How could you expose yourself like this

I HATE YOU

I couldn’t stop the voices in my head. I just wanted to turn them off, I just wanted to scream. This only made me cry harder into Tom and he continued comforting me without saying a word until I calmed down a little, when I was able to slow my cries I decided to speak, “Tommy, please help me, turn the voices off, j-j-just please h-h-he-help me please”

Toms POV:

After y/n/n cried in my chest for some time while I tried to comfort her, she said something that broke my heart, “I-I-I-m so so-sorry T-T-Tom, I didn’t mean for it to get to this,” “Im s-s-sorry” she sounded in so much pain and I just wanted to take it all and make her stop feeling it, I couldn't see her like that, it broke my heart, so I responded “It’s okay baby, everything will be alright, i promise princess” I don’t think she heard me cause she didn’t say anything after, but at this point I started to feel the tears well up in my eyes so I just hugged her and let her cry as long as she needed in my chest.

After a while, she spoke again and what she said made me shed some tears because I just wanted to make it better, but i didn't know how, but I knew I would do everything I could to make it better, “Tommy, please help me, turn the voices off, j-j-just please h-h-he-help me please” to that I responded feeling a lump in my throat, trying to make the words that came out of my mouth as steady as I could, but not achieving it completely, “Everything is going to be alright baby, I promise, I'm not gonna let you alone, I’ll be with you through every step of the way, I promise everything will be alright princess”

After that pulled her into my lap and held her until she fell asleep from the crying, while I was holding her, I noticed how small and innocent she looked and i realized that I loved her so much that I would do everything to get her back to health and happiness, and I would turn off the voices that kept tormenting her mind, she was my baby and I wouldn't give up on her nor let her go.

MASTERLIST

#tom holland #harry holland #sad #fluff #comfort #boyfriend tom holland #sweet tom holland #mental illness #menatl health #get help #you are worthy #love you #eating disorder #tom holland and eating disorder

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honeyymistt · 3 years ago

Note

hey honeyy! i just wanted to rant for a hot minute simply bc idk how to handle this situation; i'm 20, and will move out soon to go to uni (in october, presumably) and my parents will pay for rent and food, which is v nice of them. but despite their reassurances that they'll pay for it, they are so passive aggressive, especially my mom. she just straight up told me today that "enough is enough" and basically said i need to move out asap bc i'm such a burden on them financially + i'm so spoiled and dumb and don't know how to real world works and she does (which ugh,, not to brag but they're loaded and i feel so heartbroken bc as a child they would spoil us rotten), but now she just wants to kick me out. i know at 20, i'm long overdue for moving out — and i will, soon, in like 2 months — yet my mom acts as if she couldn't wait for me to leave (which, okay, fair. same tbh) but idk what she wants me to do about it rn?? like i'm looking for jobs & am in the process of applying to different jobs, but that's somehow a time consuming process. it's just v stressful bc i feel betrayed, bc they always told me i should focus on school instead of getting a job, and it's my fault for not thinking for myself, but now i have no money saved up and i'll probably work a minimum wage job for the rest of the year every month (and the next years, like my whole uni time which is a-okay, it just stresses me out a bit). i think you're younger than me, so maybe this is very out of line for me to complain to you about?? feel free to just delete this ask, but i wanted to ask if you have any advice on how to deal with "loveless" parents and a dysfunctional family, where respect is requested but you as 'their child' are not brought the same respect bc you're 20 and still living at home. it's sooo funny bc i'm so gullible; my mom used to tell me the exact opposite for years — ‘no, it's fine that you're still living at home with 19’ and now she holds it against me bc she moved out at 17. my dad is also v mentally unstable, he has anger issues and never sees that he behaved wrongly, basically gaslighting me into believing it's all my fault for everything's that happening to me when something goes wrong. idk how to deal w/ this, everyone in this household is toxic and i feel trapped, despite my plans to hustle on the side and earn my own money. i'm stupid for feeling betrayed, but that's how it feels like. i think my mom stopped loving me a long time ago, like until i was 11 she loved me, but then i grew up and developed my own opinions, character etc. i just hate her so much. same with my dad. i hate relying on them for rent though and idk what to do (😭ik, this is a very, very privileged standpoint but idk how to handle all this hate; it's been getting worse these past weeks) — sorry for the lang rant!! 😭✋ hope your life is going great, though <3 -💌

hiii 💌-anon!!! im happy to hear from you :) i’m sorry to hear you are having a hard time 🥺 i'm sending you a virtual hug. i hope it cheers you up! <3

it makes me sad to read that you think that you're long overdue for moving out because you really aren't!! where i live, a lot of people are living at home until they graduate from university (possibly because it is very expensive to live where i live and no 20 year old is able to afford it🥴) but anyways, i actually don't think you're long overdue for moving out. i know that there a bunch of YouTube videos titled "MOVING INTO MY DREAM APARTMENT AT 19!" and yes, it's such a milestone but it's also so unrealistic. YouTube and being an "influencer" in general, pays really really well. not a lot of people are able to do what is "normal" to them. you are right on track! don't worry :)

reading about your parents really made me upset because you don't deserve to be talked to like that at all. a good parent takes care of their kid because they love them. they don't guilt trip them and tell them that they are a financial burden or that they're excited for them to move out. like your mom offers to pay for your rent and food but then tells you that you're a financial burden ?? like ma'am, where is the logic in that 😐 i'm sorry that she makes you feel unloved,, you don't deserve that at all :( i hate that you feel like once you developed your own opinions and character, she started to dislike you. that's what makes you wonderful!! you're a beautiful person, inside and out. don't let her opinions and actions tell you otherwise.

as for not knowing how the real world works, literally same. to be completely honest, i'm probably worse than you 😭 . i think i wrote this in one of my posts about my insecurities but basically i wrote that i don't know anything beyond school. i feel like i've been working so hard on being the "perfect student" that i'm so book smart but when it comes to very basic life skills, i feel like i'm lacking. i feel like i'm unprepared. whenever i tell this to my mom, she tells me that it's okay and that it's her job to take care of me and provide for me. one time she said "you have a whole life ahead of you to learn about taxes and cleaning and bills and finances and cooking. just enjoy the time right now. enjoy your life where it is. you're going to learn all of these skills eventually. the best way to learn them is just to experience life and make mistakes." so listen to my mom and try not to worry!! no one is born knowing how the real world works. you're going to be okay!

i think when it comes to dealing with loveless parents, you make up for it through your other relationships. one of my friends doesn't have the best relationship with her parents and whenever i ask her about it she says, "it's sad that i don't have the love that most people get from their parents but i get so much love from you, my other friends, my boyfriend, my cousins, etc. i know that there are people who care for me. these people are my family." maybe you and your family just need time apart. maybe your absence will make them realize that they didn't really treat you all that well. or maybe you'll realize that you deserve a lot better and that you don't want to be in contact with people who make you feel badly about yourself. time apart will give you time to come to terms with what you need! 🤍 if i were you, i'd get really excited for moving out in october because you're going to be removing yourself from this environment. you won't have to deal with feeling like a burden or dealing with your parents being cold towards you. you're moving out!! this is exciting!!! i'm excited for you!! everything will align and fall perfectly into place, i just know it.

i'll be by your side every step of the way - packing, moving out, moving in, unpacking, and we'll experience the harsh reality of the real world together :) i'm right by your side 🥺🌟🍯🤍

#chat with honeyymistt #you are going to be okay 🤍#me when i meet your parents: 🥊😡🤬💥🚨💣#don’t listen to them!!!#listen to my mom instead 🙂#i hope you’re feeling a little bit better 🥺 and thank you for being patient with my reply #i love talking to you so much 🥺🍯💖

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the-weeping-author · 4 years ago

Text

Trick or Treat Brandon.

A/N: I love Halloween so here’s a Halloween fic it is scary. I hope Im pretty happy with this fic and I hope you all are to, I hope it’s puts you in the scary Halloween spirit.

This fic is for @moonlit-imagines writing challenge

Tag list: @ahoy-stevieboy @thehair-ington @linkispink1995 @harringtown @violet-dahlia @gardeniasandwhiskey @lxvesickreality @bluebellbrooke @thenameishayley248 @pappydaddy @simplesammyx @didyouputyournameinthegob @lenassaviorsblog @wolphielautz

Wanrings: 18+, Gore, Blood, cussing, Graphic. So font read it easily scared, squeamish. Might get you paranoid idk 🤷🏻‍♀️.

Wordcount: 4,971

Please enjoy 😊

Steve was sitting on his couch, like usual his parents weren’t home. When Steve saw me he started to clam up, it immediately made my suspicions shoot sky high. He either was up to something or he did something he did without asking me. I guess I was about to find out which one it was.

“Hey Steve how was your day babe?”

Steve looked at me, smiled slightly, shrugging his shoulders at me.

“It was okay I just missed you at school today.”

I smiled, I walked over to him.

“Awe baby it’s okay I just had a doctors appointment, but I’ll be there tomorrow.”

I smiled at him, I plopped on the couch beside him. I leaned on his shoulder, he kissed my forehead letting out a sigh.

“So Babe I might as well tell you I told some of our friends we’d go to a party they are throwing on Halloween.”

I lifted my head up off of him, I let out a groan.

“Steve, why would you do that? You know how I feel about your friends. Are Nancy and Johnathan gonna go?”

He looked down at me, shrugged his shoulders. He ran his fingers through his hair, stood up from the couch, walked over to the phone then punched in the numbers.

“Hey Johnathan Y/N was wondering if y’all were going to the party tonight?”

“Oh okay well I’ll tell her. Yeah alright I’ll see you around bye.”

Steve hung the phone up, he turned to look at me.

“Sorry babe they can't, they already had plans.”

“It’s okay I’ll guess I’ll just go for you babe.”

He kissed my lips, then walked to the kitchen. I stood up, walked into the kitchen kissing his lips.

“You owe me Harrington.”

It was finally Halloween, Steve and I had woken up early enough to go get last minute pieces for our costumes. We had a party to go to tonight. It was at an abandoned farm, a couple of our friends were going, so we’re we. Now it was out of town, but Steve and I didn’t mind. Plus it was a weekend so neither one of us was worried about school, or homework. Steve and I were surprising each other with what we were going to be. I was going as Madonna, all I knew told me he was going to look hot. Which I already knew, I mean not that he needed to try to look hot. He was already hot well at least to me, every other girl at Hawkins.

So you can imagine the disappointment the girls had when they found out we were dating. Steve was currently in our bathroom changing, I was in the hallway bathroom changing. I heard footsteps go past the bathroom, stopping right in front of the door then I heard Steve's voice.

“Hey babe I’ll be in the living room when you get ready.”

“Okay Steve I’ll see you in a few.”

I finished my hair, I pulled on my skirt some. I then unlocked the bathroom door, I stepped out into the hallway. I walked into the living room, I saw Steve my eyes widen as the sleeves of his shirt hugged his arms, god it made me wanna hop his bones. I had more self control than that though, but Steve on the other hand his mouth was gaped open. His eyes were looking all around my body, he smiled at me and walked over to me.

“Y/N you look hot.”

My cheeks heated up, Steve kissed my cheek. Steve and I walked out the front door, he locked up, and we were off to the car. Something felt off, but I just shrugged it off. I mean a lot of bad things happened in Hawkins so I had to get used to not feeling completely okay anymore. As we drove closer and closer to the party I felt like we should be heading in the other direction. At the same moment a car sped past us, laid on his horn which made me jump halfway off my seat. Steve had looked at me, put his hand on my thigh.

“Hey Y/N are you okay?”

I looked over at him, nodded my head.

“Yeah Steve I’m fine I just… there’s just a feeling inside of me that we shouldn’t be going to this party.”

“Oh okay princess well if you want to go home we can.”

I looked at him, smiled and shook my head at him.

“No no it’s okay I’m sure I’m just being dramatic.”

He looked at me, raised his eyebrows.

“Are you sure cause I don’t mind turning around.”

“No no Steve it’s okay I promise I’m fine.”

“Okay if you insist Y/N.”

The rest of the car ride was pretty fun, it honestly eased my mind. It was like Steve was my anxiety cure.

I couldn’t ask for a better way to help calm me. When we pulled up to the barn my anxiety was back. The barn was a brick red like it had just been painted. The house was also kept in good condition I mean besides the grass. I’d love to live here with Steve one day but I honestly didn’t want to rush it.

College was in two years, I didn’t want to go to a different college as Steve I wanted us to be with each other. I gripped Steve’s hand tightly, he looked down at me. He smiled, kissed my forehead and I took a deep breath. The farm was beautiful except the grass which looked like it hadn’t been cut in a few months, It just looked abandoned. Steve and I walked into the back yard, we saw The huge corn field. It was really intimidating.

The only people I knew here were Emma, Josh, Tommy H, Carol, Jack, Ashley, Steve and I, but people sure did show up. If I had to guess I would say at least 500 students had showed up. I saw all types of costumes, I was excited but one guy held my attention. He was standing against the drink table, he was just staring at everyone. He wasn’t interacting, but he was probably one of the guys who thought they were too cool to party.

As the night went on the party had died down slowly but surely. Steve and I were slow dancing, he looked down at me, he smiled pushing some of my now deflated hair out of my face.

“I told you, you’d have a fun time Y/N.”

I looked up at him, let out a drunken snort.

“Did you basically just tell me you told me so Harrington?”

He cracked a smile, kissed my lips.

“Maybe I did, maybe I didn’t.”

Steve kissed me again then pulled away, he got close to my ear and raised his voice so he could be heard over the music. I nodded my head. I watched him drunkenly stumble away, after he stumbled a little bit into the corn I felt eyes on me. At first I convinced myself that I was just over reacting, but then the feeling became stronger. Not only did I feel eyes on me but I felt tension. So I turned around and I saw him. It was the same guy who was leaning on the drink table. He was just staring at me. I smiled lightly, waved at him. He turned away from me, he walked into the cornfield.

*Killers pov*

I heard a car door shut, I walked to the side of the window. I barely looked out of it, I saw a group of teenagers walking towards the cornfield. I grabbed my knife, as the last kid went into the cornfield I followed them. They had walked about a mile and a half into the field. When they finally got to the party area I saw four huge speakers around the perimeter, the music was blaring. There were drinks being poured, food being eaten. I watch from behind the corn, I’d figured I’d show these kids how to party.

It took awhile for the other teenagers to separate from one another, I knew who my victims were going to be. A young guy who didn't look any older than 17 wandered off, I quickly followed him. It’s not like anyone knew I was here, I knew the paths in the corn maze because I lived here. I grabbed my knife, while he was peeing I walked up behind him slitting his throat from ear to ear. I watched his lifeless carcass lay there unable to move, I watched the life slowly fade out of his eyes. I drug his body where I knew no one would look.

After I knew his body wouldn’t be recovered I went back to the group, I hid the knife in my hoodie pocket. I walked over to the drink table, that’s when I saw a Y/H/C haired girl with a brown haired boy. The girl was staring at me. She smiled tightly, continuing with their night. Little did they know mine just started and it wasn’t going to end anytime soon. I drank a few drinks, I saw the girl that was with the guy I killed went looking for him. I knew she was going to be my next victim, I didn’t have any remorse about who I killed. I didn’t care who I was taking them from.

I can just say they all were at the wrong place at the wrong time. I had only one goal and that was to kill them all. There was a couple here who I knew would be my last victims, and that was the boy dressed as Han Solo and the girl dressed as Madonna. They looked like they’d be fun to torture, but the only question was which one of them would be my last victim? My focus was back on the girl who was dressed as some work out girl. I snuck up behind her, I covered her mouth stabbing her in the back. I slid the knife out, jammed it back in.

After her body went limp I let her hit the floor, I drug her body further in the shed. I cut off her hands, then I continued to dismember her body. When I was done I cleaned myself off, the knife when I rejoined the party, no one seemed to notice that two of their friends had disappeared. I noticed some of the kids started to leave as it got later, I was honestly relieved when I saw my planned victims still here. So I decided it was officially time to play. I loved playing cat and mouse especially with people who had no idea that they were the mouse.

As the night went on the more teenagers died. I made some of my own Halloween decorations. One kid was my official scarecrow, let’s just say he was definitely going to scare people away. His death was my favorite death so far. The way his neck cracked when I broke it gave me a thrill, the way I felt him struggle against me made my adrenaline race. I wanted more, I needed more and I was far from done. There were only six teenagers left. Four girls and four guys, but I had to be smart about this if I just popped out they could all take me on easily. So I went into the bar, I grabbed the knife. After getting that I circled around to the front of the house where their cars were parked, walked up to their cars digging my knife into all sixteen tires.

Now they were stuck here with me, the best part was they didn’t have a clue. I snuck back to the party, I noticed a couple was missing. I went to the bar, grabbed the Axe that was hanging near the handsaw, pitchfork. I walked out the back of the barn, came face to face with a guy. Before he could even think I swung the axe, his head went flying across the yard, near the huge oak tree. The girl which I’m guessing is his girlfriend came out from the other side of the shed, when she saw her boyfriend's head near the tree she screamed. I quickly walked over to her, punched her in the face striking her left temple.

I drug her body to the root of the three, and start stomping her head on the root. I could hear her teeth break as I stomped, I picked her head up by her hair, and started viciously beating her face against the tree. It was satisfying to hear her nose break. The more I beat her face the more her bones broke. Soon enough as blood trailed from her eyes, mouth, and ears her skull cracked, pieces of Brain went all over the place. At this point I didn’t need to hide the bodies anymore. They couldn't escape even if they tried, I picked up the axe I had, then I put more of the teenagers bodies up as decorations. I cut the guy's eyes out, I used him as a Jack O’lantern. I sat the girl at a table that was in another section of the cornfield.

I guess you could say it was like a maze, but these teenagers were smart. They knew their way in and out of an easy corn maze, but what they weren’t expecting was their friends to be so hands on with the maze. Now all I had to do was lure the last two couples away from my last two victims, I was good to go. I walked into the corn maze, back to the party. I whispered something, the drunk girl turned towards me, I backed up into the corn maze. Of course she followed me, the alcohol made her curious and it got the best of her.

As soon as she stepped into the corn I killed her. As I drug her towards the table with the good China on it I sat her in the chair. Sitting her up as a decoration, I fixed the fingers that I chopped off and put them on a plate, I used the other empty plate for their ears. Now we just needed “tea” to finish the decorations, so that’s what I intended to do next. As I snuck back to the cornfield a guy saw me, I was covered in blood. He immediately took notice. He told his friends, but they didn’t believe him in fact they laughed at him. The guy got mad, walked off.

As he walked off I heard my last two victims talking to my next two.

“Can you believe that guy Tommy?”

“Yeah I know Steve he really thinks we are that stupid to feed into his Halloween prank?”

I didn’t hear the rest cause I walked away. I knew the last two guys' names were Tommy, and Steve. I heard footsteps near me, I turned seeing the guy who had walked off immediately. He hit me, I tasted a rich copper taste in my mouth. I quickly wiped at my lip, struck him in the throat. As he was gasping for air I grabbed his head, I raised my knee slamming his face directly into the center of my knee. The force sent his body back, he was lying on his back. I grabbed his feet, drug him to the same exact spot I did the last girl, but when he started to wake up I punched him in his temple, I opened his mouth, cut out his tongue. I leaned him over the big tea pot, let the blood flow into it.

As soon as I felt his pulse slowing down I dressed him up in overalls, put a straw hat on him. I dressed the other two couples up to match him, I knew it was time to get this over with. I poured the blood in each cup, I put their hands on the tea cups. I walked back to the shed, grabbed a few weapons that would make this process faster, but how they died would still be on my terms. I grabbed the pitchfork, I hid it under some of the hay that was in the maze. After setting the next few traps it was time to reveal myself, I was near the entrance of the party. The first to see me was the girl dressed as Madonna. She grabbed the boy dressed as Han Solo, then he got the attention of the other two. As soon as they all saw me I pulled out the machet.

it took them a minute to figure out why I had a machete, but when they did I could see the panic set in. They split up, I couldn’t have been happier. My focus wasn’t on Steve and the girl, but it was focused on Tommy and his girlfriend. I walked towards them, they ran down the other opening of the maze, well I knew that was going to happen, I followed them. Tommy was running, I just stood there. I knew what was going to happen, sure enough it happened. Tommy had tripped on some fishing line I put up, his face met my pitchfork. His girlfriend let out a scream, I heard the other two calling For her.

“Carol? Carol where are you?”

Carol looked at me, wiped the tears from her cheeks.

“Why are you Doing this?”

I smirked at her, I walked slowly towards her.

“Oh carol you think I need a motive? It’s scarier when you don’t have one.”

I smiled at her, she took off. I ran after her though. She was almost close enough to grab. so I pushed her down, but when I turned her around she threw dirt in my face, kneed me in the balls. I immediately dropped, wiped the dirt out of my eyes. As soon as my vision came back I stood up, and was on the hunt. As soon as I turned the corner Carol popped out, smacked me with a wood beam. This little bitch wasn’t going down without a fight, if it was a fight she wanted it was a fight I was going to give her. When she went to swing the beam again I ducked, and stabbed her in the leg.

She let out a scream, I stabbed her in the cheek. As I pulled the knife out she grabbed her cheek, spit blood in my face. I grabbed her by her hair, she was a fighter but she wouldn’t win against me. I brought her back to the shed, I lined her up with the hook that was hanging in the shed, I lifted her up then shoved her body on the hook. She let out a gut wrenching scream, I put the wood chipper under her. I went to look for the other two.

*Readers pov*

I ran with Steve, we hid behind the tractor. I heard Carol scream, I jumped slightly grabbing Steve's hand. Tears had formed in my eyes when I heard her scream. He was touring her. Steve had peaked around the tree, saw him going into the cornfield. Next thing I knew we were heading towards the shed. We saw Carol hanging, my hand flew over my mouth. I couldn’t imagine the pain she was in, Steve and I went over to her, she was limp. When we started trying to get her down she let out a scream. I jumped slightly, Steve was trying to get her to be quiet. As soon as Steve almost got her down the woodchipper turned on.

As soon as Steve had gotten Carol down she struggled and he lost his grips her body went into the woodchipper, blood flew all over me. I closed my eyes as her warm blood flew all over me. As soon as I opened them I saw pieces of her body all over the place. As soon as I went to say something the back of the shed was kicked open, there was the killer. Steve grabbed my hand, ran towards the cars. As soon as we got there we saw the tires were flat. Steve looked at me, I looked towards the house.

“Steve we need to get into the house.”

Steve looked at me, raised his eyebrow.

“Y/N are you crazy that’s the first place he’s going to look.”

I let out a sigh, then looked at Steve.

“Well Steve we don’t really have much of an option now do we?”

He sighed then nodded his head.

“Alright let’s go, quickly so he doesn’t know where we went.”

As we walked up the porch Steve had grabbed the door knob, the door opened. It felt too easy, I was right as soon as we opened the door the killer grabbed me. Steve looked at us both, then put his hands in the air.

“Hey, hey she’s an easy kill you don’t want her. If you want someone who’s going to give you a fight it’s me.”

As soon as Steve had the killer's attention I stomped on his toe, head butted him slamming the side of my head into him, when he let go I faced him, kicked him in the knee cap making him fall. His knee hit the step, his chin hit the top step. Steve and I rushed inside, shut the door. Steve ran into the kitchen, I was right behind him. Steve grabbed a knife, I couldn’t find a weapon. So I grabbed a cast iron skillet. As soon as the killer stepped into the kitchen I swung the skillet with all my might and hit him right in the face.

He stumped back grabbing his nose as it started to bleed. He grabbed the knife that was in his pocket, threw it at me. It hit my leg and it got stuck. I dropped the Iron skillet, quickly pulled out the knife. I let out a scream, I dropped the knife and limped over to the killer. He grabbed my ankle, I turned towards him and lifted up my leg. I swung my leg back, I kicked him right in the jaw. He let go of my leg, I limped up the stairs. When I turned around Steve was behind me, I started down the stairs.

When I got down to them I saw The killer trying to get into the pantry where I assumed Steve was. Let out a scream to get his attention which worked, then he was after me. I hopped up the stairs as fast as I could, I felt him grab at my costume, as soon as I went to get away from him he punched me in the back causing me to fall. He turned me around, I kicked him down the stairs. I scrambled to my feet, I limped down the hallway into a room. I walked into the room, I shut the door. The floorboards would freak the more weight I put on them.

I tried to walk as quietly as I could, but with this leg injury it was nearly impossible. I heard the door knob wiggle, I limped over to the closet. Walking in it but before I could get in it two skeletons fell out the closet, I let out a scream. The door busted open, I whipped around looking face to face with the killer. I took in a deep breath, looked at him.

“If you want me here I am mother fucker get it over with.”

He ran at me, tackled me out the door. We landed on the balcony, he leaned over me wrapping his hands around my throat, I started struggling against him. I saw a piece of the door on the floor, I reached for it but I couldn’t get it. I finally came to grips that I wouldn’t see Steve anymore. I wouldn’t see my little brother, I wouldn’t see my mother. I wouldn’t see another day again. This is how it was going to end and I was fine with it.

As soon as I gave into the idea of death his grip loosen around my throat, I opened my eyes to see him and Steve fighting. All I had to do was look at Steve to get that fighting spirit back, that was because Steve looked like shit. He had blood on running down his lip, his once white sleeve was now soaked red. I grabbed the largest part of the door and it had a rusty nail poking out of it. I picked it up, I swung as hard as I could. I heard a thump then I heard another thump. I walked to the edge of the balcony, I looked down to see the killer laying there. He wasn’t moving, Steve had put his arm around my shoulder, I looked at him then smiled.

“Let’s go home please.”

“Fine by me baby.”

Steve and I walked down the stairs, out the front door I walked to the car, I grabbed my purse out of it. Then I started walking down the driveway when it hit me. The other cars probably had spare tires in them. I looked at Steve, told him they probably had spare tires in the back. We walked back to the cars, I opened Steve’s trunk while he went to find something to get the other cars trunks open. As soon as I turned to get out the car the killer had grabbed my throat and began to choke me. I grabbed my purse, I got my pepper spray out, I sprayed him in the eyes. when he let go I gasped for breath, I grabbed the Jack I stepped out of the car, I hit him in his face with the Jack knocking him out.

When Steve came back he had rope along with a crowbar, I looked at Steve, he looked at the killer on the ground.

“W-what happened?”

I looked at him, took in a breath.

“Well I thought he was dead but apparently not so I knocked him out with the Jack, give me the rope so I can tie him up.”

When he handed me the rope I grabbed the jack to the car and hit him again. I turned him on his stomach, I tied up his arms along with his feet. After an hour or so of Steve opening the trunks and changing the tires. The killer finally came to. He started struggling, I walked over to him and I kicked him in the face.

“Steve I think I saw a gas station down the road when we came here. Drive down there and call the cops.”

He looked at me, he shook his head.

“Y/N I’m not leaving you here with him. What if he gets loose?”

I looked at Steve, I smirked.

“Then the cops will have another body to take to the morgue.”

He nodded then got in the car and started up. He put the car in reverse and took off. I let out a breath of air, I heard him laughing. I walked over to him, I turned him on his back.

“What the fuck is so funny?”

He looked at me, he spit on me. I stood back up, I kicked him in the stomach. He let out a groan, he started laughing again. I got pissed, I stood up and started kicking him. He continued to laugh as I kicked him but he started choking, When he coughed hard He coughed up blood.

“Not so funny now is it?”

He looked at me, he smiled.

I stood back up, I heard Steve pull back up. He got out of the car, looked at me.

“Y/N get away from him.”

“Yeah Y/N get away from me, be a good girl for Steve.”

I kicked him in the face again, just as I went to kick again Steve pulled me away from him.

About fifteen minutes later the police showed up. After they discovered all the bodies they arrested the killer, they started reading him his rights. They took us to the ambulance, I heard one of the officers say his name, I looked at Steve and he nodded at me. I called an officer over, I looked at him.

“Officer did he say why he did that to my friends.”

He looked at me and moved his hat some.

“Well miss Y/L/N Brandon escaped from the mental hospital and it took your friends and you to come here to hit a nerve.”

I nodded my head, I watched him walk back to the squad car. When they were pulling he looked at us smiling, I smiled back and then flicked him off.

“Happy Halloween Brandon.”

Three days after we got out of the hospital Steve and I had got back to his house Steve and I were sitting on the couch snuggled up watching a movie, I kissed his cheek.

“Thank you.”

He smiled at me then looked at me.

“For what?”

I looked at him, shrugged.

“For not leaving me.”

He smiled at me, kissed my lips.

“Y/N you’re the love of my life I couldn’t ever leave you.”

I smiled, I took in a deep breath. We would recover from this but it would take a while, but I knew with Steve by my side that would be completely possible.

A/N: thank you guys for reading this I’m really proud of it. I hope you guys liked it.

#steve harrington fic #steve harrington au #steve harrington x reader #steve harrington x imagine #steve harrington #stranger things #stranger things writing challenge #Steve Harrington Halloween fics

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hockeylvr59 · 5 years ago

Note

do you think you could do a blurb about sidney or paul bissonette running into an ex and finding out they have a kid? and wanting to help out and maybe there are still lingering feelings between the mother and sid/biz? im thinking about writing a series about this and i wanna see what someone else could do with the idea first - tseggy

So I know you’ve already started yours but I promised you a twist on my own prompt so this is what I came up with. It’s not really a blurb but since it’s cramming a lot into a stand-alone piece the length is what it is. (1,478 words)

____

You were 17 when you’d found out you were pregnant and at first, you couldn’t believe it was true.

You hadn’t been seeing anyone…in fact, you’d only had sex once. You’d had one too many drinks celebrating the fact that your neighbor and best friend Paul Bissonnette had been named captain of the Saginaw Spirit for the upcoming season. Most of the people from the small party had cleared out, leaving you and Paul relaxing in the basement of his parents’ home. His hands had drifted and one thing led to another.

Now there was a little plastic stick in your hands telling you that nothing was ever going to be the same.

Almost immediately, you made the decision that you couldn’t tell Paul about the baby. He had such a bright future in hockey ahead of him and this was something that you couldn’t weigh him down with. And seeing as you lived next to Paul’s parents, the decision not to tell him meant that you also needed to hide your pregnancy from the world.

So for four months, you managed to hide the growth of your belly by adjusting your wardrobe so that you were always seen in overly large sweatshirts. And for four months, that facade worked.

It worked until one untimely moment where a slick patch of ice on the sidewalk in front of the Bissonnette house got the better of you. You’d cried out as your feet came out from under you and immediately upon making impact, Paul’s mom Yolande was by your side. As she questioned whether or not you were okay, the shock of the moment caused you to spill your biggest secret.

“The baby.” You’d mumbled, your hand immediately drifting to your stomach. One look into Yolande’s eyes told you without words that she knew exactly what was going on, she had always been a smart and intuitive woman. As she insisted on taking you to a local clinic she never once questioned whether your parents knew. They didn’t. She never questioned who the baby’s father was. It was obviously her son. And she never questioned what you were going to do.

Instead, after assurance from a doctor that the baby was okay, Yolande Bissonnette let you make all of the decisions, providing whatever support you needed. She never insisted that you needed to come clean to her son, though her motherly looks implied that she wished you would.

By the time that your belly was too big to hide from anyone, Yolande had helped you gain early admittance to college, had helped you move into an apartment, and had helped supply you with everything you needed to get off to a fresh start with the baby. She was by your side as you delivered a little boy who looked just like his daddy.

Years passed and you basked in raising your rambunctious little boy. He was everything you remembered Paul to be as a kid but he had your brains and introverted temperament making him a little bit more well-rounded than his dad. Throughout it all, Yolande and eventually Cam were there to watch as your little boy grew up.

You never hid who his father was from your son, watching Paul’s games on tv whenever you could. It was hard on all of you keeping this secret, but as you watched Paul live his life from afar, you knew that this was what was best. Paul seemed happy with the life he was living and that was all you had ever wanted for him.

But now your son was 16 and the game was finally up. You’d gotten the call that your baby had been in a car accident and without thinking things through like you normally would, you’d called Yolande immediately. In the heat of your emotions, you’d forgotten that Paul was in town for the weekend to see his parents.

Upon reaching the hospital you were informed that it wasn’t as bad as you’d feared. A broken leg and concussion plus a few scrapes and bruises were all that your baby had suffered, though the car had been totaled. That didn’t matter so long as he was okay. Doctors declared they wanted to monitor him overnight but that he should be released tomorrow.

You’d been sitting with him for a bit when his girlfriend arrived and you sent her in to sit with him while you waited for Cam and Yole. As you peered through the glass of the hospital room door you watched as your son consoled his girlfriend. They hadn’t told you yet, but your gut told you that history had repeated itself and despite how many times you warned your son about safe sex, that he was now about to be a dad. It was some sort of sick joke from the hands of fate, furthered by the fact that the man you had spent almost 17 years hiding a child from had just walked through the hospital doors with his parents.

You weren’t sure what had been said to him as you basked in Yole’s arms, letting the remainder of your fearful and anxious tears out.

“He’s okay.” You eventually whispered. “Nothing time won’t heal.” A relieved laugh was shared between the two of you before she sent you a soft look while peeking behind her to where Paul was standing, his eyes boring holes into you. “He’s in with Taylor so let’s give him a few minutes before you go see him.” You whispered having previously shared your suspicions with the woman who was basically a mother to you. With a nod, she mentioned going to get some coffee and after dragging Cam with her you were alone with Paul for the first time in over 16 years.

You expected him to be mad if he had been told what was going on. You expected things to be awkward whether he knew or not. What you didn’t expect was for Paul to slowly approach before gently tugging you into his chest and wrapping his arms around you.

“What can I do to help?” was the first phrase to leave his mouth and though you’d thought you were okay, the weight of the past 16 years, the weight of your son becoming a father, the weight of Paul finally finding out just became too much and you found yourself crying in his arms. You didn’t understand how he was holding you right now. How he wasn’t pissed off beyond belief. When your breathing had finally steadied, Paul pulled away and your eyes met his, the same eyes you saw every time you looked at your son. “Don’t get me wrong. I’m pissed off right now.” He mumbled. “I’m pissed and I’m hurt but this isn’t the time or place for either of those to be dealt with.”

The man standing in front of you now had clearly matured some with the years and all of the feelings you’d pushed down for so long bubbled up to the surface. He was even more attractive now than he was then by leaps and bounds and you sighed.

“Come meet him?” You whispered and when Paul nodded, his hand slipping down into your own, you pulled him gently into your son’s hospital room where Taylor was now sitting beside him on the bed, his hand on her stomach. The second they heard the door they both scrambled to part and you took a deep, steadying breath before speaking. “Don’t bother. I already know.” You stated softly. “But that’s an issue for tomorrow…today there’s someone I think you’re overdue in meeting.”

Your son’s eyes widened almost comically as he took in the sight of his dad standing behind you in the hospital room.

“Dad…” He said, his tone showing disbelief at the fact that his father was standing in front of him. At first, Paul responded with silence but after a moment he stepped toward the bed and leaned down to pull your son into a hug. You could hear the two of them murmuring softly to each other and for a moment you just watched before noticing Taylor shifting nervously in the corner. Moving to her, you eyed her for a moment before pulling her into a hug.

“It’ll all be okay.” You assured her. “It’s not ideal but if any family can make it work, it would be us.”

The sight Cam and Yolande returned to was one filled with the tensions from lapses of judgment, years of secrets, and new beginnings. There were questions to be asked and answered, hard conversations to be had but now that things were laid bare for the first time, it was a time to move forward and to make the best of things, and maybe…just maybe…the best of life was yet to come.

#paul bissonnette imagine #paul bissonnette #arizona coyotes #arizona coyotes imagine #nhl imagine #nhl imagines #hockey imagine #hockey imagines #former player #former player imagine #tseggy #Anonymous

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stumbleintothesun · 4 years ago

Text

Life Rant

For the few people in here...sorry lmao this is long as hell.

Lately I've been feeling like...garbage. I know there's no one on this place that really follows me, so this is me posting to the void.

I have been dealing with a lot of health issues related to my mental health and weight. I've gained nearly twenty pounds in a year, and no matter what I do my weight doesn't budge. I work out regularly, Ive been trying to eat better but...my only thought is its because I'm working a desk job now - which I fucking hate with a fury. And I know my weight isnt the end of the world - it just really, really fucks with my mental health. I've always felt ugly. The only time I didn't was when I was super thin which I know is problematic - and I know that's part of my mental health...like my aunt died from an ED. And my mom definitely had/has an ED even if she's gotten much better about it in the past few years...

And I'm finally getting my face to clear up after wearing these masks for a year - a year! But I'm still dealing with the healing process and I'm anxious it will scar. I've worked this entire pandemic at a job I *hate* just to you know, finally pay off my student loans just go back to school so maybe I can do something I love. But even at 25 and providing for myself, I hardly got any financial help. The only thing saving me is my grades that got me a decent transfer scholarship.

But the first school I applied to wanted my high school transcript, even though I have an associate's degree, and because I'm, frankly, stupid I somehow missed that they needed it. So they threw out my application that I spent an otherwise four hours writing for.

So I'm going to Eastern, which frankly will be better for my mental health, but they don't have a tuition free program. So I'm going to have to borrow money after just finally paying off my single year at a liberal arts college debt that I took on when I was 17 (it ended up being like 30k to pay off). And it's all because I didn't fucking read right. So much for being a good student, I guess.

But it wouldn't have mattered because they would've hardly taken any of my classes despite most of them being from down the road and for an associate's degree! And even Eastern is giving me a hard time, despite my degree they say I don't have the basic level biology course - my degree is biology focused! I'm going into ecology! I have taken genetics, conservation biology, anatomy and physiology, cellular biology but I don't have intro bio? So now I have to test out, on top of working full time. Which is fine, its a good refresher...I'm just so overwhelmed with life right now. I have a stack of over 100 flash cards and I'm just anxious.

This is a year after my partner went through an ugly break up with their old fiance (we were poly), and their ex was an abusive POS who once told them if they came out as anything other than their assigned gender, he wouldn't date them anymore. He gaslit them constantly, made them feel like hell. So we finally got out, but he wanted the house they got together or 10k. He made over double what they make - and he always forced them to pay half the bills, including half of his fucking protein bullshit because it was "groceries." He knew they didn't have the funds. Because our friends are amazing, we were able to buy him off but he left the house trashed.

It fucking sucked, and they were also responsible for getting his name off the house which meant a refinance that we could hardly afford. We got lucky we were able to do it, but they hardly got anything back for it. And it was a *nightmare*. We finally got it done, after pulling teeth and it took six months. Four months longer than they said. And that entire time they were forced to occasionally reach out to him, their old abuser.

Finally we were free, but then I started having further issues at work. Between the pandemic, and working in a heavily red area during the election, I cried a lot. I work in customer service and while I make okay money for the industry, I'm constantly burned out. My colleagues are okay, but it feels stupid to leave just to find a job for three months to go back to school. Then I started being short in my drawer (I'm a teller at a bank). The final straw was being short $500. Now I'm on a work plan, and if Im short again, I'm out. And it's my fault. I don't know how it has been happening. So now I'm always on edge at work, triple checking everything. And I could leave, I could get another job but there's no promise I'll make what I do now, and in order for me to pay for the chunk of school I need to, I have to put away a certain amount every month.

I do have a grant of sorts for 5k per semester to help with bills, which will alleviate a lot once August arrives. And I know I'm crazy lucky to have that. So sometimes I feel like such an asshole about it. But we have a house to pay for and bills to pay. Just like everyone else. Ugh, I don't know.

I talked to my doctor about my weight, came in with calorie intake numbers and how much I work out with zero change. I cut out pop entirely from drinking it every day. Nothing has helped. So we switched my meds from Lexapro to Wellbutrin to see if I lose weight because of that. Nope, just having more mental break downs, steady weight, and my resting heart rate is abnormally high, stopping me from making a little extra cash donating plasma. So now I'm switching back to Lexapro with nothing gained other than. You know. Feeling like shit. Next up? Birth control coming out of my arm. Don't really need it anyway. And maybe that will help? But I don't think so. I'm not sure what to do.

I am genuinely trying to be healthy, eating more whole foods. More veggies. More home cooked meals. I love to cook, I'm just tired. And sometimes the air fryer and oven baked frozen foods are too easy to pass up. I'm trying to always eat breakfast. I'm working out again, we have a gym membership but there are so many men there and I dont always feel comfortable, because my partner has been anemic and they can't go yet. So I use our bike in the living room and do home workouts.

But when I did this last time there was zero change in weight or anything. Even when I ate really, really clean for three weeks and worked out for most days, tracking calories and everything. Nothing changed. My thyroid is fine, we've already checked it. I'm just tired.

This past year, other than being with my partner has fucking sucked. And this doesn't even cover all the shit they've dealt with with switching to they/them and a name change. I love them so much, and love that they are finally comfy but their parents were assholes about it. And that matters. It does, and I get it. I just wish I could help them more. I wish we had a break, a breather for longer than a day. Even then I can't relax, I'm too on edge. There's too much to be done. I need to earn money, I need to clean, I need to focus. I need to be productive in some way to justify if I'm not working on those things. It's...all dumb.

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mageofcolors · 4 years ago

Text

reasons i hate my job:

1. a job in sales is super manipulative of the customers just so you can get some money. ive seen people straight up encourage abusive behavior in order to make a sale

2. typical shift is 11 hours long

3. we have 4 people working in our store but only two tablets. so even if we have 3 people working at a time, not all 3 of us can hepp customers at once

4. schedules are made super last minute, and sometimes i have tp remind the manager to give us the schedule

5. at least one of my 2 days off in a week my manager will ask me to come in anyway

6. manager is irresponsible tbh. i asked her one favor once and she didnt do it and bc of that im not getting the money for my sale

7. manager once went to wisconsin dells and swam in a pool DURING THE PANDEMIC and then didnt take the time to quarantine after. the district manager knew this and didnt do anything to stop it. when i encouraged all my coworkers to get tested after she came back and the store ended up getting closed for 2 weeks, the district manager called it us "wanting to take a 2 week vacation" instead of a safety precaution we had to take because HE AND THE MANAGER didnt take the proper precautions first.

8. our company is two companies that just merged and there are so many errors in the systems ALL THE TIME

9. i just got a 3/10 review from a customer bc i was coughing the whole time, even though i explained to the customer that it's not covid and it's not contageous. this was also my very first review so that's great /s

10. half of the customer service and sales support people we need to call practically every day dont know what theyre doing

11. since the merger they took away our stools and now we have to stand for 10 hours in a day

12. our air conditioning is broken right now and i am overheating

13. they sometimes supply us with water, but usually not. so i have to bring enough water from home to last me 11 hours

14. none of my coworkers voted and im pretty sure theyd vote for trump anyway

15. one coworker is just. super annoying in everything he does. i cannot stand close to him without being uncomfortable

16. oh yeah we cant even stand 6 feet apart when we do our jobs

17. i got written up once because i was in charge during a couple days but the mistakes weren't even made by me

18. my first manager literally believed in stupid questions and it got to the point that i was scared to ask him anything

19. it took 4 months for me to become commissionable for some reason (that being them refusing to teach me), while everyone else becomes commissionable after a week

20. when stores in this company were closed bc someone was tested positive for covid (which happened multiple times), then closed it for one day and had it deep cleaned, then the next day they forced people from other stores to work overtime at that store, instead of just letting the store be closed temporarily

21. when the stores were closed during the quarantine at first, people had to use their paid time off in order to get paid at all

22. my coworkers would put insurance on people's devices without even asking them, which charges them an extra $15 a month

23. everyone here is cishet and i'm just. really uncomfortable talking about anything i like or do bc cant relate

24. one of my coworker doesnt do shit outside of selling. he literally tells me im better at it and leaves it at that. he doesnt even TRY

25. almost every single customer asks me about my cough and i am EXHAUSTED

26. my manager dumps a lot of her work on me and instead of taking the time to work on it herself, half the time she's just talking to people on the phone and getting distracted

27. one time my manager went on her lunch break (we get one hour) and then came back to the store 1 1/2 hours later, and then went to the back room to eat. i'm like??? did you not have time to eat in that 1 1/2 hours???? you know what she said? "oh i was shopping"

28. ive told every one of my coworkers my pronouns. none of them use them. they dont even notice when i try to correct them

29. my manager also randomly deadnames me. like you didnt call the other guy his legal name??? you called him by his preferred name completely fine when he's not even trans??? but this enby you gotta "forget" to call by their chosen name, even though that's all anybody else calls me??? actually, my district manager calls me by my legal name sometimes too thats probs where she got it, but he knows my preferred name too so fuck them

30. when i finally got my log in information to sell things, they misspelled my last name. i had to get it corrected. this prevented me from being able to sell things for a longer time. when the companies officially merged and i got new logins??? they fucking did it again

31. when they gave me my name tag it had my deadname on it so i asked them if i could get one with my preferred name on it. district manager said he'll order one. it's been over a month.

32. two of my coworkers smoke and then i have to stand next to them when they come back in and smell the fucking smoke. im sorry im trying to breatheover here

33. we have to say this long-ass intro when answering the phone and it's so awkward and annoying

thats all i got for now

#vent #negative #lion vent #lion post #trump mention

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