#im back on my bullshit after one day | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

bondagebimbo · 16 days ago

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LOVE when the pharmacy decides to fucking dick around with my meds so badly that now I’m off my mood stabilizer, my pain meds, and my fucking birth control (in a few days) because they’re insisting I should have extra fucking bottles of each one and I DONT because they don’t let me pick up more than a one month supply of narcotics at a fucking time so do explain where these extra bottles are, hmm ????? and they didn’t have enough caplyta ordered last time to even give me my usual 3 months supply of that so … ???? get your fucking heads out of your asses and give me the fucking meds you owe me ??? like ??? but I’m in a nasty headspace right now so if I call the pharmacy this morning, I’m going to be that cunt ass customer they bitch about all day because this isn’t the first time they’ve done this. in fact, the first time, they straight up committed insurance fraud by marking one of my scripts as filled and picked up WHEN, IN REALITY, THEY FUCKING LOST THE SCRIPT AND HAD NO RECORD OF IT BEING FILLED OR PICKED UP IN THEIR SYSTEM, BUT YET, MARKED IT AS SUCH AND CHARGED MY INSURANCE AN ALMOST 8 GRAND FOR THE FUCKING 3 MONTHS OF MY MOOD STABILIZER THAT I. NEVER. RECEIVED. I’m genuinely about to report this entire pharmacy to the pharmacy board because I’m so fucking done with this place. it needs to be shut the fuck down because you’re telling me, out of an entire pharmacy, y’all share the same IQ point AND dead brain cell, collectively ??? then don’t fucking work in healthcare where people rely on you to know your shit and keep track of their fucking meds because you’re just constantly making shit worse on people since you can’t seem to not fuck around with these meds and not ‘lose’ scripts. fuck out of here.

and I’m pretty much out of weed, which is usually my back up pain management method, without the money to afford a delivery order by their cut off time to order in 3 hours because I just paid my fucking bills and have SOME to go towards it, but not enough for delivery to be free, and I’d still have to walk my ass to one of the ATM’s nearby because they don’t accept my bank as a prepaid method OR any of the cards I have on my person. 🫠

I can literally feel my back spasming and seizing on and off while I’m laying on my fucking side, I’ve had a migraine with a stupid ass aura for almost a week now because chronic migraines fucking suck and i was REALLY hoping this one would be over by now, my muscle inflammations that my pain meds are supposed to limit are already beginning to start their itching deep in my muscles so soon they’ll blossom into a whole fibromyalgia fucking episode and become entirely inflamed, my joints in my hands fucking hurt because of the dreary weather so I really need to get into a rheumatologist at some point soon as well and get that shit figured out, I’m nauseas as fuck from all the pain, and I’m moody, hormonal, and just feel like fucking death physically.

I’m just. I give up.

this shit is exhausting and painful and so mentally fucking taxing to constantly deal with and I just want a fucking break from all this fucking shit. I wish I could just … not exist … for even just a little while with how fucking painful existing actually feels right now 🫠😭

#i hate that CT weed is so fucking expensive #half a fucking ounce shouldn’t cost me $250 …….. not when I can go to MA and get an ounce for $108 after tax ……..#but I don’t have a way to MA because my fucking best friend. who made plans with me OVER THE WEEKEND. HER. SHE INITIATED THEM.#canceled on me last second even though I texted her early the night before when I know she would see it 🫠#nope instead she waited from the text I sent at 6:30pm until noon the next day to cancel because her period is kicking her ass #NOT FOR FUCKING NOTHING BUT SO THE HELL IS MINE ???? AND IM ANEMIC ??? AND DEALING WITH ALL THIS EXTRA PAIN ON TOP OF IT ????#and I know I’m being irrational and insensitive because pain tolerance is a sliding scale for everyone #but like fucking come on you do this 3 out of 4 times YOU make the plans to hang out and I’m fucking over it.#plus I’m the one that always pays for everything and does she ever even OFFER to hit me back for the COUNTLESS ounces of weed I’ve got her #all because she couldn’t afford it so I said I’d cover it and she never paid me back. I’ve bought her at least a grand’s worth of weed #just over the last couple months and she’s never ONCE offered to pay me back for a single one #like ……… I don’t expect it. I give if I have it. but you can’t even just offer ??? like the invitation to pay me back would be enough to no #leave m ragingly pissed off and feeling used as an atm again for yet another ‘friend’ because they don’t even OFFER to be considerate #of course I’d say not to worry about it but it doesn’t even cross your fucking head to ask if I want anything towards it #like the next time you get paid ??? when you go and spend your own money on weed that day but can’t reimburse me for anything IVE paid for #oh and I always have to give her gas money if I even simply just want to hang out because she’s always fucking broke somehow #and she works in healthcare like bitch I know what you make and you can’t play that you don’t have enough to get by or throw me 50 bucks #towards YOUR weed that I’m buying every once in a fucking while when I’m already paying for everything fucking else #I’m so angry and I know I’m being irrational and bitchy but this is what happens when you’re tripped off your meds cold turkey #and one of them is a mood stabilizer that makes it so you DONT feel this way about people and aren’t so bitter when you’re let down 🫠🫠🫠#because now my rejection sensitive dysphoria is going to be triggered even easier than usual and I’m just.#I actually fucking give up. I don’t even know what to do here. the pain going through my body is so fucking intense #I keep losing my train of thought because everything hurts and then every once in a while a DIFFERENT pain acts up and throws itself in too #I just. I just can’t fucking win.#I hate fucking struggling with my mental state like this when I’m off my meds.#and because I have to be a month without my stabilizer/pain management/birth control it’s going to take me ANOTHER month to get readjusted #to those in my body so I won’t feel normal again until nearly fucking mid to end January the earliest #and that’s fucking bullshit. I’m going to fucking **** myself by the time I get back on these fucking meds since it’ll take that long #fucking hell I just. I give up. I give in. I’m self isolating and cutting myself off from everyone because it’ll be in THEIR best interest #for me to do so when I can’t control my mind like this. I’m so tired of feeling so fucking shitty and I’ve only been off them for two days

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seventh-district · 2 days ago

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#vent #vent post #cw negative #Seven’s Public Diary #wish i wasn’t so fucking worthless and useless and stupid and selfish and mean #i am just so goddamn sick of my own bullshit. but i never change #i’m so tired of being weighed down by my 56492 mental illnesses. i don’t like being like this #my sleep schedule is so fucked up again and im tired of this constant cycle #this constant fight and endless effort to stay on a goddamn routine #all i want for christmas is a goddamn consistent sleep schedule #i hate sleeping through the day and being up all night but it’s like my body was fucking built for that or something #i don’t like it!! i want to be an early bird who goes to bed at 8pm and wakes up before the sun rises!!! but im the exact opposite!!!!!!!#i wish i just didn’t need to sleep at all. that would be the ideal. so many problems would be solved.#no i Really wish i just had the ability to fall asleep and wake up whenever i actually Want To instead of my body calling the shots #fell asleep at 9 this morning and im so mad that i didn’t get up when i was woken up at 11 #a 2hr nap would’ve been fine and i would’ve made it through the rest of the day and been able to fucking sleep again tonight #but noOOooOoOo i had to give in to the allure of my warm cozy bed and fall back asleep for 9 more goddamn hours #now once again im too awake and rested to be able to go back to sleep. but once morning rolls around im gonna be exhausted again #and i’ll either give in and attempt to take a ‘nap’ and it’ll turn into a 12hr sleep again #or i’ll have to like. walk laps around the fucking house just to keep myself awake through the day #and i’ll be super irritable as a result and make everyone around me miserable too #but everyone is already beyond fed up with my issues and behavior. rightly so i guess. so i lose either way #god there was so much stuff i was gonna/supposed to do today #i don’t know how much longer they’re gonna put up with me being such a deadbeat #you think that’d like. motivate me to get my shit together or something but no. i’m addicted to being unconscious i guess #sleep feels so fucking good. until i wake up. which is funny bc it’s all nightmares and stress dreams anyway. why do i even enjoy sleeping #i guess bc for the first few hours after waking up i experience some modicum of relief from my other mental illnesses’ symptoms #like a soft reset.#and it’s the Only thing that gets rid of my migraines so god forbid i get one of those bc then i Have to sleep regardless of the time of day #anyways! :) that’s enough whining for one vent post. time to go do something productive

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usercelestial · 5 days ago

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it sucks that shitty fans have made it impossible to celebrate canon queer relationships that they don't like and seem to have an influence on which ones get attention on social media. it sucks that it seems like no matter how much tim says he ignores fandom, it stills get to him. it sucks that oliver refuses to stand up for his costars when they're being harassed. it sucks that antis feel like they have the power to ruin good things for other people because they don't gain anything from it. it sucks that we all already knew this would happen because this show never changes no matter what network it's on.

#going back and forth between if i should just take a break from this show again #my excitement has been completely sucked out after the break up sure but especially after the reaction to the break up #fandom isnt fun because the fans are fucking evil and annoying about everything. the show isn't going in any direction.#grrr idk I shouldn't have expected more but canon bi buck really made me feel like we weren't going back to the days #of one dimensional love interests and storylines that go in circles #we'll see if i watch on thursday. im off so i can tune in at any point.#i want to see buck grieve this relationship in a respectful way but honestly at this point would be be respectful?#would they give buck room to breathe and let him work through his feelings? or will he mention he's kind of sad once and move on #because interviews are bullshit like always so oliver referencing buck coping could just be one scene where he's a little down #they cant treat bisexuality with respect they cant give their characters what they need what the fuck can they do #i dont wanna stop watching this show because i've been here since forever i love it but if no one gets movement #what story am i watching? whats the plot? buck's story just becomes shallow and fans who like b/ddie and ONLY b/ddie #take it as a win because they can keep projecting their vision on to him because he says nothing to prove otherwise #so they just become blank cardboard cut outs of the kind of characters they actually are #i'm tired

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todayisafridaynight · 9 months ago

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Government mandated masato posting time

#snap chats #in new york waitin to meet up with my dad so i have to spend my time wisely of course #//insert microwave noises//#i dont even have any concrete thoughts other than whenever he’s dying on the floor he’s at his most attractive #because hes demented in both instances like no one look at me hang on #NO CAUSE THE FIRST TIME hes so fucking stupid HES IN THE WORST SITUATION IMAGINABLE #AND HES STILL TAUNTING AND SPITTING ON SUZUMORI LIKE ????? the actual audacity #and the fuckin second time its right after getting his shit rocked and he STILL got The Audacity to be on that nihilism bullshit to ichi #ITS SO FUNNY NO DIE i love the ending scenes so much ….#like the thinnly-veiled rage from ichi as aoki talks about people being tools … its my everything .. anD AOKI SCUTTLING BACK ONCE ICHI YELLS #im gonna throw up brb this was supposed to be a thirst post but now im just emo about y7 again WHY DO THEY HAVE BLACK HEART EMOJI FOR EMO #DIE whatevr. anyway i miss masato …. i miss him being a prick cause it was kinda hot tbh like whats wrong with you.#ill be normal about him one day i promise but for now #//the rest of this post has been redacted//

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sparklehoard · 4 months ago

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Being so brave

#i went 3 days without a washcloth at camp because they just never replaced it with the rest of the towels #i say that at the front desk and he gets me a new one #and today. they gave me. a dirty fucking facecloth.#they even folded it up nice and put the clean side out.#i was 2 seconds away from rubbing that on my face when i noticed the edge was stained and bubbles were coming out and i hadnt put any soap #so im being brave. this is a totally normal thing to do. i went and complained.#and i 100% didn't cry afterwards 😰😭 yup yup totally not crying as i type this. mhmm #i hate lodging complaints but you do not. give. me a dirty fucking towel.#not after what i experienced living with disgusting roomates that would use my personal bath towels. that i bought very bright yellow ones.#to distinguish them from the rest. and they would use my towel. and put it back on the bar.#im so fucking upset.#but they gave me two fresh towel sets. im just going to rotate through them for as long as i can and put up the do not enter doorsign #what fucking highschool meangirl bullshit was that

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screamingay · 4 months ago

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somehow these current roommates we have are the worst that ive known yet and last semester we literally had a girl who smoked cigs IN her bedroom. list of grievances below lol

#first of all they turn all the lights on all the time. the other day i was hanging out in the living room w one light on bc it was light #enough outside thru the windows and one of them walked in and flipped another light on automatically. then walked through #the living room right to her bedroom... girl youre not even using this room and i was clearly fine with the light level??#they always have all 3 kitchen lights on when they cook and dont turn them off plus none of them have lamps #they all use the Big LED Ceiling Light in their bedrooms which is baffling to us #they dont know how to organize the kitchen and they took up so many of the cabinets with bullshit. like 3 pans here a few plates there #we have like 4 cabinets worth of food and even more of pots and pans and shit bc this is everything we own #and we cant afford to use disposable everything like some of them do #theyre always leaving the fridge open while they cook too and i have to physically hold myself back from becoming my mom #and yelling at them to close the fridge when theyre not actively getting smth out of it!! like theyll stand there cooking and have it open #for 2 minutes straight #theres only room for one water filter pitcher in the fridge and one of them brought a big one which is nice but theyre always forgetting to #refill it which defeats the purpose of even having it #and they always somehow start cooking right when we decide we need to eat #one of them sent this long sort of condescending post abt ants and how it stresses him out when the kitchen is messy so we all need to clean #more and try harder to keep ants away as if 1) ants care at all abt dishes in the sink or stains on the stove and 2) as if the ants will #stop coming around if theres no food out in this building where there are notoriously always ants even on the 4th floor #(we are ground floor this time) and 3) as if he isn't one of the people leaving food around and not taking the trash out #nobody responded to it in the groupchat lmao bc he sounds like a fucking cop!! and is dating an rotc guy??? and also is a streamer or just #likes to play games on vc with friends bc hes always very loudly doing that #but obviously we have sex all the time so we're at a sort of loud noise stalemate where neither of us can complain abt the other #to be clear this is in no way the absolute worst situation theyre nice enough people and havent reported us for anything (they both work for #student housing -_-) and generally things go okay in the apartment #but like. ive never been this annoyed this often with any other roommates #ALSO someone spilled soy sauce all over our designated level of the fridge door where we had all our little bottles of stuff #but also a carton a Paper Carton of milk and a pack of butter standing upright which soaked up the soy sauce and for several days #even after id cleaned the bottom of the carton the best i could i swore it tasted like soy sauce from it soaking into the bottom or smth #but it's still all over everything in there bc it was so much it like. pooled in there and splattered on everything #like. u see that happen u clean it up wtf.??#anyway i just felt like i needed to complain and see if im being silly or if these things really are so annoying

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wabblebees · 10 months ago

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#have been attempting to make a self-tape for this audition for DAYS #after a whole helluva lotta bullshit having to do with hunting down a time+space+camera to film with i Finally managed to get some takes #then some weird bullshit with the camera's sd card happened where i wasnt able to pull the files off onto my laptop #FINALLY able to copy the files to my laptop. FINALLY able to access playback (the video camera i borrowed wouldnt let me access its gallery #FINALLY watching them... they all kinda suck so far but thats Fine at least i Have Them yk #get to take 7 and its actually not nearly as terrible as the previous 6!! feelin pretty good abt this one!! dont get hopes too high ofc but #i mean hey this ones acceptable if the last few arent any good either & just in case i cant go thru with my plans for tmrw to do a reshoot #so yk i start to rename the file so i can tell which clip it is!#Whole Laptop Crashes #WAHOO #typed this up to avoid freakin out while carefully rebooting her. bbg dont do this to me #luckily i already saved multiple contingency copies just in case (bc ive already had so many issues i was feelin Extra Cautious)#so i at least dont have to worry about dealing with the sd card bullshit Again. ugh #EDITING TO SAY: SHE LIVES!! laptop is fine after powering back up & files are unscathed!! was able to retitle & keep on truckin no problem #god i hate dealing with video as a medium #*this* is why im a stage performer not a screen actor lmao #fuck this shit. juust gimme a floor and an audience and ill make it worrk #cameras are fickle creatures on-par with printer machines #im rly excitednervous abt this audition tho; only submitted my resume+headshot on a whim & didnt rly think anything would come of it #but they contacted me and asked for a tape!! so im like !!!!! okayy sure id love to send that !!! i just have to face The Horrors first #if i dont get it then thats not the end of the world or anyth; but itd be SO FUCKING COOL if my v first submission landed me my first gig!!#so uhh. pls put out a good thought to the universe for my self-tape landing me the chance to perform in this queer play festival !!#bee speaks #🤞🤞🤞

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designernishiki · 1 year ago

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im at the haruka + akiyama duo section of 5 now and i love it <3 both for the uncle/niece sort of dynamic they have and because i fucking love me a murder mystery baby

#weirdly very good choice of character to help haruka solve the crime and all that considering he #went to fucking law school amazingly enough #like. he’d actually know what the fuck he’s talking about despite how incompetent he seems on the surface fjddcjendgj #he’s actually got CREDENTIALS #anyway yeah also their dynamic is just very sweet and I’m so fucking glad two major characters finally got to meet like god I’ve been #WAITING #rambling #y5 #im reserving my thoughts about mirei and that whole… situation…….until I have all the context possible at this point #cause imma be real I didn’t see what happened to her comin #so. god knows what else I haven’t seen yet that I’ll need to consider #so far though. as much as they’re emphasizing a lot right now her work ethic and dedication and etc for haruka to elevate her career and #etc etc etc and that being a very sentimental and kindhearted thing and whatnot. imma be real I still find it mostly bullshit #I mean. even mirei herself could’ve maybe believed she was doing all that for haruka’s sake alone but that doesn’t erase the fact that mirei #had a plan for haruka since day fuckin one (before that probably) and it had nothing to do with caring for her and her personal freedoms or #enjoyment in life or anything- she elevated haruka because she projected onto her BIG TIME and needed to redeem herself after failing #in the industry by living vicariously though a mini-mirei conditioned to think she wants all the things mirei wants #and so on and so on. like #it seems really sweet and giving of her that she’d do so much to take out that loan and what have you. but once you step back for a moment #and go wait a second. this isn’t what haruka even wanted in the first place. she hasn’t had personal freedom at all the past six months and #mirei taking her shopping and letting her choose between some clothes on her own (ONLY allowing designer brand though. obviously)#is an effective way of making haruka believe she has free will and is doing what she honestly wants to do #because god forbid she realizes that- yeah mirei has sacrificed a lot for me- but I never asked her to and becuase of it now I have massive #responsibilities and expectations to uphold. after all- how could she live with herself if she rejected what mirei worked so hard for #especially after mirei. you know. suddenly dies. (not saying that was part of her manipulation or something just saying that it plays into #it conveniently well- haruka REALLY couldn’t live with herself now if she didn’t win this contest and debut)#annnnyway. it’s very interesting. mirei is… very interesting #I said I wasn’t gonna comment on her yet but. oops

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eldritchmochi · 1 year ago

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i keep seeing posts about how the term "boundaries" is constantly misused to inflict rules on other people when boundaries "only relate to rules for yourself" which..... isnt true according to things ive discussed with my therapist? like yeah the overuse of medical terms as get out of jail free buzzwords is bad but also strict black or white rulings of a concept in a tweet or two is also bad, especially since i have not seen a damn one of these come from a credible source, either a mental health professional or like, clinical terminology sources

CONCRETE EXAMPLE where i set a boundary with roommates that required behavior changes on their part that my therapist named specifically as a boundary when i described it:

dishes are the biggest point of contention in basically any living situation with multiple people. my previous roommates were really bad at doing them, in a way that resulted the kitchen being really gross if i hadnt just cleaned it. even after many requests to do basic things of "empty the sink trap of soggy food so it doesn't rot" and "dont hoard dishes long enough to grow an ecosystem" over m o n t h s, i got nowhere with dishes being done regularly in a way that didnt bother me

in the end it was so continuously upsetting that i told them to not do the dishes at all ever whatsoever, i would take care it. mind, i was the only one who worked out of the house while commuting via bus as a chronically ill person with severe fatigue and i was putting in an average of 50 hrs a week every week for werks on end at the time. me deciding to take this on was not done lightly, this was me recognizing that it was better and healthier for all of us for me to take on this one task. it would result in me being much happier in that living situation at no real cost to the other party other than maybe the dishes would stack up a bit if i was particularly exhausted one day, but things would get caught up within the week

this did not go down well despite my best efforts, and i would not be surprised if this black and white portrayal of what boundaries are influenced that. this nonsense went down over like six solid months and every single session i had with my therapist had him absolutely baffled because he couldn't think of a single thing i could have done better

i am not a mh professional i do not know the specific difference between "dont do this thing it upsets me" and "dont do this thing that 'upsets' me because i am controlling you", but the blanket statement of calling something like this a boundary is misusing the term is black and white thinking. i have bpd, ive done some dbt about it and the first thing they teach you is how to spot black and white thinking because it us incredibly mal adaptive and *really fucking dangerous* and this specific trend is going to be taken advantage of by abusers just as much as coopting the use of "boundaries" to justify their behavior

tldr "boundaries are never about other people's behavior" and "you can't do xyz thing because it violates my boundaries" are two sides of the same abusive coin. people who have put in the work in a tangible and meaningful way, who are able to examine their motives and give grace to other people within their boundaries, can recognize that boundaries are a spectrum, like everything with social relationships and mental health in general